#page 5522

[pesterloglog]

Jane Crocker, Jake English, Roxy Lalonde, Fefetasprite

Act 6, page 5521-5540

golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

GT: Greetings!

GG: Oh. Hello, Jake.

GT: Im not interrupting anything am i?

GG: Um, not really? Roxy and I are just setting a few things up here.

GT: Ah i see. I would be happy to message you again later if it would spare you any inconvenience.

GG: No, it's fine! It's really nice to hear from you, actually.

GG: I was starting to worry you might have forgotten.

GT: Uh.

GT: Forgotten?

GG: Oh no...

GT: Forgotten what now?

GG: Never mind.

GT: Wait dont tell me.

GT: Is it a tomb or a crypt or somesuch? Are you preparing for another grist seeking expedition??

GT: Oh shit did you schedule my assistance for the raid and i forgot all about it???

GG: No, Jake.

GG: We didn't need your help raiding a tomb. But thanks for thinking of us.

GG: I don't know what this clueless pair of damsels would do without you.

GT: Blast.

GT: Well what in the name of willy howard tafts great tub choking bottom could i be forgetting then?

GT: This is going to drive me CRAZY! Can you give me a hint?

GG: Yes. It has to do with the day I was born, which was almost exactly sixteen years ago.

GT: Of course! Your birthday!!!

GG: Didn't you get Roxy's invitation?

GG: It was my understanding that she gave you and Dirk notice weeks ago.

GT: Yes thats right. Now i remember. The date sure snuck up on us quick didnt it?

GT: Sorry you know how things can slip my mind. The gourd on my shoulders isnt the steel trap it used to be. Nothing like the well oiled puzzlebuster you've got up there.

GG: Mm.

GT: Well damn.

GT: Looks like the egg monster took quite the spirited dump on my face this time.

GG: Jake. I... what?

GT: I feel so dumb. Ill be right over.

GG: Well, if you recall, the party is actually tomorrow.

GG: Like I said, we're just setting a few things up.

GG: Roxy is putting up some decorations. I baked a cake. You were of course free to join us early too. I just thought since I hadn't heard from you in quite some time, you had better things to do.

GT: You baked a cake for your own party?

GG: Yes. So?

GT: I dont know something seems amiss about that. Isnt that against tradition or inviting bad luck or something?

GT: But I guess it makes sense since you love baking cakes. Its like a present you give to yourself!

GG: Jake, what was it you actually wanted?

GT: Oh. I just wanted to get your advice on some stuff.

GT: But since ive been a heel and forgotten about your party maybe i shouldnt bother you with that?

GG: Mmm.

GT: So sixteen big ones huh! The ole sweet sixteen.

GT: Last one of us to notch the vaunted one sixer. Its a big step! I knew youd make it, i always said i believed in you didnt i?

GT: Just kidding, the inexorable nature of times passage virtually assured you would get that old so you didnt really have anything to do with it. I mean not that i dont still believe in you, i do.

GG: ...

GT: I cant believe its already been...

GT: How long?

GT: What, like a year already since we entered? Holy moly, where does the time go.

GG: It's been more like five months.

GT: Oh.

GT: Well thats still a pretty long time.

GT: I have to admit its been a longer stint than i expected. Certainly one involving more downtime than i would have guessed.

GT: I really thought we would have been treated to more action, what being legendary players of a mysterious cosmic game. But no, it seems the primary duty of the so called nobles is to wait around twiddling our thumbs.

GG: Mmhmm.

GT: I am really beginning to wonder when these fabled heroes will arrive? And are they really going to be those we have been led to believe?

GT: I sure hope so. Id so love to meet my pen pal. Dear old departed grandma. But as a feisty youngster! What a hoot thatll be. And you with your poppop. Lets not forget about him.

GT: Not to mention the young strider and lalonde relatives. I bet theyre a barrel of laughs. I met them once but i was too shy to say anything. Then i got in a fight. Did i ever mention that jane?

GG: Yes.

GG: Many times.

GT: Not to say its been all downtime and doldrums. Exploring has been great. Finding treasure, solving riddles, becoming better friends. I wouldnt trade that for anything.

GT: And maybe we are getting close to something big happening regardless? Every day it seems like more and more undead creatures crawl from out of the shadows. Bigger ones and stronger ones. Does their presence herald something worse coming, just as the legends indicate our presence heralds something better?

GT: I just wish we could actually kill the fucking things. Even the little ones can absorb so much damage before yielding any spoils!

GT: Remember jane? Remember at the start how we kept trying to kill them?

GG: Mmhmm.

GT: We would all gang up on like an imp skeleton for an hour just clobbering it repeatedly. Knocking its bones down, waiting for it to reassemble and keep coming at us. Only to finally be rewarded with a shitty pittance of grist!

GT: But i guess the silver lining was it forced us to explore ruins more often and scavenge for loot there. So i think weve learned a lot more this way.

GT: But it sure makes resources hard to come by, having to get them exclusively from chests and whatnot. Sometimes i wonder if weve been missing out on a really rewarding part of the game by neglecting to build up our houses? Makes you wonder. But it just costs so much! Better to stick to making more practical stuff dont you think?

GG: Mm.

GT: Sometimes i wonder if the heroes had the same problems in their game. Do you think they found an easier way to kill skeletons?

GT: Were they just as shameless as us when it came to splurging our precious grist on swanky new duds?

GT: Did the same enigmatic bard haunt their game? And if so which hilarious dead trolls did he throw into the flashy blobs?

GT: Mr erisol tells me he knows many things about the heroes because he saw them in action when he was alive. But he wont tell me a thing about them! These troll sprites sure do love keeping their secrets dont they? Heheh.

GG: That's nice, Jake. I'm kind of busy though.

GG: What did you actually want to talk to me about?

GG: Actually, why don't we just talk about it tomor-

GT: Okay we can talk about that if you insist.

GT: Really jane you sure know how to twist a fellas arm!

GT: I just wanted to get your take on what you might call my own personal ultimate riddle.

GT: It involves dirk.

GG: You don't say.

GT: Its true. I havent seen him in a couple days.

GT: I have been laying low for a while but i just received another series of pushy inquiries from him.

GT: Maybe i shouldnt be too hard on the guy since he was probably just concerned, not having heard from me and all.

GT: But i still couldnt help but detect a tone of desperation, like he could sense i may be having doubts.

GT: This kind of thing has been all too common unfortunately.

GT: Im not sure its going to work anymore.

GG: Mm.

GT: He can be so needy!

GT: If only he could just relax and trust that i wont spontaneously tire of his company.

GT: Although the irony i guess is that his overbearing tendencies are beginning to fulfill his own paranoid prophecy.

GT: Its such a shame. Weve had so many capital adventures together.

GT: I dont know why he has to be like this. He always was an intense fella. But in person... holy cow.

GT: I wonder if it has to do with the fact that he grew up alone in the middle of the ocean? And now he doesnt know how to deal with people without suffocating them?

GT: But then again i grew up under similar circumstances and i think i turned out pretty much ok socially, at least i hope so. Do you think so jane?

GG: Mmmm!

GT: Actually it just occurred to me. Its funny he didnt mention your party in his text.

GT: Im SURE he wouldnt have forgotten. He never forgets ANYTHING what with all his calculations and his computerized brain. Both figurative and literal.

GT: I wonder what his game was? He invited me on an expedition without mention of your party as a potential conflict...

GT: If he sensed i could use some space perhaps he was concerned that if we both showed up to the party it would be awkward?

GT: Or maybe he didnt want to mention he was going to the party in case it would spook me away from attending?

GT: Argh! Do you see jane?? This is what his endless machinations do to you!

GT: Anything he says could be part of some grand convoluted scheme and it just makes you agonize and boggle and wonder until your brain hurts and you just KNOW its a battle you cant win.

GT: You know what i mean jane?

