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joyrun · 11 years ago

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42.195km: The 3Ds

According to Wylkie Twycross in Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, the keys to a successful apparation lies in the 3Ds: Destination, Determination, and Deliberation.

I have to say that my foray into finishing a full marathon distance is not too dissimilar.

It all started with a dream. When I started running, I looked at these people completing a marathon with envy in my heart and a fire in my soul. I've always been a bit jealous of other people's achievements (note that I say achievements, for talent is another matter altogether. I have resolved to admit that I can neither sing, nor dance well. I can, however, play the alto and tenor saxophone fairly well, if I were to only find the time and passion to hold it up again). Though, for me, and this, I think, is one of my strengths- I use envy to my advantage and not to bring other people down (or I try very hard not say bad things about others.) So when I dreamed the dream of finishing a marathon, I started with a destination in mind- and that is, to complete 42.195km in my 30th year, in the place where I was born (Penang). It's all part of my grand plan of celebrating my third decade on earth, see.

And from then on, determination took place.

I have never been a great runner. Running didn't come easily for me. Way back when, I used to hate it, I even hate walking for it made my thighs chafe. I hated runners- their agility, their speed, their confidence, used to haunt me of my shape, my unfit-ness, my lack of self-esteem. Then, I started loving and becoming one myself. >.< But still, I struggle-I can't run 10km without needing water, I can't speed up as I want to and sustain the speed, I had knees and plantar issues just from training. Yet, I secretly believe that my talent is my determination. I was never the genius nor the prettiest girl, but I sure am Hermione in being pushy and getting-what-I-want (and yes, also the over-anxious, worrywort part!). I started my training regime in Hong Kong, for the dates coincided with my course there. It was a great opportunity to train the hills, and also to meet someone inspiring, who's my friend's master. I know, however, that I am not in that league. But I thank these people for making the time to somehow nudge people like me along, and for that I am forever grateful.

I returned to my training in KL. Stupidly, I allowed the training to be just about running; though at the back of my mind- my body tells me that it needs the cross training. Work became a bit stressful- what with the need for a publication and starting new experiments on top of classes and everything else - that my "rest" and "cross" days from training were taken up by work, and not the promised strength training that I KNOW I should be doing. It was a week before SCKL that I, and my body finally broke down. The sharp pain hit me at Plaza Damas, on my usual route, and I just sat there and cried. I cried because I worked so hard and nothing ever seems to work in my life. At that point- both the paper was going nowhere it seemed and the running was not showing any improvements. I took myself to a chiropractor and a sports doctor- both confirmed that I was injured. Yet, I ran SCKL. And made a bad timing that jeopardizes the possibility of even completing a Full Marathon.

I turned to a friend whom I regard as the closest I have to a "coach". It was heartwarming that he managed to calm me down enough not to lose the 2nd D of determination. And I followed his advise- yet I couldn't manage all of them. The heel spur was just too in-my-face to ignore. So in the end, my training looked like this:

Almost 3 full weeks of no running before the big race. I was brimming with worry, sure that I would DNF, that everything's going to fall apart. Then, the weekend came to travel to Penang and all I could do was go with Deliberation. I tried to keep calm but on Saturday I just really want to vomit. I tried to sleep but couldn't and the whole lightning and thunderstorm that engulfed the island didn't help in reducing my worry. I literally jumped out of Lils's car when she dropped me off, forgetting to thank all the girls for their support in my worry-laden brain. I couldn't even speak when I hugged Karen, who in her busy schedule was kind enough to text me a few days prior on the journey I was about to take, and calming me down even more. When Mimi said hi to me in the carel before flag off, I barely recognized her. All I could mutter was "I'm starting to think that this is not a good idea". I was terrified.

But when I started running, the worries went deliberately away. This is it. I'm doing this not for glory, far from it- but because I need to prove to myself that whatever challenge I set my self to, I will finish it. I finished my PhD. I have tried my hardest in getting work done and if I am not appreciated for things, then at least I know that I have done my best. All I can tell my brain was "let's enjoy this", but it didn't need telling. The nagging feeling I had in my plantar since that morning went away- it was as if I wasn't injured.

