#pedri gonzález x yn

[gadriezmannsgirl]

Neither Alive Nor Dead -Pedri González

Song Inspo: Ni Vivo Ni Muerto - Lasso ft. Micro TDH Warnings: Full Angst

Summary: You decide when enough is enough

It's been a whole month and two weeks since you've had a proper sleep, since you have left your house to go out. A whole month and two weeks since Pedri ended your relationship... Well, it wasn't even a serious relationship if you can call it that way. It was more of an affair.

A Friends with Benefits thing.

At the beggining you settled up that there were not romantic feelings involved just trying to get stress and some tension out. Definitely between the two of you had physical atraction.

But you fucked it up.

It was the way he stopped his agressive thrusts to take care of you, asking you if were feeling good. It was the way, he let you sleep on his chest after a passionate moment.

It was the way he started sleeping with you and started spooning you before you both fell asleep. It was the way his eyes light up when you made breakfast or the way when he tried to made you a little meal. It was the little notes he left for you. The smiles he sent you. The random hugs. The way he made you laugh.

You couldn't just have not fallen for him. It was impossible.

But the worst part is that you thought he felt the same way.

After a random night where you both were out of the shower, both of you started dressing up and he let himself fall down on the bed while you looked at him with a fond smile

"What's up?"

You sighed "I love you" You let out as Pedri's smile faded as quickly as it came to his face

"¿Cómo?" (What?) He asked in disbelief inmediately sitting up in the bed, looking at you wide eyed "You what?"

You were shaking with nerves, the tension in the aire shifted from cute, goofy and lovely to tensed and heavy in miliseconds.

"I love you" You repeated this time letting a strong and heavy sigh out

And silence took up on the room for a long while.

"Pedri" You began

"I... Lo siento" He shoook his head "I gotta go"

And with that he started picking up his things

"Pedri, you don't have to-"

"Nos vemos luego, Y/N" He had said walking out of your house and out of your life as well.

You tried to text him, call him and contacted him in any way possible, he just left you on read.

And that's how it's been. Until your best friend came in and threw you a dark blue dress

"Shower. Get changed. Put on some makeup. Put yourself pretty. We're going out tonight"

"Ali-" You began

"I said we're going out tonight. I didn't ask nor hesistated. Do it before I do it by myself, I don't care if I have to shower with you, dress with you, do both of our hairs and make up. I'll do it but you are going out tonight and have a good time. Go!"

You huffed rolling your eyes but still decided to get up and do what she asked

You tried your best, you tried to enjoy your night out, posted a hundred of pics pretending to be happy on Instagram in hopes he saw them and reached out to you but he didn't. You wanted his attention, you didn't wanted to be just another girl.

But it seemed like you were.

Now, it was the fifth time you had gone out with your girls and you still thought of him. You huffed once more, you were tired, random hook ups weren't doing you good seeing as you always thought on the nights were he was with you.

You were honestly getting tired of it, tired of him, of thinking of him while partying, you were tired of calling him, he had you on his knees and he didn't care if you were neither alive nor death. You forgot how to cry, you forgot how to love yourself but it didn't mattered, you only wanted him.

It has been three months now, your progress was slowly getting better you still remembered him sometimes when you were giving your dog food, you remembered him sometimes when you watch a football match but the ache in your chest was getting better.

Almost non-existent.

You only nodded whenever your girls told you they saw him on the market, on the streets and some more and replied a little "Good for him"

You were your first priority, you were realizing that. You deserved better, you were learning to love yourself once more and this time with more force than ever.

Five months since he left you had stopped watching his IG stories, you stopped calling him, texting him, you deleted pictures with him of your phone, his messages were deleted. You forgot how much you missed him, you forgot you loved him, it was your turn to not care for anyone but yourself

You were out with your friends at a restaurant, you had defended your thesis and everything went perfectly and even more than you could ever imagined it. You were proud of yourself for making it this far, remembered all the sleepless nights and the cries when something could go wrong. All the times you used to doubt your capacity to finish it but you did it in less than three months you were officially going to be a surgeon.

The hospital you did your internship with, loved you and your work and they were fully waiting for you to get your degree and be officially one of them.

Everything was going perfect for you.

You felt your phone ding and you laughing looked for it only to freeze when you saw the name on it.

Pedro González: Hola Pedro González: I know it's been a few months since we talked but I just wanted to tell you that you look very beautiful tonight

Your eyes scanned uncounsciously the crowd only to find him sat at a table that was diagonal to yours. You locked eyes with him and saw him wave a bit, you only sent a tight lipped smile at him and left your phone back on the table, trying to keep up with the conversation the guys had on when your phone dinged once more

Pedro González: Can we talk?

"What's up babe?" Your best friend, Allison asked you as you looked at her

"Pedro is messaging me"

"Asshole" You laughed a little nodding

"He wants to talk, what should I say to him?"

"Well, you can see what he's up to? I don't know I mean.... I would say no because I wouldn't want to hear any kind of excuses but at the same time I would say yes, to let him know you don't care anymore for him and put that an endline" You looked at her impressed

"You should've gone for Phsycology instead of Law" She hit your arm lightly

"Tonta" You laughed

"So... Yes?" You asked and she shrugged her shoulders

"Do what you want, baby" She smiled "I trust you have all the power to tell him off, if that's what you want. But if you also want him back, it's up to you. Or if you just want to be on good terms, that's also good" You nod "Just scream if you need some help. I'll take the glass and smash it against his head" You laughed out loud

You loved her and you were thankfull of having her by your side ever since high school

And with that you sent a single text 'Okay. Where and when?'

