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tabloidtoc · 4 years ago

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Star, May 3

You can buy a brand new copy of this issue without the mailing label for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Shiloh Jolie-Pitt

Page 1: Christina Aguilera at 40 -- she talks about child stardom, learning to love her body, and what she wants her daughter Summer to know

Page 2: Contents, Renee Zellweger, Phoebe Dynevor and James McAvoy at the BAFTAs in London

Page 3: Mariska Hargitay and Law & Order: SVU co-star Ice-T take a selfie during a break from shooting the cop drama in NYC, Heather Graham at the beach in Mexico, stepping into the America's Got Talent studio Sofia Vergara elevated her casual cropped jeans with strappy platform sandals in L.A., Jason Momoa cutting a rug with an unidentified partner ahead of filming a scene for his upcoming fantasy film Slumberland in Toronto

Page 4: Colton Underwood comes out -- saying he's the happiest and healthiest he's ever been, the former Bachelor clarifies his orientation

Page 5: Lena Dunham is no stranger to controversy, so it comes as no surprise that her foray into fashion design has also come under fire as she partnered with a plus-size label to create the capsule collection 11 Honore x Lena Dunham, but the kicky line quickly came under fire as critics are calling it tone-deaf, mediocre and not inclusive at all since its largest size is a 26 and some are even going so far to call Lena a grifter who gained weight in order to make money off the plus-size community but Lena, who underwent a hysterectomy at 31, has pointed to early menopause as the cause of her straight-up gut -- while Lena refuses to be intimidated by bullies, she is listening to the complaints about sizes and is planning to address it

* Once a cautionary tale of the perils of child stardom, at age 40 Macaulay Culkin is a father himself as he and girlfriend Brenda Song welcomed a son, Dakota -- he's finally overcome his demons and Brenda has been a huge influence on his life and helped him get back on the straight and narrow and he's even pursuing acting again, shooting season 10 of American Horror Story; his life has taken such a positive turn

* A year after announcing her split from Jay Cutler, Kristin Cavallari is seeing the upside of divorce, saying it's made her a better mom in some ways because she has her kids half the time now so when she has them for her week, she is so incredibly present with her kids Camden, Jaxon and Saylor and she is not distracted by her phone or anything else; she is with them -- Jay and Kristin each have the kids 182.5 days a year and court papers also revealed that her ex is allowed two phone calls and two FaceTime or Skype calls a week and vice versa so now every moment is precious and if someone is having a temper tantrum or something, she remains calm because she knows that she is losing them in a few days

Page 6: Gwen Stefani is widely thought to have had some help in the nips and tucks department, and as her wedding to Blake Shelton approaches, he is starting to object to her constant tweaking of her face -- she's always messing with it by getting more fillers and Botox and Blake is afraid of what he'll see at the altar and he's freaking out at Gwen's increasingly extreme beauty routine which is becoming increasingly over-the-top; Gwen can barely move her face to smile at him anymore and it looks weird -- while he frets, he's trying to reassure his wife-to-be because Blake thinks she's beautiful just the way she is

* As an executive producer on the long-running Law & Order: SVU, Mariska Hargitay has tasked the writers to come up with more storylines featuring one of her favorite characters: defense attorney Trevor Langan, played by none other than her husband Peter Hermann -- Mariska and Peter originally met and fell in love when Peter guest-starred on the show and she loves to keep that magic alive by bringing him back to play Trevor but the trouble is he is busy with his own gigs as a series regular on Younger and his recurring role on Blue Bloods and Peter loves working with his wife, but he has his own acting career apart from Mariska -- still, he may soon have his day in court because Peter understands how Mariska feels and is trying to work his schedule to allow him some guest spots in the near future

Page 8: Star Shots -- Lenny Kravitz with a guitar flaunted his well-sculpted midsection during a stroll on the beach, Suki Waterhouse with her on-the-go grub on the set in Liverpool

Page 9: Louisa Jacobson and Taissa Farmiga and Denee Benton on the set of The Gilded Age in NYC, Conan O'Brien sipped on a soda at lunch in L.A., Katy Perry in the American Idol bathroom

Page 10: Kate Hudson with mom Goldie Hawn and kids Ryder and Rani, Kate Hudson twirled solo modeling in a pal's swimwear collection, Jude Law's daughter Iris Law who will make her acting debut in Danny Boyle's upcoming Sex Pistols biopic makes a call in London

Page 12: Kelly Osbourne handed out items at a food distribution event as the Islamic Center for Southern California, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson in the gym, despite a no-social warning a cheeky Nicole Kidman shared a pic from the set of Aaron Sorkin's Being the Ricardos in which she portrays Lucille Ball

Page 13: Anabella Sciorra and Donnie Wahlberg gloved up for a Blue Bloods scene in NYC, Heidi Klum and husband Tom Kaulitz started their morning during a walk on the beach in L.A.

