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all-things-skam · 4 years ago

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Jens’ season | Chapter ten (finale)

Saturday, March 7th

They arrived late in Utrecht. Or, early.

Lucas’ father had refused to make the drive but allowed him to go and take the train if he wanted to. Jens get that they were divorced, but still. She was his ex-wife, the mother of his child. She must still have a place in his heart.

Apparently not.

Lucas had been fidgety and tense during the whole train ride, biting his lip and checking his phone every ten seconds in case there were any updates from his dad - who was in contact with the clinic -, but there weren’t.

Jens felt helpless. He didn’t know what to do or even say, having never been in this situation before. A part of him wanted to comfort Lucas, tell him everything’s going to be okay, but he wasn’t a psychiatrist nor a doctor. He didn’t know shit.

So, he stayed quiet, his head pressed against the cold window of the train, his right hand holding onto Lucas’ tightly.

When they got to the train station, someone was there to pick them up. He had blond hair and a darker beard, and seemed older than them. An old friend, Lucas said. He dropped the two teenagers at the clinic and told Lucas to call him if he needed a ride before driving off.

The door of the clinic was unlocked despite being the middle of the night. They walked in and the lady at the front desk frowned, seeing Jens and Lucas walking into the building. ‘’Hello. How may I help you?’’

‘’My...my mom’s been admitted here a few hours ago,’’ Lucas replied, his voice strained. ‘’I’m here to see her.’’

‘’I’m sorry, visits have ended hours ago. You should come back in the morning-’’

Alas, Lucas wasn’t taking no for answer tonight. He was scared and worried for his mother and wouldn’t calm down until he sees her.

‘’No! I took a train all the way here. I have to see her,’’ he insisted, hoping the woman will make an exception for him. ‘’She needs me, I- Please.’’

Still hesitating, the desk lady glanced at them, noticing the tired look on their faces and the backpack on Lucas’ shoulder and sighed, giving in. ‘’Patient name?’’

‘’Lieke Van Der Heijden.’’

She typed in the name in her computer, giving Lucas an apologetic look when reading his mother’s file. ‘’I can’t let you go in the room past visiting hours. But, I’ll call up the psychiatrist on shift and he’ll be able to give you details about your mother.’’

You could see on Lucas’ face that he wasn’t completely satisfied with the bargain, but it was better than nothing.

Jens smiled at the woman. ‘’Thank you.’’

Jens didn’t go in.

He waited on a couch in the waiting area of the clinic while Lucas went to talk with the doctor, not wanting to intrude Mrs. Van Der Heijden’s privacy. While Lucas wanted him by his side at the clinic, it didn’t mean Jens had to be all up in their businesses. And, if Lucas needed him, he’ll come to him.

Having nothing else to do, Jens checked his phone, seeing the group chat blowing up with unread messages and a few personal ones from Robbe, asking what was going on and where the hell he and Lucas went.

Did you guy ditch us to fuck? Moyo had bluntly asked.

In another situation, Jens would’ve rolled his eyes and laughed - maybe he would’ve told him to fuck off -, but not tonight. Instead, he he simply told them that Lucas had a family emergency and had to go home - sparing them the whole details for privacy purpose.

Half an hour later, Lucas returned and filled the empty seat beside Jens. His hair was a mess from touching them so much - a habit he picked up when he was stressed or anxious. Jens slipped his phone back in his pocket, giving his attention to his boyfriend.

''How is she?''

''Sedated,'' Lucas responded, forgetting to laugh at his own bad joke. ''Sorry.''

Jens shook his head. ''It's okay.''

‘’A neighbor called the cops. They said she was acting like a lunatic, throwing out my father's last belongings on her porch since 6am and was planning to redecorate the whole house to 'clean it from his bad energy'. The doctor said it was a psychotic episode. She hasn't been taking her meds for a few weeks.’’

Lucas's parents' divorce was messy and heartbreaking. She truly loved Lucas' father - he was her high school lover -, but the man didn't want anything to do with her after being diagnosed although he had vowed to love her in sickness and health.

‘’I don't understand. She sounded very lucid last week on the phone. I should’ve gone home-’’

Shaking his head, Jens didn’t let him finish. ‘’Don’t do that. Don’t guilt yourself for something you can’t change. You’re here, now. It’s all that matters.’’

‘’If I had been here, I could’ve made sure she was taking her medication. I always do. Sometimes, she forget...and other times, she doesn’t want to take them. When she’s off her medication for too long, things gets bad and she has psychotic episodes. Dad and I tried to have someone from the clinic to come and check up on her, but it’s really expensive and we can’t afford that. That’s what he said. Maybe he doesn't want to pay for her, I don’t know.’’

It was simply an assumption, but Jens hoped it wasn't true. If so, Mr. Van der Heijden was a very shitty person.

Feeling a wave of tiredness hit him, Jens glanced at the clock in the waiting room and then to Lucas who's head was resting on his shoulder, trying to control his anxious riddled brain.

‘’It’s late. Should we head...home? You need sleep.’’

Lucas shook his head stubbornly. ‘’No. I need to stay here. I need to be there when my mom will wake up.’’

''The clinic had made an exception for a short visit and a conversation with the doctor. You'll have to wait till visiting hours to see her. We can't wait seven hours here.''

The night had been long and stressful and Jens couldn't wait to head to bed. He understood Lucas' want to stay at the clinic, but sleeping in those uncomfortable waiting chair would only make him feel sore and shitty in the morning. Lucas needed rest. Good rest.

‘’They gave her medication. She’ll be out for a couple more hours. We’ll come back in the morning.’’

‘’But-’’

‘’We can ask the office lady to call you when your mom is awake. How about that?’’

To Jens' relief, Lucas agreed.

It was almost 10am when the doorbell rang, stirring Jens from his deep, dreamless sleep. He groaned, the noise keeping going again and again - unable to ignore it. Who the hell could be at the door so early? He almost yelled at Lotte to go open, but remembered he was in Utrecht, at Lucas' house.

Fighting sleep, Jens opened his eyes - keeping them open was the real challenge here - and saw Lucas still fast asleep beside him. He smiled, soft snores coming from Lucas' slightly parted lips. It took Lucas over an hour to fall asleep this morning, constantly checking his phone every five minutes to see if he had any missed calls from the clinic. Jens had pulled him into his arms and played with his hair, knowing it worked as a kid when his mom would do it.

Now, the doorbell was getting on Jens' nerves and he wanted it to stop.

Carefully removing himself from Lucas' grasp, Jens got up and searched for his pants from yesterday, not about to answer the door in his boxers. He was barely awake enough to function as he walked down the hallway to get to the door, not caring that he was looking like a mess right now. That’s what a middle of the night bus ride and falling asleep at 4am does to you.

Before opening the door, Jens checked through the peephole and saw a short girl with curly hair and a boy with darker skin and messy hair whom he recognized as Isa and Kes.

A frown formed on Isa’s forehead when the door opened, confused why someone else was answering and not her friend. ‘’Who are you? Where’s Luc?’’

‘’Erm, I’m Jens. You’re Isa, right?’’

She nodded slowly, still a bit confused until she realized who Jens was. ‘’Oh my god! You’re Luc�� boyfriend aren't you?’’

Jens nodded, eyes squinting at the brightness outside. ‘’Does Luc knows you were coming? Did he tell you about-’’ He interrupted himself, uncertain if Isa and Kes knew about Mrs. Van der Heijden’s mental illness.

Isa hummed. '‘Yeah. I figured he’d be here in the morning.’’

Jens didn’t have to invite them in, the two walking right in and making themself home in the living room.

‘’Where’s Luc?’’ Kes asked, looking around for his best friend.

‘’He’s sleeping. The night has been long.’’

Kes hummed. ‘’How is he?’’

‘’Not good,’’ Jens honestly responded as he sat down in the armchair.

The trio didn't have time to engage in much of a conversation, footsteps coming from the hallway a few minutes after sitting down. They tried to be quiet to let Lucas sleep some more, but failed. Or, maybe it was the emptiness in the bad that woke him?

‘’What are you guys doing here?’’ Lucas asked, seeing his friends and boyfriend in the living room. He was wearing Jens' hoodie, finding the comfort he lacked of when he woke up to an empty bed.

Isa stood, meeting Lucas halfway and pulled him into a hug. He hugged her back before going to sit with Jens in the armchair, unbothered by his friends' presence.

Kes, on the other hand, wasn't as nice as Isa and looked at Lucas with hard eyes laced with deception. ‘’Why didn’t you tell me about your mom? I had to learn from Isa who heard it from Liv who was talking with Ralf. We’re best friends, Luc.’’

‘’Sorry you weren’t the first thing on my mind when my dad called me to say my mom was in a clinic.''

Kes sighed, changing his tone. ‘’You know I didn’t mean it like that...’’

‘’How is she?’’ Isa asked, switching the conversation.

‘’She’s in a clinic, Isa. How well can she be?’’ Lucas responded, his tone a little too harsh.

Unhappy with the way he spoke to his friend, Jens put han hand on Lucas’ thigh, a silent way to tell him to not get worked up. Even if Isa’s question was stupid to him, it wasn't a reason to talk to his friends like that. They came here because they cared about Lucas and his mom, not to get yelled at.

''Have you seen her?'' Kes asked, blaming Lucas' attitude on stress and morning grumpiness.

''No. Visiting hours were over long ago. I'll be going today.''

''Do you need us to come with?''

Although Kes' offer was nice, Lucas already had an emotional support. ''No. Jens is here.'' He leaned into Jens' chest and Jens kissed Lucas' shoulder over the hoodie, confirming his words.

‘’Tell your mom we say hi, okay?’’ Kes said.

‘’Will do.’’

Sunday, March 8th

The past two days had been difficult and emotional for Lucas - and Jens, by bias.

Lucas had spent hours at the clinic at his mom's bedside, just sitting there and watching her sleep most of the time, too high on meds to stay awake. Sometimes, she'd talk to him, but never for long. She was happy that her son was here, but also felt guilty that he had to come home just because she went off her meds again. Lucas denied her wrong assumptions and promised her that he had come here on his free will, that he wanted to be with her, but she still insisted that she was disrupting her son's life and being a burden to him like she was to his father. Lucas knew it was the depression and meds talking, but it still hurt.

When Lucas left his mother's room with tears in his eyes, Jens decided it was enough for the day. Taking care of someone didn't mean allowing them to disturb your own mental health. You need to know when to take some space from them, even if it's just for a few hours.

Back at Lucas', Jens made them dinner while Lucas took a shower. He was a terrible cook so pastas will have to do - not that there was a lot of options to cook with in the pantries and fridge. Ten minutes later, Lucas came out of his shower and Jens brought the bowls of pastas to the living room.

''Talk to me. I need a distraction.''

''Okay...'' Jens racked his brain, trying to think of something to talk about when he remembered that he hadn't told Lucas about the move yet. ''My parents are separating. My mom, sister and I will be moving.''

By the look on his boyfriend's face, Jens realized he should have added more details in the first place. Now, Lucas must be thinking he's moving from Antwerp. He was supposed to distract him, not make him sadder. Well done, Jens...

He shook his head, swallowing his bite of pasta. ''I'm not changing school, don't worry. We are just moving to a new neighborhood where the apartments are cheaper.''

Relief washed over Lucas' face. ''Hopefully closer to mine.'' He smirked and Jens hummed.

They lived relatively close to each other, but they could be closer. Living closer would mean easily meeting up in the middle of the night when one of them couldn't fall asleep instead of texting or take the bus together to school.

''That would be nice, wouldn't it?''

Lucas nodded before snickering. ''As if we don't see each other almost every day already.''

Jens laughed. ''Wanna watch a movie?''

The brunet shrugged. ''If you want.''

''Any preferences?''

''No, you can choose.''

''You trust my movie taste? Be careful what you wish for. We might end up watching the Notebook or some other chick flick shit.''

A small smile curved on Lucas' lips for the first time since Friday and Jens took it as a win.

''I know I must not be fun to be around right now and this probably isn't the weekend you had planned, but I...I’m just not in the mood to do anything. All I can think about it my mom and-’’

Jens shook his head, understanding. ‘’It’s okay. I don’t mind. I like chill nights too. As long as I’m with you.’’

Lucas wrinkled his face in disgust. ‘’Ew. Don’t say that. I’m gonna vomit.’’

‘’You don’t like cheesy?’’

‘’No. Jens?’’ He hummed in response, but didn’t budge. ’’You might think that you aren’t helping, but you are. By making sure I get enough sleep, eat and don’t get stuck in my head too much. You distract me with movies and cuddles - lots of cuddles. All of this helps me a lot, I couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend.’’

''Look who's the cheesy one, now!''

''Shut up. This was supposed to be cute, but you ruined it...''

Monday, March 9th

Goodbyes, even temporary ones, always hurt.

Jens’ arms were around Lucas, holding him tight, dreading the moment they’ll have to part. If it hadn't been for his mother’s request, Jens would’ve stayed longer, but Fenna wasn’t too happy to learn that her son had left the country without any warnings and skipped school. She understood the situation, sending well wishes to Lucas and his mom, but still wanted him to come home.

Lucas sighed, sad blue eyes looking at Jens. ‘’I don’t want you to go.’’

Give it to Jens and Lucas to make their departures dramatic and seem like they were parting for war when it was only a couple days. They had been standing at the train station for half an hour, clinging to each other and being one of those couples.

‘’I don’t want to either, but I can’t disobey my mom. She’s already mad that I left without warning. Lucky for me, she loves you or else I’d be grounded for weeks.’’

Lucas smiled before pushing his face in Jens’ shirt, not caring that he was behaving like a baby at the train station. ‘’I’ll miss you,’’ he said quietly.

‘’That’s why I gave you my hoodie. It’ll feel like I’m with you when you close your eyes,’’ Jens explained. He kissed Lucas’ temple, his face hidden from view.

‘’I still prefer the real thing...’’

‘’Me too,’’ Jens agreed. ‘’But, it’ll have to do for now.’’

A voice echoed through the station, warning travelers of the trains that will be leaving soon and, sadly for them, Jens’ train was in the list. Lucas recognized the number and clutched the back of his boyfriend’s shirt, refusing to let go.

''My train is here,'' Jens announced, trying remove Lucas's grip from him but also not wanting to part either.

Tuesday, March 10th

After dinner, Jens sat on the floor, surrounded by the mess of his bedroom. He was folding and packing clothes, getting ready for the move when a text from Lucas came in and distracted him, abandoning the pile of clothes.

Lucas: I don’t know when I’ll come back

Jens: That’s okay. Take your time. Your mom needs you. I’ll be here waiting ❤

Lucky for him, his mom was there to keep her children on track with the packing. They were moving the following Friday and the whole house had to be packed up. It was a small delay, but doable if everyone helped.

''Have you started packing yet?''

''Yes.''

Fenna looked around the room and raised an eyebrow, not seeing much progress since she last came here to check - which was two hours ago. ''Quit talking to Lucas and pack your bedroom, it won't pack itself. Even Lotte has started putting her toys in boxes.''

Jens frowned, raising his eyes from his phone. ''How do you know it's Lucas I'm talking to? Why not Robbe or Moyo?''

''Because you have that smile on your face when you talk to him. Others might not notice it, but I'm your mom. I see these things.''

A light blush coated his cheeks.

Jens: Gotta get back to packing...😞

Lucas: 🥺

Jens: We'll facetime tonight, okay?

Lucas: I'll wait for your call. Love you ❤

Friday, March 13th

A mix of laughters and shoutings filled Jens' bedroom as the four boys battled at video games. They were in the middle of a heated competition between Jens and Moyo when the doorbell went off, forcing them to pause the game.

Jens handed the controller to Robbe, being the only trustable person out of them, and went downstairs to answer the door. A confused frown and a wide grin shared space on Jens’ face, surprised to see his boyfriend on the other side.

''What the-''

''Missed me?'' Lucas asked, a small grin on his lips, interrupting Jens.

Jens' grin broadened and he pulled Lucas into a hug after getting him inside, shutting the door behind. Lucas returned the embrace, snaking his arms behind Jens' neck, missing the closeness of his boyfriend.

''What are you doing here? You couldn’t get away from me for long, uh?’’ Jens teased instead of pointing out Lucas’ tired look, the bags under his eyes looking darker than at the train station on Monday.

Lucas rolled his eyes. ‘’Yeah, I missed your pretty face too much.’’ He squished Jens’s cheeks with his hand, making him pull a fishy face, and laughing at how ridiculous he looked.

‘’I knew it, you can’t get enough of me.’’ Smug look on his face, Jens leaned in to kiss Lucas.

Sooner than usual, Jens’ tongue pushed past Lucas’ lips and Lucas slipped his hands under Jens’ shirt, feeling the warm skin under the grey cotton, catching a soft sigh of content from the taller boy.

They hadn’t had a lot of occasions to kiss more than a quick peck since last Friday and it felt good to share a longer kiss. The weekend had been emotionally difficult for Lucas and his head wasn’t in a mood to make out despite having the house to themselves all weekend.

For a moment, the two boys almost forgot that they were standing in Jens’ entry.

Lucas pulled away, but kept his hands on Jens. ‘’I’m only here for the night, I’m going back tomorrow morning. I came to pick up a few things from my dad’s...and see you.’’

Jens hummed and leaned to kiss Lucas again when loud arguing was heard from upstairs, catching Lucas' attention and making him frown.

''You're having people over?’’ he questioned, feeling bad for taking Jens away from his guests. ‘’I can come back later if-''

Jens shrugged. ''It’s just the boys. We were playing video games. Come.’’

Lucas toed off his shoes and let Jens pull him upstairs.

As they got closer to Jens’ bedroom Lucas’ stomach knotted, worried Jens’ friend will ask questions after the way he left last week at the party. He never gave them an explanation and he was hoping Jens hadn’t told them what happened to his mom. He might be okay to share this personal information with Jens and his own close friends like Kes, Isa and Ralph, but he didn’t want everyone to know.

‘’Now we know why he was taking so long to come back,’’ Aaron pointed out when he saw Lucas behind Jens.

Jens flipped him off and went to the empty spot on his bed, pulling Lucas onto his lap, taking advantage of having limited seating space in his cardboard boxes filled bedroom.

Robbe handed Jens back the controller, ready to get back to the game.

''How are you gonna play with Lucas sitting on you like that? You can hardly see,'' Aaron pointed out.

Jens smirked, feeling confident. ''Don't worry, I can still beat your ass.''

#jens's season #van der stoffels #vds #lucas van der heijden #jens stoffels #wtfock #skam nl #vds fic #last chapter #i'm not entirely happy with the chapter but it's the best I could do right now #sorry for the LONG wait

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fieryfantasybooklover · 4 years ago

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Forged In Flame And Stars - An analogical fic

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Logan already felt himself relaxing as he slipped quietly through the front doors of the massive stone library. This building was a permanent fixture in his memory and had been since he learned to read. Logan couldn’t care less about the interests of the other teenagers, he would gladly spend his days buried in books. As Logan hefted his backpack over his shoulder, he set course for his favorite room in the library - “The Room Of Myth”. It was the hidden gem of the book heaven, a place of ancient tomes of mystery and legend. And best of all, hardly anybody knew where to find it.

Logan arrived at the room, already euphoric from expectation. “Maybe I will read about the myths of ancient African cultures. Or what about the lore of Native Americans? There are far too many books here and I am perfectly alright with it.” Logan silently opened the door, and was shocked at the sight that greeted him. A boy, dark haired and mysterious looking, had parked himself in the armchair by the fire. The fireplace was crackling away merrily, and Logan felt an unexpected smile flit across his face and a warmth fill his being. A fellow book lover, a boy his age surrounded by stacks of books as tall as him. And this mystery reader was so engrossed in his story he was completely oblivious to Logan’s presence.

Logan was almost afraid to speak, reluctant to break a moment that felt as fragile as spun crystal and just as priceless. Finally, working up the nerve to push past the flames roaring in his soul and the stars exploding in his brain, Logan spoke up, hoping for a positive outcome. “Ummm… Hello?” Logan whispered. The other boy went rigid, sitting up straight and giving Logan an annoyed gaze that didn’t earn the wanted response - Logan was much to focused on not losing himself in the boy’s eyes. They were hazel, but with nearly undetectable golden flecks. Logan, unused to feelings similar to this, couldn’t muster a reply. “Yeah? What do you want? I hope you’re not going to try to kick me out. It’s a public library.” the other boy snarked. “N-n-o. that’s not what I was going to say. I just wanted to ask you what you were reading.”

“Oh. Ok then. I guess I have time to talk a little.”

The pair sat by the fire for several more dreamlike hours. The fire warmed them against the fall chill, and there were plenty of books to discuss. It was a novel experience for both of them - neither had a friend in school who was even remotely interested in this type of literature. However, they also learned about themselves. The other boy introduced himself to Logan as “Virgil… but you can call me Virge.” Logan introduced himself and with that they were off. Neither had an explanation for the force compelling them to talk and talk and never stop. The force compelling them to share the random little things about themselves that never seemed important before this. However, neither really cared. Something new was blossoming, something that seemed to overshadow all other thoughts.

When the day finally ended, they parted ways, but not before exchanging numbers. With that, Logan hopped on his bike, doing his best to balance the truckload of books he just HAD to read. Looking back to see where Virgil was headed, Logan found out that the other boy had vanished. Vanished into the wind without leaving a trace behind. Had vanished like one of the wraiths of ancient legends. Shaking his head in wonder, Logan pedaled home, ever-pursued by thoughts of the boy in the library.

Weeks flew by and little changed in Logan’s life. Logan and Virgil fell into a groove of meeting at the library and talking the day away, often bringing books to share and recommend. Logan kept his grades up and conveniently forgot to mention where he spent his Saturday’s to his parents. He did mention that he had a new friend he met through a book club, of which Logan was a member of many. There would also be the nights that Logan stayed up all night messaging Virgil, falling asleep to the stars sparkling over his head and an increasingly common feeling of warmth and comfort. It wasn’t until Virgil messaged him asking if Logan wanted to come over that Logan realized how little he knew of Virgil’s life.

Logan fought down the nervousness as he walked up the gravel path to Virgil’s front door. “It’s ok Logan. It’s ok. This isn’t a big deal, you're just hanging out.” knocking on the door, Logan fought the urge to hop from foot to foot. The door was opened by Virgil, who was looking unfairly good in a sweatshirt and jeans. Virgil ushered Logan through the house quickly, allowing Logan to only catch a few glimpses - a worn-looking couch sitting in front of a TV, a lamp casting a warm glow from underneath a closed door, a cute little kitchen with a window looking out to the woods. Virgil shut the door to his bedroom, turned to Logan, and began to talk. A lot and very quickly.

“Ok, so here’s the deal. My parents are extremely good at putting on a good show, but that’s all it is. A show. My dad’s addicted to alcohol and my Mom is stressed constantly because she’s the one keeping our family together. That’s why I use the library - I can’t afford bookstores. That’s why I’m a loner at school - I can’t trust anybody to let them close enough to find out. I get it if you don’t want to talk anymore it’s fine, I’m sure your parents won’t want you around me-” Logan cut him off, feeling strangely outspoken and passionate around this hurricane in human form.

“Virgil! Virge. Listen to me please. I don’t care if my parents don’t want me around you. I don’t care and I never will. That’s because… you...you…” Logan struggled to find words to do justice to what he wanted to express. Finding none, he went with what felt the best. “Because I have come to truly care for you and I don’t care what the world thinks. I believe you are a good person and one that deserves everything good this world has to offer- Oh god what am I saying? I’m so sorry Virgil. I have to go… I’ll message you sometime soon.” With that, Logan grabbed his bag and bolted out the door, without looking back, afraid of what he would see.

A few days past of Logan not hearing a peep from Virgil, and with each day that past Logan sunk deeper into self guilt. “Why did I have to leave? Oh god that was so stupid I am an idiot. I can’t message him. I have no idea what to say! Should I try and meet up with him again or…” All of these thoughts and more made their home in Logan’s head as time ticked bye unbearably slowly and then too fast for comfort.

