#or when he just played some jungle explorer that ate a snake

[shadeofazmeinya]

my favorite types of Eliot grifts in Leverage are:

1. glasses

2. the weirdest fucking guy you can imagine

[atinychai]

Man I love snakes so much guys they’re like happy little occasionally venomous man killing but mostly just puppy noodles. 

Sanji:

➤ They’ve just departed an island and everybody’s unpacking supplies and getting settled when all of a sudden s/o lets out an ear piercing scream.  

➤ Tbh most of the crew rushes over to where Nami is because out of everybody she’s the most likely to scream and s/o is the least likely-Sanji knows better though, he knows it’s his girlfriend and in an instant he’s by her side trying to figure out where the danger is. 

➤ She’s immediately in his arms shaking and pointing over at one (1) innocent looking box filled with various things that need to be stored(mostly alcohol, to those wondering, Zoro’s not allowed to unload alcohol anymore.)

➤ Tbh he’s a little scared because in all of their adventures he’s never seen her show this much emotion and for it to be fear? Okay that’s a little concerning.  Hesitantly he walks over to the box and kicks the lid further off only to find..a snake? Given it’s not a small(or sober) snake but s/o has seen way crazier things before. 

➤ “Why’s it here?” She whines while taking a few steps further. 

➤Ofc he’s stunned by her newfound fear however he’s got no problem playing the prince-especially since he finally gets to actually rescue his princess(He really did imagine this moment differently though)

➤ He’ll cover her eyes and guide her out of the room and somewhere where she won’t see him dealing with the snake or carrying it out afterwards and when it’s all finished he’ll even finish unpackingx the alcohol too.  

➤ Honestly he’s kind of happy to know they have a fear like this because now when they go to jungle islands he gets to be prince charming..and occasionally falsely yell snake to get her to jump into his arms much to Luffy’s amusement. 

➤ On a side note, he’s not one to let something that can become food go to waste so..the guys definitely ate snake that night and the next few days too. 

Zoro:

➤ Genuine shock.  

➤ Then he laughs because out of all the things she’s scared of it’s a snake? It’s not even a big snake it’s just some garden snake that landed in front of them while they were exploring a jungle like island.  Ofc he kicks it away(He’s not just gonna kill it it didn’t do anything wrong afterall).  

➤ Honestly he’s not supportive at all and will tease her about this a lot because she’s such a stoic hardass most of the time.  Straight up will scream snake while pointing at her because he knows she’ll freak out even if she knows he’s lying because. There’s. Still. A . Chance. 

➤ Obviously he’s the only one actually allowed to tease her and truthfully if they’re going somewhere where you’d expect snakes he’ll head out first and try to relocate any that may be nearby.  

➤ 100% will buy a fake one somewhere though.  Sometimes life gets dull in the middle of the ocean and an equally stoic swordsman is sometimes forced to prank his gf.  

➤ He never takes his teasing too far though and if s/o is having a really hard time he’ll step in and comfort them. 

➤ Snake like opponents? They’re his to deal with s/o gets a free pass and none of the crew really need to know why he refuses to let them fight snake people. 

Mihawk:

➤ Okay there’s definitely snakes where he lives, there’s no getting around that. 

➤ How this fear has never come up in conversation?? Who knows?? How he, of all people failed to realize she had this fear??? How she didn’t mention it when he’s said there are snakes there before???? A true and utter mess.

➤ Needless to say when s/o takes her first step on the island she immediately freezes because yes, there’s a big ole snake right there starring them down.  Well, really it’ sun bathing and looking in their general direction but nevertheless.  

➤ It makes the walk back to his home very difficult and eventually he just swoops s/o off her feet and carries her bridal style because not only is it taking far too long to return home but because he truly hates seeing somebody he loves so much so terrified.  

➤ Will probably work with s/o to actually help them get over their fear.  He wants them to enjoy the island they live on as well as be able to explore it, plus it’s strange seeing somebody so strong so..frightened. 

➤ He’s very patient with their fear and doesn’t rush them with conquering their fear, and even if they’re unable to fully conquer it so long as they’re able to walk around outside and not completely freeze up thats enough for him.  

➤ Really though he doesn’t understand it and every so often he does find it somewhat amusing. 

[tristinleighhh]

✨☀️ my heart & soul are so full.

This was truly the best experience of my life. Envision is something else. I danced and sweat out every negative energy that I had stored away before I came here. I feel like a new person..

🌊 I loved the whole vibe of the Uvita area. Everyone was so nice. I've missed the salty air in my hair and on my lips. Being surrounded by the jungle and the ocean is a euphoric feeling. 🐟 I ate a lot of good fish outside the festival and I am definitely missing it. I loved the fresh fruits and coconuts everywhere 🥥🌴🍍🍌🍓

🏕️ our air b&b was just a couple minutes away from the festival and our host Jose was the nicest human ever. He was constantly making sure everything was perfect for us and coming back to get sleep in the ac was prime. I'm very glad we did that. Cabinas yuriel 💛💚❤️☁️

🐳 we went on a whale watching tour and we're blessed to see a male and a mama and her baby playing around! Humpback whales are my flavorite animal and I haven't seen them since I was in Hawaii so it was an epic treat.

🌄Then Dan and I watched our last Costa Rican sunset for the trip and took a nice stroll home. On the way we saw a sloth in the tree, a crazy poisonous snake and a gnarly looking centipede. 🐍🌙

I have fallen in love with envision and everything it stands for and for the beautiful country of Costa Rica. I will be back there's no doubt about that. I want to explore everything. Thankful for this trip and all the lessons learned and friends I met along the way. Until next time 🥥✨ Pura Vida ✨🥥

✨ Top Envision Moments & Music ✨

🔥 the sunset and fire spinners on the beach with the drum circle. I had hoped to spin some fire down there but I'll be a little more prepared next time.. you walk up the path onto the beach and you are met with various vendors with cool bones and jewelery, cheap beer and food as you emerge into a sea of people on the sand. The sky was on fire and the vibes were hiiiigh. The drum circle was tribal and euphoric. Looking around me being surrounded by jungle and ocean and beautiful people was straight bliss.

•

🍄 seeing Paul staments talk about mushrooms. I only caught one but it was so cool to hear him share his stories and experiences with us.

•

🍽️💦the dishcoteque

The waste at this festival was pretty much non existent. It always makes me sad how people can leave a place so destroyed and covered in trash. I had to pick up no trash from the ground and all the volunteers who were picking up trash barely had anything in their buckets. When you got food at any vendor here you received an actual dish, bowl, silverware or cup. When you were done you'd bring it to the "dishcoteque" and recieve a voucher for your next one. No plastic at all barely any paper products besides some paper straws .. the bathrooms also did not have toilet paper in them.. you had to get it from the outside and bring it with you so they were not overflowing with paper and and overuse of products.

•

✨🎨✨ the art & the stages

There was so much phenomenal art. I was blown away by the murals everywhere and the art gallery was bursting with talent and creative energy.

The bars and booths were all made from the materials surrounding them. Everything was made from the earth. The Sol stage was surrounded by a beautiful design with a big screen in the back that had really awesome visuals on it

The lapa stage was filled with house n deep techno vibes all day and night. It felt like something out of an epic movie in there with all the mist and the lights. The entrance to the beach was right there too. It was a great place to go to just dance and chill out.  And finally... The Luna stage. W o w. The most incredible stage I've EVER seen in my life and I've seen quite a few cool stage setups. It was a huge tower of Earth and wood and vines and beauty. There was a portal where people danced behind. The lighting was a1 from the lasers to the mapping on the funktions. It was truly other worldly there.  I will be riding the high of that stage for a long time. There was water refill stations in all the right spots which made staying hydrated in the jungle heat so easy.

•

🌮🍓🍦🥑🥙 the food

It's usually hard for me to eat at festivals lately because I don't eat meat anymore. Chicken fingers was always a go to for me but I've sadly become very picky. Everyone was pretty accommodating to my needs ( I wish I thought about asking for no cilantro before the last day 😞 I hate that shit )and everything was so nourishing and healthy. I have not been eating well lately and I feel so nice and full after all the smoothies and juicy goodness I ingested over the weekend.

•

🕷️ the huge tarantula like spider that happened to wander through the crowd of people dancing with the bass vibrating the floor and onto our blanket. It was SO BIG how did you even make it through the crowd?! Stealthy dude. That was wild.

•

☕🍵The tea party!

I went to the bathroom and I came across a tiny but huge tea party. Everyone had tea cups along a very small rectangle table/stool and they were singing jungle tea time jungle tea time and cheersing to life it was so cute

•

🎭🤸‍♀️🔥💃 the performers...

Wow. I haven't seen performances like that ever. Every collective blew my mind they all had a vibe of their own and absolutely slayed it on stage. Serious inspiration

•

🎶🔊 the music

Every set was so good. Nothing was like oh that was cool .. everything i was was so we'll put together and everyone definitely out out jungle vibes.

