#other times they're literally only done to further pain and trauma

[athalantan]

( enable my rambling // always accepting ) @netherill WROTE: hc + schools of magic. ( I know it said one word but like, is el more proficient in some than others? Favorite one? Least favorite one? What is el's stance on the mortality of enchantment and necromancy magic? )

EL HAS HAD A RATHER unconventional magical education, at least by modern standards. Nowadays you can find entire schools dedicated to studying magic. That didn't exist in El's day. In fact, Mys.tra was unknown or rather obscure in many places (including Athalantar) in their early centuries. El, other of My.stra's Chosen, and the Magisters have done a great deal to further study of the Art across Toril. In El's day, you either had to find someone willing to take you on as an apprentice or blunder through on your own. Most masters + apprentices ended up killing each other, and those attempting to study alone often met with a fatal accident.

El's education was further complicated by trauma. Their first experiences with magic were the Mage-Lords of Athalantar who massacred their village, killed their family, subjugated their home, and hunted them tirelessly. They didn't want to wield magic initially. They saw it as a terrible tool of tyranny. They only started down that path because it was their one hope of matching the Mage-Lords. It took them a few years to really settle into using magic — and to not become the Mage-Lords they were fighting against.

Their education continued to be odd from there. They weren't even allowed to become a wizard at first; they had to serve as a priestess for a couple of years. They've never had a single master but have instead been charged with learning many different magics from many different teachers. This included, of course, Myrjala / My.stra but also Braer, the Srinshee, Shalane — all manner of people from all manner of places. Sometimes these apprenticeships were favorable; other times, such as with the Masked Mage, they were literally torturous.

My.stra has further charged them throughout the years not to use magic at all, to use it only when necessary, or to use it in specific ways. Mys.tra was always testing and preparing them for the Time of Troubles, often at cost to El's well-being. She did not want them to become reliant on magic or to become overly proud in it. She also wanted them to be inventive with it — to create and experiment, not just regurgitate one tradition taught by one master. The thought behind the magic has often been more important than the magic itself.

Which is all a very long way of saying that their approach to schools of magic is likewise — you guessed it — unconventional. The vast majority of mages, especially nowadays, specialize in a particular school of magic. Hence the subclass system in DND. El has never specialized, and they've lived long enough and traveled wide enough that that's not a problem. They've studied every school more than many masters. This lack of specialization has aided them over the centuries. It makes them more flexible and less predictable. It's also makes it easier to analyze and thwart opposing magic.

But like all people, they do have their preferences. El is a rogue at heart. That is, in fact, why Mys.tra chose them. They prefer to handle matters without violence and certainly without death. Where a fight is necessary, however, they like to end it quickly, cleverly, avoiding what collateral damage possible. (That doesn't preclude taunts and a little show-boating, of course.) Going based on 5e classifications, their most used schools in descending order are probably: conjuration, transmutation, illusion, abjuration, and evocation. They've a propensity for changing their shape, teleporting themself / other people / objects, thwarting planned actions, and generally being a great pain in the ass lmao Truly they're a rogue in a wizard's hat.

As to the morality of enchantment and necromancy — They have a general distaste for enchantment spells. Their first experience with magic was Undarl the Dragonrider using an enchantment to force them to surrender information on their home + father and then compelling them to flee in such a manner that should've killed them — and nearly did. Subsequent encounters have been no better (i.e. Symrustar who wished to enthrall them, the Masked Mage who did enthrall them for twenty years, fckn Nergal). Thus it's a sore spot to be sure.

On top of that, El is someone who values free will. They believe all people should be free to act and speak and live as they wish. They might do so foolishly or immorally, sure, but they should have the freedom to make that choice. They look darkly on anything that robs a person of that, no matter how "minor".

This might be considered ironic considering how, well, manipulative they can at times be. They never override a person's will, but they will change their appearance or conjure illusions or speak into a person's dreams to influence them. They've also been known to use magic that controls a person's body (i.e. levitating opponents). The line for them is that they're not overtaking someone's mind. They are still free to think their own thoughts, feel their own feelings, make their own choices.

As for necromancy, they haven't known many moral necromancers, but they're not wholesale opposed to it. They're not wholesale opposed to much of anything. Some necromancy spells (i.e. soul cage) are clearly vile. Others are beneficial (i.e. false life) or neutral (i.e. gentle repose). Technically, even revivify and true resurrection are necromancy spells. Ultimately, they view it like any other school. Sure, they generally find it disrespectful to puppet the bodies of the dead, but that's not all necromancy is good for. Whether it works good or ill is in the hands of the caster.

They themself have dabbled in necromancy — or at least considered it. It's not for them, ultimately, but grief does things to a person. And, El has known an inordinate amount of grief. Perhaps that's really why they avoid the school: not for reasons of morality but of sanity. They have to let go of who and what they've lost. They cannot stand before the veil of death crying out for them. They cannot work themself to the bone trying to bring them back or preserve some piece of them. They must move forward, always forward.

[chaos-of-nyx]

My tired ADHD brain is struggling with the walls of text, but as someone in the meth capital of the world, who knows a heap of ex-addicts (and a couple of folks who still bounce on-and-off)... I have never met an addict who wasn't self-medicating for something.

Also how tf are Aussies doing meth at a rate that's something like 100× folks in the US and apparently paying more than 10× the price for it?!? 😮

(I'm not up on current prices, but for a gram... cocaine is currently like $800 (admittedly, Perth tends to run more expensive than places on the east coast like Sydney) and meth is definitely the more expensive of the two. Again, my city, Perth, does the most meth of any city in the world)

But yeah... From the perspective of the rave scene, it's before my time, but I believe ecstasy was huge, and then speed became more popular, and then there were supply chain or cost issues as meth started getting big, and a lot of the scene wound up shifting onto it - it helped fuel the parties and the after-parties.

Likewise it's common amongst ADHDers who can't get their stimulant meds, folks with trauma for escapism, folks with insomnia so if they're gonna be awake, they can at least get stuff done. My partner has schizophrenia and really struggles with anhedonia (even worse when they're regularly taking antipsychotics), and meth enabled them to engage with things again, to do things, to feel things - which is why even after being clean for almost 9 years, the temptation is still there when the anhedonia gets bad, because it's the only thing that can enable them to claw some semblance of their life back.

And as more and more people I know are experiencing chronic pain and being denied any form of pain medication, more and more people are self-medicating with ketamine - the supply and quality of which is inconsistent. The alternative is to turn into me, whose 6+ years at a baseline of 8/10 pain has left me so severely disabled that I'm now most mostly housebound, and have maybe 2-5% of my former capacity for life. And then people wind up unable to work, unable to pay rent or other medical expenses, and fall further down the ladder. Literally something as ridiculous as access to pain meds can be the difference between maintaining a professional, well-paying job, and winding up unemployed, broke, and homeless. It's withholding of healthcare and it should genuinely be criminal.

