#paige voice CAN WE TREAT HIM NICEYS?????? HE LITERALLY DOESNT EVEN WANT TO DO THIS

[eddiegettingshot]

i don't know how to articulate this but i feel like the underlying mechanism of eddie deciding to pack it up and move to texas is different than his previous decisions. he's not thinking about moving because he thinks it's the right thing to do for chris or that this is what's best for chris—he's thinking about moving because he thinks it's the right thing to do for himself. the selfish joy here is that he's allowing himself to be close to his son at all. because as far as eddie's concerned, chris fled him, and doesn't even want his dad with him!

and this is connected, obviously, to the fact that he's missing the forest for the trees—he has decided that what's best for chris is for him to stay in el paso forever when of course that's not the case—but unlike the former decisions he's made, i literally cannot fault him for this at all. because his parents are actually literally alienating him from his child. he apparently has no idea where chris's head is at, no picture of his day-to-day life, very likely no idea how chris is dealing with the trauma he went through. the impression eddie's getting from his parents is that chris is better off in texas! that he's happier! that he's improving! that he's being provided for in ways eddie might not be able to provide for him, materially!

like. this isn't like eddie assuming that chris wanted him to quit his job or assuming that he needed to reenlist for shannon and chris's sake. this isn't happening because he thinks he knows best, it's happening because it's what the people he's supposed to trust are showing him outright! so he's going back into the hole on purpose because he thinks that this is the only way he can fight for what he wants: to be a part of chris's life. because chris is the joy that outweighs literally anything else. but it's not until he actually closes the distance that he'll actually be able to get any perspective that isn't filtered through, not just his own derangements, but ramon and helena and a traumatized fourteen year old.