#or thought provoking for me! i’m glad other peoples trials can be some kind of inconsequential game for u

[commentaryvorg]

Danganronpa V3 Commentary: Part 3.2

Be aware that this is not a blind playthrough! This will contain spoilers for the entire game, regardless of the part of the game I’m commenting on. A major focus of this commentary is to talk about all of the hints and foreshadowing of events that are going to happen and facts that are going to be revealed in the future of the story. It is emphatically not intended for someone experiencing the game for their first time.

Last time, as we started off chapter 3, everyone was a dick about Maki except for Kaito and Shuichi, not one but two Obvious Future Murder Scenes opened up, Tenko finally started being good less than a chapter before she kicks the bucket, and Kaito already began to deliver on his promise to take down Maki’s mask.

With all that opening stuff done, it’s free time.

Shuichi:  (Maki… This is probably her room. …I can’t just ignore what she said. She sounded really upset.)

You can attempt to hang out with Maki – Shuichi seems genuinely worried about her, which is lovely.

Maki:  “Didn’t I tell you to stay away from me? I’m staying away from you and the others. So just… pretend I’m not even here.”

Emphasis on “attempt”. She’s still too convinced that everyone should hate her to even try and engage with anyone. Needs a bit more of Kaito’s persistence before she’s ready to open up.

Tenko:  “Do you think it’ll be okay if we don’t do anything about Maki? She told us to stay away from her, but… I still think it’s dangerous to leave a killer like her unattended!”

It’s a shame Tenko isn’t able to understand the fact that Maki is obviously not going to kill anyone unless provoked. I’d have thought she might have been able to pick up on that, since she has a similar kind of mentality to Kaito. Maybe it’s that she needs to Aikido-throw Maki before she understands what’s going on in her head. Which… might get interpreted by Maki as an attempt to kill her, so it’s probably best not to, ha.

(Also I want to mention that Tenko is in her dojo and standing on one of the pillars like it’s no big deal, which is pretty cute.)

Kokichi:  “I am soooo disappointed in Kaito! Why does he care so much about killer girl!? …Oh, maybe he’s trying to suck up to Maki, so she doesn’t kill him.”

Apparently that idea makes more sense in Kokichi’s mind than even vaguely considering the possibility that Maki isn’t an awful terrifying person and Kaito has realised that. Or that Kaito could possibly be doing this entirely for Maki’s sake and not just to selfishly protect himself by manipulating her feelings. That’s the only reason Kokichi would ever engage with Maki, so obviously that’s got to be why Kaito’s doing it too, right.

Anyway, it shouldn’t be too hard to guess who I want to hang out with right now. He’s in Maki’s lab.

Kaito:  “Geez… Everyone’s saying the same thing. It’s not okay to lump them together just because they’ve both killed someone.”

Shuichi:  (Should I hang out with Kaito for a while?) [Yes]

Kaito:  “Kaede and Kirumi… did both kill someone… But that doesn’t make them murderous fiends…”

Shuichi:  (I spent some quiet time alone with Kaito…)

He doesn’t mention Maki, but he’s obviously thinking about her too. It’s a very good point that, since Kaede and Kirumi had understandable reasons for their crimes and weren’t terrible people just because they’d committed murder, everyone shouldn’t be immediately writing Maki off as a terrible person just because she’s killed people and should be trying to understand her reasons too.

It’s also rare to see Kaito spend the whole hangout session being quiet and thoughtful rather than finding something else to talk about to distract him. Not only is he bothered by the way everyone’s treating Maki, but, despite him being just as strongly opposed to murder as anyone, this killing game is probably the first time he’s ever had to confront the idea that having committed murder doesn’t necessarily make someone a bad person. Kaito’s the kind of person who prefers things to be black and white and have a very clear right and wrong, and this… doesn’t.

It’s nice that he and Shuichi can find comfort in each other’s company while they sort out their thoughts about this. They are friends.

Presumably after a certain amount of quiet thinking, Kaito decides he’s done brooding for now and starts talking to Shuichi about something completely unrelated, leading to the actual event.

(Or it’s because Shuichi broke the silence by giving him a present. But honestly I feel like the presents shouldn’t quite be considered properly canon, because it’s a very forced way to make someone like you more. Would Kaito really have not wanted to tell Shuichi all these things about himself if Shuichi hadn’t given him presents?)

Kaito:  “But since we’re here, aren’t you glad you met me?”

Shuichi:  “Glad I met you?” (Well… I guess Kaito has saved me before…)

One of the reasons I didn’t hang out with Kaito at every single opportunity during chapter 2 is that this FTE clearly canonically takes place after chapter 2 as evidenced by this part here. Shuichi would have no reason to think that Kaito has “saved” him during chapter 2’s free time, but after his training and his support of Shuichi during the trial? That makes a lot more sense, and it’s adorable that Shuichi thinks of it that way. Even if he might be a bit embarrassed to say that out loud.

Kaito:  “It’s nothing to be embarrassed about! Just be proud that you’re my sidekick!”

This, too, is proof this should be happening after the chapter 2 investigation in which Kaito first officially declared Shuichi his sidekick.

Shuichi:  (…A sidekick.)

Don’t think of it as a bad thing, Shuichi! You’re about to hear just how much it means for Kaito to see you that way.

Kaito:  “I’ve got quite the record. I could even be called the Ultimate Hero!”

Shuichi:  “Your ‘record’? What do you mean?”

Kaito:  “Heh, to tell the truth… I’ve had a number of sidekicks in the past.”

And now we learn the fact that Kaito very explicitly does this kind of thing all the time. It’s also interesting when you consider that his memories are actually fake and therefore he was deliberately written as someone with a natural inclination to do this for people. It’s very likely that Tsumugi specifically wanted him to do this for Shuichi as part of Shuichi’s “character arc” that she had planned. (That doesn’t make the fact that Kaito is doing this any less meaningful, though, since it’s all real to him.)

Kaito:  “That star rookie in the major league? He used to be my sidekick!”

Shuichi:  “What!?”

Kaito:  “That engineer who won a Nobel Prize? He also used to be my sidekick.”

Something very relevant to note is the way Kaito says these people used to be his sidekicks and therefore doesn’t consider them as such any more.

Kaito:  “I even showed our current prime minister the ropes of politics.”

…This might explain why the prime minister passed over all his authority to Kirumi.

Kaito:  “And that pop sensation? I taught her to sing and dance!”

Shuichi:  “Ah, I-I see…” (I don’t know about this… Some of those people are older than Kaito.)

Shuichi is right to be sceptical about this, but I believe Kaito is only exaggerating here about how great his sidekicks became or how much influence he really had on them. (Like, I doubt he actually taught the prime minister how politics works or the idol how to sing and dance, but I can believe that he could have given them the confidence to pursue those careers in the first place.) I don’t think he’s outright lying. He’s not the type to tell lies this elaborate when it’s not obvious that he’s really just pretending, especially for no good reason. Plus, his backstory is all made up, so anything’s possible – it’s still way more plausible than Gonta’s.

Kaito:  “That said… I only nudged them in the right direction.”

This part is very good and important! Kaito is willing to admit that his influence on all of his sidekicks is really relatively small, and it’s all their own potential that let them reach greatness. All Kaito did was recognise that potential in them and give them the right push to help them realise it. He’s admitting that all of these people are greater than him, even though he once called them his “sidekicks”.

Really, we need to talk about Kaito’s definition of the word “sidekick”, and now’s the perfect time to do it. It’s nothing like the regular definition of the word. Kaito means it as someone whom he, as the “hero”, is supporting and mentoring through their problems in order to help them reach their full potential that he already knew they had from the start. They start out emotionally weaker than him and therefore in need of his support, but that doesn’t for a moment mean that he sees them as lesser people. His choice of word might make it sound like he thinks they exist to be helping him out and making him look good, but that’s actually the complete opposite of what “sidekick” means to Kaito.

Kaito says that these people he just talked about only used to be his sidekicks because, now that they’ve reached their full potential, now that they’re strong enough that they don’t need his support and guidance any more, they no longer fit that definition.

And by saying this here, Kaito’s implying that he sees the same potential in Shuichi as he did in all these other former sidekicks of his who achieved greatness. Although, while this is what he’s implying, Kaito doesn’t go so far as to directly say that he thinks Shuichi has the potential to be greater than him or that he imagines Shuichi will one day not need him any more, which is… probably quite relevant.

Kaito: “With just a nudge, a person can change. They can break outta their shell. And it’s a real man who gives them the encouragement they need!”

Still, at least under normal circumstances, Kaito is able to be cool with the fact that his sidekicks might reach even greater heights than him and no longer be his sidekicks any more, because his role in giving them that nudge is still an important part of their development. He still gets to be the “hero” who inspired them to do great things.

…It’s interesting that he connects this to his concept of manliness here. This isn’t that related to what he’s usually meant by “manliness” up to this point, about being true to yourself. But still, being someone who can give that encouragement to others is something that’s very personally important to Kaito too, so I guess that’s why he considers this another “manly” thing. Yet again, it’s something that is not specifically connected to gender at all. If anything, giving people emotional support and cheering them on is something that’s usually considered more traditionally feminine.

Kaito:  “If you wanna talk about something, don’t hesitate! We’ll talk it out! Your worry is my worry! My worry is your worry!”

This is adorable and so very Kaito, but also, rewind a sentence, what was that last part again?

Kaito:  “My worry is your worry!”

Is it really, Kaito?

Kaito:  “And there’s nothing wrong with that!”