Logan was however, not expecting for his phone to buzz at midnight with a desperate text from Virgil - “Lo. Please. I know I fucked up. But can you please come to the library.” Logan didn’t hesitate a minute, and pushed all doubts down and away. He cobbled together an outfit and biked to the library like the world was about to be swept away and he was running from the wave. Logan dropped his bike, uncaring, as he sped up the steps, into the library, and then through its halls to the Room of Myth. He spotted Virgil, shaking and trembling by the fire. Logan rushed to him and enveloped the other boy in his arms. “Oh my god Virgil what happened?” Logan asked while making soothing circles on the other boy’s back. Virgil, trembling violently, managed to give a shaky explanation.

“My mom and dad are fighting. I tried to stop them but my dad… he’s d-drunk. My mom told me to get out of the house so I came here. I’m so sorry for bothering you oh my god…” Virgil rambled on and on, but Logan was smart enough and knew Virgil well enough at this point to recognize the talking for what it really was - a defense mechanism and a way of expressing self-guilt. “Well now, I simply won’t allow that.” Logan thought. “I’ll be damned if I don’t at least try to do something.” Wrapping his arms even more tightly around Virgil, Logan began talking, not stopping to acknowledge his fear.

“Virgil. You are the most wonderful and breathtaking person I have ever met. You are not the cause of this and you never have been. I can tell you for a fact my life would be dark and empty if you weren’t in it. You’re amazing you’re smart you’re kind you shatter me to pieces in the best way. You make me weak and vulnerable and I don’t regret it a bit. From the moment I saw you I was head over heels for you but afraid to admit it. You haunted my thoughts like a ghost, never leaving, never sleeping. I stormed out of your bedroom because I was scared. Because I’ve never felt anything like this and I don’t want to screw it up. You are forged in flame and stars and this world does not deserve you.”

Virgil raised his eyes, beautiful and shining with emotion, to Logan’s. “Logan… You’re the one person in my life who makes me feel safe, makes me feel happy. You’re the one who snatched my heart and decided to keep it and never give it back. You’re the one who makes me feel like me. You’re the one that makes me feel love.” And with that, their lips met in a kiss seemingly too tender to exist. It spoke of late nights gazing up into the sky, dreaming. It spoke of laughter and smiles and gentle touches. It spoke of cool summer nights and pristine winter days. It spoke of love and affection and an infinity of both. It spoke of everything good and then some more.

The next day, Logan sleepily opened his eyes to golden sunlight and to find out that he had fallen asleep in Virgil’s arms. He had willingly spent a good portion of the night with Virgil, showering him in affection and positivity and encouragement. A fond smile spread across Logan’s face as he saw Virgil was still sleeping soundly. His hair was messed and he was snoring softly. Logan grinned as he expertly extracted himself from Virgil’s grip. Scribbling a quick note and leaving it on the library’s table, Logan strode out the door. Mounting his bike, Logan grinned and allowed his mind to linger on the boy who stole his heart as he biked home into the golden unknown.

#sanders sides #ts virgil #virgil sanders #logan sanders #logic sanders #cute #fluff #sweet #analogical #megans writing

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rose-vanderan · 4 years ago

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You’ll Be Safe

Pairing: Remus/Tonks (Mentioned)

Rating: G (General)

Word Count: 3,048

Notes: What happens to 12 Grimmauld Place following the end of the Second Wizarding War? Also known as me exploring a few personal headcanons in a Post War canon divergence setting.

Also posted under AO3 under the same name (”You’ll Be Safe” by Curious_Feline)

The years following the Battle of Hogwarts were tough for everyone it affected. Harry went off with Ron and Neville to join up with Aurors to clean up the wreckage following the War. Harry was told by multiple people that he didn’t need to continue, none of the children that were involved needed to risk themselves anymore, trying to catch any of the dark wizards that managed to flee. They were determined to try and keep fighting, afraid of what would happen if they stopped. The threat from the Second Wizarding War kept looming over their heads during their school years, it was hard to be a child.

Ron Weasley was the first to drop out of the career, he reached his limit feeling himself reaching a breaking point. Hermione pointed it out to all three of the boys, concerned that they were stretching themselves too thin. What helped Ron realize he needed a break was George. Following the loss of his twin, it took George a while before he was able to get up and move himself back to the shop. Ron offered to help him shortly after George brought up trying to reopen. He didn’t want Fred’s dream to die with him. It was Fred’s dream for the joke shop just as much as George’s. Together they both were able to bring life back to Weasley's Wizard Wheezes, bringing it back to it's glory days watching proudly as it filled to the brim with excited customers. Ron even dawned the tacky two piece suit, proudly displacing the bright orange and purple displaying around the shop.

Neville Longbottom took a little while to reach a tipping point. He wanted to join the Aurors to help Harry and Ron, feeling like he wanted to make his parents proud to try and follow in their footsteps. He didn’t hate being an auror, but he realized he wouldn’t be able to do it as a career because he couldn’t put his heart into it. He knew he needed a break because he felt like he wasn’t making himself proud simply by doing it because he felt like he had too. He knew his parents would want him to do whatever he loved, and knew that this wasn’t what he wanted. He started looking into alternatives before he was presented the opportunity to further his education to get trained under Professor Sprout to be the next Herbology Teacher. It felt the first time he smiled genuinely since the War ended.

Harry Potter took the longest to leave the Aurors. He kept pushing himself, afraid to stop. He felt like it was simply because he didn’t know what would happen if he did. People kept telling him he has done enough, that he doesn’t need to keep going, or that he should just rest. Harry wasn’t sure he knew how to do that anymore. He’s lost so many people in his young life, that he feels like he has to keep going or else he has failed everyone that has died. There was always that voice that he heard in the back of his head that told him that they wouldn’t want him running himself ragged or constantly pushing himself to a breaking point; that he’s done enough. It took Harry the longest until close friends and people he considered family told him it was okay. They told him that he needed a break, he needed to rest, because the boy has done enough that he doesn’t have to do anything for the rest of his life. Harry finally quit the Aurors after he realized, finally, that he didn’t have to keep fighting.

------

It was by the third year following the Battle of Hogwarts that Harry had created something he was proud of. He might not have kept fighting with the aurors but he kept fighting in other ways, and this was a way that made him insanely proud. By the third year following the Battle of Hogwarts, Harry had turned 12 Grimmauld Place into a safe haven. Here wizarding children that needed a place where they could feel safe and loved was waiting with open arms. They had children that needed a safe place to stay over holidays from Hogwarts, as well as muggleborn orphans or any children whose family didn’t appreciate their child’s newfound gifts. The most controversial thing about his new sanctuary was that Harry made it point to also take in werewolves.

-----

Nymphadora Tonks stayed as an Auror following the Battle of Hogwarts, although far more carefully now that she had her son, Teddy. She stayed under Mad Moody, who to the shock of everyone in the Order managed to make it through the whole ordeal with only a few more scars to show for it. Tonks alongside her partner, Jamie, were tasked with training the three newest up and coming Auror recruits: Ron, Neville, and Harry. They both guided them, showing them the ropes, being excited to finally get to be in a mentor's footsteps. Tonks was one of the few people who got it into Harry's head that it was okay for him to quit being an Auror, that he's done enough for this world. She gave him the biggest hug, sweeping him off his feet and twirling him around when he thanked her on the day he resigned. The display actually got the boy to laugh by the time she put him down, and she ruffled his unruly hair before taking him by the shoulders to say how proud she was of him and how she'd definitely miss him as a protégée. She waved him off but not before shouting at him that he wasn't getting rid of his "Cool" Aunt Tonks that easily, reminding him of dinner that Friday.

Remus Lupin had survived the Second Wizarding War just as he had survived the First. He stayed behind with his wife and child when the Battle of Hogwarts raised hell over the school grounds. He felts his heart sink heavy with guilt after he heard what happened but didn't stop the selfish part of him that at least the people most important to him that he had made it through the Battle. He spent countless moments constantly telling Harry how proud he was of him, terrified to have almost lost him too and Harry cried so much that day, his eyes burned but felt the stinging all the same as he stayed holding onto him. Remus cried that day and he cried again and held Harry for what felt like hours after he was told about Grimmauld Place. Harry explained that it was to be made into a sanctuary for not only children who needed a home but a place for werewolves to go to get help. They would be given access to wolfsbane potion every month as well as directed towards a safe location for transformations. Harry may never know the pain the Remus had felt all the years living in isolation, being shunned from society but he wants to do everything in his power to ensure that no other werewolf is put through what his Uncle was.

“Harry….” Remus choked out, still holding Harry in a crushing hug, “I...I’m so proud of you. You’ve given so much for this world, and you continue to give. Your parents would be so proud of you, you know that?”

Remus pulled back from the hug to look at Harry, tears staining his face. Harry took one sleeve up to his own eyes and rubbed it lazily to rid it of the tears he didn’t even know were starting to fall. He gave a sheepish smile and hugged Remus quickly.

“I don’t want anyone to go through anything like we did.” Harry said, knowing the pain close to heart, knowing he can still brighten this world. “I know Hermione is trying all she can with her equality acts she keeps taking to the Ministry. Now that Shacklebolt is there we should be able to do loads better.”

Remus let out a soft chuckle, “I’m sure Sirius would be happy to hear that his childhood home is being used for something so important. Probably only because it would drive his Mother mad. The articles they would write....”

“It’s going to be fun trying to read through all the articles that will be written, I’m sure.” Harry grinned at the thought.

------

As the months passed, he spent countless hours renovating and altering Grimmauld Place. Even with Shacklebolt as Minister of Magic, Harry still had to deal with countless inspections. He knew there was only this type of restriction because he vocally mentioned his plans to be offering help to werewolves. He knew that even though Remus Lupin was a hero following the Second War, most people only saw him as an exception. He also knew how much work the team, led by Hermione Granger, was working trying to get more recognition and change for equality. What came as a shock to some was a certain person that took to helping Harry out with Grimmauld Place. Most of the Weasleys came by to visit and help where they could, Remus & Tonks with his godson Teddy dropped by when he couldn’t visit, and his friends even dropped in for assistance. The person that few expected was Percy.

Percy Weasley had spent most of his time following the Battle of Hogwarts with his family. George had rarely let him be alone the first few months. The night following the Battle, George had snuck into Percy’s room and slept with him. George then took to shadowing his older brother for those painful few first months. Percy never complained but felt stings of guilt because he felt like he didn’t deserve it. George was actually the one that had pushed Percy to take the job offer that Shaklebolt had offered him. When the Ministry was trying to rebuild itself, all the departments had a lot to go through to try and repair the mess that was left behind. Shaklebolt had brought Percy back in to try and offer him a job back working in the Ministry. Shacklebolt had mentioned that Percy was damn good at his job. He always was. Even through all the stress the Death Eaters put the entire Ministry through, Percy always did his job damn near perfectly. There was a reason the Death Eaters never got rid of him or tried to replace him. So after reviewing the clustered mess that was the Floo Network, Percy took the job. He may have only taken this particular job because he had thought of a few solutions, but he knew he needed to do something soon before he lost his mind, and with how chaotic this was he knew he would be distracted. Percy made a vow with himself though, he never missed a family dinner, work be damned.

Percy started showing up at Grimmauld Place a lot a few months after it was officially established. Harry was surprised that he seemed to enjoy spending time around all the kids and about how easily he handled them and even started to teach them. Then again, Harry was learning, especially after the Battle of Hogwarts, there was a lot he didn’t know about Percy. Percy had a given knack for children, it’s what made it easier to wrangle all of his younger siblings when Bill or Charlie were occupied or gone. It got harder and harder to do as the years went on but he prided himself on how he was able to do it before the youngest four got to school. Before everything got worse. Percy did find it amusing that both Harry and Ron found it shocking that he was able to handle the current 5 children in Grimmauld Place with ease.

“Keep your face like that, it might get stuck.” Tonks grinned, sticking her head into the doorway, glancing over at them. The boys were standing in the sitting room that was adjacent to a playroom where Percy was. Ron had his eyebrow raised in confusion watching as Percy held up his arm, watching a toddler dangle from it like a handbag, the child giggling like mad. Harry had his arms crossed, a puzzled look painted his face as he was honestly fascinated by how easy Percy was making it look.

“I’m just wondering where all…” Ron gestured with his hands towards Percy and the small hoard of children. “This came from.”

“Well,” Tonks began, coming into the room standing next to Ron, “You have a lot of siblings. Plus I heard the stories of how he was a mother hen to the students when he was in school.”

Ron pondered the thought, recalling back to all the times Percy had dragged been overprotective (overbearing he more than often thought) during those first three years in school. He conceded and nodded, Harry giving a chuckle watching Percy starting to look a little helpless in the other room. Tonks let out barking laughter as one of the children started climbing onto Percy’s back while another tried dragging him in another direction, causing Percy to collapse on the ground resulting in a dogpile of giggling children.

------

When Harry started taking in children that were younger than schooling age, he knew he’d need to start tutoring them so they’d have some basic education before they were sent off to Hogwarts. It was safer to home school them here at Grimmauld then it would’ve been to send them off to public school. Part of Harry didn’t hate the idea of being one of the rotating teachers for the children either. It was after watching how Percy interacted with the children that he approached him. He offered him the idea of coming over to help tutor the younger children to help prepare them for school. Percy was terribly confused as to why he would’ve been propositioned such a thing.

“I mean you had top marks in school, didn’t you?” Harry asked completely casually.

“Well, yes I mean…” Percy said, taken aback. “I just don’t see why you’d be asking me?” Percy was raising his left eyebrow in confusion. This was one of the times Percy just came over, he claimed it was because he had some free time but what he didn’t say was that he had promised a few of the children that he would come back and read them a story he had told them about.

“I mean I know you’re busy with work, Shacklebolt was telling about all the good you’ve been doing in the Department of Magical Transportation. I’ve just seen how good you’ve been handling the kids. I just figured you could try being one of the rotating tutors we’re going to have for the younger ones.” Harry explained.

Percy gave it some thought. He knew he didn’t have to worry as much about his job as he used to, having been made the Head of the Department. He had made tremendous work on the chaos that got left behind after the war. He enjoyed spending time with the children, something he personally never thought he would enjoy as much as he did. He knew he didn’t hate children, it wasn’t something on the table when you had as many siblings as he did. He was close with his mother and did tend to pick up her behavior, especially for wrangling his siblings. Percy also knew all the jokes that people made about him being a Prefect in school, always fussing over the younger students and “taking his job too seriously” as certain students would claim. Percy considered the offer for only a few moments but his brain whipping through the thoughts felt like minutes ticking by. He accepted it, holding out a formal hand for Harry to take as a sign of agreement. Harry grinned and shook his hand, happy that he was on board.

------

This set both boys up on a path for future careers that they may have considered but never knew they would have. Some short years following the establishment of 12 Grimmauld Place as a sanctuary, Harry was approached by now Headmistress McGonagall for the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor. She had mentioned how he always had a knack for the subject when he was a student, and Harry remembered how much he enjoyed teaching Dumbledore’s Army all those years ago. He briefly thought about the career as an option back in his Fifth Year when Ron had brought it up as an option but it quickly got drowned out by the War.

Percy took years after Harry became a Professor before he looked at that option. His children were a few years old before he announced one night at dinner. The words “I think I’d like to look into being Professor at Hogwarts” came out easier than he had expected. His spouse was fully supportive and encouraging even. No matter how long they’ve been together it still surprised him. Percy had given it careful consideration before he had landed on being the Potions Professor. It helped solidify his decision when Neville and Harry had mentioned that Slughorn was looking for an intern to mentor to replace him. Percy had recalled back to his youth in that he actually quite enjoyed Potions and counted it among on his favorite subjects. He also remembers that when he was younger he counted it as a personal victory that Severus Snape had begrudging respect for the boy, as he had managed near perfect marks in his class. Percy throughout the years was keen on making his own potions too, even offering to help where he could with the supply of Wolfsbane Potions for Harry’s sanctuary to be distributed out to safehouses. It seemed almost scarily natural once he started being mentored by Professor Slughorn and quickly picked up a rhythm that worked easily for him that flowed through the classroom.

In the years that followed as the next generation filtered into Hogwarts, they had a few new teachers than the previous generation. They got to watch as the houses united, prejudices being abandoned, and Hogwarts and the Wizarding World continued on the path of greatness and strove to always get better year after year.

#harry potter #percy weasley #ron weasley #george weasley #nymphadora tonks #remus lupin #neville longbottom #headcanon #fanfic #curious writes #nymphadora tonks lives #remus lupin lives #remus lupin x tonks

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sapphiewritesandstuff · 4 years ago

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I hope requests are open but can I have some fluff/angst with Teru where the reader is normally cheerful and outgoing hubris falling back into old depressive habits :,) I have been feeling quite down lately and I need some Teru comfort fluff

Omg I might have turned this into slight angst I’m so sorry-

While I was writing, I missed the parts of the request, and turned this into slight angst, so sorry 🙏 But aside from that, I hope this can bring some form of comfort to you! If you’re ever feeling down, don’t hesitate to message me or send something in. My inbox is always opened for you ❤️❤️❤️

Please enjoy~

Warning: Mentions of depression and cutting. Reader discretion is advised.

Minamoton Teru with a stressed reader who is falling back into depression.

Lately, you’ve been incredibly stressed. May it be school work, relationships, or your own emotions, everything seemed to be against you.

You deliberately kept this a secret from your boyfriend, Teru.

You two had only been dating for a few months, but in those few months, you’d come to learn the other sides of Teru others don’t often witness.

The vulnerable side of him, the soft side, and of course, his protective side. You fear his reaction if he learns of your recent unhappiness. You could only imagine his reaction; his misunderstanding of your situation leading to the eldest Minamoto boy hurting an innocent bystander in your life who he presumed had offended you.

And you kept everything under wraps, taking your medication and talking to your therapist about your situation (keeping some information to yourself).

However, one day, too much happened too quickly for you to handle.

It didn’t help that the weather decided to change from its previous sunny, cloudless form to a darker, stormier version complete with pelting rain and freezing temperatures.

It was dinnertime, and you could hear the impatience in your mom’s voice as she called for the third time for you to get your butt to the dinner table.

You clutched at your hair, trying to block her voice out.

The day had already been horrible for you. You had almost arrived late at school thanks to you staying up late last night, studying for a test.

Not only that,ever since you had started dating Teru, other girls would talk to you in a passive-aggressive way, always insulting you under the mask of friendliness.

“Wow, it must be so hard being Minamoto-san’s girlfriend. Messy hair is a no-go, crumpled uniform is not acceptable, and always having to keep up your grades must be hard!”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re so lucky. I mean, Teru-kun chose you out of all the other girls at this school. And no offence, but you’re hardly the prettiest nor the smartest at this school.”

You tried to ignore the scathing undertones, smiling politely and excusing yourself to the third floor bathroom.

Inside the last stall, you let your sadness out, shedding silent tears.

You could’ve sworn you heard a concerned whisper but you brushed it off as another effect of sleep deprivation.

But life has to go on and for the rest of the day, everything seemed normal.

You sat with Teru at lunch, letting him nag at you only half jokingly about recent failed tests.

At last, when you arrive at home, bag heavy with homework, the first thing you get when you open the door is your frowning father.

“I heard your grade in math dropped.”

At this point, you could barely blink back the tide of tears that threatened to flow out. Your dad didn’t seem to notice.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, lowering your eyes to the floor.

Ignoring your apology, your dad continued, “What’s sorry going to do to fix your grade? I heard Okamoto-san’s daughter has full marks on everything.”

You clenched your fists, nails digging into your palms.

“Honestly, why can’t you be more like—”

“I’m not, okay?! I can’t be more like Yua-chan because I’m not her!”

Pushing past your dad, you fled to your room, but not quickly enough to escape the sigh of disappointment.

Now, in the silence of your room, you listened to the pattering of rain outside, eyes constantly drifting away from your textbooks and back to a single object on the table: your scissors.

Before you and Teru began dating, you had been floating around the deepest, darkest recess of your mind for God knows how long. Eventually, with your beloved boyfriend’s help (along with prescribed medicine and therapy), you eased out of your depressed state.

But now, as the echoes of your father’s and countless other nameless students’ words tumbled around your head, your hand began to reach over to the sharp blades, ignorant of your weak protests.

“(Name), hurry it up, we aren’t going to wait all night for you!”

You snapped.

Blindly grabbing at the scissors, you brought the sharp end down on your arm. The pain failed to bring any reaction, so you stabbed, again, watching as bright crimson drops slid smoothly down the surface of your arm, staining the bleached white paper of your notebook.

Your door slammed open.

“(Name)! How many times do I have to—”

It felt like you were watching the situation unfold from a bystander’s point of view.

You watched as your mom caught sight of your bloodied arm and dull (Eye Color) eyes, your mom’s own widened, concern and regret filling her (Eye Color) orbs.

You refused to take her pity, pushing your chair back with a ugly scraping noise. You could hear your father’s footsteps on the stairs.

Grabbing a thin coat, you pushed past her, brushing shoulders with your unsuspecting father on the way down.

Ignoring your parents’ cries for you to stop, you yanked open the front door before running out into the unforgiving storm.

The rain pelted down on you, instantly soaking you to the bones.

You felt numb, from the cold or your jumbled thoughts, you could not tell.

Your feet led you to the one place you knew would take you in with open arms: Teru’s house.

When you stumbled onto his porch, he was already there, rushing out to wrap a fluffy, warm towel around your drenched form.

He said nothing, murmuring reassuring words under his breath; for you or for him, you didn’t know.

It was a blur, but soon enough, you were in Teru’s arms, a thick, fluffy blanket around you.

You could barely keep your eyes open, but when you looked up, Teru’s face remained clear in the blurry mess of the world behind him.

His blue eyes reflected the crackling fire in the fireplace and his blonde hair was ruffled in the process of warming you up.

You could see the conflict of concern, relief, and guilt in his eyes.

“It’s not you,” you slurred, burying your head into the crook of his neck.

Teru’s hand tightened around your waist, but he merely whispered in your ear, “Shhh, we can talk about this when you wake up.”

As if his one command drove all the tension out of your body, you relaxed, allowing the sweet embrace of sleep take you. But not before you heard his last barely audible whisper.

“I’ll always be here for you, no matter what happens.”

