#pathffinder

[critidiots]

The Journey of the Critidiots- Chapter 1: Getting to know you.

https://critidiots.tumblr.com/idiots

Far to the north isolated from the rest of the world and the war of the gods exists a city that has no name ruled by a man who shares the same trait. It is there in this city that our heroes start their Journey. 

The City, a land locked and isolated bastion, has a special connection to the empires of men and elves whose capitals exist far to the south, and a part of that connection is dealt with in the way of supplies. Massive convoys or supply trains of resources are carted up from those two great cities once a month to assist in making sure the City has all that it needs and the people living there can stay connected with the people they left behind.

The last two convoys have not arrived. 

It is the end of the second week of the month, the air feels chilled with the oncoming approach of fall, and once again the people of The City cluster into the trade district of the south en mass awaiting for the arrival of the supplies. Some are there waiting for letters from loved ones from afar, merchants gather waiting for their stock and special orders to be filled, representatives of The City are there waiting to take in stocks of emergency winter clothes and foods to add to the storage for the coming cold season, and others await the chance to make some coin by assisting with the unloading of the cargo. 

It is here our players wait with the rest of The City, anxious for it’s arrival.

While the players make their way among the crowd waiting for the caravan to arrive there is a heavy taste of anxiety in the air. Hours pass. The convoy never arrives. Slowly the people begin to spread themselves out; the crowd begins to thin as people give up hope and return to their normal lives. Rumors begin to circulate among the people that The Mayor is attempting to hire adventurers to go south into the forest to discover what they can about supply trains, and that there have been couriers journeying south who haven’t returned. 

Kvothe, the Oread Monk, hearing the rumors and getting a good idea of what is going on quietly slipped away from the crowd. He headed north towards the Judicial building, stopping to take a small visit at a tavern where he had once worked as a cook and server. The owner, a fair friend of Kvothe’s informs him that he is worried that without the materials the supply caravans were carrying he would run out of what he needed to make his alcohol. Which helped solidify Kvothe’s decision to go to the Mayor and see how he can help, and how the pay was. 

Spliff the homeless wizard currently squatting in the Fallen Tower alongside Kizzengulp, the Mayor’s Adviser of the Arcane wasn’t paying enough attention to catch the rumors and decided that he would instead go out in the streets with his spells and attempt to make some coin for his meal. Managing to suck at that fairly hard  at that he managed to raise little more than a handful of copper. 

Griff, the Fetchling summoner, was beginning to feel claustrophobic being in The City for so long, and spotted the Drow in the crowd. He worked his way over and introduced himself. 

Griif: Hey, you look like an adventurer, I’m Griff!

Zyn: I was an adventurer in the past, but I’m currently in the service of The Mayor. However, if you are looking for an adventure, I can tell you that The Mayor is looking for someone to look into the missing supply trains.  I’m going to enlist, if you want to come with me I can lead you to it. 

Griff: I’ll sign up for that. 

Aybara the Barbarian who wanted to know if the convoy had any intel on the orcs activity in the area to maybe find the tribe that slaughtered his clan asked around to see what was going to be done about the lack of convoy. Once he heard The Mayor was looking for people to investigate he headed off towards the center of The City alone. 

Burz noticed and sensed Zyian’s aura of good, and in finding a kindred spirit went to him asking if there was anything he planned to do about the incident. Zyian suggested that the two of them visit his mother at her manor, a political envoy from Embran the Elven capital, she would be one of the few people to have a direct audience with The Mayor. The two paladins find out from Zyian’s mother what the other’s had already known. Zyian informs her of his intent to help and they share a moment nice moment of mother and son before he heads out with Burrz to the judicial building. 

The others were just walking through the door to the building where they had all arrived at roughly the same time. 

They were greeted by a male elf sitting at a desk working away diligently at some calculations with: long blonde hair, wearing white robes tied at the waist with black twine, overweight with a stomach that hangs a bit but with corded muscular arms that twitch as he moves them about his papers. Behind him is a elven great axe hanging from a plaque on the wall that is clearly magical. 

