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off-in-the-moors · 4 years ago

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Joseph Kavinsky analysis, part 1

aka how did I get here and why is he the reason

Warnings: spoilers for the whole Raven Cycle, mentions of: drug-use, abuse, death, murder, homophobic slurs, xenophobia

Part 1 // Part 2

After finishing The Raven Cycle and analyzing every chapter, character and the overarching plot with my friend, we were left feeling empty. It's been few months, I kept looking-up more TRC related things, other people's opinions, look through fandom content and even read some post from the author's, now deleted, tumblr account, trying to find answers to why I'm feeling like this. Why the books seem to decline for me in quality as I kept reading? Why I can't see Ronan in the same light as the rest of the fandom? Why I couldn't like the author? And the answer was looking me in the eyes the whole time.

"Depending on where you began the story, it was about Joseph Kavinsky."

I loved his character from the moment we met him in The Dream Thieves and still think about him to this day. But why? In a way, Kavinsky is too familiar to me, from his attitude, through appearance to his voice. It’s like I knew him, and this isn’t surprising. I met/saw Kavinskys on the streets, I know Kavinskys, and I was a Kavinsky once in my life. Although I'm the opposed to him, I still sympathies with him and understand how it feels to be in dark places in your life. And I'm not the only one, many people adore him and don't deny his actions to be terrible. But on the other side, the majority of fans hates him and titles him "the worst/most evil antagonist of the series". But why? What about K makes him so polarizing? The simple answer is: the way he was presented and the function he played in the plot. Even then, K's whole arc in TDT was handled horribly and damaged the way readers will view, not only people like K but also themselves. This and also future posts, I’ll be analyzing everything relied to K, including his treatment after book's release by the author and what some deleted scenes and unused ending can shine on.

This is part 1 of a series of posts to come.

This part is about the narrative and characters views of Kavinsky.

Narrative and characters

Narrative is a powerful tool of telling a story, well crafted and coupled with character's internal-voice makes the reader view the story under different light. In a PoV of one character, one thing might bring-up different emotions and ideas, than the others. Exploring relationships and events differ, because everybody experience it differently. But problem begins when the narrative forces a reader to a opinion, without backing it up with reasons or giving a opposing one. In case of Joseph Kavinsky, before we properly meet him, we are told by the characters to hate him and the narrative backs them up in reasons to hate him. All the reasons given to us at that time, boil down to "I heard a rumor."

Gansey hates him, because "There was nothing about Kavinsky that wasn’t despicable" and "he thinks life is a music video". He doesn't want Ronan to associated with him, which is connected with him covering and getting Ronan's ass for the mess he made, having him project his anger and frustration he has with Ronan on to K, who part-takes in the same activities and probably with Ronan, is understandable. But I didn't expect much from a guy who: payed the school officials so they won't kick Ronan out; insulted Adam and throw Adam’s abuse at his face, just to instant of apologizing to him, make a pity party for himself (also having Adam apologies to Gansey for his rightful outburst isn't okay), is fine with having a romantic relationship with Blue while she's still with Adam, hurting him even further but makes it all about himself, etc. Him hating K, just because of his lifestyle, made sense. But were the line was crossed, was when he started to decide on other people's worth. Lines like "we matter" (on which I'll extend later in the post) or "Ronan is fixable and has a soul [Kavinsky doesn't]", were used not only to show what Gansey himself thinks of K (he isn't a human being to him), but also demonize K and make the reader not consider him an equal to the Gangsey (a teenage).

Blue hates him, because he's yet another Raven Boy. Her hatred comes mostly from her distance for them, rich boys with privilege to which Gansey gang is an exception (although two out of four are exactly the kind she hates, and she told Noah directly she wouldn't be friends with him if he was alive) (There can be made a whole post about Blue's hypocrites regarding Raven Boys, but this isn't it). She also talks about how she doesn't feel comfortable around K and "if she couldn’t forgive Kavinsky for always managing to make her feel so insignificant", which makes sense. But while describing him, she calls him "a import from somewhere else", not only lessening him as a person but also making a xenophobic comment, noting his long nose as one of the factors (you could say, she meant him being from New Jersey, but you don't "import" stuff from inside a country, you only "import" from abroad and K is Bulgarian, doesn't matter if he's an immigrant or just has Bulgarian roots). Later, while discussing what to do with K draining the ley lines, Greyman offers to talk to him, to which Blue asks him "can you make him feel worthless while you do?”. Yes, she asked a hit-man, who killed not only Niall Lynch but also multiple people (including three on pages, which was described in the case of the ones breaking into Montmouth) for money. (Yes, fans say it's fine he murdered Niall, because he was a dick and horrible father, but what we forget is that it wasn't a fast death. It was slow and brutal, having him bludgeoned to send a message to Declan. No "he was a weapon in Greenmatle's hand" can excuse it.). Plus, he beat-up and threatened Declan with a gun if he doesn't give him the Greywaren. "Making him feel worthless" can only mean the worst. Kavinsky was a asshole, but he didn't deserved that. Also Blue gives the idea to give Kavisnky to the Greyman instant of Ronan, which was shot down, but not because it's horrible, inhuman and they can't decide on someone else's life, but because they think Greenmantle's people will come back also for Ronan. They were ok, with K being basically a scapegoat so Ronan will live.

Adam just "hates that prick" and "looked at the table with a studied disinterest" when K approached their table at Nino's, those are his only interaction in anything Kavinsky related (In a part regarding the "original" ending, we'll see it wasn't always the case.).

Noah barely exists in the series after The Raven Boys and never comes in contact with K or gives any opinion on him, outside of "ducked his head down into his shoulders, but couldn't take his eyes off the newcomer".

Ronan's relation with K could be its own post all together and there already are some good post about it, but for this one, I'll only mention few things. He gives us a very "I hate him but I'm into this lifestyle" attitude. He races against K but doesn't want to have anything to do with him or he's "dogs". (Yes, Dream Packs canon name is "Kavinsky's pack of dogs" as Ronan calls them. Ironically, Ronan gets angry then Declan and K called him "Gansey's dog" but is fine when Gansey calls him "his dog".) He never thanked or acknowledged K saved his life from the Night Horror. He accepted K's help in dreaming-up the new Pig but afterwords ditches him without even a slit gratefulness (his motivation being remembering Gansey's words), and mocks that K thought there could be anything between them (friendship or relationship, it dependents how you interpret it), turning this into just using K to get what he wanted. And yes, what K did while Ronan slept (tracing Ronan's back tattoo with his finger) was unacceptable, if it really happened and wasn't just phantom-touch while falling asleep (if it was real, it can be interpreted as K acting out of his internalized homophobia, letting himself a moment of “curiosity”, but it still wouldn't make it fine).

Ronan and K insult one-another multiple times through-out the story but the difference is quite showing. K's insults are mostly homophobic, calling Ronan a "fag" or implying Ronan and Gansey are together. This is a typical teenage insults, but are also showing of K's internalized homophobia if viewed through "Don’t say Dick Gansey, man. Do not say it. He is never going to be with you. And don’t me tell you don’t swing that way, man. I’m in your head." and "It's a bomb. Just like you." scenes.

But Ronan, excepting the typical insults like "ball-sack", goes after who K is. "Bulgarian mobster Jersey trash piece of shit" or "Russian" (to the latter, K responded "Hey now, let's not make this ugly") are personal, referring not only to from where K's from, implying he's a mobster like his father and just calling him "a waste". Unfortunately, K's whole character is already one big stereotype of Slavs as viewed not only by Americans. But insulting someone for being "Bulgarian", something they had no control over, is xenophobic. (And for "Russian", as a Slav myself, let me tell you. Calling a non-Russian Slav "Russian" is a quick way to get on their bad side.) And if you're like "Ronan isn't xenophobic, because he's Irish" or "Maggie isn't xenophobic, because Ronan...", you have no idea how things work in Europe. This is the same argument as "He can't be racist, because he's black". TRC fandom is always ready to bring-up all K's sins and even enlarge them, but when in comes to Ronan, all his sins are either forgotten or excused.

One more thing I want to touch on is one of K's parties. After Monmouth got broken into by people looking for Greywaren (which Greyman broke into first), Gansey thinks it must be Kavinsky's doing, because of the fake ID left in front of the door. Him and Ronan go to K's party, he tells them, it's a substance party and asks where are theirs. As an answer, Ronan hits him in the face and throws through a car, just to show him his blooded knuckles with "This is your substance.". The rest is Gansey and Ronan not believing K, that he didn't trash their place, and a "different Gansey" throwing a Molotov cocktail at K's car. After that, they leave. But one thing isn't sitting right with me. The "This is your substance" is a beloved, may I say iconic, scene that is glorified by fans and cited as this "Ronan is so cool and K soo deserved it" thing.

Here's the thing. K is in full right. It's his party, on his rules. Gansey and Ronan just came from nowhere, probably for the first time, so the rule is stated for them. And Ronan's response? Physically assault K. Even if he's angry about the apartment, still he shouldn't just assault him. And Gansey does nothing. And one more thing: K never hits Ronan back. Not in next chapters, not at the end. Never.

Before the chapter ends, we get probably my most hated line from this book:

"Closing his eyes, Gansey leaned his head back on his seat, chin tilted up, throat green in the dash lights. There was still an unsafe sort of smile about his mouth — what a torment the possibility in that smile was — and he said, “There was never a time when that could’ve been you and me. You know the difference between us and Kavinsky? We matter."

We matter. And he doesn't. I could talk about this line and how damaging it is to people who see themselves in Kavinsky, but instant I'll say, why I hate it.

I have anxiety mixed with being introverted and back-in-the-day I felt isolated from my classmates, desperate for friends but only had toxic ones who dropped me so the popular girls would talk with them, just to be friends with me again after some time, bullied to the point of breaking multiple times, and hating myself for not fitting in, unable to connected with my peers in anyway. The line "we matter" echos my worst fear and thoughts from that time. "Everyone matter, you don't". I was too young to even have those thoughts, but they were always there. In the back of my head, like a recurring nightmare.

Just the idea, someone can say with confidence that someone, anyone, doesn't matter, makes me sick. No one has the inside to what's going on in someones life, to what thought are plaguing their head. Everyone's life matter and to say something like this in a book targeted to 12-18 year olds, who are at there most vulnerable stage, is not only irresponsible but enraging. Gansey is saying this about a guy his age, who is drug-addicted and self-destructive, because he doesn't like him and wants Ronan to stay away from. No one calls him out on it. Not Ronan, not the narrative. Nothing.

Until the kidnapping of Matthew and the paradox/question "did the tattoo tracing scene happened?", Kavinsky did nothing to earn hatred from the reader. He was living his life, being a stupid, reckless teenage boy with a power to get everything he wanted. Ask yourself a question: "If you had the power to pulled anything* from your dreams, wouldn't you go crazy with it? Maybe in a very selfish way?"

* Throughout TRC and CDtH, we see no limit to what a dreamer can pull-out. From a pen or working car, living creatures (animals, copies of real people or purely made-up) to abstract things, like a word with power to animate the dead or an apocalypses.

Yes, K's dreaming drained the ley lines, causing Cabeswater to disappear. But did K knew about it? He knew that he needed to wait for it to recharge before dreaming more things and he did just that. The over-draining was cause by preparations for this Fourth of July party (dreaming many copies of his Mitsubishi) but same did Ronan’s dreaming (but Cabeswater acts as weird gatekeeper, so Ronan seems to be forgiven). But did he knew about Cabeswater? Or furthermore, Glendower? We can't confirm or deny it, but considering K isn't from Henrietta and probably is there only for school, he's there for about 2 years. Would he be interested in some random forest or some Welsh King, which just idea of him being in America is so far fetched to believe in?

No. All he was interested it, was parting and wasting himself away.

We don't get any other or opposing opinions on Kavinsky, only the ones given by Gangsey. They are the outsiders looking in, not having any inside, just rumors and their shallow observations/interactions. But we don't even get any "inside", not from other Raven Boys or even the Dream Pack (who are barely characters). After K's death, the only thing we get is Gangsey's not caring or being glad K's gone. Aglionby is silent and Henrietta, doesn't even acknowledge Fourth of July's Party even happened (but to be honest, the town feels like a theater stage than a living place). The only mentions about K that gives some idea someone noticed anything, was his name alongside Whelk’s and Dittley's in the newspaper at the end of BLLB (but this plot point is never mentioned again).

#joseph kavinsky #anti maggie stiefvater #anti raven cycle #anti trc

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thereisonlyoneoption · 5 years ago

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Maggie Stiefvater~Rant YA edition pt.2

I know, I know that I had to make a part about world-building but I’m pissed, I failed my exam I am at my friend house and it’s Fourth of July so I must do this.

Joseph Kavinsky.

First of all I don’t condemn his actions and yes, you can like a character but don’t agree with their actions.

My journey with The Dream Thieves was rocky, like really rocky. It was worse than The Raven Boys, I felt psychical pain while reading this one but there was only one good thing that help get through it AND IT WAS KAVINSKY.

