#patton im just like bop bop bop get a theripist your right dont talk to janus about it hes mentally a child he shouldnt have to deal with-

[the-sunshine-dims]

amnesia rewrite! (chapter 3)

it took a bit but here's chapter 3!

ch 1 | ch 2 | ch 4 | ch 5 | ch 6 | ch 7

original fic

words: 3,457

ao3

contents and warnings: angst (past and present), hurt/comfort, amnesia,  mentally a child!janus, patton has too much guilt to be healthy, flower crowns, food mention,

________

Roman slowly approached the open inviting door of Patton's room, which considering the circumstances that he was there for, didn't seem that inviting. After a moment or so he knocked on the wall to warn Patton he was there.

And Patton, who had been on the floor possibly scrapbooking, definitely making a mess, turned around quickly at the noise before he smiled at him

“Hey Ro!” He greeted with a grin, waving roman over to him.

Roman offered him a small, slightly strained smile in return  “hey Padre,” he greeted in return before going “pat you might wanna sit down because something... kind of happened.”

Pattons happy smile shifted into a concerned one as he started talking again “okay I’m already sitting, but what happened?” 

Roman nervously rubbed his neck, while he had volunteered to go tell Patton the night earlier he had not accounted for how awkward it would be to tell people something he didn’t fully know about, actually he was pretty sure he would still feel awkward even if he knew every single detail. “okay, so, apparently Janus.. went into the imagination, and something happened, we- logan and me, think he got attacked or hit his head or something, and umm well logan kind of confirmed he has amnesia..” he chewed the inside of his lip nervously, a bad habit he had picked up from Virgil a long while back.

Patton opened and closed his mouth several times, trying to process that and trying to find the right words before simply going “is he okay?”

Roman nodded “yeah, well he’s the best he can be. When I left, him and Logan were competing on who could complete a rubix cube the fastest, I’m pretty sure Logan was even letting him win,” he smiled to himself, and Patton couldn't help the small smile at that mental image either “it's kind of adorable actually.” Roman trailed off, eventually he remembered that there’s still one, very important last thing he should tell Patton “okay also, specs said Janus is mentally a child of some verity, we still don’t know exactly how mentally old he is but we know he doesn’t remember king splitting and anything more recent than that.”

Patton made a sympathetic noise “poor thing…” he trailed off, it would be bad enough if Janus had to deal with amnesia but Janus in the mindset of a child.. children shouldn’t have to deal with the aftermath of amnesia or loss (especially twice in the loss subject.) 

Roman nodded crestfallen as the image of Janus sobbing into his chest burned itself into his memory “yeah..” he agreed, Roman may have been kind of upset at Janus for the POF disaster but.. he didn’t deserve anything that happened in the last 24 hours.

After a bit it was clear Patton wasn’t going back to his scrapbooking so Roman sat down on the floor with him, doing what he and Logan did with Janus and just not leaving him alone after unleashing a bunch of stuff he had to process.

After another long stretch of silence Patton looked over to Roman “hey, ro.. do you think I’d be able check up on him?” He asked, he wanted Janus to know he cared enough to go and see him when something bad happened.

Roman hummed “probably, I mean it’s not really my decision but I’m sure he’d be happy to see you from what Logan told me, so yeah we can go see!” He told him before continuing “oh also if he wants to hang out or is just fine with hanging out you can go to bring him somewhere else if you want, because i’m pretty it'll be kinda boring otherwise.”

Patton smiled fondly, and with a nod he got up and helped Roman up with him, and after a moment of just standing there Roman realized Patton didn’t know where Janus even was because he accidentally excluded that information, even when it would make sense to share it, the closest thing he said to a location was that logan knew about Janus as well, and that was why he was awkwardly standing around so he just took Patton's hand in his own and pulled them into the hallway and headed to logan's room.

Once they had passed the kitchen Patton paused though, stopping them both dead in their tracks, before simply asking “have you guys eaten yet?” 