#jibaku shounen hanako kun #toilet bound hanako kun #jshk #teru minamoto x reader #teru minamoto #jshk x reader #tbhk #request

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rainecloud020604 · 4 years ago

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below the cut is a bit of a long venty self reflection.. tw: sensitive topics, the specifics are in the tags

so with quartinteen going on i’ve had a lot of time to look at myself and my actions, i have a bad habit of over analyzing things and ripping them apart. including myself.

i’ve noticed that i keep a lot of things to myself to the point where its unhealthy, i dont tell people when im upset, i dont tell people that im hurt, i dont even tell my parents when i feel sick anymore unless i feel like im dying and need medicine and maybe a trip to the doctor. Im still scared to do that...

i get made fun of and mocked, told im overreacting when im sick or hurt by my parents. its really affected me, being told to walk it off cause im being a baby or im being a drama queen for attention i dont really want. its at the point where i have fallen into a habit of lying about my health, some days i feel like utter shit and i know it will show, i will tell some people, not my parents, my friends i talk to that day. it’s gotten to the point where i was ready to kill myself because my parents wouldnt listen and take me to a doctor after i could eat or drink anything for two weeks without immediately rushing to the bathroom, that was new years eve... i almost did, it took a lot to not do that, and i scared myself, i was scared to call a hotline, i was scared to move, go downstairs, speak, after i spent 30 minutes breaking down and begging my parents to take me to a doctor i was done with life and done with trying. This really affected me and shook me up for months, it was the first time in years i had ever thought about doing that, i felt horrible and miserable cause i scared a lot of people that night.

my mental health is even worse than my physical health all the time, i normally wont talk about it when its bad unless someone asks, i’ve been brushed off so many times by my family i no longer have that confidence i used to. my dad for the longest of time told me my depression didnt exist until my doctor did, he told me i was lying for attention, he told me i didnt have anxiety, i didnt have anything wrong and i needed to shut up and pay attention, push through it and shut up. mental health issues were tabo around my parents for ages, when we got kicked out of our house and moved in with some friends my mental issues really showed through, this was around the time i joined tumblr, my parents would fight constantly and i fled here for safety, it was clear i had something wrong, all of my sibling do as well, my brother has anger issues and doesnt know how to cope with that, he tends to hit things and hit me when angry cause i pissed him off or was in his way, he’s 11 and three times my size. im 16. my sister has anxiety and depression as well, she always drags herself down and fakes a smile to everything, she cant handle being yelled at anymore. we all have faced abuse from my parents, and then moving into a super toxic and worse place for a year made everything worse, my parents stressed and fighting to the point where we would hide and cry cause it was so much. partially through that year i snapped at my best friends dad for being homophobic, racist and sexist, i said a few things and got suspended from my school while there was a sexual predator on the campus after my friends, he was never arrested and he tried to contact me recently because he was bored. i was broken for awhile but going to the magnet school i met some people who helped me. i made a new friend. that place that was toxic we left after they tried framing us for a bed bug issue and tried making us clean the entire house, and the guy who was my dads formal best friend called my mom a few nasty things and called us all lazy and ungrateful. i had a bike stolen during the move and they refused to give it back. we stayed in a hotel for a bit, i became everyones therapist for a few days, my brothers, sisters, moms and even my dads, i couldnt vent to anyone. we moved in with my grandma, my step grandpa turned out to be an abusive asshole and attacked my aunt and almost attacked my mom and grandma one night when we were going to bed, i had both my brother and sister in my room hiding and crying, i was comforting them and telling them the yelling would be over soon.

my grandma had her ac detroyed, license plate stolen, other stuff stolen from her as well, i was scared to walk to school for a month and had to look at the door at all times. one day he randomly busted through the door and i broke down scared as hell because i was in line of sight and the first person he saw, and was in the same room as him. it took me awhile to recover from that. later on i started failing my classes, i couldnt keep up because my old school wasnt where they were, i was ahead but behind because my motivation slacked and i didnt want to be there, i started getting really sick, i went to try to see my guidance counselor one day because i was ready to break down at everything and i needed to talk to someone and possibly go home, i saw a different one, they recommended a mental health counselor and i start counseling sessions, when i checked out the nurse shamed me for not going to her and checking out. i walked home that day and cried. i started counseling sessions after that, i was still scared to speak about all of these issues, some weeks i didnt see her, others i did, the first day my ela teacher flipper her shit cause i was late that day to her class after i was at a counseling session for part of her class cause i needed to say things and speak. i lost the confidence to talk to me ela teacher after that. she would have issues with the fact that i couldnt speak loudly at times, part of the year she hated the fact that i drew in her class to focus, it took me twice explaining it before she would let me. later on that year she accused me of doing other classwork and make me hold up what i was drawing rather than walking over, i cried the rest of her class and had a panic attack in biology venting to a friend. my parents told me i was being dramatic after breaking down and explaining how my day went. i started to stop speaking up about my issues entirely to them.

i’ve had issues when i am sick at school, i’ve gotten grounded for going home sick, after i was told i could call home, it was because the nurse said i looked tired, she also had told my dad that he knew me better than she did so she was unsure, he told me in the car i put the family to shame and made him look bad, took away my devices, left for work while i took a nap, i woke up still sick and felt even worse mentally, i forced myself to walk and finish up the rest of the school day. it took my mom yelling at my dad to get my devices back, he guilt tripped me after giving them back and i felt horrible for the weekend.

my dad started saying i was faking being sick to skip school, keep in mind i have never skipped a day in my life and have always enjoyed going to school, he was just pissed off. my mental health was affecting my physical health, i wasnt able to see my mental health counselor for a month, when i needed to most.

i started developing and eating disorder again, i started to only eat one meal a day, starve myself for existing, i’ve been fighting it for awhile, it decided to get worse, i am still fighting it. i am at a point where i can handle two meals a day again which is progress.

when quartinteen started, that ment i was stuck at home, unable to focus on my classes anymore, and my counseling sessions were done in zoom, i wasnt ever in a safe place to openly speak. i tried pushing for therapy, my parents considered and agreed, they tried to figure something out and never got back to it. everything has gotten worse, not only in my head but the world around me...

keep in mind all this, happened in two years. most of the belittling and breaking me down however has gone on for most of my life.

i dont want sympathy, i want to get this off my damn chest, i dont want attention, i was this at hand so when i need to point at something that happened to me i have to reference to while im breaking down. im sorry about all this mess and wasting time typing this out and that right now isnt the time to hear me whine.

#rainecloud020604 vents #vent post #vent #tw: abuse #tw: eating problems #tw: ed mention #tw: suicide mention #tw: guilt tripping #tw: neglect #tw: panic attack #tw: self harm mention #ask to tag

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skinnedhearts · 5 years ago

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one sided compromise

As per his side of the agreement with Anzu, Asya manages to gather an unsuspecting Micah into following him home to join for band practice.

Their lives were kinda messed up, when he thought about it. To live in a world where for about 18 years of your life, give or take, you obliged with nothing but a bell to direct you through the course of half your day--- five times a week. In a total of 45 minutes, Monday through Friday, the process was the same in the very last period before classes officially ended until inevitably they were all forced to come back to repeat when the sun rose once more. Truly, their lives were messed up.

Gaze directed away from the outside world where seagulls fought on their campus grounds over scraps of food leftover from lunch and trees lightly swayed in the breeze that was rapidly increasing in heat and dying out, Asya focused between only two things during homeroom period: the world outside and the very slowly ticking clock that rang their dismissal. Time to head home was nearing soon and a change besides the seasons was waiting outside, today marked the start of their band practice with a new member, one that Asya still couldn’t say he was all too thrilled to have.

He supposed, with a thought he’d never speak out loud, that despite his distaste it was still very calming on his nerves to get an eager phone call from Wamu exclaiming in his ear and asking how he managed to get Anzu to agree to join them again. The moment only lasted but a minute before the excitement then turned into a scolding in the shape of a contract making Asya swear that he wasn’t going to blow this great shot their band had regained once more.

It sucked.

Still, the details on the reintroduction of Anzu into their still very much unnamed band were ones that Asya swore would solely remain between him and Anzu alone. They were simply ones he wasn’t all too thrilled to have agreed to, but again, the deadline for what could be their band’s big break was coming soon; guilt would simply have to be an emotion he dealt with sooner or later… preferably later.

The bell rings and just like puppets latched onto strings do all his classmates rise from their seats, and just like the usual routine that enslaved all their lives, does their teacher call out in sermon how the bell doesn’t dismiss the class, they do. Asya merely scoffs and shoves his phone in his pocket, rising from his seat and throwing his backpack over his shoulder.

Pure autopilot drives him through the crowded halls where the occasional students bump into him, where the occasional students pause in the middle of the hall and block the path, and where the occasional students make Asya want to shove them to the side to get them out of the way before he self combusts and from his ashes burns the entire school to the ground. How he couldn’t wait to never have to come back here again, this last year of high school simply couldn’t go by fast enough. Eventually, through the struggle and pain of his personal space constantly being invaded, does Asya reach his locker where all he needs to do is switch out a couple of things, and it’s freedom to the sanctuary of his garage for the day--- freedom to pound away his stress onto his drums.

A pause.

That’s right… going home alone wasn’t an option today no matter how desperately he wanted to get out and it seemed like just this once, was life willing to shine down on his social and school life. From the end of the hall, detaching himself from a crowd of students who begged him not to go, did Micah pop out with a grin and promise of staying next time for a club he wasn’t even a part of. Asya simply could not relate to that life of constant attention nor did he wish to, ironic for someone who was part of a band.

“You’re still here!” An array of pats come down on Asya’s back when Micah lightly jogs over to his side, face flushed in a rosy hue and constellation of freckles, hair absolutely ruffled with green curls both framing his face and sticking out in wild directions. “I was hoping to catch you before you bolted out of here.”

As per usual, the whispers between students occur all around them when they catch sight of Micah and Asya together. And as per usual, Asya has gotten used to them after so long, that he no longer pays attention to the way people question the sight of the two side by side. He remembers freshman year, before schedules got busy and his time with Micah became sparse. He remembers the time they’d spend together before tennis was a thing and the band was just a pastime that eventually became a serious dream. Asya still recalls the sudden weight that had leapt onto his back in pure excitement as Micah’s voice rang loud in his ear over still being able to recognize him after years of not having seen each other.

“Funny. You saved me the struggle of having to go look for you, was just about to head to the tennis courts too.”

“Oh,” There was a bashful grin on Micah’s face as he rubbed the back of his neck, “I’m actually taking the next two weeks off tennis. Talked to the coach beforehand to find someone else to captain for me, I really need the time after school to study for some exams coming up and I ain’t doing too hot. Good thing our season just ended too, so I won’t fall too behind on practice if I miss the upcoming sessions.”

“I’m not tutoring you.” Asya slams his locker shut, backpack once more being thrown over his shoulder to turn on his heel and face Micah’s pouting and annoyed face, “If that’s why you were seeking me out in the first place, the answer is no.”

“Harsh, but that’s not it!”

Despite their scattered time together in comparison to before, the habit was still the same as they fell into place and began their walk home. Silence from Asya’s side and passing conversations from Micah’s, a few more scattered comments here and there…

“Are they walking home together?”

“No, don’t be ridiculous, they just happen to be heading the same way.”

“I hope Micah is alright… haven’t you heard the curse that Kier guy carries? Hang out with him and you might as well decide yourself friendless.”

“That explains why he’s rarely seen around others.”

How years hearing ridiculous high school words make you numb of them by the time you’re ready to get out of here.

“I actually wanted to ask if you wanted to hang out after you drop your stuff off at home.” Micah spoke up, now to Asya, the moment they were alone and outside the school gates far from crowds that gave Asya nothing but headaches, “I know it’s last minute, but it’s been awhile since we’ve hung out. Thought it’d be nice to chill somewhere, maybe catch a movie or hit the arcade. Bet I can still kick your ass at the shooting games.”

“And this is your version of studying?” An accusatory raised brow to which Micah scrunched up his nose and stuck his tongue out.

“It ain’t like I won’t be sat down later with some boring tutor to go over my notes with.” There’s a weird sadness of sorts in Micah’s defeated shrug to which Asya isn’t sure how to go about. They lived in completely different worlds, to Asya, it was complicated to know how to provide Micah any comfort when certain things Micah would feel, could simply not be relatable to Asya. “It’s cool if you can’t find any time today though. Like I said, it was some last minute plan.”

“You could just come over to my place instead to watch the band practice and hang out.”

Almost as if vines sprouted from the cracks of the sidewalk pavement and wrapped around Micah’s ankles, did he stop walking alongside Asya and hang behind to which Asya himself took a pause to glance at Micah over his shoulder. There was a warm hue to the sight of Micah blinking in surprise, the early setting sun casted an orange tone behind him like a halo to his warm sun kissed skin and contrasted against his green curls like an array of trees being glowed down upon by the sun.

“Really?” The question comes out in a whisper of surprise, “I kinda never really thought I’d end up being invited back into your place after the whole mess happened last time with the fit my folks threw.”

Ah, yes. Asya’s face twisted in distaste, he vividly remembered the way Micah had curiously picked up a guitar in amazement during their break time. At the time, he was warned about the guitar he had picked up, it being a spare one out of the many bunch that Tea sometimes liked to collect much to Poppy’s dismay over them sitting there gathering dust. The simple reason of them being due to how fragile the guitar was, age also being a thing that chips away at the chords and wood. But at the time, Micah had also gleamed in a smile that reassured it would be fine. He struck a cord, nothing happened. He played a random variety of notes without any specific tune, it was all fine. It wasn’t until he decided to play with it in a way of striking down on the strings the very same way it’s seen by rockers, that two weak strings reached their limit and snapped.

The sight was a bloody one to behold and if Asya were to lift Micah’s wrist and peek at it, he could still see the scar around his wrist, thumb, and index finger all on Micah’s hand where the cords had furiously lashed out. Needless to say, Micah’s parents were furious when Tea had called them up to explain what had happened and refused to have Micah ever step foot again into Asya’s house for fear of next time: Micah losing his entire hand. An exaggeration that had Asya fuming for weeks at having his family called dangerous and uneducated and Micah swarmed with guilt at the offense his parents had caused.

A situation like that had caused tension between the two boys for a while, for how does one go about having your family insulted so violently over a situation that you didn’t even start and you had warned about. Asya knew his anger was just slightly misplaced and Micah was not the one that had scorned out such words, but there was still a bitter twist in the pit of his stomach at the thought that if Micah had listened, then he wouldn’t have had to watch the way Tea calmly guided Poppy away from Micah’s very upstuck parents sticking their noses in the air and calling the band a bunch of hooligans and their guardians good for nothing.

So it was very much to Asya’s surprise when Micah still showed up a sudden day after school, drenched in rain and eyes blown wide from surprise over his own action of running out of the school campus instead of waiting for his usual ride home, to breathlessly apologize for not having listened when he should have. The apology had come out in a rush to which Asya couldn’t understand half of it, but it was enough to drench out the anger directed towards Micah for the incident.

Your parents are still shit.

And I am not gonna refuse you on that matter, dude.

“You can come,” Asya reassured, cutting his past reminiscing short with a nudge of his head signaling Micah to keep walking after him. “But you’re not touching any instruments.”

“Damn, and here I was hoping to get my hands on your drums this time.”

“Yeah, real funny, aren’t you?”

A grin and Micah playfully nudged Asya with his elbow to which Asya blocked with his hand. And as the sun kept setting and their shadows kept expanding outwards in front of them, did their laughter and conversation blend into the start of the evening with one unaware of the sight that was to come and the other hoping the upcoming situation wouldn’t be one to backfire on their friendship.

#micah #asya #Static Heart

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elizabethrobertajones · 6 years ago

Text

14x06 watching notes

Bugs 2.0

this is more like a sleepy note to self from last night (hi future me in the morning, you better have coffee) but I can't believe Yockey is sending Jack, who is consumptive, caught in a crisis of personal identity, and sworn to kill his AUncle who is blurred dangerously with one of his fathers, WITH said father on a hunt, while Dean is so messed up about Michael and guilt and all he's coming at the angsty nonsense from the complete other side... And that's still like half the story because also Sam and AUCharlie and a giant fly monster or something...

Anyway last time a Yockey episode showed up I wrote 100k words of watching notes, broke down crying over the elevated Shakespearean drama, and astral projected into watching the final five-ten minutes in the Globe Theatre.

What we know so far about this episode has me legitimately terrified to the point I'm writing preemptive episode notes the night before so maybe I will fall asleep and dream in such a way I sort this all out and can come to it with Secret Dream Knowledge.

Mittens had the audacity to remind me that Speight directed as soon as I rolled out of bed as well

Oh no the recap is awful in moments. Please leave Jack alone. He is small and young and doesn't deserve anything bad that has ever happened to him.

The ticking and chiming of this all coming due is a great way to raise blood pressure, and as I was saying last night, we get both Dean blurring with Jack in his issues as well as Dean blurring with Michael

I remain eternally optimistic that seeing Christian Keyes in the recap means he might get smuggled back into the show.

I WILL say this every time it happens and refuse to back down on that :P

Anyway, tying the two main points of plot stress together - what is wrong with Jack, and what is wrong with Dean. We KNOW what is wrong with Dean - he said yes to Michael, and got taken for a ride and sorely used. Don’t know if there’s a ticking time bomb about Dean and something Michael did to him. We can guess a few avenues of where the awful comes from for Jack, but I suspect it's going to be at least another full episode of Rowena poking him next time to figure it out, if not an ongoing mystery so his consumptiveness can be dragged out as a point of tension.

His is so obvious that equating Dean's tick tock clock with it is considerably more alarming on Dean's behalf, since we have a much better visual of what's up with Jack, and just "djinn didn't like the inside of Dean's head despite dealing in nightmares" to wonder about Dean.

We get the recap that Jack's being given his hunter go ahead, but then Dean's dismal "it's all on me, it's my fault" over a dark screen and even the "Now" which is a very over dramatic way to press home the sense of ongoing trauma and how that line is going to be affecting him.

Not that we haven't seen him very visibly affected already, behaviourally, but this seems like a clock reaches the end of its countdown episode now >.>

ANYWAY HAVE SOME UPBEAT MUSIC AND THE KOOKY STATUE GUY

Ooh dear, here's bandanna girl from the promo pics, but wearing......... would you fukkin believe it............................................. a long tan coat with large dark buttons up the front. Hilariously, I nearly mentioned when chatting about ascots yesterday morning, that ties made of ribbons were a modern equivalent you see in the same professions so maybe she is just visually connected to these sort of neck ties. Her floofy shirt and that ribbon tie has both shades of people's fem!Cas cosplay and also the sort of faux puritan modern witch look from The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, so. I'm gonna assume whether they know it or not she's a witch.

Aww she is the librarian :')

I love her already because she said good morning to the old person sitting by the statue, but also because she did that and therefore is emotionally completely at odds with the show and her personal theme music means she's in for it and I already feel protective that her jaunty tune is going to get interrupted.

Why do I feel like at least 4 of the library rules are going to be broken

Aww the floofy frills go all around her shoulders. She's so upbeat! Shelving books like it is the most thrilling and wonderful thing to be doing on this sunny morning after rain :')

She looks so much like Bela when she talks... good grief... I wonder if she's related. Anyway first jump scare is her library boyfriend because she was just so caught up in shelving.

Listen I get names wrong or ignore them constantly but for some reason I do not understand them at all so it sounded like Ambraubry to me and probably isn't Amber or Aubrey and also how comes I understand all the other dialogue but not this??? To the point that in multiple past episodes despite my slow and steady approach to understanding an episode, I've completely and utterly mangled understanding or missed entirely the name introductions D:

I really am going to try and do better this episode, because it's so awkward.

"Harper, are you okay?"

Adsjfhdkjsfhskjfds

She's an angel. Wings, trenchcoat, tie, harp -

Anyway she appears to have the affections of at least two dudes, one of whom will defend her with a stapler, and we're lucky the detective pikachu trailer came out like 2 days ago because the kid in that does it but it's too late to be an homage.

Obviously Harper's knight in dark plaid is brooding, gingery, and armed with a projectile weapon. *fires staples at sweater nice!guy*

"Put the stapler down"

*Dean Winchester's it back into the safety setting*

"That guy's always been creepy" See that was hilarious but now I like sweater guy better.

"He's just overreacting because nothing ever happens here" Is this Cas defending Dean to the bitter end, even when it might literally involve watching him murder the world for his own personal angst?

Harper is very clearly setting boundaries while being a total sweetie about being sad no one goes to libraries or reading time. She's almost too frighteningly well put together. No one is this well-adjusted :P

Aaand sweater!guy loses points for nice!guying his way into assuming he has a date

dear lord the music

RIP Sweater Guy.

We hardly knew ye.

Dear lord I love Yockey characters

And Speight directing

this is truly as unholy fun as I was fearing D:

Also re: something from 14x04... nice guy characters again being portrayed in this way where the old school "geek" coding (or at least, beta male who is small and wearing a sweater and such in this very old-school way which honestly I think is fashionable again or was recently... It's a coding which comes with not just the appearance but also the attitude, and if he'd been cool and charismatic, the same costume could have done something very different). It isn't so much the problem as the attitude... Nerds are beloved on this show, but people with gross toxic attitudes such as insisting dinner is a date and not taking no for an answer on that are going to be summarily murdered round back for hubris.

I mean the title is "optimism" and he was WILDLY over-optimistic about his chance of getting with Harper, so. I mean. If that's the magnetism that pulls the monster in...

On the other side of the title card, Jack is stayin alive, and curiously pouring way too much sugar in his coffee as the title comes up - there's an immediate irony that he may be optimistic that he is doing better and on his way to hunting with all his dads and being part of the team again and also optimistic that this much sugar will not ruin the coffee... It's also a little worrying though I doubt he thinks this far ahead, in the sense that too much sugar is bad for you and like Dean being thrilled at the thought of bacon killing him, Jack risking the health damage from drinking sugar-coffee-sludge is an endgame beyond his current consumptive state.

See also: tragic or byronic heroes who are gonna self-destruct because they have mayfly lives in the age of consumption. Jack again being at genre odds with himself as part of an internal conflict...

"What's with the sugar?"

"without my powers, everything tastes different, and I can't get this how I like it"

Maybe you aren't meant to be drinking coffee if it's too bitter for you. I mean in your current state what is chugging red bull gonna do to kill you faster.

It's very Cas in 9x11, commenting on being an angel again after being human. But we know Jack's still in that state. It's interesting because we know he has a sweet tooth because literally the first thing he ever eats is nougat and now we all call him nougat child, but I feel like with powers he was probably rather less discerning because nothing would kill him and everything was digestible... Coffee tastes bitter because it's technically a bitter poison warning, telling us not to consume because caffeine bad... Er, yeah, sorry, coffee plants. But bitterness to humans is supposed to repel us on a “is this food safe?” level, and kids have trouble with bitter foods, and prefer sweetness and uncomplicated flavours because they're instinctively safer.

Jack's struggling to consume the bitter adult juice that makes the hunters run, and is dealing with it by a Sisyphean task of just adding more and more sugar to taste. It reminds me of when I was smol and wanted to drink cranberry juice because I thought it would make me more sophisticated, but it was too bitter, so I kept adding more and more water until it went from even remotely resembling juice to sort of pinkish tart water that still tasted gross and made my mouth dry and didn't even taste like juice any more. At no point did I hit the sweet spot where it was drinkable, because I wasn't even putting the right stuff in to make it taste better. In that case, a spoonful of sugar. In Jack's case... dude. A splash of milk. You don't have to drink it angsty black-like-his-soul like Dean does.

Anyway, "I can't get it how I like it" is very telling of Jack's current overall mindset and sense of place and all. Now he's human but despite having chosen his family and even declared himself human before his powers were stolen, he now has no powers and is consumptive to boot, so the balance has swung way too far over from super powerful cosmic entity to sick kid who can't keep up with the adults. No amount of sugar can change that to something he WANTS to drink when there's still a fundamentally fatal problem with his situation. Sure the dangers of being cosmic lil nephilim on everyone's radar is over, but as this show always does, it swings over to an ironic flip of the first problem, and he's too weak to help.

I suppose the optimism is that he can change this scenario by pouring sugar into it - hunting with the dads - when he needs a different drink.

Whoops already with the dramatic irony - Jack's excited and admiring of heroes Sam and AUCharlie (ChAUrlie?) and just assumes they're having the time of their lives. He's yet to solo hunt with either Sam or Dean, but he'll tick Dean off the list today. For now, what No.1 Dad gets up to (no offence to other dads, this one just tackled Lucifer for him that one time) is mythically amazing, so probably why it's the last on the list... if we'll ever see it. After all, Sam and Jack had their whole season structured around their dynamic from open to close, while actual conflict and confusion remains between his dynamics with both Cas and Dean, as much more complicated, less ideal dads.

Meanwhile: Sam is discovering that it's SUPER AWKWARD to go on a stake out with an AU version hardened by war and with like at least 5-10 years less pop culture than the Charlie you knew, loved, and got murdered by accident that one time.

Which I am totally sure is not on Yockey's mind at all now he's caught the Charlie ball that Buckleming threw recklessly out there.

Anyway. Dean not sugarcoating (haha) "he just left you here" "yeeeep." Obviously Jack's spent a LOT of time in the Bunker recovering and training (he's back in his tracksuit top at least here) but Cas declared him fit for service and they even seem to have survived that hunt together. Somehow. (No slight on their competency, but it's Cas and Jack. Come on, that was a TRIP and I'm so bitter we didn't see it :P) So now Dean can say this in a way that makes it sound like Jack's being left out and get his bitterness immediately on the surface, as he doesn't really have filters.

More bitterness you can't pour sugar over.