GG: Mmhmm.

GT: Do you think i should just bite the bullet and end it?

GT: Its probably the right thing to do.

GT: Boy am i not looking forward to that conversation though.

GT: Its going to be a doozy. What did i get myself into here?

GT: I think ive made a lot of mistakes honestly.

GT: Not the least of which was getting this shitty tattoo, now that i think about it.

GT: Yes yes i know we all thought it was a riot at first.

GT: I guess it still is maybe? But lately ive been wondering if it might not have been an act of sound judgment.

GT: Can you believe that jane?

GG: Hmm!

GT: I dont know. Its a real pickle im in here but i do feel better just being able to get it off my chest.

GT: You are such a good friend jane, always ready to listen to my relationship woes. What a trooper!

GT: It never ceases to amaze me how excellent you are at this friendship business. Where would we all be without you?

GT: In a way you really have been the glue holding us all together on our adventure. Gosh youre a standup gal.

GT: Oh which actually reminds me of ANOTHER thing thats been bugging me about dirk.

GT: He can often be almost hilariously self absorbed. Dont even get me started on when he starts going off on these long monologues about his philosophical gobbledygook.

GT: I'm not sure he actually has much of a filter when it comes to what others regard as interesting points of conversation.

GT: Not to rag on the guy too hard but i guess at times i would just like to see a little more self awareness from him is all.

GG: Jake.

GT: Did i tell you what happened on our last expedition together?

GG: Jake.

GT: I cant remember if i mentioned. Oh man but thinking back on what happened its even more ridiculous in retrospect.

GT: Where do i begin?

GG: Jake!!!

GT: What?

GG: Shut up!

GT: Huh?

GG: Shut up!!!

GT: Errr.

GT: Did i say something wrong?

GG: JAKE.

GG: PLEASE.

GG: STOP TALKING.

GT: I dont...

GG: JAKE.

GG: I SAID SHUT UP.

GT: Wha...

GG: JUST,

GG: SHUT,

GG: THE FUCK,

GG: UUUUUUUUUUP!!!

GT: Ay caramba.

GT: What in tarnation is the matter jane?

GG: WHAT'S THE MATTER?

GG: WHAT'S THE MATTER???

GG: I AM SICK.

GG: AND FUCKING TIRED.

GG: TO DEATH.

GG: OF YOUR INSUFFERABLE BLITHERING BULLSHIT!!!!!!

GT: Whoa there.

GT: You seem really worked up. Maybe we should just calm down and talk this through like sensible adults?

GT: Also youre going kinda heavy on the caps there arent you? Sort of makes it seem like your shouting. Just saying.

GG: I AM SHOUTING!

GG: THERE ARE LITERAL SHOUTS OF ANGER COMING OUT OF MY ACTUAL MOUTH, AND THEY ARE DIRECTED AT YOU!

GT: Yikes.

GT: Well ok then.

GT: Can you tell me why youre so upset with me?

GT: Is it because i forgot your birthday party? Because i do feel awful about that.

GG: OH MY GOD. WHY ARE YOU SO CLUELESS?

GG: I CAN'T STAND IT!

GT: Really i feel like a tool about forgetting. You know how i am. I forget stuff.

GT: I mean...

GT: Shucks buster. If i knew how to make it up to you i would.

GT: If it ameliorates matters any i am sighing pretty much the shucksiest buster of contrition i can manage.

GG: IT'S NOT ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY!!!

GG: THE FACT THAT YOU FORGOT CERTAINLY DOESN'T HELP, BUT THAT'S NOT IT. SEE, YOU JUST DON'T GET IT!

GG: OH, AND COULD YOU PLEASE STOP SAYING SHUCKS BUSTER?!

GG: SHUCKS BUSTER WAS MY THING! AND YOU STOLE IT!

GT: I thought shucks buster was...

GT: Sorta our thing?

GG: NO, IT WAS MY THING, BUT I ALLOWED IT TO BE OUR THING! BACK WHEN YOU USED TO GIVE A SHIT! BUT NOW IT'S JUST MINE, AND YOU CAN'T HAVE IT ANYMORE!

GT: Uhh.

GT: Ok?

GT: I suppose i could go with shoot buddy. Or...

GT: Fudge junior?

GG: .................

GT: Or maybe forgo an analogous catch phrase altogether heh.

GT: But i clearly stepped in it big time with you and id really like to know what i did.

GG: JAKE, LET ME ASK YOU.

GG: DO YOU EVEN REMEMBER THE LAST TIME WE TALKED?

GT: Hmm.

GT: Wasnt it a few days ago?

GG: NO. TRY A FEW WEEKS AGO!

GG: AND EVEN THEN, YOU MESSAGED ME JUST TO TALK ABOUT SOME STUPID SHIT THAT HAPPENED WITH DIRK.

GG: A TEDIOUS GESTURE WHICH YOU THEN SAW FIT TO REPRISE ON MY BIRTHDAY OF ALL DAYS, WHILST CONSIDERATELY FORGETTING ABOUT IT!

GG: AND EVEN WHEN I REMINDED YOU ABOUT IT, YOU STILL BARGED AHEAD WITH YOUR SELF-INDULGENT RELATIONSHIP CLAPTRAP ANYWAY!

GT: I didnt realize it was so long ago. Sorry about that.

GT: Again all i can say is where does the time go? I guess i have trouble keeping up with everything im supposed to. Which it would seem includes personal relationships as much as calendars.

GT: Im not much of a leader of people. Not like you are jane. I think when it comes to adventuring maybe im more of a solo act?

GT: Which now that i think about it might be contributing to my problems with dirk. Maybe thats part of the reason why i needed some space?

GT: Oh brother there i go again blustering about my problems. I guess i see what you mean.

GT: But really if you wanted to talk sooner then why didnt you get in touch with me?

GT: It feels as though im always the one to say hello to you lately.

GG: YEAH! THAT'S BECAUSE EVERY SINGLE TIME WE CHAT, YOU DO NOTHING BUT TALK ABOUT YOURSELF!

GG: YOU NEVER ASK ME HOW I'M FEELING OR WHAT I'VE BEEN UP TO. YOU JUST LAUNCH INTO YOUR ROMANTIC PROBLEMS, AND I JUST LISTEN LIKE AN ACCOMMODATING FOOL AS ALWAYS!

GG: SO I JUST STOPPED BOTHERING! WHY SHOULD I SUBJECT MYSELF TO THAT REPEATEDLY?!

GG: YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY BE THE MOST THOUGHTLESS, SELF-CENTERED PERSON I HAVE EVER MET!

GG: I CAN'T BELIEVE I USED TO FEEL...

GT: Huh?

GT: Used to feel what?

GG: JAKE, HAS IT EVER OCCURRED TO YOU HOW IT MUST FEEL FOR SOMEONE TO LISTEN TO HER FRIEND GO ON AND ON ABOUT HIS BOYFRIEND PROBLEMS WHEN...

GG: WHEN ALL ALONG SHE...

GG: BUT SHE JUST COULDN'T SAY BECAUSE SHE BLEW IT AND IT WAS TOO LATE TO...

GG: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'M BOTHERING TO EXPLAIN THIS TO YOU. NEVER MIND.

GT: Now hold the phone.

GT: Jane i think i may finally understand whats been going on here.

GT: In retrospect i cant believe ive been this blind.

GT: Youre right i really can be deplorably thick sometimes.

GT: Looking back i can see how many of our conversations must have been torment for you.

GT: You really should have told me how you felt sooner!

GG: YEAH. I...

GG: I know. :(

GT: If you told me you had the hots for dirk i would have backed off without another word.

GT: What are friends for!

GG: RAAARARRAAUUUAAAAUUAGHGHGGHGGGGHHGH!

GT: Wait...

GT: Did i say something dumb again?

GT: Consarn it.

GT: I think maybe something is getting lost in translation over our respective chat clients.

