#pay the price with no hesitation | gertrude musings

[acemenagerie-a]

(( im a quality rp blog idk what u’re talking abt ))

[ritualwritten]

GERTRUDE TAGS

[acemenagerie-a]

(( final t/ma muse tag dump let’s go ))

[acemenagerie-a]

which richard silken quote are you?

tagged by: lifted from @praemetuere tagging: steal away!!

Michael - “ I sleep. I dream. I make up things that I would never say. I say them very quietly. ”

Helen - “ I am singing now while Rome burns. We are all just trying to be holy. ”

Elias -  “ Dear Forgiveness, I saved a plate for you. Quit milling around the yard and come inside. ”

Jonah -  “ I sleep. I dream. I make up things that I would never say. I say them very quietly. ”

Gertrude -  “ I am singing now while Rome burns. We are all just trying to be holy. ”

Georgie -  “ we have not touched the stars, nor are we forgiven, which brings us back to the hero's shoulders and a gentleness that comes, not from the absence of violence, but despite the abundance of it. ”

Joshua -  “ the radio aches a little tune that tells the story of what the night is thinking it's thinking of love. ”

Robin -  “ I sleep. I dream. I make up things that I would never say. I say them very quietly. ”

Veronica -  “ you're in a car with a beautiful boy, and you're trying not to tell him that you love him and you're trying to choke down the feeling, and you're trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you've discovered something you don't even have a name for. ”

[acemenagerie-a]

which weirdly specific water vibe are you?

tagged by: @praemetuere bc i cannot resist a challenge to put my muses on blast  tagging: go for it y’all

Pure Distortion - river snail

catching snails in the river is the easiest thing in the world, because the snails don't move. and then your grandma who smells like flowers and is more athletic than you cooks those snails, and you eat them with rice and spicy soup, and you don't even know what the word "escargot" means. it's fun to splash around and get your socks wet, and when you're all rivered out, you can come sit on one of those sun-warmed flat rocks and watch the little tadpoles wiggle around. you come home freshly tanned and collapse into your plush covers and sink into a deep sleep, and awake just in time for dinner. it's bamboo mats and sliding screen doors, and wrinkled skin that's so soft. maybe apathy makes you uncomfortable. it feels great to throw yourself whole-heartedly into everything, and hard work always begets rewards, right? you wanna live your ghibli dream and if the beauty is catching snails in the river, honestly, go for it bro. maybe you're ignoring big, complex feelings you wanna talk about, but you never learned how, and you try to talk to the snails but it's not like they speak English. you feel weird and squirmy thinking about it, and weird and squirmy not thinking about it, so you just sit and keep looking for snails and think about how great that spicy soup will taste. you'll get there. 

Elias -  balcony ocean

you're sitting on the tiny balcony ledge of your apartment with your legs pushed through the gaps in the railing. the ocean is distant. then, it's lapping at the edge of your balcony, even though you live like twenty stories up, soaking your legs up to the mid-thigh. it's the weird edge between warm and cool, like when your body is just getting used to the swimming pool. the sky is lighter than the water and both are a cool, pale bluish-purple. it's quiet waves and listening to music on your phone speakers instead of your earbuds, matcha milk hard candy and the feeling of concrete. it's the feeling when you found something genuinely funny but just didn't laugh for some reason. honestly, sometimes it all gets a bit much. you're trying to find the beauty in things, and sometimes it's there, but you're trying to replicate the feeling you thought you'd get when you saw it. disappointment is inevitable, bro. you need to be held but at the same time the idea of people touching you right now makes you feel like your entire body fell asleep and now has that weird staticky sensation. balcony ocean is a study in dualities that probably shouldn't exist -- at least, it feels that way. it's that paralyzing indecision coupled with isolation coupled with the weird peacefulness you get from just stepping away from it all.

