#our conversation made me feel more creative than I've been in months

[hopesapowerfulthing]

Obsessed With You - The Orion Experience/Fan Behavior - Isaac Dunbar

Gift for @t3acupz

[estapa-edwards]

MEDIA GIRL - L. HUGHES

paring: Luke Hughes x fem! reader

word count: 2.4k

requested? yes - luke falling in love with the media girl at the new jersey devil and finally asking her out

warnings: use of y/n. multiple pov

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I've been working closely with the Devils for the past couple of years, crafting content, capturing moments, and sharing the team's journey with fans around the world. It's a job I love, immersed in the world of hockey and surrounded by passionate individuals who share the same love for the sport.

One player, in particular, had caught my eye since he joined the team – Luke Hughes. As a rising star defenseman, he commanded attention on the ice with his skillful play and undeniable charisma. But it wasn't just his performance on the rink that intrigued me; there was something about his infectious smile and genuine personality that drew me in.

As the seasons passed and the rhythm of the hockey calendar dictated our lives, Luke and I found ourselves drawn together by the magnetic pull of our shared experiences. It was during those moments in between the action, the quiet lulls amidst the chaos, that our connection began to deepen.

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During interviews, our conversations would often veer off course, wandering into topics far beyond the scope of the game. Luke's genuine curiosity about my life outside of the arena was both surprising and endearing. We swapped stories about our childhoods, our favorite movies, and our shared love for good food. It was during these impromptu exchanges that I discovered the layers beneath the confident exterior of the hockey star – the insecurities, the dreams, the quirks that made him undeniably human.

Promotional shoots became an opportunity for us to explore our creative sides together. Whether we were brainstorming ideas for social media campaigns or striking poses for team merchandise, there was an undeniable synergy between us. Luke's playful nature brought out the best in me, inspiring me to push the boundaries of my creativity and embrace the spontaneity of the moment.

And then there were the social media campaigns – our bread and butter in the digital age of sports marketing. As the social media coordinator for the Devils, I was responsible for crafting content that resonated with fans and showcased the team's personality both on and off the ice. Luke, with his infectious energy and natural charisma, was the perfect partner in crime. Whether we were filming behind-the-scenes videos, hosting live Q&A sessions, or engaging with fans on Twitter, our dynamic duo captured the hearts of Devils fans everywhere.

But amidst the whirlwind of interviews, shoots, and campaigns, it was the quiet moments in between that I cherished the most. The stolen glances across a crowded room, the shared smiles that spoke volumes without a single word exchanged. It was during those moments that I felt the walls around my heart slowly crumbling, giving way to the possibility of something more than just friendship.

And as the days turned into weeks, and the weeks into months, I couldn't shake the feeling that Luke Hughes had become more than just a teammate or a colleague – he had become a permanent fixture in my life, a constant presence that I couldn't imagine living without. 

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As the final buzzer sounded, signaling the Devils' hard-fought victory on the ice, the arena erupted into a cacophony of cheers and applause. Luke and Y/N found themselves caught up in the swell of excitement and emotion, the electric atmosphere pulsating around them like a living, breathing entity.

Y/N's heart pounded in her chest as she watched with bated breath, her eyes fixed on Luke as he skated across the rink, his movements fluid and graceful, his arms raised triumphantly in the air. In that moment, he was more than just a hockey player – he was a hero, a symbol of strength and resilience in the face of adversity.

"That was incredible," Y/N exclaimed, her voice tinged with awe as she watched him bask in the glow of their win. The pride swelling in her chest was palpable, a surge of emotion threatening to overwhelm her as she realized the magnitude of what they had accomplished together.

Luke flashed her a grin, his eyes shining with adrenaline-fueled excitement. "Thanks, Y/N," he replied, his voice filled with genuine gratitude. "I couldn't have done it without your support."

Y/N felt her breath catch in her throat at his words, her heart skipping a beat as she absorbed the weight of his gratitude. It was a simple acknowledgment, a fleeting moment in the grand scheme of things, but to her, it meant everything. It was validation – validation of her hard work, her dedication, her unwavering belief in him and the team.

"You're welcome," she replied, her voice barely above a whisper. "I'll always be here to cheer you on, no matter what." Her words were a promise, a pledge of allegiance to the man who had captured her heart without even realizing it.

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It was during one particularly intense game that everything changed. The Devils were down a goal with minutes left on the clock, tension thick in the air as the crowd held its breath. In a dramatic turn of events, Luke managed to score the tying goal, sending the arena into a frenzy of cheers and applause.

Amidst the celebration, our eyes met across the crowded arena, a shared moment of triumph and exhilaration. And in that instant, I knew – I was falling for Luke Hughes.

But as the game ended and the crowd began to disperse, doubt crept into my mind. What if I was misreading the signs? What if our connection was nothing more than professional courtesy? I pushed the thoughts aside, focusing on the task at hand as I followed the team to the locker room for post-game interviews.

It was there, amidst the chaos of the locker room, that Luke sought me out. His eyes were bright with excitement, a victorious grin playing on his lips as he approached me.

"Hey, Y/N," he said, his voice filled with genuine warmth. "I just wanted to say thanks for all your hard work. That goal wouldn't have been possible without you."

I felt my cheeks flush with heat, a rush of emotions swirling inside me as I met his gaze. "It was all you out there," I replied, my voice barely above a whisper. "You played an amazing game."

Luke smiled, a mischievous glint in his eyes as he leaned in closer. "Hey, do you maybe want to grab dinner sometime? You know, to celebrate the win?"

My heart skipped a beat, the world around us fading away as I processed his words. Luke Hughes, asking me out on a date? It felt like a dream come true.

"Um, yeah," I stammered, a smile spreading across my face. "I would love to."

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LUKES POV

Luke Hughes sat in the locker room, his mind swirling with thoughts of the game ahead. The adrenaline coursed through his veins, his heart pounding with anticipation. But amidst the excitement of the upcoming match, there was another thought that lingered at the back of his mind – Y/N.

From the moment he first laid eyes on her, Luke knew there was something special about Y/N. It wasn't just her beauty or her infectious smile that drew him in; it was the way she carried herself, with a confidence and grace that was impossible to ignore. And as he got to know her better, he discovered that beneath the surface, there was a kindness and warmth that made her truly captivating.

As the seasons passed and their paths continued to intertwine, Luke found himself drawn to Y/N in ways he couldn't explain. There was a magnetic pull between them, a natural chemistry that made every interaction feel effortless and meaningful. Whether they were working together on promotional shoots or sharing moments of quiet camaraderie in between interviews, Luke felt a connection with Y/N that went beyond words.

But it wasn't just her professional prowess that impressed him – it was her passion for the game, her dedication to her craft, and her unwavering support for the team that truly captured his heart. In Y/N, Luke found a kindred spirit, someone who shared his love for hockey and understood the sacrifices he made to pursue his dreams.

And as he sat in the locker room, preparing to take the ice with his teammates, Luke couldn't shake the feeling that Y/N was more than just a colleague or a friend – she was someone he could see himself building a future with. But he also knew that crossing that line was fraught with uncertainty and risk. What if she didn't feel the same way? What if their relationship changed the dynamic of their team?

Luke Hughes leaned against the wall of the locker room, his heart pounding in his chest as he stole a glance at Y/N across the room. She was engrossed in conversation with a colleague, her laughter ringing out like music in the air. For a moment, he hesitated, his mind swirling with doubts and uncertainties. But then he remembered the way she had looked at him during the game, the spark of excitement in her eyes as they celebrated their victory together. And in that moment, he knew – he had to take a chance.

Pushing himself away from the wall, Luke crossed the room with determined strides, his heart racing with nerves as he approached Y/N. As he drew closer, he could feel the weight of his words hanging in the air, a lump forming in his throat as he struggled to find the right thing to say.

"Hey, Y/N," he said, his voice slightly shaky but filled with genuine warmth. "I just wanted to say thanks for all your hard work tonight. That goal wouldn't have been possible without you."

Y/N looked up at him, her eyes shining with surprise and gratitude. "Oh, it was nothing," she replied, her voice soft but sincere. "You played an amazing game out there."

Luke smiled, his confidence growing with each passing moment. "Listen, I was thinking," he began, his words tumbling out in a rush of excitement. "Would you maybe want to grab dinner sometime? You know, to celebrate the win?"

As he waited for her response, Luke felt a surge of nervous energy coursing through his veins. What if she said no? What if he had misread the signs and made a fool of himself? But then Y/N's face broke into a radiant smile, her eyes sparkling with anticipation.

"Um, yeah," she stammered, her cheeks flushing with color. "I would love to."

A wave of relief washed over Luke as he took in her words, a wide grin spreading across his face. "Great," he said, unable to contain his excitement. "How about tomorrow night? I know this great Italian place downtown."

Y/N nodded eagerly, her smile widening with each passing second. "Sounds perfect," she replied, her voice filled with genuine enthusiasm.

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The soft glow of candlelight bathed the cozy Italian restaurant in a warm, inviting ambiance as Luke and I sat across from each other, our conversation flowing effortlessly like a river winding its way through the night. From the moment we arrived, there had been a palpable energy between us – a sense of anticipation that hung in the air like a promise waiting to be fulfilled.

As we sipped on glasses of red wine and savored bites of delicious pasta, the outside world faded away, leaving only the two of us lost in our own little bubble of bliss. Luke's laughter filled the air, a melodic symphony that echoed in my ears like music to my soul.

"So, tell me more about yourself," he said, his eyes sparkling with genuine curiosity. "What do you like to do when you're not busy running the Devils' social media empire?"

I couldn't help but smile at his playful tone, the warmth of his gaze sending shivers down my spine. "Well, I'm a bit of a bookworm," I confessed, feeling a rush of excitement as I shared a piece of myself with him. "I love getting lost in a good novel, especially anything with a bit of mystery or romance."

Luke nodded, his expression thoughtful as he leaned in closer. "I can relate to that," he admitted, his voice low and intimate. "There's something magical about getting lost in a story, isn't there? It's like you're transported to a whole other world."

As the night wore on and the hours slipped away, our conversation deepened, weaving through topics both trivial and profound. We talked about our hopes and dreams, our fears and insecurities, laying bare our souls like open books for the other to read.

And then, amidst the laughter and the shared moments of connection, there was a shift in the air – a subtle change that left me breathless with anticipation. As Luke reached across the table to refill my wine glass, his touch sent a jolt of electricity coursing through my veins, igniting a fire deep within my heart.

"Y/N," he began, his voice soft but filled with conviction. "There's something I need to tell you."

I held my breath, my heart pounding in my chest as I waited for him to continue. In that moment, the world around us seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of us suspended in time, lost in a moment of shared intimacy.

"I know we've only known each other for a relatively short time," Luke continued, his eyes locked with mine, "but from the moment I met you, I felt something special – something I've never felt before."

I felt a rush of warmth flood my cheeks as I listened to his words, my heart swelling with emotion. "Luke," I whispered, my voice barely above a whisper. "I feel it too."

And then, without hesitation, he reached across the table and took my hand in his, his touch sending a wave of tingles dancing across my skin. "Y/N," he said, his voice filled with emotion. "I know this might sound crazy, but I think I'm falling for you."

Tears welled up in my eyes as I gazed into his, the depth of his feelings mirrored in the depths of his soul. In that moment, I knew – I was falling for him too, falling harder and faster than I ever thought possible.

And as we sat there, hand in hand, lost in the glow of the candlelight and the warmth of each other's presence, I couldn't help but feel like the luckiest girl in the world. For in Luke Hughes, I had found not just a teammate or a colleague, but a kindred spirit – someone who saw me for who I truly was and loved me all the more for it.

And as our eyes met across the table, a silent vow passed between us – a promise to cherish this moment, this connection, for as long as our hearts beat as one.

[lightlycareless]

Imagine: naoya and y/n have been happily married for years, and y/n has Lesley Gore's "You don't own me" as ringtone because it makes naoya so embarrassed, he would be like "love, I have already apologized 🥺"

PS: love your work, you alone are making justice to naoya's character. Your characterization of him is canon in my mind.

Hello!!!

Awww this is 🥺 man I feel so bad for him haha. But it's true, once everything is healed and nice, this man will still feel that he could never make up for his mistakes 😭 you'd be there to reassure him, though :) ❤️

Anyways, I've decided to apply some creative... differences to this. Mainly because I wanted to get really angsty with it mwahahahahahahah (also, it's not noted here, but there are some things that will remind her of those days, so she will avoid anything that might make her remember that. The two are in love, but... it's a difficult path. but trauma always is.)

Also, thank you so much for your lovely words!! I do try my best :') I'm so glad that you liked my characterization!! This man is capable of more... under the right circumstances 🤭

warnings: a bit of angst. naoya is deeply regretful. you're supportive. mentions of abuse (not really, but something bad is implied)

happy reading!

“—this is why I don’t like going out with you. Nothing ever seems to be of your liking!”

