#or perhaps she got married at 17 and realised how fucked it all was and stashed money until she could run away & leave it all behind. that��s

[aardvaark]

im so glad that we never get a clear picture of sophie’s background in leverage & i hope we never do. however i also really like making up various, often conflicting backstories for her in my head. perhaps they’re all backstories for an alias of hers, ones she laid to rest back in season two.

[marauder-exe]

The Third time Sirius Black felt his heart stop.

The Third time Sirius Black felt his heart stop, he was newly 17, and it was the summer before his last year at Hogwarts. Everything was starting to settle down. He had moved into the Potters and it was truly amazing, he had bagged him self a really fucking beautiful girlfriend. like a veela-beautiful-unexplainably-pretty-like-everybody-wants-her-like-really-fucking-beautiful girlfriend, and everything was generally going really well. And he didn't want to screw it up. And he was beginning to think what he was about to do would screw it up.

You had been staying at the Potters with Sirius, Just to make sure he had gotten settled and was having a good time. You only planned to stay there  few days, but it had eventually turned into staying for the whole summer, but you didn't mind. Staying at a huge summer house with your favourite boys (minus Remus, but he was off on holiday somewhere. Lucky git.). Of course Euphemia and Fleamont Potter were there, but they where honestly lovely, and they praised you for how much you ‘calmed Sirius down’ as they put it. This summer had been amazing. You guys had spent the majority of the time at the beach, or in places no one could imagine. You went on Ferris wheels, to libraries (Your idea of course), went swimming. It was honestly one of the best summers of your life. But now Sirius was acting strange, and James was acting secretive, and you where determined to find out why.

“I think he's going to propose” Marlene stated, her arm firmly wrapped around Dorcas’ shoulder. Lily and Mary squealed in response. Everyone had got together for a day at the beach since school was about to start.

“He's not going to proposeeee, don't be silly.” You groaned.

“I think he is!” Lily piped up and you gave her a look. “Im serious! In all the muggle books, the men get all distant before they propose” She stated while you just stared at her. Sirius couldn't propose. He just couldn't. You had a timeline. Finish school, secure a job, get an apartment then think about kids. You where only 16, there was no way he would propose. You gave them all a glare.

“Think what you want, I know Sirius, and I know he wont” You smiled and began to walk towards the boys.

“Its been 3 years (Y/N)! He's bound to put a ring on it soon!” Mary shouted as you waved your arms to shush her, getting closer to the boys.

You had gotten to were the boys where situated on the sand, All of them in nothing but swimming trunks. You had been wearing a small swimsuit that Sirius had got you for your birthday.

“Hey Remmy?” You sat down next to him on his beach towel, and smiled sweetly.

“Yes (Y/N/N)?” He immediately knew you wanted something by your sweet tone.

“Do you thinkkkkkkk...” You dragged out you words. “You could give me a piggy back in the water?” You have you sweetest smile and layed your head on his shoulder. He groaned.

“Why cant your BOYFRIEND do it?” he asked and you huffed.

“Your stronger, no offence Sirius. And he doesn't like to get his hair wet.”

“Fineeeeeeee” He said, an underlying blush on his cheeks. He bent down so you could climb onto his back and he immediately rushed you both over to the water. Water splashed everywhere and you and Remus laughed.

Sirius and James sat on the beach, staring out into the water.

“You better put a ring on it before he does mate” James laughed. Sirius knew you and Remus where strictly platonic, as much as Remus didn't want it to be, he wouldn't make a move on his best friends girl.

“You know the plan, ass hole” Sirius said. Right. The Plan. The Plan was taking place tonight actually. Everyone knew the plan, well everyone meaning the boys. They where going to come back to the Potter mansion (The Potters where out of town, as Sirius had already told them the plan), James and Remus had decorated the Garden with lights and stuff (Remus was a little bit, very fucking crushed), They'd have a barbecue going, Sirius would ask you to go for a walk around the pool, next to James’ Sakura tree, like all those years ago when he asked you to the ball. He just hoped nothing went wrong.

So after a long day at the beach, they all headed to the Potters, The boys in James VW bug, and the girl in Lily's Chevy Bel Air. It was a great ride, music blaring warm air passing across your face as the sun set, you where truly happy. You all arrived at the house around an hour later, it was decorated beautifully. All the girls gasped at the beautiful garden.

The little party you guys had going was going swell, everyone was a little tipsy, and James was on the barbecue, before Remus took over. (Side Note: Never let James on the barbecue). Sirius felt the ring box in his pocket, then looked towards you, he saw you smile and giggle at something Lily said. Its now or never. He walked up to you and tapped you on the shoulder.

“Hey” He said softly. “ Wanna go for a walk around the Sakura trees” He watched a smile instantly light up your face as you jumped up. You grabbed his hand and began to walk, mirroring all those years ago. You talked, about everything, about the summer, about what the next year would bring. Then he stopped at your favourite Sakura tree, and watched as you looked around in happiness.

“So, (Y/N)” He grabbed your hand as you looked at him, still smiling. “You know we've been together for 3 years now, and I couldn't be happier” Your face fell as you realised what was going on, lily had been right, he was about to propose wasn't he? “These past few years you've made me the happiest Ive veer been, from the day i saw you, you made my heart stop. And to this day you still do. Every time I see your smile, and hear your voice, I know everything will be alright.” You began to tear up.

“Sirius..”You tried to stop him.

“Please, I know what you gonna say ‘were too young Sirius’ ‘im only 16 Sirius’ “He mimicked in your voice, he was right, that's exactly what you where about to say.

“But I don't care. I don't care that were too young. I don't care what people say. That we’ll never last. I don't care because I know we will. I know we can last. I want to wake up everyday and see your face. I want to call you mine forever.” He dropped to one knee, puling the ring out of his pocket.

“(Y/F/N), Will you marry me?” In that moment, he felt his heart stop again, for the third time in his life. The pause before you gave your answer was perhaps the longest wait he'd ever endured, or at least that's what it felt like. It felt like there was no air left to breath, time felt slowed. Until finally…

“Yes” You breathed out. AND, immediately, Everything sped up, he breathed out, all the noises resumed, and he could feel his heartbeat in his ear.

“Yes?” He asked incredulously.

“Yes!” He stood up and you immediately jumped towards him and rapped your legs around him. “Of course ill marry you!” He hugged you so tightly, like he thought you would slip away if he let go. You stood back up and he slipped the ring onto your finger, it was perfect. You where perfect.

[emospritelet]

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Part 8] [Part 9][Part 10] [Part 11] [Part 12] [Part 13] [Part 14] [Part 15] [Part 16] [Part 17]

[AO3]

Last time, Weaver got to the big house in Maine where Lacey had travelled, and just as he was about to go after her, was told to get his hands in the air.

x

“Hands in the air or I’ll shoot!”

Weaver swore under his breath. His captor sounded like a woman, but he knew better than to think she wouldn’t be a threat. Great. Right at the end, they catch me. Fucking typical.

“Hands in the air!” the woman snapped. “I won’t tell you again!”

“How do I know you’re armed?” he asked calmly.

“Well, I’d poke you between the shoulder blades, but this shotgun’s a tricky piece,” she said bluntly. “Wouldn’t want to kill you without meaning to. Come on, get them up.”

Weaver sighed, raising his hands and folding his fingers around the back of his head. He heard a satisfied sniff from the woman.

“What are you doing sneaking around down here?” she demanded. “I don’t know you, do I? Did you come with Felix? I thought I spied his sly little face earlier, driving that Mercedes like he thinks he owns the place!”

Weaver decided that whoever she was, she didn’t like the man who had driven Lacey there, which was a point in her favour, in his opinion.

“Come on, out with it!” she snapped. “If you don’t start talking, I’ll call the police!”

That settled it. She wasn’t with them.

“I am the police,” he said patiently. “Detective Weaver, Seattle P.D.”

“Don’t try to trick me!” said the woman suspiciously. “Seattle’s the other side of the country, you’ve got no business here!”

“I can show you my badge, if you let me,” he said. “Can I take it out?”

“Slowly!” she ordered. “Any funny business and I’ll shoot you!”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Weaver slowly lowered one hand and reached for his badge, bending his arm behind him to show her. A swift hand snatched at it.

“So,” she said, after a moment. “Detective Weaver, hmm? What brings you all the way across from the West Coast? Can’t be police business.”

“No,” he agreed. “I’m here to see Lacey.”

“No one here by that name.”

“You might know her as Isabelle Schwartz,” he said. “I’ve only ever known her as Lacey. First Lacey French, and then Lacey Weaver. She’s my wife.”

There was a sharp intake of breath from her.

“You’re him,” she said quietly. “You’re the father.”

So, she knows about Tilly, then.

“I am,” he said. “Can I turn around?”

“Do it slowly.”

Weaver let his hands down carefully, turning on the balls of his feet to come face to face with a short, stout old woman with grey hair in a neat bun and a fierce expression on her face. She was holding a cast iron frying pan in her hand, and he raised an eyebrow.

“Shotgun, hmm?”

“I grabbed the first thing I could see,” she said matter-of-factly, and tossed his badge to him. “Now, explain yourself. Why didn’t you come with Miss Belle?”

“Lacey - Belle - is in trouble,” he said quietly. “She’s mixed up with some terrible people. I suspect you know them.”

The woman sniffed, mouth twisting.

“Her family on her father’s side,” she said. “He always was a nasty piece of work. Oh, not that old Mr d’Avonlea was any better, mind you, but he did at least have manners. And then Maurice married that grasping harpy Fiona after Miss Collette died, and things went from bad to worse...”

So, is she here willingly or not? Is the family her ticket to a better life? Plenty money here, that’s clear. Is that what she wants? Why she’s leaving us?

“I’d be interested in hearing the family history,” he said truthfully. “But first I need to see my wife. Can you tell me where she is?”

The woman pointed upwards.

“Said she was going to bed after she’d seen her grandmother. I thought it was early for her, but I figured she was tired from the journey. Second floor, take a right at the top of the stairs. If she's not there, she'll be in the library. First floor, right at the bottom of the stairs and through the double doors.”

“Anyone else in the house?” he asked.

“Cogsworth, but he’s already in bed. Not feeling so well.” She eyed him curiously. “Are you hungry? I could make you some supper.”

Weaver smiled at that. She seemed a motherly sort, and he supposed that at least Lacey would have had the comfort of her presence in this world filled with danger.

“I’ll see if she’s hungry,” he said. “I have a feeling the two of us need a long conversation.”

“Well, in that case, I’ll make up some sandwiches, and you can eat them when you’re ready,” she said, nodding briskly, and Weaver’s smile grew.

“Thank you, Miss..?”

“Mrs Potts,” she said, and beamed at him. “Pleased to meet you at last, dear.”

x

Lacey found that little had changed since she had last visited, other than the large house feeling even emptier, her grandmother’s slow decline almost complete. Marie was gaunt and pale, her eyelids thin and purplish, her cheeks hollow. She was still alive, still hooked up to machines that beeped and pulsed, but she didn’t respond when Lacey sat by her side and took her hand. Perhaps she slept too deeply now. Perhaps she would wake in time for Lacey to say goodbye.

Feeling despondent, she left the bedroom, heading for the library and what she hoped would be a weapon to use against the rest of her family. Or at the very least, something she could defend her own with. Felix had taken the hard drive with him, but she didn’t care about that. Let them have it, if it kept Weaver and Tilly safe. She needed something more. She needed to become the person her husband thought she was. A good person. A strong person, who did the right thing. Who wasn’t defined by her past, however dark and tragic it might have been.

She had always wanted to be the sort of woman her daughter could look up to, or at least one that she wouldn’t be ashamed of. Perhaps it was too late now, but she could try. She was unlikely to come out of it alive if she failed, but perhaps she would think it worth the sacrifice. Weaver would take care of Tilly, if anything happened to her. He was a good father. A good man.

The library was dark, and she turned on one of the lamps, a pool of warm light spilling across the polished wooden floor. Lacey crossed quickly to the alcove where an alabaster statue sat on a marble plinth, a stylised Siamese cat with a triangular head and a long, somewhat serpentine body, sitting up and gazing out with large eyes. Lacey took a peek behind it, removing books from one of the shelves and stacking them on the floor. There was nothing behind but the dark wood of the bookcase, and she moved down a shelf, pulling books off it and piling them up. Sure enough, a small safe was revealed, a long panel of dark glass on the front.

Beneath it, fitting snugly in a thin slot, was a small, flat keyboard. Lacey hooked a nail underneath it and pulled it out, setting it onto the empty shelf ready to type. Lacey hesitated, then pressed return and dug in her pocket for her phone, bouncing nervously on her toes as she waited. A single, flashing white cursor appeared on the panel of glass on the front of the safe, waiting for her to type.

Lacey hurriedly looked through her photo gallery, thumb flicking through the pictures she had taken in Weaver’s office. The thick cream paper with a single sentence. The price is paid. She wondered what the price had been paid for, what the sender had received in exchange, but realised it didn’t matter. All that mattered was that she had the outcome in front of her, the answer to the question being asked by that flashing white line.

She pulled up the photo of the code, written on the green sticky note with its corner curling up. Glancing up at the cursor, she started to type. At the first letter - a lowercase r - an asterisk appeared on the screen, and Lacey felt a quick grin curve the sides of her mouth. It was working, then. Not that she had doubted herself, but still... She continued with the password, thumb and finger flickering over the screen to switch between upper and lowercase, letters and numbers. At last it was done, and she sent up a brief prayer before pressing enter. The password disappeared, and the asterisks on the safe flashed once before the screen went black again.

Nothing happened.

Lacey frowned, looking from the safe to the photograph of the code. Perhaps she had misread something. Perhaps that ‘1’ was really an ‘I’. She tried again, making doubly sure every element was correct before pressing enter.

Still nothing.

Heart thumping, she chewed her lip, looking back to the photograph of the sticky note. Okay, so maybe the ‘1’ really was a ‘1’, but she’d entered something else wrong. She typed it out again, checking after every letter.

Nothing.

Lacey shook her head, panic making her skin tingle. It has to work, it has to work, it has to work! I can’t go up against them with nothing, I just can’t! She tried again, her hands starting to shake, and let out a whimper as the asterisks flashed and disappeared.

“It won’t work.”

The sound of his voice made her jump, and she straightened up, the dull click of footsteps echoing around the room as Weaver entered. Her heart was thumping high in her chest, and he stopped some way out, hands clasped behind his back and eyes filled with resignation. With sadness. Lacey felt her heart sink, and she licked her lips, her throat suddenly dry.

“How did you—”

“Find you?” he asked. “I followed you, of course. With a little help. Caught me by surprise when you went to Boston, but I got here in the end.”

“You followed me to Maine?”

“Do you seriously think I wouldn’t follow you anywhere?” he said coldly. “Good thing you like to do things alone, isn’t it? I watched the guy you came with drive back into the town, so I knew you’d be here for a little while. I thought you and I should have a conversation without any pesky little interruptions.”

She closed her eyes for a moment, then looked at her phone and back at the safe as though it would, by some miracle, spring open.

“It won’t work,” he repeated. “Password’s bollocks. I know, because I wrote it.”

Lacey’s eyes flicked to the photo on her phone, the green sticky note with its corner curling up, and her heart sank.

“You altered the code,” she whispered.

“Figured if it was important enough for all this lying and stealing, I should get involved,” he said coolly. “Interesting that we seem to have come full circle here, isn’t it? Just fascinating.”

Lacey was silent, guilt and fear burning and bubbling within her, warring for her attention.

“I’d like to say that it was coincidence that the thing that brought us together appears to have torn us apart,” he went on. “But you know I don’t believe in coincidences. I’m just curious to know why you ever handed it over to me in the first place. Didn’t have all the pieces then? Or was it just that you didn’t realise what you had?”

She shook her head numbly, her vision blurring as tears welled in her eyes.

“I suppose at least I understand why you left that night, now,” he added. “Didn’t intend to sleep with me, did you? Tilly must have been a hell of a shock, but I’ll give you your due, you made the best of it. Had me convinced, anyway. And her.”

