#part 3 is going to cover the events of the main trilogy as well as focusing on the four months of Holland's rule

[badassbutterfly1987]

Beacon of Hope Playlist

Beacon of Hope:

I Found by Amber Run

Be Somebody by Thousand Foot Krutch

Unbreakable by Telykast

Hey Love by 12 Stones

Your Arms Feel Like Home by 3 Doors Down

War of Hearts by Ruelle

Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift

Deliver Us cover by Caleb Hyles and Jonathan Young

Trials and Tribulations:

Atlantis by Seafret

Don't Let Me Down by The Chainsmokers

Crossfire by Stephen

Way Down We Go by Kaleo

Just a Man by Jorge Rivera-Herrans

Demons by Imagine Dragons

Take You Down by Illenium

Lovely by Billie Eilish

Flares by The Script

Hollow by Cloudeater

Second Chances:

Man or a Monster by Sam Tinnesz

Falling Inside the Black by Skillet

City of the Dead by Eurielle

Royalty by Egzod & Maestro Chives

God's Whisper by Raury

Whatever it Takes by Imagine Dragons

The Devil Within by Digital Daggers

Paint it Black by Hidden Citizens

Fallout by Neoni and Unsecret

Stay by Ghost

Rise by The Glitch Mob

My Blood by Ellie Goulding

Home by Dotan

(Part four):

Shattered by Trading Yesterday

My Home by Myles Smith

King by Lauren Aquilina

Ashes by The Longest Johns

In My Arms by Plumb

You Won't Feel a Thing by The Script

I'll Fight by Daughtry

Rabbit Heart by Florence and The Machine

King and Lionheart by Of Monsters and Men

[dg-outlaw]

Batman Unburied: Season 2 - Fallen City REVIEW

Spoiler-free Quick Review: Having enjoyed the 1st season as well as Riddler: Secrets in the Dark, I was eager to jump back into this series and was pleasantly surprised when I saw it advertised. Overall, I enjoyed Fallen City, but felt the storyline wasn't as tight as the first season. There were moments and episodes where I felt like I needed more and by the end I wasn't sure how I felt about this season overall.

Comparing it to the more serious and "gritty" live-action media like the Nolan trilogy or Reeves' The Batman is probably not fair. But if comparing it to something that might fit alongside the 90s Batman: The Animated Series or the more recent animated Batman: Cape Crusader, then I'd say this is an enjoyable addition given the similarities in style, tone, and pacing. The dialogue can be a little over-the-top or campy at times, but, again, it fits. Not all of the voice acting hits, but most of it does, especially from the core cast members.

If an "edgy" and "grounded" Batman is your thing, this may not be for you. But if you're okay with a bit of cheese or on-the-nose dialogue (which it sometimes has to be for an audio series), without it going into full-camp territory like the 60s Adam West Batman, then I think you'll enjoy this series.

*more thoughts and spoilers below the cut*

A lot of different things happened in Fallen City, but I felt the main plot and some of the subplots felt rushed or not given enough time to breathe. This is a common occurrence in superhero, sci-fi, and fantasy genres where I think the writers/creators (or execs) feel that people will lose interest if the story isn't going all ADHD and bouncing from thing to thing. That or there's the assumption that sequels "need" to raise the stakes with more characters and/or villains. Fallen City was also two episodes shorter than season 1, which I'd say those two episodes could've been used to let this season breathe and have more meat on the bones.

What I enjoyed about season 1 was that we got a noir-style slow-burn detective story that many fans are always wanting out of Batman media. Caped Crusader had that tone as well. To me, this series, Caped Crusader, and Batman: TAS all do a good job at giving us detective Batman while also still being a superhero story. Don't get me wrong, some of that tone was also present in this season, but it often felt like it was trying to get past those moments and onto the next plot point or action scene to keep people listening. Please, let Bruce detect, brood, and think.

With the season cover art and trailer, you know there's a Harvey Dent/Two-Face plot and I thought this would be the core plot of the season, but within that the story quickly moved into a mystery plot involving the Court of Owls. On top of that, there are mysterious earthquakes in Gotham. THEN we get a Ra's Al Ghul plot. Yes, it's all intertwined, but it's too much, IMO. Oh, and Barbara Gordon is still semi-on the run after the events of Riddler, but she's also secretly playing as Oracle, an Anonymous-style underground voice for Gotham.

*takes a breath*

And I think all this is what made Fallen City feel rushed, but also not fully fleshed out. Any 2 or 3 of those plot points would've been enough for a full 10-episode season, but I feel like the writers/producers wanted to include all these elements and more. Or when they started connecting threads they kept adding more characters and plot points which made it feel chaotic and also like not enough.

Would I have accepted a cliffhanger ending with the hopes of a part 2 in the near future? Yes. Or could they have teased a few of these things like the Court of Owls or Ra's Al Ghul WITHOUT going fully into those plots? Also, yes.

Nevertheless, this continues to be a well-produced series and it's always fun to listen to. I also enjoyed the returning characters like Gina Rodriguez's Barbara Gordon, though, I did not expect to hear Cheech Marin as her father, Jim Gordon. That was a humorous reveal that I had trouble wrapping my head around it at first because he's so distinct in my head, but I eventually embraced it as the season played on. Colman Domingo returns as Batman, having replaced Winston Duke from season 1, with his role starting in Riddler: SitD. Jason Isaacs also returns as Alfred Pennyworth, and I think he does a fantastic job. Hell, I think Isaacs could jump in as a live-action Alfred in the upcoming Gunn-verse (if there's ever a Batman separate from Reeve's Batman). Morena Baccarin, Tahar Rahim, Alan Ruck, and André Holland as Harvey/Two-Face round out the rest of the main voice cast. All do a good to great job, but I am curious to know how Holland was able to change his voice for Two-Face. It wasn't just a different tone or style like when Domingo switches from Bruce to Batman, but it almost sounded like he was talking as if his mouth was deformed like Harvey's as well. I'd be interested to see a BTS video or interview about his performance.

As far as new characters go, was I suspicious of Allie and Cobie early on? Yeah. Even without knowing the voice actors, anytime you add random characters AND keep them on, there's probably something's up with them. Was I able to predict the final reveals? Not exactly, but again, my Spidey senses were tingling, especially with Allie grieving Harvey for two seconds before jumping in to help and flirt with Bruce. Then again, this could've been the pacing as mentioned above.

All in all, despite minor critiques, I still enjoyed Fallen City, maybe not as much as season 1 or Riddler: SitD, but I look forward to more of these audio stories. If you listened or are a fan, hit me up and let me know your thoughts.

[cyberfunsupporter]

ranking the red velvet album covers, be warned this’ll be long

halfway through tumblr deleted my draft so um…

1-3 🏆

28 reasons very visually pleasing. the red and the black go so well together and the mirror showing seulgi is just creative genius. absolute fav, i could stare at it forever to be honest. not to mention it perfectly reflects the album’s contents which is a huge bonus for me

the red summer i have a huge soft spot for covers with a lot going on actually. the cover’s fun, very summer and even with vibrant colors that would normally clash in the real world, it’s somehow satisfying. i love all of the details too and the way the members are positioned on the cover. so fun

rbb the positioning of the members + the teeth is just fun to see. it’s definitely different from a lot of their other covers which makes it more interesting for me as well. i also just really like their outfits, especially yeri’s

4-6 🏅

chill kill what’s funny to me about this one is the fact it’s photoshopped like omg they couldn’t even get an ot5 pic wow. but i like the overall vibe of it a lot and it’s a drastic change from red velvet’s typical colorful covers, which also makes this one stand out to me. i also am just a huge fan of this album anyway and think the feeling of it was perfectly executed which obviously extends to the cover since that plays a huge role in the concept anyway

perfect velvet okay actually this used to my favorite album, cover, concept, etc… it’s definitely their prettiest & most visually interesting, but i���ve grown. it’s still really cool and my fav part is the incorporation of the title but i don’t think it’s their absolute best cover regardless of its quality and general appeal LOL. it’s been a bit overdone i think? still a huge fav tho

the red it’s iconic and very pretty. honestly i don’t have much to say because it’s just that good. it really pops. eye candy for me

reve festival is actually not in order of how i’d rank the covers because i have a more pressing criticism regarding the overall trilogy’s design

they’re all meant to be connected, yet finale is randomly like. SO different. it doesn’t even have a rollercoaster that connects through it the way day 1 and day 2 have… sm paid for a cover to be made and couldn’t scrounge up a couple more pennies for a damn rollercoaster 😭 i just hate that disconnect so much because they’re literally MEANT TO GO TOGETHER and they already did that for 2/3 of the albums so idk why finale’s suddenly different. ugh

anyway, onto the actual ranking:

finale it’s the most creative and very cute. i love the house details w the velvets inside + one trapped under the house, as well as the surroundings. typically not a fan of green but this shade is pleasing to my eyes

day 2 the purple is very beautiful especially when combined with the red of the rollercoaster. the “events” on the cover are also really cutely designed and it def appeals to me a lot

day 1 my main complaint is the yellow. i hate the color yellow and this shade in particular is offensive to my eyes. i like the rest of the cover though which is a shame… but that’s why it’s so high for me; everything BUT the background color is great. it’s fun

10-12 🎖️

rookie it’s very eye catching, the blue is wonderful and the positioning of the titles as well as the members is creative and i like it a lot. also having seulgi in the middle is another part i enjoy, simply because she has an interesting pose and i feel like it tells you a lot about the album’s sound

bloom what annoys me is the fact the title seems to be off center? but i like the overall feel of the cover and the doodles are really cute

sappy it’s cute and charming, their styling is unique and i love the colors!!! it does kind of bother me that wendy, irene, and yeri have similar hair colors and then joy and seulgi don’t but it’s just a minor thing. i do love their hair colors it’s just the inconsistency/out of nowhere-ness that can grate me a little bit. but overall very fun and cute

13-15 🎖️

the velvet well this one is just pretty. idk why yeri’s blurred out though 💀

feel my rhythm i like the logo being in the clouds. cute, fun, very springtime, good colors

power up love a good ot5 focused cover. the background is a bit boring but i don’t really care because the velvets make it interesting

16-18 🎖️

the perfect red velvet one of my fav covers however i can recognize it’s not as visually interesting as a lot of red velvet’s covers. i love the fact it looks like a movie poster though so it’s definitely very special to me

birthday UNDERRATED. IDGAF. the pink is perfect, the design is engaging and vibrant… the logo is unique…. very solid cover

ice cream cake see i’m fond of this because it represents when red velvet really began & became 5. however the bg doodles are a bit too pale which makes the cover seem kinda bland otherwise. the drawing of all 5 members is pretty though so

19-21 🎖️

happiness once again i’m very fond of a slightly overwhelming and very colorful cover. the editing is kooky which i enjoy although many people don’t like it, it just radiates 2014 and i just luv what red velvet did with what they had in that time period. it’s so fun!!

queendom i like this cover and the colors are nice but i also think some of the concept photos for this could’ve been better suited to be the cover. i do like that it looks like they’re all just kinda hanging out tho

hello the background is just a boring white but joy’s pose combined with her outfit really makes it pop to me. like my eyes are consistently drawn to it because of that

22-24 🎖️

be natural i like the pose and the monochrome, and the logo is really cool to me and def unique… a yeri-less rbb kinda. the white at the top cutting off the photo can be bothersome though

monster well the colors are just too boring for me but everything else is nice. the pose is good, the feeling radiating off of irene and seulgi is special, etc

wish you hell this one’s nice because it really feels like wendy. the helmet and the tag on the side are sooo cute. however in comparison to other covers it is a bit on the blander side which is why it’s so low, but i really like it!!!!

25-27 🎖️

russian roulette this one is definitely boring since it’s just the logo but i like the logo + combo of colors enough for it to outrank the next couple covers LOLLL. the title going through the heart as an arrow is just so cutesy

cosmic the album’s so vibrant and dreamy yet this cover represents none of that. i don’t get that feeling from this photo at all, not to mention the logo’s just slapped on there. i love the mysterious hotel concept but it was poorly executed which is why the cover falls flat for me despite it utilizing one of my fav parts of the concept… and tbh idk why they didn’t do something more similar to midsommar promo or at least something dreamy like that. just feels weird and a bit disappointing. they’re beautiful though

cookie jar boring & washed out… i love their stylings though which makes me feel better about it. the cover also does actually look like a cookie tin which is charming

… 28 👎

like water i loveee wendy i really do. her voice is angelic, she’s beautiful… but this cover is so boring. boring colors, no pose, not even a title or anything particularly special to make up for it. just wendy standing and a W slapped on there. not to mention the album just is completely not wendy’s vibe or vision so the whole album is just not very entertaining for me. it makes me sad that sm tried to force her into doing ballads forever 😭… so idk i just don’t feel very much for this cover nor the album. i’m so sorry wendy. u are so loved but they did u so dirty w your debut album…

[windowriting]

Shadow and bone s2 spoilery thoughts. Major spoilers for the changes from book-to-show.

For context I've read through the entire book series about twice.

Unsurprisingly, the actors were great. The sets, costumes, and creature design were awesome.

Choices on moving storylines were...interesting.

Didn't realize until part way into ep 2 that this season covered the last 2 books of the main trilogy, as well as some events in SoC.

Really emphasizes how long Mathias was in Hellgate, but also because he's now only interacted with 1 character from the main cast in 2 seasons, it feels weird and disconnected.

The script was...interesting, to say the least. They took Jesper's unaffected demeanor and made him so goofy, and 4th wall break-y, it wasn't funny (most horrendous line was the 5 of crows line, since it emphasizes both this and the last point). Meanwhile there were parts that could have been filled in with better dialogue that underlines relationships and connections.

It feels like story line choices about what plot threads to place where we're more for "how riled up can we get the fanbase to demand a season 3?" Instead of serving the story.

I wish they would have set up the structure clearer. It's a huge ensemble cast, with a lot of material to cover, but it felt like 90% of the tome we see the crows, they're scrambling to justify why they're still interacting with the Alina side of the story, so they take half the plot from this fan favorite book, and half ass the story beats so it undercuts scenes like Kas's revenge, and fighting all of the Dregs.

Kaz's story should have been told in 1 solid flashback the first time he was triggered, then refrenced when he's reminded of it, the viewers stay in his emotional headspace instead of trying to figure out what happened every time. Telling the story but by bit works in a book, but it was jarring and confusing to speed through.

Nikolai really got the short end of the stick when it came to smashing the 2 books together. We don't get enough Sturmhond, his identity reveal is undercut without the tailoring changes, and he just comes up super fast and there doesn't seem to be that underlying comrodery that Alina has with him in the books. They don't make each other better, they're just two morally good people in bad circumstances, existing in the same room. Now it seems they're going to try and extend Malina's story into s3, it's going to crowd the Kos and RoW stories.

Changing the entire seawhipe story probably is the most upsetting thing. Why don't we get to hear about his lore? Alina kills him with a sunburst during a fight with the seawhip- not in a fight between the darkling and sturmhond's crew. We don't get the weight of the action that every step closer to achieving her goal, Alina is killing magical folk tale creatures. We don't get the sense that as she's more powerful, she's loosing her humanity to that power. I think what they were going for was the idea of "the stag gave Alina power, but she took it from the sea whip so his scales aren't powerful enough" but I could be wrong?

What happened to the collar????

The last ep of s1 is no mourners, s2's last ep is no funerals. But they hold a funeral, with a speech given by the king before the funeral pyre while the main cast reflects on what the darkling, and his fold had done to their lives.

Pushing the Apperate's story/sun summoner cult off made the ending anticlimactic. One of the best things about the original trilogy is that it really could have stopped there, and it had an appropriate amount of catharsis. Alina makes the choice to surrender herself to an unknown power to stop the darkling- and she looses that power to do so. Now we have a defeated BBEG, but without the narrative weight. Again, I can see how they'll tie the missing elements into the end of RoW- but because they've taken the property and made some genuinely bad choices on story/script, I don't know if they'll get the demand for s3.

They wouldn't commit to fully fleshing out the plot of Six of Crows to dangle that over the fans. The more I think about it, the clearer that is to me. Which I feel like is going to rush the miracle plot line, and the plot in Fjerda down the road. They also rushed Jesper and Wylan a little, but I can forgive that because we don't need additional queer based trauma.

What I can't forgive is revealing Jesper's powers so quickly and unimportantly.

For the most part the directing served its purpose, but it was nothing to write home about. I am a little tired of action cam/slow mo so we can see and appreciate every landed punch, especially during the entire moat sequence.

I can see where someone said "let's tone down the love triangle angle." But then they took out Alina's internal conflicts that don't have to do directly with someone romantically inclined towards her. Taking out the pressure from the cult, and the betrayel of finding out the twins were apart of it, toning down her connection and care for Genya leaves her with only trying to brute force shut down the fold, and trying to keep Mal alive.

The entire 3rd act has me so messed up with what plots actually happened where, I'm rereading the series to reassure that it was well written.

Skipping Alina's frustration of being underground for months, being indebted to the apparate, and Nikolai's disappearance lowered the stakes of the final battle. It underplays Zoya stepping up to join the main cast. The desperation and feeling like the world may indeed run out of Grisha isn't there.

There should be been a more concerted effort to show the fact the twins are Alina's guards, specifically. They felt really useless. Especially when the Darkling attacks and Tamar looses Alina. That doesn't read Saint protector to me.

I get not every production company wants to attack the topic of child soldiers but that was supposed to be a defining line between the darkling and Alina. Again, messed up because the took another of the pressure book!Alina has and just never addressed it.

I liked the addition of the Zemeni helping Mal and Alina escape- but I feel there were ways to show it where Malina still got found by selling her hair pins.

The entire library scene kicks the story off in a poor way. They have the Zemani librarian use her powers to open a drawer that's 5 inches away and it feels unnatural. This library magicly has the exact right map Alina needs with invisible ink she found, that was apperently waiting for a sun summoner? Why wasn't holding it up to the sun working???

Overall I'm bummed. I wish netflix just initially green lit the original trilogy and shot the plot for what it was, and once they saw s1 work out, approve the SoC/CK spin off, or maybe approve s1 for shadow and bone and s1 for SoC, and schedule those to premiere 6 months apart. So then the 2 year wait for s2 of the main trilogy doesn't feel so long. They even could have teased it the way they dropped 2 extra eps on the sandman or stranger things last season. 1 month after the premiere, drop a SoC episode that is the backdoor pilot for the crows.