Roman laughed awkwardly and nervously rubbed his neck again, trying his best to avoid eye contact,

That was enough of an answer for Patton so he just sighed fondly before popping into the kitchen and beginning to cook food for everyone, once he was done he made sure to leave an extra two plates in the fridge, though it would be a wonder if Remus actually ended up eating his and didn’t just use it for an ‘art project.’

_____

Janus looked up from where he was sitting on the floor watching tv almost the very second the door opened, Expecting Roman since he disappeared a bit before, so the moment he did catch a glance he gave the smallest, happy little smile as he began waving, and received a wave from Roman in return,

Morality entering right behind Roman was a surprise though.

He offered another wave, because he liked Morality, He was nice, Morality once gave him one of his stuffies when Janus was sick, so he liked him.

After a moment Janus just settled back into his spot as Patton came over to him and handed him breakfast, Janus offered him a brief thankful smile to be polite because that's what Thomas's parents said to do before beginning to turn his attention back to the tv.

Patton was happy Janus seemed relatively content but he didn’t know how to ask to hang out with him, if he ever had a plan he had forgotten it the second he stepped into the room.

After a couple awkward moments he just took a breath and settled down before turning his attention to Janus and asking “hey would I be able to hang out with you for a little bit?” 

Janus turned to him and nodded, simply going “‘Kay” and continuing to do as he did prior, now just with the acknowledgment of Patton's presence, Patton couldn't help but smile as he settled fully onto the floor, sitting criss-cross applesauce against the bedside, passively waiting for Janus to be done with his food and initiate a conversation, Patton knew sometimes there were days where people were less talkative so he didn’t wanna force him to talk if he wasn’t in the mood. 

After a while passed and everyone had eaten, Janus did end up speaking up, asking simply “how are you?” 

Patton smiled at him “I’m doing fine kiddo, how are you?” He asked in response, honestly he wasn’t the finest. He was nervous and still feeling guilty from everything that went down because of the wedding and the fact he had treated Janus so badly, hell he’d treated Remus badly too! He had been so mean to everyone.

Janus hummed in thought before simply going “‘m fine too,” which was only partially a lie, and he had a very tiring day the day before so he got to lie about how mentally drained he was, and hey he was fine for the most part, Roman and logic were being very nice and he had been able to just hang out watching tv while Logic worked and he liked doing that, it was some much needed calm,

Patton offered another smile as he tried thinking of what to say; after another awkward silence he decided To just warmly go “hey kiddo would you want to go explore? And if so do you have any specific places you wanna hang out at?”

Janus pinched his chin in a very exaggerated thinking pose that would make logan proud before just going “sure! and i don’t really mind anywhere really! Well- as long as there aren't horses there, they’re mean,” he told him, before continuing “they hate me and I hate them, it’s a mutually understood hatred.”

Patton didn’t have Time to unpack all of that so he just chuckled and nodded like he understood and didn’t have a million questions on why Janus hated every Horse in existence and just how they all hated him back- so instead of thinking about that he took a moment to think on where he should go with janus, not really knowing where janus would genuinely want to go, before remembering a certain interest Janus used to have that Patton distinctly remembered king showing off whenever he could, so after not much of a second thought he just smiled and asked “would you wanna hang out with me in Roman’s meadow? It’s really pretty there and hey we could even make flower crowns-“ 

The moment the words left his mouth Janus practically had stars in his eyes, he looked like a steven universe character as he excitedly gasped before nodding vigorously “yes please!” He chirped excitedly.

Patton once again smiled, and contained a soft chuckle at how happy Janus looked, he looked like when you tell a child ‘actually yeah why don't you pick out a candy’ when going to the store, he looked.. childish, and Patton thinks that’s good, if he’s in the mindset of younger Janus, Patton doesn’t think it would be good if Janus started acting like normal Janus right now.

After a bit of Janus just being excited it finally crossed his mind that the reason Patton’s not getting up to go is because he’s waiting for him to say he’s ready, so he bounces up and after a short confused look that’s quickly replaced with a smile Janus helps Patton up to the best of his ability and then it’s Janus’s turn to wait because he doesn’t know where anything is, he doesn't  even know how he got to Logan's room, all he remembers is crying a bit and then waking up under a soft blanket on Logan’s bed.

