#our story is we made each other better (carmilla and laura.)

[fateblown]

@indigodreames, @potestmagice

[agentzakura]

Christmas With You

Merry Christmas @1698CreamPuffCutie!!! It’s your Secret Santa here! 

I’ll be honest, this isn’t the fic I originally started for your Secret Santa gift. I’ve always wanted to write domestic Hollstein with kids and my mind kind of went wild with the idea. That fic is still in progress… I still wanted to give you something a little more fluffy today, so hope you like it!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17160365

Summary

Christmas at the Hollis house has always been a big deal. Laura is out on location at Styria with her family finishing up her latest journalist piece. She is looking forward to bringing her wife and kids back home to experience a traditional Hollis Christmas. When their employer requests them to stay longer and their flight home is postponed, Laura is heartbroken. Carmilla makes it her mission to give her family a memorable first Christmas away from home.

Christmas Eve

Carmilla woke up to the sound of muffled voices. She could barely hear what they were saying, but she knew something wasn’t right. She sighed looking over at the two tiny humans sleeping next to her. She watched as their chests rose and fell softly and one of her rare genuine smiles started to sneak up on her. They certainly were a lot better when they weren’t running around causing havoc. Moments like this made her grateful given a second chance at life.

The older child, Clara, was like a miniature version of Carmilla’s wife, Laura. She was also tiny in stature, a mess of honey golden curls, framing the soft features of her face. She was her ray of sunshine. Carmilla noticed the little girl twitch a little from a stray strand tickling the tip of her nose. She reached down to tuck her daughter's hair behind her ears and let her fingertips linger on her cheek. She was starting to lose her baby face and her own features were starting to come through.

The younger child, Jean-Paul, had raven-hair like his mother Carmilla.  JP was their little miracle. Carmilla had never thought she would have a chance at carrying a child. She never thought anything would come from her trying. He was a couple of years younger than her sister. It would take some time to see what other physical traits he inherited from his mother. He definitely was already started showing elements of his mother’s personality.

The voices outside the room rose once more starting the youngest child. His face started to turn sour as he cried out, threatening to wake up any minute. A few seconds later, he settled back down having adjusted his position to be comfortable on the bed.

Carmilla breathed a sigh of relief. She kissed them both on the forehead before leaving the bed and steeling herself. She immediately switched from her mother mode. She had a reputation to withhold after all. She went back to her signature grumpy cat face as she exited their bedroom. She closed the door behind her making sure not to slam it.

“Hey… would guys keep it down?" Carmilla grumbled. "Sleeping children in here.” She allowed her eyes to crack open to see Laura having a heated discussion with Mel and Kirsch.

“What happened?” she asked, scanning the room. Laura looked like she was about to break down in tears.

Kirsch looked on Laura with sympathy, but it was Mel who started to explain the situation. “The station wants us to stay here until after the new year,” she sighed. “I guess there is more to the story and they want us on location if any news breaks.”

“But it’s Christmas tomorrow!” Laura cried. “And we’re stuck in Styria again!”

“We should probably stop coming here,” Kirsch whispered after coming to the realization.

It’s true. The last time they were in Styria, they saved the world from the near-apocalypse. One would think they would do anything to prevent them from stepping foot on Austrian soil again. Carmilla tried to persuade Laura to give up on investigating stories elsewhere. Unfortunately, her wife’s sense of justice and the pursuit of truth was unwavering. They had no choice but to follow her. It was courage that helped her become one of the world’s best investigative journalists. 

Mel pursed her lips in response, “Hey, I’m not happy about it either, but there's nothing we can do about it now. They've already changed our tickets. Even if we wanted to, we’d never find a flight back in time.”

Carmilla was still half asleep. The reality of the situation didn't hit her until she started to see the tears roll down her wife’s cheeks. She rushed over to take her into her arms. “Hey, Laura, it’s okay,” she soothed, rubbing her arms as a form of comfort. “We’ll just have to have our own Christmas here. We’ll work it out. We have before. Why is this year such a big deal?”

Laura shook her head, disagreeing, her emotions starting to increase, “It’s just... It would have been their first Christmas and I wanted them to experience the kind I’ve always had with my dad.”