There's stuff I've listed that I'm sure probably happened that way in the book and I'm misremembering or totally misread it. I just feel the way I perceived s&b was more compelling than the s2 that we ended up with. Like I said before, I'm rereading now to figure it out.

[beautifully-lumpy]

the beautiful person's journal - #9: the twists and turns of the caddy show and the gradual rejection of formulas

the caddy show (january 18th, 2017 - december 12th, 2019)

strap in, folks. this is going to be a long and convoluted one. but i never realized until now just HOW much i had to say about this show.

the month is january 2017. caddy had just moved to his current house, he's now going by jim, and the last pre-2016 side show - current quickies - has just been axed. gone were the days of gimmicky characters and review methods...well, at least for shows that weren't the caddicarus show.

in this update video, the ultimate side show replacement - the caddy show - was announced to be a variety show that would cover just about anything. modern game reviews, drum covers, video game event vlogs, reactions, shitposts, rants, discussions, the whole shebang. caddy's film fridays (soon to be rebranded as cinemaggots) would still serve as an outlet for film reviews - with the exception of one caddy episode that covered a quiet place.

the caddy show was really, truly the very first time the channel had ever seen a central modern game review series with no gimmicks or formulas. the closest thing there was to a formula was the "spoilers, alright? ok, noice" in every video, but that was mostly it. it was the only modern review series from 2017 to 2019 and it covered all kinds of modern games.

series overview

the show began the wednesday after it was announced, debuting with a review of the last guardian. next week's episode saw caddy attending a press event for the nintendo switch. if this event had occurred before this show was introduced, caddy probably would've tried to implement a video based on it into the caddicarus show, or current quickies. because of the way the channel was run at this time, every single video uploaded had to be a part of some kind of show, which limited video ideas and possibilities. the caddy show opened up so many new possibilities, such as videos like this.

another example of the benefit of this show is the mr. youtube videos, two satirical videos created in september 2016. these videos didn't really fit into any kind of format, but they were billed as caddicarus show episodes and put into the show's playlist. by january 2017, they were rebranded into caddy show episodes, with caddicarus show branding being stripped from them.

the show also had rant/discussion videos that discussed new gaming topics or anything else, such as the one about the n. sane trilogy where caddy expressed his worries about the game's graphics. obviously, that one didn't age well. there was also the one where he discussed those weird bootleg kids' peppa pig videos, and how an article about them conveniently dropped around the time he released the caddicarus episode about the show.

drum covers were moved to the main channel with this series. before this, there were only 3 drum covers ever posted, and all of them were on the second channel. but 2017 saw a blossoming in the number of drum covers posted due to this series.

strangely, not all of the episodes of the series were kept online. a couple of the discussion videos - the ones on caddy jumping off the hype train, and the playstation classic wish list - were privated in october 2021.

the caddy show also had sponsored videos, most of which were produced through 2017 and 2019, and none of which are public anymore. there were videos on portal knights, dreadnought, crossout, an acer predator laptop, oculus rift... i haven't listed one, and oh boy i'll get into that one later.

unfortunately, i couldn't find a working capture for the crossout vid. :(

he also did a few shitposts, a couple of them being about metal gear survive and the spyro reignited trilogy. unfortunately jim didn't unlist the original "pain" video, which was the "crash 1, i did it, crash 2, i did it, crash 3, i did it" video. but i got a capture here! there was also one on the nightmare creatures remake.

there's also a lorne lanning interview from 2017, which was strangely unlisted along with the 2014 interview...

branding/graphic design history

so for the first 9 months of the show, the thumbnails and titles of all the videos had the same format:

the thumbnails all had the caddicarus show's grunge background (albeit in grayscale), BUT there was a different thumbnail avatar specifically made for this show.

all the titles were "(subject of the video) - caddy". simple enough, right? well, this caused a lot of confusion among viewers. some viewers actually mistook these for caddicarus episodes and had assumed that the caddicarus show was going away and this new format was its replacement...no joke lol.

so, by september 2017...the entire "caddy" branding was removed from the channel. the videos still used the show's intro, but there was no longer a singular playlist titled "the caddy show", and jim no longer referred to the show as being called "caddy". jim began to start the videos by saying "hey everyone, caddy here"...which was weird af at the time.

"caddy" was removed from all the video titles and all the thumbnails were changed. there were now 3 playlists made up of episodes for this series - "NEW GAME REVIEWS" for the review episodes, which there were most of; "DRUM COVERS", for, you guessed it, drum covers; and "ETC" for everything else. and yes, those quotes were actually in the playlist titles. that same day, the caddicarus show's and cinemaggots' playlist titles were also capitalized and had quotes added to them. 15-year-old me did a humorous commentary on this back when it happened.

the playlists weren't the only instances of loud, all-caps yelling being added to the caddica-sphere. the titles of all the reviews were changed, and...hoo boy.

just by looking through some of these, you can tell that these stirred up a bit of...controversy in the fanbase. i was also pretty critical of this title format, and i'd roll my eyes with every new review that dropped. if you weren't around during this period, this was a time where the channel was in stagnation and in dire need of support. the channel was running almost exclusively off of patreon donations, and jim needed to do all he could to boost engagement...even if that meant changing all his titles to all-caps eye-catching clickbait.

off the top of my head, i can think of a couple issues that sprung up with this title format. one is pictured above - the shadow of the colossus review. caddy adores that game, but he decided to name the video "RANT OF THE RANTOSSUS". the word "rant" is generally considered to have a negative connotation. when someone is "ranting" about something, they are usually complaining about that thing. so when jim named his video that, there were fans that were reasonably confused. caddy defended this, saying "oh, this is a positive rant!" but like...idk dude. i always saw that title as being crappy SEO.

and then there was the infamous god of war review. posted on the caddicarus show's 6th anniversary, the video was originally titled "GOD OF DISAPPOINTMENT". now, there was nothing wrong with this video...well, at least from what i remember of it. i've not played the god of war games personally, but there is nothing wrong with giving a 6/10 score to anything, no matter how acclaimed or panned that piece of media is. and god of war 2018 was one of the most praised games ever when it came out. so lots of fans didn't take kindly to this video, or its title. caddy would eventually change the title to "IS IT REALLY 10/10?" before ditching this title format altogether by next month.

so with the trashing of these titles, we had to give up something else...

...what if i told you that the thumbnails pictured above didn't always have googly eyes?

on one night in june of 2018, 16-year-old mel noticed something strange when looking on jim's channel. first of all, i saw that the modern game review series had its awful all-caps titles gone, and that it was now called "CADDY REVIEWS". the "ETC" videos also no longer had all-caps titles...but they now all had entirely low-caps titles, which made them look very cryptic. (i.e. "I'M NOT SURE ABOUT CRASH ON PS4" became "i'm not sure about crash on ps4".)

but i looked a little closer...

one of the modern game reviews had googly eyes on the thumbnail, and i was like..."that wasn't there before..."

so i refreshed...and more googly eyes showed up.

panicked, i scrambled over to the playlist...and there were more.

i refreshed again. and there were even MORE.

needless to say, i lost my mind.

about a few minutes after i yelled about it on wattpad, caddy posted this tweet...

...and i proceeded to laugh my ass off. this man, who had just been utilizing these SEO-attention-grabbing-clickbait-ass video titles for 9 months, was now once again firing gunshots into the air, keeping property values low. caddicarus truly is the [tumblr] of personality-based video review channels.

a couple months later, with the debut of its 11th season, jetpackbraggin began doing thumbnails for the caddicarus show. these thumbnails initially didn't have borders, akin to the 2020 reboot. but about a few weeks in, the season 11 thumbnails so far were actually given red borders - which is definitely not a color that gives caddicarus vibes, if you ask me.

the modern game reviews were given blue borders. this didn't last for very long, as by the next week, jim would eventually settle on the blue borders for TCS that would last until the end of 2019, and modern game reviews were given the purple border that we see today.

after jetpackbraggin began drawing the TCS thumbnails, the caddy show - pretty much just referred to as "bonus videos" at this point - was still using the same thumbnail avatar...at least until the last episode. the last episode of the series - posted in march 2019 - was a drum cover of the tetris theme, and it was the only episode that ever used JPB's thumbnail drawing for drum covers...it was also the first thumbnail since 2017 to have the "caddy" logo on it, and the only drum cover to have the purple border on the thumbnail. it seemed like jim wanted to do more things with this show, given its updated thumbnail format, but he just ended up integrating most of it into the caddicarus show.

the fall...and rise...and fall again

by 2019, the caddicarus channel was back to one video a week - that one video being the caddicarus show, and the caddicarus show only. it began covering more and more modern games. drum covers were out the window, as his work became busier, and mainline videos kept getting longer and more elaborate. by may, we were seeing caddicarus episodes chronicling video game press events - episodes that previously would've been caddy episodes. basically, TCS was performing all of the functions of the caddy show, because caddy wanted to invest in the main series the most. he was drifting away from having other "shows" on the channel, as that was stressing him out. waits between videos became longer...and "longer" back then meant 2 weeks to a month. CRAZY shit for the time.

so basically, the show went out with a badass tetris drum cover, and then came the buildup to the channel's reset!

oh wait...the PUBG video...

in may 2019, caddy posted a sponsored video for PUBG mobile. it had a pretty bad like/dislike ratio. the comments were divided. he endorsed lootboxes. it was...it was a mess. he unlisted it in 2021, along with all the other sponsored videos.

and that was the last we heard from the caddy show...no more side shows...just the last of the original caddicarus show until the 2020 reboot! well gee, this sure was a long entry. for the next entry, we'll be covering the second chann-

OH CHRIST, REALLY???

so a few months after the PUBG video, crash team racing: nitro fueled had a bit of a fiasco with microtransactions. caddy was so angered by this, he decided to retool the caddy show into a rant series. this series would cover gaming news and other random things in culture.

of course, if you scroll through his mid-late 2019 videos you'll notice these videos aren't there. every single rant was unlisted, along with the series' dedicated playlist. one way you can get to them is through my unlisted videos playlist.

these 8 rant videos were produced between august and december 2019, and were produced during the peak of the channel's recession. caddy himself wasn't in the best mental state as well. these videos had thumbnails and titles of the clickbait-y variety, with the thumbnails featuring caddy's actual (non-negative filtered) face - something that was rare before this series. and that wasn't just the case for this series - you can identify season 13 caddicarus show episodes by the thumbnails that feature caddy's actual face (with the exceptions of the final 2 episodes on death stranding and jedi fallen order - it seems like these thumbnails were so poorly received that cartoon caddy returned for the very end of the original series). the definitely-not-reminiscent-of-another-gaming-youtuber upside-down profile pic was also introduced with this series, along with the banner featuring caddy's screaming face.

other than CTR microtransactions, he discussed things like the sans nintendo direct, playstation state of play, COPPA, the PS5 dev kit...your typical late 2019 stuff. interestingly, he discussed the controversy behind the IT part 2 poster, and it was strangely political for a video from this channel. basically, these videos were caddy's twitter rants put into video form - there were discussions from fans who were worried that the channel could possibly become strictly a political/game news rant channel filled to the brim with clickbait and horrid fans. i had the thought before that the channel would've become this had the caddicarus show not been retooled. and i thank the lords above every single day that didn't happen.

these videos didn't do astoundingly well, apart from the CTR rants - which got about 600k - 700k views. but other than that, the videos did alright. they were mostly well-received, but there were also fans who had concerns about the channel's future, as i mentioned above. and there were others who just saw it as his lowest form of content. but of course, you have to remember that this was a very taxing time in the channel's history when caddy wasn't doing great mentally and when he was struggling to pay rent.

and so, to FINALLY end off the entry, the last episode of the rant series aired on december 12th, 2019. after that was the caddicarus episode on jedi fallen order, and...with 2020 came the reset!

these videos were all privated in october 2021, but then unlisted in september 2022 - i guess if caddy couldn't private the caddicarus episodes, he could private these to get rid of the memories of that era of the channel.

and THAT was the history of the caddy show. there were so many twists and turns...and i had no idea this would be as long as it was. geez.

for the next entry, i'll be talking about the second channel's history, and it shouldn't go for as long as this one did.

take care! 💜

[peachscribe]

peach’s summer book list

i had a lot of fun compiling the list of books i read during the 20-21 winter, so i decided i would do a summer one as well! i still have a lot of books i own but haven’t read, so im definitely not lacking in material

if you didn’t see my winter list, how my book list works is basically like this: i read a book that i own but have not previously read, write a short summary immediately after finishing the book, write down my thoughts on the book, and then provide a rating for the book. i also might include background info on why i read this particular book/feelings about the author, but that depends on the book. that’s how each entry works

without further ado, let’s get started!

1. Grasshopper Jungle by Andrew Smith

okay so i absolutely adore another book by andrew smith (written after grasshopper jungle) called the alex crow. it’s one of my favorite books of all time, so naturally i wanted to see if grasshopper jungle would make me feel similarly. just like the alex crow, grasshopper jungle’s plot is. so fucking weird. it stars austin szerba, a teenage polish kid who lives in ealing, iowa, and is often sexually confused regarding his girlfriend shann and his best friend robby. and in ealing, iowa, austin and robby accidentally and unknowingly unleash an unstoppable army of huge six-foot-tall praying mantis bugs that only want to do two things: fuck and eat. and i just have to say: andrew smith’s got an absolutely dynamo writing style. alex crow is similar, where it’s a book about kind of everything all at once, framed in a moment centering around teenage boys. it’s fantastic, and it’s more than a little gross, and i love it. this book made me feel so many things, and i thought austin was such an amazing narrator and main character to identify with. this book has it all: shitty teenage boy humor, fucked up science experiments, and poetic imagery that will make you want to cry. and explicit lgbt characters.

412/10 andrew smith what do you put in your water i just want to know

2. Burn by Patrick Ness

patrick ness has written a plethora of some of my favorite books (such as a monster calls, the chaos walking trilogy, and the rest of us just live here) so when i saw this one in the store i knew it would be a great one. burn is an alternate history fantasy that takes place in 1957 frome, washington, during the height of the cold war, and it begins with a girl named sarah and her father hiring a dragon to help out on their farm. but there’s not just dragons, farm living, and cold war tensions; there’s also a really shitty small town cop, a cult of dragon worshippers and their deadly teenage assassin, a pair of fbi agents, and a prophecy that sarah’s newly hired dragon claims she’s a part of. i think eoin colfer’s highfire was on my winter list, which also featured a story that included dragons and shitty cops, so when i first began burn i thought it was funny to have two books that had both things. you know, if you had a nickel etc etc. but that’s really where the similarities end because burn is entirely it’s own monster (dragon). burn is entirely invested in its world, and its fascinating. not only that, i had no clue where the book would take me next. there were so many surprises and amazing twists that honestly just blew me away. this book also includes beautifully written complicated discussions on family, race, and love - it features interracial and queer romances as the two most prominent romance plots which was such a nice surprise from a book i wasn’t expecting to have that kind of representation. this book is witty, fast-paced, and a very heartening read - i absolutely adored it.

9/10 dragons and becoming motivated by the power of love and friendship are so fucking cool

3. As Meat Loves Salt by Maria McCann

i hate this book! as meat loves salt is a historical fiction novel which takes place in seventeenth century england, which is going through a grisly civil war. the protagonist, jacob cullen, is a servant for a wealthy household and is engaged to another servant in the house. but due to certain events that are almost entirely jacob’s fault, he flees the house and is separated from his wife. from there, he joins the royal army and meets a kind soldier, ferris, and the two become fast friends. jacob and ferris’s relationship begins to bridge past friendly, and jacob struggles with his homoerotic feelings as well as the growing obsession and violence inside him. also, they try to start a colony. listen, i don’t know how to describe the book because so much happens, but it basically just follows jacob and all the terrible decisions he makes because he is, truly, a terrible person. ferris is kind and good, and jacob is scum of the earth. he sucks so bad. the entire time i was reading this book (which took absolutely so long), all i wanted was for jacob to just get his ass handed to him. i wanted to see him suffer. and it’s not like i just personally don’t like him - i believe the book purposefully depicts him as unsympathetic even though he is the narrator. i did enjoy the very in depth and accurate portrayal of what life would’ve been like in seventeenth century england, and i think it was interesting to read a character that is just the absolute worst person you’ve ever encountered and see him try and justify his actions, so if you enjoy that kind of thorough writing, then this book would be perfect for you. however, i did not see that bitch ass motherfucker jacob cullen suffer enough. i’d kill him with my bare hands.

2/10 diversity win! the worst man on earth is mlm!

4. This Savage Song by Victoria Schwab

i know ive had a friend tell me how great one of schwab’s other book series is, but truthfully i bought this book because the cover is sick as hell and it was on a table in the store that advertised for buy two get one free, i think. something like that. anyway, this savage song takes place in a future in which monsters, for whatever reason, suddenly became real and out for blood in a mysterious event nicknamed the phenomenon. august flynn is one of these monsters, but he takes no pride in that fact and only wants to feel human. kate harker is the daughter of a ruthless man and is trying her hardest to be ruthless, too, but deep down she knows it’s just an act. their city, verity, stands divided, and kate and august stand on either side - but when august is sent on a mission to befriend kate in the hopes of stopping an all out war, the lines begin to blur. this book rules. august and kate are such interesting and dynamic characters, and the narrative is familiar while still being capable of twisting the story around and taking the feet out from under you in really compelling ways. this savage song is part of the monsters of verity duology, and i can’t wait to dive into how the story continues and finishes.

11/10 sometimes you can judge a book by it’s cover

4a. Our Dark Duet by Victorian Schwab

this is the sequel and finale for this savage song and i’d figure i’d update everyone: fantastic ending, beautiful, showstopping, painful.

12/10 loved it and will definitely be keeping an eye out for schwab’s other books

5. White is for Witching by Helen Oyeyemi

oh boy. okay. white is for witching is about a house, and it is about the women who have lived inside of it. when her mother dies abroad, miranda silver begins to act strangely, and there’s nothing her father or her twin brother seem to be able to do about it. she develops an eating disorder and begins to hear voices in the silver family house, converted to a bed and breakfast by miranda’s dad; and she begins to lose herself in the house and the persistent presence of her family legacy. white is for witching switches perspective dizzingly and disorientingly between miranda, her twin eliot, miranda’s friend from school named ore, and the house itself. this story is a horror story as much as it as a tragedy as much as it is a romance as much as it is a bunch of other things. oyeyemi brings race, sexuality, nationality, and family into this story and forces you not to look away. this book is poetry.