/rant (idk if any of that made sense, it's well past 3am)

It is actually way better for 100 addicts to get their fix on pain pills than a single person in pain go without. I call this the "Torture is bad" principle. You should be able to get the good stuff forever after a single doctor's visit. If you're worried about addicts fund rehab centers and needle exchanges instead of torturing people.

[hawkinslibrary]

anon !!! this is hours later than i meant for it to be, but here's my rambling essay-length response to your ask from earlier !!!!!!!! fair warning, i am just... so stupid and don't know how to properly get my thoughts across so it's a whole Mess 😬

your last text post is so real!! i really don't get the main character death obssesion either. it's honestly funny in a way because st is pretty much the only show that doesn't kill protagonists, and if they do they're brought back, yet there's more main character death talk in this fandom than anyone can take. it's like people just can't accept the duffers ain't about that life??!  

first, i want to clarify that, to me, the main characters have always been joyce, hopper, nancy, jonathan, steve, mike, el, lucas, will, and dustin, with the addition of max in s2 and robin in s3. this is the main group that we follow, these are our protagonists, and everyone else is just secondary, regardless of whether the actor appears in the main credits or not  

now, my post was definitely more aimed at all the talk i've seen about how there has to be a main character death before the show is over. people acting like it’s a given. i personally just really really don't want any of them to die and hate thinking about the possibility lmao

we don’t know how it’s going to end, or what the final season will be like, how dire things will be. they could absolutely switch gears and start killing mains left and right. i feel like waiting until the final season is exactly what so many other shows do anyway, right? so i get the concern, and it makes me a little wary, too. but that’s exactly it – so many other shows do it. it's weird, it’s tired, it’s unnecessary. and, really, the duffers are out here right now saying how much they regret killing chrissy off and she was only in the one episode. so like... imagine them actually trying to kill off one of the mains  

they can’t please everyone, but i do think ultimately they’ll want to try to do right by as many fans of the show as possible, you know? the wrong kind of ending can ruin a show forever. people love these characters and at the end of it all, i think most of us just want to see them thriving  

(and it’s not like will or el or hopper (or brenner) were ever actually dead. they just made the other characters believe they were, and each time there’s been pretty immediate hints that they weren’t gone for good -- the whole situation with will’s body + him talking to joyce through the lights, hopper leaving the eggos for el, no body for hopper + ‘the american’ in the russian prison, no body for brenner – and this show doesn’t shy away from showing bodies. when a character is dead, they want us to know it and feel it) 

even the cast, millie and noah talking about how it's so big someone *has* to die, right? THEY LITERALLY DON'T. yes, it's a big battle and there should be losses but there is no reason for that to be main characters. like you said, is that unrealistic (and maybe a little ridiculous)?? well, yeah, but so is the show. realism has never been a priority in st. the show is literally a sappy sci-fi horror. and not killing protagonists is part of their formula, just like separating everyone into groups and then bringing them together in the finale is  

i think millie and noah were just joking when they said to start killing everyone, even their own characters, off. like, yeah, the cast is pretty big right now and a ton of characters were added for this season specifically, but they’ve all had their own roles to play and barely exist outside of those parts. chrissy, fred, patrick, they were all brought on just to be killed off – probably the same to be said for more new characters by the end of this season. and i think millie even said something about the duffers being afraid of or even just refusing to kill main characters. but why is killing main characters such a normal thing now? why do we have to expect for characters we love to die horribly for like... no reason?  

i've said it before, but this show absolutely is unrealistic and ridiculous AND cheesy. but it’s rooted in inspiration and references to 80s media, which is also something that i tend to think of as unrealistic and ridiculous and cheesy, so i mean it in the best way possible. it does its job. it's sappy and nostalgic, has an intense focus on love and family and friendship, while also playing on like... every major genre and trope from the era that they can fit into however many episodes and however many hours. i think some people take pieces of it way more seriously than the creators ever intended. they want it to be good, obviously, but also they’re huge nerds and they just want to have fun with it 

i'm absolutely worried about some of the more side characters this season, and i know losing any of them is going to hurt, too. they're very good at making you care about a secondary character only to rip them away from you. but if this was just any other show, we would’ve probably already seriously lost a main character or two  

i've seen people actually criticize this a lot because "it takes away from scenes like the end of dear billy because i know max won't die" and i guess that's valid criticism in some ways but i think people forget that that's literally just NOT the point of that scene. like, if they wanted you to be afraid max would actually like die, you would be. they've had every chance to kill main characters before. they could have killed nancy at the end of ep7 but they didn't. they're not even TRYING to get people scared for her, actually. that's why she's in the teaser and a bunch of bts and why they're not being suspenseful about her fate at all. st doesn't kill main characters. because they. don't. want. to. and they don't want people to be scared of that either, otherwise they'd be a lot more hush hush about stuff. this is something that has been true since s01.

again, why does it even matter? if you know that she isn’t going to die? death isn’t the only possible ending, and it’s not the only consequence, and she’s still very much in danger. there are still so many things that can happen, things that can go wrong, without having to make things so Final. i'm sorry if it starts feeling repetitive that main characters Aren’t being killed off ? but again, why are we just so accepting that that’s a normal response lol  

people around these characters have been dying since s1. like directly or indirectly, because of their involvement with the main characters, because of something the main characters have done. that's messed up enough ! we should be worried about everyone who isn’t listed above that’s ever interacted with one of the mains before even thinking to worry about them. it's a part of that endless suffering i mentioned. guilt, trauma, angst, suffering, only to die in the end anyway... it's just miserable 

they "kill" el and immediately add a scene of hopper taking eggos to the woods. they "kill" hopper and immediately add "the american". st makes fans suffer by putting their main characters through hell, but they don't kill them. that's actually something i love about the show. and some people may find that ridiculous or an error (and yeah, dead loved ones coming back again and again is anything but realistic) but it's very much intentional and has been since day 1 and changing that at the last second would be a huge mistake. one i don't think they'd ever make. (and that's not even talking about how death would ruin most character arcs and make their whole story pointless). anyway, i'm with you with hating the death obssesion around here!! they're so not going there, though, i'm fairly certain we're right 💙 

again, we're talking about the people who have said they immediately regretted killing characters who've only appeared in one episode. people who said they would leave the show if certain characters were killed off. people who write lines like: "she saves your life because of friendship", which, yes, was said incredulously, but should actually be considered a blueprint of the show. one memory of her mother saying she loved her was enough for el to beat henry in that first fight. it's a show literally about underdogs persevering against all odds ("chances of success..." "never tell me the odds")

and just...

killing certain characters would make other seasons of the show completely pointless, others would cause major major major backlash, others have already 'died' AND done the 'sacrifice themselves for everyone else' thing so doing it again but actually dying this time would be stupid, others would completely kill the nostalgia/rewatchability factor, and some would just be cruel. this covers the entire major cast

this is just my thought process on it anyway haha. like, they still could definitely kill someone, but i just think it’d be a bad idea. there's many more interesting and less final ways to go about it idk 

[elytrafemme]

