#para: masmc

[xtheingenue-blog]

lonely hearts club

who // rachel berry && mason mccarthy @wayoutmason when // monday, october 1st where // chicago, il what // rach & mase explore the city and bond over their disaster existences a/n // uncomplete but wanted to post anyways ~

mason.

Mason linked his arm through Rachel's as they left the art museum; it had been refreshing, and educational, which were once things he would have turned up his nose at, but with the chaos of tour so far - he'd appreciated the relative quiet, and the no-pressure, no strings company that came with Rachel. Plus, she talked almost as much as he did, so there weren't any uncomfortable silences; just thoughtful ones, spent in front of the installments, and even those only lasted until Mason decided that they should play 'keep, screw or toss' for each painting, to judge whether they'd keep a certain painting for themselves, screw the subject, or throw the whole thing away. Needless to say, it was hilarious.  "So what're we feeling for lunch?" Mason asked, double-checking the map on his phone to make sure they were heading the right way - toward the Bean was their only direction, and Mason didn't want to take a wrong turn and end up getting stabbed in a back alley of Chicago. Especially not with Rachel - he'd feel so bad if she got stabbed because he got them lost.

rachel.

To say things had been hectic was one hell of an understatement; Rachel had tried to calm most of the storm down since her fit, but even she couldn't fix everything. She still hadn't apologized to Tina - her feelings were, admittedly, very hurt after their fight - but everything else seemed to be righting itself. She felt better, more comfortable. Happier. "Italian," Rachel demanded, because it was her favorite and when she was feeling any sort of strong emotion, she wanted nothing but carbs and more carbs. "At a cute local place, preferably - I don't want to hit a chain we can go to anywhere." Her nose scrunched up as he looked up options, Rachel leaning over his shoulder to pursue them herself before pointing at one, "here, Bella Notte - it's got a cheesy name, so I'm sure the bread is delicious. You in?"

mason.

Mason glanced at her, quirking an eyebrow. "No, actually, I figure you'd scope it out while I hit the Chipotle down the block," he deadpanned, though the grin on his face clearly said he was kidding. "I never pass up Italian. I love any food I can eat my weight in and barely notice. Plus I feel like we should do a compare/contrast thing for when we're actually in Italy," Mason added with a laugh, leading the way to the restaurant; the Bean was apparently just down the next block, and they had plenty of time.  "Think this is like, owned by Nonna, goes back for generations to the Italian Chicago mafia?" Mason asked as they stepped into the restaurant - it was dim and everything was richly colored and, in Mason's opinion, bordering on tacky, but fortunately Mason lived for tacky, so he just smiled. It wasn't crowded, which Mason was also grateful for; while he was hardly ever upset about being recognized, it was nice to just be a person sometimes. "Two, please," Mason said to the server who greeted them; he thanked her quietly as they sat, and Mason let his attention drift from the menu to Rachel and back again. "You said you'd been to Chicago before, right? With an ex?"

rachel.

It was nice to be with Mason, he could make her laugh with dumb jokes and she never had to worry about if he was making fun of her or not. She could see what Kitty and Ryder saw in him; he had such a genuine heart, it was hard to imagine him ever hurting anyone he cared about. And Rachel was pretty sure she was lucky enough to consider herself in that spotlight now too. "Nathan," Rachel nodded, the name only barely leaving a bitter taste in her mouth - though that probably had more to do with Sebastian's sudden appearance in her daily life than anything else. "He was from Chicago, so we'd come and visit when we had time. He wanted to move to the city, but I could never leave New York. Not permanently. Not even for someone I was engaged to." She chewed on her lip for a moment, debating her next question; he claimed he had no deeper feelings for Ryder, none that would be reciprocated at any rate - but she was more concerned about his feelings for Kitty. "What about you?" she ventured carefully, "any exes whose hearts you've broken that I should keep an eye out for?"

mason.