From the first scene I liked him, I was intrigued by him and I was curious why Gangsey hates him so much. I mean what M*ggie give us are just rumours, that's when I asked myself “Why such a hate? What did he do to them?”.

And then the yo mama jokes, priceless by the way. Okay, maybe my sense humour sucks but let me tell you in polish translation “twoja stara” is golden I laughed for several minutes.

But the thing went down pretty quickly, like my face went from a happy to grim in a second and stayed that way while reading this, just to cry at the end. After that it was just anger and to this day I’m angry at M*ggie for what she did.

Lets start from beginning.

1. Kavinsky-Description

The first time we see Kavinsky it’s in the chapter 3 where we got rumours about him:

“Of course it was Joseph Kavinsky, fellow Aglionby Academy student and Henrietta’s most notorious recreational forger. Kavinsky’s infamous Mitsubishi Evo was a thing of boyish beauty, moon-white with a voracious black mouth of a grille and an immense splattered graphic of a knife on either side of the body. The Mitsubishi had just been released from a month-long stint in the police impound. The judge had told him that if he was caught racing again, they’d crush the Mitsubishi and make him watch, like they did to the rich punks’ street racers out in California. Rumor had it Kavinsky had laughed and told the judge he’d never get pulled over again. He probably wouldn’t. Rumor had it Kavinsky’s father had bought off Henrietta’s sheriff. To celebrate the Mitsubishi’s release from impound, Kavinsky had just put three coats of anti-laser paint on the headlights and bought himself a new radar detector.“

Right from the bat, characters expressed disdain of him:

“I hate that prick,” Adam said.

Then we get the “description” of him: white sunglasses, golden chain, which already is kinda lacking but then we get the infamous “refugee face”

“He had a refugee’s face, hollow-eyed and innocent.“

Okay okay, so like it wasn't already offensive, we learn later that he’s Bulgarian and as a person also from Slavic group, this description just looks bad and leaves bad taste in my mouth, because I'm fed up with Americans view of Slavs like we are all simple people, still in communist era somewhere in the Europe, who came to America to steal low income jobs.

On the other hand, how does “refugee face” looks like? Yeah, we get the line “hollow-eyed and innocent“ but it still feels offensive to Slavic group.

Luckily, in my translation it was changed to “runaway’s face” which holds the same idea but it isn't offensive and fits Kavinsky’s character better.

“There was nothing about Kavinsky that wasn’t despicable”

Just... ugh why they hate him so much, I asked myself back then but I didn't know that from this point, all went down hill.

“He was unmistakable: the sort of raven boy who was clearly an import from elsewhere.“

Okay first of all, you can import things, not actual people Blue. Second of all, combining this with “refugee face” it made me so angry like M*ggie, why can’t you describe Kavinsky normally without possibly offending half of Europe. He is human, not your new brand German car.

After that we get the rest of description “Like many of the other raven boys, he sported massive sunglasses, spiked hair, a small earring, a chain around his neck, and a white tank top.“ and that’s it. It’s all we get. There might be some things missing, like hair colour but we can forgive that.

2. Backstory

In M*ggie’s now deleted tumblr, she once wrote:

"Kavinsky has a very logical backstory that leads him to this place.”

And what did we know about Kavinsky? Practically, nothing. He’s a son of a Bulgarian mobster from New Jersey, he’s rumoured to kill his father, he’s mother is a drug-addict, he’s rich, Prokopenko is his favourite forgery and he got away with replacing him and possibly his dad. It gives the idea to what shaped him as a person but it doesn’t explained everything, like if he killed his dad, why wasn’t it? How did it ended up with him replacing Prokopenko? Why he is his favourite forgery?

But okay M*ggie say what you want but I and my friend made better backstory for him in ten minutes (like it wasn’t hard really).

3. ”We matter”

“Closing his eyes, Gansey leaned his head back on his seat, chin tilted up, throat green in the dash lights. There was still an unsafe sort of smile about his mouth — what a torment the possibility in that smile was — and he said, “There was never a time when that could’ve been you and me. You know the difference between us and Kavinsky? We matter.“

That said Gansey, the character we are supposed to like, about the kid who is not only his age but also drug addicted and possibly abused. I was furious at him for saying that because who k*rwa he is to say things like that. Is he some frigging higher being to judge someone like that?

And he was smiling while saying that? What an.. and nobody called him out on that?! It only gives the reader the idea that people like Kavinsky don’t matter and to those who relate to him that they don’t matter.

And Blue, who again made me want to throw my phone, later in the book asked literal a hitman, who offered to go to “talk” with him to “make him feel worthless” while doing it.

It’s the next example when I felt the main characters are lacking a basic human empathy, like again he is just a kid not “H*tler” like Ronan compare him to.

4. That scene

That f*king scene, we all know about.”R*pe of Ronan” as stans like to call it.

I heard the reaction of the fans to this scene even before reading this books. Of course, I was anticipating this scene and when it came:

“After a moment, he heard the hood groan as Kavinsky leaned over him. Then he felt the ridged callus of a finger drag slowly over the skin on his back. A slow arc between his shoulder blades, drawing the pattern of his tattoo. Then sliding down his spine, tensing every muscle it moved over.

But when his eyes slitted, battling sleep, Kavinsky was just doing another line of coke off the roof, body stretched over the windshield. He might have imagined it. What was real?“

I was baffled, because its bad but its nothing like fans making to be. All Kavinsky does is drag his finger on Ronan’s back tattoo, while he is falling asleep but afterwards Ronan said he doesn’t know, if it was even real, so the reader can’t tell if it was. Somebody would argue, that is a molestation but once again, we don’t know if it was real. Maybe if we got K’s PoV we could get information about this situation but now we are left in the dark what really happened that night.

And then, there is “Consent is overrated” scene

This is one of the main argument of stans preaching that K is a r*pist. Yes, that sounds horrible, we don’t have to argue about that but people missed the context of situation in which it was said.

“Ronan replied, “Not such a thief tonight.”

“Some nights,” Kavinsky said, all teeth, “you just take it. Consent is overrated.”“

Ronan and Kavinsky are referring to pulling things out of dreams and how Kavinsky is doing it aka not asking permission to take them out, unlike Ronan. But without this context, the world “consent” is mainly associated with one thing. You know what...

The bottom line is that, if we got K’s PoV, it would shine a light on his intentions and motivations to say and possibly do all of this. We can only thanks the author for that.

5. Relationship with Ronan Lynch

Maybe that will sound scandalous but I don’t think Kavinsky loved Ronan. All of their interaction seem more like obsession to me and after the dreaming of Camaro, it seem desperate.

At the beginning, after main characters expressed disdain of K, only Ronan thought something different:

“Ronan knew he ought to hate him, too.“

And I thought “Okay maybe Ronan know more about him than the rest” but as the chapters went, I wanted the end of it all.

It was toxic. I know, I know but I was hoping for a least little glimpses of possible friendship. Instead of that, I got throwing over cars, punching and exploitation between them. With Kavinsky saving Ronan from the night horror (which fans forget about in their rants how bad K is) and helping Ronan dreaming a new Camaro, I expect at least some decency? gratefulness?? at Ronan side, because nobody forced Kavinsky to do this but when Ronan got what he wanted he just peace out?! Like Kavinsky was doing all of this as a favour?

“He rolled down the window. “I’m going.” For a moment, Kavinsky’s face was perfectly blank, and then Kavinsky flickered back onto it. He said, “You’re shitting me.” “I’ll send flowers.” Ronan revved the engine. Exhaust and dust swirled in a wild torment behind the Camaro. It coughed at twenty-eight-hundred rpm. Just like the Pig. Everything was back the way it was. “Running back to your master?” “This was fun,” Ronan said. “Time for big-boy games now, though.”

And

““I never lie,” Ronan said. He frowned disbelievingly. This felt like a more bizarre scenario than anything that had happened to this point. “Wait. You thought — it was never gonna be you and me. Is that what you thought?”“

And what was Kavinsky’s reaction after he was “used” by Ronan without even a thank you?

“Kavinsky made a gun of his thumb and finger and put it to Ronan’s temple. “Bang,” he said softly, withdrawing the fake gun. “See you on the streets.”“

Not anger but disbelief about what just happened and then the “he said softly“ just seems sad to me. He got used by the man he, de facto, wanted to befriend. He for sure felt cheated and used but the next thing what he does seems just OOC for me. He kidnapped Matthew, Ronan’s younger brother, to force him to come to the Fourth of July party. Before it looked like he wanted Ronan just to have a fun but after the Camaro something broke in him. But once again, it only my interpretation, because K is the only TRC antagonist that doesn’t get PoV, so I can wonder, what was going on in his head.

I’m tired of this, because most of the things could be explained, if we got his PoV, because without it his actions seems random.

After the text “bring something fun to fourth of july or we’ll see which pill works the best on your brother“, Ronan called K demanding where is Matthew and K responded:

“Ronan demanded, “Where is he?” “You know, I asked nice the first few times. Are you coming to Fourth? Are you coming? Are you coming? Here, have a motherfucking car. Are you coming? You made it ugly. Bring something impressive tonight.”“

It doesn’t sounds that evil to me more like desperate (repetition of “are you coming”) and hurting (”you made it ugly”). It made me feel more curious about what was going in his head and what lead him to kidnapping more than being angry at him for kidnapping Matthew.

Kavinsky was looking someone like Ronan, to share problems and to destroy themselves together. And Ronan was the closest thing to it, dreamer and all. He was looking for connection but in the end, Ronan didn’t want anything to do with him and that ended in tragedy.

6. Fourth of July

Ah yes, the main reason why I’m writing this post. We know how this goes. Gangsey arrives at party. Ronan demands where is his brother. Ronan follow K into a dream.

"Kavinsky laughed the word. "Reality! Reality's what other people dream for you."

"Reality's where other people are," Ronan replied. He stretched out his arms. "What's here, K? Nothing! No one!"

"Just us."

There was a heavy understanding in that statement, amplified by the dream. I know what you are, Kavinsky had said. "That's not enough," Ronan replied."

One again K got rejected and it was told to him he "wasn't enough" Okay, Ronan doesn't own him anything but what happened next is more fucked up

Kavinsky dreams fire dragon, Ronan night horror. They fight. Gangsey search for Matthew.

Ronan demands K to tell him where is Matthew and K just said “He’s all yours! You missed my point, man. All I wanted was this —”“ while gesturing at their creations and ONCE AGAIN I REPEAT ONCE AGAIN we are not sure what K meant: dreaming together? fighting? One chapter from his PoV couldn’t hurt Maggie you know?

Matthew got rescued, Ronan shielded him from upcoming dragon then this:

"He shouted to Kavinsky, ”Get down!”

But Kavinsky didn’t look away from the creatures. He said,”The world’s a nightmare”.

Ronan once again shouted to him but Kavinsky didn’t answered and let the dragon to kill him.

“A second later, the fire dragon exploded into Kavinsky. It went straight through him, around him, flame around an object. Kavinsky fell. Not as if he was struck, though. Just like when he’d taken the green pill. He crumpled to his knees and then slumped gracelessly off the car.“

And we know K is dead, because both the dragon and Prokopenko fall asleep.

And that’s all and what was all for? Because they thought he was draining the ley lines (but Adam fixing the lines seems to do the trick) and because Ronan didn't want to come to Fourth of July. After that comes nothing. No reaction from the cast and the dream pack who supposedly were his friends (In later book Jiang talks to Ronan like nothing happened) there is no funeral of which we know and the town is silent. Like K never existed.

What kind of message this sends to a reader? That if you are like Kavinsky in any way nobody will mind if you are gone. You are not even worthless to remember. On one podcast M*ggie said she don’t want to be educational in her books and that’s f*cked up because she is writing YA, young people who are easily influenced and after reading how K is treated the majority will close the book with belief that people like K don’t deserve help and they are goners not worthy of redemption.

While in the same book Gray Man, adult hitman who killed people on pages, was hunting down Ronan, relieved to be murderer behind a Niall's death, beat up and threaten Declan with a gun to tell him where the Greywaren was not only forgiven by everyone (including Ronan) but got redemption arc and love interest. Let me repeat adult man, literal a hitman gets redemption arc but not mentally ill kid. Okay Margaret what the f*ck was that. Where is the logic, where is the lamb sauce?! Does she knows how her writing can influence young people? And it seems most of the fans agree with her.

Conclusion

Joseph Kavinsky was handled terribly through the whole book. With main cast hating him from the get-go. Narration that tried to make him the great evil (with some fans of TRC calling him the worst villain) and after the book got published the fans and the author themself further demonised him, 17 year old boy with a drug addiction, mental illness and with possible history of abuse.

I can only shake my head every time, I see someone calling him the devil. What Kavisnky needed was rehab and therapy, not death! If she wanted to find solution to stop him from dreaming, why couldn't she just moved him outside of Henrietta or Virginia, not lead him to commit s*icide and public s*icide mind you. He was a bad person but nobody deserved to die like this.

