#people take things waaaayy too seriously

[blegh-blogh]

I'm realizing that I think a lot of my feminist awakening came from a scene in a movie I watched when I was like 13 where, relatively out of nowhere, they spend waaaayy too much time showing a woman being brutalized. I remember that after I watched that, I thought about it and how I could feel that the scene and the person who made it was misogynist, and how the scene having the person being brutalized be a woman was not a coincidence. But I was infuriated because I couldn't prove it. I couldn't prove that the whoever made the scene would be uninterested in making it if the victim was a man instead. And this was all before I had seen discourse about how horror movies treat female characters. I think that scene helped me realize that there will always be things said or shown that you know are misogynist simply because you can feel it. But because you can't prove it, no one will take you seriously. The dissonance between how people perceive something like the movie scene is maddening.

[chaaistheanswer]

YOU GUYS HEAR ME OUT- What if..... Aristocrat AU. I HAVE BIG BRAIN TONIGHT JUST LISTEN Kerry is a talented musician and is passionate about music. His parents think it’s stupid and that Kerry would never get anything out of it. They tell him that it’s time for him to get serious because he’s getting older and he still hasn’t settled down. So, they make arrangements for Kerry to marry Louise who is from another aristocratic family. Thing is... Kerry actually hates her, and no matter how hard Kerry tries to convince his parents to change their minds, they don’t give in.  Fast forward to their engagement party... Kerry fucking hates it and spends most of the time with Johnny (Kerry’s fellow music lover, and was also invited to the party.) Thank god Johnny’s around though cos he’s been helping Kerry hide from his crazy fiancée. Eventually, Johnny gets caught up in the crowd and Kerry loses him. Kerry bumps into V. They stare at each other for a moment, totally awestruck. He hears Louise coming and asks V’s help to take him away. V is confused cos um... isn’t this Kerry’s engagement party??? But he does as he’s asked anyway... He drags Kerry away to the garden. It’s quiet and no ones around... They’re alone... Kerry says thanks and they get to know each other during that small moment they have before they head back... The two find each other interesting! Kerry finds Johnny FINALLY and asks about V... Johnny tells Kerry what he knows about V. Says very few know about what the young man does for a living, but he hears it’s some shady biz and most people don’t want to get involved with him. How he ended up here in Kerry’s engagement party he doesn’t even fucking know. Johnny expected Kerry to know more... But from all the gossip, it’s not wise to associate with V. A lot of bad rumours and talk about him. Whatever, Kerry’s curiosity is peaked.  After that Kerry and V bump into each other a few times, and well, wadaya know... it’s LOVE BABEEYYYYYY. They meet each other in secret. Kerry finds out V is secretly a merc. Forbidden love and shit because I mean, he’s already engaged to a woman and you know... love between two men back then.... What would the people think?? What would his parents think? Prolly disown him???? Johnny’s prolly the only one who knows about their little secret and kinda doubts Kerry’s decision making like “seriously??? isn’t he like... waaaayy too young for you? man you know Louise is gonna kick your ass but hey have it your way” He doesn’t care tho cos I mean he fucks around more than Kerry does but he still worries about what happens to his best friend in the future. Just think about it... DRAMA, INTRIGUE, ROMANCE, SECRECY, ANGST. YOU NAME IT IT’S ALL IN THERE. 

[cl-gem]

Hello everyone ,aaaand here you have my Invader Zim OCs/Irkensonas: Sun and Moon.

-They're brothers

-Rebels and Defectives

-They're a Irken month older than Zim(16-17 years)

Sun

Likes snacks (Marshmallows and Donuts)

2.He was an Irken Elite due to his fighting skills (and cause he didn't want to be a janitor,those guys never get respect)

He wasn't taken seriously due to his height and "dumb"personality when he was younger and was grounded many times in the Academy, but somehow managed to snuck out the Academy in his punishment hours and he went several times to meet his sis', Moon,to her work place(by stealing a ship or other methods) and soon returning to the Academy without nobody ever finding out

When he was tired of living on Irk,he and his sister decide to escape by going in the ship her sis made for him as an inventor

When they left Irk their ship is stolen and they decided to make the mission "Rescue the ship"(as lazy as it sounds) and they met "D"(the SIR unit Moon built when she was an inventor) and D joins the gang

After the ship is rescued they decide to travel around space and never going back to the evil Irken Empire once they called "home".But After Moon makes the little(Huge!!) mistake of saving Tallest Red and Purple with one of her robots from the Florpus Hole that Zim created, he and his sister are forced to get back to the Empire they hated so much.

