#pain can be inflicted so intensely and exponentially that the concept of someone experiencing it as pleasure flips it into a sort of like. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

birchbow · 2 months ago

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You’ve mentioned a couple times in comments that you would have trouble reading the torture scenes in KVvTEG if you hadn’t written them, now I’m curious if that’d apply to any of the gamloz scenes in PoF as well, or does the consent help lol

Oh, great question! I have no such anxiety problem with voluntary sadomasochism stuff of any degree--I've read consensual guro and snuff fic before out of vague curiosity, and like. For one thing it didn't work for me in any sexy ways, so that one's a bust, but also fortunately it had no effect on my anxiety haha. Narratively "seeing" wounds and injuries after the torture for hurt/comfort purposes doesn't even trigger my shit usually, it's specifically about my brain engaging with the concept of someone in pain/begging/crying/terrified.

I think that's part of why I can write it but not read it? Being in the moment with them, not knowing what's about to be done to them, that whole emotional milieu--I ALSO don't know how "we" are going to be hurt, and my brain latches on really hard and starts bombarding me with "what if that happened (this is happening) what if that happened (it's happening, PANIC) what if that happened someday to you, imagine if that happened--" But if I'm the one directing the scene, it's a different part of my brain, and I'm in control of it.

#ask time!#*insufferable white person voice* I'm an EMPATH you see UvU #No but like. There's that scene in The Serendipity Gospels where it turns out the GHB has [redacted] and I almost had to stop reading #catch me in my college dorm room trying not to hyperventilate and pacing the room between every paragraph hahaa.#And he wasn't even all that conscious/responsive to comprehend what was happening to him! If he was I probably would have had to leave #Fun fact: the actual gore of PoF is not the appeal for me. The S+M in PoF is the appeal of...overwhelming sensation??#pain can be inflicted so intensely and exponentially that the concept of someone experiencing it as pleasure flips it into a sort of like.#hmmmm. Overstimulation/impossible levels of pleasure type of situation I guess! Although more traditional S+M is also hot.#but the itch the PoF vibe scratches for me is a slightly different one from that! this is not what you asked but I'm soul-searching now lo

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