What day is it... hmmm... let me check my calendar.... Yep! Just like I thought, it's mare makes me scream at my laptop day! :D I felt several things, mostly pain, and now I must discuss how I feel about these things! And how is that you ask? Well, lucky for you I'll answer this with my usual LEQ lengthed response! I'll start with the Jack and Tubbbi scene! I thought this was great, because not only did it explain why Jack was into nfts, but it also gave some great insight to his character. As a person, I previously thought of cs!Jack as basic-run-of-the-mill dude bro with an average moral compass. But after reading this chapter, I actually sympathized with him and wanted to give the poor dude a hug! You are very good at making your characters sympathetic and I can't wait to see what else you do with non-main characters later on! Though, during this section I was also very much in pain simply due to the fact that- TUBBO YOU DONT NEED TO BE THE GROUP THERAPIST YOU ARE NOT ESPONISBLE FOR YOUR FRIENDS CONFLICTS- Dude, maybe, just maybe, it isn't healthy to only focus on others issues and tension whilst blatantly ignoring your own!! Why does he do this, AHABIBSSNKJANKnKJNSINA (I know why he does, he's literally said his reasoning in past chapters) But DUDE, I can't get over just how little Tubbo values himself as an individual, its so consistent and his insistence on being "useful" to others is done so well here! Anyway, this section was nice, but as a cs!Tubbo enjoyer it slightly enraged me /POS.

Now it's time to talk about the ever loveable clingyduo, though they should probably change their duo name to Denial duo because... good lord. You mentioned that you wrote Tommy specifically his expression of his more negative emotions as sporadic, and feel you did a great job here! The tension builds so quickly because of the ways Tommy responds to trauma or to protect himself, and then in turn ends so quickly because Tubbo cares more about defusing the situation and preventing conflict. This really made the scene feel more stressful, plus shows the use of Tubbo's argument/conversation "survival methods" even if this was with Tommy. Of course, Tommy was completely valid in the way he responded to Jack and Tubbo, but the way Tubbo almost immediately gives in after they start arguing shows to me anyway that Tubbo felt unsafe in that situation and has so little he truly wants to share. The conversation just ends with so much that he leaves unsaid because Tubbo cares about a lot of people, Jack included, and even if he doesn't want to admit it or argue against Tommy here, the ashes are still hot even though the fire was put out and Tubbo just ignores the fact that he disagrees. The way you write clingyduo is so interesting to me because despite knowing each other so well, the little details on what Tubbo refuses to say leaves me begging for more and screaming in my bedroom. In other words, this section was also nice but as a cs!Tubbo enjoyer, it slightly enraged me /POS (x2). Next on my (gay) agenda is talking about the main man himself, Tubbo! I have several things to say about him, one of the more important things being, BSFBENDWKNDLKQKDBKNDWAKNDJKX- Because MY GUY, FOR THE LOVE OF BOTH YOUR AND MY MENTAL HEALTH YOU NEED A THERAPIST! Where do I begin with him? How about the whole few paragraphs of Tubbo not understanding why Ranboo stayed by him after his confession because loving him is a burden and he doesn't deserve it?!?!?! Every Tubbo pov chapter is something I've coined as "Heartbreaking Via Intense Anger" because his sections always make me want to punch him, pay for his therapy appointments, and scream at the same time. And they're always so many different layers to this in Tubbo's chapters! He continued the denial of his adoption which only further expresses the idea that he doesn't think he deserves a family, which is then made worse by the fact that he thinks his alcoholism makes him undeserving of any support. That's just wonderful! Then all the suicidal ideation in this chapter that came in the form of him thinking he shouldn't have even been born in order for the world to better, which totally didn't make me scream into my hands whilst reading this! And of course, how could I forget to mention the whole "Tubbo shouldn't still be grieving..." excerpt, because that had me seething. At Tubbo's core, he hates himself over things he can't control, that are normal, or for simply not being perfect. The level of consistency you use in writing Tubbo's character is just amazing because I can link almost every decision or thought Tubbo's had to one of his forms of self-hatred. And although the writing was once again very nice, as a cs!Tubbo enjoyer it enraged me /POS (x3)

And now for the homophobic agenda, or should I say this chapter's beeduo? All jokes of course, but making me have to read all of this...? Hmmmmm.... Seriously though, at the start of this chapter Tubbbo was continuously the trend of unknowingly queer platonically pinning over Ranboo, and I was thrilled! That is until you decided to make their sections...mean. All the text conversations felt really sad, you nailed the accuracy of dead conversations and I could also clearly see both Ranboo's nervousness and Tubbo's disappointment through the messages. And increasing my turmoil tenfold, you decided to write that scene at the bakery near the end which was- so good, but at the expense of my happiness. As soon as I realized Ranboo wasn't going to be there, I verbally went, "Oh, no..." and sighed into my desk. The fact that Ranboo is so obviously hiding so much about himself and what he's doing from Tubbo makes this so much worse, especially since he just shared so much about himself. And even though the reader knows that this is all most definitely because of Dream, Tubbo.. doesn't. He thinks it likely could be Dream, but since this happened after he told Ranboo everything- he thinks it's because of him. More excellent characterization in regards to Tubbo being "logical" but him feeling rejected coming first, it just goes to show that he isn't the robot he thinks he is and thinks he should be in these moments. And then having the opportunity later to see Ranboo but simply not taking it, and Ranboo not texting back in the end? UAUDNIUSNILANILSNK- I LOVE DRAMATIC IRONY!!! It was all so heartbreaking and well written, but once again as both a cs!Tubbo enjoyer and a cs!Ranboo enjoyer it enraged me to great levels /POOOOSSS (x4)

You get better and better with your characterization, imagery, and dialogue, with every new chapter and I'm already so excited for the next one and to see where all this wonderfully built tension goes! You say that you are excited when you see my name in your ask box, but the same goes for me too! Every time I see your name in my notifs I get so happy :] Thank you for the wonderful new chapter, have a wonderful day or night, and as a bonus enjoy this little cs!Ranboo doodle I made <333

galaxy LEQs are my favorite LEQs bless <333

im happy i can make cs!jack sympathetic; what i wanted to do with his character up until this chapter is very much paint him to be the way you described thinking of him initially, this sort of shallow person that has questionable interests and is kind of easy to poke fun at bc he's always in on the joke. i wanted this chapter to be jarring because this is also the first time that cs!tubbo is really seeing a lot of these issues in cs!jack, and there's another few scenes i have thats going to ease this so that this jump doesnt feel so jarring and explain stuff. but im really happy ppl like cs!jack he means a lot 2 me :D

tubbo and ranboo both share this issue in the fic of being mediators or trying to problem solve, but i think what ranboo does is a lot more of creating problems that arent there and putting responsibility on himself to solve them (at least ive tried to push in that direction albeit i think i could have set that characteristic up better). meanwhile tubbo seizes existent opportunities and thinks that he has to be the ultimate comforter otherwise he doesnt have worth. <//3

i absolutely LOVE how you analyzed the clingyduo scene bc that's exactly what i was hoping to show! it's complicated bc tubbo isnt much of an arguer, it's a quality he notes in himself later with wilbur, he knows when to back off. the problem is he backs off too soon and is scared to press some things, and that creates friction with tommy who is inherently a very good person but needs to have some pushback in what he does bc he honestly isn't very used to having it in a healthy way from someone who cares about him. so it gets messy and i think u put it in a very good way yourself :]

hearing that ANYTHING i write is consistent is a massive fucking compliment bc i always struggle with that so genuinely tysm<33 yeah tubbo has a LOT of self hatred in him and its just. the hard thing about being surrounded with people going through shit is through no fault of anybodys its kind of hard to piece together how people feel about you and how genuine they are. its not ranboo's fault that he's distanced so far from tubbo due to his own bullshit, not inherently, but it sends tubbo a really weird message about what their interactions have meant. and etc. its just difficult for tubbo who has always been convinced that hes doomed, getting cues from the world that he somehow isnt and yet he still feels abandoned.

