#overall sucky ass weekend

[alongtidesoflight]

concerts are only fun when i attend them because i want to, not when there's a three day summer festival in front of my door and there's 7 hours of someone yelling down a microphone going on outside

[coolingdownanddrawing]

heres some idea’s for redesigns along with some bulletpoints on what I was thinking for story stuff involving remaking the series

Im having trouble reading off the screenshots so Im gonna write it out under the cut along with probably adding some ideas or expanding on the bullet lists (future me here: I wrote a Lot)

Sam Manson:

-Rich Activist, meaning she’s kinda blind to some troubles going on or doesnt full understand how others are doing financially, along with being raised in a house with people who arnt exactly empathetic and more focused on appearances then worker rights, sam can come off as shallow to others doing activist work.

 it could be a really interesting character arc for her to realize some of the things going on outside of her school and plants that she can help with, along with dealing with that sense of helplessness she feels at being to normal to help anyone she expresses in the show.

-Goth, but cheery? One thing i noticed in the show is how overall cheerful sam can come off while toting goth ideal’s, which may be a part of why she isnt shown to have many goth friends with them seeing her more as a poser becouse their teenagers and teenager Be like that sometimes.

 It’s not a problem in my book but it could be fun to see tucker or danny question it when in goth spaces and sam basically saying the truth that you dont have to be miserable to enjoy dark subject matter. maybe with tucker and danny getting a small interest in some of the “lesser” goth stuff sam introduces to them.

-fights everyone, becouse teenager with boundless energy and Ghosts attacking all the time. sam didnt fight much in the original series and thats a shame.

-facinated by ghost, becouse duh

-I was kinda thinking of her and tucker being introduced by them competing for class president, becouse that seem’s like a position both would be interested in and it be more interesting then having tucker face dash

Tucker Foley

-Likes to influence others is a general statment, but its true tucker likes to be involved in other peoples lives and generally have his oppinion affect people in possitive (or negative) ways. he likes seeing that his involvment matters and he suffers when people ignore him or take his oppinions for granted and id love to see stuff centered around this trait

-level 1 leader/planner, sorta connected to the influencing people thing I think tucker really would thrive in leadership roles that danny just isnt suited to handling, big mobs of people and sam on his side and he is a force to be recond with. Tucker thrives in getting big groups of people to side with him esspecially since technology profficientcy isnt a sign of weakness in this day and age. 

plus him working on his public speaking lines up with his motivation of wanting to be attactive to ladies. 

also Having him working on public speaking stuff and general people person scenario’s gives a lot of reason for the group to interact with the A listers in a less hostile scenario

-tech god I guess, becouse tucker foley

Dan Phantom

-Incarnation of discomfort being the unintentional (At least the first time) fusion of a stubborn 14 year old and his crazy 40 year old father figure with very different morals and oppinions makes existing very, very akward for dan, but great comedy fodder!

-dan is able to have legs or a ghostly tail whenever he pleases unlike vlad or danny, becouse I figured it be a good way to make fights more interesting and their fighting styles different becouse I want more vlad involvement and having  them be extra different types of ghosts makes watching either of them fight much more interesting

-wishes to not exist, esspecially in the presense of either danny or vlads love interests becouse WOW thats akward

-WAAAAY more powerful then danny and vlad, partially becouse making dan a final everything is going to hell desperate final action for danny and vlad would make dan’s appearances more interesting but also becouse of difference’s about vlad plasmius and danny phantom I will talk about when I get to them. 

Dan Discomfort Masters

-“Vlad’s nephew” becouse if you’re meeting this guy stuff has gone horrible wrong on the de-fusing front  and he needs a reason to be in either fenton on masters house hold to get whatever he needs to fix the ghost catcher 

- big ol liar pant’s, partially becouse danny and vlad are Huge Liars but also becouse of the whole, I need shit to stop existing 

-Trying to keep it together becouse he’s probably made to interact with people vlad and danny have Opinions On and honestly he cant decide if he wants to viciously prank jack at every oppertunity or punch himself for thinking of being mean to jack, among other such mixed feelings.

Vlad Masters

-Certified genius due to a number of thing’s including his obession, and becouse being smarter then jack makes him happy and if jack ever expressed interest in a subject He Must Be Better, he might not be trying to kill jack becouse he doesnt want to deal with a ghost hunter ghost for who knows how long but he wont be lesser then jack in ANYTHING.

-fruitloop, still has some backwards logic and morals such as having valarie become a ghost hunter to offer a sparring buddy to danny and whats a better motive to shoot at someone then they ruined their life right but he’s generally such a over the top bird brain trying to show off to everyone that fruitloop is the only description he can be given.

