#otp: sunlight contains both red and blue

[the-personiftranslator]

more btiw incorrect quotes because i cant find my ipad (ft. natalia nielsen)

zerzura, to gudridarstrond: I promise the only reason I’m friends with her is that she told me she was the HIGH Kingdom of Andolont.

haraldr: how many children do you have? andolont: biologically, legally, or emotionally? because there IS a difference.

apisia: you know what? apisia: when i joined this friend group, i thought you guys would be dealing with my bullshit. *zerzura, gudridarstrond, and andolont continue screaming about mold water* apisia: not the other way around. zerzura: I DUNNO, IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU NEED TO DRINK THE MOLD WATER!

andolont: if i fall… haraldr: i’ll be there to catch you. rowmansland: *looks at hakensaqi* what if i fall? hakensaqi: then i’ll fall with you, never leaving your side. apisia: *watches these two interactions* apisia, to zerzura: and what if i fall? zerzura: i’ll be the one who pushed you.

haraldr: you drink too much, swear too much, and your morals are highly questionable. andolont: … haraldr: you are everything i’ve ever wanted in a wife.

apisia: we need a plan to beat the reptilians. zerzura: okay, listen up. first, we fill their shoes with wet cat food. apisia: zerzura: judge me all you want, i get results.

qiqiqtaq, wearing shades and a tank top: Rule one of destroying the world. qiqiqtaq: does finger guns You gotta look good while doing it.

ny norgrimark: I am ny norgrimark, I speak for the trees. Chop mine down and I snap your knees.

varholt: Dinosaurs aren't extinct. I mean, kuft-alum is walking in this room. kuft-alum: wheeze

Shapeshifter: transforms to look like Andolont Andolont: Okay, are you like BLIND? You look nothing like me. First off, I'm way taller. Secondly, I DO NOT look so sleep deprived and lastly, if you could drag a comb through that hair you're like a 7 on a good day and Haraldr tells me I'm a constant 10.

natalia: I see the red flags, I acknowledge that they're there, and then I completely ignore them.

gudridarstrond: I spy with my little eye something that begins with the letter “s”. ny norgrimark: looks over at apisia and zerzura ny norgrimark: Is it “sexual tension”?

fauchaïte: Isn't it amazing how I can feel so bad and still look so good?

natalia: I tried to write ‘I'm a functional adult’ but my phone changed it to ‘fictional adult’ and i feel like that’s more accurate.

Computer: Please enter a password. haraldr: types in andolont Computer: Your password is too weak. haraldr: How fucking DARE YOU-

ny norgrimark: Where's Haraldr? natalia: Don't worry, I'll find him. natalia, shouting: Andolont sucks! haraldr, distantly: Andolont is the best country ever! Fuck you! natalia: Found him.

zerzura: Fuck capitalism. It's a rigged system that keeps us poor and it isn't fair. You shouldn't need to work three jobs to afford basic necessities. apisia, playing Monopoly: Sorry, if you wanted to win you should have tried not being poor.

natalia: shoves her hand in the slot of a toaster andolont: … natalia: …I get confused sometimes. andolont: Me too.

andolont: I wasn’t that drunk. haraldr: You colored my face with a highlighter because you said I was important. andolont: BECAUSE YOU ARE!

natalia: I was put on this earth to do one thing. natalia: Luckily I forgot what it was so I can do whatever I want.

andolont: What is wrong with you? varholt: Many, many things… varholt: And most of them are your fucking fault.

andolont: I’m the sexiest bitch in this therapy waiting room.

[crushingonrazz]

Imagine Your OTP

PUMP ME THE FUCK UP

Series that's just different things taken from "Imagine your OTP" scenarios on Tumblr. I'll try to say who came up with the prompt, but the information isn't always available. I thought about making this its own thing, but hey, I might as well just post absolutely everything I write in the same place, right?

Make sure you read the prompts, too. Both of them contain the punchline.

1-CherryBlossom

Papyrus walked along the sidewalk happily, taking pictures of everything he saw. Sans was still back at the hotel, the lazybones. Who puts in all the effort to take a vacation and then just sits in the hotel doing nothing?

He caught sight of a brand-new building and hurried towards it excitedly, intending to take more pictures of this magnificent city.

Suddenly, he was brought up short by a hand gripping his elbow, and he turned to see a much smaller skeleton standing beside him. He wore a leather jacket with a fluffy hood, basketball shorts, and he was heavily scarred. He had a gold tooth that glinted in the sunlight as he smiled widely up at Papyrus.

“Where you goin’, handsome?” the smaller asked.

Papyrus blushed. Was this monster trying to initiate a dalliance? “I am being a ‘tourist’!” he told him excitedly, very proud of his temporary status.

The other’s eyes flicked down to his flowery shirt and fanny pack before coming back up to meet his eyes. “You don’t say,” he said.

“What is your name?” Papyrus asked. Maybe they could be friends! “I am the Great Papyrus!”

“Hmm…” hummed the skeleton delicately, then reached up, grasping him by the scarf and pulling his head down so he was at eye level. “You can call me Red, sweetheart.”

