#otp: some divine prank

[thesimonthedevious]

21. For Murderella for the Soft OTP Prompts!

21- Write about your ship showing each other physical affection. 

this turned a lil nsfw so uhh readmore!!! tysm i loved writing this ehhehe. 

They had come back early from the bar before everyone else – unable to stay off each other. Zorya leads him through the eerily quiet Mordhaus, but it’s taking too long, and he pushes her up against the stone wall. His bedroom door is practically miles away at the end of the hallway. His bowtie hangs from his neck - he’s lucky he still has it at all, after Zorya ripped his shirt open in the limo. But it means she can run her hands up through the curly hair on his chest. Her nails dig in just under his neck, as she can’t help herself. She loves touching him.

“The room’s just there, Will,” she giggles as his lips lead down from her neck to her chest. She tries to hold his head back by gripping his curly hair, but there’s so little effort behind it. “Someone might see.”

“You don’t care.”

He’s right, but she thought she might as well try. He falls to his knees before her, and she holds his head, looking down at him, cheeks flushed. He looks up, his large hands holding her hips – his thumbs can almost touch as his fingers spread, and they’re nearly putting pressure on her already throbbing clit. When their eyes meet, he feels his own face go red. “You’re, scho…”

“Hm?” she tilts her head, unable to hear him.

“Perfect.” His eyes trail down from her lips, down her long neck to her prominent collar bones. He stares at the curve of her breasts, barely contained by the tiny green corset top she has, and then her little belly button, and the creases on her hips acting as two neon arrows pointing down to her pussy. Where he can see the hint of her happy trail growing back (he doesn’t mention it, but he loves it) under her skirt, which leaves so little to the imagination with the two giant slits on either side, she might as well be wearing nothing (and he knows she actually is underneath, because she’s sat on his lap for a majority of the night, on his hand, and left a scent that drove him fucking nuts and was why they left in the first place).

His left hand drags down onto her thigh, and thumbs over the healed scars on her skin, appreciative and loving of them. Understanding on a level Zorya wishes he wasn’t – but it also makes her heart beat faster. Chapped lips grace them with a peck, before he leads his lips to her inner thigh, biting down as he shifts the skirt out of his way.

“Will,” he’s parting her legs with his head, wanting to hear her say his name again. To beg for it. Because so few women put in the effort of acting like he turns them on like Zorya – to the level he is comfortable saying that hey, maybe it’s all genuine. So until she decides to reveal that this has all been some big prank, he decides to lap it up – literally – for as long as he can. To show her what he can do, what he wants to do, and to devour the way she says his name, and the attention she gives him while she deigns to give it. She’s his patron saint of indulgence, and he will pray.

Before meeting Zorya, he’d never be able to say that he’s tasted divinity. Now he can boast that his large tongue has pressed against the wetness of Aphrodite’s waves themselves – he has touched and studied godliness so closely he could recognise it in a line up blindfolded.

His head is dragged away from her as she almost screams, her chest heaving as she catches her breath, and he looks at her with a gaping mouth, tongue licking the juices from his lips. “What,” he asks, chin on her hip, his hands going to her behind to wriggle her around in his grip, “Lemme keep goin’,”

Zorya takes his chin and brings him back up to his feet, “In-in your room,” she asks with a smile. She strokes his cheek, and her smile and her blushing makes him grin. “Worships me in private tonight.”

“Yesch ma’am.” he obeys, allowing her to finally move from the wall and lead him down to their temple.

[rottenappleheart]

IT IS FINISHED.

Hey friends. I'm not "back" per se. But I am still alive, and more importantly, I finished KoDB, that ZelGan(Link) novel I have been talking about for literal years. First chapter is up on AO3, and I'll post a new chapter every Friday for the next nine weeks until it's done. I hope you like it. All you ZelGan fans, you Gerudo culture fans, all you who joined me in the beautiful meta discussions about the LoZ lore 2014-2017 - this is for you.

@betterbemeta @corseque @editoress @windcalling @walonvaus @figmentforms @golvio @pocketseizure @winterthur @fencing123 @bearer-of-courage @bearerofwisdom-blog @novellady @robinyourcreator @paintedxdark @ragedaisy @jmindigo @errant-light @ponthion @kashuan @artsykleebreloaded @artsykleeb @saunteredvaguelydownward @vanessarama @tapsters @smolbirbfren @crispy-ghee @lang95 @selahexanimo @greencladprince @thirdstreetcettin @bombshops @mornasol and everyone I forgot or has deactivated since then.

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

A hphm character tier list please!! Bonus point if added reasoning/ explanation!

Have a great day :3

I doubt there are any placements on this list that would truly surprise anyone, but let's go through the different rankings. I didn't name them, by the way. Those were the categories that were already offered. I could have renamed or recolored them I suppose, but I didn't wind up doing so. Let's go in ascending order.

"Avada Kedavra." Self explanatory. Three of these characters are absolutely evil and irredeemable pieces of trash. And then there's Lockhart. He's just here because he pisses me off. Granted, so does Rita Skeeter, but she doesn't ruin an entire dating quest. At least when she shows up, it's because it's a quest about her. Fenrir Greyback purposefully infects children and describes them as "delicious" so...yeah. I'd put him even lower if I could. Albus Dumbledore's placement is also not a surprise if you know me. I hate him with all of my hate. Patricia Rakepick is also here and I doubt I need to explain why.

"Send to Azkaban." They don't bother me as much as "Avada Kedavra" but I am still not a fan. The Volde-clown Boggart is personally annoying in presentation but also as a plot device. For Peeves, there is the Prank storyline of Year 5. Enough said. The Weird Sisters creep me out, Filch and Mundugus are generally annoying, I discussed Rita, and the Dementor literally calls Azkaban home. That leaves Wormtail. I don't passionately hate him but he's not exactly a good person either.

"Kinda Sus" This is where I placed all of the characters who I, for whatever reason, do not trust or otherwise find shady, the ones who give me a bad feeling. This doesn't have to be plot related either, for cases like Ethan Parkin or Madam Hooch, it might just mean that their behavior is sometimes questionable. Of course, this is also something of a joke, like putting the Red Cloak on the list. For someone like Moody, it's more obvious - everyone knows I don't trust him. Characters like Bilton and Madam Villanelle are technically on our side, but they could be spies. If a character is a known villain, but their agenda and the depth of their evil is unclear, like The Dark Witch and the White-Robed Wizard, they also go here. Jacob and MC being placed here is somewhat of a joke, but it's also somewhat meta. Jacob is like Moody, his intentions are still unclear to me. And the game keeps teasing the idea that MC may fall to the Dark Side.

"Do you even go here?" Wow, do you ever stop to notice how many characters HPHM actually has? And this tier list included all of them, even the ones I would never have thought of. I literally just used this category to place all of the characters who do not technically attend Hogwarts school, though in a few of those cases like Aurelie, it definitely came off as more amusing. Additionally, I used this ranking for all of the characters who could be considered forgettable. Either by the fandom or the game itself, such as the prefects and poor Elora Dunn. Look, if the tier list has to actually list their name in the picture so that I can remember who they are, maybe they don't need to make the list, that's all I'm saying.