GT: Maybe we should wait until tomorrow and just clear the air face to face at your party?

GG: NO!

GG: YOU AREN'T COMING TO MY PARTY!

GT: Aw come on jane. Be a sport.

GG: YOU AREN'T COMING TO MY PARTY, BECAUSE THERE ISN'T GOING TO BE A PARTY!

GG: GO RAID SOME TOMBS WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND. GO MAKE OUT WITH HIM OR BREAK UP WITH HIM, OR WHATEVER IT IS YOUR FICKLE, SELFISH HEART DESIRES!

GG: I AM AT THE END OF MY ROPE WITH YOU!

GG: I AM FED UP WITH YOUR STUPID MOVIES AND YOUR STUPID ADVENTURES AND YOUR STUPID OLD TIMEY CHARMS AND YOU STUUUUUUPID DASHING GOOD LOOKS. WHO NEEDS ANY OF IT?????

GT: I say jane. Before you do anything rash...

GG: OH, WILL YOU PLEASE,

GG: JUST,

GG: STFU BUSTER!!!!!!!!!

ROXY: jane

ROXY: yo uh

ROXY: janey

ROXY: u ok there

JANE: I WILL BE PEACHY FUCKING KEEN ONCE I STOMP THIS NOVELTY MUSTACHE HEADSET INTO OBLIVION, AND NOT A MOMENT SOONER!

ROXY: janey uh

ROXY: that aint a reasonable thing you said

JANE: AU CONTRAIRE.

JANE: I BELIEVE YOU WILL FIND THAT ONCE THIS PIECE OF SHIT HAS BEEN REDUCED TO SUBATOMIC PARTICLES, WE WILL ALL COME OUT SMELLING LIKE FUCKING ROSES.

ROXY: jaaaaane

ROXY: stoppit :(

ROXY: ur upsettin fefeta

ROXY: just

ROXY: think of fefeta is all im asking

ROXY: poor fefeta :'(

FEFETASPRITE: 3833 < 383

JANE: OH POOR FEFETA MY SWEET PATOOTIE!

JANE: YOU AND I BOTH KNOW FEFETA HAS HAD TO DEAL WITH GARBAGE FROM JERKOFF BOYS BEFORE.

JANE: SO DON'T GIVE ME THIS POOR FEFETA CRAP.

ROXY: lol yeah

ROXY: my girl fefeta knows whats up

ROXY: she been around the d bag block a time or 2

ROXY: em i rite fefeta

FEFETASPRITE: 3833 < 3;3

ROXY: shit yes gimme a paw bump

ROXY: BOMP

ROXY: jane u want in on this action

ROXY: come give us a fist fulla sugar

ROXY: complete the 3way for max girl power + solidarity against dumb dudes

ROXY: janey jeez dont leave us hanging here

JANE: SIGH.

JANE: FINE.

ROXY: jane that was the piss poorest paw bump ive ever seen

ROXY: that was like a negative bump

ROXY: we are going to have to bump long and hard into the night to dig us outta this fuckin bump hole you dug us into

ROXY: w/ that tragic bump

ROXY: that bump was like

ROXY: shakespearean

ROXY: makes me want to weep softly and leave a bouquet somewhere

ROXY: someone plays a sad trumpet in the distance

ROXY: look fefeta just sniffled a little at how sad that bump w-

JANE: SHHHHHHHH!

ROXY: ok god

ROXY: was just tryin to cheer you up

ROXY: take ur mind off whatever the hell that was

ROXY: you werent serious about calling off the party were you

ROXY: here let me just get the chess guys to help put the table back on the roof

ROXY: and maybe salvage the cake out of that sand dune over there...

ROXY: aaaaand NOPE the chess guys just finished eatin it

ROXY: lets just bake another k?

JANE: NO, I WAS SERIOUS!

JANE: I'M NOT...

JANE: I'm not in the mood for a party anymore.

ROXY: so it sounds like

ROXY: u got jaked

JANE: >:(

ROXY: why yes

ROXY: that is the face of a girl who just got english'd with extreme prejudice

ROXY: he was a block head and forgot your birthday didnt he

ROXY: im sorry jane

JANE: Yeah, me too. Can we maybe not rehash the whole terrible conversation though??

ROXY: yeah we dont have to

ROXY: just maybe try not to hold whatever dumb shit he said against him forever?

ROXY: thats just how the guy is

ROXY: its like

ROXY: he doesnt mean to be a douche

ROXY: but its just kind of a byproduct of the whole ridiculous jake english experience

ROXY: like his dunkass shenanigans leave behind a residue that looks like douche and tastes like douche but it aint the real thing?

ROXY: like douche substitute

ROXY: "i cant believe its not douche"

ROXY: um

ROXY: im just trying to say not terrible things about him in hopes you dont start hating each other but i guess this isnt what you wanna hear now

JANE: >:(

ROXY: soooo yeah

ROXY: i guess jakes dumpin dirk soon?

ROXY: hahah like the writing wasnt so on the wall with those two from day one

ROXY: poor dirk

ROXY: ive wanted to say something to prepare him for that but

ROXY: never had the heart to bring it up i guess?

ROXY: what can u do....

ROXY: hey

ROXY: but the silver lining is

ROXY: i mean if you can forgive him for shitting on your bday and stuff

ROXY: maybe this is finally your chance to make a play 4 the j man??

ROXY: ehhhh??? ;)

FEFETASPRITE: 3833 < 38D

JANE: ROXY, PLEASE.

JANE: AS IF THAT ISN'T THE FURTHEST THING FROM MY MIND RIGHT NOW!

JANE: I AM SO DONE WITH THAT WHOLE TRAIN OF THOUGHT.

ROXY: so you really think youre just

ROXY: completely over him?

JANE: YESSIREE!

JANE: IF JAKE'S THE RAINBOW, THEN JUST CALL ME A LITTLE HOUSE FROM KANSAS!

JANE: WHEEEEEE!

ROXY: wait rly

ROXY: as in like you dont give a shit if he dates anybody or

JANE: MMMMMMMHM!!!

ROXY: i seeee

ROXY: iiiiiinteresting!

FEFETASPRITE: 3833 < 38O

JANE: WAIT...

JANE: WHAT??

JANE: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN???

ROXY: nothing!

ROXY: i was just...

ROXY: it was a joke!

JANE: WAS IT REALLY?!

ROXY: ok maybe not a total joke

ROXY: but still mostly a joke!

ROXY: im only

ROXY: trying to

ROXY: blurgh

ROXY: i dont know

JANE: ROXY, I GET YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER, BUT A LOT OF THINGS YOU'RE SAYING HERE AREN'T REALLY HELPING!

JANE: DO YOU EVEN REALIZE WHAT YOU'RE SAYING HALF THE TIME?

JANE: I THINK I LIKED YOU BETTER WHEN YOU WERE DRINKING!

ROXY: jaaane no

ROXY: dont say that

ROXY: i had a problem :(

FEFETASPRITE: 3833 < 38(

JANE: OK, YEAH!

JANE: I WAS WAY OUT OF LINE THERE AND I'M SORRY!

JANE: THAT STUPID CONVERSATION WITH JAKE JUST PUSHED ME OVER SOME KIND OF EDGE AND NOW I AM FEELING REALLY, REALLY DISTRAUGHT!

JANE: THIS GAME IS SO MUCH MORE DEPRESSING THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE! EVERYTHING IS DEAD AND EMPTY AND FULL OF GRAVES AND ALL WE'RE SUPPOSED TO DO IS JUST KEEP WAITING AND WAITING AND WAITING! BUT FOR HOW MUCH LONGER? AND I STILL DON'T KNOW WHERE MY DAD IS, AND YOU STILL HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO REACH CALLIOPE, AND WHAT IF THEY'RE BOTH...

