#pa.min yoongi

[paranoiakrp]

         CITIZEN FILE RETRIEVED: SON YUL …

STATS

name / son yul d.o.b. / 06.14.1993  age / 26  pronouns / he/him  job / freelance video editor and photographer  societies / monstrous › enhanced charisma groups / vlog › host

WHATS YOUR WEIRD?

on paper, son yul shouldn’t get away with as much as he does.

he’s a punk, per his father’s words, that grew up with a propensity for fists first, words later. words that are deceptive, sarcastic, all lies or half-truths, deflective and meaningless in every way. a liar, not compulsive, but purposefully. he’s fast hands, sleight, with a grin so crooked anyone would think he must be too. cheap whiskey is his cologne of choice, with a mix of smoke and the perfume of whomever he saw last. and he puts himself first, second, and third, not hesitating to double-cross or hurt someone to keep it that way.

and so, again: on paper, son yul shouldn’t get away with as much as he does.

but there’s something about him.

something hard to put a finger on, exactly, because it’s not tangible. not visible, not really. and yet, there’s something about that grin, that damn crooked grin, that reels one in, lowers defenses. just enough that even when his words are so clearly lies and easy to disbelieve, the exact opposite happens. because, god, you just want to believe him, as if compelled, but not. a silver-tongue so crude that anywhere outside of junae, he wouldn’t be classified as such. but here, hidden away in between the mountains, his voice is his weapon and his smirk is his shield. and he wins the fight every time.

as a child, he thinks it’s because they feel bad for him. it’s not hard to overhear when the whispers are barely that. poor thing, they say, practically growing up without a mother and having sanghoon as his father. so when he’s six and his hands are still untrained and clumsy, fumbling to stuff ice cream bars he can’t afford into his backpack and the grandma running the corner convenience shop catches him – yet lets him go after he pleads without so much of a slap on the wrist, he thinks it’s just that. pity. pity for poor son yul.

as a teenager, he thinks maybe it’s just him. maybe he really is just good at turning on a natural charm. maybe he’s not so bad. junae is weird, but it’s not so weird for someone to love him, is it? teenagers “fall in love” every day, as it were, so why would it be odd for him to be on the receiving end of that? it’s not, he convinces himself. it’s not strange at all that she agrees to even the most absurd things he can think of just to see if she would, not strange that sometimes all it takes is a smile, a touch of his hand to persuade her, and it’s not strange that he doesn’t feel any remorse about it.

as an adult, he’s fully aware that it’s not him. well, it is him, but it’s not his words. it’s not that he has an award-winning smile, because he knows he sure as hell doesn’t. it’s not anything but a side-effect of being junae born. an unnatural charisma so enhanced, so innate, it’s hard to deny him anything.  

WHATS YOUR STORY?

tw / ppp, depression, allusions to suicide, abuse, and alcoholism

vhs thirty-nine, untitled. 04:54 PM / JUN. 14 ‘93

▷ PLAY

the video opens slowly, static filling the screen first before it crackles to life. a muffled, pained cry growing louder, louder until it’s all that can be heard. there’s not much on screen save for a blank, white wall, shadows dancing frantic on it every so often.

and then, a new cry. piercing, infant.

then, panic. a male’s voice can be heard, asking about the other baby, about his wife, about what the hell is going on, and will someone please answer him? other voices answer by asking him (sanghoon, the viewers then learn is his name) to please step outside. gently at first, then stern when he refuses, pushing him out of the delivery room.

the video is shaky all the while, the sound loud and frantic until he’s out in the hall. it almost seems silent, but sobs can be heard. weak knocks on the delivery room door, too.

it carries on like this for another minute until the camera falls to the ground, giving viewers an angled view of: white linoleum (1993), junae hospital

▢  STOP

stillborn, they say later of the other baby. unstable but still hanging on, they say of mikyung, sanghoon’s wife. but, the first baby is alive and well, and did they have a name in mind for him?

back when the newly weds found out they were having twins, mikyung and sanghoon toiled over names that would match until they landed on the perfect pair.

now, though, that doesn’t matter to him. this baby, who sanghoon now associates with bad luck, with everything going wrong, doesn’t deserve either name. instead, he names him somewhat offhandedly just to stop them from asking again.

yul, he says, after his grandfather. son yul. he fails to mention how much he hated him.

instead, he shuffles off to sit by his wife, holding her hand between his iron tight.

mikyung wakes up days later in a panic, but she’s fine. physically, anyway. the doctors keep her and yul a few more days to keep checking in, but in a town as small and as weird as junae, and in a time like the 90’s, there’s nothing alarming about her behavior. about how oddly she regards the nurses, the doctor, and even her husband at times. about how skeptic she is about everyone just wanting to help her. refusing food for fear of poison or bugs in them because she swears ‘they’re’ watching her or that she can hear all the insects crawling in between the walls of the hospital. about how she just wants to get out, get out, get out of there now.

it’s just the stress of giving birth and losing a baby, the doctor says. it’s just a side-effect of junae, the doctor leaves implied. she’ll be fine to go home now, the doctor urges, unable to usher them out of the hospital quickly enough.

-

vhs forty, untitled and scratched up as if intended to be broken. 10:11 AM / JUL. 25 ‘93

▷ PLAY

the video opens to a birthday cake with a single, lit candle. there’s jellied writing that reads ‘happy birthday mikyung!’ and strawberry decoration laid on top of white cream. a door comes into view and muffled crying can be heard behind it. the cameraman knocks on the door, starts saying, “oh were you up already? happy–”

the camera falls to the floor as soon as the door opens, followed by the cake. white cream is all that’s in view, but yul’s cries become clearer, less muffled by fabric, and become accompanied by two, older, more full sobs and arguments that tell of a struggle.

