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simtanico · 3 years ago

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Hi! I don't know if this is an annoying/difficult question, sorry if it is, but do you have any advice at all for modelling sims based off real people? Your sims are SO crazy good. When I try to make them they end up looking... eh... Vaguely like the person? But there's a huge gap between that and some kind of 'spark' some simmers seem to manage to capture.

Hello! Definitely not annoying. Difficult, as in how difficult it is to answer? Maybe. I'm gonna go off on a couple of tangents. But I'm gonna try my best to explain the process. Which isn't really much of one sorry.

There's a handful of tutorials and tips out there regarding reference photos and like... proportions and all that so I won't cover that.

I use that as a general guide of course, but mostly I just save some photos of the person at various angles and focus on one feature or two at a time. Literally going back and forth between reference photo and my game. I think if you try to get everything at the same time, it really makes it easy to get frustrated with whatever your sim looks like at the moment. Making sims in general is a combination of a LOT of things depending on your style.

I can point out ALL the flaws with my sims based on real people. In my experience, it’s about getting the defining features of a person close enough to the real thing so that it resembles them. I don't think you need a complete copy to get the point across, however i do think some people and features are harder to emulate than others. I've been working on some sims for YEARS, and they still don't work out lol

and take a look at this progression on my sim based on Z4ne H0ltz starting back in 2015!

that first screenshot:

Personally, I get a little lost if I work on a sim too much all at once. I find some time away makes me less tired and frustrated. Just pace yourself :)

Also if you need any help, shoot me a message here or on discord. I promise I don't judge or anything.. it's sims who cares lol

TO START...

I suggest starting with the head and its shape. Starting off with a game-generated sim, the first slider I get to is head width. It's usually too dang wide for my tastes. And then adjusting the general position of the the features. You can always change things later, so you don't have to know exactly what you're going to do, but as I've mentioned before, sculpting sims up in CAS is just practice with sliders! Also in the long run, you may want to use Pu+Chi House's Smooth Face Normals slider! I attempt to explain and show what it does here. I've uploaded the slider here: https://simfileshare.net/download/984204/

This is gonna be a doozy sorry in advance if the read more doesn't work

SLIDERS SLIDERS SLIDERS

Big sliders like Pu+Chi House’s face shape sliders dramatically change the face shape, and it could save you a lot of time! I highly suggest using these to get rid of the weird large jaw sims can get.

Play with different sliders and how they interact with one another! Example: jaw width and Cheek Fullness affect the same area. if you need a wide jaw and don’t want cheek distortion, you can use cheek fullness, lower the jaw width slider and then edit the cheekbones from there

Knowing what sliders move what and how it can work to your advantage is key! I cover this in my reply post about noses.

For visual reference:

I start out with my nose but I want the nostrils to sit further on the outside

so i go in and use the nose width slider and raise it to widen the lower nose:

Then lower the nostril scale slider

Comparison:

as you can see, i kind of achieved what I wanted, but also widened the nose tip too! Welp, that takes another slider I have, Tip Width. And I'll adjust that accordingly! It's really just a matter of what you're going for and what you're going to have to compensate for as a result!

That said, our community has made some awesome sliders that open up so many possibilities and even eliminate the need to do that multi-slider tango. I wouldn't even know where to begin (wish I wanted to make videos because I could talk for an hour about sliders)

For example @pitheinfinite made sliders that can make sims look better and more realistic, I'm jealous at what they've achieved!

They have their Inner Corner to Nose slider that moves an area of the sim's face hat make eyebags and the shadows and lines appear farther out from the inner eye. It saves you from having to use cheek sliders to mimic the effect and thus ruining the face shape you have going

It's truly an INDISPENSABLE slider. One of many!

Since I make sliders, I usually just make some to specifically fix whatever issue I'm having. Granted they're made with general function in mind, which makes my cheater-y way of making things happen more useful in the future. I have about 50 experimental unfinished sliders in my game and can tell you that all my current sims use them for some reason or other. So I'm not working with nothing, I guess?

EYE SPY 👁

The best way to really get nice accurate looking sims is the eyes.

Pay attention to the slant of the eye, the shape and position of the upper and lower eyelids. you can use the game’s Eyelid Height slider, and AWT’s Eyelid width and height sliders (and many more)

and especially where the iris (green) sits relative to the eyelid. getting that shape and eyeball positioned correctly really makes a HUGE difference

I do suggest Bloom’s Eye slider (left and right) that rotate the eyes left and right. That along with their Lazy eye sliders can give your sims a less symmetric face and position the eyes to be FAR more accurate and realistic than the default.

I also recommend their vertical sliders (Eye lift or drop) to help with eye positioning.

I can't stress the importance of the right contacts or eyes for your sims. Of course it all depends on how you make your sims's eyes and all that. Take the last sim i posted about. It took forever and a half to find the right contacts that didn't need severe or intense editing to capture the same vibe the person he's based on. The problem is pretty persistent for me, and I am just speaking for myself when I say this is necessary. Iris size, shading, recolorability, detail, catch lights, and pupil position are things to consider for your play style and preferences.

In addition to seeing what eyes will do the trick, I do edit the catch lights in the screenshots to give the eyes a different emotion or look. (I use defaults that get rid of the game-generated catch lights, and supernatural eye glow.) It's nice when that's all it is and I don't have to go in and photoshop things in and out to make them look human lmao

Perfect, schmerfect

And just know that as long as you have the same vibe or look going on it doesn't need to be perfect! Things will evolve over time, and you can change and perfect things as you go along, but close is better than trying to achieve an exact replica. We are working with the limitations of sliders and the optimized meshes they work on! So yeah there might be jagged bits or the profile might not exactly match and some things might not be accurate, but that's okay! Considering what sims look like at their default, you should be proud! I use the same mf eyebrows on all my sims basically and I tell myself they're just placeholders (yeah, right), but I manage to make them work with what I have!

Sliders, Makeup, and Skins, oh my!

a good base skin is critical, but not the end of the world if you pick the wrong one. They determine kind of definition and types of features highlighted on a sim 100000% and you might lose a feature you like or dislike when you change them! Feel free to switch up between skins you have to find the best fit.

Makeup can be a game-changer though!!! Any details you can add and help make your sim look the most like the person you're basing them off can go MILES.

In some cases, I've actually gotten really interesting results trying to get my sculpt as close as possible to real life references so the makeup makes a difference but don't define the features by themselves. Still, though, I utilize makeup up a LOT. [remember that if you use Nraas, you can layer makeup. Right-clicking makeup will also remove it if it's applied :)]

Here's the last sim i posted about when removing makeup:

no nosemasks really replicates the face-claim's nose (too shiny at the lower part) but it'll do 🤷‍♀️

Freckles, eyebags, highlighters, face shadows, pores, nosemasks, etc are all great!!

The way you move your sliders WILL effect how these look, so don't rely on makeup that adds super-specific detail or goes over an area you know is a jumbled mess because of sliders!

I do have a mess of recommendations and wcifs for skins and makeup. replies tag | wcif tag

[also I love compiling wcif cc lists for my sims it's great]

Finally, I appreciate your comment about my sims, mainly because I know they're not ever really exact copies or as close as I want to be to their real life counterparts, so thanks!! I've seen fellow simmers get really good results without messing as much as I do and I love when people can make really good maxis match likenesses because it's just so damn cool! It's truly a talent. I'm not one of those lucky few, but I like to try my way at it anyway. After what feels like some good progress I'll post a pic here. Even after doing this forever I don't feel like I'm an expert or can get good results in a shorter amount of time, but it's just fun to see the progression (or regression) of how my sims look.

#long post #replies #no tutorials just rambling and vibes~~~~

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noco7 · 2 years ago

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chapter 9 ramblings

chapter 9 is one of the most reworked chapters so if you want to know more about the history of this fic and how i write it, read down below

see, Noco in 7 Minutes was first jotted down on notepad.exe over like.... three days. I’d just write down chapter summaries and some snippets of dialogue, then move onto the next. Not particularly sophisticated and when I moved to google docs and actually writing out the full chapters... things Changed. In my original notes, chapter 5 and chapter 9 were the argument chapters, and if you’ve seen all my posts, you’ll know I once said I had to write chapter nine before I published chapter 5 (that was about a month ago) And that’s because ch.5 was supposed to be like. A mild argument. And ch.9 the “real” argument. Chapter 5 was supposed to end with a hug and comforting, and then I made it end with Noah leaving the house entirely and their relationship in question. Because when I actually write things out, I end up making things more dramatic. Oops. So I had to scale up chapter 9 to match and make it Actively terrible. Like it wasn’t even a question anymore, the relationship was just Done. So that’s why it’s like that lmao. But did you know... most of the stuff in chapter 9 wasn’t supposed to be there, and to explain... I have to talk about Chapter 7. Chapter 7, if you don’t know, is the Sierra chapter. But it was never supposed to be. What was scheduled in my notes was ‘Cody breaks down, and Noah helps him’ it was supposed to be like... i dunno. Cody tries to restart his career on Twitch or Youtube, but things go wrong, the viewers are all really mean. And Noah has to bring in his moderator skills to save it. And that’s it. That didn’t happen. Because 1) wasn’t completely feeling the idea, and 2) I had a new idea. Sierra! Because I kept on mentioning her in the chapters, and yet had never planned for her to be in the fic. And that didn’t seem right. She should appear at least once, she should do something. Contrary to what people might believe... I like Sierra? I like evil women: (my other problematic faves are Courtney and Amy so haha). But I like her *because* she’s evil. And exploring her similarities to Cody is the backbone of this fic, so it was only right that she actually got to star in it. So I plopped her into chapter 7. Or well chapter 6, but then I split them apart. So she ended up in chapter 7. Which massively effected chapter 9, because now Noah had newer, more interesting reasons to be angry. Their original argument... they were supposed to argue about like... idk. Cody keeping his end of the promise of ‘stop pressuring Noah’ but still teasing him? And then he’d bring up his ‘summer MANSION’ and Noah would snap? And that bit is like... The only thing that made it into the final cut. You wouldn’t know considering how forced it feels in the end product though, 💀. I actually considered cutting it out, but it is pretty important and the uhh class-divide comes up in several other chapters, so. Had to keep it in. Also also... chapter 9 was supposed to be twice as long and feature the courtcase and a call from someone important... but moved that to chapter 10. Because chapter 9 was a little too cluttered. Another thing that got cut was that I wrote a completely new version of chapter 9 where Cody was looking back on the argument. So we don’t actually get to see it, we just hear Cody describing it to a friend. The concept was like... ooh mystery, what happened?, and the readers woulf have to pick up clues to see what’s going on. Like when one of your friends has an argument with someone and you have to pick out how biased this friend is, and if it *really* happened that way. And you want to support your friend... but like.. ehh kinda seems like an equal responsibility affair at the very least. But then I scrapped it. Was that the best decision? Who knows. It just didn’t get across everything I needed to get across like showing the real argument did. It was 9.5k words which is longer then the version I actually published... so much work down the drain, but hey. That’s how it be sometimes. It was certainly humbling. Also the friend I uhh ended the friendship with? She was my beta reader. So if you start seeing mistakes.. that’s probably why. She helped me a lot with grammar, she’d weigh in on questions like ‘are they equally bad? or should i make one of them worse?” and she’d hype up all my chapters before I published them. So uhh real loss. She’s the person who got me into writing, and I still use what she taught me in my work. She’s the one I talked to about Total Drama and noco all day. And now I don’t have that. Another reason it came out late. Not going get too into detail because it was a personal thing, but uhh. Yeah I’m basically going to have to write chapter 10 from scratch, but also I have other things to do - apply for jobs, respond to comments finally, read other noco fics, just have a nice break in general, so it might take another two weeks to come out. Sorry guys.

#NCi7

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assim-eu-sou · 2 years ago

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Kally's Mashup Liveblogs: 1x1

1:1

I’m gonna be real, being a music major and having heard what pianists have to play at school… I’m not blown away. But no worries, I will suspend my disbelief for the remainder of this program. Like bruh… piano performance majors play music that makes me feel glad I can even follow along with the score and I’M a music major.

I like all the music stiff in the title sequence

NOOOO NOT THE BAD FAKE VIOLIN PLAYING

Ok I lied I’m probably gonna be insufferable in these liveblogs when it comes to music

Are her parents divorced and just good at coparenting?

Ok that’s a nice viola case, one of my colleagues has the same one

Ok I don’t blame them for hating child prodigies… I’ve been on both sides of the equation: I’m a currently child prodigy hater but as a child, I was always the youngest student and it could be very isolating so. Fair for both sides.

