#penumbratrilogykin

[fictionkinfessions]

If anybody noticed me and was wondering where ive been:

Yup, still here. Just had another kintype remembered and its been very uh, busy for me !!! In any case my affection for Clarence knows no bounds and today i would like to send my love to any Clarence out there. I hope life is as exciting and fulfilling for you as possible, you funky lil virus (affectionate) - [redacted/unnamed] from the penumbra trilogy

[fictionkinfessions]

Ok. So i was endlessly scrolling through my source tag, because im sad that the fandom is basically dead and im still searching for any content whatsoever, and. I found? A fictive system sourcemate finder post?? I guess thats how i can word it?? But. The reason its in the tag is because theres a system who has. A Clarence fictive??? I. I don't know what to do. Should i do anything at all? It was literally posted this year. This is new. I. Theres a discord handle, theyre looking for sourcemates, but,,, hfghgfghfg. Im not a system, and im noncanon, AND im just plain scared of contacting anybody at all ever, but jesus christ. Clarence????????? Part of me is so fucking happy i could just abt cry. - [redacted] from the penumbra trilogy

[fictionkinfessions]

Me hearing abt amnesia rebirth: oh boy!!! Maybe therell be more frictional games kin, and more interest in their older games!! | me now, having seen the entire game: well uh, nope :/ (i did really like it, loved it, just cant see anybody willing to remember those things. Big bummer, since im so dang lonely.) - daniel of mayfaire from amnesia the dark descent and [unnamed] from the penumbra trilogy

[fictionkinfessions]

SERIOUSLY i may not be in the shift anymore, but im still thinking abt Clarence and Red and hhhhg Philip,,, pls come back someday ok? I worry a lot that im alone here. Its ok if youre not looking for me or if youre not from my canon, just, i hope you guys are here. Selfish wish, i guess, but... just be out there, please. - [redacted] from the penumbra trilogy

[fictionkinfessions]

It does make me laugh that im not tagging myself as [redacted] out of a choice. I think ive confessed abt it before, but i seriously did not have a name. I have timelines for this kin - one which is basically canon, the other which is a very bizarre modern-ish version where most everybody survived and me, clarence, red, and philip had a (ngl kind of queerplatonic) polyamourous relationship. Yeah, im one funky noncanon kin with not even a goddamn name. I want to underline that its not that i dont remember, its that i legit just. Didnt a have a name in either timeline - [redacted] from the penumbra trilogy

[fictionkinfessions]

*sobs* this morning i finally searched the old blog for any penumbrakin and lemme just say.... THEYRE OUT THERE!!! Amabel, Philip, u sent confessions in 2016/15, and, like, i KNOW its too much to hope that ur even in the kinmunity anymore, and maybe ur not spiritual like me, but holy christ its a RELIEF to know that others were out there. So, from me in 2020 to you in 2015/16, THANK YOU FOR UR WONDERFUL EXISTENCES!!!! IM LOVE U SO MUCH - [redacted] from the penumbra trilogy

[fictionkinfessions]

I miss Clarence so much. I miss Red and Philip too, but Clarence... he made me feel like it was ok that i was barely a person. He made me feel comfortable, calm with my confusion. Like everything would eventually make sense. I just miss him a lot. - [redacted] from the penumbra trilogy

[fictionkinfessions]

Seriously tho where all the penumbra kin at???? Yall its been over a decade, i found out 2 years ago, YOU SHOULD BE HERE GODDAMN IT. Please, i could never bear the thought of being alone. - [unnamed] from the penumbra trilogy

[fictionkinfessions]

Today I was listening to a song and imagining a music video, as you do, and realized that that song is the only one to make me imagine Clarence crying. And then just the thought "I want to see Clarence cry" popped into my head and?? I KNOW that i thought that when I knew him. I also know he never once cried - not around me, at least. And i can't help but feel sad but also a bit ashamed. - [unnamed] from the penumbra trilogy

[fictionkinfessions]