After introductions and discovering that the grouped wished to see The Mayor about the caravan, the elf now introduced as Sindaria Wrothchild went to lead them through the judicial building. 

The building was massive, even more so then the religious temples in the city with high vaulted ceilings. As Sindaria leads the four players through they notice many of the elves and dwarfs and other long lived races who worked in the building all in their own little cubicles have weapons mounted as well. They cross over a small foot bridge that leads over the river that bisects the building and are led to a spiral staircase heading upstairs. 

Along the way Zyn and Sindaria have share some small talk. Zyn was curious if it was his commander, Erik Frault, the man who runs the Garrison who was controlling the search parties but Sindaria explains that The Mayor is handling himself and leaving the defense of The City to Erik. At the top of the stairs Sindaria stops them all and addresses the group. 

Sindaria: I’d like to warn you all, except Zyn of course. The Mayor can be overwhelming when you first meet him. I promise the feeling will pass, just brace yourself. 

He informed them with a gentle smile. He opens the plain door at the top of the stairs and the dark hallway they were in becomes flooded with light from the well lit room. 

As they walk into the light filled room they were hit with a super natural warmth that begins spreading throughout their muscles and bones taking the strength away from them. Save for Griff who specifically felt the heat burn slightly, not enough to hurt, but it was there. 

Once the heat hits the party they are able to see The Mayor, who sits behind a large unadorned mahogany desk. He is described as a larger than life human, easily over eight feet tall and thick with dark black skin and a head that his shaved bald. Wearing a noble’s set of clothes in black and gold. As he looks past the party to Sindaria they all catch a glimpse of his eyes that are pools of liquid gold. 

Several of the players, once the staggering light has passed, noticed that there were no torches in the room nor any windows. The room was being illuminated by The Mayor’s presence itself. 

The Mayor: Thank you Sindaria, please continue your good work. 

He then turned to the party members. 

The Mayor: Please, take a seat. 

He asked them in his strong, commanding baritone. As he waved his massive hand chairs grew up out of the ground for each of the four players for them to sit in. 

At first some tried to resist but they quickly found themselves compelled to sit. 

The Mayor: Sindaria informs me that you are all here about the missing supply caravan. 

While this conversation is happening Zyian and Burrz arrive. 

Zyian: Burz, I know my way around here quiet well and the people who work here so please allow me to take the lead. 

Burz: That’s fine with me, do you think we should find a member of the staff so we don’t just look like two strangers walking around the building. 

Zian: Oh there should be someone there to meet us. 

The two walk into the empty room where Sindaria had been before.  Despite the momentary embarrassment the two discuss their options.  Eventually deciding to head into the main chamber and hopefully run into the Elf Secretary along the way. 

They do at the bridge over the river that cuts through the building. They exchange pleasantries and explain why they are their and Sindaria informs them of the group already meeting with The Mayor. He also gives Zyian a warning that him meeting The Mayor in person may be more visceral for him than the others. 

They thank him for his help and head up to the room, knocking on the door to enter. The Mayor invites them in a moment after they knock on the door. 

Burz experiences a similar reaction to The Mayor like the others did, but Zyian witnesses an entirely different being. 

The desk and the room melted away leaving him and the other being alone in a two dimensional plane of white. The humanoid stood easily twice the size of the regular Mayor with pale, cream green skin and sharp angular features. Wearing white translucent robes that are draped about him like a toga, bound to his body by golden twin so fair it looks like it could be the hair of an elf. On the being’s back there are three pairs of brilliant white wings, on his hip is a massive ram’s horn that appears to be hollowed out to be used as some sort of trumpet. As The Mayor’s liquid gold eyes meet the sapphire blue eyes of Zyian he snaps back to reality (oops there goes gravity...>.> I’m sorry). 

The Mayor welcomes them to the room and brings up two more chairs for them. He informs them that he was talking to the others about payment, he was offering 150 gp per crate of supplies that was returned unspoiled, 250 for figuring out what happened to the caravan in general, and though he is quite somber about the idea, he would pay another 150 for anyone brought back alive. 