There sure isn’t!!! If only you would realise that for yourself—

Kaito is so delightfully hypocritical when it comes to dealing with his own issues and I love it. He stresses that there’s nothing wrong with the idea of sharing your worries, but even as he’s saying that, he’s only thinking about Shuichi sharing worries with him and definitely not ever the other way around. That wouldn’t make him a very inspiring hero to his sidekick, after all, would it?

There is a way in which “My worry is your worry” can technically be seen to be true for Kaito, in that he sees Shuichi’s problems as his biggest priority and therefore the first thing he worries about is whatever Shuichi is worrying about, and not anything that might be wrong with himself. When Kaito gives this line, he could be just thinking of it as essentially saying “Your worry is my worry” twice over with different phrasing, rather than that he’s ever claiming the opposite is also true when he knows it isn’t.

Shuichi:  (Kaito is always so honest and approachable. He’s willing to help you with anything. …Only someone like Kaito could help me. Only someone like him could tell me what I need to hear.)

I like Shuichi observing that not everyone could do what Kaito can do for people and he has a particular talent for this. Maybe he’s right to call himself the “Ultimate Hero”, in that very specific and unusual definition of the word “hero”.

Shuichi:  (…Ah, n-never mind. I shouldn’t be talking about another boy like that…)

This line is annoying. The thoughts that this follows are not something that should be giving Shuichi any reason to be going “oh no were those romantic feelings???”. Having someone who’s always there to help you and tell you what you need to hear is not inherently romantic in and of itself. The fact that Shuichi apparently thinks it is is a sign that he’s been affected by amatonormativity – or rather, let’s be real here, that the writing has. People can ship whatever they want if it makes them happy, that’s cool, but the narrative’s behaviour here of pointing at platonic concepts like the ones Shuichi just thought about and trying to claim that they’re obviously proof of romantic feelings is frustratingly amatonormative. Anyone can perfectly well have incredibly close friends whom they rely on for support without it necessarily having to be romantic.

Shuichi’s report card summary of this event has an interesting observation:

“Although, to be fair, his words do carry a lot of conviction, despite being a little strange.”

He appears to be remarking that, while Kaito’s claims are a bit difficult to believe, it doesn’t sound like he’s lying. Much like Gonta wasn’t lying about his ridiculous videogame crossover backstory, either.

Shuichi:  (Nighttime… I have training with Kaito.)

Even though they’ve only done it once so far and didn’t get a chance to for the past two nights, Shuichi still immediately assumes that they’ll be training again tonight. He’s really invested in it already!

Kaito:  “Hey, sorry I was late. I had trouble bringing her.”

I love how Kaito doesn’t even preface this by telling Shuichi “oh by the way I’m inviting Maki to training too”. He just says this like it’s obvious that he’d have wanted to bring her. Because it is, really.

Maki:  “Someone kept buzzing my intercom and I got so fed up, I finally opened the door.”

Kaito has been using his usual doorbell habits on Maki too, I see. That kind of persistence is actually necessary to get her to answer.

Kaito:  “Listen up! When a hero has to fight with a big enemy, they train, train, then train some more! That’s what this training is! It’s important for a hero like me.”

As ridiculous as this sounds, it actually does make a certain amount of sense in Kaito’s logic, if you assume he’s using the word “enemy” in the same sense he meant it when he was referring to Shuichi’s emotional weaknesses. Although then that does make it a little questionable that he’s mostly talking about his own training here, because obviously he doesn’t have any emotional weaknesses at all (right?). So I guess when he’s referring to himself, he does just want to mean a literal “enemy” like in a hero story, like all his heroic totally-true adventures when he was a kid.

Still, Maki doesn’t know what he ever means by that word and Kaito is being a huge dork to assume that she’s actually going to buy into this way of putting it.

Kaito:  “So you guys can be like the super dog, cat or horse by my side to help me be the hero!”

This: less helpful. Kaito’s strategy of making himself out to be the more important one to take the pressure off really isn’t what Maki needs, even if it helps Shuichi.

Maki:  “Did you really think that crazy explanation would convince me to stay?”

A good question. I guess Kaito was hoping he could convince her with a more light-hearted speech and not have to talk more directly about her issues, but, come on, Kaito, she was clearly never going to buy into this kind of ridiculousness.

Kaito:  “When I said I was the hero, that’s just from my perspective. Even super pets think of themselves as heroes. The same goes to both of you! Each of you are the heroes of your own stories! So act more like it!”

This part is great, though! Even though Kaito loves to make himself look like a hero, it’s not to make himself look better than other people. Everyone else’s stories are just as important as his! Kaito talks about himself the way he does largely to try and inspire other people to think of themselves with the same optimism and confidence that he has.

Maki:  “I don’t know what you’re up to… but I told you both to stay away from me. You know this will end badly if you don’t, so why are you being so difficult?”

It won’t, though, Maki! You made it clear that you’ll only kill people who try and kill you, and both Kaito and Shuichi obviously don’t want to kill you, so what’s wrong with you training with them?

Really, she’s saying this because Kaito has begun to get through to her. His previous, more ridiculous lines, she wrote off as stupid, but this one she’s not calling stupid, because he’s actually made it clear, in a roundabout way, that this is about her and he’s trying to help her. She’s trying to make an actual logical argument for why she shouldn’t be here (even though the argument isn’t logical at all) because she’s afraid of facing her issues like he wants her to.

Kaito:  “How long are you going to run away?”

…and Kaito, naturally, immediately identifies that that’s what she’s doing.

Kaito:  “Your mask is coming down… I could tell just by looking at you today. You’re not the terrifying person the others think you are… You’re just a coward.”

He’s picked up on the fact that she acts like a cold-blooded killer not because she is one, but because that’s her way of running away from the normal person she is inside who hates killing people and hates herself for it and hates that she was forced into this awful lifestyle. She is being a coward, because she’s afraid of facing up to all those horrible feelings and it’s easier for her to just pretend that she’s a cold-blooded killer who doesn’t feel anything at all.

Kaito:  “Hey, what’s your enemy?”

Maki:  “…Huh? My enemy?”

Kaito:  “You don’t need to tell me what it is, so long as you know it yourself.”

At this point, with the context he’s given, it should be fairly clear to Maki what Kaito really means by the word “enemy”. I really like how Kaito makes a point that she doesn’t need to tell him what her enemy is and is just encouraging her to look inside herself and figure it out for her own sake. Shuichi told Kaito what his “enemy” was, but that was because his problem was more how to overcome the fear that he’s already accepted that he has. However, Maki’s problem at the moment is accepting that she has this fear and self-loathing and loneliness in the first place, so Kaito doesn’t want to make that any more difficult for her by forcing her to admit that to anyone but herself if she’s not ready to yet.

Kaito:  “So, how long are you going to run away from your enemy?”

Maki:  “…Run away?”

Kaito:  “Yeah, you’ve been running away. It’s pretty pathetic. But… if you want to stand against it, even a little… I’ll train with you! So you can be strong!”

Again, Kaito is telling someone they’re weak, but then immediately following it up by assuring them that they can get stronger and that he’s here to help them with that. Weakness in and of itself is not a bad thing! Only running away from it and not trying to get stronger is.

Shuichi:  (…What?)

I don’t know why you’re so surprised, Shuichi. This is exactly what Kaito did for you, so it should be no wonder he wants to do the same for Maki.

Shuichi:  (Maki is getting angry… Kaito is just provoking her. Is he going to be okay? He’s antagonizing the Ultimate Assassin…)

He is going to be fine, Shuichi; you know full well she won’t kill him unless he’s trying to kill her. I don’t think Maki’s really getting angry; she’s just putting on a threatening face because that’s her instinctive defence mechanism for anything that jabs at her real emotions. Kaito’s not provoking her – he’s getting through to her.

Shuichi:  “Hey, Kaito… It’s okay, you don’t have to—”

It’s not okay and he does have to. Shuichi’s basically telling him to just give up on her, but there’s no way Kaito's about to do that. He’s going to keep trying until he convinces her to make an effort to change. Kaito can’t do anything for someone who doesn’t want to help themselves, and it might seem on the surface like Maki is one such person, but Kaito can clearly tell that deep down she does want to change and it’ll just take a certain amount of persistence from him to get her to admit that.

Maki:  “…Fine, I’ll do it.”

And he’s succeeded!

Maki:  “Don’t get the wrong idea. He’ll just bug me about it later if I refuse.”

Kaito:  “Heh, so you do get it!”

Maki:  “…The only way to deal with idiots like him is to give up and just keep nodding.”

Kaito:  “Y-You don’t get it at all!”

After everything Kaito just told her about what it would mean for her emotional growth to start training with him, she knows that by agreeing to the training she’s accepting that she wants to try and change. She’s only claiming that this is merely about getting Kaito to stop bugging her because she’s still hesitant to admit to herself that she really has made that decision.

(Also of note is that this is the first time Kaito has been called an idiot and not got riled up about it. Apparently he doesn’t mind if it’s from a Maki who knows he’s trying to help her.)

Kaito:  “Whatever… you just better get ready. I won’t hold back just cuz you’re a girl.”

Aaaand here’s a vaguely misogynistic Kaito line that probably shouldn’t exist. Kaito has fully accepted at this point that she’s a trained assassin and is not stupid enough to think she wouldn’t therefore be at least as physically fit as him, if not more. Even aside from that, there was the part back in chapter 1, long before he knew she was an assassin, where he took one look at her and immediately determined that she probably knew how to fight. He does not think she’s physically weak at all.