Page 14: Travis Barker showed off his body art stepping off a Hollywood tour bus shirtless after filming a music video, a cheerful Britney Spears gave a fun look into her wardrobe in a pink floral frock, Scott Disick and Amelia Hamlin color-coordinated for a walk near the beach in Miami

Page 16: Lamar Odom and Aaron Carter put up their dukes to promote their Celebrity Boxing Match in Philadelphia, Priyanka Chopra Jonas and husband Nick Jonas at the BAFTAs in London, Ellen DeGeneres on the phone during a stroll in her main hood of Montecito

Page 18: Normal or Not? A denim-on-denim clad Jay Leno scratched an itch while filming a project in Los Angeles -- not normal, dressed in a Siggi sweatshirt Katie Holmes picked up some seasonal blooms on Manhattan's Upper East Side -- normal, Kate Beckinsale multitasked during a car ride by applying undereye patches -- not normal

Page 19: Gavin Rossdale appeared to be pleased with his Kitson purchase by doing a little dance after leaving the popular L.A. store -- not normal

Page 20: Fashion -- stars wow in statement-making capes -- Gisele Bundchen, Charlize Theron, Zoey Deutch

Page 21: Greta Gerwig, Elle Fanning

Page 24: Justin Bieber: How Love Saved Me -- the formerly troubled pop singer gives praise for wife Hailey Bieber

Page 25: Olivia Wilde and Harry Styles' romance has already cooled and the pair are giving each other space -- turns out Olivia and Harry don't actually have much in common -- the two jetted to London after wrapping Don't Worry Darling, but they were soon waylaid by their respective responsibilities as Olivia has been spending time with her kids Otis and Daisy while her ex Jason Sudeikis shoots Ted Lasso while Harry, who was spooked by how quickly intense things got, is gearing up for his role in My Policeman -- for now, the two have decided to reassess things when they're back in L.A., which leaves the window open for Jason, whose strategy was to let her and Harry fizzle out, then see where she is at, and it's going according to plan

* Jennifer Lopez calls off her relationship with Alex Rodriguez

* Carrie Underwood and Mike Fisher are better than ever after overcoming a rough patch, one that had their inner circle convinced they were headed for divorce -- Mike had a serious roving eye that made Carrie anxious and she would treat him like he was Mr. Underwood and tensions between the two were at an all-time high when the pandemic hit, forcing the two into extra one-on-one time, but as it turns out, their new routine is just what they needed because they set boundaries, divided up tasks and put time aside for fun things and they prioritized romance, which has made all the difference -- Carrie and Mike are re-committed to their marriage and they've been through so much so much and neither wants to throw it away

Page 26: Cover Story -- Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's model kid -- Shiloh Jolie-Pitt the gorgeous teen is ready for her close up, but Brad and Angie are at odds about Shiloh's new passion -- Shiloh's been experimenting with girlier styles lately, including growing out her hair and she's at the age where she's starting to change things up -- Brad isn't thrilled about Shiloh's modeling dreams and idea of her walking into the lion's den gives him cause for concern -- Angelina began modeling at 16, just one year older than Shiloh and Shiloh knows that's what set her mom on her path to fame and Shiloh is constantly asking Angie about the pros and cons of the modeling world

Page 29: Model Kids -- these celeb offspring also know how to strike a pose -- Hailey Bieber, Sofia Richie, Amelia Hamlin, Lily-Rose Depp, Brooklyn Beckham, Paris Jackson, Kendall Jenner, Corinne Foxx, Ireland Baldwin, Margaret Qualley, Kaia Gerber, Leni Klum, Patrick Schwarzenegger

Page 30: Prince William and Prince Harry: Behind Closed Doors -- the estranged princes are forced to reckon with their rift as the royal family gathers for Prince Philip's funeral

Page 32: High Anxiety -- it's not so simple for celebs who struggle with panic attacks -- Emma Stone, Stephen Colbert, Amanda Seyfried

Page 33: Hugh Grant, Ryan Reynolds, Ariana Grande

Page 36: Beauty -- nail it -- self-care essentials to score the perfect at-home manicure and pedicure -- Kaley Cuoco

Page 38: Style -- cute cases -- step up your tech, and fashion, game this season with a trendy cellphone cover -- Rosie Huntington-Whiteley

Page 40: Entertainment

Page 48: Parting Shot -- Corey Feldman embraced wife Courtney Anne Mitchell as the two ventured out for a romantic outing in L.A.

