#overprotective and grows into seeing Themselves as the one responsible for zone 1

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Primary // Secondary Research

Where self esteem lives in the brain 

-individuals with high self esteem are less prone to affective disorders like depression, anxiety, and eating disorders. 

-show a greater amount go positive affect and enhanced initiative in the face of challenges that promote general happiness. 

-positive self esteem individuals tend to be more responsive to treatment for their conditions. 

-The frontostriatal pathway is the section of the brain that predicts a persons self esteem levels according to researchers at Dartmouth college. 

—The strong and more active, the more self esteem one has. 

—It connects the medial prefrontal cortex, which deals with self-knowledge, to the ventral striatum, which deals with feelings of motivation and reward

-Experiment: 

—48 subjects between the age of 18 and 19 Years old. 28 were female 

—All subjects were screened to be right-handed and self-reported no current or history of psychiatric or neurological conditions.

—Two diffusion scans were acquired per subject. For each participant, two runs of 151 whole-brain volumes (35 axial slices per whole-brain volume, 3 mm isotropic voxels) were collected.

—Each subject’s trait and state self-esteem was assessed outside the scanner. Trait self-esteem was measured using the Janis and Field Feelings of Inadequacy Scale which asked participants to report general self-evaluative feelings over the course of the previous year

—asked participants to report current feelings of self-evaluative attitudes at that moment.

—In conclusion, we provide evidence that individual differences in self-esteem are reflected in both structural and functional frontostriatal circuits linking areas underlying self-referential cognition to ones involved in positive evaluation. Taken together, the current findings suggest that these frontostriatal circuits may give rise to feelings of self-esteem by integrating information about the self with positive affect and reward. Given the evidence that high self-esteem may buffer people against the possibility of acquiring conditions such as depression and anxiety, these frontostriatal connectivity measures may be useful in both objectively measuring an individual’s risk for these disorders as well as evaluating the efficacy of treatments targeting them. These results also add to a growing body of literature on evaluative self-referential cognition and suggest that self-esteem may be better characterized by distributed brain network properties rather than the function of any individual region alone.

Low Self Esteem 

People with low self-esteem are more troubled by failure and tend to exaggerate events as being negative.They are more likely to experience social anxiety and low levels of interpersonal confidence. This in turn makes social interaction with others difficult as they feel awkward, shy, conspicuous, and unable to adequately express themselves when interacting with others. Research has also shown that low self-esteem has to linked to an increased risk of teenage pregnancy. 

Children: It should be noted that on average self-esteem during childhood is found to be relatively high. Low self-esteem in children tends to be related to physical punishment and withholding of love and affection by parents. Children with low self-esteem rely on coping strategies that are counterproductive such as bullying, quitting, cheating, avoiding etc. Socially children with low self-esteem can be withdrawn or shy, and find it difficult to have fun. They are more likely to yield to group pressure and more vulnerable to being bullied.

Teenagers: Researchers have explained this decline to body image and other problems associated with puberty. Boys have higher self-esteem than adolescent girls. Girls with low self-esteem appear to be more vulnerable to perceptions of the ideal body image perpetuated in western media

The importance of self esteem in kids: 

positive: 

When kids are confident and secure about who they are, they’re more likely to have a growth mindset. That means they can motivate themselves to take on new challenges and cope with and learn from mistakes. They’re also more likely to stand up for themselves and ask for help when they need it.

Kids develop positive self-esteem by working hard toward a goal and seeing their hard work pay off over and over again. Accomplishing things shows them they have what it takes to face new challenges. When kids do well at something, it also pleases other people, like their friends and the adults who care about them. That feedback also makes them feel good.

Feel respected

Are resilient and feel proud even when they make a mistake

Have a sense of control over activities and events in their life

Act independently

Take responsibility for their actions

Are comfortable and secure in forming relationships

Have the courage to make good decisions, even in the face of peer pressure

Negative: 

One common reason is when kids struggle in school. If kids experience failure in school, they probably don’t get a lot of positive feedback from adults or their classmates. They might get positive feedback that’s not sincere. This can make them mistrust the adults who are supposed to be helping them. As a result, they feel less sure of themselves and their abilities. They may not feel motivated to try things that are hard for them, and have a tough time dealing with mistakes. Kids with negative self-esteem can also have a harder time standing up for themselves. 