Pedro González: It's okay the terrace in five minutes?

You sent the thumbs up emoji and left your phone on the table, laughing at something Kenneth, one of your collegues and friend had said, you also watched how Camila, his girlfriend stained his white button up shirt without meaning to with her meat

"No, genial" He had murmured

"¡Mi amor, lo siento tanto!" She said making you guys laugh lightly. Only those things happen to the poor Kenneth, from the corner of your eye you saw Pedri standing up from his table, you looked at him and he nodded lightly at you.

You got the message.

"I'll be in the bathrooom really quick, guys" You announced standing up as well, you felt an arm wrap around your waist and you smiled

"Don't take too long, ¿sí?" You smiled nodding

"You won't die without my presence for a few minutes"

"I could enter into a coma" You faked surprise gasping a little, leaving the table.

You made your way to the little stairs that get to the terrace watching Pedri's back as he stared at the Spaniard night

"Hola" You broke the ice with a light smile

You didn't hated him at all, you moved on and he, now, was just someone from your past you used to know. You didn't hold any kind of resentment against him.

He turned around to see you "Hola" He breathed out

"¿Qué tal todo?" (How's everything going on?) You ask walking up to be next to him, leaning on the railing watching the cars pass by and the lighted up buildings

"Good, I've been better tho" He mumbled the last part "You?"

"I'm great, really great actually" You said excited with a smile on

"I'm glad you are" He said looking at you as you looked back at him

"Thanks. I hope everything gets better for you tho" You say trying to reassure him as he nodded lightly "So... What you wanted to talk about?" You ask

"I'm just sorry about how everything turned out" You sighed lightly "I shouldn't have left that night, I should've stayed and I should've also replied to all of your calls and messages, I shouldn't have ghosted you at all. I'm sorry and I have come to realize that I love you too"

Now that shocked you

"Pedri" You said shacking your head but he grabbed both of your hands in his

"Please, hear me out. I know what I did was wrong and awful but I regret it, I missed you more and more each time, everytime I was with another girl all I could imagine was you, they weren't like you, I realized it too late. And I'm an idiot for letting you go away but if you still want, we can give this a chance? Give me another chance? I swear I'll do better, I'll be the man you need"

"Pedri, stop" You shook your head

"I know I hurt you and I'm fucking sorry for it, you didn't deserved it and you deserve someone better but I can be better for you. We're at your terms, we can go at any pace you want"

"Pedri, I'm sorry" You shook your head "I can't"

"Please, I'll be better, I'll be someone worthy of you and your love, I can be your someone, please let's just-"

"You can't be worthy of me nor my love, Pedro" You said with determination on your voice shaking your head "I'm sorry but I can't give you what you want because I don't want you anymore" You said

"I felt so horrible, so awful during all of that time and you didn't batted a single eye for me, why should I give you something you didn't give to me in the first place? I was so in love with you it was heartbreaking" You pulled your hands away from his and crossed them in front of your chest

"I was always thinking of you, I always wanted you to call, text or tell me a sign we could be something. I started thinking I was a planet and you were the sun because it seemed like my existence was fully around you and that's sick" You said "In the process of loving you I started unloving myself and that's not something I can't let myself go for again, I crossed the line and I'm not planning on crossing it again"

"I'm sorry" Pedri said shaking his head, tears polling at his eyes

"Don't cry" You assured him "It doesn't hurt anymore" He looked away from you

"Please" He breathed out

"I don't think it's good for us to stay in contact right now, you need to heal as well and find yourself once more"

"Y/N" You smiled at him hugging him a bit

"Take care of yourself, please. Maybe we can be friends in a future, you'll always be someone who I gave a piece of my heart to, either good or bad and I'll always love you, not in a certain kind of way but in a thank you and I hope the best for you way" You smiled left a kiss on his cheek "We are in peace, Pepi" You called him like you always used to with a smile "Gotta go" And with that you left the terrace with the feeling of this heavy weight leaving your shoulders

You came back and the guys were picking their stuffs up

"What's up?"

"We wanted to go around the park, Kenneth vió que harán un pequeño festejo de fuegos artificiales" Juan Camilo, your two months boyfriend said "Don't worry, I asked for your dessert to be wrapped to go"

"Thank you" You replied softly to him watching him grab your coat and help you put it on, he smiled at you pulling you into him by the waist and kiss you on your lips

You smiled leaning into him when you saw Pedri come back from the terrace, his eyes on you and your boyfriend, he only nodded with a tight smile, meanwhile the guys paid the bill, he walked over to you

"Congratulations, hombre" Pedri said to Juan Camilo "You have gotten the most perfect girl in the world" He looked at you with sad eyes "Do me a favor, love her everyday and don't hurt her. She deserves the best things in life"

"Will do, mate" Pedri nodded

"Hopefully see you soon, platanito" He smiled at you "Wish you the best"

And with that Pedri left you guys alone. You smiled knowing you just closed a chapter in a good way, you may not go back again with him but you could be happy for you and for him too.

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@gaviypedrisbride