#or...is the basis of their friendship based off of the feelings they still have for each other as best friends/siblings

[nimthirielrinon]

I need to talk about Gale’s insecurities. For all his noted overconfidence, this is a man whose entire self-worth is based on his prowess with magic.

He was a “gifted” kid whose abilities started out well advanced for his age, just to begin with. He very much thinks of himself as annoying, which you learn in the Durge playthrough after the dead bard incident, when he says that if being annoying we’re reason enough to kill someone, he’d “be dead 1000 times over!”.

If you romance him and convince him not to take the Crown after the second romance scene in Act 3, he mentions how he’s used to being seen as over-confident and even self-deluded regarding his abilities, which I think would only make him posture even harder as a defence mechanism.

I think for a long time, his relationship with Mystra was likely something he used as a flex on other wizards who had been cruel or mean to him, based on how he brings it up, when he does.

But what gets me is his utter relief whenever he isn’t rejected by Tav. When he first opens up to you, he has pretty much already prepared himself to be kicked out of the party. He’s even got a plan for when his bomb goes off, to do the least amount of harm he can, and when he says “Even I’ve grown tired of the sound of my own voice” I swear his voice cracks and he sounds like he could cry.

If you romance him, when he tells you he’s in love with you, if you say “I love you too” instead of going straight for a kiss, he’s once again relieved. Despite the fact that you’re there with him and have been romancing him, he still has a doubts that you would return his feelings.

It’s no wonder he made the mistakes he did. This is a man who’s been told his entire life that he’s annoying. Though he’s had other mortal lovers (and we don’t know how those relationship were, only that they clearly ended), he is clearly primed for rejection. And then his ex-girlfriend, the goddess of magic herself, tells him she’ll only forgive his transgression if he kills himself.

Like I said at the top, his precocious talent for the weave is the entire basis of his self-worth, unless and until Tav assured him that he has value beyond his mastery of the Weave. It’s no wonder he felt like he had to “prove” to Mystra that he loved her enough. As long as his self-esteem was based on his magical abilities, he was never going to feel like he was good enough, especially for the goddess who is all magic. He was never going to be able to feel as though he was loving her well enough.

I guess what I’m saying is that his “ambition” and his hubris make so much sense when you consider the hinted-at reasons for his insecurities, his clear desire for friendship and affection (he summoned a Tressym who became a lifelong companion and a lava mephit or something with whom he is still in touch; he even says he didn’t have friends growing up), and his main talent/special interest.

I think he’s a superbly-written character, and I definitely feel like he deserves neither death nor godhood, but a good and comfortable life surrounded by a loving family who encourage him to be his best self.

[antiquarianfics]

The Best Things Take Time

Bucky has a code. You manage to crack it.

A/N: This took me so long because I wasn't really sure how I wanted to go about it. I'm pretty happy with it, I think. Also, my first request! I hope I did your brain-child justice. :) Warnings: Mild language. Based on this request. Note: I do not own the character Bucky Barnes or any other Marvel affiliated characters.

You do not have permission to repost or translate my work; however, feel free to like, comment, and/or reblog.

----

Bucky Barnes decided early on in his life as a free man that he wasn’t going to try and date—even with Sam and Yori pushing him all the time. His triggers are gone, yes, but he is starkly aware that he still has a long way to go before he might be considered ready to give time and energy to another person on a daily basis. However, if there is anyone in the world that makes him reconsider his own rule, it’s you.

The two of you first formally met when Steve, Sam, and yourself finally tracked him down. You were kind to him, but you kept your distance. He never made many attempts to speak with you, but the short interactions he did have with you were short and clinical. He never asked, but he’s pretty sure you’re afraid of him—of what he’s done.

Despite this assumption, Bucky takes note of the way you drop everything to help him time and time again. You back him in Washington, you back him in Siberia, you back him in Wakanda, and you back him in Washington in the second go-round. He is appreciative—very much so—but he keeps his distance regardless. After all, he shouldn’t risk losing an ally by something as silly as small talk.

Things begin to change, though, when he runs into you at the airport. Both him and you felt the need to get on Sam’s back about giving up the shield.

“What are you doing here?” You ask, a little indignantly. You cringe a little at your tone, but you brush it off nonetheless.

Bucky shoots you an annoyed look before turning to Sam.

Throughout the mission to track down the Flag Smashers, you and Bucky bicker (even more than Sam and Bucky do). You challenge him on every opinion he shares, poke fun at every misstep he takes, and side with Sam for the sake of disagreeing with him. He returns the favor, and he ignores the bitter taste it leaves in his mouth.

Your interactions are not particularly pleasant, sure, but they’re existent—which is progress.

—

“Does he always stare like that?” Walker asks Sam, eyeing Bucky uncomfortably.

“You get used to it,” Sam replies.

You glare at Walker. His attitude towards you and your boys bothers you. His entitlement to Steve’s shield and name bothers you. He bothers you.

“Does she always stare like that?” Walker asks, shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

“Only when douchebags harass my friends,” you deadpan.

You are plenty aware this is the first time you’ve called Bucky your friend, and you can tell he is too by the way his eyes shift from Walker to you. You’re not aware, though, that your concession of friendship serves as the push he needs to talk to you more.

—

It takes time, but over the next few weeks, Bucky manages to get you to open up. He’s surprised with himself by how he’s willing to talk to you; after all, people are usually trying to get him to talk.

Bucky finds out that you’re actually not as reserved as he thought, but you had heard both Steve’s stories of before and multiple people’s accounts of after. Your distance, you admit, was a consequence of you trying to give him space when everyone else was crowding him. Your teasing and bickering with him was a consequence of trying to create said space. The revelation makes Bucky’s heart clench: no one has made him feel so cared for in a long time.

Bucky sticks by his no dating rule, though. After all, you may be friends, and you may be acting nicer to him lately, but there’s no way you like him like that.

Or, at least he thinks so until Louisiana.

—

“Hey, Sarah,” Bucky says, flashing a charming smile at her from where he sits next to Sam and yourself on the dock.

“Hey!” You smack his chest with the back of your hand. “No flirting with Sam’s sister.”

He lets his attention shift to you, and he can’t help the surprise. He’s aware that you could just be enforcing Sam’s demand from earlier, but you’re so adamant. He thinks maybe he sees a flash of jealousy in your eyes, but he thinks, too, he might just be seeing what he wants to see.

Sam and Sarah continue to bicker before she shoos the three of you away from the boat. Sam and Bucky step onto the dock and begin to walk away before you, and they keep walking even when Sarah stops you.

“Subtle,” she says, smirking at you. You wave her off, your face heating up with a blush.

“Shut up,” you say, embarrassment entwined with each syllable.

Bucky thinks maybe—just maybe—you might like him back.

—

Looking back on the last few years, Bucky can hardly believe the journey you and he had been on. Being so distant most of your time together in the first few years, and then being so rude to each other the next few, and then needing a push from the Wilsons to actually do anything about your feelings… it was interesting, to say the least.

He remembers the day you agreed to leave Louisiana with him. It was an impulsive decision, but it led to the first time the two of you had truly been alone together. It led to inside jokes and deep conversations. It led to a genuine friendship.

“I’m headed out tomorrow,” Bucky informed you and Sam.

The three of you were sitting on the porch of Sarah’s house, conversation flowing from friendly jests, to Karli, to the boat, to whatever else. Your head shot up to stare at him, eyes widening.

“What? Why?” Your tone was a little panicked. Bucky raised his eyebrows at your tone. Sam laughed, and you shot him a glare.

“I don’t want to overstay my welcome, Doll,” he said. Ever since the incident with Sarah, he’d let a few pet names for you fall from his lips, and he smugly noted the way they made you squirm.

“Oh.”

“Well!” Sam exclaimed, clapping his palms on his knees as he stood. “I’m gonna go check on Sarah and the boys while you,” he pointed at the two of you in turn, “figure whatever is going on here out.”

You protested, but Sam was gone without another word. Neither one of you spoke for a moment, and you chewed on your lip.

“You’re really going?” You asked shyly.

“Yeah.”

“Oh.”

“You can come with me, if you want,” he offered before he can think better of himself.

Your eyes shot to his, analyzing his face for any sort of jest. He seemed sincere, and once you decided he wasn’t pulling your leg, you responded.

“Okay.”

He remembers the day the two of you finally addressed that you were more than friends. Bucky, of course, has a no dating rule, and you? You had no such thing, but you weren’t dating either. In fact, you hadn’t since before Karli and the Flag Smashers showed up.

Bucky and yourself were at a bar, drinking and laughing with one another. He was sober, of course, but you were a little tipsy. You had a dopey smile on your face that he thought was the prettiest thing he’d ever seen. He still thinks your smile is the prettiest thing he’s ever seen.

That’s when a young woman sauntered up to the bar. She was gorgeous; her long, black braids reached her waist, her lips were painted a bright red color, and she wore a halter top that left little to the imagination.

“Hi,” she said, grabbing your attention, shooting you a flirtatious smile.

“Hi!” You said, the alcohol making you friendlier than you usually are.

“I saw you across the bar, and I was jus’ wonderin’, would you wanna grab a drink with me? Maybe dance a lil’?” Her eyes dragged down your body and back up to your eyes.

Your eyes widened and you blushed.

“Oh, uh! T-thank you! I’m flattered, but, uh, I got my guy right here, and I kinda like him too much to date!” You sort of yell-whispered the confession to the girl.

She glanced behind you to Bucky whose eyes had also widened in shock, his mouth hanging open a little. The woman laughed and touched your shoulder comfortingly.

“‘s alright,” she assured. “Was worth a shot, though.”

She turned to Bucky then.

“Yo, congrats, man. You’re a lucky guy once you two talk that through.”

With that, she had left, and you turned around to Bucky.

“Look,” you said, more sober sounding than you’d been since the two of you arrived at the bar. “I don’t know what you think this is, or what you want it to be, but I’m all in if you are.”

Bucky leaned forward and kissed you without a second thought.

And he remembers the moment he decided he was going to marry you, if you’d have him.

The two of you were sitting on the couch in your shared apartment; after about two years of dating, you insisted you live together.

“Buck, you’re always here. All your stuff is here. I don’t think you’ve stepped foot in your apartment in a month. You’re just wasting money on rent at this point.”

You were leaned into his side, eyes glued to the tv screen. The two of you were watching The Princess Bride (it’s one of the many movies you insisted was so culturally significant that he had to see it). It was the way you would turn to him at your favorite parts, gauging his reactions to see if he loved it like you did; the way you would mouth the most iconic lines along with the characters; and the way you would sigh contentedly and cuddle further into his side at the romantic scenes that really pulled the realization from deep within him. And, perhaps, it was the way you produced the most ridiculous voice to say "Mawwiage! Mawwiage is what bwings us here today!" that truly brought the idea of marrying you to the forefront of his mind. Regardless, he knew he wanted you around for the rest of his already over-extended lifetime.

—

Bucky Barnes decided early on in his life as a free man that he wasn’t going to try and date, and he decided late in his life as a free man that he wasn't going to ever try and date anyone other than you. So, here he finds himself, kneeling on the ground in front of you with a ring extended towards your person, and hoping you'll say yes.

"Sweetheart, I know we've had a lot of ups and downs. We met when I wasn't truly myself, we got together when I was still figuring out who I am on my own—without Steve, without HYDRA—but no matter what, you've been there for me. You're still here for me.

"You deserve the world, Doll, and I want to give it to you. I want to be here for all your ups and downs, and I want to spend my life being to you what you've already been to me.

"You're my partner, you're my best friend, you're the love of my life. And if you'll have me, I'll be your king, if you'll be my queen. I'll be your husband, if you'll be my wife.

"Y/N Y/M/N Y/L/N, will you marry me?"

You let out a laugh through a sob, pulling your hand to your face to quickly wipe your tears away, and you nod vigorously. You drop to your knees, pulling Bucky's face into your hands, caressing his cheek gently. Smiling, you respond.

"James Bucky Barnes, of course I'll marry you."

[avelera]

A few random thoughts about the comic issue of "Men of Good Fortune" in The Sandman and how they pertain to Dreamling as a ship based on the show.

I get the sense when reading MoGF that it's a... shall we say, "young" story? It's the sort of story that has its seeds in your high school creative writing class. You're learning about English history and you're also writing short stories and you think, "Wouldn't it be cool if two guys met every 100 years to talk about these events I'm learning about and it's the same guys because they're immortal?"

I say this in part because I wrote a similar story in high school without having read MoGF, but also because it's a very simple story with no actual plot arc, nothing actually changes by the end in the original comic. The addition of Dream "missing" the meeting adds a lot of weight and consequence that isn't there in the comic. The closest it gets is, "Dream says he's not going to come to the next 1989 meeting but then a bunch of stuff happens off screen and he shows up anyway, thus confirming they are indeed friends." That is barely a plot beat of any kind, nothing really changes, it just clarifies that they are friends, which we could have suspected the whole time.

Anyway, on that note, I've got a deep-seated suspicion that in the very earliest drafts of this story, Dream was Death. Because it makes sense. Death spares a commoner on the condition that he report back every century to tell about how his life is going. Also, Death is certain that this mortal will want to die at some point because of all the horrible things he's living through, but in the end he doesn't and they become friends.

Again, this is a very simple story, basically a fable. Then this story is lifted into a new setting, the Sandman universe, and the antagonist of Death is turned into Dream but Death is still there, because Death as a figure makes much more sense than Dream as the basis for this wager.

I've commented many times before that Hob has less than nothing to go on as far as guessing Dream's identity but that one very natural conclusion he could come to is that Dream is Death because Death is much easier and thematically consistent with what happens in the story than Dream. Dream even remarks in the show (paraphrased) that, "[He] is far more terrible than Death," which objectively makes very little sense other than in their personal mannerisms.

But Dream's curiosity as to Hob's will to live isn't all that consistent with his function as Lord of Dreams, can you really tell me that the Lord of Dreams can't conceive of a mortal that would want to live forever, who wouldn't dream of living forever? IMO this is one more piece of evidence that the story was lifted from an earlier draft where there is no Dream and Death, there is only Death and Hob, with Death left in as sort of a homage to the original premise and to explain why Dream would get involved at all in such a wager.

It also kind of explains why the implications of this centuries-long friendship get largely ignored until quite late in the Sandman comics. Dream would be Hob's only constant, at least that he can speak to and isn't like the Sun and the Moon or something, and yet our only nod to this is very very late in the comics.

Again, I think this is because in a fable about Death and A Normal Guy meeting over and over as a commentary on English history, it makes perfect sense that you wouldn't really explore the interpersonal implications of how Hob feels about this guy, if Hob cares about this guy, because it's Death, clearly this is just a fable.

But once it's not Death, once it's someone else, once Dream's interactions with this guy actually don't align with his function, actually rather glaringly doesn't align with his function such that his relationship with Hob actually becomes Dream's biggest singular point of individuality, the biggest piece of proof that he is an individual person and not just his function because watching this guy live has nothing to do with his function because he's not Death, then we also begin to wonder how important are these guys to one another, as individuals, because it's not a simple, streamlined fable anymore about Death and Just A Guy meeting.