Luckily for Janus, Patton took no time to shoot a wave to Roman and Logan before going “I’ll be back soon, don’t worry I’ll keep him safe” and then presenting his hand for Janus and once their hands are linked Patton headed to the nearest imagination entrance.

_____

The moment Janus could see the archway with the absolutely beautiful meadow covered with all kinds of wildflowers and overgrown green grass just beyond it he ran out into it without a moment's hesitation.

Patton followed him with a smile playing on his lip, and a chuckle following in suit as Janus twirled himself around into a soft patch of grass and promptly fell face first into the blanketed earth, after a moment Janus just smiled hugely and began happily laughing as he turned over so he could face the sky. 

(And Patton tried his best to not think about how he had kind of outcasted this side, this side who with just the mention of flowers or flower crowns was almost bouncing with excitement, this side who viewed him as a friend, this side who really did want the best for Thomas. And instead he tried to focus on the fact he was trying to repair it, and the fact that Janus was practically elated as he began his best attempt at rolling around in the grass and flowers, which counted for something, at least it meant he chose a good place to hang out with Janus,) so he just smiled and sat down next to Janus, 

And after a moment he picked a small yellow flower and offered it to Janus, cuasing Janus to beam at him as he took it before he began picking others around him and weaving them into a crown with it.

And After a moment Patton just slowly went “I have to admit, I have no idea how to make flower crowns,”

Janus looked over at him with a reassuring smile before he replied “that’s okay, don’t worry! That just means I can teach you!” he said as he grabbed more flowers and started a new crown and while making sure Patton was paying attention, weaving them together slowly to see if that was all Patton needed to learn or if he needed actual instructions like he did when creativity was trying to teach him to crochet.

Patton tried his hand at it after he grabbed a handful of flowers and slowly tried to replicate what Janus did, and after a bit and some trial and error he was successful, Which caused both Janus and Patton to cheer because he Did it!

“You did it!! You did super super well too!” Janus congratulated him excitedly, and he decided he liked teaching, he felt super proud, he understood now why Logic liked it so much now (despite not really actually teaching.)

“Thanks!” Patton grinned, and after a minute they both started doing their own things, Patton trying to make another flower crown to get the gist of it down to memory, and Janus.. Doing something, he wasn't entirely sure what.

Though soon the peaceful happy mood shifted for Patton, it wasn't that anything really happened, actually it might've been because nothing happened, because it was quiet enough to allow Patton to begin thinking, and normally thinking was a good thing, but recently every time he began thinking all he could think about was how wrong he'd been and how much he'd failed- so the more time went on the more sorrowful he became and the more the small smile that had been left from the little mini celebration dwindled.

After awhile of the two just sitting in silence the thoughts got louder and louder, them all just echoing in his head until they got loud enough to voice themselves, much to the chagrin of Patton, who would prefer having a choice of whether his insecurities and regrets got out, and if they did get out he would prefer to tell them to someone who hasn't literally just been through a traumatic experience, “I’m sorry- I’m sorry I misjudged you and was mean- I’m so sorry I was so awful to you- I’m so so sorry” he practically word-vomited. the words coming out a mile a minute, and because of that he was able to make it become more mumbly a little after the second ‘sorry’, which was lucky for him as he wanted it to be as inaudible as possible so Janus didn't have to actually understand his little guilt-ridden ramble, which didn't work completely but he tried, because he didn’t want to let his guilt get in the way of hanging out with Janus, Janus quite honestly should not have to deal with that at the moment, he should get to have a happy fun day, since he was already dealing with so much, if he did even tell him he wanted to tell him after his memory returned.

Janus was silent for a couple moments, quite honestly he was so confused, he didn’t know what Patton meant and even if he did it was so abrupt it left Janus quite literally stunned, but after an uncomfortably silent minute or so he tried to defend Patton “I don’t know what your talking about.. but I’m sure you weren’t mean! And if you were you probably had a good reason for it, I know you! You wouldn’t be mean if you didn’t have a good reason!” He told him insistently. 