She closed her eyes, wanting to break down and throw herself into his arms. Wanting so, so badly for him to hold her and tell her everything was going to be fine. She didn’t deserve it, but she wanted it anyway. 

“Did you just adapt the original plan, or what?” he went on. “Whatever that was. Not sure it matters now, but you know me. I’m a sucker for solving mysteries. A sucker in general, it seems. Is that what you were counting on?”

Lacey’s mouth twisted, two tears tracking down her cheeks. Why did he have to follow me? Why couldn’t he just let me go? 

“So you knew the code was a password,” he said. “You said that at the time, of course. Was it the location of the safe you didn’t know? Was that the missing piece?”

“It’s not what you think,” she said, her voice thick and liquid.

“What I think,” he said coldly. “What I think is that you’ve been lying to me for years.”

“There are no lies in silence.”

“There’s no honesty, either,” he countered. “Who are you, really? I married Lacey French. Does she even exist?”

“Yes,” she whispered.

“I mean outside of the fake identity you’ve no doubt been using for years.”

She hung her head, and there was terrible, awful silence. He began to pace back and forth, the sound of his heavy boots muffled by the thick rug.

“I found some interesting things when I was digging around trying to get to the bottom of why my lovely wife had turned against me so suddenly,” he said. “Came across a family in Nevada. First-generation immigrants by the name of Schwartz. Two parents and their daughter.” He raised a hand, forefinger pointing at her. “But of course I told myself it couldn’t be you, because that’s not your name.”

“I—”

“And of course when I asked you about Fiona Schwartz you said you had no idea who she was,” he went on. “But then I suppose if I asked them about Lacey French they wouldn’t recognise her, would they? There was no Lacey in that family. But there was a young girl called Isabelle. Been missing for some ten years or more. Rumoured to be dead.”

“She is dead,” whispered Lacey, wiping away a tear.

“So many breadcrumb trails leading me to Vegas,” he said. “Even you, and that so-called funeral. Did anyone in your family actually die, or was that another lie to throw on top of the pile of shit you’ve been selling me all this time?”

Lacey didn’t answer, and his pacing increased, his eyes flashing.

“I knew you were lying, of course,” he added. “I’ve known for some time, I just didn’t know what it was about. I thought maybe you were scared, that you thought you couldn’t tell me because you were worried about what I’d do. And all along it’s some sort of inside safe-cracking job?”

Her lower lip trembled, and she caught it with her teeth to hold it steady.

“Where’s Tilly?” she asked.

“She’s safe,” he said coldly. “I told her you’d be back soon. Of course I didn’t know at the time you were on a mission to steal from your grandmother. Clearly family isn’t all that important to you.”

“Don’t say that!” she pleaded. “You two are everything to me!”

“Oh, don’t give me that bollocks!” he snapped. “You can drop the fucking act, Isabelle. Just be fucking honest with me for once, will you?”

She let out a sob, dashing tears from her eyes. He couldn’t stand to see her cry, and when they had fought in the past he would always be the first to stop shouting at the sight of her tears. His face would soften, his eyes would lose their dark fire, and he would take her in his arms and hold her tight, speaking soft words to her as she wept. She wanted him to do it now, but he was glaring and hostile, pacing the floor, cold and distant and out of reach.

“I always thought there was a reason you didn’t want to hear me say I love you,” he went on. “I just never thought it was fucking guilt over playing me all this fucking time.”

“I do love you!”

Lacey’s eyes were wide with shock at blurting out the phrase she had kept bottled up for all the time they had been together. Her lower lip was trembling, the unfamiliar words having fallen from her lips and splattered on the floor between them. She hadn’t expected to find it so easy, so right. It was as though the weight around her heart was easing, and Weaver seemed to rock back on his heels, mouth opening, a look of puzzlement on his face. 

“Then - then what the hell has this all been about?” he demanded, gesturing between them. “One minute out of the fucking blue you tell me it isn’t working and you want a fucking divorce, and now this? What the hell were you playing at?”

“I thought I was doing the right thing!” she sobbed.

“Right for who?” he spat. “Do you have any idea how much it hurt me, hurt Tilly?”

“Yes!” she shouted. “You think it didn’t kill me to do it?”

“I don’t fucking know!” He threw up his hands. “How could I know when you won’t fucking tell me anything, when you keep on shutting me out? These past few months I’ve felt like I was losing my fucking mind! What the hell was it, Lacey? What’s the fucking reason you’ve been pushing me away?”

“They were gonna kill you!” wept Lacey. “They were gonna kill you, and take Tilly. I couldn’t let that happen! I - I had to pretend I didn’t care, to make them think I didn’t want you!”

“Who was?” he demanded. “Who the hell is threatening my family?”

“My family!” She could feel the tears rising up inside her, wanted to spill over. “The Schwartz family. If you’ve been poking around in the police records, you know damn well who they are.”

“Aye, I know!” he snapped. “Fucking mobsters. You think I haven’t dealt with their kind before? It’s what I fucking do, Lacey! It’s my fucking life!”

“You don’t know them!”

“You think that matters?” he said roughly. “No one threatens my family, you hear me? You think I’m just gonna let them get away with that?”

“You can’t fight them!” she said pleadingly. “They’re too powerful, you’d be killed if you tried! I - I did what I could, okay?”

“Why would they threaten me?” He jabbed at his chest. “It’s not as though I have any powers down in Vegas, for fuck’s sake! Why would they care?”

“Because that’s what they do!” she said, her voice shaking. “They take the thing you love and use it to control you! They wanted to control me by threatening you, and I couldn’t let that happen, okay? I couldn’t let them destroy you!”

He was staring at her, and she could feel words bubbling up out of her.

“At first I thought maybe if I did what they wanted, they’d leave me alone, leave us alone,” she went on. “And then - and then it was pretty clear that wasn’t gonna happen, that they wanted me to go back. Back to that - that life, that terrible life!"

She was trembling with shame and fear, her lower lip trembling, her throat hurting.

"So I pushed you away," she went on. "I pushed you away to keep you safe, and I'm sorry, but I didn't know what else to do! I’d been on the run for so long before I met you. Meeting you was - was the best thing that ever happened to me, Rafe, I swear it! Meeting you let me feel like I was safe, like I was home!”

“But you left!”

“Because I knew they’d find me!” she shouted. “Why do you think I was on the run in the first place? Why do you think I was on the streets when you met me? I kept moving, changed my name, never settled anywhere. Until you.”

Weaver seemed to settle back on his heels a little, letting out a sigh.

“Until Tilly,” he said quietly, and she let out another sob, dashing away tears.

“I - I knew I had to come back,” she wept. “I didn’t want to leave you, but it was the right thing to do. For both of us. But when I knew I was carrying Tilly, I had to come back. I thought - I thought maybe it had been long enough. Maybe they’d stopped trying to find me. Maybe they thought I was dead.”

“You came here,” he said, pointing to the floor beneath his feet. “When you said you’d been in Maine, this is what you meant.”

She nodded.

“So why not tell me?” he asked, and his voice had lost its harsh edge. “Why not tell me the truth? I know you were scared, but do you really think I can’t handle myself? You think I wouldn’t kill every piece of shit in Vegas if it kept my family safe?”

“You don’t know them!”

“Oh, I don’t need to,” he said grimly. “They’ll bleed just as well as any other of the scum I’ve put in the ground over the years. You should have trusted me, Lacey. You should have told me.”

“I wanted you safe!” she insisted. “Who’d care for Tilly otherwise? I knew whatever happened to me, you’d protect her. You had to be safe!”

“We’re safest when we’re together,” he said. “I thought you’d remember that.”

“You can’t fight them,” she whimpered. “Not your way. You’ll die.”

“Then I’ll find another way,” he said. “I’m a resourceful man, or have you forgotten?”

Lacey sobbed, toe scuffing the carpet as she dashed away tears with the heel of her hand, and he stepped forward a little.

“Be honest with me,” he said quietly. “Do you want to get divorced?”

Lacey shook her head, tears coursing down her cheeks as her lower lip wobbled.

“No.”

It was a tiny whimper, but it made his face soften, his own lip tremble, and he reached up to cup her cheeks with his hands. Two more tears fell, and he wiped them away with his thumbs. He leaned in to press his lips to her brow, and Lacey’s breath hitched in her chest.

“I promise you, whatever they’re threatening you with, it’s not gonna happen,” he said softly. “Just - please. Please. Let me help you.”

“You can’t help me!” she sobbed. “I - I told you that years ago, and you didn’t believe me!”

Weaver’s mouth twitched in a tiny smile.

“You’re right, I didn’t,” he said. “I still don’t. You think you’re not worth it, that you’re not worth anything. But that’s never how I’ve seen you. You’re one of the strongest people I know. You’ve got the biggest heart and the kindest soul, and you’re one of two people I care about more than anything else in the world. You think Tilly thinks her mother is worthless?”

Lacey wept, dashing tears from her cheeks, and he kissed her again, soft lips pressing against her cheeks, her eyelids. His brow pressed against hers, and she could feel his cool breath on her lips, his nose nuzzling hers.

“I love you, Lacey,” he whispered. “I love you, do you hear me? Whatever’s coming, whatever’s threatening our family, we’ll face it together. Okay?”

She nodded, arms going around him as she let herself cry, her chest heaving with sobs. He held her close, his body firm and warm and comforting, his scent wrapping around her as her tears soaked into his shirt. It felt good to be held, to be loved. To know that there was no longer any need for lies. To know that he accepted her with all the risks and the danger that entailed. To know that he loved her anyway.

Eventually she ran out of tears, and pulled back from him a little, feeling drained and weak, her throat and eyes stinging. He kissed her again, thumbs brushing wetness from her cheeks, and Lacey hitched a breath as she met his eyes.

“Well then,” he said quietly. “I believe Mrs Potts may have left us some sandwiches in the kitchen, if you’re hungry.”

She nodded, giving him a wobbly smile.

“Starving.”

“In that case,” he said. “Let’s open this fucking safe and see what’s inside, then you and I can have something to eat, hmm?”

“Mrs Potts always did say that there’s nothing so bad it can’t be solved by a cup of tea,” she said.

“Suggestion number one,” he said. “Throw hot tea over whoever’s after you.”

Lacey let out something halfway between a giggle and a sob, and he kissed her brow again.

“See?” he said. “I’m an evil genius. They don’t stand a chance.”

[tifu-today-i-fucked-up]

TIFU by accidentally having sex with my cousin at a family wedding.

So this happened about 18 months ago, or somewhere in the vicinity of 18-20 months. I still get flak from this from both family and friends.

So, the setting: my uncle’s wedding. It’s around Autumn and my uncle by my mothers side, from an exceptionally large family (this is relevant), is getting married for the second time. Now my family is very large. My mother has 3 brothers and 5 sisters. All with children of their own, and some even with children of their own now.

The wedding isn’t what I would describe as large, pretty much encompassing just family and close friends. All in all, there can’t have been more than 50 or 60 people there, and around 60% (at a rough estimate) or so are related by blood to me. They make up the majority is what I’m trying to say, and many are spread over whom I have only briefly met, or in some cases, never met. Well, you can see where this is going.

For reference, I would be around mid 17 in this story, with the age of consent in my country (UK) being 16. The girl, who we shall call Isla, was 22 or 23.

Well, at the reception, I am having a good time with my sister, parents and cousins. Dancing, heavily indulging in drinking etc. Just generally enjoying myself as it is rare for large family gatherings for us for obvious reasons.

A girl I don’t recognise begins to dance with me on the (very crowded) dance-floor. She’s older than me clearly, but I thought maybe 19 or 20. Anyway, we start dancing, touching etc. She twerks on me a little, I grind a bit and I presume nobody noticed due to accumulated intoxication and crowdedness around where we were. One things leads to another, we start kissing and she asks me if I want to go ‘upstairs’, which I correctly take to mean her room in the hotel (it was a hotel wedding).

I, of course, being a hormonal teenage boy (still am), jump at the opportunity and say yes. I should say this wasn’t my first time or anything and by this point I carried condoms around in my wallet when I went out and knew I would be drinking.

So we proceed to discreetly (or so I think) take our leave. Both drunk, obviously, but not to the point of not being in control of our actions, or stumbling around/blackout etc. I get to her room, a bit of excited talk, and clothes come off. All is going well. Now, I should say that all this time I’m assuming this girl is a relative (or perhaps friend?) of the bride. Oh boy. I was in for a shock. Because, as it turns out, she thought the same of me.

As we were ‘cleaning up’, so to speak, we begin a little small-talk when before had mostly just been purely sexual. She eventually asks how I know the bride (let us call her Emma). I stop. Thunderstruck. The realisation slowly creeping up on me and oh, the horror. I laugh it off (hoping, in vain) she is joking and state I am the son of (insert mothers name). The shock is palpable on who I then realised as my cousins face as she was putting her bra back on. She sort of freaks out and says she’s the estranged daughter of one of my uncles who’s had a troubled life, whom she had very recently reconnected with (I did not know this). We essentially collectively let out a ‘fuckkkkk’.

From there we got dressed quickly and decided to never reveal this major cock-up to a soul and hope to God we had not been noticed (alas). We decided it would be best if she were to leave first, and that I would follow around 5-10 minutes later.

Well I do. She leaves first, and I just kind of stand around in the hallway on my phone freaking out for a short while until I decide enough time has passed to erode suspicion.

Well, first thing I see when I get down is the look of pure disappointment on my mothers face, the stupid fucking grin on my fathers and half my cousins faces and my sister looking in disgust, as though she was watching a particularly repulsive sea-slug. One of my cousins whom I am close to pats me on the back, shaking his head and laughing his absolute head off. I know I am defeated then and quietly take a seat expecting the utter bollocking I will later receive from my family. My elderly 90 year old grandmother was there for fucks sake. And word was not quiet. I didn’t see Isla or her father again that reception and later found out she told him and he took her home, not to the hotel she had booked, by way of taxi.

So yeah. I accidentally took part in (protected, thank-God) incest. It is brought up at every, and I mean every, family-gathering. A couple of my cousins have taken to playing ‘Sweet Home Alabama’ and asking when the next date is whenever I enter the room.

After (soberly) explaining to my parents it was an accident and I fully believed she was not a relative (like they should have questioned it) they were okay-ish with it, but still disappointed and annoyed a little. My father asked me how I’d failed to notice Isla (apparently) sat literally the row behind us, and I had no answer. Gotta work on my observation skills I guess. Not only do my family still tease me, but my friends found out from my sister within days and I’ve been relentlessly teased by them at most social gatherings since. You can imagine how many cousin/incest/alabama jokes daily.

I am ashamed to this day. Even more so because she is an objectively attractive woman. As one might imagine, the limited interactions we’ve had since have been extremely strained and awkward, not helped by my dickhead cousins. There is another big family wedding coming up this summer, and since the announcement ‘the incident’ as it’s come to be known as has been all that’s been discussed within my hearing.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed that rollercoaster. If you have any questions feel free, and once again, do forgive the surely egregious formatting as I am just popping my Reddit virginity with this story, which I’ve been encouraged to (anonymously) post online by friends so as to make you all laugh as much as them.

TL;DR I had sex with my uncles estranged daughter at a family wedding my first time meeting her. Everybody in the (large family) knew then, and now, and will never let me live this down.

submitted by /u/SeasickJellyfish [link] [comments]

[the-everlasting-dream]

Sticky Situation - Maxwell x MC ft. Drake

Summary: Maxwell’s attempt at manscaping goes awry. 

A/N: This is not an original idea. It was inspired by this post but after reading it I KNEW I had to se a Maxwell version for reasons. If I’ve done my job right, you’ll all be rolling with laughter soon. Slight Drake x MC Elizabeth here. 