Basically, I think that as is often the case, the inconsistencies are what give some of Gaiman's juvenilia works the charm that they have. They raise more questions than they answer, because they're not rigorously plotted and the implications of certain story decisions aren't explored, for example even how magic like immortality works in this world doesn't really make consistent sense (ex. Orpheus and Hob have very different immortalities within the same story despite both being gifted by Death, one can't choose to die whenever he wants and there's no explanation as to why this is other than The Story Demands It, which is rather clumsy but does lend to a sense of myth).

It's not until much later in the author's career in the comic and (retconned with) the show that the narratives begins to inquire into things like, "What do these two individuals mean to each other as people. Does Hob mourn Dream, or think of him when he's not there? Does the singularity of Hob in Dream's life matter to him, or give him pause?" all questions that would be absurd in a simplistic fable about Death and Just A Dude but once lifted from that original context, create fascinating inconsistencies that begin to matter and become fodder for deeper explorations as seen in fanfiction and shipping these two characters.

[dottydoesstuff]

You know in the end, I'll always be there (steve harrington x reader)

Based on the song ‘the promise’ by when in Rome

Part 3 of the Head over Heels mini series

I had to type Dustin so many times that now i'm not sure its a real word

Pls pls pls note that steve not getting Henry's name right is completely intentional and not me accidentally mixing the names up 😭

Will there be a part four soon or will I drop off the face of the earth again ? who knows. I literally have no clue how to end this (completely unintentional) series.

Angst, pining, idiots in love, no use of y/n, 

4k words <3

Dred was eating away at Steve. It has been a week since that god-forsaken party. A week since he’d kissed you. A week since you had left him sitting alone on Tina’s porch. It has been the longest that the two of you have gone without talking since he met you. Steve had hoped that maybe you'd woken up the day after the party and developed a special type of amnesia that only made you forget about the kiss (and Joseph, but that was just wishful thinking) but as time went on the more his hope dwindled. It was clear you were avoiding him, there were no more late night phone calls where the two of you would talk nonsense till passing out, no more dropping by family video and no more afternoons spent driving around Hawkins with no specific destination in mind. Even after you had started seeing Jonah, you and Steve still talked on a daily basis but then he went and fucked it all up. Typical. 

As Steve lay in bed staring at his ceiling, he thought about that day at the lake and how Eddie had so easily picked up on his feelings for you, he then remembered the vow he made himself about how his feelings should not interfere with your friendship. He grabbed the pillow next to him and covered his face before letting out a long groan and then tossed said pillow across his bedroom.

He’s. Fucked. It. Up. 

The one thing he swore to himself he wouldn't do, he went and did anyway.

His heart hurt at the thought that his actions may have pained you in some way but relished as he remembered the feeling of your lips against his.

He truly didn't know what came over him that night at Tina's party. But before he could ponder on that for too long the phone on his bedside table began to ring. 

He answered it in a heartbeat, silently begging for it to be you on the other side. 

Unfortunately for Steve he was met with Dustin's screeching and not your soft voice. 

Dustin was all but begging him for a ride to the arcade which Steve reluctantly agreed to. His shift was due to start in just under an hour anyway so he said he'd pick up Dustin on his way.

After hanging up the phone Steve was plunged back into a vicious silence due to his house being devoid of any life other than himself. For the first time in a week, instead of giving into it and wallowing in self pity, he got up to shower.

Steve pulled up to Dustin's house half an hour later.

“You're late” the younger boy declared as he yanked the door open and clambered into the passenger seat. 

“I don't think we actually agreed on a time” 

Dustin rolled his eyes as he fastened his seatbelt and reached into his pocket for his packet of m&ms. 

“No, no, no” Steve said before snatching the packet out of Dustin's hands. “No eating in my car”

Dustin's look of bewilderment would've made Steve laugh had he not been in such a bitter mood.

“What the hell are you talking about, you let me eat in here all the time” Dustin argued as he attempted to grab the candy back from Steve.

“No, I used to let you eat in here until you went and spilled nerds everywhere, it's been three months and I'm still finding them.”

Dustin rolled his eyes and slumped back in his seat as Steve shoved the packet of m&ms into the glove box and went to start the car.

“Your just mad because you and your girlfriend had a fight”

Steve's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets at Dustin’s accusation.

“You- my-... what?”

“Yeah, haven't seen you two together in a while.” Dustin said as he waggled his finger in Steve's face.

Steve whacked his hand away from him with a look of disgust on his face. Partly because of what Dustin was saying but mostly because his hand was covered in Cheeto dust.

“First off, she isn’t my girlfriend,” Dustin gave him a sceptical look before starting to argue back.

“And second,” Steve interjected before Dustin could start picking holes in his words “we aren't fighting were both just, y’know… busy”

“Busy.” Dustin repeated, looking doubtful.

“Yeah she's got her stuff going on and I've got mine” 

Steve kept his eyes on the road in front of him as he spoke knowing his face would betray him which would only give the other boy more reason not to believe his words. He hated lying to Dustin but knew that the boy was prone to meddling in others lives and if he knew how Steve really felt about you he couldn't be sure Dustin wouldn't insert himself where he was not wanted. Plus he wasn't really lying, you two hadn’t fought, you were just avoiding Steve like the plague. …There's a difference. 

“I never said her name” Dustin's voice pulled Steve back into reality.

“Huh?”

“You knew exactly who I was talking about and I never even said her name”

Steve sat in silence as Dustin gave him a smug smile 

“Whatever man that doesn't prove anything”

“Or maybe it proves everything”

They pull up at a stop light as Dustin finishes. Steve takes the opportunity to open his glovebox and grab the packet of m&ms and throw them at Dustin. They hit him in the face before falling onto his lap.

“Shut up and eat your m&ms”

Dustin looked like the cat who got the damn cream as he ripped open the packet and shoved a handful into his mouth.

“You should go for it though, if you do like her, she’s cool” 

Steve valued Dustin's sentiment, however he would have valued it more if Dustin had finished chewing his m&ms before saying it. He didn't reply though, knowing whatever he said Dustin would have something annoyingly Dustin-ish to retort with.

He continued stewing over Dustin's words in his head until they arrived at family video. Steve had barely finished parking the car before Dustin was opening the door and jumping out, shouting Steve a goodbye over his shoulder as he hurried into the arcade. Steve rolled his eyes affectionately at the younger boy's actions before sighing and reaching to the backseat to grab his family video vest, shrugging it on and adjusting his name tag as he climbed out of his car. 

He’d been standing behind the front counter in a state of monotony for a few minutes (though it felt like hours) before Robin burst through the door.

“You look like a kicked puppy” 

Steve looked up from where he had been staring at the floor and methodically scuffing the carpet with the toe of his shoe. 

“Good morning to you too, Robin”

Robin waved her hand at him dismissively as she walked into the backroom to clock in.

“You need to grow a pair and talk to her Harrington” her voice echoed across the empty store.

“I have no idea what your talking about”

“You know exactly what I'm talking about. You've been sat here all week staring longingly at the door waiting for her to walk through it”

“I have not”

“Yes Steve, you have. You're waiting for all your problems to solve themselves, which is what you always do.”

“Oh yeah, your one to talk” steve mumbled 

Robin rolled her eyes as she walked back over to where he sat.

“Even if I did talk to her, what would I even say?”

“Just tell her how you feel, dingus” Robin said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Oh yeah that's a great idea, so what, you want me to go up to her and tell her that I can’t stop thinking about her, that I haven't been able to get her out of my head for like months, that I’m so head over heels in love with her that it hurts and then what will happen Robin? I will loose her forever because incase you haven’t noticed she’s with someone else and so obviously dosn’t feel the same way, so I will live the rest of my life in misery while they go off and get married and have children and I’ll be sat at home with my four cats wishing that I’d just fucking told her when I had the chance.” Steve dropped on the stool by the computer with a huff as he finished his monologue.

Robin stood in silence with an amused look on her face.

“You have always had a flair for the dramatics Harrington” 

Steve buried his head in his hands.

“Look they've been dating for like a month, I highly doubt they’re getting married anytime soon” 

“That's no the point, I-,” Steve stood up from where he sat, avoiding eye contact with Robin as best he could as he walked to grab the trolly full of tapes to be restocked “Look the bottom line is I want her to be happy, and if shes happy with Josh then I should just forget about it”

“Steve”

“No, i'm just going to apologise and say it was a stupid drunken mistake and leave her be”

“Fine, if that's what you want the-”

“It is.” Steve said with such firmness that Robin couldn't argue no matter how much she wanted to. The look in his eyes was one of such finality and sadness that it broke her heart to see. 

She had stood by and watched for months as Steve pined desperately for a totally oblivious you. She had watched as Steve went on date after date trying to get over you but his tactic had failed due to every girl he dated saying that he'd spent a great deal of time talking about you and was clearly harbouring an attachment. The notion made Robin cringe but also feel a great deal of sympathy for her clearly longing friend.

Robin couldn't shake the awful feeling that things were not going to end well for the two of you. She cared for you both greatly and couldn't bear to witness the aftermath of what would surely be an explosive end to your and Steve's friendship.

She was so sure that one of you would have come to your senses and confessed by now, it was completely, glaringly, painfully obvious to anyone outside the two of you that there were feelings involved. The longing stares, the inside jokes that date back years, the constant need to be close to each other and the uncanny ability to know what the other is thinking made Robin a tad envious if she was being completely honest. The two of you had been friends for as long as she could remember and somehow you weren't sick of each other. 

She could tell that probing Steve any longer wouldn't amount to anything so she left him alone to restock the tapes as she manned the front desk, alone. 

The rest of Steve's shift passed mind-numbingly slowly, and without a word from Robin, until the clock on the back wall struck 10 pm and Steve could be released from the hellscape that is family video. Robin had waved him goodbye with a sad smile as she left before he could offer her a ride home. He watched as she fastened her helmet and did up her jacket to try to somewhat protect herself from the downpour that had started 10 minutes ago. He felt like shit watching her go, realising that his misery was contagious and had just forced his best friend to cycle home in the rain rather than have to talk to him. Just as he was about to go into the back to clock out, the phone rang.

He huffed out a breath of air before picking up the receiver and mentally prepared his customer service voice.

“Welcome to family video, what can I help you with ?”

He was expecting a frazzled customer to beg him to stay open late so they could return their tape to avoid a late fee, or maybe a request to reserve the new Top Gun VHS they'd just got in. But that is not what he heard.

“Steve ?”

If he hadn't been listening so intently he would have missed it. It was your voice and hearing it had done a number on his brain. He opened and closed his mouth like a goldfish trying to get some semblance of a word to come out

“Steve? Are you there?”

“Uhh yeah, yes I'm here. What- uhh -what's up?” 

“I didn't know who else to call.” You paused to try and work out what to say. He'd never in his life heard your voice sound so small. Through the static Steve swore he heard a muffled sob, without thinking Steve asked, “Are you crying?” 

Steve talks without thinking far too often and when he says brainless things such as what he just asked you, it makes him want to bang his head on the counter in front of him. Repeatedly. 

“I- Can you come pick me up?” you ask quietly, like you haven't quite decided if you want him to hear you or not, then you start talking very quickly as you add “i'm so sorry, I know its late, it’s just no one else is picking up and my parents would go mad if they knew where I was, plus-”

“Where are you ?” he asked gently, trying to calm you down.

“The Hideout”

That took Steve by surprise. The only time you would go to the Hideout was to see Eddie play with Corroded Coffin and even then you would only stay for his set. The sticky tables, seedy patrons and deafening music not really being to your taste. 

“I’m sorry steve, I know its a trek but-”

“I'll be there in ten minutes”

Didn’t you know that Steve would go to the ends of the earth to make sure you were alright? A ten minute drive was hardly an ultimatum.

“Thank you Steve” your words were quiet but sincere. 

“It's no problem”

There was a few seconds of silence before the line went dead, Steve hoped that you had run out of change and not just hung up on him. 

Steve rushed into the backroom to clock out then back through the store to the front door. He made sure to lock it before covering his head with his jacket and running to his car.

He's not ashamed to say he broke a few traffic laws on his way to the hideout but he was running on pure adrenaline so really he can't be blamed. Your words were swirling around his thoughts. How you had said ‘none of your other friends’, Steve hoped that meant that you still viewed him as a friend and not that you were just trying to spare his feelings. Other is just a five letter word, was he really going to place all his hope in your friendship having a future on a five letter word? He thought that doing so may be setting himself up for disappointment when he realised that you had called him. He knew that you’d tried to call other people first but he was still considered as an option and that made him push his foot on the accelerator a little bit harder. 

Questions clouded his thoughts. Why hasn't your boyfriend picked you up? Why were you at the Hideout? More importantly, why were you crying? Has Jeremiah made you cry? 

He thought about what Robin and Dustin had said to him as he sped further through the sleepy town, how they thought he should tell you how he felt. Perhaps they were right or perhaps they have never cared about someone as much as Steve cares about you so could never understand what was at stake. 

The rain was coming down even heavier now and making the road ahead harder to see, but he pushed on. 

He still hasn't decided whether he would reveal his feelings to you as he arrived at the Hideout. The rain paired with the light coming from the dingy bar made looking through his car windows difficult but he still desperately searched the surrounding area for you. He soon realised that he would have to get out to find you so reached around to the backseats to search for his umbrella. He stuck his hand under the passenger seat and felt the cylindrical object and pulled it out. It was, like everything else in his car, covered in nerds. He got out of the car as he brushed them off whilst cursing Dustin and vowing to never ever let him eat in the car again (he broke that vow within the week)(he's starting to realise that he's awful at keeping promises that he makes to himself). 

The rain showed no signs of easing up as he walked closer to the bar entrance, still scanning the surrounding area, until he finally spotted you. You were sitting hunched over under the awning near the entrance of the bar. Thankfully safe and dry but far from okay. Your knees were pulled up to your chest with your arms wrapped around them and your forehead resting on top facing the floor. Your hair was wet and windswept and your shoes covered in mud. As he walked closed he could see your foot tapping rapidly up and down as you so often did when you're feeling anxious. He stopped next to you and knelt town to softly touch your shoulder. Your head shot up at his touch and for the first time in an agonising week, his eyes met yours. 

Your eyes were red and puffy and your cheeks had streaks of mascara flowing down them confirming what he'd asked you on the phone, your hands shook due to the cold and your voice quivered as you said “you came”.

Steve hated that there was a note of disbelief in your voice.  

“Of course I came, idiot” he attempted to make it sound light and jokey akin to the way you would normally talk to try and make you and himself feel better.

You giggle slightly whilst looking down to wipe the tears from your face. 

Steve didn't know what he was supposed to do next. He didn't know if he was meant to take you home, or back to his house, or sit out here or what. His knees made the decision for him as they began to ache due to his crouched position, so he moved to sit down next to you. Your legs brush up against each other and shoulders bump together in an all too familiar way as he settles.

Your presence was comforting but there was a sense of detachment between you that made Steve feel sick to his stomach. For a while the only noise was the howling wind and sound of chatter from inside the bar. Steve couldn't bear it, silence was not something the two of you heard much of when together.  

