#pending my diagnosis ofc

[iii-days-grace]

hello! I've been sparse for the past few weeks, but I wanted to stop by to say that this week is my anniversary of seeing Slipknot live last spring!

tomorrow is my day off so maybe I will finally wash the hoodie that I got at the show 😅

[eroticcannibal]

oh we're sharing terrible teacher stories? at the beginning of eight grade, i became suddenly unable to attend school, for a whole number of reasons, most of which boiled down to years of masking and repressing my autistic traits that made me so exhausted i could No Longer Do It. (shoutout to cbt for that one. fuck behaviorists fr.) this was also around the time i realized i was trans. my school was very small, meaning i knew almost all students and was aware i would have been the only openly trans person there. which, naturally, would have subjected me to a lot of bullying, because kids are shitheads, so not going to school anymore was also a protective mechanism in that sense, too.

so what did my teachers do? give us several large fines, which nearly forced us to give up a privately funded therapy which was the only one that had ever worked on me, threaten to have me admitted to a mental hospital after i was already severely abused at one when i was eleven, and oh! also forced me to out myself as trans, then proceeded to repeatedly misgender me :))

they also made me go get assessed by a physician to determine if i was able to go to school at all. said doctor was not only extremely ableist (literally stating that "anyone who has working arms and legs can go to school") but also transphobic, focusing a large amount of time not on my mental health of pending autism diagnosis, but on asking me invasive questions and oversexualizing me.

so yeah. gonna take me the rest of my life to unpack the multiple complex flavors of trauma caused by all of this.

Behaviourists fucking perish alongside all ur fucking teachers and that doctor holy shit.

And I stg i am so fucking angry about fines. They never help! Either ur punishing poor families who are fucking TRYING or ur just putting a price tag on a day off for those who can afford it.

I ended up on half days I could not manage simply to save my mum having to pay fines. Doing so almost killed me. Like straight-up-admitted-to-hospital. I was a kid putting myself through that so my mum wouldn't have to skip meals to keep us fed. And ofc because I "could" do half days, I was just being lazy about doing full days 🙄

(Oh and they've changed shit so its automatic fines and sympathetic schools can't give u a pass so its even worse now!)