#outlaner fan fic

[kkruml]

I don’t even know your name Chapter 9

@outlanderedandoverhere has given us our Claire!

@smoakingwaffles This was the hardest chapter for me to write, thanks for helping me through it.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 2.5 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8

AO3

Previously

“Come lass, let’s get ye inside,” he sighed in resignation. “It’s late and yer no fit to drive tonight. We’ve plenty of spare rooms for such occasions.” He held his hand out to her and she took it, swaying as her foot caught the leg of the stool and she stumbled into his chest.

“Well this is familiar,” she said as a fit of laughter escaped her. Her arms were around his waist and her head was nestled into his chest before he could blink, feeling her smile against him.

“As ye say, Sassenach,” he said as one hand cupped her head, holding it close and the other trailed down her back and pressed her firmly close to him, his cheek leaning against her curls.

They stood there, unmoving, drinking in each other’s warmth and the pulsing beat of their hearts matched each other’s and for a few moments they were one.

Claire

Small streams of light flickered against my eyelids and I pressed them closer together, trying to push away the sensation of morning. My fingers contracted slightly, searching for something familiar in my surroundings. My left hand felt a warm pulse under it, resting on something coarse and solid. I moved my hand slightly and felt a jawline form, and as a low hum vibrated against my cheek as I felt myself press closer to a firm figure. Arms around me held me close.

Jamie.

I risked opening my eyes slightly and saw red stubble lining his cheek from jawline to cheekbone, with the curve of his lips set in a small smile.

Flashes of the night danced before my eyes- two whisky glasses on the bar, my cheek against his chest- my arms around his waist. Our fingers linked as he led me through the courtyard.  I closed my eyes as I remembered pausing at the steps to the house- one step above him, taking his face in my hands and his arms locked around me. My eyes opened slowly again and I took in the rest of his form. His hair was tussled and a few curls fell just at his eyes. He was wearing the same shirt from last night and I felt the seam of his jeans against my leg. I let out a small sigh of relief- I was still in my clothes as well.

Taking stock of the rest of my surroundings, my head shifted to see a simple wooden table next to me, with a small lamp and framed photo, somewhat aged by time and faded by the sun. Blue eyes and Viking cheekbones were framed by dark brown hair- his mother, perhaps? A dresser lined the adjacent wall, lined with a few photos of his family and a little wooden carving of some kind. There were nicks in the wood that showed its age but also gave it character; it belonged in this well-loved home. A few shelves above it held emptied and old whisky bottles of various sizes and colors.

My sweater was draped over the arm of a chair in the corner with what looked like my keys and phone, next to a wide-paned window overlooking the courtyard, framed by linen curtains. The room was simple, clean, and looked like Jamie.  

I reluctantly untangled my legs from his and slowly shifted as not to wake him. He murmured something softly and his eyebrows pressed together but did not wake. My feet gently touched the floor and found a plush rug, I let my feet revel in the soft sensation before I carefully stood up, bracing the bed slightly. I took one last moment to take in his face and I smiled to myself.

Oh Beauchamp, you’re in deep.

I stepped softly over to the chair for my things and as I grabbed my sweater, a trace of auburn material caught my eye. My fingers reached for the fabric, my vision blurring slightly as I felt tears threaten. Neat rows of knitted wool turned over in my hand as I searched for a familiar marking- my fingers tracing the familiar “CEB.”

He had my scarf. This whole time.

I held it close to my chest, smiling as I remembered the many hours practicing the stitches, working and reworking various sections until perfect. One of the few possessions I had always kept with me and once I lost it, had thought this was lost to me forever.  I wrapped it around my neck, smelling the faint scent of oak and honey- Jamie had worn this scarf or at the very least kept it close to him. I crept over to the bed, risking one soft kiss on his cheek before turning to the door, needing to splash some water on my face and assess myself in a mirror.

My feet stepped carefully on the cold, well-worn wood flooring. I was halfway down the hallway when I heard voices in a nearby room, low but intent.

“It’s no right, that’s all I’m saying.” I paused, hearing Jenny’s voice.

“Ye dinna ken what happened last night, might be nothin’,” Ian’s voice countered.

“Ye saw them together and ken as well as I do- somethin’ happened.”