The fact that Jack is sitting with his back to Kevin's coffee machine is the worst thing ever.

LOL, poor Dean. Sam deputised Jack to wait for Dean to get back from his supply run to the love cabin, because he was worried about him, which means that Dean now has his own kick from Sam which I am assuming is the spite motivator to take the boy out hunting with him, that he thinks that *Jack* now has to look after *Dean* at least emotionally.

Obviously, like. Yeah. They're good for each other especially if they can bond some more. But like. Try telling Dean that while insisting it's mandatory father son bonding time out of CONCERN.

*cat falling in a bathtub and freaking out and reaching supersonic speeds out the door gif*

Nougat Son attempts a pep talk anyway because he is good and pure of heart and adores his pop pop, even if by sheer lack of interaction or early interest he technically does rank at no.3 in the charts. Listen, Dean WOULD tackle Lucifer for you if he had to, but the story wasn't framed in such a way that he COULD over Sam's narrative need to tackle Lucifer for you.

Dean rebuffs it not out of harshness to Jack but to himself - Jack repeats the line that no one blames Dean, but Dean is like "i do"... Honestly I'm curious for the Dean n Cas version of this because Cas was there in the room and he so far hasn't given Dean the pep talk. Mostly out of them not spending any time together, and I'm sure Dean has a lot of shame that Cas saw him do it, but for as much as Cas blatantly loves Dean still and all on first sight, does he have a more complicated view on it, given he was in the room and tried to argue Dean down?

Anyway Dean and Jack share a very knowing silence of mutual self-loathing and wow this is hilaaaaarious that that's their mutual relationship bedrock but yeah. Last season the most bonding they did was in 13x23 when Dean was like yeah we all get horrifying nightmares kiddo.

*consumptive noises* *Dean's eyes immediately shoot over to the kid*

"Maybe I'm allergic to sitting around doing nothing"

THERE HE IS. THERE'S MY SARCASTIC LIL NOUGAT

We do not get enough of him. I mean, like, maybe since 13x04? He had a rough childhood but now he is a Teen, with all the door slamming and threatening to kill dad no.3 that entails.

"What do you want to do?" We really are getting Dean coming towards Jack from arms' length even now, so he sits down with him and NOW and only now he stops the pretence of being a somewhat disinterested grumpy adult talking to another angst ball adult - very 13x02 last scene kinda wary understanding but without the threat of murder - to sitting at the table with Jack (who of course is in Sam's place) and reaches out to him with a very clear opening up of father son bonding time. I think obviously Jack has grown on him and he cares but he's resisted overt responsibility and their connection has been tentative and weird, and as paternal as Dean can be and has been since the start of the show, with Jack only he's been very careful about opening himself up, specifically for reasons of not wanting to get lumped with another baby to care for right when he was truly setting Sam down at last, and also for like, the whole getting Cas killed thing, and even a year and a half later, he may actually HAVE tentative paternal feelings towards Jack, but he's very much intent on keeping himself Dad no.3, and to only open himself up when it's necessary or else he's emotionally ready for it.

(The description of next episode makes me pretty sure Dean is the worst person of them all to have to discover Consumptive Nougat Son issues which is why I’m assuming he’ll figure it out)

In this case, this appears to be a mutual distraction from their angst - "HUNT" Jack says, with the kind of horrifying enthusiasm of one who still doesn't see it as nightmarish as Dean does.

"Cas is an insurance policy on those hunts" Awww Dean loves his hubby and thinks he's still the biggest BAMF ever, even when Cas has, er, a patchy record lately. Though perhaps low-level monster nonsense is still within his scope...

Anyway, after the Sam n Cas nurturing Jack conspiracy (how dare they love and care for him!!!) Dean straight-talks the kid that he's still very much on hunter probation and has been tagging along with Cas specifically for his own protection. Again, Dean never sugarcoats for Jack, but that honesty has always been a core part of their relationship, even when things were really, really, really bad. Jack still cared what Dean thought and Dean, eternally bitter from his own childhood, gave it to Jack straight, even if it would hurt. No fairytales for Jack.

Even though he has fanciful notions of sleeping beauty from his more whimsical fathers and whatever Kelly left in there :P

Why does Sam have a fidget spinner except that Charlie may be about to declare HIM the monster of the week and kill him.

I mean, dramatic irony and making him look goofy. And Sam is very very very hard to make look goofy because he had all his funny bones replaced with serious bones.

It is very embarrassing to watch him be a goof for this exact reason.

I suppose it is a way to make us start to sympathise with AUCharlie and start to get into HER headspace. We're seeing Sam from an outside perspective - Jack and Dean saying admiring things about him, while looping over to Sam to show us what CHARLIE is experiencing of this. Especially as she's spent a lot of time on the road being an independent agent, rather than sticking with the AU Peeps all the time, she's very much a strong personality of her own as a former rebel leader, and yet knowing OUR Charlie it's less the leading and more the rebellion that would have drawn her. Though she makes a great Queen of Moondoor, that's her softer, nerdy side, and she very clearly had a hunter!Charlie persona of a rebel that struck out on her own, and even when she was a civilian whistleblower/hacker from within RRE, she was acting on her own initiative against the corporate enemy. With her trip to Oz she also had a similar role as AUCharlie of being perhaps a general to a higher leader such as AUBobby in Dorothy.

The adverts on the McCook Sentinel are for TRAVEL, retirement funds, eating healthy and a local student initiative cleaning up the park - the next generation doing their bit to make the world better.

Oh dear, Winston "sweater guy" Mathers - the same name as Dave Mathers in 13x06 - was bitten all over and it was probably bath salts. Case closed.

Now the negotiations and loopholes: Sam said we all need partners now "so we can be hunting buddies!!" Oh Jack. Alex really is good at sounding innocently purely enthusiastic with total childish glee.

"A: don't call it that."

Dean snarks at Jack that HE is going to back ME up? Nah kid. Mistake - this is the key to the angst floodgates. Honestly pausing just after the "I could have killed Michael when i was strong enough!!" declaration is enough info for me to accept a smash cut to Dean and Jack kitted out and on the case, guilt trip accomplished.

It's also very familiar to Dean to have the guilt of having not done enough, to find someone else also specifically feels responsible for what Michael is off doing. And Jack's claim to guilt lies like a whole FIVE MINUTES earlier than DEAN'S claim to guilt. If Jack had killed Michael, Dean wouldn't have had him there to say yes to.

Check and mate.

Sorry, Jack is saying he was distracted and stupid so now Dean is legally obligated to take him hunting to cheer him up.

"You didn't do anything wrong."

"AND NEITHER DID YOU, BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT ANY EASIER, DOES IT?"

Okay, what is the one that comes after check mate but even more vicious because Jack's running loops around his old man.

Dean is making.... left over noodle... taco.....

Jack, knock him out, drag him to the impala, and start driving before he can eat it

He also sharply identifies hunting as the coping mechanism and how they don't just sit around in the Bunker feeling sorry for themselves, and Dean not only can relate but he is being wildly called out by someone who has no filters and also will tell him the absolute truth about it. More than Cas, these days, who carries so much of his guilt and shame secretly so as not to burden Dean, that Jack is now the refreshing voice who cuts through all their crap and shows it for what it is.

Dean is like, man, I never wanted kids. Because they do this to you.

Thank god Jack won that argument with the final emotional appeal and we shifted over to Sam and AUCharlie's adventure.

They really are not getting along.

Charlie just has a jar of sloppy goo. What did she get it from? How did she get so much in the jar when it's so runny? Why does she still have it? Why did Sam put it on the dash? How comes they have Bobby's truck?

Or do the AU Peeps have a whole collection of identical beaten up blue trucks as part of their uniform shabby hunter look?

It's super weird having Charlie pull out an old book instead of a laptop. How do you do product placement????

Dick's Red Rooster diner!

There's a massive photo of a barn at sunset behind them. Putting them out to pasture??

"Yeah, when a young guy dies they never know what to put in those things." Ouch, Dean. Spent a lifetime reading obits, he has a deep insider knowledge of the writing style of them.

The line itself in a more meta way is really sad to think about contemplating anyone having that thought to write it in the first place :( It's deep enough that it doesn't seem an obvious thing to occur to you unless you're super morbid or have first hand experience with this.

Let's just go with these writers all have to write fake obits all the time for their show(s) so they know the struggle of trying to pass off the obit as legit sounding while also contemplating what to even say about their fake people who of course they have just imagined up so don't even know anything about them to start with.

Cocks, everywhere.

(Man, I really hope there aren't people who read these notes before/instead of the episode also hi if you do, you weird wonderful people) (the diner has a heavy red rooster theme and there's metal cockerels all over the place)

(I assume they're for Dick Speight)

Oh dear, Dean is indeed going to have to be the parent who gives Jack the birds and the bees talk, because they've left their kid to learn what he can from TV while creating a perfect circle of Cas assuming Sam will do it, Sam assuming Dean will do it, Dean assuming it's not his problem but it would be hilarious if Cas did it...

So of course Dean ends up being the one on the hunt with Jack where he goes down the sudden horrifying rabbit hole from explaining courting to hearing Jack say "the sex" like he's freakin swap-meated Sam...

Worst case scenario: Cas has ALREADY given Jack the talk but Dean's now going to have to fix that damage :P

Oh teenagers. You want them to stay disturbingly 1 day old naked manchildren forever.

Of course the waitress leans in like "sometimes you just have 'the sex'"

Dean shifts uncomfortably and rotates the cock that had been staring right at his midsection away, like he'd not only clocked it earlier, thought about what it innuendoed, but now in the moment where they're thinking about all this stuff surface text, he's too uncomfortable to deal with cocks right now.

Thank god Dean is as uncomfortable as I am dealing with the concept of Jack being adult bodied and now emotionally teenaged, because he puts the conversation back on track before I actually expire of horror.

Me and Dean are mutually uncomfortable at the realisation that Jack is catching up fast with his outward age. More than halfway there, probably. Only just started bonding with the kid and now we have to let him fly the nest :P

Awww we're getting the everyone loves Harper montage of townsfolk. I love one of these things.

We're spending a LOT of time on the Dean n Jack side of things, which is making me wonder if Sam and Charlie will play catch up later, or if they really are a comic cutaway case to the real angst. That Yockey really really wanted to get our two tragic main dorks into one room alone to work through their issues of guilt and murder and stuff and Sam is too emotionally well-balanced currently to be around that.

I'm pretty sure one set of the townsfolk are two married women

Oh Harper. She's so bubbly and she keeps losing people D: Is there a Nice Guy latched onto you?

(Is it stapler!guy? Nooo I was rooting for him. Maybe he's innocent but will be the next victim... Or maybe not. He DID just see Winston trying to pick her up moments before he died)

"She's bad luck" "real shame."

Yeah, something wants her for itself >.>

Maybe Harper is the one doing the murdering and eating

Probably not.

Sam sits there picking his teeth and AUCharlie finally snaps and tries reaching out to him if it will make him a less annoying stakeout partner. She also does not come under the bracket of Sam's hunter army in the sense of being inexperienced and over grateful of the rescue - that fierce Charlie spark clearly sets her aside not to treat him like the Chief in the same way of needing to be coached and looked after and she was immediately free last season to head off with main named characters like Rowena for side adventures.

It's interesting just because WE know better that she's interesting and Charlie-like so obviously worth a main side character promotion, but in-universe in a practical way, on the surface there might not initially be anything to set her aside from why she gets special treatment except that she had a former leadership role and clearly more experience and innate feeling towards hunting and rebellion than the rest, compared with Maggie who clearly comes across as a refugee wanting to make a new life and learn the ropes of this world with skills she didn't even develop growing to adulthood in the AU.

Anyway, AUCharlie's attempts to shore Sam up end up with Sam throwing the awkwardness back on her and finally opening up the emotional heart of their story - telling her that Charlie was Dean's old wingman and that she'd been a best friend of his (see also: they'd been going to Moondoor meets off-screen)

This is also hilarious that they're using the term wingman when Cas is blatantly the "wing man" in Dean's life and yet Sam is of course focused on Charlie when it comes to dealing with the awkwards of being in a car with AUCharlie but also this skips over Cas's place in the order of best friendyness, because Cas is so much beyond that with his family status.

Anyway Sam uses "you" to refer to Charlie to AUCharlie, which is a direct comment on how they find it weird to have her around and she recoils also from the weirdness that they'd been so close to her in their universe. Their mutual discomfort with each other probably also being why she's been happy to go off on extended adventures on her own getting to grips with this world.

"I'm just saying, I'm not surprised you survived the apocalypse" "Well, I am!"

Sam and AUCharlie going back and forth on his uncomfortable admiration of the other Charlie, while AUCharlie is of course having to fill the shoes of the dear departed first Charlie, a harsh copy of her to Sam's eyes and she can feel that because of course of the weird hug when they first met, it's clear that he, like Dean, struggles to separate her - even in a way where she's AU Charlie but Bobby is "new bobby" which is a distinction which shows more awareness of Bobby as a clean replacement while Charlie is a murky zone where should she be treated like just having another Charlie dropped in their laps, or should she be seen clearly as a completely different person from the one she's replacing for them?

Oh nooo this Charlie worked for RRE but she had a love of her life unlike our singleton Charlie. Just like AUBobby had managed to have Daniel with Karen so things were clearly easier between them than our version... It seems like Mary's sacrifice to not have John somehow boosted the relationships of all the AU people except maybe poor old Kevin :P

Oh noooo what if AUCharlie goes to find this universe Cara??

Oh goodness actual details of the "angel wars" - a massive EMP that put Charlie out of a job just for starters.

"We banded together, thought, someone will save us! No one ever did." Probably not a commentary on the effectiveness of the current government/world leadership at protecting us from disaster >.>

You made AUCharlie cry, you asshole. D:

It's mass grief vs personal grief - the AU peeps lost their world, Sam and Dean saved their world at great personal loss. They took on every one of these deaths into their own personal angst machine, so no wonder it's still rolling on :P

Because in the AU everyone has a Karen or a Cara - everyone who was left lost everything and everyone who was gone.

In Sam n Dean's world, paradise world, the heroes had their own grief, but it's a mythologised version, the great mytharc of losing Mary, Jess, etc that powered the intense personal angst of the apocalypse. But that angst which was so intensely forged in Sam and Dean for taking on the entire burden of everyone's angst that made them the heroes who stopped the apocalypse.

And literally one episode later I'm back to Dean's 2x20 speech about why does it have to be us who saves the world and sacrifices happy normal lives - throw "Carmen" into the Karen, Cara collection.

"One day the water gets shut off. The next day, people are on fire."

Anyway, AUCharlie is intensely hardened to the point of "it all falls apart" because of course she's seen their world crumble.

And again, the outside view point where she's not got the perspective that Sam is the hero that saved the world - it's for us to remember that Sam is the reason this world hasn't crumbled, that hunters are the secret glue holding this world together and we can correct Charlie about their world.

Going too deep is quite uncomfortable to end up comparing 2 worlds, one with a set of destined heroes who are just about holding this one together from at least supernatural threats, and one which immediately fell to pieces when the damage came. In 13x14 AUBobby said that their world just had him, again leaving that empty space that Sam and Dean fixed. But implies the everyday heroism of the AU peeps who managed to hold it together enough to rebuild communities and organise fighting back in their spaces, even heroic-minded people like Bobby and Charlie... AUBobby reckoned he didn't have it together as much as Sam, but in our world, Bobby was a pillar who held the boys and hunting community together much of the time. And Charlie helped save the world once, yet this one felt it crumble around her.

There's something vaguely divine right of kings going on with Sam and Dean at this point, that whole Chuck getting personally involved and calling Dean the firewall between light and dark, that puts their role in a much stranger and more cosmic position. The same thing that made Billie angrily stop pursuing the Winchesters and sit back to read Dean's books in bafflement about how he doesn't die every other day of the week, but is so important on the grand scheme.

To go another step beyond that into meta realms, they have a main character narrative purpose in their own world, so embedded that in the world building of a similar universe, there's no one remotely fit for purpose to step up because no one else was narratively placed to do what they did. And that's their tragedy that they were the people singled out by the narrative, that it's character fights god, directly and on a meta level at times, yelling "why me" and getting "because you're the main character, dumbass, now get back to work" as the answer.

Sam has CONSIDERABLY less interaction across the entire show with being the more meta character, as Dean has genre savvy and was the onlooker to Sam being the one in the crosshairs, that the choice was on Lucifer's vessel to say no or yes, or crack him out of the cage or put him back in. Michael's only purpose was to kill Lucifer, and the rest was free character development space for Dean to yell about how unfair it was that he was there and Sam was being forced this way and that to fulfill his destiny. Even in some meta episodes Sam stayed within the lines or played a role while Dean was the one critiquing and going to speak to the manager, as per the metaphor of Swan Song - 4x18 is the best example of that.

So I think Sam having to confront this here and now is really interesting that he seems considerably less challenged over time to think of himself as the centre of this narrative and what causes and effects this has caused, and to see himself from outside eyes rather than being the one trapped in the middle of it. Lucifer showed him a clip of Swan Song from outside eyes, but it's just not been enough for Sam to really conceptualise himself in this way. Perhaps it'll help him appreciate more what he's done for the universe. I think 6x15 might be the only time he showed more interest than Dean, and that also was about an alternate universe and working out their effect or lack of on it. Of course it was a branch AU from OUR world, while Apocalypse AU is a branch AU from THEIR world.

"not here"

"not yet"

More sugar for Jack. Dean rewards him for finding a case with PIE. Not cake though there was a lot in the displays.

There's still cocks in the background. In the old season 10 pie vs cake thing (10x12 and 10x13 and 10x15 working HARD on it) cake was the forbidden option and pie was the sexy thing that literally was used as a yonic symbol. I'm beginning to dread that Jack's going to get the talk, if for no other reason that Dabb's pre-episode tweets of Jack as Fabio on romance novel covers, but the previous conversation sure didn't help. We're visually and show-language primed for Some Nonsense.

Oh Christ Jack starts asking about courting, and he says he's never experienced it "unless what you said about Rowena and Gabriel counts"

This dumb lump of nougat has witnessed one of the most ridiculous chapters of Dean n Cas angst and hasn't got a clue.

"No, definitely doesn't count."

He never saw them together, but he would have been there when they broke the news to Rowena I guess. Maybe had some innocent questions then too.

Maybe was advised not to touch the books on that side of the library until someone hosed them down with holy oil.

I've been avoiding watching more for like. 2-3 hours. I mean I've been dipping in and out but the mere prospect of this conversation has had me noping out for extended chunks of time to knit and stare into the void and I just realised it's 9am and I started at 5 and only some of that was typing.

My second hand embarrassment squick is barely able to cope with this concept. Now I'm IN this scene I've watched all of Rachel Maddow and nearly checked my dash before I remembered I'm avoiding watching the new episode because Dean has to give Jack the talk so I still have an unwatched episode and spoilers to avoid.

I'm ranking this episode right up there with my conceptual horror at 11x04 just for the prospect of Jack and sex in the same sentence.

Oh thank GOD "when we get back I promise I'll give you the Talk" I should have pressed play so much sooner.

(No, you're fooling yourself Lizzy. This concept doesn't just come up in the first quarter of an episode and then go away)

Oh. Oh Dear. Yeah, trying to do a trust fall with the rest of the scene just meant I walked right in to Dean proposing, I think, using this strapping young lad he has with him as bait to investigate Harper, by sending him to meet cute with her. You know, Jack, dressed in his tan coat, Harper now dressed with her red bandanna ascoting around her throat and a black shirt so she's more Dean-like.

Bless, Jack's all grown up, he's in a Destiel parallel :')

A Ploy! Father Son roleplay! Dean plays the horrible looming FBI man who is threatening a smol lady with only a book for protection to interview her aggressively... And in steps the hero, in his red shirt and still tan coat of course, primed for young love and a hunger for local history books! :P

Well at least maybe stapler!guy might be protected by this if he's not the monster :P

Dean has watched enough rom coms/read enough romance novels to know how to set this up even if Jack doesn't. Canon.

Put that nasty FBI man in his place! Bam! Jack's getting another one in over Dean in the roleplay which mirrors their starting conversation of him emotionally triple-checkmating Dean over letting him come.

It is also a position of trust to let him do the work to chat up Harper.

Gosh I am curious about the endgame of where the Jack vs Dean conflict goes. Jack was literally yelling at Cas that they might have to murder Dean to get Michael a few weeks ago. There's shit going on here and the self-aware staged conflict really makes a curious sort of play within a play aspect, where it mirrors the dynamic. Set a play to catch the conscience of the king.

In this case, Dean being overbearing and threatening to a young woman mirrors Kaia and his treatment of both versions of her, but this time someone is here to step in and stop him, when Jack has been a bystander in the past. And in 13x09 of course, when they first met Kaia, Jack was being really grabby and possessive of her, and she had to beat him off and when Sam and Dean caught up with Jack, Dean immediately said "Good!" about Kaia hitting him, because Jack really was overstepping lines and was wavering one way and the other about being a Joffrey.

Jack is again playing the hero - he's been the prince to sleeping beauty and now he's the Fabio to this love-challenged cursed town darling. This is about perceptions and surface levels - playing the games of being the hero while still working out his own place in the world and discovering that heroism can sometimes mean a murderous revenge quest against the AUncle and the high collateral damage of achieving that. Despite Jack's full on tragic narrative he's battling it hard to dabble in other more light-hearted genres, and join his dads who have all survived by travelling between genre lines and becoming action heroes instead of tragic heroes.

And why is Dean now the possessive and grabby one when he was possessed and grabbed? Or is he still the one who did the grabbing? He CAN'T be Just Michael for all this time, but what's the secret Michael has set up? We can't know it yet but there must be clues, and more we'll work out when we know and can look back on these episodes with hindsight...

But Dean also was presumably the one to come up with the ploy so is it HIS play, and we're getting the boy king (v.2) conscience caught here?

"Why don't you back off kid?"

"You back off... Old man" Jack suddenly sounds threatening enough that Dean recoils, having never been on that end of Jack's terrifying switch Alex can make to being a truly frightening presence, at least not when Jack wasn't naked and lashing out dumbly because he was literally hours old. Jack's never threatened Dean with intent because why would he.

Dean's caught off guard and makes a genuinely "uh" noise in his throat while recovering from the threat, but it impresses Harper so I suppose that's what matters.

Dean vs Jack is very much the Dean and John version of this whole thing, except Dean tried to launch himself to Mars rather than parent Jack and give him the same experience... While accidentally doing stuff like handing Jack a shovel and dismissively telling him to dig which had the exact same effect of being raised as he was. Because like it or not, by 13x02, Jack was mimicking Dean and idolised him a little all along. And now of course, with Daniel laying into Bobby and probably a bunch of other stuff I can't recall mid sentence, we're deep into confronting father figure territory, with John's ghost looming over them all.

"This isn't over" after a moment of comical blustering, the squint Dean gives Jack is almost imperceptible but there's a bit of confusion/curiosity there about just where Jack's assertiveness came from, because DEAN didn't teach him to disrespect authority like that (he totally got it from you Dean). The warning is of course nice and meta in the sense that this staged conflict probably is over, but the Dean vs Jack stuff is only just kicking off.

Jack... Smith.

Aw hon.

Still no surname then? Not Kline or Winchester or... whatever Cas's surname is.

"Dean what do you mean you don't know Jack's surname? It's the same as mine!" Dean stares blankly at Cas. Cas squints at Dean. Dean slowly, slowly, sinks to the floor and crab-walks backwards out of the room.

Anyway awwwwwww romance hero Jack! You play those genres! Find the one where you don't have to be consumptive and murderous!

Aha, Stapler Guy is probably called Miles, since Dean is getting perfect audio on this conversation from the car.

Jack is the politest nougat ever, and wants to shake hands with everyone. SOMEONE raised him right. Probably Kelly. I can't even begin to imagine where else he gets it so it must be an instinct she hammered into him from the womb.

Anyway as soon as another guy leaves to get coffee with Harper, Miles comes shooting out of the library to ask what's up, so he's looking more and more like the monster. Grabbiness as the motw!