Feel frustrated, angry, anxious, or sad

Lose interest in learning

Have a hard time making and keeping friends

Be more likely to be teased or bullied

Become withdrawn or give in to peer pressure

Develop self-defeating ways to deal with challenges, like quitting, avoidance, silliness, and denialpeop

What to do: 

Being a supportive, realistic—but not overprotective—parent or caregiver is key. Friendship is a big part of building positive self-esteem, too. Just having one friend who accepts you for who you are can make all the difference. Help your child discover strengths to build on. A competence anchor helps kids trigger a memory of something they did well in the past. That allows them to tap into joy and confidence and take that feeling with them as they tackle challenges.

Ted Talks:

30 day challenge. Do something different every day for 30 days. Helps boost confidence and gets you out of your comfort zone. Accomplish new things everyday. Small sustainable changes are more likely to stick. What are you waiting for? Think of something you have always wanted to try and give it a shot for the next 30 dYS. 

Thinking you’re ugly is bad for you: 10000 people every month google am I ugly? Millions of teenage girls creating videos am I ugly or pretty? Todays teenagers are pressured to be online and available at all times. Talking messaging liking commenting sharing posting. Social pressure and value themselves by the number of likes and comments they get on social media. Size zero models, airbrush, thigh gaps, are all seen in todays culture and media. 6 out of ten girls are choosing not to do something because they don’t think they look good enough. 31% are withdrawing from classroom debate because they don’t want to draw attention to themselves. On exams, if you don’t think that you are good enough or thin enough you will not score as high as those that do, consistent across Finland, us, china. Lower body confidence is undermining academic achievment. Low body confidence: less phial activity, eat less vegtables, lower self esteem, eating disorders, drug and alcohol abuse, greater risk of depression, self harm, unprotected sex. 17% of woman do not show up to a job interview on a day that they are not feeling confident. What to do: 1. educate for body confidence, help our teens develop strategies to overcome image related pressures and build self esteem. Make sure the programs have a lasting effect. 2. Be better role models and challenging the status quo of how woman are seen and talked about in our own cultures. Start judging people by what they do not by what they look like. Complement people on their efforts and accomplishments not on their appearance. 3. Work together. The way you look is just one part of your identity. Build self esteem into our school curriculums. 

The effects of media: 

Of American elementary school girls who read magazines, 69% say that the pictures influence their concept of the ideal body shape. 47% say the pictures make them want to lose weight.

Numerous correlational and experimental studies have linked exposure to the thin ideal in mass media to body dissatisfaction, internalization of the thin ideal, and disordered eating among women.

Interviews: 

Marissa: 

Why do you think people have low self esteem ? 

I believe social media has a huge part in making people think about themselves compared to what they see. Such as the Kardashians or pretty much anybody else who is thin and “perfect”. 

In your opinion, does social media play a big factor in that? 

Yes, when every commercial or catalog is filled with girls who are probably all a size 2 or less and men who are muscular and very fit it feels like that’s what the norm should be. 

Do you feel low self esteem and negative body image have an impact on your performance at work or in school? 

Yes, Especially when you gain weight and you aren’t send anymore and everyone else has really nice bodies and that’s what seems to matter it really puts thoughts in your head about how you aren’t good looking.

Do you feel there are resources around that can help you feel better about yourself? 

In all honesty I think that it comes from myself. I feel like if we are feeling this way it’s because we are thinking it. Social media and environmental factors definitely play a huge role in how I think and feel as well as probably a lot of other people. However it starts with loving myself first and feeling comfortable in my own skin.

When do you think the best time educate others about positive body image and high self esteem would be? 

I think that parents should educate their children right away. With teaching them to feel comfortable with who they are, what they look like, and teach them to love themselves. The past 3 to 4 years of my life as a 22-year-old woman has been teaching myself how to love myself fully and to feel OK with who I am as a person and not compare myself to others. Nobody taught me to just focus on myself so I spent my entire teenage years in elementary school trying to be like somebody else instead of just being me. I think that if parents took the time to teach the children confidence and believe in themselves but also to stay humble it would be beneficial to society.

What would you like to see changed in order for people to have a more positive view of themselves?