“If you have such a bad time with me, then why don’t you leave?!”

“I might as well!”

Naoya was never one to overhear gossip (coming from strangers, that is.). Thought it to be incredibly boring, dull, mundane, especially from civilians. What could they even experience? Their boring 9-5 job? Yeah, no thanks.

Yet, something about this conversation didn’t elude his attention like it used to, and before he knew it, when he was once focused on your voice, he was now nothing but attentive to the hurtful words of the couple nearby.

They weren’t directed at him, obviously, nor did they refer to anything he could take personally…

But the weight of his past makes it impossible for him to look beyond his own guilt, instinctively attaching their words to his own actions. Like he was the one they were discussing.

Naoya knows he was a… less than desirable man at the beginning of this marriage. He doesn’t claim otherwise, he can’t, since there are still many things to make amends for…

Things that he knows he’ll never be able to; for the atrocities he committed to you… they’re unspeakable. Even with the promise he made to spend of the rest of his life making it up to you, one he doesn’t intend to let go.

But… will he ever amount to it? Can he do so?

…

He’d rather die trying, than never at all.

“Another one?” You ask when he suggests going to another store. The two had come on a date at a shopping mall, intending to pick up some things needed for the apartment, alongside enjoying each other’s company; Naoya’s work had been quite demanding as of lately, and he intended to get his dosage of you, enough to cover a whole month. “But I thought you wanted to head back already…?”

“Yes, but then I thought we’d make the best of our visit here before leaving instead. Who knows when we’ll be back?”

“Oh, well… if that’s what you want…” you frown, a bit unsettled by his sudden change, which was only to worsen.

“No! I mean—we can do that too if you want to.” Naoya interjects.

“You’re not making much sense…”

“What I mean to say is that we can do whatever you want.” He scurries to explain. “Just say the word and I’ll do it.”

“I... don’t have anything in mind, really. Going home sounded good.”

“Are you sure? We can go somewhere else too. You know I have no limitations.”

“I think I’m done for the day—”

“Home it is. Would you like the estate, the apartment, or your parents’ house?”

“My parents house?? But that’s—that’s on the other side of the country!” you gasp; and while you’re always appreciative of Naoya’s willingness to go above and beyond, this was actually a bit… excessive—and that’s saying a lot coming from him!

“And?”

“What do you mean and? We can’t just hop on a plane and leave!”

“Of course we can.” He corrected. “We can leave right now if you want.”

“Again with the—Where did this come from?? Is everything alright, Naoya? What’s gotten into you??”

“Nothing! Is it wrong to want to please you, too?” Naoya frets.

“Too?” you repeat. “What do you mean by that?”

“It’s—It’s nothing. Just tell me what you—”

“No, it is important. It has to be if it’s affecting you like this!” you cry. “Tell me, Naoya. Please. I thought we agreed we could tell each other everything!”

“It’s nothing you don’t know already.”

“Like what?” you frown. “What do I already know?? You’re not making any sense!”

“That I don’t deserve you!” he condemns. “That I’ve done terrible things to you that I can never erase, no matter how much I try—and that perhaps you’d be infinitely happier with someone else; someone… that isn’t me.”

Even with the large, noisy sounds of the lively mall, silence manages to quickly engulf the two soon after, drowning you in the pain Naoya’s unexpected words gave you, piercing your heart and the hope you’ve placed for the future of this relationship.

One created with the notion that everything bad had been left in the past, ready to move on… only to realize, it wasn’t that easy to do so. Suddenly coming back, in the most unwanted, painful way you could’ve imagined—seemingly unprompted, but equally damaging to Naoya’s sentiments.

“That’s… that’s not true.” You eventually murmur, looking at him, while Naoya’s eyes remain glued to the floor. “None of what you’re saying is true.”

Then why do I keep feeling this way?

“… you don’t… believe that… do you?” You continue, managing to get a glimpse of his face, which reflected nothing but sadness and disbelief towards your words.

“It seems like all I do is hurt you.” Naoya laments. “No matter how much I try, I’ll never be able to escape—"

“Don’t say that—that’s not who you are.” You interject, stepping closer to him. “We’ve come a long way from where we began, you’re not that same man from before.”

“But I keep making the same mistakes, I keep hurting you.”

“It’s not easy to leave behind what you thought normal for all your life—or to accept them as mistakes…” you take his hand. “So, when you do fall back into your old ways, but bounce back right up… It shows you’re trying. It shows you’re regretful and want to do better.”

“I don’t want to hurt you anymore.”

“I know.” He lifts your gaze to yours; you place your other hand just above his cheek, giving him a soft smile. “And… I know you don’t do it intentionally. I’ve seen your heart, the pain you went through and how it affected you. But I also saw what you’re capable of, the love you’ve harbored, how you longed to share it, and… how lucky I am to be the one to earn it.”

“…I’m the lucky one.” Naoya leans into your touch. “To have found a wife so compassionate…”

“We’ve both done things we’re… not proud of. But that doesn’t mean we’re eternally bound to them. As long as we’re regretful and strive to do better… it’s all that matters.”

“But when is enough?” Naoya murmurs. “When will I stop feeling like this?”

“I don’t know. There are some things we can’t stop, we simply… learn how to live with them.” You admit. “I wish it was possible.”

He frowns, looking away.

“But I do know one thing, though.”

“…What is it?”

“That I love you. With your faults and virtues—and everything in between. Is what makes you, you, Naoya.” You giggle, he gives you a tight smile. “And I’ll spend my whole life telling you that until you believe it yourself!”

He chuckles; seems that both have made lifelong promises that neither intends to forget anytime soon.

“I love you too.” Naoya professed. “Thank you for everything. You’ve given me so much, probably even more than what I deserved—that I’ll spend my whole life making it up to you.”

“You don’t have to, Naoya. You only deserve more.” You reassure him. “But really, you don’t need to make it up to me! As long as you remember the love we have for each other, and that I’ve long forgiven you, is enough for me.”

At your words, the tears Naoya was trying his best to hold back finally slide down his cheeks, which you quickly wipe away with your thumbs, before giving him a smile and pulling him closer for a peck on the lips.

“Everything is going to be fine.” You promised, he looks back at you. You kiss him again, taking him into your arms and hugging him. “If you don’t mind me asking, however… what happened that made you feel this way? Did I do something?”

Naoya sighs, resting his chin on the top of your head.

“No, never. It was just something stupid, actually. Some people arguing, that’s all.”

“Oh.” You blink, quickly understanding why he’d feel insecure about your relationship; the familiarities were too close for comfort. “That’s… unfortunate.”

“It reminded me of how we used to be… how I’d treat you.”

“That is long gone. We’ve worked past that and now, we’re in a much better place.” You snuggle against him. “Both figuratively and literally.”

“Do you still want to go home?”

“Yeah, all this shopping made me tired. Unless there’s something else you wanted to see?”

“No, I was mostly suggesting things for you. I’ve been feeling tired for a while too, now.”

“We can arrange something else for another day, then. For now, I just want to head back home, lay on the futon, cuddle underneath the covers, and maybe watch a movie… how does that sound?” you grin. “I can even prepare some popcorn, if you’d like!”

He chuckles.

“It sounds wonderful.”

Just like his new life with you. Something he never thought he’d receive, nor deserved, at least in the beginning of his marriage.

Until you proved to him otherwise, showing him that the ways of his clan, those forcefully imposed on him, didn’t determine who he was, who he could become.

That he had much more power over his life, the ultimate decision on what to do remained on him and no one else.

It was to be a difficult path, one promising bumpy roads, which will probably never end if he were to be realistic…

But it’s just as you said. As long as both know, deep inside, that they’re doing their best to overcome these obstacles, as well as remembering that they’re always there for the other, alongside their ever-growing love… nothing else mattered.

It was you and Naoya against the world.

And he wouldn’t want it any other way.

🥺 I believe Naoya will always feel undeserving, even when they have a kid together and whatnot. He comes from a very difficult family, so be prepared to face these kinds of situations when in a relationship with him 😭😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️

omg i can imagine it already, when he's super old, reflecting on his life he had alongside you, his kids, and probably grandchildren too... only then will he finally admit he's happy with the life he had. jfc i'm crying goodbye.

Anyways, I know I deviated a bit from your imagine, but I still hope it was to your liking! the angst between the two is real, but so good too....

As always, thank you so much for sending in this! Take care, and hope to see you soon!!

[bigdumbbambieyes]

so, i've been inspired by @intothedysphoria and wanted to write my own little positivity post for the people that i've connected with through this fandom!! 🤍

to start off, @intothedysphoria, thank you so much for being the shining light that you are in this fandom. it can be a dark place at times and your efforts towards being a positive person (even when it's hard for you) is truly admirable!

my bub, my best friend, @hephaestn!! I'll never forget the day I decided to DM you and be the annoying little shit that I am and our friendship was born!! you bring me so much joy on a daily basis and I know I can count on you to cheer me up when I need it, be a rational voice when I'm being a mean girl kfkjng and being such a talented writer that makes me feel the most incredible things!

god's funniest little clown @martianclown, you are my circus peanut and i adore you and our conversations so much! you are incredibly talented at what you do and you deserve only the best in life, thank you for allowing me to be your friend!

my sweet @akioukun, you are like the sun with the way I can turn to you and you immediately warm me and make me smile. your talent and musing are unmatched and you are such a delight, I admire you greatly and appreciate you sm!

the best co-captain around, @thatgirlwithasquid, thank you for always being you and for giving me the best cunningway content I could ever ask for, you have inspired me in so many ways and I appreciate your friendship w me!

my fellow Canadian, @chrisbitchtree, thank you for being the world's best beta reader and such an amazing person, I appreciate you more than you know! your writing is so sweet and I admire it and you so much, you've put a smile on my face when I've needed it!

@starkstruck27 you have sent me numerous asks saying the sweetest things, you continue to make my day whenever you do - you are so incredibly sweet and I appreciate you so much!

my hilarious moot @harringroveera, you have made me laugh with your memes time and time again, and you've inspired some of my writing with them, too!! I can always count on you to put a smile on my face, so I thank you so much for that.

the equally hilarious @shieldofiron, your memes and posts have delighted me for a very long time and I really appreciate you for that - I also deeply admire how you write such quality fics so quickly, I am truly in awe of you and your talent. I also must personally thank you for getting me into munver lol!

@dragonflylady77, you have always been so supportive of me from the beginning and I must thank you a million times over! you always have something nice to say about everyone and I truly believe that without you, this community wouldn't be the same.

the talented @adelacreations, you are such a generous and passionate person, I admire you and your art and your writing!! your creativity is also something I very much admire, please keep being your lovely self!

@spaceofentropy thank you for always saying such kind things about my writing, you are so lovely and I adore you so much!! I still remember that time I was feeling really down and you cheered me up, I hold that moment close to my heart.

hi @discodeviant you are so incredibly talented and I still adore the prom ficlet you wrote for me all those weeks (months?) ago!! your writing is beautiful and I admire it and you sm, thank you for sharing it with us all!

@weird-an I continue to be in awe of your writing and I remember being 'new' to the fandom last year and just...having my jaw be on the floor every time I read one of your ficlets! I admire you greatly and hope that you continue to write forever and ever!

sweet @grey-sides, I know we don't talk much but when we do, I always enjoy it! your writing is phenomenal and I remember you were one of the first writers I came across when I really became active in the fandom last year! I adore you and your writing, please never stop making what makes you happy!

@femmebilly, hi honey, I miss you!! You are one of the first friends I made in this fandom and I still have such a soft spot for you! You've always been so supportive of me and everyone in this fandom and without you, it would be a darker place. Thank you for being my lovely friend.

@deedoop you will forever and always make me laugh with your posts and I've told you this many times but I simply MUST tell you again, lovely!! give Billy's jar a kiss for me and take one for yourself, too! thank you for being such an amazing person!

my darling @valsyngur, my Steve!! this must be so random for you lol but I just wanted to tell you that I really adore you very much and what we're creating together, and I admire the art you create! you are such a sweetheart and I'm glad to call you my friend!

the sweetest @applewillowstone, thank you for inviting me to your server and for being so kind! you are incredibly talented in so many ways and I am in awe of you!! thank you for sharing your talent with us!

@destroya2005, you have picked me up with your words far too many times and I am in debt to you because of it (in the best way)! you are too sweet and you are so loving, thank you so much for being you!

@passivenovember, whenever you reblog one of my posts, you ALWAYS make me laugh and it's such a small thing but it truly makes my day! Your writing is also incredible and I just wanted to appreciate you in this post!

the lovely @oopsiedaisiesbaby, your writing is amazing and I love our mutual love for Lana!! you always leave the most lovely comments on my fics and posts and I appreciate you so, so much!