Submission for @choices-september-challenge Day 17 Unexpected  hosted by @i-dream-so-i-write. I think I might be a day early but its the 17th for me lol

Maxwell Beaumont: Xavier Serrano Thea Larkin: Olivia Holt 

Word count: 4100+

Warnings: Description of male genitalia, sexual references

Permanent tags: @choicessa, @pbchoicesobsessed , @meeraaverywalker , @drakewalkerwhipped , @mfackenthal , @srawesleyghuewrites , @topsyturvy-dream , @enmchoices , @gardeningourmet @debramcg1106 , @alesana45 , @meladoridarcy, @blackcatkita , @tmarie82 , @annekebbphotography , @xxrainbowprincessxx , @lizk77 , @jayjay879 , @tornbetween2loves 

TRR only: @speedyoperarascalparty

‘Are you going to take long little bird?’ Maxwell asked with a huff as he reluctantly guided the car through the streets of Cordonia. 

He was currently driving his fiancee over to their best friend Elizabeth Richmond-Walker’s Atlantean manor for a girls afternoon with their friends Hana Lee and Olivia Nevrakis. He’d voiced his protest earlier at having to part with her for a few hours after expecting to have the whole day together to spend as they pleased. 

 ‘Oh Max its just for one afternoon. Besides,’ Thea Larkin grinned, tossing a lock of blonde hair over her shoulder cheekily. ‘I think you’ll be very pleased with the result after we visit the beauty parlour.’ 

 Maxwell’s eyebrows perked up as he caught her meaning, deliberately urging the car on faster. ‘Full speed ahead then! Beauty parlour here she comes!’ He announced as Thea let out a peal of laughter.

Maxwell was just driving away from the manor when something on the seat glimmered in the sunlight and he glanced over to find that Thea had left her purse in the car and immediately turned the car around. After one of Elizabeth’s staff members pointed him in the direction of her parlous where they were all gathered, he stood at the door, poised to knock before he heard their voices travelling through the door. 

 ‘-believe he waxes Liv!’ Elizabeth was saying. ‘Are you sure?’ 

‘Of course I’m sure!’ Olivia’s voice conveyed a slight hint of irritation. ‘I’ve been married to Liam long enough that he can’t hide that from me…’ 

‘Huh I’m just surprised he would go to all that effort,’ Liz replied thoughtfully. ‘Drake just shaves, says it makes him look bigger.’ 

Maxwells eyes widened as he realised what the women were talking about. In spite of himself he glanced down his own body thinking of his negligence of proper grooming down there. Sure he’d attempted to clean up the downstairs in the past but after one very unfortunate encounter with a razor and a whole week of having to come up with an believable enough excuse for walking funny, he’d been deterred from the whole concept together. So far Thea hadn’t said anything about it when they’d been together so he’d just assumed she didn’t mi- 

‘Does it really feel better like that Liz?’ 

That was Thea speaking now, her tone curious, revealing just how innocent she still was at 22 years of age. Maxwell leaned closer to the door, gripping the handle in anticipation, his ear flat against the wood to avoid missing a word of what she was going to say. 

‘Thea girl...,’ Elizabeth answered, her voice dropping in pitch. ‘It makes all the difference in the world.’ 

 ‘Plus it makes blowjobs that much more pleasant,’ Olivia put in bluntly. ‘You won’t have to be picking hair out of your teeth hours later.'   

A loud gasp escaped Maxwell. He forgot he still had a hand on the door handle in his surprise at Olivia’s bluntness accidentally twisted the handle. With the side of his body pressed heavily against the wood from his eavesdropping attempt, it gave way easily now and he tumbled headfirst into the room where the ladies were sitting. 

 ‘Maxwell?!’ They gasped collectively at his abrupt entrance. Blushing furiously red and inwardly cursing his luck, he picked himself off the ground. ‘Hey girls… uh… Thea forgot her purse so I just dropped by to give it to her.’ 

He sheepishly handed the item to his surprised fiancée. 

 ‘Quite literally too,’ Olivia purred in amusement as she eyed his reddened state. 

Thea eyed him quizzically. ‘Max how long have you-‘ 

 ‘Barely two seconds,’ he called out over his shoulder, perhaps a little too loudly. He steadily avoiding all their gazes, making a beeline towards the exit. ‘I’ll see you girls later, have fun!’

-

"Place tub in microwave, warm in short bursts, stirring after each burst of heat until wax was a smooth, honey like consistency. Apply a liberal amount of wax to area to be epilated, apply linen strip rubbing firmly in direction of hair growth, pull skin taut and remove wax strip.” 

‘Huh.. seems simple enough,’ Maxwell mused out loud, scanning the label on small round pot he’d found. 

 When he’d returned back to the Beaumont manor, instead of spending the afternoon playing video games like he’d planned, the girls’ conversation had made him curious and he’d immediately headed to the cupboard under the bathroom sink of Thea’s bathroom, rummaging around until he found it. A small pot of wax and the accompanying strips. 

Rereading the instructions, he turned it over in his hands. 

 ‘That doesn’t sound too hard. I got this,’ he reassured himself again as he made his way down to the vast kitchen. 'If girls could do it so can I.’   

House Beaumont was entirely empty, the servants had the day off and Bertrand was with Savannah and Bartie at her place so it was the perfect time to try this, he reasoned with himself, imagining how surprised Thea would be when he showed her the finished result. 

 Slipping the pot into the microwave, Maxwell headed to the cupboard in the store room holding their camping supplies, reasoning that this could be a messy process and he’d rather not face his older brother’s fury for spilling wax on their kitchen stools. Dragging out a canvas camping chair, he positioned it in front of the kitchen island as he waited for the microwave to finish, wrapping the flaps of his dressing gown tighter over his naked body underneath. When he heard the DING! of the microwave, he carefully extracted the pot and laid it to cool on the bench top. 

 'So far so good,’ Maxwell muttered to himself, surprised at how smoothly this was all going before he realised his real predicament. 

 How was he supposed to get the wax on his man parts without slopping it everywhere?

He spent a few moments, attempting various positions to see which would be the most effective for the task he was about to undertake, finally settling on a seated position on the canvas chair with his legs raised up on the kitchen island spread in a wide pilates V. It took a moment to juggle with the positioning of his cock and balls but so far this was the best option he could think of. 

Mortified at the thought of anyone — least of all Bertrand — walking in to see him in such compromising position, Maxwell reached for the stick in the pot, hoping he could get the task quickly without any major spills. He gingerly moved to apply it quickly to his skin almost immediately he cursed out loud. 

‘Shit!’ 

 He hadn’t left it to cool long enough and the wax was much too hot when it made contact with the tender skin of his balls, drawing reflexive tears of pain. When the intensity died down to a dull warmth, he hastily applied the linen strip over the area, rubbing it soothingly to ease the pain. No, he reminded himself. The most painful part was still to come. 

‘Come on Maxwell,’ he muttered trying to psych himself up. ‘You can do this.’ 

Clenching his eyes shut, he took a deep breath and flexed his abs in preparation for the shock that was to come. With his fingers under the edge of the stip, he counted to three and ripped the strip off as quickly as he could. 

‘Mother fucker!’

His shout of pain echoed through the halls of the Beaumont manor and if anyone were home they’d have some running by now. His vision flashed white as pain emanated from between his legs and he fought to keep his breathing under control. Eventually Maxwell opened his eyes, bringing the strip up to inspect his handiwork expecting to see it filled with unwanted hair but was surprised to find… nothing! 

‘What the hell?’ Maxwell exclaimed, staring at the little piece of cloth, void of both hair AND wax.

’Something’s not right,’ he began, reaching for the pot to reread the instructions labelled there. He’d followed the steps perfectly. 

Warm. Apply. Rub. Pull. It wasn’t rocket science! 

He glanced down at himself to find the cooled wax perfectly attached to the pubic hair on his balls. 

‘Maybe I didn’t put enough wax on,’ Maxwell reasoned with himself and reached for the stick again — another huge mistake. 

In his hurry he’d taken too big of a scoop of wax out of the pot and it had dripped all over his flaccid cock making him hiss as the still-too-hot wax hit his most sensitive area. He’d put so much on that it began to drip down over his balls down to his taint in between his butt cheeks. 

 Unfortunately his attention was focused elsewhere for now as his fingers scrabbled across the bench top to reach for another strip of linen. When he finally placed it where he deemed appropriate, he patted it down with more force than earlier, attempting to distract himself from the strain of his muscles from keeping him in that position for so long. Gasping for breath, Maxwell braced himself for the impact as his held his skin tight and yanked the strip with all his might. 

 ‘FUCK!’ 

His howl of pain was louder this time and a whole octave higher as the pain seemed to be ten times worse this time around. He was gasping for air, covered in a light sheen of sweat from the exertion and lifted his hand up to inspect his handiwork. 

Surely that had to work this time…

He hadn’t put himself through that a second time to turn up - 

‘EMPTY?’ Maxwell screeched, staring at the pristine wax strip staring back at him, almost mockingly. Defeated and angry, he dropped his legs from the bench top, hissing as his tired muscles spasmed when he closed his legs. His back was killing him too as and he tried to shift in the chair, his eyes widened in horror as he found himself unable to move! 

‘I’ve glued myself to the chair,’ he stated blankly, trying not to lose his cool but failing miserably. ‘I’ve glued myself to the chair!’ 

 And if things couldn’t get any worse, Maxwell shifted again only to find that he’d waxed himself… to himself! 

A frantic panic welled up in him as he tried to pry his legs apart but they refused to move, sealed together perfectly by the wax. He let out a whimper of defeat. 

How am I going to get free? What if I need to pee? Another more drastic thought struck him. What if I’m stuck like this forever? 

 His eyes widened at the thought of being confined to the chair for the rest of his life. I’ll never be able to dance again, he realised with horror before correcting himself. He’d never be able to be with Thea again. Now that shocked him into silence and he stayed frozen like that for a few moments. 

He needed to do something… He couldn’t remain like this forever. He refused to. Channelling his inner Bertrand, he psyched himself up again. He was Maxwell Percival of House Beaumont. Surely he wouldn’t let a little bit of hot wax get the better of him.   

Steeling his nerves, Maxwell gingerly attempted to inch one butt cheek off the chair which caused a slight sucking noise to echo out through the kitchen and if it was possible he felt himself blush even more at his own predicament. While his sense of urgency told him to hurry, his pain threshold screamed at him to take his time, lest he got himself into an even more compromising position. His muscles strained with every inch he shifted but eventually he was able to peel himself off the chair. 

Next problem, his legs were still glued together. 

Maxwell’s mind raced trying to find a solution that did not involve stripping himself of his ability to have children and finally settled on the first somewhat sensible option that came to him. 

Grabbing his robe and phone, he began to take painfully tiny steps towards the bathroom. No matter how big or small his movements were, each step was a new fresh hell as the wax pulled at his hair and genitals. Instead of walking, he resigned himself to an awkward sliding motion as he shuffled towards the stairs, realising all the bathrooms big enough to accommodate his needs were stationed one level above. Sweat dripped off his body as he painfully inched himself up the first step, gasping heavily when he’d cleared it. 

Only fifteen more to go….

-

In the bathroom, Maxwell turned on the faucet as warm as he thought he could handle and when the tub was sufficiently filled, he eased himself into the water, sighing in relief rather than pleasure that he would finally be able to be free of this accursed wax. The bottle of rose scented bubble bath caught his eye and he reached for it, hoping for something to make his unfortunate experience a little better. Shortly after dumping in a generous dollop, the bubbles began to form and he leaned his head back against the bathroom wall, giving himself a few moments to relax before he tackled his downstairs issue. 

It had barely been over a minute when he felt something tickling his nose and opened his eyes to find his entire visual field filled with foam as the bubbles had multiplied incessantly filling the entire bathtub. He shut the water off and swiped a few bubbles out of his way. 

Surely the wax would have melted by now… 

Maxwell attempted to a slight wiggle to adjust himself 

Nothing happened…. 

He wiggled again… 

Still nothing..

For some reason his body was refusing to cooperate! Frantically he swiped more of the bubbles away to find that instead of melting the wax off his skin the warm water had the complete opposite effect and in his attempt to free himself, he’d essentially created a vacuum seal between his balls, legs and the bathtub! 

Maxwell was shocked to his very core, unable to decide whether to laugh or cry about his predicament. Instead he reached for his phone, dealing the first person he could think of… Bertrand. 

 His older brother had gotten him out of scraped a hundred times over. Surely he’d know what to do right? Maxwell drummed his fingers against the side of the tub while the phone rang over and over before finally going to voice mail. 

 ‘Bertrand’s always got his phone on him,’ he exclaimed. ‘What could possibly be happening now?’ 

Sighing in frustration he dialled Liam’s number. Surely the King of Cordonia would have a solution for him? Unfortunately that call too went to voice mail and Maxwell sighed again. Liam was probably off doing kingly things and didn’t have time to answer.  

His finger hovered over Thea’s contact, millimetres away from pressing the green button before he clicked out of the contact. She was busy with the rest of the girls at the salon… Besides he sure as shit wasn’t about to tell his fiancee about his stupid endeavour, knowing she’d tease him endlessly about it. He’d be taking this to the grave, which left only one other person to call.

‘Drake? Drake my buddy, my best friend how are you?’ he began nervously, relieved that someone picked up. 

 Drake’s flat tone told him immediately that he was neither impressed not entertained this. ‘I’m fine.' 

 ‘Greaaaat’ he replied and immediately realising he’d drawn out the syllable a bit longer than necessary. ’Say whatcha doing right now?’ 

‘I just got Darcy down for her afternoon nap,’ his friend replied shortly before his voice got suspicious. ‘What do you want Beaumont?' 

Maxwell felt his face heat up at the prospect of having to explain his situation to his ever cynical best friend. Of all the scrapes he’d gotten himself into this one was definitely up there with the worst of them. ‘I… uh… might have gotten myself into a bit of a… ah, sticky situation.’ 

‘Get to the point Maxwell,’ Drake replied, his tone definitely irritated now. ‘What have you done now?’ 

Maxwell shifted uncomfortably then immediately regretted it as the strands of waxed hair pulled painfully against his balls. ‘I think its better if I show you,’ he squeaked in pain. 

 ‘Beaumont if this is another one of your fucking pranks, I swear to god I’ll-‘ 

‘Drake just get over here!’ he burst out desperately, unable to take it anymore. ‘I need help!' 

‘Alright, alright, just sit tight I’ll be there soon,’ he grumbled before clicking the call off. 

 Maxwell settled his phone on the bathtub’s edge and waited, praying his best friend would arrive quickly and have some sort of idea on how to get him out of his predicament. Twenty minutes passed and the temperature of the water in the bathtub dropped by more than 10 degrees but he was still no closer to becoming unstuck. 

 ‘Come on, come on,’ Maxwell muttered under his breath, hoping to the highest heavens that Drake hadn’t forgotten and would arrive soon. Ever since Darcy had been born, his best friend had taken his fatherhood role very seriously which meant he’d seen less and less of him in the last few months. At long last his phone buzzed and he lunged for it, sure enough finding a text from Drake.

I just got here. Where are you?  in the master bathroom. hurry, idk how long i can be like this 

After what felt like hours but was probably about a minute, Drake appeared in the door way carrying some sort of large basket in his hand. 

'Drake buddy!’ Maxwell burst out in relief. 'Man am I glad to see you.' 

 'Maxwell, please tell me you did not disrupt my daughters nap just to show me you were having a bubble bath,’ Drake growled, setting the basket down and Maxwell caught a sight of baby Darcy inside, still sleeping soundly. 

'No Drake its not like that!’ he protested before gesturing down to himself. 'I’m stuck!’ 

His friend’s face crumpled in confusion and irritation. 'What the fu- What do you mean you’re stuck?’ 

'I’m stuck Drake!’ he wailed despondently, almost on the verge of tears. 

‘Alright alright! Keep your damn voice down,’ Drake grumbled, jerking his head at the sleeping baby. ‘Why don’t you tell me what happened from the beginning?’

'I wanted to surprise Thea so I tried to self-wax my… um… you know —  I mean if Liam can do it, it shouldn’t be that hard right?’ Maxwell began rapidly, keeping his gaze firmly away from his friend's as he continued. ‘And I followed the instructions but then the wax didn’t come off,  and oh my god it fucking hurt, so I tried it again but it still didn’t work, and when I put my legs down… everything sealed together and now I’m stuck to the bathtub!'