I can partially put this comment here down to Kaito not wanting to treat her like she’s a trained assassin for the sake of helping with her issues and making a conscious decision to treat her like he would any normal girl. And yes, even then it is still a little misogynistic of him to treat an ordinary girl this way – but even if you take that at face value and don’t write it off as a rare instance of Kaito being grazed by one of those temporary Misogyny Bullets, which it almost certainly is, I think it’s important to remember that this comment is entirely about physical strength. It doesn’t have any bearing on how Kaito feels about girls as people in terms of their emotional resilience, which, as should be abundantly clear by now in part thanks to everything else he’s said to Maki during this scene, has nothing to do with gender in his eyes.

Shuichi:  “H-Hey, Kaito… no slacking today, yeah? I’m counting your reps!”

Kaito:  “Heh, I’m on fire today. I can easily do 50 push-ups!”

Shuichi:  “I thought we were doing a hundred!”

Looks like Kaito is still trying to subtly draw attention away from the fact that he’s not as strong as he was expecting to be, with… limited success.

Of course, Maki makes it to a hundred in record time.

Kaito:  “Y-You’re not even out of breath… I guess you’ve trained before, huh?”

Kaito should know perfectly well that she would have gone through a lot of training as an assassin – so I’m also putting this one down to him again trying to treat her like a normal person and deliberately ignore the fact that he knows she’s a trained killer.

Maki:  “Aren’t you breathing a little too hard? It’s not like we really pushed ourselves.”

Kaito:  “B-Before coming here, I did some warm ups… I already did 500 push-ups, so…”

Kaito is trying – rather terribly – to continue to seem like the hero who can inspire others to reach his standards. His words inspiring Maki to become emotionally stronger lose a bit of their oomph if the way for her to supposedly do so is through an activity that she is clearly way better at than him. (Even though the exercise isn’t really the main point, and especially not for Maki who is already more than physically fit enough already.)

Maki:  “Anyway, I’m done and you can’t say I didn’t train with you. I’m going back to my room.”

Kaito:  “Okay, we’re doing training tomorrow, too! You better be there!”

(Maki ignored Kaito and left without a word.)

Kaito:  “Geez, why’s she gotta be so difficult?”

I dunno, Kaito, I think she’s already made some good progress for today. It was always going to take a lot for her to admit to herself that she wanted to change, and that’s what she did when she agreed to train. That’s enough for now.

Shuichi:  “Hey, Kaito… why did you do all this? To help her?”

Of course that’s why, Shuichi! Just like he’s been doing for you!

Kaito:  “Hm? If someone’s weak, you help them out. Teamwork’s important for astronauts.”

I like how Kaito says this like it should be obvious to everyone, because it really is that obvious to him. And I still really love how Kaito’s talent is intrinsically connected to the kind of person he is in ways that have nothing to do with space.

Kaito:  “If someone’s weak and suffering, there’s no way you can just leave them!”

Shuichi:  “Weak and suffering? *Maki*!?”

I guess maybe what Shuichi found hard to grasp about the idea that Kaito wanted to help Maki is the idea that Maki needed help in the first place. It didn’t occur to Shuichi that Maki could be weak, since he thinks of “weakness” only in a way which is specific to how he is weak, and Maki’s weakness is of a very different kind.

That… would also explain quite a few things about the way Shuichi continues to view Kaito in upcoming chapters, huh.

Kaito:  “Well, in that sense, you’re— No, your case is a little different.”

Shuichi:  “What do you mean?”

Kaito:  “N-Nothing! Anyway, let’s keep going.”

Kaito was about to use Shuichi’s weakness as an example to explain how Maki also has weaknesses, but he cut himself off when he realised that he no longer thinks Shuichi is weak. Not after Kirumi’s trial in which Shuichi heroically faced the truth and saved everyone. But he’s not willing to admit that – not to Shuichi or to himself – so he avoids the question and changes the subject. This is another early subtle hint at Kaito’s jealousy of Shuichi and I love it.

Shuichi:  (Kaito ended up saying he ‘didn’t remember’ how many push-ups he did… We agreed to just start over, and we were exhausted by the time we reached 100.)

Seems like Kaito wasn’t keen to come across as lazier than Shuichi again and actually put in the effort to do the same amount as him this time. Which really shouldn’t have left him as equally exhausted as someone who’s only doing push-ups for the second time ever, now, should it.

Shuichi:  (Kaito bringing Maki… he really is crazy. But maybe it’s because he’s crazy that Maki came in the first place. … Kaito… you really are something else.)

Hee, Shuichi realising that Kaito’s unique brand of stubborn ridiculousness is exactly what allows him to have such an effect on people.

---

[Next post]

[despairandregretentertainment]

Mirror Mirror | Chris | Trial 3.6 | Re: Jun, Willow, Cappy, Lister

Chris’s lock softens a bit as Jun speaks after him, about many things that all culminate in a desire to live, in the end. Aurora is kind enough to offer him a blanket if he wants to use it, and Chris himself scoots over from where he’d separated himself from people to be slightly more next to Jun. He won’t touch him unprompted, but hopefully being close to him will do something.

  “I’m glad that you’ve decided you want to live, Jun. And really, I still want to do the best that I can to help you live that out how you actually want to, to find and build up yourself and all that, y��know? I think you’ve been doing great so far, and I know you’ll keep at it too."

And then, of course, there was All That to worry about too. As arguing happens, as Willow removes her mask, Chris stays largely out of it, though he does offer Willow a nod of respect at least for being willing to show her face. 

“Even if my feelings about Willow are more negative than not currently, especially after finding out about her trap that could have cost me my mobility for the second time in my life, I still don’t actually want her to die for it assuming she didn't do it, despite myself. Or get stabbed, can you all stop it with that??” Seriously, the knife on the ground as a challenge was certain to only lead to disaster. 

  “Cuz I get it, y’know? I’m definitely not from the same background, but when you’re backed into a corner for most of your life by everyone around you, you make yourself believe what you need to believe, do what you need to do, and you lash out in defense when you’re provoked. Anything for survival. It happens. I was a real fucking shitty person in the past, even if I didn’t actively do shit to other people because I was too caged in to ever be able to. It takes time to unlearn that when you finally have more room to breath. It took me years. It also takes effort too, a slow uphill climb. I think it’s possible that Willow can get there, but she’d need to put in the effort too.” 

Would she? After all that had happened in this trial in particular, would she keep trying to improve herself, or would she let herself become truly complacent for where she was or would be. It was impossible to say, and he wasn’t truly a mind reader, even if he thought himself decent at reading people.

“And fucking obviously, I don’t want Capernica to die here either. I enjoy her company, I understand a hell of a lot for where she’s coming from. We have a lot in common, in some ways, even if we have a lot of differences too. I get it for her too, I’m pissed as fuck about a lot of the same societal shit that’s out there, and I can understand where she's coming from on some shit. I’ve mentioned it to her before, but I sure as fuck have been through both legitimate poverty bad enough I had to beg for money on the fucking streets as a literal child, and financial abuse later, technically having things but having no right to control any of it myself. Both fucking suck.”

He sighs though, because he knows that just saying that won’t get things anywhere. He looks to Rafe with a sigh.

“I don’t particularly want either of them to die, and the issue with that is that my third option to save them both if I want to is you, Lister. I have more than enough sway to end your life for good and stop you from being a threat to me, but I legitimately don’t want to have to use it unless you force me to have to help Jun because I’ve been trying to get over some of my spite. I have reason to think you could be the killer here too, honestly, but I hadn’t wanted to vote for you unless it turned out you actually did it.

Hate me for it if you want, because I know you already do anyhow, but I’m helping save the person I most want to save just like you’re trying to now for yours. If anyone decides to follow you in who you’re voting for and it becomes a risk to his life, I’m not going to hold back.”

Chris sits back, looking between everyone here, and sighs, closing his eyes for a moment. When he opens them, he looks back towards Willow, finally going to answer her question. A nod.

“Yes, I did mention that our group grabbed things that we didn’t want others to see. Personally, I grabbed a paper with medical information on it, Capernica grabbed… I think some birth control and an old movie I was in.” Oh, so that’s what that was- “Jun grabbed his medication, and I don’t think that Kei took anything but I could be wrong.”

[vadnyl]

Major Discovery: BotW’s Adventure Log = Link’s Diary?!

SERIOUSLY.

(Spoiler Alert)

At this point, our beloved game Breath of the Wild has been out for around half a year already. If you have played the game, you are probably very familiar with the Adventure Log feature in BotW that helps you keep track of all your missions and side quests. Or else its pretty much impossible to remember if you were catching chickens for this guy or collecting weapons to show that kid who’s boss.

But here’s the thing- Have you ever thought about the Adventure Log’s origin? Who or what is helping Link keep track of his missions?

If your answer is the Sheikah Slate or the “system”, which is what I’ve always thought, I’m gonna go ahead and assume you own an European/American copy of the game. Because apparently, in the Japanese version of the game, there is evidence that shows that LINK is the one who wrote the adventure log to keep track of his own journey.

“Ok… So what?”

So Link wrote the Adventure Log. Big deal. It’s not like this is gonna change the gameplay in any way.

…True. However, Link didn’t JUST record his missions in the Adventure Log. According to the Japnese version, Link would often type up some of his own thoughts and comments on what he was doing aside from his current objectives. This could give us a deeper insight of Link’s character.