(like i mentioned briefly, this book heavily deals with topics of race and closely follows miranda’s eating disorder. read responsibly, and take care of yourselves)

15/10 this book consumed me and i think i’ll have to read it another 10 more times to feel it properly

6. These Violent Delights by Chloe Gong

okay. okay. strap in for a ride. these violent delights is a romeo and juliet style story, taking place in glittering 1920’s shanghai. the city stands divided - not only between the foreign powers encroaching on chinese land, but also between the scarlet gang and the white flowers, who are at the height of a generations-long blood feud. juliette cai, heir to the scarlets, has recently returned from four years abroad and is determined to prove herself ruthless enough to lead. roma montagov, heir to the white flowers, is standing strenuously on his place as next in line due to a slip up four years prior and is desperate to keep hold of his title. and in the midst of juliette and roma’s burning history with each other threatening to combust, an unnatural monster lurks in the waters of shanghai, loosing a madness on scarlets and white flowers alike. this book has it all - scorned ex lovers, political intrigue, deadly monsters, and all set on a glamorous backdrop of the roaring twenties. i absolutely was enraptured by this book and the way it plays around the story of romeo and juliet so well that it easily became it’s own monster, but with the punches and embraces of something classically shakespearan. gong does just an absolutely breathtaking job of fitting this fantastical story amid the larger world of shanghai and the real life historical events that had shaken the city to its core. completely immersive and outstandingly heart racing.

17/10 i was chewing on my fingernails for the last thirty pages and will continue to do so until the sequel is released (our violent ends, 16 nov 21)

7. The Antiques by Kris D’Agostino

you ever heard of the american dysfunctional family story? this is most definitely that. at the same time george westfall’s cancer takes a turn for the worse, a hurricane hits the east coast, and suddenly all at once the issues of his health, the hurricane, and all three of his children’s achingly dysfunctional adult lives are crashing into each other. reunited by george’s death, the westfall siblings have to face their grief, each other, and the problems in their own lives they attempted to put on hold while planning their father’s memorial. this is a nice story about grief and loss and love and somehow finding the humor amidst it all.

(this book does include a depiction of an autistic child who does experience several pretty bad meltdowns due to ignorant people around him not understanding how to cater to his needs. im not an authority on what depictions are or are not harmful, but i do believe this depiction is ultimately loving and well-intended.)

7/10 it made me laugh and cry and was generally one of those books that somehow hit you close to home

8. Fierce Fairytales by Nikita Gill

fierce fairytales is a poetry anthology that reimagines classic fairytales from a modern, feminist viewpoint, acknowledging that the line between hero and villain, monster and damsel, are not as clear cut as the classics try to make you believe. this book also includes illustrations done by the author herself, which i think is really cool. my personal favorite story reimagining was the story of peter pan and captain hook, called ‘boy lost’ which looked at how peter and hook’s relationship began and rotted. all in all, i think this collection of stories had a lot of important things to say and said them in frank, easy to understand poetry and prose.

7/10 beautiful message and pretty prose, but at times a little cliche

and that’s all from the summer! my fall semester starts tomorrow, and overall i feel very good about all the reading i did this summer. i even read four other books not on this list for work! so i definitely feel like i made the most out of my time, and im really glad i was able to read so many stories that made me feel a variety of different things

thanks so much for reading this list, and let me know if you read or have read any of these books and tell me what you think of them!

happy reading<3

[akisata-moved]

Help i need help whats the intended reading/watching order for the devilman franchise i need to start watching and reading the spinoffs and sequels but there are so many where do i START

hi!! welcome to the wonderful world of devilman... my name is louie akisata ill be your guide BUCKLE UP because its a WILD RIDE. im not sure if this is necessarily the intended order, but its the order that... makes sense to me, so!

1. the original manga (obviously) start Here (:

a. you can also watch devilman (1972 anime) any time you want, because it's its own separate thing from the manga canon. i heart the 72 series

2. with your knowledge of the original manga, you can knock out devilman: the birth and devilman: the demon bird (ovas). pretty sure cyborg 009 vs devilman (ova series/crossover) is also good here.

a. optionally, you can continue on to amon: the apocalypse of devilman (ova), cb chara go nagai world (ova), and, if you want, but i dont suggest it if you havent already seen it, devilman crybaby (anime). (technically the events of the amon ova are covered in the manga, and cb chara go nagai world is a sort of. just parody ova, but if you want more context for these, skip them until later)

3. continue to the first "sequel", shin devilman (manga/sequel? it takes place during the manga, technically).

4. once you're done with that, move on to devilman lady (manga/official sequel). heavy content warnings for lady-- i don't know where to begin here. be careful with this one if youre sensitive to sexual violence.

a. optional-- from my knowledge, there is a devilman lady series, devil lady (anime), but it's more of its own thing and not really related to being a sequel. i havent watched this-- but from what ive heard, big warnings for rape here as well.

5. optional-- after lady, you could read violence jack (manga/sequel). it started as the original sequel to devilman, but then it eventually branched out to its own thing. it is no longer canon "to anything except itself", but it does have some interesting characterization of ryo.

a. if you skipped cb chara, feel free to watch it now. the violence jack parts are... minimal, but, you know, theyre there. while youre at it, download a SNES emulator and play cb chara wars (fucking video game). and then cry about it, because that game is a bitch.

b. there are also violence jack ovas (harem bomber, evil town, and hells wind) that are out there. extremely violent and sexual from what ive heard. i havent watched these

6. at this point, i believe you'll have enough context to fully tackle neo devilman (manga/anthology), but considering it's all one-shots, if you want to read this before lady, feel free. there is a story that takes place during the devilman lady time period in here though.

7. also, feel free to read amon: the dark side of devilman (and its side story, devilman: strange days) (manga/spinoff) any time after completing the original manga. its a spinoff that talks about the demons, mostly sirene and amon. i havent read this yet, because god its so long and reading stuff is soooo hard....

a. if you skipped amon: apocalypse, you can come back to it after this. it's very loosely based off of this manga.

8. and now its time for devilman saga (manga/sequeell...? i think?) which is. from what im AWARE, a "sequel" of devilman (and possibly third part of a trilogy), but it's very different from the original, doesnt feature the same characters (not really, anyways) and so far... isn't that connected to devilman. i say so far because. um. as of january 12, 2022, it's still not fully translated.

9. from there you have all the knowledge you really need to do whatever, and so order doesnt really matter anymore. find all those tiny one shots that go nagai did and read all of them!!

i think that's all the main things... lmk if i missed anything or if you have any questions on anything? its like 2 am so hopefully this is accurate LOL

[gimmeromance]

GimmeRomance Glossary:

We’ve put this glossary together to give you all definitions for some of the words you’ll see both on this blog and in Romance in general. If you have any questions or think we’re missing a word, please send us an ask!

This glossary is organized alphabetically.

A/B/O: Short for Alpha/Beta/Omega, this is... complicated, but we recommend you take a look here if you don't already know what A/B/O is.  * Please don’t use the term A/B/O without the slashes -- Abo is considered a derogatory term for Aboriginal, and we honor the wishes of the Australian Aboriginal peoples who prefer that the term A/B/O not be used without the defining slashes.

Alien Romance: Usually, one MC is human, other(s) are from another planet. May include non-human genitalia and sexual acts.

Alpha: May refer to Alpha from A/B/O 'verse or Alpha of a werewolf/shifter pack. Generally sexually dominant. May also be shorthand for Alpha Hero.

Alpha Hero: One MC (usually the MMC) has a dominant personality.

Ancient World Romance: A Romance which takes place in an ancient civilization: eg. Ancient Rome, Greece or Egypt.

BBW: Big Beautiful Woman. A fat heroine.

Bestiality: Technically illegal on Amazon, but dinosaur erotica somehow still exists. Please don't make us go looking for titles to suggest to you -- though you might see the occasional Tingler on our lists!

Beta: Someone in an A/B/O 'verse or someone in a werewolf/shifter pack who's not the leader, but also not the lowest position in the pack. May also be shorthand for Beta Hero.

Beta Hero: A Beta Hero is the opposite of an Alpha Hero -- generally a man who is not dominant but softer and kinder.

The Black Moment: The moment (often around the 60% mark) where all hope of a happy ending seems lost. Often includes a temporary breakup.

Black Romance: Both (all, if it's polyamorous) main characters are Black.

BMWW: Black Man/White Woman. A specific sub-genre within Interracial Romance.

Bully Romance: One of the MCs bullies another one, usually before the romance begins.

BWWM: Black Woman/White Man. A specific sub-genre within Interracial Romance.

Chick Lit: A subgenre of Women’s Fiction which focuses on the trials and tribulations of a young woman and often includes a romance. Differs from Romance in that the romance is not necessarily the main focus of the story. Differs from Women’s Fiction in that the protagonists are usually younger and there’s often more romance. It's a fine line and some books are hard to precisely categorize, or may be considered to fit into multiple categories.

Clean Romance: We prefer not to use this term, but it can mean either Closed Door or No Sex.

Cliffhanger: A Romance which ends on a dramatic, unresolved issue. Common in contemporary romance trilogies where all books follow the same couple; rarely seen in historicals.

Closed Door: Sex occurs in the course of the story, but is not described.

Contemporary Romance: A Romance that takes place in the modern day.

Courtesan: A historical sex worker, usually on the expensive end of the scale.

Dark Romance: At least one MC who is not a good person. The romance can include such things as kidnapping, stalking, sexual assault, imprisonment, gaslighting, domestic abuse, and a whole slew of other things that are generally frowned upon in western society and might be considered illegal in some places. In the fandom world, stories featuring these themes might have the tags non-con/dub con, dead dove do not eat, and dark themes.

Dystopian Romance: Romance which takes place in a failed-state society where the government or the powers that be are often a totalitarian state and often end up being the antagonists of the series or story. Many of these take place in a futuristic post-apocalyptic world, but not all.

Equal Triad: A polyamorous triad where all parties have sex with each other.

Erotica: Sex is the point of the story and often is the plot. Happy endings aren't necessary in this genre, but they do often happen. Not quite a part of Romance but very closely related.

Fade to Black: A method in which sex is often handled in Closed Door stories.

Family Series: A Romance series which follows a family, each book focusing on a different member of the same family finding their love interest. (Like Bridgerton!)

Fantasy Romance: Takes place in another world (not to be confused with Sci-Fi Romance which takes place ON another world). There might be magic, dragons, or other mythical beasts.

F/F: Female/Female

FMF: Female/Male/Female. A polyamorous triad where the two women have sex with the man but not each other.

Gilded Age Romance: American Historical Romance, from about 1870-1900, usually among the wealthy upper classes (e.g. the Astor 400).

The Grovel: The moment where (usually) the MMC is brought to his knees by love and has to apologize to the MFC for all his stuff-ups. We love a good grovel here at GimmeRomance!

Harem Romance: One man/many women. Generally the women do not have sexual contact with each other, only with the man. Some exceptions. * In Manga, Harem Romance involves one man flirting with multiple women but ending up with only one. In Romance, Harem Romance involves one man ending up with multiple women.

HEA: Happily Ever After. A story cannot be a romance without either an HEA or HFN.

Hero: The male love interest of a Romance. Sometimes abbreviated as a capital H.

Heroine: The female love interest of a Romance. Sometimes abbreviated as a lowercase h.

HFN: Happy For Now -- not quite Happily Ever After, but the characters are together and doing OK at the end of the story.

Highlander Romance: Historical sub-genre, takes place in the Scottish Highlands. Can cover an enormous range of dates from ancient world up to early 20th century. The men usually wear kilts.

Historical Romance: A Romance that takes place at least twenty years ago.

Inspirational Romance: Usually explicitly Christian, a Romance that includes religion and/or faith playing a major role. Usually does not include sex, swearing, or a lot of violence.

Interracial Romance: The main characters are of different racial backgrounds to each other. Some people only count Black/white Romances as interracial; we count two people of any races.

Love Triangle: One of the MCs eventually has to choose between two potential love interests.

Mafia/Bratva/Yakuza Romance: The MMC (usually) is a member of an organized crime gang. These often fall into Dark Romance, but not always.

MC: Main Character

MC Romance: Not to be confused with the MC -- this is Motorcycle Club Romance. One protagonist is a member of a Motorcycle Club.

Medieval Romance: Takes place between 500 and 1500 CE.

Meet-Cute: Something cutesy which happens to bring the protagonists together for their first meeting.

MFC: Main Female Character. May sometimes be styled FMC. See also Heroine.

MFF: Male/Female/Female. A polyamorous triad where the two women have sex with each other as well as the man.

MFM: Male/Female/Male. A polyamorous triad where the two men have sex with the woman but not each other.

M/M: Male/Male

MMC: Main Male Character. See also Hero.

MMF: Male/Male/Female. A polyamorous triad where the two men have sex with each other as well as the woman.

New Adult Romance: One or more MCs is 'college age', generally 18-25.

No Sex: There is no sex in the book.

Omega: Usually only used in either A/B/O or werewolf/shifter. Generally either the sexual submissive or the lowest-ranked in the pack.

Open Door: Sex occurs on the page.

Paranormal Romance: A Romance that includes a supernatural element.

Pioneer Romance: 1760-1880, mostly American, sometimes Australian. The Romance version of the Old West.

Plus-Sized Romance: A Romance that includes at least one character (most often the woman) being plus-sized.

Polyamorous Romance: 3 or more persons find their HEA/HFN in a Romance. May include any combination of genders. * If you want to shorten Polyamorous, use Polyam rather than Poly -- Poly is a shorthand for Polynesian, and we honor the wishes of the Polynesian community who have asked that the Polyamorous community use Polyam instead.

Post-Apocalyptic Romance: Romance which takes place after a cataclysmic event that decimates human population and destroys our society as we know it.

Protagonist: A gender-neutral term for a main character.

Pseudo-Incest: Actual incest romance is banned on Amazon. Pseudo means step-siblings, a step-parent or grandparent, uncle/niece (no blood relation), etc.

Rake: A historical fuckboi.

Redemption Arc: The journey of one character who has behaved badly, to understanding what they did was wrong and making amends.

Regency Romance: Romance centered around the period when the future George IV was acting as regent for his father, George III. Technically the Regency was 1810-1820, but the genre includes 1795-1837.

Reverse Harem Romance: One woman/many men. Generally the men do not have sexual contact with each other, only with the woman. Some exceptions. * In Manga, Reverse Harem Romance involves one woman flirting with multiple men but ending up with only one. In Romance, Reverse Harem Romance involves one woman ending up with multiple men.

Rogue: A rogue is a character who misbehaves in some way. This includes characters who drink, gamble, and sleep around -- but also includes pirates and gentleman thieves. Not all rogues are rakes, but all rakes are rogues.

Romance: Stories where the romantic relationship is central and integral to the plot which end in an HEA or HFN. If a book does not end with the couple (or moresome) in a happy relationship, it is not a Romance.

Romantic Comedy: A Romance which makes you laugh. The best ones are especially failboaty. Often features sitcom or slapstick antics but many just feature funny banter. A lot of contemporary Women's Fiction gets classified as Romantic Comedy and at least one of our mods gets very mad about that because having a cute illustrated cover and/or having a cat/dog in it doesn't make it funny

Romantic Suspense: The MCs must face and overcome a serious external threat to life and limb while finding their way to a HEA/HFN. Often overlaps somewhat with Mystery and/or Thriller.

Royal Romance: At least one MC is a member of a (usually fictional) royal family.

Rural Romance: The Australian version of Western Romance. The front cover almost invariably features a woman wearing an Akubra hat.

Science Fiction/Sci-Fi Romance: On another world or in space. MCs are usually human, but this sometimes crosses over with Alien Romance.

Shared World Series: A Romance series where each book is written by a different author, but locations and many characters are shared in common.

Shifter Romance: A Romance that includes a character or characters who can shift into animals. Includes (but is not limited to) werewolves. Sex generally occurs when the couple is in human form, but there may be knotting or other animalistic characteristics.

Small Town Romance: A Romance that takes place in a small town, usually in America but there are some Australian ones out there. Tend toward the very white. Often part of series that include lots of characters from the same town.

Soulmates: Not usually an abstract concept in the Romance world. Regularly seen in Paranormal or Fantasy Romance.

Standalone: A Romance which is not part of a series. Or it may be part of a series, but you do not need to read other books in the series to follow the plot.

Steamy Romance: We prefer not to use this term, but it means Open Door or sometimes Erotica.

Sweet Romance: We prefer not to use this term, but it can mean either Closed Door or No Sex.

Taboo Romance: Pseudo-incest, Teacher/Student, Underage. A romance which may be criminalized or considered unacceptable for other reasons in various jurisdictions.

Time Travel Romance: A Romance where at least one of the characters travels in time (usually to the past). In order to have a happy ending, may end with the present character staying in the past, the past character coming to and staying in the future, reincarnation, or some other solution.

Tudor Romance: 1485-1603, during the reign of the Tudor monarchs (Henry VII, Henry VIII and his three children, to the end of the reign of Elizabeth I). Sometimes Romances that take place during the Stuart period (particularly before the English Civil War) are grouped here.

Uneven Triad: A polyamorous triad where two of the parties do not have sex with each other, but only with the third party.

Unknown: As used by the GimmeRomance Mods, we don’t know how much sex there is in the story. This may be because we have not read the book or it may be because we have read the book but don’t remember how much sex there is.

Urban Fantasy: A subgenre of Fantasy which takes place in a world that’s often somewhat like our own and often includes a romance. Differs from Paranormal Romance in that the romance is not the main focus of the story. It's a fine line and some books are hard to precisely categorize, or may be considered to fit into both.

Victorian Romance: 1837-1901, the reign of Queen Victoria.

Western Romance: Takes place in a Western state, usually rural. There's probably a ranch and horses involved. Someone's wearing a cowboy hat.

Women’s Fiction: A genre which focuses on a woman’s life and may or may not include a romance. Differs from Romance in that the woman’s individual journey is the main focus of the story.

YA: Young Adult. Fiction written for teens with teens as the main characters. May or may not be Romance.

—

This post will be updated as needed.

