#patchcast

[wisdomdeath]

Rants of a Sleepless Caffeineaholic #3

Though I have been a rebel lately, my mind has been quite restless — dreaming of work and the things that must be done. Trying to be tough and standing on my ground has proven itself to be more of a challenge than executing tasks.

The thing about this work from home set-up is that it blurs the boundaries of work life and house life. It could be exhausting, draining even, to try to balance both areas of my life. And thing is, work and home are just two areas of my life. There are more.

Being the person that I am, I picked up quite a few hobbies and a lot of interests. There are times when I want to work on my personal stories and sometimes, I enjoy writing fan fiction. If I am on a writing slump, game night or movie night with friends is the way to go. But these things have surprisingly become more of a luxury than a natural part of my life. I mean, let’s look at it this way...

Before this godforsaken pandemic, we can just freely hangout with friends or go out to just unwind. It was easier to escape but now, there’s nowhere to run. And it gets suffocating to just have this endless loop of work, house chores, passion projects. As much as I enjoy them individually, having no space to actually laze around and do literally nothing...it feels almost as if I am a robot who can’t pause. 

And after a long week, I just end up scrolling through Shopee and checking out an item or two in order to cheer myself up...somehow. 

I know, I know. I can just save it up and stop buying so much. The thing is, I don’t really buy a lot. I budget my month’s pay and treat myself something and the rest goes to passion projects and house bills. So, when a week is too stressful for me, I’d buy a new lipstick (Hello, lipstick collection) or treat myself with a favorite snack or some drinks. 

No worries, after buying all that, I sometimes regret treating myself but that’s just my way of somehow “making myself feel better” and I think I deserve that. Food, makeup, merch, and books are my vices. I’m allowed to have that, right?

Anyway, I guess all I want to say is don’t deprive yourself too much. Treat yourself every now and then. Get yourself something that makes you happy to relieve that weight on your shoulder. 

Let’s take care of ourselves, yeah?

It’s not a crime to take care of ourselves.

[studioblock]

PatchCast: The Design Twins Talk Pizza, Pillows, Perfect Persona - Darien, IL Patch https://t.co/kMwnOukD0r

PatchCast: The Design Twins Talk Pizza, Pillows, Perfect Persona - Darien, IL Patch https://t.co/kMwnOukD0r

— Studio Block (@StudioBlock1) February 6, 2019

from Twitter https://twitter.com/StudioBlock1 February 06, 2019 at 03:54AM http://twitter.com/StudioBlock1/status/1093145962510454784

[wisdomdeath]

n u m b

Why I’m writing this, I don’t really know. I haven’t written down my thoughts lately and it all started to pile up. 

The funny thing now is that I feel like I’m in a good spot in life. I have a better job, I’ve reignited the flame of my passion, I have good friends...I’ve finally made peace with my issues with my parents. 

So I don’t know why I’m starting to realize that I don’t feel anything. 

I don’t. 

At first, I thought I was only numb towards the idea of dating someone because I honestly feel numb right now when it comes to that. How can I say so? There’s this guy who I like so much and we had an opportunity to work together and that could have been an opportunity to talk more and get to know him more, but I only reached out to him regarding work. Nothing else. And knowing myself, I would have used that opportunity. 

But lately, I’ve been so stuck. I feel like my mind is just all over the place and also trapped. 

I don’t even know what to say anymore. I think I’ll just sleep. 

Good night.

[wisdomdeath]

Rants of a Sleepless Caffeineaholic #2

This would have been a good episode for a podcast but the last time I mentioned any of this over a podcast, I almost choked on my tears and wept over that recording. Now who wants to hear a total stranger crying? I could edit it out but I don’t have the patience and talent for that. If any of you have heard any episode I’ve uploaded, then you’ll know how every podcast episode is raw and unedited. 

Not only am I lazy, but I just don’t feel like editing any of it. Like I’ve already said over the past something something episodes, those recordings are done when I feel like talking about whatever and there’s no one. And I’d like to keep it that way.

This blog series of some sort is also supposed to be work-related because I barely slept when I was in my old job. But that’s the thing...that was my old job. And the material is thick but with the schedule I had, I barely had time to write anything. It’s just now that I’m finally having these little window of opportunity to blog again. As if anyone even reads this. And I’m not even expecting. This is basically word vomit and I don’t even mind. 

I guess rants aren’t really specifically reserved for work stuff only. 

I’m also supposed to be writing something else but here I am. I don’t know how often I can post this but I’ll be trying. 

[wisdomdeath]

Rants of a Sleepless Caffeineaholic #1

It’s about 10:55PM of August 27 when I started to write this. I’m not really sure if it’s considered late around this hour plus I’m pretty sure I’ll post this late. And by late, I mean either 3AM or evening of August 28. IDK why I’m trying to be so specific with the date and time right now when there’s no certainty as to when I would post this piece of shit.

Okay, enough of my ramblings before I decide to change the title into “Ramblings of a Sleepless Caffeineaholic”.

Why I started this or what I want to do with this segment is something even I don’t know. I guess I just thought that this is a good idea but I’m not even sure at this point.

At this part, it’s 4AM sharp and I’m singing to The 1975 because my friend who is still on video call with me has fallen asleep and I still have a 1-hour video to scan and time-code before the sun rises, or else I’m toast and I’ll probably be reprimanded once again. Sounds non-scary? What more if you actually know what I do for a living and what my schedule has been like since this work from home shit started? I would go in full detail but you’ll doze off and I’ll be pissed. That’s a lose-lose situation. (Unless you’re here to fall asleep, in that case I would be doing you a favor.)

Why am I writing this rather than working? Here’s the thing. I’ve been working since the morning of August 27 and in between I still have chores to do (which is okay so do your chores, kids) and it’s literally the next day and here I am...still working. I think it’s only fair for me to take a moment and type this non-creative and completely useless piece of...what is this even?

I’m pretty sure that my workmates aren’t all asleep yet but I don’t think it would be cool to bother them. What I’m sure of is that I’ll send them the link to this first entry and hope that they would read until the end of it even if it’s no longer making sense.

Sleep has been lacking lately even if I had a decent amount of rest Wednesday night ONLY because I took my anti-allergy meds and it knocked me out better than any sleeping pills probably could. I mean, I seriously plopped on my bed and I wasn’t even able to say “good night” to my friends. I was just ZzZzZz.

There’s not much rant as there is with the rambling. For now.

I’m still trying to think of my limits for this but I’m pretty sure that it will be intense at some point because my life really isn’t some temple that gives zen but rather a series of anxiety attacks, depressive episodes, uncontrolled anger, retail therapy, sleepless caffeinated nights, and a podcast waiting to happen.

Until next time, I guess?

Logging off,

Patch