"Don't care." Mostly interchangeable with "Do you even go here." Again, the cast is so huge, that I'm not going to go through every character that I placed here. These past two rankings can mostly act as a summation for the majority of the characters for whom I don't particularly like or dislike. Emily Tyler hasn't returned or been developed as an antagonist in a while, so I don't care. Trelawney giving another prophecy is boring and conflicts with canon, so I don't care. Cedric Diggory is one of the most in-your-face examples of fanservice I've ever seen, so I don't care. But again, not all of these are negative. I think the Red Cap is funny, even if his storyline is brief. I love seeing Dobby, Arthur and Molly. I always love seeing them. I could go on.

"Ok." For the characters who, when I look at them, my immediate reaction is a generally positive one. I could probably get interested in a fanwork about these guys. For many of them, there is great potential to be explored but it just hasn't happened very much. Diego would not have been this high a year ago, but he's been fleshed out. Characters like Andre, Duncan, and Tonks...whenever they're in the spotlight and get genuine development, I'm interested. It just happens so rarely. The same goes for the Weasley boys, for Badeea. Other characters go here because I personally like them, even if they aren't that relevant. People like Aberforth and Percy. But two people can wind up here despite being very different and my having completely separate feelings about both of them, like Alanza and Ben.

"Like." Everyone that I would probably write a fanwork about someday, if I could actually motivate myself to finish my current WIP. Talbott, Chiara, and Jae are genuinely interesting and compelling. They might not make my top five, but they would make my top ten. I will always love Flitwick and what HPHM has done for him, I don't even care. Keep in mind, this doesn't mean I condone everything that the character has done...Ismelda has a lot to answer for, but it doesn't mean she's not interesting. And Penny can be very interesting too, but usually only when she's put under intense stress. As heartless as it is to say. You may also be surprised to see Myrtle here, but similar to Flitwick, I just love what this game did with her. Some of these could rise or drop a ranking pretty easily too. Like in hindsight, maybe I should have switched Duncan and Myrtle. It's not a big deal either way, I guess.

"Must be protected at all costs." Self explanatory. For the most part, these are all my favorite characters in the game, and the ones who I would lay down on railroad tracks for. Another character who climbed higher over time is Skye. If it wasn't for how much people message me about her, I may not have gotten quite as invested. My love for Orion is well documented, Rowan is the reason I started playing this game, Beatrice was the breakout character of Year 6, and Tulip x Merula is my OTP for this game. I could gush about any one of these kids for six paragraphs but the bottom line is that they are my favorite characters. It is at this point that we have entered "top five" territory.

"GOD TIER ~ ALWAYS" Characters who reign supreme and are factually flawless. It's not surprising to see characters like Dennis and Fang up here because critters are, generally speaking, leagues above humans simply by default. We can also see her majesty Queen Bean ruling from the sky, guarded by her champion, the arbiter known as Erika Rath. You are entitled to your wrong opinion if you fail to see the divinity of these characters.

[richardwrights]

@divine-and-decaying Ruster this is so fucking long oh my G o d

1. What Are You Wearing? Uh a white shirt and some old ass red gym shorts from like over ten years ago lmaoooo (I sleeps in them so that’s why)

2. Ever been in love? Too many times

3. Ever had a terrible breakup? Too many times

4. How tall are you? 5'6″

5. How much do you weigh? Like 130# or something I don’t really keep track of it

6. Any tattoos you want? Yeah I want the CA Cliff House somewhere on my body and I want to redo my Umbreon and I want a horse tat and I want the Dark Side prism going around my left bicep and I want something on my ankle

7. Any piercings you want? I’ve pretty much gotten all the ones I want but I still think about repiercing my tongue sometimes cause I kind of miss it

8. OTP? That One Pairing and BJ/Hawkeye somewhat but idk I’m not really into that as much anymore

9. Favorite show(s)? MASH ofc and at the moment Arrow

10. Favorite Band? Gosh I just really don’t know it’s a complete mystery isn’t it

11. Something you miss? Being able to go through life without Worrying. About every fucking thing. And being in my room and listening to music and learning new things about this new band that I just got into called Pink Floyd and learning how to write because I wanted to read more stories about them. Simpler times :[

12. Favorite song(s)? Always Sorrow by PF, currently Wildfire Part II by Sonata Arctica

13. How old are you?  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Guess

14. Zodiac sign? Aquarius like Nicholas Mason~

15. Hair color? Naturally dark brown but currently black with blue streaks

16. Favorite quote? “I find it’s better not to say anything at all than to say something ridiculous.” I will not tell you where that’s from and you can try to search it but you won’t find it~

17. Favorite singer? Tony Kakko atm

18. Favorite color? Bloo

19. Loud music or soft music? Depends on the mood. I listened to Pink Floyd for the better part of ten years but then started listening to metal so???? Explain that

20. Where do you go when youre sad? Night nights in my bed bed

21. How long does it take you to shower? Depends if I’m shaving, I can do it in ten but it’s usually around 20-25 minutes. The fastest I ever showered in my life was about five minutes

22. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? Depends on what time I go in to work but a typical day is about 10-15 minutes

23. Have you ever been in a physical fight? Hm not a serious one that mattered

24. Turn on(s)? Long hair, beards, piercings/tats in moderation which is an entirely subjective word, eyeliner

25. Turn off(s)? Being carelessly messy, selfishness, basically any of my last ex’s traits lmaooo fuck him

26. The reason i joined tumblr? To find more [redacted] to read lmaoooo

27. Fears? Creepy crawlies, humiliation, heights that don’t have any reassurance that I won’t Die

28. Last thing that made you cry? I don’t remember tbh, probably Richard Day?

29. last time you cried? It’s been a few months I think, if not then it was July 18th of this year

30. The meaning behind your url? IT’S DICK BOY BABEYYYY

31. Last book you read? I started Flowers in the Attic but I didn’t get more than a few pages in tbh

32. Last song you listened to? Storm the Sorrow by Epica

33. Last show you watched? Legend of Korra

34. Last person you talked to? In person was my dad, in general it’s the folks in the PF Discord server

35. Your relationship to the person you last texted? My fren Leah

36. Favorite food? CHEESE

37. Place you want to visit? Cambridge, England

38. Last place you were? Norfolk

39. Do you have a crush? Nah

40. Last time you kissed someone? About a year ago

41. When's the last time you were insulted and what was it? The details are still a little unclear but apparently one of my “friends” said it was surprising that I hadn’t killed myself yet because I’m so weird so that was fun. Kind of hurt but like that’s a weird fucking insult so it didn’t really bother me much LMAO

42. What color underwear are you wearing? It green

43. What color shirt are you wearing? See first question

44. What color bottoms are you wearing? See first question AGAIN

45. Wearing any bracelets? A beaded one that Leah made for me that says Rickums Dickums :33333

46. Last sport you played? Softball

47. Last song you sang? See question 32

48. Last prank call you remember making? I don’t think I ever have

49. Last time you hung out with someone? With Leah and her bf yesterday

50. Favorite movie(s)? Pink Floyd Live at Pompeii lmaooo but idk I don’t really have a favorite I guess, it’s more like several that I could watch an infinite number of times and never get tired of them. Ghibli movies come to mind right at the moment

I’m not tagging anybody because this is mega hefty and I won’t do that to you all UNLESS you truly desire to, then by all means have at it. Tag me if you do end up doing it tho~

[sweetonmylove]

The “Pop, Rock, and Drop It” KiriBaku Compilation Fic Rec List

I originally started this recent set of fic rec lists to celebrate surpassing 200 followers, to cultivate not just one, but multiple KiriBaku fic rec’s to show my appreciation for my followers, my fandom, my OTP, and the beautiful writers who supply me with the nourishment I crave on the daily.