He glanced up to see Drake’s eyebrows raised almost to his hair line in astonishment and the two men just stared at each other for a long moment before Drake burst out into uncontrollable laughter, his broad shoulders shaking. 

‘Fine, fine,’ Maxwell grumbled. ‘I guess I deserve that… Laugh all you want.’ 

‘Wow Beaumont,’ his friend replied sarcastically, not even bothering to hide his amusement. ‘You’ve really done it this time,’ he replied, wiping a few tears away. 

 ‘Ok yea I admit it was a dumb idea but will you help me now?!’ He demanded. 

‘Hang on I’m not done yet,’ Drake shot back and laughed for a few more seconds to Maxwell’s chagrin. 

 ‘Okay now can we focus on the real problem here?!’ He almost yelled, completely disregarding the sleeping child a few feet away. 

‘Shit Maxwell I have no idea how to help you. Right now Google is our best bet I guess. But before we try anything, you should drain the bathtub,’ Drake advised in what Maxwell could only describe as his “dad voice". ’Nothing’s gonna work if with all those bubbles in the way... I’m also gonna assume you’re naked under all that..?’ He gestured vaguely to the soap suds. 

Maxwell nodded and silently obeyed, pulling the plug and letting the water drain out, rinsing himself of the soap suds as Drake thumbed through his phone, looking for a solution. 

‘Here it is,’ he finally spoke up. ‘Do you have any olive oil?’ 

‘If we do it would be in the kitchen,’ Maxwell answered, confused but not about to argue with his best friend who immediately disappeared and was back in a few seconds with it. 

 ‘Cotton pads?’ 

‘In the drawer,’ Maxwell pointed to indicate which one it was. Handing both the items to him, Drake slowly walked him through the process of unsticking himself from the bathtub floor with surprising patience and soon enough Maxwell found himself effectively detached from the porcelain. 

 ‘Drake buddy come here,’ he exclaimed, lunging up from the bathtub entirely relieved to be free. ‘You’re the best friend a guy could ask for!’ 

He attempted to pull Drake into a hug but his friend deftly sidestepped him, squeezing his eyes shut. ‘You know how I feel about hugs Beaumont. And you’re still naked by the way.’

Maxwell glanced down to find that he was indeed still naked and grabbed a towel from the nearby rack. 

‘Oh thanks for the reminder, pal,’ he replied shakily. 

Drake shook his head vehemently, shuddering. ‘Ugh don’t think I’ll be unseeing that anytime soon… Come on get dressed,’ he instructed, throwing Maxwell’s robe at him. 

‘Where are we going?’ he asked curiously as he slipped the robe over his shoulders, watching Drake pick up his still sleeping daughter and head out of the bathroom. 

‘Just do it,’ he ordered authoritatively over his shoulder and Maxwell had no choice but to follow after him. Drake loaded all three of them into his Jeep and turned glared at him. 

‘If you get wax on my new car, I will personally seal you to the roof of House Beaumont, got it?’ 

 ‘Got it,’ Maxwell gulped, knowing his friend was entirely capable of following through on his threat and the entire car ride was silent until Drake finally pulled up to a strip mall. 

 ‘What are we doing here?’ Maxwell questioned as he got down from the vehicle. 

 ‘Doing what you should have done in the first place,’ his friend replied as he carefully extracted his daughter from her carseat and heading towards the entrance of a beauty parlour. ‘Getting it professionally done. Are you gonna stand there on the sidewalk all day Beaumont?’ 

Shaking his head, Maxwell scurried after his best friend away from the strange looks he was receiving from passerby on the street. He’d barely taken two steps into the salon when a woman’s voice called out his name. 

‘Maxwell?’

His eyes almost fell out of his head when he saw Thea, Elizabeth, Olivia and Hana seated on the large massage chairs getting their nails done. 

‘Uh… hey ladies…' 

‘What are you doing here?’ His fiancee questioned, looking at him curiously. 

Maxwell felt his face heat up alarmingly. ‘Umm… I mean y’know… I was so lonely at home I decided to come join you…' 

‘Don’t be fooled,’ Drake cut in. ‘You’ll never believe what he did to himself this time.’ 

‘Thats it!’ Maxwell exclaimed out loud, heading for one of the waxing rooms at the back of the store, hoping to escape the ribbing his friends would inevitably give him. ‘I’m already late for my appointment!’ 

 As he settled himself down on the waxing bed, he could hear his friends laughing as Drake related the entire story to them. 

That’s the last time I attempt to do anything like this myself...

[imagine-loki]

As thick as thieves, Chapter 17

TITLE: As thick as thieves

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 17

AUTHOR: fanficshiddles ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine you were in the same school as Loki and you met when he saved you from bullies. You became the best of friends throughout secondary school, always getting up to mischief and into trouble. You both had a crush on one another when you were in your mid teens, but it never went further than an innocent kiss…

RATING: M

Josephine and Loki were wrapped in one another’s arms in the sex afterglow.

Josephine had never felt so relaxed before, so safe and secure… So happy. Loki had never felt so content either. He had her back in his arms.

Loki was tracing shapes across her back with the tips of his fingers.

‘This is bad.’ Josephine said as she looked at Loki, her hand splaying over his chest.

‘What is?’ Loki asked, confused.

‘How right this feels. Being with you… God. It’s like I’ve been living a lie for the past few years. Thinking that things were good with Brian. Now I’ve… Cheated on him. I’m such a fucking awful person.’ She sighed.

‘No, no you’re not. You are anything but an awful person, Josie. It’s my fault for not coming back for you sooner, for leaving in the first place.’ Loki slid his hand up and caressed the back of her neck, making her tremble.

‘I shouldn’t have married Brian. Even if you weren’t always there, in my mind.’ She said.

‘Why?’ Loki asked, stroking her skin soothingly.

Josephine sighed and put her face down against his chest. That made Loki frown in concern. He shuffled to sit up more and cupped her face in his hands, to look at her.

‘Tell me, Josie. Please.’ He asked gently.

‘My parents weren’t fond of him at all. He was never overly warm towards them. We met in a club and we were drunk when we… You know. Then it was just rushed. He promised me that he wanted to travel too. But I should have saw the signs. I felt deep down there was something off, with how quickly he wanted me to move in with him. I didn’t even know his favourite colour at that point. But I stupidly agreed and moved in. Then, well… There was the proposal, which was kind of, well, I felt like I didn’t have much of a choice.’

‘In what way? He didn’t threaten you, did he?’ Loki wasn’t sure if he was liking where it was going.

‘No… He didn’t. Not really. He kind of. Well, he had mentioned about marriage. Not long after I moved in. I told him it was way too soon, that I wasn’t ready. That we were still getting to know one another. But then a few weeks later, we were out for dinner in a fancy restaurant. It was packed. And he proposed. Everyone stopped what they were doing and were watching us. I felt like I couldn’t say no, I didn’t want to embarrass him… So I said yes. Then it just, spiralled out of control and the next thing I knew, we were married.’

‘Oh sweetheart. He trapped you, he knew because of what an amazingly sweet person you are, that you wouldn’t say no on front of all those people. That is not fair on you, at all.’ Loki stroked her cheek with the back of his hand as he spoke.

‘But in doing so, I’ve now cheated on him. Caused him more heartache down the line.’

‘Shhh. It’s not your fault. It’s ok. It will all be ok, I promise. If you want my honest opinion, he was no good for you. No one, that truly cares and loves someone, would ever put someone in that kind of position. He took advantage of your good nature. And frankly, the way he has been acting since I’ve met him is appalling.’ Loki said truthfully.

‘What am I going to do when I get back? I want to be with you, Loki. I truly do. But I have nowhere to go, I can’t just go back to my parents. And he owns the house.’ She was worried, and Loki could tell.

‘You can move in with me, petal. Even if it’s just temporary, until you sort something else. I don’t want to rush you into anything. But you are also welcome to move in with me permanently if you wish to. It’s entirely your choice.’

‘You don’t want to rush, yet we’ve just had sex. And we’ve known each other for years and years…’ Josephine smiled, making Loki chuckle.

‘You are right. We’ve done enough waiting to last a lifetime. But it is still your decision.’ Loki assured her and picked up her hand to kiss her knuckles.

‘There is something you should know first, if I am going to move in with you…’ Josephine said, sitting up more and she put her hand onto his chest.

‘What?’ Loki asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

‘If you want me, it means you’ll have to have little Loki as well.’ She grinned and Loki laughed, relieved.

‘I am sure I can cope with that. I did get him for you after all.’ Loki winked at her and kissed her forehead.

‘I might have trained him to attack all men. Since the only one he ever sees is Brian.’ Josephine teased.

‘Well, I will have to wear bubble wrap all over me.’ Loki laughed.

The two decided they had to get up and get ready to do more sightseeing, since it was their last day.

Josephine had showered, dressed and was just applying her make-up at the mirror when Loki sneaked up on her. He grabbed her waist and squeezed playfully, making her squeal and her lipstick went all over. So she had a line of red along her cheek.

‘Loki! You dick!’ She half growled, half laughed as she turned to glare up at him.

Loki laughed wickedly, he grabbed a wet wipe from the desk and wiped it off her cheek. ‘Sorry, darling. But you know how I love sneaking up on you.’ He grinned.

Josephine narrowed her eyes at him, but had a playful look in her eyes. Before Loki could react, she reached up and managed to put the lipstick on his lower lip before he jumped backwards.

‘Hm, that colour looks good on you.’ Josephine winked and turned back around to continue.

She saw him in the mirror looking at her with a smile. He smacked his lips together, rubbing it onto his top lip too. ‘Perhaps it does suit me. Maybe I should add some eyeliner as well. What do you think?’ He said playfully as he placed his chin on the top of her head and watched her in the mirror.

‘You’re such an idiot.’ Josephine laughed and shook her head.

‘That’s why you love me.’ Loki grinned.

‘Yeah, keep telling yourself that.’ She laughed.

Loki stayed with his chin perched on her head until she was finished with her make-up. Then Josephine picked up the lipstick again and she wrote on the mirror. She wrote their names with a heart in the middle.

‘Aww. You softy.’ Loki said as he gave her hips a squeeze. ‘But it’s missing something.’ He moved to the side of her and leaned over towards the mirror and kissed it, leaving the lipstick mark next to Josephine’s name.

‘Eww. You don’t know where that mirror has been.’ Josephine giggled.

‘Says the girl who flashed her boobies to a stranger for drugs.’ Loki cocked an eyebrow up at her and folded his arms over his chest.

‘Boobies? What are you, ten?’ Josephine matched him and folded her arms over her chest too.

‘You know I like boobies.’ Loki shrugged and looked down at hers, licking his lips.

‘Come on, let’s not get distracted again.’ Josephine said as she grabbed his arm and dragged him towards the door.

‘Wait.’ Loki stopped in his tracks, having Josephine look at him with confusion. ‘We uh, got a bit carried away and forgot to use protection. Maybe we should find a chemist?’ He said sheepishly.

‘No need.’ Josephine smiled and reached up to cup his cheek, smiling at his now confused face. ‘I get the injection. So… No need to worry.’ She shrugged.

‘Ah. I am guessing that Brian doesn’t know that?’ Loki said, taking her hand and pressing a kiss to her knuckles.

‘He doesn’t. Because I used to take the pill, but he switched them once. So I was taking duds.’ Josephine looked down, knowing Loki wouldn’t take to hearing that very well.

‘He WHAT?’ Loki said angrily.

‘He really wants kids, I really don’t. So I had to go behind his back and get the injection instead. Luckily I realised the pills weren’t doing what they were supposed to, when I got my period randomly instead of when it was supposed to be my week off them.’ Josephine sighed.

‘Oh, sweetheart.’ Loki pulled her into a hug. 

They had another wonderful day in Rome. Then Loki surprised her by taking her on a proper date in a lovely restaurant that had a band playing some soft music on a stage. It was romantic, low lights, candles, wonderful food and the best wine.

Neither of them could stop smiling. It all just felt so right and comfortable. They talked away as they ate and laughed. Josephine was sure she’d laughed more in that one day than she had in the past ten years.

She was a little suspicious when Loki got up from his seat, after they finished dessert, and put his hand out for her.

‘May I have this dance?’ He asked, smiling.

Josephine bit her lower lip, then took his hand and allowed him to lead her over to the small dance area on front of the stage. The band all looked happy at having their first couple up to dance.

Loki slid a hand to her lower back and held her hand in his other. Josephine put her free hand onto his shoulder and the two started to move gracefully along the dancefloor in time with the music.

‘Your dancing has improved.’ Loki commented as he swept her along.

‘I may have taken lessons a few years ago.’ She smiled.

Loki led her elegantly through the dances for a few songs. By the time the third song started, there were other couples up dancing too, taking their lead. The ice broken.

Josephine let out a small squeak when she felt Loki’s hand slide down lower, to squeeze her bum cheekily.

‘What happened to the romance?’ Josephine grinned.

‘Just a little bit of fun.’ Loki winked at her and leaned down to capture her lips with his as they swayed together.

They decided to walk back to their hotel as it was a beautiful night. Hand in hand they walked along the streets of Rome, just slightly tipsy from the wine they had during dinner.

Josephine felt like she was a Disney princess from how Loki had treated her that evening. She was on cloud nine.

‘I don’t want this to end. Do we have to go back?’ Josephine sighed.

‘We do. But this is only the start, my love. I am going to make sure we go to every single place in your scrap book, and more. The world is now our oyster.’ Loki cupped her cheek in his hand and smiled as she closed her eyes and leaned into his touch.

When they got back to their hotel, Josephine went with Loki into his room. They had a few more drinks and fell into his bed, wrapped in one another’s arms as they fell asleep.

[dnpgays]

Cact us

Pairing: Dan Howell & Phil Lester

Summary: Space!dan gets a new neighbour who just happens to be a cute boy with a love for plants.

Word count: 11k

Genre: Fluff

Authors note: wow actual content? shit man

Read on Ao3 

Dan looked up at the stars that glimmered and lit up the dark never ending universe. The moon was full, it was the best thing ever in Dan’s opinion. It would be up there in most people’s opinion. It became a routine for Dan to sit on the roof until at least 12 am every night. Well, maybe except when the weather was horrible, but Dan always found beauty in the sky whether it was clear or not. Or even the rain splatter on the ground.

He heard shuffles from the neighbours house. Someone had apparently moved in earlier that day. The last people that lived there was an old couple, but when the man passed away and his poor wife was moved into a nursery home after they’d been married to him for 46 years. Dan had never really talked to them, but they seemed lovely.

Dan fished up his phone from his pocket. The bright screen informed him that it was 11 pm. He didn’t question why his new neighbour was out though, because he, himself was sat on the roof with his gaze up at the stars like a freak.

He averted his gaze up to the sky again and rested his head on the cold, hard tiles.A creaky door could be heard and Dan sat up to see who bothered him. There was someone in the greenhouse that the old couple had abounded.

It was too dark for Dan to see who the person was, but luckily for his curiosity, the person turned on a light. A single light bulb was hung from the ceiling in a rather aesthetic way. Dan had pictured a lady in her 40’s, but it was the quite opposite actually.

It was a guy who looked about 17 years old, just a year older than Dan who was 16. Ebony hair in addition to pink sweet lips. His royal blue hoodie was clearly over-sized because it covered almost his entire thighs, his hands were not to be seen. Dan smiled fondly at the new boy. The boy who looked so cute and excited as he started to clean out all leftovers from the past residents.

Dan found himself to not be bothered at all by this cute boy’s presence. Dan liked to look at the boy as he moved in and out of the greenhouse whilst humming at some song Dan didn’t recognise, though he couldn’t hear the hums when the boy was inside of the house.

After the greenhouse was fairly clean the boy turned around like he inspected his work before he smiled proudly. The boy looked down at his watch. The action got Dan curious, so he checked the time himself. It was 11:56 pm , Dan’s eyes widened. Time had gone by incredibly fast, he’d now spent 50 minutes of having his eyes glued at a stranger do gardening.