•

I'll just put this first in case you don't want to read all the way cause this was my flavorite part 💓

👽 Tipper 👽

This was my 30th show.. in the jungle...and the Luna stage couldn't have been any better. He played so many fat unreleased tracks and vips I have never heard before. Serious deep jungle vibes. I can honestly say that was my flave set I've seen by him so far. There were no visuals but I was so okay with that. the lights were so on point and the performers were so freaking good and well paired with what he was putting out. I am sooooo freaking thankful for that experience and to have had it with all my tipper family. This community has Brought me all over the country and now out of the US. I am constantly overstimulated and it's just getting more intense as I get older so traveling can be difficult for me. The high energy if the airport is a lot for me. Music festivals are even a lot for me but I eventually get comfortable..I just love the epic moments of euphoria through music and these experiences that I'll push myself through the rest of it. The way tippers music makes me feel is so worth trooping through a sea of energies to get to that moment. It's truly beautiful for me and I know others feel the same. Blessed to be alive for the making of tipper music

•

Thursday

✨ the first real full set of music we saw was jpod.. someone ive never listened to and I'm so glad I know about him now. It was so fun I found all my friends and it was the perfect way to kick off the weekend.

✨Naughty princess was someone I didn't know as well and she threwwwww down a dirty heavy dubstep set. It was proper as fuck and she looked like a boss in the dj booth.

✨Honerable mention to Govinda and an-ten-ae

✨🔮Clozees first set on Friday night was so surreal. Seeing her live is a true experience. It got so heavy and blissful it was by far my flavorite set I've seen from her. She's so humble and cute and beyond excited to be doing this for us. When she plays she emmits such a powerful feminine vibe. The high that gave me was super intense.

✨ Honerable mention to

Stylust beats with the filthy dubstep set

Nico luminous

And attya to close was super smooth

•

Saturday

✨ The funk hunters played two sets. The but their Saturday night set on the Luna stage was so fire. They're so fun and energetic

✨ Random rab was so beautiful. Probably the most beautiful performance I've seen by him yet. His voice is absolutely amazing.

✨LAZY SYRUP ORCHESTRA...... If you don't know them please go listen to their sets on SoundCloud. The sun had risen and the people were vibin.. 6am set - ???? It was so freaking good ahhhh words can't even decribes

They're all so talented I want to return to that moment forever.

Going to the beach and jumping in the ocean after that was so freaking cooooooool.

✨Honerable mention to symbolico for throwing down two dope sets & moontricks on the Sol stage

•

Sunday

✨ Drrtywulvs ... Wowza. That was so fun and uplifting.. all the booty shaking..I love his music and all the noises. It always makes my body move in the weirdest of ways.

✨SUPERTASK..he's one of my flavorite artists ever and he threw downnnnnnnnn such a dope set in the jungle.

✨ SOOHAN was everything I wanted. His music makes me dance in all the best ways

✨🌄 Clozees played a sunrise set @ 545 and it was beautiful. She was very downtempo and played a lot of slower vibe songs.. it was perfect and blissful.

✨ and finally emancipator. They are forever one of my flavorites. They played at 7 am and closed out the Luna stage with the most magical morning vibes. I feel like they played a lot of new music and it was a perfect way to bring down the high energy from the night

✨Honerable mention to dirtwire on the Sol stage who pulled me out of my funk bc of the rain I love their music so much and Seeing them live is a huge treat.

If you've made it this far thanks for reading! Envision is my new flavorite place and I am already counting down the days until I can go back. ✨🥥

[whiterabbitpeak]

Siem Reap.

The Holy city of Temples, Tuk-Tuk’s and Traveler troubles – Mad Floors and shiz.

Captains Log Day 8 - 22/03/17 10:55 pm. Malaysia Air MH146

The Captain was able to connect back into the grid just before his HCMC departure, lucky enough he did so as he was able to discover that he had received a last-minute email from the hotel that Admiral and he were staying at. The email advised them that the residence was over booked and despite my two-month advanced booking we were going to be moved to the sister hotel that was located 10 minutes away from the venue. This deeply upset both the Admiral and Captain, they had no option, with an angry email to the hotel, they confirmed that they had been shifted and that a carrier would be sent to pick them up at the Airport. However, upon landing there was no receiver waiting. Blood boiling to match the temperature outside, the Captain and Admiral took a TukTuk or remork to the updated hotel discussing remork life, and how we would sell our cars in Australia and just sponsor a remork driver to live with us and drive us around, despite the laughter they both knew that their Cambodian travels had begun on a rocky start. At the new hotel, one could not get angry at the staff, it was not their fault, management had dealt the card to the Captain and the staff were only doing their job. Despite some initial tension, the staff escorted us to our room, they were apologetic in regards to the transport not being present and offered to compensate by offering complementary transportation on departure.

Although upset, the Admiral and Captain checked into the hotel and freshened up. They had organised a deal with the TukTuk driver to take them straight to the mighty Angkor Wat – The reason both the Captain and Admiral had decided to visit Cambodia. Geography Lesson #1: What is Angkor Wat? – “Angkor Wat is a temple complex in Cambodia and the largest religious monument in the world, with the site measuring 162.6 hectares (1,626,000 m2; 402 acres).  It was originally constructed as a Hindu temple of god Vishnu for the Khmer Empire, gradually transforming into a Buddhist temple towards the end of the 12th century” – thanks Wikipedia.

A visit to Angkor Wat had been on the Captain’s bucket list for a significantly long time – He had dreamed of visiting the ruins ever since he had seen photographs and discovered in a year 8 quiz that it’s the largest Hindu temple in the world (not sure if his incorrect answer stemmed his desire or the sheer curiosity.) Grabbing tickets, we were taken away from the city to visit the ruins, thus started our temple run. The hot sun blaring on our backs, sizzling our skin crispy, sweat creating puddles across our bodies we ventured out of the TukTuk. Walking through the gates of the Great Angkor Wat gave the captain goosebumps, the surreal feeling overwhelming. Hypnotized by the grandeur of the ruins we tread towards the entry. With barely any sales pitch we agreed to the first tour guide that approached us, after waiting his life the Captain had not had the patience to bargain or discuss price. The tour began, explaining the history of the king and the kingdom that built this temple, the wars that were fought over it and the transition of it from a Hindu temple to Buddhist. We walked around half engaged, our minds just marveling at the greatness of the ruins. Photos don’t do this justice. The Captain and Admiral got blessed and their futures told by a Buddhist monk and shortly after the tour ended. This is where one of the favorite parts of the tour for the Captain commenced. Free Roam. We were allowed to walk around the temple, explore the giant grounds, climb, run, walk, anything. It was great – the Captain gave the Admiral a heart attack when he walked on the ledge of the third storey of the temple. The heat starting to play games on their minds, the Admiral was pointing out a structure to the Captain, to which the heat stroked Captain responded “Yeah, Mad Floors and Shit” – not knowing what he was saying. The Admiral pointed out his poetic comment, meaning it was time for the delusional captain to farewell the temple grounds. Walking back to the TukTuk was a mission. The 400-meter path felt like kilometers in the dessert being crossed by Bedouins. Struggling and finally reaching the TukTuk we stopped for some cold refreshments before continuing our temple run. We then visited two other major temples and spent time exploring, the first was Bayon temple. The Bayon's most distinctive feature is the multitude of serene and smiling stone faces on the many towers which jut out from the upper terrace and cluster around its central peak  – once again this temple was huge. We walked the grounds posing for photos and trying to soak in the glory. After losing the TukTuk driver and doing a round of the perimeter, we finally got in the TukTuk for our third and final temple - Ta Phrom. unlike the other Angkorian temples, Ta Prohm was in much the same condition in which it was found: the photogenic and atmospheric combination of trees growing out of the ruins and the jungle surroundings. Trees and overgrowth over time had caused this ancient temple to collapse, although restoration works are underway the charm of this beast was the large collapsed rocks and the caved in rooms with roots weaving their way through them. Once again the wonder could not be captured, and if photos say a thousand words, being there and experiencing will write you novels. Temple’d out, we headed back to our hotel for some rest, the lack of sleep the night before, the scorching temperatures had the life of us drained.