see my least favorite scenes of cough syrup to write is honestly a lot of ranboo's arc right now so it makes it feel worth it that people appreciate the effect it has on the story overall :') the two of them slowly distancing is important to me especially looking at their characters, tubbo is someone hwo has been able to hold onto friends for a while yet never let them wholly in, but ranboo ... hasnt had that kind of consistency. so it makes sense that w the way their lives are there is a lot of turbulence there, frustration from tubbo who is used to hearing other peoples shit and not taling about his own getting all that subverted, and stress from ranboo to navigate something hes literally never had before. like hes had niki and techno but those relationships are fundamentally different to how he is with tubbo and that scares him

that art is SO SO SO CUTE i love it so much ,, obv its what ur comfortable w but u honestly do such nice doodles that if u ever wanted to like make an isolated tumblr post w them i think ppl would love it- id boost the hell otu of it but obv whatever u are comfy with. i LOVE how u draw cs!ranboo so much tho omg

thank u for ur support and kind words <33

[ignitification]

I'm glad we could handle this respectfully.

Two questions

Do you think Endeavor will Die in the Future,Like Dabi Kills him?or will he stay alive throughout?

Also I feel like and hope him and Rei Should get a divorce.She should'nt be with someone who's hurt her Physically and psychologically.I think them not being married would be very healthy for them

And In response,People can change but I haven't seen the villians wanna change since they believe they're in the right.you have to want change in order to change.Shigaraki,Toga,Dabi and All for one have shown no signs of wanting to change.this is all my opinion but like They honestly don't wanna change since they believe,due to their pasts,that they're doing the right thing.Dabi has Murdered 30 innocent people,Toga is literally a wanted Serial Who drinks blood like Juice,and Shigaraki Murdered many heroes and ordered his Minions to destroy everything.

Imo,that doesn't look like wanting to change.

I feel like they work well as villians So Horikoshi probably won't redeem them But again I can't predict the future so I'm getting ahead of myself 😅sorry for wasting your time

It was just my two sense

Plus we need to fix hero society but they're doing it in a cruel and hypocritical way

I'd like to address the three points you made in three different sections:

Endeavour probability of staying alive (of which I already talked here, so it will be short)

Rei's involvment with Todoroki Enji

The Three Villains (the three mains) not wanting to change (on which I already hinted at here and here)

Trigger warning: mentions of suicide; violence; self-harm.

1.) Endeavour’s course of life (and action)

To be honest, I think this is the easiest point to address and I’ll refrain from going over and over again the same point. My answer, as before, is no. I do not think that Enji is going to die (refer to the linked before post for a more in depth analysis of why). However, on the question whether Enji Todoroki will still be alive at the end of the manga, I think the answer might be different. I utterly think that where the manga is going so far foreshadows a lot of pain to come. And I’ll let Horikoshi do whatever he plans, but my spider-senses tell me that even if he does survive, Endeavour is unlikely to get a happy ending (or at least a canonically happy one). He will be hold responsible of his actions, and that is the most important thing. As long as he gets on the right path, everything could happen. Especially considering the events of Ch. 300, which might be interpreted as a first step on regaining the real narrative of what went down (and which might be even more cruel than we think) , so this means we are getting at the root of the problem. 

2.) Rei’s involvement in Enji’s life

This, on the contrary, is the most delicate point of the post. Rei is introduced as a 'weak' and heavily mentally abused character. She is confined in a hospital and she seems to be closed in her own world so much she does not notice time passing and stares out of the window trying to make sense of the world. Which, on one hand, I think is very fitting for her, but at the same time I am included to think that this is the furthest thing from what Rei' character is supposed to be.

Rei Todoroki is a victim. But she is not weak. She made her mistakes (of which she is aware of and feels guilty about, but that's for another time because Shouto's scar - mental and facial - is a whole lot deal to unpack) and she had way too much time to think. Shouto never held it against her and now, he, together with Natsuo and Fuyumi helped her to regain the confidence she knows Enji took from her. He closed her off in a hospital to prederve her health, but instead he just took off years of her life from her children and viceversa.

However, I am not sure whether Enji and Rei are still married or separated or divorced or whatever. It seems like on paper they are still together, but there is a rift in their relationship.

I mean, look at this panel: Rei is behind her children, looking at Endeavour like the douchebag he is, and telling him promptly that, this, is not about him and that however he might feel, he is not the victim or the one who needs to be forgiven.

I, personally, have never thought much of her character, besides of her being sick, in hospital and trying not to relapse so hard.

The first time we see her, she looks lifeless. They looks listless. And I can't stress that enough, it is not that she did not try to fight it. But accepting that the trauma happened in the first time is a stress for her mental health. But instead of getting worse, Shouto and her family's presence revitalizes her.

Which beings me to the point made in the last panel. She knows that in his shallow way, Endeavour tried to tell her that he is still there, and while he does not want to impose his presence, he will still wait for her when she wants to.

Funny thing, is that we discover is that she does not want him back. She is done with everything that happened and she is ready to take the reigns of her life back. And in order to do that she needs to wash their dirty landry. And she does not care of how this might affect Endeavour, but instead she wants justice, truth and not tears and excuses.

Rei ia going to fight to have her way. Be it out of Endeavour 's life or inside the life of Touya, time only will tell.