**But now I would like to thank my 300 followers for joining me in our mutual love of all things KiriBaku. Let the KiriBaku loving hours commence!

Out of Control *E* ~ Arxaris

This right here is like the peanut butter to my jelly…. Quirk swap! Kiri gets all Blasty McSplode and Baku… gets hard! First they can't keep their hands off themselves cuz they're pining idiots okay? But then they realize they can't keep their hands off each other. Yet another brilliant creation from Arx

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19355623

Favourite Everything *NR* ~ Firesparks

Oh my god you guys, this is just too damn cute. Strangers to lovers who are room mates (Oh my god), soulmates, Coffee shop manager Kiri, and Cop Baku… so many tropes but it works sooo well!! This is just comedy gold and there's a huge prank war <3

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19095742

What Just Fucking Happened *E*~ Dadzawa for ThatFunkyOpossum

My dudes, I can't even tell you just how many times I've read this one. Aged-Up Pro-Heroes who are pining idiots (again). Kiri sustains injury and Baku is called upon to help mend him…. Which leads to Bottom Baku and Top Kiri.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18786484

Red Neon *E* ~Shippeh

This is one of those fics that just gets under your skin, ya know? Mutual pining boys who are aged-up and one of them is quite tipsy.. But not enough to deter from grinding while dancing, making out, and some smutty getting together in the alley behind the club.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18902734

Oops Wrong Room *E*~ Snitchdust

Kiri gets drunk and mistakes Bakuboy's room as his own… *Spoiler alert* Bakugou sleeps naked! First time, first kiss, porn with feelings and plot. Baku might be a tad OOC, but who isn't when you're horny and your personal fantasy literally falls into your bed, on top of you?

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16237013

The 80th Floor *M* ~ Ashii Black

Cut to I-Island and this explains what these two were doing wandering around on the 80th floor. Making out, groping, and humor ensue

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18458609

Fate Can Suck It *T* ~ Ashii Black for Icicle

AU Soulmates, Mutual pining (of course), First kiss, and the beloved Bakusquad make an appearance

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18505888

Quirk Swap *G* ~ Deviance

This one literally has no dialogue, but it doesn’t need it, like at all. It's a shorty but a sweetie and the title says it all

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15468249

Burnt Edges *T* ~ Deviance

This one is simply sweet and much needed for a touch-starved Bakugou. Kirishima is a sweetheart who just wants to be tender with his Bakubabe. First kisses and cuddles

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16991703

One to Ten *T* ~ Crunchrapsupreme

Kirishima attempts to climb the ladder of success and weasel his way into Bakugou Katsuki's explosive little heart. Step one? He has to get to level ten. Friends to lovers, crushing, pining, kissing, cats, and confessions

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11770692

Get Tough, Straight Up *T* ~ Qactus

Ok ya'll, this is cutesie to the max. Someone stole Kiri's little stuffy of himself?! *Gasps* now just who could be the culprit? Accidental confession, cuddling, requited love, kissing

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11725113

Carried Away *M* ~ Tusslee

Tattoo shop AU with Tattoo artist Kiri, past BakuDeku, patron Baku, first dates, getting together, and a Tatted Bakugou (be still my heart).

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12035334

Candy Kisses *T* ~ Maplefudge (Orphan Account)

Guuuys Maple has this orphaned account where she stashed away some REALLY REALLY great shit. This one is cute as hell. It involves a school festival kissing booth, Class 1-A, Awkwardness, and teen romance

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17186324

Benched *E* ~Fanficismything

Aged-up, Pro-Hero, Roomies (yes please), where Kiri bench presses a very aroused and distressed Bakugou. Poor baby tries to rush home and alleviate his "frustration," when low and behold, Kiri becomes a witness and a participant (hallelujah!)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19123723

If Only It Were Easier *E* ~ Just_A_Couple_Of_Thoughts

A post break up fic with getting back together as endgame. Mutual Pining with a Top Baku and Bottom Kiri this time around!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11645781

The Heated Birthday Spar *E* ~Asiankittee

What happens when two dudes who are dating? Spar until one collapses onto the other? Smut and fluff, of course. First time, porn with feelings, Top Baku and Bottom Kiri, SURPRISE!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/1070220839

If You Want To… *M*~ Treeclimbr

Another fic I've eye-banged more than a few times. Getting together, first times, Blowjobs… in a steamy shower… what could be better??

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17647763

Melt Against Me *E* ~ FoolishFortuna

Totally improper use of popsicles! Oral fixation, sexual tension, dry humping, grinding, and of course, sticky hand jobs. This one is one of my favs from Foolish, which is a hard feat seeing that this writer hasn't published a single KiriBaku that I haven't been head over heels for

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18351314

Feral Night *E* YeetOnTheBeat

A sex pollen fic that features Kiri and Baku in a Established Relationship who are comfortable with switching. You'll find smut and humor here, folks!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19381786

Rock Steady, Rock Hard *E*~ CallingForHeaven

Okay, so Bakugou hates the cold right? Well when he awakes to snow outside he decides that all he wants is some body heat, but Kiri decides he would rather whisper sweet nothings into Baku's ears until he gives in to some touching and what not. Really humorous and sweet.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12891876

Hold Me 'Til I Scream For Air To Breathe *E* ~ Callingforheaven

This is just yes. Angry sex, we could've died sex, locker room sex, getting together, Bottom Baku and Top Kiri

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12934521

**** Side Note… If you're a writer and we're mutuals and I've commented on your works… Be prepared to be featured on one of my next lists… there will be a few more in the span of the next few days! Just know, it has nothing to do with us being mutuals, but instead, my great appreciation for your divine writing, the joy, pain, and entertainment you have provided to me and everyone else!****

I'll conclude this with the same message… As always, please be kind and share your love with the incredible authors who poured themselves into these works. Kudos are fantastic and shouting out your love & adoration literally feeds our beloved writers' souls… which in turn, helps inspire more of the tremendous fics we all crave!! Do yourselves a favor and read these, relish in the phenomenal creations , and *PLEASE REBLOG* (even if you've read these), as someone out there might not have and these writers deserve ALL the attention they can get!!

@arxaris @shippeh @maraudermonkey @maplefudge @kingdomheartstrash @ashiiblack @foolishfortuna

[authoratmidnight]

Spectre x Aki

Between this and Yusei x Ryoken I feel like I’m getting all the prompts I see everyone else normally get lol

General:

Rate the Ship -  Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - idk, a while hopefully

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - I mean I think it depends on how they meet. i like to think thy bond over plants and childhood trauma

How was their first kiss? - Probably v rough with lots of biting

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Specter

Who is the best man/men? - Ryoken for Specter (I mean, who /else/ would it be lol)

Who is the braid’s maid(s)? -I have no idea. Maybe Rua if we assume the other 5D’s characters exist.

Who did the most planning? - Aki

Who stressed the most? -Aki

How fancy was the ceremony? - Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? -Divine

Sex:

Who is on top? - Aki lmao

Who is the one to instigate things? - It depends

How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head - Listen, it’s two ygo plant users. Someone is, at a minimum, getting tied up

How long do they normally last? -as long as it takes? idk, this question is just, weird to me.