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actorsperformersandcelebrities · 11 months ago

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Patrick Schwarzenegger

#patrick schwarzenegger #patrick schwarzenegger shirtless

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savetopnow · 7 years ago

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2018-03-31 09 CELEBRITY now

CELEBRITY

Miley Cyrus' Easter Photo Shoot Proves She's the Queen of Holiday Celebrations

Demi Lovato and Lauren Jauregui Reunite in Miami for a Fun Night Out

Disney Channel Star Alyson Stoner Opens Up About Falling in Love With a Woman

Stacey Dash Withdraws From Congressional Race Over Concerns for Health and Family

4 Last-Minute Easter Sunday Outfits for the It Girl

Hollywood Life

Millie Bobby Brown Meets Her Idol Kim Kardashian After She Teases ‘Stranger Things’ Cameo

Melissa McCarthy Shows Off 75 Lb. Weight Loss In New Movie: She Looks Incredible in New Pic

Bella Hadid ‘Flattered’ Over New Weeknd Song — But Does She Still Have Love For Him?

Miley Cyrus Pregnant? Why Her Phone Is Blowing Up With Baby Questions After Sexy Pics Drop

Melissa Meeks Claims She Was Pregnant With Jeremy’s Baby But Miscarried After He Left For Chloe

Media Take Out

Desiigner Caught Taking A PIZZ On Someone’s House!! (PICS)

Comedian Sinbad Appears To Be SNITCHING On Russell Simmons . . . Says ‘MORE WOMEN’ Are Gonna Come Out With RAPE Claims!!!

Shirley Strawberry From Teh STEVE HARVEY RADIO SHOW . . . Is Being Sued . . . For Being a ‘DEADBEAT’!!

People

Meet Meghan Markle's First Kiss – a Professional Beatboxer Who Scored a Smooch at Summer Camp

Taylor Swift Defends Hayley Kiyoko After Fans Bash Her for Saying 'Delicate' Star Only Sings About Men

Parents of 13-Year-Old Allegedly Molested by Sixth-Grade Teacher Speak Out: She 'Is a Monster'

Zoë Saldana Says Her Twins' 'Connection Is Really Majestic' — But Little Brother 'Never Lets Them Forget' About Him!

Keeping Up with Eleven! Kim Kardashian and Millie Bobby Brown Finally Meet in Person

Perez Hilton

Spanking, Cleavage, & Pink Hair! Miley Cyrus Is An Easter Pinup Girl In Hot New Pics!

Stacey Dash Withdraws From Congressional Race After Just ONE MONTH!

Howard University Student At Center Of Embezzlement Scandal Says He's Innocent: 'People Are Making These Stories Up'

Iggy Azalea Reveals She Sought Treatment For Mental Health Issues

The Stolen Shrimp Fried Rice Saga Has Set Twitter On Fire!

Popsugar

Laguna Beach and The Hills: Where Are They Now?

From Rivals to Costars? John Cena Says It Would Be a "Dream" to Work With The Rock Again

Stephen Curry Reveals the 2 Simple Secrets to His Successful Marriage With Ayesha

Are Justin Theroux and Aubrey Plaza Dating? Not So Fast

Even Katy Perry Can't Control Her Thirst Over This Shirtless Snap of Orlando Bloom

Reddit Entertainment

'Ren & Stimpy' creator accused of harassment, child porn, sex with teen girl 'intern'

Arnold Schwarzenegger Stable After Emergency Open-Heart Surgery

'Roseanne' Revival Renewed at ABC

Bill & Ted 3: Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter dish on proposed sequel

Rejected Test Footage From Cancelled "Deadpool" Cartoon Released Online

TMZ

Yankees Broadcaster John Sterling: Here's How I Came Up W/ Giancarlo Stanton's Home Run Call

Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino's Lawyer Wants to Postpone Sentencing, Due to Tax Season

Sylvester Stallone Says Arnold Schwarzenegger Will be Back

Tyga Flaunts New Bugatti, Maybach Day After Getting Himself and Son Sued Over Rent

Richard Branson Buys Iconic Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas

The Shade Room

Atlanta Charter School Apologizes After 2nd Grade Class Uses Blackface Masks In Black History Program

Creator Of What Are Those?’ Meme Pissed At ‘Black Panther’ For Using His Phrase

Florida Woman Thought Her 37-Week Pregnancy Was Just Bad Chinese Food: ‘I Was Shook’

Authorities Say Fabolous Punched Emily B Seven Times & Threatened Her Brother & Father

Megachurch Pastor Kirbyjon Caldwell Indicted For Wire Fraud & Money Laundering, Accused Of Stealing Millions From Congregation

Us Weekly

Edie Falco Hopes Louis C.K. Gets a Second Chance After Sexual Misconduct Scandal

Trump Family Affairs: Stormy Daniels, Aubrey O’Day and More

Teen Mom 2’s Chelsea Houska Reveals Growing Baby Bump

Neil Patrick Harris Gushes About His Two Children

Inside Jazmyn Simon’s Intimate Bridal Shower: Pics

#celebrity

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braindamageforbeginners · 6 years ago

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Alternative Christmas Films

Full warnings in advance, I will probably be somewhat less coherent than normal, thanks to my terminal sleep deprivation getting tweeked by the holiday festivities. America has a long, proud tradition of basing the holiday season on what the media tells us it should be (in other countries, you’ll notice that Santa Claus looks much less like the classic character of Coca Cola ads). I’m not going to go full Sarah Palin and tell everyone that we shouldn’t get our celebration ideas from Madison Avenue and Hollywood, but we probably shouldn’t. We certainly shouldn’t get them from our super-creepy White House decorations (I’ll admit that we, as a culture, overdo holiday decorations, but there is a middle ground between “Puritanical hatred of Christmas” and “Santa binged on hallucinogens and threw up,” and it is not, “Krampus’s Winter Lodge”). At this time of year, if you’re American, you’re probably binging on both assorted chemicals, and that holiday staple, the Christmas movie. The problem is, there are very few of these around - there’s Bing Crosby’s Christmas Movie, the Grinch, The creepy clay-mation one (the other creepy claymation one)(the other other creepy claymation one if we include Robert Zemeckis’ “Polar Express”), A Christmas Story, and Home Alone. There are also two other Grinch movies, but no one cares. to quote the great R. Atkinson regarding the vast array of mediocre options, “The agony of choice.”

The good news is, since there is so little choice, Americans have started broadening the definition of “classic Christmas movie” to “Die Hard,” which takes place during an office Christmas party, and stars 1988 (some might say the star is Bruce Willis, but he’s completely overshadowed by the delightful excesses of stereotypical action films of the 80s). I’ll admit, it’s a tenuous connection, but when you have so few options, widening the net isn’t a bad thing, also, after seeing The Grinch 9000 times, I’ll happily nominate a different title. In a similar vein, here are my recommendations for everyone tired of seeing wealthy white people celebrate an idealized form of conspicuous consumption prior to global warming. And, just like I think there’s a firm middle ground when it comes to decorating, there’s a lot of films between “Nightmare Before Christmas” (or, for a deep cut, “Silent Night Deadly Night”) and “It’s a Wonderful Life.” Like making a toxin-themed playlist for chemo, making this sort of list is surprisingly hard, both because every major director and actor in the entertainment business has some sort of Christmas movie or television episode (they gave Denis Leary a Christmas movie), and because there are shockingly few watchable ones. So, my primary criteria were, 1. This would be a film I would actually watch, and, 2. Requires a little creativity to directly connect it to the holidays. Of course, because it’s me, I cheat on those rules (I’ll note that where applicable).

