#otherwise i agree with everything all-hail-trudos said

[gemstarstarlight]

Here is an article that talks more about the validity of The 5 Love Languages. I'd recommend reading it (and, if you're a Christian, highly recommend all of Sheila Gregoire's stuff), but if you don't want to, here's a TLDR:

The Five Love Languages are not scientifically valid, for a host of reasons.

People still found it useful, and that's not bad. They can be tools to help your marriage/relationships. It's never bad to think, "How can I love and understand my partner better?"

Christians are fond of gimmicks/magic bullets that solve all your problems. That's bad, and we should be better than that. Tools can be weaponized, because they aren't inherently good or bad. What matters are the people using them, and the attitude that they have towards their partner.

To me, using the Five Love Languages isn't inherently misogynistic, patriarchal, or heteronormative. I've used it, and figured out that I actually HATE acts of service or most gifts, both giving and receiving them. I'd feel a sinking in my chest if someone gave me a gift or someone gave something to me. That was helpful for me to know when I was younger, and gave me language that helped other people love me better.

Having done more inner work, I've also realized it's because both require awareness and paying attention to detail, both of which I am bad at and have been punished for being bad at. So everyone knows that gifts are not my love language, and they don't have that expectation. However, when I do know someone loves acts of service or gifts, I try to show them that love, and they feel extra special because they know it's hard for me. It's a way for us to understand and communicate love, and we both feel more known at the end of the experience, which is the goal.

The point is, it's not a bad starting place, and it's not inherently evil.

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