Last Updated: 06/05/2021

[you-are-my-neverland]

so. it’s finally time to talk about [my] nano.

i’ve kept my nano project pretty under wraps so far, mostly because it’s been out of my hands. i wasn’t actually planning on doing a for real for real nano; instead, i thought i would dedicate some time to my fanfic (spoiler alert, but i haven’t yet) or work on finishing up revising fairbone (spoiler alert: i did revise one chapter, but i still have like half of it left to go and a nov 30 deadline...rip). if that didn’t work, i thought i would pick a wip i started over the summer or one i had half developed (let’s just say the ideas note i have really boomed over the summer and like...yeah). in conclusion, there were many wips ready for me to work on them, including ash heart, which i really want to write but haven’t figured out how to.

instead i started a new wip.

well, it’s not necessarily new, persay. it’s an idea i’ve had stewing since like late september/early october and planned out a good portion of. however, deciding to start it was a last minute decision - and by last decision, i mean that on october 31st i finished developing the barebones of character development and basic plot lol and then gave it a go. it’s honestly been going crazy well. as of today (november 9th), i just hit 21.2k words. i’m hopeful about this year, while also not wanting to jinx stuff, but like...wow. but writing is has made me realize that, wow, this book is going to be crazy long probably...like i’m 21k words in and we’re still like in the exposition idk what’s going on. but hey, i finished planning out the rest of the basic plot for it today!!!

right. onto the wip details.

honestly, the only reason i haven’t introduced this wip is because a) i want actual stuff done on it and like a proven commitment, because i feel like too often i introduce wips i don’t actually go anywhere with and i hate it, b) i don’t have a set title and c) i actually have no idea how to summarize this.

the novel i’m working on right now is the first of a projected trilogy. i say projected because i have a vague idea that it belongs to a trilogy, but like not a lot of plot except some vaguely connected ideas that should happen in the future. in it, i used a lot of characters from these violent ends, which i tried to write for camp april 2020, but like just their basic barebones; i changed a lot to fit the story, of course. 

not to sound nerdy, but it is like....harry potter inspired, but ONLY in the magical boarding school sense. of course, right now all i have is magical boarding school shenanigans, which i don’t really like because i feel like it unfairly sets the book up as like fun magical stuff when it’s really about murder & politics & student activism (+ a lot of other things ending in -ism). the whole activism part came from watching the trial of the chicago 7 and i was like, bingo, this is what this story needs. 

kay but ANYWAYS. onto the story. like i said, i can’t really summarize it, but there are lots of themes of classism, feminism, the affect on youth and youth’s effect, manipulative adults, revolution, terrorism, sibling dynamics and found family vibes, like all that stuff...packaged into a magical boarding school off the coast of maine setting...recipe for disaster!

mainly i’ve been writing in ophelia’s pov, because she’s my main girl and she’s problematic, but also she’s trying her best and just having a little difficulty fitting in. some other main characters are her twin brother, sebastian, and two other boys, asriel and vincent, who have an initially animistic relationship with ophelia (& kind of each other?) but it’s like enemies to friends (to lovers?).

anyways. here are some carefully curated excerpts below the cut:

i. vincent and asriel meet on a train (ch. 1)

The boy pursed his lips together. “It’s unusual,” he said, finally. “That’s all.” But he was looking at Vincent as if he was noticing him, which meant he was lying, or at least withholding the truth about something. He added, “You’re not from around here, are you?”

“Do you mean geographically?” Vincent replied, raising an eyebrow. “Because I’m from New York.”

A small glimmer of a smile appeared on the boy’s lips, though it vanished as quickly as it had come. “From the Magical World,” he clarified. 

“What gives it away?” Vincent asked sarcastically, waving a hand across his body. “My impeccable taste?”

“Among other things,” the boy said.

ii. sebastian and ophelia discuss grief on a ferry (ch.2 )

“You and mom talked?” Ophelia asked, surprised. She hadn’t exactly been keeping track of them, but she was sure she and Sebastian had spent much of the day together, as they were wont to do.

Sebastian looked at the floor. “Yeah,” he answered, hoarsely. “At least she wants to talk about Des. Dad doesn’t, and neither do you.”

Ophelia sighed, wondering why, today of all days, her sister was haunting them. Maybe it was because there should have been three people heading to Rijevduct, instead of two. Maybe Mother Magic was reminded of the loss of one of her own. 

“I’ve let her go,” she said. “You should too. We have too much of our lives ahead of us to mourn Desdemona forever.”

“I don’t mourn,” Sebastian said, words uncharacteristically sharp. “But I do grieve.”

“Isn’t that basically the same thing,” Ophelia mumbled, closing her eyes and feeling the press of a headache behind them. 

“Sorrow,” Sebastian said, the word a soft shudder. “And sad endings.”

“What?” 

“That’s what makes a good tragedy,” Sebastian answered. “I read it in a book.”

iii. headmistress alexeyev gives a speech (ch. 2)

“Eight years ago, seventy two students were slaughtered here. Some died on the very spot where you now stand today.” Ophelia glanced down at the floor, seeing the motion repeated instinctively around her as well. She looked over at Sebastian, who had closed his eyes instead, a pale flush meeting the faint color in his cheeks. His throat bobbed as he swallowed, tennis shoes scraping against stone as he toed them against the floor, as if he was shaking something only visible to him off.

“It was a tragedy,” Headmistress Alexeyev continued. “I say this because it is the truth. It was a tragedy, and not one that should never have happened.” She inhaled; Ophelia saw her chest rise, shoulders with it, in a sharp motion before she exhaled, body rearranging itself into poise once more. “I speak of this to tell you to assure you that Rijevduct is safe. I know there have been continuous doubts over the security of this school since that day eight years ago. I cannot, of course, guarantee that you will not come to any harm here. I cannot tell you that Rijevduct is the safe haven you were taught it was growing up; events have already proved that it is, in fact, not as impenetrable as one might think.”

Ophelia frowned, confused as to the line of reasoning. She had thought the whole point of the year of transition was to make sure that Rijevduct was infinitely more safer than it had been—and they had all been under the assumption that Rijevduct was virtually impenetrable until the massacre, which had led to the heightened security measures they saw today.

“I can, however, promise you that I, and everyone here today, will do anything in their power to keep you safe,” the Headmistress said. Next to Ophelia, Briar bowed her head, lowering her eyes and swallowing, the action almost a convulsion of her throat and mouth. Ophelia brushed her hand, lightly, in question, and the other girl just shook her head, looking away purposefully, so that Ophelia lost sight of her face and her sad eyes.

“These next three years will be far from easy. Gone are the sheltered lives where your parents could kiss your injuries goodbye, or sing you to sleep at night. Rijevduct is far from the cold, real world, but it is close enough when it comes to not asking you what you want first. This is an adjustment period. This is learning how to survive—and I will tell you this; surviving means many different things to many different people. You will have to decide on your own what this will mean for you, and how you will apply what you are taught here to your futures. Be wise. Be proud. Be humble. Cry. Laugh. Live. As your Headmistress, I, along with your professors, will be here throughout your time.” She raised her glass, “To the worthy,” and then drank, turning and walking back to her seat, which she lowered herself into gracefully.

iv. sebastian pov! (ch. 3)

There was a dead girl in Sebastian’s first period Magical Theory class. She was sitting diagonal from him, on the Glass side of the classroom, in an empty chair, staring straight ahead at the chalkboard. Sebastian tried not to look at her too obviously, his eyes straying from the open book in front of him to her cautiously, beneath the sleeve of his sweater.

She was sitting blankly in the chair, scraping her shoes against the ground, though they could not leave any scuff marks. Though she was the same faded shades most girls were, Sebastian could make out her pleated pale blue plaid skirt, which brushed around her knees, and the stained white blouse that might have once been spotless, but had been marred forever by the circumstances surrounding her death—objectively, that was to say, with blood. Her dark brown hair fell into loose curls around her shoulders, little silver studs glinting dimly, unable to catch the light. Her knee high socks now pooled around her calves and ankles, revealing a rotting bandaid on one of her knees. One of her tennis shoes was peeling at the toes, looking as if it had been ripped apart. 

Her fingernails had all been pulled off. Sebastian was good at analyzing ghosts by this point; he recognized the bloody flesh and bone of the nail bed. There was also blood matted across her head, trickling down her temple, with bruises covering her body; they peeked out from beneath the collar of her shirt, blackened across her cheekbones with a sunken quality in particular to one of her cheeks, as if the bone had begun to cave.

Subjectively, she was far from one of the worst that Sebastian had seen.

[askroahmmythril]

Smash Universe Experience

So I’ve been in a bit of a bad mental state the last few days, lots of personal stress and such, the tropics won’t shut up, various current year events, etc.  So trying to distract self with various things, and figured I’d try figuring out what my personal history is with the various Smash Bros. franchises.  Note, we’re only counting actual fighters here, not Mii Costume inclusions.  Distraction tactics go! :

Super Mario : I’ve played a lot of Mario games definitely.  I think I missed some of the “New” SMB games, like I never played the one on DS where there were things like the Gold Flower and it was all about getting as many coins as possible.  Also some side games, like I... at least don’t THINK I’ve played any of the “sports” type games like the golf, tennis, baseball, or soccer ones.  Also never really got into the Paper Mario series, only played Super Paper Mario and never finished it.  Also Superstar Saga is the only one of the “Mario & Luigi” RPGs I ever played.  Want to say there are a few Party games I skipped as well.  If we count Luigi’s Mansion under the Mario blanket, I haven’t played 2 (but have a copy) or 3 (want to get a copy).  Still, fairly solid Mario experience under my belt.

Donkey Kong : There are a number of DK games I have played, but probably more that I missed.  I played the original, DK Jr., pretty sure I’ve at least played DK3 on things like Virtual Console or such?  As far as the Country games, I’ve... only really played the first two and part of the third.  I tried DKC3 while I was at Full Sail, but could just never really get into it.  I did play the GBC Donkey Kong game, that one’s good...  I want to try the DKCR games, I’ve heard good things.  Definitely would like to at least get the Switch port of Tropical Freeze and give that a go.

Legend of Zelda : As far as officially sanctioned and remembered Zelda games (we don’t talk about the CDi games, which I never had that system so never played them anyway), I want to say the only mainline Zelda game I never played was Skyward Sword.  I never had a Wii Motion Plus, so couldn’t play that one.  Keep hoping we get a port on Switch so I can try it.  There are some side games I never played though, like never played Crossbow Training, or the Tingle game.   Oh, actually I guess I never played Tri Force Heroes, admittedly not sure how well that one plays as a single-player experience.

Metroid : I’ve played most of the Metroid series I would say.  I think my main gaps are Metroid Prime Pinball, Hunters, haven’t gotten around to playing Prime 3 but I do have the Wii version of Trilogy.  Kinda hoping Trilogy gets a Switch port.  I haven’t played Other M or Federation Force either.  I’m also admittedly a weirdo what preferred the original Metroid to Zero Mission, and probably preferred the original Metroid II to Samus Returns.

Yoshi : I never did finish playing Yoshi’s Story, but I have played Yoshi’s Island to 100% completion, as well as Woolly World.  Also need to finish Crafted World sometime.  I want to say there’s some motion control Yoshi game I know of but never played, but I think I also might be mixing it up with a Kirby game...?

Kirby : I’ve played a lot of Kirby games, though I know I never played Mass Attack, Squeak Squad, Epic Yarn, Canvas Curse, or Rainbow Curse.  I want to say there might have been another one as well...?  Well I know I never played Super Star Deluxe, and there are some of those mini side games on 3DS I never played.  I think there was also one with a clay aesthetic I never played?  Unless that was already one of the ones I mentioned...

Star Fox : The only ones I’ve ever played are the original and 64.  I do have SNES Online, so I can give 2 a try sometime.  I’m... really bad at Star Fox games though, haha.

Pokémon : ......Considering I have an alternate blog for all my Pokémon nicknames, yeah, I think we’re covered here.  I’ve played all main series games and most side games by this point.  I did not play Dash, and there were those three Mystery Dungeon games on Wii eShop that never got released here.  I never played Masters, nor the new Cafe game, and only really played Go long enough to get Meltan and Melmetal.  But yes, pretty solid Pokémon experience.

Mother : Earthbound is the only one I played.  I tried on multiple occasions to really get into it, but just... couldn’t really.  It just never really reeled me in and kept my interest.  I think the furthest I ever made it before quitting was the desert area near Fourside, and I just ran out of steam.

F-Zero : I’ve only played the original and I think maybe the one on GBA a little?  I can’t say it’s a series I’m good at, haha.  And yet the crazy part of me would kinda like to get the infamously difficult Gamecube one.

Ice Climbers : Yep, I’ve played it....  That’s pretty much all we got for that one, just the one game, and yes I’ve played it.

Fire Emblem : The only FE game I’ve played is Fire Emblem Warriors, so... not exactly the real FE experience.  Granted I can’t say I really feel all that interested.  Turn based strategy games like FE, Advance Wars, Wargroove, they don’t tend to keep me interested all that long.  I also have a feeling the permadeath aspect would drive me batty.

Game & Watch : I don’t know if I ever had a legitimate Game & Watch, as in, the actual machines.  However I played the heck out of the Game & Watch Gallery games.  I loved those things.

Kid Icarus : I’ve played the original and Uprising all the way through.  The GB one, Of Myths & Monsters, I’ve only gotten to try that one via an emulation, and it glitched during a boss fight, so I was never able to finish it.

Wario : On the Wario Land side of things, I’ve played most of them I think.  I never played Master of Disguise, not sure if that counts as a “Land” game.  As for WarioWare, that too, I’ve played most of them, though I never played Smooth Moves I think, the Wii one?  I know I’ve played the original, Twisted, Touched, and Gold.

Metal Gear : I haven’t played much of this series.  I played a little of the original NES game, never beat it, and watched my uncle play the original Metal Gear Solid, and..... honestly I think that’s about it.  So not a lot of Metal Gear experience.

Sonic the Hedgehog : I’ve played a lot of Sonics.  I didn’t play 4 or either of the “Storybook” games, haven’t really had access to most of the side games though, like I never played Shuffle, the Game Gear ones, also never played things like the Sega All Stars Racing games, not sure if those count for Sonic or just Sega in general really though to be fair.  I do have a weird choice of favorite Sonic game though, I unironically really enjoyed the 360 version of Unleashed.

Pikmin : Unless you count things like the Gamecube and Wii versions of Pikmin as separate entities, I think I’ve played all Pikmin games : 1-3 and Hey Pikmin.  I have 3 Deluxe pre-ordered as I felt it would be an easier one to record for an eventual project.

ROB : Played one out of the two games he had.  I played Gyromite, never had Stack Up.  Sadly my ROB was stolen long ago from storage.

Animal Crossing : I want to say the only ones I never played were Wild World and Happy Home Designer.  Well, unless you count ones that weren’t released here.

Mega Man : Yeah, kinda think I got this one covered.  I never played the Game Gear one, which.... yeah, looks pretty bad, so I don’t feel I missed out there.  Played 1 - 11 of the Classic series, as well as Powered Up and MM & Bass.  Played X1 - X5, Zero 1 - 3, all the Battle Network games (aside from mobile ones that I don’t think were released here), Starforce 1 and 2 (got 3, just never got around to it, and never quite finished 2), and a small bit of Legends 1 (want to give that another try sometime).  Heck, even played the PC Mega Man 1 and 3.  Think I’m pretty set with this one, haha.

Wii Fit : I.... played Wii Sports, does that actually count?  Probably not.  I never played one of the proper Wii Fit games with the balance board and all that.

Punch-Out!! : I played the NES and Wii games.  I... honestly don’t remember if I ever played Super Punch-Out!! or not...  I know I never beat the Wii game, I stalled out at Soda Popinski.

Pac-Man : I’ve played a lot of Pac-Man games, as well as other retro Namco games.  I had all the Namco Museum games on PS1, loved those.  There were a ton of different Pac-Man games though, so there are likely some I missed along the way.  Probably mostly in the vein of Pac-Man World type games, I don’t think I got to play a lot of those.

Xenoblade : I never played any of the Xenoblade games.  I’m kind of intrigued by maybe wanting to get the Switch port of Xenoblade Chronicles, but RPGs tend to be intimidating for me to get into, the whole time commitment thing.  Still seems like something I might be interested in trying sometime.

Duck Hunt : Indeed, I played it.  I know well the trauma of dog ridicule.  As far as other light-gun games on NES, I did play Hogan’s Alley and Gumshoe.

Street Fighter : I think the only one I ever played was the SNES version of Street Fighter 2 that had the four extra characters, I want to say it added Cammy, Dee Jay, T. Hawk, and Fei Long I want to say?

Final Fantasy : The main ones I played a lot of were 7 and 9.  I did play a bit of the one with Kefka as a kid, but didn’t really get too into it.

Bayonetta : I’ve played both 1 and 2 all the way though, and am interested in hearing more about 3 when we get some new info there.  I can’t say I’m that GOOD at them, but I could at least beat them, haha.  Still find them fun.

Splatoon : I played the original, but can’t play online, so just the single player stuff.  Still need to do that on Splatoon 2, I do have a copy, just haven’t really gotten around to playing it.

Castlevania : I’ve played MOST of the series I want to say?  Mainly some of the 3D ones I missed on, never played the Lord of Shadows games, 64, also notably never had access to the actual Rondo of Blood, only Dracula X.

Persona : The only one I ever played is Persona 4.  I’d be tempted to give 5 a shot if it got a Switch port.  Admittedly I kinda shied away from this series for awhile due to Persona 3 being the main one I’d heard about, and mostly it was hearing about how they invoked their Personas, which was... not something I liked due to personal squick with that sort of thing.  I had the mistaken impression that was how it was in ALL the games as such.

Dragon Quest : I’ve played a bit of some of the NES ones as a kid, but never really could get too into them.  Always liked the monster designs though, so I did like the Dragon Quest Monsters games.  Only got to play the two on GBC though.  I tried the demo for DQ 11... just didn’t really pull me in.  Turn based RPGs are just hard for me to get into admittedly.

Banjo-Kazooie : I played and loved the original and Tooie, as well as the GBA game (don’t remember much about that one though).  I never played Nuts & Bolts.

Fatal Fury : I don’t THINK I’ve ever played a Fatal Fury game.  If so, I have no real memories of doing so.  Still familiar with Terry though, just never really had much SNK / Neo Geo access growing up.