@ratbastardbilly, hello, I don't believe we've ever spoken but I just need you to know that your art holds a special place in my heart! you are so incredibly talented and I admire you greatly!

my sweet @simplydes, I am so happy that we've become friends!! You are so insanely talented and I love that I can just message you with whatever crazy little musing or hc I have about our boys and you return that energy! Your art is some of the most lovely I've ever seen and speaks to me on another level, thank you so much for sharing it with us!

my newest friend @hellfirefucker, you are such a little gremlin and I adore you so!! Your talent is so clear and you only get better and better with each piece! Thank you for picking me, choosing me, loving me (lol), I admire your talent and you always make me laugh whenever we chat!! thank you thank you so much!

@robthegoodfellow thank you for being such a delight to talk to!! I will forever fondly remember our Yellowjackets discussions after every ep nkjfgnj I can't wait for S3 so we can do it all again! Thank you for being such a lovely person!

@ihni, your art and writing is some of the first I'd seen when I first started posting hg and I want to thank you for continuously putting a smile on my face with it!! you are very lovely and I admire you!

@wickedlydevious, you took me in like a stray kitten once and have been lovely ever since!! lol I know we don't speak much but when we do, you are always so lovely!! thank you for making my fandom experience so much better!

there are also dozens upon dozens of artists and writers and just people that are so amazing and have impacted me in the best of ways so I will tag them here! Please know that I adore what you create and am in constant awe of you (in fact, maybe a little intimidated 😳) @thediktatortot, @metalscoops, @wrecked-fuse, @billyharringson, @callieb, @dreaminginpencil, @kallisto-k, @makeadealwithdean, @whenyouwishuponastar7, @suspiciouslackofclowns, @aggressiveviking, @writer-in-theory, @lilkiwiboi42, @billysbuttcheeks (idk why it won't let me tag you!), @lemonhitsu, @saberghatz, @thewaywardkees

I also want to give a heartfelt thank you to every single person who has either liked or reblogged my posts or took the time to say something nice to me or my writing because I am just a girl who is writing about what makes her happy and if my writing makes you feel even just a little spark of something, I know I've done good!! Thank you thank you thank you!!

Bambi 🤍

[elizabethplaid]

early morning notes - Nov 14, 2024

Good counseling yesterday. We went over my notes from the last two big ah-ha moments I had over the past week. Mentioned how a family friend has been my gender goals over the years and how my mom was not much of a role model in various ways (gender, romance, mental health, etc). Trying to balance what I share with phone friend. I'm still not used to sharing stuff, so it's been trial and error. But I'm aware of matching the atmosphere of our conversations. It's an easier learning process than other things, so I appreciate the journey.

Dad made our kielbasa rice dish last night and included red cabbage. Unfortunately, the cabbage was a bit old, and the dish tasted wrong. I got through one bowl, then gave up. Dad apologized and threw out the rest. Little sad, but it's not the end of the world.

Wasn't feeling great from the sensory experience (and other adventures), so I laid down for a while. Woke again before midnight, and I'll be returning to sleep within the hour. Just gotta take my meds, even though it's early.

Though I didn't discuss it with my counselor, I've been thinking of a long-time mutual who recently lost their second parent. This person is older than me, but they also had a rough relationship with their parents. Lots of mixed feelings, like I have.

They were very supportive of me when my mom and my cat passed within 6 months of each other. Their humor and creativity have been a welcome distraction and an inspiration. I'm really proud of all the progress they've made in their own life the 10+ years I've known them. Just lots of love and warm feelings for this friend.

Regarding counseling again, our next appointment will be in December, the day before my next dental appointment. That means three weeks between, due to Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving weekend is a trauma anniversary, so it's good that my next appointment is right after.

I also want to note that last night's sensory stuff meant I shed more clothes than usual, when I laid down after dinner. The cold weather helps keep me dressed, but I have enough blankets to survive for now. God, my hands get so cold, though.

[catgrassplantdad]

it's tag game tuesday wednesday THURSDAY. fandom edition, baby! thank you to our beloved @celestialmickey for kicking it off and for tagging me, and also to @energievie & @tanktopgallavich !! 💛💛

your name: jessie

your age: 33

your first fandom(s): i usually say supernatural, but fuck it, i think it was spartacus. i may have engaged with it in a very different way, but i was hyperfixated as hell. i went to my first and only fan conventions. by myself! i never want to go to fan conventions! so yeah. spartacus.

your current fandom(s): shameless, and to a lesser degree these days, supernatural

how did you first get into fandom? hyperfixated on a show, stumbled upon the fandom side of tumblr, did not make a tumblr but lurked a little bit, decided fic was cringey and that i didn't like reading it (it was a v small fandom with not a lot of quality content), hyperfixated on another show and decided to try reading fic again, had my entire world rocked to its core, made a blog, been around ever since.

how long have you been engaging with fandom spaces? like nine years?

how often do you read fanfics? i'd say every day, usually when i'm in bed.

top 3 characters from your current fandom(s): mickey milkovich, dean winchester, castiel.

have you ever written a fic for a fandom? if so, shout it out! i sure have!

have you ever drawn fanart for a fandom? if so, drop a link! nope!

share a personal headcanon that you feel very strongly about: mickey was thinking about yevgeny when he and ian had the parenthood conversation in 11x12.

you’re trying to convince a friend to get into your current fandom(s) with you. what episode, clip, or scene are you showing them? okay so i actually did this with one of my closest irl friends and she got...possibly more into supernatural than i am, and she reads destiel fic, and has had intense gallavich fic phases as well. and it was actually super easy lol. she just has the same kind of brain that i have, and i just had to tell her to watch the shows because i knew they'd fuck her up the same way they fucked me up. she saw my reaction after november 5th 2020 and wanted to know everything, so i told her everything, and she started watching spn the next day. i watched shameless a couple months later and lost my entire mind, and all i had to do was tell her that she NEEDED to watch it, and she started watching it right away. i think if i had to show her a specific scene though, it probably would've been mickey coming out in 4x11. iconic, legendary. she would've eaten that up even with no context. also special shoutout to this friend, because she's the person who taught me to not be embarrassed about being interested in fic, or fandom in general. i always thought she was so brave for being open about her hyperfixations in her everyday life, like for real lol. i still struggle with it, but i've gotten more open about it because of her.

and finally, what does fandom mean to you? a community of some of my best friends, and the place where i learned that i can actually be a creative person. i'm doing all kinds of fulfilling things with my life because of this space 🥹

tagging @howlinchickhowl @whatwouldmickeydo @gardenerian @gallawitchxx @heymrspatel @whatthebodygraspsnot @you-are-so-much-better-than-that @iansfreckles @squidyyy23 @auds-and-evens @mishervellous @7x10mickey @lalazeewrites and anyone else who wants to play 🖤🖤🖤

[naranjapetrificada]

The timing of this poll popping up on my dash is really interesting because in our last session, my therapist asked if I would be okay sending him some of my ofmd fanfic.

For context, this isn't an entirely left-field request for him to make. First and foremost, he has every reason to delve into my relationship with media that effects me, and specifically about writing, because of my history.

I have an incredibly fraught relationship with creative writing thanks to the decades I spent convinced I "had" to do it because I had a "gift" (read: I was regularly told this in so many words and I have strong language skills).

I coasted my way through writing in undergrad and predictably hit a wall when I tried and failed to complete an MFA, after which I spent a few years barely able to read much less write.

More than once in my life when I've struggled to explain myself or something I was feeling, I've literally gone over to my bookshelf to show whoever I was talking to a highlighted passage that said the things I couldn't.

Since I started the show, we've been talking at length about the effects it and its fanworks have had on me, the questions that have come up, the useful examples it has provided, the role of narrative in our lives and how we live them, etc.

He has experience with creative therapy modalities, though that's not been what we've done in the years I've been seeing him.

I made a point to mention once that I've had conversations with other people who write fic (inside and outside this fandom) about how reading and writing it has been a useful way for them to process their emotions and trauma in ways they find engaging.

I can see how in his situation he would be curious, but because the question came up towards the end of the session we didn't really have time to get into it. Specifically why, although because we've also talked about struggling to identify concepts that are hard to name, I suspect he thinks it might reveal something useful for the work we're doing.

I'm not ashamed of the meager contributions I've made to this fandom. There's no plot to speak of in either because I'm allergic to plot. They're strings of images inspired by a specific image that popped into my head, with the absolute minimum amount of connective tissue required to prop them upright. And that's fine, because thankfully the genre conventions of fanfic allow these things to work because well-executed fan works don't require plot to draw readers in and have meaning for those readers. The very "I love _________ and want more of it" motivation to seek out fanworks gives us a space for creativity with different rules than we might be used to and allows people who otherwise wouldn't to enjoy and benefit from being creative.

A few months into my MFA program I finally admitted to myself that I should be writing poetry instead if trying to make fiction work, but at the time I didn't have the emotional fortitude to write good poetry, which would have required the years of therapy I didn't have at the time to face everything that would come up. Not that fiction isn't emotionally demanding of course, but as unequipped as I was to deal with the things fiction would require of me, I was even less interested then. But even with all this in mind I don't think my therapist will find what he's looking for in my writing for a lot of reasons.

First, I don't feel like I necessarily "put myself" into anything I write, at least not in that sort of simplistic psychoanalytic way that's assumed. While of course you still manage to tell on yourself in certain ways based on what you say (or don't say) in any context, I literally don't think my fics will help him much there. The first one was the world's mildest reunion smut born out of a specific image, with a first draft completed in one sitting. The second one is a "character study" I guess, born from another image that may have been especially inspiring because writing it (again in one go) allowed me to put off something else that I very much did not want to be doing that day. In both cases, revisions and getting them posted too less than 24 hours after the initial draft.

Let's also look at the animus behind writing fic. Like there are loads of reasons to do it, but with me the experience has always meant being struck by an image writing it down so I don't lose it, and following it down its desired path to see what else comes up. I wrote what I wanted, how I wanted, and experienced some creative satisfaction in doing so. It's been an outlet in some ways, but that's just as true of other things I do sometimes like streaming games or even like fucking exercising.

Were I to decide to share any of it it wouldn't be like linking my ao3 account or whatever, which to be clear isn't what he was even asking. He'll respect that I don't want to share them, and we'll discuss what he was hoping to learn when we meet again this week. I was definitely thrown by the initial request, but beyond all the privacy and ethics stuff, it just doesn't feel like it would be a good use of anyone's time?

Tbh if anything is gonna come from this request it will likely be a) talking in detail about the fics I've read that have profoundly effected me to identify the stuff it brings up or b) him urging me to try poetry. Which like, okay, the thing you don't want to do for the reasons I can feel in my gut that I don't want to write poetry can often be the very thing you absolutely need to do, but ugggggh. That's the hypothetical conversation I'm dreading more than anything else to do with this.

[hotdrinkluvr]

I was talking to this guy about art and such, stuff I said before about ideas I have like the crime scene thing. Conversation dies down and I ask him what his newest script is about and he says, "I won't tell you my idea since you won't tell me yours." Because I'd previously refused to tell him about what new stuff I'm working on. I reply, "OK. Well I don't really care anyways, I'm just being polite." Which was true, I really couldn't give a shit what he's up to. There was a tangible moment of silence where he seemed genuinely hurt, and then confused whether I was sarcastic or not, which I found very amusing. Shockingly to no one, he ended up telling me anyways because all men really want to do is talk about themselves. He said he loved movies about women's struggles, I let him talk for a while and I really couldn't help smiling because everything he was saying was so damn amusing. His sudden transparency and unearned trust in me was so apparent. I'm not sure if he was trying to impress me or not, but our little conversation certainly had me thinking about how much some men are just little boys. It was like I was his mother and he was showing me a drawing he did in school or something.

He kept asking questions about my artistic process and I think all of my answers disappointed him. He asked how long it took for me to think of my crime scene idea, I said "maybe two hours". He said it sounded like I'd thought about it for a while, I said "I haven't thought about it that much really." He asked me what I do to become inspired creatively, I told him "I don't know." Because I truly don't. He said he listens to rain sounds and the music from taxi driver, I said "I guess I listen to Boards of Canada." Which is sort of untrue, I listen to them mostly when I'm just wallowing. He asked me about something I apparently said before about a fly or something, I said "I don't remember what you're talking about." Because I didn't and still don't, I told him "I don't think about what I've done in the past or will do in the future, I just do what I'm doing now." Which is pretty much how I live nowadays, most of the time anyway. My memory has steadily declined, and I found its made me a more stable person. But it also makes me feel close to nothing unless its in the moment, so its been a struggle to create art recently because I'm just not feeling that often. And when I do it doesn't last long.

I reflect back on this conversation because it continues to amuse me, a man who I'd previously viewed as some philosophical film snob was suddenly creasing into a little boy who has apparently thought about me for weeks (I told him about the crime scene idea over a month ago). He remembered more about my idea than I did, he's remembered conversations I can't even remember. I appreciate him, because now I feel a certain encouragement to actually create something worthwhile, something to put effort and thought into. Its weird to have someone actually interested in my art, even if he hasn't seen it. I want to make something I'm proud of, something tangible, and it all thanks to this snobbish scorsese worshipper unknowingly boosting the hell out of my ego.