And finally point 3.) The Big Three Villains' on change and saviours

I am very hard trying to get through to everyone out there while I say that change is something that comes to you regardless of whether you want it or not. Shigaraki, Dabi and Toga do not recognise that they might be able to change, and that they might be saved. In their minds, fairly, they do not have to change in order to be eligible for salvation. I already stressed this in my other answers, they should not change in order for them to ‘deserve’ being saved. Maybe they do not even want it. But if the chance presents itself, of them being offered a hand, would they dare to take it? Probably not. And this is not because they are happily wasting their time to kill and fuck around, no. It’s because it’s a mechanism ingrained into their minds: Dabi escaped home after he abused and neglected, Shigaraki accidentally killed his family and then was left to himself, and Toga was deemed weird and creepy and just cast aside as trash. Do you see a pattern here? If yes, well congratulations. It’s a quirk-based society, and since their quirks somehow became synonym to their worth, these individuals were deemed not worthy or villains from the get-go and they just choose to embrace whatever life threw at them, instead of just letting go. And let me tell you, that in their cases, letting go would mean die. They all, in some degree, suffer from auto-destructive and self-harm tendencies, which should be telling enough. And if it not, just think about why people behave this way. Why do people feel the need to destroy themselves? They do because they feel like the pain inside them feels a tiny bit lighter if they externate. Shigaraki told Izuku that as this failed society refused and never forgave him, he won’t forgive anyone in return. He does not care about his crimes because apart from those crimes he commits for a reason, he has nothing else going on. He does not have a family to go home to. He does not have a home. He does not have anything apart from the League, his memories hunting him and the eternal stigma of society labelling him as unsavable.

So excuse me very much when I say that they do not want to change and they might be right. Nothing changed, and nothing changes now. The only hope they have to be redeemed, it’s not for the heroes to forget their crimes, and to enjoy further destruction but to understand that the only way someone can help you is if believe in them. Dabi does not think he deserves to be saved. Toga had hopes which were destroyed right after Hawks killed Twice. Shigaraki put everything on the stake because the kid never knew how to genuinely smile. Let us for a moment think what would have happened to Eri if she did not get saved. It’s not hard after all: the kids of the League are all examples of what happens then.

It’s not because they change that they need to be saved. They need to be saved because they need to change. 

[redtail-lol]

Like literally people will gloss over this and excuse it as "oh that's how she was treated" but that's not an excuse! JoJo is a minority among the Dance Moms girls, as the others very vehemently disagree with Abby Lee Miller and say they were mistreated. She knows the others disagree with her about Abby being right, and she could deconstruct whether or not she's normalized her trauma in her head and break the cycle instead of perpetuating it. All the girls on XOMG Pop were mistreated, and JoJo might not have directly done all the mistreating but she was described as cruel, and she's the brand. She can call the shots because she's what people like. The rest of her crew kinda has to bend to her will including her mother because without her, they're nothing. She had the power to help those girls instead of being complicit and participant in their mistreatment and exploitation. All of that is just excused by people because she was a victim first even though that doesn't erase the fact she's actually caused pain.

Meanwhile, JoJo having her teenage emo phase in her 20s because she had to spend her teen years being a brand for elementary school girls? Inexcusable. Her doing and talking about adult things because she's in her 20s and has made it explicitly clear she doesn't want to be for kids anymore? Nooo JoJo what about your child audience :( :( :( it's not like you fulfilled your only responsibility to them by making it obvious for like a month in advance that you were making an adult transition.

Let's be perfectly clear: this is what JoJo wants, and everyone making 3 hour video essays about her that spend over 50% of the run-time on how bad the Karma music video is and maybe 15 minutes on XOMG Pop is playing into her hands. If JoJo makes the controversy surrounding her be mostly about how she's cringe and stupid then she can say she's a victim of cyber bullying (and honestly she kinda is) but she's strong and won't let it get to her. It makes her become the victim of the story when everyone's making fun of her for something harmless. And it's engaging in further covering up the way those girls were treated by her and her crew because you are taking attention away from XOMG Pop when you talk about Karma. Please talk about the actual harmful things she's done and don't waste a breath on how cringe her music videos are.

Hot take but maybe we should criticize JoJo Siwa less for being cringey and more for mistreating children especially disabled children

[deans-mind-palace]

Nightcrawler

Pairing: Jensen x Reader

Summary: Jensen and you never got along well. But when a stunt accident almost caused him losing you, everything changes. What will Jensen have to say if you wake up?

Word Count: 2,182

Warnings: Description of an accident, Mean!Jensen, Angst, Fluff

Author’s Note: Based on this request. Anonymous: Can I ask a Jensen x fem!reader, where reader is an actress on spn. Jensen kinda hates her (like don’t like her). One day some stunt accident happens on set and reader goes in critical situation. Jensen gets very upset, stays with reader every time from ambulance till hospital. Goes crazy over the reader surprising Jared, Misha and other people on ser since everyone assumed he doesn’t like her. But he ends up confessing to reader at the end and alllll fluffy end?

It was late in the evening, but you had just arrived on the set for your shoot today. It was a night shoot, because the scene had to be shot in the dark outside on the studio grounds. It was a particularly important scene and you were late, so you hurried straight into make-up.

"Look who's late. Again." Jensen greeted you friendly as always. You rolled your eyes. "Mind your own business, Ackles." you were giving back before falling in the chair next to Misha. It was the seat furthest away from the blond actor. Misha sighed after you gave your best friend a quick hug. "I will never understand your hatred for each other." he muttered with a side glance at Jensen, who was now excitedly engrossed in a conversation with Jared and the make-up artist.

The truth was that you and Jensen didn't like each other from the very beginning. In your eyes he was an arrogant ass who looked good and was fully aware of that fact. In his eyes you were a bitch who couldn't understand a joke and was closed off. Neither of you had ever bothered to look behind the façade of the other one. Right on your first day on set you had argued so terribly that the shooting of the scene had to be stopped. When you were told a few weeks ago that you were to play Dean's love interest in the series from now on, the arguments between you had reached their peak.

"So, nervous about shooting tonight?" Misha ripped you out of your thoughts. You took a deep breath and tried to give him a halfway confident smile. "Oh, no. It's okay," you said. Misha saw right through you and gave you an encouraging smile. "I'll be okay. Don't worry about it." Further back you could hear the deep laughter of Jensen and Jared patted him on the shoulder in a brotherly way. You turned your eyes away when Jensen looked over.

A few minutes after your make-up was ready, a young personal assistant also walked into the trailer. "Ms L/N? We need you on set in ten," he reminded you. "Of course, thank you." you smiled. Then he looked at you nervously and fidgeted. Your eyebrows furrowed in wonder. "Can I help you with anything else?" you asked and smiled at the nervous student. "Err... No - Yes. Y-yes. I-I'm a big fan of yours. You're such a great actress and-" Jensen snorted in the background, for which you gave him a deadly look that made the young PA freeze completely, but Jensen was not the least bit bothered. You smiled reassuringly at the PA and granted him his wish for a selfie, then he led you to the set and lectured you for a few more minutes on how great he thought you were. You smiled and nodded from time to time, but you were far too nervous about the upcoming shoot to really listen to him. He didn't seem to notice that.

The spotlights were already set up and radiated the dark area. Cameras were flashing and the car was ready.  It was time for the shoot. A bit away, Jensen sat in his chair and watched the action. Technicians hurried across the set. Cameramen were changing settings and the director gave final instructions for the scene.