ARMS : I only ever played the demo of the game, not the full one.

Minecraft : I’ve never played it.  From what I’ve seen, it doesn’t look like my kind of game.  Just total open world sandbox / survival type stuff, not usually something that pulls me in, and admittedly I don’t really like the Minecraft aesthetic too much.  Nothing against anyone that likes it, just not really my thing.

[angelofrainfrogs]

A Recollection

Fandoms: The Bartimaeus Trilogy 

Description: Upon finding a book about unexplained events in human history, Bartimaeus recalls one of the many times he and Faquarl were forced to work together towards a common goal.

Rating: K+

Genre: General/Humor

Read on Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28322109 

Note: This fic is dedicated to rat man and was written for the 2020 Holiday Secret Santa in the Bartimaeus discord server. The request was to write something including Faquarl and as I was thinking of historical events to write about, the one included in this fic came to mind and wouldn't leave and, well... here's the result! Enjoy and Happy Holidays!

A Recollection

“So, Nat… any pressing tasks I need to take care of?” I asked, leaning on the corner of the boy’s desk and resting my chin on my palms, staring up at him with wide, imploring eyes. “Would you like a cup of tea? A shoulder massage, perhaps?”

A noncommittal grunt was the only response I got, Nathaniel’s eyes glued to the stack of papers in front of him.

“Maybe you’d like me to go fetch some fresh water from the Thames? I’m sure it only has a few hundred toxins that could kill you.”

Another grunt, this time accompanied with a vague hand gesture to go away. I sighed, annoyed.

“Or maybe, you’d like a kick in the—”

“Bartimaeus, will you shut up?!” Nathaniel snapped, finally acknowledging my existence for the first time that afternoon. “I don’t need anything right now; just go read a book or something and stop bothering me. I have a lot of paperwork to review about these recent Resistance attacks.”

“You know, you could always dismiss me if you have no need of me…,” I suggested, a hint of false hopefulness in my tone. I knew full well the boy would do no such thing, and the withering look he gave me proved as such.

“Ugh, just…” He paused, then pointed to a bookcase on the other side of his fairly large office. “I charge you to go read a book from that shelf over there.”

“Doesn’t work if I’m not in a pentacle,” I said smartly, but he merely rolled his eyes and went back to his work.

I sighed again, deciding to it not worth the effort of my waning essence to harass him anymore[1]. Instead, I walked to the other side of the room and looked at the decently-sized bookshelf, wondering what sort of texts a young member of the British government read in his nonexistent free time.

I pulled one out at random; the title read “Unexplained Phenomenon of the Americas” and had a grainy black and white picture of a forest with some unidentifiable, luminescent creature on the front cover. I opened it to a random page, curious to see what sort of things were in here that could easily be explained by magic. My eyes widened as they scanned the page.

“Unbelievable,” I murmured, reading the heading and date of the event. Instantly, my mind drifted back a few decades, remembering a time I’d been working with an all-too-familiar djinni…

***

“So… where exactly are we meant to be dropping this stuff off?” I asked, one beady vulture’s eye trained on my companion.

“We weren’t given a specific place; it’s up to us to make sure that whatever we do with this, it’s ‘untraceable.’” The other, slightly bulkier vulture[2] said, metaphorically rolling his black eyes. “Weren’t you listening to the instructions?”

“Eh… not really.” I attempted a shrug, a difficult gesture to do with wings, let alone ones that were currently being used to fly. “I was more interested in trying to figure out what in the world this stuff is…”

“It’s none of our concern, is it?” My cohort let out annoyed sigh. “Let’s just find a place to dump this and get back; the sooner we can be rid of this charge, the better. My essence is starting to ache.”

I hummed in affirmation and focused forward, scouring the ground for a perfect spot to release our mysterious packages.

As most would surely have guessed, we only appeared as vultures on the first plane. The packages we were carrying were a bit too bulky to conceal with magic without some complex maneuvers that, frankly, neither of us had the strength for.

Faquarl and I had been summoned together a few months ago, an unexpected surprise[3]. The magician was some shady man living in rural America during the 1870’s. He seemed a bit mad, honestly, but to our dismay had at least enough wits about him to perform a summons with all the correct seals to keep us from escaping our bonds. Thus, we were once again forced into servitude by the will of a human.

He had some sort of nasty hobby that I tried not to speculate about, but I never actually got to learn what it was[4]. Our main assignment was to constantly transfer mysterious packages to and from the man’s farmhouse in rural Kentucky. I hadn’t spent much time in the Americas and was curious to explore, but the constant travel was exhausting… not to mention the company I was forced to keep.

Faquarl and I had never gotten along at the best of times, but being the only two spirits around for miles and connected by the same magician forced us to spend much more time together than either of us would like.

“Can’t we just drop this and be done with it?” I asked, debating whether to just go ahead and let the mysterious package fall to the ground. I didn’t need Faquarl’s permission to do anything, of course, but our mutual charge meant it was best to be on at least somewhat of the same page[5].

“Just wait, Bartimaeus,” Faquarl snapped, and I could hear the snarl in his voice. I glared at him as best I could.

“I’m trying to suggest an easy solution, but you just don’t care what I think, do you?”

“No, not really.”

I gasped dramatically, affronted. “Well! Excuse me for trying to make our lives a little less difficult. You’ve always been so stubborn.”

“I’m stubborn?!” Faquarl barked a laugh. “Remember that time in Indonesia when you had to-”

“Hey, hey, we agreed never to bring that up again!”

“You agreed with yourself; I made no such promise.” The vulture’s face remained passive as stone, but I caught a glimpse of Faquarl’s snide grin on the 7th plane[6]. I grumbled something under my breath, and then a brilliant idea occurred to me. If Faquarl wouldn’t go along with my plan willingly, maybe there was a way to make him follow along unintentionally.

Still keeping partial focus on my wings to assure I stayed in flight, I skillfully reached into the sack hanging from my claws with a talon, took out a chunk of undistinguishable meat, and hurled it directly at the djinni beside me. It missed him by a mile[7], but the gesture had certainly been noticed.

“Oh, really? Now you’re going to throw a fit?” Again, Faquarl rolled his eyes on a higher plane. “How childish.”

“I’m not ‘throwing a fit,’” I retorted. “I’m trying to add some entertainment to this incredibly dull task.” I quickly grabbed another piece of meat and threw it, this time hitting Faquarl in the side. He squawked indignantly as I let out a gleeful laugh.

“Alright, two can play at this game!” he responded, and I managed to dodge as Faquarl lobbed a chunk of meat at me. It broke into two pieces as it fell to earth, and I jerked my beak towards them in a huff.

“No fair!” I exclaimed. “You can’t throw two at once!”

“I don’t recall there being any rules to this challenge.” I could hear the grin in his voice and suddenly a soft, wet sensation hit my right wing. I nearly lost my balance in the sky but managed to right myself just in time.

“Alright, that’s it!” I yelled, and thus the battle commenced.

I’d like to say it was a brilliant affair, full of wild tricks and subterfuge, but it was hard to do much when your only weapon was various chunks of mystery meat[8]. The fight lasted only a few minutes, stopping when we both realized that our sacks were empty. We glanced at the ground far below to see it littered with pinkish-grey dots. Some pieces had landed on and around a little house, outside of which a woman was currently standing with her husband and looking quite frazzled.

“Oh, now look what you’ve done…,” Faquarl groaned, surveying the damage. “Now we have to go clean all this up!”

“Do we?” I asked, and he trained a questioning beady eye upon me. “I mean, our charge was to dispose of the contents in the sacks, correct?”

“In an untraceable way, yes.”

“We’re miles away from our master; I doubt the humans would be able to trace this back to him. Besides-” Faquarl looked about to speak again, but I continued. “Have you been able to tell what this stuff actually is?”

“Well… no,” the djinni admitted reluctantly. I knew he always hated when I was right[9].

“Then do you really think mere humans will be able to distinguish it?”

“…Probably not.”

“Exactly!” I did a summersault in the air, one of the only flashy gestures I could make in my avian form. “So, technically, our charge has been complete.”

Faquarl remained silent for a few moments, desperately trying to think of how to prove me wrong. I did realize that my logic regarding the situation wasn’t rock-solid; I knew a particularly clever human could probably figure out the type of meat, and maybe enough investigation would eventually trace it back to the magician. Faquarl could easily bring these things up, but I knew he was just as tired as I was and presumably wanted go back to the Other Place equally as bad.

“…Fine,” he relented with a sigh. “We’ll go back and tell our master that our charge is complete. But if this comes back to bite us, you’re taking all the blame.”

I made an astonished noise as we simultaneously turned around and began flying back towards the magician’s house. “Now, now, you were a big part of that fight; you can’t go blaming me! I thought we were in an equal partnership here!”

“Only in your dreams are you in any way equivalent to me, Bartimaeus.” I heard the sneer in Faquarl’s voice and wished I’d saved one last piece of mystery meat for a surprise attack. As it was, I merely grumbled back something that I shall not be repeating here, then quickly sped up as my fellow djinni let out a screech of rage and dashed towards me.

A few days after we returned to our master’s house, we were dismissed. I bid Faquarl a not-so-friendly farewell and blissfully returned to the Other Place, not knowing when I’d see my unwilling compatriot again.

***

“What in the world are you smirking at over there?!” Nathaniel’s shrill voice cut violently into my reminiscing. I glanced at the boy to see him staring at me with a pinched expression on his face.

“Oh, just remembering the old days,” I said, sighing wistfully. “The days when I had masters who knew how to buy clothes that fit properly, and to wash their hair more than twice a year—you really ought to take a shower, though, Nat—and who—”

“Be silent, demon!” the boy hissed at me, and I placed a hand to my heart in mock horror.

“Goodness, someone’s in a bad mood today!”

“I’m trying to work and you’re over in the corner giggling and grinning like a maniac. If you can’t be silent, I’ll send you out on your rounds earlier than usual tonight.”

“Alright, alright,” I grumbled, not in the mood to go out into the dreary streets of London any sooner than was necessary. “For the next few hours, you won’t even know I’m here.”

“See to it that I don’t.”

I rolled my eyes as Nathaniel focused back on his papers. I closed the book in my hands, lingering over the cover for a few seconds before slipping it neatly back into its place on the shelf. Then, I flopped down on the rather uncomfortable couch and waited for night to fall, casting my mind back to my most recent encounter with Faquarl a few years prior and wondering what, if anything, the djinni was up to now.

***

[1] At the current moment, that is. I’d be back at it again by suppertime.[Return to text]

[2] Though he would never admit it, I knew the slightly more formidable appearance was an unnecessary but very deliberate attempt to ruffle my feathers. It didn’t work, of course.[Return to text]

[3] Yet surprisingly not unwelcome. Though we considered each other nemeses by this point in time, it had been so long since I’d seen a familiar face during a summons that it was a welcome relief to be around someone I knew, even if we did hate each other’s guts.[Return to text]

[4] I was quite happy about this, mind you; most humans are weird, but some are just plain depraved. I had a feeling this man fell squarely into the latter category.[Return to text]

[5] I don’t need permission from anyone to do as I please, but the threat of a magician’s crippling fire can be quite convincing at times.[Return to text]

[6] Though it was hard to tell exactly what expression his true form was wearing, what with all the writhing tentacles and other assorted bits.[Return to text]

[7] What can I say, I was out of practice. I hadn’t tried to physically fight Faquarl for decades, since the last time nearly ended with my ear being sliced off by a wayward kitchen knife.[Return to text]

[8] Although I did perform some particularly stellar acrobatics in midair in my attempts to dodge.[Return to text]

[9] I, however, rather enjoyed watching Faquarl fume when he was proven wrong.[Return to text]

Notes: The Kentucky meat shower was a real event that happened in on March 3, 1876. For a few minutes between the hours of 11 and 12 in the morning, what appeared to be chunks of red meat fell from the sky in a 100x50 yard (91x46 m) area near the settlement of Rankin in Bath County, Kentucky. There are several explanations as to how this occurred and what the "meat" was, the most popular being the vulture theory, in which a group of vultures regurgitated their meals; and the pieces fell to earth from a reasonable height. The exact type of meat was never identified, although various reports suggested it was beef, lamb, deer, bear, horse, or even human.

[aion-rsa]

10 Best Fighting Game Movies

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Once upon a time, Bruce Lee, Jim Kelly, and John Saxon visited a crime boss’ private island to compete in a fighting tournament and it was awesome. The 1973 movie Enter the Dragon is basically the prototype for the fighting games like Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter. And when those fighting games became popular, they inspired their own movies that either tried to emulate Enter the Dragon or do something completely new.

The ‘90s gave us the cheesy live-action fighting game movies from Hollywood and the animated movies from Japan. There have been several live-action Mortal Kombat movies as well as a few animated ones. There have also been multiple Street Fighter movies, four attempts at Tekken, a trilogy of Fatal Fury films, and more.

Are most of them bad? Yes. But did we pick our 10 favorite fighting game movies anyway? You bet. Here are our picks:

10. ART OF FIGHTING (1993)

Eh…it’s harmless.

The Art of Fighting series is mostly defined by the twist that the first game’s final boss is the main character’s father and the second game’s final boss is a younger incarnation of the villain from Fatal Fury. Take away those aspects and you’re left with a rather lowkey storyline for a fighting game where a teenage girl is kidnapped by a mobster and is rescued by her brother and her boyfriend.

Wait, I said that weird. It’s two different people, I swear! Except in Capcom, where Dan Hibiki is literally both of them merged into one character.

In the 45-minute Art of Fighting movie about Ryo and Robert, who are like chiller and dopier versions of Ryu and Ken, we watch as the duo gets sucked into a plot about stolen diamonds, martial arts criminals, and angry police lieutenants. It doesn’t take itself seriously and it’s a fine, breezy watch.

Ryo’s incorrect hair color kind of irks me, though.

9. STREET FIGHTER ALPHA: THE ANIMATION (1999)

This movie suffers from the same problem as Fatal Fury: The Motion Picture. It features a cast of heroes from a fighting game taking on a villain created for the movie instead of the villains we actually give a shit about. But the movie does also have some brief but awesome cameos (Kim Kaphwan and Geese Howard from Fatal Fury and Dan Hibiki and Akuma from Street Fighter Alpha) to brighten up a less-than-stellar plot.

Street Fighter Alpha: The Animation does at least get by because the original characters play up Ryu’s whole fear about being overcome by “the Dark Hadou.” This leads to some cool animations where Evil Ryu looks like a mindless, shambling zombie but also an unstoppable fighting machine.

The movie’s main storyline is about a kid named Shun who claims that he’s Ryu’s long-lost brother. He too is a fighter cursed with an inner dark side, which is used as a red herring to suggest that Shun’s father (and presumably Ryu’s father) is actually Akuma. That ends up being bupkis and Shun is just linked to some scheme by a mad scientist or whatever.

Probably the funniest thing about this movie is the directors’ infatuation with Chun-Li’s midsection. She’s wearing her form-fitting Street Fighter Alpha costume and there are dozens upon dozens of random close-ups to her lower torso from the front and back. If this were a drinking game, it would kill you.

8. FATAL FURY 2: THE NEW BATTLE (1993)

Of the Fatal Fury movie trilogy, this one is easily the best, even if it makes all the good guys seem like a bunch of overly-serious crybabies. The basic story is that after having avenged his father’s death, Terry hits rock bottom, dusts himself off, and comes out the other end stronger. Good, good. Going Rocky III is the perfect direction for a follow-up.

The problem is that Terry comes off as a bit of a whiner and the other heroes try way too hard to vilify the movie’s main antagonist, who hasn’t actually done anything that terrible. Krauser shows up one day, challenges Terry to a fight, wins, and says, “Okay, when you get better, train and fight me again.” Krauser isn’t trying to take over the world or murder orphans or whatever. He’s just a dude with huge shoulder armor who wants a good fight.

But everyone acts like Krauser’s the absolute worst. Terry starts drinking and falls to pieces while his buddies hope to get revenge. What a bunch of jerks.

While a fun romp, the worst thing about this sequel is how they redesigned Krauser. Gone is his mustache and forehead scar for the sake of making him seem younger. Kind of a bullshit move, considering he’s supposed to be the half-brother to middle-aged Geese Howard.

7. TEKKEN: THE MOTION PICTURE (1998)

This hour-long anime is almost great but just can’t stick the landing. It runs into the same problem as Mortal Kombat: Annihilation where the game series tells a specific overall story but the movie cuts corners to tell the same story. Tekken: The Motion Picture covers the first Tekken while setting up Tekken 3 and skipping Tekken 2 completely.

It means that everything’s well and good until the confusing and rushed finale. Otherwise, the movie is a fine use of the Enter the Dragon formula. Heihachi Mishima has a special island fighting tournament and the entrants include his vengeful son, a couple of cops investigating the situation, a gigantic robot, an angry Native American girl, two feuding assassin sisters, and a bunch of awesome characters who only get about three full frames of appearances each. Really would have liked to see something from Paul, King, and Yoshimitsu, though.

Other than Kazuya being pissed at everything, the best scenes are the over-the-top ones. When Jack does crazy robot stuff, when dinosaurs show up and start eating people, and that memorable sequence where Heihachi catches a hatchet with his mouth and then shatters it with his jaw.

6. STREET FIGHTER (1994)

I know this movie is just a GI Joe script with Street Fighter names pasted over it. I know it’s a cheesefest of dopey ideas and Belgian accents. I’ve long accepted that. Thing is, the movie is still a total blast to watch. What it lacks in faithfulness to the source material, it makes up for with pure camp and ham.

The 16 characters from Super Street Fighter II are represented here, except Fei Long is replaced with the forgettable Captain Sawada. How ironic that the movie star character isn’t even in the movie!

In general, the movie features some head-scratching depictions of classic Street Fighter characters. All-American Guile is played by Jean Claude Van Damme, Charlie Nash and Blanka are the same character, Dee Jay is an evil hacker, Ryu and Ken are comedic conmen, and Dhalsim is a frumpy scientist.

It’s Raul Julia’s M. Bison who keeps this guilty pleasure afloat. He’s to Street Fighter what Frank Langella’s Skeletor was to Masters of the Universe. He gives 110% and his performance is easily the best reason to watch this movie. It’s truly a wonder to behold.

