#oughhhhhh THEY HURT ME I LOVE THEM

[acerikus]

The ironic part about that tag ramble I just did is that I actually like vengeance and neutral best in uty. (Neutral>vengeance>pacifist for me lol)

Pacifist is fun and I like how much we learn about the characters and the ceroba fight, but out of the three routes it's the one that captivates me the least. Don't get me wrong, that first run was magical and I still really like it! I think most of that is bc it's clover and flowey's relationship and how it's used that captivates me most about this game.

But even then, clover inherently being someone who didn't immediately lash out at the monsters (be that through wanting to be kind or due to fear/some other reason) is so so important to their character.

We (and Flowey) can make them worse. But they put thought into their judgement when given the chance. It took hundreds of resets for clover to choose violence and even then, it wasn't of their own volition. It's not who Clover is at their core - they want things to be fair and they get easily drawn into caring for people. Hell, martlet in vengeance even calls them out for trying to find reasons to hate her in her memories, because deep down they don't want to at all, and even in flawed/aborted vengeance they're sincere in wanting to live with her, to the point flowey is shocked and angered. Their care for martlet is a constant regardless of route and that's one of my other favourite parts about this game.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

got so into my laughingstock feels that i burnt my fuckign toast

[earlyspringtranscendence]

look at my boys..... everyone look at my boys right NOW.

[backtocarousel]

ok so my reoccurring headcanons r that chan

1. is an ass lover and def eats ass with no shame. he would do anal with u but hes got bcs (big cock syndrome) n is too afraid he'll hurt u so settles for his tongue and fingers, but mostly his tongue <3

2. would probably suck ur toes in missionary with ur legs up if he's really feeling it. likes pretty dainty anklets n got u one that has a little 'c' charm on it.

3. he is not the stereotypical hardcore dom & rather gentle (ideally a dom!switch) but he still pounds ur shi and likes to be called daddy when the time's right. it's an ego boost, but on normal days when he says "moan my fucking name, baby," he means chris!

4. full blown studio sex never happens but if he's really feeling it he'll hold u on his lap and finger u until ur practically dislodging his fingers from how hard u came, then he's making u do it again when u finally relax

5. he loves making sex tapes hehehe there's so many filmed on one very specific camera he owns

last one (i can go on and on i'm crazy)

6. taught u how to touch urself with ur back pressed to his chest 100% for his own enjoyment and edge u relentlessly under the guise of u "not doing it how daddy taught you."

this made me saur insane i cant even explain how much..... i love u whoever u are ☹️☹️ someone should write a fanfic using these hehe

1. yes pls yes yes anal is a controversial thing for most people but sorry everyone who follows me... i love it ☹️ his boombayah would NOT fit . definitely not. give me that skilled tongue boy

2. i think he'd just suck ur body ALL over. the c charm... can you imagine him giving you a necklace, bracelet and anklet with them all having the 'c' charm? oughhh. my stomach

3. PLEASE. PLEASE PLEASE. U GET ME. i dont mind the hardcore dom chan but softie dom chris is my life and i will defend it forever. he gets the stress of taking care of everything out of u and loves getting pampered by u (is that the right word? excuse my bad english ueueue) calling him daddy while domming him is my dream so sorry

4. with his sexy fingers 🤤 he's probably a bit of a neat freak when it comes to his studio dont u agree or nah

5. STOP BC THATS WHAT I ALWAYS THINK. i thought of it more like him having a really deep folder named recipes or smt bullshit like that which contains him pounding the life out of u fucking u silly

6. oughhhhhh doing this on a chill night room illuminated only bu scented candles the movie infront of u both long forgotten while you press against his chest feeling his huge cock watching you finger yourself ☹️ i love u bangchan

[joanofexys]

Talking about his family had always been a sore spot for Andrew, uncharted territory most of the time, with far too many boundaries and ‘do-not-talk-about’s to be worth exploring further - ouchie ouchie ouchie ouchie ouchie

(Betsy would not forget Neil’s face for quite some time; stoic, unbothered, with blood on his clothes and no emotions other than Andrew, Andrew, Andrew.) - OH IM GONNA BE SICK