Refreshed after a nap and shower, it was time for the Captain to enter his element as they got ready to hit up the famous Siem Reap Pub street for a night on the town. The street was full of activity, life, street traders, shops, music bars, the likes of which can only be compared to places like Khoa Sao road in Thailand, or a Portuguese Pub Crawl on NYE. Starving, the Captain thought it was best to get a drink in our systems before we ate, seemed logical right? There it was, Angkor What? Bar, a tourist landmark, famous for its writing on the walls, this place had seen millions of tourists over the years, it glistened on every travel guide. We stopped for a sneaky drink before we started our quest to try and find some burgers (craving) to eat. It seemed like forever before we found some food – mainly because the Captain was interested in exploring although the Admiral had different ideas which were showing (HUNGRY). Bellies full we headed to some shops and some more exploring to burn off some of the carbs, it was at this point the Captain started getting restless as all the night owls came out to play.  Finishing up with Shopping we headed straight back to Angkor What? Where a challenge tickled the fancy of the Captain, A deal that said if you get two alcoholic buckets you get a free tee-shirt. To test our limits however we ordered one bucket to start – a measly 6 x 50 ML shot – first up was a Moscow Mule. We shared this giant vessel of euphoric liquid and made friends with the amazing waiter @say – he had some great conversation with us and taught he Admiral some very cool bar tricks. One bucket in and that Tee-shirt was looking more achievable. We ordered a second and asked our new friend @ say if we could get a tee- he pulled some strings and the mission was semi accomplished – the side effects sat on the table in front of us – a Vodka Mojito. We sipped on our oversized beverage and in the true spirt of the bar left a scripture on the table, this one a quote from the mighty Co-Captain @avrill “Never Say No! Mort!”. At this point to our realisation the club opposite to us – Temple Club, had filled up, dancing had commenced on the streets, we watched as the toxins took control of inhibition. As the mighty vessel reached the final drops, we ordered two more cocktails, of a much more reasonable size this time, although the Long Island Ice tea felt like it had much more concentration of alcohol. Feeling ill and the music taking control we headed across the road for a boogie, shortly inside the Admiral and Captains thoughts synchronized to “we are too old for this” leaving promptly we headed to Yolo Bar. Here things were going mental, the crowd in polar opposite to where we had been, A Backpacker hub, where people were dancing on the streets and madness was everywhere. Quickly the two were able to join the madness, it seemed that Mr Mule and Mrs Mojito had led us over the sanity fence and unwillingly we rushed to the other side. Dancing, singing with the others time began to fly and memories start to fade, at some point the Captain found himself at the bar with a tourist who bought him a Jagerbomb, the Captain obliged and out of respect downed the shot. Later in the night a person came over with a Barbequed Snake on a stick, laughing and dancing he took a bite and passed it to the Captain, confused, time slowed down as he took a fairly large chunk off the stick and started chewing. The taste was disgusting, the scales littered his mouth, the chewing didn’t seem to end as it was like eating rubber with a distinct taste, cringing he passed the stick to the Admiral. The look on the face of the Admiral said it all – HELL NO! after some drunk banter and some convincing she took a tiny bite, chewing twice before spitting it out. almost vomiting we rushed her to the bar and ordered two Jagerbombs to wash the taste down, gagging as the warm Jager went down. Stumbling we left Yolo bar, and since it was too early to go home and wanted the snake magic to kick in we decided to head back for a final cocktail at Angkor What? again – bad idea. More Cocktails ordered – the Admiral had an Arm Wrestle with another tourist from Netherlands, the Captain made friends with Divers from Wales, the words came out as a slur. It was time to call it a night and head back to the Hotel. The time was 3 am and with the insistent TutTuk drivers and an inkling that we may get sick – we decided to walk back to the hotel. This was a bad decision. As we walked we saw some of our friends, they walked with us for a bit until they turned off and we continued through a dark laneway to our hotel. We were only 5 minutes from the Hotel where a man on a scooter approached the admiral on a motorbike slowed down and asked “would you like a lift?”, she responded “No No” at this point he snatched her Purse, yanking it, breaking her straps and riding off. The Admiral yelled “Hay!!” the Captain was off, Chasing the bike, without knowing what happened screaming at the top of his lungs “OI, OI!!” too late, he sped off and turned the corner, the Admirals bag was gone. The contents included cash, her cards, her phone. We both praised the lords and the powers that be that her Passport was sitting at the hotel and was SAFE.   Distressed we ran to the Hotel where reception called the police and advised us that we need to go to the tourist police station in the morning when it opened. Defeated, drunk and stressed the Admiral spent the next two hours calling the banks and cancelling her cards, whilst at some point the Captain passed out.

Opening his eyes, the pain unbearable the Captain reached out for his medication, the last night’s toxins were in his system and his head felt like there was a jack hammer pounding inside. This was no ordinary hangover, he could feel the onset of a migraine creeping. Looking over he saw the Admiral passed out on the laptop. Taking his pills, he closed his eyes and slept once again. His eyes opened again as the clock hit 2 PM – he got up and woke the admiral who was ready to go, getting dressed quickly the duo left the hotel and rushed to the police to report the incident the night before. The Tourist police had us document our statement and then referred us on to the large tourist police station the other end of town, taking a TukTuk we rushed there as the clock creeped towards 5pm. The tourist police station was a very traumatic experience. At first we were harassed as to why we didn’t come earlier (migraine) and then the conversation turned to why the Admiral did not fall over when her bag was snatched, the tone and constant implication that we were lying getting the better of us when we had an outburst and reached out to call the Embassy. We were encouraged to do so by the police, saying we are only doing our job, and that is what we will tell the embassy. However, we were told none of the phones had any credit – The Captain pointed out “but this is a police station?!” – my observation was acknowledged but no still the officers had no credit. We gave up, and continued our attempt to get a police report made. The police explained how this was now a criminal case, they needed to contact local police and they, needed to have proof in order to make and release a police report. They need evidence that we were robbed and since our incident happened with no one around and no cameras this was going to be hard to prove. Deeply upset and defeated we documented our timings for the night, wrote down the incidents that happened and answered all their questions. Interrogation went on for 2 hours and at the end we were defeated. They did not release the police report and said they would be back tomorrow to the hotel to investigate. At this point we had very unexpected assistance from one police officer, however no report. With no other options left we thanked the police officer that tried to help and headed back to town, hoping shopping will get our mind off things. It temporarily did. It was then time to visit the nicest restaurant in town, and one of the top restaurants in Asia - Cuisine Wat Damnak. This was a highly-regarded restaurant in Siem Reap celeb chef Joannes Riviere. The menu delivered the ultimate contemporary Khmer dining experience. This was fancy, the flavours and textures indescribable, fine dining at its best. The Chef Joannes, heard of our troubles the night before and was nice enough to come over and have a chat about the incident, he was charming and a very nice man. We both felt humbled, our hearts felt a little comfort in this unknown city. A last round of shopping and fulfilling the Captain’s Indian food craving at d’Tandoor, we headed back to stuff pack our bags and complete our final night in Siem Reap. The adventure was almost over, as the Captain and Admiral parted ways, the former off back to base and the latter flying to Singapore to continue her adventure. The Captain was fortunate to have the business class experience during his flight stopping in KL and hitting up the b lounge for a shower and a casual 4 vodka sodas and few snacks. Landing in the best city in the world, he was home. Arriving at 9:30am the captain was at work by 10:30am he reflected on his journey, his adventure overseas was over, he had survived another trip. He returned home with a few more notches on his belt and some scars to show for his travels. The Captain was ready and looking forward to his next adventure but at the moment he was running late to a meeting. He entered the room and said sampeah.

[meeshes-on-tour-blog]

Envelopes 1-3

Standing in Heathrow Terminal 2 we found Andrew. We stopped to say hello and he asked us where we are going. We gave our standard reply to date. We don’t actually know. Then we explained the Blind Experience concept and asked Andrew if he’d be happy to film us whilst we opened our first envelope. He agreed. Full of unanticipated nerves we began to open the envelope and as I pulled the paper out I saw the image of Christ The Redeemer statue and started jumping around. Jules pulled the rest of the paper out and we saw a caption that read “Christmas in Rio”. I felt so happy and excited, as Rio has been my dream destination for a long time. Jules was thrilled too that we were going to such a fun-filled, hot, colourful place for Christmas, that neither of us had ever visited, that we could both explore together.

So, we set off on the first leg of our journey. First stop Lisbon. Where Jules thought he saw Mo Farah. He didn’t. Then a 10 hour overnight flight to Rio de Janeiro. Which literally translates as January River. I woke up as the plane was descending over the most beautiful hill tops covered in morning mist and little hats of white cloud. I had no idea the geography of the country was so undulating and mountainous. This birds eye view was truly breathtaking, exotic, but tranquil in the pink and golden sunrise. You could see settlements nestled between the valleys and orange dirt tracks snaking between them. This rural landscape then morphed into an urban one, as ramshackle flat-roofed, pastel coloured buildings and high rises, as well as dusty, soon-to-be traffic-laden roads, came into view. Even more impressive was the Atlantic Ocean and coastline that suddenly appeared. Broken up with jungle-covered headlands and bays, with sandy sweeps of beaches. A huge rocky peak of granite and quartz loomed out of the dark blue sea above the harbour, on a peninsula of Guanarabara Bay. It’s name is “Sugarloaf Mountain”, coined by the Portuguese in the 16th century, who named it so in reference to the important sugar cane trade of Brazil.

As we stepped off the plane I side-stepped a giant moth. Marco and us have a running joke about big moths, so that caused us much amusement. I wanted to move the moth to safety, but Jules said it would hurt her, so we left her sitting there. As we walked through the airport the first thing we noticed was the smell of humidity, wet and tropical, just like the Amazon rainforest we imagined. In our excitement to explore Brazil immediately, the long wait at customs was quite challenging, and I did lots of loud British sighing in my boredom. We entered the arrival terminal with our luggage, eyes peeled for a man with a sign.

The sign read “Julian Gallagher” so I jokingly waved goodbye to Jules and the man, and wished them a happy honeymoon whilst I looked for a sign with my own name on. But this didn’t exist. Jules therefore kindly let me come in his and Pedro’s taxi to the hotel. We drove past the oldest and most dangerous favella in Rio, and became immediately aware of the very real poverty that exists in Brazil today. No one from outside the more dangerous favelas are advised to enter or visit them. You may remember a recent news story of a tourist being shot in front of her family by members of a drug cartel whilst looking for water. I’m sure her lesson has been firmly learnt. There are tours of favelas operating, but these come with the obvious ethical dilemmas inherent in “poverty tourism”.

