#or saying a sentence in the completely wrong grammatical order and just not fucking noticing

[wormieapple]

i think the worst part of having a neurological disorder that fucks with your brain is knowing that you’re smart and love engaging with complex topics and emotions and physically feeling the block in your brain. having cognitive symptoms like struggling with focusing, memory, and fucking thinking that you haven’t had your whole life feels like living in an actual horror movie.

[cassandrasimplex]

Augh. I tried so hard not to write this, you have no idea, because it's bound to be long (oh yeah, it got long!) and it's such a minor detail/tangent anyway it's probably not worth the time it will take to read, but I am irresistibly compelled because it relates to a Motohashi-sensei story and those get a +2 nostalgia bonus to compulsivity plus another point per 5 years since I saw him last (in 1993).

About that "legibility" complaint.

I'll save the Motohashi-sensei story for the end as the least-relevant info, like a good little once-I-got-out-of-an-English-composition-course-by-doing-tech-support-for-the-journalism-students... uh. Noun.

But the thing is. Okay. Look, first off, it's perfectly fucking legible!

Google's translation here is absolute shit, and my facility with the -ou conjugation isn't enough to make up for the lack of context, but it's clearly "Nana-chan" (person's name, person being a peer and female, likely but not assuredly a fellow student or something?) "mo" (a particle that means, more or less, "also") "kayoubi ni" ( "on Tuesday", where kayoubi is Tuesday, but I had to use kanji instead of the kana the writer used, in order to make Google translate notice that and stop trying to turn "kayoubi" into particles that grammatically wrecked the translation) "asobo" (which is more properly "asobou", the verb for "play" plus the future "might happen" or "let's do" conjugation that can be used for anything from "it might rain" to "let's go to the dog park" including cases where "let's do" is actually a gentle imperative, "YOU do", like "gambarimashou" for "work hard /do your best!" Uh. )? That sentence got out of hand.

Anyway, you can see why Google kind of chokes on translating, because it might be "let's include Nana-Chan also when we play on Tuesday" or it might be "Nana-chan will be joining us for playing on Tuesday" or it might be the case that Nana-chan is the name of an animal or plushie to add to Tuesday's existing playtime plans, or. ??? It's an out-of-context snippet of an existing conversation in a language that relies on context most of the time to specify who's doing what to whom or to what (except when it gets really specific because it's changing contexts). And I'm just not experienced enough with the nuances of using that conjugation to make up for lack of context in such an extraordinarily context-dependent language. And I'm not well versed in casual Japanese. And I've never used it as a child, so I don't know the specific kind of casualness children inject. And so on.

But legible? Yes, completely so. Proper? No, not quite. But I see kana used for magazines and book covers that are warped in far less legible ways that give me trouble even determining whether I'm looking at hiragana or katakana or even kanji, let alone what they say.

There are minor points. That first letter that's repeated, for "Nana" (なな)? The loops are way too big and they're rounded in the wrong place, flattened on top instead of on the bottom left. The "mo" (も) has fallen over on its side in an adorably clumsy way that suggests its rounded bottom is difficult to balance on (creative! cute! and written quite clearly to be unmistakably recognizable that way). The "ka" (か) of "kayoubi" has its little extra bar crossing through the right leg instead of floating to the upper right of the main structure. (Maybe that helps prop it up so it doesn't share mo's fate?) The "so" (そ) is practically a formless scribble (but I still had zero trouble knowing it could only be "so") and the top bar of the right half of "bo" (ぼ) is floating so far above the rest of the letter that it did actually give me pause wondering if there was a "-ba" (ば) conjugation usage I just don't know (as opposed to ones I do).

But like. I'm rusty on kana, at least rustier than I'd prefer to be, and the only thing that gives me real trouble is the very last word, written in parentheses, which I assume is probably a signature and which also looks like it uses a kanji often found in girls' names (子) preceded by two letters that are kind of confusing. The first letter looks like "o" except it uses a... Call it a diacritical mark? That only consonants* get. That circle to the right of it turns "h" into "p", for example. Is this a cutesy way the writer used of personalizing her name that has no effect except aesthetic, like anglophone girls who dot the "i" in their names with a heart? Maybe. I don't know. I was never a young Japanese girl. In fact, I only ever got to third semester Japanese. My Japanese is just not that good. And yet I find everything except the probable signature perfectly legible.

So legibility is a clear fig leaf for the real complaint.

(here ends all relevance to the main post)

* There aren't consonants as letters in Japanese writing.** There are syllables that are just vowels and there are syllables that are a consonant followed by a vowel, so it's really that "ha" (は) becomes "pa" (ぱ) while "hi" (ひ) becomes "pi" (ぴ) and so on.

** Except for "n", which is found in the whole typical "na ni nu ne no" (なにぬねの) series of syllables but also as just "n" (ん), which is arguably not quite the same letter/sound but I promised myself I'd stop this tangent here and most people don't make that distinction anyway, possibly because they never met Motohashi-sensei.

Anyway, here's the Motohashi-sensei story.

First week of class. First day: Sensei passes out the syllabus, reads it out loud, and warns us that Japanese is very, very hard for English speakers to learn, that he is a very strict and sometimes outright mean teacher, and that half of us will have given up and dropped the class by the end of the second week.

Second day: He passes out a handout listing sixteen basic social phrases (hello, please, thank you) in romaji (the Roman alphabet, you know, the one we can actually read, being only in our second-ever Japanese class) for us to memorize and then warns us that learning kana starts the next class period. He says that by the end of next week we will be expected to read and write solely in hiragana until we can use katakana and kanji where appropriate and we will never see nor use a single letter of the Roman alphabet in a Japanese word in his class ever again, forever, on penalty of his extreme wrath.

At the start of the second week, our third Japanese class, he tells us that the thing he hates most about teaching Japanese to English-speaking teenagers is our atrocious handwriting. (He really is actually pretty brutal about it, and a couple of students end up trying to file complaints later.) We're lazy, we're apathetic, we're uneducated, we're just generally disgraces, he says, and he doesn't feel like facing down the aspirin bill we'll drive up giving him headaches with our chicken scratches (a quotation; he later told me he learned that English phrase specifically for insulting students' handwriting in this little speech of his) so he's gone to a lot of trouble and expense and called in a huge favor to have a friend come all the way from Japan for a week to teach us to write hiragana "properly".

Then he introduces a Japanese woman who is a renowned enough calligrapher her work hangs in museums. He talks for about ten minutes on her many professional accomplishments and emphasizes to us not only that her presence in our classroom is a tremendous honor but that we categorically do not deserve it, will never understand the honor well enough to truly appreciate it, that HE doesn't deserve it, and that she is possessed of a personal generosity previously thought only to exist in the saints and saint-equivalents of various world religions to take the time and effort to grace our grubby little hands with her brushes. (She seems embarrassed by all this praise and breaks in a couple of times to argue with him.)

We didn't know enough yet to understand it, but this was in fact our first Japanese lesson. Not just the culture; this kind of thing is baked into the language. He established an in-group, his students and himself, to put down, and an out-group, the guest, to praise. She responded entirely as protocol demand by demurring. Learning to recognize and engage in that is a requisite skill to speak Japanese with any fluency, let alone navigate a conversation as a nuanced social interaction.

The students who didn't get offended by it were the ones he predicted would do well with the language. The ones it drove away were the ones he didn't think would continue past, or even finish, the first semester. And that man spent money on us. In large amounts (for appropriate purposes!), regularly, out of his own pocket, for things like guest speakers and so, so much more, including our final exam. (Which is my all-time favorite Motohashi-sensei story.) So please forgive him for wanting to winnow out early all the students he predicted would just drop the class anyway.

After the introduction, she passes out large sheets of thick paper, little cups of ink, and these giant brushes.

And teaches us to... paint?

It's an art style called sumi-e ("ink pictures"), a pretty distinctive style which you've almost certainly seen before.

(Shutterstock photo, contributed by Natali Mias)

In fact, a bamboo composition a lot like this was the first thing we learned to draw. Then we worked on drawing (very, very bad) birds.

Sumi-e is, at least in its foundations, an extremely structured style that uses only a handful of basic brushstrokes -- I think we learned four -- almost algorithmically, or like Legos, kind of like those "learn to draw" books that teach you to look at something like a cat's face as an assemblage of circles, rectangles, and triangles. The brushstrokes are really easy to learn. The art enters into it when you try to make four different kinds of brushstrokes look like breeze-tossed bamboo, or a whole entire bird. We were... Mostly not artists that day.

That was it. That was our third Japanese language class. Luckily, neither our bamboo nor our birds were graded.

For our fourth lesson, we get handouts of this gridded paper (the same kind Japanese kids use to practice kana and kanji) and plain wooden pencils. We're told that from that day forward, we will never use pen in Motohashi-sensei's class, because only pencil (and never mechanical pencil, either!) could reproduce the nuances of a brushstroke.

Then we learn how to build those four basic brushstrokes into hiragana.

All the hiragana.

In one day.

There are 46 of them. (Not counting the ones where you add extras like for turning "hi" into "pi").

Our fifth lesson opens the third week of class. From then on, we go entirely without romaji, as promised.

And also, as predicted, without about half the initial students. 😅

So look, it's true, Japanese really is hard for English speakers to learn, especially if we're used to thinking all other languages are going to basically be Romance languages like Spanish or Italian that share grammar and a lot of vocabulary with English. But sensei seemed to be intentionally making it even harder than it had to be, deliberately, for no reason we could understand then except maybe simple sadism.

I did eventually understand why he was so harsh, and at the end of about 30,000 more words I could explain exactly why he did that and why it made him the greatest teacher I've ever known, the one who had the most profound positive impact on my life that not just any teacher but any single individual outside my immediate family and intimate relationships has ever made. And if I wrote them all and you read them all, you'd understand, too.

But also you might want to hunt me down and put Legos in the dark hallway between my bedroom and bathroom every night for the rest of my life if I did that here. So instead you'll just have to take my word for it. It was masterful harshness. Also? An odd, unfamiliar sort of affection.

And the result was that I have Japanese handwriting that native speakers still compliment 30 years later, not just "Hey, that's great for a foreigner!" but "Whoa, my handwriting isn't that good! Where did you learn to write like that?" And that's 30 years of not really practicing much most of the time. And not just in hiragana, but in kanji and katakana as well, because both kinds of kana are based on kanji, and kanji are based on Chinese hanzi, and hanzi are written with a standardized set of brushstrokes that...

...Are used in sumi-e.

Motohashi-sensei's specialty was historical Japanese. It was like getting a Chaucerian scholar trying to teach ESL (English as a Second Language) courses. He had this compulsion to rewind back to the origin of everything he taught to make sure we got the foundation correct. (He would never tell us which kanji he used for his name, but I've always secretly believed the "moto" absolutely must be 元 -- not just because it's common that way, but also because he had to get to, and start from, the root of everything.) But for students willing to follow him on that whole meandering journey to the finish line, the benefits were incredible.

Anyway, the paradoxical effect is that although my handwriting benefitted incalculably from his unexpected teaching method, it also left me with certain expectations about how Japanese characters will be built, structurally, which means I have slightly more trouble reading them out in the wild than I might otherwise.

And this Japanese girl's handwriting is almost perfectly legible to me.

Uh. So there. Nyah!

[ETA: Ha ha, all that and I still got bits of it wrong. "Mo" is actually "be", so it's to Nana-chan: "Let's play on Tuesday." I was right about my limitations, though; there's a pattern of character alteration I didn't pick up on.]

Source 

[r1ntaros]

falling // jeong yunho

SYNOPSIS: After experiencing countless messy break ups, Yunho can't seem to find himself to love and to be loved once again. Not until he met y/n who’s as broken as him. Sharing their stories, Yunho found out that they’re almost the same but their difference is Yunho can help himself be whole again after being shattered into pieces. But y/n? Well, maybe God has plans as to why they met each other.

PAIRING: Yunho x fem!reader

GENRE: fluff, angst

WORD COUNT: 4.5k

SONG RECOMMENDATION: falling by harry styles

WARNINGS: mentions of drinking, cheating, cursing, verbal fighting, emotional breakdowns, toxic relationships, self doubts, unhealthy way of coping up with heartbreaks

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hello! This is my first work for the tag, hehe. I also have another work drafted but it's quite long so I decided to post a /shorter/ one first to test the waters since I'm too shy sharing my works because I know I'm not that great of a writer ssjdjsjk. Some character names are also made by me and doesn't exist in real life. I'm so sorry for grammatical errors as well! English is not my first language >.< Feedbacks are welcome and accepted, enjoy!