As the party was getting ready to begin The Mayor stops them saying he would like to confer with one of his companions, by fiddling with a magical ring he summoned a gnome before them with a loud interdimensional pop. The gnome wore brown work pants, a white tank top that was covered in dirt and grease stains and a green wizard hat that he wore lopsided. He was introduced as Kizzengulp, Arcane Adviser to The Mayor and Wizard of the Fallen tower. After a rather long, painfully agonizing conversation with the drunk and scatter brained wizard The Mayor gets the point across that he was curious if the gnome had an ally that could aid the adventures. 

He mentions a few names (Fancy and Burp to be exact) and then snaps his fingers, does some of that voodoo that he does do and with another loud pop the Wizard Spliff, who had been moping in an alleyway over the lack of money he had made was suddenly warped into the room. As soon as money was offered he volunteered to help with whatever was needed. 

Saying and I quote “You had me at pay.” 

Now that the introductions were out of the way the group prepared to head out. It took an hour or so for the samurai to collect his mount and a few of the members needed to buy rations, but before long they all met at the southern most gate of the city. 

( sorry for my bad art) 

The group headed south just past 4 ish in the afternoon. The first leg of the journey past uneventfully and by the time they were halfway to the bend in the road it was getting too dark to continue travelling. They opted to set up camp along the side of the road, the two paladins taking first watch while the wizard studied his spell book. 

While the others slept the two paladins took time to get to know one another, Zyian the elf paladin of Lotherentian asked about where Burz the Paladin of Jamal came from. 

Burz explained to his companion how he was discovered by some clerics and paladins of Jamal in a destroyed orc camp as an infant and left for dead. They took him back to the city of Stockton where he was raised by an Oracle of Meridian in an orphanage until he could enter the Order of Jamal himself and has been travelling south on a pilgrimage to see that justice is delivered throughout the world. 

As the two of them were having this discussion, the mage stodd up, put his staff into the fire and began to hop back and forth chanting “Ooga chaka, ooga ooga, ooga chaka”. 

The paladins attempt to call out to him but there was no response, as Burz approached Zyian was filled with an uncontrollable urge to hug him. Now embraced in the elf’s arms Burz the half orc was unable to resist a magical compulsion to kiss the elf full on the lips. 

When they snapped out of it they noticed the wizard, who had put the fire on his staff out, sitting cross legged sketching them kissing into his spell book. Once freed of the momentary craziness they attempted to start waking everyone else up which ultimately resulted with the half orc jumping onto the samurai’s mount (Kumo), the wizard stripping himself nude. At one point the area around their fire exploded with activity as the grass surged forward attempting to entangle them. 

Eventually the part managed to get back onto the road away from the grass where they eventually spotted what was ‘attacking them’. 

Three small, child sized humanoids that appeared to be made of grass wrapping and coiling around a glowing rainbow core. As the party attempted to figure out what was going on (and the Half orc tried to cut one down), the little creatures began shooting out clouds of dust that was slowly beginning to drop members of the party into a deep sleep. 

Eventually every member of them drifted to sleep to the giggling of the benign little creatures. 

They awoke the next morning to find themselves all in rather precarious predicaments. The Half orc is mounting the human barbarian who is on all forms in a doggy style position, the fetchling and the naked wizard are spooning each other, Zyian was propped up against his packs attempting to draw the orgy, the Drow was lips to lips with his horse and the Oread had been curled up in a ball like a boulder and covered in a blanket. All of them with drawings all over their face in ink from the wizard’s inkwell. 

Suffice to say, they all felt a little closer. 

To be continued next time, the journey around the bend and the pass of the beginning and end mountains! If you have any questions, comments or tips please let me know! I’m going to be trying to parse the audio to make audio clips but there are times when the general chatting overwhelms the recording and a few other kinks to work through. 

[docwnek-blog]

Page 4! Still balancing detail, clarity, and speed. Backgrounds will be something I work on in the far future.