#part 2?? lmk also i hate derek ahaha

[bensroger]

Feelings - Ben Hardy! Roger Taylor

Summary: Roger doesn’t hate Y/N, even though it appears so. He’s distant and doesn’t pay much attention to her, even though once upon a time they were best friends. However it may seem that he hates you, he knows he doesn’t and it’s killing him.

Word Count: 5033

Warnings: Swearing

A/N: This kind of seems boring at first, so bare with me! I spent a lot of time on this one and it’s kind of long so I hope you at least like it a bit. I know this isn’t really realistic but if I’m honest, which fic is? Anyway, hope you like it! Feedback always helps too! This is a bit different from my writing usually... Also please excuse any errors!

Roger doesn’t hate you. At least, he thinks he doesn’t.

Everyone else seems to think that he hates you, because that’s the way he acts. You yourself are still unsure why Roger hates you. You don’t ever remember doing anything to be rude to him, not once.

You had known the band since their Smile days, and have always been close to Freddie. You both shared an interest and passion for clothes, and you even studied fashion design in college. Once the band starting gaining momentum and became more known, Freddie asked you to be their stylist.

And of course you accepted; It was a once in a lifetime opportunity to see the world, and a great time to be with your friends since you were close with most of boys. Keyword being most. You knew Freddie was capable of choosing their own stage outfits; they all were, but you know he just used it as an excuse to keep one of his best friends close.

So here you were, a fashion stylist for a world famous band, traveling the US with your friends, and having the time of your life.

Brian and John were both ecstatic for you to be joining the tour as their stylist, and they had both grown closer to you. You were constantly around the band, even during rehearsal, acting their audience, cheering when Freddie asked you to. You loved what you did, you loved your friends, and you were happy, except for when you weren’t.

Roger was your biggest issue. He hated you, and that hurt. Brian always told you to ignore his comments or his scoff every time you’d walk in the room. But you couldn’t. You knew Roger better than you’d like to admit. You could tell when he was lying and when he was nervous. You of course knew what type of clothing he liked to wear, and went to great lengths to make sure he liked what he was wearing. However, no matter how much effort you put into him, Roger never seemed pleased.

The part that bothered you most was that Roger used to be a friend. A really close friend, in fact. You had so many memories of him, so many laughs. You talked to him a lot about your issues, and in turn, so did he. He was almost as good of a friend as Freddie back then. And then one day, it was different. Roger barely looked in your direction, and spoke coldly to you. There no more laughs, no more deep conversations, nothing. For many months, you sadly kept trying to talk to him, ask him what’s wrong, tell him you still care about him, but you were only met with eyerolls and shrugs. So eventually, you stopped trying and caring. That was years ago, though, and now your former friendship was simply a faint memory. Roger hated you.

He was a womanizer, flirting with every girl he met and instantly liking them. He could never walk away from a woman without giving her a smile or flirting. But he couldn’t care less for you, didn’t even bat an eye.

Roger never greeted you the way he greeted other’s and the only reason he was around you was because he had to be. You couldn’t but wonder what a hug or quick kiss on the cheek would be like from him. But he didn’t hate you, because if he hated you, he would’ve said something incredibly snide that he wouldn’t mind if you heard. Roger doesn’t hate you because he actually really likes the outfits you make for them, in fact he loves them.

But still Roger knew he felt something toward you, because whenever you walked in the room he’d automatically roll his eyes or scoff, and you took note of it.

Freddie was sitting across from you at table on the bus as you two were playing Scrabble. It was your turn, and Freddie was saying your name repeatedly but you couldn’t hear him. You were looking at Roger, who was asleep with some tall and skinny blonde girl cuddled up next to him, herself asleep, too. You were lost in thought–trying to remember of some awful thing you had done to him.

Freddie looked at you, feeling sorry that you had to put up with Roger. “Y/N, don’t worry about him. We all know Roger is a dick.” He said, smiling at you.

With a sigh and a shake of your head you responded, “You’re probably right.”

                                                       *********

“Why do you hate Y/N?” Brian frowned at Roger, a few hours later, talking quietly enough for nobody else to hear. “All she has ever done is help you and be kind to you. You even used to be friends.”

Roger shook his head and pulled the cigarette away from his lips. “I don’t hate her.” He muttered.

“Then why are you always so rude to her? We all see it, Rog. She only wants to help you. She goes out of her way for you all the damn time.” Brian shook his head.

Roger looked over in your direction, a smile on your face as laughed as something Freddie had said. Something in chest tightened, and he ran his fingers through his. “I’m just not very fond of her is all.” He frowned, facing Brian now.