But they wont be there so long cause a new oppurtunity is given to them:Go in a mission to bring Zim to justice alongsideheis sis,a janitor named Tak and their SIR unit, "D"!.How things will turn out? Just wait...

3 He likes to blow things up,weapons,ships,robots,cool/fluffy/hairy/squishy creatures,cool planets, and explosions/fireworks

4Personality:

-Easy-going but sometimes can be really stressed,afraid or mad(not often) at some dangerous/serious situations

-Doesn't like to be seen and treated as someone dumb or discriminated by his height and how the Tallest/some Irkens treat other species or other of their own kind just for being smaller than them

-Very friendly,loving and supportive to the people he likes

-Hates if someone treat in a bad way to persons/things he love and the Tallest Red and Purple (sometimes... often)

-Easily atractted by things he likes but if it is necessary he wont let them fool him

-Likes to put nicknames to the people he likes as a way to show love

-In case its a need, he lies about important stuff about him but he never do this to his sister .

-When something is waaaayy too crazy for him he doesn't like to do it

-But he likes things that are a little crazy ,like Zim

-He can develop a "Big Brother" and mature actitude towards a lot of people whether he is related to them or not

-If someone gets on his nerves a lot,lets just say that person is not gonna have a good time

Moon

1She was an Irken scientist who had to do awfull experiments on traitors or rebels against the Empire and take the abuse of her superior/boss for a long time(yelling she was useless,coward,maybe a defect and threating her to acuse her of being defective to the Control Brains if she didn't did as she was told to make things she didn't wanna)and from this abuse she became a silent irken who felt lonely and sad with her life, until Zim became his assistant and she learned a few things of him, like never giving up.

Zim soon became a real friend to her but this friendship didnt last long until Zim blew up so many important areas around the hole lab on Irk with one of its experiments, including Moon work place,after seeing the destruction he caused ,his superiors sent him to Vort and Moon was reencoded as an inventor , until they managed to fix the mess Zim caused.

She was assigned to a SIR unit factory where she built "D" and to built ships for the Empire, and she usually met with his brother when he was supposed to be 'grounded'.

One day, they decided to leave Irk by faking their death and using a ship she made by her brother to fly into the unknown.But they landed in a planet where they had to learn to survive and where their ship was stolen.During the plan to rescue the ship they meet D,the SIR unit she built time ago.

D joins the gang and after rescuing the ship from the enemy's grasp ,they decided to travel around space and never return to the Empire.

.....

When they were arriving to a new planet they find a Florpus hole with a ship inside and she decide to rescue the people inside.Oh,little did they knew who's ship that was.The Massive.The Tallest's personal ship.

After the new rescue,she and her brother are forced to get back to Irk,but this time she was a scientist again and that meant take the abuse of her boss again(Ugh,why is the universe like this with me?Whyyyyyyy?😥). But a new opportunity appears and she takes it: Reencountering with her old friend Zim and bring him to Irk alongside her brother,D and a janitor named Tak.Just wait to see what happens next...

2.Personality

-Very smart, but can have clumsy moments in her life that makes people doubt if she is smart or not

-Pretty good at telling lies like her brother

-If someone gets on her nerves, they will regret it (dont mess with someone who can and will hack your PAK if it's necessary)

-Doesn't take very well insults due to the abuse she had suffered

-Likes crazy things and people (except the creepy ones)

-Very friendly,loving and supportive the people she likes and sometimes has a motherly actitude

-Likes explossions,robots,snacks,ships,all kind of cool creatures,cool planets and Vortians

-Hates if someone treat in a bad way to persons/things she love and the Tallest Red and Purple (not so much as her brother,but she still doesn't like them a lot,she likes that they are funny)

-She hates to be seen and treated as if she is crazy just for her ideas

Sun, Moon and D belongs to @cl-gem

Invader Zim to Jhonen Vasquez

[meta-knight-against-terfs-blog]

Some of the EXQUISITE responses to @buttercup-against-terfs

[theoddcatlady]

Sweepstakes

10/14/15

Guess who’s going on a cruise in December? This bitch right here! :D

Finally, all these years of entering contests and putting my name into prize draws has paid off! I’ve always wanted to go on a cruise guys. A whole two weeks out on the beautiful blue sea. Away from stupid work, away from all my responsibilities, and more importantly- away from freaking winter.

I’ll make a special tag for my cruise album so you all can keep up on it. Hearts!