Suddenly, they heard the baby’s cry from the bedroom. Then shortly after Clara’s voice crying softly, “Mom… Mommy!”

“I’ll get them,” Laura sighed and made her way to their bedroom. The brunette’s voice went from sulking to her chipper mom voice.  In a split second, she greeted her children with the biggest smile on her face and closed the door behind her.

“Poor Laura. I don’t blame her…" Kirsch said, mouth full with food, that he managed to find from somewhere in this empty kitchen. "Your kids are missing out on a lot. Things must have been easier for you back then.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You know. Christmas in the olden days?

Then the idea hit her and a mischievous smile crept on her face. “C’mon frat boy, you’re coming with me, I’m going to need your help...”

Christmas Eve was pretty uneventful. Carmilla and Kirsch offered to go into town and get take out. They returned a couple of hours later with food from their favorite Indian place. They had also brought home groceries for breakfast in the next morning.

Carmilla tried to act indifferent about it. She claimed she only bought pancake mix because she knew they would be hungry tomorrow. But Laura smiled knowing the exact reason. Her wife would make sure that at the very least she would have her pancake breakfast on Christmas day.

Laura broke the news to their children early in the day.

“No Christmas?!” their little girl exclaimed and pouted for a good minute. Then she forgot about it once when her Aunt Mel started to play with her. The little boy had no clue what was going on and stared back at his mother. For a short while, the brunette pretended she could sense his disappointment. In the end, Laura had to admit she was more disappointed that anyone and went back to sulking.

Christmas Day

Laura took a deep breath before opening her eyes. She was trying to prepare herself for the not so special feeling of this year’s Christmas morning. Before she could move a muscle, she heard the high pitch squeal of her daughter. The young mother immediately jumped out of bed. She looked over and realized the bed was empty. Sheets tucked up on Carmilla’s side and not a child in sight.

The door flew open and the little girl ran to hide behind Laura. “Mommy!!! Uncle Kirsch is trying to get me!” She peeked from behind her mother to see if he was still there.

Kirsch roared in response and she screamed again. She immediately saw an opening ran back between his legs and back into the living room. “Merry Christmas, Laura hottie!!!” he smiled before turning to chase after Clara again.

“Merry Christmas,” the brunette smiled. At least, she was still surrounded by people she loved. Who needs presents? And BBC period specials? And gingerbread… She frowned. Laura did. She lowered her head as she sulked out of the bedroom.

The sweet smell cinnamon from her favorite Christmas pancakes wafted in the air. She inhaled deeply and let out a satisfied sigh. When she opened looked up to greet her wife good morning and thank her for breakfast she stopped in her tracks. She wasn't expecting their house to look so wonderful. It was like living in a picture of one of those cottages nestled at the foot of a mountain. It was elegant in the simplest of ways.

“What is all this?” Laura choked when she was able to breathe again.

“Christmas,” Carmilla winked at her. “For someone who calls herself a Christmas aficionado, I’m a little disappointed.”

“But how… what… where did this all come from?” the brunette continued to stare in disbelief.

The younger woman scanned the room one last time just to make sure it was all real. Their entire living room was covered in decorations. These decorations were not the typical plastic she had grown accustomed back home. These were real fresh pine branches fashioned into wreaths. Each one with clusters of pine cones and bows tied around them. They had socks hanging by the fireplace for their stockings.

There was small spruce still potted and displayed as the table centerpiece. The tree was decorated with handmade ornaments class ornaments of red and silver. Candles were strategically placed throughout the room. They gave off a soft glow and providing a specific kind of ambiance. These simple candles outshine the traditional multi-colored, Christmas lights strung across the room. The tree was not stuffed with presents underneath. Instead, there were a few wooden toys unwrapped under the tree. A set of blocks, carved wooden animals, and Each with handwritten tags with each of the children’s names.

“Well, for some reason, you keep forgetting I’ve lived in eastern Europe for a better part of three centuries. A girl has her ways,” she smiled, flipping one of the pancakes and beckoning Laura to join her by the stove. “I figured if we can’t have a Hollis Christmas this year, I’d show you my version of Christmas.”