[cyelatm]

Hi everyone. I've spent the past few months struggling to decide if this is even worthwhile to say, and after a lot of thought I've come to the conclusion that I need to talk about this, both for my own peace of mind and because it's the truth, and telling the truth is the right thing to do. At the end of last year, as a result of massive public pressure as well as manipulative behavior from my ex, I confessed to abuse that I did not enact on my former partner, who did guest comics for cyelatm while I recovered from burnout. I was accused of offering to split my Patreon earnings with her, then suddenly and without warning withdrawing that source of income. We never discussed or agreed to sharing the Patreon money, and this was never a source of income my ex was dependent on. I'm including screenshots of some discord conversations to provide more context for our collaboration.

We were already romantically involved when my ex partner offered to help out with my daily comics, and she expressed understanding that splitting my Patreon income between the two of us wasn't feasible for me because I was already making very little. She reaffirmed this understanding when I asked to take the comic over full time again. Here is a tumblr ask she responded to shortly after the collaboration ended where she describes the situation exactly as I understood it to be, right up until her callout.

My ex implied that I exploited her sexually because I controlled her housing situation and could kick her out at any time. This is also untrue. My ex had legal protection under our lease, which I made sure she was on. We both contributed to monthly living expenses, and as I mentioned earlier, I made very little money from cyelatm and had no financial power to exert over her. I was making about as much as the average McDonald's cashier. We continued the exact same relationship we had established before and during our creative collaboration. If my ex had become less comfortable with our relationship after the collaboration ended, this was never discussed. She then accused me of kicking her out of the apartment without warning. This isn't true. I tried, as amicably as possible, to end our relationship, which had been steadily worsening since we had originally moved in together. I wanted to remain friends and offered to keep living together. My ex declined. This was followed by an episode of verbal abuse that caused me to leave the apartment shortly after. I never once returned to the apartment. She lived there until the lease ran out in April - here are her very own tweets detailing her move & even elaborating that she wasn't even being kicked out.

It has taken me a long time to process, but throughout most of our relationship, my ex would undermine and devalue me on a regular basis. She treated me like an annoyance whenever I was in common areas of the apartment, got into stormy, unpredictable moods and would suicide bait me which we'd discussed multiple times is a huge trigger for me. I had been worn down over several months, so her claims that the dissolution of our relationship had been all my fault and that I'm a horrible disgusting person were claims I readily took the blame for. I deeply regret doing this. I should have stood up for myself and told the truth as soon as all of this was put out there, but I didn't have the perspective or emotional fortitude to do that at the time. I was afforded no time to think about what I was being accused of or how to respond as immediate explanations and apologies were demanded of me. After several months of reflection, as well as conversations I've had with people who were similarly mistreated by my ex, I feel that I have a better grasp on what happened here. I still have no interest in becoming a "public figure”, and for my own health I'm committed to limiting my emotional investment in the internet. I am still striving to be a better, healthier person than I was before. However, I cannot sit on this information any longer as it's causing me a lot of inner turmoil and I don't think I can move on without talking about it. If you've read all of this, thank you.

[riridontneedya]

IMPERIUM✨

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Any house Reader, Harry Potter x

Wordcount: 4,210

Warnings: SMUT, ANGST dom ,sub, daddy ,oral, teasing ,praise, spitting , chocking etc run of the mill smut.

A/N : Well the time has come I've finally given in.. I say finally didn't take much conviction lol. Anyway in this universe Dumbledore is still very much alive and no-one tried to kill one another so all is well. As always enjoy and let me know what you think xx

Summary: Draco and y/n battle it out for the new position as headmaster but what happens when they are made to work alongside one another

“Ladies and gentlemen, if I may have your attention please” spoke Dumbledore. He arose from his chair gently tapping his knife against his chalice in order to garner the crowds attention . Shortly everyones eyes were fixated on him. He cleared his throat and began. “I would like to thank each and everyone one of you for coming out tonight … as we all know its been a tough decision for me to step down, however! .I have no fear as I know the school will be in the safest of hands. I hand picked these two myself and in-fact trust them with my life. I know they have been working tirelessly day in and out to ensure not only my trust .. but all members of committee and most importantly our students. So with that being said when it is revealed in tomorrows assembly who the new headmaster and deputy are I want you both to know ,no matter the outcome I am so proud of you both, so let us raise a toast to our candidates . Y/N Y/M/N Y/L/N and Draco Lucius Malfoy”. With that Dumbledore rose his chalice high in the air smiling warmly at the pair. Everybody followed suit and raised their glasses high in celebration.

Draco and Y/N graciously thanked everyone as they showered them with words of praise and encouragement . Just then Y/n went to speak however her words were abruptly cut short by Astoria. As if an eager child unable to contain her excitement she blurted out. “ Draco and I are so grateful for all the support, so as a thank you after this we will be having refreshments and canapés at the Malfoy manor to celebrate his new position as headmaster .. all are welcome to join”. ‘Headmaster .. oh my how incredibly presumptuous” Y/N chuckled into her drink. “Excuse me” squeaked Astoria, she spun around rapidly locking eyes with Y/n. Y/n folded her arms across her chest and began “I do believe you heard me Astoria .. you said headmaster and thats yet to be revealed so for you to address Draco as said headmaster is well.. presumptuous”. Astorias tongue prodded the inside of her cheek, you could tell by the hue of red in her face she was infuriated but trying to find the words without imploding.

“Well , I just know he will ok so yeah just know that”, spat Astoria in a feeble attempt to shake off Y/ns rightful observation’. ‘Oh I see” snapped y/n “why didn't you say it was you sooner, Sybil , Sybil Trelawney teacher of divination . What are you doing here under the guise of Polyjuice potion? I mean you could’ve just come with your crystal ball and tea leaves and said he was the winner that way instead of this elaborate scheme don’t you think?” The laughter of fellow by standers suddenly erupted around the women. Astoria who now sup parsed hues of red was the shade of a beetroot , completely enraged prepared to snap she was interrupted by Dumbledore. “ NOW now girls quell your fiery natures, this is to be a peaceful night of celebrations”. The woman smiled coyly at Dumbledore. ‘My apologies Dumbledore” y/n chimed up. “We speak no more of it ok” Dumbledore smiled and gently patted the crown of y/ns head and proceeded to make his way back to his chair. Y/N turned and smiled gloatingly at Astoria. In response Astoria screwed her face up mockingly and fled no doubt to chastise Draco for not swooping in and defending her.

“Pwoarh Nice one mate” chuckled Fred as he held out his fist waiting for Y/n to bump it. Hahah stop it you she giggled. ‘Here , should we go to the manor after this for a laugh” sniggered George appearing alongside them. “Ha, I'm sure she’s revoked my invitation effective immediately” said Y/n, as she peered over to Astoria , she could see her flailing her arms around whilst Draco made no attempt to conceal his look of boredom in the conversation. “You know what lets .. Ive been dying to get a peek of the manor anyway what harm can it do”. ‘Cracking’ the twins harmonised in unison. The trio linked arms and jollied along.

Once arrived at the manor they soon found it to be every bit luxurious as they envisioned. The floors were marble and reflected the light of the enormous crystal chandeliers suspended from the ceiling. Each stair of the grand staircase was illuminated by candle light creating an auburn strip propelling up the length of the stairs. Every inch of the manor oozed with decadence. “Wow , its rather impressive” mused y/n . “You can say that again” chimed Fred as he helped himself to a glass of champagne , handing one over to y/n. They began to mingle and drink with the rest of the party guests it was an overall pleasant evening that was until Astoria appeared before Y/n. “Glad to see you could make it y/n” said Astoria with a constipated smile. She had made little to no effort to conceal her sarcastic tone.

Y/n had no interest in rehashing todays mini confrontation. Instead she pulled a sickly sweet smile and said “ Wouldn’t miss it for the world, thank you for your generous hospitality Ms Green grass.” Astorias face dropped “green green .. she muttered, haha don’t be silly you must get use to calling me Mrs Malfoy”. Now despite y/ns fondness to antagonise Astoria at any given opportunity she couldn’t help but see she was visibly hurt. She immediately began to fumble her words in a bid to preserve her feelings “honestly , Astoria I'm sorry I didn't know the extent of your relationship .. I apologise”. Astoria still hadn’t reacted she stood stationary bottom lip protruding sad and helpless like a lost puppy. Y/n gently squeezed Astorias forearm and began to say “ look you mustn't pay it any mind, Draco wouldn’t dare indulge in any small talk with me about family life .. so don’t stress it congratulations by the way”. Astoria looked up at her with eyes softened . Relief washed over Y/n as she could tell she was receptive to her. Y/n couldn’t help but wonder to herself why he hadn’t mentioned news as big as that , they had worked so closely over these months . To be fair on a good day if you hadn’t known Draco you wouldn’t even know he had a girlfriend let alone fiancé .. or wife ?

Astoria went to talk but just then none other than Draco emerged behind her . His hand came down onto her shoulder. sharply. “ thats enough now sweetheart , I think Daphne was looking for you actually”. There was a weird exchange of eye contact Astoria weakly smiled and left. It was now just y/n and Draco stood before one another. Draco broke the silence by clearing his throat “ Y/L/N, may I interest you in a nightcap in my office ,there are things Id appreciate to discuss before we venture into our new working relationship”. Although slightly bewildered she agreed as after all they were to work alongside one another and she’d rather it be somewhat harmonious than turbulent.

Y/n followed Draco across the length of the great hall and into a pair of grand double doors. The room was vast , books littered the walls as far as the eye could see and in the corner a fireplace roared. Draco stood behind his desk and motioned for y/n to take a seat opposite him. She smoothed the back of her dress and proceeded to make herself comfortable. Draco started pouring whiskey from the crystal decanter into a couple of whiskey tumblers. The burn of the fire whisky ignited as it glided down her throat. The combination of whiskey and champagne left Y/N beginning to feel somewhat merry, she hadn’t really noticed during the quiet sobering conversation with Astoria. ‘So what is it you have in mind Draco?”. His stormy grey eyes peered over at her from behind his glass. ‘Very well” he remarked and manoeuvred himself to Y/NS side of the desk .He perched himself on the edge legs akimbo and both his large veiny hands clasped around his whiskey glass. Y/n inhaled sharply as she averted her gaze from his legs splayed before her. Continuing he said “ As you're aware I have my plans about how Hogwarts should be run , I have a detailed strategy and I plan to implement it as soon as possible .. so what I'm really asking is are you with me or against me because I have no intention of being held back”.

Y/n blinked rapidly .. she was unable to process what he was saying , how could he be so smug thinking he had headmaster place secured already. “ Fuck sake Draco, ok first that wasn’t really posed as an option now was it ?, also enough with belief that its your divine right to just be appointed as headmaster! What makes you think that if you somehow are the headmaster I will just bend at your will? Pathetic!” She scoffed into her drink. Draco began to stifle a laugh “ Ah you do amuse me y/n”, look I'm willing to let you have some creative control … only if you prove to me how badly you so desire it”. His suggestive smile sent shivers up y/n. “Fuck you Malfoy” she hissed and jolted from her seat, once she reached the door she rattled the doorknob but to no avail the door wouldn’t budge. “Open it now” she demanded . Draco slowly sauntered towards her and leant across the door “hmm I thought you liked a challenge .. guess I was wrong this will be no fun after all ” Draco was indeed correct Y/n did enjoy a challenge and he’d be gravely mistaken if he thought she would let him get away without putting up a fight”.

Something switched in Y/n she turned to face Draco who was only inches away. He towered over her with his svelte frame encased in an all black suit. ‘Is this what you want Draco hmm” she said in a sultry tone whilst hooking her finger into his belt loop pulling him closer. You want me to beg ..or would you rather me on my knees .. better yet I could be a good girl and just bend over that desk right now and let you have your way if thats what you want” . Draco's breathing was now laboured within seconds he had pulled y/n in by the waist flipped her round having her pressed against the door, his body weight up against her and his hand holding her arms in place on the door. Y/n could feel the stiffness of his impressive length against her derrière. With a shallow gasp he breathed dangerously close to her ear “ be careful what you wish for ms Y/L/N , I don’t take too kindly to false promises as I always get what I want” . With that he tossed her around to face him .Y/n was now panting her body was burning in desire she wanted nothing more than to drop to her knees there and then. No wonder Astoria was attached to his hip.. if this was anything to go off.