11/13/15

The more I read about the features this cruise is having, the more I’m getting hyped for it. I’ve been going to tanning booths to make sure I have a bod that isn’t pasty white. My mom’s super jealous, but I only got the one ticket, and I’m the one going on that boat!

Seriously though. Dream come true. Twenty four hour buffets and room service. Fancy dinners every night with waiters that dance on the tables. A stop on a vacant island in the Bahamas to spend a day chilling on the beach, sipping drinks and swimming with dolphins. Spa. Hot tub. Shows every night. I will never be bored.

Maybe I’ll get lucky and come home with a hot babe too ;)

12/18/15

12:41 PM

Gonna be boarding soon! And get this- it’s the maiden voyage!

The ship’s called the Maenad, which is such a weird name, I know. But it’s sooooo pretty! So white and clean! I just hung out with this super sweet couple. The girl’s name is Adrienne, she’s a blogger too, I’ll try to link you to hers later, and her fiance’s name is Emery, and he’s. A. Hunk. He’s got the bod of a god (hehe it rhymes!). He’s got a super sexy voice, so low and smooth. And his smile, holy shit, his smile! I’m in love.

Sucks he’s taken, but I’ll just BFF it up with Adrienne.

1:16 PM

Well, boarding happened late, and hooooly crap you guys will not believe it.

Two guys got into a fist fight like, right as we began boarding. I don’t even know what caused it! Maybe they got their bags switched or maybe they just got cranky, I dunno. But the big guy just turned around and started whaling on the other dude. The other guy started squealing before he went for the cheap hits, like kidney punches and groin shots. By the time security managed to pull them away, the big guy’s face was purple because the little dude managed to get him in a headlock. Little dude was apparently tougher than I thought, even though his nose was smashed in and bloody.

I doubt they got let on the boat with that attitude. :P

The room’s… almost perfect. I thought I was getting a room with a balcony, buuuut guess not. Oh well, it’s still a cruise, and I still got internet! Paid out the ass for it, but can’t seem to upload any pics. Ugh. You’ll have to wait till I’m home. I’m gonna chill until dinner.

6:39 PM

Disappointed again. Dinner was cold. I just wanted to enjoy the buffet dammit! If I wanted cold, chewy nuggets I’d go to McDonald’s.

Ugh. I guess first day was always damned to go bad. I’ll just watch TV, if I can get a connection. Although good news, I found out Adrienne and Emery are right down the hall from me! We’re totally going to hang out tomorrow.

12/19/15

2:21 PM

So glad I have Adrienne around. Because otherwise today would be laaame.

Spa’s closed. Which was my plan for the first day! Adrienne is super bummed too. Lunch isn’t as bad today, at least it’s not cold. Poor Adrienne though, she went for the Chinese noodle things and ended up biting down on a chicken bone. She ended up just having some soft serve ice cream while crying about how her teeth hurt.

Tonight’s the first dinner though. Fingers crossed we get them dancing to What Does the Fox Say!

8:07 PM

No dancing. And my soup had a really bad aftertaste, super bitter. Dessert made up for it though, brownies! I ended up sitting with Adrienne and Emery. Emery’s a pilot! Like actually licensed and everything, he even owns his own plane. I asked if he could take me up sometime and he laughed and said it was only a two seater, but maybe!

Ugh, I think the couple across the hall are having a fight. I think their names are Evan and Corine. They’re about my age too but they’re always at each other’s throats! Even before boarding they were bickering with each other. So dumb. Why am I the only one single on this stupid boat?

12/20/15

3:21 AM

Had a supersuper bad nightmare oh my god I almost want to jump off the boat and start swimming home.

There was all this screaming, and these poor kitties, oh those poor kitties, people kept grabbing them by the legs and pulling, just pulling, while they cried and tried to get away. Their bones popped and snapped and then they just tore apart like paper and sparkly lil bits flew out of them, confetti. It was glittery confetti like the stuff at my twelfth birthday party.

I wanna go back to bed and never wake up.

12:31 PM

Ugh. Slept something awful last night. I just couldn’t get comfy.

Turns out I had a nightmare too, judging by my post? I don’t remember it. So. WEIRD. I’m gonna spend today in my room. Just order in lunch and dinner. I need some me time. Meditate. Think of nice, happy thoughts.

Like Emery’s smokin hot body on top of mine. Yum.

12/21/15

10:23 AM

The spa’s open! I’m gonna hit that up with Adrienne today. She invited me to go with her, gossip about the super cute but so gay guys giving us massages and doing our nails. Ugh. I cannot wait. It’s going to be AMAZING.