“I can’t believe you did all this,” the brunette could feel the tears threatening to come back full force.

Carmilla flashed her half smile, “Laura… You know I never cared for Christmas.” 

“--I know, you think it's stupid, useless and sentimental,” the brunette rolled her eyes.

“But--” the dark-haired woman interjected and put a finger to the brunette’s lips to silence her. “That’s never stopped you before. And I don’t know… Maybe I’ve started to like it too. I never had anyone to share it with like I can with you. If it’s important to you, then I want it to be important to us too.” She stared into Laura’s eyes searching when the brunette was speechless.

“I know it’s not exactly like having Christmas at your dad's" Carmilla continued. She suddenly felt vulnerable and unsure. "But I hope you like it.” She smirked tilting her head to the side. “Maybe it’s a good thing you know? We have the opportunity to create our own traditions as well.”

They smiled and instead of talking, they started inching closer to each other.  The attraction taking over them until they were close enough for their foreheads to be touching. Their hands intertwined with one another and they brought their lips together.

“Merry Christmas, Laura,” Carmilla breathed after the first kiss and came in for another.

“Merry Christmas, Carm,” Laura sighed in return looking deep into her eyes. She reached her hands up into her raven hair and pulled her closer.

They broke apart again when Carmilla felt a smile form on Laura's face. "What?" she asked bewildered.

Laura bit her lip. “Well,” she said with a mischievous chuckle. “You know... You didn’t have to do all this for me…"

The dark-haired woman groaned in anticipation. She knew where this was going but she didn't know how she'd stop it. Instead, she waited.

"I mean, after all, all I want for Christmas is you,” Laura laughed singing the last part.

Carmilla cringed in response, “Okay… Christmas songs. Too far.” She held up her hands to shield herself and shook her head.  The brunette doubled over with laughter. Her wife continued to glare at her and the dark-haired woman muttered, “You’re killin’ Hollis....”

Laura had to admit, they didn't have the perfect Hollis Christmas she had been expecting. But as long as she was with Carmilla, she’d always feel at home and maybe it was time to start their own traditions.

[taschas-clexafix]

Merry Christmas Carmilla Secret Santa gift to @charlee-lang

I sat across from her as we went over lines for season two of Carmilla and I couldn't stop myself from looking at her lips. Seriously after we kissed for season one it's all I think about! I watched helplessly as she brought the hot cocoa to her lips. I wanted to be that cup I know I am a bit crazy but she is driving me to be this way.

I thought I could handle this stay friends I mean I knew I was attracted to her but I had no clue how much till her lips stole my heart. Now I can't see anything except how perfect she is.

I melt every single time she smiles and it's hard not to get lost trying to memorize how all her freckles move. I can't hear anything else when she laughs. She is the sweetest little human alive. Today she brought her own homemade hot cocoa for me! She has this light around her that makes her look like she is glowing! I looked away from her lips to soak in the beauty of her make-up free face. The way her tan skin makes her honey eyes pop is like nothing else! Her eyes were wondering over the pages in front of her she sighed at something and ran her hand through her golden hair. I had to glance away as she lifted her gaze "Natasha can you believe they have been sleeping in the deans bed?" I snapped out of my trance as my name left her lips it took everything not to focus on how perfect it sounds coming from her. I looked at her "well obviously Carm saw no harm in it but yeah how weird?" She laughed "oh god do you think they like fucked in her bed?" I literally choked as I looked at her innocent sweet face and tried to stop my mind from replaying what she just said on repeat. I smirked "hmm good question but I think Carm is more of a romantic than that plus shes totally a gentlewoman I highly doubt it". I looked down at the script then back up only to see her honey eyes locked on me and the sweetest smile "Natasha you are so soft but I suppose you might be right Carm would take Laura to the rooftop to look at the stars and be all romantic". I smiled "Elise you can't possibly tell me that doesn't sound like a good way to sweep a girl off her feet? Soft ha! More like smooth". I winked at her with a smirk plastered across my face. She rolled her eyes "Negovanlis put away that Karnstein smirk!" I smiled fully "Miss Bauman does my Karnstein smirk get to your inner Hollis?" She laughed "I can't even with you Natasha!" I took a sip of the delicious hot cocoa as I looked at her eyes playing a flirty game with hers. I was about to over emphasize how much I was enjoying the drink when Annie walked up to me "Nat have you seen Kaitlin?" I shook my head no and she walked away. I sat the cup down and turned my attention back to Elise who held back a giggle "you uh have something" she reached across the table and swept her thumb over my top lip. I froze the feeling of her skin touching mine. She was using her finger to wipe my lip she didn't use a napkin she was using her finger, I repeat her finger was touching my lip! I tried to shake the effect she had on me to compose myself "uh thanks". She smiled as she sat back down "glad to see you like the cocoa" I nodded any bits of my inner Carmilla faded as she brought her thumb to her mouth and licked it clean "mm it's pretty great stuff an old family recipe". All I could do was internally scream "oh um yeah pretty great stuff". She smiled innocently like she hadn't just killed me with her actions. I knew I was falling more and more in love with her that day with every little simple thing. God what is in the hot cocoa a love potion?