Masterlist

Silently sitting at the couch of a friend’s party, Yunho chugged down his 3rd bottle of beer for the night. Just today, his fourth girlfriend decided to break up with him through text, saying their usual “it’s not you, it’s me” line that he is tired of hearing.

As much as it’s supposed to sound reassuring, he can’t help but think that maybe there really is something wrong with him as a boyfriend. Does he not spare them enough time and attention? Does he spend way too much time with his friends? Does he always stay up late all the damn time, playing his god forsaken video games and occasionally forgetting to text his past significant others back unintentionally?

He really can’t answer his own questions but he knows.. he fucking knows that he’s nothing but a good, loyal boyfriend to those who he used to date. But why do they always leave him?

He felt someone nudged on his knee, cutting him off of his thoughts. Looking at that person, he saw Mingi with eyes full of concern. “Dude, we’ve been looking for you for the past five minutes already then I see you sitting on the couch, glaring at everyone. What’s wrong?”

San was the first one to notice their arrival and smiled the brightest smile he can muster while clapping his hands. He looks like he’s not yet drunk.

San was the first one to notice their arrival and smiled the brightest smile he can muster while clapping his hands. He looks like he’s not yet drunk.

San was the first one to notice their arrival and smiled the brightest smile he can muster while clapping his hands. He looks like he’s not yet drunk.

“There’s our Yunho!” He exclaimed which gained the others attention, some even greeting him with enthusiasm as they went back to playing. He silently sat beside Wooyoung who looked at him full of curiosity. Usually when they party, he’s one of those causing chaos but due to how he’s acting now, Wooyoung must’ve sensed that there’s something wrong.

He put his arm over Yunho’s shoulder and shook him slightly, “What’s bothering you, bud?”

That single, simple sentence seems to break all the emotions and questions that Yunho’s been keeping to himself as he felt his eyes get teary and he asked, “Is there something wrong with me?” 

The chaos surrounding him suddenly became calm as the rest of his friends circled him. No one spoke and the silence was unbearable until Hongjoong decided to break it.

“Yunho, what happened?”

He took a deep shaky breath, “Eunhae broke up with me.”

A scoff was heard and everyone looked at Yeosang, “See what I told you? This is what you get for not listening, Yunho.” He said as Yunho stared at him with a hardened expression.

Hongjoong, who’s trying to do damage control, decided to peel Yeosang away from their circle but the younger broke free, “Yeosang, now’s not the time–”

“Now’s not the time to what, Hongjoong?” Yeosang spit out with so much hatred, making Hongjoong look away. The younger man proceeds to walk and stand in front of Yunho, gripping both of his arms tightly, “Jeong Yunho, what did I tell you? She’s not good for you, she’s–”

“Gonna break your heart and leave you broken like the rest of them did. I know, Yeosang. I know.” Yunho cut him off, voice full of regret, “I should’ve listened to you.” He said, this time, with a small voice.

Yeosang just rolled his eyes and pulled Yunho in a hug with his head on his chest, steadied by the smaller’s hand. The action caught him off guard and all of a sudden, the only thing he could feel and hear is his sobs breaking free from his mouth, tears falling down from his eyes as his body trembles in brokenness.

The whole pool house was silent and the only thing that’s audible is the ongoing party happening outside. His friends let him cry until he’s too tired and broken to let anything out. Wiping his eyes, he giggled tiredly,  “I’m a fucking fool. I don’t want to love anymore. I just want to be loved the way I deserve.”

No one spoke but his friends’ hearts broke at what he said. Yunho is loved by everyone but he’s just too engrossed in giving away his heart to someone that he didn’t notice it.

Wooyoung removed the hair from his eyes and whispered, “Let’s get you home, buddy, so you can rest. You consumed enough alcohol.”

“I’m not fucking drunk, I want to drink more!” He tries to argue, making Seonghwa speak up, “You may not be drunk but you’re tired and have alcohol in your system. That’s not healthy. You know that drinking is not the healthiest way to cope up with heartbreak, Yunho.”

“Let me be!” He shouted as he tried to pry off Wooyoung’s grasp on him as he tried to stand up to get more alcohol.

“No I won’t let you be!” Seonghwa argued back, pushing him down to where he’s seated, the tension coming back again, “You’re broken enough and if you drink more you’ll be nothing but an unrepairable mess and I don’t want that. We don’t want that to happen.”

Sinking the older’s words in, Yunho has no choice but to agree. Seonghwa’s right, damn, he is always right. He decided to silently follow Wooyoung to his car and the drive back home was silent. No one spoke until they arrived at his condominium.

“Take care of yourself, Yunho.” Wooyoung said, “We care for you. We love you, always remember that. I know it’s tiring but we’re always here to help you be whole again.” After saying those words, he decided to drive away and go back to Jongho’s house.

Entering his apartment, he didn’t bother to turn on the lights and decided to do his night routine and lay down in his bed as he looked at the view of the city on his window, thinking about Wooyoung’s words. It helped bring a slight smile on his face as he decided to let himself slip off to dreamland.

—

The next day, Yunho decided to visit his favorite coffee shop to grab his usual favorite treats for the morning to start it well instead of moping around because he got his heart broken.

Arriving at the cafe, he was greeted by the Mrs. Kim, the lady who owns and baked the treats in this coffee shop, “Good morning sweetheart! Do you want the usual?” 

“Good morning Mrs. Kim! I think I’ll grab a hot chocolate instead of cold, this time.” He replied with a kind smile as he watched Mrs. Kim fusses over the cashier (who’s her daughter) to punch his orders. Haru smiled at him when she gave him his receipt but leaned forward, gesturing Yunho to do the same.

“You see that girl over there?” She asked, pointing at the girl in the corner, “She entered earlier looking sad and all. You think you can cheer her up?”

Yunho rolled his eyes, “I’m not a clown, Haru. Also, I can’t even bring myself to cheer up when I just went through a break up myself.”

Haru was taken aback by his response then she rolled her eyes, “But you don’t look broken unlike her! You look completely fine.” She pouted and gestured to the girl again, “She looked like she’ll pass out due to sadness.”

Yunho just let out a sigh, “What do I get in return?”

“Two extra cinnamon rolls under my tab.” She said and winked at him. Yunho held his hand out and she took it to seal their deal. “Good luck, Yunho!” She singsongs and Yunho just rolled his eyes.

Approaching her table, Yunho decided to tap the girl on her shoulder and she thankfully looked up but didn’t speak. The curiosity in her eyes though, was enough to voice out her question of “who are you and what are you doing here?”

Scratching the back of his head, Yunho smiled shyly, “Hi, I’m uh, Yunho. I’m alone and have no company. Is there anyone seated there?” He asked, pointing at the empty seat in front of her.

“There used to be someone seated here but they left me.” She said in a quiet voice enough for Yunho to hear but didn’t comment on it then she proceeded to answer him while shaking her head, “No one’s seated there.”

“I hope you don’t mind if I.. sit here?” He asked cautiously, “But it’s okay if you don’t want me too! I’ll just look for an empty space.”

Y/n decided to look around and noticed that the coffee shop is a bit packed. Feeling guilt immediately eating her up just in case she rejects him, she answered, “You can sit here, it’s okay.”

Without saying any more words, Yunho sat down in front of her. They were silent for a while until Yunho spoke up, “You know, me and my friend noticed that you’re actually not well.”

“Your friend?” She asked, thinking if this guy was playing with her, that he’s with someone else even if he told her no, just like what he did with her. “You’re with someone yet you told me that–”

Her sentence was cut off by a giggle from Yunho, “The cashier is the friend I’m talking about.” He clarified and she can feel the heat of shame spreading through her cheeks.

And after that, silence was there again.

No one really spoke until Yunho’s order arrived. He was munching happily on his cinnamon roll and took a sip of his hot.. coffee? Chocolate? When he looked at her and said, “You know I heard you when you said that there’s someone seated here before. Where are they?”

Y/n looked at him with an unpredictable look and that’s when Yunho realized that it must be a sensitive topic. Immediately waving his hands that are holding the utensils, he added, “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it! I’m just a mere stranger, I know.”

The look of panic on his face made y/n smile a bit as he resembled a puppy that got caught doing something wrong. She picked on the loose thread of her sweater when she decided to speak up, “You know, it’s my dream to rant to a stranger because I’m certain that we won’t meet again and I think that time is now, though I’m not sure about the not meeting you again part. I’m y/n, by the way.”

A soft smile flashed through Yunho’s features as he understood what she meant, “You can speak whenever you’re ready.”

She let out a deep sigh and started, “You know the feeling when someone you gave your all just decided to fuck you up emotionally?” She asked and laughed humorlessly, “That’s what he did to me. I won’t be saying his name, I hope you don’t mind.” She added as she wiped her tired-looking eyes.

Yunho nodded silently and gestured to her to continue, “I’ve been living with my boyfriend, well, ex boyfriend for six months now. We’ve been together for a year and a half after I met him at my best friend’s party. We were happy, really. After dating each other for a year, he decided to move in at my apartment unit.”

“The first three months were full of legitimate happiness. There were times where we just laze around, play with each other and sometimes do some random things. I thought it’ll stay that way but I was wrong. Somewhere around April, he started to be distant towards me. I was trying to reach him out but he just kept on pushing me away.” She paused for a while and wiped the tear that fell from her eye.

Taking a deep, shaky breath, she continued, “I thought he was just stressed with college and all but no. Somewhere mid-April, I was waiting for him to come home late at night then he went home drunk. Really really drunk. We had our fair share of parties but that’s the first time I saw him like that and he didn’t tell me that he’s going to a party as well. I mean, I wouldn’t stop him but asking for permission could’ve been nice.”

“We started screaming at each other that time and it was the first ever huge fight we had. He left my apartment that very same day and I don’t know where he went. He went home in the morning and apologized to me then of course I accepted it. Those things just continued until recently, he said something that I really won’t forget which is also the very same reason why I broke up with him.”

“He was drunk that time again when he shamelessly and proudly confessed to me that he’s been seeing my best friend and that she’s the better girlfriend than me. I mean, I’m okay with breaking up with a lying, cheating asshole but my problem is I gave up everything for him. He’s my first love and she’s my only friend who didn’t leave my side. Now I have no idea on how to bring back my life from before.” Tears were now falling down her face nonstop as she tried to wipe it off her face but the waterfall from her eyes showed no sign of stopping. Yunho frantically pulled his handkerchief on his pocket and offered it to her which she gladly accepted.

“We’re stopping here, okay? I don’t want you to faint due to crying.” Yunho said as he fidgeted with his fingers and she sobbed quietly. This girl is the same as him. Broken, left alone, not appreciated. But their difference is that he has everything she doesn’t have and can do anything she can’t. He has friends to help him fix himself and welcome him with open arms when he’s too overwhelmed with sadness and that made him realize of how fucking lucky he is.

Until now here he is, conversing with a very broken girl and thinking of a crazy thing that he never thought he’ll be doing.

Silently grabbing y/n’s trembling hands into his he smiled, “Let me help you.”

She was taken aback by what he said and before she can react, Yunho explained his intentions, “We’re both broken, my girlfriend just broke up with me yesterday but that doesn’t fucking matter. Between the two of us, I can completely keep myself going. I still have friends who can help me when I’m in my most vulnerable state but you.. your only friend betrayed you and I just realized that maybe this is the time someone needs me.”

Too stunned to speak, y/n just clasped Yunho’s hands tighter, “Yunho..”

“Y/n, you don't have to say anything but please reconsider my intention. I want to help you.” 

A set of fresh tears fell down from her eyes as she looked at him. This time, with a smile. The most beautiful smile that Yunho has ever seen because no smile can be compared to a smile of a broken one.

“Thank you, Yunho.” She said in a whisper but enough for the both of them to hear.

He softly patted her hand and answered in return, “Now’s not the time to say that. Thank me when you’re whole and fixed again. Deal?”

A laugh bubbled out of y/n as she agreed, “Deal.”