To end this post (I wrote this post so long that in my country is no longer Fourth of July), I still to this day think about Kavinsky and what would happened, if the author didn't choose the easy way to "get rid of him". And do not tell me, it was impossible to end it differently, because it was possible. Ronan just grabbing him by the shirt and pulling him off the car. Sending him to a rehab or just talking with him, instead of assuming from the start, that he wouldn't listen. His only crimes were, he needed help and he wouldn't listen to Gangsey telling him what to do.

#anti maggie stiefvater #joseph kavinsky #anti the raven cycle #anti trc #he deserved better

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allthingsfangirl101 · 5 years ago

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Kisses On The Lacrosse Field–Peter Kavinsky

Peter's POV

I looked over to see Y/N studying her notes for the test we had next week. I let out a small laugh, making her look up at me.

"What?" She asked, innocently. I reached up and tucked a piece of hair that had fallen in front of her face behind her ear.

"You have been studying your notes since the second we sat down. You haven't even taken your lunch out of your backpack."

"Well, you know Mr. Kellen and how his tests are," she sighed.

"True," I shrugged. "But I also know that out of all the people in our class, you are the last person who needs to worry about this test. And it's next week."

I sighed before taking her notebook and holding it out of her reach. She looked up at me and pouted as I tucked it into my backpack and closed the zipper.

"Peter," she sighed, holding her hand out. "Give it back. Please? I need to study."

"What you need to do is eat. And pay attention to me." I leaned forward and pressed my lips to hers. I frowned as she quickly pulled away, looking around nervously like she was afraid we would get in trouble or something.

"What?" I asked as I leaned back and studied her red cheeks. She played with her hands, avoiding my gaze.

"Nothing," she stuttered.

I reached over and cupped her cheek in my hand, turning her head so she was looking at me. "It's obviously not nothing," I said softly. My face fell as she pulled out of my hold. Again.

"Are you," I stuttered. "Are you embarrassed? Do you not want to be seen with me or something?"

"No," she said quickly. "It's not that."

"Then what is it?"

"I just," she stuttered. I waited for her to continue, but she didn't.

"Y/N, what's going on? Did I do something? I was just joking with taking your notebook."

"I know," she said. I watched as she hesitated to grab my hand and decided not to at the last minute. "I just. . . I'm not a big fan of PDA."

"PDA?" I asked, not believing her. "We hold hands as we walk to class all the time."

"Yeah," she said, her voice softening. "It's not that."

"Then what is it?" I scooted away from her when it clicked. "You don't like kissing me at school."

She bit her lip, looking at me with sad eyes. "You're embarrassed to be with me."

"No," she said quickly. "It's not like that, Peter. I'm just not comfortable kissing at school."

"Really?" I scoffed before I could stop myself. "I seem to remember walking past you and Jack making out every day at your locker."

"Jack?" She said, her voice breaking. "Peter, he was my boyfriend freshman year. We broke up because he wanted to sleep with me and I wasn't ready. You. . . You know that. Why would you bring him up?"

"Because you didn't have a problem with PDA at school back then, but you do now. So, you must have a problem with kissing me at school."

I stood up, took her notebook out of my bag and plopped it on the table. "Here," I said as I zipped my backpack up.

"Peter," she said softly. "Can we talk about this?"

"Can't," I said shortly, not looking at her. "I'll. . . I'll see you later. I've got to talk to Coach about something before practice."

"Peter," her voice got caught in her throat as I walked away. "I'm sorry," she mumbled before I was out of earshot.

* * * * *

"Hey, Kavinsky!"

I looked up from the goal, slowly pulling my helmet off my head to see Y/N walking onto the field.

"Y/N," I said slowly. "What are you doing here?"

"Proving you wrong," she smirked as she got to me. Before I could say anything, she grabbed my face and pressed her lips to mine. I instantly started kissing her back, wrapping my arms around her waist.

Our lips moved in sync as she slowly wrapped her arms around my neck. I completely forgot I was in the middle of practice as I slipped my tongue into her mouth.

When I finally remembered where we were, I was the first to pull away. "What's wrong, babe?" She asked, her voice soft and sexy.

"It's just. . . " I stuttered. I looked down at her, my head still spinning. "I'm in the middle of practice."

"Now who's embarrassed?" She looked up at me, a smirk on her swollen lips. She stood on her toes and pressed another kiss to my lips. She pulled away sooner than I would've liked.

"Meet me at my house after practice," she whispered.

Y/N winked before turning around and walking off the field, every guys' eyes looking at me before drifting to her. I laughed as I awkwardly scratched the back of my head.

"Hey!" I yelled at them. "She's taken."

#noah centineo #noah centineo imagines #noah centineo x reader #peter kavinsky #peter kavinsky imagine #peter kavinsky x reader

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anothertroy · 4 years ago

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Have you read the TRC sequels? I remember you posting a lot about The Raven Cycle back in the day.

oof. hi anon, are you my lovely TRC anon of old? it’s possible I had more than one of those, to be fair, on account of anonymousness :x but if you are, hi! you are still one of the best things about the very weird experience of being in that fandom. we were in fact talking about these sequels just the other day, and the short answer is that no, I haven’t read them and I am probably unlikely to ever read them. I will put the long answer under a cut where if you want to you can read my whole feelings about this thing. they are not happy feelings :|

it’s a shame. once upon a time I would have been so lightning strike excited to know that these books were going to have sequels. more time spent with some characters I’d come to love like family! who doesn’t want that? but that seems like such a long, long time ago now. I don’t think I’ve ever endured a combination of betrayal by creator + betrayal by fandom to anywhere near the same extent as this horrible, surreal mess.

I read the first three books of TRC feeling like I was being put through something like cleansing fire, like, I don’t think I’d felt this ~seen~ and ~understood~ by a book series in years - not just the people in the books but also the way they were written, thought processes I recognised and figured almost nobody else understood, ways of talking about trauma and generally being fucked up that were more familiar to me than media usually manages at all, etc etc. these beautiful children came to live with me and I sent messages to The Author saying how amazing I thought x or y thing in the books was, and she sent me messages back and I was like, this is THE BEST

but like. I can’t begin to explain how brutal and demoralising I was also finding the fandom at the same time. every time I went in anyone’s tag, there would be stuff glorifying Kavinsky as some sort of misunderstood badass gay representation or ship mixes with him in them or graphics about his bad boy good looks or whatever the christ fuck, as well as the people complaining that Adam was ‘a bad bisexual because Reasons’, which was a whole different alley of despair down which I wandered in bewildered alarm. I still have waking nightmares about some of the fic people wrote about Kavinsky, particularly the ones where Adam slept with him because...??? because he was poor and was being paid to? because he was poor and that meant he didn’t have standards? because he was poor and somehow thus Kavinsky was meant to understand him better than anyone else did????? and also, more than any others, the fic where Kavinsky sexually assaulted Gansey in a bathroom at Aglionby. like I literally think about that fic once a month and cry because it was so fucking horrible and I was seeing shit like this every. single. day and I had to unfollow SO MANY PEOPLE

because every time I thought I was safe following someone and they were all ‘OT5! yay!’ then suddenly a graphic would pop up or a fanmix and they’d start being like, well, he was a poor misunderstood soul who didn’t mean to hurt anyone and he had a bad childhood and so deserves redemption anyway here’s my AU where he comes back from the dead or never died so he can have a cute gay relationship with [it literally doesn’t matter who because every single possibility is BAD. BAD. BAD BAD BAD. DON’T DATE A RAPIST!!! don’t date somebody who literally created you as an empty sex doll I’m gonna blow a fucking gasket just thinking about this christ almighty]

so, like, that was happening, and for a while it felt like The Author was in the same position about all that as I was, just being like, nope, he’s evil. nope, he’s dead. nope, you’re all wrong. nope, Adam is a real teenager just figuring out his sexuality and he doesn’t need all your weird labels and feelings pasted onto him. and that was bearable. but then things started to get weird with her, too. idk if you remember that whole absolutely bizarre thing where she was like, it’s gross and disturbing to me if you write about these characters being in physical relationships because they’re teenagers and my books are for teenagers and teens doing Things with each other is gross and bad??? because that was. a trip. and also a bad sign.

and idk what happened man but the fourth book, which I have still actually not personally read on account of wanting to spare myself the actual misery of dragging my way through it, is just like...How Can I Ruin Everything I Have Created. like How Can I Tell My Fans I Hate Them, Specifically. How Can I Finish This Series That Means A Lot To People By Destroying Everything They Loved. I could get into all the things I find actively despicable about it but that’s probably not worth doing here right now, the point is, I hate and hurt over every decision she made about what to do with everyone. about everything.

so reading the sequels was probably never gonna happen anyway but when it came up in conversation the other week I went to read the plot of the first one out of morbid curiosity and I was just like...so upset and so angry just reading the plot that I def do not want to put myself, or these beautiful kids who still live with me, through a single page of it. we have our own sequel, where they’re just living their lives and doing the best they can to figure out where to go from here, and sometimes Ronan makes dinner for me and Adam helps me clean the bathroom and Gansey cries at nature documentaries. I like our party better.

#Anonymous

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astudyinfreewill · 5 years ago

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tbh i get queer fans being mad/sad about kavinsky being killed off in that yeah, bury your guys can always be upsetting no matter the character. but it's weird to me when people go the 'he didn't DESERVE it blah blah' route because like, that has nothing to do with the trope. like i agree with queer characters always getting killed off being exhausting, but i don't get people going hard for this particular character lmao

hmm i… sort of agree. i guess i can understand fans being sad about kavinsky being killed off if they empathise with him, even though personally i just… can’t imagine relating to a character like that. but i honestly, genuinely don’t believe he’s an example of Bury Your Gays. it would be BYG if kavinsky was the only queer rep in the books, or even he killed himself specifically for being gay… which, no matter what people argue, he didn’t. but rather than give my opinion on it, i’m gonna take this chance to go through the trope systematically and explain why the shoe doesn’t fit. it’s meta time!

Why Kavinsky Dying is Not “Bury Your Gays”

[All quotes are taken directly from TvTropes, though the emphasis is mine.]

The Bury Your Gays trope in media, including all its variants, is a homophobic cliché. It is the presentation of deaths of LGBT characters where these characters are nominally able to be viewed as more expendable than their heteronormative counterparts. In this way, the death is treated as exceptional in its circumstances. In aggregate, queer characters are more likely to die than straight characters. Indeed, it may be because they seem to have less purpose compared to straight characters, or that the supposed natural conclusion of their story is an early death.

Kavinsky is never viewed as “more expendable than his heteronormative counterparts”. If you see Kavinsky as simply Ronan’s foil, then the reasoning doesn’t apply, because Ronan is gay himself, so he can’t be a “heteronormative counterpart”. However, Kavinsky apologists like to latch on to Gansey’s “We matter” quote to prove Kavinsky is treated as unimportant – but that’s a fallacy for several reasons. First, you’re taking Gansey to speak for the author, or for objective truth, when Gansey is one of the most unreliable narrators in the book, and his world view is extremely biased. Secondly, Gansey isn’t Kavinsky’s counterpart. Kavinsky is an antagonist, so you have to look at what happens to the other antagonists – his actual heteronormative counterparts. And, well: they pretty much ALL get killed off. Not just that, but they often get killed off in a way that does not have the emotional/narrative impact implied in Kavinsky’s death. By that reckoning, he gets the better shake. Additionally, we get 4 heteronormative villains killed off - Whelk, Neeve, Colin, and Piper. So in the series, queer characters are not more likely to die than straight characters (even among the protagonists, Gansey and Noah are the ones who “die”, where Ronan and Adam do not).

The reasons for this trope have evolved somewhat over the years. For a good while, it was because the Depraved Homosexual trope and its ilk pretty much limited portrayals of explicitly gay characters to villainous characters, or at least characters who weren’t given much respect by the narrative. This, conversely, meant that most of them would either die or be punished by the end.

This is not applicable to TRC, as portrayals of explicitly queer characters are not limited to villainous characters; Adam and Ronan are both explicitly queer and they are treated with huge amounts of respect by the narrative. So Kavinsky isn’t being killed for being the odd one out/the Token Evil Queer; plus, there are other reasons why he doesn’t fit the Depraved Homosexual trope (while sexual molestation is a part of this trope, TVTropes encourages you to “think of whether he’d be any different if he wasn’t gay” – and Kavinsky wouldn’t. Not only because DHs are usually extremely camp while Kavinsky’s mannerisms aren’t particularly queer-coded, but also because he is not shown to have any more respect for women than he does for men, and his abuse would look the same if he was straight).

However, as sensitivity to gay people became more mainstream, this evolved into a sort of Rule-Abiding Rebel “love the sinner, hate the sin” attitude. You could have sympathetic queer characters, but they would still usually be “punished” for their queerness in some way so as to not anger more homophobic audiences, similar to how one might write a sympathetic drug addict but still show their addiction in a poor light.

Again: Neither Ronan nor Adam – the two sympathetic queer characters – are punished for being queer, hence subverting this form of the trope.

This then transitioned into the Too Good for This Sinful Earth narrative, where stories would tackle the subject of homophobia and then depict LGBT characters as suffering victims who die tragic deaths from an uncaring world. The AIDS crisis also contributed to this narrative, as the Tragic AIDS Story became its own archetype, popularized by films like Philadelphia.