More magical hot cocoa and some cookies for the Christmas special and I was done for.

I could hardly keep my mind off of how cute Elise had been for our little Christmas special. I was becoming more and more hopeless.

The day came for filming and I was beyond nervous I would have to kiss her basically right away!

How was I supposed to keep my cool Carmilla exterior when I just wanted to scream?

As they yelled action I waited for my cue praying I could pull this off. I heard my cue my little Laura talking to her audience. I walked out from behind the curtain and managed to kiss her without completely losing my cool.

It took a few takes but I wasn't complaining because I could literally kiss her till the end of time!

We wrapped up the first day right on schedule and then all headed to dinner as per tradition of first day filming called for.

I stuck pretty close to Annie because my lips were still buzzing begging for more contact with the sweet lips I had been kissing only hours ago. I didn't trust myself to be alone with Elise. When we all made it to dinner Elise came and sat next to me and Annie making my nerves spike yet again.

All through dinner Elise was more touchy and adorable then I could handle I had to excuse myself to the restroom a few times before I lost all my composure.

I watched as Elise told yet another story her eyes lit up as her smile took over her face everything she played as Laura the storyteller showed her enthusiasm contagious as ever. I smiled trying to pay attention but losing my thoughts in wanting to kiss her for the millionth time!

I quickly excused myself and walking quicker then ever to get to the restroom. I took a deep breath and splashed water over my face. Oh my god get a hold of yourself woman she's a coworker she's a friend she way too important to hurt you can't just kiss her! My cheeks were on fire I was panicking I need to cool off I need to control this mess! I padded my face with a paper towel just as I heard the door to the restrooms open.

I felt myself hold my breath as I heard her “Nat are you okay?” I dried my face and turned to see a concerned Elise looking at me with those golden eyes. I was doomed!

I didn't trust my voice so I just nodded making her step closer. She reached up slowly to move some of my hair out of my face “it is no use lying to me I think I know you pretty well now and you've been different and I kind of think I know why...” Her pause made my stomach flip. She rested her hand on my cheek and smiled “I didn't think it was true when Katlyn told me that is until today.” She moved closer her breath played on my lips and I seemed to be paralyzed. She whispered “I am falling for you possibly just as much as you are falling for me.” Her words hit me like an electric shock to my system restarting my heart just in time to react to her lips meeting mine. I melted into her kiss and instantly reacted grabbing her hips and pulling her in closer. This was better then anything I had ever experienced before in my life I thought I was falling hard before I was crashing into her now!

She seemed to be just as frantic as I was to keep the connection and get more I felt her move and let her guide me back against the wall our lips never parting. With each move we gasped for air and hello tighter. I never wanted the moment to end but we were in a public bathroom and really should have figured someone would come looking.