Here’s an example:

This is what shows up after you complete The Hero’s Sword quest. The content of the two versions are very similar, but notice the use of “自分” (myself) in pic 1. This is evidence that the adventure log is written by Link, who’s talking about himself in first person narrative, instead of “the system”. With that in mind, the Japanese version can be translated to:

(I) Finally retrieved the legendary Master Sword. (I) Don’t know if it’s just an illusion, but the sword itself seems to be delighted about this.

To this moment, Princess Zelda is still inside Hyrule Castle, fighting to suppress the Calamity.

She is still holding on to the faith in me, believing that I will definitely come for her…!

But with the power (that I have) now, can she really be saved (by myself)…?

You see what they did there?

The English version replaced every first person pronoun Link has used with “you”!

As someone who owns an American copy, and has never set the system language to Japanese, I was absolutely SHOCKED when I was told about this (credits at the end).

Remember how we could find diaries of NPCs all across Hyrule? Link’s was right under our noses this whole time!

Now that you know about this, does your adventure log seem a bit different from before?

(I) finished visiting all 13 of the locations in the old pictures. I remembered everything I’ve been through together with Princess Zelda.

In those memories (of mine), Princess Zelda always strived to complete the task burdened onto her…

Even if it’s just a moment sooner, (I) want to save her as quickly as possible

(I) want to see her smile again, with these eyes (of my own).

The translation on this one is just OFF. I can’t believe the English version completely omitted the last part, and replaced it with some kind of mission instruction.

Link has been fighting all this time to see Princess Zelda’s smile again with his own eyes.

 ...*sniff*

Not to mention those side quest logs. Once you realize that all of the entries were written by Link himself, the seemingly trivial information recorded in those suddenly opens up so many more hidden sides of Link. It basically re-introduced Link as someone with normal human emotions instead of the silent hero depicted throughout the game.

The caring Link, who was worried about a girl he only met twice for putting herself in danger:

…(I) ventured inside and found part of the Royal Guard’s Series, famous among equipment collectors.

When those were shown to Parcy, the traveler at the stable, her curiosity about it seem to be provoked more than ever (by me). (I) Hope she won’t do anything reckless…

The compassionate Link, who felt glad for other peoples’ happiness:

…

As a sign of appreciation for bringing the town together and as compensation for the work done (by me), a hefty amount of gems that were unearthed during the town’s construction were given by Hudson (to me).

(I) wish the couple could live happily ever after.

The reckless Link, who apparently felt thrilled when he managed to knock out some monsters with his new companion:

(I) captured the giant horse in Taobab Grasslands

So that’s why. It’s indeed a really big horse. It trampled whatever kind of monster in its way with ease when it galloped. That was really cool.  

When it was brought back to Straia (by me), he was very surprised.

Link the foodie, who carefully noted down new recipes he learned along the way for future use: 

(I) brought Kiana the goat butter and hearty blueshell snail required for cooking seafood paella. She shared some of the dish (with me) as thanks!

/////Recipe/////

The playful Link, who tried to mimic the way Gorons speak- by adding “goron” at the end of every sentence- after he passed the Test of Will and became one of the bros:

……

Ah… (I) kinda want to write down Kabetta’s Bro Motto, but there’s not enough space goron?

That’s too bad goron…

The empathetic Link, who felt nervous for the guy in this side quest, then relieved when the couple finally got together:

…and… THIS:

The last line on the left is the Japanese equivalent of What the heck…

I guess the statue is a bit too weird even for our great adventurer.

Finally, we have the entry that shows up after you complete the DLC trial:

(I) finally conquered the merciless Trial of the Sword.

……

(I believe that) Princess Zelda would be quite happy about how much I’ve improved

As we all know, Breath of the Wild is a game that focuses a lot on the freedom given to the players. Even the main story line is broken down into the form of memories, waiting for the players to find. As the players venture on into the wild, they would eventually find the information they need to learn about this world. The amazing amount of details you can find about Hyrule and its people is an important reason why BotW is so attractive.

On the contrary, the info available about our protagonist is very limited. The only piece of description that directly describes Link is in Zelda’s diary, where she points out that he is a very quiet person, and that’s it for our hero.

…NOT!!

Link had always had the most extensive character description. Right under our noses.

Nintendo got us. They got us GOOD.

But now we know.

SIX months after the game’s launch.

…Better late than never.

End.

P.S.: Fun fact about BotW Link- he seems to like the sand seal game a lot. Of all the entires about racing minigames, the sand seal game is the only one where Link wrote “(I’ll) try to get a better score next time!”

He’s so adorable I can’t //////

CREDITS

Disclaimer: I did not discover this.

This discovery was made by a Chinese gamer @atomaruU about a week ago. To make sure that her theory is correct, she cross referenced the English version of the game, only to discover that the language is completely emotionless and robotic. Therefore, to allow more people to see who Link REALLY is, I was asked to write this post based on the Chinese article she published. 

Her Twitter: https://twitter.com/atomaruU

Tweet Link: https://twitter.com/atomaruU/status/902172455661211649

Chinese article Link: http://weibo.com/ttarticle/p/show?id=2309404145837893616605

Pic credits: @lulubuu0609 (She’s an amazing artist btw check out her blog)

Hope you enjoyed this :3    

[howwelldoyouknowyourmoon]

I snatched my children from Sun Myung Moon

▲ Nansook Hong, 32, has found refuge with her five children (as seen in the photos on the table) in this house in New England.

Translated from French to English

________________________________________

Paris Match 2579    29 October 1998 pages 108-110

Interviewed by Romain Clergeat       Photos by Yann Gamblin

She thought she had married the son of God on earth. Instead, Nansook Hong tied her destiny, at the age of 15, with Reverend Moon’s eldest son, a violent, drunken, and drug addicted youth with whom she had five children. Now divorced, the young Korean woman evokes her ordeal in a book recounting her story. “In the Shadow of the Moons” is published by Editions1. She wrote it “to assure my protection,” she admitted to Paris Match. Nansook Hong reveals the hidden face of the Moon empire: the brutality of her husband, Hyo Jin Moon, the hypocrisy of her parents in-law, but also the reverend’s scheming, the diversion of money, the blindness of the faithful ...  It is a story of a dive into a Unification Church hell on earth.

From 15 to 29 years of age, Nansook Hong dedicated her life to the famous Reverend and married one of his sons. Now she straightens the record. For the Unification Church it is a shattering book.

Paris Match. Your departure from the Moon sect three years ago provoked the Reverend’s wrath. Things seem to have gradually calmed down. Why have you put fuel on the fire with this book?

Nansook Hong. When I left, I immediately thought about telling my story. I felt a kind of moral obligation towards those who were still in the organization. I would be happy if my experience could “enlighten” even one person. I spent a part of my life, from 15 to 29, in the Unification Church. For my mental equilibrium, I absolutely needed to make sense of what I had lived through. I also wrote this book for battered women and those who live in fear. I want to let them know that one can always get out of even the worst situations.

P.M. Your parents are members of the sect. In a sense they “gave” you to Reverend Moon to marry to Hyo Jin, his son. Do you feel bitter towards them about that?

N.H. No, not for a second. They had dedicated their lives to the Unification Church. For them it was an honor that their child had been chosen by Reverend Moon.

P.M. During the years of your marriage, did you talk with your parents about what you discovered each day in the sect?

N.H. I never told them that my husband was beating me. It would have “devastated” them. To endure, I very early on considered my marriage as a mission that I had been given by God. I could not complain. On the other hand, when I began to understand that Reverend Moon was not adhering to the principles he preached, I talked to my parents about it. But we felt stuck. For a while, I naively thought that I could change all that from the inside. That, of course, was an illusion. So I concentrated on educating my children; I wanted to raise them in a good way.

P.M. When did your husband, Hyo Jin, start drinking and taking cocaine?

N.H. He was doing that from the start of our marriage, when he was 19 years old. He was doing it in rebellion against his father. He felt immeasurable resentment against him. He blamed his father for not raising him.

▲ The young Korean Nansook married Hyo Jin, Reverend Moon’s eldest son, in January 1982, at the age of 15. In the foreground, her divine in-laws.

P.M. Did you try to reason with him?

N.H. At the beginning, yes. But he quickly became addicted to coke. That said, the only times he spoke was when he took it ... but soon his words did not make sense. He had a very Asian concept of the role of women, and considered them to be subordinate, and certainly not meant to help him solve his problems. In the evenings when he was particularly angry, he said that it was all my fault ... Then he started to hit me, which seemed quite normal to him since his father boasted of doing the same thing with a female church member.

P.M. Do you think he would be capable of taking over the leadership from his father?

N.H. I heard it said that the Reverend Moon had designated his successor. It will be one of Hyo Jin’s brothers. When the Reverend disappears there will be a bloody battle.

P.M. Why did you wait fourteen years before leaving?

N.H. I have asked myself that for a long time. If I had been 20 years old at the time of my marriage, I do not think I would have stayed more than a year. I was 15 years old and I was very naive. As time passed things got more complicated, above all because of my children. Besides, I was very religious and Reverend Moon was the embodiment of the Chosen One. It took me a long time to break that image. It was a long and painful journey. When I decided to leave, at 29, it was, in a sense, totally unrealistic. I was the mother of five children, living in unbelievable luxury, and I was going to find myself living without any money and all alone. And a lot of people were going to hate me eternally.

▲ It was already hell. In 1993, two years before fleeing, Nansook with Hyo Jin and four of their five children. Photographed at a Moon property in Irvington.

P.M. How long passed from the moment you decided to leave the Church to the day you actually did?