Six months later…

Laying down on his bed with his eyes closed, Yunho couldn’t help but think through the sudden turn of events in his life. His mind immediately flew through the memory of the day he first met y/n. 

Weeks after their encounter, it was quite hard to reach out to her despite knowing her side of the story. They agreed to meet everyday at the same spot in the same cafe and just talk about their own feelings. Y/n had a hard time letting her emotions out during those times as she really won’t be able to speak without crying and Yunho has to offer his handkerchief all the time since she always seems to forget to bring hers all the time.

Right after that, a month passed by quickly and she started to smile and laugh more. She also met the boys who welcomed her into their circle with open arms but at the same time, she has her guards up just in case things go wrong. The boys never failed to notice it but they chose not to comment on it. She immediately warmed up to San and Wooyoung and they’re labeled as the chaotic trio in their circle. Y/n felt herself getting happier.

In the second month, however, despite having enough friends, she still finds herself going back and forth to the past. There are times where she had her emotional episodes and she’s just thankful that Yunho’s been there for her always. She spent most of her time staying over Yunho’s place than she spent in her own place, telling each other stories that the other doesn’t know and just laughing her sadness away. 

And in the last week of the second month, y/n decided to move over the empty condominium space beside Yunho’s as she reasoned out that she can’t stand the memories made in that apartment so she decided to move out. As Yunho helped her unpack with a fair share of giggles and laughter, that’s when Yunho realized that he’s healed.

In the last month of the year, which marks the fifth month after they met, Y/n seemed to go back to her normal self and Yunho saw her as a very giggly and carefree person. Yes, there were times where she remembers her ex boyfriend but instead of wallowing in sadness like she used to do, she started making fun of that memory that left her very broken before. The first time they spent Christmas together was when Yunho realized, he’s in love.

He’s falling for her and he’s scared.

He’s scared that the same thing will happen to him all over again. That after making her happy, she’ll leave him like how they did with him. Cancelling all his plans the day after that, he decided to voice out his concerns to Yeosang.

“Sang, I’m scared.” The first thing he blurted out with panicked eyes by the time Yeosang opened his apartment door. 

His friend guided him to his couch and patted him in the back, “What happened, Yunho?”

“I..” he let out a deep sigh and he felt tears pooling in his eyes, “I’m falling for y/n, Sangie.”

A breath of relief rushed out of Yeosang’s mouth and he smiled warmly, “What’s so scary about that?”

“I.. I don’t know. Maybe she’s going to leave me like all of them did. Maybe I’ll get broken again but this time I won’t be able to pick myself up and–”

“Yunho, it’s not love if it doesn’t hurt.”

Yunho was dumbfounded by his friend’s words; he opened his mouth only to find himself closing it once again, making him look like a fish gasping for air.

Yeosang stared at him intently as he took a hold in Yunho’s hand, “Yunho, listen to me. Y/n, she’s thankful for you. Though I don’t know what really happened to her the day you met but I can tell that you helped her.”

“I assure you, y/n’s not the type to leave the only person she’s relying on. She’s too grateful to do that, used to be too broken to think of that. She’s not the type to put herself in the same situation that I’m assuming other people used to put her in. And I get it, you’re scared but Yunho, the happiness she gave you is not describable by words. It’s not just me who noticed it but the other boys as well. She’s different, one of a kind.”

“Give it a try and maybe she’s the right person for you.” Yeosang said as he put finality in his words, drowning Yunho in realization.

“Yeosang..”

“I know, you’re welcome. Now go home and fix yourself. I know you had fun staying up with her yesterday.” His friend pushed him out of his apartment door and before he completely left the place Yeosang called him out once again, “If things go wrong, we’ll always be here for you.”

And that made Yunho’s heart swell in happiness.

Except, when he saw her again, Yunho just chickened out and decided to avoid her like a plague and y/n is not dumb enough to not notice it. 

January is their sixth month together and it’s also been a few weeks now since Yunho started avoiding her. It made her sad to the point that she ranted to Wooyoung and San on their separate group chat on how Yunho’s not talking to her and how it frustrates her.

Y/n, unlike Yunho, is aware of the feelings that bubbled up in her heart. The way she felt the butterflies on her stomach two months ago when she heard Yunho sing for the first time and she blatantly told herself that yep, she’s in love with her golden retriever-looking friend. She immediately told San and Wooyoung about it as the two boys called her suddenly and started squealing like high school girls in the duration of their call.

She thought that everything was going fine and she kept her secret well not until Yunho started avoiding her after they all spent the New Year’s Eve together. She started to get worried, thinking if she did something wrong.

Deciding that instead of wallowing in her own overthinking tendencies, y/n went to Yunho’s apartment and didn’t bother knocking as she punched his too familiar code at the door. It’s in the middle of the afternoon and she figured that maybe he’s still at his bedroom after experiencing one of a hell week because college already started again.

Opening his bedroom door silently, y/n saw Yunho laying down on his bed with his head turned to the side of the window. Eyes obviously blank and void of emotions. She silently made her way to his bed and jumped on it and shouted, “Yunho!”

“Jesus, you scared me!” Yunho exclaimed as his arms wrapped around y/n’s torso with his eyes wide, “What are you doing here?”

She laid on her stomach and giggled as she removed the hair covering her eyes, “I came to visit you.” She replied with a pout and she spoke once again, “You’ve been ignoring me since the year started, I miss you.”

Yunho stared at her incredulously and he tucked her hair behind her ears, noticing the blush spreading through her cheeks, “I’m sorry, I just have a lot of things in mind.”

She let out a huff making Yunho raise and eyebrow at her and she smiled, “I’ll listen to you this time.”

“Y/n–”

“Come on, Yunho. You helped me a lot so now it’s my time to repay you. Maybe talking can help you get your mind out of the gutter.”

Yunho just laid there silently once again thinking through things that can possibly happen. If he tells her, their friendship might either end immediately or she reciprocates his feelings for her. But then, he can hear Yeosang speaking in his mind.

Give it a try.

He watches as she fidgets with his fingers that are laying in his stomach. He stared at her eyes and it reflected the night sky filled with stars even if it’s the middle of the day. He let out a sigh making y/n look at him and giggle, “That’s a deep–”

“I like you.”

Y/n was dumbfounded for a while as she stared at Yunho with her mouth open making the latter laugh and guide his hand under her chin to close it. She stared at him still and it’s been a minute that passed by when he confessed and Yunho couldn’t help but feel nervous so he added, “I-I understand if you don’t like me back it’s just that–”

“Idiot.” She suddenly blurted out, as she sat down beside him from her lying position, cutting his words. Yunho looked at her confused, “Huh?”

“You’ve been avoiding me because you like me? What are you trying to do? Damage control?”

“Well, yes–”

“That’s dumb, Yunho.” She said as a matter of factly and Yunho’s eyebrows were knitted, “Look if you’re just going to roast me–”

“I like you too, you fucking dumbo. Are you going to kick me out?” Her words sounded confident which made Yunho stare at her in wonder. They were silent for a while and it’s enough time for Yunho to help his mind process her words.

Giggling as he did so, y/n looked at him confused, “Why are you giggling?”

“Come here.” He said as he pulled her beside him, y/n’a face tucked in his neck, “I really like you.” He said once again then chose to proceed, “I was scared that you’ll leave me like they did if I told you.”

She hummed, “I really really really like you too. I know when we first met that I was broken but that didn’t make me afraid to love. I won’t leave you like they did.”

Yunho smiled through her hair and dropped a kiss on the crown of her head, “Let me take you out on a date?”

“We still have some time today. We can go to Mrs. Kim’s coffee shop. We can visit an arcade then eat dinner out? Maybe do a little bit of shopping?” She suggested as she looked up and their gazes met. He smiled softly at her and hummed, “Sounds like a plan.”

“For now cuddle me here in your bed.” She said in a cute demanding voice causing a laugh to bubble out of Yunho’s mouth.

“Whatever my princess wants then she gets.”

She let out a squeal and squeezed herself tighter into him as if they weren’t too close enough yet. She thought about the first time she met the light of her life and remembered a very important thing they agreed on.

“Yunho?”

“Yes, baby?”

“Thank you.” He looked down at her and booped their noses together as they cuddled in the warmth of Yunho’s bed. Yunho, smiling like an idiotic fool, immediately knows the true meaning behind her gratitude because he feels the same, he’s thankful he met her that day.

Maybe Yeosang is right as well, she may really be the right person for him, and for the first time in years, this is the only relationship Yunho had that made him feel so happy and content.

thank you for reading!

[fantasyoverreality98]

The Eternal Wanderers

Pairing: Gaius Augustine x MC (Katherine Yeon)

Summary: Over a century after defeating Rheya, the two enemies turned unlikely allies reunite for one night.

Author’s Note: I’m back on my foolishness and this was sitting unfinished in my documents, so I decided to finish it and finally post it. It took me much longer than I want to admit to write this, but anyway! Apologies in advance for any potential typos or grammatical errors, and thank you anyone who takes the time to read it!

Warnings: suggestive content, slightly nsfw

Word Count: 2,640

---

Katherine Yeon may not know much about what life had been like in the time before technology, but she had a feeling it couldn’t have been much more different than this.

As she strolled into the small pub, someone immediately caught her attention. She tensed, the presence all too familiar, even if it had been well over a hundred years.

He was here.

Clearing her throat, Katherine crossed to the bar, mumbling her order under her breath. The bartender slid a mug of ale across the counter to her. He grunted in response when she placed enough money in his hand to cover the drink with a tip included.

Thunder boomed outside, the occasional flash of lightning lighting up the otherwise dim bar. Her overactive imagination almost allowed her to believe that she’d traveled back in time.

“Need a place to stay?” A man sauntered up to her, reaching out to twirl a stand of her hair around his finger.

Katherine grabbed him by the wrist, careful not to apply too much pressure. Human bones were impossibly fragile. It was a fact that had taken her several decades to learn.

“I’m fine,” she said, pulling the hood of her cloak down.

The man’s throat bobbed, and he struggled against her grip. When she refused to let go, a quiet whimper slipped past his lips, and the smell of fear lingered in the air.

After another ten seconds, Katherine decided she’d done enough, and released the man with a smile. “Next time, you should ask permission before you try to touch a woman. Or anyone. We’re not living in the Dark Ages anymore.” She bared her teeth in a menacing grin, exposing the fangs that could tear through his flesh if she were in the mood for violence.

Luckily for the man and everyone else in the pub, she was tired.

“Ye—yes—I—” The man didn’t bother to finish his sentence before he turned and ran out into the night, the sound of his pounding footsteps echoing in her ears for a while.

“It appears you’ve grown more confident since the last time we spoke.” Although he sat across the room, her vampire senses allowed her to hear him speak.

Katherine chewed on her bottom lip as she stared out into the storm, debating whether she should face him, or if she should walk away and pretend as though none of this had ever happened.

“Come now. It would be rather rude for you to leave without saying hello, wouldn’t it, my flower?” The smugness practically dripped from his tone. She didn’t need to see his face to know he was smirking.

The thud of her boots echoed in the pub as she made her way to the table in the corner. Like her, the man wore a cloak. It may not be the same one he’d worn when they parted ways so long ago, but it may as well be. He was in desperate need of updating his wardrobe.

“What are you doing here?” Katherine muttered, sliding onto the bench across the table.

A deep chuckle reverberated deep in his chest. “I could ask the same of you. Tell me, where are Adrian and Kamliah?”

“Answer my question first.”

“Last I heard, you were engaged to be married to Adrian. What happened, Katherine?”

She tucked her hands under her thighs, trying to ignore the sharp stab that went through her at the mention of a life that would never be. “It didn’t work out.”

That was the most she would tell him. The story was too long, too painful, and the past couldn’t be changed now.

Finally, the man sat up straight, hesitating a moment before pulling the hood of his cloak off to reveal a face she’d never thought she would see again.

Gaius Augustine studied her reaction, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips.

“I’ve been working on redeeming myself. Does that answer satisfy you?”

Nothing had changed since they’d parted ways. He hadn’t aged a day, but then again, neither had she. Katherine didn’t believe in fate, but crossing paths with this man in the vast expanse of the world didn’t seem like mere coincidence.

“And how has that been going?” Rumors of a wanderer had plagued her in the decade she’d been traveling herself, but a small part of her hadn’t wanted to believe that it could be Gaius.