It was an exciting ride through the streets of Rio, and our knuckles turned white in moments as the taxi joined the highway crossing all four lanes following a casual, solo glance in the wing mirror. We began to climb through the beautiful cobbled streets towards Saint Therese, thankful for their speed-reducing function. Many of the taxi drivers won’t actually take people to this area due to the damage done to their tyres and suspension we learned in due course. We admired the graffiti and street art adorning so many of the city’s walls as we entered this affluent area of the city, sitting above Rio laid out below. Our hotel was a stunning oasis of calm in this crazy place. Palm and mango trees, vibrant flower beds, and a beautiful fountain with carp surrounded the old colonial style ex coffee plantation buildings, now converted into a hotel. The place smelled amazing as you walked in, and immediately we were reminded of Anran where we got married, due to the wooden, sculptural decor and white-washed walls. We were given a tour of the hotel which sits over several levels and had a lovely restaurant and bar on a terrace. Jules was particularly pleased with the timing of our arrival, as we arrived in the middle of a professional photo shoot by the pool involving lots of young Brazilian models in swimsuits and bikinis posing for the camera.

We were shown to our room which was very spacious with the biggest four poster bed we’ve ever seen, and a beautifully converted dark grey slate bathroom. The view over the hills from our white-shuttered bedroom windows and bathroom was gorgeous too, and the colonial Portuguese influence was clear to see in the other buildings around. We got the giggles soon after entering our bedroom when it became clear the couple in the room next to us may well be on their honeymoon too. We’ll let you guess as to why we thought this!

Soon after arriving and showering we decided to get out and see Rio. We therefore headed down to Copacabana Beach to see its famous sands. It was extremely hot and we soon stopped for a drink on the beach, only after seeing a man dressed as Santa with a full white beard cycling past on a bike. It was pretty touristy, so after more Santa spotting, which seemed very funny in 30 degree heat amongst tanned Brazilians playing volleyball and running along the promenade, we searched for a lunch spot. We used Trip Advisor to find a more traditional place selling seafood, and found a lovely place a 10 minute walk from the beach. It was small and cool with fans going full blast. The whole menu was in Portuguese so we used trusty Google translate to work out what we wanted to order. An old couple on the table next to us offered their assistance in helping us to order. The man spoke really good English and had lived in London in the 1960s. They had been married for over 50 years and stole a few cheeky kisses over the table. We explained we haven’t yet made a whole year of marriage, but are hoping for 49 more like them. We cheersed our cold beers, which are always served in ice buckets in Brazil…perfect. We chose a couple of delicious piles of fried fish on platters garnished with lime and red onion, and covered in hot sauce. Yum. And by the time we left the bar, we were hugging and kissing each other goodbye like old friends. The Brazilians we met were all so warm and friendly, with a chilled vibe, and fun sense of humour. They make you feel so welcome wherever you go.

Feeling refreshed from sitting in the cool, and energetic after our delicious meal, we ventured to “Sugar Loaf” mountain and went up by cable car. At the top there are the most stunning views of Rio and its beautiful bays. It was a real tourist trap, but was listed as the number one thing to do in Rio, so we couldn’t miss it. As the heat only seemed to increase, soaking the back of her clothes whenever we sat down, we decided the pool was beckoning. So back to the hotel we went, and dived, quite literally, into the pool. After a refreshing dip we lounged on the sun beds, me in the shade as usual, Jules in the sun, as always, and enjoyed some ice cold coconut water straight from a real coconut. After some sun, reading, and snoozing, we headed out for our evening meal in a treetop restaurant, where we opened our second envelope! We learned we would be going on a walking tour of Rio’s street art. This was right up Julio’s street, and he was really looking forward to it, as was I! Jules had done a similar activity in Buenos Aires and loved it.

So we were up early the next day for an amazing brekky at the hotel. Its contemporary dining room had stunning smooth concrete floors, and single-paned industrial steel windows over-looking the local area and its European style buildings. All of the food, including some very exotic fruits, was beautifully displayed, and coffee and tea was served from elegant silver pots and trays. I noticed that bowls and cups were particularly tiny, not sure why. I think we ate the world’s tiniest pancake there!

After our breakfast we set off on our 4 hour walking tour of Rio’s graffiti scene. We met Edmundo our guide for the day at a hotel by Copacabana Beach. He is from Rio and was very knowledgeable about all aspects of life from the favelas, where he runs tours, to politics. We saw a huge array of street art during our time with Edmundo. It was really encouraging to see that there are a significant number of female street artists creating work all over Rio. Graffiti and street art does not have the reputation it has in the UK, and is respected by people and commissioned by organisations and the government. A particularly incredible piece we saw in Downtown Rio was commissioned by the Olympic Committee of 2016, when Rio hosted the Olympics. It consists of faces of people from the five continents, but on a huge scale, in the most vibrant colours (see our Instagram). The talent of these artists is completely mind-blowing and it would be a challenge for anyone not to find beauty in it, and to be impressed by it. There were lots of political messages of peace and equality symbolised in the art, and told within their stories, such as empowerment of Black Africans, revealing these young Brazilian creatives’ social conscience and fight for justice.

Despite Edmundo’s best attempts to preserve our health by standing in the shade as much as possible whilst showing us the art, by the end of the 4 hour tour in the scorching heat, we were gasping for water and desperate for a cold shower, and I had a banging headache. We took a taxi and found refuge in a small restaurant in Saint Therese near our hotel run by a lovely couple. We ate the Brazilian version of fried chicken and salt cod fritter, both delicious, and walked back to the hotel. Jules opened a little extra Christmas envelope from me after we had cooled down with a shower, and learned he would be paragliding on Christmas morning! That evening we went for a delicious cocktail in the bar and then over to the restaurant for our Christmas meal, which Brazilians have on Christmas Eve, not Christmas Day. We agreed have never felt less Christmassy, but were so happy to already have had such an amazing 2 days.

We arrived at Pepino Beach the next morning after a mini Christmas present opening session and a particularly terrifying taxi journey. Whilst waiting for Flávio to take us to the take off point we received the most wonderful news. My friend Georgie’s daughter Tansy had arrived safely on Christmas morning weighing 7.5lb after a long slog. What Happy Christmas news indeed, welcome to the world little Tansy, I can’t wait to meet you!

We were driven up Pedra Bonita mountain at breakneck speed, and were strapped into our paragliding harnesses. We watched several paragliders and hang gliders launch themselves off the take off pad, one not very successfully, which was rather terrifying, and then it was Jules’s turn. I filmed his launch which was pretty smooth and watched as the winds pushed him and his pilot up and away into the skies. Then it was my turn. Me and my pilot were strapped together, and I was told just to keep walking, and to keep my ankles crossed in flight, and legs relaxed. I wasn’t quite prepared for the strong force that lifted us quicker than expected into the air, and the pilot later explained back on the ground, that he hadn’t been either. I’m glad I didn know that at the time. It all felt pretty safe though, and it was amazing looking down over the mountains and buildings below, and seeing the sparkling ocean in all its glory from above. It was still and quiet up there, and as close to flying like a bird as either of us have ever been. It was quite challenging to let go of the Go Pro and open my arms “like a bird” as instructed, and I quickly grabbed back onto the harness. I also experienced a nausea akin to the feeling of seasickness, as did Jules, and was very grateful to land smoothly on the beach after a series of vomit-inducing circles as we came down from the sky, but what an experience for Christmas Day 2017, and we were both very pleased to have done it. Our pilots kindly uploaded all the Go Pro videos and pictures onto Jules’s phone for us to remember our flights for years to come. Lunchtime, and off for some food and a Coca Cola to soothe our dizzy tummies, as well as some delicious ice cream. Then we went back to the hotel to lie on loungers in the shade drinking ice cold coconut water. What a perfect Christmas!

In the evening we cracked open a bottle of bubbly and spokes to our families who were very much missed. It was wonderful to see their smiling faces round the Christmas dinner table, and we decided to open our third envelope whilst on FaceTime speaking to my family. And it revealed that we would be off to Lima, Peru, in the wee hours of the next morning! We were totally thrilled, and I immediately thought of how much our friend Poppy would enjoy that we were going to Paddington Bear’s birthplace! Stay tuned for our next update from country number 2!!!…….

[lindoig]

Days 18 to 22 (May 14 to 18)

Happy Mother’s Day to all the Mums.  Having inadvertently staged our own mini-celebration for Heather’s Mother’s Day last week, we forgot all about it this time until half the day had gone and messages started coming in from the kids. Notwithstanding, we tried hard to celebrate it again.  