N.H. In January 1995 I felt that I had to leave. The beating sessions became more and more frequent and I knew that it would worsen, and that he would attack my children. I did not want to wait until it reached that extreme situation. It would have ended up with him killing all of us. I remember one evening watching my husband get dressed to go to a strip-tease club or to the bars. I had like a revelation: God authorized me to leave. Since I had deep faith, I needed this spiritual permission. It was a kind of grace. It was the best day of my life. I felt liberated. All the same it took me eight months to realize what I had felt so intensely.

P.M. How did you escape?

N.H. First of all I secured custody of my children. Without money and caught off guard, I could not fight against the financial power of the Moons. I consulted lawyers. I rented a house and, bit by bit, I took my things to a storage place. Fortunately, my husband, under the influence of drugs and alcohol, did not notice anything. Within the Church, no one thought that I would leave such a luxurious life. This was my chance.

P.M. Isn’t it surprising, despite suspicions, that no one, starting with the Moons, reacted?

N.H. It did happen. When I went to New York to see the lawyers, several people recognized me and then made their reports. Following that there were times when I was told off, but I repeat, no one thought that I would really leave.

P.M. Have you received any threats?

N.H. Of course. But I had taken care to obtain legal measures that forbade my husband to approach us by less than 50 meters. That did not stop him from hiring people to track me down. In the end they did find me. Fortunately, Mr. and Mrs. Moon prevented their son from doing something stupid. That said, again these days, people come around to the house, call us on the phone and scare my children. I still fear them – and even more so my husband who is a dangerous man. I was scared, but the publication of this book and the publicity surrounding it will give me some protection. At least, I hope so.

P.M. Did the Moons try to buy you?

N.H. Of course. They tried everything from threats to propositions. Mrs. Moon sent me tapes in which she spoke about a reconciliation. She sent people to visit my parents, and my friends. They also wanted to buy my silence when they realized that I would not come back. I’m glad they did not offer me a huge amount of money when I was weaker; I would have probably accepted.

P.M. Do you remember the first incident that made you understand that Reverend Moon was surely not the Messiah he claimed to be?

N.H. I understood that something was wrong when I realized that he thought he was God. It was a shock to me. He took himself to be the master of the universe. And these days how can a person conquer the world if not with money? He spoke as much about money as he did about God. But I do not know to what extent he has not gone mad, he has not convinced himself that he is really the all powerful Messiah.

NANSOOK HONG “Sometimes the Moons gave $1 million in cash to my husband. It was for him to “recycle” in the Korean businesses of New York.”

P.M. How does the collection of money work in the Church?

N.H. At first, to become a member, it was very simple: you had to give all your money. Today, it’s more fuzzy. Moon still always wants more members and has to “content” himself with substantial donations but not total ones. The main source of income for the Church comes from Japan which is the most flourishing branch of the Church. At regular intervals emissaries bring suitcases full of cash. The Japanese members are probably the most fanatical. They work until they are exhausted to fulfill the goals of the Church. In addition to the restaurants, hotels, and newspapers that Moon controls, the Church hides behind organizations such as The Women’s Federation for World Peace. Under the pretext of humanitarian work, they go knocking on the doors of the rich and extort incredible sums from them.

P.M. How does money laundering work?

N.H. Oh, it is very simple! The Moons sometimes gave $1 million in cash to their children, to the sons, who immediately make a trip to the family owned Korean restaurants in New York. It is a very easy way to recycle the money.

P.M. You say in your book that the true power of the sect is in fact held by Moon’s wife.

N.H. Reverend Moon had several extramarital affairs that he called “providential encounters, trials that God put on his path”. He and his wife had some sort of tacit agreement, a little bit like Hillary and Bill Clinton. Given power and a fortune, she closed her eyes. She is the mother of his thirteen children; she knows all his secrets. In traditional Asian societies, even if the man commands, in the shadows the woman is pulling the strings. If you had a favor to ask Reverend Moon, the best way to get it was to address his wife. Unfortunately for me, she never supported me. My husband beat me, but according to her I was one to blame. If I had lived up to my task, I should have changed him, she said. But how could I have transformed a violent manic-depressive when they themselves, who called themselves superior, had failed in their education of their own son? In their defense, my husband scared them. He is the only one in the family who answered back to his father.

P.M. Does Reverend Moon have illegitimate children inside the sect?

N.H. In the inner circle, it is known! But people are bound by the money and the desire to preserve their comfort.

P.M. You say Reverend Moon is able to give speeches to the members for fifteen hours. Does he use drugs to achieve such performances?

N.H. No, absolutely not. But these speeches are translated from Korean into English, which reduces his effective speaking time to seven hours; which is not bad.

P.M. What exactly does he talk about?

N.H. It’s a pretty incoherent jumble about God, family, purity and other nonsense ...

P.M. What are you living off these days?

N.H. Through my lawyers, I receive a pension from the Moons for the education of my children. That is my only source of income. I work at an association for battered women.

P.M. After being betrayed, do you now find it hard to trust your fellow men?

N.H. Not really. I find it hard believe the talk of religious people. In any case, I do not want to be under the control of anyone. ♦

________________________________________

Video : Hyo Jin de la “famille parfaite” Moon

________________________________________

J’ai arraché mes enfants à Moon – Nansook Hong

« L’ombre de Moon » par Nansook Hong

Les Moon sont entrés dans Paris 1990

_________________________

Nansook Hong, transcripts of three interviews, including ‘60 Minutes’

Nansook Hong interviewed by Herbert Rosedale

Nansook Hong – The Dark Side of the Moons

Nansook Hong In The Shadow Of The Moons

Sun Myung Moon: The Emperor of the Universe

The Moons entered Paris in 1990; Hyo Jin fled in a black Mercedes when the police arrived!

_________________________

Nansook Hong entrevistada en español

‘A la Sombra de los Moon’ por Nansook Hong

_________________________

Nansook Hong – Ich schaue nicht zurück

_________________________

TV番組「60分」で洪蘭淑インタビュー

わが父文鮮���の正体 – 洪蘭淑

文鮮明「聖家族」の仮面を剥ぐ – 洪蘭淑

[papermoth-bird-blog]

New Orleans: Clowns & more curious things.

I’ve always thought the best way to really learn a city is to walk until you can’t walk anymore, and then, take the transit. I know I have a tendency to romanticize things, but New Orleans is feeding this reciprocally. I mean, it’s definitely more dangerous than the cities I’ve spend time in before, but it also has an air about it that draws you in. This is the start of Carnival season & many of the houses are decorated with beads and Banners already. Some even have floats parked in their backyards (7th ward). King cake is front & center in terms of deserts. It’s the most sugary thing I’ve ever tasted- crunchy, gooey, buttery- like candy-cake. Almost felt like something a 7 year old would make if left to their own devices in the kitchen.  Not usually my style at all, but it was worth it for saying I have. Other local foodie things that I liked a lot more were Swamp pop (particularly the Satsuma one) & Voodoo chips- which Asa and Leon definitely got me hooked on. Apparently you can get Voodoo chips everywhere in the states- but it’s definitely a Cajun thing, so I’m glad I tried them here first. 

New Orleans is as bright & filled with life, as it is dark & full of death. The houses are colourful and decorated, but many of them still have the spray paint markings left on them during the post-hurricaine search. For every fun-feathery mask, there is a decapitated Crocodile head. For every person playing jazz, there is a person behind a curtain reading palms, or tea leaves, or tarot cards or crystal balls, or what have you. 

Yesterday, I decided to get my palm read... because when in Rome. And let’s be honest, the reason I’m here in the first place is for similarly mysteriously-provoked reasons. I decided to go to Bottom of the Cup, which is one of the more established fortune-telling joints- and honestly, you probably pay a premium for that too. I was fine with it though, cause I’ve been pretty good so far about staying on the low end of the budget. So I’m sitting in the cafe for a good 20 minutes patiently with my camomile tea, when my reader rushes my me & kinda grumbles for me to come in. It was a man, which I didn’t realize would be strange for me- but I don’t think I’ve every had my fortune told by a man before. He honestly looked like something out of Tim Burton sketch book. Tall, thin, austere-looking. He was wearing black skinny jeans, rolled above the ankle with shiny black boots. He also had on a peacoat  that had the collar popped up beside his ears- which he kept on, even when inside, because everyone is freaking out about the “cold” in NOLA right now (it’s 8 degrees.. which is unseasonable cold here, but by comparison, it’s fine). He didn’t ask me much, but my Sign, which is Aries. He told me I didn’t have typical Fire hands- actually more Watery (but I had fire fingers apparently). Which is funnny, because most people, when guessing think I am a Pisces through&through. Honestly, I thought what he told me was pretty accurate- that I would be unhappy to settle doing one thing for too long, that I tend to have really deep-genuine connections that are slightly ephemeral by nature (because it would take a lot for me to settle down with one person). Something about a triple life-line? anyways. Anyways, what was more interesting,  was (maybe cause of my broken fate line?) he brought up that he really think I should do DEATH MEDITATION. I kept a pretty good poker face, but I was all WTF IS THAT. Basically he wants me to sit there & visualize my body decaying & sinking into the ground- apparently this will both help with any anxiety I feel (dunno bout that) & open me up to receiving messages from spirits. Of course, I’m thinking of the whole “go to new orleans to learn about death” thing. So might have to give that a shot soon. I have a recording of it too-- so for any of my close friends- we can listen to it together (Katie & Mare... I know y’all might want to). Charlie also mentioned I should be careful with my manifestation, because I’m very very good at it & I should use it more sparingly. Which I again, kinda poker-faced, because That has been another huge thing that has come up in my life more recently- I am really good at manifesting exactly what I’m seeking. Even freaky, off-the-beaten path type stuff... stlll looking for a witch for a place that has no seasons though, Mare.  (As another tangent, I have this thing where I test out if I can manifest certain songs as I’m walking though areas where the radio is playing. So far, fleetwood mac, rising appalachia & bob dylan have alllll met me there- which sure, could be co-incidence, could be magic???)

