#other goals include wear more makeup get absolutely swole and

[silentwalrus1]

writing recap

@rohkeutta did a fandom recap and it was super cool and while i can’t quite do the same thing the concept is sound and i am pretty proud of some shit i did, so let’s have some end-of-year 2017 navelgazing!!!!

- writing ITHLYN. when i started out, i knew i was going to be writing like 5 different POVs because this kind of story without POV shift is narrow, incomplete and fucking boring. i went into it expecting to use it as a superficial comedy tool and straight up shocked myself with how much depth came out. i didn’t think i was capable of solid, deep characterization, because my empathy is store-bought and my imagination likes action and adventure way more than introspection. But i took it seriously, i sat down and really thought through each one, and it turns out i am like 34% more of a badass than i thought i was. we can all do more than we think we can!!! if anybody tells you otherwise hit them with a big stick!!!

- piggybacking off that: writing characters so unlike myself. again, i didn’t expect myself to have the capacity for realistic, nuanced characterization that didn’t rely wholly on my own experiences and attitudes. writing steve and bucky and natasha and sam as characters who wouldn’t cut their losses, who wouldn’t let frustration become resentment become bitterness, was kind of amazing. this whole thing was an exercise in really seeing other peoples’ points of view and it exercised me so hard my imagination now has a goddamn sixpack.

- writing the sequel to back seat drive: please jaysus let me learn my lesson not to sacrifice quality to meet a deadline. deliver less or deliver late if you have to but deliver good. bsd 2 was not good. i deviated from the plan, i cobbled together pieces that needed a LOT more finessing to make them fit together, and the internal logic inconsistencies are visible from space. i’m glad people liked it, but it’s not fun for me to read. if it’s not fun for me to read, why the fuck did i write it? (to learn from. you knew it was coming out shitty. you fucking knew. LISTEN TO YOURSELF.)

- the damn bored as housewives short. still can’t tell if it’s proof of concept or a fluke. do i want it to be proof of concept? do i want to write easy - okay yes of fuckin course i want to write easily and fast. but i want to make stories that are interesting to me. most of those don’t fit in 4k and can’t be knocked out in an afternoon. my brain just does not work that fast. my good ideas come at a trickle over a period of five to fifty days. sigh.

- my WIPS. i am circling my id while holding a big stick with a nail in it. there is a gear shift that happens when i decide okay, this story is going to post. on the one hand, i stop playing around and start treating it like a project, which means it will get finished. on the other hand: the presence of future audience becomes inescapable and builds itself into the damn story. certain things do not get written. other things appear that might not have. i resent this like crazy but don’t currently have a way around it. looks like i haven’t detached myself from my work as much as i need to. and my suspension of disbelief needs a longer bungee cord. isn’t idfic supposed to be fun? but i am the number one ruiner of my own fun. i can’t enjoy it if i don’t have every last detail of how the fun works. if it’s not plausible i have to make it plausible, and that’s another 20k. well, ok. grinding is what i’m good at. let’s have another 40k and damn the audience. can’t grow if you don’t make yourself uncomfortable. 2018! here’s to making my writing tighter, funnier and more efficient, and both more and less for me.