L.A. Confidential - Like Die Hard, it takes place during Christmas (the first twenty minutes, anyway), and features almost-schlubby everyman Russell Crowe running around punching, shooting, and drinking heavily (this was in the 90s, before we learned that was just Russ’s daily schedule)/ The Thing - Trapped indoors while a subzero storm ravages the neighborhood, with strangers we barely know, as fatigue and paranoia about a potential alien invader take their toll, and death becomes slowly inevitable for everyone involved. If that doesn’t say “Christmas,” it definitely says, “Christmas 2018.” Side-note: This film takes place in Antarctica, and has become a huge part of the culture there (supposedly, after the very last flight leaves, the winter crew of the Antarctic research stations have a double-feature movie night featuring this and another classic on the list). Roadhouse - I’ll admit, I’m kind of grasping at straws with this one in order to add some cheer to this list, and what could be cheerier than Patrick Swayze in a mullet - at the height of his Swayze-ness - running around shirtless and punching people? Oh, wait, it features a guy being killed by a stuffed polar bear falling on him, that should count. The Shining - This is the other film shown in the Antarctic after the last flight out. Again, it features creeping madness, overwrought specters of Christmas Past, being indoors for extended periods, and murder. Which is both a very traditional way to celebrate, and also just an average Thursday for Jack Nicholson in 1978. 101 Reykjavik - I haven’t seen this one start to finish, but it features malaise and a really weird love triangle, which, as we now know, is far more traditional than we’d like to think. However, weird parental lesbian love-triangles were usually unavailable to the serfs unless it was Boxing Day. Okay, so it features Iceland (what could be more Christmas-y than a land literally named after ice?), emotionally unavailable people, and dysfunctional relationships. The Christmas Trifecta, if you will. Jingle All The Way - This is Arnold Schwarzenegger’s entry on this list, and, like “Christmas with the Nuge” was largely forgotten by everyone ten minutes after it was released to massive fanfare. It features a wealthy man slowly being driven insane by the pressures to be successful (and/or get that “Must Have” toy)(I am so glad that trend is gone from my life), and a blue-collar worker forced into petty criminality just to make ends meet during the holidays. It’s Christmas in America. Scrooged - Okay, so this is another one most readers will be familiar with, but it’s a modern day satire of the holiday excesses through the lens of Bill Murray in the only version of “A Christmas Carol” I’d still watch. Almost Any Shane Black Film - He’s actually admitted that he sets most of his films during Christmas as a cultural touchstone. And he’s written so many films, there’s probably one you can readily find to meet your tastes (maybe not “The Last Boyscout,” though). Three Days of the Condor - Again, it’s set during Christmas. And I’ve also seen it (and enjoyed it), and no one else will choose it. Also, CIA overreach and overreaction, while not exactly Yuletide themes, have probably shaped the holiday in more ways than we’d admit (that’s not exactly tin-foil hat conspiracy territory, Carter’s national security adviser Zbigniew Brzezinski made a Christmas special with the Muppets (this is true, as far as I can tell, but it’s so out-there that I won’t vouch for its veracity), and if the CIA is willing to spend $20 million on telepathy research (that is absolutely true, and if anyone wants to know how America will pay for universal healthcare or university enrollment, we can probably get it by cancelling Pentagon programs that are based on urban legends), it’s hardly a stretch to imagine them tossing a little extra to producers to skew pro-’Merica in their Christmas specials). Santa Claus Conquers the Martians - This is another you’ve probably heard of. And, unlike some other entries on this list, I have both time and access to this title (sort of, I’d have to go rummaging through the DVDs), and still haven’t the stomach to sit through it. It is amazingly terrible (I’m using “terrible” to mean, “It’s so poorly-written and boring that you’ll get up to scrape the grout off your tiles).

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viralhottopics · 8 years ago

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6 Hilariously Improbable Events That Resulted In Huge Movies

Hey, remember that Final Destination franchise from all the way back in 2011? You know, it’s the one where a clowder of hapless teens get hunted by Death through a series of overly elaborate, Rube Goldberg-style horrors. Well, it turns out that sometimes this same over-the-top domino effect can be applied to how films get made (including Final Destination, which started as an X-Files spec script). A butterfly flaps its wings in Beijing, and Jeff Goldblum ends up shirtless on a table in Hollywood, basically.

Some films end up creating a gigantic ripple of success and artistic inspiration … all from a single unassuming start. Here are such times when the road to the cinematic immortality was paved with random nobodies, stupid coincidences, and just plain dumb luck…

The Alien Franchise Exists Because Of Literal Nightmares

From the creature design to the directing, the first Alien has always been a poster child for the unspeakable horrors you can accomplish through collaborative effort. With that in mind, none of it would have been possible without writers Dan O’Bannon and Ronald Shusett first coming up with the story. They are the face-huggers to Alien‘s uh… alien. This was O’Bannon’s second film as a screenwriter, one that would have never existed without the frustrating failure of his first.