Some Spanish is harder to understand than others, and this is on the easier side. I can’t figure out a subs situation but it’s not necessary. Maybe it just feels easy because I’m watching a show in Portuguese right now.

This is all moving very quickly lol

However if you told 13 year old me that I could pack up and go to a conservatory I don’t think I would have hesitated

Her parents must be stronger than mine though because they would never let me lmao

Something alive is in that backpack

Ok I wasn’t expecting a dog for some reason

The dog ate his homework

Oh, she’s the daughter of the staff…. I can stop being on her side because I have definitely been on the other side of THAT equation… nepotism in music is real

Why is the dad such a trainwreck

Instant best friend… what a nice turn of events

Being adopted by extroverts is the best

I know this show will be dunking on classical music and I will just have to accept it… like I get it but there IS classical music that bops. Like what she’s playing now… Beethoven V

Kally said vegetables >

And I have to agree

I have also pretended to be asleep to avoid conversation #relatablemoment

Those boots are cute

Seems like she has a strong imagination

Someone just playing a G major scale in the background

LMAO not Beethoven V as the confrontation theme

LMAO what music school doesn’t let people listen to whatever music… I see we are adding some dramatic effect

Ok I’m TRYING not to be insufferable but I have to be allowed some insufferableness as a treat

Pls give this violist a shoulder rest I beg

At least her piano playing only looks a little fake/forced. I can accept it

I should try adding some beats to something I’ve worked on. I’m definitely not against remixing classical music; it’s a great way to adapt and add new life to something that has been around for a while.

Beethoven V… I have a lot of experience with it… I had to conduct excerpts from it in conducting class a couple times

I keep talking about Beethoven V but the main piece you keep hearing is the theme from Mozart 40

So, final thought? I’m gonna keep watching! My first impression is that it’s easier to get through than Violetta (no offense to Violetta, the pacing in S1 is just driving me bonkers.) I feel like it will lack that tragic/dramatic aspect that all DCLA novelas seem to have, and that’s ok (it just makes headcanoning the characters more engaging). The concept does have its similarities with Violetta, but it’s different enough for me not to be like hmmm. Even if the instrument playing and standards ranges from unrealistic to straight-up fake, it’s fun to see instrumentalists. So stay tuned for more! It’s a little overwhelming to have so many shows on my plate, but mark my words: one day, I will have finished Violetta AND this. Thanks for the info, @supernova-ferro !

#that's right shaz here we gooooo #new show moment #this has? a lot of eps?#idk how long this will take but that's ok #I haven't even finished S1 of violetta #lmao oops #this is fine #kally's mashup

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emawinslow · 4 years ago

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It’s Election Day, so I decided to rate some Trump ads on a scale of 1-10. I tried to be funny but it fell flat because I was upset. And there’s no actual ranking criteria, I just felt that shit with my heart. So, here it is

x 7/10 why is it edited like a shitty meme? The zoom ins and the quirky music at the end really add to the vibe. Could be funnier tho

x 4/10 too Colorado centric. the dramatic shots accompanied by the dramatic music and voiceover were a bit too much for me.

x 6/10 for the old man in the cowboy hat. the testimonies from trump supporters being condescending as hell really just shows me how brainwashed they are. I think that the point of this one was to pull on my heartstrings, but it wasn’t effective. go and make yourself look like a savor Donald, what the fuck ever

x 10/10 the opening shot with the man on the horse with a flag cape really drew me in. imagine thinking that trump is out there doing anything for our inalienable rights lmao. Calling out those pesky democrats because they’re telling us what to wear and when to work! you get em Donald! Just like you got covid! Thanks, I hate it! fuck you!

x 8/10 The rephrasing of all lives matter was... a decision. a very very bad one. And I really wouldn’t recommend making it seem like a good thing that we elected somebody with barely any experience. Imagine considering over 200,000 deaths a success and saying that you saved lives. for lack of a better word: yikes

x 5/10 calling people who owned slaves “people with character” was an interesting choice. tearing down statues of slave owners is “erasing history” and law enforcement are heroes, you heard it here first folks. It would get a better rating if it was more dramatic, but this one was very very bad

x 10/10 race color religion and breed, but not sexuality god forbid. he was able to refund America without indebting us, i don’t really know a lot about the economy but i’m pretty damn sure we were in debt before the pandemic. And we’re back at again with the Trump supporters. “we are oppressed here in the United States, how?” Ma’am are you serious?? And this motherfucker did not use feminism to get me to try and vote for his tangerine ass. fuck off. If he calls the coronavirus the China virus again I’m gonna punch a wall what the fuck :)))

x 56922284/10 for the thumbnail alone. This is such a distinct style of editing and it’s so weird to see it being used in a campaign add, I wouldn’t say it was a good decision. I really didn’t need to know that Trump is 6’3 that is fucking terrifying no thank you. This ad isn’t even good, it just drew me in

#you’re welcome #this isn’t funny or entertaining #but do I care? Nope!#it’s election day babey #long post #election day

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howwnowbrowncoww · 4 years ago

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10 Characters, 10 Fandoms

thanks for the tag @vidramon! I’m going to refrain from picking Malroth since it’s a total given for me lol and since you already wrote some pretty great stuff about him. These aren’t really in any order and I picked off the top of my head so I’m sure I’m missing a few I’d really be able to chat your ears off about, but this was fun anyway!

Oops, editing this to say anyone can try it out! Not tagging anyone specific this time, but if you want to talk about 10 characters you love, please add on an share or make your own post and tag me because I’d love to see!

1. Bado (Rune Factory 4)

Honestly, I love all the characters from 4, but this loser holds a special place in my heart. His half-hearted passion for getting rich quick but lack of follow through when it comes to negatively impacting people around him with his schemes is oddly endearing. I equally want to wring his neck and be his best friend. I also will die mad that he wasn’t a marriage candidate>:T

2. Tamaki Amajiki (BNHA)

It was a toss up between him and Shinsou, but I picked Tamaki because I can relate more to him. I love seeing him fight with determination and courage despite how much anxiety he has. He works hard despite all his perceived faults, and his supportive friend group makes me so happy for him! I left off mid season 4 of the anime but I want to pick it up again just for him and Shinsou lol

3. Ghirahim (Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword)

Okay, I know, major leap from anxious Tamaki, but Ghirahim is a fave on the complete opposite side of the scale. This guy is obviously an asshole. A total jerk. Dickhead supreme. But he’s a very fun and interesting villain (in the worst way) imo. I’m also a huge fan of WindWaker Ganondorf because of his drive as a villain, but I picked Ghirahim since SS is getting remade soon. Idk, his design is eye-catching, every time I got to meet him in the game, he always had interesting dialouge (putting it lightly), and his personality uh...leaves much to be improved upon, but he HAS ONE! I’m tired of boring villains with lackluster motivations. Okay, his motivations were kinda expectable too, but his overwhelming desire to kill me in an extremely over-the-top dramatic fashion at all times was refreshing.

4. Sophie (Howl’s Moving Castle)

I know a lot of people have a favorite Sophie (either the book or movie version), but I like both equally for really different reasons. I related to movie Sophie a lot as a kid (still kinda do), so I have nostalgia going for me there, but book Sophie is a wild card. I lover her. She’s nuts, she won’t hesitate to throw acid, she can and will do whatever the hell she wants. I really want to be her.

5. Fenris (Dragon Age 2)

It was SO HARD to pick between him, Bull, and Dorian, because I haven’t played any of the games, but I want to meet them all so damn bad lol. I OWN all the games, I just haven’t played them yet /cries/. Ironically, I took a quiz the other day and it said I’d be Fenris, and I honestly was just more concerned than anything considering his backstory lmao. Anyway, I love an elf who can wield a greatsword and rip people’s hearts from their bodies while avoiding his emotionally traumatic past:>

6. Galo Thymos (Promare)

Look, I absolutely ADORE everyone in this entire movie, but this moron just hits all the best character traits for me. He’s passionate, he’s stupider than all get out, and he’s constantly shirtless while almost dying and saving the day through sheer god-defying luck and a refusal to lay down and die. There’s just something about himbos that gets me, ya know?

7. Kurapika Kurta (Hunter X Hunter)

Kurapika has what Sasuke could NEVER. Literally, Kurapika has such a more satisfying revenge/redemption ark than anything I’ve ever seen. I love his interaction with Melody and the main group, the red eyes thing is so BADASS (again, still cooler than Sasuke’s), the chains are both aesthetic as HELL and insanely, terrifyingly effective. Never seen a cooler anime character in my entire life. I also just really, really want to give him a fucking hug, like wow he really needs one.

8. Apollo Justice (Ace Attorney games)

Apollo is a new love of mine (also from a game I haven’t played yet) as well as another character for me to eventually project onto;) He’s anxious, he yells a lot, he’s oblivious as fuck, but he has the passion I love in all my characters. This boy is in for a world of hurt (from the many spoilers I have run into by browsing the game tags prematurely lol), but I know he’ll pull through! He has his family by his side!;-;

9. Sakura Haruno (Naruto)

Don’t even get me started on Sakura>:O I love her so much. I did not appreciate her near enough as a kid (maybe understandably since she was written for shit). Instead of going back and rewatching the show to face inevitable disappointment, I just read fics that fix all of the crappy things the show did to her:) This girl could crush me like a bug and I am looking respectfully!!

10. Tadashi Hamada (Big Hero 6)

Saving the most underloved one for last;-; Tadashi I miss you. I rewatch this goddamn movie just for you (and sometimes Baymax). I have the only shirt I could ever find with him on it and I also have his hat because once I latch onto a character, I apparently never let go. It’s a shame Disney had to kill him off to further the plot. I was so desperate for more content of this character that I found myself falling down theory spirals about how he may come back as Sunfire (that name may be wrong, it’s been a few years lol). Ultimate big brother, great best friend, everyone loved him and knew he was creating good things for the world, super goofy: literally I think I just aspired to be more like him when I first saw the movie. Mad respect for this dude.

#long post #tag tag #my post #not really but i want to be able to find it later

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representativecharacters · 5 years ago

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Character: Tony Stark/Iron Man (MCU)

From: Marvel Cinematic Universe

Representation: Heart defect, Mental Illness, Emotional Abuse Survivor

Their Importance: On top of all the usual comic bookperils, a big part of Tony’s character arc is focused on fighting his personal demons. Although his disorder is unlabeled (Tony himself says that he should “probably” get help for his problems but is never shown to go to a mental health professional or get a specific diagnosis), most people seem to agree that he has a form of PTSD, anxiety disorder, and/or panic disorder. This article, written by a psychologist, goes through the symptoms and situations that Tony Stark has gone through, and while the author doesn’t try to give a specific diagnosis either, I think it’s an interesting read and shows how much support there is for Tony specifically having one (or multiple) of these disorders.

His symptoms are a lot more realistic than the usual dramatic movie flashbacks - he has painfully realistic panic attacks, hypervigilant behavior, irritability, insomnia, etc. None of this stops him from being an endearingly sarcastic jerk and creative superhero and it gives him a lot more character depth than is usual in blockbuster films. Significantly, he’s even been mentioned in psychology textbooks as a realistic example of PTSD and there are plenty of online posts from mentally ill fans talking about how his struggles reflect their own. For myself, watching him in Iron Man 3 was both amazing and incredibly difficult for me to watch because of how immensely similar his panic attacks felt to my own. While I understand that a label would have been important to see onscreen, as someone who is also as of yet undiagnosed I personally felt really validated to see how Tony was portrayed in the movies, particularly in Iron Man 3. It is incredibly clear that he has a form of mental illness, even though it is never explicitly stated what he has, but Tony explicitly goes through panic attacks, admits that he needs help, and has triggers, and is clear enough that it can be seen by everyone - mentally ill viewers, mental health professionals, and casual viewers alike. There have been many mental health professionals/professors, along with fans with mental illness also talking about how the portrayal is accurate to PTSD (x, x, x), and it’s so important to me that it resonates with so many people. His problems are also worsened by his struggles with alcoholism which was a subplot in Iron Man 2 and ambivalence over the legacy of his emotionally abusive father.