Mason's eyes flicked up to her, a sly smile on his face. "I object to the accusation," Mason said, playfully haughty, as he set the menu. "I try not to break hearts," Mason said carefully, "and the people I've been with aren't gonna be coming at you with a spork or anything." Mason shrugged. Usually, Mason would leave it at that or further avoid the question, but. But Rachel already knew about Kitty. And that made everything more complicated. "Is that what Kitty told you?" Mason asked, tilting his head slightly as he watched Rachel's face. "That I broke her heart?"

rachel.

"No, of course not!"

She probably objected too fast, but it wasn't what Kitty had said at all. But there was a thin line between discussing something that wasn't her business in the first place and overstepping her bounds completely - she didn't want to betray Kitty's confidences, but if Mason liked her and was holding back -

"I can just tell, how she talks about you. She cares about you a lot. But as fun as you are, you keep a lot to yourself. Maybe it's because you're not front and center like us - we wear our hearts on our sleeves. You can hide things better." She met his eyes, hoping he could see the earnestly in her own. "I just want her to be happy, Mase. And if you want her, I just think you should go for it. That's all."

mason.

Mason tilted his head the other way, perhaps just slightly unnerved by her entirely correct observation. It wasn't the first time someone had called him evasive, and it wouldn't be the last, but it had nothing to do with the position of the limelight - and everything to do with the audience. Too many times he'd been singing for the rafters, only to have the house lights come on and reveal he was alone, again, so he'd learned that it was far, far simpler and far less costly to save his breath. "It's not that simple, is it?" Mason asked with a wry smile. Even setting aside Kitty's 'boyfriend' being on a one-way path to the friendzone, they'd never worked as a couple. It was like they always had all the pages of their story, but half of them were in the wrong order or glued in upside down, and it never seemed to take long for them to make each other crazy. Mason wasn't exactly dying to bring that to tour. Even more than that, there was part of him that knew he was being cowardly - that for however much it made him feel like the king of the world when Kitty looked at him the way she did, it came with pressure, and with pressure came failure, and with failure came being alone, again, and Mason definitely wasn't sure he wanted to bring that to tour. "But that's what I want too," Mason added with a soft sigh. "And I know she--she thinks that I'm..." Mason gestured vaguely with one hand, then sighed again. "I guess that I want her to be happy more than I want to risk making her unhappy." Mason finished, kind of lamely, then shook his head, shaking himself out of the confusing back-and-forth that started in his head every time anyone so much as mentioned Kitty's name. "What about you? I can't help but notice you're here with me, and not sitting down with Mr. and Mrs. Evans for afternoon tea?"

rachel.

Rachel listened intently, but she had learned, many times over the years, that it wasn't always what was said, but what wasn't. There was more to the story, she knew - she was only getting to know Mason, to know Kitty. She had their best intentions at heart, but maybe pushing them to be together would only hurt them both in the long run. And that wasn't what she wanted at all. Her nose crinkled as the tides turned to her - she was afraid of that, and grateful for the arrival of their food. She took a moment, spinning spaghetti on her fork while she thought about her own answer. She could be just as evasive as Mason when she wanted to be. "I told Sam I was sleeping with someone," Rachel admitted, "not who, of course, but I think it might have made things better while simultaneously making both of us a little less excited about this venture. It seemed so nice in theory, back in New York while drawing up contracts and paperwork for it. But in reality...tour is crazy, and I'd rather be with someone I can be with, instead of just someone who I appear to be with. You know?"

mason.

