#orla k barnett

[welcomehome-orlakbarnett]

Love Enduring

What is grief but love enduring

I loved you with my whole being

And still my heart you are stirring

Though now you are beyond seeing

No longer can I wrap you up

In a tender and warm embrace

Or break bread together and sup

With your bright smile on your face

I cannot kiss your rosy cheeks

Or see your eyes crinkle in glee

My empty hand for yours does seek

So my gloomiest thoughts will flee

Memories of you I have carved

Into my heart on sacred stone

But my soul is fed and not starved

Because my love is like seeds sown

My tears water the wound that holds

The vestiges of you in me

Safely in my love I enfold

My eternal symbol to thee

My grief for you will never cease

But neither will my steadfast love

Your memory will bring me peace

You nest in my heart like a dove

[welcomehome-orlakbarnett]

The Purest Form of Love

If grief is love with no where to go

Surely it is the purest form of love

To have loved so deeply

It exceeded the bounds of the flesh

And your heart is overflowing with all you cannot contain

They have gone and your love remains

A burden you’ll carry every day

Until you too return to the dust of mortality

It is a blessing to have cared so deeply

That the ache left behind by their presence is engraved on your soul

Though painful it may be

It is better to have loved with all your might

Than be afraid to love for fear of carrying your grief like a stone

[welcomehome-orlakbarnett]

The Banality of Evil

To be evil is to be boring

It is far more interesting to be intentionally kind

To strive every day to be better than your last

Knowing tomorrow you’ll be better still

The banality of evil does not come from pain

That you inflict on others thoughtlessly

It is banal because you cannot imagine

Anything more revolutionary than being cruel

The easiest thing in the world to do

Your malice is defeated because you only know one trick

I will triumph because my heart knows a thousand ways to love

And I will learn even more tomorrow

[welcomehome-orlakbarnett]

Eden

If we could go back to Eden’s garden

Would I be forgiven for what I’ve done

The gods see my face and their hearts harden

I cannot stop that which I have begun

No amount of love can redeem my sins

Madness’s teeth sink themselves in my throat

I see only your face as my mind spins

Every transgression through my spirit floats

Your sweet laughter haunts my waking nightmares

That I broke apart with my hands anew

Like jagged lines in the mirror repaired

I cannot restore your innocence true

I have become the monster in my dreams

Striving for Eden my soul to redeem

[welcomehome-orlakbarnett]

Loyalty

Loyalty is not just a word

It is knowing in your bones you’ll love this person

Cherish them and be on their side

Follow them down the path they choose

Walk through fire to protect them

And love them fiercely in the face of a cruel world

You don’t have to always like their decisions

Or how they live their life

But you love them and support them anyway

Because at the end of the day

Loyalty is loyalty because it doesn’t end

If it did, it would be something else

[welcomehome-orlakbarnett]

The Love I Lose

I wonder what happens to all the love I lose

The people who slipped from my grasp

Those I let go to protect myself

Their voices echo in my head

Resonating in my soul

All that’s left is a shade of who they are

Telling me they are sorry they cannot stay

It’s ok to uncurl my grasp and let go

Sometimes I cannot bear them to leave

Others drift away into the ether

Does that love still exist when it leaves me

Will one day it come back to my heart

Lost and found

Will I remember what it was like

To love that person again

Or will it be a stranger at my door

I hope it survives out in the world

That it is not lost to eternity

The love I bore still knows them

Even if it no longer lives in me

[welcomehome-orlakbarnett]

An Unsightly Thing

My love is an unsightly thing

Full of sharp teeth and bloodied wings

It is not enough to possess

Or give a gentle soft caress

I must wrap hands around your throat

And with your heart my spirit bloat

Filled to the brim with you alone

Sated on your flesh and your bone

The world outside is cruel and cold

I fear you will slip from my hold

It matters not how tight the grip

Fate’s scissors are ready to snip

If you wander beyond my gaze

The earth itself I wish to raze

Only when you are in my chest

Under my ribs safe can I rest

[welcomehome-orlakbarnett]

Dreaming

I keep dreaming

Luminescent drops brush my skin as I free fall

I am everywhere and nowhere

I keep dreaming

Phosphorescence flashes behind my eyes

I am blinded and seeing clearer than ever before

I keep dreaming

Currents spin me as if dancing with grace I do not have

I am a willing partner and entirely alone

I keep dreaming

There is no time that I can grasp in my hands

I am endless and finite

I keep dreaming

Riding a wave towards the unknown

I am afraid beyond comprehension and fearless

I keep dreaming

When I wake up I will remember nothing of this

I am the dreamer and the forgotten

[welcomehome-orlakbarnett]