Okay, this is DEFINITELY not Kavinsky’s case. Kavinsky’s death isn’t specifically connected to being gay (e.g.: a hate crime or an STD), and he’s never depicted as some innocent suffering victim. As for the “uncaring world”… eh. Kavinsky may not have a valid support system, but that’s just as much by choice as by chance - and when Ronan extends a helping hand and tries to save him, Kavinsky rejects it. Too Good For This Sinful Earth is definitely not in play.

The only trope that kind of fits the bill is Gayngst-Induced Suicide… but only on the surface. As TVTrope puts it, Gayngst-Induced Suicide is “when LGBT characters are Driven to Suicide because of their sexuality, either because of internalized homophobia (hating themselves) or experiencing a miserable life because of their “deviant” gender or sexuality: having to hide who they are, not finding a stable relationship, homophobia from other parties, etc.”. Kavinsky certainly has quite a bit of internalized homophobia, but he is absolutely not experiencing a miserable life because of his sexuality – i.e. he’s not being bullied or taunted or subejcted to hate crimes. He doesn’t have to hide who he is: his parents are effectively out of the picture, his cronies worship him, and he constantly makes gay jokes to Ronan and Gansey. As for “not finding a stable relationship”… well that’s not exactly the problem, is it. He’s not looking for a stable relationship – he’s pursuing Ronan specifically, obsessively, through stalking and abuse. So even this trope is not applicable.

And then there are the cases of But Not Too Gay or the Bait-and-Switch Lesbians, where creators manage to get the romance going but quickly avoid showing it in detail by killing off one of the relevant characters.

Once again this is not the case with Kavinsky, as 1) there was no romance going between him and Ronan, and 2) he is not killed off before the nature of his obsession with Ronan is revealed – he gets the chance to both admit (sort of) he wants Ronan, and to confront Ronan about his sexuality, to which Ronan admits that yes, he is gay, but he is not interested in Kavinsky. So, there is no But Not Too Gay nor any Bait-and-Switch here.

Also known as Dead Lesbian Syndrome, though that name has largely fallen out of use post-2015 and the media riots about overuse of the trope. And, as this public outcry restated, the problem isn’t merely that gay characters are killed off: the problem is the tendency that gay characters are killed off in a story full of mostly straight characters, or when the characters are killed off because they are gay.

This is a very good definition of the trope and why it doesn’t apply to Kavinsky: he’s not killed off because he’s gay, and he’s not killed off in a story full of mostly straight characters; TRC is definitely not overwhelmingly diverse, but 2 of the 4 protagonists are queer, giving us a solid 50% ratio (I’m not counting Noah because his “character” status is vague, and I’m not counting Henry because he came in so late, and also because his sexuality is the matter of much speculation).

For a comparison that will make it even clearer: take a show like Supernatural. Supernatural’s range of characters is almost entirely presented as straight white cis men (as of canon – despite much of the fandom’s hopes and speculation). They’ve had problems with diversity in general, with a lot of black characters dying immediately, and a lot of women getting fridged for plot advancement or male angst (a different problematic trope altogether). Now, apart from minor inconsequential cameos, Supernatural had ONE recurring gay character: Charlie Bradbury. And they killed her off for no discernible reason other than plot advancement and male angst, in a context that had elements of Too Good For This Sinful Earth (Charlie being a fan-favourite, ~pure cinnamon roll~, being killed by actual nazis, who historically targeted gay people). See, THAT was Bury Your Gays, AND Dead Lesbian Syndrome, AND Fridging…

However, sometimes gay characters die in fiction because, well, sometimes people die. There are many Anyone Can Die stories: barring explicit differences in the treatments of the gay and straight deaths in these, it’s not odd that the gay characters are dying. The occasional death of one in a Cast Full of Gay is unlikely to be notable, either.

…But that is not the case with TRC. As I’ve said above, there are no explicit differences in the treatments of the gay and straight villain deaths. Kavinsky’s death is not Bury Your Gays; it’s Anyone Can Die – even a protagonist’s foil who has magic powers and is present for most of the book.

Believe me, I would not be cavalier about this. As you rightly said, queer characters always getting killed off is exhausting, and as a bi woman myself, I am deeply affected by instances of Bury Your Gays. When Supernatural killed off Charlie, I wrote a novel-length fix-it fic and basically stopped watching the show – a show I had been following, flaws and all, for 10 years. I don’t take it lightly. But Kavinsky’s death isn’t Bury Your Gays, nor is it homophobia. Sometimes, a character death is just a character death.

#anonymous #answer #meta #trc #trc meta #tropes #joseph kavinsky #mp #my meta

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lifetime-want · 5 years ago

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URL Song Tag

-Tagged by @plath-sims! I don’t often get tagged so this is exciting!

Rules: Spell out your URL with song titles and tag people.

L - A Light That Never Comes - Linkin Park & Steve Aoki (itunes sorts it as L!)

I - In My Feelings - Lana Del Rey

F - Find Me - Taeyeon

E - End of the Earth - Marina

T - Twit - Hwasa

I - I’m So Sick - Apink

M - MIC Drop - BTS & Steve Aoki

E - Eyes On Me - Faye Wong for FF8

- - # - LOONA (symbol is still a letter?!)

W - Wicked Games - Coeur De Pirate (The Weeknd Cover)

A - As Far As I Could Get - Florence + The Machine

N - Nightcall - Kavinsky

T - These Days - Rudimental (ft. Jess Glynne, Macklemore, Dan Caplen)

So yes, I love Kpop but I rather keep it to myself because some other Kpop fans are too much for me. I love all genres but I do lean more towards pop because I wallowed in sad music for too long in my life and I want to listen to upbeat things, Kpop happens to be perfect for that. My music taste is kinda personal, I don’t like to share too much but it can be fun!

I don’t tag anyone because I’m a socially awkward human. Please feel free to do these things regardless of being tagged!

If I didn’t tag you, tag yourself!

#personal #nonsims

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keep-your-eyes-wide-open · 6 years ago

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I'm not gonna lie

I'm really glad that Ethan stood up for Emma! Regardless of what people believe when it comes to their relationship, Ethan is the type of guy who is going to defend the people he cares about (which includes Emma to some people's dissastifaction). Fans of the twins should be happy that Ethan is happy, not harassing his friend/potential girlfriend.

In addition, I honestly find it terrible that so many people are bullying Emma for being herself. She's 17 for crying out loud!! I'm pretty sure that her life has no direct effect on these people who are bullying her, so it makes no sense to do it. 2019 is suppose to be the year of positivity and kindness, not negativity and hatred.

I have a strong belief that these people bullying Emma are not only making Ethan upset, but Grayson as well. If I knew that my actions caused the twins to feel even a pinch of sadness or disappointment I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I'm not one to send hate to celebrities because I would never want to intentionally make someone feel less about themselves, so it honestly blows my mind when I see some of the comments people make. I just don't see the point of making someone feel bad about themselves.

Another point I would like to make is that people need to remember that just because these guys are famous doesn't mean they are indestructible. They are just as affected by what people say about them, if not more.

To end my little rant here is my wish: I really hope that people will get over themselves and just let Ethan and Emma live their lives and be happy.

(I know this is not the twins but I could not find a gif of their peace outro, so Peter Kavinsky will have to do!)

#grayson dolan #ethan dolan #emma chamberlain

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noahcdaily · 6 years ago

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Noah Centineo, Shameless Heartthrob

My date with the best thirst architect the internet’s ever seen.

Now, I put my hand here,” Noah Centineo instructs as he slides his hand in the back pocket of my jeans. “And then we walk a little, like this.” He leads me around the Coney Island Aquarium like that: hip to hip, smiling at each other, his hand, to reiterate, in the back pocket of my jeans. I’ve just shamelessly asked him to re-create his signature move from Netflix’s To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, an adaptation of Jenny Han’s YA novel, in which he plays Peter Kavinsky, the high-school jock at the center of the film’s romantic plotline. I watched the movie and mentally flagged this scene — where he’s trying to convince a cafeteria full of students he’s dating the protagonist, Lara Jean Covey (Lana Condor) — as the one that made me wonder, Who is that guy? It’s a moment that belongs in a clip reel of classic, chemistry-laden movie moments, and I, a journalist, wondered if it could inspire the same feelings when executed in real life.

Centineo tells me how he totally improvised the move during filming. It was a thing he used to do with his ex-girlfriend. They’d be walking around, like we are now, and he’d realized he could sort of dance her around by the pocket and turn her, “just like this,” and boom, propelled by just a tug on my pocket, I’m suddenly facing him. We’re pelvis to pelvis. He’s smiling, comfortably, and I’m confronted with his hazel eyes, the scent of clean laundry, and pure pheromones. I sort of squeal, I think? Who can say, because I definitely black out for a second.

If I seem thirsty, well, isn’t that the point? At 22, Centineo is the most effective, addictive sort of heartthrob: the kind who absolutely loves being one, the kind who does everything in his power to make us thirst harder than we’ve ever thirsted before — and, yeah, it works. When the movie came out in August, Noah Centineo was immediately, breathlessly given the title of Internet’s Boyfriend. Now, with his second Netflix rom-com, Sierra Burgess Is a Loser, in which he plays yet another lovable, evolved jock, Centineo has graduated to full-on cultural obsession.

In less than a month his Instagram followers went from just under 800,000 to 9.5 million. In the movie, his character drives crosstown to buy his love interest her favorite Korean yogurt drinks — and no joke — Yakult stock has been going up. This man’s floppy hair is actually driving the market. He’s been stalked by fans and now employs an omnipresent security guard named Dave. He’s been the subject of a leaked nude scandal (“I understand why you have to ask that question,” he demurred when I asked him about a certain video that’s been making the rounds. “I just hope you understand why I’m not gonna answer it.”). His Twitter mentions are an anthology of fantasies — some chaste and some really not — written by women of all ages. “Tell them all to hit my line,” he says with a laugh.

We decide to tour the aquarium, where I’m idly waiting for him in the lobby when he walks in shirtless. Shirtless. Without a shirt. Holding his black T-shirt in his hand, instead of wearing it on his torso, which I can see right now. With my eyes. He has a real reason. He’s just been outside, taking pictures on a boardwalk in nearly 100-degree weather. But even with a rational explanation as to why he has no shirt on, the entrance is so on the nose it’s almost ridiculous: a smoking-hot leading man, walking into a room sweaty and half-naked. It’s like there should be a slowed-down frame rate, a treacly indie-pop song playing, a zoom-in of my pupils turning into those hunga hunga hearts. He hands his ticket to the woman at the front desk and apologizes, for some reason, for his bare chest. She makes him put his shirt back on, and greets me with a smile so huge, I can assure you he has zero cavities.

Even offscreen, Centineo, I observe immediately, has that whole thing. It wasn’t just good directing or the right song cued at the right moment that created the effect. He has all the qualities deemed necessary by early-in-life fans of Teen Bop and Devon Sawa at the end of Casper: white sneakers (Vans, of course), an easy charm, and a tendency to play it fast and loose with knowing, meaningful eye contact that says “I see you.” He knows the right way to lean against a wall, how to twirl a specific clump of hair so it slouches over one eye. He’s even got an imperfection you can moon over: this tiny scar on his chin from where his dog tried to rip his face off when he was a kid. When he greets me with a hug, it’s the kind of genuine, intentional, full-body contact that makes me feel like he’d write me a letter every day and build me a house.

“I’ve always played the love interest,” Centineo says. “I’ve trained for it for a while. These roles are just molds I can pour myself into.” He grew up in Miami, with a few years’ interlude in Park City, which he hated because he never felt like he fit in. He started acting as a preteen when he attended a general casting call sort of on a lark, but he enjoyed it so much he eventually dropped out of his Boca Raton high school sophomore year and moved to Los Angeles with his mom to pursue it full-time. Since then Centineo’s been playing graduating levels of “crush”: first on a tween-friendly Disney show Austin & Ally, then on a teen-friendly Freeform show, The Fosters, and now for admiring audiences of all ages on Netflix rom-coms (To All the Boys, Sierra Burgess, and one deep cut for the algorithm-determined real fans, SPF 18.)

“I like this rowboat. Do you want to sit in this rowboat,” he asks, upon discovering a fake rowboat stuck in the corner of an exhibition about ponds. (Fake rowboat, a move.) Ever the leading man, he gets in first to steady the fake boat, and helps me in. Then, he directs yet another adorable moment for us, and starts rocking the boat back and forth, like we’re on a real pond, laughing this huge, full-throated laugh like the only thing he’s ever wanted to do was crouch in a plastic rowboat with me. And even though we both know the answer to the question, I ask, “Why do you think everyone is going nuts over you right now?”

“People love love,” he says, and begins to explain how both of his recent movies “empower” people. “I think these are just great examples of feel-good films, how could you not like something that makes you feel good?”