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? -I guess?

How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - Honestly I had no idea cause, while Im sure Aki could be a good mom, I’m not sure about Specter and kids. I’m not even sure he likes them.

How many children will they adopt? - I feel like they might the kind to adopt older kids, like preteens to teens

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? -non b/c post diaper kids

Who is the stricter parent? - Aki

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - Aki

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Both

Who is the more loved parent? - Aki. Specter is, unfortunately a bit cold (he tries tho)

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? - neither

Who cried the most at graduation? - They probably both got a bit misty eyed

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Specter, and then tell them how not to get caught (as long as Aki isn’t listening)

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - Specter

Who is the most picky in their food choice? -Hmmmm

Who does the grocery shopping? - Both

How often do they bake desserts? - Specter does more than Aki, he likes making sweets

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - Both

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Specter

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Maybe Aki?

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - Neither of them are that bad lol

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - Both

Who is really against chores? - Neither really

Who cleans up after the pets? - n/a but they both care for the plants

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Neither

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Not sure

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Specter

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Aki (tho if he’s been out in the garden Specter will be in there for a long time)

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - n/a

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - Does decorating with plants count?

What are their goals for the relationship? - Grow ALL the plants

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - Aki

Who plays the most pranks? -Neither

[eatrude]

ship meme...EYES EMOJI

ship meme || accepting selectively ! 

General:

Rate the Ship: Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPsHow long will they last?: “ Achilles wished all Greeks would die, so that he and Patroclus could conquer Troy alone.Took divine intervention to bring them down. “ How quickly did/will they fall in love?: For Hannibal, there was an infatuation at first sight – but where he fell in love, he isn’t even sure.  The inkling of realization didn’t set in until the evisceration until – “ Did you believe you could change me ?  The way I changed you ? “ – “ I already have. “  which … caused him to realize he was fucked. How was their first kiss?: long overdue, mostly.  bloody – but beautiful, just before Will pulled them over the cliffs.  Hannibal would call it perfect. 

Wedding:

Who proposed?: hannibal … sort of … or he will, eventually.  we haven’t gotten there yet.Who is the best man/men?: chiyoh ends up their best man / maid / witness by default. Who is the braid’s maid(s)?: Who did the most planning?: hannibal.  mostly just making sure they could manage this legally and avoid getting CAUGHT. Who stressed the most?: probably Will … but Hannibal is so much more nervous than he lets on and it surprises himself.How fancy was the ceremony?:  Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.  ( it was casual because it had to be – but in all honesty it’s everything leading up to it and the after that’s important to them rather than the ceremony)Who was specifically not invited to the wedding?:  uhhh the fbi lol

Sex:

Who is on top?: hannibal is usually more dominant – but Will is the only person Hannibal will submit too, so they switch back and forth. Who is the one to instigate things?: hannibal is usually the heathen who can’t keep his hands to himself. How healthy is their sex life?:  Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now  ( they cover this whole fucking scale – in the start post fall they were the beginning and now at times they never st o p ) How kinky are they?:  Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head ( anywhere on the tail end d of the scale … they get pretty experimental with each other, willing to try things they wouldn’t with anyone else – including leaving LASTING SCARS so I would call that extreme ) How long do they normally last?: I don’t know that I can quantify this because it’s so different every time. Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms?: Hannibal is all about either orgasm denial or multiple orgasms with a lot of partners so I’d wager no on this,,, but reciprocity is big with them so nothings getting left out dont worryHow rough are they in bed?:  Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.  ( LASTING.  SCARS. ) How much cuddling/snuggling do they do?:  No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.  ( aftercare, primarily – but hannibal is in general way more touchy and feely than one might expect.  Early morning cuddles are common, soft kisses, gentle morning sex – ) 

Children:

How many children will they have naturally?: none –  How many children will they adopt?: …. god hopefully none.  after abigail i don’t know that they could manage it, that it would feel wrong … Who gets stuck with the most diapers?: even if they did it wouldn’t be a baby so – Who is the stricter parent?: probably pretty even, if they did – considering their lifestyle they would have to be. Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school?: Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)?: Who is the more loved parent?: Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings?:Who cried the most at graduation?:   ( Wouldn’t be able to send a child to school so ) Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law?: probably hannibal ,, 

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking?: hannibal ofcWho is the most picky in their food choice?: oh my god hannibal,, you wouldn’t think it but I mean r e a l l y think about it this man won’t even touch burgers wtf. Who does the grocery shopping?: hannibal – but Will can be trusted to do it now and then.  Hannibal just prefers to do all the kitchen stuff himself.   How often do they bake desserts?: more often than he did in baltimore but not that often.Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater?:  MEAT LOVERS ,,,,Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner?: hannibal but honestly it’s not even a surprise … Who is more likely to suggest going out?: they don’t, not for dinner anyway. Who is more likely to burn the house down accidentally while cooking?: will. 

Chores:

Who cleans the room?: neither of them is especially messy but hannibal is meticulously clean – so usually him. Who is really against chores?: neither of them probably Who cleans up after the pets?: Will, once they get dogs – Hannibal doesn’t mind doing it but the dogs are really stability for him, something to normalize life and make him feel better so they’re his responsibility. Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug?: neither of them Who stresses the most when guests are coming over?: mm, I don’t know that either of them stress when they do have guests … hannibal is meticulous as a host. Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning?: pfft either of them tbh

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths?: hannibal, probably – he likes to soak Who takes the dog out for a walk?: will, usually – Hannibal does on occasion. How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays?: they don’t really decorate for the holidays, but Hannibal will make special meals. What are their goals for the relationship?: not get arrested oof or kill each otherWho is most likely to sleep till noon?: will – not that either of them would but I feel like Will is more likely to sleep in if undisturbed between the two of them – Hannibal is almost always up before the sun. Who plays the most pranks?: neither of them, probably – they fight a lot tho

[childrenofthestoneexchange]

Pinch Hits, pt. 2

A last-minute default. Anyone taking this assignment will have until end of day on May 13 to finish it. If you’re interested, please respond ASAP, as we have only one week to go until our planned reveals!

Requests:

Cassandra Pentaghast/Varric Tethras

Lace Harding/Josephine Montilyet

Lace Harding/Cassandra Pentaghast

Female Cadash/Cassandra Pentaghast

Lace Harding/Krem Aclassi

House Tethras

Bianca Davri/Bogdan Vasca

Full details of the signup are under the cut. A written assignment must be at least 1,000 words long; an art assignment must be a fully finished piece. To claim this pinch hit, email cotsexchange@gmail.com with your AO3 username. The first person to request it will receive it; if you don’t hear back from us, assume it’s gone to someone else.