What’s also important is that even with Tony’s anxiety, it doesn’t lessen his status as a hero. While there are obviously characters in the franchise who call him out and/or disagree with his actions, he’s still respected and regarded as a hero. His character was the face of the MCU and kicked off the current Marvel franchise, and it’s great to see a character who was generally well-loved and regarded as such a big figure in the franchise. And, it doesn’t, in my opinion, try to paint Tony in a perfect light. The three Iron Man movies, in particular, were very clear that Tony was incredibly flawed, and while characters respected him, there were also definitely many characters who’d get annoyed at Tony, call him out, and disagree with him (including his best friend, Rhodey, and wife, Pepper). After his character was killed off in Endgame, one of Far From Home’s big plot points was that someone needed to be the hero that Iron Man was, and Happy, one of Tony’s closest friends, pointed out that people raised up the name of Iron Man to the point that no one, not even Tony himself, could live up to the name. The series made it clear that Iron Man and Tony had left behind a big legacy, but also gave us insight into his own life, issues, and disorder and created situations where you might not agree with him on his thoughts, but you could understand where he was coming from (ie. Civil War or Ultron, though the execution could have been done better in my opinion). For me, it was fantastic to see that (even if it’s in a fictional large-scale effect) he could leave behind a wonderful legacy and do genuine good for the world, instead of being shown as weak or less-than for the disorders and trauma that he had.

Issues: As with a lot of things in the Marvel universe, there are definitely quite a few issues with the character/portrayal as well. Tony started the franchise selling war weapons; this was a large part of Iron Man and while the first movie has him trying to right what happened, it’s still something that happened and that people may feel uncomfortable about/watching. Rep-wise, the later films focus on his condition is dropped and it’s not clear whether/how his issues were resolved. The alcoholism label was also dropped as representation for the MCU version of the character because while the character famously struggles with alcoholism (particularly delved into with “Demon in a Bottle”), as of right now, the character was only shown to drink heavily/often, but not presented as an alcoholic. In fact, Disney decided they didn’t want to include the storyline/rep in Iron Man 3. The article states that one of the screenwriters seemed hopeful that the storyline would be included in the future; however, as the character died in a dramatic heroic sacrifice in the climax of Endgame, it’s highly unlikely that there would be any further mention of Tony’s alcoholism existing in the MCU.

Also, as stated in the post, while Tony clearly has some form of mental illness, the movies never explicitly label what he has. While I think it fits for his character to not label himself or seek to know the exact name, I think it would still be it would be really important for him to have a defined, labeled name for what he has.

Note: This entry refers to the film character only, though the comic character is well known for his heart defect, alcoholism and has abuse in his backstory in some storylines and may be confirmed as mlm (although technically, no writers have actually stated it).

Thanks to anon (and me lmao) for the write-up!

#long post #tony stark #marvel #iron man #mcu #also sorry for changing the photo - when i saved the draft it was doing that weird thing where the photo wasn't showing up so i switched it!#representation: heart defect #representation: disorder #representation: mental illness #representation: survivor #representation: emotional abuse survivor #submission #submitted #issues: character death #issues: rep erasure #issues: ambiguous representation #issues: unspecified rep

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crayolacrayonhalloweenpacks · 5 years ago

Text

Lo Stesso Tempo

Summary: Logan Berry and Roman Gold are equally ambitious and skilled pianists. Unfortunately, those ambitions are not necessarily compatible. Competition ensues.

Words: 6045

Notes: Alrighty! This is my first Sanders Sides fic, and the first fic I've ever posted in a public space, so please don't murder me if they're super out-of-character or some parts are super rushed or whatever. (Which they are, lmao.) But I really enjoyed writing this, so I decided to post it anyway, because that's the only way to ~grow~ and whatnot. Have a nice day! :)

Read on: Archive of Our Own, Wattpad

Ms. Anne Berry had always wanted to be a musician, and when she grew up without achieving her aspirations, turned to trying to raise one. In her childhood daydreams, she entered a shining hall, hung with crystal chandeliers and gold sconces. A stage was set before a sea of black velvet chairs, upon which hundreds of elegant aristocrats sat on the edge of their seats in anticipation. On the stage was a sleek black grand piano. She walked out to ear-splitting applause and cheering, but the audience hushed immediately, eager to watch the virtuoso at work, when she placed her hands upon the keys. Those dreams turned to dust as she aged. She attended law school, became an attorney, worked so tirelessly she never had time for music. In her new dreams, the baby in her womb grew up to play sold-out shows in those beautiful halls to hordes of admirers in her stead, so that she could at least be at peace with her former ambitions.

In that spirit, she had selected a wonderful name to encourage her future child’s musical inclination. It that of many great composers, graceful, and refined. Clunky, awkward, unexceptional Logan was not the name she would have chosen for her child, but her husband insisted on it. The Berrys had been bickering over this since they found out she was pregnant. It was practically routine.

Ms. Berry would list off notable musicians who bore her chosen name. (“All I’m saying is that it has a fantastic musical significance.”)

Mr. Berry would argue for his family’s honor. (“And Logan has a wonderful familial significance. My grandfather was a--”)

She would dismiss this argument every time but the first. (“Yes, yes,” she said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “You’ve given me your little spiel already.)

He would point out what an absurd name it was. (“We cannot name our son Johann.”

“And why not?”

“Are you kidding? You’re going to get him bullied!”

“Johann is an excellent name. No one in their right mind would mock it.” “They’re kids!” Mr. Berry threw up his hands. “None of them are in their right minds!”)

Then the two would stalk off to their respective ends of the house and not speak to each other until dinner, upon which they would smile and nod politely as if nothing had happened.

The Golds went grocery shopping every week, just a walk to the store with a list of items they had to buy. Roman was in charge of keeping track of what they had in the cart. Tomatoes, check, chicken, check. He pointed out that it would be much easier to lug the bags back home if they took the car and didn’t have to carry all the bags, but his mama insisted it was barely half a mile, and besides, they had to get their steps in somehow.

It was a path they’d tread many times before, but this time, there was something unfamiliar in the way. Well, not in the way. Even though it was on the sidewalk, it was pushed near the entrance of the nearest shop, leaving a wide berth for pedestrians to pass by. It was new, nonetheless. Roman jabbed his mama’s arm. “Look!”

She glanced down, amused. “Yes?”

“Why is there a piano on the road?” He had only ever seen them in movies. They were huge, glossy black, and, according to his moms, expensive, so even though this one was brown wood and hardly in mint condition, he couldn’t fathom why it would be left out in the elements.

“It’s a public piano, darling,” explained his other mom. “There’s a music shop right here,” she said, pointing to a sign reading SANDERS MUSIC. “They’re probably the ones who put it out here. People just put them out in the open so anyone can play them.”

“Anyone?”

"Yes, anyone. Do you want to play?”

Roman’s eyes lit up. “Yeah!” He plopped down on the bench and pressed down on a key. Roman’s breath hitched. He pressed it again, just to listen to that sound. It sang out over the street like sunlight, bright and brassy and warm. He looked up at his moms.

His mama smiled. “Go on.”

He plunked the key below it, and then the one below that. His head shot up, and he replayed the keys, stuttering his way through “Mary Had a Little Lamb”. “Look, mom!”

“Lovely, Ro,” his mom said, ruffling his hair. He beamed.

"Hey, that was pretty neat!” A brunet man with multiple black cases strapped to his back and dangling off his arms jogged up to them. “You’re a natural.”

Roman rolled the word over in his head in delight. He was a natural. “Thank you!”

“Of course!” He held out a hand to his moms. “I’m Thomas. I own the shop.” His mom shook his hand. “The piano was a new idea my friend pitched, and I wasn’t sure about it at first, but it’s really been a hit so far!”

Roman jumped up from the bench. “You own the store?”

“Yep! Family business.”

“Mama, can we get a piano?”

She chuckled softly. “Honey, those are expensive.”

“How expensive? I have a lot of money saved.”

His mom smiled sadly. “A lot more than what’s in your piggy bank.”

"But I wanna learn!”

His mom flushed red and turned away from Thomas. “Those are expensive too, darling,” she explained.

Roman’s eyes stung. “How much--”

“A lot more than we can afford.”

Thomas cleared his throat. “Your moms are right,” he said when they looked over. “Lessons and pianos cost a lot of money. It’s not a decision to be made lightly. But,” he continued quickly when Roman’s face fell, “I teach group piano lessons at most schools in this area. If you want to go to our school for details, they can give you a registration form. Most are held after school hours, but it’s completely free.”

“Can I go?” Roman pleaded. “Please?”

“I don’t know--” his mom began.

His mama shushed her. “I think we’ll be doing that soon,” she said brightly. “Thank you so much for the information, Mr. Sanders.”

“Of course. Always happy to help.”

“Thank you.” His mom nodded after a moment, then took Roman with one hand and her wife with the other. “Let’s go get some bread, huh?”

Roman skipped all the way to the supermarket and back. He couldn’t wait for school to start.

There was a specific story his mom particularly enjoyed telling, and would to anyone who would listen, from relatives at dinner to total strangers in the audience. As she told it, while pregnant, she had purchased a CD of classical music off a website that proclaimed the amazing effects of prenatal musical immersion on later intelligence and academic performance. She played it daily against her belly. A few months later, Logan Johann Berry was born, and at the ripe young age of six, he began playing the piano, beginning his transformation into the gifted musician he was today.

His mom liked to leave out the part when every major news source in the country debunked the website’s claim and she was delivered a ten-dollar refund alongside a note of apology. Once, Logan had chimed in with this fact while his mother told the story to an audience member at one of his recitals and received nervous laughter and a death glare in return. He never attempted it again after the incident. He supposed it somewhat diminished the dramatic effect of the story.

Regardless, it was at this age, during the lesson, that he met Roman. His mother had enrolled him in the after-school program’s piano lessons as soon as she heard. The teacher, Mr. Sanders, had left briefly for the restroom. Before he left, he instructed them to practice playing a C scale using the method they learned--tucking under their thumbs to play F. Logan had already mastered this technique, but supposed a bit of practice couldn’t hurt.

Out of curiosity, he glanced over to the child seated in the middle of the bench and frowned. He had decided to play the first five notes with his left hand and the last three with his right, going against Mr. Sanders’s explicit instructions. “Hey,” he said, “You’re doing it wrong.”

The boy glanced over at him, shrugged, and played the scale again.

"No, like this,” he supplied helpfully, giving a short demonstration. C, D, E, tuck, F.

The other shrugged again.

Irritation growing, he pointed out, “You can’t do it like that, it makes no sense.”

“Yeah it does.”

“No, it doesn’t. What if you wanted to play two different things? You’d need one hand for both.”

“Maybe I have four hands,” he contested.

“Hey, guys, maybe--” the boy on the other end of the bench interrupted.

“No, you don’t.”

“Don’t be mean--”

“How do you know? You’ve never seen them.”

“Because you can’t have four hands, that’s not how people work!”

“Please, can we--”

“Maybe I’m not a person, then! Ooooooooh!” he said, wiggling his fingers.“Maybe I’m an alien!”

“That’s not what aliens say, that’s ghosts--”

“Whoa, whoa, okay!” Mr. Sanders stood between them, holding out his hands cautiously. “Let’s break it up, alright?”

Logan looked down, picking at the keys. “Sorry,” he muttered, but his gut was still boiling. He was just trying to help.

“Mr. Sanders?”

“Yes, Roman?”

“Is this right?” And he proceeded to play the scale in his completely, totally, utterly, infuriatingly wrong way, topped off with a triumphant sneer at Logan when he finished it. That halfwit. Logan dug his nails into the bench.

Mr. Sanders’s face twisted. “Well. That was certainly…”

The two boys looked at him expectantly.

“Well. Hm. And how are you doing?” He turned his attention to the child on the other end of the bench.

Logan grumbled. He was right! And he was just trying to help! Why wouldn’t Roman, or Dolan, or Rolan, or whatever his name was just take his advice when he was clearly the correct one?

The lesson ended, and the three children filed out to be picked up by their parents. On the drive home, his mom asked, “So how was it?”

"Good--”

“How were the other kids? Did you do well?”

“Better than the other boy. He wasn’t doing it right, and he didn’t even listen when I tried to help him!”

“Oh, really?” His mom was more than happy to commiserate, seeming positively ecstatic at the news of his classmate’s failure.