Dark Star was a John Carpenter sci-fi comedy about people exploding planets in space, and O’Bannon hadn’t simply written it, but also designed and supervised the special effects. It was this (not his writing) that got the attention of weirdo director Alejandro Jodorowsky, who at the time was working on an ultimately shelved Dune film. O’Bannon was brought on Dune‘s production where he met a creepy Swiss artist working on the film’s set and character design. His name was H.R. Giger, and you might find his work on Dune a bit familiar.

To put this guy in perspective — upon their initial introduction, H.R. Giger immediately offered O’Bannon opium. And when asked why he himself took it, Giger bleakly responded “I am afraid of my visions.” If Werner Herzog had night terrors, it would be personified in H.R. Giger’s ghastly Scandinavian gaze. His paintings are what Satan uses to get an erection.

Dune was sci-fi failure #2, and after production was closed down O’Bannon found himself running out of work, and consequently money (which is commonly a thing you get in exchange for work). In what was no doubt an act of pre-hooking desperation, he and Shusett dug up yet another old failure — a story about monsters attacking a WWII bomber (which later became a segment in the 1981 animated “film” Heavy Metal — a series of events we’ve previously discussed).

Like some kind of mad scientist, O’Bannon spliced this story with another failed horror script about bug monsters, added a re-written scene from Dark Star, and somehow churned out Alien. Meanwhile, H.R. Giger was developing a terrifying artistic portfolio based on his childhood nightmares — one example being a painting called “Necronom IV.”

That’s one of two nightmares that will come into play, this first fruition appearing in an H.R. Giger art book that O’Bannon gave to Ridley Scott while developing Alien. Nightmare number two came from Shusett who, after a day of writing, woke up in the middle of the night with the idea that the alien could impregnate a crew member through their throat — meaning that nearly every aspect of these creatures was quite literally the stuff of nightmares.

You Can Thank The 2003 California Gubernatorial Recall Election For HBO’s Westworld

In the early 2000s, California underwent an energy crisis, presumably after everyone left their tanning bed on overnight. As bills tripled and the anger grew, a representative named Darrell Issa donated two million dollars to a small group collecting signatures for a gubernatorial recall. It was this money that boosted their efforts in a historic moment for the United States: a new Westworld TV show.

We should probably explain.

HBO “Yes, please. I don’t know what the fuck’s going on in this show.” — Anthony Hopkins

See, after successfully reaching enough signatures, it was the actually historic recall of Governor Gray Davis that sparked one of the weirdest elections ever — eventually boiling down to this veiny cup of whatever Austrians drink instead of water:

Playboy And by “ever” we mean “before 2016,” of course.

Arnold Schwarzenegger threw his hat into the governor ring and came out with a whopping 48.6 percent of the vote. This was in October of 2003, and along with shaping the future of California, it panicked a butt-ton of producers who had previously attached the hulky destroyer to upcoming films. One such producer was Jerry Weintraub, who had cast Arnold as the Yul Brynner role in an upcoming remake of that enduring ’70s sci-fi cowboy classic, Westworld. As we’re sure you can guess, this did not end up happening, and the project was shelved indefinitely — or in producer-speak, “until someone big enough shows interest in it.” That took two years.

Variety “We’ll begin shooting in 2008 with Heath Ledger, Bernie Mac, Anna Nicole Smith, and President Gerald Ford.”

In 2005, Weintraub once again set his sights on this ridiculous film — this time with the director of The Cell attached. This, unsurprisingly, did not make Westworld the exciting filmmaking opportunity that studios were scrambling over, and so Jerry moved on to another project while letting his baby degrade on the back burner. That project was a little TV movie about Liberace starring Michael Douglas, Matt Damon, and Matt Damon’s glittery thong.

In the biggest plot twist yet, the HBO-made Douglas/Damon smooch-fest was a hit… causing Weintraub to turn to the network for a Westworld series. The rest is excessively naked history. And hey, Schwarzenegger is finally available now, so maybe they can throw him a bone and cast him as a background extra or something.

