#people were a little bit frustrating (i get it. gen ed lab at 7:30am. i'm only in it cause i panicked when a different class registration | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

quitedisastrous · 24 days ago

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i wish i could just do nothing for a few days straight. maybe even just sleep for a few days straight. sooo excited for constant misery over the next 20 days

ranting in the tags. i would just scroll past if i were you

#i love college.my favorite part is sitting alone on my couch for 4 months straight and getting so freaked out over grades i spend #5 hours straight trying to avoid the urge to bite into my arm so hard i bruise or bash my head into a wall #meanwhile i keep thinking my life is over. i don't have any evidence. for the first time in my life the future isn't predetermined by #other people and now that i don't know what comes next i just constantly get freaked out. it makes me want to claw through my skin #i know something is wrong with me. it's been 5 years. i know it isn't just going to go away; especially given current circumstances #and how it's only been getting worse over time #but i continue to just sit on my couch and do nothing about it. and since i'm not doing anything about it i just feel like i don't have the #right to complain about it even though shit fucking sucks. months of my life at a time just blur together #god. i was genuinely happy last month when i ripped a bunch of booster packs with my mates that i only see over the summer (minus my bestie #and it made me realize just how much everything's blurred together. i hadn't really felt anything lasting + significantly positive #for months before that. that's not normal #god. i've been wanting to go to bed for the last two hours but i just keep sitting here going “um! you need to study. and wash dishes. and”#so i just. don't. which is already bad but i also need to get up early so i can study for my test tomorrow.#god. fucking dreading my lab tomorrow. went to it last week but dipped at the last minute without getting my work checked off #and without submitting it because i got so angry and freaked out and telling myself “man you can just leave” calmed me down instantly #and then at that point i had like nothing done and i didn't want to admit that so i just. left #if i get asked about it i'll just say it was something personal and i panicked. shrug #a part of me is beyond tempted to skip the lab again but i'm not confident in my assignment grades in that class to do so #even though i'll end up with a 5 point bonus on the final grade from taking a survey. but i'll probably go just cause #it's the second to last lab #man i have three whole ass projects due in that class in 10 days. unless my mental state suddenly improves (it won't) i'm gonna end up doin #those the last possible three days #speaking of assignments. we had to do a group project in my bio lab yeah? the methods my group went with sucked and honestly these #people were a little bit frustrating (i get it. gen ed lab at 7:30am. i'm only in it cause i panicked when a different class registration #fell through) since it always felt like they were more interested in getting done than having like. slightly decent work but whatever #but these people? these people asked me to write the conclusion for our presentation. i ask “yeah sure yeah. what did we conclude”#“eh. you can write whatever” ???????????????? HUH???? MATE THAT IS HALF OF THE WORK???????????????????#the shitty sensors and our shitty methods gave us shitty data and YOU PEOPLE CAN'T EVEN SUGGEST WHAT THE CONCLUSION IS????????? fuck me dud #i was already in a poor mood (normal mental illness plus i had found out my uncle died like three days before #like i had talked to him just last month. never had someone i know die before. sucks) but that shit pissed me off

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