#peaceinmayhem

[takoyakimd]

It’s so easy to judge, until you experience what the other is facing. 

[takoyakimd]

07/02/2022

Post breakup day 8

Post hospital duty day 2 

I haven’t been single for almost 10 years.

Need some more time to adjust. Sobrang nakakainip walang kausap/kakwentuhan. 

Missing Amang Rodriguez. Pag toxic sa duty, umaayaw na. Ngayon na tapos na ang duty, gumugusto pa. Weird.

[takoyakimd]

Currently watching Sisyphus: The Myth. I find it so interesting!! Please sana naman hanggang last episode ganito yung feels. So far, sa 6 episodes na meron, lahat maganda and walang tapon. I love kdramas pero I’ll be honest not all makes me feel this good. Also, knowing my other favorites (Goblin, Mr. Sunshine, Scarlet Heart, Reply 1988, Autumn In My Heart - yes, iyakan yung mga type ko~), medyo kakaiba to. Can’t wait for next week :)

[takoyakimd]

I feel sad whenever I excitedly recommend something to him tapos yung reaction niya parang k lang.

[takoyakimd]

Our dog was diagnosed with Parvovirus this afternoon. I feel so sad. I tried to hold it in the whole day but I just can’t help but feel very very scared of losing her. I love this baby so much. It breaks my heart to see her suffer. And unfortunately, we do not have the means to confine her to a veterinary clinic because it will cost Php 67,000 acc to her doctor. 

[takoyakimd]

Me after watching Lovestruck in the City: Surfing and living somewhere temporarily and randomly is definitely on my bucketlist!

[takoyakimd]

Day 84/365

Bad day not a bad life.

Learn to accept things that happened already. Wala na tayo magagawa doon kundi be better and move forward.

[takoyakimd]

Can’t believe how insensitive some people are. 

[takoyakimd]

I normally sleep at around 3-4am, but yesterday’s the most fulfilling one so far. Got praised by a professor/doctor that I’ve been terrified of. 

[takoyakimd]

My mom passed away when I was 23 years old. Imagining life and years without her breaks me. If I’d live up to let’s say 50, it means more than half my life, I’ll be living without her. How cruel is that?

[takoyakimd]

dodging personal questions to avoid unavoidable awkwardness 

[takoyakimd]

Life has been so monotonous and tiring. I need something that makes me feel alive.

[takoyakimd]

the thing is... i rarely talk to God since my mom died

[takoyakimd]

I guess nasa point na ako na di ko na talaga kailangan ng more toxic people sa buhay no matter how long na yung taong yun sa buhay ko. I value my peace more. It feels so good to mute/archive/ignore someone who makes you feel like shit.

[takoyakimd]

This is just a random post on how I feel atm or some questions that’s been bugging me for a while...

Am I grieving enough?

Am I sad enough?

Should I feel guilty for the things that makes me smile?

Am I really happy?

Nakamove on na ba ako?

Am I denial?

I can no longer afford random gastos or even review sa coffee shop

I no longer have the drive for studying compared ng kamamatay ni Ma.

I feel horrible for seeing an ex that my mom doesn’t like

I feel loved and happy pag kasama ko si ex. He makes me laugh, he makes me feel na I am not alone

I feel bad for my Dad. But I don’t like him when he drinks

My sister is the reason for my being now

I love my sister soooooo much. I hope she can study on the school na gusto niya. I feel bad for her na she needs to adjust ng bongga just because she’s young when mama left

I will be a doctor

I don’t like the responsibilities na binibigay saken. Gusto ko na lang mawala minsan

Ayoko si Dad pag umiinom, ayoko umuwi ng Pamp pero pag naiisip ko na sister ko, gusto ko mag-uwian

I feel lonely sa Val/dorm but sometimes it feels good mag-isa

1 million na sana for mom. Sana andito pa siya, sana naging mas mabuti akong anak, sana di ako bumagsak twice, sana mapatawad niya ko, etc

[takoyakimd]

✔️ Trying to adjust with everything.

✔️ Didn’t enroll yet since wala pang go signal from OLFU.

✔️ Renewed my license yesterday and today, my bestfriend taught me to drive

✔️ 21 days without my Mama. Feels so weird without her.

✔️ Dreamt of my Mama 2 days ago. It didn’t go well. She was mad at me for having low grades from quizzes before. I even asked her why now lang siya galit. I feel guilty when I woke up sana di na ako sumagot.

✔️ Dad tried to control his drinking habits which is really really good.