JANE: AND NOW ON TOP OF ALL THAT, I MAY HAVE PERMANENTLY DESTROYED MY FRIENDSHIP WITH JAKE!

JANE: AND NOW...

JANE: Now...

JANE: I just want to be alone.

ROXY: jane wait

JANE: I have to go!

ROXY: where are you going!

JANE: HOME!!!

ROXY: good lard

ROXY: all my friends are being disasters

ROXY: welp looks like its just us

ROXY: party nite w gcat and fefeta

ROXY: fefeta???

ROXY: oh dangit

ROXY: hey you know i could have used some support there

ROXY: where was all that profound shippin expertise when we really needed it!

ROXY: usually i can barely shut you up girl

ROXY: maybe you just clammed up at all the drama?

ROXY: hehehe youd have loved that pun

ROXY: the one i just said about the clams

ROXY: aw its ok you had enough drama in your lives

ROXY: you deserve some rest

ROXY: good night sweet princess

ROXY: sooo

ROXY: gcat

ROXY: i guess that just leaves the two of us

ROXY: wow this is

ROXY: great?

ROXY: you gonna behave urself

ROXY: not do anything too uh

ROXY: vexing or cheshire catty

ROXY: i hope?

ROXY: oh mother fuck

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[lesbianchemicalplant]

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SCP-2935 - A Dead World

SCP-2951 - Too Long  (⁂)

SCP-2979 - Your High School Physics Teacher, Mr. [REDACTED]  (⁂)

SCP-2998 - Anomalous Transmission, 2485 MHz

Series IV

SCP-3001 - Red Reality

SCP-3002 - Attempts to Assassinate Thought

SCP-3005 - A Light That Died  (⁂)

SCP-3008 - A Perfectly Normal, Regular Old IKEA  (⁂)

SCP-3104 - Cops Magnet  (⁂)

SCP-3116 - It's time to stop posting

SCP-3125 - 55555 (NOTE: I recommend reading 3125 after reading everything preceding it on the Antimemetics Division Hub page)

SCP-3127 - Nineteen Year Old Jessica Lambert And A Female Pig Of Abnormal Size, Forever

SCP-3128 - Let's Play Monopoly!

SCP-3264 - Causeless Effect  (⁂)

SCP-3333 - Tower  (⁂)

SCP-3455 - 411 Days A Year

SCP-3733 - Everybody Else

SCP-3773 - 9,000 Lives

SCP-3900 - The Internet of Things That Are Wolves  (⁂)

SCP-3930 - Does Not Exist  (⁂)

Series V

Taboo  (⁂)

SCP-4022 - Great Big Nothing

SCP-4065 - Ancho(red) Reality

SCP-4121 - The Loop That Never Breaks/Never Has/Never Will Be Broken

SCP-4228 - Karma Kameleon

SCP-4330 - A Moment of Silence

SCP-4365 - Five-Story Upside-Down Hotel

SCP-4417 - The Long Way Round

SCP-4493 - Keep Pride Out Of Corps  (⁂)

SCP-4703 - Perfectly Legal

SCP-4774 - Ninth Planet, Perhaps

4807 - Minimalism

SCP-4857 - [DESIGNATION AVAILABLE]

SCP-4885 - Find Him

SCP-4999 - Someone to Watch Over Us

Series VI

SCP-5005 - Lamplight

SCP-5031 - Yet another murder monster  (⁂)

SCP-5087 - When Have They Gone?

SCP-5095 - We Need to Talk about O5-3.

SCP-5320 - The People's Church Of The Fish That Just Goes On Forever

SCP-5520 - The Rabbit Hole

SCP-5522 - Pizza Delivery Speedrun (RTA) 100% Completion

SCP-5538 - Holder of Abnormalities

SCP-5552 - Our Stolen Theory

SCP-5579 - Boba Roe

SCP-5920 - Work on What Has Been Spoiled

SCP-5994 - You Can't Top Pigs with Pigs  (⁂)

Series VII

SCP-6006 - Theseus

SCP-6273 - The Empty Skin

SCP-6761 - The Sorting Machine

SCP-6803 - True Earth

Series VIII

SCP-7186 - Rock and Stone

SCP-7819 - no vacancy

SCP-001 Proposals

S. D. Locke’s Proposal - When Day Breaks  (⁂)

Kate McTiriss’ Proposal - A Record

Antimemetics Division Hub  (⁂)

I recommend reading the Antimemetics Division Hub page in order from the beginning (SCP-055) through SCP-3125:

[...]

Critical background reading

SCP-055

There Is No Antimemetics Division by qntm (2015) This story is complete.

We Need To Talk About Fifty-Five

Introductory Antimemetics  (⁂)

Unforgettable, That's What You Are

CASE COLOURLESS GREEN

Your Last First Day

Five Five Five Five Five by qntm (2017–)

SCP-3125

[...]

reading anything past SCP-3125 isn’t needed IMO, especially since the rest of the “Five Five Five Five Five” series is unfinished. (EDIT: It's been finished now, but IMO you should still just stop after 3125)

Also, in my opinion, Introductory Antimemetics is the best tale on the site by far

Other Good Tales

SCUTTLE  (⁂)

Your Very First SCP!

Your Very Last SCP!

Footnotes/Disclaimers:

This is a provisional draft, and has been assembled retroactively after reading the site for many years -- I’m definitely forgetting some I really liked, especially in Series II. This will be updated as I add things, and I’ll reblog myself when I’ve added to it significantly

This is non-exhaustive, it’s not a list of all good SCPs, just some of my favorites that I remember. (682 is both not one of my favorites and also Not Good, though)

This also isn’t an intro guide for beginners, which would be organized differently and would require a lot more thought about order, when to introduce different aspects of the Meta, when to start linking format-screws, etc.

CW for ableism, carcerality, body horror, etc. on all of these links. It’s the SCP wiki

Lastly -- you can figure out what ██████ is in SCP-3005 - A Light That Died (“An ██████'s safe on shore but it's the last thing you want to hold when you're drowning”) and figuring this out really pulls the entry together!!

[luellasu]

          ✧.°   hello  hello  !!!   i’m  diana  (  she/her,  20,  est  )  aka  ur  resident  girl  group  stan  !!   so  i’m  a  little  late  to  the  party  but  i’m  finally  here,  introducing  my  baby  angel  luella  (  she  is  quite  literally  an  angel  hehe  ).  u  can  read  all  abt  her  under  the  cut,  but  if  u  want  2  plot,  we  can  do  so  thru  im’s  or  on  discord  depending  on  what  u  prefer  !!  my  discord  is  everybody say STAN LOONA#5522

��𝙸𝙻𝙴    :    #ANG3L    //    STATS    »    luella ‘lu’  su,  (  appears to be )  twenty,  cis female,  she/her,  ballerina.    ATTRIBUTES    »    devoted,  mercurial,  captivating,  demure.    SEEN    »    strangers whispering in the night,  the lingering scent of vanilla in the air,  tired eyes stained by glitter and mascara.    DO NOT MISTAKE FOR    »    tzuyu chou.