Jonah - river snail

catching snails in the river is the easiest thing in the world, because the snails don't move. and then your grandma who smells like flowers and is more athletic than you cooks those snails, and you eat them with rice and spicy soup, and you don't even know what the word "escargot" means. it's fun to splash around and get your socks wet, and when you're all rivered out, you can come sit on one of those sun-warmed flat rocks and watch the little tadpoles wiggle around. you come home freshly tanned and collapse into your plush covers and sink into a deep sleep, and awake just in time for dinner. it's bamboo mats and sliding screen doors, and wrinkled skin that's so soft. maybe apathy makes you uncomfortable. it feels great to throw yourself whole-heartedly into everything, and hard work always begets rewards, right? you wanna live your ghibli dream and if the beauty is catching snails in the river, honestly, go for it bro. maybe you're ignoring big, complex feelings you wanna talk about, but you never learned how, and you try to talk to the snails but it's not like they speak English. you feel weird and squirmy thinking about it, and weird and squirmy not thinking about it, so you just sit and keep looking for snails and think about how great that spicy soup will taste. you'll get there.

Gertrude - lakeside fire

these are your people. your bros. your main lads. the autumn air is crisp and cold, the bonfire is crackling in its fire pit, and the quiet sloshing of the lake serves as a casual reminder that this isn't just any hangout: this is THE hangout at THE lake with THE boys. it's everything your fourth-grade self thought high school would be, with 80's sweaters and windbreakers in pink-cyan-purple and jeeps that you never have to pay gas money for. you eat all of the smore's components separately bc it's too hard to eat a smore, and you know everything for the math quiz tomorrow even though you didn't study. it's tall trees without any bugs, and cannonballs into the clean lake, and forks that don't need cleaning. do you really appreciate when you're laughing and flushed with adrenaline? or does that ruin the moment... sorry bro. you're either scared of worrying too much or you've been working too hard and all you want is that energy. or you have this energy and the vibes are already immaculate, in which case, you thought it was fragile for the first time and now you're worrying about preserving it. and like, whenever life catches you looking at it too hard, you yell "act natural!" internally but you're the one throwing the ruse, bro. the worst thing about ideals is that they seem so temporary,,, but perfect things will disappear whether or not you acknowledge how much you want them.

Georgie - ocean cliff

you're like twelve, and you've just come upon a shoreline of jagged rocks with perfect natural steps and places to sit high above the water. the waves crash up against where you sit and foam wets the bottom of your feet, which are bare but unharmed from climbing up. the only other people you see are a couple walking far in the distance and even though it was easy to get here, you feel like no one else can find this place but you. it makes you feel special. it's when your knees are skinned but a bandaid makes it better, or you're bumping your head against the sides of the train as you're sorta trying to fall asleep, or you're eating candy so sour it hurts your mouth, or you're sitting in the car as a kid and you don't know about the rules of the road yet. where did it all go, bro? why are you trying to feel physical sensations? it's almost like you wish someone would take care of you or even just notice, for once, even if it seems really cool in theory to be by yourself. maybe it's not so easy to ask for help, but you really want someone to ask you. even if it's easy for you to laugh and jump and stuff, it sucks when you don't have anything to smile for and your face feels slack and a little sore. life's comprised of a whole lot of monotony, it feels like, so you teeter right on the edge of something big like you're tempting it. it's a game of chicken and you keep winning... try losing for once bro

[acemenagerie-a]

what do you desperately long for in life (based on words i find pretty)?

pilfered from: @praemetuere tagging: go for it!!

Elias -  aurora

you long for community. you likely spent your school years isolated from your peers, either for being a "weird" kid or being mentally ill. you've spent years with only yourself for company, and you wrestle with whether you're good enough for other people and worthy of the love you crave. making friends is hard for you, but you have so much love to give. though you hunger for a group of friends to share the rest of your life with, you often close yourself off to potential friends out of self-doubt and fear of being hurt again. you've never felt truly loved and wonder if you ever will. 

Jonah -  lover

you long for intimacy, someone to share your life, a loyal partner. you spent most of your teen years lonely, few friends and absent parents. you have known little love, and you desire to feel love in its entirety. you yearn for passion, for devotion. you have so much love to give, and long for someone to give it to. you have your concerns about raising a family, but so desire to give your children the love you were deprived of for so many years. you long for a loud kind of love, full of pure adoration.