“Aye, like moths to a flame. But still, Janet, it’s no yer place.”

“Jamie’s got no business bringin’ a lass here while he’s still got one in the city.”

Ian’s voice answered but I couldn’t hear him- my thoughts circled around the last words Jenny said- there is someone else.

My heart was pounding in my ears. What had been a flutter in my chest was now a piercing pain that shot down to my fingertips, now tingling and numb. I looked back in the direction of Jamie’s room- a sweet sanctuary just moments ago but now my heart burned at the thought of taking another step. In one swift moment, a wave swept my world away and it crashed upon the rocks of a distant shoreline. Fragmented pieces of every touch and look lay broken as I closed my eyes and tried for a breath.  

I couldn’t find air. This feeling in the pit of my stomach- this was all too familiar.

I thought he would be different.

I thought there was something between us, something unusual. I felt it when he touched me, when his eyes met mine.

You’re a fucking fool, Beauchamp.

I staggered back slightly as my hip caught the corner of a small table, knocking over a picture frame. My hands found the wall as I looked to my right and saw a staircase.

I need to get out of here.

Jamie

His arms were empty. He opened his eyes slowly, his hand searching the space next to him. It was still warm, and he could still smell a trace of lavender.

Claire.

He closed his eyes again, let out a lazy yawn, and felt a smile spread across his lips as images of last night formed in his mind. His hand guiding hers into the house and up the stairs towards the spare room; the sound of her tired yet giddy voice as she asked to see his instead. The tingling of his lips as she rose to kiss them softly. The feel of her form between his arms as he held her tight as she slept. It had taken every fiber in his being not to take her then and there, instead he had pulled her closer and kissed her forehead as her eyes closed and she drifted into oblivion.

He heard a sound in the hallway, a small thud and then footsteps down the stairs. He rose and with three steps he looked out the window, his heart dropped in his chest as he caught sight of her as she reached the archway. Her face turned towards the house -

A Dhia, she was crying.

By the time he made it down the stairs and through the courtyard she was gone. He stared down the road for a few moments before he could force himself to look away. Trudging up the steps, Jenny was standing at the mule post, waiting with a hand on her hip.

“What happened? What did ye say to her?” Jamie’s eyes were level and fixed on his sister, voice controlled.

“It’s no polite to be lingerin’ about listenin’ in on two people-“

“DAMNIT. JANET. What did ye say?” His voice slipped, anger palpable.

Jenny put her other hand on her hip and squared her shoulders. “Oh so it’s my fault then, aye? The lass runs into the table, breaks a frame, about splinters the door slammin’ it shut behind her. But it’s my fault, brother?”

“Janet,” he started, calming his voice just enough to register in his sister’s face. “What did she hear ye say?”

Jenny stood still, unmoving. Her head was cocked to the side slightly and her eyes were set on Jamie’s face.

“Jenny. Please.” He finally exhaled, letting out the breath he’d been holding in.

She blinked twice more and then sighed, “It’s no right for ye to have a lass here while ye still wrapped up with another one in the city.”

“ARE YE DAFT, WOMAN!?” His anger was back, spiking so quickly his vision flickered and his heart was beating fiercely in his ears. “I’m no with any other lass and ye ken it!”

“Yer gonna stand there and lie to my face, brother?”

“Three months ago ye practically forced me out with a lass- I gave it one date. Dinna ever speak to her again.”

“Why didn’t ye tell me, brother? For the last six months ye ha’ been movin’ about like a ghost in yer own life. Ye needed something to make ye whole again.”

“I didna wanna speak of it, Jenny. I spent six months trying to find her… she was the ghost, ye ken.  Finally kent who she was and now she’s gone again, thinkin-” he couldn’t finish the thought. Claire, his Claire, had left thinking he was a rutting bastard.

“I...” Jenny started, her voice low and unusually soft, “I-I’m sorry, brother. Truly. Didna mean to take yer happiness from ye.”

He could count the number of times he heard those words from his sister’s lips- she did not make amends easily and rarely admitted defeat.  His shoulders sagged as he nodded his head and opened his arms enough for Jenny to step into them.

His thoughts were scattered but slowly came into focus as he conjured up her face in his mind- he needed to find Claire.

At least this time, he knew where to look.