#ou but get ready to quote find out unquote what that new ring is about and not like the answer very much

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

Fri 11 Jan

HERE WE GO AGAIN ANOTHER NONSTOP WILL IT EVER END....

In a twist NO-ONE could POSSIBLY have seen coming, Dan Wootton, mouthpiece for all things stunty, has announced the latest- Harry is rumored to be linked to Japanese model and actress Kiko Mizuhara <pikachuface.jpg> WHO could have predicted this remarkable shocking turn of events?! (Oh right ALL OF US. I published my "exclusive" weeks ago so suck my ass Wootton)

So anyway, the article literally opens with acknowledgment that Harry may not be straight which has to be a first in the history of seeded stunt promo, but then the oh-so-objective Sun reporter tells us that the reason Harry has been spotted in Japan so often in recent months and specifically over new year's is that he was visiting Kiko. Interesting point to consider- Kiko wasn't in Japan over NYE. In fact, it looks as if she may not have been in Japan lots of the times Harry was there? It must have been very boring for him to just housesit for his new girlfriend all the time and never get to see her, poor Harry :'( But hey if you want an exclusive, this just in; "the pair are unlikely to appear in public, given his desire to shroud his personal life in mystery" is the new "Eleanor just really hates cameras!" Talk about a built in escape hatch wow, I look forward to seeing 'bare minimum' redefined even further and laughing my ass off at anyone trying to scrape together a reason to believe in it!

Earlier in the day, Louis tweeted some lyrics, we all thought they were from a new song of his and lost our minds, then five minutes later it was pointed out that they were from a Liam Gallagher song and Louis reprimanded us for not knowing it and we all felt dumb for the things we'd tweeted him. Or maybe just me. ANYWAY then he answered a bunch of peoples' replies before dropping back into the lurker shadows, and about 20% of people worked on analyzing the lyrics of the song he'd quoted, 10% complained about not being able to sleep now, and the other 70% commenced, can you guess, yep, grousing that this was not what should be happening and was a bad sign, or arguing with the people that thought it was a bad sign about why it wasn't a bad sign. Arguments were that him tweeting someone else's lyrics and making vague penises (lol thank you autocorrect yes that version is more fun than the real one) promises showed that nothing has changed and no release is forthcoming or if there is it won't be promoted well and why aren't his tour dates already booked VS we don't actually know anything yet, reminders that Harry was acting similarly as little as a week before his album dropped, and questioning why so much pessimism when there are just as many reasons for optimism. Tweet highlights: a reaction image for the ages in Louis saying "Stupid question. Don't insult me like that," always timely and already in heavy use. (Autocorrect was pushing for "raccoon image," one of these days I'm just gonna quit trying to wrest back control of these and let it run wild, it'll be twice as witty probably)

It wasn't until later that the concept of the original tweet being related to the new stunt became a possibility to consider, which opens up whole other avenues of inquiry in the song's lyrics and Louis' intentions.

Meanwhile, Niall... I'm gonna make that new feature, while the drama rages on around all the others. Meanwhile, Niall. Anyway he fucking SNAPPED and destroyed the whole stunt narrative before it even had a chance to get off the ground, liking a tweet that 1)called out Dan Wootton by name for lying about who's dating who and 2) specifically referenced today's article. As if that weren't enough to win him the Man of the Day title, he also contributed to a "why do you love Niall Horan?" thread. We should all take an example from this self-loving positivity but "he's great" is a little weak Niall, specifics next time please! If that thread is still up I know what I'd like to add. Bless you Niall, this one's for you bud 🏆but also here's another one for the anonymous person who donated $1000 to Harry's bday charity drive and identified themselves with only a green heart 🏆😘 we love you bby