This didn’t even look like him - it looked more like Aaron, the brother who did not speak, who did not sport the same medicated smile that Andrew had for over a year. - HEY NIN THIS COMPARISON WAS SO OUT OF POCKET AND IVE NEVER SEEN IT BEFORE WHAT THE FUCK

This felt like square one again. This felt like trying to read a completely new patient. - oughhhhhh they really did have to start all over in a way. there’s just so much that’s changed and ughhhhhh ouch

"I don't know." - BABY. BABY BOY. OH MY GOD. I NEED TO WRAP HIM IN A BLANKET AND PROTECT HIM FROM THE WORLD

the son of the mother that could've been - hey nin this was fucked up. this has got me fucked up. this is evil of you to say

And Andrew laughed. - THE WHOLE PARAGRAPH BEFORE AND FOLLOWING THIS??? SO GOOD AND ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATING

For him. - SOBBING. I LOVE BEE I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

NIN IM OBSESSED THIS IS SO GOOD AND UGH YOURE GONNA MAKE ME CRY. I LOVE THEIR DYNAMIC SO MUCH. the way this was written was just excellent and i love seeing the way Bee had to adjust and how Andrew did too. God it just hurts so good. I love them sm

I would absolutely love to see something about Betsy and Andrew post Easthaven!

a lil snippet of bee and andrews first session after easthaven that i dont want to get long as hell but will probably end up that way anyway??? (tw drake/thanksgiving/easthaven you know the drill)

-

It was a Wednesday, as it had been a thousand times before, and at ten to the hour Betsy thought about her first session with Andrew.

She thought about his humourless laugh, and how he'd dramatically left the room less than twenty minutes into the session. She remembered how he smelled like stale tobacco and smoke, how he smiled at her, and pushed her limits.

Betsy thought about the second time she met Andrew, the third time, the fourth time. How he'd slowly started to crack himself open and let her in, how he'd allowed himself to trust again.

Betsy thought about their last session before the holidays.

Talking about his family had always been a sore spot for Andrew, uncharted territory most of the time, with far too many boundaries and ‘do-not-talk-about’s to be worth exploring further. They had dipped their toes in on a handful of occasions, tense discussions more often than not shut down as soon as Andrew felt the conversation becoming too close.

They’d made progress, that being said - they’d spent that last session before the holidays speaking about one of the last times Andrew had seen his cousin’s family in person. How interested he was in seeing how their dinner would pan out, about how he couldn’t wait to see the look on Neil’s face when he realised what he’d gotten them into.

(Betsy would not forget Neil’s face for quite some time; stoic, unbothered, with blood on his clothes and no emotions other than Andrew, Andrew, Andrew.)

At five minutes to the hour, Andrew swung open the door with a room-shaking bang. Betsy waited for him to sit down, but he stood there for a moment too long, watching her, and only when Betsy fixed her glasses did she see why.

Betsy had never met this Andrew before.

His eyes did not have much behind them, and it startled her to read his emotionless expression. This didn’t even look like him - it looked more like Aaron, the brother who did not speak, who did not sport the same medicated smile that Andrew had for over a year. It didn't take long for her to realise it was the absence of that medicated smile that made him look so wrong; it was as natural on Andrew's face as the clouds were in the sky. Him stepping into her office without it was as if he'd stepped through the door with a new hair colour, or piercing, or a bizarrely colourful outfit he'd never worn before.

“Andrew,” Betsy smiled. At her voice, he shut the door to her office behind him, and made his way over to the couch at the back end of the room. “We’re overdue a few formalities - happy New Year, for a start.”

He didn’t respond while she made their usual cocoas, and so she filled the silence with meaningless chatter, things that she knew he didn’t care about, but were words nonetheless. She got a better look at him as she placed his mug down, and caught his eyes, glued to her, waiting, watching. Perhaps the light was playing tricks on her, but he had subtle yellow marks on the skin of his face where bruises had faded to almost nothing.

“I don’t think it’s what you want to hear but I’ll ask it anyway,” Betsy checked her seat was clear before sitting down. “How are you feeling? It’s really great to see you.”