Patton.. really wished that were true, he had a good reason on paper but in reality not so much, he wanted to keep Thomas safe, and somehow his view of Janus had changed throughout the years to view him as a danger, despite him knowing Janus, well he didn’t know his name till recently but he knew Janus. but regardless of that somehow he started thinking Janus was evil, and then he had mistreated him, not hearing him out even when Janus was probably the expert on the situation. “dee.. I know you don’t remember it but I really was super super mean! and I misjudged you and I most definitely ended up hurting you and you didn’t deserve any of it! and I’m so sorry I’m just.. so so sor-“ Patton was cut off abruptly as Janus hugged him, 

“You probably had your reasons,” he said once again, much more insistent, and patton couldn't help but wonder, had Janus always seen the best in people? And when did he stop? “-and whatever they were I’ll probably forgive you for them! I mean I honestly don’t remember what you're talking about so it might be... a bit before I fully forgive you when I got all the memories and stuff back but-  no matter what,” he pulled out of the hug just to be able to look into Morality’s eyes, trying to look stern, which for once, didn't really work. “you deserve a second chance.” He told him firmly, and after another moment he continued “and I’m certain we’ll be friends! I promise I’ll stand by you when I’m all memory-y again, promise!” He grinned and plopped his now suddenly and magically finished flower crown onto Morality’s head.

Patton smiled sadly at him, “okay, and.. Thank you,” he said, leaving what he was thanking him for blank, and honestly he was still feeling extremely guilty because despite everything and Janus not really knowing what he meant he still comforted him to the best of his abilities, and really how could he think Janus was evil, how could he, roman and Logan dismiss him so easily? never inviting him to the table, and pretty much just ignoring his existence to Thomas. later when everything was normaller Patton needed to have a sit down discussion with Janus and Remus because he needed to make sure they were starting to be listened too, and that they knew they would be, however though currently he needed to focus on Janus, because Patton brought him here to have a good day and while he thinks since it's been maybe a bit more than a hour, and eventually it'll get boring, he still wants him to have a good day.

So he adjusted the flower crown to be more comfortable on his head before he slipped right into his happy façade which luckily Janus, who was trying to make a little cave out of the tall overgrown grass, didn't seem to question “so kiddo! After maybe a half hour more out here would you wanna go inside and watch a show or movie? I can make popcorn!” (-and now that Patton was paying attention did Janus look that young before?)

Janus perked up like a sunflower and nodded “mhmm! sure! What would you wanna watch?”

Patton Smiled “I don't really care, i'll be fine with whatever you wanna watch kiddo,”

Janus seemed to think about it before going “can we watch kiki’s delivery service..? Oh! And can we have skittles too?”

Patton smiled once again. “of course! When we get inside I’ll set it all up!” 

Janus’s eyes lit up brightly before he murmured an excited thank you and tried to hurry and begin distracting himself so he wouldn’t feel like he was waiting and time would pass quicker and a minute wouldn't feel like an hour also he needed to focus on making that last crown anyway since he had already made one for Logic and he needed to make one for Roman.

_____

A couple hours later Logan and Roman got curious as to where the two went and discovered Patton and Janus dead asleep, Janus pretty much curled up into a ball against Patton's side, Janus’s normally small form somehow slightly smaller, as Patton's arm snaked around his side almost protectively, with the Tv asleep from no use, Logan and Roman just shared a soft fond look before silently agreeing to not wake them and summoning a blanket for the two before leaving. Logan and Roman could see something had changed, they could see the tension eased from Patton's shoulders ever so slightly, not gone for sure but he was clearly content and that was breathing room, because while Patton had always left the door to his room open as an invitation to anyone and everyone that they could come in and that had persisted, Patton had still been coming out of his room less and less, and aside from that there was other things that just made it clear something was wrong, but Patton and Janus were content, right there, taking a nap, and for now that's all they needed to know.