-less evil is a Big Thing, he’s still objectively not a very good man but I want him and danny working together and sharing a roof on the weekends but that means not shooting first and asking questions later on site, so a less evil vlad is needed, plus it just generally makes there interactions more fun and less dangerous which is what im going for, since walker can take over a lot of vlads antagonist role in the story plus danny and vlad making agreements to get stuff out of eachother sounds like a hell of a lot of fun, i liked eye for and eye vlad sue me.

- as a side not I want vlad to be a lot less physically fit and practiced with doing things as a human, seeing him as a man who lords his power over others when he can he prefers relaxing and working as plasmius more then masters, which affects his health and serves a purpose in story for a lesson id like made after watching phantom planet last night

Vlad Plasmius

-loving guardian in that he really, really does want to be a good father and mentor figure to danny even if their relationship is rocky due to long standing lies he’s been feeding him and how tight a grip vlad has on his familys financial health. as well as the whole snatching partial costody as soon as costudy was called into question after dannys accident (Ill get to that) vlad’s babysat in the past for the fenton which is part of it, along with his desire to be better at jack in every aspect.

-great implorer, in which he likes to get minions when he can and usually only grumbles if his minions already have plans when he calls for them, pays great by ghost zone and human standards and usually offers a full health plan, though skulkers case that full health plans is for when he gets his head up his ass and thinks he can actually get either danny or vlads pelt, one of skulkers suits is on vlads lab wall with a nice hole where its face should be as a reminder to those who cross him.

-only legs,  meaning he uses 100% more kicks and ground based attacks then danny and can kick below the bet where danny cant, this plus his fire core making him have to get creative lest he burn his surroundings to the ground has him fighting in a very different way to danny, along with his 20 years of experience. vlad tends to fight ghosts with less reason to leave the ghost zone, and invading lairs to get what he wants, leading to more serious encounters then what danny faces in the begining.

-loves dramatics, becouse vlad plasmius everybody he’s a cookyier villian here

-less evil and more ruthless and efficient to those who get in his way, that arnt who percieves as family 

-Plasmius’s obsession is teaching people lessons, in all the good and horrible ways that can imply. halfa’s have more broad and less restrictive obsessions then other ghosts which makes them more dangerous and able to ammas power.

Danny Fenton

-Fenton works heir, which is played up a lot more in this with vlad backing his family and giving them chances to disgrace themselves on public telivision and get shamed out of wherever their currently living, leading them on a series of moves throughout dannys life before amity park show off their inventions to the world! Since Jazz aggressively refused the role it fell on danny and he actually takes it pretty seriously, believing as a little bab in ghosts and being convinced of their evil from a young age by his parents which you can only imagine does great things for him when he becomes a halfa and learns unkie vlad is one as well.

-has been haunted by the creepy ghost boy title his whole like due to his situation and the fact he is usually made to assist in showing off his parents weapons publicly as a apprentice ghost hunter, one such invention was the fenton portal that had a wire loose during the presentation, when he went in and put it back the doors automatically shut him in and jack and maddie didnt notice he was in there still until the screaming started, this led to some public outcry over weather jack and maddie are fit to raise kids and vlad swooping in for partial costudy of both fenton children “to ease the masses, and besides he’s basically helped raise them anyway whats garenteed weekends at one of vlads places going to do?”  it was a sucky situation.

-bad reputation due to general protectiveness of his parents along with terrible social skills, along with his new trouble of hiding and controlling emerging ghost powers.He doesnt leave a initial good impression on sam and tucker when he first meets them as fenton, and people tend to avoid him to keep away from his parents wierdness anyhow.

-is less good in the traditional sense but wants to keep people safe and happy if he can help it, though its argueable if thats simply a manifestation of his obsession or if its just becouse he’s a sweet kid, once he gets it into his head that ghosts arnt always evil he tries really hard to be nice to ghost too and even tries to save them from his parents when he can. putting his neck out for them.

Danny Phantom

-just wants a lair is a shorthand for wanting to just experience regular ghost things when he’s going ghost, he’s less inclined to fight every ghost he see’s unless their actively hurting people and tries to talk them down, not wanting his afterlife filled with enemies when he officially keels over. 

he has big dreams for a super cool lair of his own that are explored upon the one time he’s split apart by the ghost catcher, mostly becouse phantom rips the  door to his room from its hinges and zooms into the ghost zone as soon as he’s out, found aimlessly wondering helplessly looking for the PERFECT location to start building. he tends to day dream about the lair of his dreams in class.