We Wouldn’t Have The Entire Marvel Cinematic Universe If It Wasn’t For Superman: The Movie

It turns out a DC Comics movie is responsible for Marvel’s current cinematic dominance, but not in the way you’re probably thinking. This long goddamn journey starts with a producer named Lauren Shuler Donner, whose husband you might recognize as Richard Donner — director of such insanely diverse hits as The Goonies, The Omen, and of course, 1978’s Superman: The Movie.

Superman was a hit, but this didn’t instantly result in every single over-pantsed defender getting his own movie — remember, it would take over a decade for even Batman to get one. However, the Donner flick did nab the attention of a five-year-old named Kevin who, like five-year-olds tend to do, became enamored with this genre of mighty punchers. His fandom eventually turned into a job at the Donners’ Company as Lauren’s assistant. As she puts it, “one of the main reasons Kevin managed to get himself an intern position at our company was because of Superman: The Movie, [that freaking nerd].”

Lauren went on to make a few disaster films, like Volcano and the harrowing You’ve Got Mail, before becoming inspired by her husband’s action background and buying the rights to the X-Men franchise in 1994. Feeling his intense ray of nerdiness, she gave her then-assistant Kevin a producing role on the first X-film, where he instantly became “a walking encyclopedia of Marvel.” Usually that just makes you very good at internet message board arguments, but in Kevin’s case, it led him to this:

That’s right. It’s Kevin Feige — not Bacon as you were all no doubt guessing. Having been inspired by that first Superman film, Feige beelined directly to the Donners before getting thrown into X-Men and scooped up by Marvel. It was there that he continued to read an endless number of comics and work closely with directors making Spider-Man, X2, and Daredevil until 2005, when Marvel decided to make their own studio. In 2007, Kevin was named the chief of that studio and began to develop what would go on to be this jumbled mess of media:

The Marvel Cinematic Universe gave way to an entirely new method for making movies, now being applied to Star Wars, Lego, and even the goddamn The Mummy. It’s completely changed franchises and made a once-bankrupt Marvel Studios the hottest goddamn game in town… all ironically thanks to a fucking DC Comics movie. Thanks a bunch, you sulky jerks!

A Mailing Error By A Fresno Librarian Kicked Off The “Brat Pack” Era

All you Val-speaking, Atari-playing, AIDS-epidemic-ignoring ’80s kids no doubt perk up at the mention of the “Brat Pack,” but in case you’re scratching your supple 20-something heads, we’re referring to a group of young actors who swarmed Hollywood around the early 1980s. Luminaries like Rob Lowe, Tom Cruise, Demi Moore, and all those The Breakfast Club motherfuckers were birthed from this era. The phrase “Brat Pack” was coined in a New York article, and became the soil in which a lot of pretty careers were cultivated.

Also, it was started by this lady:

Her name is Jo Ellen Misakian, and back in 1972 she was hired as a librarian aide at the Lone Star School in Fresno, California. While there, she noticed that the naturally reading-averse students all loved the same book, so she helped them start a petition to turn it into a movie. After attempting (and failing) to contact the author, Jo Ellen decided to just take a shot in the dark and mail the book to a known director instead. The book, by the way, was The Outsiders — the basis for the very first of the Brat Pack films, which kicked off the stellar careers of actors like Cruise, Lowe, Emilio Estevez, Patrick Swayze, Matt Dillon, Ralph Macchio, that other guy, and that other other guy.

And this never would have existed as a film if it wasn’t for Mrs. Misakian, her plucky kid pals, and the fact that she totally fucked up mailing their petition.

You see, after deciding Francis Ford Coppola should direct the movie, Misakian found his New York address in the reference section of the Fresno library and mailed a copy of the petition there — but Coppola was living in Los Angeles at the time. The New York address was outdated and unused… and, consequently, got very little mail. However, it just so happened that Coppola was in New York that week, and was able to personally see the letter for that reason.

According to a producer there at the time, “It was lucky for the kids that we were in New York when it was sent over.” Eventually, Coppola read the attached book, optioned it, and then began production on the film, all while maintaining a correspondence with the librarian who first sent it to him.

In the end, the film was attributed to Misakian and her class — the closing credits saying, “The film The Outsiders is dedicated to the people who first suggested that it be made — librarian Jo Ellen Misakian and the students of The Lone Star School in Fresno, California.” The Brat Pack was born, and like a thousand careers started… all because a librarian sucked at tracking down someone’s more-current address.

