#otherwise we feel like we're choking and censoring each other to death go figure

[defrostedvertebrae]

I genuinely wish Romania had more sociological/psychiatric studies done specifically on DID and OSDD. Because so much of the inescapable type of trauma that tends to lead to resorting to splitting your mind is mirrored in nobody being safe, not even your own mind due to the securitate at the time. I'd love to know just how common complex dissociative dissorders are here because at the time, you very much couldn't live unless you indoctrinated yourself or escaped into shards of your mind. And those same people born int the 1960's having kids like me, born by war veterans beaten down by communist totalitarianism already, suffering the same type of trauma because my guardians don't know anything else and "autism wasn't a thing back then".

It's a beautiful sort of tragedy from my perspective, just because we don't know any better and never will. The book 1984 by George Orwell exemplifies the organized institutional abuse of the people who lived through commie romania in my guardians's generation, and of me, the second immediate generation born from veterans twice over.

“His mind slid away into the labyrinthine world of doublethink. To know and not to know, to be conscious of complete truthfulness while telling carefully constructed lies, to hold simultaneously two opinions which cancelled out, knowing them to be contradictory and believing in both of them, to use logic against logic, to repudiate morality while laying claim to it, to believe that democracy was impossible and that the Party was the guardian of democracy, to forget whatever it was necessary to forget, then to draw it back into memory again at the moment when it was needed, and then promptly to forget it again: and above all, to apply the same process to the process itself. That was the ultimate subtlety: consciously to induce unconsciousness, and then, once again, to become unconscious of the act of hypnosis you had just performed. Even to understand the word ‘doublethink’ involved the use of doublethink."