We broke apart at the sound of Katlyn laughing “I knew it Annie owes me 20 bucks! It's about freaking time too!” I felt my cheeks flush and averted eye contact “shut up Katlyn!” I grumbled and sighed and that earned me a kiss on the cheek from Elise “you did not bet money on us!” Elise laughed as she spoke “I can't believe you two god our friends are such children!” I nodded in agreement. Katlyn laughed “the way you two attacked each other for that kiss in season one and how freaking flirt you constantly are we had to make a bet besides we were not wrong I was just more right then Annie she said you would both stay clueless at least till the middle if shooting season 2”. I couldn't believe my ears was it that obvious?

I honestly don't care about anything except Elise And just followed her lead going back out to be teased by the entire crew.

After dinner Elise came home with me and we drank cocoa talked for hours kissed more and talked until we fell asleep on the couch.

I knew she was my Laura and I knew she was my Elise and I couldn't wait for a million more moments with her!

Thank god for the cosmic magic of hot cocoa!

[rustandruin]

Hiii my cutie 💕 top five wlw stories please? In any genre and medium

Three for three so far! Because this is another stellar ask — as well as a nice reminder of how far media has come, because not only are most of these recent, but I didn’t have to try too hard to find happy, more positive ones. And even better, I really could find stuff in most of my favouite genres. Viva more inclusive media!

P.S. It was actually hard to limit these to only five! 

Let’s hope that trend continues:

OBLIGATORY MENTION: It’s a low-level crime, that Brooklyn Nine-Nine‘s Rosa and Alicia (Gina Rodriguez’s character) can’t be on this list. But seeing as that they haven’t had more than an adorable meet-cute at this point, I couldn’t justify it to myself. But I feel the need to note that if we are fortunate enough to have her reprise this role in at least a minor recurring capacity next season, you’ll have to come and resuscitate me, because I’ll probably be dead. Like. Look at this!!! (I’m all three of them in this scene.) 

5. Amy and Lucy (D. E. B. S.)

What happens when you’re your spy agency’s top agent, but you just happen to be set up on a blind date with and then fall for the criminal mastermind who’s the basis of your thesis project? This movie. Directed by Angela Robinson (who herself is queer and also responsible for the polyamorous Wonder Woman creators backstory film Professor Marston and the Wonder Women last year), this film is a tongue-in-cheek parody of Charlie’s Angels. This means lots of wacky spy hijinks and some cheesy dialogue, but it truly feels like the queer spy AU I’ve always wanted. I also appreciate that there’s a B-story about female friendship and what it means when your friend embarks on a new relationship. (Side Note: This movie pairs perfectly with Spice World and SClub: Seeing Double, you’re welcome.) 

4. Goldie and Diane (Goldie Vance)

Goldie is pretty much living my dream ages 7 to.. well, pretty much now, seeing as she works at a local holiday resort where she also solves mysteries with the help of her best friend Cheryl (who wants to be an astronaut) and her girlfriend Diane (seen in all her chic glory, below). This comic is relatively new but it’s one of my all-time favourites because the art style is gorgeous and retro, the mysteries are fun and modern, and Goldie herself is fully-fledged and already iconic. And on top of all that, we get to see her initial crush on Diane, followed by them beginning a relationship all with very little drama. It’s cute and sweet, just what this book and our hero deserve. Also, I know it sounds weird, but I kind of have a crush on Diane. She’s just so ridiculously cool. (And she’s not even wearing her leather jacket.) 

3. Lena and Stef (The Fosters)

I haven’t caught up on the last two seasons of this series, but I did catch a bit of the season finale (which really focused on their relationship and Stef coming to terms with her dad’s death and his not having accepted their relationship) and it just drove home how special it was to be able to watch five seasons of a loving, committed lesbian relationship play out on TV. These ladies have been through so much together — and that’s excluding the insanity their five kids put them through. And I know they’ve gone through some rough patches, but it made me only love them more because relationships can be hard and require work and it was nice to see both these women doing their best to put in the effort. But more than that, the show allowed us to see them be funny and sexy and cute and domestic, amidst all the drama, which only makes this relationship so special. I hope we’re all lucky to find that kind of partnership some day. 