"Everyone to their places, please!" shouted the director and clapped his hands. You took off your bathrobe and swallowed before stepping on your green mark. Immediately the director approached you. "You ready, Y/N?" he asked you. "This is an important and difficult scene. You must be ready for it because we only have one car, the next one would have to be delivered first." You nodded, unable to put your doubts into words. You wanted to appear professional, damn it! "All right, you know how the scene works? You're standing on the marker. The car, possessed by a demon, is going to race towards you, but you jump aside at the last second because you lure it into a trap and it crashes into the wall behind you. All right?" he went over the sequence of the scene with you again. "Yes." Your voice sounded uncertain, but he didn't seem to notice. "Fine, let's do it." He turned away.

"Light? "Check." "Camera? "Rolling." "Silence on set, please. Scene 17, Take 1. Go!"

As soon as the engine of the car in front of you stuttered to life, the sweat broke out on your forehead. Your fingers trembled, but it appeared as if it was part of your acting. You swallowed and your fingers clenched into fists. "Come on!" you shouted to the possessed car. "Come and get me!" The headlights of the car flickered and it roared a couple of times on the spot. The radio turned up loud and AC/DC's 'Highway to Hell' came out of the speakers, before the tires screeched and spun, and then the car started moving rapidly. Now it was getting serious. When the car crossed the green line, you had to jump to the side onto the green mat.

But the car approached the green line relentlessly and you were frozen like a deer caught in the headlights. Literally. When it reached the green line, you couldn't move a muscle. Immediately, panic broke out around you and the last thing you saw were Jensen's green, wide-open eyes filled with panic before the car hit you.

Suddenly everything happened very quickly. You felt a stabbing pain shoot through your legs as you collided with the bumper. Immediately, you were hurled over the hood, bounced over the roof and hit the ground. Blood ran from your hand and forehead where you had been smashed into the glass. Pain shot through your entire body, then everything went black.

For a split second there was complete silence on the set, then hell broke loose. The director instructed everyone to stay calm, an ambulance was called, but Jensen didn't notice the chaos around him. His gaze was locked on your motionless body as if in a trance. Then he jumped up and started running. Kneeling on the ground, he slid towards you. You had lost consciousness and blood was running from the cuts on your hands. His fingers trembled as he brushed the locks of hair from your face. He would have loved to lay your head in his lap and watched over you until the ambulance arrived, but he knew there was a chance the fall had broken your spine. Your face was pale and smeared with red crimson.

Suddenly he heard yelling in the background. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Misha rushed out of the trailer followed by Jared and ran towards Y/N. Jensen held your bloody hand and stroked your forehead. Your breath was very shallow. He paid no attention to his panicked friend at all. All his attention and concern was only for you. As if in shock, his gaze kept wandering over your wounds. His breathing trembled and with every breath he had the feeling that his chest would burst. Should it end like this? You dying in front of him? Never again your cheeky comments or your bickering in the morning when you arrived late on set again? Would he never be able to make you coffee with too much sugar purposely, because he knew how much you hated sugar in your coffee? Or would he never ever listen to your complaints you always made when you were getting your hair done next to him and he just rolled his eyes? Would he never see the sparkle in your eyes again when a day of shooting was successfully completed? Or would he never feel the joy again when he saw you again after a long break in shooting, even though he would never admit it? A lump formed in his throat and he swallowed. Next to him Jared moved Misha away.

Suddenly, turmoil broke out again. The ambulance hurried to the set and immediately bent down to you. Jensen did not hear their words. But the doctor ordered two paramedics to lay you down on the stretcher. "Sir, you have to let go of her hand now," One of the paramedics told him. "N-no." Jensen shook his head violently. "I-I can't leave her alone." The very thought filled his stomach with nausea. His voice croaked. "I ask you only once more, Sir." But Jensen made no move. Suddenly, Jared grabbed him from behind and pulled him away. Jensen tried to fight back, but he was afraid to cause you more damage. "No! I can't leave her, Jared," he yelled in panic and tried to free himself from the iron grip of his best friend. "Sssh. It's okay, Jensen! It's gonna be okay! They're taking her to the hospital now," Jared explained calmly. But Jensen didn't take his words seriously.

"Let me be with her," Jensen pleaded. "Okay, it's okay, Jay. I'll take you to the hospital." Jensen shook his head. The paramedic cleared his throat because he felt sorry for the distraught man. "Family members are allowed to ride in the ambulance, so..." Even before he had finished the sentence, Jensen had already started running. Shoulder shrugging, Jared looked at the Doctor. "I'll catch up with my friend." He nodded at Misha, who was beside himself. The doctor nodded.

In the car, Jensen had already taken your hand. Gently he stroked the skin with his thumb, careful not to touch any of your wounds. The paramedics put you on all kinds of tubes and you still weren't conscious. Jensen got sick at the sight of all the wires running into your body. All the needles they stuck under your skin. Suddenly the ECG kicked in and your heartbeat started beating flat. "Fractures of the ribs 11 to 12. Craniocerebral trauma. Multiple contusions and a broken leg. Also some superficial lacerations." explained a paramedic. " Her condition is critical. She has sustained severe head injuries and internal bleeding cannot be ruled out. A hematoma is probably already forming. She must go to the O.R. immediately for a trepanation." The paramedic's gaze was serious as the ambulance reached the hospital. The doors of the ambulance were ripped open and the stretcher was taken out. Immediately, the paramedic informed the doctors and nurses of your state of health.

You were immediately taken to an operating room and Jensen was asked to take a seat in the waiting area. He wandered up and down nervously. Soon Misha and Jared arrived. Y/N's family would not arrive in Vancouver until tomorrow afternoon. So you had no family. A few hours later, one of the leading doctors arrived. "Gentlemen. Ms. L/N made it through the operation in good shape. We had to stabilize several fractures with screws and drill a hole in her skull to give the pressure room to dissipate." Jensen went pale. Jared pulled him into the seat next to him so he wouldn't faint. "It'll be a few more hours before she wakes up. She is now under the influence of strong painkillers, but you may see her now," the doctor explained. He gave the room number.

Jared came into the room with a cup of coffee for Jensen. Misha had gone home several hours ago to meet Y/N's parents in the afternoon. But Jensen had not left your side. Jared supplied him with coffee for the third time already and yawned tiredly. It was already 8 a.m. and they hadn't slept all night. "I'm leaving now, Jay. And you should rest too. She's fine. They'll let us know when she wakes up." But Jensen didn't answer. Jared put the coffee on a small table and left the room. Jensen sat by your bed and had trouble keeping his eyes open. The constant beeping of the ECG lulled him in and calmed him down.

When you woke up, your whole body felt numb. The painkillers clouded your mind and you didn't know where you were for a moment until it all came back to you. The accident.

You looked around the white room until your eyes fell on a blond mop of hair. Jensen's head was on your bed. His hand in yours. He had pressed his forehead against your hand in his sleep. Worry overshadowed his sleeping face. You were surprised. Gently you released your wired hand from his grip and stroked his cheek. At once he blinked and jumped up. "Y/N! You are awake! Oh, thank God!" You saw his eyes shimmer with tears of relief. "I thought I had lost you," he said and his voice broke. "Jensen, it's all right," you muttered reassuringly. He nodded, then closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When they opened again the green sparkled intensely.

