#people who put shit in your food as a gotcha bc they dont agree with your allergies; choices; morals; religion are actual scum.

[swagging-back-to]

heres the update. nothing else since then, so we'll probably never know if he actually divorced her ass.

i dont think it's unreasonable to think one or both of the children are still completely no contact with their step family and it's not unreasonable to assume the older child (the male) likely cut his step mother from his life, too. I sincerely hope they did.

The Goyim are fucking wild, the way I would have dumped that casserole over that woman's head, also divorce that wife.

[moonguilt]

random klance and adashi headcanons? 🥺🤲

i have been meaning to put some grocery shopping headcanons out there… so here u go (plenty more beneath the cut as well):

-when keith and lance are falling in love and in their honeymoon phase with each other, they jump at the opportunity to go grocery shopping together because a) they wanna spend every moment with each other, and b) it’s domestic af and it makes them feel like they Have Something

-once they’ve been together a while, the novelty wears off and the laziness kicks in and they both try to find increasingly ridiculous ways to get the other person to go shopping without them

-keith usually goes for willful/feigned ignorance: “what kind of toothpaste did you say you wanted?” like 4 separate times, and then “idk they all look the same to me, i usually just grab whatever” and when lance inevitably goes on a tirade about the importance of his Very Specific brand and flavor, keith concludes with a “maybe you should buy it in person if you want to be sure you get the right one”

-lance’s tactic neglects logos and instead relies on pathos: “keeeith i am so tired” “keeeith my toes are still so cold from the walk home” “i promise i’ll go next time keith pleeeaase kosmo is in my lap and he’s so comfy look at him keith look. we are having a bonding moment keith dont interrupt us”

-when lance REALLY wants something Very Specific and is genuinely worried that keith will mess it up, he will give in to keith’s strategy and just go shopping himself, but 90% of the time keith is a Weak man and lance always gives him a big toothy grin and a kiss whenever he agrees so honestly you can’t blame him

-also it gives him a chance to restock his emergency midnight snack lunchables stash without lance giving him the “you are a grown man and my mamá gave me so many good recipes for us to try out and yet you choose to bring this under our roof” lecture (even though keith is sure that he bought 5 packs last time and only ate 3 of them but now their pantry is mysteriously devoid of lunchables, which means somebody in this house is lying about their disdain for lunchables)

-but ANYWAY sometimes they still actually do go to the store together just like old times and when they do:

-taking turns doing the thing where you run and put your weight on the back of the shopping cart and let it glide-(getting caught doing exactly that by an employee and being told off for it after they nearly knock over a chef boyardee can display)

-choosing an item on the list that they have no idea where to find & racing each other to see who can find it first

-“do you see this toothpaste keith. do you see this? can you see the name? can you read the flavor? you see how it says ‘for sensitive teeth’? do you see it?”-“considering you are practically shoving it down my throat, yes.”-“well then maybe your esophagus will be able to remember it for you next time you go shopping”

-keith grabbing the last pack of rainbow gold fish bc they are his favorite-toddler wanted those goldfish & starts crying-”ah shit fuck hey hey hey uhhh” cue keith turning a desperate look toward lance bc he Does Not Know how tf to handle small crying child-lance is like “dude, baby, sweetheart, my man, just give him the goldfish we can get the regular ones”-but keiths like?? bitch?? i got these first?? also im gay and these are my pride fish?? dont be homophobic-lance is about to argue with him abt it but then the kid’s mom gets involved and is like “how could you make my baby cry he’s just a kid let him have his goldfish dont be selfish”-you’ve activated Protective Lance mode-“um okay first of all, rude, keith got them first. second of all, this isnt even healthy for your kid. THIRD of all these are rainbow colored and keith is gay so maybe dont be homophobic??”-things escalate and keith and lance nearly throw down with karen and little jimmy in the snack aisle-they savor every last one of those fucking rainbow goldfish later that night, just out of pure gay spite

-lance spending several minutes inspecting individual broccoli stalks meticulously to make sure they buy only the very best-he narrows it down to two but keeps debating between them until keith comes up behind him and slumps against his back, wrapping his arms around lance’s waist and muttering something about how cold the produce aisle is-lance makes a snarky comment about keith being a whiny baby & keith retaliates by slipping his freezing fingers under lance’s shirt, prompting a startled yelp and giving keith the opportunity to pluck a broccoli stalk from lance’s hand and put it in the cart

-“okay, while we’re here, let’s grab a cucumber for the salad”-“gotcha, one cucumber coming right up–.. hey.. hey, keith, this one kinda looks like a–hehehe–hey keith, do you think i could–hnnkeehehe–do you think i could fit this one up–”-“oh my god”-“what do you say keith–you, me, this cucumber, a bottle of wine–”-“alright im getting on line.”-“wait wait babe im kidding come back let me put the cucumber in the cart”-“NO go get a different one, i am NOT letting that one anywhere near our salad”

-selfies with the local Stop & Shop robot. lance thinks it’s kind of creepy but keith thinks it’s cute and lance thinks that’s cute, so

-“lance we left the reusable bags in the car”-“quiznak. well that’s okay, we can just use plastic bags this one time and i’ll make sure we put them to good use at home so it’s not wastefu–”-“no. we paid money for our bags. we have to use them. i’ll be right back”-“keith we parked way down on the other side of the–oh my god KEITH WATCH OUT FOR THAT OLD LADY holy shit SLOW DOWN oh my god man”

-keith tries to sneak those storebought sugar cookies, you know the clear-boxed ones that they always put out front with holiday-colored frosting and sprinkles, into their cart-“keith what is with your obsession with processed food”-“it was all had to eat when i was living alone in the desert”---“baby that is very sad and you know i empathize with your tragic anime backstory but put those godawful abominations back or so help me”

-only, keith isn’t the only one who likes processed food

-yeah, another reason keith is so used to it is because even after he started living with shiro, he kept eating that junk because that’s all shiro ever ate too

-shiro is a slut for kraft mac & cheese

-this presents a problem for him and adam, because adam loves spicy food and loves to make spicy food for shiro to eat

-but shiro is a big baby, and due to his inability to cook and his subsequent reliance on kraft & campbell’s & top ramen, he basically has white people taste buds

-adam is scandalized when he learns this the hard way after finding shiro nearly in tears over his half-eaten serving of dum aloo

-adam promptly declares that shiro needs a culinary intervention and they have been working towards the recovery of his palate ever since

-shiro is a creature of habit though, and he will try to convince adam to let them buy kraft mac & cheese whenever they go to the store together (which is often because unlike keith and lance, they never got tired of it and they still consider it a romantic domestic activity to this day. they’re just gay like that)

-when keith and shiro have their “broganights” together they indulge in all their crappy processed comfort food, much to the consternation of lance and adam, who bond over their shared exasperation and begrudging affection for their respective partners