“She’s practically an angel… Has Y/N done something to you?” Brian said, still pestering him. Roger let out an audibly groan as Brian was still talking about you. You snapped your heard once you heard him, and your smile quickly faded to an expression he couldn’t read. You looked away after a few seconds.

Roger sat there at the back of the bus, he ran his hands through his hair again; one of his tells for when he was nervous or lying. He himself didn’t know why he wasn’t fond of you. Maybe it was because you cared too much for everyone, because you were always so kind and sweet to everyone you met. He wasn’t sure. Roger didn’t know what to say, so his only response was a shrug. Brian shook his head at this.

A few more hours later, and you had finally arrived in the ever-busy city of Los Angeles. You stepped into the beautiful and lavish hotel lobby, taking in your surroundings. You looked over at Roger, the girl from the bus still glued to his side, and you rolled your eyes. Brian came back from the front desk, an annoyed look rested on his face. “They overbooked the hotel… The idiots. So we’ll have to be sharing rooms. John, Freddie, and I can only squeeze into the suite since it’s the biggest so that leaves Y/N with…” Brian paused for a moment, narrowing his eyes. “Roger.”

Roger didn’t say anything, although he was displeased, he figured there wasn’t anything to do in the moment. As he walked away toward the elevator, Brian leaned down to reach your height. “If you don’t want to be with him I’d understand. Any of us wouldn’t mind switching…” He said quietly.

You gave Brian a smile. “It’s just for two nights Bri, but thank you.” You said, picking up your bags and following Roger’s footsteps. You were the only two people in the elevator after Freddie, John, and Brian had gotten off at the third floor. An awkward and uncomfortable silence filled the elevator. “Do you know what floor we’re on?” You asked Roger, pushing your hair behind your ear, something you did whenever you were anxious.

“The eighth.” He said in quiet voice, only looking ahead at the doors in front of him. You looked down at your feet, and softly sighed. There was a ding and the two doors in front of you opened.

Roger stepped in front of, and headed down the hall. You followed behind him, your bags still in your hands. He stopped in front of the door, and wordlessly unlocked it. As you both stepped inside, you froze once you saw the single bed. “Would it have killed them to at least get two beds?” You mumbled. “Whatever, sharing shouldn’t be to-”

“One of us gets the bed, one of us gets the floor, how does that sound?” He interrupted, not giving you a chance to speak.

“Alright.” You sighed. Your eyes darted toward the bed, debating whether or not you should demand you sleep there. However, your kind hearted nature got the best of you once you remember how bad Roger’s back would hurt after some shows. So, with a sigh you said, “I wouldn’t mind sleeping on the floor.”

Roger contemplated arguing with you on that, because he had planned to sleep on the floor, but he knew you wouldn’t make him take the floor. He only nodded, and then threw his belongings on the bed, and quickly left the room to go God knows where. You just shook your head and muttered under your breath, “Asshole.”

You started to put your makeshift bed together, hoping it’d take Roger some time to get back. You threw a few extra blankets you had got from a maid down the hallway. You took one of the many pillows and threw it down, sighing at the poor mess of a “bed” in front of you. There was a knock at the door, and you got up from your “bed,” and prayed it wasn’t Roger and that he forgot his key or something. You unlocked the door and swung it open. “Freddie!” You beamed. “What are you doing up here?”

“Well we’re just all in our room, talking about possible songs, and we wanted to see if you and Roger wanted to join? Although I don’t suppose you care much for lyrics but we just didn’t want to leave you alone.”

You shook your head and let out a small laugh, “Well you’re a tad late, I’ve been alone for the past fifteen minutes. Roger left to go do something…” You paused for a moment, and frowned. “Or someone, I guess. He left without saying a word.”

Freddie said. “Alright, but would you still like to join us darling?”

“Of course, it’s better than sitting than sitting on my so-called bed.” You said, gesturing toward the mess of blankets.

Freddie sighed. “I’m so sorry Y/N. Roger can be such–“

“No, I was the one who offered to sleep on the floor.” You interrupted Freddie. Still, he gave you a pitiful look.

                                                  *********

The boys were, as Freddie said, just talking about songs and lyrics for the album they were working on. You just sat there, fiddling with the gold bracelet around your wrist. Finally, you stood up and said, “Would any of you like something from the coffee shop across the street?”

“Yeah sure.” Brian smiled. Once you got their orders, you headed down to the lobby. The sun was about to start setting, but the heat outside remained. The coffee shop wasn’t too crowded since nobody really wanted coffee on a hot day. The fan overhead spun slowly and there were a few people inside.

At the counter after you ordered and were about to pay, a man behind you reached over and set his money on the counter. “I got this,” he told the barista with a wink, and she nodded and headed off to make the drinks.