-no leg’s leading to more air combat and trying to immobalize people with his tail, usually fighting fairly though with his moments of cheap shots in partiicularly deadly battles,, he usually fights people like johnny 13 who mess with people then he does generally harmless ghosts like box ghost in the begining, plus with his in development abilities that include a versatile ice core his fights are more strategy  then sheer beat down or creative weapon making (or heating whatever metal the ghost is wearing to the point of insanity) 

Danny also has this little problem where he “died” in a anti ghost hazmat suit made of stuff to weaken and harm a ghost who comes in contact with jack and maddies little boy and it means its harder on him to access his powers, taking more energy to do things that most ghost would find easy like intangibilty and invisibility, which is a major problem for him esspecially at first, danny’s only made aware of this though vlads help and their working on a way to trick the hazmat suit into changing material with what danny was wearing under the suit, since its being difficult with changing on dannys command, he can put stuff over and under the suit but the suit itself is hard to make budge.  the outfit shown above is after danny learns how to at least add stuff over it with vlads help.

dan does not have problem’s with the material of his costume making him have access to all dannys abilities easily, along with vlads experience and power and dannys creative thinking dan gets the nickname of the ultimate enemy with good reason

- Loves exploring, esspecially the ghost zone its so interesting and full of enteraining characters and the food is Amazing at least in ghost form and vlad’s show him some pretty incredible places in the zone when they agree to work together in the sense of vlad stealing madde and jacks thermoses at the end of fenton fights and danny helping him spelunk in the ghost zone,  its a guilty pleasure to be able to show sam and tucker around when they become friends, natural portals are a tempation danny has a hard time ignoring when he see’s one, much to his loved ones annoyance.  wolf is a terrible enablr of a friend.

- due to his obession with proving himself (its the wording i go with now i might change it to something like control or being loved) danny tends to want people to like him and seeing a opertunity to get them to like him sorta throws him off balance and out of fight mode, usually leading to him cuddling up to them, in phantom form dannys a great cuddler. take caution though he’s been known to trick enemys into thinking he’s gone out of fight mode and either shove them into the nearest portal/thurmos or later freezing them where they stand.  dannys terrible with crowds, esspecially crowds of people who dont like him he freezeses up.

Danny to-tired-to-function (school and not working with parents danny)

-cant wait to to graduate, with no plans to go to college becouse he’s not paying for more hell

-is really in a bad place socially and mentally in the begining, but will become a lot happier once he befriends sam and tucker, though before that he tends to do some pretty desperate and embarrasing things to get attention and has a problem with letting people drag him into trouble on the promise of friendship.

Danny’s Chore’s list:

-deadly laundry with ectoplasm contaminated laundry machines to content with

-helping whoever wants to cook, cook, or being in charge of dinner most nights unless someone else wants to cook (breakfast is jazz’s job, maddie and jack are gently discouraged from cooking, jazz and danny usually or use to just grab take out for lunch if they had time)

-cleaning the lab

-dishes with ecto contaminated dishwasher are always a little dangerous damn appliances and their wills to reak havoc, jazz likes to help make sure it doesnt hurt anyone since its more dangerous then the laundry machines

-assembling weapons with parents for the vault, or incase of a huge ghost invasion so everyone has a chance at a weapon, danny usually just assembles the less dangerous stuff that doesnt require a lot of welding

-general house maintense, vacuuming and window cleaning while jazz mops and dusts 

-jazz cleans the weapons vault after learning dannys secret becouse its a lot less dangerous for her then for him and hes infinitly grateful

AND DONE thats some of my thoughts on what could be done with a re design of the characters and story beats listed, im tired of writing now but enjoyed getting this out

[fireflykind]

2018

Oh Heck I just skimmed over my long ass post about 2017 - my goal was to exercise regularly? Guess whomst is currently going to zumba classes twice a week? This bitch.

Building off of that thought, I think an effort was actually made in that area. Halfway through my last semester, I started going to yoga classes at least once a week. I dont remember if I ever went twice a week or not. And then over the summer I tried to go on long bike rides, and I got back into pokego and using the pedometer app on my phone.

Anyway let’s get back to chronological order.

Final semester of college, commence.

Listen. I don’t know. What the fuck happened during this semester. There was so much emotional turmoil that that’s about the only thing I remember about it. Professor Isabel Cata tortured me and 8 other students in our French capstone class for four long months. First of all, the premise of a good chunk of our classwork was simply ridiculous. Read sections of books, come into class, and summarize it, page by page. No literary discussion allowed. Second of all, we were writing a 50 page autobiography, and once a week in class, Cata would give us prompts and we would write, and then share about them in class. Once she asked us to write an obituary for after we died today, and one for after we died 50 years from now. That was kinda sucky, but then a few weeks later she asked us to write about a time we contemplated suicide. Yike! Is this illegal? This feels illegal. She should be fired holy shit. There’s more I could say about her but from those two examples you can probably get a good feel for how class life was with her. To this day I still feel like I should follow up on the terrible review I left for her, and see if any disciplinary action was taken. My guess is no.