He stops talking and looks at me, a little concerned. “If you’re still warm, we should move,” he suggests, perhaps noticing the sweat pouring from my forehead and rolling down to my chin. It’s such a hot day, even the AC inside has given up. “I just want you to feel comfortable,” he says thoughtfully, adding, “Don’t worry, I also sweat like a motherfucker.”

It’s now his mission to find the coolest spot in the aquarium. He leads me down some stairs, back up the same stairs once he realizes they lead to a bathroom. We go around all the exhibits, while he looks up at the ceiling, in the corners, searching for an air vent, determined to find the perfect spot to get the full blast. We finally do. “Can you feel it?” he asks, one last time, before he seems satisfied, parked in front of a manmade reef. It’s a specific sort of gallantry I recognize from his roles, the ones he describes as manly and masculine, but also “sensitive, emotionally intelligent, loving, nurturing, and protective.”

“That’s just what a great man is in life and in general,” he shrugs. In his two most well-known parts (both of which occurred in the past month) he plays an updated version of a familiar type of crush. In To All the Boys, a lacrosse player who loves Fight Club but drinks kombucha and falls for the film’s Korean-American protagonist. In the other, Sierra Burgess, a quarterback who thinks the cheerleader is way hot, but instead falls for the brainy girl who catfishes him. In both, he displays a preference for the unexpected love interest. In both, he drives a Jeep Wrangler, the preeminent car of teen crushes. He’s not the mysterious, brooding type à la Robert Pattinson in Twilight, he doesn’t have the cold, intellectual appeal of Timothée Chalamet’s character in Lady Bird. He’s not pure Zac Efron dumb-hot-frat boy or even the misunderstood, sexually experienced bad boy like the ones Adam Driver plays. What Centineo does well — and what nobody has really done with such conviction since Freddie Prinze Jr. — is play a simple, suburban-mall kind of crush with Stanislavski dedication. That’s it. He’s just fully nice and hot at a time that feels like “nice and hot” is a rare resource. He’s a throwback to a more classic sort of wish fulfillment.

In fact, Centineo can see a whole career based around this: being good at love. He imagines all the potential types of roles he can explore: romantic dramas, other types of rom-coms, action romantic comedies, edgier, more toxic and dangerous types of love. “There’s so many degrees to love. I think I have a lot more to offer the space,” he says. He’s got a few projects lined up already, most notably a movie coming out in 2019 called The Stand-In. He plays a post-grad who launches a start-up, which requires him to loan himself out as a fake boyfriend.

“Whoa whoa! That motherfucker just came through so quick! He ran up on us with his boy.”

Centineo jumps back and marvels at some large fish that just came swimming right at his head. He makes a kissy-fish face back at the fish. What a lovely time we’re having. Looking at fish! Then he points to a placard and carefully reads out the description for Slippery Dick, a type of fish native to this particular tank, and chuckles. Then I read one about the French Grunt. I have no idea what’s going on. I point to a particularly fascinating fish, and he leans in to see, angling his head so his hair brushes my hand. Our arms accidentally touch.

“How’d you get so good at flirting,” I’m compelled to ask.

“Am I flirting?” he laughs and leans and looks down at the floor. “I don’t know — I’m fucking so romantic. Like, such a romantic — it’s not even funny. I can’t help it. I swear to God, like, every day, the majority of my day is sentimental. You know, I’m thinking about past relationships I’ve been in, how I miss them so much or what I would do different, or why I wanna be with them again, or just moments I’d like to go back to or I know why I shouldn’t go back, and then you know, it’s just constantly love, love, love.”

He’s a Taurus, ruled by Venus, he offers by way of explanation. “That means a couple things: one, like I need a lot of nurturing, and two, Venus is love, I’m ruled by love.” His favorite movie is Gaspar Noe’s Love, his favorite feeling is being in love (which he has been, twice). I bet if you could cook Love and serve it over pasta, it would be his favorite meal. He lives, breathes, and expels love. His Instagram is a steady stream of soul-baring, puppy-dog-eyed selfies — “I’m pretty vain,” he jokes. His Twitter alternates between sort of yoga studio platitudes and vague flirtations like “Fuck…you’re so cute,” or, more in line with my personal interests, “THE BLACKER THE BERRY.”The messages are to nobody specific, he says — he’s single right now — they could be to somebody he just met, or he met before, or he saw across the room, or just to everybody.

Dating is going to be hard for him from now on, he suspects, even though he really doesn’t want to change how he pursues someone he likes (open-heartedly, passionately, purely) but he’s started worrying about the reasons people want to date him. Is it just because he’s more famous now? Do they just want to date Peter Kavinksy? But are Kavinsky and Centineo really so different? “I’m definitely not as innocent—” he says, with a gaze, because why say anything if you aren’t going to commit.

Centineo continues to list the differences, both philosophical and material: He’s more apt to jump out of a plane or just sit in nature than his characters. He doesn’t live in the suburbs, he lives in Los Angeles with his older sister and her boyfriend. He likes yoga and martial arts. He parties with friends. He starts every day at 6 a.m. with oatmeal, the recipe for which he begins detail, slowly: “I do Irish steel-cut oats, I do almond butter, coconut butter uh, coconut oil, honey, uh, chopped bananas, and, and, uh, like, hemp granola,” and I’m struck with this familiar feeling of being completely entranced by a man saying absolutely nothing interesting to me, which, oh right, yes, is infatuation.

#do people like these #will i post them more?#noah centineo #interview #the cut #140918 #september 18 #2017

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thehollowprince · 6 years ago

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If I may have a moment of your time....

What the actual fuck?!

I'm sorry, but that's just the first thought that came to my head regarding this whole situation regarding The Raven Boys show that's in production. More specifically, the issue around how many of the fans are attatched to the idea of Ronan being black or not for the adaptation.

Before I go any further, please keep in mind that I am the Whitest White Guy to ever White, so take my opinion with a grain of salt.

I saw the other day that the author if the books, Maggie Stiefvater, made a post about the fandom's insistence that Ronan be black, and then later reblogged another, that both reduced Ronan to one character trait: his anger. That was incredibly disheartening. The fact that the author of the very books this show is to be based off of thinks so little of the character she created is sad.

Yes, Ronan is an angry boy, there is no doubt about that, but that anger comes from a place of grief and grows lesser with each book, with each chapter, as he bonds more with the Gangsey.

I mean, this is a character that dreamt up his younger brother, one of, if not the, sweetest characters in the whole series. This is a character that has such a strong bond with his family, even if that bond isn't always the most positive. This is a character that religiously goes to church every Sunday, despite my own personal opinion of him not really believing. Ronan and Declan fight almost constantly, but the moment church rolls around on Sunday, they put all that aside and go to service. This is a character that put his own life in the line to try and save everyone against the demon in the end. This is a character that ends that series living humbly on a farm with a kid.

But no, he's Angry™.

And then to see the complaint that "Why can't another character be black?"

That's a good question. Why can't they?

We've ruled out Ronan because of his anger, and we can't have it be Adam because he comes from a poor, abusive family, but in that same breath we shouldn't have it be Blue, because she grew up poor and with an absentee father. That's a stereotype that we can't have for a black character. Noah? The same Noah who was beaten to death because someone else thought his life wasn't as important as what was wanted? Gansey, who pursued his friend's girlfriend? Maybe Joseph Kavinsky, because why not the villain, right?

There is no character in this series that couldn't be reduced to a stereotype for a black person, so why is it that Ronan is?

I understand the stereotype of the Angry Black Man, but why wouldn't you want to show a black character going through the arc that Ronan goes through in this series?

I don't know, maybe it's just me. I first heard of The Raven Cycle through Tumblr. The first images I saw of Ronan were fan art and in them he was black. When I saw the cover for Dream Thieves, I saw Ronan's silhouette and thought "he is black". But then I picked up the books and found out that he was white. I remember sighing when I saw that, because "Oh, a closeted white gay. That's original."

As a gay man myself, I understand the need to portray people in the closet, because despite the fact that its 2018, it's still hard for people to be open about who they like. But also as a gay man, I can list ten shows off the top of my head where the sole gay character in the series is a white guy, and his boyfriend (if he has any) is white as well. It's boring.

Think about that. I am a gay man and I'm sick to death of seeing the same moderately attractive white guy playing the gay character. Gay men come in all shapes and sizes and colors, maybe that should be represented on screen more.

It's sad to say, but given that the author and creator of these charactershas reduced one of the most popular to one trait in her mind, I don't think I'm going to be picking up the Dreamer Trilogy. Why would I want to read a series where the author doesn't love the character with the same intensity that I do?

PS: I understand that Maggie isn't involved in the casting process, but given that she's clearly writing the script for (at least) the first episode, one would think she could offer suggestions to casting.

#sorry for the rant #needed to get that off my chest #just my opinion #ronan lynch #the raven cycle #the raven boys #maggie stiefvater

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charmingpplincardigans · 6 years ago

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Music for De-stressing Chaotic Brains

This is an email I mentioned sending to a friend on twitter and a couple folks ask me to share with them as well.

For context, said friend and I had to sit in a work meeting today about dealing with stress and the people running the meeting mostly mentioned soothing things like nature sounds, and tea, and being next to the ocean. And I was like, uh...I listen to the most cacophonous shit I can find because it forces my incredibly unsteady and un-smoothable ADD/Anxiety brain to find a thread to focus on. My friend asked for a list, so I sent her one.

Some of this is truly cacophonous or atonal. Some of it is more melodic and just good to write to. All of it is GREAT. My taste in music is AMAZING WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT???

Anyway. The email:

This is more than you wanted, but! Maybe there will be something in here that will click.

Music without words, mostly!

Giraffes? Giraffes!

Werewolf Grandma With Knives [Part Two: Don’t Die], which is the song I send to people when I’m like, LISTEN TO THIS RIDICULOUS MATH ROCK BAND: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NebA3-nfrE8

My favorite album of theirs is More Skin With Milk-Mouth: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_AdDoXTBrg&t=7s

Hella

Also cacophonous math rock. The song I listen to most often is Baby in a Coma/Child of No Calendar:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqTv5UVm_Os

That’s off the album of theirs I listen to most, Church Gone Wild/Chirpin Hard: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=02yzKhM9mzI

Some vocalizations/words in the mix but not usually lyrics as such, I don’t think.

Covet

Another Math Rock band, more melodic than G?G!, but still mainly vocal-less and good to listen to when writing. My favorite album of theirs is called Currents: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atZqDFjS_UA

How to Count One to Ten

The last math rock band, I promise! On the more melodic end like Covet. Here’s a video for Parade:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igTiVW8O_XI

That’s off the Album Method of Slow Motion: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78cSqksPP3s

Andrew Bird

You probably know about him, he’s an indie folk dude, but he has two very good non-vocal albums where he went out into nature and just like, played along with it with his fiddle.

Echolocations: River: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsejzIbYV4o&list=PLRRt2dVrVcbKEJIjMelMMsEzyEm7fetL0

Echolocations: Canyon: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6knHD_iL1vA&list=PLJNbijG2M7Oxt3-SsPy5D1nYQQCDfpma6

Zoe Keating

Just a woman with a cello and a loop pedal. I love her music so much. The song I listen to the most, because it’s on the gay cyberpunk playlist, is Escape Artist: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yYrcXX4nWOA

That is on Into the Trees: https://music.zoekeating.com/album/into-the-trees

But all of her albums are great.

Break of Reality

A string quartet! They have an album of covers called, creatively, Covers: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYxEbKOv_pM&list=PL-N1xO3_tNfYn0nCFWcp4DfndhqtB62re

But they also have original music, including a song that makes me feel very epic when I’m walking by the river. Spectrum of the Sky: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLQ6KJfkFdQ

Giacinto Scelsi

Is a surrealist composer, I shit you not. His pieces are written for orchestra but they explore things like pitch and microtonal alterations. I’m a fan of the album Musica Viva, Vol. 17: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4X6wQuIwxI&list=PLPjY5k71DEX9ea71JQDikUmExVtS3hbAO

Gerard Grisey

A French composer who also concerned himself with exploring tone, but less drastically than Scelsi. I’m fond of the album Les espaces acoustiques: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXQ5c8GUsUM

The Glitch Mob

For when you’re thinking to yourself, what would a shithead like Kavinsky listen to? I ask myself that a lot, tbh. I like the album Drink the Sea: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVqPx5mUj0g

There are some vocals I think, but mostly it’s just good old fashioned glitch/electro.

Music with words you won’t understand probably!

Igorrr

Look, he is a French metal guy, but his music so eclectic and weird that I love it? This crowdsourced video for the song Cheval is what really got me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZzYxGZ7Hmc

There’s lots of screaming, because metal, and some operatic singing, but it’s not in English. Savage Sinusoid is the album I’ve been listening to lately: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UBakgOHKI-g

Movits!

I love them! They’re a Swedish jazz/hip hop group! The song that got me hooked was Äppelknyckarjazz:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8fIVTH0TiM

The album by them that I end up listening to the most is also called Äppelknyckarjazz.And the main dude was on a song with Swedish rapper named Zacke called Spela Mig På Radion:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Izu7Au946eQ

I kind of love it. Why? Who knows!

Random music I shove at everyone!