Mason nodded thoughtfully - he'd never considered a fake, PR relationship as something people actually did - he heard gossip about it, obviously, but he thought that was just the fans going nutty and reading too much into little looks, or lack thereof. But here Rachel was, talking about contracts and describing it as 'nice', when to Mason it sounded hellish even at that point. "Can you get out of it?" Mason asked, after swallowing his generous bite of garlic bread - Rachel was right, it was delicious, and obviously fresh-made. "Like, if neither of you are vibing it. Can't you go to your people and shred the whole thing?" Mason shrugged. "People break up all the time. You can tell everybody it's nobody's business but the two of yours and that you're still good friends. Or that tour made it impossible to date. 'Cause that's actually true." Mason chuckled and took a bite of his food, free hand absently tapping out a rhythm on the table as he thought. "Do you actually wanna be with the person you were with?" Mason asked, his mind drifting back to his own escapade the night before - sex made things so much clearer and so much more confusing, all at the same time, and Mason wasn't even someone who put that big a premium on it.  "Like, even if it's not, y'know, public knowledge or whatever. Like do you want to be with them in a non-naked way?"

rachel.

"I suppose we could," Rachel shrugged, "but I haven't asked him if that's what we want. I just told him if he wanted to sleep with someone, or be with someone, we could call the whole thing off, no bad feelings. I'm sure we will before we were supposed to - it's only been two weeks, and we're already barely spending time together - but for now, we might as well keep up appearances, right?"

She froze when he mentioned Sebastian. Not by name, thank god, but it was bad enough that anyone knew about it. That he was back in her life, wrecking havoc just like he had years ago. A bad habit she never quit after Nathan, just like smoking. "Absolutely not," she scoffed, dipping some of the bread in her sauce, "he's a child. He's never someone I could be with in any real capacity. We fight, we fuck, and that's about it. There's nothing real there. It's habit, that's all. When I find someone else I'm interested in, that's when I can let him go - for good this time."

mason.

Mason thought maybe the lady doth protest too much, but he decided to take what she said as the truth - she clearly seemed to believe it, and Mason knew even less about her situation than she knew about his. "Habits that make you feel good are the hardest to break," Mason observed - he'd seen enough people's habits end them in rehab or the cemetery to know it was hardly ever that easy to change destructive behavior. "Does he feel the same way about you?"

rachel.

"If he feels anything about me, I'd be surprised," Rachel rolled her eyes. Emotions were not something the two of them did, not in any capacity. Not with one another, at least. She'd never actually asked if he'd ever been in any serious relationship before - or if he'd had one while they were together, either. She didn't really know a lot about Sebastian. "Do you ever think that maybe we're just not capable of having that normal, happy love? That we're too high maintenance, or too dramatic, or too...something? I mean, every time I even get the chance, I sabotage it anyways. Maybe I'm not meant for it."

mason.

Mason watched Rachel, a slight frown creasing his brow as she spoke. It was his instinct to deny what she said, at least on her count, but it was the 'we' that threw him - he'd said too much the other night. "Maybe," Mason said with a quiet sigh. He was definitely too something; nobody could stand him for long all at once, and he'd never been able to figure out why. "I dunno. I don't even know what I'd do with--with like, a normal relationship, y'know? Like, I'm not--god, this sounds so Hot Topic 2009 Edgy, but like, I'm not normal, and I dunno how to be, and I don't know how to like...do the white picket fence thing." Mason shrugged one shoulder - it'd be nice to settle down someday with someone who loved him for and in spite of his many, many flaws, but he wasn't holding his breath. "What do you mean, though? About sabotaging it?"

rachel.

"Nothing about our lives is normal, Mase, it's not just you." She didn't mean to drag him into her own worries, but the two seemed so similar that sometimes it was hard to ignore that he was probably going through the same thing she was.

She thought about his question, taking a moment before giving him an answer and letting the waiter clear away their finished plates, tearing up the last piece of bread as she did so.

"Okay, it's like this - I know that I'm not meant for monogamy, right? The idea of one person, for the rest of my life - it's restricting. I also know that I am very, very swayed by how much attention is given to me at any point in time - and that's where I tend to focus my own attention. So I cheat, and find it hard to express myself to those I think I could have anything real with, and make terrible decisions that end up blowing up in my face. Or letting other people do it for me. You know?"