If she were honest, the smallest part of her had wished that he were dead.

And now, he sat across from her in a small European town.

“The progress is slow.” Gaius studied her from across the table, his eyes resting on her lips a moment before he looked away. “But I meant it when I said I wouldn’t let you down.”

Katherine leaned back, remembering the night she’d made the decision to spare his life. For a moment, she’d almost let Kamilah kill him.

But she knew that death was too kind for him. He deserved to live with the weight of his actions, to spend centuries trying to right his wrongs. And, if she were completely honest with herself, it would be a shame to never see the face she’d spent many nights dreaming of again.

“You know, a small part of me always liked you. Evil as you were, you were extremely charismatic. It intrigued me.” She knew that it would be wrong to act on what she was thinking, but over a hundred years had taught her plenty of things.

And one of those things was that it felt fucking great to get what she wanted.

She leaned forward to rest her elbows on the table, reaching out to run a finger along the back of his hand. Gaius raised an eyebrow, maintaining eye contact with her the entire time.

“What is it that you want?” He revealed nothing, stoic as ever. Every muscle in his face remained perfectly still.

It was impossible to fight the grin that desperately wanted to spread across her face. She narrowed her eyes, knowing that he could hear her racing heart. “You.”

One word was all she needed to get the message across. One word had the power to turn this from a boring night into a fascinating one.

“You play a dangerous game, Katherine.” Gaius pulled his hand away from her, still looking into her eyes. “There will be no way to come back from this.”

Her stomach clenched, the idea of spending just one night with this masterpiece of a man too tempting to ignore. “I’m a woman who knows what she wants.”

It had been so long since she’d felt the touch of another. She struggled to remember the last time she’d had sex and god did she ever miss it. Now, an opportunity sat right in front of her. One that wouldn’t break if she wanted to be rough.

“Are you certain?” She could see the surprise in Gaius’s eyes, mixed with eagerness. Finally, she noticed that a muscle twitched in his jaw. His eyes met hers, the pupils dilated more than before.

The world grew quiet for a moment, the only sound her shaky breath before she whispered the answer.

“Yes.”

Thunder boomed immediately after her response, another flash of lightning illuminating his face as her answer sunk in. Neither of them said a word as they stood at the same time. Katherine stepped into the rain and turned to face Gaius. He tilted his head in the direction of the small inn across the dirt road.

While most of the world had grown, the technology so advanced that it still left her mind struggling to comprehend, the rural towns of Europe had failed to catch up. Most places she stayed in would have been outdated even when she was mortal.

Gaius led her to a comfy room in the inn, locking the door once they were both inside. The burst of confidence she’d felt in the pub had dwindled. Katherine fumbled over her words, now painfully aware that it was just the two of them.

This was not a casual one-night stand with a stranger. Whether she liked to admit it or not, they had a history. Maybe not a romantic one, but the past weighed heavily between the two of them.

Here was the man who had killed her. The man who had committed unspeakable crimes for thousands of years. Even being in the same room as him should horrify her.

“I—Tell me about your journeys.” Katherine knew they didn’t come here to talk, but she needed a temporary distraction.

He frowned, but paced the room and started to recount all the times he’d saved innocent people from both the supernatural and regular human cruelty. After a while, she was able to relax, letting her cloak fall to the floor.

Katherine sat in the corner of the room, watching as Gaius paced around the room and continued to talk about his adventures. He stopped talking after a while, their eyes locking from across the room. She chewed on her bottom lip, raking her gaze over his body.

One hundred and thirty years.

For a hundred and thirty years, she had dreamt of a night like this. The rain continued to fall outside, a spattering of raindrops on the window the only sound in the quiet room.

Neither of them said a word as they gravitated toward each other, calculating the other’s movements with each step. Watching, waiting, anticipating.

“Katherine—” Hearing her name on his lips ignited a desire deep inside, and Katherine closed the rest of the distance between them. She hesitated just a moment before closing her eyes and brushing her lips against his.

Gaius was a wonderful kisser, not that it surprised her. Thousands of years of experience tended to produce wonderful results.

He remained still for a second, yielding control. Katherine pulled Gaius closer, running her fingers across his cheek, taking the time to bask in the moment. After centuries, she was finally getting what she wanted. The moment on the boat replayed in her mind as she continued to kiss him.

If we’d met in another life…I think things could’ve been different.

When she reached for his cloak, Gaius took a sharp breath. He remained still as she worked at the fastenings of his clothes, running her fingers over the bare skin that was slowly revealed.

“I’ve spent the past hundred years thinking about you,” she mumbled, heat rising to her face at the confession. “About that night on the boat.” Katherine pulled back to look into his eyes, marveling in the colors reflected inside of them.

Gaius was silent for a moment, studying her face without a word. He remained perfectly still, statuesque in the dark room.

Finally, he spoke. “I must confess, the feeling is mutual.”

Katherine’s heart hammered in her chest when Gaius reached a hand up to her face, tracing the shape of her cheekbone before he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. The two of them paused for several breaths, eyes roaming the others face.

It wasn’t clear who moved first, but in the next moment they were stumbling towards the bed, all grace gone. The storm raged on outside, mirroring the way Katherine felt about the entire situation. A small knot of guilt formed in the pit of her stomach when she thought about how her old friends might feel if they ever found out about this. No doubt Adrian would struggle to ever forgive her if he learned about the attraction she’d spent most of her time as a vampire trying to conceal.

Gaius ran his hands through her hair, the slightest smirk tugging at his lips when Katherine pushed him onto his back and straddled his waist, a sigh slipping past her lips as she traced the cuts of muscle on his chest.

Words were a rarity between them as they continued to undress each other, their heavy breaths filling the quiet room. She’d never felt more excited—and yet nervous—in her life.

Rain splashed against the windows of the room, mixing with the sounds of their heavy breathing as they moved against each other. Katherine had a moment where she realized the insanity of her actions, but she quickly pushed the thought deep down and shut her eyes.

This was not an encounter that would blossom into something more. Neither Gaius nor Katherine were naïve enough to believe that for even a moment. Regardless of the attraction between the two, they were still old enemies. Not even a hundred years would be enough to change that.

---

Some time later, the two of them collapsed beside each other on the bed, gasping for breath in the quiet room. Katherine stared up at the ceiling, frowning slightly at the idea of having to leave this moment in the past. She chewed on her bottom lip and listened to the storm outside for several minutes.

“Where will you go next?” she asked, trying to fill in the silence.

Gaius shifted beside her, and she could feel his eyes on her face. “I—I hadn’t considered that. Perhaps I’ll make my way east. Or west.”

Katherine nodded, pressing her lips together as she gathered the courage to meet his eyes. Memories of a night long ago entered her mind, and she fought another frown.

In another life, she would offer to go with him.

In another life, things might have been different between the two of them.

But not in this life.

“Perhaps we’ll meet again,” Katherine said, ignoring the pang that went through her chest.

This night wasn’t meant to mean anything. It was simply an opportunity to resolve decades of unspoken connection. She kept repeating that to herself as she slowly slid out of the bed and got dressed.

Gaius made no attempt to move, watching from the bed with furrowed brows. When Katherine turned back to him, she took a deep breath, trying to think of what to say.

What could she say?

“Maybe someday we’ll meet again,” she said, refusing to look at Gaius.

There were so many words that she wanted to say, but couldn’t find the courage to speak.

I wish I could go with you.

Come find me again when you’ve worked on your redemption.

This doesn’t have to be goodbye.

Instead, she shook her head, turning to head toward the door.

“Katherine.” The sound of her name was enough to make her pause. After standing still for several breaths, she tilted her head to the side, surprised to see Gaius was standing behind her, already half dressed.

“Yes?”

Gaius tucked her hair behind her ear, his eyes on her lips. “You could stay. I—” He sighed, shaking his head instead of finishing the sentence.

The corner of her lips tugged up into a slight smile. “I think we both know that I can’t. You still have a lot of work to do.” Her smile faltered, and Katherine took a step closer, hesitating a moment before leaning forward to press a gentle kiss to his lips.

Before she could change her mind, Katherine turned and walked out of the room, hurrying down the path she’d taken into the town. In mere hours, the sun would rise. She needed to find shelter before then.

Far, far away from Gaius.

With one last glance back down the road, Katherine pulled her cloak tighter around her, shaking her head. It was always going to be this way. She knew that. Still, the smallest part of her heart ached.

If we’d met in another life…I think things could’ve been different.

The words echoed in her thoughts long after she’d left the town behind, once more wandering the world to fill a void that she could never fill.

[hellzyeahwebwielingessays]

The Not-So-Amazing Mary Jane Part 32: AMJ #5.1

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Master Post

Well here we are at the final issue of this arc, of what was originally supposed to be the end of this series. I think it’s safe to say that it’s too far gone to be salvaged now. But let’s wrap this up and see if any further damage is done.

As always we have the recap.

Once more, the full title of the movie is here in the recap and yet to be in the story itself, although we got half of it last time.

The recap reaffirms this story’s misguided idea that Beck was trying to be a better man, with his desire to make a film as the only proof. Something just occurred to me about that actually. This story spins out from ASM but in those issue the idea of Beck becoming a better man was never even hinted at. So did Williams just ignore that stuff and impose whatever story she wanted to tell? If so that’s pretty lame writing. At least organically pivot to that. Try to make the transition from Mysterio in ASM to the redemption mode Mysterio not feel as abrupt and part of the same story.

It also doubles down on this horseshit that MJ would honestly let Mysterio walk around free because she connects with him on art. See part 12 for why exactly this is horseshit.

The recap also mentions the Savage Six’s attacks. Nothing wrong with that although it just drives home how (like with beck and the other criminal crewmembers) MJ knows bad people are doing something bad but is doing nothing to stop them doing those bad things. Does that remind you of another story? Like say one from 1962?

Finally I just despise the final line of the recap. It frames MJ and Beck as buddies which is just gross.

As we open up the story proper, we see beck and MJ shooting a scene from the movie. It entails the pair surrounded by robot soldiers and MJ fighting them off. She leaps from a cliff making Mysterio scream ‘Noooo!’. It’s over heard by nearby civilians in the park. Back at the set MJ exits the bouncy castle she landed on and ‘McKnight’ asks Master Matrix if they got the footage; they did.

Not much happens in these pages but there is still a fair bit to unpack.

First of all the fact they are still filming this stuff tells me (maybe I’m wrong) they were more than a few days away from finishing filming last issue. So that’d be even more time that the crew and innocent people have been in danger from the Savage Six.

Also, like last issue MJ can suddenly pull off these very gymnastic moves out of nowhere.

Furthermore let’s consider that the scene is in the middle of being  filmed right? But there are these robotic soldiers with pencil thin waists. They can’t be people in suits. The sheer number of them and the size of them mean they can’t be models either and the way in which they move means they would either have to be

CGI. Except CGI is inserted after a scene is shot, you can’t capture it on camera whilst the actors are filming it in real time

Real robots. Except Mysterio’s budget for practical effetcs was cut way back in issue #2 and creating or hiring out at least 12 (I counted) actual robots would surely be beyond their budget

They are illusions created by Beck. Except last issue he said he’d only use illusions to make MJ look convincingly like Spider-Man. If he’s changed his mind and is more willing to be less authentic why bother having a real actor complete the scene with Spidey at all?

Finally civilians can overhear Beck’s scream. But wouldn’t park goers also have heard the megaphones or other loud noises from the set? Remember in issue #3 how the whole reason they relocated to an abandoned zoo in the first place (and thereby scared Charlie away) was to maintain secrecy? If they are within earshot of a friggin park how has no one overheard the megaphones or other loud noises that the film set is bound to make? Are you telling me that they really never needed to film outside of the caves before this day? That’s rather contrived isn’t it?

On the next page we learn that it’s the last day of filming and MJ just wrapped up her scenes.

However, the investor from issue #2 is open to the possibility of funding another leg of secondary photography. This means that the movie might continue to film and they could reinstate stuff they cut, including scenes with MJ; presumably this would include the romance cut in issue #3.

There are two major points to bring up here.

The first is that I personally suspect that the movie possibly being extended was not Williams’ original plan for this issue. It strikes me as something written once she knew that this series would continue beyond issue #5. As in since the series is continuing the film they are making continues too in order to possibly provide more plot for consequent issues. It might also be Williams being meta.