I....... remember a lot more of Clarence than I wish I did. I remember more about Red in my more canon timeline, but for the other- I remember just quietly sitting, watching Clarence. Red was there, but I never paid mind to him in those moments, and now I wish I did. I wish I paid more attention to Philip, too. But instead all I've got in my head when I try to remember is Clarence - talking, thinking, acting. The specific way he existed. - [unnamed] from the penumbra trilogy

[fictionkinfessions]

Oh dont mind me. Im just. Over here. Longing. *sobs* - [unnamed] from the penumbra trilogy

[fictionkinfessions]

Listen. This may be a tall, somewhat rude, somewhat ridiculous request, but i cant not make it. Kin gods, When the new amnesia game comes out, please please please cause an influx of new people into the frictional games kinmunity and please can penumbra kin be around? Im so dang lonely - [unnamed] from the penumbra trilogy

[fictionkinfessions]

If i didn't know any better, I'd have thought i was kin with Philip and/or Clarence. But i do know better and the simple fact is that i knew one of my partners inside and out, but sometimes i felt like i was trying to communicate in a different language with the other two. Idk how they felt, so now i spend my time wondering and thinking and remembering, guessing and recreating them in my own mind. If we ever meet again, i hope they dont judge me for that. - [redacted] from the penumbra trilogy

[fictionkinfessions]

*finger guns* had a very very rare and special moment where i remembered Red actually talking to me. Him!!! Talking!!! To ME??? this is the first memory ive recovered of him talking directly to me, without the others nearby, and would you guess it - he was scolding/trying to change my mind on how pessimistic i am/was. Wow. Amazing, but definitely not expected. - [unnamed] from the penumbra trilogy

[fictionkinfessions]

OH N O

Did -- did a friend of mine just -- randomly figure out what was between Philip and Clarence??? And why I constantly felt apprehensive around Philip (or at least one of the reasons), and why I did slightly push Red to accompany me whenever I... I pulled Clarence away???

Holy shit

,,,,,,this is all messy in my head right now, I'll. Have to digest these sudden new memories. Of course, the AU they came up with isn't quite it, but. It's so close, it's so very very very close to what I knew/remembered even before we started talking to each other -- I'm just. Gobsmacked, that's what I am, and very much teary-eyed. I know it wasn't as bad as that, I know because I did love and care about Philip, and we did have our own affection for each other, even with the strange tension between us. And I know Clarence cared deeply for him, and so did Red! They both had very deep and intimate relationships with him, beyond what I had -- so, so it. It wasn't like That.

.....but i can't deny what I'm remembering, in retrospect. That although Philip did care, he... he.... well. I've known many people like that, in this life. And although they may care, and be affectionate and kind in their own way, that doesn't dismiss their small cruelties. Just as Clarence's care didn't dismiss his own cruelties, same with Red--

Same with me.

....well then. We were all just all kinds of fucked up, weren't we. Us four and all our many, many demons, atop our neurosis and our love. I was not any kind of saving grace in that relationship, none of us were. But we managed much better than you might think, too. Better, at least, than the AU concept that just unlocked all these feelings absjfncnxbdbf

- [redacted] from the penumbra trilogy (ty everything that this small zombie fandom Still hasn't found these confessions lmfao)

[fictionkinfessions]

I may or may not have realized that the reason I write Philip in such a specific way but neither of my other partners is because I had such a complicated relationship with him. I never understood him. I didnt understand anything he was thinking. But i couldnt stop looking at him with such affection. I wanted him to look at me and be able to see what he felt, and I wanted him to feel what i felt. I wanted him to hold me in the same regard I held Red and Clarence, but all he ever did was talk quietly to Red and... never acknowledge me. Sometimes it felt like he was purposefully ignoring me. Why? Did... did you hate me, Philip? I... I dont understand why you would give me the pretense of being partners/boyfriends if you didnt care abt me. I dont understand. I just want closure from you, but I'll never get that, because youre gone. I miss Red. I miss Clarence. I miss you. Please come back to me someday, ok? Even if you never loved me, I still loved you. - [unnamed] from the penumbra trilogy