Roman practically floated off the stage as the next act was announced, unable to keep the triumphant beam off his face. He had killed his rendition of the Moonlight Sonata, chosen specifically to outdo Logan, who was always being praised for the beauty of his pieces. Well, see him try to beat a piece so lovely it reminded a critic of “moonlight on Lake Lucerne”. His moms and Mr. Sanders had thought it was pretty, too--they were all smiles while he practiced it on the piano in the music shop. And the whole audience applauded a little more enthusiastically after his performance, too. Certainly more than they had for the parrot trainer and that kid who had just hula-hooped for ten minutes straight. So, admittedly, the bar was low. But that meant he had just set it higher--so high that Logan couldn’t even dream of touching it with the barest brush of his hands. Actually, maybe he’d gotten some of the notes wrong--he hadn’t had lessons since a few years ago, before the after-school program was discontinued--but no one would be able to tell unless they’d memorized the whole piece. He was satisfied. That talent show trophy was his.

The act was dismissed to dim applause--some kid with an instrument that looked like a giant violin? How weird--and Logan started heading to the stage. Roman clapped slowly, not bothering to stifle a sneer when Logan passed by his chair. What was going to upstage the Moonlight Sonata? His precious scales couldn’t help him now. The announcer told the audience the name of the piece he was playing, and Roman’s smirk widened. What on Earth was “Shoe-bert” and his impromptus? More like Snooze-bert.

Logan began playing and the audience fell silent. He laughed quietly, earning himself a jab in the ribs from his neighbor. This was Logan’s piece? It barely had anything beyond a basic melody! And there was so much repetition--had he learned anything beyond a couple lines? Anyone could play that. He leaned back in his chair. And here he’d thought he’d get more of a fight. Then, his eyes widened and he nearly fell off his seat.

What-- How was-- It couldn’t be. Was Logan playing a two-against-three rhythm? It was so difficult! Whenever Roman tried to do that, his right hand kept trying to catch up to his left and he would end up with a mess of ugly, clashing notes. Roman could never get that right. Never. But apparently Logan could. He ground his teeth. Before he knew it, Logan’s performance was over. He smirked back at Roman as he walked past.

Roman’s heart dropped even lower when the winner was announced. Hint: he got a participation award.

Roman was a high-school heartbreaker, although not in the traditional sense. At his last performance, he got the entire audience bawling into their neighbors’ shoulders. He played with incredible expression, drawing tears of joy and sorrow alike from his listeners, filling them with every emotion possible, from anger to flights of fanciful passion.When Logan played, people just clapped. He hated Roman for it, but there was a sliver of him--which he shoved safely into the back of his brain, because Mom always said he couldn’t afford distractions--that admired it. Logan’s strength was in technique. He had spent countless hours studying Czerny and Hanon, scribbling reminders on all of his pieces, drilling even the shortest measures ruthlessly if he felt there was the tiniest imperfection. It would have to be enough. It had to. There was only one pianist spot in the entire orchestra, and Logan was determined to claim it as his own. His mom had done nothing but encourage his hard work, and the look in her eyes when he told her he wanted to play for the orchestra was so bright he feared his whole world might go dark if it disappeared.

He happened to be directly after Roman in the audition order. Roman eyed him up and down as he approached. “What are you doing here, oper-awful?”

He rolled his eyes. “That makes no sense. I don’t even sing.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“Auditioning, like you. Although, on second thought, hopefully nothing like you. I don’t want to play remotely like the guy who’s probably going to try to “Moonlight Sonata” the judges to death again.”

“Is that so, Moz-fart?”

“How juvenile.”

The doors swung open. The student who had just auditioned was smiling broadly until he saw the two death-glaring at each other. “Um. How are we?”

Roman sniffed haughtily. “Well, I’d better get in. Don’t want to be late.”

“Good luck!” the boy called. He turned to Logan as he walked down the hallway. “And to you too!”

Roman disappeared behind the double doors of the audition room, but not before Logan caught a glimpse of his piece. “Papillons.” A common nickname for one of Chopin’s etudes--a rather easy one, at that. Sure, choosing Chopin was playing to his strengths, but Logan thought he’d play something more difficult. Not that he was complaining.

He peered in through the window, and it was only then he realized that what Roman was playing looked nothing like the etude. His stomach twisted and he ducked away from the window. Of course it was the other Papillons--the notoriously difficult piece by Schumann, so difficult that some parts as short as a few measures were learned as separate pieces. Roman came out two minutes later. “How’s that for juvenile?” He brushed off his shoulder. Logan didn’t respond. “Good luck. You might need it.”

Logan lied to his mom for the rest of the year.

The New York State Musician’s Association’s annual charity recital was about the great cause they were fundraising for--bringing music education to more schools. And of course Roman cared about that! How could he not? Having a proper music education certainly would have helped in his endeavors as a pianist. However, it was undeniably also about victory, and glory, and basking in the light of the aforementioned. He, like every other reasonable musician in the room, was vying for the Junior Musician Recognition Award, the most prestigious music award for high school students in the tri-state area. The orchestra position was fantastic, as was passing the audition and performing at the recital, period and he was wholly glad he’d earned those opportunities. But this was something to finally prove his talent, the central gem in his crown of achievements. And the fact that he could lord it over Logan didn’t hurt, either.

Logan was the current performer, playing something Roman didn’t recognize. The audience whispered to each other in hushed, pointing out a particularly good bit. He rolled his eyes. Wasn’t speaking during a performance supposed to be rude? He poked the contestant--excuse him, performer--next to him, a Victor or something who went to his high school. Roman distantly recalled him playing cello in the back of the orchestra. “What do you think of that guy?”

Victor jumped. “W-what?”

“What do you think?”

“I--who are you?”

“Roman? The orchestra pianist?” he said impatiently.

“Oh. Yeah.” He glanced at the stage. “He’s good. Is that Bach?”

“Yeah,” he snapped.

Victor raised his eyebrows. “Whoa, dude, chill. I was just asking.”

Roman closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. I’m in my happy place. I’m in my happy place… “Right. Sorry,” he muttered and turned back to the performance.

“Well, what about you?”

“Pardon?”

“Do you think he’s good?”

Roman looked back to the stage. Logan’s posture was perfectly straight, elbows perfectly out, every note perfectly hit. The longer he watched, the more impressed he was. Ugh. His playing was technically flawless. His fingers flowed over the keys as easily as water. Every movement was deliberate but delicate, gliding like a figure skater. He made everything he played look elegant and effortless. Maybe, Roman realized, that was why he had always underestimated him. What had really gone into making the masterpiece before him? How devoted was Logan to his craft that he had this kind of skill?

“Well?” Victor prompted.

"He’s fine,” Roman spat, a bit louder than he intended.

Victor cringed when the people sitting behind them glared. “Sorry,” he whispered.

“He’s fine,” he said, lowering his voice. “Just. Fine.”

The piece concluded with a final chord and he bowed, catching Roman’s gaze across the room. Roman suddenly became very invested in adjusting the buttons of his shirt.

Logan was not fine. He was good. He was a good musician. Really good. Great, even. And also… He swallowed, biting the inside of his cheek. He’d studied his piece for so long. Even if he wasn’t as talented as Logan, at least he could fake it with his hard work. His effort had to mean something. It couldn’t be for naught.

His turn was approaching. He adjusted his buttons shakily, hands damp and clammy, and made his way up to the stage. The crowd applauded politely. The announcer was calling his name and piece. The stage was empty, the keys alien on his fingertips, unwelcoming and cold as ice. He shook his head, trying to focus. Focus. It would not be for naught.

Well.

He admitted it to himself.

And also, Logan was better than him.

Logan was still swooning from the adrenaline. He was certain he’d messed up the trills--his hands kept slipping off the keys, and his heart thundered faster just thinking of it. But there was no use worrying about that now. He took a deep breath and glanced over at his parents. His mom was grinning broadly, nudging the person next to her, mouthing “That was my son!” He exhaled. It was done. Finally.

The boy next to him seemed even more anxious, bouncing his leg and fidgeting with the edges of his blazer and his tie. “Are you alright?” he asked.

The boy looked over and gave a nervous chuckle, wiping his forehead. “I’m going next so… Whoo. Stage jitters.” His eyes lit up with recognition. “Hey, don’t we go to the same school?” He stuck out his hand. “Patton Baker.”

He shook it. Patton’s hand was damp, and Logan tried to wipe it on his pants discreetly after he let go. “Logan Berry.” He frowned. They were supposed to perform in alphabetical order. “Shouldn’t you have gone already?”

“Oh, no. I’m doing a duet, and my partner’s all the way over there.” He pointed down the aisle.

“Neat. What are you playing?”

“Oh, just a little--hey! Isn’t that the orchestra pianist?”

Roman was onstage. Logan’s gut clenched. “Yeah.”

“Is that Chopin?”

Yes, it was. One of his waltzes--A-flat major, if he wasn’t mistaken. Roman evoked joy perfectly, of course. But he didn’t look the part--actually, he looked rather downcast. Logan always thought he just played what he felt, but that couldn’t possibly be what was happening here. Now he realized how well thought-out his interpretations were, down to the most minute detail. Roman played with skillful subtlety. The tactful shift between staccato and legato, delicately plucked highs and elongated lows evoked grand, golden, glowing joy perfectly. Even when he was miserable, Roman was happier than Logan had ever been. Logan never stood a chance next to someone like him.

All the musicians had performed, but Roman hadn’t paid attention to any of them. He’d been too busy wrestling with the thought. Logan was better than him. He imagined Logan snickering with the other orchestra kids after tricking Roman into thinking he had even an ounce of talent, watching him parade around and brag while knowing the whole time what an absolute moron he was. His eyes stung. His heart sank.

"Folks, it’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for!”

Roman glanced up.

“All of the young musicians here tonight are extraordinarily talented, and we celebrate that with the Junior Musician Recognition Award!”

Applause.

The announcer cleared his throat. “This award is given annually to one student or performing group to celebrate those who have shown themselves to be valuable members of their musical communities as well as exceptional artists.”

Roman tried to hone in on what the announcer was saying but just slumped back into his seat. Come on, Roman! Isn’t this what you’ve been working for? This was what he wanted. A chance to prove he belonged here with everyone else, that his relentless dedication had paid off somehow. But he couldn’t bring himself to feel like he had before.

Valuable members of their communities. Logan would have laughed if he wasn’t afraid of disturbing the anticipating hush that had fallen over the crowd. All his music was just him, holed up in his room, ignoring everyone else so he could...what? So he could keep his mom happy? So he could have a reason to feel superior to everyone else? He didn’t think he qualified as a team player.

And what if he got the award? How would that feel? He wanted to get out of the room and never have to know the answer. He was afraid the award would make him feel exactly what he had wanted it to.

How much of this was because he enjoyed it? There was a time when he loved music, right? Wasn’t there?

He was also afraid of feeling nothing. That everything really would have been for naught.

“Would Patton Baker and Virgil Grayson please come to the stage?”

He clapped as Patton, a surprised but ecstatic grin on his face, joined Virgil on the stage to accept their certificates. The audience applauded, and then they were dismissed.

When he got home, he took a step back to examine himself. He felt...fine. He wasn’t upset about the award. He was worried about his mom, though. The car ride home had been spent in silence. He tried to glimpse how she was doing, but each facial feature had been carefully schooled to stony neutrality the whole way. Other than that, he felt oddly calm. Relieved, even. He collapsed on the bed, trying to bury himself in the mattress.

He thought about the piano against the wall of his bedroom. His mom had bought it when he was ten and proved that it would be worth the investment. The piano, new sheet music, lessons, audition fees--it all felt like she was giving a gift to herself. He had always wanted to put a bookshelf there.

What he had thought earlier. That there was a time when he had loved the piano. If he dug deep inside himself, he could find what something that resembled it--the satisfaction of a perfect run-through, the intense concentration that overtook him while learning a piece, the relief that came with the end of a recital or the ecstatic look on his mom’s face after he played. Piano was just another part of his routine. He couldn’t find so much as an ounce of himself that played just for playing’s sake.

The most talking they got to was arguing during an audition. They never had a proper, civil conversation until a few days after the recital. A knock came at the door while Roman was wrapping up his practice. He got up from the bench and opened it. “Oh. Hi.”

Logan nodded. “Hello. Um, can I come in?”

“Uh--”

“I-if you don’t, I understand completely. I wouldn’t like for my practice to be interrupted either, I just didn’t know where to find you, but the sign on the door outside said this room was reserved for you, so I figured I may as well take my chances.”

“I was going to say sure.”

“Oh.”

A moment passed before Roman stepped to the side. “Come on in.”

Logan closed the door and seated himself at a desk near the piano. Roman faced him. “What’s up?”

“I…” Roman saw his throat move as he swallowed. “We’ve never spoken.”

“Yeah…”

“And I just wanted to say. You were really good. You are really good, actually. Duets aside, you were the best person there.”

