#out on all the cons this year. cpac i have like pretty much no one to go with. an is far and expensive. and same with ce. so like thats
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#I'm so upset. fuck me. i went about 4 days without eating. i kept throwing everything back up and it was horrible then i couldnt sleep so i#didnt do much of that. so the one night i go to bed after actaully eating and going to b ed at a decent time. i started fuckign bleeding#i woke up threw everything up. (including my goddamn advil) and I'm crying by the toilet because its been 5 days now.#I'm gonna fucking kill myself. im so fucking angry. and like this morning i made some decisions and i was like we are gonna go through with#all that shit and then I'm second guessing myself now like what the fuck. this is such bullshit i had a pretty nice day and everything but#this shit just had to come and mess it all up. fuck I'm fucking tired and hungry. and now my fucking stomach hurts. it hurts so bad right#now. its the worse pain ive had in a while. I've gone through 2 fucking pads already and its been like 4 hours#fuckfuck fuck i hate everything so fucking much. I'm crying over like 6 different things i hate it. i went to thw mall with ellaine for a#bit and i saw the little camera i have and i saw tiny photo albums that i have and i was really excited and i was like i wanna get one. but#then i realized the only pictures i have on that are of ty and i was like fuck me. i just lost $10. and ellaine was like why did you spend#so much on him and i was like...cause i thought it was gonna last. but just like my old pictures of anyone. I'm not tossing them I'm just#gonna put them away. same goes for all the things he got me. its all gonna be put away. maybe I'll dig them out one day maybe i wont.#idk yet. ahhh fuck I'm so upset tho. i got that camera mainly for con time. i was so hype to take cute pictures and now i think I'm skipping#out on all the cons this year. cpac i have like pretty much no one to go with. an is far and expensive. and same with ce. so like thats#upsetting. i had a lot i wanted to do too. ahh fuck i have 24 hours this week at work I'm working almost everyday and i feel like shit#i called out this week so i gotta go next week but istill feel like absoulte fucki g trash so this is gonna be great. i get to walk there#and walk back from now on so this is gonna be fucking great. I'm not excited for anything right now. i just want fucking hugs and cuddles. i#wanna sleep with someone right now. i wanna be the tiny spoon and just sleep. i feel like such shit and i wanna cry cause i just want to#fucking sleep and eat but i cant fucking do that shit. i hate this so fucking much. ahhhh I'm so angry and annoyed. i think I'm done#throwing up. i am gonna go and take another advil and hopefully just fucking sleep. my wverything fucking hurts. i wanna fucking punch#ahhh i wanna fucking punch something rivht now. im so annoyed. i have an alarm set for like 9am but i might just shut it off and sleep more#i really fucking need sleep. ahhhh fuck i was so happy cause i ate and i kept it down for a bit. i went to bed fucking happy and now this#shit happened. fuuuuckkkk meeee I'm gonan fucking kill myself. i hate all of this bullshit. ahhh fuck.#I'm gonna go.#delete later
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CPAC DAY 2 RECAP
I... Man, that post-con depression hit me like a tidal wave as we were leaving. *rubs face* I'm a little not okay right now. I will be, but like, I cried in the car and I might cry again when I get back to my room in a bit. It's just... for those 10-11 whatever hours, it's like you're in another world. I got to forget about my depression, forget about how much crap everything is, forget how fuckawful lonely I feel. It was so nice to be surrounded by nerds and gush at the cosplays and walk around and look at pretty arts and cute things and neat merch and have people come over to my table and marvel at my work and rave about how awesome and beautiful everything looks. The reactions to my Wayfinders were great. From the guy going "WHAT??? WHAAAT?!?!?!" to the guy going "WAYFINDERS OH DAMN" to people clutching their hearts to people asking what they're made of and getting baffled when I tell them it's craft foam. Like, that just made me so happy. And I love seeing people's happy faces when they walk away with my jewelry. It's such a good feeling. Bleh. Idk. Anyways. Um. Sold out of Aqua and Ventus Wayfinders. I have 6 Terra left. Poor baby, no wants his. :/ But I'm reminded that for next year, I need more Aqua and less Terra. I sold one Sailor Moon bracelet. Hey, one is better than none. I sold a few pairs of original design earrings! I also sold a few Organization XIII member weapons and even got a commission for a pair of Xigbar's arrowguns! Saw a handful of Undertale cosplays. More Yuri on Ice (I snapped a cute pair of Yurio and Otabek). Sadly, I could not find those Voltron Paladin magical girls, but they looked great! Lots of Miraculous Ladybug cosplayers too! I got a picture of a Chloe with Sabrina and a Marinette. I didn't get a picture of Alya and Nino but they were there too and bought a pair of my Miraculous Ladybug bracelets. :D My table neighbors were nice, we swapped business cards. I bought a few more things, I'll post another merch picture in a bit. I discovered the wifi and played KHUX. Got stuck on the Coliseum and gave up because fuck that I gave out a lot of business cards so I definitely need to put stuff up on the shop this week. Um... I think that's it? I'm tired. I had a really good time. Best CPAC thus far. I'm gonna miss it... Gonna try to stay awake this time and scroll Tumblr. I took work off tomorrow too, so I'll get to sleep in and rest all day before I go back Tuesday.
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