leiregarfield

[leiregarfield]

After years of feeling alone, even surrounded by people, I still don’t know why I felt like that.

Now I’m more alone that I have ever been. But I don’t feel as lonely as in the past. I think that it happens because I started to spend more time with myself.

[leiregarfield]

I submitted this brief story to a short-story contest, I don’t think I’ll win but here it is:

When Hero finally realized the complexity of being alive it was too late.

During her brief living years, that went by as fast as it looks, she never really understood people that surrounded her. She only understood herself. She wondered why no one understood her and why no one bother to care about her.

She was sure that she preferred her very own company. She wasn’t lying, of course, she really thought that being alone was better that to be around people. But at the same time, that was when she felt terrified because of her own deliberations.

Hero liked to spend her time people watching, specially when they didn’t see her. Those people seemed to move on with their lives. They had dreams, hopes, wishes, purposes and they had they future planned. But she thought that it wasn’t usual. Why did people cope with things changing so fast?

She spent hours looking at her own reflection in the mirror wondering what she was doing wrong. Seconds felt like eternity and she forgot who she was. When her life began to go downhill, whenever she wrote her name she kept starring at it, to the path that the pencil had just traced, trying to understand the meaning of those letters. Years later she would realize that she had to be to one who gave her name a meaning. But at that moment, she could even spend days thinking about it.

The consciousness she feared began to simplify. She avoided thinking about anything. Hero achieve that due to an ancient tool, old as time itself. Music. That made her feel alright. Whenever she saw someone with the same music taste as her she felt like she belonged somewhere in society that in other circumstances wouldn’t belong.

She was scared of living but she also feared death. While other people were too busy with the present, Hero was still bothered with her past experiences and thought that some of them made her not worth it of living a present life.

Her life wasn’t brief because it ended, it wasn’t brief because she didn’t live enough. She avoided to life the moment that shaped her, only because they meant that she was closer to death.

For so many years she thought that not being able t see a future moment meant that se wouldn’t be there to live it. But she had a bittersweet feeling when she realized that she was wrong.

Hero constantly has the feeling that she was visiting Earth from another universe trying to understand human life. She even felt homesick for a world she was never in, she mourned the death of a life she didn’t live.

It took many years for Hero to finally understand that everyone around her felt the same, they all were scared of not doing the right thing. But they all relied on people who loved them.

Hero wasted years of her live trying to understand other people when she had always been like them. She maybe felt that because no one had told her.

Her parents named her after a myth because they expected their daughter to avoid a life full of tragedy, but instead, that made her feel like she had to life a tragedy.

[leiregarfield]

I had this thought for so long.

I realize that some relationships when they end, not even the romantic ones, end forever and there’s no chance of going back.

But we have to realize that the past has already passed by. We spent our present thinking about the past and then making plans for the future and later you realize you missed something you had.

Just because of that, I hope that we live just another live. And maybe meet with some people again.