The more significant point though is that by extending the shooting it means that the crew and all those people from issue #4 would still be in harm’s way due to the Six and the paparazzi they employed.

Notice how no one bothers to think of them with MJ simply delighted and commenting upon how her  character’s scenes could be restored. Once more Williams writes MJ as totally selfish here.

We then get a splash page of Mallorie using a megaphone. She instructs the crew that they only have an hour (magic hour specifically) to film the last scene. One hour and one last chance to finish the movie.

Nothing much to say on this beyond repeating that the park goers should be over hearing Mallorie.

I also find the editorial box a little pretentious but that’s just me, it’s not something to fairly hold against the story.

MJ and Beck talk about the fulfilment of the latter’s dream. Beck explains he feels strange. MJ is surprised at this because he’s getting more money for his own work. Beck clarifies that he feels strange to have made it to this stage. Because they’d faced so much adversity he had expected nothing else. He’d been emotionally preparing for failure. Now he feels strange because he has to face the possibility of success.

He continues that in this final scene he shall envision himself fighting his own demons. He credits his success to MJ personally. She in turn affirms how proud she is of him and that she never disbelieves in them. She heads off to relax and Mallorie assures her that she’ll be called when they wrap up. After all, they need to break up the set pieces.

There are three things notably wrong with this page.

The smallest of these is the dialogue. ‘We faced so much adversity that I’d begun to anticipate nothing but. Deep down, I’d been emotionally preparing…’

It just doesn’t read well and at first glance seems like it’s a grammatical error. As in the intent was meant to be ‘anticipate nothing. But, deep down…’ It’s not technically wrong, but the word choice makes the intent less clear. Using ‘nothing else’ or something other than ‘but’ at the end of the sentence would’ve made the dialogue flow much better.

The more significant problem is MJ talking about Beck getting more money for his ‘own work’. The way the emphasis is placed is clearly intended to mean that prior to this moment Beck wasn’t getting money for his own work but someone else’s. 

This is likely a reference to the first two issues wherein Beck got funding by selling the investors on a different movie than the one he was delivering. The problem is the money they have been using up until now and the additional funds they might get haven’t been off the back of Beck’s own work. The fact that he’s gained trust and money whilst pretending to be Cage McKnight, failing to inform the investor he’s a criminal and has hired criminals mitigates ‘his own work’.

MJ and Beck have no idea if the investor knew of McKnight’s reputation or past work. They don’t know if on some level that influenced his decision to finance them. Even if he didn’t the mere fact he didn’t know he was indirectly giving money over to criminals on the run (some of whom are murderers) makes MJ’s point moot. 

Most people wouldn’t have done that for ethical reasons or just out of concern for themselves. It’s not as bad  but it definitely shares similarities to Otto as Peter Parker dating Anna-Maria Marconi. At best that’s unethical and deceitful and so is failing to inform the investor that he’s financing a criminal.

The biggest problem though is the continued sympathetic framing of Mysterio. Oh how lovely for his character to have had a change of heart and now believes in himself. Good for him. 

How wonderful MJ helped him reach a more positive place in his life and fulfil his lifelong dream. Sure hope none of elderly people who’s life savings he took had dreams of helping their families after they died. Sure hope Gwyneth didn’t have any dreams or ambitions for her life beyond high school.

Fuck this misinterpretation of Mysterio seriously. And no, I have zero faith at this point that Williams is setting up a big rug pull down the line. Everything up until this issue has convinced me this is just how she sees Mysterio. 

And even if she is planning a bait and switch, the fact that she’s had MJ and Beck become sincere friends is aggressively problematic. For God’s sake MJ is so sad Beck has demons. She’s so proud of him. So happy her belief paid off and he fulfilled his dream.

She’s saying all this about a man who abducted her, faked the death of someone she loves, tried to frame, psychologically attack and murder the love of her life. He’s not even expressed any remorse for any of that!

Later MJ records a video message to Peter.

The PeterxMJ shipper in me loves this scene when it’s removed from all context (like how MJ has continuously lied to Spider-Man). I think Williams and Gomez love these scenes too. All three scenes focussing upon MJ and Peter’s relationship have made good use of their chemistry as characters and successfully delivered romantic moments. The art in particular is worthy of praise. The body language Gomez gives MJ converys her flirtatiousness and fun and her facial expressions (within the context of his style) sells you on the idea that she’s talking to someone she is in love with.

It’s nicely followed up on with the first line of the next page where MJ admits being in love makes her dorky.

MJ goes to hang out by the fence (for some reason) where she spots a van pull up. The Savage Six exit from it along with Charlie, who hands over some contact details to Vulture. I’m not sure if MJ is overhearing this herself or if it’s just for the reader’s benefit, but someone from the set emphasises the crew have but one shot to finish the movie. MJ sighs and removes her earrings as the Six make their way up the hill towards the set. Clearly she is ready to fight.

Way to make Charlie comically irredeemable Williams. He’s not been a nice guy up until this point but we might forgive a normal man for being intimidated by these ix violent crooks. But she just has to have him actively try to maybe get some employment out of the situation. On top of everything else it’s just a step too far and it makes him cartoonish. That’s not too much of a problem if he was an actual super villain but he’s just a normal person who’s being written as going the extra mile to be an asshole. He’s not even slightly upset he’s probably helped get many innocent people killed right now.

I also do not buy for a second that van could possibly fit all those people. Yeah, six normal humans sure. But look at the sheer size of Rhino, Scorpion and Stegron. It’d be doubtful it could fit or take the weight of any one of them. But ALL of them and four other people too? Bullshit.

As for MJ in this scene, isn’t it convenient she decided to chill-out by that fence and it happened to be the exact spot the Six were going to pull up in front of. And she happened to do it at the exact time too. What an insane coincidence.

I have mixed feelings about her framing in this scene. Because it’s bad ass and cool and normally I like seeing her like that. But at the same time why is MJ so utterly casual about this situation. She’s not even slightly worried. She doesn’t even look determined. She looks totally non-plussed. Friggin Spider-Man himself wouldn’t be non-plussed by this situation and his odds of survival are vastly better than MJ’s.

MJ is framed and acting like she’s Batman facing some B or C listers. But the ‘power scale’ is simply not like that in this context. The reality of the situation is far more serious than that. She cannot reliably be sure she’s win this fight at all.

I get Williams wants MJ to come off as awesome in this series. I get that she wants to celebrate her character. But this is not the way. Show the characters with flaws, concerns, with weaknesses. But that’s indicative of MJ throughout this story. MJ has been framed as awesome, cool and totally capable throughout this story. That’s great for maybe an issue, maybe even two. But five in a row?

For five issues in a row, MJ always has an answer to every problem. For five issues in a row she’s unflinchingly pragmatic. She never makes a mistake beyond not doing fight choreography fast enough? The closest the story comes to depicting her as imperfect is her discussion with master Matrix last issue and that was framing her as possibly  wrong. Then everything since that moment has shown her to have been justified in her convictions. The only thing she’s truly failed at is keeping Charlie on set but she came up with a solution to that immediately that in turn made her look awesome again.

It’s like this series has taken the idealized view of MJ Peter would have of her and then treated that as her actual character even when the story isn’t from his point of view. Her failings and set backs are minimal whilst her successes are huge. She’s redeemed Mysterio, made his dream come true, made a whole movie click, patched every hole, literally saved the live of the crew.

And now she’s nonchalantly going to kick the asses of six guys who Spider-Man himself has rarely found to be pushovers. Okay maybe nowadays Spider-Man might find beating them easy due to his experience. But in his earliest encounters that wasn’t the case. MJ has never one-on-one battled any of these guys before to my knowledge. But now on her first try, with no powers, no weapons or equipment, no real training, she’s nonplussed about fighting all Six of them at once.

Jesus Christ.

Remember how Spencer within his first 12 issues had MJ confront some concerns she had over dating Peter again with the Lookups?

Remember how Spencer in his first issue had Spider-Man save the day but not be non-plussed or supremely confident about it? Remember how it wasn’t framed as easy?

Shit, MJ’s most iconically bad ass moment wasn’t framed this way. She was scared of Chameleon.

The story framed her as determined in spite of her vulnerability.

She wasn’t going in sure she could win, but she was going to damn well try. Her victory was even a surprise to her

That is absolutely not the case here. Sure, we as readers know MJ is going to win because she wouldn’t be killed off in her own ongoing series. But that certainty comes from outside the context of the story, whilst the framing here is outright telling you MJ is going to be a bad ass and will  win. 

Maybe we don’t know the specifics of how, but there isn’t the slightest ambiguity conveyed. The framing has neutralized the danger and suspense. You aren’t reading the next few pages so see if or even how MJ is going to get out of this one. You are reading to simply see how the Six are gonna get their asses kicked.

What’s so frustrating is that this is not how Williams framed MJ in issue #3 when the Six initially attacked. There she played things correctly, MJ was framed as in peril and had to psych herself up to get the job done.

That was great.

But that’s not here. Here Mary Jane is framed as casually confident in spite of the exact same situation. Only worse because she’s not got Beck there to actually do the fighting for her.

It’s deplorable writing. It’s deplorable framing. And Williams doubles down on it immediately with the next panel when MJ insults the Six. Then tells them they’ll have to get through her first. They laugh of course (which is a prelude to her obviously winning).

Vulture demeans MJ by calling her an attractive accessory. She then hits him with her palm, which seemingly injures his face.

How wonderfully original.

I’ve never in my life  seen a story where seemingly threatening people (usually men) dismiss and demean a female character as a non-threat and just a pretty face, only to be proven totally wrong. That’s oh so original in fiction, in comic books and in Spider-Man comic books too.

Also, I question if MJ could really hurt Vulture that way.

This guy has been punched in the face by Spider-Man himself and that was without his helmet. The guy has super strength so is Mary Jane basically shoving him really going to hurt him? If so then that’s a huge design flaw for a genius inventor to make isn’t it?

Everything else I could say about this page I already mentioned about the last page and in the description for this one.

The art and facial expressions are very good though, kudos to Gomez.

Oh wait, there was one teeny, tiny little thing I forgot to mention. So the Six’s goal is to get to the set right?

And there are six of them right?

And one of them can fly, some of them can leap large distances and others can just break through walls right?

And there is a huge fence right?

Why don’t they just go around Mary Jane?

They are treating this like MJ is the one and only entry point to the set when she isn’t.

They have numerous options for at least one of them getting to their target.

But stupidity is par for the course with this series isn’t it.

The next page is a beautifully drawn splash of MJ hitting Tarantula with some of the set.

I respect Williams knows enough about MJ to understand she uses her limited resources to her full advantage. The dialogue makes that clear. She clearly understand how MJ fights. But again the framing is jacked. Out of context it might seem cool but in context it’s asinine, especially when you consider she could’ve ended this threat altogether with a phone call to some super heroes. Cloak and Dagger are delivering food to this set but she can’t ask them to fight the Six for her?

More problematically where the fuck did that set piece even come from? I checked the art and couldn’t find any yellow thing in sight. We don’t even see how MJ got a hold of it between panels. She palmed Vulture then off-panel grabbed a set piece from thin air, jumped up and smacked it on Tarantula.

That is shitty fight choreography. Fight scenes in comic books are supposed to have a sense of flow, to clearly convey how we got from A to B. Here is a much better example of how you do it featuring Spider-Man fighting (a different) Tarantula.

In contrast to that AMJ #5 is just reaction A jumping immediately to reaction B.

I’m leaving it there for now. We’ll wrap up the issue and initial arc next time.

Previous Part

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Master Post

[taehyungiesnoona]

02 | My Life With Bangtan

⇢  pairing: female reader x OT7

⇢ genre: luckyfan!au

⇢ rating: SFW

⇢ warnings: very minimal uses of profanity

⇢ word count: 6.3k

⇢  A/N: Welcome back to another chapter of MLWB. I’m glad you guys enjoyed my rewrite of the first chapter! I have so many plans for this series that it will be my main focus. I am working full time so I won’t be able to pump out chapters in the way I want to. Please bear with me. Also this story takes place around the LY: Her era, keep that in mind. Anyways lets see what will happen next for Y/N, shall we? Happy Reading~ 

Chapters 01 || 02 || 03 || 04 || 05

»»———— CHAPTER TWO ————-«« 

I continued to stand there in complete awe.