Read more

Games

The Forgotten Fighting Games of the 1990s

By Gavin Jasper

Games

King of Fighters: Ranking All the Characters

By Gavin Jasper

The movie is infamous for inspiring a fighting game based on it, but you know what nobody ever talks about? The Double Dragon movie also had a fighting game based on it made by Technos and released on the Neo Geo. And Double Dragon wasn’t even a one-on-one fighter to begin with!

Anyway, if you intend to sit back and watch Street Fighter, make sure to add in the RiffTrax commentary.

5. DOA: DEAD OR ALIVE (2006)

Enter the Dragon meets Charlie’s Angels is a heck of a concept, but DOA: Dead or Alive is so confidently tongue-in-cheek that it succeeds as an action comedy that’s way better than it has any right to be. Part of why it works is that Dead or Alive has never had much of an overarching storyline, but is more defined by the individual characters (plus, you know, all the cheesecake). Enough of those characters appear in what’s your regular “fighting tournament on a mysterious island” setup.

The whole thing moves with such energy that it’s easy to get sucked in. It’s the opposite of the live-action Tekken movie, where even though the film features accurate versions of all the characters, everything is so drab and lifeless that you just can’t wait for it to be over. In DOA, the combatants spend their downtime playing cartoony action volleyball with Fake Dennis Rodman on commentary, while in Tekken everyone mopes about dystopian capitalism.

Other than Helena’s character being “important dead guy’s daughter,” most of the main characters are charismatic enough to keep your attention during the 3% of the movie when fights aren’t happening. It must suck for Ninja Gaiden fans that Hayabusa is depicted as a total dweeb, but he at least gets to do some cool stuff here and there.

The movie also has Kevin Nash playing a character based on Hollywood Hogan and he’s so likeable that I’m genuinely bummed that he peaces out about halfway into the movie. Luckily, the movie is entertaining enough that I didn’t even notice until after it was over. It helps that during that time, we get more of Eric Roberts, his amazing hair, and his special sunglasses that turn him into the ultimate martial arts master.

Spoiler alert, but the secret to defeating him is, get this, removing his sunglasses!

4. MORTAL KOMBAT LEGENDS: SCORPION’S REVENGE (2020)

It took a while, but Warner Bros. Animation is on fire these days. After that Batman vs. TMNT movie and Teen Titans Go vs. Teen Titans, the studio appears to be hitting more than they miss. That’s exactly the kind of team needed to put together the latest animated Mortal Kombat movie.

This is the umpteenth retelling of the first game’s story. Not only does it have to compete with the first live-action movie, but also the events of Mortal Kombat 9, which depicts the tournament in cutscene format. Fortunately, Scorpion’s Revenge has a few tricks up its sleeve. First, it puts Scorpion in the forefront as the protagonist. He was barely a character in the original movie and the game just had him kill Sub-Zero and feel bad about it for the rest of the story mode. Now he feels like a character in a crossover, making a mark on the original story instead of being put in the sidelines.

We also have the wonderful stunt casting of Joel McHale as Johnny Cage. More importantly, Jennifer Carpenter plays Sonya Blade, which is such a step up from Ronda Rousey’s voice acting in Mortal Kombat 11.

This cartoon has a very hard R when it comes to violence. From the very beginning, Scorpion’s origins are gruesome and grisly. Once Jax is introduced, it doesn’t take long until we realize, “Oh, that’s how they’re dealing with THAT plot point in this continuity.” Then there’s a surprise villain death late in the movie that not only comes as a shocking development, but it’s so graphic and nasty that you can’t help but be taken aback.

Scorpion’s Revenge is a fantastic first chapter of what is hopefully a series of animated movies, but it does have its pacing issues. Scorpion being the protagonist may be a welcome change, but at times it does feel like a square peg being crammed into a round hole.

3. TEKKEN: BLOOD VENGEANCE (2011)

One of the best things about the Tekken series is the endings. While the cutscenes from the first couple games haven’t exactly aged well, these CGI epilogues have become a staple in nearly every installment. What better reward for your time and success than watching a rocking action sequence with Yoshimitsu and Bryan Fury killing each other in the jungle?

And so, to play to the series’ strengths, Bandai Entertainment released a Tekken movie that’s really just one big ending cutscene. It’s not canon, but it feels at home with the games.

Since Tekken’s main conflict is with two ruthless megalomaniacs (Heihachi and Kazuya) and a disgruntled nihilist (Jin), it’s hard to treat any of them as a real protagonist here. Instead, they go with Ling Xiaoyu, who is portrayed as the person who sees the good in Jin and wants him to see the light. She’s given a robotic BFF in Alisa Bosconovitch because Xiaoyu is kind of a tame character and needs someone with chainsaw arms and a jetpack to liven things up.

The first hour or so is good enough to keep your attention and its lightened up by a couple appearances by Tekken’s best character, Lee. But once it gets to the third act, it just becomes a completely awesome Heihachi vs. Kazuya vs. Jin fight, with Xiaoyu taking a backseat to watch all the crazy shit going on. It’s a full-on fireworks factory, as we not only see Devil forms of Kazuya and Jin but a very special final form for Heihachi that’s a true delight for Tekken fans.

2. STREET FIGHTER II: THE ANIMATED MOVIE (1994)

Let it be said that for someone who grew up in the ‘80s and ‘90s, finding a faithful cartoon adaptation of a video game property was not easy. Link and Simon Belmont were unlikable sexual harassers. Mega Man was a more annoying sidekick than Scrappy Doo. Mario and Luigi teamed up with Milli Vanilli. Power Team was…a thing. When we got an animated movie based on Street Fighter II, it was mind-blowing. This was a movie where the very first scene was Ryu tearing Sagat’s chest into a bloody gash thanks to a well-animated Shoryuken.

There’s a lot going on in this movie, but at the same time, nothing is going on. By this point, there were 17 characters in the various Street Fighter II games, and outside of a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it Akuma cameo, it feels the need to include every single one of them. Some get minor roles, like Cammy and Dee Jay. Then there’s Zangief and Blanka, who fight each other for no reason other than for the sake of giving them something to do. Even Ryu vanishes for a huge chunk of the runtime.

Once everything funnels into the third act, this movie is great. And the earlier fight scenes are straight fire too, including the memorable Chun-Li vs. Vega brawl. Even though the movie already feels true to Street Fighter II, it’s even better when you realize that it’s all supposed to be a prequel to the game itself.

Or at least I hope so. Otherwise, all Sagat gets to do is get his ass kicked by Ryu and get chewed out by Bison.

1. MORTAL KOMBAT (1995)

The stars truly aligned for this one. Mortal Kombat Mania was at its peak, so it makes sense that this movie was a retelling of the first game’s story with added aspects from the second game, all while hyping up the arcade release of the third game. CGI was such a novelty in Hollywood in the ’90s that even if it looked primitive, it still looked cutting edge at the time. It was the perfect time to release this movie.

But Mortal Kombat isn’t perfect. Reptile is embarrassing. Scorpion and Sub-Zero being relegated to goons still stings. I still roll my eyes at the part towards the end where Sonya is suddenly the damsel in distress and Raiden flat-out verbally buries her by saying she couldn’t beat Shang Tsung in a million years. Otherwise, it’s the perfect storm of ‘90s action garbage.

There are so many over-the-top and charismatic performances here. Johnny Cage, Raiden, Shang Tsung, Kano, and even Goro are a blast to watch. All 10 characters from the original game are given something to do and, most importantly, they realize how uniquely weird the game’s story is and actually dive headfirst into it. The movie isn’t embarrassed to be a Mortal Kombat movie but handles itself well enough that we aren’t embarrassed to be watching a Mortal Kombat movie.

Even with a PG-13 rating, the movie was violent enough. Kano talked up seeing a pile of frozen guts in the wake of a Sub-Zero fight, Scorpion got his skull sliced apart with demon brain goo spewing all over the place, and Shang Tsung got impaled to death.

With the reboot being rated R, going for the gore could very well be the right route to go, but for the love of the Elder Gods, don’t forget to have FUN. All I’m saying is, if even Johnny Cage isn’t hamming it up, then what’s the point?

The post 10 Best Fighting Game Movies appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[camillemontespan]

intoxicated thoughts [drake x camille] [2/2]

First part here if you want to catch up

This was meant to be a one shot but @fromthedeskofpaisleybleakmore​ said we needed to have a follow up! So here’s the follow up! I might do another one of these, like a trilogy, but I’ve promised myself to stop doing lots of series. But if you guys want another follow up, let me know because I do have ideas. 

Warnings: Swearing, alcohol abuse

I’ve taken events from TRR1 and changed them, made them better in my opinion (lol I’m kidding). 

@moonlightgem7 @jovialyouthmusic​ @ibldw-main​ @burnsoslow​ @sirbeepsalot​ @dcbbw​ @saivilo​ @pug-bitch​ @loveellamae​ @walkerswhiskeygirl​ @gardeningourmet​ @katedrakeohd​  @mskaneko​ @of-course-i-went-to-hartfeld​ @emichelle​

*******************************************************************************

Drake woke up bleary eyed. As his vision adjusted to the light of the room, he swallowed and gagged - his mouth tasted like something had died in there.

Turning his head, he realised he wasn't in his own bedroom. Wherever he was, it was not his private space.

What did I do last night?

The bedroom was clean and tidy. There was a dressing table with a make up stand om the surface and a purple dress hanging up against the wardrobe.

I'm in a woman's room. Oh god. Please don't be Madeleine, please don't be Madeleine..

He jumped when the bathroom door opened and out stepped Camille. She looked at him and gave him a weak smile.

'Hey Drake,' she greeted him. 'How are you feeling?'

Drake stared at her in horror.

I'm in Camille Montespan's bed. I have fucking woken up in her bed and I don't know how I got here.

'Um.. What am I doing here?' he croaked.

Camille sat down on the edge of the bed. 'You came to my door last night, hammered,' she told him. 'You said you had something important to tell me..'

Drake frowned then realisation dawned on him. Camille noted the haunted look on his face and reached out to touch his hand - Drake quickly moved it out of her reach. His mind was racing. He could remember now.

Fuck. I nearly blew it. I was gonna tell her i has feelings for her. Jesus Christ, I'm a fucking idiot. She's in a competition to marry my best friend and here I go, traipsing to her room to declare feelings. Shoot me now. Just fucking shoot me now.

Camille cleared her throat. 'Drake? You okay? Do you remember what you were going to tell me? It sounded serious.'

Drake shook his head fiercely. 'Nope,' he said simply. 'Can't remember Montespan. I was drunk. Probably was going to regale you about a new whiskey I'd found.'

He turned away, too embarrassed to look at her. He didn't notice the disappointed expression that passed over her face.

'Oh,' she muttered. 'Okay. You just seemed quite upset. Like you threw up -'

'I threw up?!' Drake cried. 'Aww man, Camille, I'm so sorry. Jesus. Was it bad? Was it really really bad?'

Camille shrugged. 'Nothing a deep clean couldn't fix.'

Drake turned bright red with mortification. He had thrown up in front of Camille Montespan. He had embarrassed himself.

Would Liam throw up in front of the woman he liked? Probably not since Liam rarely got drunk and was a gentleman. Liam didn't randomly show up in the night and proceed to vomit everywhere. Liam probably never vomited. But Drake Walker did.

What. A. Catch.

So we're leaving for Applewood in an hour..' Camille said delicately.

'FUCK, APPLEWOOD!' Drake shouted, bolting up in the bed. 'Gah, I need to get ready!'

He untangled himself from the bed covers and stood up, promptly slumping back down again. The room was spinning.

'Oh god..' He groaned, placing his head in his hands. 'Fuck my lifeeee....'

Camille handed him a glass of water which he gratefully took. Headache tablets soon followed.

'What happens at Applewood?' Camille asked him.

Drake closed his eyes. 'A lot of bullshit, Montespan. A weekend of never ending bullshit.'

Camille winced. 'Do you want to stay behind?'

Drake shook his head. 'No. I have to be there for you - I mean, Liam. I need to support him.'

Camille nodded. 'Well, you should probably get ready.'

Drake was preparing himself to stand up again when the door knocked. His eyes flew to Camille who held up a hand to reassure him. She padded over to open the door, making sure to shield Drake so the visitor wouldn't see him.

It was Bertrand and Maxwell.

'Little Blossom!' Maxwell trilled, his high voice piercing Drake's ears.

'Hey Max,' Camille said. 'Hi Bertrand.'

'Can we come in or are we not allowed to grace you with our presence?' Bertrand asked dryly.

Maxwell wrinkled his nose. 'I can smell sick..'

Drake wanted to die.

'Yeah I've been unwell,' Camille lied. 'Was sick last night, very disgusting -'

Okay, now Drake wanted to die.

Bertrand was instantly on high alert. 'Camille, you simply cannot be unwell for Applewood! This weekend is of vast importance, it could make or break your place in the competition!'

Camille waved a hand. 'I'm fine now.'

Bertrand instantly calmed down and went back to being collected and serious. 'Can we come in then?'

Camille, realising she had no choice, backed away to let the Beaumonts inside. Drake threw the duvet over him in a bid to hide but it didn't work. Maxwell clocked him.

'Drake?!' he squealed. 'Why are you in Camille's bed?'

Drake turned red. Camille closed her eyes, counting to ten, waiting for Bertrand to blow up.

Bertrand blew up in 3 seconds.

'Camille, what is the meaning of this?!' he thundered. 'Why is Drake Walker in your bed? Were you hiding him?! Why? What have you both done?'

Before Camille could protest, Drake dragged himself out of the bed and stood up, ignoring the spinning room. 'It's fine, Bertrand,' he said. 'Look, I'm fully clothed. I just got drunk last night and Camille looked after me. That's all.'

Bertrand narrowed his eyes and stalked over to Drake, examining him. 'Funny that you couldn't look after yourself in your own room..' He muttered.

He drew back and said grandly, 'Camille doesn't need any more distractions. She needs to focus on winning Liam's heart, do you understand?'

Drake nodded. Camille moved forward and stood beside Drake to defend him.

'Bertrand, he's my friend, not a distraction!' she protested. 'He was really unwell last night. It was my decision to look after him. I can assure you I'm prepared for this weekend -'

'You have another man in your bed!' Bertrand cried.

'Fully clothed!' Camille shot back. 'Nothing happened. And FYI, even if something did, I wouldn't tell you because it wouldn't be your business!'

Bertrand's lip curled. He moved closer to Camille and hissed, 'Miss Montespan. While you are in my care and representing my house, it is my business.'

Drake moved forward and stepped in front of Camille to face Bertrand. 'Don't talk to her that way,' he growled.

He felt Camille place her hand on his in an attempt to ground him.

Bertrand stepped back and gave Drake and Camille a simpering smile. 'Be ready in thirty minutes, Camille!' he told her. Camille nodded and took her dress to the bathroom so she could change.

When the door locked behind her, Bertrand was back in Drake's face.

'Do not ruin her chances,' he whispered, pointing in Drake's face. 'She is the Beaumont's only chance to save our reputation. Abandon any hopes you have that she will return your feelings -'

'I don't have feelings,' Drake lied.

Bertrand bulldozed through, ignoring his protests. 'Abandon the silly notion that she might return your feelings. It won't happen. She is the front runner in this competition. I'm not saying this to bring you down, Drake, I'm telling you this so you can face reality. If all goes well today, she will be the favourite and Liam will choose her in a few months. She will marry him. So stop ending up in her bedroom and stop defending her and stop acting like the lovesick puppy that you actually are. Just put your feelings in a box and accept reality. Can you do that?'

Drake thought of the whiskey bottle he used to ignore his feelings for Camille.

'Trust me, Bertrand,' he said coolly, 'I can do that.'

*********************************************

Horse riding.

That was the first activity the court had to take part in at Applewood. They were to ride along the cliff side, taking in the views and try to show off their best riding skills.

Drake instantly wished he could jump off the cliff and plunge to his much welcome death.

He shakily clambered onto the horse he was given and held the reins tight. As soon as he settled on the saddle, he knew this was a recipe for disaster. Hangovers and horses shouldn't mix.

His horse was called Rebel and he looked just as reluctant as Drake to begin the festivities. As Drake looked around, he could see Liam at the front astride his white horse, Prince. He was talking to Olivia who had sidled up to ride alongside him.

Camille and Hana were on their horses beside each other. While the other ladies had chosen to wear proper riding uniform, Camille, Drake noticed, had not.

Oh god. They're gonna eat you alive, kid, he thought to himself.

Camille was wearing jeans and a black vest top. To Drake, that was perfectly reasonable riding attire but then again, Drake never wore riding gear. But he knew the other suitors would be looking at Camille and judging her.

Bitches.

Liam signalled for the ride to begin. Drake held on to his horse, praying he wouldn't throw up again. He had a feeling Rebel wouldn't appreciate it.

For ten minutes, Drake concentrated hard on not falling off the horse.

He was actually a good rider which always surprised people. However today, his skills left a lot to be desired.

'Just go slow,' he whispered to Rebel. 'Nice and slow..'

'Hey Drake!'

He jumped at the sound of Camille's voice. He hadn't noticed that she had stopped riding so she could wait for him. Drake was at the very back of the group, depressingly so.

'Montespan,' he greeted her.

Camille began to ride alongside him. 'Meet Coconut,' she said, gesturing to her white horse. 'Isn't she pretty?'

Drake smiled. 'This is Rebel. He's not pretty. He's handsome.'

The horse wickered in response. Camille let out a surprised giggle. 'Drake Walker, are you joking with me?'

Drake rolled his eyes. 'I am capable of joking around, Montespan.'

Camille grinned and they rode together in comfortable silence until Drake broke it. For some reason, he always had to keep talking to her. With anyone else, he was happy not to talk. With Camille, not so much.

‘How come you’re riding with me?’ he asked. ‘You should be up near the front with Liam.’

Camille shrugged. ‘I don’t want to ride near Liam,’ she told him honestly. ‘Besides..’ she gave Drake some serious side eye. ‘Someone’s got to make sure you don’t fall off your horse.’ 

Drake smirked. ‘How kind of you.’

Camille stuck her tongue out at him before turning to look out over the horizon. Drake watched her for a moment, studying the way the sunlight hit her cheekbones, highlighting her skin. Her eyelashes cast long shadows across her face and the corner of her mouth was always upturned, as if she was always smiling. It was one detail Drake had noticed about her. He loved it. 