3:21 PM

It was not amazing. It was not even subpar.

I’m gonna be honest and say it as it is: it was fucking awful.

First off, waaaayy overcrowded. There were a bunch of these really old wrinkly bitches with their saggy boobs practically hanging out of their bathrobes, yelling and teasing the poor masseuses and manicure people :(

The one doing my foot massage, I can’t remember his name, but I’ll call him Blue Hair because he has this really screwed up blue hair. You know the kind of hair where someone’s bleached and dyed it too many times? So ugly. He. Was too damn rough with my poor feet! I’m not even gonna go to dinner I’m so sore. He was so bitchy too, called me a whiner and that my feet smelled like cheese. My feet do not smell like cheese!

I was about to kick his stupid face when a really fat old woman started yelling at him about why she wasn’t being helped at this very second and how her feet were killing her and that she was going to complain to the people in charge when he like snapped? He got up and started yelling back at her, and it escalated so fast all Adrienne and I could do was watch.

Finally the old lady had enough of his sass and punched him across the jaw. Blue Hair was super twiggy so he hit the floor with a really loud thump. I didn’t see if he got up, I think the old lady was about to stomp on his head when someone finally pulled her away and out of the spa. I got the hell out of there, ditching Adrienne and just going to hell with this.

It was for the best though, Adrienne wasn’t mad or anything. She said she went in for the mud bath and oh my gosh was it bad. It smelled like actual feces and then someone started screaming about how there was blood in their mud. Like. A lot of blood.

Adrienne says someone probably was on the rag when they got in and just didn’t care, but ew! I was looking forward to it and now you can’t pay me to get near that spa ever again.

12/22/15

5:31 PM

Going to dinner again with Adrienne and Emery. Apparently tonight’s gonna be a dancing night! So excited. This is one of the main reasons I wanted to come, dancing waiters on the tables sounds like so much fun! I’m wearing my cute dress, I would be showing you guys pics but one, impossible to upload, takes too long, and I haven’t taken a good selfie all day! Ugh. Bad selfie days are the wooorst.

Oh, there they are now! Better go!

9:50 PM

That couldn’t have gone any worse.

First off, dinner was like, nearly optionless? The first night there was like a million choices, from exotic to elegant, but tonight I literally sat down and got handed an appetizer without so much as being handed a menu. I don’t even want to know what it was. It was some piece of dried out meat. Tasted a bit like pork, but maybe it was fish? Emery said maybe it was shark and that made me laugh, which helped.

Main course was burnt black steak. Not even Emery could joke about that, I swear his perfectly tanned complexion went gray when he realized the hunk of charcoal on his plate was meant to be steak. He flagged over a waitress and asked what the big deal was.

“Chef’s choice, fuck off and hit up the buffet if you’re going to be a bitch about it.”

I was floored. I heard wait staffs were so nice on cruises! I don’t think even Emery knew how to react.

The dancing though. I really, really hope the accident wasn’t as bad as it looked.

Our stupid waitress got up on Evan’s and Corine’s table, taking off her apron and swinging it above her head as some old tune crooned out of the speakers. Evan was super into it, making crude comments about the waitress’ panties while Corine fumed.

I’m not sure if it was the feedback from the speakers that made the waitress stumble or if Corine finally snapped and sucker punched her, but the waitress tumbled from the table with a scream. She slammed into the floor with a painfully loud crack and I saw blood pooling around her head.

We all got shooed out, the host apologizing and saying we’d all get a special dinner sent up to our rooms as an apology and that the woman would be fine.

BTW- still waiting on that special dinner. I’m so hungry I’d eat that excuse for a steak.

… Okay maybe not that hungry. My stomach’s still churning from the meat that may have been shark.

12/23/15

6:32 AM

Dinner was delivered ten minutes ago. It was the same damn steak from last night. It was so cold now though that it was practically rock solid, and I swear it started to smell a bit. It went into the garbage. I’m nauseated and super tired. I can’t get the sound of the waitress’ head hitting the floor out of my head. I really, really hope she’s okay.

Corine and Evan are having the LOUDEST SEX EVER in the room across the hall. I’m pretty sure the mainland can hear her orgasming, oh my god, SHUT UP.

12:13 PM

I think I saw someone get divorced at the buffet.

I was loading up on lukewarm french fries and half cooked chow mein noodles when the quiet argument turned up a few notches. I turned to see this middle aged couple screaming at each other while their little kids stood to the side, eyes like a deer’s in headlights.