Bangtan Sonyeondan was literally standing in my checkout lane! Was this truly reality or was this a figment of my imagination? Was I that worked up over dealing with rude customers today that I began to hallucinate the seven beings that brought me joy? Those seven pairs of eyes now began to grow extremely wide from the sentence that had slipped from my lips. I was still not one with the world, my mind still trying to put the pieces together.

“Someone has a dirty mouth.” Suga scoffed to my comment in Korean, a smirk evident on his face.

It then occurred to me, all those lessons and self studying had seriously paid off. I was able to comprehend every word that he said! Which brought me back to the situation at hand, I just cursed in front of them. I was the worst when it came to first impressions, this was merely proof of the fact.

“I-I-I’m so sorry! Where are my manners? You all just took me by s-surprise.” I fumbled with my words as I dipped my head low.

Their eyes seemed to grow even bigger knowing I was able to speak the same language as them. I could have sworn that I saw V’s jaw drop a tiny bit. I never really got to talk much in Korean, so for them to just stand there as I attempted to speak it, made me worry a bit about any errors I would have made or if I just sounded flat out weird.

“Wow! She speaks Korean!” Jimin’s eyes lit up, a wide smile growing across his face.

“She sounds almost like a native speaker!” J Hope added as his smile grew in size as well.

I was still very much confused as to why of all places, they were here at my shitty job. Taking a look at their empty hands it was clear they weren't here for groceries. So what exactly was the reasoning for this encounter? A small part of me had a feeling that it was far more than just a coincidence.

“May I ask...what brings you here?”

“It’s quite simple actually.” RM was the one to answer my question, smiling as he exposed his dimples. “We’re here because of your letter.”

He held up an envelope that was indeed the one I sent two months ago. A little worn out from the trip it must have gone through but was mine nonetheless.

“Which by the way, was written very well.” he added. “We assumed you had someone write it for you but it seems you proved us wrong, knowing now your Korean is spot on.”

I couldn't help but become shy at the compliment that was presented to me. I had been so worried that I was saying something grammatically incorrect. His praise said otherwise, a rush of relief making its way over me.

To be honest, I had completely forgotten what the contents of that letter was. I wrote damn near a book to them, my heart pouring out on the front and back of each page.

Forcing my mind to go back in time, I had to replay the events of that day, remembering myself sitting at my desk as my pen was flowing across the lined pieces of paper that were in front of me. I had already begun a tangent and was just spewing whatever the hell was on my mind. While writing that letter, a thought came to me, reminiscing on the dream I had the night before.

I had the craziest dream ever last night.

It got me thinking of what it would be like to go on vacation with you guys.

I bet it'd be so much fun! I’m sure we’d have so much fun! I need to soak up a bit of the outdoors more.  I need to intake some more UV rays.

Because...I actually don't go out much. Or at all. Quite frankly it's due to the fact I don't have any friends.

The only ones I consider to be my friends, are you seven...

Sounds pretty lame, right?

We've never met and... in our lifetimes, the chances of such an event are pretty slim.

This letter is my way at reaching out to you. To vent to you what I normally hide from others.

Thinking back on certain parts of that letter, I couldn't help but cringe. What the hell was I thinking that day? I had no clue whatsoever. I knew I had a lot on my mind, everything literally pouring out.I felt super embarrassed for what felt like the millionth time, wanting nothing more to do than hide myself under a rock for the rest of eternity. Breaking my train of thought was RM’s voice, noticing that I remembered the contents of the letter.  

“We’d like to make your letter a reality. We were all touched by your words that instead of just writing back to you, we came up with the crazy thought that we just meet you in person, something we really haven't done.”

“What RM Hyung is trying to say is that, we’re taking you on that vacation you mentioned~” V chimed in.

No fucking way. There's just no fucking way this is real!

The sentences that seemed to never want to leave my mind. This time of course, keeping it to myself. I needed to fully be able to process everything that was being said, it all was hitting  me pretty head on and I still felt like this was just a dream or something. My eyes soon found themselves looking over at Jungkook, who had been pretty quiet the whole time. Our gazes met while he offered me a soft smile. That’s when I realized, how would any of this happen? My head swung back to make eye contact with RM, the person who had been doing most of the talking thus far.

“Wait, but how? I mean. There’s no way that I can ask for time off. My manager is kinda a prick.” My faced frowned a bit at the thought of the boss, the one responsible for my paycheck every two weeks.

Though he rarely came out of his office, he enforced pretty strict rules from time to time thus making the working environment like some sort of prison. And with those strict rules, he never would allow anyone to request time off without a good enough reasoning behind it. You literally had to be on your deathbed in order to get an approval from that man.

RM nodded his head. “You’re absolutely right. Which is why you’ve already been approved for the next thirty days.”

My mouth flung open at his statement. “What? Really? A whole month???!”

J-Hope scooted closer to RM, patting him on the back. “You can thank this guy for that. He spoke to your manager and let’s just say he was quite...persuasive.”

Impressive. I was indeed quite impressed with them. The fact that not only they convinced my boss to give me time off but a month at that...was truly astonishing. But my thoughts, once again, started coming up with the “what ifs”. It seemed like I had a question for everything.

“Okay, but what about you guys? I’m sure you all are super busy. Would you even have time for something like this? With just a normal girl like me?”

Bringing out of his silence, Jungkook spoke, spooking me a bit in the process. His voice was so calm, more so in person versus when I would hear it while watching a video or something.  

“No need to worry. It’s all been taken care of. Besides we’re on a bit of break from promoting anyways.” that sweet smile was once again on his face.

“There might be a few appearances planned out, but you’re more than welcome to tag along with us.” Jin finally made his presence in the conversation as well.

It was then at that moment that I was finally able to come to terms with everything that was happening. This was no dream at all, this was very much real! I had to have been the luckiest person on the earth. The fact that I was going to spend not one, not two, but thirty days with my ultimate group still blew my mind. Of all the letters they received on the daily, what made mine so special? The urge to ask them this question lingered on my mind but I took it upon myself not to proceed with it, to just go with the flow.

I needed a vacation anyways, it had been long overdue.

“I’d love to!” biting down on my bottom lip, my cheesy smile presenting itself.

We then went on to introducing ourselves, getting the formalities out the way and what not, even though I knew who they where. One by one, they stated their stage names as well as their actual names, giving me permission to call them by it. In addition, their ages were given, their Korean ages that is. Seokjin was twenty-six, Yoongi was twenty-five, both Namjoon and Hoseok were twenty-four, Jimin and Taehyung were twenty-three and Jungkook was twenty-one. After they gave their introductions, all seven of them looked to me, waiting for me to take my turn. No longer feeling awkward, I raised up a hand and waved to them.

“It’s nice to meet you. My name is Y/N. I’m twenty-five years old….internationally??”

The last part coming out more as a question. I knew I must have sounded silly but it seemed like it was overlooked as Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook’s eyes grew once more in size.

“She’s a Nuna!” Taehyung pointed at me, his voice becoming a bit high pitched.

Hearing the word nuna and being called one, felt a bit weird at first. I’d always hear that word being used in a drama, having it being directed at me, took me back a bit. Not in bad way, just a little surprising to be referred as one. I was pretty sure Jimin caught on, grabbing Taehyung’s hand and lowering it as he spoke.

“Are you okay with being called Nuna?”

“I am.” a light chuckle came out. “It was just a bit weird hearing it for the first time, that’s all.”

“Well we definitely want you to feel comfortable around us, so call us whatever you’d like to~” Hoseok adding into the conversation with a radiant smile across his face.

Looking back down at my register, I noticed that it had been roughly around fifteen minutes since the end of my shift. It wasn’t long but time really seemed to fly by since Bangtan made their appearance. Would this mean that our time together would fly by also? I was really hoping not but I would save that thought for another point in time. My main priority would be to just live in the now, there was no need to question what the future would hold for me.

The boys and I decided to meet up after I clocked out. We were going to share our first meal together, and to say I was excited was an understatement. I was ecstatic, getting the opportunity to spend any time with these seven, I knew I would cherish these moments so much. I’d go to my grave with these memories so I wanted to ensure that I was making the most of out them.

Originally I had planned to clock out at an extremely alarming rate but knowing I was now going to meet up with BTS to have dinner, believe me when I say I did it Sonic fast. I wasn’t in the best shape and I could feel my chest heave from the small bit of vigorous activity I had put it through. As soon as I opened the door to my cute little light blue VW Beetle, my body almost gave out from the exhaustion I had placed upon it. Still attempting to catch my breath, I pulled down the visor above me to take a good look at myself, turning the ignition on in the process.

My cheeks were red, and strands of my now frizzy hair were sticking to my forehead from the small amount of perspiration that was apparently visible now. I looked absolutely horrible. A bit terrified seeing myself disheveled, I opted to open my glove compartment and search for something, anything to fix myself up. To my relief, I kept an “emergency kit” there in case something were to ever happen while I was on the road. Rummaging through it, I managed to see that there was minimal makeup, a few feminine hygienic items, some spare cash, a flashlight and lastly a package of those wet wipes.

Snatching them as soon as I had them in my sight, I took a few out and placed the cool toweling against my skin, easing my cheeks from the hot sensation that was present on them. Shortly after I took another one out and folded it neatly before placing it against my forehead, allowing the sweat to soak up as bit as I threw my noggin against the headrest of the driver’s seat. My eyes remained closed as I continued to enjoy the effect the wet wipe was having on my poor skin.

Bringing my phone up into view, I noticed the time. It was a little after 5:30 PM. It had been already thirty minutes since I was face to face with my bias group, shocking still that I was the lucky one who was given this opportunity to spend a whole month with them. We were supposed to meet up at a local dinner, since we all agreed upon eating burgers and I knew of the perfect little spot to do so. It was a Ma and Pop kind of place. Very small, but the experience there was like none other. The owners really took care of you, making you feel right at home as soon as you walked through the entrance.

Also, since not too many people in town knew of this hidden gem, it was a perfect way for the boys to relax and not have to worry so much about being bombarded with fans. Something that seemed to happen more frequently since their popularity was on the rise. To be completely honest, I also intended to make a better impression on them since I kept replaying the scene in my head, how my sailor mouth made its appearance within the first minute of meeting them.

Cheeks returning now to their normal temperature as well my heart rate finally coming down to a normal pace, I removed the wet wipe from my forehead and placed it in the passenger seat. I grabbed for the few cosmetic items I had stowed away, nothing extravagant, just an eyeliner pen as well as an extra tube of my favorite mascara. Normally I didn’t care too much as to physical appearance, that due to my lack of self confidence but having seen how terrible I looked, I opted to just apply very minimal makeup.

Quickly swiping a thin line across my eyelids and applying a few coats of mascara to my eyelashes, I looked back at the reflection before me. I wasn’t drop dead gorgeous but for the simple occasion of having a casual dinner, it would definitely suffice. My hair no longer was an unruly mop on my head, I patted it down with the palm of my hands and slightly detangling it with my fingers. Looking once more in the glove compartment I was able to score a loose scrunchie I had lying in there and wasted no effort in styling my hair in a simple side braid. I was successful in making myself look like I put a lot of time in when in reality it was the complete opposite.

Satisfied with how I was able freshen myself up, I brought my phone up to my view once more to check the time. It was now roughly 5:45 PM and I had about fifteen minutes before we all were going to meet. The diner we were going to be at was not far from the supermarket, so I knew I had a few more minutes to spare before taking off. I took it as an opportunity to compose myself, shake the jitters that seemed to spew up periodically throughout that past hour.

Inhaling and exhaling a few times, my eyes found themselves shut as I looked back on everything that had happened that day. What I presumed to be a crappy one turned around in the end. The corners of my mouth found themselves curling up, just from the thought of the end of my shift. The thought of Bangtan Sonyeondan. After relaxing for a bit, I shifted the car into reverse and backed out of the parking spot I was in, shifting the gear into drive and took off with a huge smile on my face as I made my way to the diner. I’d never been this excited about dinner in my life.

