#painfully devoted to nico's health and happiness in a way that skips the border of unhealthy and jumps straight into fucked up

[happyk44]

percy needs to be haunted by bianca's ghost more

[happyk44]

#she doesn't even have to do it herself #he is just trapped in the horror of watching someone die and never recovering from the guilt that follows #like i thin we should talk more about how she was the first permanent death of the series and the first death he really witnessed #i think he should be more deranged by it tbh #painfully devoted to nico's health and happiness in a way that skips the border of unhealthy and jumps straight into fucked up

#even better if bianca doesn't care. and nico has moved on. so the only person who is stuck in this void of misery about it is percy #and he can't emerge. no matter what he does no matter the time that passes she is always there in the back of his mind #a reminder of the first time he failed to protect someone else. #a reminder of his selfishness. his inability to follow through on promises. of his powerlessness. his uselessness.

#in tbotl he finds out that nico doesn't care about him or his soul. he doesn't want percy dead. and percy is weirdly gutted by this #he needs nico to hate him and it freaks him out that nico doesn't. he's clearly upset but percy isn't centered in it the way you'd think. #nico has his own mission and percy is barely a side note in it and he's so bothered by that. it drives him up the wall #how selfish is it to be upset with someone for not hating you because you got their sister killed? #he hates himself so much. he wants to die so bad. but he can't. he has to keep going. for nico. for bianca. he doesn't have a choice

i love when i go insane in the tags. like yes bro speak more about percy's declining mental health and self-loathing

percy needs to be haunted by bianca's ghost more