2. Carmilla and Laura Hollis (Carmilla)

Freshman journalist investigates and then falls for dark and mysterious vampire roommate, and then proceeds to get into all sorts of vampiric and demonic shenanigans with their inclusive group of friends. It sounds like some kind of wild fanfic idea, only it’s a real web series that ran for three seasons and then blessed us with a movie. And honestly, there is so much to love about Carmilla and Laura’s relationship. They’re both the tough and strong one and the soft and sensitive one, and better yet, they take turns being that for each other. Their chemistry crackles, the emotions (both positive and negative) come through, and even more importantly, they’re endlessly watchable together. Because they have that push and pull and give and take that is at the heart of all great pairings — and I could not be more grateful to everyone involved.

1. Waverly Earp and Nicole Haught (Wynonna Earp) 

Just as her sister Wynonna is off learning how to become Wyatt Earp’s latest heir, the ever-delightful Waverly goes on the fun journey that is discovering that your sexuality isn’t as defined as you thought it was — especially when she falls for the cute new female police officer in town. (Of course, while all this is happening we’re graced with all kinds of revenant-hunting and demon fighting goodness where both women show off their admirable skillsets.) But the best part of Waverly exploring her bisexuality and feelings for Nicole is that in many ways we get to see the “real” Waverly come out when with someone who appreciates how smart and insightful she can be and treats her with all the respect and adoration she deserves. And the same is true for Nicole, who while also being softer and more vulnerable around Waverly, also lets her see her more ambitious and determined side. It’s a sign that both women are at their fullest with each other, trusting one another with the best and worst parts of themselves, which is what good relationship allow you to do — even if one of you is constantly in mortal danger. Bring on Season 3 already. 

HONOURARY MENTIONS: Valencia and Beth (Crazy Ex Girlfriend), Petra and JR (Jane the Virgin), Bingo Love by Tee Franklin (I haven’t read it yet, but I’ve heard good things), Black Lightning (I have yet to watch it because I was waiting to marathon it), Of Fire and Stars by Audrey Coulthurst, Ash by Malinda Lo, Rasha and Zoe (Degrassi: Next Class)

[amateurteacher]

WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A QUEER IN...?

First, a confession: It’s 22:49 in my country and I feel like my body is doing everything it can to separate itself from whatever's inside me. My skin doesn't feel like a skin and it seems like the air is solid under my fingers as I type these words. In the middle of this anxiety attack I remember that tomorrow I have to get up early for my class. I am 21 years old and the youngest professor at the university where I work. That means I still don't know how to handle the fact that my students of tomorrow think that one of the bloodiest massacres in Colombia's history is the fault of the victims because "they should have foreseen it". The college where I work is the most expensive college in the city, which means that many of its students are children of the privilege. Every time they express these violent expressions I can't avoid to see rocks in their hands and feel that if they could know I was a lesbian they would not hesitate to throw them at me, because, in most contexts, the privilege is misogynistic and markedly homophobic. My parents and my sister are sleeping. This silence is not very different from the silence that I usually feel when I am around them and I cannot show myself totally. More than anyone, I'd like to talk to something, and I feel like this blue page is the closest scenario I have to that conversation.

I graduated from literature at my university and I would like to share with you (the something invisible but real, the something timelessly present, the something unknown that takes time to read to another unknown, the something that is something because you cannot be someone when you are all at the same time) how some of the knowledge I learned during that period influenced my reflections on three of my favorite shows: Carmilla, Wynona Earp and Orphan Black. I would love to show you the thre ready-made reflections, but for now I will write my thoughts around Carmilla for as long as I need to take up my usual breathing and be able to sleep more peacefully.

I probably write this for myself but I still hope to find an echo in others "desvelados", which is a rare construction in Spanish that means “the one who lost sleep or can't fall asleep”, or in any fan, who like me, has found company in the stories of these series.

A METHOD OF ANALYSIS

Summarizing the whole theory, my method of literary approach is based on the works of Georg Lukács, Jacques Ranciere and studies on polyphony of Mikhail Bakhtin, from which a conception of literature is derived: literature is NEVER a reflection of reality, but a refraction of voices (many voices) of society (more a painting than a photo). Literature (and perhaps it would be good to already speak in terms of narratives) works in terms of representation. Therefore, I would not agree to use a book as a historical document, but certainly a book would reinterpret the voices of a historical moment in order to, according to the ideological positions of the author, create a version of it. The characteristic of this position is that it does not consider that the key to reading a text is in aesthetics as an artifice, as a manifestation of a style, but that all aesthetics are charged with an ethic (the author writes in a way because only in that way can he express his political bets).