Y/n bit her lip she felt dizzy with emotions . Draco stood before her with a devious smile , his hands soon intertwining at her waist and face buried in her décolleté littering it with kisses making his way down to her ample bosom. Y/n couldn’t help but throw her head back in delight eliciting a small moan. That only became fuel for Draco as he hoisted her leg from the floor and wrapped it around him. It was then Y/n felt a vibration from the opposite side of the door., as if someone had knocked from the outside . It was then followed by a mousy ‘ Dray , are you in there’. Draco paused for a moment grip still tight on y/n. “What is it I'm having a business meeting , i'll be out shortly don’t hover ”. It was clear who it was… the pair unraveled themselves from one another quickly smoothing out clothing and rejigging themselves. ‘Ok let us” let me stop you Draco, Y/n interrupted pressing her finger against his lips to audibly shush him. “ As if you think id let this happen you think you get to fuck me then you do as you please and I a dutiful little lap dog . Pfffft what a joke like it or not I'm going to be your boss so the only way I'm fucking you is in the more figurative sense , now you better hurry up don’t want to keep your fiancé waiting or Is it wife hmmm”. With a quick flick from her wand she sent the door swinging open and promptly stormed out.

The day had finally arrived the great hall of Hogwarts was alive with the buzz of chatter. The sizeable table at the forefront of the hall hosted all the teachers and most importantly both Draco and y/n. Dumbledore made his way to the podium, he produced his wand and placed it at the base of his neck it acted as a megaphone propelling his voice across the hall. “Everybody if I may have your attention please.” The chatter soon died down and everyone eagerly cast their eyes on him. “ Right, I shan’t keep you in suspense anymore , it is time to announce your new headmaster & deputy ’. Both Draco and y/n fidgeted in their seats after all these months of rivalry it had boiled down to this. “ Ladies and gentlemen, introducing Ms y/n y/l/n your new headmaster !” Boomed Dumbledore. .Y/N shrieked she was giddy with excitement she couldn’t believe she had actually done it. Everyone around her broke out into wild applause there were whistles and jeers laughter overall excitement. She was being ushered by the surrounding teachers to get up to the podium to make a speech. As she was making her way she cast eyes on Draco, there he stood paler than usual and unresponsive he was there physically but not mentally his carcass stood stationary unable to ingest the news he had just been fed.

The days rolled into weeks weeks rolled into months and y/n had almost completed a whole term at Hogwarts. All was going swimmingly and albeit begrudgingly Draco was in-fact a great support on her journey. It was the last night of term and y/n sat a her desk pondering over a mountain of papers. Y/n sighed and cradled her head in her hands , she was exhausted she spent all her time dedicated to the role that she forgot to take time out for herself. There was a knock at the door “Come in” she yelled out. Draco's head emerged around the door. ‘

Oh hey you , come in come in” ushering him to the desk. ‘Oh dear , sucks to be you , regretting the position of power now?” Draco chuckled menacingly. “Ha ha very funny” she uttered dryly. “Anyway , some of the other teachers are going out for drinks but I can see you are busy” said Draco eyeballing the mountains of paper. “Yeah.. I afraid I am , but you enjoy yourself Draco have a drink for me and i'll see you next term” she smiled warmly at him. Draco locked eyes on her , hands stuffed in his pocket he began to fidget. “In all honesty I'm not the fondest of all the people going .. also Id much rather not be at home ..before you laugh or probe why just don’t because I won’t go into it but I can’t bare to spend another moment longer with …her .. so umm yeah , I can help you out here then say you make it up to me buying me a drink later?”

Y/n smirked “You’re quite then enigma aren’t you Draco ..? He raised his eyebrows at her in acknowledgement. “Fine , id appreciate that very much but I am rather tired so if it's not beneath you I can offer you a drink at mine ..”. His eyes flickered up to meet hers , stifling a smile . “Id like that ..”he said softly , ‘well then , let's get to work” y/n smiled. Draco and y/n worked through the night it was filled with chatter and laughter they felt at ease with one another. Once they finished up the momentum continued on at y/ns house. Copious amounts of fire whiskey later they found themselves delving into deeper topics having more in-depth conversations and discovering more about one another. Draco's whole demeanour was very relaxed and this was foreign to y/n. His shirt sleeves were rolled up and tie loosened. ‘You know .. you're an alright person not that much of a pain in my arse surprisingly” Draco chuckled swigging another mouthful of whiskey. “Well thats rich” laughed y/n.

“Right well I've really enjoyed this but its getting late , I can barley keep my eyes open … earlier you mentioned you didn't want to go back so .. you're more than welcome to stay …. Only if you want”. Rattled by the kind gesture he smiled affectionately. Stumbling over his words “umm yeah , thank you y/n you’ve exceeded your generosity let me at least grab us coffee for the morning then. “Sounds like a plan , hopefully you won’t find me a pain in the arse again come morning ”. With a cackle Y/n got up from the couch and showed Draco to the spare room. Once at the door she began to wish him a goodnight. As he went to hug y/n his lips grazed her cheek. Y/n suddenly recoiled , a silence loomed over them as they gazed at one another the emotions of that night in Draco's office flooding back. Y/n could feel the heat surging in her cheeks so she hastily wished him a good night and scurried to her room. Once in the shelter of her room she let out a sigh of relief. She knew it was the right thing to do but my how she craved him.

Draco burst through the door making a beeline for Y/N. He took her into his arms and kissed her with an insatiable hunger. Backing her into the wall he began to rid her of her clothing . Y/n hands clambered at his chest to do same however he abruptly stopped her “ Oh no you don’t , you think I forgot about that little stint in my office huh ? Well I didn't and I've been awaiting the day I get to fuck you senseless Ms y/n … you control me all day and now its y turn to control you .. you will do everything I say do you understand” . Enthralled by his dominance Y/n nodded enthusiastically. “Sorry I didn't hear you “ roared Draco grabbing her face towards his. “Yes who”. “Yes Draco” she moaned . “You can do better than that dear yes who, i'll only ask you one more time or i'll have bent over my knee.. so what will it be?” . “Yes … daddy “ she muttered bashfully. “Thats my girl” he bellowed. He grabbed her and thrust her onto the bed , he unfastened his tie and instructed her to lift her hands above her head. Y/n did as commanded. He bound her wrists up and hooped them over the bed post. “Now, I'm going to have my way with you and you don’t get to touch me understood!” ‘Yes daddy y/n whimpered” “ahh what a good girl you are, ugh the things I'm going to do to you”. Y/ns eyes winded in desire, Draco shimmied y/ns shirt up and instructed her to bite down using it as a makeshift gag. He suddenly began to kiss her lower abdomen slowly sliding off her trousers.

Y/n titled her hips aiding him in taking them off. Draco's eyes lit up upon the discovery of her not wearing any undergarments “oh so you were anticipating me you filthy slut” Draco chuckled darkly’. He teased and taunted kissing her inner thighs only grazing her sex, this drove y/n crazy her body craved him inside her. Draco finally delicately licked a strip against her folds causing her body to crumble at the slightest of his touch. His warm moist tongue began frantically massaging her causing her to rive in ecstasy . His tongue began to vibrate excitedly against her clitoris sending shock waves through her entire body , she bucked her hips in excitement unable to keep her composure as Draco's tongue fixated on lapping up the one spot that drove her insane. Y/n was close he was relentless with his tongue against her swollen bud , just as she was about to finish Draco withdrew. Y/ns face fell in disgust just as she was about complain he plunged his fingers deep inside her ..pumping rhythmically y/ns juices coated his fingers . His other hand sloped around her neck , eventually this caused her to release all over his hand. Draco's pupils now engulfed his eyes …he was enthralled in pleasure watching her crumble for him . “ Aren’t you a good girl , snarled Draco “squirting for daddy , whilst I love it I don’t recall giving you permission to” .y/n squirmed overcome with pleasure unable to respond.

He unhooked her and brought her to her knees. He ripped her shirt from her mouth and produced his veiny throbbing cock dripping with pre cum. Y/n gasped in astonishment and eagerly attempted to take him all in her mouth bobbing her head enthusiastically until her jaw ached and eyes began to stream. He hurled his head back in pleasure as her tongue gently caressed his pulsating tip. “Ugh yeah just like that baby “ he muttered .

Without warning y/n sucked on the tip with vigour. Draco let out a ferocious moan whilst grabbing y/ns hair fashioning it into a ponytail attempting to make her glide her tongue down the rest of his shaft. He couldn’t have her do that for too long as he surely would finish in her mouth. “You filthy filthy girl “ he beamed as he pulled her off his cock . Rocking her head back spiting in her mouth. He brought yn to her feet and began kissing her deeply interlocking his tongue with hers , she yearned so badly to touch him to feel her skin against his. “ Get over here , I want you leant over this bed frame whilst I fuck you .. I'm going to cum on that pretty pussy then I'm going to put it back in understand!” Firmly instructed Draco . “Yes daddy” that’s my girl he cooed. Draco teasingly stroked his member against her entrance this sent shock waves through y/n causing her to gyrate in hopes he would slip in. Draco caught onto this and his hand came down harshly on her derrière .y/n let out a gasp. “Don’t be greedy now” he laughed tightening his makeshift restraints on her wrists. Relentless with his teasing it was a shock to y/n when Draco abruptly pushed into her. Y/n was in euphoria as was Draco as the warmth of her walls swaddled his manhood.

Draco slammed into y/n her body rattling with pleasure, just then Draco felt himself out to release .. so true to his word he instructed y/n to lay on her back so he could empty his contents onto her. He threw his head back in jubilation upon release. As he went to enter her again this time her was slower much more gentle taking y/n into his arms. “How do you want me to finish you off baby?,like this or I could use my fingers?” Y/n shuddered remembering the bliss she was in from his lengthy fingers so it would be a no brainer to opt for them “Fingers please daddy” she uttered softly.

He untangled himself from her stood up and offered his hand . Taking her across the room he sat down in-front of the floor length mirror instructing y/n to sit in between his legs. “If its fingers you was then its fingers you’ll get but your gonna have to watch me”. His large hand sloped up her neck tenderly chocking her whilst his other massaged at her slit . Y/n was still dripping from earlier so it was light work for him to imbed his fingers into her. Y/n couldn’t take it the combination of Draco's fierce unwavering gaze in the mirror and the sheer bliss she felt with her legs quaking she soon released decorating the mirror in-front her. “Ugh your amazing baby” he beamed kissing her forehead gracefully. “Here let's get you cleaned up and we can cuddle in bed”. “Oh my … I didn't peg you as a cuddling type Draco” y/n laughed gingerly attempting to get up her legs still trembling beneath her. “Shut up you” he scolded “when will you learn there’s a lot you still don’t know about me y/n”.

[speedybeardtidalwave]

As one of Bukas-Space and UPOU’s Futurists in Residence, Renz Reyes’ views are something to think about in the current situation. Speculating on the future of the Terno as an icon of Filipino culture and identity, I look forward to his designs as he goes back and forth between the traditional and modern and synthesising computers and mechanisms in work to come up with something unique. Below are some images I grabbed from his presentation.

1st Blog “Terno Futures”

Welcome. We are in very strange times indeed. not really the most ideal Scenario. given to what is our Current reality. Hopelessness has set in and its so easy to get into a negative Headspace. after the Elections. I had a lot of mixed feelings. disappointment, anger and confusion. The desire to create was fleeting. but I knew moping around and sulking would be unproductive. and I can't be in that bubble for too long. to somehow get this thoughts out to comfort myself. I talked to a friend regarding our feelings at the time. and as our conversation progressed. We came to a consensus that we had to do something. A dialogue needed to begin.

As Creators ourselves. the best way we know is through art. Being Designers, We Naturally gravitated towards fashion and more specifically, The Terno. Since the Terno is a symbol of the Filipino people. which unfortunately has been tainted and synonymously linked to some unsavory individuals. now more than ever we need to claim the Terno as our own national identity.

As a creative who has a dayjob. I always sought ways to express my art outside commercial structures. Where I can explore my ideas to its fullest extent and just go off as the kid's would say Haha. So when this artist residency project by UPOU came into existence and I was offered to participate in it. it was a no brainer. What I really liked about this project is besides Creating meaningful, thought provoking pieces of Art. It also focuses on Futures literacy/ Thinking. I've always admired designers who are able to Combine Design and Technology in their work. Lately, There's been a shift in the industry where designers are collaborating with Scientists and Engineers. Developing new ways to create Textiles. Making Kinetic Garments, and having The Clothes be Computers themselves. its a different way of storytelling. These are the kinds of things I didn't know were even possible to do here locally. and these kinds of collaborations are the ones that yield the most interesting results. This being quite a new concept here. Made me more interested to make it happen.

C ircling back to the Terno. We chose it since we want to do something that means to us and a lot of people. and if we were going to do something that elevates an artform from tradition to something Modern. it had to be the Terno. over the course of a few months I and my colleagues will be blogging The Progress of our work and the many changes that it will go into depending the challenges of Materials, production and the mentorship that we will all be under. i'm very interested in collaborating with The different experts in the fields of Technology/Science and Design and how it will affect my work visually and its purpose in the modern World.