Camille caught him looking. Taken aback, Drake looked away hastily but in his flustering, he lost his grip and slipped to the side of his horse. 

‘Jesus, Drake!’ Camille shouted, catching him by the arm and hauling him back up. Drake turned bright red. Tomato red. 

‘Oops.’

Camille stared at him, aghast. ‘You realise I was joking about you falling off the horse, right? That wasn’t permission to start throwing yourself off it!’

‘You caught me by surprise!’ Drake protested. 

‘How?!’

‘I was looking at you and then you looked at me and it surprised me!’ Drake burst out, instantly regretting his admission. Camille pulled on Coconut’s reins to stop the horse from moving forward. 

There was a very awkward silence. 

‘You were looking at me?’ she asked. 

Drake looked down at his hands, then away to the view of the ocean below the cliff. He didn’t answer. 

Camille bit her lip and moved Coconut so she could move closer to Drake. 

‘Drake, why did you come to my room last night?’ she whispered. ‘You’re keeping something from me. Just be honest.’

‘I told you, I don’t know why I came to your room,’ Drake replied, his tone blunter than he intended. 

‘I think you’re lying,’ Camille said. 

‘Camille, why do you even care?’ Drake asked, losing patience. He didn’t like the third degree. He didn’t want to say something he shouldn’t. He didn’t want to be honest. It wasn’t the time to be honest. For one thing, he wasn’t drunk. Drunk Drake was more confident when it came to honesty. Sober Drake was considering suicide by cliffdiving. 

‘I care because you clearly got wasted last night and you turned up at my door and said we needed to talk!’ Camille burst out, exasperation filling her voice. ‘You looked really upset! I thought we were friends? I thought we could talk about things, you know? We talk when we go to dive bars and shit, so what’s the difference now? What’s bothering you so much? What is causing you to drink until 3am on a Wednesday night?’

Drake’s jaw set. 

You. You are the reason why I drink till 3am on a Wednesday night. 

But he didn’t say that. Instead, he jutted his chin out in the direction of the group who were now miles away from them. ‘You better catch up with the group or Bertrand will give you grief,’ he told her, his voice cold. ‘God forbid his reputation goes down the drain because you couldn’t perform well at a riding event.’ 

Camille narrowed her eyes. Drake was surprised when she leaned close, her nose practically touching his. ‘I knew Bertrand upset you,’ she hissed. ‘But just know that those are his thoughts, not mine.’

Drake blanched at her sudden fierceness. Camille drew back and kicked Coconut gently in the sides, telling the horse to go. Drake watched her ride off to join the rest of the group, leaving him feeling sick in his stomach and this time, not from alcohol.

***************************************************************

Best way to cure a hangover is hair of the dog. 

Double measure of whiskey. Yes, delicious. 

I couldn’t sleep again tonight. Why? Funnily enough, because of you. For once, it wasn’t because I dreamt of you, oh no. I haven’t even been to sleep, Camille. I’ve laid awake for four hours, staring at the ceiling, thinking about our last exchange, wishing I had just thrown myself off the fucking cliff before I even got on that damn horse. 

I’ve never seen you angry before. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. I just got scared.  I felt cornered and I didn’t want to be honest with you because it wasn’t the right time.

It’s never the right time. For one thing, you’re in a competition to marry my best friend and you’ll probably marry him which means it will never be the right time to tell you how I feel. 

You make me smile. Like, I feel happy when I hang out with you. I felt happy riding our horses together today until I ruined it. I could’ve done without the hangover but in a way, your presence made it easier for me.

You watch out for me. You have my back. When I was at the back of the riding group, clearly suffering, you waited for me and kept me company. Was it pity? Or are you just a good person? The world could do with more good people so I sincerely hope it’s the latter. Also I’d hate for you to pity me.

See, I act like I don’t give a fuck about what people think of me but I do. I suppose when I was younger, I didn’t care, but as soon as my dad died, sister left, mom left.. Well, I started to think it was me. Like it was my fault. That nobody wanted to be near me.  Then the other courtiers act like I’m the shit on their shoe and I started to believe it. 

Pathetic, huh?

Another drink…

So, when I start hanging out with you, I want you to like me. But in the back of my mind, I keep thinking you’ll leave. Or you’ll choose to be with Liam. Why would you reject a prince for a pauper? Exactly. You wouldn’t. Nobody would. 

Camille, I expect you to leave me at some point because that’s what everyone else does. 

Why set myself up for disappointment?

Another drink.. Damn, I’m running out of this bottle..

**********************************************************

Continuing with my self loathing… I have walls. I know I do. I hate myself for it. But walls protect you, that’s the point. In this court, it’s every man for himself and I’ve learned the hard way not to trust anyone. 

I can look after myself. 

But sometimes, it’s nice to think I don’t have to just be alone. I like to think we’re friends. I like to think we could be more than that. In my dreams of you, you sometimes leave the suitor competition.  Other times, you marry me. It’s ridiculous, I know. 

I’m only human, Camille.

We all just want to be a little less lonely. 

***************************************************

Whiskey is the best motherfuckin’ drink on the planet.  

Dad used to drink it all the time. Can totally see why. 

But I’ve run out of this bottle now so I’mma look around for another. I’ve got one somewhere, sure of it.

**************************************************

Jesus, this bottle is fucking dusty. 

Double measure please. Block out all thoughts of Camille. No, Walker, don’t even think of her name no matter how damn pretty it is, DON’T THINK IT.

Camille, you so pretty. I love your eyes. They’re brown with gold flecks, like an owl. Have you noticed that? I think they’re astonishing. I KNOW. Isn’t that the best word to describe your eyes? Astonishing! 

I’d love to look into your eyes and tell you that but that would be weird and creepy so I’ll just settle for thinking about them.

I miss you.

I’m sorry we argued. I’m an asshole. I’m the shit on your shoe. I don’t deserve your friendship. Fuck, I actually don’t want us to be friends, I want us to be more than that! I want to be able to call you my girlfriend and go on proper dates with you and kiss you and tell you everyday how beautiful I think you are, inside and out, and how I love your laugh and I love your smile and I love the smell of your hair and I love how kind you are and funny and cute..

I miss you.

*************************************************

Camille earmarked her book and set it down so she could open the door. Glancing at the clock, she could see it was midnight. See if it was Bertrand coming to shout at her for looking after Drake, he had another thing coming.

It was Drake.

Clearly, he hadn’t learned his lesson from the night before. His eyes were bloodshot and red rimmed. He looked drunk. He smelled of whiskey. 

‘Drake, come on..’ Camille chastised him. ‘Again?’

Drake’s shoulders slumped and he turned to go. Feeling guilty, Camille reached out to take his arm and guided him into the bedroom. She gently sat him down on the edge of the bed and kneeled down so she could look him in the eyes properly.

‘Drake,’ she whispered. ‘Talk to me. What’s bothering you?’

Drake’s eyes welled up with tears. Shocked at this uncharacteristic reaction, Camille reached out to pull him into her and wrapped her arms around his neck. ‘Shhh..’ she soothed him. 

‘I’m sorry,’ he mumbled against the crook of her neck. ‘I’m sorry. I was an asshole earlier.’

Camille shook her head. ‘No, I was.’

She wiped his wet cheeks and looked him in the eyes again. He smiled sadly. ‘Your.. your eyes look like an owl’s,’ he whispered. ‘They’re astonishing.’

Camille blinked but her surprise soon faded and she smiled softly. ‘Your eyes are astonishing too, Drake. You know in some lights, they turn a different colour?’ 

Drake chuckled. ‘I.. I didn’t know that.’

Camille grinned. ‘Well, now you do.’

********************************************************

They spent the next hour curled up under the duvet. Drake, still half-drunk, let his arm fall around her shoulders as she sat propped up against him, reading her book. Sometimes, she would laugh and Drake would ask what was funny so she would read out a sentence or two. 

They didn’t comment on how intimate this was.

Tomorrow, they would continue as normal, playing their parts at Applewood. Camille would pretend to be a suitor wanting to marry Liam. Drake would pretend to be the best friend doing Liam a favour by hanging out with her.  They each had a script to follow. They could slip into these roles like putting on a coat.  They could just as easily take the coat off. 

As Camille read aloud and Drake listened, he realised in his drunken haze that this was like one of his dreams. Except, this time, it was reality.

[maxsmusicmacrology]

Album Analysis: Best of Crush 40

Halfway through the 90s, everything changed. The PlayStation came out in 94, allowing games with 3D graphics and high-fidelity (for the time, that is) audio. Big Red came hopping onto the scene with Super Mario 64 in 96, and Sonic Adventure came onto the scene at the very end of 98. As a latecomer to the 3D party, arriving over 2 years after Mario had such a successful romp, they needed something special. They needed…

Children’s media! I’m of the opinion that there are two main categories that children’s media can fall into: there’s media that is specifically made for children, like Blue’s Clues or Peppa Pig or those licensed Sesame Street games. Then there’s kid-friendly media that, while made for and marketed towards children, can still appeal to adults. This would be most Pixar movies, shows like Phineas and Ferb, and the object of today’s article, the Sonic franchise.

While there’s some pretty huge differences between children’s media and kid-friendly media, one thing they both have in common is the goal of teaching children a moral lesson. With varying degrees of success. This can be something simple like “stealing is bad”, but oftentimes there’s some greater nuance, like how the protagonist of Inside Out learns to value sadness and other “negative” emotions. But when working with hardware that has some intense limitations, like the NES or Sega Genesis, telling a complex story isn’t easy, which is why Save the Princess plots (Super Mario Bros., The Legend of Zelda, the opening to Final Fantasy) were so common: it allowed for a moral hero without requiring any deeper discussion. Sonic the Hedgehog went with a bit more of an environmentalist message- saving animals from an evil scientist- which was easy enough to portray in only 16 bits.

Halfway through the 90s, everything changed. The PlayStation came out in 94, allowing games with 3D graphics and high-fidelity (for the time, that is) audio. Big Red came hopping onto the scene with Super Mario 64 in 96, and Sonic Adventure came onto the scene at the very end of 98. As a latecomer to the 3D party, arriving over 2 years after Mario had such a successful romp, they needed something special. They needed…

I’m going to review this album out of order. This is a “Best of” album, so rather than being a picture of the band’s musical vision at any given time, it contains some of their best work from over a decade-long span. What I’m especially interested in is how the music interacts with its respective game and how it evolves with the franchise, so let’s take a look at song #15 first.

Open Your Heart kicks off Sonic Adventure with a bang. It’s the first thing you hear when you boot the game up and it accompanies the final battle. Well, most of it, anyway- part 1 of the battle gets Open Your Heart and part 2 gets generic “tense orchestral music”, which is a flat-out awful decision, but I digress. Tonally, it’s perfect- it starts out tense, preparing you for the fight ahead, and then the guitars kick in to pull you forward. But more importantly… this is why I brought up the moral conflict earlier. The story is simple, so the game leans on the song to deliver its message.

Much of the lyrics are as relevant today as they probably were for most of human history: the quieter intro bit describes various catastrophes, and describes the fear and confusion that follows (much like the one we’ve been living in for the past few months). The song’s chorus is built around a dialectic: Can’t hold on much longer/but I will never let go, but then ends with Open your heart, it’s gonna be alright. Together, these components combine the fear of catastrophe with the innate desire to make things better. It instills the idea that it’s okay to have conflicting feelings about a course of action, then promises that your heart will make the right choice.

Live and Learn is the main theme of the direct sequel, Sonic Adventure 2, and fills the same roles as Open Your Heart. The opening riff plays when the game is launched, the full song plays over the final battle, and it delivers the moral lesson of the game. If Open Your Heart introduces a lesson about conflict, then Live and Learn teaches you what to do when you’ve made the wrong choice. What happens if you trust the wrong people, stay when you should’ve run or run when you should’ve stayed, let something important fall into the wrong hands?

The very title of the song hints at its message- you learn from your mistakes and do better- but to me the line that really hits comes in the second verse. But you can’t save your sorrows/you’ve paid in trade. It recontextualizes all the regret someone feels from a mistake as a sort of currency: it’s not to be saved, kept in your mind and dwelled on- you’ve exchanged it, traded it for valuable life experience. If you focus on the mistake instead of the lesson, you’ll never grow, and it’ll all have been a waste. Not only is it a natural progression from the last song, it’s an absolute banger of a track.

Next up is Sonic Heroes, the intro track to… Sonic Heroes. That won’t be confusing. I don’t have a whole lot to say about this one, it’s not the big moral apex of the game and it’s much more of a title theme than the song the game wants you to walk away from. It’s goofy as hell to listen to, but it always puts a smile on my face.

What I’m Made of is the final battle theme to Sonic Heroes and is, in my opinion, the finale of the Open Your Heart trilogy. Looking at the three songs is a sort of rudimentary 3-act structure: you have the introduction and first conflict, the dark part at the end of act 2, and the triumphant closer. The protagonist takes the lesson they learned through the story and uses it to defeat their opponent. What I have in my two hands is enough to set me free. Use the lessons you’ve learned through hardship to better yourself. The songs form a very nice trilogy when viewed like this that parallels the games quite nicely, and I’m confused as to why they’re all out of order on the album.

That finishes off the Adventure and Heroes saga, and now onto… Shadow the Hedgehog… god. I Am… All of Me is the opening track to the game and also the first song on the album, and it’s so goofy. It tries to be all dark and intimidating because Shadow is the dark and edgy character, who has guns and says “damn” because he has a tragic backstory, and the character isn’t edgy because he’s a cartoon hedgehog and and the song isn’t edgy because it’s a song about a cartoon hedgehog.

That doesn’t mean it’s bad, mind you. I enjoy it, and in a way it’s a perfect fit for the game. It’s like a kid wearing a vampire costume on halloween: they can try to scare you all they want, but the worst they can do is make you smile.

All Hail Shadow is the next Shadow the Hedgehog piece. This one was originally by a group called Magna-Fi, and was covered by Crush 40 for use in later games when the band broke up. Shadow the Hedgehog features multiple paths and multiple endings, and this is the “true hero” ending when the player makes all the heroic choices. This song does a good job painting Shadow as Sonic’s foil: both of them are heroes from this point forward, but while Sonic is more of a classical hero, Shadow is an anti-hero. Somewhere in chaos we all find ourselves/this destruction is the only tale we tell. The game features Shadow trying to recover his memories and find his true self, figure out who he really is, and this is the song that has him rediscover himself as a hero.

Finally, Never Turn Back is the true ending theme for the game, and the last Shadow the Hedgehog song in the album. This is the “moral lesson” song I’ve been on about so much, and it’s a damn good one. It starts with a slow cover that samples I am… All of Me, then it gets a powerful kick that rings in the rest of the song. The message in the song is similar to Live and Learn about not repeating mistakes, but Never Turn Back gives a sense of a much more arduous period in one’s life. If Live and Learn is about recovering from a mistake, Never Turn Back is about recovering from a long series of them. It’s been a long rough road but I’m finally here/Move an inch forward, feels like a year. It’s very much about cutting yourself free of a bad period in your life and how difficult it can be to even stay put, but the positive vibe of the song reminds us to celebrate the small victories. It’s a bit more mature of a message for a game that… at least tried to be more mature.

I haven’t talked a whole lot about how the music interacts with the events of the game partially because this is a music review, but partially because it’s gone perfectly hand and hand with the music so far. There hasn’t been much dissonance between “rock music that gives life advice” and “young-ish hedgehog learning how to live life”. That’s about to change, though, because it’s time for Sonic 06. At the end of Sonic Adventure 2, Sonic declared that he was no one special, “just a guy who loves adventure”. This is when that ceased to be true.

The first three songs we discussed weren’t about Sonic. The singer was a nameless narrator occasionally fighting a nameless opponent. They were relevant to the series, but they could be about anyone. That’s what made them so versatile. His World is the main theme of Sonic 06, and where the other 2 versions of the song existed more to hype up Sonic as a character, the Crush 40 cover was more about the events of the game. As a song, it’s pretty good: it’s a more intense version of the original song, and it’s got a slower but steadier pace to it. But here’s what sets it apart from the other main themes: it’s about Sonic. It’s not a lesson about facing conflict and overcoming adversity wrapped up in an upbeat rock song, it’s about the events of the game and how awesome Sonic is. He isn’t the everyman anymore, he’s an important figure, a chosen one to save the world from this point forward. The music reflects that.

To really drive home this new direction they were going, Sega released two games for the Wii called “Sonic Storybook” games, where Sonic would become the main character of two classic stories: Arabian Nights and the legend of King Arthur. They’re both terrible in… just about every aspect, but the first entry Sonic and the Secret Rings is godawful. The main theme Seven Rings in Hand wasn’t written or originally performed by Crush 40, but for some reason they decided to cover it for their album, so I have to talk about it: it’s trash. It’s a bunch of empty lyrics about nothing with some pretty subpar mixing.

While Sonic and the Black Knight isn’t much better, it at least has a killer main theme. Knight of the Wind as a song is pretty badass, but it suffers the same issues as His World. There’s no more important meaning, it’s just about Sonic being a knight and saving people. It has a few familiar “never give up” themes, but it doesn’t do anything as well as Open Your Heart or Live and Learn. It falls into the Sonic Heroes mold where it’s fun to listen to and less fun to really take apart and analyze. The ending theme (which strangely precedes Knight of the Wind) Live Life samples Knight of the Wind, but that’s pretty much the coolest thing it does. It’s slow and pensive, making a sense of faux-thoughtfulness to cover mostly shallow lyrics.

With Me (Massive Power Mix) is the last Sonic and the Black Knight theme here, and was originally written by Crush 40 and performed by singers from the band “All Ends”. The album features a version performed by the band itself, and the song is unique in that it’s sung from the POV of the game’s villain. As a result, it features a look into a character who walked a “dark path”, weighed down by the mistakes they made. Don’t blame [me] for what I have become. It’s an ideological clash against the values in the other songs, arguing that anyone can be tempted to become evil. It’s deeper than anything in the game, but it’s shockingly good considering its source material.

That does it for the main series themes, but there’s a few others on here- a couple tracks for the racing games, an oddly placed cover of Fire Woman, and a too-slow ballad-sounding original song called Is It You. However, I think I’ve gone on long enough, and I’ve discussed everything I wanted to: how the songs showcased on this album elevate the messages given in the games.