Oooh she's taking Jack to her apartment to get him a book. Oh dear, Jack, this is what Dean did in 9x08.

Be careful, sweetie. No one's given you the Talk yet D:

"You don't even know this guy!" "Miles, stop it!"

Yeah, staples guy is definitely my no.1 suspect.

Oh.

Is staples guy about to be eaten?

Whoops, me and Dean both made the wrong call there. And I was just about to tell Dean he should have been following him in case he was the monster, which would have at least saved him.

Apparently just crushing on Harper is dangerous enough. Though Staples Guy crushed hard enough to be a threat. Which means, I would guess, that the MotW feeds on toxic masculinity.

Oh my GOD Sam is still stuck in the truck with AUCharlie.

"Who wants to be a hunter? Just a lot of tears and death." Yeah, our Charlie got into it with only personal sacrifice of broken arms in exchange for a bunch of thrill-seeking adventure. Until she died, of course. AUCharlie is what you get when Charlie has a tragic backstory involving monsters. I think she must still be hunting for the same principle Charlie had on our first meeting, of what sort of douchebag doesn't help when monsters are eating people in your very building you work... But at the same time, AUCharlie has none of the sunshine, because it was already all taken from her, and she never started hunting to save people, only to fight angels and survive. I suppose the only difference in this world is that now there's no angels to fight, she's outcast from society by default and has ended up with the same asocial vigilante skills from guerrilla warfare as hunters use day by day for their less world ends stakes job.

Sam says "you" and then corrects to "our Charlie" - I can't remember exactly when this was but I think it was 10x18, after Charlie had been through enough that she was starting to lose the shine and Robbie knew he was writing a Charlie who was about to be chewed up and devoured by the story. By Sam's man pain in the story.

This is a baton that Yockey is having to take very seriously and carefully, because of course AUCharlie is so different but the meta perspective on bringing her back is very much about replacement and loss of a fave and facing what the story did to Charlie and for what stakes, vs what was she brought back for and can just shoving a new different Charlie into the story actually make up for doing what they did to her.

"So glad this is my last case" aw no she's retiring to the beach. Has she just been working with them while she gets enough resources to start over?

She's going "away" - from monsters and people. Go live on a mountaintop or something. Again, this is more about the trauma she's been through and how she copes, and what she needs to do to settle herself.

(PS: I will weep openly if the last shot of this is Charlie outside a cupcake shop)

I don't think this means she's necessarily out of the story or that through this van conversation bottle episode, Sam might not convince her to at least just take a break like Mobby are doing, but she's clearly there in the collection with them and Dean of people who have been so badly hurt that they need to retreat from the hunting frontlines. Dean NEEDED to watch 2 weeks worth of horror movies and take it easy. He's not exactly describing himself as really ready for action now either. Charlie may end up a mirror that's a fair bit darker, because while AUBobby is full of grief and self-destruction, it's open and explosive, while she's cold and retreating and surrounded by people who see the wrong person when they look at her - the bubbly fun Charlie we used to know. In the same way, if Dean has changed, people look at him and see the Dean THEY used to know and expect things of him he's sometimes not ready to offer. He made a big step in letting Sam take charge of the operation, in the sense of acknowledging himself under Sam's direction.

It's interesting now that both AUBobby and Charlie lost romantic loved ones, when we saw Dean change so dramatically in season 13 without Cas and that being the beginning of Sam's tentative need to take control and start to be right about his hunches like nurturing Jack. The swap in the roles and Sam struggling to understand Dean, and in 13x05 - the Yockey episode - failing so desperately to help Dean on his chosen cheer up hunt compared to acing it the same time next year.

LOL Harper's house has "AMOUR" and a huge love heart on the wall. This poor romantic sap. I'm so sorry a monster is eating all your prospective boyfriends.

She has stuffed toys on her bed and so many shelves of books. I love her. She's the best. Protect her, please, Jack.

His "??" over the "moves" also is a great way to make her way more the flustered one, because Jack could be way more awkward with inexperience except he's literally transcended it, as Cas often does, back out the other side of obliviousness :')

He leaps into action to prepare to test her for monstery things :') He's been trained well!!

On the other hand it does look like he now has REALLLLLLLY sweaty hands after covering them in holy water.

Oh christ, Jack, this is why we don't do Christo any more. Also. You shouldn't be aggravating your cough. You could really set yourself off.

"I'm just nervous"

Harper goes through the correct range of emotions for how adorable Jack is.

Charlie's "I got something" is layered over Jack being invited to sit with her - both of them just got a break on the case, though for Jack it is being prey for the boyfriend eater, and Charlie has read enough books.

Muscas look horrifying. I love the 17th century illustration of one.

Awww AUCharlie calling him a nerd. Those awful flashes of her being the Charlie they once knew.

LOLLLLL the Musca has a "bad egg" who FAILS TO FIND A MATE and goes bad, and starts killing people to nest. So we're really roasting beta males who fall into the woe is me victimisation trap of incels and would rather kill people (literally, unfortunately, in some cases) than address their own issues, get help, and find some peace and probably, honestly, a girlfriend as soon as they stop behaving like that and learn to see women as people, not mating-prey >.>

Why do I feel like whatever has latched onto Harper is going to have a suspiciously similar motivation where it's picking off men in order to leave her single...

Not that I have the best judgement on her case, but it's B L A T A N T L Y about courting.

And these guys are courting her - lots of innocent courtly gestures like dinner dates, protecting her nobly with a stapler, fighting off the nasty FBI man... She's their damsel.

"Our perp might just be a giant fly with low self-esteem" Don't sugar coat it Sam.

Is this episode "wow look at this hetero bullshit by Steve Yockey"

AHAHAH THE GIANT FLY IS MANSPREADING AT THE BUS SHELTER

It also has ribbons at the front of its cloak. The design is both modern with the suit and boots, but with enough of that old 17th century twist to give it a nice spooky old fashioned uncanniness. it's not of this time, place, world, etc...

Awww Harper has a halo with the lamp!

Oh Jack no, I told you not to aggravate the cough.

Vance... probable monster. (I say that a lot but we’re past the elimination round)

She didn't want to leave town... we could see the world in books!

You are also adorable and not quite of this town or modern world. Her "sappiness" does make her a weirdly good match for Jack, though, just because of the pure-heartedness they exude.

Jack can not IMAGINE someone leaving Harper behind.

"That was the beginning of my bad luck" Fancy that.

Also you still keep a photo of your ex in your apartment.

That’s weird, hon.

Oh dear, now Jack's opening up. "I try to stay optimistic." "Me too."

Awww sweetie. for all the bad that's happened he keeps on powering through, because sometimes that can be powered by optimism for a happy ending

Unfortunately, we're in irony town where the grimmer you are about your fate the more chance you have of surviving just to spite that. And, you know, vice versa, it gives you consumption just to make it harder... like, how much can we throw at this kid before he stops?

"Do you believe in love in first sight?" "Harper..... do you mind if I use your bathroom?"

Unlike 9x08, Jack is rather less distracted by being adorably hit on by the sweetest romantic. Time to flee.

Dean has been standing awkwardly at the corpse this entire time.

The bathroom has dragonflies all over it which I assume are interesting symbolically in a way which relates to her love struggles. Also the other side of the story's bug struggles.

"Harper is not a monster. And i'm 99% sure she's in love with me."

"She was looking at me with these googly eyes"

This is like, warning for next time Cas and Dean are in the same room because you SAW them last time

Next time, you will be prepared.

Dean is convinced she couldn't be in love with him so instantly. What do YOU know about love, Dean?

"But if she is I need to know everything about sex. Go:"

Kid, there isn't time in the world to tell you everything Dean knows about sex. Also, are you really going to pull a Dean and hook up despite all the deaths in town? ALSO dude, courting. Court her first. You know NOTHING about this or what you're feeling.

Teenagers are the worst.

Ooops Dean just stood around talking and now he's been eaten.

Guess it's time for Jack to SAVE HIM

"You're fine. I'm fine." No you aren't Jack, stop kidding yourself.

Oh good, she's scaling back to saying they should get coffee.

This is sensible and take notes, Jack, but also disregard this offer of a date entirely and go save your dad, you're not in a romance novel.

"I... don't know" this was Jack's stock response when he was younger to encountering new things about himself and deep philosophical questions which he just had not had time to ponder but in the world he had been thrust into, he was being asked to immediately have an opinion on.

I think we ought to file courting and sex under those headings for now :P He will figure it out but not at this breakneck speed, no matter how fast he grew up.

Bam, Dean bursts in on them - is there remotely time for him to have done this fast enough? Is this really Dean? Are we supposed to be doubting who Dean is?

Vance has literally come back from the dead to bother her about having new boyfriends. Great.

Oh, okay, this looks pretty cut and dry that it's a zombie now he's in the room :P

he looks like Archie Andrews. Is this the crossover we've been waiting for?

"Archie! Hey!"

oops.

*puts another penny in the "quoted Dean before he said the line" jar*

I can't believe Dean watches Riverdale.

I mean, yeah he grew up reading the comics, but you know it's on his netflix queue.

Stop smashing up Harper's bookshelves! Dean's all "let's dance," still looking waaay too excited to get to wrestle monsters to take his mind off of all his angst.

Why are Sam and Charlie still sitting in the truck instead of following their weirdo fly?

"You can't just quit and go live on a mountain somewhere"

Somehow when he sits in cars with female characters in Yockey episodes he ends up saying a lot of things like this. Bless your heart, you just described my whole life.

"People need people." "We're social animals" Sam is finally starting to realise that maaaybe that bit in 8x10 where he and Dean removed everyone they cared about from their lives and sat gloomily in silence anger-eating chilli in a dank cabin in the backwoods was PERHAPS not the best way to be people.

He's really starting to like having a squad around him... Maybe this is awakening a bit of Sam that he never had except in college when he got to have people around him without too much fear about having to leave them behind because he was so determined to stick to his new life there.

Sam pulls that not only he tried and failed to quit hunting, but our Charlie did too.

"She ain't me!" but you are still cut from the same cloth whether you like it or not.

"It's my life, Sam! not hers and not yours" basically no one else can tell me whether I should be here or not, and it's on my terms if i am or not. Which is very healthy but kind of sad about the commentary on having a Charlie on the show if she's so insistent to escape hunting. Because it killed our Charlie so we should want AUCharlie to be safe. But at the same time, bringing her back then sending her off to a mountain... it's a cold comfort that a version of her survived, that they saw her face again before she left in slightly better terms. But what does it bring to the show to have had her back but then to let her go again?

And, on a character level, can Boss Sam wrangle a great asset and potential amazing friend to stay and work with them and be a key part of his hunter squad, or will he have to let her go and fail to achieve some networking people skills.

They have a funny friend potential moment as sam says we don't want to tackle him in case it’s a guy into weird fashion and she's all, don't we?

This hesitation was enough for that poor guy to get grabbed under cover of the bus.

Though perhaps the hesitation was also timed to stop Sam and AUCharlie getting mowed down by a bus and very disappointingly ending both their careers.

Harper stops and demands to know what's happening. Jack throws aside the book that was the ruse, and holds out his hand for trust with open honesty now and she takes it, and he continues to pull her away to protect her. Awwwww.

Has Dean been wrestling in her apartment since it got dark?

How has no one called the cops.

Vance gets a spidey sense tingle that someone is holding Harper's hand, and marches out of the apartment, to Dean's disappointment that he didn't get to smash a chair over his head. Because that was a totally normal amount of enthusiasm for a fight.

Jack is clever, Harper is snarky... aw :P

I can't believe Sam and Charlie can walk after sitting all day.

"Brass nail dipped in sugar water" lol flies are drawn to sugar. More flies with honey than vinegar.

If you creatively mock that up using American beverages I will be horrified that corn syrup counts as sugar. Charlie literally just reminded us of Dick Roman taking advantage of your industry's corn fetish

BUGS

Those who don't learn from history etc

I don't think that's enough fly papers

Sam just sniffed a chloroform rag. Er.

Oh that is disgusting. Why weren't you wearing the orange jacket so we could ritually burn it.

Oooh gross. (pt.2 - Yockey was only warming us up with bug juice)

Harper let the zombie in and now she's kissing him? She better be mind controlled or this is a whole level of weird Jack should not have had to deal with because no one should start the Talk at necrophilia and work backwards from there D:

Oh NO this is going to be the Talk Dean has to give Jack, and to top it off they have a jealous boyfriend stalking roleplay kink, AND she threw in a bunch of other things for Jack to ask questions about >.>

Told you she was a witch. It was the Sabrina-like collar that gave it away.

Who knew my dorkiest joke about my suspicions was the most accurate.

She's even wearing a red jacket, just like Sabrina has her signature red coats.

This is a CW cross-promotion episode.

"It's first love, Jack. The best kind. Without baggage or compromise. I mean. I did have to kill him to keep him here after college..."

She's a Mary mirror. This is Mary and young!John. Oh god. Azazel's deal is her raising the dead, and sharing a gross kiss to boot... And Harper is from a long line of necromancers and Mary was from a long line of hunters, the last of them...

Of course, Mary has all that baggage from her first love but has moved on and is now having a happy vacation with Bobby but I don't think it's symbolically unimportant that that was literally last episode and now we're seeing first loves with an undead boyfriend, that Harper couldn't let slip out of her hands so she did the most toxic thing to bring him back. It's very much like the Plum sisters being the zombie-raising parallels to Sam and Dean and their need to bring Mary back come what may - which of course after Jack's vision in 13x09 made Dean threaten Kaia in the first place

Can't spell Necromancer without "Romance"

I love the hiding from the zombie chase going on here. Vance is dumb as a box of rocks and we’re getting lots of new gifs of Jack being “sneaky”

Ahaha she has a romance novel called "Lances and Laces" (i think?)

Awww Jack is doing a Ruse again, playing dumb for her. "I thought we fell in love at first sight!"

Awwwwww he's proposing to her. The allure of un-undead love.

"But I tried to kill you!" "Every relationship has its stuff, right?"

pffffffffffffffft

You aren't officially in love on this show UNTIL you try and kill each other

Ow, Jack. That's going to shake some bloody phlegm loose.

FATHER SON TEAMWORK SAVES THE DAY

Lol, Vance got ditched as soon as it was awkward to have a zombie boyfriend

Sam is seriously using the fly as a parallel to Charlie being a loner. I wonder what you could put in front of him that he WOULDN'T be able to twist into a moral. He really is the camp leader :P

Awww the gross bug thing's people came for it

Sam I can not hear a word of your motivating speech over these terrifying things and their nightmare aesthetic taking home one of their own who strayed from the swarm to swooping music.

AUCharlie relents enough to have a door open... Yeah, she did also get knocked out when trying to hunt on her own and though she wanted to retire, well...

I can't believe Yockey metaphorically compared the hunter community to the fly swarm. Like, Charlie was all blurr the metaphor has holes but they had no idea the bugs looked after their own like that D: Dramatic irony again - this time against Charlie to make her more right than she knew that she has people who would care for her.

Oh NO, Jack has left an impression on Harper... Oh dear oh dear oh dear. You can NOT have a necromancer long distance girlfriend.

Even though she's in a different diner there's still a cock in the window.

"I'm sorry I have to kill you!" heee she's so cute. In a very twisted way, I still like her even though the necromancy thing is gross, and Jack should steer WAY clear.

But awwwwwwwww.

"And that's love."

Dean saying it can get crazier than that... Dude, just give him the talk, I'll turn off the last 2 minutes of the episode. You clearly need to. Or at the very least start the ball rolling on suggesting Sam do it, Sam asks Cas if he’d want to, Cas comes and asks you for help to do it and you end up being the one to try after all.

I LOVE Jack hanging with Dean, with his too-sweet coffee, angling to make Dean let him come on hunts more because he was right.

I think Dean just pointed out neither of them are ready to be hunters if they can't cope with the mistakes they make without feeling super guilty, since they had the guilt Olympics at the beginning.

Oh Jack, no.

OH NO HIS NOSE IS BLEEDING

Down he goes!

This is what happens when you meddle in genres you don't belong.

Tragedy comes back and kicks you in the face.

Dean on his knees by Jack yelling his name: same. D:

#14x06 #season 14 spoilers #my stuff

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oddsnendsfanfics · 6 years ago

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Hot, Wet, Summer

Genre: Fan Fiction (Vikings) Pairing: Hvitserk/OFC Warnings: Sexual Innuendo Rating: PG13 Length: Drabble Disclaimer: a strict work of fiction, I own nothing except the original characters and the plot line. In no way am I affiliated to any of it.

A/N: I got a little bit of inspiration, the people spoke, they wanted Hvitty... here we are

Catch Up Here

There he was, again, damn Hvitserk. Damn him and his chiseled abs, sculpted chest, perfectly tanned arms, and gorgeous toned ass. He was tormenting you, oh yes! You were convinced that Hvitserk did this on purpose, although you had no clue if he did this while you weren't home. Nor could you ask around.

A - Nobody else's yard backed his.

B - How creepy would that look?

For tonight, like every other night from late May to late September, you would sit here and endure the cruel and unusual punishment.

"Hey!" He shouted and waved, a goofy grin crossing his handsome face.

"Evening," You wave and pretend to focus on your phone.

"Nice night." Hvitserk calls back, wiping his towel across his chest. Droplets of water dripping from the edge of his shorts, laying a small pool around his feet. A pool that matched the one in your...damn it! You had to behave.

"It is." You agree.

"Hot."

"Very."

"Why don't you come down from that deck and join me for a beer?"

Waiting for your reply, Hvitserk added to the already sopping fantasy. Reaching around the pull his long blond hair from the bun he kept it tied in. His hair a little below his shoulders now free and clinging to his bare back, covering part of the black tattoo that adorned his right shoulder and chest.

Your neighbour was a work of art.

"Sure, give me a minute to grab some shoes." You closed your book, making the excuse to buy yourself a few seconds to get it together.

"'kay, I'll be waiting." Hvitserk winked draping the towel over his head and turning back to his house.

You and Hvitserk had been neighbours for almost two years, you had been to his house on a few occasions, but never alone. Visits typically included four or more other people - a friendly barbecue here or a Holiday party there type of visit.

Resisting the urge to change, fix your hair, and put on your best lipstick you slipped on your favourite pair of worn keds and skipped across the lawn between your front door and Hvitserk's.

Before you could knock the front door opened, Hvitserk on the other side stood damp wearing his usual friendly smile. Up close, the guy radiated confidence.

"Glad you could make it." He teased, allowing you to duck under his arm into the house. "Come on, beer is this way." the door shut behind you and he took the lead to the deck.

Inside the house was cool, yet being this close to Hvitserk; you were scorching. As he walked, he chattered about nothing, content to accept your small grunts and hums as a viable reply. You could feel your heart stop, when he turned to face you, breath in your throat you prayed there wasn't an endless trail of drool on your chin.

“I should have asked but is Corona okay?” Hvitserk stood in front of the open sliding door, rocking back and forth on the balls of his bare feet.

“It's fine.” You smile. He could have asked if you wanted battery acid and you would have agreed.

“Lemon or lime?”

“Orange, if you have any.” Unconventional, but the sweet taste of the citrus in the beer was something you'd picked up in university and never turned back. “If not, limes.”

“Oranges? Different, I like it.” Hvitserk noted. “Well, you go on have a seat. I'll be right out.”

Stepping outside, you milled around for a moment before opting to take a seat on the porch swing, the over stuffed cushions were too inviting to pass on. From the swing you could see directly into your yard, a full view of your deck, garden, and...even your bathroom window. From your seat you could look right in, observing your shower, tub, and door that led back to your bedroom.

A smirk turned the corner of your lips. One should be disgusted and appalled to find this out, instead you found yourself in a rather imaginative state. How many evenings had Hvitserk been out on his deck, casually enjoying a drink after work, when he noticed you in the shower or the tub? Did he make it a habit to sit and watch? Or had he even noticed the view?

“Ah here we are.” Hvitserk's entrance startled you. Sitting a few beer down on the glass table, he took a seat beside you. His long legs propelling the swing in a gentle rocking.

“Thank you.” You accept the beer, quickly taking a drink. “Cold.” Your mind went blank and you couldn't think of anything better to say.

“Yeah, my brother dropped me off his old beer fridge. He complained the thermostat was broken, typical Sigurd. He's hopeless at fixing anything.” Hvitserk chuckled.

Sigurd, you flipped through the memories of his four brothers, was the redhead. Not the youngest, but younger than Hvitserk.

“How are your brothers?” You noticed that they hadn't been around much, in the last few weeks. It wasn't unusual for one of the others to constantly be around.

“Uh, they're okay. I guess.” Hvitserk shrugged, picking at the label on his bottle. His green eyes went from joyful to almost troubled. A pang of guilt twitched for asking. “Sigurd, he's working for a production company. He's loving it and doing well. Bjorn, he's in the middle of another divorce.” Hvitserk sighed.

“Oh.”

“Ubbe, is playing Nanny for Bjorn. He has the kids almost every night. Ivar, he was in the hospital for a few weeks. He's home now, back to being his usual charming self.” Hvitserk scoffed taking a drink of his beer.

“And you?”

“Me? I'm doing fine. Better now that I have some good company.” His furrowed brow and frown turned, his smile lighting up brighter than the sunset. “What about you? How are things on your side of the fence?”

“Typical. I go to work, I come home.” Your answer is as lackluster as your life.

"I see you've been painting." Hvitserk offered the casual conversation.

"Uh..."

"On the deck, the other evening. I saw you out there with the easel." He clarified. "I didn't know you were an artist."

There were a lot of things about you that Hvitserk didn't know. Shame, the only time you truly talked to him was when there was a crowd around. He'd thought of inviting you over numerous times, but he always doubted that you'd want to hang out. He was probably too boring.

"I'm not, really." You tip the bottle to your lips. "Sometimes, I attempt to paint, for fun. It's a nice way to relieve stress."

"Painting, I'll keep it in mind." His smile was intoxicating, or perhaps it was the alcohol.

Easy girl!

You were two beer in.

By the fourth beer, you were a giggling mess and Hvitserk was no better. The two of you sat swapping stories about childhood, work, and everything in between. Stretched out on the reclining deck chair, Hvitserk sat up suddenly his feet hitting the wood with a thud.

"We should go swimming." He was getting antsy sitting around. Hvitserk was content to chat but he constantly needed to be moving.

"I don't have a swim suit." You reply, your mouth going dry and a sober feeling slowly washing over you.

"So? I don't mind, if you don't." Hvitserk stood, stretching his arms and pulling his hair back into a bun. "I'll even jump in naked, if it makes you feel better."

Yes! Oh yes!

"No." You formed the word, regrettably. As fun as a naked swim with the hot neighbour would be, it was entirely inappropriate.

Eyeing you curiously, Hvitserk's green eyes lit up with mischief. "Are you shy?"

"No." You shake your head feeling like a grade school child, on a dare. "I'm not in the mood to swim. Actually, I uh, I should be heading over. It's late."

Checking his watch, Hvitserk frowned. He hated the idea of you leaving now. This was fun, who knew neighbours could be this entertaining?

A scowl darkened his face. "It is pretty late." He agreed. "Same place and time, tomorrow?"

Biting your bottom lip, you nodded trying not to appear too eager. "Sure."

"Alright, I'll bring the beer." Hvitserk smirked and winked.

"I'll uh, I'll..."

"Bring yourself and maybe a swimsuit." Although he was fine if you preferred not to.

"Swim suit, yeah."

This summer was about to get a lot more interesting.