Link to letter: http://ripplesofaqua.tumblr.com/post/172253887785/hi-children-of-the-stone-authorartist-thank-you

Request 1: Cassandra Pentaghast/Varric Tethras

These two are admittedly (and fairly obviously if you look at my profiles) my DA OTP. I love their banter, and how they slowly grow to respect each other over the course of DA:I. Does Varric have a contest to see how many *disgusted noises* he can get out of Cass - perhaps through increasingly bad puns or stories? What was their boat trip from Kirkwall to Haven (along with Cullen) like, before the Conclave? How would they correspond after Trespasser while Varric is in Kirkwall and Cass is rebuilding the Seekers? Or maybe Varric writes a story-within-a-story AU for Cassandra about themselves (Victorian-era fencer Cassandra meets charming rogue Varric, ft cravats, anyone?) Pretty much anything is fine, though I'd prefer no Divine Cassandra, please

Request 2: Lace Harding/Josephine Montilyet

I totally see these two as having romantic sides! Harding's dance lessons! The basket of flowers Josie gives Harding as a thank-you for serving the Inquisition! Maybe they would admire each other from afar, or bond over a shared love of stories, wicked grace, or desserts? Perhaps the fireplace and bathtub in Josie's office could be involved? Do they share similar senses of humor and subtle mischief? Maybe Josephine enlists Harding's help in getting back at some obnoxious noble? Or Harding comes across something while traveling for a mission (a wildflower, a scarf in a merchant's stall, a quill pen, could be anything), and it reminds her of Josie back at Skyhold.

Request 3: Lace Harding/Cassandra Pentaghast

What would happen if these two were sent out on a mission together? Would tropes ensue (like huddling for warmth, hurt/comfort, or only one room left at the inn)? Or maybe Cassandra needs a refresher dance lesson before the Winter Palace? Perhaps Harding admires Cassandra's muscles (and Cassandra) from afar, only to be roped into a sparring match with her. There's so many possibilities - have fun!

Request 4: Female Cadash/Cassandra Pentaghast

What if Inquisitor Cadash was a bard set on wooing Cassandra through song, poetry, dance - anything! What would Cadash do to make Cass blush? Would Cassandra be impressed by Cadash's ability to solve problems with words instead of violence? Would someone rival Cadash for Cassandra's heart, leading to a battle of the bards?

Request 5: Lace Harding/Krem Aclassi

There's some fascinating parallels between these two characters - they're both talented leaders who are important within the Inquisition, though not quite within the inner circle. How would this affect their view of the Inquisition, and of each other? Would they send letters while away on assignment? What would they do after Corypheus is defeated? Would the Chargers ever adopt Harding as one of their own? Perhaps pranks and mayhem would be involved!

Request 6: House Tethras

I'd love to see anything expanding on what little we know about the Tethras family. This could be about Varric's immediate family while he was growing up or before he was born, the extended family (including Thorold & Maevaris, but also others), their exile to the surface, past or future generations - or maybe something else! Feel free to fill in the gaps of canon with OCs

Request 7: Bianca Davri/Bogdan Vasca

We hear a little about this relationship from Varric's pov, but what is it actually like? How did they meet? Was theirs purely a marriage of opportunity, or are there actually more complicated feelings involved? How much does power, wealth, or love matter to each of them? Does this change over time? How does their relationship affect their relationship with their families, or even with the larger dwarven society?

[sosoukoku]

It is so kind of u to do this!!😁 🌸⚡️Name's Jiya, Gryffindor, love pulling pranks on people, fav colours are blue and gold. I love Gred and Forge, my OTP is/are Lames/Jily, Dramione, Mondler, etc. I love listening to music and hate school. i would love to travel the world some day! xoxo Jiya.

url: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / Hermione Grangericon: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / Nymphadora Tonkstheme: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / Lily Evansmobile theme: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / Molly Weasleyposts: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / Ginny Weasleyoverall: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / Minerva McGonagallFollowing?: no sorry, but you’re fab / f+ / absolutely / after all this time? always

Hogwarts House: Gryffindor / Hufflepuff / Ravenclaw / SlytherinEra: Founders / Riddle / Marauders / Lightening / Next GenBlood status: Pure blood / half blood / muggle bornPet: Toad / Owl / Rat / Cat / Pygmy Puff / Illegal Magical Creature (you rebel)Best friends: Luna Lovegood and Ginny weasleySchool position: Head Boy/Girl / Prefect / Quidditch Captain / Trouble MakerBest Subject: Transfiguration / Charms / History of Magic / Potions / Defence Against the Dark Arts / Astronomy /Divination / Flying / Care of Magical Creatures / AlchemyWorst Subject: Transfiguration / Charms / History of Magic / Potions / Defence Against the Dark Arts / Astronomy /Divination / Flying / Care of Magical Creatures / AlchemyFavourite spot: Library / Hagrid’s Hut / The Great Hall / Your Common Room / Astronomy Tower / Forbidden Forest / The Room of Requirement / Courtyard / Quidditch FieldQuidditch Position: Chaser / Beater / Seeker / KeeperProfession: Auror / Broom Maker / Dragonologist / Healer / Herbologist / Obliviator / Quidditch player / Spell Inventor / Wand MakerBest Spell: diminuendo 

want one?

[notintheipswichboyband]

Caleb & Chase --> ultimate ship meme :3

           ULTIMATE SHIP MEME!                        

Send in two (or more) names and I’ll fill all this out about the ship!

General:

Rate the Ship -  Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? Chase could kill Caleb at any Minute. XD

How quickly did/will they fall in love? Caleb was instantly in love with Chase, and wanted to try and save Chase. Chase on the other hand, not so much, just flirty and trying to get in with Caleb and his friends before turning into a murderous angry teen who wished to bathe in the blood of his enemies.

How was their first kiss? It was so awkward. lol.

Wedding:

Who proposed? I say Caleb, Chase is just too stubborn to do something that has him being committed.

Who is the best man/men? Tyler, Pogue, Reid and Bucky Barnes more than likely. Chase has no friends so he brings Bucky to the table lol.

Who is the braid’s maid(s)? Mantis and Wanda Maximoff, Who Chase also brings to the table as well, lol.

Who did the most planning? Caleb more than likely. Even though Clearly, Chase would be better at it. Since he planned a fucking murder after already having killed three other people and got so god damn close only divine intervention could stop the last murder victim, Caleb, from dying. XD

Who stressed the most? Caleb, definitely.

How fancy was the ceremony? - Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? Chase.

Sex:

Who is on top? Either of them could be, honestly.

Who is the one to instigate things? Probably Caleb.

How healthy is their sex life? Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? About the average I guess, Chase doesn’t want to be there any longer than he has to be. lol. You can say Caleb is the kinky one, and Chase likes to play along but he’s not into it so much.

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? Who cares.

How rough are they in bed? Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? Four

How many children will they adopt? Two

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? Caleb

Who is the stricter parent? Caleb

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? Caleb

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? Chase

Who is the more loved parent? Caleb

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? Caleb

Who cried the most at graduation? Caleb

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? Chase

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? Chase

Who is the most picky in their food choice? Caleb, Chase would have to sit at his dinner table at night till he ate everything on the plate. So he’s never picky, he just knows what he likes by now.

Who does the grocery shopping? Chase, he knows what he likes by now lol

How often do they bake desserts? Probably regularly, Chase loves sweets.

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? They are omnivores. So they try and get healthy amounts of both more than anything. 

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? Caleb

Who is more likely to suggest going out? Chase

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidentally while cooking? Chase, ‘accidentally’ , you can say that’s the reason why.

Chores:

Who cleans the room? Chase, though both will more than likely also keep the room clean. They aren’t messy.

Who is really against chores? Neither, they can handle doing shores.

Who cleans up after the pets? Both would be cleaning up after the pets.