“What happened ?” He can't bring himself to look you in the eyes again yet so he settles for looking at the trees swaying in the distance. 

Steve doesn't quite know what he's asking. Whether he's asking what happened tonight for you to end up crying alone outside the Hideout or what happened between the two of you after Tina's party is unknown to him, but both answers pique his interest. 

After a beat of silence you shuffle to sit with your legs outstretched like his and sigh “It's a long story”.

“I’ve got time” as he says it he reaches for your hand which is now resting on your lap and squeezes it whilst giving you a reassuring smile. He has no idea where the surge of confidence came from but he's glad he did it as you hold his hand tightly in return. You both angle yourselves toward each other as you let out a deep breath and try to work out how to tell Steve how you ended up here. 

Your night had been a shitshow, to put it lightly. 

Not just your night, your entire week has been one thing after another. 

It started the minute your boyfriend came stumbling through the door at Tina's party and plunged you back into reality. 

The second you had realised what you'd done, that you'd just kissed Steve, your best friend, the boy you've had a crush on for years and had finally just started to get over, your mind hasn't stopped racing. Because Steve had kissed you. Steve had kissed you. Steve had kissed you and you had no idea what it meant. And it fucking terrifed you. 

Did he do it because he was drunk and horny? or because he liked you? or because he needed the ego boost after all his failed attempts at dating recently? 

The only thing you knew was you needed to get yourself and your very inebriated boyfriend out of Tina's house. So you grabbed Henry by the arm and physically dragged him through the still raging party, out of the front door and away from Steve Harrington. 

You walked home that night, slowly, as Henry stopped every block to throw up into bushes. You took him back to his house and pushed him through his front door, not even bothering to tell him goodbye as you set off back to your house. Despite knowing the dangers that lurked in the shadows of Hawkins you kept walking, trying to make sense of the night's events. Your mind was a conflicted mess and you had no idea how to go about sorting through the jumble. 

On one hand you had Henry, who you'd started dating just over a month ago and who two weeks ago asked you to be his girlfriend. When you introduced Henry to the group you’d been so sure that he and Steve would get along, both being into sports and such but there was animosity between them that you couldn't quite make sense of. Eddie had said not to worry about it, that it was just Steve being protective, and you accepted that for your own peace of mind but now you're wondering if his dislike for Henry stemmed from somewhere else. The thought made your tummy fill with butterflies, that maybe Steve likes you. You smiled to yourself before remembering that you have a boyfriend. Henry was … nice, attractive, on the football team at Indianapolis community college and was decent in bed  but- . You stopped in your tracks, you hadn't realised when listing things about your boyfriend that there would be a but, yet here you were realising that you could be dating Tom fucking Cruise, but he would never be Steve Harrington. 

Steve, your Steve who for so many years had been the one person you can tell everything to, someone who you felt safe around, someone who you have envisioned having around for the rest of your life, someone who you had just kissed and left sitting alone on a porch at Tina's party. Tonight, when your lips met his, a flood of emotions washed over you, and it became clear, what you have felt for Steve wasn't some childish crush, it was love. Shit, You love Steve. The realisation should have scared you shitless but it didn't. Instead you felt a sense of clarity and calm before a storm of overwhelming guilt hit you. 

You did a full three-sixty and began walking back to Tina’s. With each step you took your heart pounded with the realisation that you might be too late, that he’d left and you missed your chance to-, wait.. What were you going to do? 

[razzdazzledoo]

How do you feel about people roleplaying as MX?

Alright everyone, sit down. I've been waiting for this moment.

Welcome to

RAZZDAZZLEDOO'S QUICK GUIDE TO WRITING MX!!

For those who wanna be in-line with the character while still having the freedom of not being canon.

So first things first, let's get the ground basis with MX.

MX does what he does for the reactions it brings, that kinda stuff is his entertainment. So he plans ahead, hoping to find the best snowball effect for the strongest look of terror on people's faces.

Though he doesn't plan THAT much, he gets a ground base and then improvises the rest of it so it's hard to plan ahead against him.

He's also not meant to be intimidating all the time either, his playmates will get bored if it's the same song and dance so he plays into other personalities to throw them off.

When their guard's down? He strikes while the iron's hot. And that makes them terrified even more.

Second, how he interacts with other people.

It ultimately depends on what the other person's like. Are they exactly like him? Do they have the potential to be? Or are they like Lucas where they clearly fear him?

Those kinda aspects will play into the chemistry MX can have with a person. He's best friends with Executable M and Mr. Virtual for a reason, they're just like him in the sense of 'tormenting for their own entertainment' along with whatever goals they have.

If they show fear, he'll play into it. He'll show them reasons to fear him, and then the next moment deceive them into believing there's some good in his heart. Only to then tear down those chances, and watch them crumble.

"What if I wanna ship my MX roleplay with someone?"

You have the freedom to do that, don't let me restrict you from having fun. I'll provide how he would, in-character, respond to romance. But I wanna get some rules down first.

Do not be sexual with him. That kinda shit makes me incredibly uncomfortable, not to mention I don't see him ever showing interest to the thought.

Do not ship him in problematic scenarios. This can include: People in the victim role, like MX took their soul and put them in a vessel; Characters who are directly stated to be minors; And characters that use Luigi's likeness. I outright forbid this and will not hesitate to block you if I see it.

Build up to it. MX obviously isn't going to know what the hell a "relationship" is, he's never entertained the idea and so it's going to take some time for him to learn. He's gonna have to figure out why he feels the way he does around that specific person, whether with their guidance or not.

He knows that humans can feel love, and how they respond to it, since he's been around since the universe's creation; but he personally doesn't know much on the subject.

When he realizes he's actually capable of love, he's not gonna know how to respond to it. He might even outright avoid the person he feels those emotions to since he has not an iota of knowledge with relationships.

If your interpretation of MX has an actual friendship with other muses, and he gets along greatly, he might go to them about it as a show of trust and they can help him figure it out.

Otherwise, he'd try and leave "gifts" for his special someone. Like a cat bringing you a dead bird, for comparison. Most of his gifts are eldritch abominations though, like a smaller version of one of his clouds in his world as an example.

On the other hand, if his special someone went to him first about pursuing a relationship and he does feel love towards them as well; He'd go along with it, essentially being a big giant teddy bear for them if he thinks it'd be funny enough.

If someone tries to pursue a relationship with him and he feels no attraction, he just kinda messes with them about it. Poking fun that they'd fall in love with a monster like him, who'd never love them back.

There's no canon MX ship, I just personally lean more towards Powerforest since it's a comfort ship of mine.

"What are some other tips?"

If your interpretation of MX can frown, make it have impact. That brute smiles all the time, regardless of the situation; So if he frowns, that's gonna have to mean something.

Canonically if MX frowns, he's locked in. He's not gonna waste time playing around, he wants you DEAD.

Don't be afraid to be silly sometimes.

It'd get awful boring real quick if MX was one-dimensional in a roleplay scenario, having something like that can give him way more depth and I encourage it.

You don't need to follow this guide exactly, but please still be respectful of the boundaries I expressed in here.

This is not meant to be a rulebook on how to write MX, you still have the freedom to write him how you feel most comfortable with writing him. This is just how I go about writing the character in my own spaces.

[hauntingofhouses]

I was wondering, what do u think Taigen reaction to finding out about Mizu being a woman will be? Although I don’t think he will have a bad reaction I wanted to know what u thought about it?

OOH I like this question because the thoughts on this have been swirling around in my brain for a while and I don't think I ever properly talked about this, outside of maybe this post (which is barely coherent imo). There, I compared Mizu/Taigen to Mizu/Mikio, as well as to the main romantic couple in the movie Yentl. Then from both those comparisons, I tried to speculate on Taigen's reaction to Mizu's gender reveal, based on what would make the most narrative sense.

However, I didn't really analyse Taigen himself in that post, and neither did I ever come up with a concrete conclusion to what his reaction may be. So this ask gives me a good chance to speculate even further and hopefully come up with a proper and more in-depth answer.

Similar to you, anon, I don't think Taigen will have a bad reaction per se, though I guess it depends on what you'd define by bad.

Because this is Taigen we're talking about, I don't think he'd exactly be chill about it. He's very much a drama queen, especially around Mizu, as he's never afraid of stepping on her toes, and thus will vocalise his feelings to her whenever he's feeling them. That, combined with his short temper and his brashness, means that there's almost certainly going to be conflict when he finds out the truth. He will be shocked, and because he's immature, he'll be angry and upset because of this shock. Simply because he doesn't know, and hasn't yet learned, how to deal with his emotions in any other way besides getting angry.

So I think that will definitely be his first instinct. To get upset.

I don't think he'd immediately know why he's upset. Maybe only after a few minutes of angry questioning (think something along the lines of "Why are you telling me this now?!" and "You've been hiding this all this time?!"), he'd finally come up with some tangible cause for his anger.

What would the cause for his anger be then? Well, it could be several things.

Possible Reason #1

He feels "betrayed" because Mizu didn't trust him enough with the truth even after the two have grown close, and after Taigen has put his life on the line for her numerous times.

Possible Reason #2

He feels "cheated" because Mizu is not the man he'd believed she was, thus making it feel like their entire friendship was a sham. This is because the basis for their relationship, in the way he'd related to her, bullied her, envied her, admired her, allied himself with her, and eventually grown attracted to her, had been entirely based off the premise and belief that Mizu is his fellow man, his peer, comrade, and fellow samurai. Thus, discovering that Mizu is not a man would, initially, feel like all of that has been ripped away from him. And this is actually related to the third possible reason.

Possible Reason #3

This is a big one, and the reason everyone, including myself, is putting their bets on: misogyny.

Essentially, Taigen would find out that this whole time, the person he'd been envious of and struggling to beat in every single fight, is not a man, but a woman. And as far as he knows, even if women in feudal Japan could once be warriors (see: the Onna-musha), perceptions have since changed by the time of the Edo period. Furthermore, even if women could fight, men were still expected to be stronger, because men are supposed to protect women.

However, I believe that Taigen's particular flavour of misogyny is a little different, in that he does not view women as "inferior." Because remember, his fiancee was Akemi. This was a woman who took no shits! She was snarky and playful and intelligent, and moreover she was a princess, superior to him in every way, and he knew and respected all of that, and respected her as an individual who could make her own choices. When she'd told him the news of their engagement, Taigen asked her, "He's [your father] sure? You're sure?" And then, when she tried to seduce him in Ep 2, he asked her, "Akemi, are you sure?"

His respect for her is the only reason why Akemi had been so desperate to marry him in the first place. She did not love him, but knew he would be good to her. Because she could not guarantee that any other man would treat her nicely as he would.

Thus, with that being said, I don't think Taigen is some "alpha male dudebro" who thinks women belong in the kitchen etc. Instead, I think Taigen simply believes women are just... different from men. So it's not that women can't or shouldn't fight, it's that they just don't. It's not that women can't or shouldn't be friends with men on equal footing, it's just that they aren't. You get what I'm saying?

It's like, imagine your whole life, you're told, and fully led to believe, that a lamp can't light up. They're just meant to be in your house as decoration. And then suddenly, you find out that your lamp lights up! And you're like, "OMG a lamp is lighting up! How is it doing that?! I thought light only comes from candles and the sun! This can't be right, I thought lamps never light up! Isn't that a fundamental part of their design?"

Now, put aside that this is a pretty bad analogy because it's 1am as I'm writing this and I can't think of a better one atm, but I hope the point comes across, in that this is clear-cut misogyny (I'm comparing women to a piece of furniture here on purpose), but the lucky thing about this particular flavour of misogyny is that it's rooted in ignorance, and is not inherently malicious. It can be, but it isn't necessarily.

Ignorance can be undone through learning and educating oneself. And luckily for us, my friends, educating oneself out of ignorance is the entire point of Taigen's character! He represents the uneducated masses who blindly follow the flow of the fucked up system. This is in contrast to Mizu who has never had a place within the system to begin with, Akemi who has spent her whole life struggling to go against the grain of the system, and Ringo who has always tried to follow the system, but due to his disability, is denied full access to it.

Thus, we've already seen him take the first steps to unlearn his xenophobic and racial prejudice, and we've also seen him start shedding his massive ego and desire for glory, which are both used to mask his own insecurities. If Netflix gives us all 4 planned seasons, then we have 3 more seasons for Taigen to fully grow out these backwards mindsets and finally reach his full potential to become—not a good man—but a great one.

THEREFORE, whatever the reason for his upset at discovering Mizu's gender, I firmly believe that Taigen will get over himself in the end, regardless of whether his anger stemmed from his misogyny, hurt, confusion, or whatever else.

Because Taigen's short temper and emotional immaturity is born from him spending his whole life on the move. Unlike Mizu, who is always alone with her thoughts and meditates constantly to try to cleanse herself of her restless emotions, Taigen is used to surrounding himself with people (see:him in the Shindo Dojo) and ignoring his emotions completely (see:him trying to forget Kohama). Which is why, when he does feel anything, it's overwhelming, and he doesn't know what else to do with it except let it out, usually in an angry outburst. Only when given the proper chance to reflect in Kohama in Ep7, does Taigen finally go through some substantial growth and start feeling remorse over how he'd treated Mizu.

Hence, I suspect something similar will happen when he discovers Mizu's gender, in which he will get upset and shocked and confused first, but then he'll reflect and regret and try to make up for his past behaviour.

And this is what I meant earlier when I said that I don't think he'll 't have a "bad reaction."

Essentially, it is my belief that his reaction will not follow in the footsteps of Mikio's, but instead, directly oppose and subvert that. This is related to the points I referenced in the post I linked above, but also, more importantly, because Taigen and Mikio are narrative foils.

Thus, where Mikio had betrayed Mizu and left her for dead, I believe Taigen will, at the end of the day, remain loyal and continue to fight by her side until the very end.

Because the thing about Taigen, as a person, outside of all the attitudes and prejudices that have been ingrained into him, is his relentless devotion. He gives himself into everything he does, puts in his all, and does not do things halfway. That's what makes him such a good soldier. He does not lead, but follows. He is inherently self-sacrificing and driven by a desire to protect, and we see this in how protective he is of Mizu to the point of enduring torture for her and telling her to use him as a human shield; how his first instinct upon hearing Akemi had been dragged off to get married against her will, is to get up and try to go to her; and how, when hearing the shogunate is in danger, he immediately goes straight to Edo palace to try to warn the shogun, even if it might get him killed in the process.

I could go on about why I think this is what makes him so good for Mizu (because Mizu's arc, especially in Season 1, is literally about accepting help and opening herself up to others) but this post is already atrociously long, so I'll just leave it at that.

So, anon, I hope I answered your question! I'm sorry I can never give short answers though, but I think at this point, it's to be expected from me lol. Thank you for the ask btw! And on that note, my inbox is always open for more 👀

[staghunters]

The case for an ND reading of Jackie Taylor, a decently-sized post.

I got a lot of scrambled thoughts on this, and they need a space for coherence. Maybe this is more for my own headcanon-ing, but feel free to take this if you want to. A lot of this comes down to a certain reading of text that I do with a certain kind of lens that may not be there for everyone. And that's fine! This is just silly analysis stuff that I wanted to do.