Uhh and then I graduated. And moved back to my parents’ house. And spiraled into a very deep depression. I had applied for a program called TAPIF to move to France and teach English, but in April, they had put me on the wait list. That had been my only plan post-graduation, and since I had to wait until June for the final result, it seemed as though I had nothing left. I didn’t want to go to graduate school. I didn’t know what kinds of jobs I’m even qualified to do. On June 1st, I received my acceptance email. I cried so hard, and my dad came home to discover me crying over it. I hadn’t told my parents I applied for something like this. And now I had to tell my mom, but I was afraid of her reaction. In the end, it was fine.

Next, I played the waiting game. TAPIF starts in October. I tried to apply for summer jobs, but nobody ever responded to my applications. I knit a whole goddamn sweater. In June, I began to practice driving again. This time, I meant it. Even if I only practiced on the weekends when my dad was available, I tried to do at least a little bit of driving every week. I also went to Allendale/West Michigan twice to visit friends, so I got some driving practice in that way, too. Finally, in September, my uncle took me to my driving test and I s2g it took like 15 minutes and I’d passed it. /p>

Two weeks after the driving test, I moved to France and started my job. I remember sitting in the train station after my flight, exhausted. I just wanted to go home. But I didn’t, I got on the train and moved to my new town.

I’ve been teaching at two middle schools and one primary school for three months now. For the most part, I’m really enjoying it. It’s a part time job, so the workload is light. At the beginning, it was rough because everyone was just like “here you go, teach these kids!” like ?? excuse me I don’t know how the fuck that works I need Some guidance. Any guidance at all, really. The French haven’t been super great about giving me vital information to survive and work. Now, though, I’m getting used to it and learning new teaching tactics, and learning from experience. In the classes I teach with other teachers, the students are always pretty great and excited to learn. The classes by myself are a little bit rough but I’m learning how to deal with it.

To finish 2018 I took a trip with my new friend to the Netherlands and Germany, and I spent an incredible amount of money but I think it was worth it. There were ups and downs, but overall we had a good time, and I got to see and experience different parts of Dutch and German cultures. My biggest takeaway from this trip is “God dam I don’t speak German at all.”

As for 2019? I’ll finish out the next few months of this job and then move onto the next thing. I could renew for next year if I want, but I’m gonna start January by looking at my other options. Jobs in the States, jobs in Montreal, and also maybe English teaching jobs in other countries. If all else fails, I’ll look into graduate school, I guess.

Bye, see you next year

[editorialsonlife]

Big brain dump

Scroll past coz this isn’t going to be fun. I have literally set the mood for this. Emo music is on. Curtains are shut. Candles are going. Word vomit commence. Yeah, I’m feeling a little dramatic at the moment. SO BE IT. 

ALL THE THINGS THAT ARE STRESSING ME THE FUCK OUT RIGHT NOW

I am tired. I’ve had a low grade headache for weeks now. I need a massage but can’t afford one. 

Finances. 

Immediate. I’m in debt again. My credit card is sitting at about $700. I owe Dave 3000. I don’t have enough to buy new make up or get my hair done so those will be going on the credit card as well to be paid off later on. I never feel like I have enough money for everything I need to pay for. All our insurance premiums are due again and I don’t think we’ve got enough money to cover them all which is shit and the flat account has kind of been tapped out and although we’ve got the $20k revolving credit I don’t wanna tap into that. 

I’m meant to be going to fieldays which will be fun but again, $0 budgeted for that so that’s going on the credit card and being on the float just sucks.At least we’re not paying for accommodation (thank u friends) but food and petrol etc still need to be paid for. I need some winter clothes as well coz I’m too fat for my old ones. I’m terrified I’m going to need a full medical again because it’s only going to make our insurance premiums higher again uuuggggggh.  money. 

Longer term, I don’t know how the F we’re going to afford a wedding in 2 years and kids in 5. Like, I actually just don’t know how to do it and like rationally I know what I need to change because it’s not like we’re destitute but also spending money is probably the only coping mechanism keeping me together right now and thats a bitch so I don’t know how that’s going to change. 

Weight. 