(     𝑯𝑼𝑴𝑨𝑵.   )

so,,  since  she  cant  remember  her  life  as  a  human,  i’ll  keep  it  short   !!!   but  i  figured  it’s  worth  mentioning

as  a  human,  she  had  big  aspirations.  she  was  raised  predominantly  by  her  grandmother  because  her  parents  were  always  working

luella had  always  wanted  to  be  a  dancer,  but  she  came  from  a  lower  middle  class  family  and  they  couldn’t  afford  to  put  her  in  lessons.  so,  sometimes  she  would  watch  classes  through  the  window

she  studied  hard  in  school  and  was  at  the  top  of  her  class,  and  despite  never  formally  receiving  lessons,  all  her  years  of  observing  classes  made  her a  promising  dancer

lu took  a  year  off  after  high  school  to  work  and  save  money,  and  planned  to  audition  for  a  prestigious  ballet  academy  in  europe  because  there  were  recruiters  in  her  town

however,  on  the  way  to  the  audition,  she  died  in  a  car  accident  along  with  her  parents.  a  few  months  prior  to  this,  her  grandmother  had  died  of  old  age

so,  with  the  deaths  of  her  and  her  family,  it  didn’t  take  long  for  her  to  be  forgotten  all  together

(     𝑨𝑵𝑮𝑬𝑳 .   )

as  an  angel,  luella  avoided  living  with  humans  at  first.  she  did  not  want  to  get  too  attached,  and  she  felt  that  living  among  them  wouldn’t  end  well  for  her

however,  even  from  a  distance,  she  became  attached  to  one  human.  it  was  a  girl,  a  ballet  dancer.  it  was  then  she  made  the  decision  to  live  among  humans,  and  she  decided  to  take  up  ballet  to  be  closer  to  her

still,  even  living  among  humans,  she  managed  to  keep  some  distance.  she  was  more  reserved,  and  extremely  observant.  eventually  though,  the  two  became  friends.  she  felt  more  protective  over  this  one human  above  all  others

this  continued  for  a  while,  but  the  guilt  of  having  a  favorite  began  to  linger  in  her  thoughts.  she  made  the  decision  to  leave and  continue  watching  her  from  afar  instead

once  lu left  the  human  world,  she  started  to  feel  a  lot  better  about  herself  and  could  say  she  no  longer  had  favorites.  for  a  few  years,  this  worked perfectly.  except  the  ballet  dancer  she  had  once  been  so  close  to  developed  an  illness  and  passed  away  from  it

lu  was  riddled  with  regret.  she  wished  she  had  stayed  close  to  her  for  the  remainder  of  her  life  instead  of  running  away.  the  worst  part  was,  she  knew  that  human  felt  abandoned  by  her

it  was  the  first  time  as  an  angel  that  she  felt  like  a  failure

for  a  while  after  the  death  of  the  dancer,  luella  couldn’t  focus  properly.  she  began  spacing  out  a  lot,  making  mistakes  more  frequently  (  when  prior  to  this,  she  was  the  perfect  example  of  what  an  angel  should  be  ).  she  could  not  move  on  and  started  to  feel  like  she  was  not  fit  to  be  an  angel

as  this  was  negatively  impacting  her  ability  to  carry  out  her  responsibilities,  she  pressured  by  the  other  angels  to  either  overcome  her  failures  or  lose  her  status  as  an  angel

this  ultimatum  made  her  realize  she  wanted  to  remain  an  angel  and  that  she  would  have  to  get  her  act  together  to  do  so. for  a  brief  moment,  she  contemplated  giving  up  her  status,  to  be  able  to  forget  it  all.  but  when  it  came  down  to  it,  she  didn’t  want  to  lose  the  memories  of  all  those  she  had  crossed  paths  with,  especially  the  dancer,  who  at  least  was  alive  in  her  thoughts

it  was  not  easy  to  return  to  being  the  perfect  angel,  but  she  worked  hard  to  get  back  to  that  level  

eventually,  she  felt  ready  to  live  among  humans  once  more.  she  decided  to  move  to  lunehaven  for  a  while,  though  she  really  wants  to  move  to  paris  one  day.  in  the  meantime,  she  has  continued  pursuing  ballet  and  works  as  an  instructor  for  kids

she  attempts  to  live  a  quiet  life,  not  getting  too  close  to  anyone,  but  it  does  get  lonely  sometimes

(    𝑷𝑬𝑹𝑺𝑶𝑵𝑨𝑳𝑰𝑻𝒀.   )

luella  tends  to  be  quite  reserved.  she  rarely  initiates  conversations  or  hangouts,  but  is  relieved  when  someone  else  does.  she  enjoys  being  social,  she’s  just skeptical  about  getting  too  close  to  others

she  is  a  scorpio  sun  with  a  libra  moon  so  take  that  as  u  will   !!

she  is  extremely  devoted  to  dance  and  being  an  angel  (  despite  everything  that  happened  ),  and  also  very  devoted  to  the  few  that  she  is  close  to,  however,  she  changes  her  mind  a  lot  about  other  things.  her  mood  tends  to  change  a  lot,  but  she  does  her  best  to  keep  this  to  herself

as  you  can  expect  of  scorpio  and  libra  placements,  she  can  be  quite  an  intense/obsessive  lover  BUT  can  also  be  flighty  if  something  seems  too  serious  or  causes  her  to  feel  too  much.  yes,  she  is  a  walking  paradox  i  do  not  want  2  live  in  her  head  !!!

she  adores  classical  music,  which  can  be  expected  of  a  ballet  dancer.  she  wants  to  learn  how  to  play  violin  one  day

her  taste  is  pretty  ....  refined,  so  she  can  be  quite  the  snob  sometimes 

she  enjoys  going  to  the  theatre  and  the  opera  and  stuff  like  that,  and  mostly  goes  alone

she  comes  alive  at  nighttime  tbh,,  the  quiet  hours  once  everyone  has  gone  to  sleep  is  her  favorite  time  of  day.  she  lovessss  stargazing  and  if  you  become  her  friend,  she  will  force  you  to  have  picnics  under  the  stars

she’s  bi  bi  bi  babey  !!!

take  a  look  at  her  pinterest  board  to  get  a  feel  for  her  aesthetic   !!!!

(    𝑾𝑨𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑫 𝑪𝑶𝑵𝑵𝑬𝑪𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵𝑺.   )

cultured  duo  -  someone  who  goes  to  the  theatre/cinema/opera  with  her  !!!   it could  be  against  their  will,  maybe  she  begs  them  to  come.  or  maybe  they  also  enjoy the  these  things 

ex-fling/gf/bf  -  there  could  b  more  than  one  of  these  !!   they  could  have  ended  on  bad  terms  or  good  terms,  still  have  lingering  feels  or  tension  or  maybe  they  remained  friends  !!!  we  can  plot  this  literally  however   !!

unrequited  crush  -  maybe  she  has  a  crush  on  ur  muse  and  it  scares  her  to  admit.  OR  ur  muse  could  have  a  crush  on  her  and  maybe  she’s  oblivious  to  it

current fling/friends  w  benefits  -  someone  she  is  currently  seeing.  could  be  no  strings  attached,  or  there  could  b  some  feelings  there.  maybe  they  don’t  want  to  make  it  anything  serious,  or  maybe  they’re  ready  to  take  it  to  the  next  level.  maybe  one  person  is  ready  to  go  further,  and  the  other  isn’t.

enemies  w  benefits  -  imagine  the  tension   !!!   they  started  out  hating  each  other  but  ended  up  hooking  up.  maybe  it  was  a  one  time  thing,  or  maybe  they  can’t  stop  going  back  to  each  other.  maybe  they  keep  it  a  secret  and  don’t  want  anyone  else  to  know.  this  could  develop  in  soooo  many  ways 

ex-friends  -  someone  she  used  to  consider  a  best/close  friend,  but  they  had  a  falling  out  for  whatever  reason  n  maybe  they  strongly  dislike  each  other  now.  maybe  they  want  to  re-kindle  their  friendship  but  don’t  know  how

sibling-like friendship  -  someone  she  sees  like  a  sibling.  they’re  there  for  each  other  and  look  out  for  one  another,  always  have  each  other’s  backs 

dynamic  duo  -  ride  or  dies.  platonic  soulmates   !!   this  person  is  prob  one  of  the  closest  people  to  her  and  knows  her  very  well   !    they  could  b  a  power  duo,  always  looking  out  for  each  other

take  care  -  i  think  it  would  be  cool  if  maybe  one  day  she  drank  a  little  too  much  or  was  having  an  off  day  in  general  and  your  muse  helped  her  get  home  and  spent  the  night  to  make  sure  she  was  okay.  lu  probably  feels  like  she  owes  them  a  favor  and  is  really  grateful  in  general  that  they  took  the  time  to  care

confidant  -  someone  who  confides  in  her  or  someone  she  confides  in,  or  they  confide  in  each  other.  they  don’t  necessarily  have  to  be  the  closest  friends  ever,  but  they  get  along,  trust  each  other,  and  maybe  they  talk  more  in  private

rivals  -  they  don’t  like  each  other  for  whatever  reason,  which  we  can  plot. maybe  it’s  jealousy  or  their  personalities  just  clash,  but  for  whatever  reason  they  do  not  get  along.  maybe  they  bring  out  a  bad  side  to  her  that  most  people  dont  see

good  influence  -  someone  she  can  be  a  good  influence  on,  someone  she  brings  out  the  best  in,  maybe  someone  she  rly  cares  about  and  wants  to  look  after  to  make  sure  they’re  ok   !!

this  is  all  i  have  for  now,  but  maybe  eventually  i  will  make  a  plots  page   !!!