“No it’s okay, I can p–“ You began.

“Hey, just let me pay for it okay? As long as you promise to sit down with me. I gotta admit, your accent intrigues me.” He remarked.

You rolled your eyes with a grin. You thought about it for a moment, and maybe making a new friend wouldn’t hurt. “Alright, I suppose. I’m Y/N.”

The man extended his hand to you. “I’m Derek.” He said, a charming smile on his face.

You talked for him for longer than you should’ve. But he was a local, living in Los Angeles for a few months to pursue a career in acting. You were skeptic to tell him about your own job yourself, but he didn’t freak out one bit upon hearing that you were Queen’s stylist. You hated to admit how charming and kind he was, Derek could make you laugh. “Let me show you around the city, the sunset is beautiful.”

You just shook your head. “I really should be heading back, I got these coffees for them and they’ve got to be wondering where I am.”

“Then we could drop them off really quickly. You said you lived across the street? It’ll be no trouble.”

Derek said.

You took one look at him and felt your heart skip a bit. “Okay, I can’t say no to you.”

One the way to the hotel he told you about a big role in a movie he was up for, and Derek’s eyes lit up as he spoke. You smiled at him. You knocked on Freddie’s door and he swung it open with a surprised smile. “Y/N, we were starting to worry.”

You handed him the tray of coffees. “Sorry these might be cold. I got so caught up talking to Derek. Anyway, he’s going to show me around the city, so I’ll see you later?” You said beaming, glancing at Derek.

Freddie gave you a knowing look, and then grinned. “Oh okay, be careful, we’ll see you Y/N.” He quickly slammed the door, leaving you two alone.

After that, Derek showed you the sunset from his apartment building’s roof, and it was breathtaking. You sat there for an hour, looking up at the stars after the sun had set, the sky was so clear. You could talk to him for hours, and you don’t if you craved a new friend or if you had just been deprived of this interaction, but Derek really made you open up.

He took you to a semi-fancy restaurant that had an hour long wait, but Derek said his friend worked there so he was able to get you two in. The night went by in a blur, filled with laughs and smiles and anything that’d make you feel butterflies in your stomach. After that, you and Derek just talked at his apartment, where you actually spent some time venting about Roger and the annoying demands of your job, like working with high-profile designers. They were so snobby…

It was close to 11pm when Derek finally said goodbye, with a kiss on the cheek, and a crumpled napkin with his number scribbled across it. You stood outside your hotel room as he walked away, the smile never leaving your face. Your bit your lip excitedly as you walked inside, your smile quickly fading.

Roger turned his toward you as you walked in, and frowned. “Where’ve you been?” He said, and for a moment you thought he might be worried… But you soon brushed the thought off–That was impossible.

“Just out with a friend, that’s all.” You said, shuffling to your bed, trying to find your pajamas in your luggage.

Roger thought for a moment. “You went out with Fred? I bet he bought you all these clothes and everything.” It was meant as insult, you could tell by the tone of his voice. Freddie did buy you things from time to time, especially things you couldn’t afford on your salary, but you never asked him to. He always insisted.

You took in a deep breath in. “Actually, no. I met a man named Derek and he took me to see the city.” Roger scoffed, and shook his head. “What is it now?” You said, annoyed with his constant judgment.

“You can just say you slept together, there’s no shame in that. I’m not gonna judge you.” He said, amused. You felt mocked, and felt your cheeks turn red.

You turned around to face him, your cheeks still burning. “When I have sex with someone, I actually bother to get to know them first, unlike you. And for the record, I didn’t sleep with him. He took me to dinner and to see the city, as I said.” You spat at him. You picked up your pajamas and stomped into the bathroom, slamming the door behind you, not giving him a chance to torment you further. You looked at yourself in the mirror and let out a sad sigh.

Roger looked at the door you had slammed behind you, and then looked down at his feet, his hands clenched into fists. He didn’t mean to upset you, he never did. Roger hated the thought of this “Derek” making you laugh and smile. Most of all, he hated this feeling he wasn’t used to, the feeling of anger at the thought of you with someone else.

When you finally changed, brushed your teeth, and washed your face, you exited the bathroom, prepared to fight with Roger again. However, you were met with darkness and silence, except for the faint sound of him breathing. You softly and quietly walked over to your own bed, and laid there. You thought about today and your recent fight before falling asleep.