It was impossible to tell if the pause that followed was Andrew’s hesitation or reluctance. Was he not speaking because he had nothing to say, or because he didn’t know what to say at all? It was not Betsy’s place to fill that silence, either. If any session were important to hand him the reigns, this was it. He had to do this himself.

It was ten minutes, or an hour later before he spoke. “They shouldn’t have called you.”

“When?” Betsy asked after a pause. When he didn’t answer, she continued cautiously, “In Columbia?”

His lack of a response was response enough. His dead stare, his tired eyes emphasised by un-creased cheeks, his smile nothing more than a hard line across his lips.

“They had no choice,” she said, calm and measured. “You know they had to. You know why they had to."

"They shouldn't have."

Betsy had spent over a year trying to understand Andrew, to figure out whether his smile was genuine or chemically manufactured, trying to figure out what he meant when he spoke in riddles. They'd reached a point of understanding, a point in their therapeutic relationship where she could read him well enough to know what he needed her to say. This felt like square one again. This felt like trying to read a completely new patient.

"Why?" Betsy asked, and she tilted her head ever so gently when he looked her way. "What would you have preferred them to do?"

Andrew paused, and was slow to look away before he spoke.

"I don't know."

It was quiet, and there was something else in the room, something in his voice. Something that told Betsy he meant it. He didn't know. He didn't know what had really happened to him, he didn't know who he was anymore, he didn't know why he didn't want them to call the only person who truly understood, because all of it was far too real. Betsy being there only made it official.

"Talk to me," She said, careful not to change her tone, careful to avoid falling back into the typical therapist mode that Andrew had always despised. "Tell me what you're thinking."

Andrew stared at the wall for a moment before finally moving himself into a more comfortable position, taking off his shoes slower than he usually would, tucking them up beneath him on the couch. He shut his eyes for just a second, and then turned his gaze on Betsy.

"Why did you do it?" He asked, and Betsy felt her stomach bottom out. "Why Easthaven?"

"We agreed on it." She said slowly, trying to hide the defensiveness in her voice, trying to hide the fear that an unmedicated Andrew had started to regret his decision to come off them. "I told you why-"

"That's not what I'm asking." He interrupted with a gentle shake of his head.

When they'd spoken about it, it'd been a messy scrapbook page of pasted reasonings and a scribbled out pros and cons list. There were several different truths as to why Betsy pushed for it, a truth that had been hard for others to understand, but a truth that Neil seemed to understand the best.

"Tell me why." She offered. "Why is that something you want me to answer, when you already know?"

"Because I need to hear it without all the noise."

Easthaven had always been the plan - it was difficult to concisely explain the choice as to pull forward Andrew's timeline of events, but it was something Betsy had had to explain over and over again. To her superiors, to the boards in Easthaven, the courts and parole officers that didn't understand it at all. It had been almost hardest to explain it to Andrew himself, bruised and bloody after a night of retraumatisation and a concussion that left him barely able to focus, who's only coping mechanism was to make jokes to cover the fear that he hadn't even been allowed to feel.

Betsy took a deep breath and took off her glasses before saying, "Do you remember laughing?"

Andrew looked away as quickly as the words had left her mouth. She couldn't read his face well enough to tell if he was remembering, or if he couldn't remember at all. It was a silly question though, she thought, knowing how crystal clear Andrew's memory had always been, but perhaps she wondered whether between the haze of withdrawals and events of that night had led his reaction to become somehow buried amongst it all.

Andrew had kept his past a secret for so long, even to her, that he'd nearly given it his own statute of limitations in a way - nothing can be done about it now. Betsy had promised not to pursue any legal action, perhaps against the protocols she was required to follow, for the sake of his honesty way back in the beginning. For the sake of his openness, Betsy was willing to do anything. Andrew had allowed enough time and distance to pass before he handed over even the tiniest of details about the abuse he'd faced as a child. Enough time had passed that he felt as though they were nothing more than stories. Drake would never be in his life again, whether it be for justice or for some sort of closure, so, to him it felt safe to talk about. Any time he'd found his way into a conversation, the son of the mother that could've been, it was obvious how much it bothered Andrew to talk about it; the way his eyes glazed over recounting the details, the way even the mention of his name stilled him as if he were a mannequin on display. But Drake alone was far enough away from the Andrew that sat in her office months beforehand, and he felt like it was okay to divulge the truth.