Jurassic World And The New Star Wars Got Their Director From A Silly ’90s Magazine Ad

After culturally blue-balling us with talking raptors, the Jurassic Park franchise re-exploded the box office with Jurassic World‘s $1.6 billion dollars in ticket sales. World will go on to get a sequel (obviously), and the director is now working on Episode IX of Star Wars. And oddly enough, it was back in the decade when the first Jurassic Park became a hit (and we all thought Star Wars prequels would be, like, the raddest shit ever) that an author named John Silveira was inadvertently shaping all these events, like a secret John Hammond.

Back in the ’90s, Silveira would occasionally submit content for Backwoods Home Magazine. His job was to fill in gaps of the magazine’s classified section with whatever joke bullshit that came into his head. It was a fun gig with a specific and sparse readership, by definition.

Then, one day in 1997, Silveira was asked to contribute right before a deadline (what kind of backwoods magazi– oh, right). Without any prepared jokes, he remembered the opening lines to an old unfinished novel he had been working on years back. With the clock ticking, John spun the words into a fake classified ad and submitted the following:

Yes. That ad. Silveira had created what would later become a meme that would inspire Colin Trevorrow to make an indie film called Safety Not Guaranteed, about a dude looking for a time-travel partner. Not long after, director Brad Bird was being approached by Disney and Lucasfilm to direct the next Star Wars film — and in turning it down for Tomorrowland (yikes), Bird recommended they watch Trevorrow’s little movie.

In short, two major sci-fi franchises ended up being completely dependent on an indie comedy director who was inspired by some joke-writing weirdo in Southern California. And speaking of stuff Spielberg once touched…

Like Schindler’s List And The Coen Brothers? You Can Thank The Evil Dead For That

It’s not exactly controversial to say that the Coen Brothers are two of the most influential and iconic directors of this era. We also probably won’t get any hate mail for praising Liam Neeson’s performance in Schindler’s List, or really any of his subsequent roles. What will sound insane, however, is that all of these things are of direct result of the 1981 horror film The Evil Dead. You know, the one where a woman gets fucked by trees before turning into a Kandarian basement demon.

It was on this film that a young Joel Coen was working as an assistant editor while trying to make his debut with a script he co-wrote with his brother. While there, director Sam Raimi convinced the Coens to shoot a fake trailer for their script, which subsequently led to them finding investors for the movie — eventually called Blood Simple. You might recognize this as the pivotal moment leading to decades of amazing films like The Big Lebowski, No Country For Old Men, The Hudsucker Proxy, and certainly not Garfield (common mistake).

Meanwhile, while casting Blood Simple, the brothers went to see a play called Crimes Of The Heart. It featured Holly Hunter, who they immediately wanted to cast… but couldn’t, for scheduling reasons. However, Hunter went home from the audition and mentioned the film to her roommate: Frances McDormand. Frances, of course, would go on to kick ass in the role, marry Joel Coen, and play one of the most badass baby-ovens to ever point a gun at Peter Stormare.

And it gets weirder. Because while Holly didn’t get the role in Blood Simple, she would later move into a Silverlake home with both Coen brothers, McDormand, and Raimi — who at the time was writing Evil Dead II on the porch. Cut to a few years later, and a young actor named Bill Paxton got a phone call from his friend James Cameron asking if he had heard of Evil Dead II. When Paxton said no, Mr. Titanic rushed him to a local showing, as any loyal friend would. After falling in love with Raimi’s slapstick horror style, B-Pax auditioned for the director’s follow-up, Darkman. You with us so far?

According to Paxton (who later worked with Raimi on A Simple Plan), while he got super close to landing the role, he “made the mistake” of informing another friend about the movie as well. It was Liam Neeson.

Neeson got the role and killed it as the titular rubber-faced rage goon in Darkman, which was then seen by a stage actress named Natasha Richardson. At the time, Richardson was putting together a production of Anna Christie, and thanks to Darkman, she pursued Neeson to play a role. Not only would his performance in the show end in a marriage with Richardson, but it would grab the attention of a director in the audience… who at the time was casting an upcoming film called Schindler‘s Fucking List.

YEP. Liam Neeson’s entire career exploded because Bill Paxton was dragged to a screening of Evil Dead II and fell in love. Consider this yet another reason he’s going to be deeply missed. RIP, you ultimate badass.

David is an editor and columnist for Cracked. Please direct all your goddamn “hellos” to his Twitter account.

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