Roman scanned him for any sign of snark, but he seemed genuine. “Oh.”

“No, w-wait.” He took a deep breath. “Your technique is good. But your dedication and love for your music really shines through. You just...blow life into everything you play. I can’t imagine how meticulous you are.”

“I… Oh.”

“Actually, how did you go about learning the Papillons a couple years ago? That was very impressive. I’ve never tried to learn them, but I’ve been meaning to.”

Roman straightened. He could talk music. This was much more familiar territory. “I just picked a couple pages to learn,” he said, raising an eyebrow.

“Seriously? That’s it? No other tricks or methods?”

“If there are such things, I don’t know them.”

“Really? None of that? Your teacher didn’t teach you how to drill a piece?”

“I don’t have an instructor.”

His jaw dropped. “You’re self-taught?”

“The last lesson I took was that program in elementary school.”

“Wow.” He stared at Roman, wide-eyed and quiet.

“I just practice a lot, I guess.”

“Do you usually do that here?”

He shrugged. “Sometimes. When the room isn’t available, I usually go down to this music shop. The owner lets me use the piano there.”

“That’s incredible, Roman,” he said softly. “Sincerely.”

Roman’s face flushed with heat, and he looked away, chuckling. “Well, you’re not bad yourself.”

“Thank you.”

“No problemo.” He stuck out a hand.

He raised an eyebrow. “What are you doing?”

“Trying to give you a handshake.”

“Why?”

“You seem like the handshake type. Now. C’mon.”

He rolled his eyes but shook his hand. “Anyway, I’m glad that Patton and Virgil got the award. I’ve seen them perform together before the recital. They’re quite a duo.”

He braced himself, but the mention of the recital didn't hurt him like he expected it to. His loss wasn't nearly as harrowing as he'd expected. After giving up on being better than Logan, it ceased to matter to him, but even now that he was feeling better, it didn't affect him. A part of him was even glad to have avoided the potential conflict after Patton and Victor-- He gasped. “Virgil!”

“What?”

“I just remembered, I’ve been calling him Victor for a year!”

Logan snorted. “And he never noticed?”

“I guess not? I should apologize!”

“Yes, you should,” Logan snorted.

Roman grinned. “You know, we could be quite a duo as well. With your talent and my dashing good looks, we’d be unstoppable.”

“Don’t sell yourself short, you’re talented--” he began.

Roman had already stood up, striking a dramatic pose that sent Logan into another laughing fit. “Maybe that’s why the universe made us rivals. Our combined gifts would be too powerful.”

“Rivals? I wouldn’t go as far as that, there are tons of pianists at this school.”

“But how many are on par with you and I? The brightest of our age?” Roman tucked his sheet music under his arm.

“I--I can’t say I know,” he stuttered as he was tugged to his feet. “Quite a pair we’d make,” he mused.

“Dynamic!” Roman punched a fist in the air.

“Vivace,” he suggested.

“That doesn’t alliterate.”

Logan laughed, and Roman along with him. Maybe he wasn’t so bad after all. And he could use someone to talk music with.

It became a regular occurrence for Logan to visit after school while Roman was practicing. However, Roman didn’t always practice in the same location. After walking a few blocks, they entered Sanders Music, the bell on the door dinging brightly. Logan glanced around. It would have been small to begin with, but the instruments and accessories adorning the walls furthered that effect. He watched his surroundings warily and stepped gingerly, hoping with all of his pounding heart he didn’t knock something over. His mother would not be happy if she had to pay a damage fine. Despite the worry-inducing surroundings, Roman strode in, spun around, and, with a flourish of his hand, announced “Welcome to the birthplace of my musical career.” What a place to begin. “It’s…” He hesitated, trying to pick through his words carefully.

Roman rolled his eyes fondly, clapping him on the back. “I know it’s cramped. And a bit stuffy. And probably not as fancy as what most musicians are used to, but this is really a place of magic. The kind of magic that turns a clueless little boy with nothing but fantasies of being extraordinary”--he placed a hand over his heart--“into a man with ambition and skill. Plus, Mr. Sanders is super chill.”

“Wait.” The name sounded familiar. Logan scoured his memory for it. “Mr. Sanders from elementary school?”

“Indeed!”

“Oh, no.”

He frowned. “What? Did I say--”

“No, no, it’s not you. I was just...absolutely insufferable as a child.”

"Technically, you’re still a child.”

"I suppose I could still be insufferable now and not know it. Am I?”

“A little.”

“Thanks."

“No problemo, andanti-nerd.”

“That wasn’t one of your better ones.”

“It certainly wasn’t,” he agreed. Roman pulled out the piano bench, sat, and rummaged through his bookbag, presumably for his sheet music. “So, what’re you learning now?”

“Me?” Logan said.

“I don’t see anyone else here.”

“Well, I haven’t really decided on a piece,” he admitted. “I think my mom’s still really upset after I didn’t...you know. With the award. So I’m trying to find something she’ll think more impressive and appropriate for a performance of that magnitude.”

“What do you want to play?”

His stomach twisted. “What do you mean?”

Roman looked at him, deadpan, and stopped rustling his papers. “As in, what have you heard lately and thought, ‘Hey, that’s cool, I want to play it’?”

He looked away and shrugged, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

He raised an eyebrow. “Alright,” he said, and resumed, shuffling his sheet music and placing it on the stand. “Okay. You’re really into technical stuff, right? You seem like the type.”

“I guess?”

“So what’s your practice situation like?” He barely disguised a chuckle, turning his head away to face the piano. “Do you have, like, a schedule? A timer so you can make sure you do exactly an hour, or whatever? I bet you don’t move around as much as I do.”

“I guess not,” he muttered, picking at a loose string on his shirt. “My piano is in my room, so I stay pretty stationary.”

Roman’s jaw dropped. “You have a piano in your bedroom?”

“Yeah. Against one of the walls.”

His jaw dropped even further and gasped, reeling back. “You what? Nobody puts a grand piano in the corner!”

“Baby grand.”

“Regardless! I can’t believe you have an actual piano and you just...shove it in a spot like that.” His voice was tinged with bitterness. “Totally ruins the acoustics.”

“I...suppose.” Logan knew the physics of sound, but to be honest, ruining the acoustics had never really crossed his mind. Maybe he just didn’t care enough to realize that would be an effect. He took a deep breath, leaning against the wall for support. “Can I tell you something?” he said quietly.

“Sure.” His irritation softened.

“I don’t...I don’t believe I want to continue playing.”

“Whoa, what? Is this because of that stupid recital?” Roman stood up, his sheets swept off the stand in his wake. “Because you should know, they totally got that wrong. You were by far the best person there. I don’t see how--”

“No, it’s not--it’s not that. I just...I don’t know.” He sighed, glaring at the floor. “I don’t really...like. It. That much.”

“Then why would you do it for so long?”

“I… I don’t know.”

Roman gave him a knowing look.

“I--I guess. My mom. She really wanted me to…” He trailed off. He hated stuttering, how unsure he was of his words.

“Seriously, is it the award? Because you have serious talent, and it would be so wasteful to just throw it away like that--”

“No!” It came out louder than he intended. Roman flinched. He took a deep breath. “Sorry. I’m--sorry. I just… I don’t know. Why do you play?”

“What?”

“Why do you play?” he repeated.

Roman blew out a long exhale. “I guess...I love it, but it’s not just that. It’s like a part of my identity. If someone took that away from me, I don’t know what I would be.”

Logan stared at the ceiling. “I don’t feel that way. I don’t think I ever have.”

“Oh,” he said softly.

He nodded.

“What’s your mom going to say?”

“I don’t know.” He hadn’t thought that far. “I don’t think I’m going to break it to her yet. What with the recital having happened so recently, it wouldn’t be an ideal situation.”

“Well. Whatever you decide, I...support you.” He leaned over awkwardly and patted Logan on the shoulder. “You’re actually pretty cool when you’re not, you know, roasting my taste in music--”

“Gee, thanks.”

“--and you’ll continue being really cool without the piano. It’s not a part of you. You don’t need it to be anything. You’re just...really good on your own.”

Logan swallowed thickly. His eyes stung, and he willed himself to hold back tears. “Thank you.”

“Of course.” Roman smiled warmly. Logan's lips curved in response.

It was impossible for Logan to know what would come next. How his mother would react, whether or not he and Roman could be friends given their history. But for now, it was nice to be here, enjoying the company of someone who was willing to move at his same pace.

#logince #platonic logince #tsfic #sanders sides #logan sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #ts logic #ts creativity #ts anxiety #ts morality #sanders sides au #musician! au #musician au #fanfiction #my post

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octerminal · 6 years ago

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how do you think ramona's class/background influences her relationship with kaidan?

Oh, anon…you have NO idea the monster you have just unleashed, lmao. I’m so sorry in advance.

I have thought a lot about this! It’s one of my favorite things to think about! Because I think it influences a lot! My Shepard is Earthborn/Sole Survivor/Infiltrator.

Let me start with the one that I’m still puzzling out myself, which is Sole Survivor. On the one hand, I do like Sole Survivor. On the other hand, I think BW dropped the ball with them. And to a degree I understand why, because there’s only so many variances they can account for without getting the story sidetracked. But, like, here’s the thing: Akuze was orchestrated by Cerberus. That’s a thing you find out in ME1. So ME2 for SoSu Shep in particular has to be fairly…upsetting, to say the least. This is both a strength and a weakness. A strength because it makes ME2 that much more interesting, but a weakness because the game only acknowledges this, like, twice. First with Tela Vasir in LotSB, and then in ME3 during the Cronos mission. Every other time is swept under the rug, and Shepard’s made to defend Cerberus or, at best, softly condemn them. A lot of “They used to do good work, but…” or “I never saw this coming because they used to do good work, but…” and it’s just frankly sloppy because there’s no believable reason for me to think SoSu Shep would ever think that way. Cerberus is personal for her in a way it isn’t for War Hero or Ruthless.

So now add in Horizon and its aftermath. Horizon is by far one of my favorite parts of the trilogy. But…if Cerberus is personal for SoSu Shep in a way it isn’t for War Hero or Ruthless, so is Horizon. Shepard is alone in ME2 in a way she never is in the other games; she might have people by the end of the game, but it doesn’t start out that way. She’s trapped and she knows it. Yeah, she gets Garrus early on (the only one in the beginning that she can immediately trust to not be in Cerberus’ pocket since she has prior dealings with him), but Garrus has his own demons in ME2, and anyway, he’s only one person versus an entire ship full of Cerberus. Even the ship itself is Cerberus. So enter Kaidan on Horizon, and mix in a Shepard who’s feeling cornered and wants out of Cerberus’ grip but who’s been alienated from every other available avenue that could help her fight the Collectors, and you get…well, You Know.

My Shepard in particular is not very emotionally open or honest - like, for example, the first time she finally tells Kaidan she loves him is at the beam run, despite knowing she’s felt that way since Horizon. (This, and the fact she’s renegade leaning in general, have to do with her Earthborn background but I’ll get to that part later.) The idea of being vulnerable in that capacity with someone is terrifying to her, but on Horizon? I have her specifically ask Kaidan to join her. She’s desperate and she needs someone like him, and so she extends herself in a way she never would normally…and Kaidan rejects her in no uncertain terms, lol. He questions her alliance with Cerberus, pokes holes in all the defenses she tells herself to make herself feel better. (“I’m not working for them, they’re just giving me resources!”) He tells her that she’s changed (a sore spot, given her own insecurity over Lazarus)* and then…leaves. Like, ouch. I’m of the opinion that Horizon - including the confrontation with the VS - was orchestrated and intentional, and TIM’s desired outcome** so that Shepard would be pushed further into Cerberus and further alienated from the Alliance (because the VS would be their closest ties to it at this point in the series), and I think that’s something my Shepard recognizes, too. But that doesn’t mean it hurts any less, particularly when you consider that again: she’s alone, she’s desperate, and she made herself vulnerable in a way she never would normally.

But at the same time, if Kaidan had agreed to join her…she would have been extremely suspicious, lol. Like, that’s not the Kaidan she knows! A dude willing to abandon his post and work for a terrorist organization just because she’s supposedly leading this particular cell? Nah. If Shepard had been in Kaidan’s shoes, she’d have reacted the exact same way. She knows that too. But it’s still a complicated situation and I don’t think it’s sufficiently addressed in canon because the SoSu element makes everything so much messier. For comparison, while Horizon hurts my War Hero (Shiara) and Ruthless (femShepley) Shepards because they care about the VS (particularly my Ruthless one, obviously), it’s not the same. They have no prior trauma because of Cerberus; the extent of their interactions with them would just be the ME1 missions. In those cases, Cerberus is just another enemy to tackle. It’s not personal. Political, maybe. But not personal.