All of the above is reduced to three levels of analysis. In my words:

-"Outside the book", which implies that to understand a book you must know everything about the author's writing context (why could this book only have been written at the time it was written?), the historical context in which the narration takes place, and the current literary situation in terms of literary movements and debates.

-"Inside the book", and I hope you don't misunderstand me, this is very important because we do literature, not sociology. This is the moment to put into practice all the critical tools related to time, characters, repeated thematic points: the architecture with which the story was constructed. The style of the book.

-A new one outside the book? Let's say "Above the book": this is the most interesting moment of the reflection where we try to construct the universe of values that allows the union of the two previous levels. Basically, what was the resulting image of reality, once we put together the pieces of the puzzle that the book proposes

You're probably bored. I think the only way I can explain myself is to "teach a lesson", but this is actually just as exciting for me as a last-minute goal, and I'm starting to feel better. All right, let's see how it goes when I analyze Carmilla.

CARMILLA AND THE UNIVERSAL LOVE

To give a quick example of what the first two levels of analysis would be like, because I want to focus on the last one, the "outside of Carmilla" could refer to a context of the need for good queer representation in the media and, to give a very specific example, a knowledge of how universities work in terms of fraternities (an element that, by the way, is not common in Latin America) The “inside of Carmilla” (and only referring to the digital series and not to the beautiful film) has an obvious aesthetic element that is marked by the presentation of the story from a "webcam" ,that is to say the story in a constant confession mode (usually from Laura- I take the moment to say that Elise Bauman  and Natasha Negovanlis are such a gift) and in a single setting (the room-the living room-the library).

So let's move on to "above Carmilla". I won't lie. When I approach a new series I usually do it for its queer representation. It still surprises me, moves me, makes me nervous, all at the same time, to see two women kissing on television. It is a constant reminder of validity.  I don't think there's anything wrong with this. But what makes me love a series is that, along with the fangirl that I can develop through a relationship, there is a space for deep reflection on who we are as people.

In Carmilla there are many reflections on this subject. In the first season the questions could be presented as: Is it worth fighting for what we think is right even when all the odds are against us? Should we resign ourselves to the fact that there is a natural world order that is stronger and more powerful than our vain attempts? In the second season the questions revolve around power: can we sacrifice everything around us in order to defend what we believe? Who determines that my cause is the noblest cause? Can I judge the actions of others based on my own scale of values? In the third season this exercise that I have been doing (to separate the reflections linked to love from the other reflections) is more difficult, because if one of the reflections of the second season around love, which I have not intentionally mentioned is should I change what I am for love?, in this last season the question is relativized and expressed as what is it that love causes in people, and when it comes to the issue of loss (Laura in the other dimension, death) how do I survive a lack of love, or why do I have to overcome my fears first to love? (I don't think it's a coincidence that this is the season for the beautiful Hollstein statement, interrupted by the Dean's applause)

Let's move away from all these reflections and focus only on the love between Laura and Carmilla. How do you unite the inside and the outside?

There are two consequences that I find in the presentation from the webcam: first, the world is reduced to the micro-world of, once again, Laura's room, the dean's former apartment and the library. This implies that an implicit pact is created with the characters. We must believe the story they tell us. The world is their world. It is a series without tricks in that sense, and very transparent. Everything that happens outside is only important because of its consequences inside. That is, the work is already "simplified" and what we can see is how what happens outside (the action) changes the characters (the reflection). That is, first conclusion, reality is only important for the kind of person it makes us be.