When Dan looked down again, the boy was gone. Perhaps it was weird for Dan to stare, but he didn’t give it much thought.  just put his foot on the crate that was placed perfectly to help him climb down from the roof. Luckily they only had one floor and a basement.

Dan entered his room through the window, he slid into his bed after he removed his pants and his jacket. He was very glad that he had the T-shirt he always slept in underneath, he’d also already brushed his teeth. It didn’t take long before he fell asleep.

The next morning Dan woke up to his little sister’s shouts directed at him. “Dan! Mom said that you’re gonna follow me over to the new neighbours!” Dan groaned and told her to shut up before actually he actually realised what she’d said. That could mean to talk to the plant boy which was both good and bad. Bad because Dan would totally mess it up, but good because he’d get to hear his voice, maybe even his name. Acquaintances is better than nothing right?

“Mom said that you had to, come on”, Dan’s 7 year old sister, Kayla demanded. She was fucking aggravating sometimes. Dan lifted his head to observe his sister in her baby blue caps with a neon pink dress which looked absolutely horrific together in Dan’s opinion.

“Okay, give me a second”, Dan answered with an eye roll. She told him to hurry up before she exited his room. Dan checked the notifications on his phone, (which was mainly videos from his favourite youtubers, some likes on his recent Instagram photo and one lonely note from tumblr) before he got up.

Dan put his earplugs in his ears and pressed play on his favourite playlist on Spotify before he walked into the hallway because obviously his room had to be the furthest away from the bathroom

She take my money when I’m in need Yeah she’s a trifling friend indeed Oh she’s a gold digger way over town.

That digs on me

Dan lip synced whilst he moved his head to the music. He ignored the glance from his mother as he slipped into the bathroom. He visibly cringed at his hair when he looked in the mirror, he immediately got out his hair brush to started to push it down. When it looked decent, he got a pair of black skinny jeans out of the drawer and put it on with only slight struggles.

“Dan, you’re so slow”, Kayla complained. Dan pulled on a black hoodie that fit his aesthetic before he brushed his teeth very quickly. He almost forgot to put on deodorant even. He took a final look in the mirror. When he opened the door he hadn’t expected his little sister to be standing right outside which lead to almost hitting her with the door.

“Fucking hell!” Dan cursed, which made his mom cough, she gave him a stern look. “Sorry”, Dan muttered as he took Kayla’s hand and started to drag her to the door. He put on his shoes before he helped Kayla put on her shoes. Then he opened the white door that leads out of their house. They both said goodbye to their mom before they left.

The cold winter air hit him in the face and the sun blinded him. It was nice though, they hadn’t really had nice weather in the UK for a while. Dan still preferred the cold nights and the moon’s reflection on the sea, he could spot from his spot on the roof.

“Dan! Look how pretty the flowers are!��, Kayla exclaimed in an amazed tone. Dan adverted his gaze from right in front of him to where his sister was obnoxiously pointing. The flowers weren’t on anyone’s property, but in front of a tiny park. “Can we please make flower crowns?” Kayla pleaded.

Dan looked at the time only to find out that it was 1:07 pm, still pretty early in his opinion. It wouldn’t hurt would it? “Sure”, Dan answered and chucked at his sister’s excitement. She’s the type of person who gets excited about everything. She had already started to run towards the dainty flowers, so Dan decided to follow. Perhaps he should try to make a flower crown himself? Better than to just sit and watch Kayla do it.

About 15 minutes later they both had a flower crown each. Kayla handed Dan her caps and placed the flower crown over her loose, long, blonde braids. She smiled up at Dan and he poked her pimple. She looked much better without the caps in Dan’s judgement. With her white converse, scratched up knees and the pink dress that was cut off right above her knees in addition to the flower crown she looked pretty good.

“Come on”, Dan said and took her small hand in his. They started to walk towards their new neighbours house. Dan could feel butterflies in his stomach as he thought about talking to the gorgeous boy from the night before.

“There’s two sons”, Kayla informed him. Dan gave her a questioning look in response. “Our new neighbours, they have two sons”, She explained further.

“Is that so?” Dan asked only slightly interested. Kayla nodded her head and started to walk faster, dragging Dan with her. He didn’t even question how she already knew who lived there, maybe he should just listen more to what people tell him. More cars were passed by than normal and Dan supposed there was something special that happened locally.

Kayla slightly skipped into the driveway without hesitation and Dan took a quick breath before he followed her. She stopped right in front of the door and turned around to face Dan. She mockingly checked her non-existent watch whilst Dan walked slowly towards her. The house was white and only a little bigger than Dan’s.

Once Dan was right in front of the door Kayla knocked. Her weak knuckles made way too little noise for anyone more than a meter away to hear, so Dan took it upon himself to knock again which earned a glare from Kayla. They heard footsteps from inside and Dan felt like he had a whole zoo in his stomach.

The door opened and the boy Dan had seen the day before stuck his head out before he smiled. He carefully opened the door completely. “Hello” The guy said enthusiastically. Dan could see him better now in the daylight, he wasn’t disappointed.

He had a white knitted sweater, which was just big enough for him to have sweater paws in addition to light grey sweatpants. His soft features were so much more beautiful close-up. Dan could see his pink, sweet lips and his milky skin perfectly. He could feel his ocean eyes on him.

“Hey! We’re your neighbours” Kayla said. The boy’s smile grew even more. “I’m Kayla” She informed and looked expectantly up at Dan.

“Um.. Hi, I’m D-Dan” He inhaled deeply “Dan Howell” He said quietly. He coughed before he continued. “We just um.. wanted to w-welcome you” Dan cursed himself for not being able to talk properly and pressed his nails into the wrist of his left hand which was still had a hold on Kayla’s cap.

“Thank you, I’m Phil Lester” He smiled before he looked down at Kayla. “I love your flower crown Kayla, it’s so cute” He complimented which made Kayla beam. She straightened the purple and yellow crown before she looked down at her other crown.

“We made two, you can have one?” She offered before she looked back up at him. Phil accepted and keeled for Kayla to put it on top of his head. It took everything for Dan to not to throw himself over Phil right there and then because he was completely sure that Phil with a flower crown was the prettiest thing on the entire earth.

“I love it, what do you think Dan?” He giggled. Dan just kept quiet because how do you speak when the most beautiful man with the most adorable giggle says your name in the softest way. He just nodded as he smiled awkwardly. Phil leaned on the door with elbow on the handle with his head rested in his hand.

Dan looked past Phil and inside the house, it was pretty empty with many boxes and bags. Phil saw where Dan looked which made him cringe. “It’s really boring and messy right now” Phil sighed, like it was something to be ashamed of that they weren’t completely done furnishing after they’d moved in the day before.

“We should probably go now,” Dan mumbled. Kayla frowned, but took his hand as a sign that she was ready to go either way. They both said goodbye to Phil almost embarrassingly at the same time.

“Goodbye, thank you for the flower crown” Answered Phil and smiled brightly. Dan had to stop himself from staring at him for too long. Kayla told him that it was no problem and started to walk away with Dan right behind her.

“He was awesome!” Kayla exclaimed when they were in their own driveway.

“Yeah, he was” Dan answered dreamily and looked up at the sky. He thought about Phil’s smile, his blue eyes and how the fact that he’d do willingly let Kayla put the flower crown on top of his head was adorable. When Dan realised that he’d slowed down his pace quite a bit and that his sister was gone, probably, hopefully inside their house he blushed.

He walked around with a stranger in mind, that was just strange, even for Dan. He couldn’t help it though. He cringed of how cheesy his thoughts were. Phil was the kind of guy that everyone would either date or be friends with. His smile makes you wanna smile and he’s tall, but at the same time small body, made you want to embrace him and protect him.

Dan opened the door to his house and was greeted by his mom. He put Kayla’s cap on the table and ran a hand through his hair. “Daniel, can you be any slower?” She teased. Dan kicked off his shoes and hurried into the kitchen where he smelled pancakes.

“I suppose if I really tried” Dan replied sarcastically. Kayla was sat by the wooden table with a dirty plate and a satisfied grin on her face. “You couldn’t wait two minutes until I came” Dan questioned annoyed. He really didn’t care, but he knew that if it was Kayla who’d came home late, he’d never get to eat before she was there.

“Oh come on Dan, she was hungry” His mom informed which made Dan roll his eyes. “Plus, we have your favourite” She said cheerfully and tousled his hair. He wasn’t stupid enough to not know that it was in fact, Kayla who’d begged her for pancakes.

They ate and had a conversation about boring stuff that Dan didn’t take a big part in. He hated small talk. It’d been much better before Kayla came into the picture. He wished she’d never entered their lives, but it was too late, he was attached and would never want to lose her at that point.

4 years ago, Dan’s dad had died of a drug overdose and his mother had reacted by coming home drunk almost every night for 8 months. After that she’d slowly, but surely started to drink less and become more herself. All the alcohol and the days she’d taken off work, which made them lose a lot of money, not that they had much before.

After a year Dan supposed she just needed something to fill the hole in her heart, which made her adopt Kayla from Somalia. Dan had tried to protest, but it didn’t work. Kayla costed them money, his mom got even even more frustrated and she started to drink again. Dan had to look after Kayla all the time because their mom was never home. He was still 13 mind you. When their mom started to get her shit together their relationship was stronger than ever and neither of them had the heart to give Kayla back. It still happened that their mom came home drunk or high times to times, but it was rare.

“I’m gonna go up to my room” Dan stated and picked up his plate. He covered it in soap and started to wash it with a cloth.

“That’s okay, I can take it” His mom said and stood up with her own plate. Normally Dan would refuse, but today he just really wanted to get to his room and be alone. He thanked his mom and rushed out of the kitchen after he dried his wet hands. He was about to enter his room when he saw someone in the neighbours garden.

It was Phil and a boy who looked a couple years younger. Dan remembered that Kayla said that they were two sons and assumed that the other son was him. There was also a girl who stood with her head on Phil’s shoulder. Dan felt jealous and instantly disliked towards the girl. The younger boy played soccer, whilst Phil and the girl watched. They looked like they had a good time, even the girl despise how tired she looked.

Dan continued to walk into his room. He wished his family could be all perfect and happy. His dad tried to get him to play sports and Dan used to tell his friends how much he hated his dad for that. You don’t really notice how much someone means to you until they’re gone. It wasn’t like he didn’t support him when Dan had played piano or won over him in mario kart. Dan knew now how good of a father he really was, even though he had small flaws, but it was too late.

Dan sat down on his bed with his laptop. He had a message from his best friend Chris. It a question about their homework of course. He never missed a class, but that didn’t mean that he ever actually paid attention. He’d been lucky and shared the majority of his classes with his best friend, but it came with a couple disadvantages.

Chris: Hi, where we allowed to write about whatever we wanted to in literature?

Dan: What are you talking about? We’re currently learning about Shakespare you walnut

Chris: Harassment

Dan rolled his eyes and shut his computer. He got his canvas from under his bed. He’s barley started to paint a star constellation before he got too tired the other day. He normally pained when he was outside at night, but sometimes when he got bored he just googled a picture. He got up his white, purple, dark blue and black painting. He shared his favourite brushes with Kayla and since they were not in their usual place he supposed that she’d taken them. He was too lazy to go out of his room again so he settled for the slightly shittier brushes.

An hour later he had a complete drawing of Aquila. He wasn’t completely satisfied, but he didn’t really care. It wasn’t like he was going to do anything with them. He’d drawn digital drawings before and put them on tumblr or taken an aesthetic picture with the canvas or his painting book and done the same, but that was just something he did sometimes when he was extra proud. He had a couple paintings hanging on his walls as well, including his own star sign Gemini.

He started a new to paint of something he’d read a lot about recently, black holes. Or at least what they think black holes looks like. It fascinated him, but he always had to take a break from when he read about it because of the headaches he got.

Suddenly he heard rain spatter on his window. Luckily it didn’t seem like it was too much so he just continued to paint whilst he listened to sign of the times by Harry Styles. The rain and the song sounded absolutely beautiful together and he got a boost of creativity. He saw his phone light up and he wanted to ignore it because he didn’t want to get out of his ‘zone’, but his curiosity got the best of him.

Chris: I’m bored talk to me

Dan: I’m busy painting you dickhole

He put down his phone and started to paint again. He and Chris were always playfully arguing and hated each other, but he didn’t know what he’d do without him and PJ. Chris responded after just 30 seconds.

Chris: My feelings :(

Dan: Go talk to PJ or smth

Dan’s friends knew that sometimes he needed some time alone. They had gladly listened to him when he explained 'the spoon theory’ by Christine Miserandino. If only Chris would’ve paid that much attention in class. They were the best friends you could ever wish for though. Dan used to be a loser with no friends, but when he became friends with Chris and PJ he learned to not take other’s shit. He wasn’t exactly popular though, not that he ever wanted to be.

Dan remembered that he’d gotten 20 pounds from his grandma when she visited the week before and decided to get some snacks at the closest gas station. He moved the books that he’d hidden his money behind. He knew his sister all too well.

“Mom, I’m gonna go to the gas station, I’ll be back soon!” Dan shouted before he got his jacket shoes. His jacket was waterproof because of the weather and had small planets on his left chest. His shoes were completely black with small stars dotted on the sides. He’d started to wear space stuff because he really liked space, but before he knew it his whole wardrobe was full of space. His friends called him a space freak and nerd all the time. It was like an inside joke though.

“Okay, see you later!” His mom called back. Dan checked his reflection in the mirror before he went outside. It was now rain pouring down from the sky and it was much colder than when they’d gone outside a couple hours earlier. Dan loved the cold rain against his bare skin. He looked over to the neighbours house that he had to walk past to get to the gas station. Phil, the young boy and the girl were still there.

They all played basketball this time. All of them had a hoodie that protected most of their hair from the rain. Phil was piggybacking the girl and they looked like they had very much fun. Dan still felt the jealousy in his stomach, but Phil’s bright smile and his laughter kind of made up for it. Dan fought a smile that tried to form on his lips. It looked weird to walk around with a smile on your lips for no reason. Dan found that sad, why can’t people walk around smiling brightly if they’re happy?

He started walking on the pavement. His flat shoes made a loud sound when he stepped on the asphalt. He got wetter and wetter for every second. His hair was sticking to his face and some hair even got in his eyes. Dan was in the middle of wondering if the government were going into people’s houses to steal socks and umbrellas for their lizard homes when he heard his name being called. He looked awkwardly to all sorts of directions before realising it was Phil who was staring straight at him with a smile plastered on his face. Dan waved and smiled at him and he made a waving motion with his index finger as a sign for Dan to come over.

Dan walked the last 20 meters before he was standing right in front of Phil’s house, right in front of Phil. He was seeing his beautiful figure once again perfectly. His hair was wet and sticking to his face too, but he was wearing a sweatshirt which covered his hair. “Do you always wear oversized sweaters in different colours?” Dan questioned playfully.

“Hi, I’m Jessica Lester. I’m Phil’s cousin” Dan heard from his side, it was the girl that Dan had thought was Phil’s girlfriend. It felt like a hundred weights had been lifted off Dan’s chest. “Phil’s a bit of a pussy sometimes” She said and laughed, which earned a punch from Phil. She pouted and held a hand over where Phil had punched her.

“Am not,” He said and looked challenging up at her. She just chuckled and ruffled his hair. “Jessica, this is Dan- our neighbour” Phil explained and pointed over to Dan’s house. Phil looked back at Dan again. “No, I wear other stuff, but it’s cold” He answered to the question Dan had almost forgotten that he ever asked.

“That’s okay, I l-like it” Dan said quietly which earned a blush from Phil. Jessica put two fingers in her mouth and pretend like she retched before she walked away. “I’m going to the gas station” Dan paused and inhaled before he continued. “- and I wondered if you wanted to join, maybe? I understand if you don’t want to. Like you barely know me” Dan rambled

Phil giggled and nodded his head eagerly. “Wait a minute,” he said before running inside of the house and exiting with an umbrella. Then he waved to the others before he looked expectantly at Dan. He just stood there awkwardly in response. “I don’t know where it is” Phil reminded him and Dan blushed as he started to walk. Phil followed just by his side so his umbrella covered Dan too.

