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[friendsresilience]

Dr Paula Barrett’s Visit to Taiwan

[friendsresilience]

That’s what friends are for

By Dr Paula Barrett

Have you ever wanted to be a fly on the school wall – to see how your child copes in the rough and tumble of the playground?

Are they popular? Do they get bullied? Do they “play nice” with the other kids?

It’s natural for parents to want their children to socialise well and to be anxious if they think their child is struggling. But even though you can’t be there to guide your kids through the social minefield of the lunch break, you can still prepare them to form strong, positive relationships with others.

A good way to start is by praising your child for being a good friend to someone. Be specific. For example, say: “I really liked the way you asked Jessica to join you in the playground when you noticed she had nobody to play with. You are a good friend.”

Encourage your child to discuss ways they think they could be a good friend and share stories about your own friendships throughout your childhood and adult life. Explain why you consider someone a good friend. When you were little, they may have been a good listener or shared their toys. As an adult, there may a workmate who helps you use the computer or smiles when they we you. Also, give examples of things that create a bond with your friends. Do you share your recipes or make someone laugh?

When you hear your child talk about different situations from school, initiate discussions that explore how a good friend would react. For example, if your son tells you that he saw Jeremy fall over in the playground, ask how he reacted. Did he help Jeremy up? Or did he laugh?

It’s really important to help your child develop empathy and be more aware of how others are feeling. A child needs to be equipped to read the social cues that will make them sensitive to other people’s needs. Try to encourage your child to develop their empathy by suggesting courses of action. For example: “Your brother looks like he is feeling stressed about his exam tomorrow. Perhaps you could offer to get him a nice, cold drink”.

With support and encouragement, your child can learn how to make — and more importantly keep good friends.

[friendsresilience]

Busy Bodies Need to Rest

By Dr Paula Barrett

When your child wakes up in the morning, the noise starts.

The alarm goes off and the radio goes on. There’s breakfast television, car radios, peak hour traffic, construction sites and mobile phones ringing. Soon, teachers are talking, schoolmates are squealing, keyboards are tapping and bells are peeling.

It’s a lot of stimulation. So it’s no wonder some children find it difficult to be calm or concentrate. for long periods of time. And it’s hardly surprising many children become agitated or anxious.

That’s why rest is so important in the daily routine. A little peace and quiet gives the child’s mind and body time to recover and recharge.

For a start, don’t expect your child to start their homework when they first get home from school. They’ll need at least an hour to eat, relax and calm down. They’ll be more productive and will make fewer mistakes when they’re not overtired.

It’s also not a great idea to take your child to a shopping centre after school. If your car is overheating you wouldn’t speed down the highway. You would pull over, add some water and wait until it cools down before you take off again. You need to do the same thing with children. Let them refuel before they start up again!

Once they’re home from school, there are plenty of ways for a child to relax that doesn’t involve a TV or a computer.

Encourage your child to engage in the kinds of activities that are self-soothing. This could be reading a book, running or walking. Perhaps they could try cooking, looking after a garden, playing a musical instrument or cuddling a pet. Water is also soothing, so a relaxing bath or shower or a swim is a good idea.

Simple relaxation activities also include slow, deep breathing from the stomach, simple muscle relaxation or even just spending a few minutes thinking about a special or happy place.

When a child is feeling very intense emotions, they may need to calm themselves down. Any of the activities discussed can help them deal with those emotions and prevent them reacting badly and may stop them hurting themselves or others.

If children are encouraged to build in periods of quiet time without iPods or mobile phones, they’ll soon choose to do so. Because as parents, if you place importance and value in this, so will your children.

Professor Paula Barrett is (…) the author of FRIENDS FOR LIFE, a schools-based anxiety prevention and treatment program for children and youth. (…)