I think when there are “plus size” models or models that don’t get photo shopped it speaks the truth about what people actually look like in real life. I think it would help people feel more comfortable and not feel like they have to live up to any expectations. Not saying that just because they have skinny/fit models means that that’s not OK I just think that a variety of them should be what you see in catalogs are in commercials because that’s what people look like in real life there are sizes 0-20+. It would be nice if no matter what you look like or what you wore that it would be acceptable in society. When we set these guidelines as to what we think everyone should wear or look like it truly causes people to feel uncomfortable with themselves and that is not fair. Growing up kids are always worried about having the nicest clothes or having the next technology and I think that is why people say that millennials suck. It’s always about the next best thing and staying on top of what society is doing and I think that it started a long long time ago and now we are just created this way because we went through generation after generation of things upgrading and getting better. I feel like this is a blessing and a curse. Not saying that I will not provide my child with nicest clothes or give them technology because I definitely well, I just feel like it shouldn’t be brought to such attention and that we should teach our children to stay humble and not feel like they need those things in order to have a certain status.

Oh I just thought about something. How everyone refers to a nice body as a Beachbody I feel like there shouldn’t be anything that is called a Beachbody because then it’s kind of saying that the only body that’s acceptable to be shown off at the beach is a skinny and fit body.

Also when people are heavier set they have to get clothes through catalogs in specialty stores especially if they want really cute clothes just like the rest of us. I feel like there should be a place where they can easily get it just like anybody else going to the store in the pricing on clothes for people who are a size 3 XL is ridiculous. A shirt that somebody my size or les also when people are heavier set they have to get clothes through catalogs in specialty stores especially if they want really cute clothes just like the rest of us. I feel like there should be a place where they can easily get it just like anybody else going to the store. OK I’m done now LOL

A while back at church they talk to us about how many ads we see a day and how excuse our judgment a little because it’s showing us and telling us kind of what we want the next best thing etc! Social media plays a huge role in what we decide we want or what everyone has and everything it’s so much bigger than anybody and it’s crazy. I’ll shut up now have a great day and good luck on your assignment

Erin: 

1. Society today places a lot of emphasis on physical characteristics and with all of the technology and abilities to change/perfect body image, it’s an impossible standard for an average person to uphold.

2. I think social media plays into self esteem in both negative and positive ways. In the recent years there has been a lot of effort to show flaws and imperfections and celebrate the fact that everyone is unique and that is beautiful. An example would be Aerie. If you look at their website photos for merchandise, they have all different body types and skin types! I think there are definitely places on the internet that uphold a negative standard of perfection but it all depends where you look. 

3. I think negative self esteem definitely holds people back from putting themselves out there and taking a risk. I know in the past, it has definitely prevented me from reaching for what I truly wanted, but lately I’ve been more conscious about it and have been trying to speak more positivity and belief in myself to take those risks! 

4. Look on the internet! There are resources everywhere!!! Like I said before, it just depends where you look and what you focus on! 

5. Middle school because there are SO many changes happening for young women! But also, it should continue throughout high school.

6. I think there just needs to be a continued effort but I think we have made some progress so far in the last few years! Bringing body positivity to schools would be really helpful!

Shilo: 

Q: Why do you think people have low self esteem ? I think people have self esteem because of many reasons. Society being one of them. We live in a world where pretty is the only thing in, we are surrounded by pictures, videos and TV showing only fit, beautiful people with their lives together. 

Q: In your opinion, does social media play a big factor in that? Social media plays a HUGE role in this. People pay attention to likes and not actual problems. A selfie can get 100 likes but someone reaching out for help is ignored because depression and anxiety gace become the norm. 

Q: Do you feel low self esteem and negative body image have an impact on your performance at work or in school? I think it does affect people at work because everyone feels they are trying to live up to a certain look or vibe that isnt them. Espcially young people in school, the time they take to beautify themselves in the morning is unreal, I myself was that way and it took me 10 years to be comfortable in my body without makeup, nice clothes and my hair perfect. 

Q: Do you feel there are resources around that can help you feel better about yourself? I do feel there are plenty of resources around to help each other out with this. Social media is filled with negativity but it's also filled with uplifting supportive people in groups or simply on your page who are also afraid to show the true them. I am lucky to have found a circle of women who support, love and help me in life. You just need to find yourself a circle who cheers you on and sees every aspect of beauty you offer.

Q: When do you think the best time educate others about positive body image and high self esteem would be? EVERY DAMN DAY. From a baby on we should be showing and sharing our children what is beautiful about themselves and the beautiful things they can do when they just believe it.