"Y/N. I'm sorry for what I did. I was an ass. I want to apologize for all this. I acted like an idiot because I didn't know how to handle it, but -" He took a deep breath. "The truth is, I love you, Y/N."

Wanna get tagged? Check out the link in my bio or drop an ask/comment.

Jensen/Dean tags: @vicariouslythruspn​ @crazybutconfidentaf​ @zizzlekwum​ @ashthefirefox​ @outofnowhere82​ @rintheemolion​  @myopiamystical​ @vicmc624​ @imaginationisgrowth

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

Sorry for bring my comments so late, I have been helping my Mother with her shop and also watching series my friend recommended me, But now I'm here Excited to Read More!

Chapter 18

you know, reading about MC distancing themself from Rowan Never Would not be a total pain for me, Like, The Friendship between MC and Rowan showed in screen was always so wholesome but Yet so sad, because You really don't have an option to keep your Friendship with Them, because The Writing Of The game makes You simply be distant from them. The only thing that makes have a little hope for Rowan It's The Fanfic says loosely follows plot till Year 6 and The Fictober was created I Think Before “that” chapter. God, It's just a paragraph and I'm really thinking in that.

DAMN. For Some reason I never really expected Bellatrix to being mentioned and just gonna Say Poor Tonks, Like in-game She has a Easy going Personality but It's really concerning when You remember What happens and What She dealts with. And can I just Say The Headcannon Of her hating her real face because resembles Bellatrix makes Perfect sense and It's so Beautiful in a really angsty and murky kind Of way? Because It's similar that happens to One Of my Oc's, She has a trauma related to her twin sister that's The reason She has eisotrophobia (Fear to The reflection on The mirror) because She always sees her Twins face and The worst Part Is her Mother stills confusing Them because Never expected The day She Will see The Twins Split up. It's a Story I Thought when I was with my psychologist.

I love The saltiness Of Luca to Dumbledore, It's... actually Pretty Understandable, Dumbledore in The Books was already Shady and The most funny part It's probably Rowling didn't even wanted him to come off as that, Why then make The main Character, One Of The principal victims of Albus, give His name to His son? and in Hphm Albus It's still a manipulator but Like a Dumb manipulator, In The game it's More apparent that He's a Shady person and It's not half as subtle as it Was in The whole series. Having that, I Think It's really satisfying seeing a HP Protagonist actually face him off and see who he actually Is.

Luca is a total softie for Merula, They're really adorable.

OHOH I LITERALLY SCREAMED

Luca Trying so Hard to have a Happy memory for The Patronus It's honestly really... personal to me, like I have Many Intrusive Thoughts when I try to revive a Happy memory because Of my own trauma related Things I Can't even Like things I used to. But I'm really proud Of Them for finally making it, Can't I Even Start to describe how Many soft feelings The memory and The whole “Mitten Is my patronus” give me, Your ideas are so awesome I Can't

Luca comforting Merula It's SO BEAUTIFUL and hits too close to home, I hace Many Friends with low self-esteem believing They're Bad persons and I'm The One who brings Them to earth.

It's Good to see The Racoon Again, I'm already putting On my Inner Sherlock Holmes for knowing Of Who Is The Patronus

This Message really It's too long, I'll keep reading In Other menssage in Other day, I Hope your Mother It's fine and takes care Of herself. Have a Good, Brandon!

— The Remembrance anon

Oh my good friend, I am the last person to complain about late comments right now, believe me. You won’t hear any objections from me because I’ve been responding at a snail’s pace myself (and my beloved anons have been so very patient) and because no matter how long it may take for whatever reason, I am always delighted to hear from you, so thank you for making my day! 

Trust me, the bit about Rowan bothers me as well. I wanted to incorporate the “Rowan is R” theory because it’s almost a little ridiculous that no one in-game brings up the possibility until the middle of Year 5, when MC has known about R since the start of Year 2. Like, I wanted to acknowledge it. Plus I think it can give a good in-universe explanation for the distance between MC and Rowan beyond the horribly cynical idea that MC outgrew them, which I flat out refuse to accept. Luca would never, could never, leave Rowan behind like that for something so shallow. As for what is to come...well, I suppose you’ll just have to see! You are right though, I think we were like, nine or ten chapters into Year 6 at the point I was writing this. 

I have so many headcanons about Tonks and as I went through Luca’s story, I realized that I could absolutely incorporate them. Because she’s canon, she’s one of those characters that it’s easy to forget about or take for granted in the background, but hey - she’s in Luca’s House, part of the best friend squad they formed in Chapter 6, and is one of their roommates on most nights. Plus Luca has a curious tendency to bond with the wildly chaotic types, so of course Tonks would be one of their closest friends. Can I further say that the whole concept you just described about the twins is fantastic and hella chilling? I would read about that. I would read a whole book about that. 

Oh, you like Luca’s displeasure with Dumbledore? Hmm, methinks you’re going to like some of the future chapters then...Truly, I didn’t originally intend for this to be an aspect of their character, but the whole incident with them being punished for dueling Merula in Year 1 really stuck with them somehow. It’s very much something that they inherit from me, the criticisms of Dumbledore, but I never realized that a character this soft would inherit them. Fun fact: I used to have a different MC who basically morphed into my iteration of Jacob that always hated Dumbledore because they were just like him and saw him for what he was, one manipulator to another. In general, I have to applaud what this game has done with him because he’s one hundred percent in character - hence why he enrages me so much. 

See, see now I’m curious what inspired you to scream. Part of me wants to guess, the other half of me doesn’t want to be presumptuous or pompous. Either way, I’m glad to have gotten such reactions! In any case, thank you so much for what you said about Luca and Merula and the Patronus scene. It means a lot to me because with Luca I basically tried my hand at writing a character with a debilitating mental illness, (a fictional one, obviously) and I wasn’t sure if it landed well or not. One thing I feel very strongly about is MC and Merula’s bond, especially this MC. Luca is the one who picked the “We can talk this out” option at the start and never wavered from that. I’m not even gonna lie, I’ve gone back and forth a lot on what Luca’s Patronus would be, but this is a good one for them because it reflects the people in their life that they love. Not just Mitten, but Merula as well. (She’s a cat for sure.) 

Thank you so much once again for sending me these messages and showing me this kindness! I hope that everything is going well for you and that you have a wonderful time! 

[plantsjustwannahavefun]

That's not how I see it at all...

I think you're coming at this with the wrong mindset to begin with if you see apology as "groveling", aka something inherently degrading and humiliating. No, I don't want Ed to be degraded and humiliated either. One thing this show is adamant about is that self-hatred doesn't lead to salvation or growth, it only makes you spiral further into destruction. I don't want Ed's act of apology to come from a place like this, and I don't think the show does, either.