But against all odds, Drake had come back.

He'd found Andrew, he'd put his hands on him, an adult now, more capable of fighting back, but still in Andrew's eyes he'd won again. It had been funny to him, the night of, that after so many years he'd finally, naively, stupidly allowed himself to feel safe. He had stopped looking over his shoulder each and every night before he got into bed. He had spoken Drake's name freely in a therapeutic setting without fear of repercussion. Yet he had looked him in the eyes again. Yet he'd felt like that child all over again, and years and years of progress were destroyed in an instant.

And Andrew laughed.

A terrible sound, a joke in the face of shock and trauma, a flick of his wrist as if the bruises that circled it were not enough to tell him that this was not to be brushed away. Betsy remembered sitting across from him that night as if it had been only the night before. She remembered the awful sound of his hoarse laugh as well as she remembered the painfully long drive from her sisters home to Columbia. She remembered it almost as well as the foggy conversation she'd had with Abby over the phone.

She looked across that room at him now, his demeanor that of a stranger, and sighed.

Why had she done it?

For him. Anything else was irrelevant - the season, the courts and their mandated recovery timeline, the opinions of anyone who thought they understood. All of it had been for him.

To keep him alive.

To keep him safe.

"I'll tell you," Betsy lifted up the cocoa she'd sat on the table between them, to rest her lips on the warm ceramic. Andrew watched her as she spoke, and she watched his chest rise and fall after a purposeful deep breath. "But Andrew, I need you to let me finish."

[multi-lefaiye]

HI POS STUFF FOR YOU NOW

i really like your rambles so so so much theyre always so interesting and i love reading them and seeing them in my asks and ur characters and wips OUGH OUGH OUGH OUGHHHHHH they HURT and theyre SO GOOD and i love them so much holy fucking shit theyre amazing and ur so so so funny i love ur posts and i love talking to you so much and yeah ur very cool!!!! and supportive!!!! and have rlly interesting interests!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAA BAT I AM YELLING,,, THANK YOU YOU ARE SO SO NICE,,,,

i meant to answer this earlier but i am once again stricken with Sleepy Man Disease. but AGH THANK YOU ;o; you're so fucking nice ASDFJKL; thank you??? genuinely your support for all my ideas and rambles makes me really happy you're so so nice ;v;

and also AHH i love talking with you!!!! you're super cool and nice and funny and i love seeing your posts and reading about your wips!!!!

thank u!!!

[t4tstarvingdog]

I think you've mentioned listening to the magnus archives before? If so, top 5 episodes?

OHHH OKAY OKAY THANK YOU MWAH ILY ANON BTW <3

MAG 61, Hard Shoulder — i am more than a little bit in love with daisy <33333 (shout out to MAG 82, The Eyewitnesses for more of daisy fr i love her. also MAG 132, Entombed)

MAG 81, A Guest For Mr. Spider — oughhhhhh the descriptions of the book and the images, the delightful jon backstory... the scrumptiousness of it all. i want to eat this episode

MAG 160-161 (The Eye Opens and Dwelling) — the. the nice cows :( i just think about them sometimes

MAG 172, Strung Out — i'm SORRY okay but it IS because the subject uses they/them and has vices.

it makes me sick to my stomach to say it but MAG 200, Last Words — i DON'T enjoy it. it makes my stomach hurt. my heart hurt. everything about it hurts. and i love it. i love the ending even though its like sticking a corkscrew into my heart and twisting. i love how it leaves a bit to my imagination. how it's all tied off. literally this podcast is a masterpiece

ask my top five anything!