Q: What would you like to see changed in order for people to have a more positive view of themselves? I would LOVE to see more support from others, mainly those who already have it take it and never return it. What ever happened to the golden rule? If someone is nice to you be nice to them, if someone supports you by all means support them. Life isnt a one way street. 

Me too!!! I'm honestly scared for our future. I have a 9 year old stepdaughter if this helps in any way and she likes to watch me scrool facebook...  I hear her say oh that little girl is so skinny or look at her pretty blonde hair! its heart breaking. She even says she cant wait until she is as skinny as me .. I'm like hun your 9 and should not worry about these things at all yet.

[lovebooksgroup]

Hello Lovelies, Thank you for stopping by, today I have my stop on the blog tour for Give Me the Child which was published on the 27, July 2017 by HQ Stories. On my stop, I have sneak peek for you. I do hope you enjoy. Kelly xoxo

Book Jacket

An unexpected visitor.

Dr Cat Lupo aches for another child, despite the psychosis which marked her first pregnancy. So when Ruby Winter, a small girl in need of help, arrives in the middle of the night, it seems like fate.

A devastating secret.

But as the events behind Ruby’s arrival emerge – her mother’s death, her connection to Cat – Cat questions whether her decision to help Ruby has put her own daughter at risk.

Do we get the children we deserve?

Cat’s research tells her there’s no such thing as evil. Her history tells her she’s paranoid. But her instincts tell her different. And as the police fight to control a sudden spate of riots raging across the capital, Cat faces a race against time of her own…

Compulsive, dark and devastating, Give Me the Child is a uniquely skilful thriller with an unforgettable twist.

Sneak Peek

CHAPTER ONE

My first thought when the doorbell woke me was that someone had died. Most likely Michael Walsh. I turned onto my side, pulled at the outer corners of my eyes to rid them of the residue of sleep and blinked myself awake. It was impossible to tell if it was late or early, though the bedroom was as hot and muggy as it had been when Tom and I had gone to bed. Tom was no longer beside me. Now I was alone. We’d started drinking not long after Freya had gone upstairs. The remains of a bottle of Pinot Grigio for me, a glass or two of red for Tom. (He always said white wine was for women.) Just before nine I called The Mandarin Hut. When the crispy duck arrived I laid out two trays in the living room, opened another bottle and called Tom in from the study. I hadn’t pulled the curtains and through the pink light of the London night sky a cat’s claw of moon appeared. The two of us ate, mostly in silence, in front of the TV. A ballroom dance show came on. Maybe it was just the booze but something about the tight-muscled men and the frou-frou’d women made me feel a little sad. The cosmic dance. The grand romantic gesture. At some point even the tight-muscled men and the frou-frou’d women would find themselves slumped together on a sofa with the remains of a takeaway and wine enough to sink their sorrows, wondering how they’d got there, wouldn’t they?

Not that Tom and I really had anything to complain about except, maybe, a little malaise, a kind of falling away. After all, weren’t we still able to laugh about stuff most of the time or, if we couldn’t laugh, at least have sex and change the mood?

‘Let’s go upstairs and I’ll show you my cha-cha,’ I said, rising and holding out a hand.

Tom chuckled and pretended I was joking, then, wiping his

palms along his thighs as if he were ridding them of something unpleasant, he said, ‘It’s just if I don’t crack this bloody coding thing…’

I looked out at the moon for a moment. OK, so I knew how much making a success of Labyrinth meant to Tom, and I’d got used to him shutting himself away in the two or three hours either side of midnight. But this one time, with the men and women still twirling in our minds? Just this one time?

Stupidly, I said, ‘Won’t it wait till tomorrow?’ and in an instant

I saw Tom stiffen. He paused for a beat and, slapping his hands on his thighs in a gesture of busyness, he slugged down the last of his wine, rose from the sofa and went to the door. And so we left it there with the question still hanging.

I spent the rest of the evening flipping through the case notes of patients I was due to see that week. When I turned in for the night, the light was still burning in Tom’s study. I murmured ‘goodnight’ and went upstairs to check on Freya. Our daughter was suspended somewhere between dreaming and deep sleep. All children look miraculous when they’re asleep, even the frighten- ing, otherworldly ones I encounter every day. Their bodies soften, their small fists unfurl and dreams play behind their eyelids. But Freya looked miraculous all the time to me. Because she was. A miracle made at the boundary where human desire meets science. I stood and watched her for a while, then, retrieving her beloved

Pippi Longstocking book from the floor and straightening her duvet, I crept from the room and went to bed.