Then the fast Half Marathoners came whizzing past. My heart dropped. Damn it, I can't even see the 6 hours pacers anymore. As I was running on the bridge, I started to appreciate the weather- it was the perfect weather for running, and from past-years' horror stories, I gave thanks to Mother Nature. Then I saw the 6 hours pacers again. I think I could still make it in 6.5 hours. I willed myself to go faster. I noticed a tap on my shoulder and there was Janice. She gave me a thumbs up. I could only nod a thank you. She went to the u-turn for the HMs and I went straight towards Butterworth. I had my first pee stop before the loop-turn to get back on the bridge. I was secretly thankful that I chose to not wear the compression pants as I had troubles before with stopping to pee in them. Plus, I did my 30km in this particular running skirt and I thought I should stick with that. But halfway back across the bridge, I needed to pee again. "This is irritating!!" said my brain, and at around the same time my plantar said hi again- it has been ignored long enough. I couldn't find a portaloo that do not have a line of runners, and only when I was bursting that I finally stopped to pee, having to wait in line behind a number of runners. Then, I couldn't pee. It hurts like hell. I felt like I need to pee, but when I was in the portaloo, only a trickle would go. Signs of dehydration. But I was taking my salts, my gels, I was running with a water bottle in hand (owing to the horrors that my friend Fazu had to face during her similar attempt on this very same bridge). I don't know. All I could assuage myself with was the fact that I was still running. I got to 30km and I was not walking. But damn that bloody traffic light to u-turn was by GOD the farthest bloody u-turn one has to make. I had to make a few more pee-but-not-pee-stops but all I can tell myself was to keep going. Fuck the timing, just keep going.

Then, just as I ran out of all my gels (one of them was dropped somewhere along the bridge with me noticing only much later when I was looking for it) and salts- the cramp hit. Exactly at km36. Fuck you, wall. Fuck you like every damn bit of unexpected claw that drags people down in a moment of content. That was when I made friends with this lady who was limping back from km30. We walked then one of us would start to jog and the other would follow suit; and it goes on in a cycle. Until we both saw the 4km to go sign. That's when we both gave each other a look that says "fuck whatever happens, I'm running to the finish line". She, with her slight limp; me, feeling like my heels would crack any minute. But we were in a sea of 5km Fun Run lovers, it seems! Couples holding hands and we had to weave ourselves through. Only when we turn towards the roundabout that we, the full marathon-wannabees, could finally run free. And I couldn't stop the tears then. This leng chai actually looked at me in shock as I passed him- I mean, he was limping, I was running but I was crying while running? I was crying because I really, really could feel my heel and my plantar then. But I controlled myself, and as I paced the lady, she was saying over and over "where's the arch? where's the arch?" and all I could say was "we'll make it, we'll make it in time" (while secretly telling my heels to please don't fail me so close to the finish line).

Then we saw it. The yellow wooden arch that we all had been aiming for. Then I saw this lady in white with a milo towel on her head jumping up from the sides and aiming her iPhone at me! Only a few seconds later did it dawned on me that it was indeed, Lils. >.< As I moved towards the red carpet, a booming voice said (or that's what it felt like; I thought I was hallucinating, it sounded so much like Dumbledore) "well done, Lyana!". And as I cross the red carpet, I saw that it was Azrul. Only then did I turned to the lady and held out my hand "I'm Lyana. Thanks for that." And she introduced herself as Liza and we both gave a nod of understanding. Only runners would understand. We've earned our rights to the club now. And hell, we could only get better from there. So there you have it. The 3Ds that would allow you to apparate into a full marathon finisher. I'm one of those people stubborn enough to try this without a good fitness level, and injury-free training. Others will tell you that there are better ways to do this, better ways to finish. But all I am thankful for is to have completed. I could still feel my plantar until today, 4 days after the race. All I can hope for is it will receive enough rest and care for me to start running again very soon.

I have to thank Lils for all her support, from getting me into a running group and the network of runners to her reminders and advise up to the very last minute. And for the food-safari in Penang!! Having left the island for boarding school at 13 has made me lost my familiarity with makan places. I really can't thank you enough, Lils. Shear and Rachel for being there, and both Rachels that I know (Q and J!) who have accompanied me in many-a-training runs. Dzul, I know you're not on facebook, but I hope somehow somewhere you will get wind of this. Thank you for believing in me- I know you say it's all on me, but your re-assurance has helped me to believe in myself too. You are my tall master Jedi! :D the force is now strong in this one. hehe. Karen, for being so inspiring. I can only dream of a sub 6 (dare not yet aim any higher!) for now... but as this note started....... :D Then, the gang of runners who always have nothing but support: Kak Liza, Jo, Letch, Anne, Janice, Rienna, Amy, Uncle John, Fazu and on the Penang trip James and Yam whom I only know briefly before, and those I know briefly but inspiring as ever- the bukit chenta loop gang (Farah, Aniza, Lini!!). Frank- thanks for designing my running plan, sadly I couldn't reach it yet- but with more strength and fitness am sure I will on the next one?

now, plantar- get well, please. The running shoes are collecting dust and I need a PB!

#poppedthefullmarathoncherry #42.195km #penangbridgemarathon

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