Gertrude -  opulence

you long for security. you likely grew up poor with parents who worked constantly and never had time for you, even if they really cared. you feel uncertain in almost everything you do, and long for some kind of respite from the violent sea of modern life. you're likely very career-motivated and attempt to find at least financial security, if you can't feel secure in anything else. you're probably studying in a stem / law field, because you saw it as an easy route to a secure position. the weight of your loneliness is crushing and you desire people you can share your life with in a way you never have been able to before, but making connections has always been hard for you. you desire to feel at peace with life and your decisions, but you question whether you ever will.

Georgie -  ethereal

you long for peace of mind. you've spent your life looking over your shoulder and you desire a quiet life where you can rest. you enjoy solitude, but you desire a closeknit group of friends and maybe a lover - a handful of people you can share your life with. you've never liked the clamour and impersonality of hookup culture or the nightlife scene. for you, intimacy is gentle kisses. a hand on the small of the back. warm glances. two hands clasped. intimacy is knowing each other fully and deeply. a quiet kind of love. you long for someone to share this with. you long to retire to a small cottage in the european countryside and spend your days rearing animals and nurturing crops. you long for a quiet life after years of the uncertainty of modernity.

[acemenagerie-a]

which planet are you?

tagged by:  stolen from the dash ( it’s all over & i dont wanna @ any one person sdhfjdsjgfsdhfg ) tagging:  go get urself wrecked sdhgjfhjsdgfjhsdg

Joshua -  Mercury

You’ve got an intimate relationship with the things that can hurt you - they’re familiar in the same way putting away laundry is. You don’t know when to cut people out of your life and you don’t know when you’re angry. In fact, you’re burning with resentment, anger, but you can’t figure out why and it’s on the backburner so often you forget that you’re even angry. Everyone tends to look past you and the more you think about it, the more you don’t care. You know you can’t be a burning star in everyone’s life but you hate the idea that other people can be. Sometimes, it’s easier to put your phone down and pretend you don't exist, pretend that staring at the wall will make it all better. It doesn’t.

Gertrude -  Jupiter

You want to be bigger than life. There’s this crushing feeling in your chest of doubt, that it’s not going to matter when no one remembers you because you aren’t memorable, but you crave the feeling of being something, of being someone, anyone memorable enough for people to recognize. You want to be someone that gets stories told about them - used to dream about seeing your name up in lights. You practice too hard and you tire yourself out, and you never know when to stop because you’ve been told all your life that the system is fair and that if you work hard enough, you’ll get a shot. You know now that it isn’t like that, but you’re going to try, and you’re not gonna stop ‘till you drop dead. Otherwise, you don’t know what to do with yourself. What else is there to do? You’ve got a dream, and that makes it all worth it, doesn’t it? Does it?

Georgie -  Saturn

Do you know why you like being the center of attention? Do you know why there’s always something people are drawn to, why it’s always the same thing and why you always get taken advantage of? Do you know why you always say “I’m fine,” when someone asks if you’re okay? Tell you what, darling, take a look at Saturn’s rings and ask why they’re found more beautiful than Jupiter, when they’re just rocks and ice. Are you just rocks and ice? Or do you want to be more than that? Don’t you want to be somebody with a voice, someone more than just a passing face in the crowd? You don’t know what your dreams are and you don’t know how to deal with criticism, but somehow, sometime, you’ll figure it out. For your sake, I hope you do. I know you do. And don’t suffocate on your way there - you’re in real danger of sinking if you don’t keep going. And you don’t want to sink again, do you? It's hard to pick up the pieces. You're stronger than that.

[acemenagerie-a]

♬ for gertrude !!

Theme Music || ACCEPTING

Seven Devils - Florence + The Machine

Holy water cannot help you now Thousand armies couldn't keep me out I don't want your money I don't want your crown See I've come to burn your kingdom down

Holy water cannot help you now See I've come to burn your kingdom down And no rivers and no lakes can put the fire out I'm gonna raise the stakes, I'm gonna smoke you out