Am I an "authority figure" on this? Probably not by some standards! I consider myself to be on some spectrum, but only my brother has a diagnosis (tm), so do with that what you will.

This a mix of new thoughts and some copy-pasted from messages i sent on discord once.

SO, where to start. The first proper introduction of Jackie with other people is that gruelling opening sequence, but I think the more interesting is her first scene with Shauna where we get the big chunk of what the history is between these two and on what dynamic they interact with each other.

Jackie's got the whole thing color-coded and planned out. She likes that, but from all the other things later in the episode -- and the season -- it becomes very clear that she likes to have some input that ranges from voicing her opinion to micro-managing in order to feel in control and somewhat safe in her position as (social) captain of the Yellowjackets.

That Shauna is going to Rutgers with Jackie is taken as a given by her. One interpretation is that Jackie thinks that Shauna, obviously, will go with her to Rutgers on the basis of their friendship. However, I would like to propose a lil switch in that maybe Jackie hopes that Shauna will go with her to Rutgers. Getting into Brown isn't nothing, and there's gotta be some pointers at High School that Shauna would be/feel overqualified for Rutgers.

High school is a game of social credits. Jackie knows what to wear, what to say, what to do. Coach points out her "influence", and she demonstrates some skills at conflict-resolution during the kegger. Soccer is a game, one that she's very passionate about, as is her supposedly on-and-off-ish thing with Jeff. The funny thing is that Jackie seems way more interested in calling out how her boyfriend's team has been doing at baseball, rather than stuff that concerns him (or the both of them) personally.

To segway back a bit: Everything is a game with rules. Jackie knows them, but is shown to be really out of her element in the wilderness and trying to bring back normal societal rules into it (this will be a surprise tool that will help us later). Is Shauna going with her to Rutgers a naive wish on the basis of their friendship, or is it also so Jackie can have someone to scout and feel out all the social conventions for her? College means that a new playbook needs to be made, and it saves embarassment if you can base it on someone else.

Jackie assuming that Shauna would go along to Rutgers to be her roommate can very well be an expression of "this is my best friend and my sole, kind, understanding constant in my life, and I need her there with me in this unknown territory." College means starting over from scratch, and if we assume the manual-based functioning to be true, then Shauna's presence there to take cues from could help a lot to smooth out this transition.

On the other hand, this is of course the opportunity to drop some masking that Jackie might've been doing. Shauna being there could then very well work against her

My greatest argument, I think, is that you can see the entirety of Jackie's lil subplot of going after Travis as an example of how such a process backfires tremendously against her.

A little step-by-step:

Jackie is shown to give Shauna multiple chances to come clean about the Jeff Thing. Shauna doesn't, but Jackie still sticks around her.

Jackie proposes the plan to have some fun with Travis to Shauna. Shauna voices her thoughts about it, underlining that it would be a bad thing to do to Natalie.

This notion is repeated throughout the episode. Travis himself brings it up, the high group of hunters brings it up, Nat herself looks not too pleased at Jackie and Travis slow-dancing at doomcoming.

There's an interesting reverse happening once the hunter girls confront Jackie about having had sex with Travis. Everyone is out of their minds, so idk how well we can factor in that almost all of them proceed to go after Travis despite mentioning once again that "he's Natalie's".

Doomcoming is post journal discovery, yet quite some time has passed between that and the episode. Jackie makes some very obvious comments at Shauna to signal that She Knows, and the Travis plan is set up after that. Hooking up with Travis can serve the plainly stated "I'm not gonna die a virgin :/", but over the course of the episode, it also creates this whole new catalogue of reactions from the others. And all of these, in their defence of Natalie, would speak in favor of Jackie if the news would break that Shauna had sex with Jeff.

So at the end of Doomcoming, we can get some sort of list of "rules" that would apply out here in the wilderness appendix for the section on CHEATING

People can call dibs on someone, and those are to be respected

Acting like the "bigger person" by calling everyone out on how little value it has out here is not going to do you any favors

The group will react badly if you crossed a line in their eyes. Taking someone's boyfriend falls under that.

It's how she plays the fight with Shauna! Shauna wants to bring up that most problems were caused by Jackie hooking up with Travis, which Jackie follows with an uno-reverse card she now (thinks) she has in her hands

If I (Jackie) hook up with Nat's boyfriend (Travis), then the group takes Natalie's side. Therefore, if Shauna hooked up with my boyfriend, then they should take my side.

And it goes so bad! Shauna outplays her by making the whole fight not about the cheating, but about their friendship as a whole, which Jackie has been viewing way differently and blinded than Shauna and the others. There's plenty of moments of Jackie "not reading the room" and either waving it off as the others being party-poopers or a lil mishap of her own.

Of course the big difference is that Jackie isn't really awkward in the highschool setting. She won homecoming queen for a reason, has many people looking up to her, and Coach Martinez probably made her captain for similar reasons. I guess what I'm going for with what's provided in Doomcoming is that Jackie lacks that "reading the room" skill (we can see it a number of times with Shauna in the pilot. In particular I'd say the Rutgers discussion, the boob dress, and telling Jeff to drop her off first) but makes up for it a lot by having a sort of manual of how to act in certain situations.

She's not seeing how Shauna might feel about her constant input on things. She's not seeing that others might orchestrate stuff outside of her knowledge. Nobody ever outright goes head-to-head with Jackie until the wilderness, and on good grounds there. If rescue isn't coming, we go to the body of water that's just been discovered. But the crash site is (ironically) safe. Whatever might happen if we leave it behind for something we're not even sure of?

It also doesn't look like Jackie has any (good) friends outside of Shauna. Might come with their years long codependence that nobody even wants to put themselves into, but also that with a captain position/being a generally popular high school student, she might not seem as approachable on a personal level. Jackie does make herself very open, and she's shown to be able to set up brief but very attentive conversations (Allie, Mari, Misty) but beyond that on a superficial level, there's not someone who she turns to when she suspects Shauna of something. Shauna's very obvious other friend is of course Taissa, but there's nobody out in the wilderness like that for Jackie.

and for some random bits:

Verbal stuff! The Beaches quote is peak, because who else would drop a line like that in such a moment. If Jackie's lying about not quoting it, then it does really speak of it being a hyper-focus movie (and we can also discuss why Shauna can recognize the movie from just the one line). But I think the possibility of it just being one of those phrases that you whip out like a vine quote, even if you've forgotten the origins of it

Presentation and maybe textures! Her luggage lacking skirts/dresses is… yeah. She wears a dress at the party in the woods and going to school with Shauna in the pilot episode, but besides the doomcoming dress, that's it. The article that says that while the others are already sharing clothes, Jackie sticks to her own wardrobe OR borrows some thing from Shauna (shoutout to the Doomcoming flannel!)

[thisisatesttai]

IchiRuki is not "delusional," and saying that it is means you have no media literacy

IHs seem to think that all it takes to interpret Ichigo, Rukia, and Orihime's feelings is to read the epilogue. To a literary critic, that is absurd. Characters explain how they feel over and over again across a piece of media. An ending may give us context that alters the earlier scenes, but this is always in very specific ways. With Bleach, nothing about the epilogue indicates that Ichigo and Rukia are not supposed to be read as at least potentially romantic.

For posterity's sake, I should point out that I've only seen the first few arcs of the anime, so most of what I say below is based on the manga. That said, the anime is part of the story as much as the manga is, so just because something happened in the manga and not the anime, or vice versa, doesn't make it "truer" to the text, just true to different texts.

Let's start with the fact that the story repeatedly suggests that Ichigo and Rukia have a romantic vibe to them. The rumors at school make this explicit, but just from the setup of two classmates who clearly have a secret that are constantly sneaking off, especially when you add in that they go home together and sleep in the same room. I know a lot of people want IchiRuki to be the Platonic Boy/Girl Friends (TM) but honey, they just ain't them. You're thinking of Naruto and Sakura. Claims that they have a sibling vibe are utterly baseless, especially in Bleach, where sibling relationships are a very explicit theme. Not every non-romantic couple that's nominally the same age (don't get me started on the "she's 150" arguments; go prosecute ACTUAL 150-year-olds dating 15-year-olds and leave me alone) is automatically a sibling vibe. The most I could say is that they do bicker a lot, but we all know that's just as comparable to a married couple. Saying Rukia is a mentor to Ichigo admittedly has a little more basis, especially when Bleach doesn't have a designated mentor figure. I still think Rukia's role in teaching Ichigo about the Soul Society is more of a guide archetype, though; think less Genkai, more Botan.

But setting aside the setup, the Soul Society Arc, or Rescue Rukia arc, is loaded with romantic themes and imagery. Don't get me wrong; nothing says that Kubo couldn't have introduced these as a fake-out to the audience, with the intention of subverting their expectations. I don't personally think there's anything that really suggests that, at least not so far as the romantic reading of the Soul Society arc itself being entirely off-base. The whole arc kicks off because Rukia is asked by Orihime and her friends if she "like-likes" Ichigo. She says she only likes him as a friend, but all of the narrative cues suggest that she's being dishonest, from the narration to the fact that she was so bothered by the question that she chooses now to go to the Soul Society and face her punishment. The suggestion at this point seems to be that Rukia having any type of affection for Ichigo, be it friendship or romantic, is inappropriate or even impossible for a shinigami. Ichigo's feelings are treated similarly, as he never gives a straight answer when he's asked why he wants to save Rukia, but several characters suggest that it's because he's in love with her. This doesn't mean he is, but the narrative does not deny that that is a possible reasoning. We're not even really told what his answer is; the scene where he thinks, "That's why I fought so hard to save you" seems to be suggesting that he wanted her to be able to decide whether she would live in the World of the Living or the Soul Society -- or else it's saying he didn't want the last time he saw her to be her telling him she would never forgive him, or it's saying that he wanted to see her smile again. Like I said, we're not given an explicit answer to this question.

The rest of the manga is basically about Ichigo adjusting to life without Rukia. I think it's fair to say that even if you read Soul Society romantically, from the Arrancar Invasion Arc on, Rukia is no longer written as Ichigo's love interest. This doesn't invalidate anything suggested in the previous arcs, though. If anything, I would argue that Ichigo's feelings become pretty explicit by the time we get to Hueco Mundo. The dramatic reveal of Rukia coming to visit, and the fact that she's the only person capable of breaking him out of his funk, both have a romantic reading to them. When the team arrives in Hueco Mundo, Ichigo is shown to be overly concerned with Rukia's safety, explicitly singling her out aside from Renji, Uryu, and Chad. (I guess that could just be misogyny, though.) Even Ichigo's obsession with getting a rematch with Grimmjow could be traced to him nearly one-shotting Rukia during their fight in Karakura. I'm not saying any of these are exclusive interpretations, just showing how it's regularly reinforced that Ichigo feels differently about Rukia than any of his other companions, even to the point of letting it cloud his judgment.

I don't think I need to say anything about Ichigo and Rukia's goodbye before the timeskip. The way the scene is drawn, and written, and framed by the narrative, is very reminiscent of romance scenes, to the point that if it was meant to be read as exclusively platonic, it comes off as a very bad satire. And jumping to the anime real quick, I know episode 342 is anime-only, but by no means do I think that invalidates everything it says about Ichigo and Rukia's feelings for each other. That episode oozes with ship-bait, to the point of turning the subtext of their relationship into text. And if you think this is something that the anime studio injected into the narrative -- well, first of all, then we'd also have to parse out everything that the Shonen Jump editors injected into the manga -- but Kubo himself has said that he thought the episode was a welcome addition. So, if your'e someone who thinks the author's vision is the final say on the manga, there you have it; Kubo basically canonized ep. 342.

With all that in mind, I think that, at the very least, Bleach's narrative suggests that Ichigo and Rukia are coulda-beens. Maybe Ichigo was more invested than Rukia was, maybe Rukia deemed it inappropriate due to them being from different worlds, but in the language of manga and storytelling in general, the idea that they might have feelings for each other isn't some fan's "delusion"; it is actually part of the text. Whether or not they actually felt something for each other is for them and them alone to know, but the story tells us that these are two people who met, came to care very deeply for each other, and then drifted apart without ever taking the plunge.

The question that this leaves us with is, where does that leave Orihime?

If there's one character whose feelings are never up for debate, it's Orihime. We know from practically her first scene that she has a crush on Ichigo. Now, at first that's never taken seriously. It's mostly just a setup for the running gag of her bonkers imagination. Over time, though, we get a little bit more insight into Orihime's feelings, and she starts to get taken more seriously as a character. There's a version of Bleach where, as Orihime steps up to be by Ichigo's side in the latter arcs, he moves on from his feelings for Rukia and the two develop as a couple. If that were the case, even if IchiHime doesn't appeal to me, personally, I would still accept it. It would actually be a refreshingly mature take on teenage romance. Unfortunately, that version is not in the text.

For that reading of Bleach to work, we would need to see their love for each other build to a place where both characters bring out the best in each other, at least comparably to Ichigo and Rukia. Unfortunately, Ichigo and Orihime don't seem to bring out the best in each other. Ichigo brings out all of Orihime's insecurities. During the lead-up to the Arrancar arc, Orihime starts to compare herself to Rukia. (There's literally a panel sequence that says, without a single word "find you someone who looks at you the way Ichigo looks at Rukia", to anyone who's still unconvinced that there's a romantic reading to those two.) And as the entirety of the Hueco Mundo hammers home, Orihime is personally ill-equipped to be Rukia. Both Rangiku and Rukia herself have speeches where they tell Orihime that she needs to stop trying to live up to what she thinks Ichigo wants and just be herself, but she sticks to the mantra that she wants to "fight by Ichigo's side" -- you know, like Rukia does. Urahara even tells her outright that she needs to stop trying to put herself on the battlefield. It's not particularly nice of him to squash her dreams like that, but it's not as though she doesn't get an out; Hachi is already there, trying to teach Orihime to be a healer, something she has a natural talent for.

Instead of reframing her wishes with the advice of her friends, Orihime makes the worst decision of her life and goes to Hueco Mundo with Ulquiorra. Now, obviously this is coerced by the Espada and not her actual response to the situation, but that doesn't mean they're not framed as consequential to each other, narratively. Orihime is told she has a flaw that she needs to change, but before she's able to do so, she must go through hardships so she can let go of the façade that she's using to cover up her flaw. Well, she goes through hardships alright. She's imprisoned, assaulted, and threatened with death. Orihime is confronted both with her weaknesses, and with her strengths, as she is eventually able to appeal to Ulquiorra's humanity through her willingness to see the goodness in people, even those who are actively abusing her. You would think this would lead to a change in Orihime that goes back and answers the underlying question, but it doesn't. By the end of the manga, she is still fantasizing about being a Battle Couple alongside Ichigo, and she's still not good at it. I don't know how many times I've had to say this, but Orihime and Ichigo losing their fight to Yhwach is not a triumphant moment. The fact that it's the result of Orihime achieving her series-long dream is more of an indictment against their relationship than anything else I could say.