“Tell me about yourself then” Dan said, genuinely curious about Phil. He was also a fan of Phil’s voice. In one way it was deep, but then it would go very light and it was always soft. Dan found himself wanting to hear Phil’s morning voice, his voice when he was scared, his voice when he was really happy. He wanted to hear Phil’s voice whispering things in his ear.

“Well, I’m 17 and I just moved from Manchester to here. The two people with me with back there” He pointed behind him with his thumb. “-was my cousin Jessica who’s from Canada and my little brother Eric. Jessica is going back to Canada tomorrow though” Phil informed and frowned when he said that last part. From what Dan had seen the two seemed close and Canada and England was a great distance apart. “You?”. Dan looked questioningly at Phil. “Tell me something about yourself” He explained.

“Well, I’m 16 and I’ve always lived here,” Dan said bluntly. He tried to think about other stuff, but he couldn’t recall anything. He was a tad bit different than the majority people at his school, but he wasn’t going to introduce himself with, 'Hi, I’m Dan, I’m obsessed with space, I have crippling depression also I have a thing for dicks’, so he just left it at that.

“Is Kayla your sister?” Phil questioned. Dan turned to look at him, they made eye contact and held it for a while before Dan slowly nodded before he shifted his gaze to in front of him again. The rain was making loud noise as it hit the umbrella, some weak raindrops hit them in the face because of the small wind. “She’s cute” Phil complimented.

“She is,” Dan agreed. They arrived at the small gas station a few moments after walking in silence for a while. It was a mix of awkward and comfortable silence, Dan was mostly busy trying to think of things to say. They walked under the roof in front of the station and Phil took down his wet umbrella.

Phil started to walk in, Dan follows right behind. When Dan got in only a few seconds after Phil, he was standing by some flowers in a corner. Dan walked up to him. “Calla Lily” He said once he noticed Dan. Phil looked up at him. “They symbolise magnificence and beauty” He said whilst looking straight into Dan’s eyes.

“Which flowers are those” Dan asked as he pointed over to some white flowers in the middle of a nicely put together bouquet.

“Those are called star of Bethlehem and they symbolise hope” Phil answered and softly touched the petals of the small flowers.

“You know a lot about flowers?” Dan said more like a question than a statement. He could see the passion and love for flowers in Phil’s eyes. The same he’d seen from a distance the first time Dan had watched him in the greenhouse. It was really true what people say, people do look the best when they’re talking about something they love.

“Yeah, they are so beautiful though. I didn’t even learn the name and meaning to like every flower or plant on purpose, I just looked them up, now they’re all glued to my brain” Phil explained. Then he looked over at Dan, he was surprised when he saw that he actually looked interested so he continued. “My grandma and I used to plant flowers together, so when she died and I had to look up flowers for her funeral, I just kinda fell down a hole"Phil said as he smiled sadly.

"Oh, I’m sorry about your grandma” Dan said. He never knew how to respond to stuff like that. It was always so awkward, the brunette felt bad for Phil, and every other person who has or will ever tell him sad stuff.

“Well, at least something good came out of it” Phil said, he inhaled before smiling again. Dan admired his optimism. This guy seemed so down to earth whilst still making Dan feel like he was so small, like Phil was some type of God.

“Yeah” Dan responded. Phil turned around and started to walk towards the section with candy. Dan followed right behind as Phil picked up two ice creams . “What do you need two ice creams for when it’s raining outside and well, you’re one person?” Dan questioned once he was close enough.

“Ice cream is always good despite the weather. The other one is for you” Phil answered whilst he was still not looking up at Dan. He turned to go straight to the checkout before Dan could protest. He just followed shyly. Phil turned around and handed Dan one of the ice creams. “I hope you like chocolate” He smiled.

“You really didn’t have to do that” Dan said truthfully. He was the one that had invited Phil plus, they had just moved out so Dan assumed that they shouldn’t just throw money around. He shouldn’t either, but Phil was worth it.

“Shut up” Phil responded, he began to walk towards the exit.

“Isn’t it too cold to eat ice cream outside?” Dan questioned, he was not moving, at least not before Phil turned to glare at him with his head tilted slightly to the side. When they went outside Dan was surprised to find out that there was almost no rain pouring from the clouds, but the wind made his hair stand straight up. Dan put a hand on his hair to keep it down and playfully shoved Phil who was laughing at him. He envied Phil’s hair which look perfect.

They sat down on a bench right outside the gas station and started to eat their ice cream. Dan looked over at Phil. Studied his features closely. Phil looked back at him, which made Dan move his gaze to his shoes. He had been caught. Phil just laughed though.

Dan finished his ice cream fast enough and looked over at Phil, who had much left. “Jesus Phil hurry up” He groaned.

Phil playfully pouted. “Aren’t you enjoying your time here with me Dan?” He questioned. Dan just scoffed, of course he was, but he couldn’t stare at Phil for an entirety. Even though he’d like to. All of a sudden they heard a phone ring. Phil fished up his iPhone and groaned.

“Hi mom” pause. “We’ve only been here for like 40 minutes or something.” Pause. “Okay, sure. Bye” Phil put his phone back in his pocket again and sat down next to Dan. A little closer than they had originally.

“My mom is on her way home from the city and she would pick me up on her way home now” He frowned and looked Dan in the eyes which made Dan’s breath hitch. Goddamn Phil. “I’m sure she would drive you too” He added.

Dan was just about to say yes to the offer, but when he gave it more thought an awkward car ride with some dude he just met’s mother didn’t seem very tempting. “I’ll walk, I like to walk anyway” Dan said and smiled up at Phil who’d just stood up.

Phil handed Dan his umbrella. “Just in case it starts to rain” He explained. Dan was just about to protest when Phil continued. “You can give it back to me at my birthday tomorrow 5'o clock.” He gave Dan a quick hug. Dan completely melted in his arms as he wished that the hug would never end. He jumped when he heard a car horn from behind Phil. Phil pulled back and waved at his mother in the car. “It’s just a few, I don’t have enough friends to have a proper party”, he said before turning around and climbing into the car.

Dan hated how smooth Phil was whilst he was just as awkward he’d even been. Actually, even more, because he’d never properly felt like that about anyone. That thought scared him. He got up his headphones and played some music. He almost crashed with an old lady on her way out of the station. She was out of the way before Dan could apologise so he just started to walk again.

When Dan arrived at his home it was 18:30 and his leg hurt after he’d fell. It was completely that biker’s fault. He sighed and opened google. 'How do you know if you’re in love?’ he typed in and pressed enter. He scrolled a little before he found a random forum where someone had asked the same.

Dan read through the answers they’d gotten. 'You get hella butterflies in your stomach and when they’re gone, it’s like you’re lost idek it sounds cheesy.’ That was kind of how Dan felt. He felt nervous, but exited in a completely unique way, everything except Phil seemed boring.

'You always feel protected when you’re around them, but at the same time so vulnerable. You just want to spend the rest of your life with them and talk to them all the time’ Another answer said. Dan could relate to all of this, it was scary in all honesty. He didn’t know Phil. Phil could be a serial killer for all he knew. Dan wanted nothing more than to get to know him further though.

He looked at himself in the mirror as he thought about it. He thought about him and Phil together as a couple, he thought about himself having a crush on his neighbour, he thought about himself being in love with his neighbour. It was a little too much for him. He’d even contemplated being aro before.

He shook his head before looking out the window. It was starting to get dark, the rain had completely stopped. Dan got his galaxy backpack to fill it with his sketchbook, his phone charger, a power bank, his pens and 0,5 l rabina. Then he proceeded to climb out of his window to go up on the roof.

He could see Phil in the greenhouse again, filling it with various plants. Dan must admit he was pretty impressed over the older boy. The way he so carefully put all the plants in its place. Dan felt that stupid warmth over his whole body and those damned butterflies in his stomach. “Damn you Phil Lester” Dan whispered.

He watched Phil for a few moments before he started to sketch the scenery. Dan got tired of drawing the scenery, or rather, he inched to draw the boy next door. He refused, he was up there to get his head away from all the Phil bullshit, but it wouldn’t hurt to take inspiration from his eyes would it?

Dan ended up with a mess of a drawing. It was blue, green and yellow. Stars were dotted randomly around the canvas. Dan picked up his thinnest brush to paint the word 'limerence’ all over it. He added a few strokes of some other colours before he looked down at the older boy again. He smiled adoringly at him as he small danced around with his headphones. “Ethereal” He whispered to himself before he lay down to watch the stars.

Dan laid down like normal whilst listening to Phil’s gardening and occasional humming. When Phil went inside about 10 pm he put in his earplugs though. He suddenly remembered that there was a total solar eclipse the day after the next day. He smiled brightly at the thought. It was something that only happened every 18 months on average.

He continued thinking about the moon (and a certain figurative star). When it was 11:30 he decided to go inside, it was much earlier than usual, but to be honest, he just couldn’t wait to see Phil the next day. He laid down in bed with a smile plastered on his lips. He strongly believed that love at first sight wasn’t possible, but just because the ship isn’t completely underwater doesn’t mean that it’s not a problem when it’s sinking. Sinking into the depths of a certain neighbours smile and his eyes.

 The next morning the brunette woke up at 10 am. He laid in bed for twenty minutes before he finally decided to get up. He didn’t bother to put on pants mainly because he really needed to pee, so he just walked out of his room in a T-shirt. That wasn’t unusual, what was unusual though was that they had a guest. A strange man sat in the room accompanied by Kayla and their mom. They were laughing and drinking something hot.  

Dan rushed to the bathroom. Luckily he had a pair of jeans that were fairly clean so he just put those on after he’d peed. The black skinny jeans and his black t-shirt made him look like he was going to a funeral which wasn’t his moms favourite thing, but he figured that she couldn’t complain since she hadn’t told him about a visitor.

He went to the doorway and looked his family. The house seemed warmer than usual and he wasn’t even sure if he meant the actual temperature or just the atmosphere. “Hey Daniel” His mom greeted when she noticed him in the doorway. “This is John” She introduced the man next to her.

“Good morning mom” He answered before he turned to John. “Hi, I’m Dan nice to meet you” He smiled polity. Kayla didn’t even notice that he had entered, because she was engrossed in drawing. She showed John her drawing excitingly and he laughed at something she whispered to him. It was ages since things had been so happy in their house and Dan took an instant liking to whoever that John guy was for that reason.

He got some cereal from the kitchen. He rolled his eyes when he realised that the milk wasn’t in the fridge, but rather on the counter. “Kayla remember to put in the milk!” He yelled to his sister. She groaned in response. The hot milk made the cereal taste bad, so after a couple spoons Dan decided that he was better without. He washed the bowl and wiped his wet fingers on a town next to the sink.

Just when he was about to escape to his room he heard his moms easily recognisable steps behind him so he turned. “I’m sorry for not warning you about that” She said with an apologetic smile and pointed to the living room behind her with her thumb.

“No, it’s fine, don’t worry” Dan answered and looked over her shoulder. “Who is he?” He quizzed. His mom visibly tensed up and sighed. Laughter and banter could be heard from behind them as the sun shines through the open windows. Dan had goosebumps because of the cold, but was enjoying the fresh air.

“It’s a guy I met on an app a couple weeks ago. I know it’s a bit weird, but he was in the area so I decided why not invite him over for some coffee?” She informed. Right after Dan’s dad had died the thought of his mother finding a new man had terrified him, but now it excited him. Dan voiced his feelings and got a hug in response.

When Dan was in his room, he took the opportunity to catch up on his favourite youtubers. He loaded the subscriptions tab and saw that Chris had uploaded a video with PJ called kickthestickz. He clicked on the video and his best friends’ faces appeared on the screen. It was a sketch kind off mocking their shippers and the fan fiction writers. Dan took very offence to the video as he was a kickthestickz shipper himself. So he opened a new tab and typed in 'kickthestickz smut’ into the search bar. When he’s found a fairly disturbing one he copied it and sent it to their group-chat. He got a response right way.

Chris: Ew wtf Dan

PJ: I will personally come over there and strangle u

He snickered before continuing binge watching YouTube videos and a random show on Netflix. Suddenly it was 4 pm and Dan decided that it was time for him to get ready. He replaced his eclipse T-shirt with a white button-up. He decided to keep his black jeans because they could be worn pretty much everywhere with anything. Phil had said that it wasn’t a “proper party”.

He went into the bathroom. On his way he realised that he neither his mom nor Kayla was home. He couldn’t recall them telling him about leaving anytime, but it wasn’t rare, so the brunette didn’t really pay it much thought as he started brushing his teeth. The butterflies in his stomach were going crazy when he thought of the party.

He finished brushing his teeth and wiped off all the toothpaste around his mouth with his sleeve. The sound of the washing machine and some children yelling outside filled the silence as he was staring at himself in the mirror. His slightly bloodshot eyes with bags under them staring right back at him. He kind of liked his eyes, but he admired how people like Phil’s eyes change colour depending on the lighting.

Just when he thought he was ready, he remembered that he hadn’t bought a present. He cursed silently to himself before he got an idea. He rushed to his room and got out a box from under his bed. He removed the cover and got out a painting of a sunrise. It was detailed with sunbeams and an orange tint. Then he picked up another painting of an explosion in space. It was a dark blue background with a blight blue explosion plus stars dotted around.

He looked frantically around after wrapping paper without success so he took a brown paper bad and hoped that it was enough. He put the two paintings inside the bag carefully. Outside the bag he wrote 'to Phil, thank you for inviting me and happy birthday! From Dan’ and drew some flowers quickly, noting in his head that he should draw plants for Phil sometime. He wanted to write something a bit more quirky, but after all they’d just had 2 conversations and he didn’t want to be rude.

He didn’t think it was a good present, he wasn’t that self obsessed, but he didn’t really have many options. It was 4:45 when he was done with that. Phil never said if they were going to eat at his, but just in case not Dan took an apple. Yogurt wasn’t tempting considering that he still had the minty toothpaste taste in his mouth. Not the apple either, but it was the better alternative.

Dan took on his jacket and shoes before taking a step outside with the gift in his hand. The grass outside his house was covered in a thin layer of frost, but the sun was shining brightly. When he looked over to Phil’s house he saw just what he’d seen the other days except now there was another grey cheap-looking car in their driveway. He started to walk towards the ebony haired boys house whilst he took in the fresh air and let the sun warm his little amount of exposed skin.

He took the few steps hesitantly up to Phil’s driveway. When he reached the door, he noticed that they luckily had gotten a doorbell. The doorbell made a soft clinging noise, but presumably loud enough for anyone in the house to hear. Dan nervously counted 15 seconds before the door opened. He was greeted with Phil’s bright smile which both calmed him down and made things worse.

“Happy birthday!” Dan exclaimed, and was taken aback by Phil eho wrapped his arms around him. He soon enough thawed in Phil’s embrace. Phil pulled back after a couple seconds and Dan tried his hardest to hide his disappointment. “Here I brought you something,” He said and handed the black-haired boy the bag with the paintings.

Phil had a pink dad-cap placed on his head, showing just the fringe and the front of his short sides. He noticed that he had one pretty red rose earring in his left ear. His lips looked extra pink except it didn’t look like he had any makeup on. He looked extremely calm and looking at him calmed Dan instantly. Often when Dan saw attractive boys he would feel lust, Phil was still hot, but at that moment he just wanted to softly kiss the boy and to melt in his arms.

“Thank you Dan, but my birthday isn’t before January, I’m just celebrating it now because Jessica is here,” Phil said and moved so he was standing with his back touching the door and his hand motioning for him to enter their still mess of a house. Dan was surprised to see how far they’d come though. “We’ll be in the living room, we’re almost done there” Phil said nicely. Dan followed him into the light themed room.

The walls were white and there were two colourful sheer chairs. The couch looked modern with a light grey shade fabric. The black table right in front of the sofa was covered in a big pizza. In the sofa Jessica and another guy Dan had never seen before were sat chatting about something clearly funny.