▢  STOP

this isn’t the first time.

every time, mikyung just says she’s trying to help yul. that he’s crying because the lights are harming him, that there’s infectious dust in the air and she just doesn’t want him to breathe any of it in. that junae is weird, and she doesn’t want yul to be too.

she doesn’t get help because it’s junae in the 90’s and so, she never gets over it fully. the hallucinations and delusions fade away after a good amount of months, but the depression stays deep-rooted.

-

vhs fifty-one, simply titled with tired handwriting: yul’s first day 06:54 AM / MAR. 02 ‘99

▷ PLAY

the video opens to the door of yul’s childhood bedroom. mikyung’s voice can be heard telling him to wake up or he’s going to be late. there’s shuffling behind the closed door until it pulls open, yul standing behind it with a small smile on his face. his black hair is messy, to say the least, and mikyung’s hand reaches out to smooth down the flying strands.

it’s a fairly simple video that carries on like this, following yul from the dining table to the front door where he waves goodbye to his mom as he hops onto his bike. the video ends here, closing on mikyung saying goodbye.

▢  STOP

when yul comes back home later that afternoon, police are in front of their old, worn-down house that has belonged to his father’s family for two generations now, residing on the outskirts of the outskirts of town.

he finds out that his mom had said her last goodbye that morning.

he doesn’t realize it yet, but yul loses both his parents that day.

-

vhs sixty, simply titled with childish handwriting: yul’s second first day 07:01 AM / MAR. 03 ‘00

▷ PLAY

the video opens to the floor of yul’s childhood bedroom. it pans, quickly, around his messy room before landing too closely on his face. his eyes are tired, barely awake, as if he’s not gotten nearly enough sleep. but, he grins at the camera anyway and talks about how it’s his second first day at school. he shows off his uniform, his old backpack, and a few pencils he may or may not have stolen.

he accidentally closes the door too loud as he leaves his room and he freezes. his eyes widen like he’s no longer tired, fully alert. there’s a loud grumble, then a loud, slurred shout, then loud stomps and a loud slam of a door.

the video ends abruptly.

▢  STOP

yul bolts out of the house before his dad can make it out to the main room. he’s too hungover to make it out quickly, but yul will pay for it in the afternoon anyway.

he leaves without breakfast, but that would have happened regardless. there’s not much in the son household’s fridge anymore. yul stops to visit the grandma next door for scraps of breakfast instead. she’s grown fond of him, lately. she likes his gummy smile and hasn’t noticed some of her food and money gone missing after he comes over to help with simple chores.

this becomes his routine over the next few years. he grows up fast, as a child without parents usually does. he may still have his dad physically, but vhs sixty is just one of many prime examples of his spiritual absence since the year prior. so, yul fends for himself. grows up mostly outside of their dingy little, alcohol-stenched home. feeds himself with five finger discounts and the power of his smile alone. he learns how to be slick with his hands, how to lie with a straight face and charm the hell out of everyone. he learns how to stop at nothing to get what he needs or wants, and grows into his teenage years stubborn and brazen when it turns out he always does.

he also continues to record almost everything from big milestones and little daily occurrences in between because it’s all he has left of his mother.

-

dvd ten, digitally titled: sia application rough draft. 08:09 PM / FEB. 28 ‘12

▷ PLAY

the video, now played on a laptop screen instead of a television, fades in to a cave located on the foot of doryeongsan. a title pops up on the screen that reads: the strangeness of doryeongsan. a subtitle in smaller font shows up underneath that reads: by son yul.

the video carries on in documentary style with yul narrating on about the origins of the mountain while aesthetic shots of the mountain play on screen. he continues, talking about the myths and superstitions, goes into detail about some of the caves, including one rumored to be a mouth to hell. there are a few interview cuts, too, of the hotel staff, of junae residents, of himself.

in the end, it’s a rough video to say the least. one that ends on a black screen of rolling credits in white font that almost all read accredited to: son yul.

▢  STOP

needless to say, the video doesn’t get him into the seoul institute of arts film program. nor any university in seoul. to keep his pride, he tells anyone that asks it’s because he couldn’t afford it. they believe him, somehow.

it doesn’t stop him from continuing to shoot videos or shoot photography, nor does it stop him from enrolling into a small, much more local college that he pays for with part-time work at the gs25 in town – although four years and a useless degree later, he wishes it did.

-

online video, title: the secret history, an introduction. UPLOADED JAN. 2019

▷ PLAY

the video starts nicely stabilized, focused on the two hosts of the show, yul included, with the green woods out-of-focus behind them. they briefly introduce themselves and the premise of the vlog, seeking to get to the heart of the weirdness in junae.

▢  STOP

for yul, the vlog is nothing more than a sort of game, a way to bide his time doing the one thing he loves.

he’s long known that he’s weird in a way that can only be an effect of junae (maybe there was truth in his mother’s delusions after all). he had his suspicions growing up, getting away with as much as he did. but he officially confirmed after surprisingly convincing his dad to move out of the house and leave it to yul. they’d both been shocked by his agreement, but in the end yul was left with the small, run-down house out near the river and he hasn’t seen his dad since.

and yet, in the vlog, yul plays the skeptical role. continuously denouncing the strangeness of junae, finding absurd reasoning for everything, laughing in the face of weird occurrences.

for now, it’s all fun and games.