The Books

This is a bonus band. It will definitely not help you concentrate, but Music Made For a French Elevator and Other Oddities is one of my favorite albums of all time: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTJLwHBazVA&t=174s

Also, they have a song with the Jabberwocky in it called Vogt Dig for Kloppervok: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hNPl8pq_b-g

Uh…enjoy?

-KL

#music #my brain is a very confusing place #at all times #and music is the savage beast #or something like that

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storytime-reviews · 6 years ago

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To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before Book Review

Sixteen-year-old Lara Jean Song keeps her love letters in a hatbox her mother gave her. They aren’t love letters that anyone else wrote for her; these are ones she’s written. One for every boy she’s ever loved—five in all.

When she writes, she pours out her heart and soul and says all the things she would never say in real life, because her letters are for her eyes only. Until the day her secret letters are mailed, and suddenly, Lara Jean’s love life goes from imaginary to out of control.

Rating: ★★★

I’m grateful to this series, because it got me out of my almost two month reading slump. Whilst To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before is full of simplistic writing, I enjoyed the plot and came to love so many of the characters. Furthermore, that simple writing allowed me to breeze through the series in just two days. I had previously avoided this book, primarily because of the title, but the movie trailer looked interesting so I decided to give it a go. Although To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before is full of cliches, it was much better than I had anticipated, and was cheesy without going too far.

I was immediately sold on this book when I realised from the movie trailer that much of this book is focused on a fake relationship between Lara Jean and Peter Kavinsky. Say what you will, this trope just works so well! The development of their relationship throughout the novel was well constructed, and in the end I actually wished that there had been more scenes between the two of them.

Unfortunately my enjoyment of this book was hindered by Lara Jean’s narrative voice, which often felt childish and incredibly annoying. Although I came to really like Lara Jean as a character, it took a long time for me to warm up to her because of this narrative perspective, which didn’t always work. This also made it difficult to relate to her at times, because I was often more annoyed than sympathetic, and I think this was largely a flaw in the writing. I really wanted to sympathise with the main character more.

At the same time, I appreciated the focus on the sisterly relationships throughout the novel, as this is not common; yet I was not always a fan of the way Lara Jean’s sisters treated her. Lara Jean is not a popular girl, nor does she aspire to be one. She would prefer to stay at home with her sisters and bake or read, rather than party, and I found myself relating to that. This was my highschool experience, like so many others, and for a YA protagonist to feel this way was nice because I think most of the time it’s the other way around. Even when the character isn’t popular, so often that is there desire. Furthermore, alcohol and sex weren’t deemed eminently desirable to Lara Jean at this particular time, and it was nice for this change of pace and to see a different type of highschool experience represented.

Many people appeared to be rather surprised by the ending and didn’t like it, however I felt that it fit the book and Lara Jean’s character rather well to end it in that way. It certainly made me eager to read the second book straight away!

To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before was a solid read, but although I enjoyed the plot, I think it will actually work better as a movie, so I’m looking forward to that.

#booklr #to all the boys i've loved before #jenny han #reading #books #book review

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theenetflixnerd · 6 years ago

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To All the Movies I’ve Loved Before ... I’m sorry, but this is the one I Love More!

EEEUUUGGHHH. I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START. I’ve been wanting to write about this for a few days now, but couldn’t bring myself out of the magical bubble that is the world of To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before,”... Now that I’ve watched the movie three times (not even ashamed), read the entire trilogy of books from cover to cover, watched countless interviews with the cast on YouTube downloaded the soundtrack and been listening to it on repeat all week, I’m finally ready to share this magic with all of you and present you with ALL THE REASONS WHY YOU JUST ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO WATCH THIS MOVIE!

I’ve always been a sucker for a good love story, and little teen romance to take me back to high school days, and I gotta say that this one tops them all. I’m talking Troy & Gabriella, Noah & Allie, Harry & Sally .... sorry but Peter K & Lara Jean are THE IT OTP right now. I seriously can’t get enough of these two ... It has been a LONG time since a rom com has gripped me so hard, and made me feel so giddy and fuzzy inside. Seriously ... It’s made me fall in love with love all over again.

CAUTON : Consider this your (mild) SPOILER warning! Proceed at your own risk.

Anyway : HERE ARE (at least some of ) THE REASONS EVERYONE HAS FALLEN INLOVE WITH EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS LOVE STORY ...

1. I gotta top the list with the one & only NOAH CENTINEO (a.k.a Peter K, a.k.a Kavinsky) ... I’m ashamed to say, I didn’t really know who he was before this movie, although after researching I found out I had seen him in some old eps of Disney Channel’s Austin & Ally, he’s been in The Fosters and apparently starred in one of my all time favourite music videos , Havana (Camila Cabello) ... so it was no wonder I was instantly obsessed. Noah & the character he plays, Peter K are basically the same person (Like i’m not even kidding) and I’m not surprised he immediately became EVERY GIRL’S IDEAL GUY. FUN FACT : He’s starring in another romcom SIERRA BURGESS IS A LOSER alongside Stranger Things alum, Shannon Purser [Who doesn’t love Barb? Am I right?] releasing on Netflix on September 7! I already can’t wait!! .. Side note, Thanks NETFLIX for bring us more of him so soon! You knew we couldn’t handle the withdrawals !! Here’s a little something to tide you over ...

2. Of course, the love story wouldn’t be what it is without it’s other half, LANA CONDOR (a.k.a. Lara Jean Song Covey) ... It was amazing to see a beautiful asian women in such a strong, female-empowering lead role. I’m so here for it! Just like Noah and Peter K virtually being the same person, Lana practically embodies her character Lara Jean too. She is so authentic and believable in the role, and just an incredible actress ... I am absolutely a fan for life and can’t wait to see what she does in the future!!

3. As mentioned in the previous two points, both lead actors one hundred percent embody their characters, and that is what makes their CHEMISTRY so real. The off-screen friendship between Noah and Lana gives me butterflies to watch, they’re literally the cutest and that’s why they work so well together onscreen too. Everything about their connection is so raw and real, and they just make you believe in love. Even in the beginning , when ‘Covey’ was single, and ‘Kavinsky’ was with the evil Gen, it’s undeniable he had the hots for Lara-Jean and well, Lara Jean wrote a letter to Peter K, so we know how she felt about him from the get go. As much as they both try to fool themselves and everyone with their ‘fake’ relationship, it’s easy for any outsider to see that their connection is anything but ...

4. I just love the entire story and concept ... Jenny Han : THANK YOU!! You brought these characters and their amazing love story into the world, and I’m so glad. Their whole story over the trilogy is so true to real life and so genuine and I’ve been wanting a book to excite me like this for ages, and in reading yours I finally found it! I adored every single minute of warm fuzziness I enjoyed while reading the books and was so impressed by how true the movie stayed to the story and characters. Lara-Jean is honestly one of the most relatable female characters that I have ever come across (and I read ALOT!!), and in so many things reading her POV was like reading thoughts from my own head! I’ve never felt and connected with a character in such a real way before!

Anyways. If you haven’t figured it out by now : THIS MOVIE IS AMAZING. If you haven’t watched it yet .. What are you even doing with your life? GO!! WATCH IT!! NOW!!

And ... Just one last reminder of how cute they are ... this adorable photo which is Covey’s phone background in the movie ... WAS NOT STAGED. They were chilling like this between takes on SET. ... Proof of how real they are * and i’m tearing up, gosh dang it*

#to all the boys ive loved before movie #jenny han #lara jean #peter kavinsky #kavinsky #covey #covenski #my otp #cute couples #love story

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wesonerdy · 6 years ago

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To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before is a wonderful end of summer treat: great acting, well-paced plot, and all the swoony, teen-y feels. This is the quality, RomCom content we deserve!

Courtesy of NETFLIX

When I saw the first trailer for To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before earlier this summer, I just knew that I needed this film in my life, so much so, that I emailed NETFLIX publicity and practically begged them for a screener. And now that I’ve seen this film eight times (EIGHT!!!!!!!!), my initial feelings have only grown.

NETFLIX has been doing the Lord’s work lately by bringing us glorious romantic comedy, and TATBILB is, through and through, swoony and hilarious and heartwarming. Instantly, the films transports me back to my 16/17-year old self, the optimism and feels, coupled with the awkwardness and insecurity of trying to navigate my teenhood.

Now, I haven’t read Jenny Han’s best-seller, so I can’t really talk about the film as an adaptation. (I promise, it’s at top of my TBR list. And FYI: our friends at Fangirlish have an awesome interview with Jenny Han where she reflects on the process of working with the creative team to adapt her book for NETFLIX.)

What I can say is that To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before is a wonderful end of summer treat: great acting, well-paced plot, and all the swoony, teen-y feels. This is the quality, RomCom content we deserve.

Lara Jean Song Covey, the middle daughter in an interracial, Korean-American family, is about to begin her junior year of high school. She has just said goodbye to her older sister, Margot, who’s off to college in Scotland. In the absence of their mother (who dies when the Lara Jean, Margot, and their baby sister Kitty are quite young), Margot becomes a maternal figure in the family. Though, their father, Dr. Dan Covey, tries to keep the memory of their mother alive for the girls by cooking Korean food, etc., he sometimes botches things. Margot has been there to clean up the messes and smooth things over.

Margot does something similar in Lara Jean’s life at school. Lara Jean has been on the sidelines of the social scene and mostly relying on her best friend Christine, Margot, and Margot’s boyfriend Josh. When Margot leaves (and breaks up with Josh beforehand), Lara Jean loses 2/3 of her circle. This doesn’t bother Lara Jean too much… she’ll eat lunch in the library (as long as they don’t kick her out for eating noisy foods) and on the weekends, she’ll watch Golden Girls reruns with Kitty. Lara Jean seems satisfied; however, someone in her life wants to shake things up.

Over the last several years, Lara Jean has written love letters to five guys she’s had crushes on. Lara Jean doesn’t mail them, but it helps her to articulate her feelings and make sense of them. Lara Jean hides the letters in a teal gift-box (a keepsake from her mother). But one day, Lara Jean gets a rude awakening when all five letters are missing. Someone has mailed them out!!!

Right away, Lara Jean has to confront three of the guys, Peter Kavinsky (jock and Mr. Popular), Lucas Krapf (who shows Lara Jean a fun time at the 9th grade Homecoming dance), and Josh Sanderson. YES, the Josh who is now Sister Margot’s ex-boyfriend. LAWD!

In order to avoid the major awkward of dealing with Josh, Lara Jean agrees to begin a fake relationship with Peter Kavinsky (who’s trying to make his ex-girlfriend jealous). DRA.MA. Unexpectedly, hanging out with Peter does help Lara Jean to open up and enjoy high school. But what happens when Lara Jean starts to develop real feelings for her fake boyfriend?

1. Lara Jean is all of us!

Lana Condor dazzles us as Lara Jean! She’s the perfect RomCom leading lady. Several times, Lara Jean shares her love of John Hughes films, and she, herself, could totally be a John Hughes heroine: smart, relatable, a little awkward, with perfect comedic timing, and all-around delightful.

I see so much of myself in Lara Jean, with her passion for bodice-ripper, romance novels, her shyness, and her love of her family. Lara Jean will be the first to tell you that she’s addicted to romance and drama… but aren’t we all, like a little bit?

And though I very much identify with Lara Jean, I recognize that a young, Asian-American woman as a romantic lead in a film like this is something special, something to celebrate, and something to replicate. Because #RepresentationMatters!

2. Sisters before misters!

Yes, TATBILB is a romance, but, for me, the relationship between the three Covey sisters is the highlight of the film–Margot, the responsible one; Lara Jean, the shy, melodramatic one; and Kitty, the popular one and baby-feminist.

A significant part of the storyline follows the evolution of the way the sisters engage with one another as they’re growing up. Lara Jean is keeping a major secret from her sisters and it does create conflict between them. However, when Lara Jean finds herself in a difficult and embarrassing situation towards the end of the movie, it’s Margot and Kitty who Lara Jean turns to.

By the end, I was cheering “sisters before misters!!!” at the screen and so ready to call my own sisters, too.

3. John Corbett is the DILF we deserve!

To all my fellow Sex and the City fans, I have to confess that Aidan has always been my favorite of Carrie’s guys. So, now to see John Corbett as a sweet, single-daddy to his girls, is the literal BEST. Dan Covey was so, super in love with his wife and has worked hard to channel all of that love into raising his three daughters. This includes hella awkward conversations about sexual health, all the way to reminding Lara Jean that she deserves to be young and carefree.

4. Lara Jean’s boys…SWOON!

I didn’t expect to like Peter Kavinsky as much as I did, but he was charming and kind and a great guy for Lara Jean. Peter challenges Lara Jean to have fun and helps her step out of her shell to embrace the experiences of high school and be part of the group.

One of my favorite scenes takes place between Lara Jean and Peter after dinner with Peter’s family. They bond over losing a parent, and Lara Jean reflects on how losing her mother has shaped her fear of love and relationships. In the course of the film, this realization jars Lara Jean into taking some risks. But as they say: no risk, no reward! (Especially if that risk includes making out in a hot tub! 😉 )

While I adore Peter, Lucas is my homeboy. I would take him and his cravat-wearing, cutie-patootie self anywhere. Lucas is a really good friend to Lara Jean and I love how he encourages her.