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? Neither, Chase would literally kill Caleb if he found anything like that going on. Caleb would probably never do anything like that though.

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? Neither.

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? No one.

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? Chase probably, since he’s sore and paralyzed from the neck down he feels much more relaxed just soaking for a long time.

Who takes the dog out for a walk? Chase

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? I’m sure often, being as Chase’s family was, while very mundane about it, still ‘in the spirit’ and Caleb’s family probably always went all out when he was a kid.

What are their goals for the relationship? MORTAL KOMBAT!

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? Neither. They have shit to do, you know.

Who plays the most pranks? Chase probably, look, he’s not going to give up his wish to bully Caleb to death just because they are married. Pranks are the best way to let Caleb know Chase is a danger to him. lol.

[rottenappleheart]

Chapters: 1/10 (finished) Fandom: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms Relationships: Ganondorf/Link/Zelda, Ganondorf & Nabooru Additional Tags: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Assassination Plot(s), Being Too Old For This Shit, The Gods Hate You, Screw Destiny

Summary: Almost twenty years after the new Queen of Hyrule banished the Gerudo King, her country is devastated in a fiery cataclysm, driving Hylian refugees to the desert for shelter. Ganondorf would rather piss glass than help his enemies, but certain old promises haunt him - along with certain new ghosts.

[rottenappleheart]

SOME DIVINE PRANK: A Narrative Mix for ZelGan

[listen on 8tracks]

a thousand years - sting ◈ the scientist - coldplay ◈ a king and a queen - okkervil river ◈ love like winter - afi ◈ ombra - cirque du solei ◈ cartography - seanan mcguire ◈ bring me my queen - abigail washburn ◈ on fire - switchfoot ◈ run - matt nathanson ◈ craving - t.a.t.u ◈ please please please let me get what i want - she & him ◈ age of gods - thomas bergersen ◈ outcast - mike oldfield ◈ nightfall - blind guardian ◈ kryptonite - 3 doors down ◈ viva la vida - coldplay ◈ she is my sin - nightwish ◈ run to you - pentatonic ◈ angels - within temptation ◈ it ends tonight - all-american rejects ◈ ninkou latora - cirque du soleil ◈ time of dying - three days grace ◈ cosmic love - florence and the machine ◈ somewhere - within temptation ◈ if you still believe - elsa raven ◈ a thousand years - christina perri ◈ promise - thomas bergersen

Cover art on loan from the brilliant and delightful corseque!

[rottenappleheart]

Imagine Ganondorf singing "Hellfire" while thinking about Zelda *rolls out*

*reels you back in* Imagine Zelda singing “Hellfire” while thinking about Ganondorf.

It’s not my fault! I’m not to blame!It is the desert man, the thief who set this flame!

I’ll see your songfic and raise you one role reversal, anon ;)

[rottenappleheart]

Since I’ve done one general/timeless ZelGan, one WW!ZelGan-minus-Zel, one TP!ZelGan-minus-Gan, let’s do an OoT-specific ZelGan!

***

[shuffle prompt 4/5 - "nothing’s impossible" by depeche mode (lyrics)]

For the sake of her kingdom, she flees and hides from him.

For her sake, he does not try as hard to catch her as he might.

Each leaves the other messages. They leave no permanent mark on the world, nothing which could be traced or held against them by indignant allies. Nothing that any other eye could interpret. But he knows whose fingers braid his black steed’s mane while his stablehand snores off an extra-potent jug of wine, just as she knows why her dead mother’s ring now adorns his pierced ear .

When he spears the severed head of a certain sly-fingered courtier to the gate of her conquered city, her people take it for a threat. She knows it to be a gift. On the morning his youngest daughter recovers from the fever that everyone thought would stop her breath, he finds a half-drunk cup of an old, rare remedy beside her cradle.

This time, she has written her love letter on the upturned face of a flattish stone, dipping her finger in water instead of ink. Already the hot sun has nearly erased it. In a few minutes more, it will have baked into invisibility.

She hopes it will last long enough.

She has tarried too long writing it, and nearly missed her chance to hide. As his approaching footsteps echo through the canyon, she throws herself deep into the shadow of a heap of fallen stones. She burrows into the gritty red earth like a tortoise. Her hooded cloak is stained and no particular color and hides her well. She keeps her hand over her face, peering through the narrowest crack between her fingers to keep the light from reflecting off her eyes and giving her away. She breathes shallowly. She cannot stop her heart from beating. It seems so very loud.

He almost overlooks her message, striding along the path, and her heart gives a painful skip as he sets his foot on the stone she chose. Look, look, look! she begs. (Such prayers are always so much more heartfelt than any she has offered to the goddesses.)

Perhaps he hears her prayer, or her thudding heart. He pauses midstride and steps backward, uncovering the stone. He crouches down to look closer.

She wrote no words. In an hour, only five parallel scratches will remain, such as might be made by a beast’s claw or a hob-nailed boot. Only he will know that she laid her wet fingerprint here and there, spotting the stone, turning it into notes on a musical staff. Only he will know the song she left for him. She has not forgotten the days when they played in harmony.

He hums it softly to himself. The faintest smile pulls the corner of his mouth back.

Watching him from her hiding place, she smiles back, gravel on her lips. They have not been so close since the day he killed her hated father, and saluted her with a blood-drenched sword before her soldiers came to her defense.

He glances up and around, as she knew he would, but never looks down. He offers a bow—in quite the wrong direction, if he only knew it—and sets off again, shouting a jibe over his shoulder for his warriors lagging behind him. The song on the stone dries up and disappears.

[rottenappleheart]

Apodyopis for Zelgan!

[Apodyopis - The act of mentally undressing someone.]

Anon, this is probably the raciest I’m ever gonna get with my drabbles. Enjoy it while you can.

***

It started as harmless speculation. With the council session stretching into its fifth hour, even the most well-behaved mind was given to wander. And in such appalling heat, the Queen of Hyrule couldn’t muster up much concern for good behavior—at least in the privacy of her own thoughts.

The chamberlain’s voice buzzed in her ear like a particularly tiresome bumblebee. Most of the councilors he was attempting to persuade had long since lapsed into semiconsciousness. One by one, they sank lower in their chairs. The Queen held herself stiffly upright, knowing that the moment her chin rested on her hand, she was lost. She surveyed the council chamber, searching for something to keep herself awake, if not attentive.

In the sea of pasty faces, glazed with sweat, the sole dark one drew her eye. The Gerudo chieftain—or king, as they styled him, though a king who swore all his oaths to her crown—was still awake, though he did not trouble to hide his boredom with the chamberlain’s speech. He yawned openly from time to time.

She envied him.

The late King had always opined that the desert was too poor to be of much interest to Hyrule. Now that she was Queen, she considered it too vast a region to ignore. One of her first acts after her coronation had been to grant the Gerudo king the place in court that he had petitioned her father for (repeatedly and unsuccessfully.) She found that his heretical beliefs and views on Hylian policies provided a refreshing counterpoint to the councilors she had inherited from her father. It staved off complacency. 

Besides, Ganondorf was a sorcerer, and in the long silence of the gods, a little magic went a long way. Even if she did not understand it fully.

Silent and motionless, he still stood out from the Hylian councilors that surrounded him. If he had not been slouched down in his chair, he would have loomed over them all, even seated. He was as broad across the chest as any two of them. Her eye was drawn to the visual juxtaposition, not even seeing the person, only an aberration of color and form.