The Wolf

Do not tear my mask from my face

Lest you see the truth in that space

Red lips curved with laughter carefree

Dripping with blood into the sea

Piercing eyes that are warm and kind

Dig deep wounds in body and mind

My hands that are soft to the touch

Around your throat completely clutch

Beware the wolf that lies in wait

On your threat its hunger will sate

[welcomehome-orlakbarnett]

Lightyears

Across time and space, in every dimension

I am searching for you

Hands outstretched, grasping

You are just out of my reach

Close enough to feel the warmth

Radiating to my fingertips

You’re so far away

Lightyears cannot measure the distance

Do my eyes reflect the stars in them too?

Can you see the void in my chest

Where my heart should be?

Your face is clear as crisp starlight

I can’t see it through the blurred tears

The space next to me is shaped like you

But nothing is there

Is it you or me slipping further away?

Come and find me where we let go

I’ll be waiting for you

Hands outstretched, grasping

Searching for you, in every dimension

[welcomehome-orlakbarnett]

Erased

How many times have I started to write

Writing and deleting

Writing and deleting

Looking at the blank screen

The lone cursor blinking slowly

What words do I use to explain this feeling inside me

That swells and ebbs, in tides that push and pull

No image or word can capture it

The longing to breathe life into nothing

To create from the complex well

What thread to pull so it unravels in me

And weaves together on the page

The emotion cascades through me like a waterfall

In the river it flows away

Leaving the fleeting feeling that I could be someone

But it is gone and the moment has passed

The screen is blank

I stare at the space my words stood in

What did I erase?

I don’t know anymore

Every backspace deletes another letter

If only it erased the feelings too

[welcomehome-orlakbarnett]

Bleeding

You do your best to fix me

To bandage my wounds

And put me back together

When I once again fall apart

But you can’t fight the inevitable

Every pump of my heart

A piece of my soul drips out of me

I move through time in slow motion

Leaving a trail behind me

These wounds don’t heal

They run deep to my core

Like fissures in the earth

Cracks that creep in length

Until you look closer and realize

Another part of me has fallen away

My pain is constant

In every step I take

You tell me I’d have to stop the world

Just to stop these feelings

But even if I could

Even if you would

I can never stop this bleeding

[welcomehome-orlakbarnett]

Chappell Roan

If I could make you feel the way I do

When her ethereal voice haunts my ears

Swept up in passion slick as morning dew

I am dancing on clouds in joy and tears

Would you worship at my roan chapel dear

On your knees in supplication so sweet

She sings of all I desire but fear

I remember it when I feel your heat

I cling to your hands grasping at my thighs

Unsure as I watch them make me obey

Chasing and chasing that far away prize

To hold them closer or thrust them away

The bittersweet pang of loneliness stings

You’ll never love me like the way she sings

[welcomehome-orlakbarnett]

Will you weep for me?

I wonder if I were to die,

who would stand at my grave and cry?

Would I know the faces that came?

Who would at my feet lay their blame-

Their grief, their pain, their love, their hurt,

All wrapped in words both soft and curt.

I wonder if I were to die,

What hole would I leave, by and by?

Could I be replaced with quick act,

Leave no mark, nary an impact-

Would my name be lost to time past,

Forgotten in a world so vast.

I wonder if I were to die,

Would there be clear and sunny skies?

Or clouds of grey and dreary rain,

If the Sun turned from where I lain.

Who would come to speak out my name-

If anyone would bear the shame.

I wonder if I were to die,

Who will weep, and say their goodbyes?

[welcomehome-orlakbarnett]

I Am No Pretty Creature

I am no pretty creature on display

Dressed to please others��� desires and eyes

I refuse all the programmed lines to say

My tongue cannot spout honeyed silver lies

I am incandescent rage and fire

Unable to be put out by the world

I singe the fools who tread on my wire

Beating back treachery with wings unfurled

I am feminine and divine and blood

Built of flesh and bone of my ancestors

I speak truth and it cleanses like a flood

Excising the rot before it festers

I am both beautiful and terrible

I refuse to be only bearable

[welcomehome-orlakbarnett]

Red

I wear red because it is my color

The color of blood and life

Of rosy cheeks and bright eyes

Smiling red lips under a wind-red nose

The color of death and pain

Of holes in my chest weeping

Pooling into a wine-dark sea at my feet

When I wear red

You’ll never see me bleed

If I look at myself in red for long enough

I’ll stop seeing the blood too