Then there’s Josh *sigh* Lara Jean’s relationship with Josh is complex, especially because of Margot. Throughout the movie, Josh really struggles with losing his connection to the Covey sisters. While I don’t necessarily want Lara Jean and Josh to have a romantic relationship, I want them to be good friends. And P.S. I think Josh and Margot should get back together.

5. Awesome music is AWESOME!

I mentioned that To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before hooked me before the end of the trailer, and the amazing soundtrack 100% contributed to the RomCom goodness. I hadn’t yet heard Lauv’s “I Like Me Better”, and after hearing it in the trailer and movie, I downloaded the song and played it on repeat for dayssss. Then I watched the music video on repeat for dayssss and cried at how lovely and romantic it was. Then I texted Katie, my BFF Patrice, and my sister Sey to share it with them, too. *SWOONY SIGH*

The film soundtrack, as a whole, is effervescent, just like the film– “Human Right” by The Strike, “Boyfriend” by Confidence Man, and so much more. You can listen to it on Spotify HERE.

Friends, this film is MUSTSEE, so make sure to take time this weekend to unwind with To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before and drown in teen-y, RomCom feels. You won’t regret it! And Team NETFLIX, you might as well just greenlight the sequels now. Js.

To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before had their premiere/special screening in Los Angeles on August 16, 2018 at the Arc Light Culver City. Check out images from the screening below!

Courtesy of Charley Gallay/Getty Images for Netflix

FILM REVIEW: ‘To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before’, the Teen RomCom We Deserve To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before is a wonderful end of summer treat: great acting, well-paced plot, and all the swoony, teen-y feels.

#Andrew Bachelor #Anna Cathcart #Film Review #Israel Broussard #Janel Parrish #Jenny Han #John Corbett #Lana Condor #movie trailer #Netflix #Noah Centineo #official film trailer #photos #To All the Boys I&039;ve Loved Before #video

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stylo-xx · 7 years ago

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Eyes Closed (M)

G-Dragon: Angst/Small amount of fluff/Smut

PART 5-C: Close

A/N: here take this monstrosity away from me….I had to cut somethings out for certain reasons. But worry not said things will pop up at some point later on and ya’ll will get to read that. Also had to stop myself from writing too much; believe it or not there was supposed to be more smut in this but I needed a mental break from all that…

P.S: songs for your listening pleasure: (Logan Henderson)||(DEANxSyd)||(Kavinsky Feat. The Weeknd)

(Part One)||(Part Two-A)||(Part Two-B)||(Part Three)||(Part Four)||(Part Five-A)||(Part Five-B)||(Part Six)

“You did what?!” Saige and Sasha said in unison; Sasha belted in delighted disbelief while Saige sounded less than enthused.

“Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Hold up, rewind you did what now?” Sasha probed.

‘Goddamn it I wish I hadn’t opened my big mouth…’ I thought.

“Are you really going to make me say it again?” I rubbed the sides of my temples with my fingers.

“Alexandra, I cannot believ–”

“Will you just shh?” Sash put a hand up hushing Saige “like I was saying, we want details, all of them! Well mostly just the ones leading up to you–”

“AHHH, no stop right there I don’t want to hear it said out loud again” I interjected “saying it out loud again will only make it that much more real…”

The tapping of Alex’s heel on the linoleum floor and the ticking of the clock overhanging the hospital bed filled the room. If she hadn’t had her nails done earlier that day they would have been chewed to pieces by now from the anxiety that filled her whole being. Much to her chagrin, the moment Ji-Yong collapsed she felt as though her heart dropped to her stomach. And much to her surprise she cared a lot more than she had led on. Had Ji-Yong actually been conscious on the ambulance ride to the hospital she probably wouldn’t have acted so worried in front of him. Probably wouldn’t have held his hand either…

“Well Ji-Yong as nice it was to see you, I don’t want to see you in my emergency room again” the doctor laughed “at least not anytime soon. Twice in one week, is more than enough”

He managed to give the doctor a halfhearted smile as the nurse was beginning to take out his IVs.

“How about we also give it a break on the drinking…and probably the smoking unless you want to end up down in the basement next time”

Ji-Yong furrowed his brows as the nurse chuckled; he didn’t quite get the doctor was joking about ending up in the morgue.

“All jokes aside just be more careful. You know, you’re lucky to have this young woman as your girlfriend to–”

“Oh I’m not his girlfriend” Alex interjected “I’m-I’m just a friend…kind of”

Ji-Yong sighed as he rolled his eyes.

As the nurse took out the last IV, Ji-Yong sat up from the bed ready to spring off.

“Whoa not so fast” the doctor held up a hand “Yoon-Ji is just going to check your vitals one last time before we let you go”

He sighed again and slunk back onto the hospital bed as the nurse wrapped a blood pressure cuff around his arm and stuck a pulse Oximeter on his finger.

“You know, for being just a friend you seem to care an awful lot for him” the doctor said in a hushed tone.

“I don't” she lied “ if he got hurt that would all land on me unfortunately and his fans would come after me with their pitchforks”

He chuckled “alright, well get home safe. The pair of you”

The car ride to his place is silent, just as awkward as when they first met. But not as uncomfortable as it was for him the first time he ever saw her dating someone else. For the past fifteen minutes they both averted making any kind of eye contact, let alone uttering a single word; one wishing that they could sit farther away than the car door permitted and the other wishing for something they had been dreaming of for the past few months.

Still shaken from what the doctor had said to her, Alex anxiously picked at her nails as she thought ‘if some stranger who had only seen us together once thought I was his girlfriend, then what the hell did it look like to everyone else?’. ‘I mean I couldn’t have just left him there! Not that I care about him like that…I was just…helping someone out…’ she rationalized to herself.

The silence was broken with the sound of the car doors opening; neither one noticing the car had come to a complete halt.

“Uhm, ma’am we’re here” the security guard held out his hand.

“Oh–oh, right” she reached out to place her hand in his before speaking.

“Umm, you know what I change my mind” she retracted her hand.

Ji-Yong with one foot out the door, furrowed his brows quizzically and turned to look at her.

“What are you doing?”

“I promised I’d get you home safe, and now that you’re here…I can finally go” she looked at her hands.

“What are you talking about?” he pulled his foot back into the car.

“Ji-Yong we both know I can’t stay here without anymore drama happening. if it’s not you and I arguing some more then it’s the paparazzi catching me going to your house with you and stirring up rumors about us…being together…I can’t have that”

He bit his lip.

“I can’t do this Ji-Yong. I can’t give you what you’re looking for…at least not anymore” she sighed “what happened back there–outside, Ji-Yong, it can’t happen ever again. And I’m not talking about you passing out”

He ran a hand through his hair out of frustration “can we talk about this upstairs? you know away from everyone getting into our business…”

“Ji-Yong no, I–”

“Alex please. There’s another entrance through the service elevator, I take that when I don’t want anyone knowing where I am. No one will see you coming in or out of this building”

She sighed again and looked up into his pleading eyes.

“I really shouldn’t…”

“I just really need to talk to you” he sighed “not argue, not cause more shit in your life. Just talk”

She eyed him hesitantly.

“I’ve been wanting the chance to get to talk to you alone for months and if I don’t stop you from leaving now, who knows how long it will be until I get to see you again like this…knowing you probably never” he chuckled.

She bit her lip before speaking “…okay”

“Okay” he nodded toward the driver signaling him to drive them to the back entrance.

The elevator ride to his penthouse wasn’t any easier; he practiced in his head what he was going to say and she simply felt her heart beating in her ears..

Arriving at his front door, he fumbled around his pant pockets trying to dig out his keycard eventually succeeding but now struggling with getting the keycard into the slot.

Growing impatient she sighed “here let me”

Grabbing the keycard from him his hands, she unintentionally brushed her fingers against his causing a chain reaction of goosebumps all over his body.

Successfully opening the door they walk into his dark penthouse save for a singular light from the stove top overhead emitting a warm glow that filled a part of the living room.

She let out puff of air from her nose and smiled as she closed the door behind her.

“What?”

“Nothing” she smiled “this place just hasn’t changed a bit”

He gave her a small smile “you want anything to drink”

“Ji-yong–”

“I meant like water or tea or something” he chuckled “I’ll make some tea”

Making his way into the kitchen he turned on the overhead lights and reached into his cabinets grabbing two mugs for the two of them and suddenly felt dizzy again before dropping both mugs and them shattering all over the floor.

Before he could even get a chance to bend over to pick up the fragments she rushed to his side and lead him toward his bedroom.

“Okay Gordon Ramsay, I think you need to go listen to the doctor and go to bed”

“But the glass–”

“I’ll pick it up”

“But what about the–”

“I’ll make it”

Helping him get into bed, she made sure he was comfortable before turning on his bedside table lamp.

“So stay here, okay? I’ll be right back”

He caught her by the hand before she could leave the room “how do I know you’re gonna come back? and not leave me all alone”

She raised an eyebrow “I guess you don’t know…but I’m also not gonna leave shattered glass all over your kitchen floor so i guess you’re just going to have to wait and find out” she smiled making her way back into the kitchen.

Having been gone for several minutes he anxiously listened to the soft clamoring of pots and pans coming from the kitchen still fearing that if he stopped listening that she would take off without him knowing any better. Despite how hard he tried, his body decided against him and he ended up nodding out at one point waiting for her but was awoken by the soft rattling of cups and the barely audible ‘shit’ she muttered.

“Morning sleeping beauty” she chuckled.

Carrying a tray that had tea for two and some snacks she placed it on his lap.

He eyed her as she set it down.

“What? its breakfast in bed…kinda”

He gave her a smile.

“Is it morning already?” he scratched his head.

“It’s almost three in the morning” she chuckled again.

They both sat in comfortable silence as they both ate and drank tea before she opened her mouth to speak

“So..” she cleared her throat “you said you wanted to talk?”

He swallowed hard before putting down his cup of tea.

“So talk”

He took a deep breath before speaking “well..I…umm”

She eyed him “you said you have months worth of things to say to me, is that all you got?” she smiled.

He cleared his throat and smiled shyly “I don’t know where to start, usually all the words start flowing out when I’m wasted”

“Okay but that isn’t an option so, just say the first thing that comes to mind”

“If I tell you that you’d probably laugh”

She chuckled “okay fine, I’ll say something then”

“Be my guest” he gestured.

“I’m–I’m glad you’re okay. You kinda had me worried…only for a second though”

He smirked “just a second?”

“Don’t press your luck Kwon” she crossed her arms “so now you say something. Go”

“I’m glad you showed up”

“To…your place?” she raised an eyebrow.

“Just in general” he smiled shyly “I know it might be weird, and I definitely didn’t want my first impression on you after not seeing each other for months to be this same drunk asshole you left”

She pursed her lips and nodded.

“But, I–nevermind”

“No, go on say it”

“Normally by now I would wind up all alone, drunk out of my mind wanting to at least hear from you and now–” he looked to his hands “I’m almost sober, not alone and I’m here talking to you face to face”

She gave him a halfhearted smile.

“You know I told you I have so much to say, but all I can really think of is that I’m glad you’re the one who’s here tonight with me”

She sighed.

“And I–I’m sorr–I–about the kiss earlier…”

“Don’t strain yourself trying to apologize” she chuckled “I know you wouldn’t mean it anyway”

He let out a heavy sigh and groaned “listen about what I said to you the night we broke up–”

“There you go again” Her eyes went wide “nope, no. let’s just not go there okay? No apology for that one needed”

“But I wanna make things–”

“I said its fine! Can we please just not bring up that night?”

He nodded his head “I never meant what I said to you that night”

“Ji-yong please–”

“I’m serious” he sat up straight “I know you don’t care or wanna hear it, but it’s the truth. I didn’t know what I had until you were gone for good”

“Are you done?” she stood up from his bedside “I don’t wanna talk about that! If that’s all you wanted to talk about then I’m leaving”

“Will you just stop?” he grabbed her by the hand “just sit down and listen to me, please”

She eyed the hand that held her wrist.

“Look, I didn’t bring you up here so we could argue. I wanted you here because–fuck I don’t even know why I’m trying anymore” he let go of her hand.

She sighed heavily “can we just call a truce and not talk about our past, whatever the fuck we had?”

He scoffed changing the subject “can you just help me up? I wanna get out of these clothes and into some pajamas”

Taking the tray from his lap she placed it down on the bedside table and offered him a hand helping him out of his bed.

They both walked toward his closet and she began to rifle through his drawers to pick out pajamas for him.

“These sound good to you?” without looking at him she held up the pajamas in her hand.

“Anything that gets me out of these clothes sounds good”

Attempting to take his own shirt off, his lack of use of his right hand he got his arm and his head stuck in his shirt.

“Here let me help you” she said trying to hold back her laughter.

She pulled the shirt back down by its hem to where she could see his face and chuckled. She grabbed his shirt by the sides this time and pulled it over his head revealing his torso.