Jessica looked up from the boy and met Dan’s gaze. “Hi Dan” She greeted cheerfully.

“Hello Jessica” Dan responded shyly. Jessica had her long ginger hair in two space buns in addition to makeup that did a poor job at hiding her freckles. She had a white plain dress with a red rose on a pocket that was placed on her left chest. It was pretty clear that she was related to Phil. The boy by her side had tan skin with brown hair and brown eyes. He had a black button-up with black jeans and his wrists were covered in some bracelets.

“This is my boyfriend Brendan” Jessica informed him. Dan introduced himself to the brunette. Brendan offered him a warm smile before he shuffled a little closer to Jessica and put his arm lazily around her waist.

“Do you like veggie pizza? I’m vegetarian, so- um” Phil asked seemingly ashamed. Dan wasn’t that surprised, Phil seemed like he cared about animals (or generally just everything) very much. Dan had even considered it himself, but he didn’t have the willpower to stop eating the meat he loved so much. He just nodded in response to the question.

Phil patted his shoulder and went to sit down next to Brendan. Dan followed him like a lost puppy and sat down beside him. Luckily the sofa wasn’t the biggest, he enjoyed the closeness. The shoulder touching and the heat radiating from the ebony haired boy. The birthday boy took a piece of the pizza and motioned for the others to do the same. Phil moaned at the first bite, which sent shivers down Dan’s spine. “I’ll just cheekily open the presents now whilst we eat” Phil said with a grin.

“You’re so damn impatient, I swear you’re a child” Jessica chuckled. Phil hit her playfully in the arm before standing up and getting two presents. One of them being from Dan. He could feel his hands getting clammy and his heart beating faster than it already was. Luckily Phil began to open the other one first. It was neatly wrapped in turquoise wrapping paper. It looked gorgeous next to Dan’s dull brown bag.

Phil opened the gift carefully. The first thing he picked up was a small plastic card. “A gift card to the flower store” He giggled. “Thank you”

“There’s one more thing” Jessica said like he didn’t already know. Phil picked up the next item. It was a black T-shirt with some thick, slight lighter shade of black stripes going vertically. It was intentionally oversized. He hated it when he bought a shirt and it was too big. It always exposed too much of his neck. If Phil’s expression was anything to go by, it looked like he quite liked it.

“Try it on” Brendan demanded excitedly. The boy didn’t object and unexpectedly pulled his blue sweater over his head. Dan totally understood and respected that some people were more open than others. He’d never had a problem with that, but when it’s your crush it’s kind of a problem. Dan let his eyes wander over the boy’s chest. He tried not to, he really did. He observed the small soft-looking hairs and his broad shoulders.

Only a few seconds later the new T-shirt was loosely hanging over his chush’s body. It looked very good on him. Though Brendan beat him to voice that opinion. The comment made Phil beam. “Thank you” Phil responded shyly. The look he gave the guy made Dan jealous and he hoped that he got flustered by the compliment rather than the person it came from. “And now from Dan” Phil’s expression changed from shy to a smirk in just a moment.

The brunette chuckled and informed Phil that it was a bad last minute gift. The only response he got was a dismissive hand gesture. Phil read the note on the bag out loud, which made him smile up at Dan. “Well, thank you for coming” He said with his head tilted a little. He looked down at the bag again. “The rose is beautiful” He complimented, at least sounding genuine. His slim fingers gently opened the decorated bag. Dan studied his expressing as he held a breath.

It was a pleasant surprise when Phil’s eyes lit up. The corner of his lips twitched as he grabbed the top of one of the canvases. He pulled it slowly out like he was teasing Dan, who was trying to calm his nerves. Phil’s little smile turned into a big and bright one when he finally took a look at the sunrise painted on the 10 x 15 cm canvas. “Did you paint this?” He asked with a glint in his eyes. The brunette nodded shyly.

“Oh my god Dan, I love it!” The boy exclaimed, he excitedly pulled out the other painting. His mouth opened as he looked up at Dan again. He placed the gifts carefully on the ground before hurrying to where his neighbour was sat. He embraced him with his hands on Dan’s hips, Dan was caught off guard, but placed his hands around Phil’s neck. If he wasn’t caught off guard then, he sure was when Phil sat down beside him without letting go, with his left leg around Dan. “I love it so much” He informed Dan with the sweetest of voices. Then he pulled back, and looked his friend in the eyes for a few seconds.

Dan felt heat storming to his cheeks. “Thank you,” he said as he ducked his head. The butterflies in his tummy were now impossible to ignore. When Phil looked at him, he felt this strange pang in his chest. Like someone just shot him with a water gun. The jet being very strong, of course. The birthday boy picked up a pizza piece and started biting down on it.

The conversation went easily when Dan forgot his anxious thoughts, he learned loads of new stuff about the boy. Including his full name (which Dan had teased him about, but Phil got his revenge once Dan mentioned his full name), who his old friend used to be, when his birthday was and even heard a story about his ex-boyfriend at some point. All the, probably useless information clung to his brain even though he was really bad at listening. Apparently everything about Phil was stupidly sticking to his brain.

Dan looked out of the window, his eyes widened when he saw that the sun was just minuets from down. The problem with that was that he had been dying to see the total eclipse for so long and he was planning on staying on the roof all night and watch as it happened the next day. He didn’t want to miss it because of some stupid crush. The fact that he was even considering it told him how much he liked the boy though. “Er- I have to go” He spoke up in the middle of Brendan’s sentence.

All three looked up at him with small frowns on their faces, but Phil looked extra disappointed. It made Dan feel bad, it was his birthday after all. “I’ll follow you to the door” Phil announced. That was just normal manners, but a weird manner. Dan knew very well how to get out of a house himself, though spending more time (despite it just being seconds)with his crush was not something he’d object to. Phil got up and started following Dan once he was on his feet. By the time they’d reached the door the sun was almost completely gone. “Can I ask why you had to leave all of a sudden?” He suddenly asks shyly.

Dan hesitates before sighing deeply. “It’s kinda weird really” He admits. “Like nerdy?” He continued more like a question than anything else. Phil furrowed his brows whilst giving Dan a questioning look. “I- well- uh-” He stutters wondering if there’s any way to make it sound cool. “Basically, there’s an eclipse tomorrow. I love space and was planning on staying awake to watch the stars and then the sun set and eh- stuff. I really don’t wanna miss it” He blurts out. He internally cringed at how he worded the sentence, definitely not cool.

“Can I join you?” Phil asks quietly. The most shy Dan had ever seen him actually. He contemplates it. Watching the pretty miracle with someone who was a pretty miracle himself. Both on the inside and outside. He wasn’t opposed to that. Another side-effect Phil had on him was that he actually felt lonely when he was without the ebony-haired boy. Usually he preferred to be alone.

Dan didn’t respond. At least not with words, he just grabbed his neighbours hand, and dragged him with him. He did something between speed-walking and running as they both giggled, he ignored Phil’s questions. Only focusing on where his feet landed next, on his hand that was intertwined with Phil’s and on the beautiful sky. He forgot his dad, he forgot money, he forgot unfinished school work. It was like feeling the butterflies in his stomach fly to make a beautiful mix of colours. Like a cheesy Disney film. He felt the cool air on his face and his feet hurt a little from banging against the hard ground.

They quickly arrived outside Dan’s house and the brunette lead him to the crate. “Follow me Lester” he demanded with a assuring smile. He then started to climb up easily, like he’d done everyday-ish for 4 years. He looked down at Phil, who was biting his lip nervously. Dan held out a helping hand, which he gladly accepted. The boy hesitantly stepped up on the crate. That was easy enough, but Dan still felt his grip on his hand getting tighter and heard his breath getting shaky. “Are you scared of heights?” He questioned.

Phil just pursed his lips as he looked at the roof with a stubborn look. Then he reached up and gripped the edge, but instead of dragging himself up like you’d expect, he just sighed in defeat. “Kinda”, he then admitted shamefully. Dan just smiled kindly at him though, he jumped down again to help his new friend. The sun was not to be seen anymore, and the stars were all around them.

“I’ve gotcha Philip” Dan said with a hand on his shoulder once he was down on the crate. The use of his full name earned him a shove from Phil (not hard though, because even though Phil hated his full name he didn’t want Dan to fall off). Dan decided fuck it as he moved behind Phil and placed his hands softly on his hips. Phil tensed up a moment in shock, before melting in Dan’s grip. “Come on,” He encouraged.

Phil drew a deep breath as he stretched up his arms again to grip the edge. When he’d done that he started to drag himself up. He let out a squeak, but was soon enough on the dark red tiles which forced Dan to let go of his hand. The brunette followed him quickly. When he was up, he shuffled close to Phil, who placed his head on his shoulder. They looked up at the darkness of the night sky. Dan’s heart completely stopped when Phil intertwined their fingers together.

“When’s it gonna happen and how long will it take?” Phil questioned after turning his head up to watch the moon again. Dan noticed from his voice that he was shivering. Of course he was, he’d left his jacket at home. Pretty boy dressed in a big t-shirt as pitch black as the night that surrounded him a cold December night. He would’ve gotten him a jacket or something, but for his own selfish reasons be decided to rather place a protective hand around him. So he did just that.

“Well, the totality will only last about 7,5 minuets, and I don’t know when it’s happen. We'l see.” He answered.

“Can you tell me about it” Phil asked seemingly genuinely interested as he pointed to the moon.

Dan smiled as he started to explain. “Basically around every 18th month the moon covers the sun when it passes by. The reason this doesn’t happen every month is because the moons course is tilted 5 °. You probably know that the sun is bigger than the moon right? If so then you might wonder how the moon can possibly cover the entire sun? Well the sun is 400 times bigger than the moon, but the sun is 400 times further away which makes it look like they’re the same size for us. It will go completely dark, just like now” He paused and pointed at the dark sky. “But when the moon is too far away from the earth in it’s orbit it doesn’t cover the whole sun,  we get an annular eclipse.

When the total eclipse occur it’s more likely to hit the part of the earth that’s covered in water, so this is very rare. People travel from everywhere to see this. Every year the moon moves a little bit away from the earth which means that in the future total solar eclipses will be instinct. My mom got me a pair of special sun glasses that makes me able to look at the sun and the eclipse,  you can’t look at it without them because it can seriously damage your eyes.” He realised how much he was babbling and got a little flustered.

When he looked down at Phil though, he didn’t seem bored, actually he seemed fascinated. He slowly moved his gaze up to the sky again and there they sat. In total silence, a comfortable one. Listening to each others breathing. “Do you sit here often” Phil asked eventually.

“Yeah, It’s my escapism” He answered. Phil nodded sheepishly and started playing with their fingers. “Do you want to listen to some music?” Dan then questioned. In repose he got a enthusiastic nod. He picked up his phone and played some music from his acoustic playlist. He didn’t really feel like it was the right time to play Kanye West or something like that. The soft sound of Ed Sheeran’s voice and guitar escaped the speakers.

“I’m gonna fall asleep at some point” Phil warned. Then his colourful eyes adverted to the edge of the roof. “Or fall down”. A chuckle escaped from both of their lips as Dan tightened his grip around him. Phil fidgeted with Dan’s shirt subconsciously. He smelled like mint and flowers, something Dan could not get enough of. Suddenly they heard the sound of a phone, Dan recognised it as his own notification sound. Phil sat up with the intention of letting Dan lose.

Mom: Hey honey, where are you?

Dan: on the roof with phil, our neighbour.

he didn’t get a response after that, so soon enough his head was on top of Phil’s chest. They laid like that, with Phil’s fingers toying with Dan’s hair for a while, until they heard the front door open. It sounded loud in the silent night. They sat up and closely watched what was presumably Dan’s mother. They could confirm that it was in fact her when she got closer. She had a cheesy picnic basket in her right hand.

“Hey boys”. They greeted her back. Phi,l and Dan’s mom introduced themselves to each other. “Nice to meet you, I brought you some food and other necessaries because I don’t expect you, especially not Dan to be down before the eclipse.” She chuckled. Dan thanked god that she decided to not comment on the small distance between them, as that is a very typical thing for her to do. Not that Dan came noticeably close to boys often. She just left with a sweet smile.

“I like your mom” Phil commented. Dan made a hum sound in agreement before laying down at the cold, hard tiles again. “Kisses or cuddles?” Phil questioned randomly, which made Dan blush. He’d said it so casually, like that was something normal to discuss. When Dan gave it more though, he realised that it was maybe normal for friends to talk about. Phil started to giggle when he saw Dan’s flustered state.

“Er- I like both, but um- if I don’t really like the person it’s better to- um cuddle” He stuttered out. Phil laid down beside him whilst giggling. “Shut up” Dan said and hid his face in his hands. The laughter died down, and Phil softly removed the hands from his neighbours face.

“Would you like to kiss me?” He said with eyes wandering to Dan’s lips before going up to meet his eyes again. All signs told Dan that Phil was serious, and that he didn’t say it because he just wanted to know. That could be him being naive, but you only live once. When you have a possible chance of kissing a boy that you’re dare I say in love with, you should at least try. So he nodded. Phil smiled and awkwardly snuffled to in front of Dan, trying not to fall down.

Dan’s pulse was raising like wild, his hands were sweaty and gross. He tried to wipe them on his pants without it really helping that much. Anxious thoughts went around in his head without any reason to actually be there. Because there was a big chance that Phil liked him back. Phil smiled at him, those pink lips that Dan was allowed to kiss. “Would you like to kiss me?” He questioned back. The smile on Phil’s lips grew significantly in a fond way. Like the thing you done when a child makes you shitty art, but it’s still cute and they want to give it to you. But also like the way you look at someone when they’re your whole world. Phil felt like he was Dan’s whole world at least, even though he’d only lived on that world for a couple days.

Dan’s thoughts were cut of by soft lips on his. An arm around his waist as he held Phil’s shirt in a fist. It was filled with lust and love, a weird combination that he wanted more of. Something about the way Phil held him close was angelic. Wonderful, captivating, mesmerising. It felt like there was an explosion of colours, sweet pastel colours. Dan closed his eyes tightly and pressed his lips harder against Phil’s. Just wanting more, just wanting to be closer, to intertwine and completely melt into each other.

Phil returned the heat. He started to nibble on Dan’s lower lip, who opened his mouth to give access in response.  Tongues started to explore the other’s mouths, hands to explore the other’s bodies and breaths to mesh with each other. Phil mumbled something about Dan being beautiful, but he didn’t quite catch it because he was so busy thinking about everything, but at the same time nothing. All his senses were focused on the feeling of Phil.

They pulled back for air, foreheads pressed against each other. Phil had Dan’s hand in his and fidgeted nervously with it. “So…” He mumbled, a start of a sentence Dan had a feeling that he wouldn’t finish. Not that he felt an extreme want to talk about it himself. There was still the possibility that the boy in front of him didn’t like him. Just kissed boys because that’s what he did. Or, maybe he just wanted to kiss Dan, nothing more. All these thoughts circled in Dan’s mind and he didn’t even consider the idea that the other might want more. Well it did pop up into mind, but he suppressed it because he didn’t want to have high expectations. His thoughts were interrupted by Phil’s voice.