We went to the Mindel Beach Market in the afternoon.  We arrived early because we had been advised that parking was a major issue, but it was pretty easy really.  We strolled around for a few hours and Heather bought a couple of small items.  It was reputed to have a wide selection of ethnic food outlets as well as some of the usual crafty stuff, but I didn’t feel that it quite lived up to its advertising. There were certainly lots of food outlets, but quite a few were simply replicating their neighbours and there was nothing really unusual at all.  Still, we indulged ourselves and what we had was quite tasty.  As the sun dropped toward the horizon, the crowds drifted from the Market down to the beach and at least a thousand or two ooh-ed and aah-ed and took thousands of photos as the light faded and the sea swallowed the burning globe. Actually, most people left before the sun was completely gone for some reason, leaving only a few hundred stalwart party people to dance the night away – and it looked like plenty of them had come well-prepared.  But once again……. what is with all the people standing in the water, or splashing and swimming, with all the crocodile (and poison box jelly-fish) warning signs about?

Next day, we went west – not on the recommendation of the Visitors Centre where such a direction seemed a little odd.  It was 100 or so kilometres to Dundee Beach, stopping a few times along the way to explore.  There was not a lot to see, but we sat under a shady tree and ate our sangers and had a cuppa overlooking the brand-new boat-ramp and the ancient Arafura Sea.  On the way back, we took a 50-odd kilometre detour north, up to the tip of the Cox Peninsula with Darwin on the horizon to the east.  It was getting late so we didn’t hang around there for long and retreated to a couple of coldies and the air conditioner in the caravan.

Quite a lot of the area we travelled through that day had been burned.  We have seen lots of fires as we have travelled in the NT.  During the Wet, the grass grows to more than three metres high (almost as high as a very tall elephant's eye) and there is a policy of fuel reduction burning up here.  People could easily get lost in the grass (a haven for all sorts of deadly snakes and other toothsome critters) so it is a very sensible policy in my view.  Actually, the grass is so dense, you probably couldn’t get far enough into it to get lost, but they have apparently have some big bushfires over the years and burning off reduces the risk of uncontrollable conflagrations.  For example, we were told that they burn the whole of Litchfield National Park every three years- one third each year and we saw plenty of fires there.  We have seen numerous very hot fires right up to the very edge of the road as well as extensive blackened areas, many where there are plenty of logs and dead trees still smoking and the raptors are circling looking for some freshly baked prey – or maybe just trying to find a place to roost without burning their tootsies.  We have not been inconvenienced at all by the fires.  There are ample signs warning of the risk of low visibility due to smoke, but despite seeing thick smoke in the distance, all we have experienced is a few wispy areas where the aroma of burning leaves is really lovely.  (Even when at home, we sometimes collect a few leaves and burn them of an evening just for the smell of the bush and we have enjoyed smelling that on a grander scale up here on lots of occasions.

Tuesday was FABULOUS.  When we were on Bruny Island in April, we shared a table at the Bowls Club with a couple whose daughter and SIL have a tourism business up here so I contacted them and said we were interested (even negotiated a ‘family discount’ on account of the ‘referral’ from Kelly’s Mum.)  The business is Adelaide River Tours, not to be confused with Adelaide River Cruises from whom they bought the business a couple of years ago. Very few people have heard of them and they are struggling a bit to get known, partly because the previous owner still operates and advertises his Jumping Croc Cruises that almost drown the airwaves up here.  He advertises very heavily and Kelly and Alex are still trying to gain market share. We think their all-day tours are hugely better than the hour-long Jumping Croc tours, but horses for courses.

We were picked up at the caravan park gate at 8.15 and eventually joined about 8 other people and were taken to Adelaide River where we boarded their boat and cruised up river for 30-40 kilometres.  We saw several crocodiles, one huge beast that investigated the boat quite closely for 10 minutes or so and we had to keep moving to avoid it getting too close.  We also saw one by the shore eating what I think was a large olive python – it was having some trouble getting it down.  Several of the crocs were relatively small, mainly 2-3 metres – and one cute little metre-long baby made a dash for the river right next to where I was in the boat.  He was out of the water and among the mangroves and we just made eye contact when he decided it was safer in the water – they can really run fast!!!  We had morning tea on the boat and lunch at the most amazing little private lease they have way up the river.  It is just 100 square metres or so, well out of the water, but set up with battery-operated fans, gas barbeques, tables and chairs, even a dunny they have set up.  A few of us went for short walks outside the leased area, but it was very hot and it was good to retreat to the relative cool of the shade in the shelter shed. They made us a barbecue, with lots of salads, fruit, cold drinks and a cuppa and we enjoyed an hour or so in the middle of nowhere.  Then back on board for more exploring and a coldie or two on Goat Island – a very rustic resort run by a grossly extroverted eccentric with a crazy sense of humour and a singing dog (he plays the harmonica and the dog barks along with him.) All very kitch – ultra-kitch really – but he has carved out a profitable business in the middle of the bush catering for tourists like us, runaways from Darwin’s Big Smoke and fishermen who get helicoptered in to the tiny pad hacked from the jungle behind the ‘motel’.

It was then a run for home, stopping once or twice to check out a sunbaking croc – one truly enormous reptile that stayed around long enough for us to all get plenty of pics – and then delivered back to the caravan at about 6.15.  It was a great day with interesting people – but only a few birds.

Wednesday seems a bit of a blur.  We went out around 10am to buy a new stabiliser leg for the van – the new one we had fitted before leaving home wouldn’t wind down, no matter how hard I hammered it.  I even pulled it completely apart and couldn’t get it to work.  Of course, the guy who sold us the new one gave ours one solid belt and it worked fine after then, so we are now carrying a spare stabiliser that will probably never get used.  I had to go to Medicare to sort out some issues we had in Alice Springs – and they were completely unhelpful, but we eventually resolved the issues ourselves (I hope).  We went to the ferry terminal to pay for a tour we had booked, did a little bit of grocery shopping and somehow it was then after 4.30 – and neither of us can figure out how the hours slipped away.  Maybe we had a nap during our travels but neither can remember that!  Darwin is a lot bigger (and a LOT more spread out) than I imagined so maybe we spend a few of those hours driving from one side of town to the other – but I think not.

Thursday was also a little bit lost to us – maybe we are getting the hang of this sort of lifestyle and an hour or three spent doing something we can’t recall next day is not a big deal.  I know we spent some time on our emails, paying bills, making phone calls and updating our blogs, and during the late afternoon, I went off on my own to the Botanical Gardens to try to spot some birds.  There were plenty there and I saw a few that we hadn’t seen before on this trip, but nothing quite new to us.  I didn’t see the pittas that they say are in the Gardens so that was a little disappointing – maybe I might need to make a return trip after next week and try to spot them allowing myself a bit more time to wander around. The gardens are quite extensive and definitely worth a visit.  They are divided into numerous ecological and geographical environments and I found them really interesting.

(Species count 143, including 16 new ticks since leaving home)

[theadventuresofhelena]