[notmuchtoconceal]

when i first posted this convo, a nice young gentleman told me he was sorry the scotsman spaz (sorry bout bein a shithead, lads) ghosted me. it didn't even occur to me that i might have been soliciting comfort, but i suppose that spoke to the individual in question's needs at the time. being ghosted is still a rough subject for some.

i remember little of my conversation partner, as pictured, other than a gripping and immediate urge to merge consciousnesses with him, as expressed in rapturous mental images of our flesh dissolving into a marshy quagmire as our bones de-calcified and fused together, sloppy kisses of spongy marrow twisting tendons to fused cases and flank steaks wrapping fiber by fiber round the brass-knuckled pommel horse of our bony scaffold, so statuesque as the skylight dewy and concrete in the sunrise of a winter day -- in a way which was probably way more intense than i'd realized cause i don't realize how fuckin much people feel my intensity. i can go from one to a hundred in a snap and it scares the shit outta people. to me, it's normal. i think i've always fantasized about being a war correspondent cause i just wanna fuckin keep writin while there're bombs goin off three feet away. is it so much to ask that my professional and creative ambitions be earnestly encouraged for you see their necessity in this chaos we cannot hide from?

think this post called to me again, for the incidental subject of ghosting -- please, share the original; spread the joy of continuous and clamoring metamorphosis -- for the further incidental detail of my old ownerbro -- who for six months prized me as a bull -- having some scottish ancestry.

what details are significant? in your emotional life, it's seldom the significant ones. it's why women are always playing detective, making fanciful leaps off the myths they compose from the angles of a hat or top. these are the imaginations which are the source of all style, and they are flighty as birds, kicking up maelstroms with every misdirected migration, oh praise unto me, the conjurer and the conductor, the rider on every storm, whose chariots are the clouds always so eager to burst!

/

it had seemed clear to me -- an hour ago. four hours ago. twelve. twenty. all the things i had wanted to say about my ownerbro -- how the mere suggestion of his embrace warmed me on the coldest nights, and by day he called to me as some distant aurora through the pines -- for i had grown numb of all aspect and found myself lying leaden, staring up at the ceiling, seized by a compulsive hunger, and i wasted away wondering what, whatever could i be that languished so in this meaningless hurt -- what stopped me from writing the lines i knew i must write next to spur the next inevitable revelation which will spur the next in the long chain of deductions i must make to scale the corroded metal of this chain, link by link, as it callouses my hands through their bindings, billowing cold on my fingers and my gums, to liberate myself from this prison of my own making, as the cocoon of red tape is always regulation for the self on behalf of another who isn't there, for so many lives out there, the real anguishes, the real torments, the empty promises made for ideas downheld, values unvalued, and how long have you wasted away expending all your energies thrashing as you circled the drain, lashing at the eyes of every leviathan, tendrils inky in the black of the night where the lips of its suckers straddled the stars to cast false-eyes in iridescence on oilslick by the light of the moon -- this candle in your eye burning always in the window of your skull, the lighthouse tall on some distant cliff. back to the evident reality of myself., for i once more was possessed to furiously stroke my cock to fantasies of regulated self-annihilation, and knew this void to be my ultimate reality and in its oblivion all was calm and sweet barbarism singing bright as spherical Valkyries ushered through me in echoes which excavated the hyperborean from crystal glaciers, to bring total serenity in total surrender.

i value myself for i realize this yearning is not my own, but the lingering of a miasma staining every heart -- and so to know any man is to bare the weight of them, and endure the leadening of their toxicities.

my ownerbro changed me in ways which were startling. seldom do i remember. the ways i longed the void myself when he was gone. the days long i lingered as i worked -- a puppet of the rhythms around me, so cozy in my workplace, the wound that i was ripped open and pouring out the black molasses of its nothing. as others -- the small assembly of dutiful servants of the family (really as lovely a corporate workplace as i could ask for -- i was spoiled by the snack room) regarded me merely as the rugged gentleman and loveable eccentric that i was, steering me with an expectation of happiness which made it effortlessly real in a way which made the exhaustion of morbid obesity, sleep apnea and a constant sleep deficit surprisingly endurable. the vision of the neoliberal digital workplace as caring and considerate, though undeniably cultish, still maintained an undeniable allure as i felt taken care of there more than elsewhere and got some sense that empty promises longed to be filled but for lack of the necessary substance. sometimes i felt secretly startled, as i compelled them by nature of unseeable instincts to serve me by imagined threats more real than i knew, as my eyes were master of their wills and i had not the perspective to see what they did.

once i spoke to a co-worker with as much composure as i could while nonetheless showing visible frustration.

he was terrified. petrified as he stood. shaking as he spoke. i had no idea what happened. sometimes with small wiry, black men in particular, i feel my brutish white angry face peels at raw institutional trauma in a way which compels me to monkish self-discipline simply for the sake of politeness -- and this isn't anybody's fault, but i, as a human being, as a whatever else i am, i have been silenced by these same systems and with my size, i can inflict serious long-term damage to my own body trying to make myself small. the entire right side of my body is on a tilt because i think half of me is stuck in a state of perpetual recoil from the weight of invisible stresses coiled into my body, neglected by long-term numbing and avoidance behaviors. i don't want to inflict my anger on those who don't deserve it, but nonetheless spending so long trying to show no anger has caused an apparently reversible spinal deformity.

my spine is straighter through the day. when crystal healing basic bitches talk about "clearing blockages" i think this is ultimately the same as releasing trauma from the body. a point of pain or stress from an unresolved tension is causing a dam to a subtle current and diminishing your net vitality and circulation. it's like having a gif open and playing on repeat -- at the point on the body involved in the production of that gif -- and leaving it open is draining resources and diverting attention. i find more and more i realize i get frustrated and can't think when i start things and don't get them done, so it's best never to wait a moment.

my ownerbro made me so happy. he was one of the most beautiful men i'd ever had the pleasure of knowing. he had such a warm and intriguing smile. he was puppyish and quietly strange. there were melancholies, visions, subtle resonances behind his eyes. he had a quality which disarmed me ; which made me want to give myself to him completely, and so i did. my cock leaked and throbbed as it luxuriated in thoughts of his embrace, rivers pooling from my dick into the dimples of my trunks, fantasizing about being held tight by his ropes as he held me in the night, pressing his bulge into my butt as i was muzzeld and constricted to him -- growing bulkier and more massive, pecs bulging plateaus overlooking fields of checkerboard land lush and garden-like along the cobblestone fissures, sweeping mountainscapes of the bis flexing as he polished the vulcanized sculpt of my musculature with the awning of his every wax, leaving me bound by hemp to the column at the center of the room, roped around the base of my shaft, dripping pre into a bucket onto which i would be slimed, cold in the lingering duration of the collection.

one christmas night i lie curled up in bed with him, texting away long after midnight, for i felt my heart tethered to him and loved him without restraint for i knew it wasn't to last. i knew he was a beautiful fool who had settled for me, wretched thing that i was, and someday sobriety or cowardice or both would drive him from me, and so i would cherish every moment and speak my truth at any opportunity and not let him forget what he meant, shamed though he was by my flattery, and humbled by humility, and i begged him to be my king and knelt to him and longed to serve him, as his knight, as his mount, to be utterly the instrument of his will, for i loved him with the rhapsody of annihilation for i had been convinced he was all i could need, and to him i could be nothing less.

it took months to realize how empty i was without him. or rather, it took months to be emptied of him, and be once more a whisper echoing through a vessel, fading into soft fuzz as foams the tide.

something in me was different. so much prolonged exposure to him, in such an intimate and erotic way -- my core wiring, parts of it had been uprooted and into me he crept and grew lush new foilage. a spring was in my heart which no winter could chill, and in my garden, the winter was bright as hot pinks and magentas of venomous flowers, and nymphlike bodies fornicated openly in the snow, reddened by lashes of the chill and leather alike, and all greenery shone as verdant in emerald as jade.

he had left me once. for a month. maybe more. i had been convinced -- i had convinced myself -- i had been waiting. for him to never come back.

why was i so certain? how couldn't I be?

i was a different man, making the mistakes i needed to make.

if i am unprepared, i must make myself prepared.

the state of perfection is achieved step by step and right now there is only resolving the obstacle in front of you, or else training for a further challenge. if these are fulfilled, there is time for relaxation and renewal with pleasure. do what must be done first.

it didn't hurt when he was gone.

i understood. i was grateful and i knew. i'd thought about going back to him before. it'd been so long, who knows. i'd thought about it, but i never did. if i'd gone back now after all the weight i'd lost, he'd prolly want me bad, but i don't know what i want, other than i have pain and a need to inflict it on others and a heart which years to forgive, looking for any excuse to do so, but increasingly not stupid about the ever more overt and obvious of the leprous entitlements born of a need to feed.

i want nothing and everything, for i feel the same, and suspect it's a matter of making the proper priorities.

i don't want to think about him. we spent so many beautiful evenings together. i remember how he talked me through the rests between the sets of my workouts when i lie collapsed on the tile floor dripping sweat and he made me so hard and i wanted to be his and i felt so weak and everything was so heavy and i didn't know how to take the weight off my own limbs to raise another rep, and i could, i could in a way i'd never been able for myself, but now i don't think i could with anyone else. we spent so many beautiful evenings together, and he made my dick throb so hard in a way i can now hardly imagine, but i'm not that person anymore and i doubt he is either, and i need to be with someone else now, to do some other thing the likes of which i will understand only as it happens.

i don't know why i needed to say this, or what exactly i've achieved. i felt some urgency to do so, but the lack of conscious aim dismayed me enough to make the labor grueling and circumlocutions as i strove to find the point of my own meanderings.

i felt as though he's stained me and every wound since has simply been the piercing through my bowels into which light may shine on the lesion -- its myriad discolorations all the more opalescent by the light of the false day spewing in through where the blood of our covenant ran thin, and so diluted with the dishwater of a womb we never shared.

when i long for that ache -- when i feel the knife plunging into me -- the whole is more than filled, more silver than the sliver of a moonbeam, and i am embodied gold and the dawn is basking from my chest, as the rays of light are truly the crowns of my plexus.

though knowing not to what i am building -- if i will sprawl to cover the earth or rise to engulf the heavens, burrowing deeper into the mildewy trenches where the soil is most fragrant in my nose -- to what point will be my ultimate terminus, seeming always to divert in roundabout way from any point of connection and finding always, always, the same inevitable point of culmination in this direction or etc.

this right here – this fucker.

first dude i soul-bonded with who ghosted me after two weeks.

he blocked me – he liked a post of mine a year later - i again lamented the loss - blocked him back - he deactivated a year later –

voila, the messages – they reappeared!

i figured – share em with the world.

bro, oh no – screens from two deactivated accounts – the total anonymity still constitutes a violation of privacy – ah piss off, dude.

i harbor no more animosity to him than i do any man, for animosity is a waste of my time – i had made myself freely a resource to his mind, as he had made himself freely a resource to mine – and now from us both you shall receive in equal measure, for we were a spontaneous eruption well-worth recording.

if to his whereabouts you feel –

a data trail too traceable 

ought i block out his name?

when “himbrofornication” –

has such a ring worth repeating?

as fairchilds in fairweathers

have taught necks as worth wringing?

;3 ( o ) 3;    

bro, apparently – apparently –i have a thing for wyrd scottish boys –

which is specific and sensual, and not as obvious as like – my thing for manic german boys – and melancholic eastern european boys – or wholesome and adorkable midwestern boys – or fake heterosexual australian fuckboys – or just good old fashioned noble murder automata with the land in their eyes.  

bro, i am sorry – i have never met a straight australian –

they are all slanted – at best.  

[bukas-space]

Terno Futures

This post was written by Renz Reyes, one of the residents of the 2022 Emerging Futurist-in-Residence program. Speculating on the future of the Terno as an icon of Filipino culture and identity, he goes back and forth between the traditional and modern and synthesizing computers and mechanisms in work to come up with something unique.

(Image from Renz Reyes' public presentation.)

Welcome. We are in very strange times indeed. not really the most ideal Scenario. given to what is our Current reality. Hopelessness has set in and its so easy to get into a negative Headspace. after the Elections. I had a lot of mixed feelings. disappointment, anger and confusion. The desire to create was fleeting. but I knew moping around and sulking would be unproductive. and I can't be in that bubble for too long. to somehow get this thoughts out to comfort myself. I talked to a friend regarding our feelings at the time. and as our conversation progressed. We came to a consensus that we had to do something. A dialogue needed to begin.

As Creators ourselves. the best way we know is through art. Being Designers, We Naturally gravitated towards fashion and more specifically, The Terno. Since the Terno is a symbol of the Filipino people. which unfortunately has been tainted and synonymously linked to some unsavory individuals. now more than ever we need to claim the Terno as our own national identity.

