#p:lucas clarington

[bridgeportanderson]

lucastheoclarington​:

Luke was in the academy café, sitting by a booth with his laptop, trying to do some research. Conversations he’d had lately had left him with a lot to think about, and he he was trying to get informed, hoping it’d make him less confused, even if it was also very intimidating to do so. He sighed, rubbing his face, the more he read, the more confused he seemed to get. He wasn’t sure what any of this meant, his raising hadn’t been exactly pro self discovery, and label positive, but he also didn’t feel like he could talk to this to anyone, and he didn’t want to go back to the therapist, because if he went back, then it was… Something.

He sipped his coffee, and looked down at a book he had picked up at the library, opening it and flipping pages a little. Despite all the confusion, he was a little hopeful. He didn’t know what he was, and if he was any of this, but regardless, it seemed more people than he ever expected had trouble with concepts like crushes, and affection for affection’s sake. So maybe he wasn’t as broken as he’d felt.

The cafe wasn’t as crowded as Kyler had expected, something he was neither bothered nor excited about. Usually, he was the type of guy who enjoyed a crowed every now and again, but with the week having reached its official halfway point and his mind already on the weekend, sleep had been somewhat scarce, leaving him feeling a little less excited than usual about seeing people. Still, the Switch wore his signature smile on his face, greeting everyone he came across despite how badly he wanted to return to bed. Once he had placed and received his order, Kyler turned to the cafe, eyes scanning the room for anyone who looked familiar. Almost immediately his eyes found Lucas Clarington, and he made his way over, tapping the other on the shoulder before sliding into the seat across from him. “Hey there, stranger. Is this seat taken? By someone who isn’t me, I mean.”

Luke was in the academy café, sitting by a booth with his laptop, trying to do some research. Conversations he'd had lately had left him with a lot to think about, and he he was trying to get informed, hoping it'd make him less confused, even if it was also very intimidating to do so. He sighed, rubbing his face, the more he read, the more confused he seemed to get. He wasn't sure what any of this meant, his raising hadn't been exactly pro self discovery, and label positive, but he also didn't feel like he could talk to this to anyone, and he didn't want to go back to the therapist, because if he went back, then it was... Something.

He sipped his coffee, and looked down at a book he had picked up at the library, opening it and flipping pages a little. Despite all the confusion, he was a little hopeful. He didn't know what he was, and if he was any of this, but regardless, it seemed more people than he ever expected had trouble with concepts like crushes, and affection for affection's sake. So maybe he wasn't as broken as he'd felt.

[bridgeportclarington]

lucastheoclarington​:

Luke looked back at his brother when he said sometimes, an ounce of relief in him, that he wasn’t alone in this. He breathed, and nodded, though more to himself as Hunter was looking down. That made sense. He leaned over himself then, holding his forearms above his knees, and focusing on the words, as he glanced down too, voices in his head wondering if he should have spoken up, if that made him weak, if he should be bringing anything to Hunter’s shoulders at all. He looked up then, meeting his brother’s eyes, and frowned. “I don’t know. Since before I left, I started doing my own readings, searching, searching for a different way to be a Dominant, than that which we’ve been taught. And I’ve learned a lot, but then– There are these sweet people I’ve met here, and I know they need more than I could provide. Because as much as I can give as a Dom, I wasn’t built for the kind of care they need most, because of the things they’ve suffered in the hands of others. Can I truly be a good Dominant then? If I know there are things these subs long for that I can’t do more than emulate?” At the statement then, he felt a tightness of shame, and sighed, pulling back to straighten himself against the couch and looking out the window again, “I’ve always felt caged, Hunt. I just never wanted to admit it. Because if I did then I’d have to deal with it. Now that I’ve started breaking myself free, I find that something in me is damaged. I guess it doesn’t matter. As long as I can make a bigger difference some day, in the broader spectrum, maybe that’s what matters most. Maybe this is just the price to pay. After all, someone perfectly whole wouldn’t be allowed in our circles.” Wouldn’t be allowed to hold the power he now did.