@float-autumn-leave , @funmadnessandbadassvikings , @kawennote09, @smutgoblin , @nickysurfer28 , @piebytheocean, @igetcarriedawaywithyou , @akamaiden, @angelaiswriting, @neeadinghugs, @thoughtsmeander2tumblingblindly, @ilvebeenabad, @imgoldielikehawn , @sparklemichele , @titty-teetee , @kenzieam , @smolasianwinterbean , @badassbaker , @sweetvengeancee , @capitanostella , @ateliefloresdaprimavera , @branflakes82 , @lordavanti , @vvigilantes , @jar-of-love , @happydaysandersen , @angelswannawearmyredshooz , @fortress-fiction, @romanchronicles , @helavalkyira , @bluearchersstuff , @lisinfleur , @fumblingthroughchaos, @pebblesz892, @kiiiimberlyriiiicker1995, @wilddrabble, @hvitserksgirl, @itsspecial-itsnotforeveryone, @pathybo, @captstefanbrandt , @beautifulramblingbrains , @danceyreagan, @feistybaby, @letowolfie , @crazymusicgirl104, @equalstrashflavoredtrash, @ivarswickedqueen, @rekdreams247, @oqueequesentes-borboletas, @murmelinchen - if you want to be added to the tag list, feel free to do so Here

#hot wet summer #hvitserk ragnarsson #hvitserk lothbrok #hvitserk imagine #hvitserk's heathen feast #hvitserk lothbrok imagine #hvitserk ragnarsson imagine #hvitserk x reader #marco ilsø #vikings imagine #modern hvitserk

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sunsetowns · 4 years ago

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♬ || back to the days when colored sugar rested on our tongues, forward to the days where sunsets led our way

Their lives were messed up when he thought about it. To live in a world where for about 18 years of your life, give or take, you are obliged with nothing but a bell to direct you through the course of half your day — five times a week. In sections composed of 45 minutes in length, Monday through Friday; the process was the same every day until the very last class period. Where inevitably they were all forced to come back and repeat when the sun rose once more. Truly, a messed up cycle of life.

Gaze directed away from the outside entertainment of seagulls fighting on the campus grounds over scraps of food leftover from lunch, Asya focused back onto the very slowly ticking clock that rang their dismissal. The time to head home was nearing soon and a change besides the seasons was waiting outside. Today marked the start of their band practice with a new member, one that Asya still couldn’t say he was all too thrilled to have.

It sucked.

Still, the details on the reintroduction of Anzu into their still very much unnamed band were ones that Asya swore would solely remain between him and Anzu alone. They were simply ones he wasn’t all too thrilled to have agreed to, but again, the deadline for what could be their band’s big break was coming soon. Guilt would have to be an emotion he dealt with sooner or later… preferably later.

Pure autopilot drives him through the crowded halls where the occasional students bump into him, where the occasional students pause in the middle of the hall and block the path, and where the occasional students make Asya want to shove them to the side to get them out of the way before he self combusts and from his ashes burn the entire school to the ground. How he couldn’t wait to never have to come back here again, this last year of high school simply couldn’t go by fast enough. Eventually, through the struggle and pain of his personal space constantly being invaded, does Asya reach his locker where all he needs to do is switch out a couple of things, and it’s freedom to the sanctuary of his garage for the day; freedom to pound away his stress onto his drums.

A pause.

That’s right… going home alone wasn’t an option today no matter how desperately he wanted to get out and it seemed like just this once, was life willing to shine its good graces down onto him. From the end of the hall, detaching himself from a crowd of students who begged him not to go, did Micah pop out with a grin and promise of staying next time for a club he wasn’t even a part of. Asya simply could not relate to that life of constant attention nor did he wish to, ironic for someone who was part of a band.

“You’re still here!” An array of pats come down on Asya’s back when Micah lightly jogs over to his side, a rosy hue dusting his freckled cheeks, and messy brown curls both framing his face and sticking out in wild directions. “I was hoping to catch you before you bolted out of here.”

As per usual, the whispers between students would occur all around them when they caught sight of Micah and Asya together. And as per usual, Asya would disregard them. He remembers freshman year, before schedules got busy and his time with Micah became sparse. He remembers the time they’d spend together before tennis was a thing and the band was just a pastime that eventually became a serious dream. Asya still recalls the sudden weight that had leapt onto his back in pure excitement as Micah’s voice rang loud in his ear over still being able to recognize him after years of not having seen each other.

“Funny. You saved me the struggle of having to go look for you, was just about to head to the tennis courts too.”

“Oh,” There was a bashful grin on Micah’s face as he rubbed the back of his neck, “I’m actually taking the next two weeks off tennis. Talked to the coach beforehand to find someone else to captain for me, I really need the time after school to study for some exams coming up and I ain’t doing too hot. Good thing our season just ended, too, so I won’t fall too behind on practice if I miss the upcoming sessions.”

“Harsh, but that’s not it!”

Are they walking home together? No, don’t be ridiculous, they just happen to be heading the same way. I hope Micah is alright… haven’t you heard the curse that Kier guy carries? Hang out with him and you might as well decide yourself friendless. That explains why he’s rarely seen around others.

How years hearing ridiculous high school words make you numb of them by the time you’re ready to get out of here.

“I actually wanted to ask if you wanted to hang out after you drop your stuff off at home.” Micah’s voice pierced through the gossip, eyes cast downwards in a rare act of bashfulness, “I know it’s last minute, but it’s been awhile since we’ve hung out. Thought it’d be nice to chill somewhere, maybe catch a movie or hit the arcade. Bet I can still kick your butt at the shooting games.”

“And this is your version of studying?” An accusatory raised brow to which Micah scrunched up his nose and stuck his tongue out.

“It ain’t like I won’t be sat down later with some boring tutor to go over my notes with.” There’s a weird sadness of sorts in Micah’s defeated shrug to which Asya isn’t sure how to go about. They lived in completely different worlds, to Asya, it was complicated to know how to provide Micah any comfort when certain things Micah would feel upset over, would simply not be relatable to Asya. “It’s cool if you can’t find any time today though. Like I said, it was some last minute plan.”

“You could just come over to my place instead to watch the band practice and hang out.”

Almost as if vines sprouted from the cracks of the sidewalk and wrapped around Micah’s ankles, did he stop walking alongside Asya, the pause making Asya himself take a pause to glance at Micah over his shoulder. There was an aura of sorts surrounding Micah blinking in surprise, the early setting sun casting an orange tone behind him like a halo to his warm, sun kissed skin.

“Really?” The question comes out in a whisper of surprise, “I kinda thought I’d never end up being invited back into your place after the whole mess happened last time with my folks.”

Ah, yes. Asya’s face twisted in distaste. He vividly remembered the way Micah had curiously picked up a guitar in amazement during the band’s break time. At the time, he was warned about the guitar he had picked up, it being a spare one out of the many bunch that Tea sometimes liked to collect much to Poppy’s dismay over them sitting there gathering dust. It was an old, fragile guitar. The age of it having chipped away at the chords and wood. But at the time, Micah had gleamed in a smile that reassured it would be fine. He struck a cord, nothing happened. He played a random variety of notes without any specific tune, it was all fine. It wasn’t until he decided to play with it in a way of striking down on the strings the very same way it’s seen by rockers, that two weak strings reached their limit and snapped.

The sight was a bloody one to behold and if Asya were to lift Micah’s wrist and peek at it, he could still see the scar wrap around his wrist, thumb, and index finger all on the spot where the cords had furiously lashed out. Needless to say, Micah’s parents were furious when Tea had called them up to explain what had happened and refused to have Micah ever step foot again into Asya’s house for fear of next time: Micah losing his entire hand. An exaggeration that had Asya fuming for weeks at having his family called dangerous and uneducated and Micah swarmed with guilt at the offense his parents had caused.

A situation like that had caused tension between the two boys for a while, for how does one go about having your family insulted so violently over a situation that you didn’t even start and you had warned about. Asya knew his anger was just slightly misplaced and Micah was not the one that had scorned out such words. But there was still a bitter twist in the pit of his stomach at the thought that if Micah had listened, then he wouldn’t have had to watch Tea calmly guide Poppy away from Micah’s very upstuck parents who found it mature to stick their noses up in the air and call the band a bunch of hooligans and their guardians good for nothing.

So it was very much to Asya’s surprise when Micah still showed up a sudden day after school, drenched in rain and eyes blown wide from surprise over his own actions of running out of the school campus instead of waiting for his usual ride home. A breathless apology for not having listened when he should have spilling past his lips the moment Asya opened the door. The apology had come out in a rush,, and Asya could barely understand half of it, but it was enough to drench out the anger directed towards Micah for the incident.

Your parents are still shit.

A grin, I know.

“You can come,” Asya reassured, cutting his past reminiscing short with a nudge of his head signaling Micah to keep walking after him. “But you’re not touching any instruments.”

“Damn, and here I was hoping to get my hands on your drums this time.”

“Yeah, real funny, aren’t you?”

There’s a laugh, and Micah playfully nudged Asya with his elbow to which Asya blocked with his hand. And as the sun kept setting and their shadows kept expanding outwards in front of them, did their laughter and conversation blend into the start of the evening with one unaware of the sight that was to come and the other hoping the upcoming situation wouldn’t be one to backfire on their friendship.

#micah #asya #band au #(noncanon?)

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abbotthannah1 · 7 years ago

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Hey guys I’m Jinx, I’m 22, I’m extremely tired and I’m going to play some online games soon ( catch me while you can homies ) but if you’d like to plot I’d love to as well!!! Fair warning I use caps lock a lot and talk a lot.

JOSEFINE FRIDA PETTERSEN? No, that’s actually HANNAH ABBOTT from the GOLDEN TRIO ERA. You know, the child of DEAN ABBOTT and LILA MIDDLETON? About to begin SIXTH YEAR, this HUFFLEPUFF student is sided with DUMBLEDORE'S ARMY. SHE identifies as CIS FEMALE and is a HALFBLOOD who is known to be ANXIOUS, OVERTHINKING, and STUBBORN but also LOYAL, FOCUSED, and CURIOUS.

let me start off by saying everything we know about hannah in canon is 100% how i see her especially her anxiety but i’ll get into that later. the only thing is that i’m changing her last year around so she can fit in this rp. i have to tell you she’s my favorite to play and i love her so much like i cried this morning about hannah abbott.i’ve been playing her for a few years now and as a muse she really snuck up on me so i’m sorry for this big mess of just!!! a lot!! you’d think i’d have learned after a few years but NOPE.

so, firstly her dad is pureblood and her mom was a muggleborn. when he fell in love with hannah’s mom, it challenged so much he knew & THEN they got pregnant with her older brother, noah a few months into this teen relationship. it was a scandal. the thing is that they loved each other SO much but tbh it doesn’t mean their relationship wasn’t hard/complicated/ and the fact is that she was muggleborn is what got her murdered. her dad blames himself bc he is a ‘blood traitor’ to his family but they were never public about it like the black burning people off the family tree sort of shit. they acted neutral as in they never joined any sort of cause from grindelwald to now voldemort for the second time. they’ve been like we just want to keep things pure & safe for the pure children. they figured that if they could guilt him into basically getting good with the ‘good’ side and maybe converting some purebloods into being more prejudiced / at least keeping the fam pure then he could be fine. since he was caught between what he wanted and what he needed to do – he did both and it’s been strained ever since.

he wasn’t doing his job well enough!!! the relationship hannah saw between her parents was really broken and though they kept so much love for each other all he wanted to do was protect the fam and he slowly started to put his insecurities onto hannah. his thoughts. his fears. noah wasn’t really active and around in her life because of the HUGE age difference ( 18 years ) so he saw this as his second chance. he loved hannah but he wanted her to be everything that he couldn’t.

this never worked out well. hannah was such a loving, kind, curious and just patient child that she tried to understand why her dad was being the way he was but she never did. she knew she wanted to please him and make him happy from a young age.

her mother was her safe haven. filled with trips during her childhood to the muggle cities her mother would tell her bedtime stories about, her father loved it too but he would constantly try to instill in hannah that these were only dreams and it wasn’t practical.

but she dreamed and when she got to hogwarts she saw more and more of the world and just !!!!! was filled with so much love for it. but she was deeply deeply anxious and since she wanted to please her dad she put so much pressure on herself.

tbh if hannah wasn’t naturally curious and inclined to be kind, she’d have bad social skills.

but anyways she met these amazing people and like her friends in hufflepuff became this family and she p much is a follower but like also their mum. their wine mum. their lowkey stoner mum.

the summer before fifth year for hannah was a really REALLY stressful one. her dad was acting really suspicious and her mom was basically slowly saying goodbye to her. hannah had always been really privileged and pretty naive to a lot of the worlds horrors. she could feel why her dad needed her to succeed but she didn’t truly know how much was at stake. the beginning of her fifth year she was filled with dread and when her mother was murdered it started to come together. when her mom was murdered it was a wake up call. and for the first few months of her fifth year she was a complete fucking mess. after her mom’s funeral she FORCED herself to go back to school bc she had to do right by her family. but she was smoking cigs, almost always high to a really unhealthy point, she became well acquainted with firewhiskey & the different kinds. she was snapping at her friends and she felt horrible about it. she’d cry probably at least once a day and during christmas the teachers were like …. we’re sending you home. and dumbledore literally went through and made a lesson plan for her w/ mcgoogles so she could still finish the year on time and so she could take tests and exams AT school but do her work at home.

she did and she worked really hard just to scrape by but at home it was ROUGH. her dad was a shell of a person, he regretted so much and hannah felt the need to take care of him. but she also questioned him. she yelled at him. she got answers and though he’s still himself, hannah and him are more open about a lot of things including his goals for what he wants from her and WHY. hannah told him that she’s not going to be neutral. she didn’t tell him how. she joined dumbledore’s army in her time away, she attended a few meetings when she was still in school but tried to update them on what she knew from the outside sending owls.

hannah had a breakdown during OWL exams ( but ya girl still passed!!! lOL ) and this prompted her to get a therapist when she got back home and it was such a smart thing for her to do. she’s so happy she got help and really is just wanting to get back into her life and live again. over the summer i imagine she made amends with any of her friends she was shitty to and just tried to get to see them again. if you want that to be one of your characters hmu.

the best part about all this is that this year is a year of HEALING for hannah and a year of FIGHTING. fighting for what’s right and fighting for herself. what she wants. she’s still fucking anxious and she’s trying to find the line between what she wants and what her dad wants. what she knew her mother would’ve wanted for her. what she could’ve been if her mother was still here. she’s still trying to figure out how to live, how to moderately drink & not indulge in pot too much. all these possibilities she’s trying to live with not having and realizing that this world is not her dream world. that she’s gonna have to fight to make this the place that would’ve been safe for her mum.

so she’s FINALLY back and she’s happy to be back but she’s also really just nervous.

so it didn’t help when these random people from the past & future showed up and she started to think -- where is my mother? those thoughts have started to consume her and while it’s an exciting reality it’s also a very very scary one. truth be told, hannah doesn’t want to know her own future because she’s really just taking it one day at a time. it’s very very overwhelming for her and she’s sort of reverting to being in denial + wanting to fix it ( though knowing she probably can’t herself ).

if you want to plot with her let me know or like this. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS!!!

#eras intro #( about. )#if u read this novella i applaud u

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sciencespies · 5 years ago

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These 5 tips from psychologists will help you cope when climate change gets you down

https://sciencespies.com/humans/these-5-tips-from-psychologists-will-help-you-cope-when-climate-change-gets-you-down/

These 5 tips from psychologists will help you cope when climate change gets you down

Between news of devastating natural disasters, horrifying scientific predictions, and the infuriating lack of political will to do anything about it all, it seems we can’t catch a collective breath at the moment. Some days, news about the climate crisis feels like a heavy weight on my chest. And I’m not alone.

Some of us are becoming increasingly overwhelmed, including the scientists who have been working so hard on these problems.

“We are seeing a wide range of responses, including signs of anxiety, depression, anger, guilt (ruminating, feeling overly-responsible for the problem),” New York climate psychologist Wendy Greenspun told me.

A 2018 study in Nature Climate Change stressed that these reactions are an entirely rational and legitimate response to the mess we’ve found ourselves in.

Things are on track to get worse, which is all the more reason to find a way to cope with these emotions, so we can face the challenges to come. Not least because I wanted to soothe my own anxious mind, I dug into the advice psychologists have to offer.

Here are their best tips on how we can cope when news about the climate emergency becomes just a bit too much.

1. Look after yourself

Greenspun says that along with the more obvious feelings of distress and changes in emotional levels, signs that climate news is having a negative effect could also include things like an inability to stop seeking out more and more climate news (something I certainly recognise!) or avoiding the information entirely.

“People should pay attention to their emotional state in the wake of reading and seeing climate news,” Greenspun advises. “Self-awareness might help someone recognise when they need to discuss their emotions with another person or to take a break.”

Coping with Climate Change Distress, a guide by the Australian Psychological Society and colleagues, stresses the importance of self-care, such as maintaining regular routines, and taking time out to exercise, meditate, relax and do fun things that make you feel good.

“Keeping up with a constant stream of information doesn’t actually solve the climate change problem,” the guide states. “And it takes a huge psychological toll to be constantly exposing yourself to this chronic, intangible, global environmental stressor.”

Psychologist Carol Ride, founder of Psychology for a Safe Climate, told me it’s important to set boundaries on how much we do engage with this issue – tactics such as not reading about climate change at night can be helpful.

“Each individual needs to figure out how much they can face and what will allow them to stay aware without causing so much distress that they shut down,” Greenspun says.

“Taking breaks from the news instead of constantly reading may be a way to stay connected without shutting down too much – being with people you love and who care for you, being in nature, or anything else that can bring joy and emotional refuelling.”

2. Make connections

One of the most effective ways for facing feelings of powerlessness and helplessness is to seek out other people.

“Connecting with others for support and to not feel alone may be one of the most important ways to manage distress,” Greenspun advises. “Social support is one of the best predictors of coping with any kind of stress.”

As Psychology for a Safe Climate emphasises in one of its publications, when we provide support, security and understanding for each other, we can become better equipped to deal with uncertainty and change. Having conversations with a thoughtful, engaged listener is a well established method for helping people with depression and anxiety.

“Being heard and hearing similar concerns from others helps legitimise our feelings and can mobilise energy to engage with the issue and action,” says Ride.

3. Take action

Over 171 Swedish psychologists and psychotherapists agree that striking for the climate is a healthy and constructive response for the students who are feeling concerned about the climate emergency.

Before I started school striking I had no energy, no friends and I didn’t speak to anyone. I just sat alone at home, with an eating disorder. All of that is gone now, since I have found a meaning, in a world that sometimes seems shallow and meaningless to so many people.

— Greta Thunberg (@GretaThunberg) August 31, 2019

Just like Greta Thunberg, I have also found some relief in activism and will be marching with the students today.

“Taking meaningful action can combat feeling helpless,” Greenspun explains. “People who get involved with climate activism and become part of a community working together fare better than some climate scientists who don’t discuss their emotional reactions with their colleagues.”

But if protesting is outside your comfort zone, taking action can take many forms, including things like financial divestment or simply talking to other people about climate change.

“The ability to reflect, think aloud and share stories is how we as humans are wired to learn, change and grow – not as individuals, but as communities,” Lertzman wrote for the United Nations Association.

4. Focus on what you can do

Amongst lists of countless individual actions and online voices guilting us for not being ‘eco’ enough, trying to work out how to take action can be confusing in itself. This type of thinking can lead to shame, which can be paralysing.

The reality is we still have to function and survive within the system and circumstances we have, even while trying to change them. With just 100 companies responsible for the staggering majority of CO2 output and the need to make large systemic changes to the way our society works, this is not something any single one of us can do alone.

As climate activist Mary Annaise Heglar wrote: “I don’t care how green you are. I want you in the movement for climate justice. I don’t care how long you’ve been engaged in the climate conversation… I don’t even care if you work on an oil rig. All I need you to do is want a livable future.”

Coping with Climate Distress recommends avoiding harsh judgements about what we can’t do. Having compassion for ourselves and others is a key way of dealing with feelings of guilt and shame, according to the Climate Psychology Alliance.

“[Try] focusing on actions and behaviours you can control and not spending as much time on those experiences over which you have no control,” said Greenspun.

5. Seek courage

There is no doubt that one way or another our societies will be changed by the climate impact, but no one actually knows what that’s going to look like. Fear of this unknown has swung some people towards the extremes of nihilism and led to a debate in the media about hope versus doom.

I have have certainly struggled with these feelings as I’ve researched climate change over the last decade in one capacity or another. I remember finding great relief when I read these words from The Guardian’s journalist George Monbiot: “To be at peace with a troubled world: this is not a reasonable aim.”

“It is important to be aware of and accept how we feel even if they are feelings of despair. Trying to fight our feelings takes a lot of energy,” advises Ride.

Lertzman believes the choice between hope and doom is a false dichotomy and that there is a space we can occupy inbetween these extremes.

Others suggest hope doesn’t necessarily require optimism. Radical hope involves letting go of what we once thought the future would be and building the courage to face uncertainty, so we can focus on what we need to do to adapt to the future we’re now facing.

“We may need to mourn over losses in the ecosystem and to our lives as we know them now as a part of figuring out how to find meaning in all that we face,” says Greenspun. “It’s helpful to counterbalance negative information with stories of courage and positive change.”

If this story has raised concerns or you need to talk to someone, here’s a list where you may be able to find a crisis hotline in your country.

This article is part of ScienceAlert’s special climate edition, published in support of the global #ClimateStrike on 20 September 2019.

#Humans

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seriestrash · 8 years ago

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You Me Her

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Chapter Five: A Midsummer Nightmare

Word Count: 5306

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Abigail Adam’s production of Grease showed for three nights in early February of Riley’s freshman year. Riley and Kai played the quirky but loveable Jan and Putzie and during the rehearsal period Riley felt comfortable playing a ‘minor roll’ as she commonly referred to it. Kai kept stressing to Riley that being a Pink Lady was not minor by any means and she shouldn’t minimise her importance to the production. His encouraging words sent Riley into a nervous tailspin and she began worrying about messing the routines up for everyone with her clumsy habits. Kai happily put in countless hours with Riley after scheduled rehearsals. So much so that by opening night Riley could perform the entire play with her eyes closed. Even the parts that she wasn’t in.

After a month of rehearsals and Riley’s involvement in the drama club her friendship with Kai had completely solidified at this point. Kai would eat dinner with the Matthews at least three times a week, which was three times a week more than Maya had been lately.

It was the first time that Kai joined them for dinner that Riley learnt what a huge History buff Kai was. He wasn’t in Cory’s class but the two geeked out over world events for an hour. Riley found it strangely adorable how happy they both looked going on and on about some event Riley had never heard of.

Topanga enjoyed seeing Riley make new friends but part of her was quietly concerned over the lack of Maya and everyone else for that matter. At first she may have been oblivious to Riley’s smiley routine but once Kai entered Riley’s life Topanga began to question everything, Riley’s full work load with shifts at the bakery, her studying and now her part in the drama club. Over the months that pass after Grease, Topanga keeps a close watch on her daughter.

The rest of Riley’s freshman year is more of the same. Come Summer time Riley and Kai are practically inseparable.

For the first few weeks of Summer vacation both Lucas and Zay have a baseball camp thing that Riley was fuzzy with the details but that saw Maya wanting to spend all her time with Riley which was a little awkward at first but quickly the two girls slip into their old habits with sleepovers and movie nights. Smackle joins the ‘girl hangs’ frequently, which thankfully broke up some of the awkward tension between Riley and Maya.

Kai wasn’t too keen on hanging around Riley’s other friends, not that he’d ever say it aloud but he recognises her need for a life separate to the one revolving around her past crush dating her best friend. So on the days Riley was occupied with Maya he’d steer clear but afterwards he’d often come over and act as a means for Riley to vent to should she need him.

Things with Farkle had been a little strained since their kind of fight outside the bakery right after Lucas and Maya became a thing. Since then Farkle has been acting like a wounded puppy around Riley and part of her felt guilty for straining another strong friendship in her life but a stronger part of her was just emotionally numb to it because she wasn’t up to dealing with it. So the two didn’t see much of each other over Summer unless it was orchestrated by Maya and Smackle or out of sheer coincidence that they wound up in the same place.