No one even bothered to get in between them, I think she was mad about him letting their kids eat nothing but garbage all week, and he was mad she had a stick up her ass. It ended with her ripping off her ring and pitching it into the ocean. His face went purple with how pissed he got, screaming about how that was a family heirloom and all that shit. I got the hell out of there, they can get this damn plate back later.

12:31 PM

Holy shit the angry guy threw his wife overboard.

Emery ran in my room looking sick. He was tanning with Adrienne on the top deck when the woman, apparently her name was Delia, ran up there and she looked terrified. Angry husband Donald ran up after her and grabbed her by the hair. Emery tried to get up to break it up but he wasn’t even finished crossing halfway when Donald dragged her to the edge and threw her over his head into the ocean, telling her to ‘go find the fucking ring!’

I am. So glad I didn’t see that. I don’t know if she’s even okay, can you fall from the top deck to the ocean without, ya know, breaking every goddamn bone in your body?!

Emery’s hiding in here for now, he wants some comfort. Adrienne needed to be alone.

His hair’s so soft, I wanna pet it all day.

12/24/15

Christmas Eve and I’m so homesick.

I don’t want to go to the special ‘dinner’. Knowing what luck we’ve had so far, someone’s probably going to get frikken impaled on a dropped knife or something. So just buffet. Which has gone dramatically down in quality for how little we’ve been out here. It’s cold, it’s undercooked, it’s overcooked, it has a horrible aftertaste. I’m going a little crazy.

I just wanna be home.

At least tomorrow we’re on the island. Won’t blog until I’m back on the boat. Don’t think I’ll have signal.

12/25/15

10:19 PM

This was the WORST CHRISTMAS OF MY LIFE!!!

Okay, so the island was kinda nice at first. I saw no sign of Donald or his kids. Or Corine and Evan. But Adrienne and Emery were there! Emery helped me apply suntan lotion, and his hands were like a god’s. Adrienne got a bit pouty but she was happy after we went swimming together. She’s such a good friend. <3

So much was a lie though. There was no wait staff to bring us drinks. The dolphin meet up had to be booked ahead of time, which none of us knew, and by the time it was noon people were getting a lil testy. I mean, we were promised a beach haven and all we got was basically the same crap you get at home, except it’s salt water.

I heard yelling about half way through the afternoon and went to check it out. I thought it was just two guys rough housing in the water until I realized what the teenage girl next to them was screaming.

“Help! He’s gonna kill him! Oh my god, someone help!”

I ran into the water, Emery hot on my heels. The one guy was holding the other underwater, and I nearly puked when I realized the other guy had stopped struggling. I tried to shove the guy’s attacker but it was impossible, he was so much bigger than me and I just couldn’t move him. Emery tackled him so hard he sent them both down into the water, and I dragged the drowning guy up, trying to smack his chest to help push the water out of his lungs.

He wasn’t breathing.

I think the attacker was put in custody. The girl said they were just horsing around to get her attention when the victim accidentally hit the other guy in the dick. Apparently that was worth murder.

I want to go home.

I think I just heard Emery at the door, so I’ll end this post here.

12/26/15

I slept with Emery last night.

It didn’t mean to happen, it just did! He came to me for comfort because apparently Adrienne was being all cold, we were close, I set a hand on his thigh, our eyes met and just… fell into each other’s arms.

He told me this morning he’ll break off the engagement with Adrienne after we get back home. I’ve apparently showed him what it’s like to be with someone who cares. I feel so bad for Adrienne but… Emery’s so nice guys. He’s the perfect man. He listens, we have sooo much in common, and I’m sure Adrienne will understand that maybe he and I have something that we never thought we’d find with another person.

I still had awful nightmares though. Maybe it’s the guilt.

I shouldn’t feel guilty though. I shouldn’t.

12/27/15

12:58 PM

I’m suing this cruise line when I get home I swear to god THERE WAS BUGS IN THE FOOD

I was eating with Emery, having a good time, he took a forkful of noodles and was about to put it in my mouth when I saw the carrot start to twitch. And then it exploded and squirmed and buzzed IT WAS A FLY. There was. A fucking fly. IN THE FOOD.

I puked all over Emery and I’m so embarrassed, but just seeing it writhe while impaled on a fork was too much. I’m not eating another damn thing on this cruise. No way. I’ll starve myself until we get back home. We’re docking on the first. I’ll make it that long.

6:00 PM

I’m starving but oh my god I can’t stop thinking of that fucking fly. I almost caved and ordered room service twice but just. Flies. I can’t stand flies. They make me itch. Emery hasn’t been in to see me all day and I’m super depressed. Today’s the worst. I’m hungry, I might’ve just lost my new boyfriend, and I just want to be home.