This, however wasn’t the most novel, or most curious thing I’ve been up to so far--- which has to be Clownless. Which, as you may remember from my previous post, is the all-clown cast adaptation of the 90s classic film ‘Clueless’. It was “staged” in the Marigny, in a very DIY type-theatre in what was either an old warehouse, or a large garage. The front was open & held a art show with works featuring clowns. Bright ones, Macabre ones, all sorts. Many people were dressed as clowns too- which made Asa wish that we had had time to dress-up before hand too (alas, we were at Sarah-Jane’s art show, which would have definitely of been less-appropriate). We were all jammed in the car tho, which meant we definitely looked like clowns as we all tumbled out of the front seat when we pulled up to the theatre. The play itself was a host for crude, queer, self aware comedy. It was definitely funny, but a little “sticky” at times. Overall, so glad I went, cause I mean, when else am I going to get that opportunity again?! It is funny how often clowns are coming up for me on this trip so far- I really don’t think the world is usually so clown-y. Maybe it’s me, maybe it’s the Zeitgeist. 

After the show, we all went back to the house and got into a big discussion about how odd Louisiana is as a place. I mean, it has a lot of influences- French, Spanish, English, American & the huge legacy the Slave trade has left on the place. The liquor laws were the fist thing. (I already talked about that though). Asa started to tell me about this strange tradition here called “Prison Rodeos” which is as barbaric and horrifying as you can imagine. It’s like modern day gladiator trials. Prisoners can win money by staying in a chair for the longest amount of time while a bull attacks them, and other “fun” stuff like that. And people go to these things. In droves. On the bright side, they also have prisoner craft-market things that the prisoners can sell their woodworkings, or leather-workings, or what have you. Asa showed me the really beautiful ostrich wallet & the really odd “Highwater dragon” sculpture that he got when he went. The fact that there are more people in the prison system today than were ever slaves really jumps out to me here. It’s “out of sight, out of mind” though, and so it isn’t really being thought of as the HUGE issue it really is. It’s been a super humbling experience in that way. 

Though not as horrifying (?) I was also told about other traditions that come from the swamp- including a certain kind of roast that I now forget the name of. But basically, it’s a roasted hog, stuffed with a racoon, stuffed with a Nutria (Which is a giant, swamp dwelling, dog-sized rat). And apparently this is an actual tradition. I’m not one to judge, but I sure am glad I am a vegetarian & have a valid cop-out for indulging in that one. 

Another tradition, which is far more familiar to me is ‘Fais Do-Do’. Which is the Lousianan answer to a Ceilidh. These fiddle parties, however more likely take place in a neighbourhood street, more so than a kitchen (probably cause of the heat). I’ve yet to go to one, but I’m working on manifesting one while I’m here still. 

In the 7th especially, I’ve found a lot of people have been greating me with “I hope you are staying warm.” Which I’ve just smiled about because, in Canada, this is late summer/ early fall kind of weather (which is kind of my favourite). I mean, there are still flowers in bloom here! Full blown blooming Magnolias. Too be fair, it is unseasonable cold here. A couple of days ago it was 8 degrees! Which happened to have been the same temperature it was in Halifax that day (but okay, it was unseasonably warm there that day). Yeah, I do wish that I was experiencing the normal 18-degree “winter” they have usually, but it’s definetly been okay with me. The only thing being, the houses and buildings aren’t entirely equiped for weather like this. The floors are tiled, ceilings really tall- designed to keep the house as cool as possible, which is great, except on days like these when they are then cooler than even the outside temperatures. 

If this was winter, I really started to wonder what summer was like over here. I mean, I can only imagine it being a little bit unbareable. Asa’s friend Satori described New Orleans as “Seasonally Biblical” in reference to not only the heat/humidity, but also the awe-striking influx of insects (including, termits & other kinds of swamp bugs). Apparently there is pretty much a mass exodus from the city, for those that can afford to leave. 

I love how people dress down here too. A lot of the people in the Bywater dress super gothic (and for that I am happy). Lace, black, pin-stripes- It’s a style Jack White would be pleased with. Many of the folks are also wearing fur in this weather- very 1920s vibes, but with slightly weirder & wilder cuts/colours. On my first day I even saw a man dressed up like a full voodoo priest (not even in a hokey way). He was just casually sitting on Elysian-Feilds, eating an ice cream bar. It was kinda glorious. 

Every morning, I’ve been the first to wake, which has kind of been nice. I usually eat my breakfast in the backyard with the cat & listen to the mardi gras beads lining the fence blowing in the wind. I then journal a little & think of all my gratitudes. It’s super peaceful & grounding. Missing the hali-fam rituals though. Overall though, I’m quite enjoying the amount of alone time I’m getting. Travelling alone so far, as been super rewarding. I feel braver & confident & more autonomous than ever. The only down side, I’ve discovered so far, is that you have to ask strangers if you still have powdered sugar on your face apres-beignets. 

[oumakokichi]

Hello! I just wanted to say that i'm a big fan of your metas! But anyways, i wanted to ask if you could maybe tell me more about what's known of Maki? Like, how big her character development is and how you interpret her personality. And i'm really curious about her ingame backstory! Sorry if it's a bit much, i'm just really curious^^'

Thank you! And don’t worry at all, it’s not too much. Ireally enjoy getting to answer these kinds of questions!

As far as Maki goes, she’s a really excellent character inmy opinion! She’s certainly flawed—her lack of impulse control, her coldness,and her legitimately ruthless behavior winds up getting the whole group intotrouble on more than one occasion. I have perhaps a few problems with how her growthand development is handled at times, and I wish that so much of it wasn’tcontingent on Momota, but I’d still say that by Chapter 6 especially, Maki hascome a long way.

I’ll try discussing what’s known about her and the ways inwhich she grows and develops under the read more! This will involve spoilersfor pretty much the whole game so be careful if you want to avoid gettingthoroughly spoiled!

I’ve mentioned before in a few meta posts but I’m honestlyreally pleased with the fact that Maki wound up being a survivor, even thoughher survival has been a point of contention for many fans. I’ve always beeninterested in seeing a character who was used to taking orders or not thinkingfor themselves making it through to the end, and Maki is the closest we’vegotten to that.

Like Mukuro and Peko before her, Maki is someone who’s beentrained since childhood to be a human weapon, someone who does what she’s toldwithout thinking about it and has never been allowed to think or want thingsfor herself. Like both of them, she views herself in very inhuman terms: sheflat-out tells Saihara after getting to know him and Momota a little betterthat she honestly considers Kiibo more human than herself. Her in-gamebackstory is, of course, entirely responsible for this, which is an interestinglook at how the remember lights and assigned in-game backstories can still haveheavy consequences on the characters’ self-perception and tendency to behave acertain way.

Maki was scouted to become an assassin from a young age inher in-game backstory. She grew up in an orphanage and doesn’t remember much ofanything about her life before going there, not even her own parents’ faces. Afew scouts came to the orphanage one day under the guise of “playing” with thechildren; the truth however was that children with no families or loved onesto miss them would make the best potential recruits to mold into trainedkillers, and they were all young enough that it’d be easy to teach them not totalk back or question orders.

Maki was the only one who met their requirements and wastaken away from the orphanage in order to start her assassin training, allwithout any personal say in the matter. This lack of personal say-so anddecision-making is the primary recurring theme among her backstory. It’s thislack of choice in her own life that jumpstarts her entire character arc ofdevelopment, because right from the beginning, she’s someone who feels that she’snot allowed any choices in her ownlife. Most of her role in ndrv3 revolves around gradually getting a taste ofchoice and freedom and making both good and bad decisions accordingly, as shebecomes rather intoxicated with the idea of falling in love with Momota out ofher own free will.

At first, it’s clear that she’s rather uncomfortable withMomota’s attempts to befriend her (and to a lesser degree, Saihara’s, since he’sless insistent about it). Similar to Togami, she’s very much the character whotries distancing herself from the group completely in the first few chapters.Because she thinks of herself as a “tool” only good for killing, there’sundeniably a large degree of self-loathing and resentment. Her refusal to getclose to people isn’t only because she’s not a trusting individual by nature,but also quite simply because she doesn’t think she deserves to get close tothem in the first place, as Momota points out after the Chapter 5 trial.

But given time, she does warm up to the idea of makingfriends and (most importantly) falling in love. After acknowledging the factthat the one remaining question about her old life at the orphanage is “howwould things be now if I’d never left,” she definitely seems to come to termswith the fact that the killing game might well be a situation in which she can “startanew,” so to speak. She’s the SHSL Assassin and her talent makes her aterrifying force, to be sure, but since she’s no longer working for anyone ortaking orders from anyone, the idea arises that she can actually, legitimatelychoose her own path in this scenario, despite how bizarre and messed upeverything around them is.