“I never understood how to ask someone to be your boyfriend without sounding like a 13 year old asking their crush out”

[fence-sitter]

1. What have you eaten today? I had a piece of toast with vegemite and a piece with ginger marmalade, i had some lamington, i had a sao cracker with vegemite and cheese, i stuffed a perfetta roll in my mouth as i left the house, i had a yogo and some green tea and this afternoon i had some fig yoghurt and ginger and apple iced tea. Very random i know.  2. Who was your last kiss with? Was it pleasant? what passes as a kiss 3. What color shoes did you last wear? black leather 4. Who has made you laugh the hardest in the last week? maybe Wendy 5. What is your favorite scent? freshly peeled mandarins or bush fires or that coastal smell you get driving through beach suburbs 6. What is your favorite season? Why? maybe late autumn and early spring because its cold but not too cold 7. Can you do a handstand or cartwheel? i can do both 8. What color are your nails? a very chipped yellow 9. If you had to get a tattoo on your face to save your life, what would it be? the words “Have a nice day” 10. What is something you find romantic? when someone kisses your hand 11. Are you happy? happy enough 12. Is there anything in particular making you happy or sad? anime, Wendy and uni have been making me happy, i think thinking about my school  friends is the only thing that really makes me sad... or anime. 13. Dogs or Cats? ahhhhh both but i really want a black cat called liquor 15. Which do you prefer:a museum, a night club, the forest or a library? the forest 15. What is your style? explosive in a controlled way, its crazy but it has some order to it.  16. If you could be doing anything you like right now, what would it be? swimming in the ocean 17. Are you in a relationship or single? single pringle 18. What makes you attracted to the person you like right now? he a sad bitch (yurio) 19. If you could replace your partner/best friend with a celebrity of your choice, would you? Who with? i don’t know who i’d replace them with but i just want Jake Gyllenhaal hes such a man child 20. Are you holding on to something you need to let go of? If so then what? nothing 21. How did you celebrate last Halloween? i spent it with Gibby and Taylah and we watched The Brothers Grimm and ate spring rolls and vege chips 22. Have you recently made any big decisions?  um UNI  23. Were you ever in a school play? yes and it was hella !  24. What movie would you use to describe your life? Amelie 25. Is there something you have dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it? Well i have always dreamed of moving to melbourne for a little while and well i haven’t because im a poor bean at 18 26. Complete this sentence, “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…” my artistic desires with. 27. What are two things that irritate you about the same sex? cause so much damn drama, complicate everything 28. What are two things that irritate you about the opposite sex? stubborn, i can’t think of another i honestly think boys are super chill and cool 29. What is the best thing that has happened to you this week? i made a pouf 30. What is something that makes you sad when you think about it? bad people 31. How long was your longest relationship? i suppose like a year 32. Have you ever been in love? a 13 year old version of love 33. Are you currently in love? no 34. Why did your last relationship end? the same way it started, it didn’t (i know it doesn’t make sense) 35. What jewelry are you wearing right now, and where did you get it? i’m wearing earings from nundah lifeline with bears holding umbrellas. 36. When was the last time you cried and why? um when i had a realisation that i’m not exciting enough to make or keep friends by comparing myself to someone who can easily because they’re so charismatic but then realising that we are completely different and i can make friend in different ways. 37. Name someone pretty. My friend Tabetha 38. What did you receive last Valentines Day? hmm lets see, some sunlight some day time i got a good sleep maybe some lunch thats about it  39. Do you get jealous easily? not really 40. Have you ever been cheated on? no thank god 41. Do you trust your partner/best friend? i trust Taylah but shes not my partner or my best friend  42. Ever had detention? yeah for not wearing shoes THE FUCK 43. Would you rather live in the countryside or the city? countryside but if living in the city means im closer to the beach 44. What do people call you? my name 45. What was the last book you read? On The Road 46. How big of a nerd/dork are you? minor  47. What kind of music do you listen to? ALL except for that screamo and country music stuff that 48. How tall are you? 172cm 49. Do you like kids? yeee 50. Favorite fruits? rockmelon, mango, banana, strawberries, peaches. 51. Do you wear jeans or sweats more? jeans 52. What’s your earliest memory? idk maybe the garden down along the side of my old house at ascot  53. Ever had a poem or song written about you or to you? no but ive writen a poem for someone else 54. Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? behind but both is nice 55. Do you have a collection of anything? stamps, birthday and christmas cards 56. Do you save money or spend it? i like the feeling of saving money but i also like spending it on small puchases like op shops, spending large amounts is scary but i do it if i know i really want it 57. What would your dream house be like? um a little wooden cottage style shack thing at the beach 58. What top 5 things make you the angriest? when people swear unnecessarily, when people make jokes about disabled people, disabilities etc., ibis, when people complain about their first world problems, other angry people.  59. What top 5 things always brings a smile to your face? when people say good morning or smile at you when your walking down the street, dogs, cats, when people comment on what you’re wearing, boys being sentimental 60. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? do firefighters deal with that stuff?? cause i’d call them. 61. 72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? ok i wouldn’t tell everyone right away i know im the kind of person who doesn’t like burdening people with my problems, i would perhaps book a holiday i’ve always wanted to go on and yes i would be afraid 62. Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. i think of it literally when Mr Boddice stuck a probe through the chambers of a pigs heart 63. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? Canada 64. Do you like the beach? YES 65. Ever sleep on the couch or a bed with someone special? well yeah ive slept on a couch with Kanya and Taylah many times, i’ve slept with James and i’ve slept with Gibby and i’ve slept with Rosie not that thats anything special cause she rolls all over me. 66. Do you have a middle name? If so what is it! ALICE 67. Do you talk to yourself? all the time 68. Describe your hair. a mop 69. What is the meaning of life. passion 70. What is your ideal partner like? easy going, beachy, spunk, is a bit of a quirk like me i.e. doesn’t think my anime obsession is weird or my crazy eyeshadow and doesn’t judge me  71. Do you want to get married? yea that’d be cool 72. Do you want to have kids? yea that’d be cool 73. Like or dislike your family? i like them 74. Are you Chunky or Slim? slim  75. Would you consider yourself smart? smart enough to get around 76. What would you change about your life? nothing 77. Religious or Not? nah 78. You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with? Nikita 79. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?nah 80. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you? Gibby aw 81. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now? i kinda want to see Jam man again and idk maybe he’d play Halo on our new xbox 82. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in? who the fuck are you 83. Do you like when people play with your hair? yES 84. Do you like bubble baths? bubble baths are life 85. Have you ever been pulled over by a cop? no 86. Have you ever danced in the rain? yes 87. Do you trust anyone with your life? Taylah 88. What was your first thought when you woke up this morning? do my siblings ever stop arguing 89. If money wasn’t an issue, what top 10 places would you travel to? (You get to stay at each place for a week) Canada, Melbourne, Tasmania, Colorado, Switzerland, Italy, Japan, Nepal, Vietnam, Turkey 90. How was your day today? it was really good i got up and read my book and spontaneously went to nundah and got soome good op shop buys 91. Play an instrument? i can play trumpet 92. Describe the what you think of the ocean. it wants you to be afraid, it can sooth you or it can devour you but you learn to be friends with it  93. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? i believe in aliens and i suppose i believe in spirits  94. Honestly, are things how you wanted them to be? honestly, its how i always expected things to be, i think i wanted more adventures and friends 95. Do you have a mean bitchy scary side? no 96. When are you vulnerable? when my social battery is dead 97. How much free time do you have? a lot 98. Do you like to go hiking? yes yes very much 99. Odd or Even Numbers? even 100. Would you ever go sky diving, bungee jumping , cliff diving, wing suit gliding, parasailing, snorkeling, or other extreme activities? id go hot air ballooning and snorkeling and i’d love to go in one of those shark cages

[nirah10]

From Zain,

‘The whole family is really hung up on the idea of people “just wanting to be special” and it drives me nuts.&

Could that because they themselves think they are special? Are they religious? These siblings who say stuff like that? I know you are an atheist but I don’t think you mentioned if your siblings were or not. Sorry, I’m fairly new here so you might have in the past.

Just the phrase: 'The whole family is really hung up on the idea of people “just wanting to be special” and it drives me nuts.’

As I come from Islamic family who moved to the united states before I was born.

My family is pretty religious. And I have a HUGE family. Aunts, Uncles, cousins and ten siblings and the whole entire extended family have all ended in America as they followed each other here early thirty years ago, before I was born.

Growing up in a pretty white, pretty non religious place, a lot of my siblings bece very proud of us being Muslim.

My sisters wore the hijabs and seperated themselves from the other women where we are living through their clothing. And the frequent praying and strict dietary requirement add to that kind of atmosphere of seperation from the masses.

Being religious seems to mean you think you are speical.

That you have a special relationship with God/Allah that only a few in your community get to have.

It is a feeling of us vs them. Us against the world.

I have a feeling Christians aren’t that different to Muslims like that.

My family thought I was 'juat trying to be different’ when they found out I was gay.

I didn’t tell them. Fuck that.

I was out at the mall with my boyfriend, a town over from home as I didn’t feel comfortable shopping with my boyfriend in my home town in case my family saw.

A cousin saw us holding hands. I didn’t see him. He followed us, taking a bunch of photos on his phone including a damning one of my boyfriend kissing me as I leaned into a wall.

I got home and fifteen of my family members were waiting in the lounge.

With those fucking photos. I still feel anxious just thinking about it. I can feel my heart racing even writing this. 

My father was ranting and raving, and slapped me accross the face. Then two of my uncles held me down and whipped me with a belt until I was bleeding. I feel have the scars. I hate the scars so, so much. I feel so J when I see them in the mirror. 

I was then locked in a bedroom and told I could not come out until I agreed to an arranged marriage with a family friend.

I was in that bedroom for three days, pissing in a bottle before I realised they weren’t going to let me out until I agreed to marry that girl.

The bedroom was on the second floor and deadbolted shut. I smashed the window open in the middle of the night, jumped off the roof and fucking RAN.

I broke my foot when I jumped but I didn’t even notice until later. My boyfriend thinks it must have been the adrenaline.

But anyway, made it to the place my boyfriend was renting (he was from our of town but we had met when he came to town for a short term job contract.)

I still remember how horrified he was when I turned up looking half dead on his door in the middle of the night after moving contact for nearly three days. Surprise.  Not a great start to a new relationship really.

He wanted me to press charges, I refused as I did not want to see my family again. He left his job seven  weeks  early, forfeited a month’s rent and he called his mom that night and had her buy us airline tickets to fly to her state a day afterwards. I was a absolute mess.

To the extent I refused to let my boyfriend take me to the hospital as I was terrifed of my family looking for me in the hospitals.

I wore a long sleeve top on the plane, despite it being summer to cover up the cuts from the glass and walked on my broken foot. Making it worse. Some people say it is impossible to walk on a broken foot. Bullshit. Not if your as terrifed as I was.

I went to the hospital when we were safe in my boyfriend’s state.

I transferred colleges to go to one near where my boyfriend’s mom was living and we both ended up living with her for four years until we got a place of our own.

I love her. She is a mother to me.

Lucky for me my family knew nothing about my boyfriend, so have no idea what state he is in.

I’ve never tried to get in contact with them. I’m not a missing person as I told my college I was transferring but made it very clear I did not want my family knowing where I was going.

I kind of regret now not listening to my boyfriend and refusing to press charges. But I was a scared 18 year old kid. Now as a 26 year old I feel more confident. But then I really don’t want to open that can of worms again. As long as I never have to see them again I’ll be happy.

We are now engaged and thinking of co-parenting in the future with a lesbain couple who are very good friends of ours, we bonded as one of them went through something similar- one of the girls was locked into a room by her Christian parents when she came out at 21 and then shoved a male family friend from the church into the bedroom to “fix her”. Yep, her Christian parents had her raped. Unlike me my friend was brave and after she pretended to be 'converted’ she went straight to the police station and pressed charges. She hasn’t seen her family since the trial. We met in a support group for victims of family abuse. Our partners have become close friends too and we are excited about the four of us starting a family some day.

I’m happy but I am still affected my what happened and i sometimes hate myself for being weak. I’m paranoid and have even refused to go on Facebook and don’t let friends post photos of me online, as I am terrified of a mutual friend somehow passing a photo onto my family and finding me. I know it is a very slim possibly but I also thought getting seen with my boyfriend at the mall all those years ago was a silm possibility as well. 

But I’ll never forget my family thinking I was gay because I was trying to spite them or be different for them. religious people desire so much to see themselves as special the ready to accuse other people very easily of 'trying’ to be 'special’ or 'different’.

So yeah. I am an atheist from a religious family, and from your comment I’m guessing your family might be religious as well? And from the sounds of it you have had it really tough because of your sexuality with your family as well. I know it is hard and I am sorry you have to deal with that.

Sometimes I even come across as a bit intolerant towards religion as I kind of shut down when people talk about it. My mind just goes blank and I panic. My  friend from the Christian family feels the same.

So I am sorry for what you have gone through and being suicidal. I am sending you virtual hugs, as I know how lonely that can be and it does stay with you.

Dear Zain,

Wow! I’m so sorry that you had to go through all of that and thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m very happy that you got out of that situation and that it sounds like you’re quite happy now. Regarding the scars, I read a little while ago that there are specialized tattoo artists who cover up scars and stretch marks in a way that just looks like your natural skin (rather than covering it up with an image) and the results looked quite impressive. If your scars bother you so much, perhaps that would be an option for you to look at?

My family are pretty well all Jehovah’s Witnesses--cousins, uncles/aunts, grandparents. My biological father was a very abusive man (who was removed from my life when I was 14) but the rest of my family aren’t abusive. They’re just really stuck in a certain way of thinking and can be unkind when faced with anything different. They’ve learned and grown a lot over the years but they could be quite horrible when I was younger. I started dating my current boyfriend when I was 17 and they were really awful to him because he’s an atheist (so they naturally blamed him for “corrupting” me once I became more outspoken about my own lack of belief) and they tried pretty hard to break us up. My mum even kicked me out because she said I was a bad influence on my younger sister (I had only had a few months of school left before my graduation and she at least told me I didn’t have to leave until I finished). I moved out and refused to tell her where I went because I was so angry about it and I didn’t really talk to the people in my family much for the next year or two. I think they eventually realized that we weren’t going to break up and they started being a little nicer so (ten years later) I now have good relationships with all of them, but the damage was already done for my boyfriend and he still feels really on edge around them. I also have a rather large family by the way. I have eight siblings, though almost all of my extended family live in either Alberta or England so we don’t see them much.

I have PTSD and religious talk is one of my main triggers. I can discuss religion just fine and learn about it, but I can have quite severe reactions when I hear people talking about it as though they actually believe it. Any kind of sermon or people talking about trusting Jesus or God’s law, etc. will get my heart rate going and I’ll start to panic. I just have way too many horrible associations with it, especially because my biological father would use scriptures to justify beating us (there’s a scripture about how parents should stone their disobedient sons--that was his favourite because he could tell us we were lucky we were even allowed to live). 

I think the weird obsession with “trying to be special” with my family is more to do with our upbringing than it is with their religion really. Although, now that you’ve mentioned that, I realize that JW culture is very big on how different they are from other Christians. I think it was a combination of there being too many children, everybody being freaking miserable, and my mother not believing that mental health issues were a real thing. There simply wasn’t time to see to the individual needs of nine different kids, especially since my father had absolutely no part in parenting, so my one of my mum’s favourite mottos was “if I can’t see blood or bone, I don’t want to hear about it”. We could actually get in trouble for crying if she couldn’t see a physical injury on us. She was one of those people (who thankfully has since learned how wrong it was) that used to regularly say stuff like depression wasn’t real and people who committed suicide were the most selfish people in the world. Pretty much any kind of mental health problem was just someone trying to get attention, like a kid throwing a temper tantrum to get what they want, and should be ignored or told off. It created a really horrible culture in our family where anybody doing or saying anything that was at all outside of the usual was just “trying to be special” and it was met with severe criticism and scorn. My mum saw cut marks on me once when I was 13 or so and her response was to tell me “if you’re gonna start up with that kind of nonsense, I’ll send you to the loonie bin” in a very threatening manner. She never asked why I was doing it or checked to see if I was still doing it. I just learned to use different methods that looked less obvious and continued with habits of self-harm for another five years or so.

I excuse a lot of my family’s behaviour (as well as some of my own at the time) as the lashing out of miserable people who saw no way out of their situation. None of us knew how to love each other properly or to show each other support because we had literally never experienced it before. My mum got married when she was 17 and was very quickly moved to Canada where she had no family or support system and I think she just accepted that adult life was supposed to suck as much as it did. Once my father was out of the picture, there were several turbulent years as we all learned how to act like normal people and how to treat each other the way that family should. I’m very grateful for the change that has happened, even if some people still have a ways to go.

Thanks again for sharing your story and I’m so happy to hear that you’re doing well now. Sending you virtual hugs back :)