She quickly glanced over his body as she felt her cheeks grow hot “umm, okay I’ll just leave your–”

Grabbing her by the hand, he gently pulled her toward him. They stood staring into each other’s eyes for a moment before their lips suddenly collided.

The urgency in their kiss and and the needy touches of their hands lead them to his bed to where he momentarily parted from the kiss and slowly laid her back onto his bed before climbing on top of her and putting a hand beneath her waist hoisting her up higher on the bed before going back to kiss her.

This was it, it was actually real. All these scenarios he had made up in his head, all of the months he spent longing to have her in his arms again was actually happening. For once it wasn’t just his imagination playing tricks on him. And if it had been, he’d only hope that he wouldn’t wake up from this moment.

Fixing himself between her legs, he ran a hand up her thigh as he hiked her dress well above it’s intended placing.

He broke from the kiss before he placed a peck on her lips as he kissed his way to her shoulder, slowly sliding the strap of her dress off.

“Fuck” he groaned “I almost forgot how soft your skin was”

She tugged on his hair when he began his attack on her neck.

“There you go with the biting” she bit her lip.

“I’d stop it if I knew you didn’t like it” he smirked into her skin.

“Fuck you” she groaned.

“And just skip all the foreplay?” he chuckled.

“Ugh–shut up Ji-Yong”

“Foreplay it is” he smirked again “gotta get this thing off you first”

He reached behind her and pulled down the zipper to her dress as he slowly began to pull it off of her, revealing every last inch of her body. He tossed the dress away before settling back between her legs and staring at her breast before he took one in his mouth.

“Mmm I am so fucking glad you went commando tonight” he languidly kissed her “Goddamn, and you still have your nipples pierced” he swirled his tongue around her bud.

“You still have your dick–ugh–pierced?”

“What?” he played with her nipple between his finger.

“Oh, was that not you?” she teased earning her a bite to the neck again “ahh, okay, okay I’m sorry!” she giggled.

“Are you trying to get me jealous?” he grabbed her by the chin forcing her to look at him.

“I don’t know, is it working?” she smirked.

He tilted his head “you’re such a fucking tease” he grinded his hips against hers causing a loud moan to escape her mouth.

“And you say I’m–ugh–the fucking tease?” she moaned as her eyes rolled back into her head.

He chuckled.

“How is it even–” she whimpered “fair that I am completely naked–ugh–and you still have your pants on?”

“Wow you want my dick that bad?” he teased.

“Get over yourself” she groaned into his shoulder.

“Oh so you can wait even longer before I actually fuck you?” he smirked “sounds good to me”

“Ji-Yong!” she whined.

“Alex!” he mimicked making himself laugh.

“I fucking hate you” she bit his shoulder.

“Go ahead and hate me more baby, you know hate sex is my favorite”

“Can you just–” she whimpered as he returned to his attack on her neck “at least take it out?” she pouted.

He chuckled again and pecked her on the lips “okay, okay I’m done teasing you”

He sat up on his knees trying to undo his belt and pants before he remembered he couldn’t only making her laugh as she reached up to help him. Tossing away his belt and pants he re-positioned himself between her legs.

“You still–ugh–have your boxers on”

“God you really do want my dick bad, huh?” he chuckled as he ground his erection into her sex.

“Oh my god Ji-Yong!” she tugged at his hair “yes okay, just please for the love of god just fuck me already!”

“Nah, I think I like seeing you like this better” he smirked.

She attempted to glare at him as her eyes rolled into the back of her head.

He grinded his hips into hers one last time before leaning down to kiss his way from her sternum down to her thighs;making her take a fist full of his hair as she gasped.

“You are such and asshole” she groaned.

“Whatever you say baby” he smiled as he laid soft, teasing kisses from her knee back down toward her inner thigh.

“Ugh babe please!” she lifted her hips trying to make contact with face.

“A second ago I was an asshole” he held down her hips “now I’m babe?”

She merely rolled her eyes.

“Sounds like you can’t make up your mind to me” he smiled one more time before finally taking her bundle of nerves in his mouth.

“Oh fuck!” she moaned tugging at his hair “oh my god you are–uhng–”

“I’m what?” he mumbled into her sex as he relentlessly continued his attack on her bud.

Too busy to acknowledge him she simply threw her head back in pure ecstasy.

“I’m what babe?” he said releasing her bud and giving her slit a long lick before peppering kisses all over her abdomen.

“Why did you stop?” she whimpered releasing the death grip she had on his hair.

“I wanna know what you were gonna say” he smirked and kissed her upper thigh.

“Ji-Yong” she held the hand he wrapped around her upper thigh “please just keep going”

“Tell me what you were gonna say first” he kissed closer to her entrance sending chills down her spine.

She bit her lip “I don’t know! Please Ji keep going!”

He placed a peck on her sex “I’m sure you can think of it”

She moaned grabbing a fist full of the bed sheets.

“I don’t think that was quite what you were gonna say” he gave her another long but much slower lick up and down her slit.

“Oh my god fuck you!”

“Not until you tell me what you were gonna say” he smirked as he replaced himself between her thighs.

He reached between the two of them and pulled down his boxers as his erection sprung out from its confinement.

She bit her bottom lip trying her hardest to keep herself from giving him anymore power by moaning.

“So what were you gonna say” he took his member in his hand running the tip up and down her slit.

She whimpered.

“Tell me right now and I’ll fuck you until you can’t walk anymore” he inserted just enough of his dick into her entrance making her moan.

“Just fuck me first and then I’ll tell you” she gripped his arm.

“That wasn’t part of the deal” he smiled evilly.

“Oppa please~”

Ji-Yong couldn’t deny it made him fucking crazy when she called him Oppa; had he actually not been close to sober and completely drunk out of his mind, he would have long before began to fuck her. Hell the moment she walked into his room he would have tried his luck. But seeing her so needy to the point where she called him something that she refused to call him, he would have stopped torturing both of them and fucked her until she said stop. But Ji-Yong wanted more, he wanted to hear how much she needed him. He wanted to hear that he was the only one she could think of whenever she slept with another guy. He wanted to know she was going to be his for good.

“What did you call me?” he smirked inserting himself just slightly deeper causing another small moan to escape from her.

“Oppa” she whimpered as at the sound of the word coming out of her mouth made him go even deeper.

“That’s what I thought you said” he pulled out completely sitting back on his knees.

“Wait where are you going?” she sat up “don’t fucking tease me like this Ji-Yong, I know you’re probably upset with me because of what happened after we broke up but please, I need you” she wrapped her arms around his neck.

“You need me?” he looked into her eyes “how bad do you need me?”

“So bad” she kissed his neck.

He bit his lip trying to suppress the moan sitting at the back of his throat.

“And I know you need me too” she kissed his lips as she slid a hand down to his erection and began to pump him.

‘Fuck’ he thought as he closed his eyes.

“I’m not letting you go then” he laid her back down climbing on top of her “if you want me that bad, then show me”

“Okay” she pecked him on the lips before pushing him down on his back and straddled him.

It felt like it had been going on for hours; probably because it had. For about an hour and a half Ji-Yong felt like if his heart was beating any faster he was going to go into cardiac arrest. For about two hours he felt like there was no way this was actually happening, until he made her cum the first three times…and for the last half hour, they completely forgot that anyone or anything else besides each other existed.

“moreeee” she moaned.

“Okay” he said breathlessly inserting himself deeper.

“Mmm Ji-Yong mmoreee”

He raised her leg over his shoulder allowing him an angle to go even deeper.

“Moooorreeee” she whined.

“Baby you keep saying more but I’m already balls deep!” he rested his head on her sternum.

“No I mean like faster” she held his shoulder.

He chuckled out of breath “are you trying to give me a heart attack?”

“Something like that” she kissed his forehead.

“Baby I need a break “he let out a heavy breath and laughed as he pulled out.

“No” she pouted and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Yes. otherwise I won’t be able to make it until tomorrow” he chuckled and pulled her close and kissed her forehead.

“Fine” she sighed.

He gave her a weak smile and brushed the matted hair on her forehead back before gently placing a kiss on her lips.

“I uhh” he cleared his throat “finally remembered what I had to say to you before…”

She chuckled “oh suddenly now you remember?”

“What can I say, you were kinda distracting” he smiled.

She playfully pushed his shoulder.

“I’m afraid if I say it though, we wont be able to stay like this” he spoke softly as he played with her hair.

“Hmm?” she closed her eyes completely relaxed from him stroking her hair.

“I really want to say it though. I just don’t want you to think it’s insincere…”

“Don’t say anything then” she said in a groggy voice.

He laughed pulling his hand away.

“Ji” she complained at the loss of his touch grasping his hand.

“Okay my bad” he chuckled and continued stroking her hair “I just–ahem–missed you I guess…I mean there’s more to it but let’s just start there”

“Shh, you’re ruining the moment” she placed a finger against his lips.

“I’m trying to start a moment what are you talking about?” he chuckled playfully biting her finger.

“Shh”

“Fine, I’ll just tell you tomorrow in the morning then” he smiled before placing a gentle kiss on her temple and closing his eyes. For the first time in months, he had actually gone to bed happy.

“Oh you little minx you” Sash teased with a wink “can’t believe you pulled a dine and dash on him though…”

“Can you not?!” I sighed heavily “and I’m pretty sure that’s not the correct terminology!”

“Alex is right” Saige chimed in.

“At least you agree with–”

“There’s nothing amusing about this Sash” Saige interjected “and you…”

“Me what?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Alexandra Marie–”

“There you go with my full name again…” I crossed my arms.

“I would have thought you would have known better by now! I don’t care how drunk you were, that guy is nothing but trouble for you!”

“Wow, okay Saige I think you can tone it down a bit. I already feel like crap no need to exacerbate the situation”

“I am not exacerbating anything!” she stood up from her spot on the bed “you were the one who absolutely despised him for months after you broke up, and now all it took was a few drinks and him acting like he needed you and here you are again; nothing but putty in his manipulative hands. Really Alex? That’s all it took for him to get you into bed with him?”

My eyes went wide “You fucking bitch–”

“Oh I’m the bitch?”

“Mhmm” I smugly nodded.

She scoffed “I did nothing but stand by you that entire time and now I’m the bitch?! All those nights you spent whining and complaining about how much he hurt you and how much of a dickhead he was and now I’m the asshole in the situation?”

“Uhm, for completely going off on me outta nowhere? I’d say yes, you are!” I furrowed my brows “I know I am a fuck up, believe me I am well aware of that, but at least I own up to my shit; you not so much. Yes, I took pity on his drunk ass last night and stayed because I was concerned and yes I slept with my douche bag of an ex-boyfriend in the heat of the moment but what the ever loving fuck am I supposed to do about it now Saige?!”

She rolled her eyes “Who are you trying to convince you don’t have a problem when it comes to him? Me or you?”

“Excuse me?” I scoffed.

“You–both of you will never admit that when it comes to you two, nothing and no one matters anymore. All you two do is tear each other apart until you can’t stand one another. Despite what you may think. You didn’t take pity on him last night Alex, you did it because you still love him” she crossed her arms.

“You are out of you goddamned mind!”

“Oh, am I?” she chuckled “You know what, you are a big girl now and you’re right I did blow up on you I’m sorry for that. Go ahead and do what you want, I can’t stop you either way, but don’t you dare, come crying to me when he hurts you again; and you know he will”

I clenched my jaw.

“Whoa okay everybody calm down” Sash raced to stand between us, holding up her hands.

“You know what?” Saige raised an eyebrow “I hope you two end up happy somehow” she said grabbing her jacket and storming out.

“Saige!” I yelled after her.

Sasha cleared her throat “I think I’m just gonna–”

“Please, I wanna be alone…”

Watching the door close behind her I let out a loud groan plopping face first into the plush pillows on the bed.

“Why does shit like this happen to me?” I said flipping over on my back and holding the pillow flush on my chest.

A rhythmic knocking came from the door.

“Ugh, now what?” I said begrudgingly getting off the bed “what did you forget something?”

The knocking continued.

“Okay, beotch I’m coming” I said swinging the door open.

“Hey” he cleared his throat.

“Ji-Yong what are you doing here?” I said going wide eyed.

“Did I interrupt something?” he raised an eyebrow.

“What? No I–”

“You called me ‘beotch’” he chuckled.

“Oh…yea that wasn’t–not you…” I sighed “come in, I don’t want anyone to see you”

He tilted his head “oooookay…..”

“What are you doing here?” I sighed closing the door and leaning against it.

“Nice to see you too” he chuckled “I came to see if you were okay”

“Why?” I scoffed.

“Judging by the hit and run you pulled on me while I was sleeping I thought I at least deserved somewhat of an explanation”

“Can we just–did you bring your car?” I said rolling my eyes.

“What?”

“I said did you bring your fucking car?!”

“Uhmm yeah….”

“Sorry I’m just–I’m just, argh! Can you just take me somewhere? I need to get the fuck out of here”

“Where to?”

“Anywhere!”

“Okay yeah, anywhere you want” he smiled shyly.

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