When Lucas moved Hunter looked up, studying his youngest brother while he considered how he might respond. The conversation itself was hard for them both on numerous levels, given that things like this simply weren’t discussed in the Clarington home, and that was just the beginning. Listening intently to what Lucas was describing, understanding in ways he wasn’t sure he could totally articulate. But, given the topic of conversation and how serious Hunter himself knew it to be, he knew he couldn’t simply allow the line of discussion to be dropped. It was important, not only for himself, but for Lucas. Truthfully Hunter had been asking himself the same sort of questions for a while now, and certainly for longer than just the start of the most recent semester. Inhaling deeply, Hunter forced his gaze to his brother, wanting the other to know how serious he was when he spoke. “I understand where you are coming from. I do not want you to believe I do not.” He began, clasping his hands together to stop himself from fidgeting, something he never did and hated to see others do. “I believe it is important that I tell you I am impressed with your diligence, yet I am not surprised. You always have been fastidious.” Cocking an eyebrow, Hunter continued. “It is not a bad topic to research. Aside from how we were raised, it is important that we each come into our own as Dominants, not only in the familial sense but in the societal sense as well. I myself have often wondered, and still do on more occasions than I care to admit, if I am honest. Which, as we both know, I always am.” Shifting, Hunter considered how he might proceed. “I am almost certain it is unnecessary for me to share the fact that my feelings for Sebastian predate our relationship considerably. Why is it, Lucas, that you believe I waited such an extended time to both admit and act on those feelings?” Taking in a deep breath, Hunter did his best to steady himself before speaking the truth he knew he would need to in this moment. “I asked myself those same questions. I was haunted by those same thoughts. My beliefs that I could and would never be enough for a man like Sebastian overrode my logic, and my ability to reason. I say all of that to say, Lucas, that I have found over the past several months that perhaps there are occasions in which it serves us well to simply...Leap.” Silence hung between them while he considered the remainder of Lucas’ thoughts. “Do you believe that you are alone in that ‘damage’, Lucas?” He asked. “Facing ourselves is a hard thing for every human being on this planet. However, do you feel that it would not provide at least some small form of relief? Allowing yourself to face those things?” 

lucastheoclarington​:

@bridgeportclarington from 📃

“I don’t know… Don’t you ever think about it? What kind of people we’d be if we’d been raised differently? If we’d had- If we’d been taught what a family’s supposed to feel like? If we’d been told caring for someone was a part of being human?” He asked, shaking his head, as he looked out Hunter’s window, them having stopped at his place after their now weekly morning swim. “I can improve many a thing about myself, Hunt. I can’t improve this. I can’t relearn this now.”

Silence filled the space between them as Hunter’s mind shifted into overdrive while attempting to formulate a minimally semi-appropriate response to Lucas’ question. However, it seemed that no matter how hard he tried, the Dominant couldn’t come up with anything from his arsenal of pre-prepared responses. Breathing deeply, Hunter inhaled through his nose, eyes falling to focus on the floor beneath his feet while his stomach knotted at the thought of opening himself up, even just a little, and even to his brother. “Sometimes.” He admitted despite his tone being barely above a whisper. “I did not used to. Not with much more than a passing thought that is. Recently I have been considering it more frequently. Since Sebastian.” Hunter’s eyes bounced up to glance quickly at his brother before returning to the floor. “You are going to disagree, Lucas, but it is worth saying that I do not think that is true. Not entirely, anyway. We cannot change how we were raised. We cannot change being Claringtons. And, we most assuredly cannot change what that means, and the expectations that holds. However, I am coming to learn that there are...Many other factors involved in things like this. Like that.” Arching an eyebrow, Hunter allowed his gaze to land fully on Lucas, and held it there. “Interesting. I have never known you to be the type to allow yourself to be confined by anything, and yet...” He allowed the sentence trail, giving Lucas room to respond.

[bridgeportclarington]

lucastheoclarington​:

@bridgeportclarington from 📃

“I don’t know… Don’t you ever think about it? What kind of people we’d be if we’d been raised differently? If we’d had- If we’d been taught what a family’s supposed to feel like? If we’d been told caring for someone was a part of being human?” He asked, shaking his head, as he looked out Hunter’s window, them having stopped at his place after their now weekly morning swim. “I can improve many a thing about myself, Hunt. I can’t improve this. I can’t relearn this now.”

Silence filled the space between them as Hunter’s mind shifted into overdrive while attempting to formulate a minimally semi-appropriate response to Lucas’ question. However, it seemed that no matter how hard he tried, the Dominant couldn’t come up with anything from his arsenal of pre-prepared responses. Breathing deeply, Hunter inhaled through his nose, eyes falling to focus on the floor beneath his feet while his stomach knotted at the thought of opening himself up, even just a little, and even to his brother. “Sometimes.” He admitted despite his tone being barely above a whisper. “I did not used to. Not with much more than a passing thought that is. Recently I have been considering it more frequently. Since Sebastian.” Hunter’s eyes bounced up to glance quickly at his brother before returning to the floor. “You are going to disagree, Lucas, but it is worth saying that I do not think that is true. Not entirely, anyway. We cannot change how we were raised. We cannot change being Claringtons. And, we most assuredly cannot change what that means, and the expectations that holds. However, I am coming to learn that there are...Many other factors involved in things like this. Like that.” Arching an eyebrow, Hunter allowed his gaze to land fully on Lucas, and held it there. “Interesting. I have never known you to be the type to allow yourself to be confined by anything, and yet...” He allowed the sentence trail, giving Lucas room to respond.

@bridgeportclarington from 📃

"I don't know... Don't you ever think about it? What kind of people we'd be if we'd been raised differently? If we'd had- If we'd been taught what a family's supposed to feel like? If we'd been told caring for someone was a part of being human?" He asked, shaking his head, as he looked out Hunter's window, them having stopped at his place after their now weekly morning swim. "I can improve many a thing about myself, Hunt. I can't improve this. I can't relearn this now."