Fuck I’m fat at the moment. I’m still 100kgs despite working out consistently for the last few months so that’s really shit and Dave’s all I’VE LOST 7KGS and like, congrats bro but that’s unhelpful here. and I’m 100% sure that this lack of weight loss is down to stress and hormones and shit things that like, having your life under control will resolve but that’s clearly not fucking happening right now and I don’t know how to switch out of it and get my brain back to normal. How the fuck I managed to live like this for 2 years in a row is beyond me. I don’t want to get married being all fat and flabby and gross because I just feel uuughgggghhh and it’s unpleasant. 

Health. 

Not unrelated to weight but bigger picture. I’m over having sore feet and a tight chest because sleeping on my side is clearly bad for my posture and my neck and shoulders are so tight because I’m so wound up all the time. Unhealthy. Need to go and see a naturopath to get some additional support but can I afford that? no. need to go and see someone to talk to about all of this and can’t afford that either so that’s really unhelpful. I’ve been having random chest pains which I’m90% sure is related to the whole side sleeping/very tight shoulders scenario so I hope that’s all it is. at least when I got all my tests done back in feb? march? they were all clear and happy so there shouldn’t be anything major going on which is a relief. 

Also have yet to get my flu jab so that’s a bit of a fail. 

Let’s all have a moment in the middle of this to appreciate bon iver because FAB MUSIC

Weddings/marriage/relationships/wedding planning

wow. there’s a lot tied up under this heading. See also health/weight/finances in terms of affording it. but like, in a wider sense, at least I’ve figured out that I want an overseas wedding because then I’ll be on holiday and relaxed and feeling like my best self when it happens. I’m so over Dave’s parents telling us we can’t go overseas because it’s unfair on people and we shouldn’t impose on them like that and like, for sure, fine, but also it’s the only way we’re going to cull the guest list and also ITS OUR FUCKING WEDDING. This is why I’m not taking any money from them for it because it’s just ridiculous and I am not giving them the slightest bit of control over it at all. so there’s that side of it. 

Money wise, I don’t know how to pay for it. We want to extend the house and redo the kitchen and bathroom etc, and that’s basically the cost of the wedding. and I know it doesn’t need to be a big one and we don’t need to spend a bunch of money on it but ya know what? I love my friends and I want to have a fab day and I want it to be special and funnily enough that costs money. So be it. 

in terms of marriage overall, turns out I may have some left over feelings from the parents splitting up. and what it actually means to be married. and do I even want to be married and is this even the right thing for me? I’m so over being told that Dave and I are the perfect couple and just being under so much pressure from everyone. Like, what if it doesn’t work out? what then? stop telling us we’ll never be happy unless we’re together thats such a load of shit. 

Does it fundamentally change anything? probably not. it’s just another piece of paper. but we’ve always planned this relationship so it would be easy to walk away and now all of a sudden that’s changing. and I dont want to ever be a couple that stays together because of a piece of paper, I want to be a couple that chooses to stay together because we love each other and we want to. not because we’re obligated to. And much and all as our parents are great, they’re not exactly role models of ongoing loving relationships and I don’t want to end up there and I just don’t know what to do about it or how to change it. and I’m so frustrated with myself coz everyone’s like THIS IS AMAZING and it is and I love him and I should be excited as well and I’m just like, everyone fuck off already because I’m done with listening to all your shit and I can’t even sort myself out. 

work

oooooooh work. Careers. purpose. enjoyment. Who the fuck would know how to create one of them. I’m so annoyed I didn’t just go into accountancy or law with a direct and linear career path and I don’t know how to market my skills properly and I’m so sick of works bullshit. I was in Koru last night with Rhys and Murray and they’re just so full of bullshit. like, I get that you’ve got to sell stuff to staff, but don’t sit there and pretend that they don’t know they’re being sold to. because they do, and there’s actually going to be a revolt on your hands in about 4 months time when the shit song you’ve been singing comes back around to bite you in the ass. Your staff aren’t stupid and yet you’re treating them like they are and that’s a problem. a big one. 

job hunting

Let’s not even talk about this one because it’s just sucky and shitty and I don’t know how to network and I don’t know how to explain my skills to future employers so that they’re marketable and I fit their stupid boxes and I hate references and I just. hate. the process overall. it’s just horrible. 

Especially given how much of my self worth is tied up in my employment it appears. Which is another thing I need to work on. 

adult life

Owning a house just comes with a never ending to do list, honestly. I think I’ll try and paint the bedroom wall this weekend for some fun. I also need to apply for a bunch of jobs at some stage, and follow up with a lady about mentoring. Should really go back and see Anne again but $$$$$. fun times. finding time to balance everything is really hard work. 

WELL. This has been a post. it’s kind of nice to get it all out of my head and onto a screen? Props to anyone who managed to make it through this word vomit. you’ve done well.