You didn’t dream tonight, instead it was more of a memory focusing on Roger. It was something you had nearly forgotten about, and you don’t know why it arose now of all times. It was your twentieth birthday, and all the boys plus a few other friends were all there. You opened a small box from Roger and Freddie, and inside sat a little golden bracelet, with a heart shaped locket. On one side was a picture of you and Roger from a few years ago at on New Years. He had been giving you a piggyback ride after your heels hurt your feet. The other was of you and Freddie with one of his cats.

“Roger, Fred, it’s so cute!” You exclaimed, looking up at them. The memory was blurry.

“I wasn’t sure if you’d like it at first, Freddie was the one who picked it out. I found the pictures though.” Roger said, smiling.

“I’ll always wear it, my two best friends!” You said, hugging him.

The brief memory faded away as you awoke, the golden sunshine peeking out from the cheap curtains onto your face. You felt in ache in your chest as you looked at the bracelet that still sat on your wrist. Even though Roger treated you like shit now, it reminded you of better and simpler times.

When you stood up, you took note of Roger’s absence, and you were thankful. You took a hot shower, letting the water run down as you tried to push the memory out of your head. You decided to skip breakfast, and took a cab to the venue where they were rehearsing since it appeared the boys left you behind.

You walked into the venue as they were practicing one of their songs. Freddie smiled and made eye contact with as you walked in. “Y/N!” He smiled. “We were waiting for you.”

“I know you’ll want to speak with me about your outfit for tonight Fred, but I promise, it is as extravagant as ever. Just keep practicing and I’ll show it to you afterward.”

“Alright, I suppose.” He sighed. You sat down in the front row, cheering and singing along to their songs, causing Freddie to laugh every once in awhile. Out of the corner of you could see Roger watching you, and glaring at you, but you pretended to not notice.

After a few songs, you snuck off, grabbed yourself some lunch and phoned Derek at a booth before heading back. You invited him to tonight’s show and he was ecstatic, and said he’d be there. Once you headed back, you finally agreed to show Freddie his outfit. As always he loved it. And soon, it was time to get ready for the show.

Roger put on the leather vest you gave him, plus the matching bands he always wore on his wrists. He tried not to smile as he admired the outfit, wishing you hadn’t known him so well. Once he stepped out, you turned toward him, concealing your smile with a scowl. You took the eyeliner and headed toward him. “Put this on, it goes with your outfit.” Roger took the eyeliner from you and only frowned. He opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it. You frowned. “What?”

“I don’t really know how.”

You took the eyeliner back from him, and gestured for him to sit down. “Let me do it.” You leaned in close, marking around his eyes softly. You were oblivious to the fact the he was watching you as you intently focused on his makeup. You were also oblivious to the fact that his heart was beating out of his chest. Once you had finished, he ran his fingers through his golden hair, one of his tells. “You’re good to go, then.” You smiled, walking away to help Brian next.

As the show began, Derek stood behind you, watching the band play. “They’re really amazing.” He murmured. He had his arm wrapped around your waist, something Roger didn’t take note of until later in the show. Once Roger had noticed though, he gripped his drumsticks out of anger, playing more aggressively now, with more passion. Even you noticed the sudden change in his demeanor, and frowned, but thought nothing of it.

Once the show was over, Freddie came over to talk to you and Derek. “Did you enjoy it?”

“As always,” you smiled.

“It was amazing. We haven’t met formally yet, I’m Derek.” He said, extending the arm not wrapped around you to Freddie.

“Nice to meet the Derek that kept Y/N busy last night, I’m Freddie. Will you two be joining us at the party?” Freddie questioned.

You thought for a moment, as you usually didn’t party but tonight was different. “I suppose so, if that’s okay with you Derek?” You said looking up at him.

“Of course!”

                                                       *********

The party was wild, bodies everywhere, loud music, and the lingering smell of alcohol. Freddie had gone off to dance, and it didn’t take long for you and Derek to join him.

Roger watched from a distance as you stayed with Derek all night, your fingers intertwined with his. A different girl than earlier, a stunning brunette now, was chatting up a storm next to him, playing with his hair and flirting. Brian was sitting on the other side of him. “Don’t you think Y/N is getting close with that man too fast?” Roger commented, not paying any attention to the girl.

Brian scoffed. “As if you don’t sleep with every woman you meet? Lay off her Rog, she’s just having a bit of fun, that’s all.” Roger watched as you broke away from Derek and disappeared off to somewhere. Derek headed to the bar, and Roger decided to get up and follow him. Roger pulled up next to him, and although he knew it was a bad idea, he introduced himself.

“I’m Roger, the drummer. I saw you with Y/N, thought it’d be appropriate to say hello.” Roger said, trying to yell over the music. Derek gave him a fake smile.

“You’re the guy she’s been telling me about. You don’t like her do you?” Derek frowned.