Pulling into the diner’s parking lot, I noticed a white van on the side. Instantly I knew it was the boys. I hurried to get the parking spot beside them, despite knowing this place wasn’t a busy one. I felt the urge to make sure that no one would occupy it but myself. Easing my way next to their van, I begin to see waves being thrown my way by Hoseok. It surely got the others attention since soon they were exiting the van and waiting right outside the driver’s door.

“Ayeeeeeeee!” they roared in unison, not even letting me get a foot out the door.

My eyes couldn’t help but grow large from their enthusiasm, causing me to release a faint chuckle. Even only having officially met, I noticed a definite change in my mood. The very affect they would have when I would see them on my laptop screen. I seemed to have forgotten about the negativity I was feeling before they approached me. It was as if their very presence flushed all those toxic feelings out of me. Something that I seemed to struggle with so much over these years.

Soon after saying some brief hellos, the eight of us entered into the restaurant and was quickly seated in a large booth that was in the back of the diner. I occupied the very center of it while the members of Bangtan surrounded me from left to right, making me feel a bit nervous once more seeing their gazes upon me. Our waitress came towards us and recognized me right away.

“Oh, Y/N right? You’re dining in for a change?” Her eyebrow rose in curiosity as she grabbed for her pad and pen from her apron pocket.

She then took notice of the seven men that accompanied me, her eyes taking in each one of their appearances and then found its gaze stuck on a particular person, Yoongi. She looked down at him and smiled, her sight not leaving him. I picked on immediately that she took a liking to him. It looked like he didn’t seem to pay any mind to her, his attention was firmly on the menu that was in his hands, skimming over the different burger options there were. She proceeded in taking our orders, each one of the boys giving their order to her in English, which to be honest, was actually really adorable to see first hand. Namjoon was able to do so very smoothly, which was to be expected, but the other members took their time when they spoke in English, making sure not to make any errors. After our waitress went to put in our orders, I found myself looking down laughing,Hoseok noticing right away.

“What’s so funny?” he asked while smiling my way.

“I was just...you guys have come a long way. Your English has definitely improved. I must say I’m quite impressed.” Returning the smile given to me, I looked at the others as well.

“Y/N, may I ask how long you’ve been an A.R.M.Y?” Seokjin’s voice causing me to turn his direction now.

“Oh! Let’s see...it really has been a while. I’ve been a fan of yours since...a little after your debut.”

I could feel my cheeks rise in temperature as I looked back on all the years that had passed since I first came to know who Bangtan was.

“I was casually browsing on Youtube and the MV for No More Dream was in the recommended,I got really intrigued by the concept you guys went for. From there...there was no looking back. I’d been supporting you guys ever since.”  

“We truly appreciate all your support Y/N” Namjoon brought his hands up in a gracious manner, his dimples indenting each cheek of his. “Like that means so much to us knowing you’ve been here since the beginning.”

“I’m glad to have to seen you guys grow so much over the years, as cheesy as it sounds.”

Our waitress had came back and began handing out our drinks, still paying extra attention to Yoongi. As she placed his cup in front of him, her arm continued to linger there, most likely looking to gain his attention or something. I felt a bit bad for her, though her attempts were really subtle, none of them seemed to be successful. Yoongi was lost in thought, his gaze seeming to be anywhere but in that booth. What he must have been thinking about? I couldn’t give the answer to that.

Tuning out the other’s chatter around me, I found myself glancing his way, studying him. His tongue seemed to be clicking on the side of his mouth, he was seriously lost in whatever thought he was having. His facial expressions were a bit hard to read from the angle I was viewing him at, up until our eyes locked onto one another. Shock hit me as my eyes grew large, was he a mind reader of some sort? Did my glances burn at his side causing him to look my way? Whatever the reasoning, his piercing eyes bore into mine and my only reaction was to jump a bit in my seat and look down, hoping his attention would go elsewhere once more.

To my knowledge, it did.

Taehyung’s voice would be the next I would hear, his question was one I was not expecting to asked.

“Since you’ve been supporting us for all these years, do you have a bias? I know many other A.R.M.Y do.”

Quickly shaking my head in response, I replied to his inquiry. “No bias here. I’ve always had a hard time with picking favorites or anything of the sort. Besides it’d be super hard to choose one of you over the other. I adore you all equally.”

Jimin brought a hand up to his mouth, covering the pretty evident smile that was growing across his lips. “That’s so cute Nuna!”

Looking to my left and right, not only Jimin but the others began to smile due to the response I had given. Taking a quick glance his way,  even Yoongi grew a sly smirk in the corner of his mouth. I was glad that my answer was one of their approval, the way those seven reacted made it seem like it was something they had never heard before.

Had they never met someone who wasn’t biased in any way or fashion?

Gaining all of our attention now was the enticing aroma of our food being brought to us. I could feel my mouth beginning to water as one by one our waitress handed our plates to us. As if right on queue, she placed Yoongi’s plate in front of him, subtly brushing the tip of her finger against his arm. I wasn’t sure if anyone else caught on, but for certain I did. As well as Yoongi. His shoulders seemed to tense up from the contact, his eyes growing some in size as he slightly flinched his arm.

“Let me know if there is anything else I can get for you guys. And I mean anything.” the last word coming out of her mouth was in a very flirtatious manner.

Though she was failing to capture her intended target’s attention, I had to give this girl props. Never in my life could I do something as bold as flirting with a member of BTS. Well...anyone of the male species to be more accurate. It had been an awfully long time since I had been in a relationship, not that it was a problem. But when it came to guys in general, I was a mess when it came to flirting or making moves. If I ever got the courage to do that one day would be the day that pigs can actually fly.

“So Y/N..”

As I was bringing up a french fry to my mouth, Namjoon called out to me causing me to turn towards him mid chew.

“A little more about our vacation together. As you know now it’s going be thirty days and the location has already been picked. Also, aside from hanging out with all of us as a group, you’ll get the opportunity to spend some time with each member individually.”

I don’t exactly know what it was about what he had said but it made me very nervous on the inside, my stomach turning completely upside down as I dropped the fry I was holding in my hand, gracefully landing in the center of my lap. I tried my best to play it off coolly, and it had seemed to work with the others, that was until I heard Yoongi’s voice from the edge of the booth.

“Is there a problem?” he asked while taking a sip of his soda.

“N-No. Not at all.” I struggled to get out sounding as normal as possible.

Yoongi looked my way once more before smirking and returning to his plate of food as did I. Keeping to myself for a while, I took this as a chance to just sit there and observe the members of Bangtan. Just like Yoongi, Jungkook mostly stayed to himself, throwing in comments here and there. Seokjin, Namjoon, Hoseok, Jimin and Taehyung seemed to be quite talkative compare to the rest of us. Hoseok always beaming that smile of his, Jimin and Taehyung playfully bothering Jungkook while he tried to eat, and then Namjoon and Seokjin seeming to have a interesting conversation about something I had no idea about, Seokjin throwing in his dad jokes at the most random times.

They literally were no different than what I was accustomed to seeing at home, a bunch of dorks despite the fame and popularity they continued to experience. It didn’t feel like I was sitting at a table with a group of idols, instead it felt like something that was a bit distant to me.

It felt like I was just a casual dinner with friends. My heart grew happy at the thought.

Several days had passed since meeting Bangtan and I was putting in the final touches as far as my packing went. The boys had been extremely helpful in the whole process for me, even going as far as to speaking to my landlord and informed them of my extended vacation. They truly had their way with words, the end result being my landlord giving me a prorated amount to cover the rent while I was away.

As the day I was leaving was upon me, I hurried around my apartment making sure I didn’t forget a single item for this trip. Scurrying around in a frantic mess, I checked my bags then went off the bathroom making sure to grab my toothbrush.

“I can’t believe I almost forgot this” I chuckled as I moved my hair out of my face.

Making my way back over to the living area of my place, I stuffed my toothbrush into whatever space I had left. Sifting my gaze to the side, I noticed my phone vibrating. Picking it up, I unlocked it to see a new message. After our dinner that night, we all exchanged numbers and began a group chat amongst ourselves. I was truly shocked that I was able to even obtain confidential information that was their phone numbers. They all assured me that management was completely fine with this and there was nothing to worry about. Opening up the group chat, the new message was from Taehyung.

Taehyung: Nuna~

Taehyung: Are you excited?

Taehyung: We just wanted to let you know that we will be waiting for you at the accommodations. Here’s the address we had been given---

A map attachment was then sent showcasing the address I was to meet them at. The location where our home would be for this vacation wasn’t a super far drive from where I lived. From the address that was sent to me, it looked like we would be heading to a secluded getaway that had access to a small but somewhat busy city that I had heard of before but never took the chance to visit it beforehand. I had heard so many things about that city and was really looking forward to exploring it with the boys.

I had really become excited about this whole trip. As I was about to respond back to Taehyung’s message, another incoming one appeared on my screen, this time from Namjoon.

Namjoon: I thought we all agreed I would be the one to inform Y/N...lol

Taehyung: Oops. You snooze you lose~

Seokjin: Taehyungie is going to hear it later

Hoseok: Right? haha

Y/N: lol

Namjoon: Be careful on the road Y/N. We’ll see you when you arrive.

Y/N: I will. I’ll see you guys later then 😊

Seokjin: Take care!~

Hoseok: See you later~

As I placed my phone back down, I looked around at my place one last time. This would be the first time I ever would be away from my sanctuary for so long. Normally, I would have done everything in my power to make sure such a thing would not happen. But given the circumstances, I was more than willing to step foot out of my studio. I couldn’t wait to get to my destination. I couldn’t wait to spend the next thirty days with the men who brought me joy through my darkest times.

Me stepping foot outside with the few suitcases I had packed was all the confirmation I needed. Opening the driver’s side door, sitting down and buckling myself made me realize once more: this really was happening. I was about to drive off onto the road to meet up with Bangtan Sonyeondan. The excitement was literally taking over my body as I drove out of my apartment complex, heading towards the highway that was close by. The goofy grin I was very much used to now made its way onto my face. I couldn’t remember that last time I was able to smile for that long. To be quite honest, I really didn’t care.

I opted to drive with the windows down. I mean, that’s what you normally did on road trips right? Not wanting to play any music in the background, I held one arm out of the window allowing the wind to brush against my arm. The road seemed to be never ending but that wasn’t enough to faze me. I had never been on this highway before so when I had the chance, I’d take a quick peek at the scenery. It was like a desert out there. Canyons could be seen and there wasn’t a sign of any wildlife or people for that matter. A quick glance to my GPS that was mounted to my dashboard, I looked at the remaining time that was left for my drive. Approximately two and a half hours were left. I had already been on the road for about three.

It amazed me that time was zooming on by on the road. I noticed that I was soon going to be needing gas so I looked once more to my navigation to see where the nearest gas station was. If there was one. Thankfully, there was a small shop that was about six miles from where I was at and they offered gas. Shifting my attention back to the road ahead of me, I continued to drive down the straight road ahead of me. Once I got to this shop, I made a note to grab a few snacks as well as a soda because I could begin to hear my tummy rumble a little bit.

Those six miles seemingly flew by and I soon found myself pulling up to the one pump that was available at that shop. After coming to a halt, a short older man wearing a navy jumpsuit came from out the store and towards my car. He waved towards me as I was getting out of my car.

“How much gas you needing sweetie?” he asked me as he grabbed for the gas pump.

I had always been so used to self service pumps that I was shocked to see that these types of services still existed. No one’s  ever pumped gas for me so I was a bit surprised that this sweet old man was willing to do it for me. The wrinkles that were spread over various portions of his face stretched as he looked to me, smiling as he awaited from my response.

“Uh...thirty dollars should do the trick.”

“Thirty dollars, you got it. You can go inside and look around while I get this taken care of for you, sweetie. It’ll be about five to seven minutes.”

I smiled back as he gestured towards the shop behind us. As I opened the door, a bell chimed signaling my entrance, a friendly elderly woman on the opposite side of the counter greeted.

“Hey there hun! Go ahead and have a look around and let me know if you need anything.”

The hospitality at that place was simply wonderful. The elder couple that ran this place were some of the friendliest people I had ever come in contact with in a very long time. Aside from the nice couple who ran the diner back home. I began skimming the aisles, picking up a bag of chips and a few candy bars before making my way over to the coolers that held all the drinks. The cool air hit my forehead as I swung the glass door open and reached for my favorite soda. Both arms fully loaded, I made my way to the counter and placed my items down neatly.