[rosehvney]

              ☾ . *   have  you  seen  OPHELIA  OH  around  campus   ?   i  hear  they’re  a  FIRST  YEAR  WINTER  witch  with  a  specialty  in  RITUALS  /  SEANCES.  i  almost  never  see  them  without  their  ARCTIC  FOX.  if  they  ever  want  to  be  a  SCHOLAR  someday  they  should  ease  up  on  being  TIMID  &  FUSSY.  at  least  you  can  say  they’re  POISED  &  DILIGENT,  too.

              hi  hi,  it’s  diana  again,  introducing  my  second  character  ophelia   !!!   if  you  like  this  post,  i’ll  come  to  you  for  plots  asap   !!   hopefully  eventually  i’ll  make  a  plots  page  for  her  because  it’s  sm  easier  to  keep  track  of  everything,  but  anyway  enough  rambling,  u  can  read  about  little  ophelia  under  the  cut  <3

☾ . *    𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒔    !

full  name :  ophelia jane oh

nickname(s)  :  lia

zodiac  :  capricorn  sun,  pisces  moon   (  click  )

sexuality  :  bisexual

alignment  :  lawful  neutral

pinterest  :  click

☾ . *    𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅    !

being  the  youngest  came  with  many  privileges,  which  ophelia  learned  early  on  (  she  is  the  younger  sister  of  ivy’s  muse  rosa  btw  ).  ophelia  witnessed  her  parents  scrutinize  her  older  sister  and  hold  her  to  high  standards,  but  when  it  came  to  ophelia,  these  standards  did  not  apply.  she  was  their  baby,  and  being  quite  a  few  years  younger  than  rosa,  they  had  softened  over  time

ophelia  looked  up  to  her  sister  in  many  ways,  so  although  her  parents  did  not  expect  the  world  of  her  like  they  did  of  rosa,  she  expected  it  from  herself.  she  did  not  want  to  grow  up  in  her  sisters  shadow,  rather,  she  wanted  them  to  be  seen  as  equals,  so  she  worked  hard  to  be  deserving

she  spent  her  summers  with  her  grandparents.  they  were  the  traditional  type,  and  did  not  baby  ophelia  the  same  way  her  parents  did.  they  instilled  in  her  a  work  ethic  that  allowed  her  to  succeed

she  took  after  her  grandmother  and  picked  up  piano  at  a  young  age  and,  with  the  help  of  private  lessons,  she  taught  her  everything  she  knows.  she  dedicated  herself  to  two  things  only:  her  studies  and  piano

she  went  to  private  school  her  entire  life,  which  gave  her  access  to  the  best  resources  to  become  the  talented  witch  she  is.  however,  this  also  made  her  spoiled,  although  she  does  not  realize  it

her  interest  in  rituals  and  seances  began  during  her  teen  years.  she  liked  that  it  had  a  “darker”  feel  to  it  than  other  types  of  magic.  she  loves  school  and  learning  so  much,  which  is  why  she  wants  to  be  a  scholar

☾ . *    𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔��𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚    !

ophelia  is  extremely  reserved.  growing  up,  she  did  not  put  effort  into  making  friends  because  she  was  so  busy  with  school  and  piano,  so  it’s  hard  for  her  to  be  sociable  now

she  comes  off  quite  cold  and  distant  (  as  many  winter  witches  do  ),  but  once  you  get  to  know  her  you  see  her  softer  side  and  she  is  actually  very  friendly,  but  maybe  a  little  socially  awkward  because  she  never  had  many  friends

she  is  a  huge  perfectionist.  she  has  high  standards  for  just  about  everything  in  her  life.  bouncing  off  this,  she  can  be  very  picky.  she  also  wants  everything  to  be  done  in  a  particular  way

she  is  extremelyyy  hardworking  and  driven.  she  would  be  the  best  and  worst  person  to  work  with  for  a  group  project.  she’d  be  the  best  because  she’d  put  so  much  work  into  making  it  perfect,  but  the  worst  because  she  would  be  very  controlling  and  end  up  doing  everything  herself

ophelia  does  not  pay  much  attention  to  romantic  matters.  she  has  never  been  in  a  relationship  and  feels  like  they’re  a  distraction  /  a  waste  of  time.  she  secretly  loves  the  attention  of  someone  liking  her  or  being  obsessed  with  her,  but  she  never  really  returns  the  sentiment

she  is  a  little  spoiled.  growing  up  in  a  wealthier  family,  she’s  used  to  the  finer  things  in  life  and  can  be  quite  the  snob  sometimes.  she  tries  to  control  it,  but  sometimes  she  cannot  help  what  she  is

tbh  she  is  kinda  lonely.  even  though  she  pretends  to  be  okay  with  not  having  many  friends  and  brushes  it  off  by  saying  friends  are  distracting,  she  craves  friendship  on  the  inside.  she  spends  most  of  her  time  alone  and  this  is  why  she’s  extremely  clingy  to  her  sister 

☾ . *    𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅  𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔    !

confidant  -  someone  who  confides  in  her  or  someone  she  confides  in,  or  they  confide  in  each  other.  they  don’t  necessarily  have  to  be  the  closest  friends  ever  since  ophelia  is  a  more  distant  person,  but  they  get  along,  trust  each  other,  and  maybe  they  talk  more  in  private

rivals  -  they  don’t  like  each  other  for  whatever  reason,  which  we  can  plot.  maybe  it’s  envy,  or  their  personalities  clash,  but  for  whatever  reason  they  do  not  get  along.  someone  who  brings  out  ophelia’s  competitive  and  more  nasty  side

frenemies  -  they’re  friends,  but  maybe  they’re  always  trying  to  one  up  each  other.  there’s  a  competitive  element  to  their  friendship,  and  they  might  gossip  behind  each  other’s  backs

bad  influence  -  someone  who  is  a  bad  influence  on  her.  pleaaase  i  need  this  for  her.  ophelia  is  literally  all  work  and  no  play,  i  need  someone  who  will  take  her  out  of  her  comfort  zone,  take  her  to  parties,  expose  her  to  college  life

good  influence  -  someone  she  can  be  a  good  influence  on.  maybe  she  gets  your  muse  to  focus  on  their  studies  more  or  just  keeps  them  out  of  trouble  in  general

unlikely  friends  -  they  are  from  different  houses  maybe  and  have  extremely  different  personalities,  but  for  some  reason  they  get  along.  they  can  expose  each  other  to  new  things

best  friends  -  someone  close  in  age  that  ophelia  has  come  to  consider  her  best  friend.  she  doesn’t  have  many  friends,  so  this  is  a  huge  deal  and  she  must  feel  extremely  comfortable  around  them

mentor  -  an  older  winter  witch  she  looks  up  to  as  a  mentor.  someone  who  can  take  her  under  their  wing  and  help  her  navigate  uni