Cambodia

So, it’s safe to say that Allison and I passed out on the plane ride from Viet Nam to Cambodia. It was short, only about 45 minutes, but we were happy we got to sleep on the bus rides that day and the planes. We definitely had made the most of the day and night prior in Viet Nam and felt like we didn’t miss anything during Cambodia, so that was really awesome! We landed in Phnom Penh and headed straight to an orphanage. One thing that did sort of suck was my voice still hadn’t fully recovered so I had lost it again. So when we got to the orphanage I basically had to follow Allison around while she spoke with the kids because I couldn’t speak for myself. I definitely was bummed that I couldn’t speak, but I still got to meet with a lot of the kids and they were all so wonderful. It feels weird to call the kids because in reality, they were teenagers, almost adults. The guy we got to speak with the most, he was eighteen years old. And the other kids we were with were anywhere from 13-18 years old, so there were no babies or toddlers, they were much older than I imagined them being. I’ve always wanted to adopt since I was young, so coming here was tough. Seeing their living conditions and their positive attitudes around us was heartbreaking for me. I still haven’t quite fully digested it, it will take me a while, but I’m so incredibly happy that I got to meet these people. They were all so lovely and sweet. We didn’t get to stay for long which was really unfortunate, but we got to play games with them and just talk about anything and everything so by the time we had to leave, it was hard to say goodbye. We all took a big group photo and then said our own personal goodbyes. Next, we had lunch briefly at a restaurant. The restaurant was absolutely beautiful and jungle-themed. We got to eat a little bit of everything, it was awesome! They brought out a bunch of different things for us to try, it was like a buffet style but little servings of everything. After we ate we went to the Toul Sleng Museum and Cheung Ek Killing Fields (The first day had a lot of tough things to see and experience). The museum was horrifying. I can’t even explain what happened there, it was so recent in our history, too. There were faces of all the prisoners who came there to be executed (there were hundreds of thousands of them all along boards in about 5 different rooms) and there was one in particular that I will never forget because his facial expression was the most pure form of fear I have ever seen. That was all you could see in this photo of this man. The killings fields weren’t any better, there is a small-temple like building in the front center of the killing fields that has a very large glass container that contains skulls. Within the container they have different sections for male, female, and infant/child skulls and different areas for people who had been killed with different weapons such as knives, guns, spears, and much, much more. It was a lot to take in just in general, but especially in one day. However, we ended the day lightly by taking a small boat cruise along the Tonle Sap river during sunset. It was actually an insanely beautiful sunset and it was a nice place to be to reflect on everything we had seen. Our tour guide for the day, Red, was with us as well, and on the bus ride to the river he told us his story of him growing up and everything he had gone through. It was unfathomable what he had been through and it was incredible what he has recovered from so I thanked him for telling us his story because he didn’t have to do that at all. This first day in Cambodia made a great impact on me, personally. It really made me check myself and all my privileges. We walked back to the bus after the boat cruise and went to go eat dinner. We ate at one of the most beautiful restaurants I have ever been to. We were out on a deck that was lit up with christmas lights wrapped around poles and this restaurant was also had a jungle theme so there were plants everywhere, it was freakin magical. Allison and I sat across from two girls we had yet to really meet. So while we were eating dinner, we talked with them and got to know them a bit better. But soon they found out about the wifi and they got onto it and it quickly turned to a one on one conversation with Allison. I didn’t mind though, we both didn’t really want to get on the wifi because we felt that it would ruin the experience. So we stayed off of it and just had a really amazing conversation. We talked about what we saw today but also about random things. That night was probably one of my favorite moments on this trip so far, it was just so nice to feel so in the moment of where I was and what i was doing and be doing it with a really good friend. We left the restaurant and went to our hotel and I was roommates with a girl named Chelsea. She was really cool and I had never really seen her around the ship before so I was excited to be able to meet someone new! We both took showers and fell asleep immediately. We got up the next morning I think around 5:30 or 6am to get the free breakfast and check out. We took the bus to the National Museum where we stayed and got a tour from Red about the different god and goddess statues as well as the pieces of Angkor Wat that were being displayed. After the museum we were headed to the airport to get to Siem Reap, Cambodia! Once we got to Siem Reap we went straight to a Woman’s school. That was probably one of my favorite things I got to do. I met so many wonderful girls who were just so sweet and kind and I had gotten my voice back a little bit so i actually got to talk with them and I added a few of them on Facebook as well! The man who started this school for women is in the process of creating an internship for native English speakers to come and teach English here and I was like whaaaaat that’s basically what I want to do for the rest of my life plz take me! So that was REALLY awesome that I got to talk with him and have this as a possibility for the nearby future. Saying goodbye to them was really hard, but it was nice knowing that I would be able to add them on Facebook later when I had service. That night we had to ourselves, so we just checked into our hotel and then all decided to meet in the lobby at 6:30pm to go get dinner and explore the town. We left and got tuk-tuks (rickshaws) to the night market where we walked around and did some random shopping before eating dinner. Allison and I passed by one of the tanks that carry the fish in them that take the dead skin off of your feet and we both had always wanted to try it but were too cheap of people to pay for it, but at the night market a guy had it for about 2 dollars a person for an unlimited amount of time. It’s the cheapest price either of us had seen, so we knew we had to do it. The only weird thing was that these fish were slightly larger than what I’ve seen before but we figured it would be fine so we paid the guy and slowly dipped our feet in there. And let me tell you, it was the weirdest feeling I have ever felt! It tickled SO much! We asked the guy to take pictures of us and we got some good ones so I will definitely add them because they are hilarious. It takes a while to get use to the feeling too, but after a few minutes you finally get use to it. We were there for a good while and our feet were so dirty because we had been on them the past 3 days in dust and dirt so the fish had a lot to work with to say the least. When we finally decided to get out, we could definitely tell a difference with our feet, they were a lot softer! It was pretty cool. We gathered everyone up and headed over to Pub Street to find a restaurant. Siem Reap is a fairly small town and travelers come here to see Angkor Wat so the Pub Street is filled with backpackers and travelers; aka a lot of fun. We walked all the way down the street trying to find a place that all of us would want to eat at. The people we were with wanted American food, but Allison and I were looking for more of Cambodian food. We found a restaurant that had both so everyone was happy with that and we sat down and ate. We were sitting next to this woman named Michelle and she was a hoot and a half. She was so funny and she ordered a barbecue crocodile pizza, so obviously we all had to try it. And the rumor is right-it tastes like chicken! It was really good actually so I pigged out and ate my spring rolls, noodles with chicken and vegetables, I think I had one and a half slices of her pizza, a chocolate milkshake, 2 beers, and ice cream for dessert. For all of you wondering, no I have not gained weight! But I was slightly shocked at my body for being able to eat all of that, for sure. Afterwards the group split up and we all agreed to meet at a bar called Angkor What? Allison, Michelle, and I went on the hunt for weird foods. Michelle said she had to eat a tarantula and we fully supported that decision so we walked along the streets and it took a good 0.5 seconds to run into a stand that was selling tarantulas, scorpions, and small red snakes to eat. Michelle got the tarantula and Allison got a scorpion, and I ate their weird foods and didn’t get my own. I highly do not recommend any of them lol they were all pretty gross and didn’t taste like really anything. But I only tried a tarantula leg and not the body so I could be mistaken on the not tasting like anything part. What I had was just crunchy! Pub Street is so much fun just to walk down because they have small little carts that are all blaring their own music and selling shots, cocktails, and beers all for dirt cheap. It was amazing! We danced from cart to cart all the way back to the Angkor What? bar, where we all took a shot together and then headed across the street to dance at this one club. We ran into some other SASers who were on our Cambodia trip so we were with them for bit, but we had a very early morning of watching the sunrise at Angkor Wat so we were back in the hotel and in bed by 12am. We woke up at 4:30am and met in the lobby at 5, then we all took tuk-tuks to the ticket office where we had to get a photo taken of us and then our ticket for the day. We got back in the tuk-tuks and were headed to Angkor Wat! We entered through the west gate which was less popular so at first we are thinking wow, we came at a great time there is no one here! But it turns out we came from the back side so we had to walk around to the front and in the front there were at least one hundred people waiting for the sunrise just like us so once we saw that we were like oh just kidding. Angkor Wat honestly just blew me away, it was insanely huge, we probably could’ve spent half of a day walking around this site alone. We got about 3 hours there so that was nice, but of course, it seems we are always running out of time. In the beginning of our 3 hours we sat on the lawn in the front near the pond and watched the sunrise. It was absolutely breathtaking. It’s hard to put into words everything I was feeling and experiencing, I don’t think I have ever felt more alive and free than in that moment. And being there with a friend and just taking it all in, was unbelievable. After the sun had risen a decent amount, we decided to do some of our own exploring and walked into it. The structure itself was insane, we were told it took about 40 years to build and people worked on it everyday and they had elephants to help them. The sheer size of it is mind blowing but all the intricate work on each piece of stone was just insane and it’s all hand carved and built-ah it’s just crazy to see something like this in person. The photos don’t do it justice. (but when do they ever do honestly?) We met back at our meeting spot and had our tour guide take us through a little bit to give us some more information on it, but soon we were on our way out of the site and onto the next! We went to the site that has the trees coming out of the building and that was so amazing to see in person as well, the trees are so tall and heavy-looking we couldn’t really fathom how the building was holding them up. Unfortunately the sun wasn’t in the right position so the pictures aren’t that great but I’ll post them anyways so you guys can see them! After this site we went to one more temple that was really freaking cool because you were allowed to climb to the top of them by climbing very old scary steep staircase- so obviously we did that. Going down was a lot scarier than coming up though, it was nearly a straight drop down! But everyone survived and no one was injured and then we went to the bigger part of the temple and explored around there for a bit. But soon our time was up and we had to make our way back to the airport to go back to Viet Nam.

[monkeyscribbler-blog]

THE HUNDRED

Two days after getting laid off from my last job, I woke up, walked into an Irish pub five blocks from my apartment, took a seat, and didn’t leave for nine hours.  It was here, after six proper pints of IPA and three shots of Jameson, I first became aware of the transcendent beauty of a bar. It unveiled itself to me, a fleeting vision of the Virgin Mary to a Mexican peasant farmer. The mysterious, moody browns in a bottle of Woodford Reserve. Patron Silver’s intimidating squat, daring eye contact. The embossed decanter – Sherry? Cognac? – peeking out of the middle shelf, evoking memories of grandma. To extend my entry into this higher level of enlightenment, I humbly ordered another shot, deciding upon Jim Beam, the fuel of blue-collar America (according to movies). With total understanding that comes only with daytime drunkenness, I watched as the bartender skillfully turned the bottle over, releasing a silent, smooth pour into the endless void of my glass.

It was the prettiest shot I ever saw.

Shot 1:

A twenty-three-ounce can of Coors Light, on the other hand, is not intended for shots. It gurgles out its beer, reluctantly, as if questioning your decision (along with everyone else you know). Immediately, my one-and-a-half ounce shot glass, the one with “Welcome to Jamaica” embossed on the side, overflows. Examining the beer that has spilled upon the wood floor below, my cat pauses, and then decides it is worth lapping up.

The shot is cold, carbonated, harsh, delicious. This is less beer than I usually consume in a single sip, and years of conditioned drinking immediately make me want more.

Taking ninety-nine of these is not going to be a problem.

•

I've never done The Century Club before, or, for that matter, any college drinking games: beer pong, quarters, asshole, that game where everyone sticks a card to their forehead and bets.

[EDITOR’S NOTE: Indian Poker. What this game has to do with Indians is still with research.]

[EDITOR’S NOTE: The editor is just a sober version of the writer.]

