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stillness-in-green · 4 years ago

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MLA Week, Day 6: Weakness

Re-Destro, Trumpet, and dealing with college stress. Blatantly shippy, if that’s your bag. (It wasn’t mine before this week, but then headcanons happened.)

Content Notes: Pretty much nothing, for once! Some glances in the direction of power imbalance, but it’s balanced better here than it will be elsewhere and elsewhen in their lives.

———– ———– ———– ———–

Rikiya has been staring at the same page in his Digital Signal Processing textbook for—Koku shoots a glance at the clock on the wall—almost twenty minutes. Concentration knots his brows together; tension scores a thin line at the corner of his mouth. Koku turns a page in the book he’s reading, eyes still resting on his roommate, tracking the flutter of irritation that accompanies the sound, the shadowy drift of half-materialized power over Rikiya’s temple.

Koku closes his book and straightens up from a comfortable sprawl on the couch.

“Having trouble with signal receiving?”

A sigh expels itself from Rikiya’s lungs and he sits back in the desk chair, which gives a faintly alarming groan. He reaches up to knead the heels of his palms over his eyes. The branching fingers of stress painting the side of his forehead fade back into his skin, though the spots over his left eye still look a bit enlarged.

“I can’t seem to concentrate on it,” he admits, the words muffled against his wrists. He straightens up again, planting his elbows on the desk and rubbing at his face, blinking rapidly. “It doesn’t seem like it should be so impenetrable, but…” He swallows another sigh into a small, endlessly frustrated hum.

Koku stands, setting his book down on the coffee table. He makes his way over to his roommate (a good deal more than just his roommate, but it’s easiest to let himself believe otherwise, out in the world as they are) and props one hip up against the desk. Rikiya continues to stare straight ahead, fingers pressing into his skin as if there’s some out-of-alignment piece of machinery located beneath his cheekbones that he might snap back into place to repair the whole unit.

“I’d offer to talk you through it”—Koku lets just the slightest thrum of power into the words, just enough steam to make Rikiya take a shallow little breath and lift his head a centimeter out of his hands—“but in my experience, that sort of feeling just means you need to think about something else for a while. Ideally, something uncomplicated.”

Rikiya finally looks up at him, uncertainty in his eyes, and Koku throttles back a sigh of his own. He reaches up, carding a hand through Rikiya’s hair.

“Come sit with me.” He can’t make the words an order, even here, and making them a request is treading over dangerous lines, so he tries to modulate them into a suggestion instead. “I learned some breathing techniques my second year that might help.”

“I don’t think breathing techniques are going to help me during my test next week,” Rikiya responds, dry-voiced for all that he leans slightly into the touch.

“I’m willing to bet they’ll help more than staring at a swimming page for another half hour.”

“…I guess that’s true enough.”

He closes the textbook and tucks it under one elbow, allowing Koku to help him up and trailing him back to the couch. He also lets Koku gently pull the book away and set it next to his own on the table, and the two of them ease into each other’s arms, careful of position, careful of where their hands fall.

Koku shifts slightly, wedging himself into a half-sitting, half-reclining position against the corner of the couch, and lies still as Rikiya adjusts his weight between Koku’s legs and against his chest. Once settled, he sighs, long and low. Koku runs a hand down his back, feeling the knots of tension beneath his palm, then repeats the gesture once Rikiya’s head comes to a rest against his shoulder.

Rikiya has been breath-matching with people for longer than Koku has known him, and the two of them might as well have grown up together. He knows how to belly-breathe; he may very well know the exact 4-7-8 count Koku sets them to. Still, knowing is different from practicing, so Koku lays his palm flat across Rikiya’s spine and counts—inhale, hold, exhale. Inhale, hold, exhale.

“Focus on the sensation of it,” he murmurs after a few repetitions. “If a thought comes to you, hold it for a moment and let it go again. Just keep going back to how it feels to breathe.”

They lie there in silence for several minutes. Koku’s own thoughts take him through swerves into territory like, What is he going to do once I graduate?, and, Should I make him eat something?, and a much more insidious, This can’t last forever. He lets the words linger long enough to taste the shape of them in his mouth, feel how they would feel in his throat, then returns to counting.

“What have you been working on?” Rikiya asks after a while, voice low.

“Research for a paper on pre-Advent entertainment.” The lie slides easily off Koku’s tongue. “The influence of the American presence on the culture of the time, and the way that worked itself into the public discourse.”

The paper will actually concern the portrayal of meta-abilities in fiction over the course of their emergence, from the early adventure serials of the mid-20th century, through the kikeiji horror movement of the early Advent, and on up to the propaganda films from the early Age of Heroes. That, however, is far too close to being about the Great Cause, and for now, the best way to advance the cause of Liberation is to focus on getting Rikiya through his sophomore year intact.

Not for the first time, Koku reflects on how helpful it would be if his meta-ability had an inverter function, a Lull option to complement the Incite. Uncle Shinseigi has something like that; it makes him a complete terror at town meetings.

But then, I suppose I’d need a different code name, if that were the case. And I like Trumpet too well for that.

In his arms, Rikiya has eased into a shallow sleep, his breathing even. Koku tips his head back against the couch, and lets himself be.

———– ———– ———– ———–

kikeiji: “malformed child” — Early quirk society was not what you might call subtle about its terrors.

#MLAweek2020 #hanabata koku #yotsubashi rikiya #trumpet bnha #re-destro #bnha #boku no hero academia #my writing #ficcing #my hero academia

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r0gue3ird · 7 years ago

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“As a Dominican scholar, I am supposed to make a statement about Junot Díaz. But I am not going to make a statement about my brother. I am not going to comment on the accusations nor am I going to exculpate him for behavior he has already taken responsibility for and steps toward correcting. The only “Dominican” statement I will make to (and not about) Junot is to reaffirm that he is STILL my brother, despite the actions he courageously owned up. I do have two general comments to those of you who want to have a productive conversation about the structural violence in academia and the art world that allows on the one hand for assholian/bullying behavior to be, not only acceptable, but expected, and on the other for a dialogue about sexual violence that has dangerously begun to conflate micro-aggression and machismo with rape in the same breath. If you are a victim of rape, I assure you, it is not fun to hear someone equate a senior faculty yelling at you at an academic panel (otherwise known as a common MLA scene), with being drugged and raped at a party or with being molested as a child. While all of these violent actions are condemnable, we need to nuance the conversation and dislodge the words we are using, in order to respect the experiences of victims and address the ways in which structures operate in different spaces (academia, the art, the street, family, government) to inflict different forms of violence of people. So my initial thoughts are responding to two prompts from private messages and Facebook posts from friends:

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- Lorgia Garcia Peña

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thuydungttq · 6 years ago

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