study  buddies  -  can  be  from  the  same  or  different  houses,  but  they  always  study  together.  mutually  beneficial  relationship  where  they  help  each  other  study  and  motivate  each  other  to  do  their  best

coworker  -  ophelia  works  as  a  library  helper,  so  if  your  muse  works  in  the  library  too,  this  is  how  they  could  have  become  acquainted.  they  can  like  each  other,  dislike  each  other,  or  maybe  feel  neutral  towards  one  another

meet  me  in  the  library  -  someone  who  comes  to  the  library  a  lot  and  maybe  keeps  her  company  while  she’s  working.  maybe  they  keep  coming  so  often  partially  to  see  ophelia,  and  they’re  someone  ophelia  looks  forward  to  seeing.  we  can  plot  it  however

school  girl  crush  -  someone  ophelia  has  a  crush  on,  but  there’s  not  really  much  of  a  chance  of  it  actually  going  anywhere.  she  has  a  surface  level  infatuation  with  them,  maybe  they’re  a  little  older  or  unattainable  in  some  other  way

unrequited  crush  -  someone  ophelia  has  a  crush  on,  or  maybe  they  have  a  crush  on  her.  ophelia  does  not  get  crushes  often,  but  your  muse  managed  to  bewitch  the  ice  princess.  or  maybe  your  muse  has  a  crush  on  her,  and  she  is  not  aware  or  is  thinks  it’s  a  distraction  so  she  tries  not  to  pay  it  any  attention

requited  crush  -  they  have  crushes  on  each  other,  but  maybe  they’re  too  afraid  to  do  anything  about  it.  we  can  plot  however,  but  something  cute  and  soft

u  have  now  reached  the  end  of  my  intro,  ty  for  tuning  in  <3  i  would  absolutely  luv  to  get  plotting,  so  like  this  post  and  i’ll  come  to  u,  or  u  can  message  me   !!!  also,  i’m  going  to  plug  my  discord  again  bc  i  do  prefer  it,  but  im’s  are  fine  too   !!   it’s   i miss fromis9 </3#5522

[nostallgias]

       ☆ . *  hello   !!!  i’m  gonna  head  to  bed  soon,  but  i  just  wanted  to  drop  my  plots  page.  if  u  like  this  post,  i’ll  message  u  asap  !!  or  feel  free  to  message  me  first  here  or  on  discord:   missing blackpink hours#5522

[pandorasmouth]

5522

-S,

This letter finds you as the very first of what I hope will be a series that grows exponentially with the passage of time. One each year, on this day, to celebrate not only the person you’ve worked to grow into in front of my eyes, but the one you’ve always been underneath it all- even when you’re still getting to know her for yourself.

These first 9 months of learning you have felt cloaked in magic. The ebb & flow of our energies as we’ve navigated our connection has been one of the most beautiful parts of my life thus far, and I am grateful for every moment.

Each seasons passage with you in my life has greeted me with new moments to press into memories between the pages of my dog-eared heart. Pieces of our story to take up residence within the fabric of who I am, changing the world as I’ve known it to be.

I wrote the words “I love you” in the winters first snow, smiling to myself at the irony of how warm I’d felt inside. As Christmas & the new year came & passed, I carried the fear of watching you pull away. While there was sadness, there was also growth, because I learned in those moments how terribly wrong the concept of losing you felt to me.

The autumn that followed, you showed me your cracks, Slowly…Carefully… As if you were afraid they’d somehow change the way I saw you. Instead, I was enamoured with the light that bled through them. Poured into the world & shone-

Like the moon on the night we first kissed, during the summer that seemingly came just to carry you to me. When I couldn’t yet understand why my hand slipping into yours that very first time felt more like “I’ve missed you”, than “nice to meet you”. When I’d asked to kiss you, & the forward movement of my lips to yours took my heart along for the ride.

The very ride that’s delivered us here- to our first spring. To the world around us mirroring the world within us; softening, shedding the weight of the cold & the dark, warming us in the places the seasons before had seen grow cold.

To the first celebration of your life I’ve spent with my heart tethered to yours. To this moment, on this day, where I offer my unending gratitude to the universe for its role in orchestrating the crossing of our paths. For the gift that loving you has been to me from the start. For your existence, your endurance, your softness & your strength.

On this day, above all others, I hope you’ll know how much your being here, alive, & growing & a part of my life, has come to mean to me. How genuinely honoured I feel to know that your most well guarded pieces have felt safe enough to surface in the space our connection offers. How humbled I am by your efforts to offer me safety & warmth & vulnerability in return.

On this day & always, please know;

In the grandest scheme of things, you are my silver lining.

Happiest of birthdays my darling girl.

I will love you always, exactly as you are.

Xoxx

-S

[rosehvney]

            ♡ . *     omg  helloo  !!!  just  a  lil  heads  up  that  i  most  likely  won’t  be  able  to  do  replies  tonight  or  maybe  even  tomorrow,  but  i  promise  i’ll  get  back  to  u  as  soon  as  possible  !!  it’s  the  end  of  the  semester  so  i  hav  term  papers  and  finals  due,  so  i’m  just  a  lil  overwhelmed,  but  i  can’t  wait  to  continue  my  threads  and  plot  more  <3  

            in  the  meantime,  i  made  a  plots  page  for  ophelia,  and  here’s  my  plots  page  for  amora  if  we  haven’t  plotted  at  all  yet.  pls  like  this  post  if  u  would  like  to  plot  (  for  both  or  even  just  one  of  my  charas  )  and  i’ll  message  u  within  the  next  few  days,  or  feel  free  to  im  me  and  i’ll  get  back  to  u  in  the  next  few  days  !!  also  here  is  my  discord  if  u  would  rather  talk  there:  i miss fromis9 </3#5522

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[terabitweb]

Original Post from Talos Security Author:

Christopher Evans of Cisco Talos conducted the research for this post.

Executive Summary

Cisco Talos warns users that they need to keep a close eye on unsecured Elasticsearch clusters. We have recently observed a spike in attacks from multiple threat actors targeting these clusters. These attackers are targeting clusters using versions 1.4.2 and lower, and are leveraging old vulnerabilities to pass scripts to search queries and drop the attacker’s payloads. These scripts are being leveraged to drop both malware and cryptocurrency miners on victim machines. Talos has also been able to identify social media accounts associated with one of these threat actors. Because Elasticsearch is typically used to manage very large datasets, the repercussions of a successful attack on a cluster could be devastating due to the amount of data present. This post details the attack methods used by each threat actor, as well as the associated payloads.

Introduction

Through ongoing analysis of honeypot traffic, Talos detected an increase in attacks targeting unsecured Elasticsearch clusters. These attacks leverage CVE-2014-3120 and CVE-2015-1427, both of which are only present in old versions of Elasticsearch and exploit the ability to pass scripts to search queries. Based on patterns in the payloads and exploit chains, Talos assesses with moderate confidence that six distinct actors are exploiting our honeypots.

The most active of these actors consistently deploys two distinct payloads with the initial exploit, always using CVE-2015-1427. The first payload invokes wget to download a bash script, while the second payload uses obfuscated Java to invoke bash and download the same bash script with wget. This is likely an attempt to make the exploit work on a broader variety of platforms. The bash script utilized by the attacker follows a commonly observed pattern of disabling security protections and killing a variety of other malicious processes (primarily other mining malware), before placing its RSA key in the authorized_keys file. Additionally, this bash script serves to download illicit miners and their configuration files. The script achieves persistence by installing shell scripts as cron jobs.

This bash script also downloads a UPX-packed ELF executable. Analysis of the unpacked sample reveals that this executable contains exploits for a variety of other systems. These additional exploits include several vulnerabilities, all of which could lead to remote code execution, such as CVE-2018-7600 in Drupal, CVE-2017-10271 in Oracle WebLogic, and CVE-2018-1273 in Spring Data Commons. The exploits are sent, typically via HTTPS, to the targeted systems. As evidenced by each of these exploits, the attacker’s goal appears to be obtaining remote code execution on targeted machines. Detailed analysis of the payload sample is ongoing, and Talos will provide pertinent updates as necessary.