Roger paused, and clenched his jaw. “Well actually I-”

He was interrupted by Derek. “Because, between you and me, I don’t like her myself. I’ve been looking for a bitch to launch my acting career, and well, she has somewhat of a platform? She’ll have to do.” Derek sighed, taking a sip of the drink the bartender had slid in front of him.

Roger froze, and that was the breaking point of his patience with Derek. At that moment, he was blinded by a five-course serving of rage that tasted bitter, yet surprisingly satisfying. He reached out. Roger went to punch him in the face. When his fist came in contact Derek fell to the ground wailing in pain, as he tried to shake the aching after taste, upon the taste buds of his hand. Much like coffee, its bitterness drew Roger in to take another sip knowing he would be more awake than minutes before. Roger tackled Derek and held him down so he could not fight back. “Don’t you ever talk about her like that!” Roger spat. As he drew his fist to punch Derek again, you came up out of nowhere. Roger froze and looked up at you, a look of horror upon your face. People around him were all watching.

“Roger! What the fuck are you doing? Get off of him!” You said, trying to drag Roger away. He stood up, and before he could say anything you yelled, “Stay away from me!” Roger looked at you, sorrow in his eyes.

You grabbed Derek’s hand, and helped him up, blood from his hands staining your favorite floral dress. Roger wanted to warn you about Derek, tell you about what a dick he was and how he was using you, but Roger feared it’d only make the situation worse. So he let you go.

At the hotel, you had gotten some ice on Derek’s face, repeated apologizing about Roger. “I don’t know what got into him. He’s so infuriating, I swear! I’m so sorry Derek, this night was supposed to be fun.”

Derek only let out a small laugh. “Don’t apologize, it’s not your fault. I was just explaining that he should treat you better, and then I started to tell him about how much fun we’ve had together already and then…” Derek let out sigh, and paused for a moment. “He punched me.”

You gave him a sad look as you both sat on your makeshift bed. “That’s very sweet of you Derek, I think I’ve been needing someone who cares like you do in my life.”

You both sat talking for a few hours, more laughing, and more lying from Derek. You were fooled, and you started to really fall for the man in front of you. You’re conversations were brought to a halt when Roger came back to the hotel, laughing with the brunette from the party. As he walked in and saw you two, he froze.

You broke eye contact, looking at the floor. “What the fuck is he doing here?” Roger gestured toward Derek, seething. “Get him out, now.”

“No!” You shouted back. “If you get to bring home every girl you meet, Derek can stay!”

“Y/N, I said get him out now!” Roger said, getting close. You opened your mouth to argue back, but Derek tugged your arm, facing you toward him.

“Hey, I’ll go, it’s fine.” Derek said, giving you a fake smile. “Call me tomorrow, alright?”

You only nodded, swallowing the lump in your throat. Derek shoved past Roger to get to the door, not saying anything. Roger said nothing either, grinding his teeth to keep from doing so. “Roger, get out of here. I can’t even look at you.” You said, hot tears threatening to spill from your eyes. You let out a shaky breath, and pushed your hair behind your ear. “Why do you hate me?” You whispered.

Roger knew you just as much as you knew him. He knew your tells, and what you made you anxious. He knew what you tucking your hair meant. Roger was shocked at your words, and only hated himself for hurt you. So without saying another word, he guided the unnamed brunette out and followed her. For that, you were thankful.

You let yourself cry for a little bit, a mixture of anger and sorrow, but decided to move on. You couldn’t help but wonder why Roger hated you so much… You used to be best friends, and then everything just changed. You felt in aching in your chest as you thought of the friendship you once shared. You knew you couldn’t dwell on this for too long, and decided it was time for this long night to end. You laid down in your crappy bed, your back hurting from it last night, and finally drifted off to sleep.

Roger came back to the room a few hours later, careful not to wake you. He was alone now, ditching the brunette as soon as he left the room. Roger had only gone to a bar, had one drink… He sighed as he saw you sleeping peacefully on the floor, and just shook his head. He carefully and quietly lifted you up in his arms, praying you were just as heavy of a sleeper as you were back in college. Roger set you gently on the bed, covering you up in the blankets.

Roger only distanced himself from you because he was afraid. You were an amazing person with an amazing heart, kind to everyone you met. He didn’t want to break you. He knew once he caught feelings for you back in college that you’d feel the same, and that he’d make a stupid decision and ruin you. So, he did the only thing he knew to: he shut you out.

As he tucked you in bed, he saw the golden bracelet from your birthday all those years ago, shining in what little light was let into the room. He decided he was done lying, from you and to from himself.

Because the thing was, Roger didn’t hate you. Not one bit. In fact, he loved you.