But the fact is that Ed does need to answer for his actions in some way and take responsibility. The crew deserve his forgiveness. Even if Izzy wasn't a complete innocent in this, and you could say he deserved some punishment, the rest of the crew did not. Their relationship with Ed is now shattered into pieces, and it's up to Ed to take the first step towards repairing it. OFMD might not be about becoming a good person in general, as in, in some vague moral way, but it is about becoming a better person to those you love, because you owe it to them. The show does care about murder. Stede literally came and took a single look at the world of piracy and said, what if it didn't have to be this way? And that's literally the premise of the show. "Bad people" are capable of love, and deserve to be loved, but at the same time, those they love deserve to be treated well. And, in Ed's case, that does mean he's gonna need to apologise and ask for forgiveness. So is Izzy. And Stede. They've all done bad things they regret. If none of them apologised and everyone simply ignored and forgot about each other's wrongdoings, well there would be no point for this whole season to begin with. It could just end with the next episode after Ed and Stede reunite. But obviously this isn't going to be the case.

I like the idea about emotional pain being treated as worse than physical pain in the show, but again I don't think I agree, and in any case it doesn't apply here. Ed wasn't only physically hurting Ed and the rest of the crew (who, as I said, did nothing to deserve it). He was psychologically and emotionally tormenting them as well. He was forcing the crew to act as brutal killers - yes, that might be what being a pirate means, but we already know this crew isn't like that. People like Frenchie, Fang, even Jim hate murdering others, especially in such a pointless way, looting ships only to throw the treasure away. Everyone's constantly terrified of Ed and can't say what they mean without fear of getting tortured or killed. The fact that they're on Izzy's side now literally shows how bad things got. Jim was so heartbroken that they'd learned to cherish and treasure life only to now be forced to treat it like trash that they wanted to save Izzy's life, despite not liking him very much, just to remember how it felt to fight to protect someone instead of senseless fighting to kill. The whole crew was in so much emotional pain they trauma-bonded with each other.

As for Izzy, Ed had already punished him for his words in S1 by cutting his toe off and feeding it to him. This wasn't a regulare case of a captain punishing their subordinate for disobedience, something that would happen in public too, since that's the whole point, making an example. It was a calculated sadistic move. Stealing into his room at night, ambushing him in his sleep while he's at his most vulnerable and defenceless, making him eat the toe... That goes way beyond punishment, that's something that could cause a lifetime PTSD.

Sure, even then you could say Izzy deserved this, and wouldn't necessarily be wrong. But Ed didn't stop at that, did he? He kept taking more toes - and for much less justifiable reasons, too. Izzy apparently got punished every time the crew refused to follow Ed's insane orders. Ed psychologically humiliated him too, mocking him for being weak and threatening to replace him. And the leg? Izzy lost it for defending the crew. And for being the only one brave enough to tell Ed the truth to his face. You can't simultaneously say the show rewards characters for being true to themselves while agreeing Izzy deserved to get hurt and tortured for this one, too. Although you could say his reward is forming a stronger connection to the crew, which led to him having his life saved. Which, again, ties into the show's theme about learning to be a better person for the sake of others. Even afterwards Ed continued to torment Izzy, forcing him to shoot him. And then literally tried to kill everyone and himself. That's not something you can get away with after a half-arsed mumbled apology. Did Lucius look like he's going to let Ed off the hook that easily? No, because he's traumatised as fuck. As are the rest of them.

Ed definitely won't find it easy to apologise and start repairing this whole mess, but he'll have to. If Izzy could squash his ego enough to thank Stede for the rescue, then Ed can work through his issues enough to be able to apologise, too. Pretty sure that's gonna happen because, as I said, without it there's no room for the story to move forward.

Mostly buried this in the tags of my next OFMD meta reblog down from this post but…. I don’t think Ed is going to apologize for his Kraken era and I don’t think the narrative is going to demand that he does.

I saw a couple posts expressing eagerness for Ed’s inevitable “apology tour” after he wakes up and I just fundamentally don’t think that’s going to happen. I could easily be wrong. But at most I think we might get a few mumbled, shamefaced apologies. If you expect him to grovel before Lucius and the crew, imo, that’s just not going to happen and here’s why:

- the narrative morality of OFMD has NEVER been encouraging its characters to become “good” people. The story is about finding love and acceptance during a midlife crisis. It’s about following your bliss. The highest moral demand it makes of its characters is to be true to themselves, not to become Good People. It’s a pirate comedy. It doesn’t care about murder. It cares about being true to yourself and your desire to be a pirate. Everything goes well when people follow their bliss. It falls apart when narrative defining main characters like Stede or Ed do what they think they should do instead of what makes them happy.

- Emotional pain has always been more important, more impactful, than physical pain in the show. Ed’s bad behavior (to put it lightly) was an expression of his emotional pain. Simply put, the narrative isn’t going to ask him to apologize for his emotional pain.

- Stede, the main driver of the narrative, DOES apologize because his actions led to Ed’s emotional pain (in his mind) and again, narrative pain is weighted more than physical pain in this show. Also, life is cheap, if you’re not a main character. This is still a pirate story. Murder is not treated as a sin.

- Ed is proud. Taika is proud. Both rightfully so one would argue, they’ve accomplished a great deal. Ed’s got a bit of Taika in that, actually more than a bit. It’s clear Taika puts a lot of himself into Ed. My gut tells me that Ed/Taika is just not going to grovel an apology. That’s just not his style. Mumbled self-conscious apologies because he feels he should is one thing. But deep sincere apology tours? Not gonna happen. He won’t abase himself like that (Ed OR Taika)

- The person he arguably hurt most directly, Izzy, hurt Ed IMMENSELY at the end of S1. Arguably more than Lucius, the majority of whose pain came from what happened after he was pushed overboard. But Izzy Ed personally tortured, and he did it because Izzy threatened to murder Ed if Ed didn’t climb back into the suffocating closet of Izzy’s expectations for him. Ed is not going to apologize to Izzy. Izzy got exactly what he deserved in physical pain after the emotional pain he dealt Ed, narratively speaking.

- I’m not talking real world morals, to be clear. Or even what the various Izzy or Ed fans THINK the other deserves, where the fans think the fault truly lies and who owes what to whom.

- What I’m saying is, in the OFMD world where emotional pain matters more than physical maiming, the narrative isn’t going to ASK Ed to apologize to Izzy for maiming him after what Izzy did at the end of S1 and Izzy getting his comeuppance for it. And that’s because they hurt each other equally, emotionally. They’re even now. Izzy lashed out and emotionally destroyed Ed during a vulnerable moment. Ed took his leg. They’re done. The way forward is for them to separate and get their toxicity out of each others life or find a new way forward with new understanding of each other as they become entirely new people after their respective ordeals. But as far as the pain they’ve dealt each other, there’s no debt. They’ve both hurt each other beyond the point of apology being anything but a false display.

Again, I could be totally wrong. Joke’s on me if ep. 4 opens with Ed on his knees crying and apologizing to everyone he hurt. But I just cannot picture that happening. And I don’t think OFMD is the kind of story that will demand it.