Ultimately, all these songs are mirrors of the game they’re in, for better or worse. For that, I have to applaud the band’s versatility- even if most of the songs are the same genre, they cover a wide range of moods and messages depending on what the game demands. They can write a kick-ass guide to getting over failure or a fun little romp to introduce a game. Even divorced from their source material, many of the songs stand well on their own, and there’s a very good reason why fans of the franchise want Crush 40 to return for future installments.

Videos cited:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJYxYzxFyZw Peppa Pig - Caddicarus (warning: weird shit)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JWYDUYqhlc&list=PL5F29F0909BF08B56&index=15 - Best of Crush 40 Playlist

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=voI-9TdS0Jw - Seven Rings in Hand (Crush 40 Ver)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-HrOjyltyEM - With Me (Massive Power Mix)

[coffeebased]

Hey! Wikathon na! I’ve started reading Relocations by Karen Tongson, about a third through now, but I had to take a little detour through Harrow the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir like I said I would. I’ve finished reading HtN but I’m not quite done experiencing it, so I’ll probably pick Relocations back up tomorrow.

But here’s what I read in July! What’s a segue?

1. Haikyu!! Volume 44 and 45 by Haruichi Furudate

A chance event triggered Shouyou Hinata’s love for volleyball. His club had no members, but somehow persevered and finally made it into its very first and final regular match of middle school, where it was steamrolled by Tobio Kageyama, a superstar player known as “King of the Court.”

Vowing revenge, Hinata applied to the Karasuno High School volleyball club… only to come face-to-face with his hated rival, Kageyama!

And with those two volumes, Haikyū has ended. I’m really glad that my cousin got me to catch up to the series because being a part of the sheer joy and love that’s poured out the fandom these past few months has been refreshing to my spirit. I enjoyed the way Furudate brought the series to its conclusion, by giving all the characters a future and room to grow. I hope to hear more from him in the upcoming years.

  2. Looking for Group by Alexis Hall

I read Looking for Group because I was reading up on Alexis Hall in anticipation of Boyfriend Material, which I will talk about later, and saw the synopsis:

So, yeah, I play Heroes of Legend, y’know, the MMO. I’m not like obsessed or addicted or anything. It’s just a game. Anyway, there was this girl in my guild who I really liked because she was funny and nerdy and a great healer. Of course, my mates thought it was hilarious I was into someone I’d met online. And they thought it was even more hilarious when she turned out to be a boy IRL. But the joke’s on them because I still really like him.

And now that we’re together, it’s going pretty well. Except sometimes I think Kit—that’s his name, sorry I didn’t mention that—spends way too much time in HoL. I know he has friends in the guild, but he has me now, and my friends, and everyone knows people you meet online aren’t real. I mean. Not Kit. Kit’s real. Obviously.

Oh, I’m Drew, by the way. This is sort of my story. About how I messed up some stuff and figured out some stuff. And fell in love and stuff.

And I knew that I had to read it. Immediately.

I enjoyed it way too much. The characters were adorable, the conflict was done well, the geeky gamer wrapper was AMAZING and the author never dropped the ball on integrating the online game into the narrative. It was very readable and I enjoyed the atmosphere of the book immensely. I also may have spent a heady week or so thinking of playing WoW, but I avoided that temptation. Made me miss uni too, and the way my friends and I would spend countless hours with each other.

  3. Boyfriend Material by Alexis Hall

Wanted: One (fake) boyfriend Practically perfect in every way

Luc O’Donnell is tangentially–and reluctantly–famous. His rock star parents split when he was young, and the father he’s never met spent the next twenty years cruising in and out of rehab. Now that his dad’s making a comeback, Luc’s back in the public eye, and one compromising photo is enough to ruin everything.

To clean up his image, Luc has to find a nice, normal relationship…and Oliver Blackwood is as nice and normal as they come. He’s a barrister, an ethical vegetarian, and he’s never inspired a moment of scandal in his life. In other words: perfect boyfriend material. Unfortunately apart from being gay, single, and really, really in need of a date for a big event, Luc and Oliver have nothing in common. So they strike a deal to be publicity-friendly (fake) boyfriends until the dust has settled. Then they can go their separate ways and pretend it never happened.

But the thing about fake-dating is that it can feel a lot like real-dating. And that’s when you get used to someone. Start falling for them. Don’t ever want to let them go.

I came into this book with high expectations after Looking for Group, and my expectations were mostly met. The few issues I had were ultimately negligible, probably cultural differences or conventions of a genre that I’m not familiar with. The characters were strong, and I found the book funny. I know it sounds as though I’m damning it with faint praise, so I’ll say it plainly: it was an enjoyable read and I was totally invested in the romance. I think it’ll make a really good film as well.

4. The Subtweet by Vivek Shraya

Everyone talks about falling in love, but falling in friendship can be just as captivating. When Neela Devaki’s song is covered by internet-famous artist Rukmini, the two musicians meet and a transformative friendship begins. But as Rukmini’s star rises and Neela’s stagnates, jealousy and self-doubt creep in. With a single tweet, their friendship implodes, one career is destroyed, and the two women find themselves at the center of an internet firestorm.

Celebrated multidisciplinary artist Vivek Shraya’s second novel is a stirring examination of making art in the modern era, a love letter to brown women, an authentic glimpse into the music industry, and a nuanced exploration of the promise and peril of being seen.

If you’re a millennial and if you’ve ever had complicated friendships, this book will ring really true for most of it, I think. I kept wincing at the characters’ actions and “mistakes”, recognising them as things I or my friends have done, but there are portions of the story that I found inaccessible because Neela, the main character, just seems really opaque even when they’re the ones speaking. The music Shraya made as a companion to the book slaps and can be found here.

  5. Empowered 11 by Adam Warren

Costumed crimefighter Empowered finds herself the desperate prey of a maniacal supervillain whose godlike powers have turned an entire city of suprahumans against her.

Not good! Outnumbered and under siege, aided only by a hero’s ghost, can Emp survive the relentless onslaught long enough to free her enslaved teammates and loved ones, or is this–*gulp*–The End?

From comics overlord Adam Warren comes Empowered, the acclaimed sexy superhero comedy–except when it isn’t, as in this volume’s no-nonsense, wall-to-wall brawl guaranteed to bring tears to the eye and fists to the face!

Warren’s tying up a lot of loose ends and answering a lot of questions and I’m wondering if that means Empowered‘s ending soon. I haven’t seen any info regarding this, even though the words “The End” are right there in the summary, because comic books always lean on the whole the hero could die! thing, and more often than not they never do. But Emp has come so far in the past 11 volumes, and I think that she’s ready to confront a lot of the stuff that Warren’s only hinted at in the past. Most of Empowered is about how Emp deals with failure and how she rises above it, and recently it’s become about how other people have failed her, rather than how she has failed, and how she deserves better. I’m worried about her, but at least we are another volume’s worth of evidence for the Emp/Thugboy/Ninjette OT3.

  6. Sex and Vanity by Kevin Kwan

The iconic author of the bestselling phenomenon Crazy Rich Asians returns with a glittering tale of love and longing as a young woman finds herself torn between two worlds–the WASP establishment of her father’s family and George Zao, a man she is desperately trying to avoid falling in love with.

On her very first morning on the jewel-like island of Capri, Lucie Churchill sets eyes on George Zao and she instantly can’t stand him. She can’t stand it when he gallantly offers to trade hotel rooms with her so that she can have the view of the Tyrrhenian Sea, she can’t stand that he knows more about Curzio Malaparte than she does, and she really can’t stand it when he kisses her in the darkness of the ancient ruins of a Roman villa and they are caught by her snobbish, disapproving cousin, Charlotte. “Your mother is Chinese so it’s no surprise you’d be attracted to someone like him,” Charlotte teases. Daughter of an American-born-Chinese mother and blue-blooded New York father, Lucie has always sublimated the Asian side of herself in favor of the white side, and she adamantly denies having feelings for George. But several years later, when George unexpectedly appears in East Hampton where Lucie is weekending with her new fiancé, Lucie finds herself drawn to George again. Soon, Lucy is spinning a web of deceit that involves her family, her fiancé, the co-op board of her Fifth Avenue apartment, and ultimately herself as she tries mightily to deny George entry into her world–and her heart. Moving between summer playgrounds of privilege, peppered with decadent food and extravagant fashion, Sex and Vanity is a truly modern love story, a daring homage to A Room with a View, and a brilliantly funny comedy of manners set between two cultures.

This was the third romance novel I read in July, and that’s honestly the highest concentration of romance novel I’ve ever had in my life. I know that I’m supposed to find romance novels like super kilig and stuff, but so far I am just very anxious for romance novel protagonists all the time. I think that the whole thing about the romance novels I have read is that they’re mostly about how deeply anxious people learn how to allow themselves to be loved and that is tough! I wanted to protect Lucie all the time! I was Invested in her Welfare, and I don’t think I cared about Rachel Chu from Crazy Rich Asians half as much, even if you condensed all my attachment from the entire trilogy. Also, small spoiler, there is a hint that Sex and Vanity is in the same universe as Crazy Rich Asians, which I think is awesome.

  6. Trust Exercise by Susan Choi

Pulitzer Finalist Susan Choi’s narrative-upending novel about what happens when a first love between high school students is interrupted by the attentions of a charismatic teacher

In an American suburb in the early 1980s, students at a highly competitive performing arts high school struggle and thrive in a rarified bubble, ambitiously pursuing music, movement, Shakespeare, and, particularly, their acting classes. When within this striving “Brotherhood of the Arts,” two freshmen, David and Sarah, fall headlong into love, their passion does not go unnoticed—or untoyed with—by anyone, especially not by their charismatic acting teacher, Mr. Kingsley.

The outside world of family life and economic status, of academic pressure and of their future adult lives, fails to penetrate this school’s walls—until it does, in a shocking spiral of events that catapults the action forward in time and flips the premise upside-down. What the reader believes to have happened to David and Sarah and their friends is not entirely true—though it’s not false, either. It takes until the book’s stunning coda for the final piece of the puzzle to fall into place—revealing truths that will resonate long after the final sentence.

As captivating and tender as it is surprising, Trust Exercise will incite heated conversations about fiction and truth, friendships and loyalties, and will leave readers with wiser understandings of the true capacities of adolescents and of the powers and responsibilities of adults.

This is a book I could not stop reading and I felt gross after I finished it. I think that I enjoyed it and that the narrative flips were well-done and it was engaging, but Choi writes teenage trauma in 3D, and you can smell her scumbag characters. Very good will never read again unless looking to feel bad.

  Re-read:

Temeraire: His Majesty’s Dragon, Throne of Jade, Black Powder War, andEmpire of Ivory by Naomi Novik

Aerial combat brings a thrilling new dimension to the Napoleonic Wars as valiant warriors ride mighty fighting dragons, bred for size or speed. When HMS Reliant captures a French frigate and seizes the precious cargo, an unhatched dragon egg, fate sweeps Captain Will Laurence from his seafaring life into an uncertain future – and an unexpected kinship with a most extraordinary creature. Thrust into the rarified world of the Aerial Corps as master of the dragon Temeraire, he will face a crash course in the daring tactics of airborne battle. For as France’s own dragon-borne forces rally to breach British soil in Bonaparte’s boldest gambit, Laurence and Temeraire must soar into their own baptism of fire.

I started re-reading it because I wanted to introduce it to my girlfriend, and I outpaced her very quickly, and selfishly. She’s still at the beginning fourth of Throne of Jade, and I feel like I blinked and gulped down four of the books in quick succession. I had to stop myself after Empire, in a very belated effort to sync up to my gf’s progress. The series is amazing, and I don’t know if I’ll ever read one like Temeraire again. Being able to revisit it should be enough, really, because every time I do it’s as though I’m caught up in a strong and wonderful wind that fills me up with delight and awe. Novik’s starting a new series this September, and I hope it’s just as good.

    That’s it for July! I’m probably going to do two books at a time for my Wikathon posts, just to keep things fresh and current, so keep a weather eye out for those posts!

  July, next verse, same as the first Hey! Wikathon na! I've started reading Relocations by Karen Tongson, about a third through now, but I had to take a little detour through…

[kolbisneat]

MONTHLY MEDIA: January 2020

Hey here’s how I spent the start of this fine new year!

……….FILM……….

Parasite (2019) I was so focused on the plot that I don’t think I fully appreciated the beauty in this film. Watching this video helped a lot. One thing I admit (light spoilers to follow...skip past if you don’t want anything spoiled) is that I assumed there would be some sort of genre/fantastical element to the whole film. Because I’ve only seen The Host and Snowpiercer (loved both), I think I expected there to be a genre component to the whole thing. When they go down into the basement I really thought it was heading in that direction, and I definitely felt a little let down because of it. BUT after seeing the whole film, I feel like the themes and narrative were stronger because of how real it all felt. (END OF SPOILERS) I think it’s a film I’d like to rewatch to better appreciate the layers, but ho boy is it an emotional gutpunch.

Jojo Rabbit (2019) Just the best. The structure and (some) of the characters felt familiar, but it’s that comfort that makes the changes or introduction of an imaginary Hitler all the more interesting. Beautifully directed and the shifts in tone are so seamless that I really have a hard time pointing out where they happen.

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (2017) A little late to this but it was as good as I’d heard. It had the pacing, spirit, and lightness of late 90s/early 2000 adventure movies and I hope more films like this are getting the go ahead. Now to wait 3 years before seeing the sequel.

Between Two Ferns: The Movie (2019) A fun road trip movie that dips into scathing commentary on hollywood and talk shows? Absolutely. It worked well in building off of the webseries and the bloopers during the end credits really made it for me. Also I should’ve been playing Comedy Bang Bang Bingo while watching the movie. Anyway it does a great job of balancing the mean with genuine character moments and glimpses of sincerity.

……….TELEVISION……….

The Bachelor (Episode 24.01 to 24.03) It started out so promising (with the Hannah Brown return) that I was really primed for a format-shaking season. Nothing can quite live up to that beginning and it’s doing the show a disservice. Maybe if they just focused on nice reasonable dates and women getting along it would feel more substantial than the contrived fighting and lies we’re getting. I still believe that the most engaging season will actually be the one with the least drama. Perhaps I’m in the majority for thinking this.

The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (Episode 3.01 to 3.03) Reeeeeeally digging this season. Maybe it’s that there isn’t much relationship drama, or because the relationships play a part in the larger plot (as opposed to Riverdale...but that’s another can of worms). The Cthulhu and carnival stuff are offering a nice mix and we’re really getting lots of monster-of-the-week stuff so far. Hopefully there’s more to come!

Swamp Thing (Episode 1.03 to 1.07) It started out strong and moved at a nice pace, but it lost me. Some episodes had a monster-of-the-week, and those were fun but there was a lot more focus on the locals around the town instead of Swamp Thing. I appreciate a Swamp Thing-centric show would cost a looooooot more, but I also think that’s what most of the fans would want, right? Maybe if it was a 4-ep series it could really go all out and make a splash.

……….READING……….

Dracula vs. Hitler by Patrick Sheane Duncan (Complete) The title and back cover allude to a different, pulpier story, and it takes a while to adjust to the less bombastic narrative. The alternate history you DO get is great, and I think it’s because I didn’t mind a story with a hint of vampire set during the second world war. I’d still love to read a pulpy vamps vs. nazis novel, so if you have one then let me know. This wasn’t perfect, but I enjoyed it.

Head Lopper Volume 3: Head Lopper & the Knights of Venora by Andrew Maclean and Jordie Bellaire (Complete) There’s been a shift and a progression across the first three volumes of Head Lopper. It’s gotten more bold with its storytelling, a little more loose with its artwork (sometimes a hit and miss...I frequently go back because I feel like I’ve missed something in a previous panel) and the sheer scale of the world is expanding so quickly. It’s quickly becoming my favourite modern comic that captures the spirit of what I imagine pulp stories to be. Worth checking out vol. 1 if you haven’t already.

The Magicians: Alice’s Story by Lev Grossman, Lilah Sturges, and Pius Bak (Complete) If you haven’t read any of the Magician’s trilogy by Grossman, this is a great point of entry to see if you’d like the tone, characters, and general premise. If you HAVE read the first novel, this doesn’t branch too far the main narrative. I would’ve liked to spend a little more time with Alice on her own outside of what we see from the novel (and Quentin’s point of view) because what we do get is fantastic. I’m not sure it adds a lot of new elements to the novels but take that for what it is.

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time - Legendary Edition  by Akira Himekawa (Complete) As far as a comic adaptation of a game, it really retains a lot of the core components. There are fun asides and elements get expanded further and it reads really well. Adaptations across media can be tricky but I think this is worth checking out if you liked the game. With that said, there’s a bonus story at the end that is so unrelated to the game and core world that it felt like a miss. It just felt like the author had a completely different story to tell and tried to shoehorn it into this property and it didn’t work. So if you pick it up, know that the best ending is the one you got in the game.

……….AUDIO……….

Yo, Is This Racist (Podcast) I’ve only recently started listening to this, but I really dig the format and the hosts are fun. Part reflection on current events, part interview, part commentary on society...it’s just all very good and funny and also good again.

……….GAMING……….

Baby Is You (Arvi Teikari) Never have I felt more frustrated, rewarded, and impressed by a game. I originally thought it was a sort of “there are endless ways to solve each stage!” game but it turns out the later levels have very specific solutions and that changed my perspective. It’s challenging but fun and uses lots of logic and creative thinking and I just don’t know how to describe how great this game is. Playing it on Switch is nice for the ease of playing a level or two before quitting, but I’m sure it’s fun elsewhere as well.

Neverland: A Role-Playing Game (Andrews McMeel Publishing) So I wrote a setting based on J. M. Barrie’s works and it’s getting published! The weekly group is taking a break from the megadungeon to try this out and it’s been a lot of fun! I will post more in depth recaps of the party’s adventures but so far, they’ve found a small village and nearly died to crocodiles.

A Red & Pleasant Land (Lamentations of the Flame Princess) It’s been aaaaaaaages since this group has had a chance to get together but it’s always so fantastic when we can make it work. The game is really getting to the point where the party has done enough that their actions are having consequences and the group...is adjusting to this. Right now they need to investigate a murder that they themselves are responsible for and I’m VERY keen to see how they approach it.

And that’s it! As always, let me know if you have any recommendations for what to read or watch or hear or play and happy Friday.