Then the stranger tugged him closer, and suddenly, they were kissing! Papyrus would have gasped if he wasn’t otherwise occupied by the appendage currently trying to gain access to his mouth. He could feel one of Red’s hands on the back of his head, holding him there, and the other was brushing across his hip, sending shivers down his spine and causing him to make a strange, almost strangled-sounding noise into the other’s mouth.

Then, as suddenly as it had started, it was over, and Red had pulled away, winking at him. “Well, it was nice meeting you, ‘The Great Papyrus’!”

Before Papyrus could even catch his breath, he was gone.

The Prompt Was: “Kissed them as a distraction while stealing their wallet AU” - @aerynlallaboso 

2-Edgeberry

Blue crinkled his brow, staring down at the sheets of paper in front of him. He made a quick note, filling in one of the several columns. Budgeting was a long and arduous (and boring) process, but it was very important!

He was just shifting another number to a different row when his phone started to ring, vibrating in his pocket and his favorite song filling the air.

He pulled it out of his pocket distractedly, glancing down at the caller ID. Then his face lit up in a huge smile and he immediately hit Accept, raising the phone to his ear and saying, "Hi Fell!"

"Hey, Blue. What are you up to?"

Blue dropped his pen so he could properly hold his chin in his hand, smiling happily as the other's voice filled his head. "I'm just working out this month's budget. What about you?"

"Oh...It doesn't matter. Not a whole lot, really." Fell's voice sounded odd, and Blue frowned for a moment before shrugging. Everyone's voice sounded weird on the phone. "Was there a reason you called?" he asked.

"Do I need a reason to want to talk to my amazing fiancee?"

Blue blushed slightly, and his feet started kicking back and forth subconsciously. "No, I guess not," he said bashfully.

"Tell me about your day so far."

Excited to share, Blue launched into a play-by-play of his training earlier that day. Fell asked questions at the appropriate places, wanting to know how he had improved and what Alphys had said in regards to his magic control.

After a few minutes, Fell stopped him, and said, "I am so incredibly proud of you, Blue."

Blue smiled softly, holding the phone as close to his face as he physically could. "Thank you, Fell."

"I'm serious. You are truly magnificent. Don't ever forget that, okay?"

Blue was about to reply when Fell suddenly launched into a fit of coughing. Blue listened, worried, and when he finally stopped, he asked, "Fell, are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Don't worry about it. Hey Blue?"

He wasn't convinced, but he know how incredibly stubborn Fell was, so he just sighed and said, "Yes?"

"I love you. I love you so, so much. You are my...my whole world," Fell said, and his voice broke on the last word.

Blue stood slowly, his entire attention on the voice on the other end. "Fell, what's wrong?"

"It's okay...It's okay. Don't worry. I just...I needed to hear your voice."

"Fell..."

"I love you so much."

There was a long silence, filled only with ragged breathing on Fell's end. Then Blue, only able to find it in himself to whisper, said, "Of course I love you too. Please tell me what's wrong?"

"Hey..I uh...I have to go. Good...Goodbye, B-Blue."

And before he could do anything else, the call ended, the phone going entirely silent in his hand.

The Prompt Was: “Person B knowing they’re undoubtedly going to die within the next few seconds, likely from the gaping wound they’re bleeding out from. Instead of calling for help, they phone Person A and carry on a casual conversation as if nothing is wrong, making sure to mention how much they love them before their time runs out.” - @otpdisaster

[the-personiftranslator]

the machine elves told me zerzura was taller

[the-personiftranslator]

apisia zerzura incorrect quotes bc i ship them now

Zerzura: I'm gonna need a human skull but you can't ask why. Apisia: Only if you also don't ask why. Apisia: pulls four pristine human skulls out of his bag Zerzura: … Zerzura, grabbing a skull: This one will do.

Zerzura: Change is inedible. Apisia: Don’t you mean inevitable? Zerzura, spitting out a bunch of pennies: No, I really didn’t.

Apisia: I can’t believe we have to be stuck in this room together! Zerzura, swallowing the key: Truly unfortunate.

Apisia: Zerzura gave me a get better soon card. Mundaberria: That's sweet! Apisia: I wasn't sick, xe just thinks I can do better.

Zerzura: Are we fighting or flirting? Apisia: I'm pinning you against a wall with my hand around your neck- Zerzura: Your point?

talking on the phone Apisia: Remember how I said that Zerzura and I were gonna have a calm night out for once? Andolont: Yeah… Apisia: Well, we’re in jail. Andolont: hangs up

Zerzura, dramatically: They called me a fool. Apisia, sick of Zerzura’s shit: They weren’t wrong.

Apisia: Nothing feels better than winning Monopoly. Not love, not sex, not free pizza, nothing! Zerzura: I’m sorry, have you tried pizza? Apisia: Yes, and it doesn’t compare to owning half the board and watching the light die from your friend’s eyes as you take their money and feel your friendship slowly deteriorate. Zerzura: …I like you.

Zerzura: Since we're in a relationship now and I’m a communist, your clothes are my clothes too. Don't ask me why I have your shirt on, this is our shirt. Apisia: Fine, but when I come strutting in with your fuzzy socks I don't want to hear shit.