To adopt the narrative that Ichigo got over Rukia to be with Orihime, we would also need to see him come to appreciate Orihime in her own right, something that he is...hopelessly uninterested in. No, we can't just take for granted that he's a dopey shonen hero and "that's just his character"; if he's supposed to be . We also absolutely cannot take for granted that this happens offscreen; that can be a headcanon that you, as the audience, choose to adopt, but it's not suggested by anything other than the assumption that the ending is supposed to be, and can only be, saccharinely happy. There's nothing to suggest that Ichigo changes the way he thinks about Orihime in the text, and we only ever see him thinking about her is when reacting to her in scenes, and just generally not wanting her to die. The closest we get to him expressing a romantic interest in Orihime is the scene where he asks her to "wait for him" -- at Rukia's wedding, no less. I shouldn't have to spell out how having this happen on the very day, at the very moment, that Rukia is considered "off-limits" to conventional societal standards undercuts the idea that Ichigo is not taking Orihime as a consolation prize. Which, don't get me wrong, SUCKS. But it is implicit in the framing, and can't be ignored.

And that's without getting into Rukia's relationship with Renji. I think in this case, we can very obviously see that Kubo tried to write a romance between them, but he did so in such a half-assed way that I find it very hard to take seriously. Yes, Ichigo throwing Rukia to Renji is obviously meant to tell us that Renji is her love interest from that point in the story, but that doesn't mean it works. First of all, we can't pretend Renji wasn't awful to Rukia for a majority of the Soul Society arc. Sure, this is him pre-character development, but it's a huge leap to go from "I'm conflicted over whether I should tell off my boss for killing you" to a canon couple. But even with Renji beating up Rukia and telling her he wished she was dead, you can still get to the point where they repair their relationship -- it just takes a lot of work that Bleach simply doesn't do. We need more than Renji promising to turn things around, we need to see him do things that make up for that. To be fair, though, Kubo spends very little time showing us what they're like when one of them isn't on death row. At most, they seem to train together a lot. Like, you want platonic boy/girl besties? THESE are platonic boy/girl besties. Actually, they're the ones with the sibling dynamic, given that they literally grew up calling each other family.

So where does that leave us? Some people seem to assume that despite Kubo fumbling the ball, the canon couples were meant to be, and that they somehow found happiness despite all the evidence to the contrary. Again, you can hold that headcanon for yourself if it makes you happy. However, if we're going strictly based off the text, the answer seems to be that Bleach doesn't have a happy ending. The characters whose endings are not related to getting married off all end up doing the one thing they didn't want to do -- Chad ends up using his fists for personal gain as a boxer, Uryu ends up alone, etc. -- and the ones who DO get what they want are the ones whose dreams are framed as being misguided, in Orihime's case, or unearned, in Renji's case. I'm not saying you have to ship IchiRuki, of course. I can't tell you how to read the series. At the end of the day, Bleach is to you what it is to you. But saying that reading IchiRuki as romantic is "delusional" is more than just false, it diminishes media literacy for all of us.

[biasbuck]

BiAsBuck’s ficrec Fridays

shhhh pretend you do not see what day of the week it is (dear brain, please get back into a routine!) Happy Frunday? Back again with another round of the fic I've been reading this month. Deep in my 'Chris' away, now what' feels. You can find previous rec lists here.

14 July 2024

not a demon, there's a reason by @ithilien-writes oooooh my god I love 'kid learns about their parent's past' fic, and the Chris season 8 set up is just a gold mine for it. Here's an absolutely incredible entry into the fic canon, in which Chris, bored and lonely in Texas, stumbles upon Eddie's teenage diary. He reads it as a conduit to learning more about Shannon than his Dad has ever told him, and in doing so comes to understand Eddie like he never did before. (I would also recommend reading other fic from this author for some lovely interconnected story telling and further insight into some of Eddie's teenage secrets.)

kid, you better come home by @wildehacked is a short one shot with Buck's POV on Chris being away, navigating calls to him, established but relatively new bucktommy, and how Buck copes with all that whilst looking after Eddie and nurturing their queerplatonic family set up. A really interesting exploration of Chris and Buck's relationship with the basis that 'Every other time Chris has fought with Eddie, he’s gone to Buck.' I love Chris' voice in this, it's so well captured.

i’ve seen a couple suns that set forever by @cal-daisies-and-briars '“So?” Chris asks. “You’ve said things are going to change before, and it always ends up with people leaving, and me feeling terrible all over again. How is it different now?”' in which Chris and Eddie go to family therapy, and Eddie comes out. Really wonderful exploration of how not everything is fixed so easily, and Eddie working to repair the damage whilst Chris works on understanding his Dad and coming to a place of forgiveness, whilst dealing with his own abandonment issues. Luckily a conversation with Bobby helps him look at his Dad in a new light.

my home is your body by @coldbam 'This is Buck’s first Pride. Sue him, he’s excited. He’s going all out.' After Buck and Tommy have a rather acrimonious split during Buck's first pride out, he discovers Eddie has had a very different night. There as an ally, Eddie embarks on some steep self discovery learning curves. Exploring grindr leads to a serious friends with benefits situationship, but of course there's no miscommunication over feelings here...right? Oh Buddie...what are we gonna do with you. A delightful comedy of errors whilst also being hot. Loved this!

let the world have its way with you and thousand times (which isn’t half enough) by @shitouttabuck in which Eddie convinces Buck to seize the day post-lightning strike by making a bucket list and helping him make his wishes a reality, from the smallest hopes to the biggest dreams. With a heaping of Buckley-Diaz family and firefam time, so much pining and longing and heart...and the most sweetly loving tree root metaphor I've ever read. Now with a gorgeous follow up fic to answer some of those lingering questions!

so far away but still so near by @exhuastedpigeon yes, yessss Eddie and Lucy and Ravi bestieism. In which, based on Frank's advice, 'Eddie Diaz learns who he is outside of being a father, builds some new friendships, and loves his best friend.' I really loved the dynamic that Eddie built up here, his tentative steps into finding friends outside of the support system he'd previously relied on, and the way it peeled back new facets of himself in order to love his loudest. Gorgeously written as always! Ravi and Lucy are just absolute bestie goals.

I know the words, I know the sounds by @try-set-me-on-fire in which 'Buck and Eddie dance at Tommy’s wedding.' Oh yeah, I see you SalTommy shippers, and I absolutely get it. As does Buck...sometimes the heart just wants what it wants, and what are you gonna do? Exploring the 'what if Tommy's the one to run off with his best friend' prompt to hilarious and heartwarming ends.

good pretender by @likeshipsonthesea an oldie but a goodie circa season 5, in which Buck and Ravi are secret fully platonic friends with casual sex benefits, Eddie pines A LOT, and everyone is just failing to communicate. I love the introspection here, what each character learns about themselves along the way, and how everything is eventually worked out. Give me season 8 Ravi main please show, I'm begging.

That's it for this week but I'm once again putting out a call for any Hen POV or henren ficrecs (please feel free to self rec), buddietommy, and canon compliant Tommy POV because I've fallen out of the loop!

[usmsgutterson]

Hi! I’m here to send in a request for platonic crows x reader where the reader can shapeshift - The main thing I was thinking of was just kinda friendship w the crows in general and their reactions to different things they learn about reader overtime and what they first though about reader vs now. Also here’s some ideas I’ve had about reader for if you do choose to do this request that might help!

-> I feel like reader would probably be able to change their body to be able to take on like a half form of things so like they could give them-self ears or something and depending on if they have a ‘Main form’ of sorts they could probably have some of the features of that thing like idk enhanced hearing or their good at being quiet/Sneaky.

-> Also I imagine that they might get like aches if they haven’t done it in a long while just based on the fact that in a way it’s like changing your bones/Bone structure if that makes sense so if they do it too much (Like an unhealthy amount like every single day for hours on end) Or haven’t done it in a long time they’d get aches n stuff

-> and also (Last thing I promise) They would probably use smaller/Quieter forms to scare/sneak up on people and just be an overall menace rlly

And of course if you aren’t interested in doing this request that’s fine too! Just let me know ^^ hope you have a wonderful day! :]

(Also could I be an anon? If so could I be 🍒Anon?)

Platonic! Crows x gn! Shapeshifter! Reader Headcanons

Hi! You can totally be the cherry anon if you want, that's cool with me! I'm sorry it took me a bit to see this, I've been writing requests from the bottom of my inbox to the top of it lately so that I could get the oldest requests done first, and seeing this in my inbox, I just knew I'd have a blast! I was right, writing this was so much fun.

I did it as headcanons to keep the fic from breaching a 15k word limit which I knew I'd get to if I let myself and I didn't want this fic to run too long! I hope that that's all right with you and if not, I apologize and I can rewrite if you'd like me to!

Fic type- fluff

Warnings-mentions of tarantulas, flies (the reader once turns themself into a fly on the wall) and spiders

(no gif because I sadly couldn't find one of the crows on the rooftop)

Okay, so!

Your status as a shapeshifter is kind of just...known amongst the crows? 

Like, they all know about it and it just kind of exists as another one of your attributes. It’s not a big deal, and nobody has ever really made it out to be.

You’re able to enhance your hearing so that you can hear pretty far out, which comes in handy a lot on heist jobs, especially if you can make it so that you can be standing on the total opposite side of wherever you need to be for the heist and still be able to hear Kaz and Nina bickering at the checkpoint. 

You’re also able to make yourself quieter, which comes in handy a lot on jobs too, especially when you need to focus on being stealthy and go unseen and unheard. 

Now that I think of it, there’s probably a way that you can shift to match your surroundings or like, make them match you kind of, and make yourself invisible, which is actually a super cool concept and I don’t want to get sidetracked by it, so next thing!

There’s a healthy amount of times that you should shapeshift on a regular basis. You go off that and start doing it too much or not doing it enough, you get really bad aches and pains.

I feel like you’d get them all over and they would hurt as much as a really bad migraine. It happens at random and can sometimes last a couple of days, too. All in all, the pain part of it isn’t really a fun or enjoyable experience so you try to shapeshift consistently

YOU WOULD TOTALLY SHAPESHIFT INTO RANDOM SHIT TO SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF PEOPLE-

forgive the caps, I would a thousand percent do the same thing and I got excited when I remembered that that was a possibility.

You’d probably shapeshift into something like a tarantula and just spend hours relaxing in a random corner of Wylans lab weaving webs and hanging from the ceiling and being all cool, and then Jesper comes in and you go to greet him and he’s like “saints, what is that?"

and then Wylan is just like “it’s Y/N? Their favorite color is the dots on their back? How could you not recognize them?”

“Oh, I’m sorry Wylan, I’m just not so used to seeing my best friend as a bloody tarantula!” 

You probably shapeshift into a cat to be a menace to Kaz 

the concept of you just kind of showing up at his office window and then doing that thing that cats do where they nap in direct line of wherever the sun is coming in is something I love more than life itself

that’s nOT MENACING, BACK ON TRACK

AFTER you’ve sunbathed an appropriate amount of time, you, in the form of a cat, jump onto Kaz’s desk and glare at him the entirety of the time that it takes you to bring his to-go cup of coffee closer and closer to the edge of his desk, until it tips over and spills. 

that concept has made me laugh for the last ten minutes

Kaz almost hates you for that every time you do it, even though he knows you’re only doing it because he did something to piss you off first and he just considers it fair when he remembers that much. 

You also buy him a replacement coffee out of the kindness of your heart, though you never actually apologize to him

to be menacing in the direction of Matthias and Nina, you also take up the form of a spider. Neither of them really like spiders and you just kind of mess with them for two minutes before it gets old and you switch into something else.

Inej is a cat person through and through, and there aren’t many ways in which you can mess with her, nor do you want to because knife wife WILL use knives if she doesn't recognize the fact that whatever you shift into is you and the possibility, though slight, is still there.

You go to Inej as a cat the most often, though. 

You’re able to keep up with her when she’s running through the barrel on her missions for Kaz, and the naps in the sun are best when you’re laying on one of Inejs coats while she spars with Jesper

You’ve also been a literal fly on the wall to get intel for Kaz before, but that was because you’d offered, and it was exhausting. You got a lot of good intel from that but you were like “nah, never again. Not for less than a hundred million kruge. Never”

generally, it’s a very chaotic but a very fun existence, and you wouldn’t trade a minute of it for anything

[rjthirsty]

Gilbert Voyeurism

Words: 3k

Tags: College AU, Smut, Kink Negotiation, Clavis/Dahlia (OC), PIV Sex, Male Solo, Ruined Orgasm - sort of, Kinktober2024

Gilbert thought about them constantly - about his neighbor Clavis and the woman he was fucking on a near nightly basis. It was hard not to think about them when they were loud enough to hear even in the earlier days when they were trying to be quiet. Now, though, now they were toying with him, announcing their fucking with a simple knock on their shared wall. First the knock, then she would moan and whimper and call out his name.

They got louder and more frequent when he dared to make it known he knew of their rule breaking. They got louder and more frequent when he answered the knock to let them know he could hear them loud and clear the first time they teased him. And while it was fucking hot to hear her moaning, to hear the noise she made and imagining himself in that position, fucking her stupid and filling her cunt with his cum as he masturbated to his own climax, it still left him aching having to rely on his imagination alone based off the sounds he heard.

If they were already delighting in putting on show after show after show with sound for him, the next reasonable step would be to make it an actual show he could watch. And so, when Clavis went to let his girlfriend in the fire escape like clockwork, Gilbert took it upon himself to invite himself into Clavis’ open, waiting dorm room. He took a seat in the chair at the desk and greeted the lovers with a friendly grin, deeply enjoying their shocked faces when they hurried inside and found him waiting. 

“Uh… Hello?” Dahlia offered a confused smile to go with her confused greeting.

“Evening,” Gilbert happily returned the greeting. “I'm Gilbert. And you are?”

“Dahlia.” She answered.

“What are you doing in here?” Clavis annoyedly asked, moving around in front of Dahlia as if to protect her.

“The door was opened. I thought it was time to make an introduction.” Gil's different colored eyes shifted from Clavis to Dahlia. “You sound as beautiful as you look.”

Understanding flashed in Dahlia's eyes as she figured out who this stranger was. “You're the sketchy neighbor!” She laughed and it was a wonderful sound - not as wonderful as her moans, but lovely in its own right. 

“Yes, and he was just leaving.” Clavis said pointedly, reaching for the handle of his dorm room door.

“Aw, don't be like that. We're friends, aren't we?” Gilbert made no effort to move from his seat. “I'd like to be your friend too, Dahlia.”

“I wouldn't call us that.” Clavis rebuked.

Dahlia wrapped her arms around Clavis’ waist, hugging him from behind as she peered at Gil around Clavis’ arm. “Hmn. Your kind of friendship sounds like it comes at a cost. Were we not paying enough already to keep you happy?”

“You're quick and to the point, I like that.” Gil crossed his legs, folding his hands together and resting them on his knee. “I enjoyed your gifts very much. The payment wasn't necessary, but it intrigued me. Now I’d like a live showing, if you feel so inclined.”

“Absolutely not.” Clavis answered immediately, not giving Dahlia a chance to voice her thoughts.