As a creative who has a dayjob. I always sought ways to express my art outside commercial structures. Where I can explore my ideas to its fullest extent and just go off as the kid's would say Haha. So when this artist residency project by UPOU came into existence and I was offered to participate in it. it was a no brainer. What I really liked about this project is besides Creating meaningful, thought provoking pieces of Art. It also focuses on Futures literacy/ Thinking. I've always admired designers who are able to Combine Design and Technology in their work. Lately, There's been a shift in the industry where designers are collaborating with Scientists and Engineers. Developing new ways to create Textiles. Making Kinetic Garments, and having The Clothes be Computers themselves. its a different way of storytelling. These are the kinds of things I didn't know were even possible to do here locally. and these kinds of collaborations are the ones that yield the most interesting results. This being quite a new concept here. Made me more interested to make it happen.

Circling back to the Terno. We chose it since we want to do something that means to us and a lot of people. and if we were going to do something that elevates an artform from tradition to something Modern. it had to be the Terno. over the course of a few months I and my colleagues will be blogging The Progress of our work and the many changes that it will go into depending the challenges of Materials, production and the mentorship that we will all be under. i'm very interested in collaborating with The different experts in the fields of Technology/Science and Design and how it will affect my work visually and its purpose in the modern World.

[renz-reyes]

Terno Futures.

Welcome. We are in very strange times indeed. not really the most ideal Scenario. given to what is our Current reality. Hopelessness has set in and its so easy to get into a negative Headspace. after the Elections. I had a lot of mixed feelings. disappointment, anger and confusion. The desire to create was fleeting. but I knew moping around and sulking would be unproductive. and I can't be in that bubble for too long. to somehow get this thoughts out to comfort myself. I talked to a friend regarding our feelings at the time. and as our conversation progressed. We came to a consensus that we had to do something. A dialogue needed to begin.

As Creators ourselves. the best way we know is through art. Being Designers, We Naturally gravitated towards fashion and more specifically, The Terno. Since the Terno is a symbol of the Filipino people. which unfortunately has been tainted and synonymously linked to some unsavory individuals. now more than ever we need to claim the Terno as our own national identity.

As a creative who has a dayjob. I always sought ways to express my art outside commercial structures. Where I can explore my ideas to its fullest extent and just go off as the kid's would say Haha. So when this artist residency project by UPOU came into existence and I was offered to participate in it. it was a no brainer. What I really liked about this project is besides Creating meaningful, thought provoking pieces of Art. It also focuses on Futures literacy/ Thinking. I've always admired designers who are able to Combine Design and Technology in their work. Lately, There's been a shift in the industry where designers are collaborating with Scientists and Engineers. Developing new ways to create Textiles. Making Kinetic Garments, and having The Clothes be Computers themselves. its a different way of storytelling. These are the kinds of things I didn't know were even possible to do here locally. and these kinds of collaborations are the ones that yield the most interesting results. This being quite a new concept here. Made me more interested to make it happen.

C ircling back to the Terno. We chose it since we want to do something that means to us and a lot of people. and if we were going to do something that elevates an artform from tradition to something Modern. it had to be the Terno. over the course of a few months I and my colleagues will be blogging The Progress of our work and the many changes that it will go into depending the challenges of Materials, production and the mentorship that we will all be under. i'm very interested in collaborating with The different experts in the fields of Technology/Science and Design and how it will affect my work visually and its purpose in the modern World.

Visit: https://bukas.upou.edu.ph/emerging-futurists for more Details about The Emerging Futurists Residency.

[wasabito]

had so much fun writing for my baby boy tendou, so here’s my entry for the hqhq sfw server collab! be sure to check out the rest on the masterlist found here! enjoy ✨

words: 3.0k

prompt: “you woke me up at 3am for this?”

synopsis: your neighbor is ridiculous, kind of annoying and little bit on the weird side, but you wouldn’t have him any other way.

You had to be the biggest idiot on the planet—an obvious exaggeration, yes, but you were still inclined to believe it was true. 

How else could you explain the feeling of being so utterly fed up with one’s actions like this? Were there enough words in the dictionary to describe just how exhausted you were by your own antics, more specifically, your forgetfulness since that’s what had landed you in a world of pain and embarrassment?

The answer was no.

You sat with your back pressed against your front door, head in your hands and chin tucked between your raised knees and chest. At your side was your wallet along with stacks of newspapers, coupons and whatever else had been stuffed in your mailbox, bills probably. Advertisements too. Honestly, it was hard to be happy about a new restaurant opening up down the block when you were currently stuck—locked out of your apartment to be precise.

The landlord of your cheap little complex wasn’t expected to be back for another hour according to the sign posted outside of his office. So until then, you’d remain posted up by your doorstep like some loiterer. 

You shifted in place and blew a puff of air from your lips, feeling little pinpricks in your legs. For the fifth time in the last forty-five minutes you felt like kicking yourself, hard.

The sun hung low, nearly touching the distant horizon signifying the end of another day. Even the sky was painted a warm umber, casting dim shadows.

“Locked out, huh?” came a snide, but accented voice.

It took you way longer than necessary to realize that suddenly you weren’t the only person on this floor. God, where was your head at?

A pair of forest green crocs stood before you, complete with a few odd charms and trinkets. A cartoon volleyball, pinned next to a smiley face, a donut and a gaudy “i heart paris” chain dangling from the ankle strap. A person’s shoes could say a lot about who they were...your mother thought so, at least.

Resisting the urge to projectile vomit all over this stranger’s rather questionable taste in footwear, your wary gaze panned upward, glossing over white tube socks and a pair of the longest legs you’ve ever seen on a person—yet another exaggeration. You came face to face with a crooked smile. Curious ruby eyes returned your stare with almost the same amount of scrutiny.

Who the hell was this guy?

Mystery-man easily towered over you, and not only because you were hunched over and sitting. He was tall as hell, all lanky build, gangly arms and legs disguising lithe muscle and a surprisingly sturdy frame. He looked like the i-run-every-morning type; semi-athletic at the very least. His buzzed hair was the color of cinnamon, no that wasn’t right, paprika maybe? Either way, it contrasted sharply with the paleness of his skin, so much so that you could see the faint blue of the veins in his arms.

“Yoohooo, anybody hooome?” He tilted his head at you.

“Huh? Oh uh, yeah, I’m locked out. I forgot my key inside and Mr. Laurent won’t be back until later.”

“Hmm. That sucks...”

“...Um… do I… do I know you or something? You look a little familiar.”

He pinned you with a funny look, before pulling out a set of keys from the back pocket of his shorts.

“Maybe you do, maybe you don’t~ I mean we are neighbors, after all.” Laughing as if he’d made some sort of joke, he entered his apartment with a twirl and a dramatic wave of his arms.

You stared at his door for a solid minute, only to finally succumb to your urges and facepalm at your own idiocy. Of course he looked familiar, how could he not when he literally lived four feet away.

With a sigh of resignation, you braced yourself for another hour spent sitting outside your front door. It wasn’t like there was any other place you could go or anyone you could call. The battery icon on your phone blinked red, warning that it was soon to run out of juice. Guess that meant no Among Us or Subway Surfer for you.

Five minutes later, the door next to you opened. It was Mystery-man again, but this time, he sat in front of his door, just like you were. And he did so with a bag of pretzels and a jar of nutella in hand.

“Must be bored out here by yourself.” He crunched on a pretzel before offering you the bag to take some. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep ya company.”

You weren’t sure why, but there was something about this guy that intrigued you. You half-wondered if it was the funny little curl of his smile, or the wideness of his eyes that made it seem like he was looking at all of you, all at once. 

"You must be pretty bored...uh,"

"Satori Tendou, but most people call me Tendou. Miracle boy works just fine too."

"Right... Tendou, as I was saying, you must be incredibly bored to come sit out here with me. You sure you don't have anything important to do?"

Tendou's grinned widened. "Positive! And it costs me nothing to be neighborly, so don't even sweat it."

That was...nice of him?

If sitting outside with you was the way he wanted to spend his late Tuesday afternoon who were you to deny him? And truthfully, you didn't mind the company, at least not really. Provided this guy wasn't some creepy-stalker-weirdo, you were sure there wasn't any harm in getting to know the person who lived one door over.

"So, Tendou, how long have you lived in the area? You don't really look like you're from around here...I could be wrong."

Tendou raised a thin brow at you. "Weeeell, if you're asking about how long I've lived next door, it would be about three maybe four months give or take, but if you're asking how long I've lived in Paris, it would be a year next month. Speaking of, I think Semisemi has a birthday coming up..."

You watched as he pulled out his cell phone and tapped away at the illuminated glass screen. You couldn't help but notice the goofy little anime stickers on his phone case. One in particular caught your attention.

“Is that...Kirara? From Inuyasha??”

“Oho! So, you recognize this?”

Backtracking, you mumble out, “Ah, well…only a little.” Though your face was turned away, the tiny smile on your lips was not hidden from Tendou and he thought you were pretty cute.

Funnily enough, what you had expected to be a rather unnerving and possibly creepy exchange turned out to be anything but. Tendou was incredibly fun to talk to—a bit teasing and a little overwhelming with his superfluous hand movements and gestures. But he was funny and a lot kinder that you would’ve given him credit for.

You learned that he was originally from Japan; it explained his accented French. He had come to Paris right out of high school to study culinary arts in one of the most renowned countries for it. Now he worked as a chocolatier, under the tutelage of a master patisserie in the city, an older man who was both a creative genius and a thorn in Tendou’s side. Tendou spoke of his teacher with equal parts awe and annoyance. 

And he got to know you too. How you’d found yourself in Paris, thousands of miles away from home in an effort to rediscover yourself in the city full of rich history and culture. 

You didn’t have many friends here, and it truly was a pleasure to make his acquaintance.

Soon, you both heard the telltale sound of jangling keys as your landlord rounded the corner with his clipboard in hand. Once you were able to get your door open, you waved a goodbye to Tendou.

“Thanks for keeping me company, you really didn’t have to.”

“No biggie, it was fun!” He threw a mischievous little grin and a peace-sign over his shoulder and reentered his apartment. 

You found yourself wanting to cross paths with him again, and hopefully in better circumstances. But you hadn't known your wishful thinking was soon to manifest as you ambled through grocery store aisles a week later, eyeing down any items with pictures on it.

“Why in the hell is this toilet paper so expensive.” You mumbled.

“So, you complain about the price of toilet paper, but wear sneakers that cost two-thirds our rent.” That voice sounded familiar, and after hearing it for about an hour just days ago, you were a bit surprised you could recognize it so quickly. 

Stunned, you looked up to find Satori Tendou, your quirky neighbor with an arm full of pita chips, a milk carton, and baby carrots.

“I never said I made the best choices.” You found yourself smiling despite the previous crease in your brow. “...Dude, get a cart before you drop everything.”

Instead of getting his own, he simply dumped what he had into your cart with a teasing grin. You couldn’t argue with his logic there. Tendou sidled up against you, once again towering over you with a kind of ease that should be criminal. “Need help reading something?”

You wanted to say no. You almost said no. But swallowing your pride, you gave a weak nod. “Yeah, this word right here.” Pointing to the unfamiliar script printed on the label. “What the heck is this?”

“Weeeeell, looks like that brand is scented, ya know, for when ya—”

“Don’t bother finishing that sentence...please.”

You quickly grab what you need and continue on down the aisle with Tendou following closely behind.

Just like when you’d first met him, he made conversation the entire way. By the time you both made it to the cash registers, you’d argued at least three times over french pronunciations and whether cashews were the cousin of peanuts.

And just as last time, he left you with a grin and a peace-sign while you stared after his retreating back, paid groceries in hand.

After an entire day spent baking, you found yourself on Tendou’s doorstep with a tupperware full of baked goodies later the next evening. You had been meaning to thank him for being such a good neighbor to you. It was certainly unexpected, but a welcome gesture nonetheless.

You only had to knock twice before the door was wrenched open and you were greeted with the set of...vanilla? Some pop song played in the background while your neighbor looked at you curiously.

"H-Hey Tendou, I um...I baked you these." You held out the plastic container, hoping he'd simply take it from you without question and you could return to your apartment without somehow embarrassing yourself. "There's a little bit of everything in there, oatmeal raisin, chocolate chip, macadamia nut—wait you aren't allergic to anything, right?"

"Nooope! Not a thing, thanks neighbor!"

"It was no problem, especially since you've helped me, not once but twice now."

Frowning, you couldn't help but be a little upset with yourself. You'd come to France to prove that you could, in fact, live a normal life outside of your family’s jurisdiction but day by day you were proving to need them more and more. 

It was disappointing, to say the least.

"Hmm, what’s with the constipated look on your face. Did the toilet paper not help?” Tendou tilted his head at you with a teasing grin, lips curled at the edges, taunting. You blinked up at him, surprised, and if you were honest, a little annoyed too. 

"Hah?!"

"Just thought it was worth a mention, nighty-night~!"

Tendou proceeded to shut the door on you; one hand rested on the frame and the other held on to the cookies. You quickly took a step back lest he chop your entire arm off, ready to trudge off in the direction of your own home but not before sticking your tongue out at him.