So yes, I absolutely think that Sole Survivor and Kaidan would have to handle Horizon and its aftermath in a different way than what’s presented in canon. Not, like, dramatically so or anything…I just think it’d take different words or more talks or something, but I just don’t know what yet and that’s the problem. It’s enough to where I’ve considered dumping the Sole Survivor background because it’s frustrating trying to think of solutions, but altering that would change a lot about my Shepard that I’m not willing to part with. Like, Sha'ira’s gift of words sum up how I view her perfectly:

“I see your skin, tough as the scales of any turian. Unyielding. A wall between you and everyone else. But it protects you, makes you strong. That strength is what kept you alive when everyone else around you was dying. You alone survived. You will continue to survive.”

But if I changed that to Ruthless (the BG I’ve considered switching her to), it would instead be:

“I see your skin, tough as the scales of any turian. Unyielding. A wall between you and everyone else. But it protects you, makes you strong. You never hid your strength, either. It serves you well. Terrifies your foes. Few will dare to stand against you.”

And…that’s just not her. And yeah, I could disregard this - it’s such a tiny part of the series that’s never touched upon again - but the EB/SoSu combo validated every image I had of my Shepard when I created her, so I’m very attached to it and determined to make it work, lol. Like I said, it’s the part about her and her relationship with Kaidan I’m still figuring out the most.

So what about the other parts of her background? Let me do the Earthborn portion next because I already know that’s going to be very long. I have put a lot of thought into Kaidan’s family, his parents, and his upbringing…not all of it is to relevant to your question though, so I’ll try to restrain myself lol.

So it’s never outright stated as much in canon, but I’m under the (very fair, imo) impression Kaidan’s family is fucking loaded. Here’s what we know about them:

They have an apartment in English Bay (ME3)

They own an orchard that makes wine in the B.C. Interior (ME1, ME3)

Kaidan owns a strip of land on the Sunshine Coast (ME3) (it’s unclear to me though whether this is either of the above, or something different)

Kaidan has a cousin who owns an agriculture business (ME1) (This one doesn’t necessarily point to Kaidan’s family being wealthy, although it does seem to imply they have ties to agriculture?)

Kaidan’s father is former military and he retired before the First Contact War (ME1, ME3) (Again, doesn’t necessarily point to wealth)

I’m not Canadian, let alone a Vancouverite, but I do have a friend from that area (and also, like, Google exists) and it’s my understanding that…English Bay is a very ritzy area. Like, I looked up real estate and a lot of the price results were in the millions. Considering that Mass Effect takes place in the future and Vancouver has only become even more of a metropolis (I believe it’s canon that it’s merged with Seattle to form a mega-city?)…I find it hard to believe that those prices haven’t risen even more than they already are now.

So if Kaidan’s family can afford an apartment in an area that expensive, uh, they can’t be hurting for money. Then factor in the other stuff I listed. Making wine? Owning an orchard to make said wine? To be honest, just the fact they’re able to afford at least two different properties*** is enough for me to think they’re fairly well off, especially when there’s this from the codex:

“While every human enjoys longer and better life than ever, the gap between rich and poor widens daily.”

Like, this isn’t some utopian age for humanity. Poverty still exists, and it’s clearly just as bad if not worse than it is currently. So that’s to say: it’s kinda two extremes with an exceedingly rare middle ground. Kaidan’s family very clearly does not fall on the less fortunate side if they have an apartment with an ocean view and make wine in their spare time.

Okay, I promise there was a point to all that. The point being that Earthborn Shepard comes from the exact opposite spectrum. She grew up in extreme poverty with…nothing, not even a family. She’s seen the worst humanity has to offer long before Cerberus shows up in her life. She’s seen - lived - the ugly parts about Earth the Alliance doesn’t like to broadcast. She’s had to do things that would frankly offend Kaidan’s “sometimes the way a thing goes down does matter” ideal, because things like integrity have no place in your life when you have nothing and no one and you’re fighting just to survive to the next day when no one but yourself cares about you seeing it. And that’s a way she had to live her life for eighteen years - it’s not something she can just shut off, particularly not when the skills she learned living that way are what helped her survive Akuze. (Remember Sha'ira’s words?)

These are things Kaidan can’t truly relate to, not even in his capacity as a biotic who’s apart of a society who doesn’t understand him at best and hates him at worst. Because there’s a difference between Kaidan’s situation, and being so much of a faceless nobody that it wouldn’t even be news if you went missing. Kaidan has a family, and one that presumably loves him. He has money. He’s never had to fight to survive in the way Earthborn Shepard has, not even if you HC that his time between BAaT and joining the Alliance took him away from his parents and their wealth (which I do). These are also things that shape a person so completely, to ignore them would be to ignore what made this person into who they are today.

(I do, however, think Kaidan can sympathize because of his unique position in society and because he regularly puts himself in another’s shoes, anyway.)

Earthborn Shepard isn’t still living in poverty by the time the trilogy comes around. She’s actually made a name for herself - which in and of itself has to be very confusing for her, because I envision Earthborn Shepard as someone who suffers constantly from imposter syndrome - and she has funding. A lot of it. Like, an exorbitant amount. Shepard has to spend so much money throughout the trilogy if she wants better equipment for herself and her crew (and even for her ship) which is kind of a necessity if you want to, you know, survive and be competent and stuff.

I think she reconciles all of this with the fact that yeah, this is necessary, she’s not being frivolous - but there’s always going to be a part of herself that feels guilty, because that’s just something that’s beaten into you when you grow up that way. Spending money feels bad.**** There might be moments she doesn’t care. There might be times where, in the moment, it feels good. But at some point, however fleeting, there’s always going to be that guilt. These aren’t feelings that are easy to get over, even if you objectively know they’re irrational.

Contrast this with Kaidan. I see Kaidan as someone who is considerate and not particularly wasteful. (That doesn’t stop me from making jokes, though.) I also see him as someone who is not interested in spending his parents’ money and would rather depend on himself alone, so if he’s spending money it’s out of his own paychecks that he gets as an Alliance marine. (This scene from Crazy Rich Asians is pretty much exactly how I envision Kaidan on this subject.) All of this is to say that I don’t see him dropping thousands of credits on every new toy he wants with no second thoughts (and I do think he’d pause at big price tags, particularly because I feel like living extravagantly is something the Alliance would discourage)…but the fact remains is that he does have that safety net and he always has. He’s never truly had to worry about being homeless, and if he’s had to worry about starving it’s because he’s a biotic, not because he doesn’t have the money to support himself.

There are also other behaviors that would be borne from growing up in poverty, like Earthborn Shepard being unwilling to part with old equipment until she absolutely has to (the Alliance makes being a hoarder rather difficult) because what if she needs it later? What if she can get some more use out of it somehow? Yeah it’s broken but it’s hers, she still needs it, go away. Kaidan would hang onto certain things (omni-tools, amps, weapon mods) longer than most people would too, but it’s because he’s a tinkerer and likes tech stuff.***** My Shepard is too, but it’s more than that and it’s that “more” that’s different.

When it comes to this difference in their socieo-economic class, I don’t think it’s something that’s particularly noticed or brought up during the trilogy. The only times I can think of where Shepard might get the realization Kaidan is different from her in this regard is in the Pinnacle Station DLC if Shepard win’s Ahern’s bet and gets his apartment on Intai'sei, or during the Citadel DLC. But even then, I feel it would a very brief realization she pushes to the side because it’s frankly not important right now and they have more important things to worry about. Like, you know, Reapers. So I think this is something that would only come to a head post-war, but it is definitely a source of tension on her end that they would need to tackle at some point.

Otherwise…remember how I said the reason my Shepard is renegade leaning and emotionally closed off is because she’s Earthborn? Let me bring back Sha'ira’s words:

“I see your skin, tough as the scales of any turian. Unyielding. A wall between you and everyone else. But it protects you, makes you strong.”

This is what she says specifically to Earthborn Shepards. Colonists and Spacers get something different. And really, this is how I see Earthborn Shepard. She’s someone who’s had to survive things - not a singular great tragedy, but a lifetime of hardship - and she’s someone who’s never had a support network. She’s the way she is because she’s never known any different. She’s not renegade leaning and emotionally closed off because she thinks it’s badass; she’s renegade leaning and emotionally closed off because being any different would have gotten her killed before now. I think this is a very, very important distinction Kaidan has to realize to make their relationship work, because otherwise I do think Kaidan would have a hard time being in a (successful and long-term, anyway) relationship with renegade leaning Shepards. Integrity and stuff like that is too important to him; if he feels like Shepard follows no moral code and is unabashedly selfish, why would he want to associate with them more than he has to? I can’t see him wanting to.

It is a very hard and long process for my Shepard to learn that it’s okay for her to be vulnerable sometimes. This is the greatest source of conflict within how I play Kaidan’s romance. Shepard is unyielding and only gives Kaidan’s scraps - remember how I said she doesn’t tell him she loves him until the beam run? Yeah, Kaidan doesn’t deserve that. No one deserves to be strung along in a relationship where they’re the only ones putting themselves out there, but that’s what Kaidan does for a lot of the trilogy. I don’t play it that way because I think it’s romantic or because I think Shepard is in the right; I play it that way because I like the idea of someone learning that it’s okay to be loved and to love in return, particularly when they don’t feel like they are lovable. But like I said, it’s a long process, and the only reason her and Kaidan’s relationship doesn’t burn out and die is because Kaidan consistently puts himself out there so that she doesn’t have to. This is why it’s important to me that Shepard’s the one to propose post-war, because I feel like it’s only fair she put herself out there that way for a change.

(For the record, I don’t think Kaidan takes all of this lying down. I know he has no way out when it comes to Shepard, and it’s for that reason I think he’s willing to put up with a lot more than he knows he should, but he still knows that…well, no, he doesn’t deserve this and that Shepard has to do better. He has to become really adept in Shepard-speak by the end of the game, and I think that helps a lot - he knows Shepard is trying and that she loves him even if she doesn’t say it, it’s just…messy. But it’s definitely something they talk about post-war, along with the socio-economic stuff.)

So now how do their game classes interact? Well, because so much of Shepard’s experiences are a mystery to Kaidan, I wanted Shepard to be on that end for once. Yeah, Shepard’s lived through things Kaidan has never had to - but likewise, Kaidan has lived through things Shepard has never had to. She’ll never understand what it’s like to be a biotic and just what, exactly, that means. I feel like Earthborn Shepards in particular would be exposed to a lot of anti-biotic sentiment growing up since they’re, well, Earthborn, and I think a lot of negative post-spaceflight sentiments (alien xenophobia, biotic discrimination, etc) would be concentrated on Earth because it’s the homeworld and they’re the least exposed to the rest of the galaxy.

But anyway, to get back on topic. L2 biotics build up static electricity. That means that it’s likely that if you touch them, you’ll get an electric shock. Imagine having to be conscious of that fact, and having to be constantly aware of your surroundings so you can unload that built up static electricity into something inanimate so you don’t accidentally shock someone. Little things like that are something someone who’s nonbiotic would never think about. Then there would be Kaidan’s post-mission regimen. He literally has a port on the back of his scalp that’s connected to his brain, or at least near it. He has to keep that clean, and you fight some really gross things throughout the trilogy. Thorian creepers? All that gunk? He has to be careful that his port never gets contaminated in a way nonbiotic Shepard never has to, because like…your omni-tool getting gunked up is way different than a port that’s literally inside of your head getting gunked up. (I also imagine this area in general is a sensitive area for biotics, like, not the kind of place they like anyone casually touching.) These are all things that would be frankly alien to someone who’s not a biotic. As an N7, I think Shepard would’ve worked with more biotics than the average marine like pre-Normandy Ashley and pre-Fehl Prime James, but she’s still not a biotic herself and has a lot of learning to do.

(I have several moments I consider landmarks in their relationship, and I think one of them is in ME3 when Kaidan is completely fine - comfortable, even - with Shepard touching anywhere near his port, when he wasn’t in ME1. It’s a massive sign of trust for him that’s not lost on her.)

None of this is even getting into the social treatment of biotics, either. This is something Shepard has to figure out for herself, which I think she does in ME1 with the Rahna story and stuff. Kaidan’s the way he is because he’s a biotic; you can’t separate that fact from him. You take away Kaidan’s biotics and you take away a lot of who he is as a person and why he’s that way. (…She probably can relate to that sentiment, though.)