11:23 PM

I think I heard someone die.

Corine and Evan were arguing, and then they were sexing, and then I heard Corine laughing while someone was choking and gasping. There was a thump and something dragging, and I’m too scared to get out of bed.

This is the worst fucking cruise.

12/28/15

9:42 AM

Adrienne knows.

She’s been at my door for half an hour, knocking and saying she has to talk to me. No way. No how. Am I opening that door. She sounds like she’s been crying, but I swear to god she’s going to kill me. I don’t know if I was imagining Corine murdering Evan last night but I’m paranoid as hell. I just keep closing my eyes and hearing that choking or seeing that poor kid get drowned by his friend.

Everyone on this ship is crazy.

10:30 AM

She’s left for now. Oh my god my stomach hurts. I’m so hungry. But if I leave I’m gonna get tossed overboard like Delia.

3:02 PM

She’s brought reinforcements. I hear Corine out there too. I’m so scared.

3:30 PM

They’ve gone for now or they’re just being really quiet. They probably think I have to leave sooner or later or have food ordered in. The only time I’m having that door open is when I’m all packed and disembarking this stupid fucking ship. This is a nightmare.

10:45 PM

I don’t hear anything. I’m scared to go to sleep. I’m scared to die. I’m praying. I’m praying so hard right now.

12/29/15

They broke into my room last night. But they didn’t kill me.

Adrienne and Corine just wanted to talk. And all we did was talk. And I feel so bad for thinking they wanted me to get hurt. I’m so selfish and stupid, I only cared about what I felt to not see what was going on right in front of me.

Corine is Emery’s ex. They were engaged too. She showed me pics on her phone of her wedding dress, and she’s so pretty. But he left her for another woman. She had no idea he was going on this cruise too until she saw him while they boarded. It’s why she was fighting with Evan in the first place.

Adrienne was tricked too. Emery left Corine for her, saying that he found out how to love again.

What a sack of shit.

I’m still refusing to eat, but the alcohol on board is better than nothing. We’re just drinking and bitching about men. We all got tricked by a sweet smile and nice words. What a cunt.

Corine’s suggested we confront him all together. I’m all onboard. I’ll take the wine bottle with me, it might be mostly empty but it’ll mean business.

12/30/15

It took a lot of talking. A lot of arguing. A little bit of force. But we all decided it wasn’t fair only one of us get Emery. So we’re going to share him.

Corine gets his chest. The chest she used to rest her head on as he promised to fly her to the moon.

Adrienne gets his arms. The arms that used to hold her tight and make her feel safe.

And I get his head. The head which has such beautiful lips that spilled nothing but poison and such soft hair that I love to pet. They’re better now that they’re silent. We’re all in Adrienne’s king sized bed, with our favorite parts of Emery. It took some tugging… but the pop of his bones coming loose was the most satisfying of sounds.

12/31/15

We’ll never lose Emery again. He’ll always be a part of me.

[zippityzap]

The Princess and the ‘Hog, A Look at the Flaws and Missed Opportunities of Princess Elise (Part 1)

Ah, Princess Elise, what a beautiful mess of character design. Some of my older followers may remember that I’ve discussed/ redesigned her before  (links here and here) but the thing is the amount of fuck ups and missed opportunities with her design is so great that I truly don’t think anyone could really list them all. I’m going to try anyway.

Now, for the three of you that live under a rock, I’ll quickly explain Sonic 06 and Princess Elise

Sonic The Hedgehog (2006), or more colloquially known as Sonic 06, is a game that is generally accepted to be one of the worst games in the Sonic franchise, if not one of the worst games of all time. It has received this infamous status for it’s poor game design, mountain of glitches and shit story. For a more detailed explanation, I recommend you watch SomeCallMeJohnny’s and Clement’s reviews on them.

This here is Princess Elise, a new character introduced for Sonic 06, she is the princess of Soleanna, the main location of the game. Her mother died when she was young, and her father died in a lab experiment gone wrong when she was a child. This lab experiment was an attempt at controlling Soleanna’s Sun-god, Solaris, whom, as a result of the accident spilt into two. For reasons the “Iblis” half of Solaris had to be contained within Elise; this drives our main plot as Eggman wants to use that power to take over the world… somehow, it’s never really explained. So Sonic’s storyline in 06 is a repetitive back as forth as Elise gets captured more times in one game than Princess Peach ever has.  