“Hang on, Clavis, why not?” Dahlia peered up at her boyfriend with genuine curiosity. Gil was starting to realize it must have been her who started the voiced act he had been listening to.

Clavis looked down at her with surprise coloring his features. “You're interested?”

“It's not a question of if I'm interested or not, I want to understand why you're opposed.” Dahlia gently pushed.

It was interesting seeing them so focused on each other. There was honesty in their conversation, and trust in their eyes. This is probably the closest Gil had ever seen to what love should look like. 

Clavis stood silent for a moment, sorting through his thoughts. His golden eyes searched Dahlia's, her soft gaze showing a willingness to accept and listen without judgment. It was one of the reasons he loved her so much. “I thought by refusing you wouldn't have to be put in an uncomfortable position of needing to do so yourself.”

“So you said no on my behalf?” Dahlia clarified.

“When you put it that way, it sounds like my good intentions were ill-conceived.”

“I love that you fret over me and consider my comfort, you know that. But I'm not uncomfortable with this. I find the idea kind of thrilling. Are you uncomfortable?” Dahlia leaned her cheek against Clavis’ shoulder as she continued to look up at him.

Clavis stared at Dahlia, his eyes wavering. He didn’t want to admit that he felt threatened at the thought of someone seeing his lover at her most vulnerable. But why he felt threatened made no sense. It wasn’t jealousy, he simply thought that it was a moment of intimacy that you only shared with those you cared greatly about. And if she didn’t care if someone else saw it, did that mean she cared for them as much as him, or that she cared for him as little as them?

“I'm not uncomfortable.” Gil chimed in.

“Clearly.” Clavis glanced at Gilbert, fighting the urge to roll his eyes.

“I'm yours and you're mine, Clavis. I love you, and whether someone else sees that or not doesn't change that you're the only one for me.” Dahlia smiled as she spoke.

Dahlia reminding him that she saw no one else but him helped alleviate his discomfort. Her eyes were filled with only him, and her heart was only for him. Whatever anyone else said or saw, he was always first in her life. Clavis hadn’t realized how powerful and loved she had made him feel, knowing that she wasn’t interested in anyone else. Not once had she glanced at Gilbert the entire time she asked about his thoughts. She was utterly taken by him, and he by her. “I have nothing to worry over.”

“It's settled, then.” Gil concluded, now that everyone had said there were no issues. Things were about to get fun.

���I suppose so,” Dahlia drew out her words, smiling coyly at Clavis.

Gilbert turned the desk chair towards the bed, assuming that’s where the couple would be copulating. A glance towards them showed the two kicking off sneakers and pulling off clothing as they met each others’ mouths again and again. Gil made himself comfortable in his seat, his heterochromatic eyes following the movement of their hands peeling layers off, the subtle steps of their legs as they edged across the room, and of course the way they sucked each other’s faces.

As Dahlia fell onto the mattress, her eyes cut to Gilbert, making sure he was watching them. He was certainly watching them. Gil gave a smile in return, crossing his legs and folding his hands together to sit on his knee. He was serious about having a live show, and didn’t intend to interrupt. All he wanted was to watch. He wanted to burn into his memory the way she looked with every sigh and moan. It was her that he heard, afterall. It was her that he dreamt about.

Gil tilted his head to get a good view of Dahlia’s profile that was quickly being overtaken by Clavis. She was like a centerfold that he couldn’t hold up and examine in his own time and leisure. Clavis was in control of what it was he’d get to experience, and quickly Gil was realizing he didn’t like someone else dictating what he was looking at. But… it was better than the alternative, and who knows, perhaps this could become some sort of weird regular thing from time to time.

Clavis’ hands groped Dahlia, pinching soft curves and kneading into pliable tissue. The couple continued to kiss, filling the room with the noises of lips smacking and small huffs of pleasure. Dahlia had barely started to make noise, though it was early enough that Gil wasn’t surprised she had yet to moan. The way their legs tangled with each other, rubbing and shifting in a writhing mess while their sexes tried to find something to stimulate them seemed almost like a punishment when they could start fucking at any time. Nothing was preventing them from getting right to it. Clavis was stiff and Dahlia appeared to be enjoying herself as well, she would likely be wet already.

Gilbert wondered if the heavy petting was more for Clavis than Dahlia. He seemed to be prolonging entering her. If Gil was in his place, he’d probably enjoy toying with Dahlia’s body as well, pinching nipples and setting his teeth to her skin, but the desire to be inside her would grow too strong for him to really ignore. His cock ached at the thought. He considered how warm her cunt would be. The way she’d squeeze him. Hell, her whole body would likely be warm and inviting, a toasty fire for his constantly cold form to heat itself up with.

Clavis’ hand dragged down Dahlia’s body, and the anticipated moment of him slipping a finger or two inside Dahlia’s pussy finally came. The roll she managed - the way her hips tilted to let him get inside her and then dipped so her back could arch to show her enjoyment - Gilbert was certain a view like that was better seen on this side of things. Clavis would be too close to appreciate the way her form flexed under him.

The quiet moaning began. Gil recognized the way it always started. At first Dahlia still held her voice down, still attempted to choke down her enjoyment. Perhaps she had been shamed for expressing herself so honestly. A previous lover who couldn’t find the beauty in hearing her as they fucked? His loss. She should have never been quieted. Who wouldn’t want to hear your lover’s appreciation come unbidden? To have her sigh every unspoken word in sounds of pleasure that transcended language barriers.

Dahlia spread her legs wider. Clearly they were gearing up for him moving between her thighs. They seemed to have a sequence they went through. It looked so practiced and expected - which didn’t mean that it looked boring - simply that they knew each other and what worked best for the both of them. It was like a dance in sexuality. They made love in the way they touched and performed their movements without needing to change it up; they had practiced many times before, as Gilbert knew. He heard them. So many times.

Dahlia’s fingers were pressed into Clavis’ back, leaving indents where she dug into him, but no welts from nails scratched roughly. Gil would have liked to feel her tear into his skin. The heat that comes from the rush of blood that kisses just below the outer layer… Well, he could keep that to his own fantasies.

Gil’s eyes moved to Dahlia’s face. Her moans had gotten louder, and with it her back began to curl inwardly, lifting her chest as her arousal built up. How sensitive she must be. How easy she must be to bring to climax. What a lucky guy her lovers were to have someone so receptive and free with sex that she could come again and again in one night.

Her breathing came in short gasps. Her moans became high and needy and keening. There was a frantic bit of movement between her legs, and Gil noticed Clavis had pulled out his fingers to shove his cock inside Dahlia. He watched as their pelvises came together, Clavis must have bottomed out, and with one thrust as well. Impressive.

Dahlia hit her peak. Her fingers twisted in the blanket she lay upon. Her chin lifted and her voice took on a huskier tone as she cried out in a series of moans that ebbed and flowed like waves. Her body was taut, flexing and while he couldn’t see between her legs, surely her cunt was clamping down on Clavis. His timing must have been perfect, to bring her to the edge and then make her orgasm as he entered her so he got the full enjoyment of the way she would spasm around his cock.

Clavis slowly rocked, riding her out. His hands held her in place so his thrusts didn’t push her up the mattress. Dahlia clung to the bed as if she were trying to hold her body down, her toes curling, her thighs threatening to clamp together with every clench of her cunt on Clavis’ dick. And then she went limp, gasping for air and trying to ground herself while Clavis continued to fuck her. She wanted to rock with him, she wanted to hump and rub him inside her, but she needed a minute. The problem was that he just felt so good.

Despite her own need for a momentary rest, she found herself rolling her hips in rhythm with him. Clavis kissed her parted lips. He kissed her jaw. He kissed every place his mouth touched, layering affection after affection onto Dahlia.

Gilbert shifted in his seat, opening his pants to free his own cock. He fisted it, stroking himself slowly as he watched Clavis flex and thrust into Dahlia. Pinching his glans lightly when his hand slipped towards the head of his cock, he suddenly wished to have been more prepared by bringing some lube to help feel more like he was sliding inside Dahlia himself. She was moaning the way she did every time he had listened in. Now, however, he could see her face as she made those sexy noises.

A momentary pause in their playing had Clavis winding his arms under Dahlia’s thighs from the inside to grab her hips. Spreading her legs wider, he also sat up and spread his knees to pull Dahlia onto his thighs. Dahlia curled in on herself without complaint, as Clavis held Dahlia half on his lap and half hanging between his legs so he could manage to bury himself as deep in her cunt as possible in this position. Nothing was between them like this. Pelvic bone tapped the fatty padding cushioning pelvic bone, and Clavis started pumping into Dahlia in earnest.

The room was no longer just heavy breathing and kissing and moans and gasps, but the slapping of skin and the wetness of Dahlia’s sex being plunged into. Fuck, it was a lot hotter than Gilbert had thought it would be. He couldn’t hear all these extra little details from his side of the wall. The pressure in his groin was growing more from the sounds of sex than his own pumping of his cock.

Clavis knocked moan after moan out of Dahlia, forcing her breath out every time his cock rammed into her. With his hands securely on her hips, she had no concern about how roughly he pistoned his cock into her cunt, she wouldn’t slip out of their position. The way Dahila’s hips were tilted squeezed Clavis’ cock to another degree, both by her pelvic floor along his frenulum, and the way the head of his dick prodded her inner walls that flexed in protest and pleasure, hitting that sweet spot that made Dahlia’s eyes roll back.

Through half-lidded eyes, Gil continued to watch, mixing reality with fantasy. He had no real feelings towards Dahlia, but at the moment he couldn’t help but imagine he was the one fucking her in Clavis’ place. Her legs wrapped around him, hooked over his arms, held fast in his hands. It would have been even better if he could get a birdseye view of his cock disappearing inside her hole. Burying into her bush and between her labia. It wouldn’t be enough. He’d want to go deeper. He’d want to fuck faster. To pound harder. To have her screaming and not just moaning.

He’d want to feel her between his hands and between his teeth. He’d want to mark her skin and leave himself etched across her body. He wanted to cum inside her and fuck her again, and again. Surely she enjoyed such things, with the way Clavis and her constantly, purposefully requested his attention by knocking on his wall. He had noticed they hadn’t used protection, what a dirty girl she must be. She’s begging to be filled with seed, to have it drench her already soaked pussy.

Clavis slammed into Dahlia, and Dahlia climaxed again. Her voice poured out of her with every breath, there was not a moment she wasn’t making sound. Her body flexed again, beautifully arching as muscles contracted. Her nipples stood stiffly. Clavis slowed down and the sounds of their sexes faded under Dahlia’s moans. Clavis softly joined her, grunting and groaning, and clearly he had reached his own orgasm, coming inside Dahlia as he thrust without pulling the two of them apart.

Dahlia went limp, gasping for air. Her chest heaved and her tits rose and fell with each labored breath. Clavis dropped to his hands, not falling on top of Dahlia, but caging her between his arms on the bed. He huffed and sighed. The two had a sheen on their bodies, a sweat they had worked up with their activities.

Gilbert sighed quietly, finding the conclusion of the show to have come too soon for him to come. Slowly, he felt the pressure subsiding and he knew it would be more work than enjoyment to hold onto his dissipating climax and work it until release. He gave himself a few more slow tugs and tucked his dick away, straightening his pants.

Clavis bent down, lavishing Dahlia with opened mouth kisses. He looked to be coaxing her into another state of arousal. Gilbert raised an eyebrow but said nothing, waiting to see what would take place now. He promised to just watch, and speaking up in the middle of a performance was rude. He wouldn’t want to interrupt. Maybe he’d get to come after all. 

[absolutebl]

Best Angsty BLs with Family Drama & Bad Home Lives, or Past Trauma

That still end happily. Requested by the incomparable @winterswhumpblr (Warning these all have tiggers in them mostly suicide, rape, and/or child abuse.)

Until We Meet Again

Thai 2019 YouTube

UWMA is, without question, a work of narrative genius with a powerful and cohesive romantic backbone driven by family drauma and betrayal and stellar performances. It is (to date) the only Thai BL that I’ve rated a 10/10 predominantly on the basis of story structure. That said it is also very well cast (and it’s a BIG cast), with solid production values, and enduring pair branding. Discussion here.

Spin off, Between Us, also satisfies this criteria.

Blueming

Korea 2022 iQIYI

Hwang Da Seul directing this angsty BL that's a tiny bit dark and a tiny bit bittersweet, almost too honest to a university experience and first love. But if you want your mind ever-so-slightly messed with and your intimacy hellishly sweet, this BL will do it for you in a coldly distant manner, while bitch slapping you with self worth issues. I wasn’t into it at first, but the leads are solid and by ep 5 it got really good, becoming a narrative about self discovery meets understanding and accepting others people’s flaws without hurting them. Ultimately we witnessed two characters maturing because of each other and their mutual affection, without that affection becoming the conflict point. Instead, tension was built around other aspects of identity, popularity, and childhood trauma.

Tokyo in April is AKA Shigatsu no Tokyo wa

Japan 2023 Viki

Two young men with a shared tragic past reunite and fall in love all over again, but the past will not stop hunting them. Based on a manga, this office set reunion romance is GREAT… damn it. It’s Japan in full on soft focus which means it gets emo, abusive, and chewy. These two characters are giving parts of their souls away in a desperate attempt to shape themselves to the expectations they have of each other.

The Eighth Sense

Korea 2023 Viki

This feels more atmospheric gay coming of age romance than strictly BL. It’s got a bit of an age gap, country boy/city boy, stellar acting, complex characters, and leads with great chemistry and tension. It’s a bit chewy and sticky and less perfect than most KBLs (do I detect a touch of Taiwan?) This one deployed BL tropes (messy eater, shoulder sleep, protective seme, there’s even some hyung-slinging) but front loaded them with painful backstory and tons angst drives the 2nd half. This isn’t in the KBL bubble, there’s sharp edges and lots of triggers. For a BL the darkness of the content left me feeling unsettled (which is the only reason it didn't get a perfect score) but it does have a glorious ending and that counts for a lot.

Bad Buddy

Thai 2022 YouTube

This was GMMTV’s flagship BL and it started 2022 on a BANG (okay no actual banging but you know what I mean), starring heavy hitters Ohm & Nanon in a pitch perfect university Romeo & Romeo masterpiece that will give you domesticity meets pain whiplash throughout and jet lag at the end. Some of the friendship and family dynamics are overworked, but it has great production values, killer acting, and some conscious effort to correct for half a decade of Thai BL’s anti-queer mistakes. The whole set up is build on family drama so, yeah.

Bed Friend

Thai 2023 YouTube

Office frienamies transition a flaming hot one night stand into a f-buddy relationship that is built on a puppy/cat dynamic (and kinks into it at one point). Our puppy is loyal, smitten, and protective with endlessly longing eyes, while our cat is snarky, prickly, and deeply damaged. NetJames give lovely high-heat with excellent chemistry and tuned-in performances of surprising depth, could have been spectacular but was the story is overworked, especially at the end. Still if high heat is your thing, this one will not let you down.