They do have to have some things in common though. I don’t like the idea of them only bothering to talk to each other because they think the other is attractive and then it forms into something deeper, lmao. So that’s (part of) why my Shepard is an infiltrator******. Both she and Kaidan are unabashed tech geeks. You know how in ME3 if you bring Kaidan along to Tali’s mission, they have that argument about omni-tools? Yeah, my Shep and Kaidan have talks like that all the time about, like, everything tech related. They’ve also had the omni-tool talk because her preferred one is Savant, which he thinks is pretentious because I love the idea of Savant tech being seen as The Snob Tech of the industry because it’s so expensive and its users frequently insufferable. But I HC it’s the only omni-tool that can handle an infiltrator’s needs without overheating, including running the tactical cloak.

So that’s the common thread that gets them started between all the differences and the bad first impressions (she is renegade leaning, after all). I don’t think the way I play Kaidan’s romance is particularly popular, but that’s fine with me. I like a little conflict. I like the idea of two people not being inherently or instantly compatible, and having to work to form an understanding of one another. I like the idea of their relationship being something that they have to work for and keep working for, because while they love each other, sometimes love isn’t enough. You need communication, too. And that’s what I like, so that’s how I play them. (And also because I like angst - to a degree - and mutual pining, of which I think there would be A LOT of when you play Kaidan’s romance this way.) Obviously after a certain point things do become easier simply because they’ve been around each other long enough to develop a banter (”I’ve been thinking…” / “Oh, no. Okay. Hit me with it.”) and a better understanding of how the other person thinks. But you still need communication and I’m not interested in things ever being “easy” just because they’re so in love and that magically cures everything.

This was very, very long, and I know I apologized in the beginning but I’d like to do so again. You just managed to ask the exact question that I have put a lot of thought into and it was very hard for me to resist going full word vomit, lmao. Thank you very much for the ask!

(Also addendum, it’s so weird hearing her referred to as “Ramona”…I know that’s what I have down on my character page but I actually haven’t settled on a name for her yet despite her existing for like, almost 3 years at this point. Naming Shepard is singularly one of the hardest parts of Shepard-building for me, I don’t know why?! So for reference, Ramona and my “ch: nadia shepard” tag are the same character. Who knows if I end up sticking with either, but they are what they are for now lol. Also, you had absolutely no way of knowing this, I know. I actually assume no one reads my character pages, ever, so this ask is a welcome surprise!)

*This is another big thing with my Shepard, but it’s only tangentially related to Kaidan so I didn’t bother bringing it up in the main post. But particularly since she has the renegade scars? Oh, yeah. “Maybe I’m just an advanced VI that thinks it’s Commander Shepard” is putting how she feels about herself post-Lazarus mildly.

**I have a giant meta post that’s been sitting in my drafts since April about exactly this. Like, about Horizon and its aftermath and how it was allowed to happen to start with, and how the VS is uniquely and repeatedly manipulated against Shepard as a means to hurt them. I should really finish that post, because damn, I love Horizon.

***Specifically on Earth; owning land on colony worlds probably isn’t as much of an indicator of wealth

****To be fair, I think in ME2 this is alleviated somewhat because it’s TIM’s dime and spending his money on useless shit is one of the only way she can rebel without showing all her cards

*****I read a HC once that said because Kaidan’s an L2, it’s probably a lot harder for him to find L2-compatible biotic amps, so I can see him being very protective and hoard-y when it comes to his amps

******Also, sniper rifles. It’s offensive to me as a lesbian that femShep has twig arms when those sniper rifles weigh A TON; there is no way her biceps wouldn’t be out of this world. It’s doubly offensive when you consider the fact Kaidan’s buffer than she is despite being a Sentinel. (I ignore this and pretend it doesn’t exist, much like a lot of Kaidan’s ME3 appearance.)

#replies #ch: nadia shepard #*#long post for ts

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aeroknot · 7 years ago

Text

k so some ns headcanon as requested by @spaceygayroses

i pulled them from my long-as-fuck (like 700 chapters long) google doc but almost every one of those is like..... paragraphs long!! so i chose shorter ones!!

.....surprising to absolutely no one, i have no self-control when it comes to these two

a ) When naruto met sakura

b ) A mere few, fast weeks into dating, they have a discussion in the early evening about telling friends and family, and they agree to do it the next day. After finally coming up for air during their celebratory makeout session, she tries to shove him out the door to get on with their evening plans, she having to go to work. Deep down she’s amused that as she keeps ending kisses and pulling away, he keeps dazedly following after her with his mouth, not even opening his eyes. She gets persuaded back into it a few times. when a neighbor’s door slams she’s knocked out of their reverie and tells him to stop being a giddy schmuck and go! and laughs as he exaggeratedly swoons down the hallway of her apartment complex (well, she thinks he’s purposefully exaggerating, but he’s not, he’s authentically that mushy / dramatic) At like 1am she wakes up to boisterous noise outside and goes to her balcony to find naruto and kiba and shikamaru, all pretty inebriated tho actually the latter two more so than the former (he’s just using inebriation as a cover), and naruto’s standing on the gate at the edge of the little apartment yards singing songs he’s making up as he goes about how happy he is, crowing about dating his precious sakura-chan. She leans over the edge of the balcony and starts shaking her fist at him and scolding them and he just does the will smith pose and motions to her and shouts at kiba and shikamaru “DO YOU SEE HER!! HAVE YOU EVER MET MY GIRLFRIEND!!!” and they are just guffawing. Sakura hisses “naruto!! My neighbors!!” and he slurs, “awwww fuck ‘em!! One of ‘em slamming their door’s why i’m down here instead of up there loving you! I saved their asses, so they can just deal with me appreciating yours!!” and she just goes “YOU ARE.. SUCH A DUMB. ASS.” “yeah, but i get to be YOUR dumbass!!” “......I’m coming down to get you before Kakashi sics ANBU on you” and they all fully expect he’s done for as they watch her march out the stairwell resolutely, her speed increasing, but then she smiles while she jumps the gate even tho it’s not that tall and hops onto him, her legs around his waist, his hands supporting her under her thighs, and they alternate between laughing giddily and kissing

c ) they get married a month or so after his inauguration, which means HE’S the hokage that legalizes the marriage papers with his signature. and i just like to think… perhaps naruto is still his usual emotional self during the ceremony and does cry in happiness a bit during their vows… but he gets super sappy / sobby when alone in his office and signing the marriage papers as hokage. that’s…. that’s embodying both of his oldest dreams IN ONE MOMENT.

d ) they adopt twice, their first and last kids (of five): first is Arashi, last is Namika -- both names that reference Minato. Arashi asked them to rename him; he was six-ish when they adopted him. Namika’s name referencing Minato actually happens to be coincidence. she’s Shinachiku’s classmate and her parents are killed shortly after they graduate the academy :’( they give her a place to stay and it turns into adoption.

Arashi was shy and quiet with most people. he makes Naruto think of both Minato and Sasuke. Arashi was intimidated by Sasuke at first, but they become real close. Kurama loves Arashi bc he’s clever as fuck and adores studying history. Arashi has insecure attachments and is distrustful/distant for a while but when he’s older becomes a natural leader of his peers (tho sometimes even then can still seem distant). he has a very strong sense of justice like his parents.

Namika is the perfect blend of chill and motivated. she’s so chill she gets along with all of the siblings. in fact she’s the only one without problems with anybody: shinachiku and sakuya butt heads, and arashi and konohana go at it all the time. while those four are shoved into get-along shirts naruto and sakura cuddle namika really exaggeratedly and joke about the exhausting nature of her siblings

e ) the kiddos kiss kurama good morning (naruto’s tummy)

f ) predictably, he takes every chance he gets to kiss sakura’s forehead, particularly right on her seal (he likes to kid around about her seal and say “sakura-chan, geez, you went through all that trouble training just for this tiny little target for my kiss”). she’s a little bashful, or kinda harumphs when he does it in public or when she’s miffed at him. then their kids notice, first realized by one of the youngest ones, and start copying him, as kids do: learning by imitating their parents. from there on out she’s often in tears or very near tears when they do this.

g ) it’s affection like this that grips her heart with gratefulness to be with him. he is continuously providing all she needs for her insecurities to be soothed and her dreams to be encouraged. these expressions of love are so deeply tailored to how he can best adore all that makes her, her. she sometimes can't believe how every expression of his love is permeated with his intense understanding of who she is, what she wants, often in ways so breathtakingly simple, honest and ingenuous that she wonders if he even consciously realizes the perfect appropriateness of his gestures.

h ) They are constantly hiding ink & brushes & markers from their youngest children bc in addition to mimicking forehead kisses, they’re constantly drawing on each other’s faces to give each other mommy’s “sparkle beauty sticker” and daddy’s “fox-marks” … which…. Unfortunately sometimes they pronounce as “fucks-marks” and naruto kinda…. Shrugs and makes a face like he’s conceding they might have a point (as in marks that once “fucked over” village approval of him)…. sakura’s horrified But she still laughs really hard when he starts calling any scratches he receives from their lovemaking “fucks-marks”

i ) if anyone makes the mistake of saying something particularly negative or abhorrent about naruto in front of her, especially if they’re insulting his suitability as hokage, she’s so incensed she can’t guarantee they’re gonna live to regret it. ...ok, sooo… she can’t and doesn’t actually maim or kill a fellow konoha citizen or any stuck-up diplomats... but damn is the confrontation and reprimand so scary; it’s like she flays their soul so deeply they have no shreds with which to hide their worst sins, guaranteeing no god would ever allow them into any heaven.

j ) naruto has to excuse himself every time sakura takes her gloves off with her teeth

k ) she loves to wash and pamper him. she doesn’t have an explanation for it, really. it can be but doesn’t always become sexual, but of course it’s always intimate. it’s not like a critique on him, finding him too dirty or something (he’s dirty, but usually in the ways she likes), she just really enjoys this avenue for expressing her affection. she likes preparing relaxing baths for him, or shampooing and rinsing his hair. she likes running her hands along his muscles, rubbing oils and lotions into his skin. she even likes to give him gentle little facial treatments if he’s in the mood to let her. (spoiler alert: he’s practically always in the mood to let her.)

l ) this vision came to me on a drive home form work: sakura on her period and being pretty damn miserable as far as cramping went. And she like… has her arm over her eyes as she’s laying on her back on the bed and bemoaning her situation; she laments that she left her heat pack somewhere or let someone borrow it or something. So naruto just… takes his shirt off and gingerly lays across her, so they’re perpendicular with his stomach resting on hers. And she’s just like “what on earth are you doing” and he nonchalantly replies, “eh… I run hot. I’ll be your heating pad, Sakura-chan ♥”-- .. is… is there like, evidence the kyuubi chakra can make his temperature warm even if he’s not using it to fight?? Idk. either that or he just really does run hot, which makes sense because he is made of sunshine after all. “holy hell it actually helps. The heat along with the pressure” “yep I’m good for hot pressure” he winks at her and she rolls her eyes but is blushing. and so he just… provides his services pretty regularly from that point on. When this popped into my head I laughed for a full three minutes

m ) they both look young for a very long time, much to sooooo many people’s jealous chagrin. this is not bc I don’t like older features on them or want them to be ~~ooh~~~awww~~always the typical version of hotness~~~ it’s bc I legitimately think they both would appear youthful for longer than others bc of their chakra stores, etc. sakura’s would not be as intentional as tsunade’s, but it would still be an obvious side effect, and naruto is, well, naruto: I bet his uzumaki longevity is boosted by the demon chakra… plus his entire soul is youthful tbh

n ) they regularly visit orphanages together, bearing gifts and stories and their kind companionship. it amazes villagers-- how much their hokage and their head medic-nin, love their people. later in life they foster kids. (oh-- they had fostered two before immediately afterward fostering then adopting arashi)

o ) their first kiss is at Ichiraku’s (this hc is one’o those written in paragraphs but this is... the succinct version lmao)

p ) sakura finds the ring. she proposes. he’s so relieved and elated when she does especially because she isn’t mad he delayed (she actually is never harping him about it or lamenting/venting to her friends that they’re not engaged). she goes the grand scale public route. it’s a little unlike her, but she wants to reinforce in his mind and heart that she absolutely wants him, and wants the world to know it

q ) one of their really big fights happens when sakura is nominated as a hokage candidate. (this is also long paragraphs in the doc but i’ll try to summarize askjdlkj; -- update: i DID shorten it even tho it doesn’t seem it alskfjlaks)

she surpasses tsunade in every way: she fucking attains sage mode via wood style because why the hell wouldn’t she kishimoto??? (and i don’t CARE if people are poking holes in this, I will patch them up! let her be amazing--in other words let her be HER and the HEROINE she’s always been evolving into! why be a wet blanket when you can love women in manga? Tim Gunn voice: MAKE IT WORK!) (alsooo you know what I went and re-read this and it dawned on me this person wrote “should have,” not necessarily that she could one day develop this ability post-actual-canon. So I guess the headcanon is that Kishimoto liked women / her and gave her this arc from the beginning and all the details required to necessitate this development were actually present in the story). everyone admires the skills she’s exhibited running the hospital, and because she’s a war hero who is constantly at a major hospital and cures/saves people on the daily -- basically communicating that saving and protecting others is her life’s work -- a lot of citizens know her and really like and respect her... other reasons, etc., moving along tho--

naruto never thought his dream could ever be threatened or usurped by one of his most fierce and steadfast supporters. but…. He really loves her. And he’s so proud of her. And so he seriously considers refusing it if they choose him, so it would likely fall to her, or just flat-out taking his name out of the running so it’s not even a choice. It is in part self-sacrifice, but not merely; he respects her; reveres her strength and leadership; agrees she’s been indispensable and reliable for so long, and has worked so hard... and, geez, he often thought HE was an underdog?? His life’s been no picnic, he’s worked incredibly fucking hard to get through things and evolve to his current station... but, well… his future wife has overcome so much to gain her status and prove herself, too, with as much effort as him, and while she did have teachers on the same level as him, she performed all her heroism with signiiiificantlllyyy less prophetic/demon/bloodline inertia to get her here (and by less we facetiously mean: none).