Stupid Tendou, always saying stupid shit. 

You were on the couch, half asleep when it dawned on you that it had been his own twisted, “Tendou” way of cheering you up. 

The rest of the month passed just like that. Occasionally, you would bump into Tendou at the grocery store, or the leasing office, or even the laundromat. And every single time, he’d either make you laugh until your sides hurt or annoyed enough to want to give him a friendly punch. At one point, you two had even exchanged phone numbers, because according to Tendou “it was ridiculous not to have your friends on speedial” which only led to hours spent on Facetime or playing iMessage games.

You knew exchanging numbers would come back to bite you in the ass, it was only a matter of when.

It was clear you weren’t going to any sleep tonight, that was for sure. The incessant buzzing of your cell phone every five minutes was an enemy to your circadian rhythm. You could name on one hand those in your contacts with enough sense to know that you lived in a completely different time zone from them now.

Somehow your neighbor was the very last person you suspected, but it was his contact photo that stared back at you, goofy looking grin and all. You squinted against the brightness of your screen in your otherwise dark bedroom.

you up?

come quick

gotta show ya somethin

come oooon

you're awake, i know you are

It took you less than a minute to shuffle on a pair of slippers, grab your keys (you weren't going to forget them this time) and slip out of your apartment.

You hadn't even knocked twice before the door was pulled open. Tendou looked a mess, more so than usual. Unidentified stains littered the apron looped around his thin waist, streaks of what you hoped were just flour and granulated sugar were all over his hands. You almost wanted to ask if he was baking or dealing dope.

“You woke me up at three in the morning...for this?”

“Yuuup!”

"When I said you could call me at any time, I really didn’t mean any time.” You scratch your side, a contemplative look on your face at the sight of Tendou in what you would assume to be his pajamas. An old volleyball hoodie with the words "Shirazorizawa" printed across the front, and old sweats the were so obviously cut with scissors at the knee.

Rolling your eyes, you mumbled a curt, “Alright, move aside.”

Tendou ushered you over to his kitchen where several of his cooking supplies laid on the island, along with a tray of some chocolate dessert spread.

“It’s all still in the testing phase, but I think I’m onto something here.”

He was definitely giving off “mad scientist” vibes. You tried not to snort.

Holding a small chocolate cake in his hand, he smiled, a genuine smile this time. "Open wide."

You obeyed, far too tired to argue, and let him pop the treat into your mouth. Tendou watched as you chewed, as if it were the most interesting thing ever. His wide gaze carefully took in every shift in your expression.

"So? Whaddya think?"

"I...," You chewed a bit more. "...It's delicious! Is that—"

"—Pistachio, why yes it is!" 

Tendou was practically bouncing on his feet with excitement. "It takes the entire thing to a whole new level."

You had to agree with him there. This was probably the best chocolate madeleine you'd ever tasted. "Great work, miracle boy. Will you be introducing this new recipe to Claude?"

Mentioning his teacher seemed to sober him up a bit. "Ehh, maybe? The old man's a bit of traditionalist, so I'll just have to figure out a way to get him to approve."

"Maybe try calling him at three in the morning?" 

Tendou stuck his tongue out at you before popping a dessert in his mouth. The pure delight on his face was so contagious, you found yourself smiling just the same. You couldn’t help but admire his passion.

“Hey, Tendou… do you like your job?”

He blinked at you, chewing coming to a slow halt. “Well of course! The pay isn’t the best just yet, but it’s a labor of love. I’m willing to put my all into it at least.”

“Huh… that’s pretty cool.” You wiped your fingers on a nearby rag. “I hope to feel the same one day… if I can figure out what I wanna do.”

“Why not bake? You’re pretty good at it.”

“Oh am I? Last week you said my baking needed some work.”

“Well, duh, but my standards when it comes to confectionaries are impossibly high. Even so, I think you’d be successful as a baker. What’s stopping you from pursuing your labor of love?”

And that was the thing with Tendou. He talked a lot, teased even more, but it was never idle ramblings. Somehow, he always seemed to hit right at the heart of the issue with almost painfully uncomfortable accuracy.

“I don’t really know so…” You looked away, trailing off.

“Either way,” he said and placed a finger under your chin, raising your head until you were looking him in the eye. “I’m rooting for you.”

For a moment, you simply stared, awestruck. It was the first time in a long while someone was actually putting their faith in you, believing in you. He had come blazing into your life unabashed with his easy grins and gaze alight with mischief. His encouraging words, sincerity, sensitivity. Tendou was really incredible.

“Tendou…” You took his hand in yours, squeezing it. “Thanks. For everything.”

“Of course, what are neighbors for.”

BONUS:

Three months later you sat curled up next to Tendou on his sofa, his entire apartment smelled of chocolate cocoa with hints of cinnamon.

Before you was an application. Culinary school.

“You really think I can do this?”

Tendou placed his head on your shoulder with a tiny smirk. “One hundred and twenty percent!”

You pondered for a moment, then decided that if he thought you were up for the challenge then you’d believe him.

“For the record, you probably aren’t supposed to recommend your girlfriend for an interview. You know, conflict of interest and all.”

Tendou laughed and pulled you closer. “Trust me, we’ll be fine, so don’t worry your pretty little head, ‘kay?”

[itsclydebitches]

Here's a quandary I've suddenly found myself in: where do you stand on writers deleting their own works, fanfiction or otherwise? I've had this happen to me on more than one occasion - I go to look for an old favorite and find it's since been deleted from whatever site I read it on.

On the one hand, I'm inclined to think that, "Sure. The author wrote it, it's their call. I don't own the work - I certainly didn't pay for it. It's their decision, even if it's disappointing."

But at the same time I can't help but consider the alternative - if I believe in death of the author (and I do), that an author's work fundamentally isn't solely theirs once it's been published, posted, etc., then it also seems wrong to have a work deleted. Stories aren't the sole property of their creator, after all.

But then I circle back. D'you think there are different obligations between authors and readers and the works being made in fandom space? I know if I had bought a book and the author decided they wanted it back, I would feel pretty comfortable telling them no, given I'd paid for it and whatnot. But that's a different world from fanfic and fandom space generally.

So. You're insightful Clyde, I'm curious as to what you'll have to say here (and to all y'all thinking about it, don't flame me. I haven't decided where I stand here yet - haven't heard a good nail-in-the-coffin argument for or against yet).

Val are you a mind reader now? I’ve been thinking about this exact conundrum the last few days!

(And yeah, as a general disclaimer: no flaming. Not allowed. Any asks of the sort will be deleted on sight and with great satisfaction.)

Honestly, I’m not sure there is a “nail-in-the-coffin argument” for this, just because—as you lay out—there are really good points for keeping works around and really good points for allowing authors to have control over their work, especially when fanworks have no payment/legal obligations attached. In mainstream entertainment, your stories reflect a collaborative effort (publisher, editor, cover artists, etc.) so even if it were possible to delete the physical books out of everyone’s home and library (and we're ignoring the censorship angle for the moment), that’s no longer solely the author’s call, even if they have done the lion’s share of the creative work. Though fanworks can also, obviously, be collaborative, they’re usually not collaborative in the same way (more “This fic idea came about from discord conversations, a couple tumblr posts, and that one headcanon on reddit”) and they certainly don’t have the same monetary, legal, and professional strings attached. I wrote this fic as a hobby in my free time. Don’t I have the right to delete it like I also have the right to tear apart the blankets I knit?

Well yes… but also no? I personally view fanworks as akin to gifts—the academic term for our communities is literally “gift economy”—so if we view it like that, suddenly that discomfort with getting rid of works is more pronounced. If I not only knit a blanket, but then gift it to a friend, it would indeed feel outside of my rights to randomly knock on their door one day and go, “I actually decided I hate that? Please give it back so I can tear it to shreds, thanks :)” That’s so rude! And any real friend would try to talk me out of it, explaining both why they love the blanket and, even if it’s not technically the best in terms of craftsmanship, it holds significant emotional value to them. Save it for that reason alone, at least. Fanworks carry that same meaning—“I don’t care if it’s full of typos, super cliché, and using some outdated, uncomfortable tropes. This story meant so much to me as a teenager and I’ll always love it”—but the difference in medium and relationships means it’s easier to ignore all that. I’m not going up to someone’s house and asking face-to-face to destroy something I gave them (which is awkward as hell. That alone deters us), I’m just pressing a button on my computer. I’m not asking this of a personal friend that is involved in my IRL experiences, I’m (mostly) doing this to online peers I know little, if anything, about. It’s easy to distance ourselves from both the impact of our creative work and the act of getting rid of it while online. On the flip-side though, it’s also easier to demean that work and forget that the author is a real person who put a lot of effort into this creation. If someone didn’t like my knitted blanket I gave them as a gift, they’re unlikely to tell me that. They recognize that it’s impolite and that the act of creating something for them is more important than the construction’s craftsmanship. For fanworks though, with everyone spread around the world and using made up identities, people have fewer filters, happily tearing authors to shreds in the comments, sending anon hate, and the like. The fact that we’re both prefacing this conversation with, “Please don’t flame” emphasizes that. So if I wrote a fic with some iffy tropes, “cringy” dialogue, numerous typos, whatever and enough people decided to drag me for it… I don’t know whether I’d resist the urge to just delete the fic, hopefully ending those interactions. There’s a reason why we’re constantly reminding others to express when they enjoy someone else’s work: the ratio of praise to criticism in fandom (or simply praise to seeming indifference because there was no public reaction at all), is horribly skewed.

So I personally can’t blame anyone for deleting. I’d like to hope that more people realize the importance of keeping fanworks around, that everything you put out there is loved by someone… but I’m well aware that the reality is far more complicated. It’s hard to keep that in mind. It’s hard to keep something around that you personally no longer like. Harder still to keep up a work you might be harassed over, that someone IRL discovered, that you’re disgusted with because you didn’t know better back then… there are lots of reasons why people delete and I ultimately can’t fault them for that. I think the reasons why people delete stem more from problems in fandom culture at large—trolling, legal issues, lack of positive feedback, cancel culture, etc.—than anything the author has or has not personally done, and since such work is meant to be a part of an enjoyable hobby… I can’t rightly tell anyone to shoulder those problems, problems they can’t solve themselves, just for the sake of mine or others’ enjoyment. The reason I’ve been thinking about this lately is because I was discussing Attack on Titan and how much I dislike the source material now, resulting in a very uncomfortable relationship with the fics I wrote a few years back. I’ve personally decided to keep them up and that’s largely because some have received fantastic feedback and I’m aware of how it will hurt those still in the fandom if I take them down. So if a positive experience is the cornerstone of me keeping fics up, I can only assume that negative experiences would likewise been the cornerstone of taking them down. And if getting rid of that fic helps your mental health, or solves a bullying problem, or just makes you happier… that, to me, is always more important than the fic itself.

But, of course, it’s still devastating for everyone who loses the work, which is why my compromise-y answer is to embrace options like AO3’s phenomenal orphaning policy. That’s a fantastic middle ground between saving fanworks and allowing authors to distances themselves from them. I’ve also gotten a lot more proactive about saving the works I want to have around in the future. Regardless of whether we agree with deleting works or not, the reality is we do live in a world where it happens, so best to take action on our own to save what we want to keep around. Though I respect an author’s right to delete, I also respect the reader’s right to maintain access to the work, once published, in whatever way they can. That's probably my real answer here: authors have their rights, but readers have their rights too, so if you decide to publish in the first place, be aware that these rights might, at some point, clash. I download all my favorite fics to Calibre and, when I’m earning more money (lol) I hope to print and bind many for my personal library. I’m also willing to re-share fic if others are looking for them, in order to celebrate the author’s work even if they no longer want anything to do with it. Not fanfiction in this case, but one of my fondest memories was being really into Phantom of the Opera as a kid and wanting, oh so desperately, to read Susan Kay’s Phantom. Problem was, it was out of print at the time, not available at my library, and this was before the age of popping online and finding a used copy. For all intents and purposes, based on my personal situation, this was a case of a book just disappearing from the world. So when an old fandom mom on the message boards I frequented offered to type her copy up chapter by chapter and share it with me, you can only imagine how overjoyed I was. Idk what her own situation was that something like scanning wouldn’t work, but the point is she spent months helping a fandom kid she barely knew simply because a story had resonated with her and she wanted to share it. That shit is powerful!

So if someone wants to delete—if that’s something they need right now—I believe that is, ultimately, their decision… but please try your hardest to remember that the art you put out into the world is having an impact and people will absolutely miss it when it’s gone. Often to the point of doing everything they can to put it back out into the world even if you decide to take it out. Hold onto that feeling. The love you have for your favorite fic, fanart, meta, whatever it is? Someone else has that for your work too. I guarantee it.

So take things down as needed, but for the love of everything keep copies for yourself. You may very well want to give it back to the world someday.