Talos observed a second actor exploiting CVE-2014-3120, using it to deliver a payload that is derivative of the Bill Gates distributed denial-of-service malware. The reappearance of this malware is notable because, while Talos has previously observed this malware in our honeypots, the majority of actors have transitioned away from the DDoS malware and pivoted toward illicit miners.

A third actor attempts to download a file named “LinuxT” from an HTTP file server using exploits targeting CVE-2014-3120. The LinuxT file is no longer hosted on the command and control (C2) server despite continued exploits requesting the file, although several other malicious files are still being hosted. All of these files are detected by ClamAV as variants of the Spike trojan and are intended to run on x86, MIPS and ARM architectures.

As part of our research, we observed that, in some cases, hosts that attempted to download the “LinuxT” sample also dropped payloads that executed the command “echo ‘qq952135763.” This behavior has been seen in Elasticsearch error logs going back several years. QQ is a popular Chinese social media platform, and it is possible that this is referencing a QQ account. A web search for this QQ account number leads to the potential attacker’s personal website.

“About Me” page of the attacker’s personal website linking to the same QQ account number as in the command above.

This website also links to the potential attacker’s Gitee page. Gitee is a Chinese code-sharing website similar to Github or Atlassian.

Attacker’s Gitee page.

Although the projects associated with this Gitee profile are not explicitly malicious, Talos has linked this QQ account to a profile on Chinese hacking forum xiaoqi7, as well as a history of posts on topics related to exploits and malware on other forums. We briefly reviewed the public account activity of 952135763 and found several posts related to cyber security and exploitation, but nothing specific to this activity. While this information could tell us more about the attacker, there is insufficient information currently to draw any firm conclusions.

Our honeypots also detected additional hosts exploiting Elasticsearch to drop payloads that execute both “echo ‘qq952135763′” and “echo ‘952135763,’” suggesting that the attacks are related to the same QQ account. However, none of the IPs associated with these attacks have been observed attempting to download the “LinuxT” payload linked to this attacker. Additionally, unlike other activity associated with this attacker, these attacks leveraged the newer Elasticsearch vulnerability rather than the older one.

The three remaining actors that Talos identified have not been observed delivering any malware through their exploits. One actor issued an “rm *” command, while the other two actors were fingerprinting vulnerable servers by issuing ‘whoami’ and ‘id’ commands.

Conclusion

Talos has observed multiple attackers exploiting CVE-2014-3120 and CVE-2015-1427 in our Elasticsearch honeypots to drop a variety of malicious payloads. Additionally, Talos has identified some social media accounts we believe could belong to the threat actor dropping the “LinuxT” payload. These Elasticsearch vulnerabilities only exist in versions 1.4.2 and lower, so any cluster running a modern version of Elasticsearch is unaffected by these vulnerabilities. Given the size and sensitivity of the data sets these clusters contain, the impact of a breach of this nature could be severe. Talos urges readers to patch and upgrade to a newer version of Elasticsearch if at all possible. Additionally, Talos highly recommends disabling the ability to send scripts through search queries if that ability is not strictly necessary for your use cases.

Coverage

The following SNORTⓇ rules will detect exploitation attempts. Note that additional rules may be released at a future date and current rules are subject to change pending additional vulnerability information. For the most current rule information, please refer to your Firepower Management Center or Snort.org.

CVE-2014-3120: 33830, 36256, 44690

CVE-2015-1427: 33814,36067

CVE-2017-10271: 45304

CVE-2018-7600: 46316

CVE-2018-1273: 46473

Additional ways our customers can detect and block this threat are listed below.

Advanced Malware Protection (AMP) is ideally suited to prevent the execution of the malware used by these threat actors.

Cisco Cloud Web Security (CWS) or Web Security Appliance (WSA) web scanning prevents access to malicious websites and detects malware used in these attacks.

Email Security can block malicious emails sent by threat actors as part of their campaign.

Network Security appliances such as Next-Generation Firewall (NGFW), Next-Generation Intrusion Prevention System (NGIPS), and Meraki MX can detect malicious activity associated with this threat.

AMP Threat Grid helps identify malicious binaries and build protection into all Cisco Security products.

Umbrella, our secure internet gateway (SIG), blocks users from connecting to malicious domains, IPs, and URLs, whether users are on or off the corporate network.

IOCs:

First Actor:

Attacking IP addresses:

101[.]200[.]48[.]68 117[.]205[.]7[.]194 107[.]182[.]183[.]206 124[.]43[.]19[.]159 139[.]99[.]131[.]57 179[.]50[.]196[.]228 185[.]165[.]116[.]144 189[.]201[.]192[.]242 191[.]189[.]30[.]112 192[.]210[.]198[.]50 195[.]201[.]169[.]194 216[.]15[.]146[.]34 43[.]240[.]65[.]121 45[.]76[.]136[.]196 45[.]76[.]178[.]34 52[.]8[.]60[.]118 54[.]70[.]161[.]251 139[.]159[.]218[.]82

IP addresses and ports hosting malware:

45[.]76[.]122[.]92:8506 207[.]148[.]70[.]143:8506

SHA256 of delivered malware:

bbd6839074adea734213cc5e40a0dbb31c4c36df5a5bc1040757d6baec3f8415 e2f1be608c2cece021e68056f2897d88ed855bafd457e07e62533db6dfdc00dc 191f1126f42b1b94ec248a7bbb60b354f2066b45287cd1bdb23bd39da7002a8c 2bcc9fff40053ab356ddde6de55077f8bf83d8dfa6d129c250f521eb170dc123 9a181c6a1748a9cfb46751a2cd2b27e3e742914873de40402b5d40f334d5448c 5fe3b0ba0680498dbf52fb8f0ffc316f3a4d7e8202b3ec710b2ae63e70c83b90 7b08a8dae39049aecedd9679301805583a77a4271fddbafa105fa3b1b507baa3

Second Actor:

Attacking IP address:

202[.]109[.]143[.]110

IP address and port hosting malware:

216[.]176[.]179[.]106:9090

SHA256 of delivered malware:

bbd6839074adea734213cc5e40a0dbb31c4c36df5a5bc1040757d6baec3f8415

Third Actor:

Attacking IP addresses:

125[.]231[.]139[.]75 36[.]235[.]171[.]244

IP addresses linked to QQ account, but not delivering malware:

121[.]207[.]227[.]84 125[.]77[.]30[.]184

IP address and port hosting malware:

104[.]203[.]170[.]198:5522

SHA256 of malware hosted on above IP address:

7f18c8beb8e37ce41de1619b2d67eb600ace062e23ac5a5d9a9b2b3dfaccf79b dac92c84ccbb88f058b61deadb34a511e320affa7424f3951169cba50d700500 e5a04653a3bfbac53cbb40a8857f81c8ec70927a968cb62e32fd36143a6437fc d3447f001a6361c8454c9e560a6ca11e825ed17f63813074621846c43d6571ba 709d04dd39dd7f214f3711f7795337fbb1c2e837dddd24e6d426a0d6c306618e 830db6a2a6782812848f43a4e1229847d92a592671879ff849bc9cf08259ba6a

Remaining actors:

Attacking IP addresses:

111[.]19[.]78[.]4 15[.]231[.]235[.]194 221[.]203[.]81[.]226 111[.]73[.]45[.]90 121[.]207[.]227[.]84 125[.]77[.]30[.]184

Go to Source Author: Cisco Talos Honeypot Analysis Reveals Rise in Attacks on Elasticsearch Clusters Original Post from Talos Security Author: Christopher Evans of Cisco Talos conducted the research for this post.