Now, where to start? Well, we gotta examine what our first impression of Elise’s design is, so lets take a good look at her whole design.

Hmm… well for starters, her proportions are out of wack no matter what perspective you view it from and I’m not talking about different angles. First, lets view her design as if we are designing realistic humans, after all, Sonic 06 was stated to have been going for a more realistic approach, “Sonic in the real world”, if you will. 

Ugh… we’re going a little too into uncanny valley here, like, sure, they tried but the proportions are slightly off so its kinda unnerving, eyes too big, limbs too skinny and generally too tall when compared to Sonic. I’ve heard some fans describe her as ‘alien looking’ and I definitely see where they’re coming from. The funny thing is, Elise has one of the better models in the game, look at the rest of the humans!

Okay then, what if we examine her proportions from a cartoony perspective, the humans from Sonic Unleashed were cartoony with somewhat unrealistic proportions (All of whom, by the way, are great examples of good character design)

You see, the issue is that these are Sonic the Hedgehog games, and you ideally want your new and/or background characters to match well with your pre-existing characters, particularly your main character. Look at how the Unleashed humans look next to Sonic and compare them to how Elise looks next to Sonic.

The Unleashed humans fit a lot better, don’t they? And Elise only looks worse when she’s physically interacting with Sonic. His hands are bigger than her head for crying out loud. This odd clashing of designs is even worse when you consider that they are supposed to be love interests. Oh yes, I’m approaching the elephant in the room, I’m talking about THAT.

Now, before I start here, I’m not 100% opposed to human/mobian relationships, hell, one of guilty pleasures is Rouge/Topaz, and I think it could work if done right, but I want to analyse why so many people were repulsed at Sonic/Elise. First, my whole point about proportions. In the art direction of 06, humans and mobians really don’t mesh well together, but look at this quick sketch here of an Elise with different proportions

I genuinely believe that if 06’s art style was more like this there wouldn’t have been such a shit-storm regarding Sonic and Elise. Don’t get me wrong, there still would’ve been a shit-storm as that’s the least of their problems but it’s a start. Ok, so lets just say you are completely against the human/mobian thing, ok, fair enough if Elise was a mobian not only would that fix the proportion thing, but provide lots of interesting opportunities for character design. I’ve done this before waaaayy back by making her a phoenix which can be seen *here* and for a different example there’s this lovely swan by SonicFF  (link)

But again, even if we change Elise’s species, I, (and many others) still have a massive problem with Sonic and Elise. Why? Their complete and utter fucking lack of chemistry. I mean, for starters Elise has the personality of a cardboard box (I’ll get to this later) but what little is there is just doesn’t go with Sonic that well. Elise is a sheltered, somewhat meek princess who is the world’s biggest damsel in distress. Christ, even Princess Peach occasionally got to kick ass and go on adventures. How is this supposed to go well with Sonic? Like I went on about in my King Sonic rant (see here) Sonic and the responsibility of royalty go together about as well as orange juice and toothpaste. 

Seriously, literally every other Sonic shipping (even the ones I don’t like) the one who is shipped with Sonic always has a bit of spice added to them. Amy? Sally? Blaze?, hell, even Shadow.

I mean… just what is there between Sonic and Elise. To shamelessly quote Clement’s 06 review, does she even like chilli dogs? (that was a joke obviously, but still) So… as this is starting to get a bit long, I’ll just make one more point before I cut off and continue next week.

Remember how I mentioned that after the lab accident the Iblis half of Solaris was contained in Elise? Well, the ‘catch’ to that is that if Elise cries, Iblis will be released. 

Let me repeat that. If Elise cries. Iblis. Will. Be. Released. Holy fucking shit. Wat… You honest to fucking God expect me to buy that someone who lost both of her parents at a young age and is suddenly thrust into a position of responsibility will not cry at that for over eight years but will cry at the death of some blue hedgehog she’s known for less than three days (because that happens in 06) What the flying fuck. Like seriously I can’t get over this. I might have bought it if they had presented it like Elsa in Frozen, about how ‘conceal don’t feel’ is kinda stupid but even that doesn’t excuse the fact that a young girl doesn’t cry at the death of her parents is supposedly realistic. For fucks sake even the ‘edgy badass’ of the series, Shadow, has cried before… it’s just so fucking stupid.

Alright I’ll stop here before I have an aneurism so tune in next week where I explore the potential of Elise as well as every single missed opportunity Sega could’ve took.  