“Long trip?” the gently woman asked.

“Not that much longer left.” I nodded towards her. “I have about two and half hours left.”

“Oh?” she rang up my candy bars. “I’m assuming you’re going to the next city over then? Seems the tourism there has really picked up over the last few years.”

“Yup. I’ll be on vacation for a whole month and can’t wait to explore it.”

I noticed a few items she kept behind the counter with her. A bunch of cameras were aligned as well as some stationary and souvenirs. My eyes felt compelled to the polaroid camera that was directly behind her. It was one of the newer models and it was a cute bubblegum pink color. Directly next to it was a journal of the same coloring. The urge to get both the items was very strong, I didn’t try to resist the compulsiveness in me.  

“Can I get that camera and journal as well? Oh and also thirty dollars worth of gas?”

The elderly woman turned her back to me and grabbed for the items I requested. She placed them in a separate bag from my snacks, not even ringing them up which stuck confusion for me. I was about to bring it up when she stopped me.

“These will be on the house as well as your gas. Think of it as a little gift from us. Just promise me you’ll make the most out of you trip and create beautiful memories.”

I was extremely touched by the generosity that she offered to me. I felt tears wanting to well up in my eyes because I was extremely touched by her kindness. Both the woman and man would be two people I would never forget from that day on. I looked to her and smiled, my heart growing soft in the pit of my chest.

“I promise.”

As I walked back to my car, the older man waved once more to me before heading back to his wife.

“Take care now sweetie.” he yelled.

Sitting back in my seat, I leaned back and thought what the woman had said to me. To make beautiful memories on this vacation. Thinking of the group of guys who were waiting for my arrival, I knew that these next thirty days would be just that.

Memorable.

I wanted to make sure that I would cherish whatever happened for the rest  of my life. Which is why I wanted to grab the journal and camera as well, I was going to record this trip as much as I could so when it was over, I would always be able to look back on it. Revving the car in motion and shifting the gear to drive, I was once more on the road. In two and a half hours my life would begin an exciting new chapter. A chapter that I only thought would happen in a dream.

That chapter being--my life with Bangtan.

A/N: The real fun is about to begin! Ahhhhh! So sorry this took me long to update, work has really been draining me plus I’m preparing to see the boys in concert in September, making sure my accommodations are all set. Now that the intro stuff is pretty much out the way, we can finally enjoy vacationing with Bangtan! Also nice to see Y/N in better spirits. Bangtan really does have that effect on her. Stay tuned for the next chapter~

♡ masterlist

[figjelly]

On grammar: if rules are arbitrary, why follow them?

Welcome to this week’s addition of Advice Nobody Asked For (ANAF). Every Monday I’ll post something regarding writing work I’m doing and some advice I have regarding my current experiences. It’s been a hot minute since the last ANAF because my life changed drastically so my time comes at a high premium (more so than before). This morning, I was editing a new chapter to send off to my editor and realized a new, small something about grammar and what makes writing “correct.” Long post under the cut:

I am not a licensed “expert” on communication and language, but I’d like to think I’m better than an expert because being rabidly fanatic about “facts” comes part and parcel with being an expert. I am, of course, speaking from my time in academia. But I suspect most people would consider experts as having a great deal of formal education from an institution. I’m not a zealot when it comes to disciplines. I’m discerning and critical. Unrelated to this ANAF, I probably made a lot of people hate me in academia for the same reason I’m not religious: I don’t have what it takes to blindly follow and be part of an assembly line. That is neither here nor there. All you need to know is, I’ve got a crap ton of formal education and applicable experience when it comes to writing. Anyway, you probably had at least one language arts teacher during your education who was hard on grading when it came to grammar. Maybe they knew a lot. Maybe they knew like one or two rules that they were really intent on making sure you fixed. Some of these rules might have looked like:

Don’t split infinitives.

“Ain’t“ is not a word because it breaks down into “are is not”

Never start a sentence with “but.”

These are popular adages that I grew up with anyway. I’m really pleased to see tumblr engaging with the ideas of descriptive vs prescriptive language. Just take a moment to at least read the brief descriptions of those wiki pages because it’ll become important for the rest of this ANAF. I am a hardcore descriptionist. Anytime something involves telling me how things should happen, I’m immediately skeptical and want to know, “Okay, why should X happen?” A great deal of “shoulds” in life end up being social norms that are trying to wash out the richness of variation in human behavior. Communication is a human behavior. Language is a type of communication; therefore, it is a type of human behavior. Did you notice that pretentious semicolon I threw into that previous sentence? It would have be equally intelligible as “Language is communication so it’s a behavior too.” That, my friends, is what I like to call Ash’s Law of If You Can Understand What the Hell was Just Communicated to You, It’s All Good. Language is a living, dynamic tool. That is what it is. I’ve spent over a decade studying language from sociolinguistics to ethology to cognitive neuroscience. To me, if it works then congrats, it counts. But how does all of this pertain to writing? My editor @nuwanders is probably the most talented and patient person I know. Why? Because the amount of TED Talks I give when commenting on her edits would drive any other person mad by this point. Over the years, I’ve become more aware that without great characters and characterization, complicated plots are just Sudoku puzzles and, man, do I hate Sudoku. That’s not to say Sudoku is awful--it’s just not how I want to spend my time. I’m the same way about crossword puzzles. I like the idea of how small details can be put into such complicated but richly ordered puzzles. I just sorta, kinda hate being patient with them. So, characters is where I land for how to start a story. I often write in first-person POV. Sometimes I’ll opt for third-person, limited POV. It’s easier for me to engage with my own work. My editor and I will often go back and forth on these issues:

Character dialogue isn’t grammatically correct.

Story that is not dialogue isn’t grammatically correct.

Somewhere I completely fucked things up and the back and forth is me going, “oh shit, so sorry, yes you are completely right ugh why did I make such a simple mistake???”

Okay, okay, #3 happens but it still embarrasses me to slip into wrong verb tenses (I often flip between present and past tense because my brain is usually in five different places on a good day and who knows why I do things). I know all sorts of verb tenses. I know the difference between present perfect and future perfect conditional. INSERT PLUG ABOUT HOW LEARNING OTHER LANGUAGES HELPS YOU BE A BETTER WRITER HERE. That all-caps plug was intentional btw. #1 is usually a short conversation where I explain that character A isn’t as formally educated as character B or that character C just “doesn’t talk like that.” It’s easier to make a descriptive case for a descriptive instance. #2 is more complicated. Let’s say there exists a character named Lita. She is clever although lacks a formal education beyond primary schooling. She reads a lot, works at a grocery store, and enjoys participating in community theater. If I had to tell a story about Lita, regardless of plot and her objectives, those small, background details need more fleshing out. Why? Because the details of those smaller, inconsequential items informs me how I need to report Lita’s story to an audience. Lita only exists in my head. I am trying to communicate to people a whole new world that exists only in my thoughts. That doesn’t mean that some of the thoughts won’t be easier to communicate. We all know what reading is. I don’t have to explain that process. But it does matter what type of reader Lita is. Fleshing out this detail will tell ME as the writer how I need to report Lita’s thoughts to you. If I write in first-person: “I picked up the book, read a few chapters, and then went to bed.” This tells me that Lita is a casual reader who probably isn’t too invested in critical theory of literature. I’d have a hard time convincing someone with that sentence alone that Lita was reading a hard science fiction novel. I’d have an easier time convincing you that it was a romance novel. If I wrote: “I picked up the book, got a few chapters read and then finally made the decision to go to bed.” There’s kinda a problem here. It communicates the same information as the first example, but the grammar and structure of the sentence--the way I’ve decided to report to you how Lita reports her information to me--that kinda makes that sentence a little harder to swallow. (Not really the point but I can explain if anyone asks why I’d say that). Having a name for a rule is a language “hot key” for being able to point out when something seems off. To be quite honest, it took me longer to write sentence #2 than it did sentence #1 because breaking the rule is hard for me now. Parallel structure in a sentence with a list of items simply makes the information parse easier for me. It’s a case of X, Y, Z that I’m then able to use to create a voice for my character. I just need to be able to keep X, Y, Z in mind. And that’s really why knowing the rules helps you break them: it helps create a louder voice for your character, really allows them to shine through so the story isn’t just the writer’s report of what the character is doing in their particular environment. Let’s see if I can’t make Lita a little more real:

“I picked up the book, gently sliding the bookmark from between two page to place it on my nightstand. Deciding to read a few chapters, I sat up straight and felt myself smiling at title of the next section. Lost Love. These sorts of chapters were my favorite. That moment when two lovers reconnected, their emotions so complicated that the only thing they can say to one another is, ‘You’re looking well. How’ve things been?’ But after three hours of getting sucked in, I realized how late it was and finally made the decision to go to bed.”

There’s a little mix and matching going on here, but knowing the rule of parallel structure helps me as a writer focus on something more important (i.e. the basics) so I can break it apart to make it more interesting. It’s easier on me to organize and plan if I use rules so I can help make the report of a fictional character’s thoughts easier to communicate. Sometimes fictional characters don’t report to us in grammatical ways because we, as writers, are privy to their stream of consciousness (which is decidedly not grammatical). Our thoughts come to us in stranger ways than language. Lita might only report to me that dealing with an angry customer in ways that are 0% words--frustration, heat (body temp), and the need to get away from a situation. That’s not a great way to report things. An example: “Hot. I’m hot. Idiot. I know the rules. Yelling, heart races, pound pound. Leave leave leave idiot need to be doing other things idiot stop yelling.” That is a very hard report of an internal world to follow. BUT depending on the character, it might be effective to break rules of punctuation and clarity of action. You might have a character whose self-report breaks down so much that you, as the writer, are simply forced to transcribe and little else. It’d be effective for creating a character who might dissociate in stressful situations or whose suffered an injury so severe the pain sort of takes over all organization. I can’t tell you when or what when it comes to using such a strategy but I can use rules (again, language hot keys to quickly point out something that is different from expectations) in order to try and figure out why or how using or breaking a rule is effective. In that stream example above, I can say that lack of punctuation makes me feel uneasy. Punctuation is a rule we use in writing to help organize and transition thoughts. I know how to use punctuation to sound pretentious (see: that semicolon above). I know how to limit how many words might occur between punctuation in order to create quick actions (short, choppy, active voice sentences are good here). But, more importantly, when I know the rules and have really internalized them as second-nature, I don’t spend as much time worrying about how to apply the rules. Instead, I can work on figuring out when and why I should or should not use a rule. Rules are arbitrary in the way that social rules are arbitrary--they’re pretty meaningless devoid of context. We follow rules because we don’t live in vacuums. Deviations from rules come with consequences, effects. Following rules also has consequences, effects. Knowing the rules allows you to become good at examining the effects of following the rules. When you deviate from rules, it gives you an opportunity to then compare and contrast the effects.  So, what if you don’t know a rule? Imagine a social situation where the rules are much different than what you’re comfortable with. You might try different things based on what you do know, but without having the internalize, first-hand experience, it’s going to be rocky. You’ll probably have difficulties pointing to exactly why things seem so hard, why you can’t improve (improvement being individualized, of course).  Then, imagine some at this particular social situation says, “You tend to show your teeth a lot while smiling. It’s unnerving.” Et voila! (Yes, I’m too lazy to get the accent mark, excuse the rule-breaking). Now you know to smile without showing so much teeth! Things are a bit smoother now! And guess what? Now that you know that people find the whole “smiling with teeth” thing unnerving, guess what you have? If you wanna tell a story about a strange encounter you had with someone, you can smile with teeth to report that you were unnerved while dealing with the stranger! Example: “So, the entire time, this guy is just staring at me so I’m just like, please please go away.” And then you smile with some teeth to show nervousness, unease. BAM! New Hot Key Unlocked! Grammar and writing work much in the same way. Grammar is a fancy way of saying “language hot keys.” Poetry is a really good example of how knowing rules allows you to break it into interesting ways because poetry is concerned with how things sound as well. There are rules for the sounds our mouths make, what’s pleasing to hear (consonance) and what’s not (dissonance). But poetry also has interesting grammatical rules as well. Walt Whitman’s Leaves of Grass is a great example of how breaking well-known rules can produce something distinct and unique. So, I’ve rambled quite a bit. I’ll leave it at that for now but I’m always happy to field questions.