This unprecedented level of choice in her life leads to asurprising amount of reckless impulsiveness from her. Many people in the fandomstill, I think, regard Maki as someone meant to parallel Kirigiri because they’reboth essentially the main female leads of their respective stories, but I don’tthink this comparison quite works. Where Kirigiri unarguably has a very coolcomposure that can’t often be broken, Maki’s seemingly cool façade is brokenquite easily. Her coldness is very surface-level, and under that surface shehas a dangerous temper which can provoke very dangerous, real consequences.

Ouma tries to out her talent to the rest of the group withvery good reason: she has killed before and she is prone to killing again. Herinstinct, because of the ruthless training she went through and because it’sall she’s ever known, is to resort to violence and murder whenever things startgoing astray. And that makes her a very real risk in something as dangerous asthe killing game. But the danger she poses to the rest of the group often getsdownplayed because no one wants to believe it; they instead choose to believein the whole “blind optimism trust your friends without ever doubting them”routine which is ultimately what leads to such horrible consequences in Chapter5 in particular.

I personally really, honestly like the fact that Maki is soreckless, impulsive, and flawed. Her flaws, including her coldness andimpoliteness to others, as well as the very real threat she presents to therest of the group, are often highly praised qualities in male characters, and I’mglad to see them in a female character for once, even though it is sad to seeher receive so much hate in the tag.

Maki can be frustrating sometimes but that’s exactly whatmakes her a good character. There arethings that could perhaps have been handled better in her arc though, and oneof the things I wish had been more addressed was the fact that she was cold andruthless enough to intentionally attempt to get everyone killed in the Chapter5 trial—sadly her treatment of them in the trial gets almost completely brushedunder the rug after the fact, again because most of her actions are attributedto revolving around Momota.

But I would have honestly really enjoyed seeing a few pointsof contention in Chapter 6 at first between Maki and the rest of the groupsince she did, very knowingly, try to kill all of them, and that would haveadded another layer of impact to her decision to try and sacrifice herself forthe sake of the “hope” choice in the Chapter 6 trial. It would have made for aninteresting sort of atonement arc, rather than the narrative trying to act asif she had nothing to really atone for because her intentions were “in theright place.”

Still, the fact that she’s one of the first “tool/weapon”characters who actually makes it all the way to the end as a survivor, and thefact that she’s so unconventional to the usual “main female  DR lead” trope is highly enjoyable. Maki’sbrusqueness and even her impulsiveness is one of the things that keeps the plotprogressing the way it does, and she’s definitely a good character in her ownright. She messes up, she makes big mistakes—and she pays for it, as the consequencesin Chapter 5 show.

The “reveal” in Chapter 6 about how all of the characters’memories, thoughts, and even romantic feelings were “all Tsumugi’s doing” andpart of her “scenarios” hits particularly hard with regards to Maki. As someonewho was only just beginning to find her own sense of self and come to termswith her past and the ways in which it left her feeling permanently scarred andmessed up, the idea that all of this too was just her following someone else’swhims is too much to bear. Even when she thought she was acting on her own forthe first time, even those feelings were just “part of someone else’s scenario”(they weren’t, but that’s what Tsumugi wants her to think anyway).

She’s motivated to stand strong and put an end to thekilling game not by either hope or despair in the end, but by Saihara’s firmreminder of Momota’s last words, and of his promise that the experiences theylived through really did have meaning. Even if they’re all fictionalexistences, even if their memories or backstories were implanted by someoneelse, Maki is done with having others decide her life for her; her feelingshave real meaning to her and that’s all that really matters in the end. And it’ssuch a satisfying conclusion to her character arc to witness, considering I don’tthink it’s something she would have been capable of coming to terms with priorto Chapter 6.

Anyway, there’s a lot to talk about with Maki—she’sextremely interesting, flawed, and developed, and I probably haven’t eventouched on everything there is. I hope I was able to get some of my thoughtsacross though. Thank you so much for stopping by, and again, it’s always reallyfun to be able to answer these sorts of questions!

[kat-feinated]

Engagement photos & how we met

This week we got our engagement photos back from our AMAZING photographer Ashley Maxwell, and I am so over the moon in love. With Ashley. I mean with Joshua…

So, I thought not only would I share some of my favorite photos, but also the story of how we met, why I moved across the country to pursue our relationship, and how we got engaged!

I met Joshua my junior year of college at UC Davis. It was a cold and rainy day (giving you some ambience…). My friend/sorority sister, Amanda, asked me to grab coffee at our favorite coffee shop, Mishka’s. If you visit Davis, go there immediately and order a mint latte and a peanut butter chocolate chip cookie. I used to eat one at least once a week and I was so skinny then! I guess it was all that biking. Ok, back on topic…

As we were enjoying our coffees, Amanda asked me if it would be ok if her boyfriend and his friend joined us for a little while. Before I could even answer, she told me that her boyfriend would give us a ride home afterwards since it was raining. Obviously I said yes.

Said boyfriend (Andrew) and his friend (Joshua) arrived shortly after. Ok, you guys get that this was all planned out beforehand, right? Well, I sure didn’t. I was completely oblivious. They ordered coffees and came and sat with us; Joshua sat next to me.  I did notice Joshua right away when I first saw him because he was so tall, had beautiful dark curls and was wearing a navy peacoat. I thought, that guy can rock a peacoat!

I have absolutely zero idea what the four of us talked about. It’s not that he didn’t make a good impression, he definitely did. I remember thinking he was really nice and easy to talk to. And I was definitely interested. I immediately went home and asked my friend Lisa about him, who told me she was pretty sure he had a girlfriend (they had broken up a few weeks earlier) and that he was very nice (this part is true).

Unfortunately, Joshua was already signed up to spend three months in Washington, D.C. interning at the U.S. Senate, and would be leaving a week or so later. I figured that was the end of that, and went about my normal life.

WELL if you’ve met my friend Amanda, then of course she wasn’t going to let things end there. So as soon as Joshua returned from D.C., she more or less forced me to go to one of his fraternity parties that week. (I promise we were not THOSE people. Yes, we were in greek life but I literally went to bed by 10pm every night of college). I went to the party. I played beer pong with Joshua and we were both awkward. He offered a handle of BLUE vodka which he drank most of, but even the small amount I drank was awful and quite strong. I left early (again, went to bed by 10pm every night), and still got up for my 8am Spanish class the next day. (Full disclosure-I made it to class but was so hungover I had to lay down on the grass outside the building afterwards until my friend Lisa could come pick me up).

After that, we pretty much continued dating through that spring and summer. At some point we had “the talk” where we decided to date exclusively, although I don’t think we were calling each other “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” at the time. I think a lot of that had to do with the fact that Joshua had accepted a full ride scholarship to the University of Iowa Law School that fall, so we both knew he would be moving, and I had a year of college left, plus a study abroad trip planned for the end of the summer.

But, I was falling hard and was secretly hoping that we could somehow keep the relationship going, even if that meant dating long-distance. I was terrified to bring this up to Joshua because I figured he for sure would not be interested in this. He was going to meet some beautiful and intimidating law school woman and they would do mock trial together and rule the world. So I kept putting the talk off. I literally didn’t bring it up until the last night before I was leaving for Europe.

I could not stop crying that night. We went out for dinner and saw a movie, and I cried at the restaurant and during the movie. I found myself telling Joshua that I would be willing to move to Iowa if it meant we could be together. I ugly cried (so much snot). To my surprise/joy, Joshua also did not want to break up. We had only been dating for less than six months at this point, but we already started talking about what me moving would mean for our future and even talked about marriage. It wasn’t like a proposal or anything, but we both agreed that me moving cross country for him was a big deal and a huge commitment and we both wanted to take it seriously.

When I left the next day, we hadn’t made a definite plan besides me coming to visit him in Iowa in the fall and re-assessing at that point. I went to Europe for six weeks and I am so glad I did because it was the best six weeks ever. I also talked to Joshua every day during that time. I went and visited him in October, and was surprised by how much I loved Iowa City. As a born and bred Californian I had pretty stereotypical ideas about the Midwest, but Iowa City is an adorable little red brick, hipster coffee shop/bookstore oasis. I mean, people wear birkenstocks there, for God’s sake.

So, I did senior year of college and we continued dating long-distance and talking every day. I applied for the Master’s of Social Work program at Iowa and nowhere else. I figured that if I didn’t get in, I would just move home with my parents and make a plan from there. I’m a highly practical person and even though I was optimistic that Joshua and I could be long-term, I also did not want to move for a boy and then break up and have nothing going for me there.

I found out I had been accepted to Iowa while in Dublin, Ireland with my dad and sister. I was both exhilarated and terrified. I had never lived outside of California and knew nothing about winters with snow or how to be far away from my family. But, I did it anyway.

And you know what? Following my heart was the best decision. I loved graduate school and I still keep in touch with my friends from Iowa. I loved Iowa and I miss it all the time. Except that dang flight (or flights I should say, as they have NO DIRECT FLIGHTS from California). And, not only did I come away with a master’s degree, but Joshua and I stayed together. I supported him through law school, which if you or anyone you know has gone to law school, then you know it’s the worst. And Joshua supported me through homesickness. We both survived Iowa winters, which are truly no joke.

In 2017, we moved to Denver, Colorado after Joshua accepted a job with the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development. I originally accepted a job as a therapist for a private practice, but after the practice closed due to financial issues I moved to Denver without a job, which was majorly anxiety-provoking for me. But I found a great temporary gig as a barista at the cute coffee shop down the street from our apartment, and within six months I found a job in my field, where I just celebrated my 2-year work anniversary.