[EDITOR’S NOTE: The editor is unaware if you can put three editor’s notes in a row, and if so, which punctuation you use to separate it.]

While other nineteen-year-olds were exploring the vigors of fucking under black lights and constructing six-foot high bongs from root beer cans, I was hiding inside a dorm room with my Seventh-Day Adventist roommate. At the time, I considered my support of his weekend lock-ins to be a result of my ceaseless selflessness, always putting others ahead of myself. Years of reflection (aided by New York’s finest bartenders) revealed the truth to be more mundane: I was insecure, with a mild case of social anxiety.

Without intentionally trying to insult your expertise in vice, I’d like to inform any of those unaware that The Century Club involves drinking a shot of beer every minute for one-hundred minutes straight. (A Google search for “The Century Club” reveals a surprising number of disparate definitions for this club. It is a club for those who have traveled to 100 or more countries, had sex with 100 partners, cadets who have marched 100 hours, FIFA players who have played 100 or more matches. It seems the drinking beer Century Club is the least impressive club even within the realm of Century Clubs.)

The Century Club makes the most sense in college, when you have one class a week (which you miss) and compete with your roommates to find creative ways to get drunk as quickly and cheaply as possible (jungle juice). It becomes less useful as an adult, where a drunk face accompanied by passionate conversations about how awesome it would be to have Gatling guns for hands no longer entertains your roommate, now called a wife.

So why am I doing it now, at age 33? A man can only take so many baby showers, 401(k) statements, cholesterol tests, and $115-dollar-a-ticket musicals featuring singing monkeys before The Century Club becomes a self-evident way to reverse lingering regrets and stake a claim in the country of man. In fact, it may be the only way. So I bought two cases of beer, called my friend John, set up a sanctuary in my small Brooklyn apartment, and started consuming beer from a shot glass, one minute at a time.

The following is a live transcript of what transpired, written under the increasing influence of these beer shots.

•

Shot 2 - 10:

Despite my early enthusiasm, the next nine shots go down with unexpected and worrying difficulty. I can already see where the challenge will arise as I continue on my path towards collegiate immortality: Time. Minutes just aren’t as long as I seem to remember. Sure, I can drink a lot, but at my own pace. This pace is forced; a war prisoner’s march through a hot Filipino jungle, not a jaunt through the local park. I also begin questioning the amount I ate this morning. A friend who tried this before ate too much sushi before his attempt, and said it messed him up, so I didn’t really eat. But now, it seems my stomach has shrunk. By shot seven, i'm Googling “belly blow up”. Fortunately, the results assure me stomachs rarely explode, which I confirm via a linked MythBuster’s video clip in which they unsuccessfully try to explode a dead pig’s stomach with an infinite amount of Coca-Cola and cherry Pop Rocks. Did you ever see the movie Urban Legends? It wasn’t very good. I think they did something with Pop Rocks and Coke in there.

•

Shots 11 – 20:

The shots are small, but maddeningly frequent. Chinese beer torture: Shot. Pause. Shot. Pause. Shot.

My quest to add this accomplishment to my impressive drinking resume is already becoming doubtful. I’m swallowing the shots, as I would a glass of water, which is the only way I know to consume foods and liquids. (Which gives my throat a chance to approve or disapprove of the size and type of material that shall pass its gates, ensuring I don’t swallow an entire chicken wing.) John says I should be shooting them, not drinking them. The truth is, I am too much of a pussy to shoot anything. Open the throat and pour it down, John says. I try it, start to cough, spill more beer. This is going almost as poorly as the time I tried my first beer bong, viewable on YouTube under the title “World’s Worst Beer Bong Ever”. It seems I am a decent drinker until it reaches competitive status, at which point I revert back to a terrified little school boy.

John has inherent advantages in this quest that quickly become apparent. First, he has done this before. (He was in a fraternity. I was in College Bowl.) Second, he’s big. The kind of big where a shot glass in his hand seems like a pen cap. Third, he’s from Rochester, New York. I’ve never been, so I’m not sure what that means, but I imagine if there’s anywhere where men regularly do Century Clubs for fun, it’d be there.

I’m pretty sure Alice the kitten is drunk.

•

At age 12, I developed a serious acne problem. Pimples raised off my skin like magma bubbles, and it was critical I correct this issue, quickly, as my emaciated 135-pound body, replete with heavy eyewear and history of poor fashion choices, already had me reeling in the complex social orbits of the 8th grade universe. In response, my doctor blithely prescribed tetracycline, an antibiotic he'd been using since he became a doctor sometime during the last Polio outbreak. I blame this medical failure on doctors failing to appreciate that an acne diagnosis as a youth is the emotional equivalent of a cancer diagnosis as an adult. Your fragile mind is devastated on all levels. The fear of mockery in front of Michelle (Imagine: A smoldering, four-foot-seven-inch seductress, very good at naming state capitols) or Tara (Imagine: A playful, innocent blonde with a talent for woodwind instruments) was a terror perhaps only felt by the mice my science teacher regularly dropped into the snake tank. These fears scar you worse than the acne itself, resulting in a stunted development of self-confidence, a problem never truly conquered, no matter how much money, vaginal experience, or success you accumulate.

The inherent problem with Tetracycline, beyond its utter ineffectiveness, was actually masked by an altogether different problem: as a hypochondriac-in-training, I was certain I would choke on the 50-mg pills I was prescribed. This choking fear had manifested itself throughout my childhood, such that at this point, I had only swallowed one or two pills ever. But the acne had to go, even at risk of death-by-pill-choke. I initially tried cutting the pills in half, then swallow them. This proved unworkable, as the jagged edges of the cut pill scratched my throat upon the swallow. I tried dissolving them in water. I tried eating them.  Eventually, I realized if I drank a huge gulp of water with a pill thrown in I could swallow the pill, though even getting to that point took about eighteen terrifying minutes a night.

In the end, none of it mattered. The doctor's lack of imaginative, or accurate, treatment resulted in little improvement. The acne remained for another year, before the wondrous drug Acutane rid me of it forever. (While simultaneously ridding me of a functioning liver, lower pancreas, and left kidney).

•

Shot 21 - 30:

We've encountered our second serious barrier. Neither John or me are able to figure out how to count all the slashes on the napkin that is acting as our semi-official scorecard. Because drunk college kids aren’t known for their responsible administrative skills, when we looked online for rules to The Century Club, it didn’t mention anything about scorekeeping. In drunken retrospect, we agree we should have invited a third as an official counter. As this exercise has taught us, two things you quickly lose when drinking is an ability to count, and ability to make marks that you will later be able to count. The good news is I’m definitely in some sort of zone. It’s that drinking twilight period where the alcohol begins to eliminate worries and improve confidence. (In my past, this confidence has gotten me to believe that I could take a 6’8” bouncer, walk 40 miles home, and, well, drink 100 shots of beer.)

•

In college, I was a basketball referee for the university’s intramural league. This was a bad idea on many fronts, most notably that I was trying to impose rules upon people who were either my age, or older, and often times in class with me. Watch an NFL, MLB or NBA game some time. Notice that the referees and umpires are without question a minimum of ten years older than the players they are supervising. This guarantees a certain amount of respect. Granted, America is certainly no Asia when it comes to respect for elders, but there is still a lingering regard that serves as a buffer between player and regulator: grey hair means wisdom. When you strip this age gap away, you have the situation I was in. Players would ignore my whistle and continue to play. They’d call fouls on themselves. If they didn’t like my call, they’d look at me curiously and drop the ball at my feet. These disagreements would find their way into classes and parties.

I quit after the fall season was over.

I imagine this is the same reason The Century Club doesn’t call for a sanctioned referee. Unless you are able to find a fifty-year-old willing to sit and watch you drink one-hundred shots of beer, you are stuck to someone your own age. And someone your own age is probably drinking with you. This is why there has probably never been a fully accurate Century Club ever.

•

Shot 31 - 40:

The minutes are flying by. To prove my point, apparently writing “the minutes are flying by” took a minute, because John just announced the next shot. John is very non-descript when he speaks. Just informs me. Like he's telling me that my cable bill is due. To further prove my point, these are all the notes I have from those ten shots.

•

Shot 41 - 54:

Not sure what is happening here. It is 5:33 PM. Not sure where we are on the shots. Not sure I can type, actually. I'm definately drunk. Why is Microsoft Word underlining definately? Am I spelling it wrong?

[EDITOR’S NOTE: Yes]

This fucking spell check is like an evil fucking warlock. You can’t trust it. What is the difference between a warlock and a wizard? I wanted to say wizard but then chose warlock. What about a sorcerer? What is that? How are they different? What is a female warlock? A Warlockess? I know sorceress works. Jesus. It seems like John calls "shot" every fucking second. Seriously, he must be fucking with me. This is not every minute. No chance.

I have no chance of hitting 100. No fucking chance. I just gotta hit 70, cause that seems cool.

Amazing. Before trying this. 100 shots of beer sounded like nothing. I thought I'd have no problem. But this is definately added up. FUCK FUCK FUCK! Fucking stop underlining definitely!

[EDITOR’S NOTE: It is definitely.]

I know it is right!!!!

[EDITOR’S NOTE: It isn’t.]  

fuckers.