Zay was a weird thing for Riley. Before Lucas chose, Riley always thought she’d lose Zay if he picked Maya. Not that she foresaw herself pulling away from the group but she always had the sense that Zay favoured Maya in the triangle and with Lucas being his best friend then he’d automatically be on his side. Surely enough Zay remains very involved with Lucas and Maya which quickly led to Riley not being involved with Zay at all.

With Lucas and Zay at camp, that took the pressure off Riley but once they returned, Riley pretty much immediately pulled away again. Of course Kai is there to take her mind off things and he successfully makes sure her summer is filled with fun. Riley even tags along with Kai’s family to Disney World. The ‘story’ was that the trip was for Kai’s three younger sisters but everyone knew both Riley and Kai were the most exited. The Olson’s even invited Auggie along on the trip as a thank you to the Matthews for being so hospitable to Kai this past year as he’s practically eaten them out of house and home by now.

Truth be known, even with Kai being quite possibly the most personable person to ever exist, with friends in all sorts of cliques at school, he never really found his person. Not until a sad Riley burst through the courtyard doors. So in reality Kai needed Riley and benefited from their friendship just as much as she did.

So after three weeks of baseball camp and a little over a week in Orlando with the Olson’s Riley hadn’t seen nor spoken to Lucas in over a month. It would be a boldfaced lie if Riley claimed she hadn’t thought about him. She thought about him more over this summer away from him than she had the past months at school. Riley thought about Lucas being at camp with Zay and she remembers the time he told her about how they’d go away to summer camps together when they were little and she spirals into her black hole of fond memories, heartache and guilt.

The rest of Riley’s summer is spent between work and Kai. Towards the end of vacation Riley spends a week in Philadelphia with Auggie and her grandparents. Ultimately Riley sees Lucas six times throughout the duration of summer where they’re both present in the state. Six times too many in Riley’s eyes as each time hurts just as much as the last. All meetings she was urged into Maya.

Three days into Riley’s sophomore year, the first drama club meeting takes place. After four of the members graduated the previous year the club is down to seven until new recruits can join. So there was a lot riding on the first play of the year to entice people to join. Ms. Mitchell calls the meeting into order, the first thing on the agenda was ideas for which play to showcase.

A few ideas bounce around, Riley sits quietly and watches as Kai loudly voices his opinion on each suggestion. It’s Kat, a junior who suggests ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’. Ms. Mitchell instantly takes to the idea and the play choice was settled.

As Kai and Riley leave the meeting that afternoon they talk over everything that happened.

“So, Shakespeare...” There’s an awkwardness to Kai as he broaches the subject, “A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Interesting choice...”

“You mean a play where love is unrequited and manipulated by those around them?” Riley pricks up a brow, “ Now why on Earth would that be interesting?”

“There are also fairies,” Kai says with an adorable smirk and Riley breaks her quizzical look with a grin of her own.

“It’s a bit... Ironic, don't you think?” Riley lets out a deflated laugh.

“Anyone can relate to this basic plot line,” Kai swats the air dramatically. “Geez, Ri, stop being so self absorbed all the time!”

Riley opens her mouth and chuckles through his joke like she’s surprised but definitely not offended.

“Look, Ri, if it’s a little too close to home for you I understand if you don’t want to audition.” Kai wears a sweet smile.

Riley mulls it over in her head for a moment. Kai watches and waits eagerly for a ‘fine I’ll do it!’ Riley notices this and just doesn’t respond.

“So?” Kai asks after a moment of silence.

“So what?” Riley crinkles her brows, pretending to be confused.

“Are you going to audition or not?” Kai questions, falling for her bit.

“Oh,” Riley says as she gently taps her forehead. She finds amusement in Kai’s eagerness.

“Come on you love drama club!” Kai is almost pleading with her. “Oh my.” Kai gasps and crinkles his face up. “You do enjoy drama club don’t you? I’m not one of those parents that project their dreams onto their children am I?”

Riley let’s out a soft chuckle. “Don’t worry, dad, I do have fun doing the plays.”

“Good.” Kai says with a small smile. Still with his previous thought on his mind Kai tries to assure Riley of one thing; his unconditional support. “I love doing the plays with you but if it’s not what you want then that’s fine. If you want to be a cheerleader then ‘Bring It On’. We will watch all the movies and practice till our arms fall off and your head cheerleader ready-” Kai abandons his ramble. “What I’m trying to say, Ri, is if you want to do something else - other than plays with me - I’m there for you, one hundred percent.”

Riley’s smile creeps wider. This is exactly why she’s so fond of Kai. This is why she loves him and why he’s so good for her. Riley has his support no matter what and he constantly reminds Riley of her value and worth. Kai has a spectacular knack for making the people in his life feel special, Riley included. Riley, especially.

“The drama club may not be my passion in so many words but friendship is certainly my thing,” Riley says and although her smile doesn’t waver there is a slight pain in her chest remembering the estranged summer she’s had with her friends. “And you’re my friend and I love doing plays with you.”

“Yay.” Kai beams at her sweet statement. “So shall we work on the audition monologue?”

“Can we skip to the bakery?” Riley holds his stare.

“It’s the safest way to travel!” Kai jokingly mocks Riley and they both giggle at the playfulness of it all and continue on to skip along to Topanga’s.

A week later the auditions are being held after school in the auditorium. There’s a nice turn out numbers wise and Riley takes a seat whilst she waits for Kai to arrive. Surprisingly it’s not her adorably cute but effervescent friend that sneaks up behind her but five other familiar faces.

“Guys, what are you doing here?” Riley asks with surprise present in her tone.

“Well since you’re so busy lately we thought we could sign up for the play too and that way we’ll have more time with you.” Maya says in a really upbeat way.

“You’re all auditioning?” Riley asks quickly, panic creeping into her.

“No, I thought I could paint sets or something.” Maya is taken back by Riley’s response. She thought about auditioning herself but didn’t want to ‘steal’ anything away from Riley that’s why she thought about working on sets so she could be there but also let Riley do her thing but from Riley’s reaction Maya wonders if it was all just a bad idea.

“Farkle and I plan on offering our minds to the tech side of things.” Smackle grins.

“Lights and stuff...” Farkle half smiles. There’s that wounded puppy in him coming out.

“And since Zay and I aren’t good with painting or tech we thought we’d just audition.” Lucas smiles. “If that’s alright with you of course...”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?” Riley laughs it off. “The more the merrier right?”

“First play I audition for and it doesn’t require my sweet moves,” Zay sighs. “Such a waste.”

Everyone chuckles at Zay, even Riley. For a moment, she thought that maybe this could work. Maybe the two separate worlds she’d been apart of the past year could come together as one.

“Ri?” Kai calls from by the stage. Riley whips her head around and meets his quizzical gaze. Riley excuses herself for a moment and says she probably has to do something for the drama club and promises to return soon.

Quickly Riley makes her way down towards Kai and he immediately bombards her with questions.

“What are they doing here?” Kai asks.

“Auditioning, or set painting- I don’t know,” Riley says in a huff, “They said they want to spend more time with me.”

“Are you okay with this?” Kai studies face for answers.

“I don’t know.” Riley says honestly. “It might be nice...”

“Riley, Kai,” Ms. Mitchell projects her voice through the auditorium, “Students, will you all please take a seat.”

Kai sits up in the front row and tugs at Riley’s arm to join him. The brunette sends a small and apologetic smile back towards her old group of friends. Riley didn’t want to be rude so she made a note to move back towards them during an intermission but for now Ms. Mitchell was persistent on starting things.

Due to everyone auditioning with the same set monologue it became repetitive quite quickly so Ms. Mitchell planned fifteen minute intervals. The first few students audition and Ms. Mitchell calls one more before the first break. Lucas.

Riley catches herself holding her breath as she watches him climb the stairs at the side of the stage. Kai knew Riley would say she was fine about it all but still he gives her hand a tender squeeze before giving his attention to Lucas. Mostly out of curiosity.

Lucas perfectly executes the monologue at no surprise to Riley but Kai’s left with his mouth slightly agape and he leans in towards his friend to whisper “Wow.”

Riley wears a weak smile. “Remember how I told you I played Juliet in middle school? Well, meet Romeo.”

The shocked expression on Kai’s face grows as this new piece of the puzzle comes to light. “You didn’t think that was something worth telling me?”

“The love story on and off screen ended in tragedy I didn’t want to relive it all over again.” Riley frowns.

“But you told me a million other things about you and Lucas why didn’t you tell me about the play thing?” Kai whispers sternly.

"I was hoping this play thing could be fun for me and I didn’t want to ruin the chances of that by hashing out the hurtful details of what didn’t happen between me and Lucas!” Riley whisper yells. Not loud enough for Lucas to hear specifics but it was enough for Ms. Mitchell to hush the pair.

Riley and Kai sink into the seats and remain quiet for the rest of his audition. Once Lucas exits the stage, Ms. Mitchell calls the break and tells Riley she’ll be first one up when they reconvene.

Riley stands knowing she’ll have to reconnect with her friends. The group, Lucas, Riley and Kai all meet off to the side. Everyone with the exception of Kai coo their praises at Lucas for his audition. Riley shifts her awkwardly on her feet.

“You’ll do great, Riley,” Lucas says with a smile, “You’ve got this. Shakespeare is like our thing.”

You could immediately feel the mood amongst the group shift into a tense awkwardness. Riley laughs nervously at his comment like it didn’t pain her to hear him refer to them as a pair. “At least no one dies in this play...”

Ms. Mitchell starts to quieten down the students again and Kai whisks Riley away to the edge of the stage. Riley fidgets nervously with her hands and Kai holds them both steady. He forces her gaze. “Forget what Lucas just said. Shakespeare is your jam, Riley.” Kai says, “Don’t let them being here throw you off. You know this, you kill it with Shakespeare.”

“Noah said a similar thing to me earlier today in English,” Riley wears a small smile. He said it in a softer way rather than ‘kill it’ but the notion was still there. His exact words were, “It’s a guaranteed touchdown, Sunshine.” Some football metaphor Riley gathered but she appreciated it all the same. The mention of Noah earns an eye roll from Kai but he pushes that aside to give Riley another quick rev up.

Riley creeps onto stage and quickly gazes out at the students in the auditorium. She finds Kai first and then her other friends close by him, all wearing encouraging smiles. Riley takes a deep breath and delivers the lines, just as she and Kai had rehearsed them, better even. Riley makes it through her whole audition without a hitch.

Two days later, the roles are posted on the bulletin board, Riley and Kai eagerly go to check them out.

"I can’t look,” Riley shakes her head and stands away from the board. “You do it.”

No further persisting was needed, Kai steps up to the notices and lets his eyes scan through the sheet absorbing all the names and corresponding rolls. Kai turns around with a slight grimace.

“That’s your bad news smile...” Riley frowns and the internal panic begins.

“Well the good news is we both got quite good parts…” Kai tries to feed the negative with a positive first.

“But?” Riley tries to brace herself.

“No buts...” Kai shifts on his feet.

“Give me my bad news first so we can celebrate your good news.” Riley lets out a deep breath.

“Who said it’s bad for yo-”

“Oh I can’t take it!” Riley groans and gives Kai a gentle shove out the way so she can look at the board herself.

Kai stands back having anticipated the existential crisis this will bring upon Riley. He loves Riley’s dramatic flare, he indulges it but he doesn’t like her being dramatic when it’s used to cope with her pain. That, he doesn’t like to see.

"Helena?” Riley turns to Kia with wide eyes. “Helena?”

“That’s a lead role!” Kai says encouragingly.

“Yes, which so happens to be a desperate maiden that pines for the unrequited love of a boy who likes her friend.” Riley laughs at how unbelievable that was. “The only thing that could make things worse would be if Demetrius was...” Riley assesses Kai’s face as it scrunches up further with each word she speaks, “No!” Riley whines. The brunette turns back around to the list. She finds Demetrius and runs her finger along to, “Lucas.”

“Ri-”

Riley places her index finger to Kai’s lips to hush him. “I’ll sulk later. Did you get the part you wanted?”

“Riley,” Kai coaxes his head.

“Did you get the part?” Riley asks more firmly.

“Yes.” Kai says quietly.

“King of the fairies,” Riley says with a wide smile. “I’m really happy for you.”

“This will be okay,” Kai gives her a sympathetic smile. Yes, he was happy to get his desired role but he didn’t like that Riley was reflecting on negative past times with her roll. “Just because Lucas and Zay are in the play and your other friends are helping doesn’t mean anything has to change. This can still be our thing. It can still be fun.”

Riley wears a small smile and nods and for the first two weeks of rehearsal Riley believed his words to be true. Things were travelling well. Again Riley feels as though she might be able to balance her two worlds. Just as long as she doesn’t think about Lucas romantically. It had been almost a year now since the nature trip. The heartache wasnt constant like it had been for so many months after Lucas’ decision. It hurt to think about it, still to this day but as the time went on Riley found it easier to actually suppress those thoughts therefore she didnt have to deal with them. But now, she’s being forced to ‘act’ like she loves him. That definitely stirs things up.

Riley thought that maybe the fact that Lucas plays a character thats quite nasty towards her would help a little but between scenes he’d go and be sweet and apologetic for pretend snapping at her. Each time making Riley’s heart flutter and it churns up the feelings she spent the summer really suppressing. As each day goes by Riley feels the doors pushing to open and tries her best to keep them closed.

It’s two weeks into rehearsing that Riley comes to realise that as nice as it was to have Maya around, it was effecting her more negatively than positively as Riley feels her heart pick up pace when her and Lucas read lines together only a few feet away. The guilt constantly ate at Riley and there’s one moment in rehearsal that sees Riley realise just how wrong it was for her to be doing what she was.

They were preparing to rehearse the scene of the play where Theseus and Hippolyta discover Helena, Hermia, Lysander and Demetrius sleeping outside the forrest. Each declaring their love for one another.

Lucas appeared to be anxious which, if he was anxious prior to today he was very good at hiding that from Riley. As they get into position Riley can’t help but wonder what’s wrong and even goes as far to whisper that to Lucas.

“Did you see the script change?” Lucas asks sheepishly and a wave of confusion takes hold of Riley. Ms. Mitchell is quick to quieten everyone down and ask Martin, the boy playing Theseus to start with his lines before Riley can clear anything up with Lucas.

Riley stands with Lucas, her arm wrapped around his back, her other hand brought up and resting against his chest while his arms pull her in closer by the waist. Riley was tense and awkward being in such close proximity to Lucas, her cheeks felt hot and she was making herself more nervous by worrying about looking flustered.

To make things worse Ms. Mitchell yells cut and calls Riley out for her stiffness and babbles on about how she - meaning Helena - is finally in the arms of the one she loves so she she should fall into place with him the same way they fell into love. Undeniably her words spoke a double meaning to Riley and it made things even more awkward for the teen. The tension wasn’t lost on Lucas either, this was odd for him too except he chooses not to hide it like Riley, instead he gives her an embarrassed and almost apologetic grin and they resume the scene.

“Now once Theseus waves the law and declares both couples will marry, Lysander and Demetrius will dip their respective lovers into a kiss where they will hold that position while the fairies return and ‘magically’ transform the set into the wedding scene.” Ms. Mitchell instructs.

“What?” Riley squeaks. “A kiss?”

“Yes, did you not check the script changes?” Ms. Mitchell frowns. “I emailed them all through this morning.”

Riley finds Kai and gives him a look, he shrugs his shoulder and looks just as surprised as her.

“Do you think the kiss is a good idea?” Riley asks and Ms. Mitchell looks so offended that she’d even think to question her. “I just mean Demetrius doesn’t really love Helena, he is forced into it with a spell. If we seal it with a kiss isn’t that a bad message we are displaying for the audience?”

“Darling, that’s Shakespeare.” Ms Mitchell is clearly irritated, “Not to mention these changes make for easier set transitions and if you aren’t comfortable with a mere ten second peck on the lips then maybe you have no business playing one of the leads.”

Ms Mitchell’s words were harsh but Riley was more scared by the mention of a ten second kiss. That was at least nine seconds longer than her first and only kiss.

“Do we have a problem?” Ms. Mitchell asks sternly.

“Not with the roll, no..” Riley shakes her head.

“Then what is it?” Ms. Mitchell questions.

"It’s uh, it’s,” Riley takes a moment to stop her stammering, “It’s just that Lucas is Maya’s boyfriend I didn’t want to-”

“Riles, it’s cool.” Maya speaks up, she is off to the side painting a set and had stopped to listen. “It’s just pretend, right?”

“Yeah it’s not like it means anything.” Lucas says, he meant it to be encouraging or soothing at least but the moment the words left his mouth he regretted them.

“You’re right.” Riley says quietly. “Sorry, Ms. Mitchell shall we resume?”

“It’s getting late, why don’t we call it a day. Enjoy your weekend and we will reconvene Monday 3:30pm sharp.”

Everyone starts to wander off and Kai immediately pulls Riley behind the curtains and away from everyone. Before he could even ask if she was okay Riley’s eyes are heavy with tears threatening to spill and her bottom lip quivering. Kai engulfs Riley in a tight embrace. Once they separate, Riley wipes at the fallen tears. “Even if we remove the irony of the play completely, that’s still a mean thing to say to me isn’t it?”

“It’s not a nice thing to hear,” Kai shakes his head, “Even though I’m not sure he meant it to hurt you.”

“I don’t want to kiss Lucas, I don’t want to be in the play.” Riley sheds more tears. “I want out, Kai, please.”

“Maybe we can talk to Aleisha and See if she wants to play Helana and you can be my fairy queen?” Kai soothes his friend.

“I don’t want Lucas to think I’m switching because of him.” Riley blinks our more tears.

“Ri, if you want out I’ll support you of course.” Kai rubs her back. “But you can’t let them ruin it for you. You were so excited about the play, it’s a lot of what we talked about this past summer.”

“It’s not fun for me anymore.” Riley sniffles.

“Lets take the weekend and work this out.” Kai says with a small smile. “We can tell Ms. Mitchell you thought about it and decided you can’t support the manipulation of love. We can see if someone wants to trade rolls for you...”

“They’re still going to be here, I don’t think I can do this anymore,” Riley’s bottom lip still quivering.

“What time do you finish work tonight?” Kai asks.

“8:30,” Riley answers.

“Well I’ll be there at 8 and we can walk back to yours and have a movie night.” Kai rubs Riley’s arm. “We can forget today and the whole play and work it out tomorrow. That sound good?”

Riley nods and wipes away the rest of her tears.

“You certainly put the drama in drama club,” Kai jokes and Riley chokes through the laughter. It’s very like Kai to make Riley laugh even in the most miserable of times.

Kai hangs around for the last thirty minutes of Rileys shift at the bakery and sips on a chocolate milkshake. Once Riley finishes up they walk back to her apartment as planned. Kai parks himself on the sofa with Riley’s family while she retreats upstairs to shower off her day.

Riley exits the shower and strolls to her room in a towel. Riley lets out a shriek when she finds an unexpected guest sitting in her bay window.

“I’m so sorry,” Lucas throws his hands out defensively and clenches his eyes shut.

“What are you doing here?” Riley yells out of embarrassment as she reaches for her robe.

“I’m sorry I should’ve texted first or used the door.” Lucas is still paniced with eyes closed tight. Truth is he spent ten minutes outside Riley’s building trying to decide if he should ring the bell or not. Ultimately he decided to use the window, he wasn’t prepared to admit that they weren't those kind of friends anymore.

“I’m covered,” Riley says a little more softly but her heart is still beating fast, “Severely embarrassed but, covered.”

“I’m sorry...” Lucas cautiously opens his eyes.

Seconds later Riley’s entire family and Kai is at her bedroom door having heard the loud shriek.

“Lucas?” Cory is the first one to express his surprise.

The Texan gives everyone a sheepish greeting.

“I need to use the bathroom.” Topanga announces.

“Uh, me too,” Cory chuckles nervously.

“Me three.” Auggie holds out both hands and shakes his head before parting.

Riley gives Kai a look. He’s still resting his weight against the frame of her door. A mild glare on his face pointed at Lucas. Riley’s silent look communicates quite clearly that she wants him to scram. Kai lets out a quiet groan. “Fine. Me four.” With that he parts.

“I’m sorry for showing up unannounced,” Lucas apologises again. “I shouldn't have done that.”

“It’s fine.” Riley shakes her head trying to get over the shock. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to apologise for what I said during rehearsal,” Lucas holds Riley’s stare.

“You have nothing to apologise for.” Riley drops her gaze to the floor and her anxiety towards the situation builds.

“I know I upset you when I said that it didn’t mean anything.” Lucas states with a solemn expression. “I didn’t mean for it to sound dismissive of everything I just meant... If we’re just friends then why would it be weird?”

Riley’s tries her best to keep a steady and unfazed tone. “Friends don’t kiss their friends boyfriends, even in plays it’s weird.”

“Okay.” Lucas gives a single nod. “How about what you said to Kai after we wrapped up?”

“What?” Riley’s heart picks up pace again.

“I came to apologise to you for saying what I did and you were crying.” Lucas watches Riley’s face as he speaks. “Because of me...”

“Don’t sweat it,” Riley forces a laugh that sounds more awkward than anything else. “I have a full work load at the moment and it makes me tired which makes me overly emotional.”

“You said the play isn’t fun for you anymore and that’s because we joined.” Lucas continues to prove he overheard her entire conversation with Kai. Thankfully he doesn’t suspect Riley’s emotions came out of feelings for him but he still hurts to think Riley’s finished with them as friends.

“Lucas, you’re making a big deal over nothing.” Riley frowns. “I just didn’t want to kiss my friends boyfriend, you know how over the top I can be sometimes. It was just stressing me out and I snapped. Same old Riley!”

“Don’t quit the play,” Lucas says softly, “If you don’t want to kiss me that’s fine, I understand. Just don’t give up something you like because I made things weird by injecting myself into them without thinking how that could affect us. I’ll ask to switch parts, just don’t worry about it, okay?”

Riley can only manage a small nod. Lucas proceeds to climb out the window and hovers on the fire escape.

“I’ll fix this, Riley,” He says by the open window. Once he notices the anguish on Riley’s face he pauses. “Is everything alright?”

“Things are changing, Lucas,” Riley’s voice is weak.

“But not between us, right?” Lucas wears a hopeful smile.

Riley’s smile fades. “I don't know anymore.”

Lucas silently processes her words and expression before leaving without another word.

Come Monday Riley arrives at school early to see Ms. Mitchell. After some extra thought over the weekend Riley decided she didn’t want to face Lucas in rehearsal everyday so she wanted out. As Riley knocks on Ms. Mitchell’s office door she finds her drama teacher in a huffy state and asks what’s wrong.

“I have to recast Demetrius for the play and we’re already halfway through rehearsals.” Ms. Mitchell sighs.

“Lucas quit?” Riley knits her brows together.

“He emailed me on Friday night saying he can’t juggle baseball and the play.” Ms. Mitchell is clearly irritated. “What is it you came to see me about, Riley?”

“Nothing...” Riley shakes her head. “It doesn’t matter anymore...”

End Note: Sorry if this is poorly edited, my boss caught me not working so I’m posting quickly!!!!

For anyone that hasn't read the one shot this is based off, nor caught on by the ‘subtle’ hints left in the story but Kai is gay. I just don’t think some people have worked that out yet hahah and there was no need for a big coming out scene because he’s already openly out. Anyways! Moving on!!!! Next Chapter. Thanksgiving. Everything changes. STAY TUNED!

Comments, reviews, etc, always SO appreciated!! :)

Pepole who want to be tagged (sorry I’ve been forgetting to do this part in the last few chapters!!!!): @pamela-barron @siennese @nicolecolin @brassqueen @renait-courageux (Sorry if I’ve forgotten anyone! Please just let me know if I did /if you want me to stop tagging you!!) :)

#rucas #rucas fic #rucas fanfic #rucas au #rucas imahine #you me her

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many-miscellaneous-musings · 8 years ago

Text

Jughead Jones x Fem!Reader- Rapunzel- Part 2

(Part 1)

Warnings: Abusive Parenting, minor fighting, swears

Second and Third Person used

Words: 1732

===========================================================

“We’ll just go to Pop’s, nowhere special, but come on Rap, you need to get out of here. You can’t spend your entire life cooped up in there. So just come with me. You told me your mom won’t be home until tomorrow, we have time,” he persuaded and you sighed before nodding, grabbing his hand. He helped you down the ladder, your heart pounding and body shaking, both from excitement and terror.