In 2018, we adopted a cat. In 2019, we bought a condo. In October 2019, we planned a weekend trip to visit Fort Collins, which is a college town about an hour north of Denver. Confession time-I had a pretty strong feeling that Joshua was going to propose. At this point we were talking about marriage and the future a lot, and my mom had dropped some pretty heavy hints that a proposal would be coming by the end of the year. Plus, when we planned our Fort Collins trip Joshua kept saying we needed to visit the flower gardens there, and I was like, “Hello? Who are you?”.

As I predicted, Joshua did propose that weekend, and in the flower gardens. The best part was there was an enormous frat house right behind the gardens having some kind of rager. I’m talking guys in wife beaters with red solo cups playing rage cage and screaming. It honestly made the proposal hilarious and lightened the mood (who knew proposals were so nerve-wracking? Although I’m pretty sure I was more nervous than Joshua).

I cried, we called my parents, I cried some more, we went and got lunch/champagne, I probably cried again.

We were supposed to take our engagement photos in January, but I fell on ice and broke my arm, and I didn’t really care to take my pictures in a cast extending from my shoulder to my fingertips. We rescheduled for March and I am SO glad we did, because beautiful spring flowers were coming out and we lucked out with the weather. It rained the whole morning, but cleared up in the afternoon just in time for our photos.

We decided to do our photos in Davis, since that’s where we met and we just love it there so much. We did the first part of the photo shoot at the UC Davis Arboretum, which is full of beautiful flowers and trees and REALLY AGGRESSIVE DUCKS. If I look uncomfortable in any of these photos, it’s not the photographer’s fault but because the ducks were literally following us around quacking at us in a menacing way.

We did the rest of our photos at Mishka’s Cafe, and were lucky enough to score the EXACT TABLE where we first met (ok, we may have had to scare a tiny undergraduate student away but it’s fine). Then we just walked around downtown and took some awkward crosswalk photos (only awkward because you have to kiss really fast and then run away from oncoming traffic).

And, that’s pretty much our story. Minus six years of details. I am really really praying that we are all out of quarantine by November because I’ve been planning this dang wedding for months and months now and I just want to wear a pretty dress and drink all the wine. If not, I guess we can always elope.

[corpseplayer-blog]

DODECAHEDRON

To get us kicked off, an obvious one but can you please tell me something about how you came up with the unusual band name and what it represents?                                                                                                       “The dodecahedron is one of five Platonic solids. These are geometrical shapes with all equal lines that can be found on different levels in nature and embody a certain sacred ratio, like the golden ratio. The first four solids are often referred to as a symbol for the elements, while the Dodecahedron stands for the whole, the universe. We are trying to communicate that all-encompassing feeling of the whole with our music and lyrics, that's why we think this name is appropriate.”

Having already garnered a diehard following and reputation for quality with your last self-titled album, I wondered if you experience any kind of pressure when writing material for “Kwintessens”?  Judging by the strength of your previous release, people obviously expected something extraordinary.                                                                                                        “When such great reviews (regarding the debut) keep coming your way, it indeed evokes a certain pressure to debate how you can improve on what has already been manifested. The first album is a collection of material written over a five year timespan, we were searching for our sound and definition. When I started debating what should come next, this was one of the first things that came to mind – the next album should be more of a whole, with an underlying concept that should work throughout the whole album. Create more cohesion and correlation. That's what we tried to do, and I believe that we have surpassed the debut album in that way.”

Is “Kwintessens” a follow on of sorts from the concepts written about on your debut? Can you tell me about the idea behind the album’s title and what the lyrics deal with this time around and how that transcribes into the music?                                                                                                                   “In a way, yes, I would say it's an expansion on the debut album. I was trying out certain compositional rules and systems to work with. The choices you can make while writing music are infinite, so I was trying to limit the possibilities to come up with more cohesiveness in the dissonance. The debut album already shows a bit of that, but on kwintessens it's much more established. The album is about the quintessence, the undeniable higher truth, where all things intertwine or however you want to describe that all-encompassing experience or feeling. The concept of the lyrics deals with the hunger of man to evolve, to always want more at any cost. We took the platonic solids as a metaphor for things getting out of hand. From a primitive state to a very complex state. You can see it as a quest for enlightenment or power if you will. To be able to reach that state man is willing to kill, torture, anything to reach that state of power. As with all stories involving man it comes down to total obliteration and tragedy in the end.”

Would you say expanding your works thematically is just as important as expanding your works musically? Or do you see these as one in the same?                                                                                                                 “They are both part of the same concept. The music comes with the concept, and the concept can give musical rules and/or steer the story in a direction. The insights gained by this direction may on it's turn have influence on the concept. They belong together and it works in a loop, just like all the non-instrumental sounds on both our albums are the product of a multiplied feedback loop that our producer/guitarist/sound synthesist Joris Bonis captured in his self-developed digital environment, the 8ctonoise flute.”

“Kwintessens” is a very dense, layered album that must have been quite a challenge to piece together.  Through all this layering and density however, you manage to keep everything sounding structured and tight; something that sounds like it has a purpose.  Is this something you particularly aimed for when creating these songs?                                                                                                                   “Yes. We tried to develop a more organic and sludgier sound than the debut album has, while at the same time maintaining clarity and definition. There are indeed a lot of layers in the music, it would be too bad if they were inaudible.”

One particular song, “Dodecahedron – An Ill-Defined Air of Otherness”, really stands out from the rest of the album.  Being somewhat lighter in atmosphere (it almost reminds me of Devin Townsend at times) than the rest of the songs, it offers a moment of respite from the almost overwhelming barbarity.  What were the reasons for composing this song in this way and can we expect more of this from future Dodecahedron releases?                                                                                                               “It is related to the general lyrical concept as well as it's translation to the Platonic shapes. The first four solids represent the elements, while the dodecahedron represents the universe, the whole. This is the song where perfection and absolute power is suggested. That is why it sounds like that, and for that reason it is impossible to say if a song similar to that will occur ever again – because it depends on the concept of the song / album.”

Did “Kwintessens” follow a certain structure in terms of planning what different sounds/dynamics/textures/rhythms you use at different times, or is it all purely incidental?                                                                                      “Most certainly, I used a certain set of rules to try and keep the matter cohesive. The numbers you can find in these Platonic solids are useful compositional tools. Per shape I would ask myself: How many sides does it have? How many lines does one side have? How many lines come together in one point?  You see, numbers can be interpreted musically in a great range of different ways. The answers to these questions give me three numbers which drive me to be as creative as possible with this information. When you have three numbers per shape then you have countless possibilities, so it can be a hard search from time to time. But armed with these numbers, my intuition and a general idea of how that song should sound I managed to put this album together.”

Do you think spontaneity can be found within a concept? Improvisation within a framework?                                                                                      “Why not? If I don't like the outcome of my system I say fuck the rules, they are guidelines. If I have a spontaneous idea that I think will work just fine, I'll use it. The concept is the general idea, the helicopter view on things. The system is supposed to help me create coherent building blocks. What the building blocks will look like however is up to creativity, trial and error, even improvisation.”

Was it at all difficult capturing this very complex and at times overwhelming atmosphere in the studio setting?                                                                                                                  “Not really. Our producer Joris Bonis and I have a very detailed and clear vision on how things should work out and we seem to always agree on everything. The only thing that took more time than expected was the guitar sound. Our first idea didn't work out, so we had to re-amp all the guitars a second time to make the mix work.”

I suppose one of the great things about composing this kind of music is the unlimited amount of freedom you have when composing. How refreshing is it for you to approach this music in such a free-form way?                                                                                                                        “As previously explained, I heavily limit the compositional possibilities to come up with correlating ideas. The unlimited amount of freedom sounds like a beautiful hippie point of view but it can really work in your disadvantage if you have a clear direction in mind.”

With the members of Dodechadron being part of various other acts, do you think this has helped more solidly define and refine the scope of what Dodecahedron sound like today?                                                                        “Absolutely. As you gain more and more experience, you are more able to define what you want and don't want to hear.”

You are often compared to the likes of Deathspell Omega in reviews.  How do you feel about being compared to other bands?  Do you see this as a positive or negative thing?                                                                                   “We don't really care about it. Record labels and other music industry participants as well as music consumers like to have a reference, and that is fine. I like Deathspell Omega so I'm not negative about this reference, but I'm also glad to see that reviewers of kwintessens seem to find that we have established our own distinct sound.”

Just how much of yourselves do you put into creating music for Dodecahedron? With music this deep, dark and genuinely thought-provoking, it must be quite the cathartic, almost ritualistic experience to you as the writer/performer?                                                                                                  “I dig very deep in the darkest depths of my soul and confront myself with what I find there.  It is in my character to try and push boundaries, go over the limit. I enjoy it. In a way it is a ritualistic experience, it feels absolutely necessary to do this.”

Do you think that with “Kwintessens” you have found the best possible way to express yourself?                                                                                “Regarding my natural dark side, most certainly. If I listen to “Kwintessens” now I don't hear one thing that I don't like, so I think to date it's the best way to express myself.”

Do you think that you have, as artists, responsibility more to yourselves or to your listeners?                                                                                                           “To ourselves. I'm very glad with the overwhelming positive response on this album and the connections it can make between like-minded people, but we do it first and foremost for ourselves because we feel it's necessary.”

Finally, I just wanted to know where your musical head is at the moment with regards to Dodecahedron.  What can we expect next from you guys? “I'm not able to say anything about that yet. We are now busy promoting the album and preparing for some upcoming shows. It is as much of a question for me as it is for you.”