#oughhhhhh me when my past self is literally breathing down my neck and telling me to mourn something that isn’t mine to mourn

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

oshi no ko ep 4 spoilers under the cut!!

ohhhhh my fucking god this scene this scene this fucking scene this will never leave my brain it’ll rot there until every star in the sky has faded what the FUCK were they thinking (affectionate)

HE’S :((((((( A BABY. HE’S JUST A BABY. he acts so cold and detached but he loves his friends, he loves his sister, he has trouble thinking of happy moments at first but then it all just comes flowing into him!!! and it breaks my heart because i didn’t even know he could smile like this but of course he can because he’s a kid. he’s not gorou anymore. he’s his own person and that person is a high school boy who enjoys his new life even though he thinks he’s not allowed to. even though his past self literally manifests as a stern voice over his shoulder telling him he’s not allowed to.

GODDDDDDD . god. gorou is literally a fucking GHOST telling aqua not to be happy, never to be happy, just keep obsessing over ai and hating yourself for not being able to save her in the same way gorou must’ve hated himself for not being able to save sarina. just keep living for revenge and nothing else. don’t enjoy yourself. don’t enjoy yourself. don’t enjoy yourself. the relationship between these two makes me so ill because they’re literally the same person but also not. it’s like gorou’s bitter soul was born into a body not made to hold it. aqua is his own person but he’s also haunted by a guilt and an obsession that isn’t his own. he’s haunted by the death of his mother but more than anything he’s haunted by himself. ai would have wanted him to be happy. gorou doesn’t. gorou wants them both miserable and guilty.

and don’t even get me STARTED on akane??????????????????? mimicking ai to make aqua feel better??????????????????????????????? it’s all so twisted and it’ll all just make his obsession grow stronger and stronger. aqua is chasing a ghost. ai is dead and gorou is dead and sarina is dead. he isn’t. but if he doesn’t let himself be happy, if he doesn’t let himself move on, then he might as well be.