But there was no turning back now.

~~~~~~~~~

As you hit the bottom of the ladder you sighed, breathing deeply to calm yourself. You grinned a bit, wiggling your toes in the grass beneath your bare feet, giggling a bit. You hadn’t felt this since you were a little kid and had run out the door. Something you had paid for dearly, and had never felt again no matter how badly you wanted to.

Jughead watched you for a moment, admiring the look of pure joy on your face as you felt the grass beneath your feet. the way you lit up when you were on the ground, and he loved the giggles that escaped your lips. This was a moment he was sure he would write about later on. But then he frowned a bit.

“Do you not have any shoes?” he asked and you blushed, shaking your head as you carefully played with your hair that you had braided.

“Why would I have shoes when I’m not allowed outside to use them?” you asked softly and he nodded in understanding before smiling, taking your arm, an idea settling into his mind.

“Betty probably has some, we can borrow some from her until we can get you some new ones,” he said and you beamed, nodding your head as you took off with him. That was the start of the new chapter of your life.

From that point on every time your mother would leave on a trip you would go out with the four. V had bought you shoes for when the four of you would go out. You and Ronnie loved to walk around town or the park, she taught you how to do makeup and she loved to throw on music and ‘teach’ you how to dance.

Betty would help you study and stay on top of the schooling and loved to sit and watch movies or write with you. She was one for just a cup of coffee and talking or quiet evenings at home.

Archie would play songs for you and you would sing or you would learn different video games or sports.

And Jughead, Jughead was there for all of it. The two of you were inseparable when you left your house, and even when you were home you would often have your internet open with a facebook chat going with him. The only time it was closed was when you had to log out, delete the history, and allow your mother to use the laptop.

It was stressful and terrifying, but worth it. Especially when you found you were falling for him, and you didn’t know but him for you as well.

Both of you were terrified of it. Him terrified of losing you, terrified of feeling this way, terrified of what it would mean, how it would end up. Though of course the other girls in the group had noticed, and had been pressuring him since before even he had realized his feelings.

You were terrified of your mother, terrified of the repercussions.Terrified of her being right, terrified of the new life you had created crumbling down. While the girls had noticed your feelings as well, they knew that they would have better luck with Jughead making the first move.

But finding that you didn’t care. The more you stayed with your friends the more you realized she was in the wrong. The more that you didn’t care about the rebellion. The more that you wanted out of there. You had almost done it a few times, agreed to go to Kevin’s dad. Until you went back and she roped you back in. It was harder and harder to go back every time, but it was an inevitability. You always went back, you always pretended to be the perfect daughter your mother wanted.

Jughead knew of your struggles, and he understood them, constantly carefully telling you you needed to get out of there. That you could talk to Sheriff Keller, that you could stay with B or V or anyone really.That you weren’t alone, that you didn’t need to seclude yourself. It was because of him that the pooling of guilt in your gut that you felt every time you went out decreased and decreased.

But you couldn’t leave. Not yet anyway. You were still too scared of what was to happen. Escaping for the weekends was enough to keep you going, to keep you sane for now. She didn’t need to know what you had been doing. It would be fine.

Until it all caught up with you. God did it all catch up with you.

You were at Pop’s, Jughead seeming to be overtly nervous, a milkshake being split between the two of you and you sighed, resting your hand on his arm.

“If you’re worried about my mom she won’t be home until tomorrow night, we have plenty of time,” you said softly, your free hand tugging at your braid.

“I know, that’s not what I’m thinking about, don’t worry Rapunzel, you’ll make your hair fall out,” he said and you rolled your eyes again at the nickname you had become so fond of.

“Like I care much about this mess,” you said, sighing as you ran your hand over the braid again. Jughead knew better than to ask you why you didn’t cut it. He knew the story, you had told him a couple of times, and each time his blood would boil with anger. But because you always asked him to, he did nothing.

“But seriously Charming, whats on your mind?” you asked, kicking his shin lightly under the table, a blush on his face.

“Youre not going to give that one up are you?” he asked and you beamed, shaking your head.

“Not until you stop the Rapunzel thing,” you said and he rolled his eyes. You ignored this, asking him again what was wrong.

“It’s nothing, I just have been meaning to tell you something-” he said and just before he got the courage to do what he had been wanting to, to do what V, and B and Archie had all been pressuring him into, the bell to alert them someone had entered the diner rang and your face paled.

There in the door of the diner was your mother, your laptop in hand and a look of fury on her face. A look of fury that got more intense the second her eyes landed on Jughead sitting across from you, your hand on his arm.

“(Y/N), come with me. Now,” she stated and you went to obey when you felt Jughead’s hand under yours. You squeezed his hand lightly as your voice came out soft.

“No,” you said, not looking at her, a defiance building in your gut.

“What did you just say?” she asked and you looked at he this time as you spoke, the words tumbling from your lips.

“I said no. I won’t be going anywhere with you,” you said and her gaze hardened.

“So you think he’s going to protect you? He’s just going to leave you. Like everyone else will,” she snarled and you began to feel your resolve crumbling.

“Just like you’re about to leave her?” Jughead asked in anger, getting up from the booth. Your mother looked at him and she laughed.

“She’s the one choosing to leave,” she said and you shook your head.

“Maybe, but that’s because I’m choosing someone who actually cares about me, instead of someone looking to keep me as a trophy or a doll,” you said, clenching your fists.

“He’ll leave you, just like everyone else,” she said and you shook your head. In that moment she reached over and tugged your hair towards her angrily, effectively pulling you out of your booth seat.

That was the final straw and Jughead jumped from his seat, shoving her off of you.

“I care about her more than you ever will, you want a prisoner to control. Come near her again, or there will be consequences,” he said with anger and with that Pop came around the counter and nodded.

“Everything that happened here is on security tapes. I would suggest you leave,” the man said and you felt some relief as you watched her leave.

“She isn’t going to stop Jug,” you said softly and he shook his head, taking your hand.

“We can deal with whatever shit she pulls. You’re not going back there,” he said and you smiled, squeezing his hand and leading him back to the booth to sit. Before you could climb in though he put his hand on your face lightly and you frowned, feeling butterflies erupt in your stomach.

“I’m proud of you,” he said and you smiled, nodding your head.

“You did most of the work there Charming,” you mumbled and he rolled his eyes.

“You still stood up to her,” he said and you nodded, smiling and looking in his eyes. you were overcome with the adrenaline of what happened and suddenly you were leaning forward, catching his lips with yours. It was a slightly awkward kiss but neither of you cared, both clutching each other and enjoying the feel of it. The kiss that lit you both alight, that caused more emotion that you had ever expected to feel. You were completely engrossed in each other, and you didn’t even notice the group in the background cheering.

~*~*~*~

Months later you sat in Veronica’s room, looking yourself in the mirror. You had moved in with her after the falling out, and had been doing your best to pull your weight. Your mother had tried to fight for you, but quickly lost and you found yourself enrolled in school, surrounded by friends, and happier than you had ever been.

You still worried about things, and still felt terrified of your mother’s return but you were slowly, with the aid of your friends getting past it and adjusting. This was your time. This was it. It was time to move forward.

Jughead stood behind you, a wide smile on his face as he looked you in the eye through the reflection.

“You sure you’re ready for this?” he asked you softly, squeezing your shoulder and you nodded, clutching the scissors in your hand and gently lifting it to your hair. You picked the length and smiled as you made the first, freeing snip.

#jughead x reader #jughead jones x reader #jughead jones imagine #jughead imagine #riverdale #riverdale writing #jughead jones #jughead

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joons-expensive-gurl · 8 years ago

Text

Lost Stars - Part 14

It had been a week since all of this had happened. Tae had returned to school, awkwardly sticking by your side. You were happy in a sense. It was good to know he was there. But you also know he was dealing with moving on from you. You hoped that he would find someone else and quickly.

When Jungkook had showed up the next day, covered in the bruises from head to toe, the school was buzzing. Jimin was bragging to some girls about how he had caused half of Jungkook’s injuries and they were practically swooning as he over exaggerated about how he’d become a knight in shining armour. This left many people speculating on what Jungkook had done. Of course, they knew you and Holly were tied in somewhere.

Holly had completely avoided you since that day. She knew you’d figured her out, and stayed as far away from you as possible. After all, you’d left a nice hand print on her face for a couple of days.

Teachers were now patrolling every inch of the school. The amount of student to student violence had finally become too much and after the principle made a speech about how it wouldn’t be tolerated, announced teachers would be hardening on violent incidents.

Home life was a lot more unbearable. You were forced to sit with Jungkook for every meal and sometimes “family movie time”. You’d still stay as far away from him as possible, normally hogging the reclining chair, leaving him with the sofa with the adults. He hadn’t looked at you once since the day it happened. He couldn’t. The amount of guilt he felt was too much.

Of course, your mother, a stressful mess was inquiring about what had happened. You refused to say anything, Jungkook as well. She and Kijung concluded teenagers were too complicated. Damn right.

The wedding was now closer than ever. You really hated the thought of it more than ever. As if you had to spend a whole day with Jungkook as company wasn’t enough, your mother announced they’d be going on a honeymoon for a week immediately after the wedding, leaving you and Jungkook to fend for yourselves. This was just great.

Apart from all of that, you’d spent every living moment in your bed. You wanted nothing to do with the outside world and shut it out with Netflix reruns of whatever shows you felt like watching. Ben and Jerry had become your new friends. Sometimes Jimin would call, trying to cheer you up, but to no avail. You’d given up.

~^*^~

“This is Chaeyoung. She’s our newest transfer student. Please look after her.” The teacher announced, looking around the class. “Hi, I’m Chaeyoung but you can call me Chae.” She smiled.

This girl was stunning. She had dyed dark red cherry - almost purple - hair that fell down inches past her petite shoulders. Her face was thin, two beautiful doe eyes in crescents as she smiled at the class. You turned to Tae who’s mouth was slightly ajar.

Had he found someone else?

Hopefully. You smirked.

She walked around the classroom, taking the empty seat next to you. She smiled happily.

“It’s really nice to meet you, Chaeyoung. I’m [First]. You smiled. "Please, call me Chae. It’s also really nice to meet you, [First].” “So, how are you finding everything, so far?” “It’s really good. I really like it here. I’m just trying to find friends.” “Oh, if that’s the case, you’re more than welcome to hang out with us. That’s Tae, Jimin, and… Jungkook.” That was the first time in a week that you’d said his name. “Nice to meet you all.” Chae smiled. “Nice to meet you, Chae.” Jimin beamed. Jungkook, behind him, was sitting with his hands in his lap, staring down at the desk. “N-nice…” Tae muttered.

You turned to look at him. His eyes were wide, mouth slightly ajar. He looked stunned. There was a small red tint on his cheeks. Maybe Chae would be very important…

That lunch, Chae came to sit with you, Tae, Jimin, Jungkook and Jihyun. All of the boys were getting along really well with her. Tae, after getting over his initial shock, managed to begin to talk to Chae and they were getting on very well. You watched, smiling, not having any input. Jungkook, as well, sat, not saying anything.

“Chae, want to come over to mine tonight? How about you all come over and we’ll have some fun.” Jimin grinned. “Can we for one night not drink, hyung?” Jihyun asked. “Shut up, Hyunnie, of course we’re drinking.” “Come on, Jimin, I’m sure Chae won’t want to get drunk on her first day here.” You finally inputted, making Jimin raise his eyebrows. “Actually, I was going to look around the neighbourhood. I’m still pretty new and I want to get used to this place.” Chae smiled politely. “Well you’re going to need someone to take you, right? We don’t want you getting lost.” You smirked, “how about Tae? He’s always wandering the neighbourhood.” “A-ah, [F-First], I’m nots sure-” he began stuttering “Taehyung oppa, if it wouldn’t be too much trouble, would you?” Chae smiled and Tae went bright red at the formalities. He wasn’t used to someone calling him THAT. “I… I guess so, yeah, okay.”

You and Jimin exchanged smirks.

~^*^~

Over the next week, Chae really began to open up to you all. She told you about how she used to be in a band in Korea called BlackPink, but had to leave once her parents got a new business deal and moved her across the world. She talked about how they probably would have been famous. She also began to grow closer to Tae.

Through the week, Jungkook had began stealing glances at you, but you never even looked in his direction once. He felt so bad, so guilty.

“Hey, [First], come here!” It was Hoseok shouting you from across the basketball court. You had PE with the boys. “What’s up?” You sauntered over, feeling confident as you’d just scored. “Namjoon wants to talk to you.” He gestured to the corner where Namjoon was sitting, bouncing a ball casually between his hands.

Jungkook watched as you walked to the corner and took a seat opposite Namjoon, opening your legs and allowing him to bounce the ball between the diamond your legs made.

“What’s up, Namjoon?” You asked. “You know how your parents split up?” He began. “…yes, I am aware of that…?” “Where does your dad live now?” “In Baepsae. Why?” “I was just wondering. Do you see him often?” “Not really.” “What about his last name. Do you still have it.” “No…” “If you don’t mind me asking, what was it again?” “It was [___].” “That was it. My mom was asking about your old last name.” “Oh… okay…” “That’s all.”

You passed the ball back to him, got up and turned. For a moment, you watched as the boys played. Well, most of them. Tae was watching Chae stand awkwardly, neither of them obviously wanting to play.

“CHAE!” A girl shouted and threw the ball.

The ball flew from one end of the court to the other, looking like it was perfectly aimed for Chae to catch. Chae turned, watching in horror as the ball flew towards her.

“CHAE MOVE!” Tae screamed, springing forwards, managing to stop in front of her, turn, jump up and catch the ball.

The entire room was silent. Then someone began to laugh. And a few more. Someone mentioned how that was the “most anime moment” before the games kicked back up into motion. Tae stood awkwardly, holding the ball with one hand, other hand scratching the back of his neck.

“Thank you, Taehyung oppa.” Chae said quietly. “Call me Tae.” “TAE! GIVE US THE BALL!” A random girl shouted. “Right…” he turned and threw the ball, “I better.. uh…” “Yeah.”

He hurried back off to Jimin who stood with a proud smirk.

“Smooth.” “Yeah I know.” Tae rolled his eyes.

~^*^~

Two weeks to go. Two weeks and then your mother would be married. Again. To the father of your love interest. Brilliant.

The stress level in the house was beyond anything you’d ever witnessed. Kijung spent the days lounging on the sofas, finding something to nag Jungkook about. Your mother rushed around the house, constantly making calls about the wedding. You hated it. Everything about this stupid wedding was annoying you. Jimin wasn’t invited, so you really did have to find something to entertain yourself for the day. You’d already asked about taking your tablet, of course your mother said no and there were no chargers for phones. How were you supposed to avoid Jungkook with nothing to distract you?

‘Breathe,’ you told yourself, 'it’s for one night.’

Looking up from your book, you noticed Jungkook sitting next to his father, watching some car show. This was the first time you looked at him. His side profile was truly beautiful. His defined jawline, nose, chin, lips, eyes. He wore a beanie hat pulled the hair away from his forehead. Even though you were still clouded with anger, you couldn’t deny, he was such a beautiful person. On the outside, at least.

You didn’t have much time to stare, since your mother came in and ushered you up the stairs to help her start making the bouquets (of fake flowers) for the bridesmaids.

It was nice to spend some time alone with her, since your life was constantly being filled with drama. She asked about school and you told her about Chae and how Tae obviously had a crush on her. Your mother had laughed at that, joking she should invite them to the wedding last minute to help get them together. Secretly, you wished she would. You asked her about work and she told you she was glad she didn’t have to be there for another month. Her and Kijung had enough money combined to have so much time off. Her face fell. Taking a grip on her hand, you gently asked her what was wrong.

“I’m just regretting only bringing a sibling into your life now… you didn’t deserve to be lonely. Especially not when I divorced your father.” “Mom, it’s okay. I’m glad I never had a sibling. No needing to share toys, no sibling rivalry. I’m happy I was an only child. And don’t worry about putting me through the divorce. You and dad weren’t happy. Even I saw it.” “Thank you, baby.” She hugged you tightly, “come on, we have four more of these to make.”

~^*^~

When you returned to school, you really didn’t have any energy left in you and any energy you had, you were storing away for the dreadful day merely weeks away. It seemed as if you were in slow motion and everyone around you were at two times the normal speed. Your friends around you were smiling, happy, they had no reasons to not be. Even Jungkook had integrated himself back into the group. Everyone around you were happy, moving on with life. And the wedding had now slapped you in the face. It had hit you that there was no going back. Nothing was going to stop. Your parents were not going to get back together.

“Hey guys!” A sweet voice cut through your thoughts. You eyes snapped up to see Hoseok, “mind if I sit with you guys?” “Go for it!” Tae practically shouted, happy at his friend coming to visit. “What brings you here, Hobi?” Jimin asked, biting into an apple. “Oh Namjoon’s gone to Baepsae for the weekend. He isn’t coming back until Tuesday so I’m all alone.” “You’re welcome to hang out with us.” Jungkook added. “Hey, [First], doesn’t your dad live in Baepsae?” Jimin asked. You nodded. “Wow what a coincidence!” Hoseok laughed, “weird how some things just connect together, eh?” “Yeah. Hey! Don’t take my fries!” Tae pouted as Hoseok leaned forwards, grabbing a fist full of fries.

You sighed, standing up, hauling your bag over your shoulder and leaving. The group watched as you walked off, in no mood to be entertained. Emotions were running high.

You remembered when you were seven years old, playing cricket in the garden wth your father as your mother watched. When your father cheated, your mother stepped in and you giggled in joy as your father chased her around the garden.

You remembered when you were nine and you found an injured fox in the corner of your garden. Your mother helped you move it inside, your father tending to its injured leg and tail. You took care of it for two weeks, feeding it, playing with it until it was better. You cried a lot when your father let it back into the wild. Between your mother and father’s bodies, you cried until the next morning.

You remembered when you were ten and went on a cycling trip with your parents. Your father read the map wrong and you ended up stranded in a sheep field until a friendly farmer appeared and helped you out, laughing at your father’s incompetence.

You remembered when you were 12 and your mother bought you a Nintendo Wii. You’d been playing Wii sports with your father when the remote flew out of your hand, instantly hitting your father in the side of the face. Your mother had laughed to the point of tears.

~^*^~

There you sat in the hallway, sobbing as memories of your childhood, with your parents, flashed through your mind. This was too painful. You didn’t know how you were going to survive the wedding at this point. It was too much.

~^*^~

“Tomorrow night we’re going out for a dinner with Kijung’s parents. Are you coming?” Your mother asked, stirring whatever was in the saucepan in front of her. “Do I have to?” You groaned. “No, that’s why I’m asking. They understand if you don’t want you. But you’ll be alone. Jungkook obviously has to see them since they’re his grandparents.” “Then I’ll stay here.” “Okay. I’ll buy you a pizza for dinner then, alright?” “Sure.”

You smiled. Finally, you’d have the entire house to yourself. No Jungkook, no mother, no Kijung. Just yourself. You needed it that’s for sure.

After dinner, you sat in the living room listening to your mother, Kijung and Jungkook talk about tomorrow night’s dinner. Your mother didn’t bring up the fact you wouldn’t be joining them. Good.

After a little while, you decided to get to bed and lied in the darkness, listening to three muffled voices speak for what seemed like forever. Finally, the snap of switches moved around the house until it was full or darkness. Three sets of feet came up the stairs and disappeared into rooms. Peace and quiet.

That night, you didn’t sleep. Lying in the dark, with just your mind seemed to help you think everything through. The next morning, you managed to leave bed with a smile on your face. A very tired smile. Black marks lined the underside of your eyes, but you didn’t care.

Your mother greeted you with a full plate of food, and telling you that Kijung and Jungkook were still asleep. You managed to eat your breakfast and get back to bed before Jungkook appeared. Instead of socialising like a normal Saturday, you spent the day in your room, completing homework and watching TV. You were in a mood to be by yourself and your only company for the day was Cupcake Wars.

At 5pm, your mother knocked on your door and opened it. She looked amazing. Her hair was styled down and wavy, diamond earrings glistening though her locks. She wore a simple black dress but she looked wonderful in it.

“We’re going now. Is there anything you need?” Your mother asked. “Nah. I’m alright. Have fun, mom.” You smiled.

Behind her, you caught a glimpse of Jungkook. He was in a suit. Obviously his grandparents were of at least middle class status if their meal had to be in formal attire. The glimpse of him was only a second, as your mother hastily shut the door.

Once they left, you took a quick shower, changing into some panties and an oversized t-shirt. There was no need to even bother looking nice. Your mother informed you they wouldn’t be back until 11pm at the earliest anyway.

And so, you took a seat on the sofa, after cooking and serving yourself your pizza, diving straight into Jeremy Kyle. It was your guilty pleasure. The extreme cases on the show made you feel better about your life.

During some point, you ended up wandering upstairs and into Jungkook’s room. You were beginning to really miss him. His room was dark due to the curtains being drawn. His bed was unmade, messy. The chest of draws next to his bed were clean, though. On top was a picture of Jungkook and Kijung laughing. They both looked so comfortable and at peace. Next to the picture was Jungkook’s beanie. You couldn’t stop yourself as you picked it up, bringing it to your nose to inhale his scent.

“Why do you do this to me, Jungkookie?” You sighed into his beanie. You placed it back.

Another sigh left your mouth as you left the room, returning back to the sofa and your pizza.

At around 10:30pm, you ended up falling asleep, lying on your stomach on the sofa, legs bent causing your t-shirt to ride up to your hips and expose your underwear.

Then at 12:15, your mother, Kijung and Jungkook returned. Jungkook’s face flushed red when he saw what you were wearing. He didn’t think you knew that was HIS t-shirt you had on. Somehow you looked better in it than he did. Kijung rushed forwards, grabbing the blanket off the back of the sofa and placed it around your body.

“Sweet dreams, [First].” He said quietly, “you too, Kookie. Off you go.” “Yes, dad. Goodnight to both of you.” Jungkook went upstairs, taking one last look at you. “You know, Kijung, I think that’s the first time you’ve been affectionate towards her.” Your mother smiled. “She’s going to be my daughter as of next week, I think it’s time I started acting like it.” “Thank you so much.” “Come on, let’s go to bed.”

~^*^~

At around 2am, there was the soft padding of feet as Jungkook moved around the house. His first stop was the door to your mothers and Kijung’s room.

“I’m so sorry to you both. I wish I didn’t feel the way I do to [First]… she’s just too perfect to not like. I’m sure you already know that. But I’m sorry. Because of me, your marriage will eventually be ruined. I can’t keep myself away from her for much longer.” He whispered.

Then he made his way down the landing and down the stairs to the living room. The TV was now off, the only source of light being the energy monitor in the kitchen. He sat on the coffee table opposite the sofa. For what seemed like forever, he just stared at your sleeping face. For the first time in weeks, you looked at peace. Because of him, the only time you could be at peace was in your sleep. And even that wasn’t guaranteed.

“[First]…” he began, “can you forgive me soon? I can’t keep away from you. I miss you. God, I miss you. I miss your smile. You need to smile again. Jimin’s getting upset with me again because you’re still upset… look, I know I messed up. Big time. But please start smiling again. The wedding is on Saturday and I’m sure you don’t want to look upset in the photos… to be fair, we’re both going to be upset on that day. One half of our parents are getting married to strangers to us. I’m sorry. For everything. Sleep well, [First].”

He leaned forwards, brushing a lock of hair from your face then kissed your forehead. His lips lingered, wanting to relish in this closeness forever. He’d been missing being so close to you terribly. This would be the closest he would have been to you in a month. He didn’t know when he’d be this close again. Reluctantly, he pulled away, slowly making his way back to bed.

#Lost Stars #Jungkook #Jungkook X Reader #BTS #queuetan Soneyondan

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