#out the door but whats gna happen when shit falls apart?? like maybe its just me but when i started talking to ex i didnt want it to be like
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#hi not to be that bitch again but im feeling very lonely and depressed and i have some thoughts so im just gna put them on here bc why not#ik my ocd is making the depression and anxiety worse but also just being quarantined i mean. but anyway here goes#first off im realizing that i care way too much abt ppl that dont care for me like i do them#for example ive always been the bitch that if u say ur struggling ill stay up all night sending u paragraphs etc until ik for sure that ur#okay and make my best effort to just be there for u and put u before every aspect of myself yet when im struggling its always a big#'oof cant relate hope it works out' like?? yeah me too?? but if u cant relate maybe educate urself?? like idk bro ik ppl are different in#how they show affection but when i think abt it like. im definitely caring too much abt ppl who dont even care to?? care for me the same??#im just repeating myself but#oh and idk if its bc of my personality or what but im fuckin used all the time and always have been#for example only rly wanting my company when u dont have the company of someone u wish u had the company of....then when u get it im kinda#out the door but whats gna happen when shit falls apart?? like maybe its just me but when i started talking to ex i didnt want it to be like#i have u now i dont need anyone else like i wanted to make sure my friends were around more than anything but again. maybe thats just me#speaking of friends when i think abt it i think i can literally count the number of ppl that genuinely want me around on one hand and that#just. sucks esp when im feeling like this#like ik we're all quarantined rn (or should be) but i literally can go multiple days without contacting ppl and no one would notice is what#i mean#idk bro the whole maybe im someone i dont want around shit....correct#like literally the only reason im existing rn is bc i have to and for the boys#i think this is all i have to say so. yeah#im okay and ill be okay but just thinking abt things like pride and my shows and my bday and how they couldve been so wonderful (ik nothing#can be done abt it it sucks but ppl are still allowed to be sad) but also how theyre literally all gna be spent alone just me trying to make#myself as happy as i can#if im being honest i think i just need some cbd or some shit bc every night im trying to calm myself as much as i can just to forget abt#everything but imagine if i had smth to. actually make me forget lol how sexy#okay that is all from me#kylas thoughts#also when i say would notice i mean notices in general bc its happened before where ppl just. dont even realize im not around and im like ok#noted#or if anything its like. save the streak!! like fuck the streak bro im tryna save myself
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