she’s pissed he’d even consider walking away from this goal. he tries to explain, “sakura. you’ve been my dream, too, for just as long.” it takes an emotional night -- mostly with her pleading for him to understand that she doesn’t want him to and is so sorry she’s ever made him feel like martyring himself is the only way to get her to acknowledge his devotion -- to settle it all. but yeah. he becomes hokage. a GOOD hokage.

r ) i love the idea of kurama just one day smugly bringing to their attention their shared connection to mito (i hc that mito developed the seal technique tsunade and sakura have) “naruto? what’s he saying? what does he mean?” “well, uh… y’know how baachan’s uzumaki mito’s granddaughter? and mito was kurama’s jinchuuriki before my mom? uh… what he’s saying is… mito developed the byakugou by accessing some of his chakra. so… that means…” and she finishes: “we’re both… kind of mito’s disciples?” “thanks ultimately to kurama’s chakra.. and.. being uzumaki...” he says somewhat blankly. and her brows shoot up as a sort of wry smile twitches on her lips, which then turns into a genuine grin. she looks at him with love in her eyes and repeats tenderly, “being uzumaki…” kurama immediately kinda regrets his decision to share this fact when they’re gonna be such sappy nerds about it

s) from my 1sentence challenge but it doubles as a hc: When he opened the door to their cozy apartment he saw her on the living room rug -- knees at a silly angle with fabric draped over her thighs, repeating the motion of her hand moving toward it, then away -- and when he got closer the red thread seemed to glimmer a greeting, her engagement ring winking in tandem, while she lovingly stitched the characters of his destiny onto the new haori.

..........i thought about stopping at n.... and then i decided i needed to get from n to s ;) (i’m embarrassing, i know, it’s ok, i’ve come to terms with it)

#narusaku #narusaku headcanon #narusaku hc #sakunaru #head canon #my hc #long post #ns #aero answers

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do-you-have-a-flag · 7 years ago

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most LGBT/non-white fans aren't happy with how there was still no LGBT representation canonically and how they reduced poe to stereotypical latino tropes, made finn's arc the same as tfa basically (and sidelined him in for adam driver which is just racism lmao) and how underused and underwritten a lot of the characters were/how they mischracterized rey/how they REALLY mischaracterized luke and like the overall pacing was p bad, so white ppl liked it and dumbass kylo stans did too but that it

first off, why u anon, i’m not mean to people who message me generally and i won’t send followers after you because that’s a shitty thing to do, now i have to make a big long response publicly instead of using the messenger app, sorry everyone, long post incoming:I WANT LGBT representation to be canon in star wars but i know that they’re not gonna do it and it’s frustrating but not unexpected. Big budget genre FILMS (tv is different) are so lacking in LGBT content, it’s frustrating that off the top of my head the only example i can think of where it’s not sub-textualised via aliens is Sulu in the Star Trek reboot universe.

but let’s look honestly at how the people who run star wars and the actors responded to questions about LGBT content in interviews: there is spoilers blackout aversion, and actors explicitly supporting fans for their interpretations of characters but at no point was there a promise to show that sort of representation.

Disney has shown before that if they’re going to include LGBT content in their big films they do address it directly, much was made of Lefou in beauty and the beast and there was backlash because the actual content was so minor and still fairly subtextual.

With the Last Jedi no promises were maid so not getting LGBT content is frustrating for me and others but I can’t fault the film for it only the creators and a criticism of studios and directors and writers does not mean the movie itself is flawed for that specific reason. At least in my view. It’s blaming an absence of a feature that was never promised. would it be better with that feature? YES! but i also think it would have been better for various writing changes but the writing choices that were made are what we have to assess it on.

As to Poe being stereotypically Latino, I don’t live in a country with enough of a latino population to have much insight on that but I will say that I don’t understand this argument.

my PERSONAL view of Poe in this film is that last time we didn’t get any depth to his character outside of friendly heroic pilot, this time we are starting to be introduced to his flaws, that being his inability to see the big picture, he always makes good strategies and plans and is a great leader and has a sense of humour, these are good qualities, and when he is called impulsive it’s by generals who have the experience to think about the bigger picture where he goes for the most damage on a small scale, Poe has a very complimentary arc to Fin in that they both have to shift their thinking when the resistance is weakened because saving people becomes more important than always beating the bad guys.

so from that understanding of his character I don’t understand what stereotypes are being used here? genuinely please let me know because is it that he’s “hot-headed”? it’s a war and they are losing and because of that he makes the wrong decision and lashes out when he is restricted and believes his superior is making the wrong choice so all the “hot-headed” stuff is really just character complexity and his prominence in the plot is the reason why it’s only applied to him. IDK what other stereotypes there are i legit haven’t seen that criticism actually explained in detail yet so if any latinx fans can let me know i’d be glad

Fin’s arc isn’t the same, yes he’s been sidelined and its annoying because I hate the thing they sidelined him for too but when we do focus on his character they evolve his problems from TFA: running away out of fear and self loathing becomes running from one responsibility because he believes they’re a lost cause in the moment and wants to protect Rey, which becomes planning to sacrifice himself to lash out at first order in a way that mirror’s Poe’s journey because they both have to think better than that about who they’re fighting for.

There are so many characters to juggle in the film and by partnering Finn up with Rose they do detract from his character development but only to allow her to help him and introduce her to the stage at the same time as moving the plot along and setting up things for the next movie thematically. Finn was underserved but it was due to a writing puzzle of balancing an ensemble cast and ultimately at this point his story is supportive of the main plot but not directly a part of it and they could have done that differently but again that’s a writing flaw but not what I would call the worst part of the film i think people took it too hard and would like to hear a response to my reading of Finn’s place in the story in some detail too.

Also I love Rose and her dynamic with Finn was my fav and desperately needed because they keep having Finn Poe and Rey be separated in these films and we needed that friendly banter and mutual support space filled and Rose is honestly the heart and soul of the resistance even if the casino sequence was written in a very on the nose blatant way these films are for a very broad audience and some people need that stuff spelled out for them. (i’ve seen TLJ twice and both times i think most people in the audience missed the kid using the force at the end which i thought was wonderfully subtle before his posing became blatant visually with the broom)

underuse and underwriting are both side effects of the ensemble cast and i’m willing to forgive the clumsiness of it generally but you’re correct about Rey’s writing, I’ve said it before but everything about her and kylo and snoke and Luke contained in the scenes between the second force skype conversation and Kylo waking up on the floor is the characters making bad choices, that’s why it feels out of character. the rest of the film even when characters make mistakes everyone is behaving consistently and there’s a balance but in that entire segment of the film all four characters make the wrong decisions. the results of these scenes afterwards is fine but i wish they hadn’t decided to have rey trust kylo so readily, considering her character history as a scavenger you know she’d be more skeptical than that. And with Luke his reticence to tell her the truth is frustrating because that’s what happened to him regarding his father and he should know better, I think the moment of weakness misread as utter betrayal was interesting, not a great choice on the writing side but i’m willing to deal with it. outside of those scenes though it’s like the competent writing suddenly returned!

Bad pacing? yeah, but it’s the middle film in a trilogy there was a lot of ground to cover.

also listen there’s nothing wrong with being a fan of villians in a work of fiction and personally i loved watching hux suffer and kylo get the door slammed in his face and just because i find his character entertaining doesn’t mean i wanted the rey/kylo romance teasing that happened. I have to accept that the writers are going for redemption arc stuff here but honestly give me complex pathetic villain who dies dramatically at the end and i’ll be happy,

I wrote out all these paragraphs because you made a whoooole lot of generalisations and i wanted to respond with personal thoughts and specificity,\

I can’t speak for groups i’m not a part of but i can give my personal reasons for liking the film. at the end of the day it’s not the worst star wars film and of my expectations of the franchise some flaws are a part of it. I LIKE goofiness intentional or not in my genre fiction.

Representation-wise the LGBT stuff would have been wonderfull but as of right now it wasn’t something i felt should be expected but instead it is something I think should be pressured onto the creators to include canonically because there’s literally no reason not to include it that isn’t getting money from garbage people who hate diversity.

On a casting level i love the inclusivity of race in the cast, not just with Finn, Poe, and Rose being the majority of our new young heroes, but also of background characters because that sort of understated representation is important too. Do i think the writing could be better? sure, but as far as stereotyping goes i don’t believe there’s deliberate and malicious intent there, any flaws are unintentional on the writers side and their personal biases, but personally I still don’t see the specific problem you’re citing here and would like to hear more about it because I don’t get it.

also pls chill with the “white people and kylo stans” attitude here because i get why people don’t like adam driver, but you’re being deliberately escalating in your language and i’m not okay with that, it’s a false equivalence of the concepts of white complacency when it comes to representation with….. people who like the main villain.

He’s the main bad guy. he’s played by an actor cast with his looks in mind because he’s one of the few villains who doesn’t spend the whole film behind a mask or with cgi or makeup effects obscuring him, he’s placed in a position of power and given sympathetic elements because a complex villain is more interesting than, oh, say, every simple evil marvel villain who wants to destroy the earth (and I say that as someone who likes marvel films) they knew they couldn’t recapture the appeal of darth vader so they aimed for audience enjoyment in a different way and it worked and it’s pointless to be mad at fans of star wars for liking it’s main villain?

I’m not saying fans who take it too far by going “he did nothing wrong”/”his victimisation excuses his actions” or who woobie-fy him or who shit on other characters are in the right here, they’re not, and it is frustrating when there’s so many good characters that others lose screen time and complexity to focus on him when he’s a shitty fascist who wants power for himself.

just like, de-escalate your aggression here because i’m talkative as hell and I also want better representation but I’m also one hundo percent about viewing media and people complexly and in terms of the fiction i thought it was a good film and in terms of the choices by the creators in how they crafted that film i thought they did okay but could have done waaay better and that’s what fans want.

i’m not gonna speak for most LGBT/non white fans because I’m only a part of one of those categories personally but i’m SURE a chunk of the audience responses in those reviews trashing the movie are from straight white cis dudes who are mad about all the POC in the film or goofy writing choices they feel undermines their view of the movie and they’re objectively wrong about a lot of things but their opinions are still added to that review percentage and the only way to know who thought what from what background and coming from what perspective is to go through every review and make a chart and that sort of research isn’t something i’ve done and you probably haven’t done it either so we can only speak from our view from discussing with friends and online and on tumblr i have seen some lgbt and poc responses and most of them are positive, a couple of people aren’t and that’s only my dashboard but i can’t assume it represents the communities as a whole

so anyone seeing this long ass post who hasn’t unfollowed me: what’s your opinion?

#the last jedi spoilers #star wars spoilers #long post #Anonymous

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