That was when the thought drifted across her mind, aimless and innocent.

I wonder what he looks like without his armor on.

Ganondorf’s eye flickered to hers. She met his gaze blandly. If he hoped to catch her dozing, he would be disappointed. She was an exemplar of dignity, a paragon of wisdom.  From childhood on, she had lived under the weight of unfriendly eyes. Her royal mask could never be allowed to slip. She would not be caught napping in a council session—never mind matter how long the chamberlain had been droning on.

Ye blessed gods, it was stuffy in here. She wished they could throw open a window or five, let the summer air whisk the tedium away.

Her thoughts returned to Ganondorf. It was hotter than this where he came from, she knew. Travelers always spoke of the blistering desert heat, the eternal thirst, the mirages that arose from the desperation of an overcooked mind. That would explain how he could bear to wear such heavy dark armor all the time. No doubt a Hylian summer seemed quite mild when contrasted with his homeland. While the council members on either side of him sweated their way into catatonia in high-collared shirts and embroidered velvet coats, he lounged in his usual barbarian’s gear—looking bored, but not uncomfortable.

Like herself, he was always on his guard, but his defenses were more physically apparent. She had never seen him in anything but the leather armor that covered his entire body from the neck down, reinforced by pig-iron plates. The only concession he showed to today’s insufferable heat was throwing his red cape over the back of the chair.

Perhaps some subtle, personal magic was in play. She envied him even more.

Somehow she could not imagine him dressing the same way when at home. The Gerudo women who accompanied him to Castletown always looked quite cool in their vests and loose cotton trousers. (She envied them, too.)

The thought of the face her chamberlain would make if she sat on her revered father’s throne wearing a Gerudo’s limb-baring costume kept her awake a little longer.

When that small amusement faded, she tried to picture how the Gerudo might dress their men. Did he go about bare-chested? Did he always wear those topaz studs, or were those just for show? Even without the armor, his arms had to be as thick around as her waist had been when she took the throne. Perhaps even now.

Perhaps if she asked very nicely, he would let her ride that magnificent black stallion of his sometime. She had coveted it from the first time he rode through Castletown’s gates. The herd of high-strung, trembling white ponies her stables kept for her use could not compare to the rangy desert horses, with their tangled manes and well-muscled necks and the tease of an unknown pedigree. Besides, hers left white hairs on everything she wore.

She envisioned rising from her seat and walking straight out of this suffocatingly humid room. The rest of her councilors could stay and melt into puddles of moist velvet (as, in fact, they seemed on the verge of doing already). The Gerudo women would peel off her stiff and smothering gown like shucking an ear of corn, and dress her in their own breezy garb like a sister. The black stallion would be snorting and pawing, eager to run, ready to carry her far, far away.

Then she envisioned herself being thrown. Worse: being unable to remount, since the black stallion was as oversized as its master, and having to walk back to Castletown with her shoulders bare. Utterly humiliating. Her mind was too practical to permit that much absurdity, even in the privacy of her imagination.

The chamberlain flipped to a new page of notes and drew breath for a new topic. Or perhaps it was the same one. The undersecretary of the commons fainted, sliding down in his chair until he disappeared under the table. Maybe it was cooler under there. Or maybe the stench of sweating feet would finish him off entirely.

No—she would ride with Ganondorf, then. Forget picturing herself dressed like one of his sisters; that was too much silliness to ask. He would sweep her up sidesaddle onto the stallion before him, billowing gown and all. She would kick off her shoes before they took three steps. They would ride like the wind, no, like a thunderstorm, with the first fat drops sizzling on the hot stone. She would take the pearl-headed pins out of her hair, one by one, and scatter them behind her like pennies for urchins.

Then she would do the same for him, unclasping one topaz ornament after another. His cloak would catch the wind as it slid from his shoulders and billow away like cares departing.

She thought of outrunning the storm, the heat, the humidity, the never-changing buzz of the chamberlain’s voice. Ride far enough and there would be no Hyrule, no Queen, and no eyes upon her. Only the desert, and the surging muscle of the horse beneath her, and the equally powerful arms of the desert man around her. (She was sure his arms would be powerful, as he could not carry the weight of all that armor if he were not as strong as a bear, and at some point in this little daydream he had shed the pig-iron plate.)

There would be an oasis—she thought that would be nice—and the stars would have come out, the furnace heat of the day giving way to a twilight that was scorched clean and cool.

She imagined Ganondorf lifting her down from the horse, herself light as dandelion fluff in his arms and as carefree as a girl. (Where the horse went after that, she couldn’t say.) He would light a fire with a word—

—or could a sorcerer kindle flames with a meaningful glare of his yellow eyes?

—There would be a fire, one way or another. She liked the image of him crouching in the dark, warming dry tinder between his calloused palms. The spreading glow of the flames would race up his arms, tracing their muscled swell like an artist’s paintbrush.

She imagined what it might feel like to run her own fingers from his broad shoulders to his wrists. Under the leather,  he was probably covered in scars: small white stars left behind by arrowheads, pale branching rivers from his sister’s scimitars, a jagged mountain range from some lucky jackal’s bite that had never healed properly. Even in her mind, she was half afraid to touch them—but he would overwhelm her hesitation, his thumb brushing with intimate knowledge across her own scar, the single two-inch white line just above the crease of her elbow.

Perhaps she would be wearing Gerudo clothing after all. It was not so hard to picture now. She suppressed a shiver at the thought of his rough hands against the skin of her waist, where the sun had never touched. A tug on the sash around her hips would draw her closer. The desert man would have to be kneeling before her, his face a little lower than hers, for him to press his lips to the hollow of her throat and taste the salt of her sweat there.

(Across the council chamber, in the corner of her eye, she saw him sit upright in his chair, shifting uncomfortably. He must have dozed off.

She kept her gaze on her chamberlain, outwardly the picture of the grave and attentive Queen, weighing his words. Of course, she had lost the train of his argument completely. She had no idea what he was saying anymore.)

In the desert oasis, the only heat would come from his body. She could almost see him glowing darkly, like a coal, wherever she laid her hands. The night would be deliciously cool against her skin. The wind pulled her damp hair away from her neck—no, that was him, burying his face into her, drinking her like sweet cold water, whispering magic words that made her skin break out in prickles.

She imagined leaving the marks of her own small teeth in the flesh of his shoulders, his chest; imagined him surprised to find the jackal inside her. She could almost feel the sand shift between her bare toes. The thunder-deep rumble of his laugh thrilled through her.

He seemed to expand without the armor holding him in place, a vast shape that moved against the stars, blotting out their light. She no longer needed them. And she no longer cared for the fire, either, when she imagined him bending over her like the night itself come down to enfold her.

***

When her reverie came to an end, she had all but forgotten about the heat.

The chamberlain finished his lecture, mopping his brow. He was surprised to find his Queen smiling at him. “Our thanks for such an invigorating presentation,” she said graciously, while the rest of her councilors roused themselves from their stupor. “You have given us much to think about, truly.”

(Her chamberlain would later check his notes, wondering what exactly his Queen found invigorating about the various per cent increases that might  accrue should the tenant farmers in the foothills around Kakariko plant lentils instead of barley on the southward slopes in the fourth year of crop rotations rather than the fifth, but why he did not, as her father’s most trusted adviser, recommend such a drastic change, for various other reasons.)