Lovely Writer

Thai 2021 YouTube

What Lovely Writer does, at heart, is reexamine Thai BL has done to queerness, but in a very gentle way that has more to do with Thai BL growing up than any actual queer authenticity. It’s not parody or pastiche, but it is self reflective and trying to correct for some chronic mistakes. Whether it is ultimately successful in this matter is going to depend on the watcher’s relationship to BL and queer identity. But that’s what makes this show beautiful, interesting, and thought provoking. And I, for one, applaud the effort even if I didn’t personally connect to the characters. There is both family trauma and dram and childhood stuff.

Happy Merry Ending

Korea 2023 Viki

Stars Lee Dong Won (KNK) as an ex-idol turned wedding singer with an abusive ex and a panic disorder + the sunshine pianist who falls in love with him. Timid tsundere & sweetheart gay is an interesting match. They’re gentle together, almost kindly, and there is a calm ache to their pairing. However, it lost its way as a BL, being more about the main character’s struggle than the romance. It had a strong finish but ultimately the premise & characters meant this was never going to be one of my favorites. But if you like angst, well...

Given

Japan 2021 grey

Boy joins band, falls in love with other boy. The singing is terrible, fast forward through that but with the possible exception of the hair styles, this BL could have been made in 2015 and no one would be surprised. As such, it wasn’t ground breaking, but it didn’t disappoint either. Very much a tortured past for our singer. (More here.)

The Eclipse

Thai 2022 YouTube

GMMTV does gay Blacklist with a good boy/bad boy pairing. This is a good show but the cast is excellent and the leads are absolutely flawless, which elevates it beyond just good. We got a nuanced and multifaceted burgeoning relationship: philosophical (and socio-political) conflict contrasted to moments of empathy; flirtation contrasted to moments of genuine affection, plus plenty of angst. This narrative is less about love than it is about courage and tenderness. However, near the end the pacing was off and the plot frustrating. Still, this is an enjoyable watch, with a finale that features verbal consent and a fun blooper reel.

Love Class 2

Korea 2023 Viki

3 couples form within a semester of university: 1. a hyung romance reunion of exes, one of whom has a dangerous past, 2. a friends to lovers romance, and 3. a one night stand between a mature student and a TA (many aspects of which had me laughing). I enjoyed the characters and dialogue of this show immensely. It was a little bit more breezy and friendly than I was expecting after the first installment, Love Class (to which this bears little resemblance and no connection). I’m not entirely sure Korea can handle multiple couples like this because it definitely felt disjointed, especially with the 3rd more mature couple (also my favorite) who probably should’ve had their own series. But I enjoyed something different from Korea.

About Youth

Taiwan 2022 Gaga

A truly lovely little coming of age high school BL with a classic YA low drama but high angst and an earnest depth. I didn’t even mind the singing, and that’s saying a lot. A weak seme/uke dynamic but tons of BL tropes (both rare in a high school setting but common for Taiwan) makes this one feel both sweet and colored by an almost real world authenticity and grit. More here.

Restart After Come Back Home AKA Risutato wa tadaima no ato de

Japan 2020 Gaga?

Atmospheric study in rural Japan meets complex family dynamics built on a romance framework of city boy meets country boy, grumpy/sunshine. It’s beautiful and icy sweet. Slow moving in places but ultimately worth the patience, low heat, low angst, and stunning.

DNA Says Love You

Taiwan 2022 Gaga

DNA deserves extra marks for an upbeat approach to a queer story arc that other shows have systemically mishandled with sadness (in the guise of realism). There is a twist, which I found predictable, but knowing what would happen didn't spoil this show. The leads are luminous and engaging, and it’s full of queer found family representation and an unexpected amount of domesticity, plus it’s Taiwan, so the kisses are great. The first few eps are rough going but have patiences, it's worth it as the last ones really are special and life/love affirming - and the end is big-grin charming.

My Tooth Your Love

Taiwan 2023 Viki

Earnest dentist hottie with sad eyes who worries too much is smitten by an adorable sunshine neurotic bar owner with serious anxiety issues. They fall madly in love while courting each other with food, plushies, and naps. Then, shocker, talk about their feelings and try to actually sort out their problems so they can have an adult relationship. Bonus crumbs = 18 year old poor little rich kid in mad crush with a much older man. I really enjoyed this show, it had a unique premise, killer dialogue, there was a solid lead pair with charming chemistry, soft flirtation, delightful smiling kisses, and stinkingly cute domesticity.

Where Your Eyes Linger

Korea 2020 Viki

Ostensibly high school set about a poor kid whose been raised in a mafia kid’s family specifically to protect him (whipping boy trope, attack dog variant). Themes of codependency and survival with pretty classic Korean style romance ending.

TharnType

Thai 2019 Viki

This Thai BL has everything: university setting, great acting and complex characters, interesting friendship groups, enemies to lovers, angsty coming out, high production values, AMAZING chemistry, and multiple BL side couples with all the issues. But when I said everything I meant it because there's also: damaging queer rep, strong seme/uke and husband/wife language, classic tropes and lots of them, child abuse, bullying, mental illness, rough play, dub-con, non-con, and statutory rape (by the seme/gay character).

and its spin off: Don't Say No also qualifies for this post.

In fact most Mame stuff will involved trauma & drama, specifically.

Love By Chance 2

Love in the Air (Part 2)

Wedding Plan

Some others but I'm getting tired:

I Told Sunset About You et al

You Are Mine

Dear Doctor, I'm Coming for Your Soul

Ghost Host Ghost House

But frankly there are a ton more depending on how you look at it. I mean, what about Why R U? FIghter's dad is the issues with him coming out, but it's not really in the plot until late so ?

Lakorn BL drama llama soaps & similar

Moonlight Chicken - review here

Laws of Attraction

To Sir, With Love - review here

Sirs not appearing on this list

Our Dining Table is driven by childhood trauma but not angsty, similar to Oxygen. Not Me is angsty and dramatic and family stuff, but that's not really the driver of the plot. Life Love On the Line is all angst but he brought it on himself.

(source)

Updated Nov 19, 2023, no intention of adding to this so if you want more, look at the comments. Someone is bound to get annoyed their favorite isn't on the list.

[musicalmoritz]

this gonna be a weird question but ever since i have know Aoinene. I have always found a consistent theme of Aoi being a lesbian. While it cool, interesting and all, it hard to found anything canonically to use to prove the interpretation beyond "it just a vibe" . It doesnt interfer with the shipping experience but it still an interesting HC that i would love to found some canon material to build on.

I’m so glad you asked this, I’ve been trying to find a way to talk about my feelings on the lesbian Aoi headcanon for a while now. I’ve written it in my own fics a lot but I have some issues with the way people treat it so I’d like to make this a more nuanced discussion

First off, where does it come from? To answer that question you have to keep in mind that as the manga chapters were being released, fans had no idea where AidaIro planned to go with Aoi and Akane’s relationship beyond what they could infer. While it seems obvious in hindsight that Aoi always liked Akane, a lot of lesbian readers overlooked those hints because they were able to relate to being pursued by a relentless man that they didn’t want. They found comfort in Aoi’s character because her perceived disinterest in Akane was something they could connect to their own experiences with their male best friends falling for them

Then we have this scene, which is a whole rollercoaster in and of itself. At this point in the manga, fans didn’t know Aoi was faking her personality. She only existed as Nene’s popular best friend, the girl with the rumors. And, of course, the girl who kept rejecting Akane. Aoi and Nene seemed to have a very close friendship, so when this scene came out, many readers jumped to the conclusion that Aoi planned to confess to Nene. This, coupled with her constant rejection of Akane, led many fans to believe Aoi was a lesbian. Not just as a cool headcanon, but as an actual theory. To this day some fans still call her queercoded, and that’s where I have a bit of an issue with the headcanon

Because, despite all of this, Aoi isn’t a lesbian in canon. She’s not even coded to be one. In fact her and Akane’s characters aren’t able to develop without each other. Some fans chalk this up to bad writing or lesbiphobia, stating that Aoi never showed interest in Akane up until chapter 69, but this simply isn’t true. There were numerous hints that Aoi liked Akane back, since his feelings for her were first introduced. She’s shown to be absolutely devastated at the possibility of him dating someone else, and in the Clock Keepers arc we see that she’s been encouraging his pursuit of her this whole time. Fans may not like them, but it’s impossible to deny they’ve been set up since the beginning of the manga- on both sides

However, if you were to call Aoi sapphic coded/bi coded in canon, you wouldn’t be far off. In the Hanako-Kun Of Magic au, Mei fell in love with Aoi through a spell. After the spell wore off, they were confirmed to still hang out. They hang out so frequently, that it makes Mei’s little sister jealous because Aoi is stealing all her attention

It wouldn’t be a reach to assume they’re dating in this au, which would make Aoi bi or bi-coded in canon (though it’s very up to interpretation so I wouldn’t say she’s as strongly bi-coded as Kou or even Nene). It rubs me the wrong way when people discuss her potential queercoding and entirely ignore her feelings for Akane just because they don’t like the ship, it feels biphobic. It’s also been implied that Aoi has liked men (or people in general) other than Akane, he joins school clubs based on whoever her current type is

Canon aside though, I’d like to talk about why people like the lesbian Aoi headcanon. Namely, why I still like it in fanon despite feeling that it has a very weak basis in canon. Because for some fans, Aoi’s true personality reveal only made their love of the lesbian Aoi headcanon stronger

Remember how I said fans overlooked Aoi’s feelings for Akane because they projected onto her? I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with that as long as they aren’t bringing their bias into analyses. I’ve read many Aoi queercoding analyses where the creator completely ignores Aoi’s attraction to men in canon due to their own projection, and I hate to say it but that is a bad way to analyze. I’ve mentioned before that I strongly relate to Nene’s shallow crushes on men because they remind me of my own experiences with comphet, but I would never call Nene lesbian coded because that would ignore her entire arc with Hanako. Project onto characters all you want but leave that out of your analyses

Anyways, the reveal that Aoi had been faking her personality only gave the lesbian Aoi headcanon more fuel. At this point in the manga, fans were already fully convinced that Aoi was a lesbian…so to find out the pretty popular girl was hiding her true self from the world?? I mean that sounds queercoded as hell. And I won’t lie, I relate to that a lot too. The need to hide who you really are is a nearly universal queer experience, so pretty much any character that has that storyline is going to hit home for a lot of queer readers. That same trope also plays into Mitsuba’s queercoding, so yeah. Despite all the romance stuff with Akane that happened in those chapters, the big takeaway for lesbian Aoi truthers was that Aoi had been hiding a part of herself that the world would shame her for

This is furthered by her relationship with femininity. Aoi plays the role of the ideal popular girl, a common archetype in media. These girls are feminine, passive, kind, humble, and all the boys love them. That is the image Aoi presents to the rest of the school. However, the real Aoi is nothing like that. I wouldn’t go as far as to call her masculine, but she doesn’t act like the poster child for femininity when she’s being her true self. She’s bitter, arrogant, spiteful, and she only really cares about two people. Lesbians tend to have a very complicated relationship with femininity, because heteronormativity asserts that the defining trait of being a woman is your relationship to a man. As a woman, you are someone’s wife, daughter, mother, sister. So when a woman has no interest in men, she loses a core part of her “femininity.” Some lesbians choose to embrace this, they have no interest in femininity so they perform whatever gender presentation they want. Other lesbians reclaim femininity as something defined by themselves, not society. So when lesbians see a character faking her personality to conform to the societal expectations for her gender…oops she’s one of us now lol. This is also why the transmasc Aoi headcanon is popular, though I won’t be getting into that today

There are more simplistic reasons people like the lesbian Aoi headcanon. It fits a trope, the popular girl who’s pressured to be perfect is secretly a lesbian. Then she falls for her fun and quirky bisexual best friend. Unfortunately this is where the headcanon gets very boiled down, people want Aoi to be something that she’s not in canon. They want her to be a trope rather than her own, unique character. The aesthetic girlboss lesbian. She hates Akane and has a huge crush on Nene, maybe some mommy issues and that’s all there is to her. I don’t like these type of headcanons very much, they reduce queerness to an aesthetic rather than an experience. As I mentioned, the lesbian Aoi headcanon does have potential for fanon content, but some fans sadly reduce it to a stereotype

I’ve written both bisexual and lesbian Aoi, and I think they both have their perks. Lesbian Aoi requires a bit of stretching/rewriting of canon, which can be fun but it has to be handled very carefully. Otherwise you get fics that villainize Akane and ignore Aoi and Nene’s complexities. It’s perfectly fine to project onto a character and headcanon them a certain way for comfort, but in terms of characterization I would recommend people try to look past those biases when they’re writing analyses. Fanfic is a bit different bcuz that depends on whether or not you’re trying to stay in character lol, this might be controversial but some writers just don’t care and that’s fine too. They’re just writing it for fun, it doesn’t have to be that serious. Still, I would like to see more fics that keep Aoi and Nene closer to canon (they absolutely exist dw)

The reason I hesitated for so long to address this headcanon is because I wanted to find a way to talk about it sensitively. Queer fans, especially lesbians, already get a lot of flack for their headcanons and I didn’t want to make it seem like I was invalidating anyone’s experiences. If the lesbian Aoi headcanon brings you comfort then, yes, Aoi can absolutely be a lesbian. Fandom is about fan enjoyment, not authorial intent, so headcanon the characters however you want. Just don’t push those headcanons into others, and try to at least be aware of what’s going on in canon. And again, don’t write an analysis if you’re going to be biased. A better way to do it would be something like “I recognize that AidaIro didn’t go this route but it would’ve been interesting if they made Aoi a lesbian.” An analysis like that might have some weight to it!! Aoi and Akane are a super cute ship, but another straight relationship is nothing revolutionary in fiction. However, canon lesbians in a shonen series?? That’s something you don’t see every day. People have valid reasons for wishing Aoi had been written differently, I just wish they would accept that she didn’t get written that way rather than ignoring canon

Sorry if this isn’t what you were expecting, I hope I explained all sides of the headcanon well enough. Tbh a lot of it is just “vibes” but once you look past the surface, it goes a lot deeper. I also want to clarify that Aoi faking her personality reading as queercoding could absolutely work with her being bi too, bisexuals also have to hide a part of themselves and that’s something other lgbtq+ individuals often overlook. The reason it reads specifically as lesbian coding to some fans is because of her projection of femininity being fake so, by extension, her encouragement of the men who pursue her must be too. That’s obviously not canon but some fans believe it would’ve been a cool route to go. Okay that’s it I think I covered everything lol

Thanks again for the ask, I’m glad I finally got the opportunity to talk abt this <3

[renazuku]

august

part of the forever and always collection

IN WHICH; the summer before shoto entered U.A, he met someone and had the time of his life. unfortunately for him, summer loves don't always last.

PAIRING; shoto todoroki x gn! reader

CONTAINS; reminiscing on a past love, the one that got away, songfic, angst

WC; 1.7k words

BASED ON; august by taylor swift

A/N; i love the folklore love triangle

Will you call when you’re back at school? I remember thinking I had you.

“How about you, Todoroki?” Mina’s voice rang through Shoto’s ears. 

“Huh?” He looks up from his phone. Almost everyone was looking at him, eagerly waiting for an answer. “Sorry, what was the question?”