[scamoosh]

talk about komaeda!!!

anon i am holding ur hand so tenderly and blowing u a little kiss....

going 2 ramble 🏃

i am thinking abt komaeda 24/7 but he has been on my mind sm recently i love that guy😔i am just going 2 ramble abt some of my thoughts and hcs 4 him bc i need 2 type too much abt fictional guys or ill die

-he is BIPOLAR!!!!! yes this is partially me projecting but he isssssss not only in the like . stereotypical mood swingy way that ppl like to point to but in the way that he has trouble gauging the severity of situations and reacting appropriately.,,, like not only reacting strongly but like. not being able to moderate his reaction even when he knows its unreasonable. and putting extremely high expectations on himself and others bc if everything isnt Very Good its Very Bad and feeling like even one failure to meet one expectation cancels out any good done by any other successes.,,,, idk. i feel like a lot of the ways i experience my own bipolar-ness can b pointed out in how komaeda thinks and acts and that is kind of comforting idk. bc his thought processes feel so obvious to me even tho i can recognize where theyre flawed and wrong idk. like one of the biggest things 4 me is feeling guilty bc u know a lot of the time when u get upset abt things u Know ur overreacting bc ur bipolar so when things Actually genuinely rightfully upset u its rlly hard to allow urself to feel upset without feeling guilty or worrying that its unwarranted and just a symptom . and like . thats komaeda too he feels so extremely but either feels excessively justified in it when hes riding the high or insisting that he never has any right to act according to his own feelings oughhgh. oh komaeda we're rlly in it now

-hes nonbinary :))) yes i am projecting again but i also must stay true to my theory that every danganronpa protag is trans and bi and every dr antagonist is nonbinary and gay <33 um. he feels a disconnect to (and occasionally a disgust for) his body. not 2 say that all trans ppl are unhappy w their bodies but idk komaeda has a very specific way of shifting between 'this is what i am and it is what it is' and like 'this is atrocious sorry 4 everyone who has 2 look at me' and that specific back n forth is smth that i personally can relate to? also i like when ppl draw him w lots of cute little accessories bc i think he would like little things like that w/out being concerned w the fact that ppl might associate them w femininity. plus w his whole complex abt junko and his obsession w her u know for sure he has an appreciation (even if for the wrong reasons) for femme culture <333 also i think he and mikan do each others nails sometimes :) and it takes like 4 hours bc theyre both nervous and clumsy as shit

-ok going back 2 the mental illness thing he also makes me rlly sad bc has moments of like . total self awareness and is like damn it sucks that i feel so unstable and act like that towards other people and deep down i wish i could change i want to be good i want to be loved but like . that doesnt change the fact that it happens again idk. his behaviors feel very cyclical which feels v real idk. farquad pointing meme MENTALLY ILL!

-ok wait typing that also made methink abt how in his final little hangout event convo he confesses that hes always wanted to be loved and that hurts my feelings so bad man. like that is the culmination of getting to know him is him confessing that he wants to mean something to someone else even tho he is 100% certain he doesnt deserve it and so should never Get it oughhhhhh. the overwhelming guilt that comes w being treated well is so real.

guys i love komaeda. this is so unorganized and dumb i just care him

[theonetrueyeet]

no im so fucked up rn over herrah and hornet rn. herrah is the most tragic dreamer im so srs. braindump ramble below this isnt a lore analysis or anything deep this is me just screaming into the void while listening to never love an anchor and losing my mind

its not fair she deserved to spend more time with hornet. yes she made that deal knowing full well that she would then have to leave her child behind and become a dreamer. the two of them only got to spend a short time together. the dialogue that you get from hornet after you break herrahs seal HURTS SO BAD!!!! the dreamnail dialogue specifically god this look here:

"...Mother... Forgive my inaction... but another path may be possible..."

ILL FUCKING END IT ALL I CANT I JUST. ATREJHJKSHDFSLFHSKA.

and if im talking dialogue then i need to talk about herrahs too. like.

"...Give all... For her..." IM REALLY GOING TO DO IT THIS TIME OUGHHHHHH

see in my mind i think herrah prolonged becoming a dreamer for as long as possible once hornet was born and really really regretted the deal because that meant she had to leave her daughter behind and wouldnt see her grow up and and and

herrah the beast u would have loved never love an anchor by the crane wives send tweet