She bestowed the same unlooked-for smile on all of her councilors as they took their leave. The smile she offered to Ganondorf was not one jot greater or lesser. Her self-control was too assured for that.

As the desert man bowed to her, he murmured, “Not sidesaddle.” Or so it sounded to her ears. His accent was heavy, though, and the pronouncement so incongruous that she decided she had probably misheard him. It was equally likely he had muttered some remark about the chamberlain, or the heat.

***

Some weeks later, she heard some of the Gerudo who attended Ganondorf talking about their king’s youthful apprenticeship to the fabled witches of the desert. If the rumors could be believed—and one of the women was swearing to it on her mother’s womb—their magic was so powerful that it allowed them to read the very thoughts of the supplicants who came before them.

She thought nothing of it until she was taking her evening meal. From her window, she could see Ganondorf and his sisters in the stableyard, mounting up for an afternoon ride. As she watched, one hoisted herself up behind him, seated astride the stallion like a careless farmgirl.

Not sidesaddle, he had said. She had heard him correctly.

Midway through a bite of stewed rabbit, the Queen was attacked by a violent fit of coughing. The break in her normally perfect poise would have been distressing enough for her attendants—one raced off to accuse the cook of poison—but when she could speak again, the first ragged words out of her mouth were so heatedly profane that one prayed to the gods that she had not lost her wits.

***

[A drabble from Gan's perspective is over here!]

[rottenappleheart]

Duende (Zelgan, plz?)

[Duende - Unusual power to attract or charm.]

Everyone always spoke of the Princess’s grace, her poise, her stately carriage. Bred like a good horse (though they did not use that particular metaphor) for dignity and delicacy.

In truth, he had never found her to be particularly graceful. It must be one of those things people said to be polite. When the Gerudo were effusive in their praise of a sister’s looks, it often meant that she was also a hopeless archer, burned the porridge, or sat a horse like a jouncing sack of potatoes.

Not that he believed the Hylian princess could ride, cook, or shoot, either. He did not know what her gift was. (He presumed she had one.)

But it was certainly not grace.

It seemed to him that the girl could scarcely walk down a corridor without stumbling into him. At her father’s interminable suppers, she never passed him a platter without half its contents spilling onto him. She seemed all elbows—and sharp ones, at that.

Once she had stepped on the hem of his cloak as they were descending a stair. It had taken some swift footwork on his own part to keep them both from tumbling down like a beribboned avalanche onto the assembled nobles below.

No one ever praised him for his grace, but he had grown rather adept at catching her. He learned to have a hand out to steady her, though she always pretended not to see—until the next time she tripped and fell against him like a toppled sapling and got her lacy sleeves snagged on the hammered studs of his breastplate.

***

One day it struck him: the princess, when viewed from across the throne room, was perfectly sure-footed. He watched her swirl on the ballroom floor in the arms of velvet courtiers and never once tread upon their feet. She seemed to have no trouble at supper. No one got a royal elbow in their ribs by accident. (He observed her seatmates closely for any wincing.)

No, she was exactly as graceful as everyone said—when he was not standing next to her. Suddenly she was all weak ankles, awkward shoulder jostles, smacking into him with gesticulating hands, lunging after a basket of rolls tumbling into his lap.

She was always falling into him. And only him.

After he noticed this, he began testing her. Somehow, the trajectory of her frequent stumbles always sent her colliding into him, no matter how he sidestepped. (Perhaps there was a gift in the way she could twist in midair, like a cat, with no one being the wiser for it.)

Yet whenever he caught her, she was hasty to remove herself from his arm, murmuring blushing excuses. When he offered her his hand at one of the Hylians’ tedious balls (he did not enjoy their dances, and attended them as seldom as diplomatically excusable, but curiosity about the princess’s malady of sudden-onset vertigo spurred him this once), she declined to take it. She was, in fact, studiously careful never to touch him—unless it could be construed as an accident. Then, she was all hands.

"There are easier ways, princess," he told her once, after she had contrived to back clear into him under the pretext of admiring the sunset through the colored panes of a high window.

She had only looked innocent and confused. “To do what, my lord?” she replied, then avoided bumping him for an unprecedented three days.

***

It was not that he really thought she harbored a passion for him, even when he had teased her. She was too young, for one—at least by Hylian ideas—and more importantly, the prevailing opinion of the court was that Gerudo men, like Gerudo women, were shockingly unattractive: their skin too dark, their noses too big, their hair too coarse. 

(This was an opinion he could not fail to overhear, with how often it was discussed. Perhaps they thought him deaf as well as ugly and monstrous—for that word had been used as well. He had his own opinions on Hylians, but when he voiced them, it was always in a language they did not know.)

Fascination, then, perhaps. The princess and her bevy of maidens had scarce been able to look at him when the Gerudo envoy arrived. Even after six months’ residence in the castle, the other ladies still shrieked and scattered like pigeons if he approached. The princess, as was her duty, stood beside him and served as his escort at certain functions, demonstrating her father’s acceptance of his newest (and wealthiest) vassal. No doubt she, too, found him alarming in his foreignness.

Perhaps these clumsy brushes were her means of challenging her fear, of proving something to herself. It explained (he thought) her reluctance to openly take his hand, and how quick she was to withdraw after having made contact. Bait the wolf, but do not stroke its fur.

He did not relish being jabbed and escaped from, like a beast of unknown temper.

It was with that thought in mind that he cornered her in the library one afternoon, when most of the court had gone poe hunting. He could be quite soft-footed when he wished. Absorbed in her book, she did not hear him approach until he was almost upon her.

"My lord!" she said with a little gasp, clutching the book to herself like armor. "I expected you had gone—"

Ordinarily, he would have stopped a respectable ten paces away, bowed, and inquired after the state of her health. (He never had been certain what a healthy Hylian looked like, but it was the courteous thing to do.) The princess gasped again when he did none of these things, but instead settled himself on the other half of the window seat. They were quite close, closer than they had ever been except at those curiously clumsy suppers, and seeming closer than that for the lack of witnesses.

His long legs took up most of the space before them. She would not be able to scurry off without pushing past him. As she recoiled, drawing her feet up under the skirts of her gown to avoid touching him, he caught her hand.

She went as still and white as a statue.

Gently, firmly, he uncurled her tense fingers and placed them against his own, matching palm to palm. “There,” he told her, “only a man. Stop flinching, princess. You see?”

"Yes," she whispered, so faintly that he could barely see her lips move. A blush rose from her collar. It spread across her face and all the way to the tips of her ears, until she was red as a beet.

He took pity on her then, and released her hand.

Instead of snatching her hand back at once, like he had expected, she stretched it out. Her fingers touched his face. Very gently, she traced its blocky lines. Daring the monster, he thought.

Then she lunged forward and smashed her lips against his: hard, graceless, entirely deliberate.

Just as quickly, she yanked away, as though he had tried to grab her. (He had not. He was too startled by the sudden pain of his face being mashed against someone else’s teeth.) She scooped up her skirts and jumped over his outstretched legs. As quickly as a deer, she vanished into the stacks of books. The library door slammed shut behind her.

He was left with a bruised mouth and the certainty that he had misjudged terribly somewhere.