Sometime later I felt Tom’s chest pressing against me and his breath on the nape of my neck. He was already aroused and for a minute I wondered what else he’d been doing on screen besides coding, then shrugged off the thought. A drowsy, half-hearted bout of lovemaking followed before we drifted into our respective oblivions. Next thing I knew the doorbell was ringing and I was alone.

Under the bathroom door a beam of light blazed. I threw off the sheet and swung from the bed.

‘Tom?’

No response. My mind was scrambled with sleep and an anxious pulse was rising to the surface. I called out again.

There was a crumpling sound followed by some noisy vomiting but it was identifiably my husband. The knot in my throat loosened. I went over to the bathroom door, knocked and let myself in. Tom was hunched over the toilet and there was a violent smell in the room.

‘Someone’s at the door.’ Tom’s head swung round.

I said, ‘You think it might be about Michael?’

Tom’s father, Michael Walsh, was a coronary waiting to happen, a lifelong bon vivant in the post-sixty-five-year-old death zone, who’d taken the recent demise of his appalling wife pretty badly.

Tom stood up, wiped his hand across his mouth and moved over to the sink. ‘Nah, probably just some pisshead.’ He turned on the tap and sucked at the water in his hand and, in an oddly casual tone, he added, ‘Ignore it.’

As I retreated into the bedroom, the bell rang again. Whoever it was, they weren’t about to go away. I went over to the window and eased open the curtain. The street was still and empty of people, and the first blank glimmer was in the sky. Directly below the house a patrol car was double parked, hazard lights still on but otherwise dark. For a second my mind filled with the terrible possibility that something had happened to Sally. Then I checked myself. More likely someone had reported a burglary or a prowler in the neighbourhood. Worst case it was Michael.

‘It’s the police,’ I said.

Tom appeared and, lifting the sash, craned out of the window. ‘I’ll go, you stay here.’

I watched him throw on his robe over his boxers and noticed his hands were trembling. Was that from having been sick or was he, too, thinking about Michael now? I listened to his footsteps disappearing down the stairs and took my summer cover-up from its hook. A moment later, the front door swung open and there came the low murmur of three voices, Tom’s and those of two women. I froze on the threshold of the landing and held my breath, waiting for Tom to call me down, and when, after a few minutes, he still hadn’t, I felt myself relax a little. My parents were dead. If this was about Sally, Tom would have fetched me by now. It was bound to be Michael. Poor Michael.

I went out onto the landing and tiptoed over to Freya’s room. Tom often said I was overprotective, and maybe I was, but I’d seen enough mayhem and weirdness at work to give me pause. I pushed open the door and peered in. A breeze stirred from the open window. The hamster Freya had brought back from school for the holidays was making the rounds on his wheel but in the aura cast by the Frozen-themed nightlight I could see my tender little girl’s face closed in sleep. Freya had been too young to remember my parents and Michael had always been sweet to her in a way that his wife, who called her ‘my little brown granddaughter’, never was, but it was better this happened now, in the summer holidays, so she’d have time to recover before the pressures of school started up again. We’d tell her in the morning once we’d had time to formulate the right words.

At the top of the landing I paused, leaning over the bannister. A woman in police uniform stood in the glare of the security light. Thirties, with fierce glasses and a military bearing. Beside her was another woman in jeans and a shapeless sweater, her features hidden from me. The policewoman’s face was brisk but unsmiling; the other woman was dishevelled, as though she had been called from her bed. Between them I glimpsed the auburn top of what I presumed was a child’s head – a girl, judging from the amount of hair. I held back, unsure what to do, hoping they’d realise they were at the wrong door and go away. I could see the police officer’s mouth moving without being able to hear what was being said. The conversation went on and after a few moments Tom stood to one side and the two women and the child stepped out of the shadows of the porch and into the light of the hallway.

To order your copy here is a wee link ~

https://www.amazon.co.uk/d/cka/Give-Me-Child-Mel-McGrath/0008215596/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1501765895&sr=8-1&keywords=Give+Me+The+Child

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  Give Me The Child @mcgrathmj @HQstories #Excerpt Hello Lovelies, Thank you for stopping by, today I have my stop on the blog tour for Give Me the Child which was published on the 27, July 2017 by HQ Stories.