•

When I was in fourth grade, I hung out with two middle-school kids, Scott and Eric. They introduced me to the secretive game of Dungeons and Dragons, which seemed to me akin to time travel. My parents were troubled with the arrangement. They knew as adults what I didn’t as a kid: eighth-graders shouldn’t want to hang out with fourth-graders, unless they couldn’t make friends with other eighth-graders, which would indicate some sort of social adjustment issue. Regardless, the advantage was that I had access to well-seasoned Dungeon Masters who would spend weeks planning elaborate adventures, pitting my Level 4 thief with high dexterity against the challenges of deceitful innkeepers, purple dragon knights, and beguilers with multiple spells. I spent an entire fall on one adventure, racing home after school to jump back into the world of paladins, water forests, and underground castles, which certainly beat the other world of math homework and shoveling up the dog shit in the backyard. To this day, this is the reason I have such strong opinions on the differences between shamans and duskblades, particularly after fifty-one shots of Coors Lite.

•

Shot 55 - 62:

Food is helping. Not sure if that is allowed in college level. But true Century Club means no pissing, no food, no anything. But that's bullshit. I'm 38, i Make the fucking rules. That was nice just now. Capitalizing the M in make. NOt sure why. But the .

hmm. forgot the sentence there. Jesus. Another shot. One sec. I got a second wind. but then lost it.

This is like sixteenth wind. Now I feel like i'm gonna puke.

Just got an update. shot 59.

•

At some point in college, once I ditched the Seventh-Day Adventist roommate and started experiencing the miracle of drinking, I was filmed while drunk. This was in the mid-nineties. Film cameras were around, but rarely in the hands of a broke college kid. Usually, you only saw film of yourself at important (boring) events, when parents would be filming: high school graduations, birthday parties, grandma visits. Because I had never seen film of myself living real life, I had created a vivid picture in my head of what I looked like and how I talked in these instances. During the filming in question, I was maybe six beers in, sitting at a table with two of my roommates. In my mind, we were having a clear, rational conversation about sports. I distinctly remember it being very subdued.

Then I watched the film about two weeks later. I was slurring, standing on a chair, talking loudly, and laughing. It was a completely different reality to what was in my head.

It was then that I forever became aware that the minute you think you aren’t drunk, you are.

•

Shot 62 - 72:

Hmm, not sure why I wrote 5:50. It is 5:47 Pm.

small m. I'm definately getting a small wind. I swear to all of you, those of you who read, those of you who don't read, those of the small children of people who wear undergarments, and to the walrus professors, if this fucking this underlines hmm or

definately one more time i'm gonna fucking freak. why is i'm underlined? cause it isn't a capital I? fuck this system. fucking grammar fucking nazi fucking

carpet fucker.

•

Have you ever sky dived? I haven’t. Pussies don’t sky dive. We’d spend every second in the air mortified that the parachute won’t deploy, and once proven that it did, the remainder of the time worrying that we were going to land in water and die. We didn’t play Little League as kids out of fear we’d get hit in the head with a fastball. We don’t scuba dive: Sharks! Moray eels! Regulator malfunctions! We don’t eat carpaccio (stomach worms), use public toilets (AIDS), or visit the inner city (stab wounds). We don’t like to ski (avalanche) and certainly not ski jump (obvious). We keep stickers on products that say “please do not remove this sticker”. We put trash cans in front of our bedroom doors when we go to sleep, because an intruder wouldn’t expect it.

It is with this in mind that The Century Club becomes a larger achievement. I am overcoming a fear of shots, alcoholism, hangovers and ruptured stomachs. I’m a regular Sir Edmund Hillary of drinking.

•

Shot 72 - 81:

Jesus. The benefit here is that the drunker I get the easier it is to take shots. I'm in respectable territory. 7yso shots. whoops. 70 shopts. FUCK. 70 shots. power hour accomplished. stomach doesn't feel good. lik a little gnome is digging a grave in there (i am not drunk enough to forget that gnome needs a g, unlike nome, alaska. not sure if that is right).

Jessie is talking in Babylonian sanskrit.

[EDITOR’S NOTE:: Jessie is John’s wife who showed up midway, unamused.]

Not sure what is happening here. Concentration is difficult.

Stomach hurts.

discussion has turned to the golden anniversary, which john assures me is 75 shots. what are all of those? the diamond anniversary, golden, hairy beaver, etc. stomach is hurting,. not like in vomit level, but in like it feels like Seattle is sitting inside of

it. All of seattle. the drunker i get the better chance i have.

hey: fuck you!

•

I’m the patron saint of missed opportunities. Unfortunately, the awareness that an experience is in fact an opportunity usually doesn’t form in my consciousness until about four minutes after the opportunity has already passed. However, this doesn’t stop me from returning to the scene of the opportunity after those four minutes to see if I cannot correct my mistake and actually grab the opportunity, if it is in fact still there. Which it never is. Sometimes I’ll linger at the scene of the opportunity for hours, such as the time I hung out near the bathroom at a house party, reeling in guilt from my previous missed opportunity of talking to the most beautiful girl at the party, who was trying to strike up conversation with me, to which I was unaware, assuming she was directing her conversation to someone else, until the point where I actually had to go into the bathroom, concluding a period of very awkward gestures on my part. Despite resolving to redeem myself by looking for her the rest of the night, she had, in fact, left.

And so it is, four minutes after quitting Century Club, I resolve to re-join it.

•

Shot 82:

Drunk just happened. shot 81, but our recording has been off. stomach hurts. full, nauseus, everything.

can't go much longer. we busted out the music, hope

that helps. literally. at this very moment, right around the second l of literally, i got drunk. i am fuly drunk. can't spell or think right. hurting. not sure ican take another.

bakc in the game.

tapped out for four shots. the amount of beer cans is amazing. reminds me of stephen upstairs. taking a bunch of shots doesn't mean much. but when you see the cans you realize your accomoplishment. amazing what you can do when you put your mind to it. usually that means one-legged people scaling mt.

everest or women going to mars, but now it means

mark anderson drinking 100 beers.

•

I’ve never achieved anything of real note. Mostly, I’ve assembled a life that would’ve have been great in 1955: I graduated college, I pay my bills, I visited Europe, I’m not fat. But any real accomplishments – selling a screenplay, playing Division I college basketball, swimming the Atlantic – have not been in the cards. That isn’t to say I haven’t gotten close: I was almost on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and got into the third interview of an available writer position for The Onion. But I’ve always been a fourth place kind of guy … that guy in line at a club that reaches maximum occupancy when he reaches the door. So rather than upgrade your achievements, you eventually learn to change them. Get published? No, but I will get drunk. Get into the 40/40 club? No, but I will get into The Century Club. And I’ll take as much pride in that as Barry Bonds did with his.

•

Shot 83 - 91:

[EDITOR’S NOTE: There are no intelligible notes for this section of the Century Club]

•

Shot 92 - 99:

i need someone other than jesus to say where i am right now. usually jesus is enough but not tongith. usually jesus is for before 80 shots. this is for past that. i need some new savior. like from the egyptians. Io. i think that is the god of the sun or something. so now, Io. Dear Io, I am hurting.

[IO’S NOTE: Be strong, like my bosom]

Stomach is full beyond capacity. Literally, this is like putting a 27 inch cock into a woman. Just can't take anymore. That's what i'm doing, only i'm the woman. Some fat greasy hairy guy is sweating on top of me trying to stick it in. and more than anything i want

him off. oh, there was a good burp, helped me. i might not do century club in 100 minutes, but i'll fucking do it you assholes. Dios Io!

I’m close.

•

When I was in the eighth-grade, my best friend at the time convinced me to join my school’s cross-country team. Now, I neither liked running nor the country, but I was impressionable, and running seemed a whole lot easier than volleyball or la crosse or the other sports in school that needed people so bad they took whoever signed up without even needed try-outs. So I bought a pair of New Balance and hit the ol’ cross country trails in the canyons of northeastern San Diego.

It wasn’t long before I realized I had a fatal flaw when it came to cross-country: The closer I got to the finish line, the less I felt like running, until I’d almost stop and walk to the end. I’ve always been content with getting close. The actually finishing is just a forethought. Which is why I’ve started fifty different hobbies over the years: trumpet, acting, basketball, but ended all of them when I got “ok”.

There is no such thing as “ok” in the Century Club. Either you cross that finish line, or you are out of the fraternity for good. Even as a 38-year-old.

•

Shot 100:

Guest blogger Jonh Graham, as I am unable to continue with my blog due to drunkennesss. I sjust ended 100 shots, and i don't think you will believe me, so i need esxplanation from John:

[EDITOR’S NOTE]: There is no explanation from John. The transcript ends here.

[canonbiwonderwoman]

#idk i love sweet and innocent eliot charming people#but i also love when he goes full ham into some weird ass character#ie that one time he played the crazy beekeeper#i can’t remember the episode name#or when he just played some jungle explorer that ate a snake#eliot enjoys getting to be a Little Weird#as a treat#also parker’s weird character grifts are also top tier

my favorite types of Eliot grifts in Leverage are:

1. glasses

2. the weirdest fucking guy you can imagine