Mina giggles. “A first love!” She exclaims. “Have you ever had your first love yet?”

“Um..” Shoto takes a moment to think. “I don’t know if they count as my first love, but I guess I did like someone.”

The girls gasped loudly. “No way!” Mina says. “Todoroki, you need to tell us all about them!”

“Wait a minute,” Ochaco starts. “He said he doesn’t know if they count as his first love.”

“Yes, which is exactly why he needs to tell us more!” Mina reasons. 

Jirou hummed in agreement. “She’s right, Todoroki. Talk about this person, and we’ll tell you if you loved them.”

Shoto looked towards his friends for help, pleading eyes practically screaming “what the hell is happening”. Izuku and Iida shrug in helplessness. “Sorry, Todoroki.” Izuku smiles sheepishly. “I’m not sure how to get you out of this one…”

Shoto sighed and inhaled, readying himself for a lot of talking. 

“Well…” He starts. Everyone started to lean forward in anticipation, wanting to hear every detail of Shoto’s love story. 

“I first met them last summer.”

Back when we were still changing for the better, wanting was enough. For me, it was enough. 

To live for the hope of it all, canceled plans just in case you’d call, and say “Meet me behind the mall”

Shoto was pacing around his room, awaiting the familiar ringing sound of his phone. Today was the off day his father let him rest, and he wanted nothing but to spend it with them. Y/N, a teenager he met while on a walk six weeks ago. They were looking at a flower patch, a blue forget-me-not in hand. He assumed they plucked it. It wasn’t long before the teen noticed the stare of the boy though; and they called them over to ask if he was interested in flowers. The rest was history. Shoto didn’t get to meet, nonetheless become friends with many people his age. The two of them had gotten quite close since summer break had started. 

He felt special with them. Sometimes he’d sneak out to the park to see them, just to catch a glimpse and have some small talk. Even a simple exchange is able to lift his mood almost immediately. 

But now, he knew he wanted more than friends. More than this. He could tell they were no stranger to whatever was between the two of them. Y/N told him themselves; they admitted to having feelings for him just over a week ago. “I want to be with you.” They told him. “More than just friends.” 

Shoto didn’t know what to do. He wanted to be with them, yes, but he was unsure how it would go about. What if he couldn’t make enough time for them in his busy schedule? What if it didn’t work out? How do people possibly just return to friendship after that?

He wanted them. But the risk of losing them completely was terrifying for Shoto. 

“Give me time, please…” He had told them. “This is new to me.”

He couldn’t be more grateful that they understood, even though he saw their eyes drop and their emotions slip out. “Right, of course…”

But now, he’s never been more sure about something. He’s never been more sure about them. Today was the day he’d make it official, he told himself. It’s now or never.

He’d be attending U.A soon. Things would be different between them. Y/N was not looking to go into herowork. Schedules would start to fill up. Friends begin to slowly drift. People surround themselves with people they see on a daily basis; with school starting up again, the pair wouldn’t be able to do that. He can only imagine his training to take up even more of his day.  

Which is why he was so nervous for this call. They promised they’d call him today, so where is that ringtone sound he so longed to hear? It was already one in the afternoon. Perhaps they woke up late? No, he knew how much they were a stickler for staying on schedule. Maybe their phone died? He shook his head to clear that thought. Definitely not that. He knew how much-

A sharp tone pierced through the quiet air.

Shoto fumbled the phone in his hands trying to answer it.

“Hello?” He wasn’t gonna lie- He was a little nervous that it wasn’t even them. He could only hope he masked that nervousness enough.

“Shoto!” Their voice rang through the phone. He let a sigh of relief out, letting his shoulders ease and his smile crack through. “Hi.” He says softly.

“I was wondering,” Y/N started. “Would you be willing to meet up with me today? Just at the shopping mall a few streets down from your place. I have to tell you something.”

Shoto smiled even more. “Yeah, of course.” He’d already begun to gather his things and head out the door. “I have to tell you something too.”

“Great.” They chirped on the other side of the line. “I’ll see you soon, Shoto.”

“Okay.” Shoto took a deep breath before ending the call. “See you soon.”

It was now or never.

So much for summer love, and saying us,

‘Cause you weren’t mine to lose.

“Shoto!” 

His head snapped around, searching for the voice. Finally, his eyes spotted them sitting at a bench near the water fountain. There was a small box to their right. He felt a smile begin to creep onto his face again, but this time, he didn’t care to hold it back. He strode over to them, taking a seat on the empty space to their left. They gave him a side hug as a greeting. I’m glad you came.” Y/N said. Shoto could see the appreciation and sincerity shine in their eyes.

“Of course.”

The pair turned to face each other, soft smiles on both faces. Y/N broke the silence first. “You wanted to tell me something, right?”

Shoto nodded. “Yes, but you said you did too.”

Y/N nodded too. “I do, but you can go first.”

“But you brought it up first-”

Y/N stifled a lighthearted giggle. “Shoto. It’s fine. You go first.”

“Okay.” The nerves were coming back to him again. His palms began to sweat, and his eyes began to dart around nervously. He took a deep breath to try and calm himself. He closed his eyes briefly, then snapped them open again. 

“I want to be with you.” He finally said out loud. “More than just friends.”

He searched their face desperately for a reaction. Their eyes were slightly widened, lips parted in surprise. “Shoto, I-” They started, but he cut them off.

“I’m sorry I made you wait.” He’s sincere, he’s serious. He hopes his voice gets that point across. “I was just scared about losing you. But I know now. Y/N, I want to be with you.”

“I do too.” They responded, grabbing one of his hands. “I do too, Shoto, but-”

Everything stopped. It was like time froze, like there were only them two. Like the world stopped moving to admire the moment between them. Shoto could feel the happiness bubble over. He didn’t think this glasslike moment would shatter so soon, though.

Y/N’s quiet voice rang through his ears. It was sullen, sad sounding.

“Shoto, I’m studying abroad.” 

Shoto felt his breath hitch. “What?”

“That’s what I wanted to tell you about…” Y/N spoke softly. “I got accepted into an American school on one of their programs. My flight is a week from now.”

Shoto felt his heart drop. It all happened so quickly. “America? Why didn’t you say anything about this to me before?” He asks, crestfallen.

“I didn’t think I’d get in,” They started, letting go of his hand to grab the small box next to them. “It was my parents' idea, but now that I’m in, it’s not exactly an opportunity I can just pass up.” Their eyes drifted to the box in their lap instead.

Shoto didn’t know what to say. No words appeared before him, and even if they did, he couldn’t bring himself to speak at all. His throat felt as dry as a desert, like there was a lump that did not want to pass. 

“I’m sorry, Shoto.” They whisper before handing him the box. 

Wordlessly, he opens the box, revealing a small heart locket on a gold chain. He looks up at Y/N. “Open it.” They tell them. He does as they say, and there’s a small streak of blue inside the gold heart. It was a dried forget-me-not flower petal.

“I figured it’d help you remember me.” Y/N chuckles dryly.

“I couldn’t forget you if I tried.” Shoto murmurs. It was the truth. There was no way he could just move on as normal. Not without them. Shoto’s head lifts again, and he feels something against his lips.

They were kissing him. He kissed back, squeezing his eyes shut to suppress any temptation of tears. He opens his eyes once he feels them pull away.

“I’m sorry, Shoto.”

— — — — — —

“And that was the last time I really saw them again.” 

“Oh, Todoroki…” Ochaco speaks softly. 

Shoto looks at everyone’s faces. Most of them just stared at him wordlessly, sympathy being conveyed through their eyes. Mina was the first one to speak up. “Are you still in touch with them?”

Shoto shakes his head sadly. “No.” His face was devoid of emotion to most, but if you really looked, you could see the disheartened look in his eyes. “With time zones and studies, it’s not hard to lose contact. But it’s okay. I’m okay.”

Jirou looked at him, touched by his story. “I think you loved them, Todoroki.” 

“Yeah.” Shoto’s mind flickered back to the locket he now keeps tucked away in his desk drawer. He left the flower petals inside too, the only physical piece of them he still had.

“I did love them.”

You weren’t mine to lose, no.

[mikuni14]

We Are - Ep 6, Only Boo - Ep 5

Perhaps because of I Cannot Reach You, which I watched on Saturday, my view of We Are and Only Because this week was more harsh and less forgiving than usual 😭

We Are My biggest problem with We Are is that this show has no substance when it comes to romance. NONE. Seriously, it's more "meaty" on friendships than romance 😄 EVEN if a couple falls in love with each other at first sight, even if the couple starts their relationship with strong attraction and sex, for the romance to be interesting and engaging, we as viewers must observe some development, progress in the relationship. This is some form of journey for lovers and we accompany them in it. We Are, with the exception of Q and Toey, doesn't show relationship development at all. Tan and Fang have had about 3 scenes together so far, involving giving each other snacks and one scene of helping with a project. We know NOTHING about Fang. And suddenly in this episode, Tan proposes dating and Fang accepts. Where did this come from? Since when has Fang been in love with Tan? Is he in love with him? Their relationship… like what? Where?? When???? I have no idea what's going on with Chain and Pun (will they even be a couple?), especially since Pun suddenly has a great relationship and better chemistry with Mick. Regarding Phum and Peem: I just can't stand the way Phum behaves towards Peem, it's FUTS all over again, i.e. a rich and handsome but dumb guy doesn't know how to talk to his crush and comes up with complicated plans that always somehow humiliate said crush. The way Peem was waiting for him at the pool in this episode, AGAIN, while Phum was gaming with his friends… it pissed me off so much! And this "being a slave" is still treated so… normally and it is shown as something funny and romantic, as if Peem had no sense of self-worth and it was still a form of "fun" for him, and when he screws up and Phum is still nice (as in the food scene), then it is something positive for him. Well, unfortunately this is not my kind of romance, there is NOTHING cool or romantic about it for me and in real life Phum and Peem would not have a chance to be together. Their romance is ENTIRELY based on the oldest tropes, i.e. falling on each other and suddenly being close. Normally I love this closeness, when the characters are lost in each other's eyes and the sudden closeness makes them feel dizzy 👌 But this is literally the basis of their relationship, not one of the many things that make up romance. My beloved @miss0atae described the character of Phum in a very interesting way in this post and I also have the same thoughts. But the series completely screwed up on this matter because this thought occurred to me after his one sentence at the end of episode 5, because Phum simply acts like an ordinary asshole, his behavior was devoid of nuance and context so far. And that's the problem with We Are: this show has potential and, most importantly, it has the TIME to delve into each of its characters, including showing Phum as someone who is lonely and has trouble establishing romantic relationships, which is why he behaves stupid (for which he should face consequences). How unfair it is that Gray Shelter had material for a full season and crammed it into 5 short episodes, and We Are has SO MUCH TIME and can't use it. How much more interesting would the relationship between Phum and Peem be if they met under bad circumstances that would make them dislike each other, but also if they felt attracted to each other due to their expressive and strong personalities, all laced with the fact that they are both young, hot and each other's type 😉 I would love to watch their relationship in which they both mature, discover new feelings and needs, in which their prejudices are tested, in which they make mistakes and apologize, thanks to which they develop. How much more this kiss would feel deserved, long-awaited, important.

Only Boo I love Moo, I love Kang, I don't like forcing feelings on someone, I don't like putting pressure on someone, I hate love serenades, and I HATE love triangles. I know, I know, the series is silly and fun, and not that deep 🤡 I'm just being grumpy.

But maybe it's actually I Cannot Reach You's fault. I should take a 2-week break from watching BL series after every 10/10 drama lol

[astroismypassion]

Hi, I love your page💛

What are your opinions on venus sextile uranus and mars conjunct saturn? I've seen these aspects in my natal chart always find them interesting.

Ahhh, I’m gonna be biased, but honest with you for a second here, I dislike seeing Venus Uranus aspects in the Natal chart😩😫 I’m so so sorry for saying that, I just have such hard time looking past it. To me it’s such an erratic love life or a lot of the times these people don’t even know what they are looking for and don’t have any standards created for themselves because of the confusion. Very much doesn’t know until they see it in real life. But then this become “their type” for a while until it wears off and they are again at the start looking. And again trying to figure out what they type is or which person they would match, be compatible with. Such late bloomers as well, because they don’t know themselves as partners, but also don’t know what they themselves would be able to offer to their partner. I think they really grow more after Saturn Returns, but honestly the come into true love much later, usually before there are some karmics, so they could develop the feeling of being truly in love for the first time even after 30, 45.

They also change their partners based on interests I notice, they seek new partners that would better match their new, current interests, so they often “change” their type out of nowhere too.

I guess sextile, trine is much healthier energy and easier to manage. But still, if the person is young, they might not know how to handle it well alongside emotional immaturity.

They also deal with emotional distance in the connection, sometimes due to age difference, long distance or because they are unable to be with their person physically. They also seek friends approval for whoever they are dating. They also expect their partner to be up for hangouts with their friends often in a group setting. They could also have a lot of female friends regardless of the sex of the native, be it a man or a woman, they talk to a lot of women online, instant messages. They want to have friendship as the basis of partnership. But they also transform, when you are in a connection with them, one day you are like an aquintance, the next day their best friend, the next their their guide/teacher/motivator, the next day lover. It can get confusing. They also are the first to tell you “distance makes the heart grow stronger”, they miss you more when they don’t see you for 2-3 weeks or even if it’s over a month or 2,3 months. They love introducing distance in the connection, like even in a romantic partnership. So they expect of their partner to also be somewhat self-sufficiant. They kind of get randomly aroused as well, like there could be ups and downs or there is often when they are in the mood, their partner isn’t and vice versa, so they could be at odd times even with a romantic partner. They also are not as consistent, so partner of Venus Uranus really needs to know that in advance! And before starting a partnership, because the random “ignoring calls/texts” does happen a lot! So even in a partnership, they kind of ignore your exsistence at times, so you need to be extra secure when in connection with them.

Mars conjunct Saturn, can be robotic at times, not gonna lie, especially because most of these also have Venus Uranus (it’s very common) or Venus at 11 degrees or at an Aquarius degree. Mars conjunct Saturn is much much more manageable, you probably don’t like pda as much or you feel like when you are in public with partner you need to be in control of yourself, hence dislike of pda or you just care a lot about how you are percieved in the public, so you don’t want to embarass yourself with nonsense such as pda. You have slow, but steady work ethic, there are quite a few obstacles and challenges in your career or in jobs that pop up randomly (a lot of them is karma for you). But you are still patient and persistent and tolerant enough to put up with it and slowly move forward, for you progress is still progress. You have somewhat low sex drive, until you are really relax, not that sensual as well. You also like to restrict and control your, but also your partner’s sex drive. You might be a fan of edging or just restriction, control. You kind of like that there is a time and a place for sex, affection. I think the only thing here is you have a good grasp of your own sexual desire, basically you know how to control yourself. But other than that, you mature slowlyy, slowly. You will change your attitude, behaviour a lot throughout your life but in very little, simple ways, there won’t be any major breakthroughs or transformations, you make adjustments slowly. Also could be fear of change, instability.