[noniesays]

6/10/16

“To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.” - Tim Keller

be yourself, everyone else is taken. i’ve had so much on my mind lately, but have yet to put it down, pen to paper. as much as i like jotting everything down, my hand grows tired and before i’m finished with all my thoughts...my hand is tired and i don’t get everything that i want to down. i guess that’s why i’m here. life is has been a whirlwind. every day, i try to wake up and be thankful for what i have, but it does get hard sometimes. i’m not perfect and i’m not trying to be. but it’s easy to curate a life that looks or seems perfect. no one knows my inner struggles or turmoil. no ones knows the deep dark thoughts that cross my mind. no one knows the pain and sorrow that i have felt. from the exterior, i am a jolly & positive human being - that i am...but i have my bad days too. in order to be true to myself, i need to accept and acknowledge these bad days. and boy, have i had a lot. i’ve learned a lot in the last few months, especially last few weeks. i am not who i was 1 month ago, 3 months, 6 months ago, ect ect. life has changed me. experiences have changed me. people have changed me. 

NYC was a great getaway, the main thing that i wanted to get out of the trip was to see if i could see myself living there. SF is alright, and it was a big step leaving the next but NYC would be wild, wouldn’t it be? when i was over, i found myself wandering the streets and getting lost in my thoughts. is this a place that i could see myself living? i still don’t know, but it was nice to be out of the tech bubble that is silicon valley and feeling the independence of being in a new city. mom and vanessa are very dependent of me. they may never admit it, but they both need me to a degree. that being said, i make my own decisions and i have been so much more conscious about saying what i want vs. what they want me to say. it’s liberating and i think a huge part of me becoming my own person and an adult. NYC was cool, but the bay is my home. i would love to work in NYC from time to time, but unless i have a lover or something, i think my roots reside in CA. speaking of lovers...i’ve come to the realization that if love isn’t in the cards for me..i will be okay. of course, i want it to happen, but i’m getting older and it just seems like slim pickings these days. i went out last night with christine to 1015 folsom and it made be abhor guys and that scene. i’m getting waaaayy over it. if it happens, i welcome it. but i’m going to trust God and his plan for me. i also need to get the idea of Chris Moe out of my head. i am infatuation with him....sort of like how i was when i was 16 years old. it’s like a bad habit. checking to see if he has new pictures, checking snap to see if he posted...it’s making me feel really sick. the reality of the situation is that we don’t live in the same city and until we meet again IRL...the thought of something actually developing is so miniscule. yeah, perhaps i was giving off friend vibes but he is doing the same. why am i spending so much time thinking and fantasizing about this person...when chances are...he may not event spend a minute thinking about me? :/ i need to check my expectations at the door. it’s a work in progress. there are so many other things that i can and should focus my time and energy on. that improv class you were thinking about taking? do it. figuring what workout you wanna try next? sign up. pick-up new hobbies, read more, learn something new, hit up an old friend....there are so many other productive things that i could be doing with my time than fantasizing about a guy who lives in another state. i just get caught up with the history and idea of what we could be. i guess only time will tell. i have no control over the situation, the only thing that i can do right now is make sure that i’m happy & taking care of myself.

work is okay. i don’t find myself constantly complaining about Blend, which is new to me...perspective is powerful and once i shifted my mindset everything change. i am lucky that i have this job that has enabled to have so many new experiences. i have a manager who supports and believes in me and cares about my success. i have the flexibility to go on vacations whenever i please. all in all, i have nothing to complain about. i remember the days and nights where i dreaded going to work. i remember these moments so clearly and it makes me really sad. i was so broken and i just wanted someone to come into my life and fix me. i kept going though and in due time, i fixed myself. i got through it. and i’m excited for the next step in my career, really excited. during my 1:1 with sarah this week, we talked about the next steps and i’m excited to build on my current skillset and become and bomb ass recruiter. oh and i’d like to make more $$$$ so i can chip in at home. speaking of $$$, i HATE paying rent. seriously, it is the bane of my existence. i’m literally burning money every month. i say this now, but i plan to move home or find something a lot cheaper as soon as the lease in the presidio ends. lol about the presidio, not sure how i feel about my roommmates. i realise i have prob become that roommate that keeps to herself in her room. but you know what? i’m talking all day every day. if i dont want to socliaze with you, i don’t have to! bye!

finding my faith again. it’s slow, but it’s happening, and it’s by my own volition. when i was in NYC, and Deepi guided me to St. Pauls...i felt a magnitude of love. from my dear friend and from god. it’s was all encompassing and my heart wanted to burst because i felt so loved. i will never forget that feeling as i was walking through the church. 

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