The second consequence is that as we can only see the immediate context of the characters, there are few characters. However, and to ensure the coherence of the story (that is, to convince us that a true story is being told) these characters were as varied as the outside world can be, and in that sense, and as I explained earlier that these characters are our only contact with the outside world, each of them would be an archetype. Laura is not just Laura, she is the archetype of people who have hope in changing their reality; Carmilla is not just Carmilla, she is the archetype of people excluded from history (because Carmilla's great debate is always in relation to history: should I let it all happen because in the end what happens won't have consequences for my immortal self? Can I overcome my past or will I remember it for all eternity) And… as the only romantic love story (couple love if you want to see it that way) we see in the series is the relationship between Laura and Carmilla, that relationship then comes to be built on an archetype of love. Wait, you mean the relationship between a young girl and a vampire is an archetype of love?!, but how can love between two specific personalities be a model of love?! Well, let's analyze how the series naturalizes love between them as love and period, and not as an expression of love between two women or love between a human and a mythological figure.

The explanation is very simple: the series does not problematize the fact that, for example, Laura is a lesbian, nor that Carmilla is a vampire (the two elements that could characterize this relationship as an "atypical" relationship). In the first case, and this was one of the elements that attracted the fandom from the beginning, we do not have a "coming out" in the series, and in fact, Laura's or Carmilla's sexuality is never a topic, it is not an element that the plot focuses on. It's just like that. It exists. It happens.

Likewise, the characters quickly get used to the existence of the supernatural in the story (except for Perry, and perhaps on another long night we could talk about his case. I mean, is the most reluctant of the situation possessed by a vampire goddess? That should be an important detail) This circumstance, which sometimes surpasses the absurd, does not create an “unreal-fake world”. Why? Because when Laura questioned the reasons why the world "was like this", and when all the characters questioned the same thing, they did not question why the world has vampires, or giant fishes or many dimensions. They questioned why evil or power or corruption exists. That's the world they want to change. It’s that "the weird", "the perverse", the "abnormal” about their lives.

I consider then that the purpose of the series is to analyze love through love between two women. That we forget and that we remember at the same time that they are two women. The love between Laura and Carmilla is a universal love, as an archetype, because it is presented as an expression of the standard and regular love that can be felt. And this, the basic claim to which all non-heterosexual people aspire, is achieved in the series thanks to all these strategies that I hope I have explained.

It's 12:47 pm. It's officially June, the month of pride. I think I should get some rest soon, because I really should get up early. I'm not anxious anymore, but I feel numb. I just want to make one last comment: is the love between Laura and Carmilla an example of perfect love because it is the official representation of love in the series? NO. Not at all. And this is the beauty of it all. We can learn from love through them: their difficulties, their celebrations, their lessons. What makes really transgressor the love between them to my eyes is not the fact of being a queer love but the fact that they decide, in the end, that their love will make them better, and that they will not destroy all if one of them dies. This is the Hollstein revolution. To break all the violent ideas associated with romantic heterosexual love, as an archetype in itself: possessive love, love that cannot be forgotten, love of “if you are not for me you are not for anyone”, “if I failed in love, we must all fail”. I'm not saying that all heterosexual love is like that. I'm talking about the patriarchy's versions of love (another night of explanations). Wow, my conclusion seems to be that Hollstein is, above all, a feminist love. I think I will end this conclusion like this. Nothing could be better than this.

Well, this is my literary reading of Carmilla. I am not an expert on this subject, nor do I want to present my version as the only one, much less the best. I was just looking for an outlet to unite my passions: literature + being a lesbian.  I don't know if anyone will read this or if anyone will find it interesting enough to continue the conversation. I just want to thank my Tumblr companies, with whom I have rarely spoken but who are with me now and always in this “struggle for being” in the day to day. This is my way of thanking you for your selfies, your gifs, your jokes, your criticisms of violence. I'm just getting started. I hope to publish my thoughts on Wayhaught and Cophine soon. I hope to sleep.

Feliz junio, my darlings.

PD:

-Sorry if I have grammatical or spelling mistakes. English is not my native language.

- As you can see I am using queer as a spectrum and not as a specific identity. I hope this isn't vague or offensive.

 Karla.

@natvanlis

[hazelcallahan]

sometimes i forget that carmilla was a real thing that happened like the entirety of the last like 4 episodes?? "our story is that we made each other better"????? i forget that that was real and that laura hollis, love of my life, talked for like seven minutes WITHOUT A HEART

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